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stars-falling · 3 years

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latibule (n) (elriel)

summary: elain and azriel hide themselves away from the world, seeking a moment of peace from the rivalry between their schools.

prompt: there were a lot of fights and a lot of fraternisation going on with the local public school and the private boarding school au

word count: 2.1k

note: here is the second july upload! this was another piece i did for the writing month challenge. i loved this one because i got to return to my favourite tropes, secret relationships and forbidden romance!

hope you enjoy,

lily <3

read here on ao3 // masterlist // july upload schedule

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latibule (n) a hiding place, a place of safety and comfort

The forest was dark. Silver moonlight shone down through the smallest gaps in the canopy and shadows filled in the rest. Armed only with her phone’s flashlight, Elain felt afraid. Usually she wasn’t scared of the dark but when it pressed in, suffocating her on all sides, she could feel her heart race and breath shorten. It wasn’t far to the clearing now but time seemed to slow with every step she took. Every snap of a branch or rustle of leaves sent Elain panicking, her pace ever-increasing until she was almost at a full sprint. The path only seemed to get longer as she ran but she pushed harder until she stumbled into the small clearing.

It was slightly brighter here, moonlight streaming in through the wider gaps in the canopy above. It was bright enough that she was able to see after she turned her phone’s flashlight off. Despite the light and space around her, nothing could stop the anxiety from pressing in. The sensation of someone watching her sent a wave of chills down her spine and when she spun around she was greeted only by that oppressive darkness that had followed her as she made her way there. She shivered slightly, wishing she had brought a proper coat. Elain was clothed solely in her thin pyjamas and wishing that she had paid more attention. In her excitement, she had dashed out the door and forgot to grab the hoodie that she had left out for herself. She had barely remembered her keycard.

The silence was thick around her, only punctuated by the occasional hoot of an owl or the call of a nocturnal animal. It was almost peaceful and Elain let herself relax ever so slightly. That was until a branch snapped behind her and she twisted so quickly she almost fell. She stared into the darkness, there was no one there; only a strong sense of dread lingering in the cool night air. She let loose a breath before a voice sounded from behind her.

“Elain.”

She let out a shriek and tripped over a root as she tried to get away. A hand around her waist caught her fall and spun her around before pulling her into a hard chest. She looked up with fearful eyes to see amused hazel ones gazing back. The person cracked a slight smile at her reaction to their arrival. Elain let out a sigh of relief and wrapped her arms around them, burying her face in their chest.

“Azriel.” She breathed.

The small smile on his face widened into a full grin and she felt herself doing the same. That was until she remembered how her heart had leapt into her throat when he scared her. She pouted at him and smacked his chest. “Don’t scare me like that!”

He let out a full-bodied laugh that dispelled any ill will she felt towards him and soon she found herself joining in.

“I’m sorry,” he told her as his laughter subsided. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Although I may do it again now that I know how funny you look when you get scared.”

She scowled and pushed out of his grip, immediately regretting it as the cold flooded back in and embedded itself deep inside of her.

“Don’t you dare! I won’t meet you here again if you do.”

Now it was his turn to frown. He held out his arms but she refused to step back into his embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I won’t do it again.”

Still, she refused to return to him. A mischievous expression grew on his face and she only had a second to register it before he launched himself at, arms at the ready to scoop her into a hug. She shrieked again, although this time it was less out of fear and more out of amusement. She burst into a sprint just as his arms closed around the space she had just vacated. She ran in circles around him, leaping and twirling over the uneven ground with the grace of a ballerina. He ran after her, both of their laughter echoing off the trees and filling the clearing with unfiltered joy. However, Elain could only run around the small area for so long. Whilst the moonlight provided enough light to see, the floor was still dim, meaning she couldn’t see the root that jutted out in front of her. She felt her foot catch and she stumbled into a tree, arms out in front of her to stop her from fully crashing into it. She righted herself and turned in time to see Azriel behind her, his arms coming to rest on either side of her head, caging her in. They both breathed heavily, winded from the unexpected exercise, but smiling. They stared at each other, the adrenaline wearing off and love taking its place instead. Azriel leaned in, face hovering close to hers waiting for permission. She nodded and closed the space between them. Time seemed to pause as her lips met his. He leaned forward, deepening the kiss and pushing her further back against the tree. Heat rushed through her as she felt his tongue brush against her bottom lip and she opened up beneath him. Elain gasped as he swept in and she brought her hands up to tangle in his hair. It was soft beneath her fingers. She tugged slightly and he let out a light moan as he detached himself from her lips and began to kiss along her jaw and down onto her neck. One hand removed itself from the tree, so she was no longer caged by his arms, and instead found a place on her hip, fingers moving to slide beneath the thin fabric and brush against her bare skin. She let out a huff as she felt his lips move against her neck before tugging at his hair again.

“Stop, you’ll leave marks.”

“I’m being careful,” he murmured against her neck before returning to lightly nip at the one particular spot that made her knees weak.

She laughed, “You said that last time and I had to wear turtlenecks for a week after.”

He detached himself from his work to stare at her, his dark hair flopping over his eyes.

“I got carried away.”

She hummed as she placed a gentle kiss on his lips before wrapping her arms around his middle and pulling him close to her. They stood, wrapped in each other's embrace under the moonlight for what felt like hours. A deep sense of peace enveloped her, all previous feelings of fear and cold drifting off into the clear night sky. Finally, they moved away from the tree Azriel had pressed Elain against. They chose to sit side by side in the centre of the clearing where a small patch of grass separated them from the cold hard ground. She leaned her head against his shoulder as he bought an arm to encircle her waist.

“I’ve missed you.”

She sat up, turning to take him in properly for the first time that night. He sat in pyjamas, like her, but he had his favourite hoodie on to protect him from the night's chill. The moonlight caught his hazel eyes and sent them sparkling, highlighting the veins of green that resided in them. He was beautiful, and he was hers.

“I’ve missed you too.” She told him before placing her head back onto his shoulder.

As they sat in silence, in the middle of the night in a clearing in a forest, the truth about their situation settled in. A burden that only they seemed to carry. Humans are pack creatures, they are loyal to their groups, and this felt like an ultimate betrayal. Elain and Azriel went to different schools, Elain attending the private boarding school that the forest belonged to and Azriel attending the local public school in the town. To those who were outside of the situation, it sounded like they were being dramatic but to them? It meant everything. A deep animosity ran between the two schools. Those who attended the public school believed that the private schoolers were ‘greedy, egotistical pricks with sticks up their asses’ whereas those attending the private school deemed the others unruly and beneath them. No one knew where the intense rivalry had stemmed from. Maybe it was the private school buying up the forest that surrounded them, banning the town’s residents from entering what was once a precious location to them. Or maybe it was the time that some boys from the public school had broken into the private school’s grounds and released so many rats that they struggled with an infestation for years afterwards. Either way, pack mentality had taken over and now every time the two schools interacted it ended with insults being hurled, items being vandalised and even full-blown fights. And the worst of them all were the two sets of siblings who ruled their respective schools. Azriel and Elain’s siblings.

