#i’m advocating for bisexuality and i have no intentions of changing my mindset | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astoldbykennedy · 6 years

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Kennedy: Yo yo yooo! Whats up? Its your girl Kennedy and I'm back with another episode of Ken Knows Best. Today we have some beautiful young women and a very handsome young man in the stu to chop it up and just talk. I got inspired for this episode by some things I saw on Twitter, but we'll get to that in a minute. For now I want everyone to introduce themselves, drop your Twitter handle and let me and the world know what you identify as for sexual orientation. If its nothing and you don’t like labels then let me knowww that! We're accepting of everyone over here.

Ozzy: [he smiles as she speaks before finally leaning into the microphone to speak in a slightly deep baritone voice, his Netherlands accent apparent in his tone of voice] Awesome! Hello everyone, I am Ozzy, Ozzyis on Twitter and all other social media platforms. I’m straight, and I’m absolutely glad to be here with you all! I can’t wait to get into this great discussion with these beautiful and brilliant ladies.

Randy: [looking at him before leaning into her mic] Well my shit isn't going to be great I'm Randy my twitter is damnrandy with no vowels. I'm from Houston with my regular ass American accent.

Jocelyn: [listens to their intros and smiles brightly adjusting the mic she leans close] hey, hey world, twitter, facebook and Instagram wherever you may be. I'm Jocelyn you can catch me at jlceyn. I'm straight love the fellas [chuckles] I can't wait to discuss the topic with these lovely people.

Monse: [listens to kennedy as she speaks as well as the others before she introduces herself] this is great! heyy everyone i'm monse, mobetterbluez on instagram and monsay on twitter. i identify as being bisexual and i'm pretty happy to be in tune with this discussion.

Scorpio: [chuckled while leaning into the mic] hey love i'm scorpio. aka ms levy if you're nasty. [smirked] scorpio and scorpio wins is where you can find me on all forms of social media. i'm straight all the way and i'm from college park maryland. and this is something new for me so i'm really looking forward to this.

Riley: [smiles and gives a thumbs up to everyone as they finish their intros] Hey world, it’s the kid Riley, at rileyrose on Twitter. I identify with vibes, and they don’t have a label for that yet so, call me what you will, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna answer. But I can’t wait to get into this, with all these beautiful people.

Randy: Wait, was i supposed to state my sexuality? Because if so...I'm a lover.

Majesty: [looks around at everyone, listening attentively before she begins to speak] hello everyone! I’m Majesty Mailo, bowdown2maj on Twitter and I’m bisexual [chuckles softly] and I think that’s it, I’m ready to get into this little discussion piece.

Danica: [listens to everyone introduce themselves with a smile before she moves closer to the mic, her voice soft as she laughed a bit] Well hi everyone. My name is Danica, but everyone calls me Dani. You can find me at ohdanigxrl on twitter, and Instagram as well as snapchat. Currently...I'm just sort of floating as far as the sexuality spectrum goes, but I do know I like men. I'm really ready for tonight.

Kennedy: You all are making me proud right now speaking all confident and what not. [chuckles softly] I'm glad we have a bit of diversity in here to get all the different views. I'm bisexual..if you didn't know, but I'm kind of moving out of wanting to be labeled. Its all a bunch of bullshit if I'm being honest. So anywho. I was scrolling on Twitter the other day and I saw that this girl apparently labeled herself as lesbian and is now dating a male. At first I got kind of offended and I can't even tell you why honestly because I don't know why. I mean she’s living her life right? But then I saw the negativity that came with it and maybe she doesn't know it yet or hasn't labeled herself as it yet, but people started talking about being bi. It wasn't my first time seeing something like this because people have negatively said stuff to me too about being a fake lesbian or whatever, but I just wanted to take a moment to let the bi people that are here advocate for what the fuck's going on in our community and for the others.. why do you feel like society erases being bisexual as a thing?

