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#i’m gay for them all

:) remember when cloud handed sephiroth the black materia and woke up terrified, sitting up in bed to clutch his head and tell tifa and barret that he was scared and afraid and that he couldn’t do it any longer because the idea of sephiroth possessing him again and the fact he didn’t know who he was was getting too much for him to handle, and the first thing barret does is tell him it’s his fault and call him a jackass for wanting to stop :) and even though it’s so clear that he’s trying to get through to cloud through tough love and clearly cares for cloud that’s just the absolute worst thing he could’ve said in that moment :)

remember how later on, when cloud’s feeling better after everything in mideel, he gives everyone permission multiple times to stop their journey and go home if they ever decide they can’t push on or they’ve realized their lives back home were more important than risking their lives :)

:) remember when aerith dies and cloud openly explains to sephiroth, someone he despises with every ounce of his body, how his body and mind are breaking down and he’s about to cry :) something he’s never so openly and so bluntly told anyone beforehand :)

remember how some of the characters not only grieve over aerith, but also interact with cloud too :) like how barret comes over and puts his hand on cloud’s head or cait tries to cheer him up or how yuffie starts fucking bawling and collapses into his chest to be held and sob against him :)

remember when in crisis core as zack’s dying it takes cloud a while to actually process what’s happening and he just kind of sits there bewildered, still trying to regain control of himself, just staring at zack before completely breaking, and how he sat there with zack’s lifeless body for long enough for the weather to change from a dark and rainy storm to a sunny and open sky :)

:) :) :)

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Being gay sucks. Sure, I can go on a date, but how can I hold hands when I’m scared to death that I’ll get beat up for it? I can get married, but how many people in my family will actually come? I can try to find a child, but how will I pay for the staggering adoption/foster fees? Life’s supposed to be a celebration of love but gay love seems like it’s always filled with sadness.

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