The Archeron sisters and the Knight brothers had always disliked each other after a bucket of slime intended for someone else had landed on Nesta, Elain’s older sister. The situation had only escalated from there but Elain and Azriel had never partaken personally in it. They only tagged along with their siblings whenever they wanted to pick a fight, which was how they ended up meeting. Elain’s sisters had crashed a party thrown by Azriel’s younger brother, Rhysand, bringing a whole host of their preppy private school friends. The evening had ended badly. There had been two hospitalisations with broken noses after fights had broken out and the police were called. Elain had snuck away long before anything had really happened and that had been when she had bumped into Azriel. They hadn’t realised their respective relations at first and had exchanged numbers after spending the whole evening together, away from the crowd and drama of the party. Even when they discovered the resentment that ran deep between their siblings, they found themselves not caring. They were too wrapped up in each other's company to worry about a rivalry they had never cared about in the first place. And when Elain had finally kissed Azriel, any remaining doubts had flown away on swift wings as they realised how deeply their feelings went for each other. Despite their disinterest in the conflict, they knew they had to keep their relationship under wraps. It would destroy their family, their reputations and everything they had built. Which was how they ended up here, only seeing each other briefly every so often and hiding away from the world.

“I wish things were different,” She whispered, shuffling closer as an icy breeze snapped around her exposed ankles and sent a chill up her body.

“Me too.” He replied. “I wish we could see each other whenever we wanted, that I could take you on dates in town without worrying what people would think, that I could tell people how much I love you.”

Elain felt her heart stutter and her eyes widen. She leaned away from Azriel, moving to sit in front of him so she could look him in the eyes. Whilst it had been heavily insinuated before, neither of them had ever taken that leap. An expression of worry washed over his face.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I do- I do love you, but please don’t feel pressured to say it back.”

Azriel’s nervous rambling and blushing cheeks only served to make her fall harder. She shut him up with a gentle kiss on the lips, raising her hand to cup his cheek.

“I love you too.”

She pulled back in time to see the brightest smile she had ever seen. He let out a sigh of relief and bundled her into his lap so he could hold her more comfortably. Despite his warmth, the cold still crept into Elain and she found herself shivering slightly. Azriel frowned at this before pushing her away slightly so he could pull off his hoodie and hand it to her. She examined the bundle of material that now sat in her lap.

“Won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll be fine,” he promised her. “Besides, you look cute in my clothes.”

She giggled lightly at this as she pulled it over her head. It was warm and far too big for her, but it only added to the charm. She snuggled back into his arms and looked up at the stars above. The situation they were in was complicated: a road riddled with potholes and glass, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. But that could wait. For now, they had the forest, the stars and each other. And that was enough.

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echotzzz · 3 years

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Elain’s power /abilities and hints

Seer gift

Given image about past, present and future of a certain situation that seems vital to be told at the moment. Once the image/ vision have been solved Elain’s eyes turn clear again.

Image limit with mist and shadow

Could hear something distant and small ( earthworm in the soil , heartbeat through the wall, crashing sea)

If planted image in her mind, she could find and trace it. Eg: Finding suriel for Feyre

Shadow manipulator

I’m not saying she’s a shadowsinger like Azriel but the fact that she ‘ stepped out of the shadows’ give me really questionable thoughts. Firstly, how does she do that?? Is it from truth teller or Azriel helping her. Azriel were busy fighting in the war at that time and if the shadows comes with truth teller does it means anyone that possessed the knife could do the same? My conclusion is that Azriel’s shadow bent to Elain’s command ( protect her as they were with Azriel)

We see several scene where the shadow trying to protect and respond to Elain.

That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel’s shadows across the room.

We know that the shadow is like Az’s bestie and will act according to his emotion. But in this scene the shadow lit up when Elain’s smile. Noted that Elain’s smile are described as ‘bright’. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Shadow exist because the presence of light. Azriel is the darkness thats why he befriended the shadow because they understood each other. So, i conclude that Both shadow and Azriel attracted/ like /feel the need to protect Elain.

Azriel said coolly, “I don’t need to resort to threats.” The shadows coiled around him, snakes ready to strike.

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.

The shadow respond the same with Elain and Azriel

Elain stepped out of a shadow behind him, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king’s neck as she snarled in his ear, “Don’t you touch my sister.”

My conclusion is that, Elain saw vision of the Hybern King ready to kill Nessian. She doesn’t know how to get there thus the shadow help to winnow her. I dont know if the shadow can winnow just anyone but from the book they need Azriel presence to complete the winnow process. The fact Elain alone can winnow via the shadow is really sus imo🤔

Az, too—in the strange way that Az could move through the world without technically winnowing.

So Az didn’t actully winnow like how mor and Rhys does but in a strange way. And Elain other that Azriel had done the same. Move through shadows. And remember that Elain wish to go to different continent to sees flowers from tulip fields?? Az can move through the world yall!!

Stealth

In acosf we knew that Elain start to become stealthier. Several time it was mention and Nesta assume she took lesson from either Az or N&C.

Stealthy: Marked by or acting with quiet, caution, and secrecy intended to avoid notice.

This seriously screams spy behaviour to me. Why on earth does Elain decided to become more stealth. Does she sees this as vital for future purpose from her vision?? or maybe she just want to learn it as self defense but either way both were connected with Azriel.

“Elain was the only one who guessed. She caught me vomiting two mornings in a row.” She nodded toward Azriel. “I think she’s got you beat for secret-keeping.”

Elain is described as secretive fits well with the stealth definition. And Againn the chemistry between Az and Elain they both can keep secret now😏 ( Spy couple me think)

Observant

Elain said. “I just observed.” Nesta was wrong, Cassian realized, to think Elain as loyal and loving as a dog. Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.

Elain’s large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she well aware of why Azriel so rarely come to family dinners these days

“yes,” Elain breathed, like she read the decision

The point are that Elain can deduce one wants or emotion just by observing. Not to mention in present buying they especially will buy something that actually what the receivers will like ( headaches powder, ear blob, cute ass necklace and glowing bookmark)

Elain cocked her head. Didn’t dissolve into the crying mess she usually became when Graysen came up. Instead she said, “You’re angry with me.”

Elain cocked her head, as if listening to some inner voice. “Yes.”

Elain’s brows twitched toward each other. “The queen—with the feathers of flame.” The shadowsinger angled his head.

Is it me or these two will naturally move their heads if they are thinking or try to figure out something??

Charmer

Elain is described as the most beautiful of the sisters. The infamous quote “Hers was a face that could bring kings to their knees.” really emphasised on how beutiful she is and sjm make sure we remember it as it was always mention in every book.

It took hours for Elain to work her charm on the staff to swiftly pack their bags and leave,

There wasn’t a servant or gardener who didn’t smile at her, and even the brusque head cook found excuses to bring her plates of cookies and tarts at various points in the day.

she had purpose, and joy, and friends: those two half-wraiths who worked in Rhysand’s household. But those things had always come easily to her sister. Had always made Elain special.

Elain are easily love by everyone in the book ( but not from the fandom😟). People with poor attitude find reason to be nice to her. She has an infectious joy, the moving light that spread positivity. This will be an important element to carry out mission, to convince people to trust her, making alliance and how Feyre mention that Elriel are the most civilised people in the room.

So we can see that Elain have many thing going on for her that we will discover further in her book. There is a post saying that Elain will not be like Feyre and Nesta, they train and become a fighter but instead, Elain can use her abilities without need to fight at all. I agreed to that but of course she need to learn one or two things to defend herself but not straight Valkyrie training. Most people think that you’ll have power if you can fight well but remember that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

The fact that Elain is a seer that knows everything and will be really useful in war for example: know the size, location of an army, finding someone important and have vision of something about to come is powerful. Correct me if l’m wrong, Elain’s power only had been known by the IC, other court doesn’t know about it. Imagine if they did, they will fight for her knowing having a seer could certainly give them advantages. And to add into the mix, she is a spy in training.