Ozzy: I saw that too, and it kind of made me upset because it’s literally no one’s business what you do, or what you don’t do sexually. Imagine if there were never any labels to begin with. She would’ve never been looked down upon. If people were never labeled as anything, there would be no room for people who think it’s okay to tell what’s the right way to do something. If we want that to end, we have to get rid of social norms.

Monse: i saw that too and i couldn't say that it made me upset but i was slightly confused at first. at same time though everybody realizes things at a different time in life. i personally feel as though society erases bisexuality because they don't believe or try to believe that people can actually like both genders. they think you're suppose to like one or the either and it confuses them. i have a guy but that doesn't take away from my sexuality because regardless of who i'll end up with in the long run i'll still have feelings and be attracted to either sex if i was to end up single. i think once people open their minds and realize what being bisexual actually is they would probably understand it more.

Randy: Well I don't label myself as Bisexual....I just say I'm a lover so I'm still going to speak on it. But that's like if a girl labels herself as straight but ends up with a woman, whats to say she's not in love with that woman? We're all humans and we change, we grow. We live where people say you can't have your cake and eat it too, well its my cake. You know? Most problem it seems that people have with closing off bisexuality is that oh I'm a girl and you're going to cheat on me with a guy and leave me or vice versa when if she was just lesbian who's to say she won't cheat on you with a another female and leave? I feel like it's an excuse to try and bash the other sex and force you to conform into a certain type and its shit.

Scorpio: when i saw the post i kinda just brushed it off only because that's her life and she's obviously happy so who am i to judge. what she's doing isn't causing any harm in my life. maybe she's trying something new we don't know. that's the thing about sexuality. it's not just something you can turn on or off. you can't fault her for having feelings for a guy.

Riley: I really do believe society creates these labels to divide people, not realizing that people can love who they want. I think the bisexuality label is often misconstrued for promiscuity. People think that if you can’t “choose” then you must be a hoe, and just want the attention from wherever you can get it. But that’s a toxic mindset, sexuality is fluid it changes. You might vibe with someone today who you don’t tomorrow and you don’t deserve to be judged for that. I always have been frustrated by people who were so worried about what other people were doing in their private time.

Danica: For the most part, I think just society as a general whole has a tendency to put people in boxes. And you can't check more than one. If you do there is obviously something.. Wrong. And it doesn't make any sense really because people are in a gradient, but as far as categorizing and things like that, it's been happening since...forever. With race, gender and of course sexuality. You check more than one box and we have to have a discussion apparently, when it's really love is love.

Ozzy: I think it starts with not putting a label on yourself to begin with. Don’t put a label on sexuality, especially if you know that it may leave room for people to judge, you know? I know there are people who label themselves a certain sexuality, and act another way. Is it due to the lack of education? Is it because they are just calling themselves what they think fits at the moment? It can be offensive to the people who do follow labels, I’m not apart of the LGBTQ community but I support it so much, and have educated myself.

Majesty: (perks up as she hears the topic before getting closer to her mic and shakes her head with a shrug) I honestly have no idea, it's like being bisexual you always have to validate your sexual orientation to people in the lgbtq community who could understand you. I think society can't grasp the concept that at the end of the day, it's all about attraction and intent. And that goes for every sexual preference.

Jocelyn: [listens to them and nods] social media always have something to say nothing good comes from it. I personally think that you love who you love. If you like women be proud of that don't let the closed mind of others discourage you. No one really has the right to judge you in the first place.

Kennedy: Yes! Yes! You guys are honestly all making me so happy right now because I can agree with something everyone said. I definitely feel like its your business who you like and what you do, but its also human nature to be in people's business. I don't know why its like that, but it is. Probably passed down from them nagging ass grandparents who got it from theirs. [chuckles softly] Plus social media makes it even worse. Jumping topics really quick, whew..can we talk about that article that dropped on that one gossip site? I mean we don't have to go into details, but how do you guys feel about stuff like that? Should we all just ignore it or take heed in what they're saying? It was talking hella smack about people and their relationships. Would you guys let what was said if something was said about you affect how you feel about your partner?

