Christmas is over. I’m happy but at the same time I’m sad. Ranting under the cut:
Do you ever just feel like you’re so alone? Like everyone has their own life and things they’re going and no one’s really there for you or thinking about you?
More and more as family functions occur they either get a lot smaller because people have since married off and are involved in other families now OR when people come everything becomes more about the cousins who are married or the ones with the kids and just less about me and what I’m doing.
I feel like there’s no one really there for me. I don’t have my own people to go to. I don’t have a partner. I don’t have kids or anything. It’s just me. And people tend to make me feel like I fade into the background a lot of the time. And I’m not trying to be self centered or the center of attention but it’s just like the things people ask me are never about me. It’s about some stupid societal norm thing I haven’t done yet and questioning me incessantly about it.
I don’t think anyone in my family really knows me or understands me or knows what to do with me. I just hate leaving the holidays feeling so profoundly lonely.
It doesn’t help that my stupid ex was there and people were being mean to my dog. Like everything just soured my night and I just wish I had someone who was just out there for me. Who I could go back to and was my person for nights like this when I feel like no one really heard or saw or understood me.
I’m so sorry I’m ranting and being depressing and sad on Christmas but I just feel really bad :(
13 notes
·
View notes
[Part 1] My thoughts on Last Twilight (01x10-11)
Spoilers for eps 10-11, obviously!!
Hi guys, just finished watching ep 11, and to be CLEAR, I’m not here to complain about the ending- it’s one of the aspects that I actually quite agree with, but I do have some thoughts about the last few episodes, specifically eps 10-11.
Maybe it’s just me, or I just lack a nuanced perspective in watching dramas, but in my opinion, there are a couple of things that seem… off in terms of pacing and development.
1. Day’s Mom + Night + The Surgery
Throughout episode 10, Day’s mom was reticent and disapproved of Day’s relationship with Mhok, as evidenced by her barring her son from seeing his boyfriend, confiscating his phone and changing the wi-fi password, etc. Aside from this, she says lines such as:
“I’m losing him no matter what I choose to do. At least I feel more comfortable knowing he’s inside his room.”
(Not her best moment HA)
From what I saw, the mom was acting as a mom should do— being protective of her son, worrying for his future, as well as the struggle that many parents go through, to let go of their children and see them as adults.
These are the underlying reasons for her behavior, and although we, as viewers, understood her motives and motivations, we also understood that Day being blind should not remove his right to autonomy. [This post by @befuddledcinnamonroll here, explains it well.]
Although he is blind, this does not mean that he is somehow unable to function as a human being, nor is he unable to live life and pursue his dreams and ambitions. Day is a person with his hopes and dreams, and his blindness does not define these intrinsic things that make up his humanity.
If at episode 9, Day had embraced his blindness, and accepted the reality of his situation, his mother remains to be at the same point that he was at in episode 1- she is grieving.
She grieves her son’s future, the image of her son that she had built in her head, which that thereupon been shattered with the accident that led to his condition. Day was her Mirror - he was ambitious, successful, self-assured, and even overly cocksure. With him being so similar to her, it made sense why she had a bias towards him. He was the “golden child”, while Night was the “villain” because he was the “good-for-nothing” son that mirrored his father. They all had defined roles in the family dynamic, which then dramatically shifted when Day became blind. Suddenly, Day couldn’t be the successful or self-assured one. He couldn’t be the golden child and Night had to step up, ultimately breeding resentment between the parties. [ @btwinlines makes a really good analysis of this here.]
With the shift in dynamics, Day resented Night for seemingly “taking what was his” aka occupying the role that he once had. He resented Night as he believed that Night relishes in the spotlight, now that he has the opportunity. And aside from Day, the mother also resents Night, blaming him for the accident because she also feels like she has lost something, as a mother— the once bright future of her favored progeny.
Throughout the show, Day grows past his resentment as he adapts and embraces his reality, but this is a growth that is not similarly reflected in his mother. While Night and Day were able to reconcile, what episode 10 failed to address (which I had hoped would be addressed in episode 11), was how she, too, had to face the reality that her son’s blindness did not take him away from her. He is still him, the same Day with the same personality and soul. Although he would not be able to accomplish the things that he initially set out to do in his life, his blindness doesn’t make him less of a person. Keeping him caged in his room and prohibiting him from contacting people outside of the house is choking the progress that her son had made from episodes 1-9, and she must see that Day has the capacity to be independent and NEEDS his independence to be a fully realized being. She needs to see that her son is not without agency now that he is disabled.
And I had thought that this is where the surgery would come in. C’mon, no one actually thought it would work, right?
Ok so. With the surgery as a plot device, what could have been done is to create a catalyst— casting a glimmer of hope in what the mother believes to be a hopeless situation, and then forcing her to realize and accept the reality, like what her son had already done. In my head, it would all be slow, a depiction of the last 3 stages of grief— bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Bargaining— the surgery is a representation of this stage, as the mom holds on to the hope that her son can be “cured” and all the previous familial dynamics of the past can return to “normal”.
Depression— the surgery fails, all hope is gone, and the mother will be left to pick up the pieces— Day’s devastation at the failed surgery and her own devastation as all doors to the past are now closed, all opportunities exhausted. Maybe this will bring out tension in the family, and maybe the mother would take initiative to repair her relationship with BOTH of her sons, making mistakes along the way.
Acceptance— the mother accepts all that I have highlighted above (Day is STILL Day, and he needs independence to live a fulfilling life as a fully realized person, Night should not be a villain in her eyes, and that change is necessary for her family to stay together).
But that is not what happened at all.
Instead of addressing the prior concerns of the previous episode, after Day’s surgery became an opportunity, it’s like the mom did an abrupt 180? She is suddenly accepting of Mhok (like… wow… didn’t see that coming) her issues with Night are never addressed beyond the beef stew scene in episode 10, and… all her previous controlling behaviors just… vanish… *poof* magic. And to top it all off, A TIMESKIP, OF ALL THINGS.
Change takes time. It’s not like the mom can just flick a switch and then immediately change her viewpoints, address her internalized resentments and just be “fixed” herself, just like how all the problems in the family dynamic can’t just be fixed with one shared beef stew at a Christmas dinner. These are deeply rooted concerns, all planted before the show had even begun, even before Day’s blindness.
Episode 11 had the perfect catalyst, a catalyst that would throw a wrench in the tenuous peace previously established that Christmas day, a catalyst that could have triggered a forceful, painful, organic growth in the lives of the characters, one that would have them take a step back and say,
“Man. We need to change things.”
Everything is not fine. The room is on fire, and we can’t continue to stay in this room.
Just… imagine how beautiful the contrast would have been. A calm before the storm, a truce on Christmas, immediately followed by a crack in the glass, a break in the fabric. And a reminder that change is painful, and the last stage of grief, acceptance, is crucial for any permanent state of change.
And that’s not what happened. It feels… hollow, somehow.
8 notes
·
View notes