This is my headcanon: I want Elain to be the official assassin for the NC. She can kill well if i’ not mistaken (The main reason why Hybern’s dead because he didn’t hear Elain’s coming. She was unexpected). You see..Elain can trace / find people easily, can walk through shadow, quiet as a mouse and can kill well.. Not to mention through her seer gift maybe she can predict enemies next moves😱. Elain will be the walking judge a book by its cover: sweet on the outside but deadly in the inside. Enemies will not see her coming.

Yeah and also she is a gardener right, what if she became Madja apprentice for poison making or discover instant cure for ash arrow that can only be found in the forest. Elain’s touch is life itself, she can plant anything she wants. Sorry for the long post🥰

#elain acheron #pro elain #azriel #elriel #elain and azriel #sjm

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hacawijo · 3 years

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Alright, If We’re Gonna Play with Az’s Bonus Chapter, Let’s PLAY with Az’s Bonus Chapter (Pt. 2)

Yeah baby, part 2 of a PAINSTAKING close read lol.

Azriel winnowed into shadows before she could say anything he uses the shadows to ESCAPE, they are a coping mechanism, appearing at the door to Rhys’s study a heartbeat later. His shadows whispered in his ear that Elain had gone upstairs. It’s interesting that the shadows specifically report on Elain’s whereabouts here and not earlier, as well as later not reporting on Gwyn.

Rhys sat at his desk, fury a moonless night across his face. He asked softly, “Are you out of your mind?”

Azriel donned the frozen mask he’d perfected while in his father’s dungeon. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rhys’s power rippled through the room like a dark cloud. “I’m talking about you, about to kiss Elain, in the middle of a hall where anyone could see you,” he snarled. “Including her mate.” It is not out of line for Rhys to acknowledge that this was stupid. If for no other reason than that it would hurt Lucien if he saw/felt them.

Azriel stiffened. Let his cold rage rise to the surface, the rage he only ever let Rhysand see, because he knew his brother could match it. Which is the mirror to something that Rhys notes in ACOFAS, that they are similar in their darkness. Because Rhys is really the only person Azriel can be himself with, completely, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this is unprecedented ground for them and specifically for Azriel. This is the first time Azriel can actually voice ANY of these thoughts out loud, and only because Rhys saw them, he did not bring this concern to Rhys himself. “What if the Cauldron was wrong?”

Rhysand blinked. “What of Mor, Az?” Also very not out of line thing to ask. Feyre is the only person Mor has really told about her sexuality, and so to Rhys and co. AND Azriel, nothing about this situation has changed in the past 500 years. The fact that Azriel is able to get over Mor, without that confirmation of her sexuality, because of Elain, is significant I think.

Azriel ignored the question. Hmm yeah, but he can’t keep ignoring this question forever, and that’s another reason he and Elain did NOT kiss in this chapter. He and his family and Mor all need closure regarding their relationship. “The Cauldron chose three sisters. Oh boy, I have a lot to say about the number three later on! Tell me how it’s possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another.” He had never before dared speak the words out loud. NEVER BEFORE DARED TO SPEAK THE WORDS OUT LOUD. This is the first time he’s even verbalizing these thoughts - of COURSE he doesn’t know how to navigate this conversation. This is raw emotion being spewed out right now, enhanced by the unresolved tension from his interaction with Elain.

Rhys’s face drained of color. “You believe you deserve to be her mate?” So, he says that his two brothers ARE WITH two of those sisters, which is a way to acknowledge the fact that both people in each pair accepted the bond and that it was a mutually built connection. Then he says “the third was given to another” which is actually really different. He’s saying that Elain was given to Lucien by the Cauldron, suddenly one member of that bond is not an active participant - and this is mostly true! Elain has ignored Lucien diligently, and she hinted about her lack of feelings for him when she asked Feyre why he should be entitled to her affections just because of the cauldron and whatever amends he has made. I don’t like Azriel saying that Elain is something to be given as opposed to a person to be connected to, but I’m not sure exactly what it means that he did that. ANYWAY, Rhys really does supply the word deserve, and we have evidence from earlier in this chapter that essentially proves that Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain, anyway. He is having an argument with Rhys, yes, but it almost feels like he’s arguing with himself.

Azriel scowled. “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him anyway.” (THE ONLY TIME ELAIN’S ACTUAL FEELINGS, ACTIONS ARE CONSIDERED IN THIS DISCUSSION BTW) Also, not that he doesn’t answer Rhys’s question. For Azriel, this isn’t necessarily about what HE deserves in this moment, it’s about what Elain wants. Almost certainly, Azriel DOESN’T believe that he deserves Elain, but he sees the injustice of her being forced to accept a bond with someone for political or spiritual/societal reasons. So while to Rhys it may seem like Azriel is is putting Lucien’s claim down in order to boost his own, I actually think Azriel is trying to distinguish a different issue - Elain’s agency. This same thing happened with Mor and Eris. ABSOLUTELY THIS IS NOT ALL LIKE THAT SITUATION BECAUSE LUCIEN IS NOT ERIS!!! I am not trying to compare their behavior. BUT, Azriel would have dueled Eris for Mor’s agency regardless of whether or not she chose to be with him.

“So you’ll what?” Rhys’s voice was pure ice. “Seduce her away from him?” Rhys, I think, misinterpreting Azriel and it’s mostly not Rhys’s fault. Azriel doesn’t communicate well and is not currently communicating well. That being said, I wish he would give Azriel more benefit of the doubt.

Azriel said nothing. He hadn’t got that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. HE HADN’T PLANNED ANYTHING, this whole conversation is just like a raw nerve.

Rhys growled, “Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.” Well come on, now, Rhys, what if she doesn’t want to stay away from him? BE A FEMINIST RHYS, just add, “unless she wants to see you”!

ALSO, DID RHYS TELL FEYRE ABOUT THIS? MY MONEY IS ON NO, AND IF RHYS DIDN’T TELL HER ITS BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’S NOT WHOLLY DOING THE RIGHT THING BY ELAIN.

“You can’t order me to do that.”

“Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you’re pursuing her, he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel.” Another really big sign that this is going to play out Elriel style is the mentioning of the Blood Duel. Chekhov’s gun eh?

“That’s an Autumn Court tradition.” The battle to the death was so brutal that it was only enacted in rare cases. Despite being an outsider, Azriel had wanted to to invoke it when he’d found Mor all those years ago. Had been ready to challenge both Beron and Eris to Blood Duels and kill them both. Yes see? He would have done this regardless of Mor’s feelings toward him. Only Mor’s right to claim their heads in vengeance had kept him from doing so.

“Lucien, as Beron’s son, has the right to demand it of you.” But hey fun fact Rhys knows that Lucien is almost CERTAINLY not Beron’s son. Interesting to consider in context.

“I’ll defeat him with little effort.” Pure arrogance laced every word, but it was true. Again, Azriel is dodging Rhys’s points and is honestly being pretty immature right now, but he hasn’t actually said ANYTHING about an intention to pursue Elain with any of this. Rhys has filled in the blanks, and Azriel has responded to smaller aspects of Rhys’s macro-points with which he finds fault. I think this is also because he knows Rhys is right about a lot of the realities of the situation, but he is in the mood to be contrary right now, so he’s fighting back where he can stomach it.