Randy: I mean it honestly depends on what they were involved in and I would be a stalker bitch that i can be and find out what's really going on, can I cuss on here? If not...my bad.

Monse: [chuckles at kennedy] we probably did get it from them but being nosy is human thing and sometimes we can’t help it but I agree with scorpio because happiness is all that matters in the end. but whew chile the ghetto, that’s what that gossip page is. being the type of person that i am. especially when it comes to my significant other then I’ll be lying if I said i wouldn’t let it affect us but at the same time it’s gone be something that we discuss and get to the bottom of because just leaving it in the air like that will probably only hurt later on down in the line. although we should never believe gossip but that’s one of those human things too.

Jocelyn: ignore it they want you to say something and if you do then that's how they know they got you. If i’m in a relationship and people have shit to say it's solely up to me and my partner to say something back or ignore and be the happy couple we destined to be. It's always the ones who never had a guy or girl in their life but yet has so much to say about you and yours girl bye.

Scorpio: since i'm in the career field that i'm in shit [covers her mouth] can we curse on here? [smiles] but things like that goes in one ear and out the other. you can't feed into that. people talk all the time. most of it i will ignore but there's a line and if it's crossed i will respond.

Majesty: I think that unless it involves you then it’s not really something that you have to pay that close attention to, it’s like a laugh and move on type deal. But if it does involve you then, ehhh...I would probably check in like “hey what they talking about” but that’s just if it’s serious. If it’s something petty then, yeah, I’m probably shrugging that off too

Danica: [laughs a bit] You know, it's funny you bring that up because I was thinking about it today. I suppose it's their job to "spill tea" But..it always makes me curious as to where the info they find comes from. And it seems like a lot of times, it's just to get something cooking, or stir the pot. I wouldn't have anything affect me if it was petty info, but of course I would want my partner to let me know what's going on. I don't want to be left in the dark.

Riley: I feel like what you read online is always too spicy to be the absolute truth. Blogs have said things about me that were fact, but then just assumed that my intent was something else. For example, I went to the doctors, so now I’m pregnant. Like no! I had the flu. But it’s for that reason that I don’t let what is said effect myself and potential partners. Yes, it may hurt my feelings in the moment, but I can’t let a masked culprit cause me to sacrifice happiness in my own relationship. Now if it’s something I was already thinking may have been going on and the blogs confirm, that might give me enough gall to ask my partner about it. But I never take things like that for fact. You can’t even confirm the source! [chuckles]

Ozzy: you should trust your partner enough to know what’s really up, but some of that stuff has some truth and you should be smart enough to at least ask your partner about it. that’s what i would do.

Monse: yeah i agree with ozzy, trust is a big factor in anything. but sometimes the things you here can be so outrageous and just off guard that you can't help but to question it. communication should always happen regardless though.

Danica: I agree with that for sure. At the end of the day, it's you--and that person-- and no one that's not supposed to be there. People can speculate but you know what's up in the long run..or at least you should.

Kennedy: [chuckles] Yes, you can curse. This is going straight to the interwebs and iTunes, but I agree. Sometimes you can kinda tell when stuff is bullshit, but like Riley said if you're already questioning something then I feel like its going to push you to want to talk about it with your partner and we know how much communication can make or break something. Everybody here single? Or what? My bad. I should have been asked that. A bunch of single people up here giving relationship advice and what not. [laughs softly]

Randy: I'm single by choice, ok? a lot of people can't handle my job so I stay single, but my advice be off the chain.

Ozzy: I’m definitely single and I haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time..and damn, I have no right to give anyone advice on anything. [laughs]

Majesty: I’m single as a pringle but I think giving any type of advice is just about having wisdom. Like just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you haven’t been and don’t know a lil Sumin Sumin. (begins to laugh) I know that wasn’t the topic but I hate when people say “well you’re single, you can’t give me advice” like damn without my advice your ass about to be single.

Scorpio: i'm single. i'm more so just riding the ride. i'm not pressed to be in a relationship and if i get in one then it happens.