“I know.” Rhys’s eyes flickered. “And your doing so will rip apart any fragile peace and alliances we have, not only with the Autumn Court, but Also with the Spring Court and Jurian and Vassa.” Rhys bared his teeth. Rhys’s motivations are based entirely on things that have nothing to do with Elain’s feelings, which is sad. But, they’re not insignificant considerations. Though come on dude you did pretty much enable Hybern’s arrival to Prythian by alienating The Spring Court with Feyre’s escape.“So you will leave Elain alone. YES, ALONE, because Elain probably is PRETTY FREAKIN LONELY If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her.” Low. Blow.

Azriel snarled softly.

“Snarl all you want.” Rhys leaned back in his chair. “But if I see you panting after her again, I’ll make you regret it.” I do think this is a really ungenerous description of what was happening downstairs with Elain. Their interaction was careful and consensual, we have painstaking detail to prove that, and it was far from panting/animalistic in action.

Rhys had rarely threatened punishment or pulled rank. It stunned Azriel enough that it knocked him from his rage. This is another person taking ANOTHER choice away from Elain. I think she may find out about Rhys doing this and I personally think she’s gonna be rightfully pissed.

Rhys jerked his chin toward the door. “Get out.”

Azriel tucked in his wings and left without another word, stalking through the house and onto the front lawn to sit in the frigid starlight. To let the frost in his veins match the air around him.

Until he felt nothing. Was again nothing at all. With Elain, he is SOMETHING. Because he feels things.

Then he flew to the House of Wind, knowing that if he slept in the riverside manor, he’d do something he regretted. He’d been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, Further evidence that Azriel never intended to fight Lucien or make a stink over Elain and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight... tonight had proved he’d been right to do so.

He aimed for the training pit, giving in to the need to work off the temptation, the rage and frustration and writhing need.

He found it occupied. His shadows had not warned him. I am not sure what it means that his shadows didn’t warn him. It could mean that Gwyn is protected from his shadows/immune to them. It could mean that his shadows wanted him to go see Gwyn - either out of a desire for Azriel to find some peace with her or out of curiosity as to who/what she is?

It was too late to bank without appearing like he was running. Azriel landed in the ring a few feet from where Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

She stopped mid-slice, whirling to face him. “I’m sorry. I knew you all were going to the river house, so I didn’t think anyone would mind if I came up here and—“

“It’s fine. I came here to retrieve something I forgot.” The lie was smooth and cool, as he knew his face was. His shadows peered over his wings at her. They are… wary of her? They’re shy around her?

The young priestess smiled — and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows. But she just hooked her coppery-brown hair behind an arched ear. “I was trying to cut the ribbon.” She pointed with her sword at the white ribbon, which seemed to glow silver. Some interesting language here and above (glimmering, glow etc.) to do with light, and again a juxtaposition between light and dark. But not a golden light, a colder/silver light.

“Aren’t you cold?” His breath clouded in front of him.

Gwyn shrugged. “Once you get moving, you stop noticing it.”

He nodded, silence falling. For a heartbeat, their gazes met. Gaze is definitely a romantically charged word, this is one of the tiny details that makes me unsure about the future nature of their relationship. He blocked out the bloody memory that flashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now. I definitely do not think they are mates. I’m not closing the door on them being romantically involved, I don’t have enough evidence to do that, but I really think that if they were mates, Azriel would have known when he saw her at Sangravah.

Her head ducked, as if remembering it too. That he’d been the one who’d found her that day at Sangravah. Shades of Cassian’s reactions to Emerie’s wings having been clipped, in ACOFAS. “Happy Solstice,” she said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing.

He snorted. “Are you kicking me out?”

Gwyn’s teal eyes I have a lot to say about these teal eyes :) flashed with alarm. “No! I mean, I don’t mind sharing the ring. I just... I know you like to be alone.” Her mouth quirked to the side, crinkling the freckles on her nose. “Is that why you came up here?” I’ll talk more about this later, but there are a few small moments in the book where it seems like Gwyn might have a crush on Azriel, or some kind of special awareness/interest where he is concerned. I have seen almost no evidence that Az returns those potential feelings, except PERHAPS for the moment where he hears her screech and pays attention. But I think anyone would pay attention if someone screeched? Also he watches reverently as she cuts the ribbon, but that also feels like it would happen regardless of any romantic feelings he might have. But I don’t know for sure!

Sort of. “I forgot something.”

“At two in the morning?”

Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he’d spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. He cares that she not be feeling pain and grief, as he does with anyone he deems good, and that is part of why he offers her the smile, as he clearly says right here. “I can’t sleep without my favorite dagger.”

“A comfort to every growing child.”

Azriel’s lips twitched. I think her irreverence matches his sense of humor quite well. He refrained from mentioning that he did indeed sleep with a dagger. Many daggers. Including one under his pillow.

“How was the party?” Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music. This shadow is acting totally independent of him. She’s asking a simple question of Azriel at the moment, and he CAN’T hear the music he believes that shadow might be dancing to. Lightsinger evidence, I’d say.

“Fine,” he said, and realized a heartbeat later that it wasn’t a socially acceptable answer. “It was nice.” LOL I will say here that Azriel has to make a lot of conscious effort in this interaction. He makes himself respond in a specific way, which is not language that was used to describe his interactions with Elain earlier in the chapter. This could totally just be because he doesn’t know Gwyn that well, and certainly that’s a big part of it, but I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he is still filtering himself here with Gwyn in the quiet.

Not much better. So he asked, “Did you can the priestesses have a celebration?”

“Yes, though the service was the main highlight.”

“I see.” LOL

She angled her head, hair shining like molten metal. More glowing-type stuff “Do you sing?” I love Gwyn.

He blinked. It wasn’t everyday that people took him by surprise, but... which is great! Elain surprises him with the headache medicine in ACOFAS, Feyre surprises him with her intuition and tenderness throughout. I think this indicates that they will have a significant relationship regardless of its exact nature. “Why do you ask?”

“They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing?”

“I am a shadowsinger— it’s not a title that someone just made up.” It’s super-duper interesting that they actually discuss the fact that he’s a shadowsinger. When Feyre meets Azriel, she is curious, but specifically doesn’t ask follow-up questions or for expansion on the ability. Why specifically remind us here that Azriel is a shadowsinger and that Gwyn sings? If not to foreshadow something related to the ability and Gwyn?

She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. “Do you though?” She pressed. “Sing?”

Azriel couldn’t help his soft chuckle. “Yes.” I love Gwyn. She is the reason I now realize a lot of what I’ve been doing in my life is irreverence :P

She opened her mouth to ask more, but he didn’t feel like explaining. Or demonstrating, since that was surely what she’d ask next. So Az jerked his chin to the sword dangling from her hand. “Try cutting the ribbon again.” I love this so much. Maybe it is romantic, but I think that’s debatable. What’s not debatable is that it’s completely charming.

“What— with you watching?” It’s actually pretty funny that in order to avoid giving a demonstration of something that makes him vulnerable and puts Gwyn in the role of expert he flips it and makes her demonstrate vulnerability while he is the expert. Gwyn might be quite a bit braver than Azriel in some ways.

He nodded.

She considered, and he wondered if she’d say no, but Gwyn blew out a breath, steadied her feet and balance, and sliced. A beautiful, precise blow, but it didn’t sever the ribbon. SEE? Brave. I love Gwyn.

“Again,” he ordered, rubbing his hands against the cold, grateful for its bracing bite and the distraction of this impromptu lesson. Distraction is a notable word here. Azriel’s thoughts don’t really ever stray from Elain and his turmoil throughout this interaction, that’s what the word distraction tells us.

Gwyn sliced again, but the ribbon remained unyielding.

“You’re turning the blade a fraction as it comes parallel to the ground,” Azriel explained, drawing his Illyrian blade from down his back. “Watch.” He slowly demonstrated, rotating his wrist where she did. “You see how you open up right here?” He corrected his position. “Keep your wrist like that. The blade is an extension of your arm.”

Gwyn tried the movement as slowly as he had, and he watched her self-correct, fighting against the urge to open up her wrist and rotate the blade. She did it three times before she stopped falling into the bad habit. “I blame Cassian for this. He’s too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days.”

Azriel laughed. “I’ll give you that.” I sense a lot of compatibility, just, again, not sure it’s romantic.

Gwyn smiled broadly. “Thank you.”

Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch. This is another line that I think offers the most evidence for something significant between Gwyn and Azriel. It’s lovely that she has helped to settle something restless in him with the distraction - and I think it’s important to note that it might not have done the same thing had he encountered Emerie or another trainee on the roof. At the same time, maybe it would have. Also love that his shadows like to watch Gwyn. Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence! This all being said, I can’t really think of an SJM romance that is built around a comfort zone. I can think of many friendships that operate that way, but not so much with the romances. There’s usually nervousness and flutters and passion and… restlessness, somewhere in there.

But— sleep. He needed to at least attempt to get some.

“Happy Solstice,” Azriel said before aiming for the archway into the House. “Don’t stay out too much longer. You’ll freeze.”

Gwyn nodded her farewell, again facing the ribbon. A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone. I love Gwyn.

Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer. This feels VERY much like Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence. His shadows, as this chapter has demonstrated time and again, operate independently of him, and they react to Gwyn’s song. I also think it’s possible that Gwyn is sort of always singing, even when she’s not. Like she glows with song on some level, and that’s what his shadows are reacting to - because I don’t think she’d necessarily actually sing while attempting to cut the ribbon.

He slept as well as could be expected which means pretty much not at all y’all — he makes it clear he never expects to sleep well, but when Azriel returned to the River House to gather his presents before dawn, he found Elain’s necklace amid the pile. He pocketed it. Spent the rest of his day, even the blasted snowball fight, with every intention of returning it to the shop in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. How did the necklace get there??? Did Elain really put it there??? Seems like even more evidence that he assumes too much about her understanding of his feelings. Also, though, it seems really rude/OOC for Elain to do that. She gave up very quickly after he gave her a really thoughtful gift. SOMETHING’S FISHY.

But when he returned from the cabin in the mountains, he didn’t go to the market square.

Instead, he found himself at the library beneath the House of Wind, standing before Clotho as the clock chimed seven in the evening. Important to remember that this is one of the longest nights of the year, which means dusk is coming on later than it was when Nesta attended the evening service weeks/months prior- a service that started almost exactly when seven bells rang the time. It is very well possible that Azriel finds himself at the library as the evening service is happening. The one in which Gwyn sings. If she does have some kind of Lightsinger power in her, it may be that he was lured by that power instead of returning the necklace. Even if they always start at 7, he still arrives exactly at 7. The only point against this surmising that I’ve done is that Clotho led the service which Nesta attended, and yet she is here to greet Azriel. Either I’m wrong and the service is not happening at or around this time, OR the service can take place without Clotho occasionally, and this served the interest of the plot so that Az could speak with someone.

He slid the small box across her desk. “If you see Gwyn, would you give this to her?”

Clotho angled her hooded head, and her enchanted pen wrote on a piece of paper. A Solstice gift from you?

Azriel shrugged. “Don’t tell her it came from me.” Yes, it really doesn’t seem super romantic to re-gift a necklace to Gwyn. It just feels sour, if this is the start of a romance between them.

Why?

“Does she need to know? Just tell her it was a gift from Rhys.”

That would be a lie.

He avoided the urge to cross his arms, not wanting to look intimidating. He blocked out the memory that flashed— of his mother cringing before his father, the male standing with crossed arms in such a way that made his displeasure known before he opened his hateful mouth. This feels very important. We know VERY LITTLE about Azriel’s story, his past, and his family, and so I want to point out ANY and EVERY nugget we get!

“Look I...” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.” I’m not exactly sure what it means that Azriel says this. It could be that he doesn’t want to make a thing of his potential feelings for Gwyn and so tries to deflect with this statement, both to convince Clotho and himself that it’s not about Gwyn. It could also mean that Azriel needed to be rid of the necklace, and wasn’t in the mood to fight with Clotho over an ultimately secondary (to getting rid of the necklace) impulse to give it to someone who provided him comfort and companionship at a time when he needed it.

He waited for Clotho’s pen to finish writing. Your eyes are sad, Shadowsinger.

He offered her a grim smile. “I lost the snowball fight today.” HE LOST THE FIRST SNOWBALL FIGHT IN 200 YEARS! And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because Gwyn made him feel better the previous night. I think he lost because he is in anguish over the situation with Elain. Again, I understand that anguish shouldn’t necessarily be a romantic thing, but in SJM’s writing it often is. This is a romance series, angst is a thing, stakes are a thing. It’s not necessarily the most healthy, but it’s also not all-the-way unhealthy. He just feels strongly about Elain and there are a lot of obstacles between him and finding a way to resolve those feelings for good or bad.

I am a counselor for folks who have and are dealt/dealing with sexual, gender-based, and interpersonal violence, and if you want me to do an analysis of all of the relationships in SJM’s writing that aren’t wholly healthy, there won’t be any left over. Except for maybe Sartaq and Nesryn. they really do have their shit together. I suspend a fair amount of my disbelief and professional knowledge in reading these books because I love them and they are fictional :) Also, relationships are complicated. It’s pretty rare for me to work with a client that has a cut-and-dry, black-and-white story.

Now, in my PERSONAL NOT PROFESSIONAL experience, shit is messy, and messiness, even in real life, doesn’t always mean something isn’t worth the strife. Though absolutely abuse and assault are a whole other thing. I think it’s really good to think critically about relationship dynamics in fiction, because it’s a safe place to do great learning and reflection. I also think it’s important to consider that the rules of our reality are not necessarily the rules of the reality being written by an author. Maybe you personally find Azriel’s feelings toward Elain (as they have been expressed so far) are beyond redemption, and are unhealthy to a point where the relationship cannot be salvaged. But that is not realistically a reason that the relationship in question won’t happen. Pretty much any negative/toxic assertions that can be leveled against Elriel based on the VERY SMALL amount of first-person perspective we have in the relationship could be leveled against at least a few of SJM’s other endgame couples. Totally happy to get into this more and provide those examples :)

Clotho was smart enough to see through his deflection. She wrote, I’ll give it to Gwyneth. Tell her a friend left it for her.

He wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but... “Fine. Thank you.” Not sure what this means. Maybe just that it takes Az a while to open up to people and call them friends.

Clotho’s pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring her.

Something sparked in Azriel’s chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn’s teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it. And here we have the most romantic evidence for Az and Gwyn as a couple. Maybe he is falling for her and that’s why he can picture her smile. I really don’t know. I think it could also be that he is happy to be able to make her happy, in recognition of the comfort she gave him the previous evening. Maybe he can picture her because of her potential lightsinger status. Thoughts?