Monse: no i'm not single [chuckles] but i think advice can be given by anyone because i'm sure we've all experienced something things in past relationships.

Jocelyn: I'm single. [chuckles] it's been a minute since i’ve been in one. I think it's alright to give advice you speaking on past experiences.

Danica: I’m Netflix and chilling by myself and it's also been quite a while since I've even been close to a relationship. [laughs as she nods in agreement to Monse] Yes, most definitely.

Riley: [laughs] I’m single and here to talk about sexuality. Cause me giving relationship advice is a dub.

Kennedy: [laughs] I'm just asking seeing where everybody is at. In no way do I think it has anything to do with giving relationship advice. Now if you suck at relationships and thats why you're single then you need to be on hush mode. [chuckles] Well everyone can still have an opinion. How do you guys feel about social media and being in a relationship? I know a lot of people think its negative and causes problems, but do you guys think there could be positive things that come from social media and your relationship? And if its so negative why do we continue to allow it to have that much of an impact?

Ozzy: Now social media can be a killer to people in relationships! Some people rather pay attention to likes, tweets and other random unimportant shit than their partner. On the other hand, I feel like social media should only see but so much of you and your partner. Woman crush Wednesdaying your lovely lady is totally fine, but telling the timeline your every move is toxic!

Randy: I feel like its only killer if you allow it to be.

Danica: A lot of the times I feel people use social media as either as a crutch, or a blind spot. For a lot of people, they show how perfect their relationship is on social media, getting all the hearts and like reacts in the world, but behind closed doors it's a whole different story. Or you're using to keep something together and make it it seem picture perfect. It's a fine like to walk sometimes I feel like, but you can't expose your whole life, or pretend things are sunshine and roses. A lot of people like to use as a facade and it shouldn't be..it can be great for a lot of reasons, but at the same time it can put stress on the wrong things, or blind people completely, when it should do neither. I agree with a lot of what Ozzy said.

Scorpio: it can be a killer when you're immature about it. just like what ozzy said all the posts about mcm and wcw is totally fine. but the moment you bash each other and wanna argue i think it's wrong. some things should be kept sacred.

Monse: i think that social media can only be a killer if you allow it to be. there's nothing wrong with social media and relationships because it's a free world with the freedom speech. most people have no problem showing off their partners and supporting them with whatever on social media. most negative things that happens with social media can be rightfully avoided

Majesty: I agree with Randy, if you’re being mature and handling your relationship like you should then social media shouldn’t be a problem. I feel like we give social media too much credit. We use it to validate each other, among other things and at the end of the day it really shouldn’t be like that. (chuckles) like the whole women crush Wednesday thing, I’m cool with it but I’ve had people get in my ass for not posting them but like...what should it matter. I’m not hiding the world from you or you from the world, I’m just not feeding into all that.

Riley: For myself and the anxiety I have, I try to pretend it’s not there. It’s not good for me at all, and I don’t know what good could come from it. If I post a picture I’ve gotta worry about who sees it and what they’ll think, if someone comments something crazy I’ll get all upset. And in the courtship phases it’s even worse. So I try to avoid it all around when I really like someone. For me, a person with anxiety, giving people easy access to my most personal connection with a person is dangerous. So I try to just stay away from it. But that doesn’t make me mad at those people who do choose to be public with their relationships on social. I actually think that’s adorable.

Randy: All in all a lot of people take this social media shit too serious and it not only affects relationships but friendships as well and it's just some childish unnecessary actions that take place. Like if the internet goes out while you're with the people you care about most, then what? You gonna be mad that you can't post a picture of all you guys on instagram, so? You're with the one you love enjoy it, social media is just online while they're right there. sometimes people do not get that and they let it control the one they're with, thats how they end up failing.

Ozzy: Do you guys know what grinds my gears about relationships on social media? The ones who put emojis over their partners or hide their faces. I think that’s an issue for me. It’s kind of a deal breaker. People make a lot of excuses about why they can’t post you or why they choose to hide you. Social media is big now. It’s important to me that my significant other makes it clear to people on social media they are in a relationship, because I instantly think they’re hiding something.