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. The image glowing, again, lightsinger-supporting language.

A thing of secret, lovely beauty. So now he is referring to Gwyn’s smile here. This is interesting, because Gwyn’s smile wouldn’t necessarily be a secret, but perhaps it is if you think of her as being hidden in the library, or that he’ll know about her smile and her receiving the necklace even though she won’t know that he’s the one who gave it to her. Or maybe he’s drop dead in love with her! Another thing that I don’t think is true given his stony attitude post-Solstice (when Gwyn is very much around) and the fact that he doesn’t seem to react viscerally to Gwyn’s kidnapping until Cassian points out that bad things could be happening to both her AND Emerie, as well as Nesta. He knows Gwyn just as well, if not better at this point, as he knew Elain when he reacted to HER kidnapping in ACOWAR. He was very riled, he was the one who noticed she was gone, he vowed almost immediately to go get her, knowing it might mean certain death (to be fair, he seems to have a bit of a death wish, BUT he’s still a pragmatist and doesn’t try to WASTE his life on things - either they’re essential to the court and/or Prythian’s wellbeing or essential to someone for whom he cares deeply.)

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #elriel #elain archeron #rhysand #gwyn acosf #acosf #acotar theory #acosf theory #azriel bonus chapter #azriel pov #azriel x elain #lightsinger #shadowsinger

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forget-me-not-s · 3 years

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Your opinion becomes worthless the moment you started shipping Elriel. You’re so stupid for this and should leave this platform your reasonings are a piece of shit! Gwyn is already more important that poor lame Elain and will be endgame for Azriel who only wants to fuck Elain. The signs are all there and your just that dumb you don’t see it! SHIP GWYNRIEL OR SCREW YOU!

So this are a few of the anons I’ve received since I posted this.

I wasn’t going to answer to any of them (I deleted most of them), but seeing what happened today I thought I should and this one just came in. I sincerely believe that we shouldn’t fight hate with hate but I won’t be bullied on my own page.

Everyone should be able to ship whatever they want as long as they are respectful. People shouldn’t be attacking the people who ship, rather than the ship itself, this behavior is just wrong. No one should target another person’s opinions. There is a line that both sides have crossed. No side is innocent.

What I didn’t like is that a person with a big platform instead of using her space to put off fires has used it to add more fuel to the fire and only acknowledge one side of the problem. Provoking more hate towards Elriel shippers and even name-calling them. I need to add that there are bad apples in all fandoms and that generalization will always do more harm than good.

We shouldn’t forget that artist that have made Elriel art also have been bullied, the people who made the elriel essays and ppt where ridiculized, the anon hate we receive daily for the simple fact that we don’t ship whatever they want, the death threats all over TikTok. I’m not defending what some shippers did, what they did was wrong and I believe some of them even apologized. Sometimes the bad parts of the fandom are the loudest but they don’t represent all of us. I’m just so tired with people who hate Elain and Elriel harassing others and then victimizing themselves.

We should be able to feel safe in our pages and not feel guilty of what we post. And if all this hate is making you more anxious just take a step back, pick up one of your comfortable reads and when you feel ready come back. This characters will always be here, reading shouldn’t be an anxiety triggering experience. Another thing I’ve seen with this fandom is how other opinions affect the reading experience so just focus on what you’re feeling and don’t mind what other people are saying! Also don’t be afraid to curate your fandom experience, block whoever you need to make your space feel safe.

I just say this because I’ve been in war ships before that lasted years and even received death threats for shipping something one part of the fandom didn’t like. So in my personal experience it’s better for all parts involved if we don’t instigate hate, stay in our tags and ignore them. Block anything if it makes it easier for you to have the experience you want.

I’m sorry if this post is a bit messy but I simply have a lot of thoughts. I’m tagging all ships because this hate has to stop!

✨JUST TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDNESS PEOPLE✨

#Elriel #pro Elriel #acosf #acotar #acomaf #acofas #acowar #sarah j maas #elain archeron #Azriel #Elucien #gwynriel #pro elain #elriel discussion #Feysand #Nessian #a court of thorns and roses #sjmaas #treat people with kindness

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good-forthe-weekend · 3 years

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a Gwynriel post

All of first. No, I am not interested in ship wars. As long as my dear sweet child spy Az ends up happy, idgaf who he ends up with, and will be happy if he ends up with either Gwyn or Elain, as long as both women get to have their own story told separate from Azriel.

But. I do think that Gwynriel is adorable, and have taken a preference to that ship over Elriel.

Please, for the love of christ, no hate. The block button is my friend. This is a ship drama free zone.

Anywhoozles. Gwynriel.

[Trigger warning: SA]

I mentioned in THIS post that I think it would be neat if we got a romance arc between Gwyn and Az that involved Gwyn wanting to take their relationship slow or focus on herself. I kinda wanted to just elaborate on that.

After seeing a tiktok (and a couple tumblr posts) about people being presumptuous with how they feel Gwyn will for sure feel about being in a relationship/having sex given her SA survivor status, I wanted to clear a couple things up, because my original wording is just vague enough to be a lil problematic.

I don’t want it to seem like I think Gwyn would respond to her assault any particular way. We simply don’t know enough about her to know exactly how she’d respond, and I agree that it’s problematic to assume. When I say that I think it would be cool for her to want to take the relationship slow, I mean the whole ass thing. Emotions too. She’s explicitly stated that she has a lot of trauma to work through outside of the SA. She has survivors guilt, self hatred issues, and doesn’t feel safe outside of the library (which, by the way, I hope we get an exploration of how traumatizing it must have been for Gwyn to be abducted the ONE TIME she decides to leave the library overnight).

We’ve had 2 romantic arcs that are entirely entwined with the respective heroines’ growth past trauma. I think it would be cool and different representation to show someone who says “Hey, I‘m in no shape to be tied to anyone right now. I care about you too much (and respect myself too much) to get into a relationship at this point in my recovery. Can we take this slow and be friends first?”

Not that you can’t be in a relationship if you’re not fully healed from trauma, but both of them have some pretty serious issues that *are* things that would block them from being able to love in a healthy way (ex. Self hatred, Gwyn not being able to live in the present, and Az not feeling worthy of love)

NOTE: I low key want this story to be more YA than NA (at least with regards to spice), to squeeze out a lot of angst from the story, and force the Horniest Bat Boy™ to analyze his feelings from a non-horny POV. Make him really think to himself “Is this lust, or love?” Not saying I don’t want sexual banter/tension, but it definitely for sure doesn‘t need to be Nessian level fae porn

I also think that she would bring up Mor and Elain (because of course this conversation happens AFTER the whole necklace comeuppance happens), and bring up that Az has his own shit to work through before trying to be in a healthy relationship.

“You haven’t been alone in 500 years. Not really. You pined after Morrigan for so long, carried a torch for her for all those years, and the only reason you let her go was to move on to a girl that looks exactly like her, but who wanted you. A girl that you knew you couldn’t have. And now I’m supposed to believe that you’re just....suddenly over it all? That you wanting to race into this relationship is anything more than trying to leverage our status as mates so you don’t have to be alone? I care for you, Azriel, and it’s because I care for you that I can’t jump into a relationship with you just like that, when both of us have healing to do.”

Az probably wouldn’t love being called out like that, but would ultimately agree, or at least acknowledge that he can’t force this. So he agrees. They need to work on themselves. And they set boundaries. Just friends, nothing more. (This is, of course, exactly like Nessian and Feysand saying they want ‘just sex’. It damns them to feeling like they need more)

It would also be so bittersweet if this happened *after* they realize they’re mates. For maximum yearning and angst potential.

Like...imagine. They realize they’re mates fairly early in the story, but decide to stay just friends for now. So we get half to two thirds of a book where they’re friends, trying desperately to resist this bond, and trying to respect each others’ boundaries, trying to heal so they can love each other right. But they’re also fighting against the mating bond, which is exacerbating the sexual tension that was already there.

Think of all the Pride and Prejudice level sexual tension we could get! I think it would be less in your face than Nessian’s tension ever was (shit, they were never subtle), but I think there’s a lot of potential for stolen glances with intense thoughts, glancing touches, hand flexes, aching for each others’ touch, innocent training related touches that are just SUPERCHARGED with intentions, all the good yearn-y stuff. (All inspired by the romance novels that Emerie and Nesta give her)

I also think this could play into THIS theory I had about evil!Elain. Here’s how I picture it:

Az and Gwyn realize they’re mates

After a discussion, they’ve agreed to take things slow and focus on their own respective mental health.

They have agreed to stay close friends for the time being, and to continue to train together (well, in the Valkyrie group), and to try to keep the whole mates thing quiet as they can for now, just so no one bothers them about it

The IC has no sense of boundaries though, and it gets out to them because of course it does. Gwyn probably told Nesta, who accidentally let it slip to Cas, who she threatened within an inch of his life to keep quiet about it. But of course he didn’t. He brought it up to Az, Rhys overheard, which of course means Feyre knows, and long story short, Elain hears about it.

When Elain hears, she FREAKS. Silently, of course, but she freaks nonetheless, which leads down the arc that I detailed in the post I linked above

Outside of that, Gwyn and Az grow.

Az puts in legwork to confront his demons, accept his past (both Mor related, and his family history. A confrontation with his mother would be impactful)

I’m not entirely sure how he would get there (if I figure it out, you KNOW I’ll post about it) but he does come to a point where he knows he wants Gwyn, and for the right reasons. He consciously chooses her.

Not saying he goes from 0 to fully healed, but he does enough legwork to be able to enter a relationship without it being doomed from the start

(This should totally involve him talking to Nesta, the queen of self destructive romantic behaviors, and a development of their budding bromance. He’s always been one of the only people to treat her like a person, not a weapon, a threat, or a nuisance/pest, and she’s always treated him with a softness most don’t afford him. She’s also canonically one of the only people not afraid of him and his shadows. They’re my bro-tp. No I will not be taking criticisms on this)

Gwyn, for her part, has been leaving the library more and more. For daytime outings to visit Nesta, Emerie, Azriel. To train Valkyries (I like to imagine that the Valkyries will get their own camp at some point, or at least space in Velaris to stay/train). To see Velaris.

I think it would be fun if she started to offer singing lessons like Feyre does painting lessons. Maybe she visits Nesta (who started offering dance lessons in Feyre’s newly expanded Velaris Center for Community Art), and Nesta convinced her that it might help her heal if she started to give back to the community and share her passion. (Bonus points if we get a scene where Az stumbles past and hears her singing to her students, and is just entranced by it)

She’s still taking advantage of the services the Library offers (it’s never explicitly stated, but I can only assume therapy is among those services), but she’s coming into her own, and starting to feel more comfortable outside the Library. Starting to heal. Starting to create a life in the present and move beyond her past. She’s starting to believe she deserves a bright future.

She’s also developing quite the friendship with Az. They quickly become best friends, confiding in each other, leaning on each other, joking together, generally being there for each other and bringing out the best in each other.

Az likes to bring Gwyn lunch/dinner in the library sometimes, Gwyn keeps track of when he’s away on spy business, and makes a point to visit him when he comes back, little things like that, that show they care about each other.

Clotho notices all of this, and brings it up to her at some point, telling her that she’s going to have to make the choice to leave at some point, and that she can’t keep straddling the line of living inside and outside the Library.

Gwyn shrugs it off, and continues living her life, thinking that she’ll be able to put it off for a while longer.

Cue Elain kidnapping Azriel.

Gwyn knows she has to go save him, but Clotho tells her that if she does this that she can no longer live in the Library. That she will always be welcome to visit, even to work as a scholar if she so chooses, but this mission will mark the end of the Library being her place of residence.

(I don’t know what reason Clotho would give Gwyn, but on the inside she’s doing this because she knows that Gwyn is ready to fly the coop, and needs that final push to have to acknowledge that she’s ready to leave. Clotho also knows about her and Az being mates, because of course she does. Clotho knows all.)

Of course, Gwyn leaves. She has to save Az. She loves him. He’s her best friend, her love, her soulmate. Her mate. It’s a very emotional moment, and also the perfect metaphor for her being able to leave behind her past to be able to live in the present and chase her future. It’s used to represent Gwyn choosing Azriel, if he’ll have her.

Bonus option: Gwyn takes Truthteller. Grabs the knife on her way to go save him. Doesn’t kill Elain with it, but does kill some guards with it on her way into where Elain has Az holed up.

After she saves Az, when they finally get a moment alone, Gwyn reveals that she needs to find a new home. She no longer lives in the Library.

There’s this tender moment where they bare their souls and basically agree to be together romantically and help each other heal.

They acknowledge that the idea of becoming entirely healed before a relationship isn’t wholly realistic or reasonable, and that they’re able to be together even if they’re still healing a bit.

Gwyn: I think....I think I’m ready to move forward. Catrin wouldn’t want me to keep living in my own shadow. She’d want me to live colorfully again, and be with the person I love. And I totally understand if you’re not there yet! I’m not trying to rush you or anything, I just want you to know that I’m ready for this. Whenever you‘re ready, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms, and an open, healing heart.

Az: *shakes head* I’m not sure I believe I deserve that, Gwyn. But gods if I don’t want to prove myself wrong. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, I can’t promise that we won’t stumble, or that I won’t retreat into my own mind sometimes. But I can promise that even if I do, I’ll still love you with my whole heart. A heart that’s only ever really belonged to you.

Basically, in my mind, their story would be super tender and sweet, and sexy in a much less brash way than Nessian, or even Feysand. Not that I don’t think there’s potential for these two to get kinky and sexy as FUCK once they’re together, but I just feel like their love story would be different. More innocent (at least in comparison to High Lord and Lady of Shaking The Mountain and Commander General/Goddess of Fucking In Common Areas) and more centered on their respective healing arcs, leading into them falling in love.

Like always, feel free to interact, add, tell me how wrong you think I am, etc. I’m desperate for people to talk to about these books. Just be respectful about it lol (and again, because it bears repeating, keep me out of ship wars)

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #Gwyn Berdara #Azriel #Gwynriel #Elain archeron #cassian #nesta archeron #Theory #headcanon #Rhys #feyre archeron

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rhysand-vs-fenrys · 3 years

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OK serious post about the Azriel POV just laying it out because I’m not going to respond to negative asks when that opens back up::

My stance on this is heavily skewed by my own experiences at work. I work in television production- a massively male dominated industry that doesn’t see many females in the wing of it I’m in (actual production like camera ops and audio and such).

On top of that- and something I didn’t know when I started working there- the station has a reputation of being a “last chance” place for mainly people who worked in news but were fired and blacklisted by the news stations in town. Most of it for sexual harassment.