Danica: It definitely gets taken too seriously..Honestly I feel like it's become another social symbol of how well you're doing as a general whole. It was never that important to begin with, but things changed with technology and just generations I suppose.

Monse: i never understood the whole hiding situation. like if you don't want to post then by all means don't post but we're not going to play a game of guess who to figure out your mystery. it's confusing to me.

Majesty: See, I think the whole emoji over face thing is weird too. But I cant say that my significant other no posting me would bother me, honestly. I was just never into all of that. I just have to believe and trust that they’re doing right by me. Because if I let something as small as that get in the way of my relationship then I damn near don’t need to be in it

Kennedy: Honestly I don't see the big deal in posting your significant other, but I agree Ozzy.. if they are going to post you then they need to post you and not an emoji. Its ugly for one and they're definitely being secretive. I can also agree with you Riley.. when you're in a position of having a lot of followers or are something like an internet personality it comes with a lot of pressure. You have to be careful with what you say not to step on anyone's toes, offend someone and it makes it hard to be yourself. AND since when did it become posting a MCM or WCW that it meant you were like staking claim on a person? I could have sworn it was about finding someone cute or whatever. Cause I damn sure know Chris Brown ain't checking for me. [laughs] People are hilarious when it comes to social media. The one positive thing that I can say I've seen come out of relationships and social media is like people on Youtube with their significant others using it to their advantage to bring in that dough. Sometimes thats fake too, but hey.. it is what it is.

Riley: Well you know they say social media is a persons highlight reel. I guess the same would go for couples.

Randy: Hey cause if we claiming someone by posting a man crush monday? I'm posting Drake, I'll be a GREAT step mom.

Riley: [sings] Randyyy do you love me? Are you riding??

Monse: yeah some people can be pretty hell bent on the whole MCM or WCW thing but i've never really saw the importance of it being a must when in a relationship. even if you considered a person to be cute, you can just be giving credit where it's due. that doesn't necessarily mean you're staking claim, i feel like that's immature kind of behavior for some who feel that way. the only time i'd say that it was bad was if you were knowingly posting someone else's partner, then that's just messy [chuckles at randy]

Jocelyn: [laughs] people view it differently from one another if im posting an MCM it's more than likely I find that person attractive and it's a connection there.

Scorpio: my issue with the whole mcm thing is if girls post the same guy then they are sharing them. why can't both of them just think he's cute?

Danica: I agree with Monse on this one. [laughs a bit] Exactly.

Randy: I'm riding if he want, I'll ride, be bent over anything he need I'm WITH it all. I'll pull a mimi in the bathroom if he want it. [giggling softly]

Monse: that's true too scorpio but most of the time females only post MCM because they're feeling that person. so you never really know for sure if they sharing or not

Kennedy: [sighs] And thats where the issue comes into play when it got taken from finding them cute to be staking claim likes he’s mines. Which honestly posting someone as WCW/MCM isn't going to stop a determined person. I don't want to make this too long, but we were having such a good time. I have to end this on a positive note. So everyone tell me your go to 'I got a crush on you', I'm feeling you or I'm in love song.

Randy: my favorite song....? Probably a freaky song, like do my dance by tyga or something along the lines. OH probably some jodeci Freak N You. I'm about to go play that for someone i’m feeling right now.

Jocelyn: Mhm, for someone i’m feeling it would definitely have to be this one if you let me by Sinead Harnett.

Riley: mine is probably rather die young by Beyoncé or stay by Jodeci. If I’m listening to those, somebody has me all the way in my feelings.

Scorpio: i would say pretty brown eyes by mint condition.

Ozzy: The I have a crush on you song, or the song when I see a beautiful woman and can just tell her personality is amazing is, Can We Talk, by Tevin Campbell. My other go to when I’m in love is, Pretty Wings by Maxwell.

Monse: ooh those are some freaky songs alright [laughs at randy] uh my songs would definitely be sweet love by anita baker and brown eye's by destiny's child.

Majesty: Hmmm for someone I’m feeling it would probably be hella old school songs. [points to ozzy and laughs] he took my song, can we talk by Tevin Campbell but if I was in love it would be You by Jesse Powell...there’s so so many honestly

Scorpio: yesss tevin campell.

Danica: Oh gosh that's hard! The current one I'm loving for when I'm crushing on someone is Lil Love Song by Tash. As for a love song?? I don't have one. I need to get on that. [chuckles a bit] And Monse I love Anita Baker! She's amazing. That song is such a classic.

Monse: tevin campbell and jesse powell are classics, i honestly wanted to say lenny williams 'cause i love you but i didn't want to go back too much with the oldies [chuckles] yes same danica she is!

Ozzy: Definitely trying to serenade a lady with some Tevin Campbell one day, but I’m still practicing my vocals. [laughs]

Randy: everyone on some love and here I am with my tryna fuck songs.

Monse: aww that's cute. trust me if she likes you however you sing it to her she'll be happy.

Danica: [busts out laughing at Randy's comment] But it's okay! Those songs are great!

Jocelyn: Go ahead Ozzy im sure she will love it either way. [laughs at Randy comment]

Scorpio: randy has me dying over here. [laughs]

Majesty: Don’t get me all fucked up in this room, I’ll start tearing up just thinking about love (shakes her head as she laughs)

Danica: Aw Majesty! Don't get sad..if you do I'm always here if you need to talk or anything.

Majesty: (places her hand on her chest as she looks at Danica) aww thank you so much, I’m just a hopeless romantic, it’s okay

Monse: don't feel bad majesty, you're not the only one. i love love and the idea of it.

Scorpio: i'm one too boo.

Kennedy: [chuckles at the responses] I was definitely going to say Can We Talk by Tevin Campbell and You by Jesse is one of my wedding songs if not the ONE. Since you guys took my go to's. The next for me would be Brandy's Sitting Up In My Room. Just good vibes all around, high school crush days. Well guys I've enjoyed this time with you guys. I thank you all so much for coming out to chat with meee. To my followers, check these ladies and this handsome man out on Twitter. Their handles will be tagged. I love y'all. You know where to reach me. Peeeeaaace!

#kenknowsbest

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what-even-is-thiss · 6 years

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As much as it hurts, it takes time for people to change.

We all want for everything to be okay right away. Some of us are transgender and want our pronouns to be used all the time right away. Some of us want to be in multiple romantic relationships at once. Some of us are asexual or aromantic and just want to be accepted as what we are. Some of us are gay, bi, or pan, and want people to understand that love is love. And there are hundreds more things I could think of.

But people don’t change overnight. Some people have had certain ideas drilled into their heads for decades. Ten, twenty, fifty, seventy years. A lot of people are trying to rearrange their entire way of thinking right now. Even in the nineties gay marriage wasn’t even on people’s minds for the most part. Some people are just now learning of the very existence of transgender people.

Here on Tumblr we exist in a bubble. A big gay bubble full of terminology and words we know by heart. A bubble where people know what asexuality is and that romantic and sexual attraction are different and same sex attraction isn’t all about sex and that a trans woman is a woman born with male anatomy and a trans man is a man born with female anatomy and that intersex people exist.

Not everyone knows of these things. My dad never explained to me what gay was because he didn’t know how to explain it without bringing up sex. He sees now that was wrong but in the 90s and early 2000s he didn’t know that. Nobody had given him the proper information. I had to explain to him when I was twelve why sex doesn’t have to be brought into the conversation and that bisexual people exist. Every time I explain things to him I can see the gears turning in his brain taking in that information, adjusting his entire worldview accordingly. He still gets confused about what a trans man is and what a trans woman is, but is trying his best to make the connection there.

I’ve met straight cisgender people who resist ideas that will change their entire worldview. These are the dangerous ones. And often they are the ones that aren’t willing to listen. However, I’ve also met straight cisgender people that attempt, however uneasily, to embrace these ideas. These are the friends that would stand up for me, and the relatives that worry about my safety but don’t want me to be unhappy. And I’ve met queer people that don’t know all the language either.

To us, this is all easy. All obvious. We’ve been here. We’ve found our answers or have been searching for them. We’ve been repressing and searching for answers and hurt time and time again. We’ve made language and created communities. Communities that sometimes fight, but for the most part band together. But not everyone has been searching for these answers and learning this language. We’ve made a beautiful thing that’s built on the backs of those who came before us. We stand on the shoulders of giants and in some cases on corpses. We have lost and fought to be ourselves.

But not everyone has seen it. For those who never had to search, it can be hard to find. They don’t know the questions to ask. They don’t know the language to use because they’ve never needed it. Privilege is having the ability to ignore something. It’s having blinders put on you by society, and often you don’t even know you’re wearing them. I have white privilege. Racism had to be pointed out to me because it does not affect me in a way that’s obvious to me and if I chose to I could ignore it. I choose not to ignore it because that’s the right thing to do, but I still sometimes have the blinders on without realizing it. There’s still new terms and language I know nothing about, and at least once a month an issue is brought to my attention that I knew nothing about before. This is also the reality for straight cisgender people, and in some cases, queer cisgender people or queer people that haven’t found the community yet.

You will meet in your life quite a few jerks. People that will try to make it about them. People that will misgender you on purpose, people that will insist you’re dirty or wrong, and people that just generally refuse to change their mindset. These people are not worthy of your patience.

But you will also meet in your life people that keep messing up but genuinely want to help. A person that keeps misgendering you on accident but is trying to rewire their brain to not do that. A guy that made a gay joke out of an old habit but then realizes afterwards that was a bad thing to do. An old person that thinks you’re referring to multiple people when you call someone “they” and just doesn’t know yet. An average person that doesn’t know what non binary is. Someone who associates polyamory with ownership of women and has never heard of it in a healthy context.

Sometimes being patient with people like that is hard. It might feel like they’re just trying to spite you, or that they’ll never get it, or that they secretly hate you. It can sometimes get frustrating and you may feel tempted to lash out. It can feel like they’re not trying. But this is new to them. There are a lot of people that don’t have to think about lgbtq+ issues 24/7. So they have to remind themselves to think about it. And the human brain is lazy. It likes to take shortcuts. So they’re probably going to fall back into their old habits several times before they actually fall into better habits.

I’m not advocating for just putting up with this. Definitely call them out on it. That’ll make things move along faster. Bring up transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, aphobic, etc. jokes. Correct misgendering and deadname usage. Point out to them that part of being a good ally is to educate yourself and they can google these things quite easily. But what I am saying is that sometimes we have to take a small step out of our cozy little gay bubble and realize what the rest of the world is seeing. Realize that sometimes well meaning people make mistakes, especially when they’re learning, and there isn’t always bad intentions there.

As a trans person fresh out of the closet, I have to remind myself of this on the daily. My family used She/her to refer to me for over 18 years. They were taught that there is no singular “they” and that people can only have one set of pronouns. They’re trying to relearn something right now. It’s like learning to walk on the right side of the road when you’ve always walked on the left, or learning to use a spoon with your non dominant hand. It’s totally doable, but it takes time. And my family knows that every “She” and “daughter” that refers to me cuts like a knife because I’ve told them so. They’re trying. They’re not making up excuses. They’re willing to learn. So when I get angry about it I force myself to step back for a moment. They mean well. They love me. My anger is valid, but they’re trying.

Your anger and frustration is valid, but sometimes you don’t need to act on it. There are other places to put your energy. The world is rearranging itself socially and there are people that are trying to help. If they’re willing to learn and they know they have no excuse and this isn’t about them, then at least try to keep that in mind.

#sorry for the ramble #wanted to express my thoughts on this #lgbtq #lgbtq+#allies #queer #roman said a thing

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