I have been harassed in ways that would shock and infuriate you, and no one- not a single person- stands in my corner. At best they’ll say after the fact “yeah that wasn’t professional” when a man does something. But not once will they stand up for me and not in front of any authority figure.

I also walk into rooms and hear obscene jokes about me cut off suddenly, or overhear things on comms I wasn’t meant to hear.

So I had to make a line in the sand to stay sane. Not working there hasn’t really been an option for me. I have a good resume, I work very hard, I’m focused and professional and people love me but for some reason I cannot get a fucking interview elsewhere.

Anyways, to survive at the station I had to make a line about what was going to ruin my day and what wasn’t. Where I would fight to have the deepest impact. If I raise a flag on everything that is done to me every time it is done then no one will listen. But if I pick my battles the hammer blow lands harder. It’s the difference between being dismissed from an office and ignored and having the CEO scream at a man in front of everyone (but not fire him for it).

I’ll put myself between any man and the 1-2 women who have started working at the station. One of them was physically assaulted by a man there and HR told her that if she cared she would go to the cops (this girl is a literal angel and didn’t want him to be fired and lose his health insurance as he was going through cancer treatment when he closed her in a room and forced his tongue down her throat. He was not fired for that, they let him continue to follow her and make obscene overtures to her in the halls for 2 years before he was finally fired for using the building for an unauthorized event). I will put myself between her (or the other girl) and any man without a second thought to protect them. I make sure I know where they are and who is around them at all times if one of the Problem Men is in the building.

So my line in the sand is this:: I will protect any woman from facing that kind of treatment as best I can. But for myself I only count actions. Direct statements to me- or things said loudly to others- and direct actions towards or against me.

People are very angry about how Azriel sexualizes Elain. How he thinks about her along purely sexual and possessive lines. VERY angry. And I agree it’s not the foundation for a healthy relationship.

I understand that, but I’m not ready to damn him for it just yet *only* because he hasn’t done anything by word or deed. Poisonous thoughts are poisonous thoughts- Rhys is very well aware of what Azriel is thinking. But since he hasn’t so much as treated Elain differently - or Lucien- I’m not jumping onto the “cancel Azriel” train just yet.

I don’t see any future for Elriel as a ship, I never have and ACOSF- to me- only confirmed that won’t be happening. But probably because of my own experiences outlined above... I’ve worked at the station for 7 years and I wish the guys were more like Azriel.

And I know that skews my perception of this and probably in a way that working somewhere safer and better for a little while would fix and I might take a different stance. But yeah. Where I work I wish the guys were polite enough to keep it in their thoughts alone.

If Azriel does do anything direct and negative then that’s a different matter to me. But I don’t count thoughts against a person. Just deeds. And as for giving Gwyn the necklace instead like... *shrug* he was going to return it anyways and at least it made her happy? He didn’t claim responsibility for it so unless Elain sees her wearing it and says something neither of them will ever know and it will be this little sweet gesture that makes Gwyn happy.

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kingandfireheart · 3 years

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High Lord's Heir

A/N: I'm not super in love with this, but I wanted to get it out so I could focus on other things. It's not technically Elucien, (don't worry I'm still an Elriel fan), I just needed these two to resolve some tension)

Summary: Lucien finds out he's Helion's heir and tells Elain about it. They offer some truths about themselves.

Words: 2705

Elain was in the River House’s garden - she had been hiding there for hours now. Well not hiding, she had been very productive in the weeding the flowerbeds, but at this point she was just passing time until the house was safe. Lucien had arrived after lunch and had been locked in a study with Feyre and Rhys for hours now. She knew it made her a coward, but she didn't care.

She felt unsettled and uncomfortable - attributing it to too many hours in the sun. The tea Nuala had brought out for her would kick in soon enough. But it wasn’t a normal feeling - she didn’t feel sick in a way she had ever felt before - this feeling was coming from something else.

When Elain was about ready to give up on her gardening and risk running into Lucien, Feyre spoke to her mind to mind: Lucien is coming out to the garden. He wants to speak to you. I have to feed Nyx, but shout in your head for Rhys if you want an escape.

Sure enough, Elain saw Rhys and Cassian walk onto the roof of the house, as if they were casually sunning their beautiful wings. She waved up at them and Cassian waved back.

We’ll be here if you need us. Rhys said.

What is going on? Elain asked

He’ll explain. He wanted to be the one to tell you.

Will you be listening in?

Only if you want me to.

I think I’ll be okay. Thank you. she said back to Rhys.

She heard the glass doors leading to the garden open and shut quietly. Elain found the source of her discomfort standing before her, wringing his wrists. Lucien was always extremely well dressed and put together, but from the look on his face alone, Lucien looked rough. Undone almost. Elain knew something was very deeply bothering him. It wasn’t just the mating bond - she was used to that feeling after two years of avoiding him - this was much much worse.

Elain stood from where she had kneeled next to a flower bed and turned to face Lucien. “Hello” she said, as she wiped her hands on the skirts of her dress.

“My lady.” Lucien said from a polite distance away. “I’m sorry to bother you - I wouldn’t have disturbed you if it wasn’t important.”

“Feyre warned me.” she said as she walked past him toward the table and chairs she had put out.

“Of course she did.” He chuckled half-heartedly.

“Shall we sit in the shade?” she said, as she moved toward her usual chair.

Lucien blinked in surprise before he followed her, settling in the furthest chair from hers - Azriel’s usual chair. She stiffened at that - Azriel used to sit in the garden and read his reports while Elain worked. She often missed that quiet companionship, even though she understood the distance the shadowsinger had put between them. Every time they were in a room together, the tension felt palpable.

“Are you alright?” Lucien asked quietly. He stretched out his long legs as he sat in the chair. The angle of the sun made his red hair and golden eye shimmer in the light. If Elain hadn't been so against the mating bond, she may have even found him attractive, beautiful even.

“I think I’ve probably spent too many hours in the sun, but I’ll be fine.” She answered with a half-truth. “Are you alright?” she added even though she knew the answer. Whatever conversation Lucien was having with Feyre and Rhys had caused Lucien to feel the turmoil and pain she now was experiencing. It wasn’t often she felt the tug of the bond between them, since she largely ignored that it existed. Every once in awhile, she would feel emotions that she had no reason to feel, or have dreams of events from eyes that weren’t her own.

He sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a minute. “I’m…..I’m dealing. I received some news today, which may impact… your safety. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, actually.” Even though his words were filled with discomfort, Elain was relieved he wasn’t there to talk about their bond. “Have you met Helion Spell-Cleaver?”

Elain had met the High Lord during the war, when he had broken off the enchanted chains Hybern had used when the kidnapped her. She only survived because her sister and Azriel had come to rescue her. Pushing away the painful memory, she said, “High Lord of Day? He was at the Starfall party.”

“I suppose he was.” Lucien observed her. “It's a long story, but your sister has discovered that I am his Heir. Apparently, he and my mother had an affair over the centuries. I don’t know why I didn’t see it until now.”

Elain didn’t hide her surprise. She hadn’t ever met Lucien’s family, but had heard terrible things about them. What Eris had done to Mor, how they acted during the war… part of her was glad Lucien wasn’t truly one of them.

“Why are you telling me this?” She couldn’t stop the words coming out. She realized it may have come out as callous, maybe even rude, but she had to know. She barely knew anything about the male, how would this impact her safety? Feyre had told her that Lucien had fled the Autumn Court, but she had left the other details out. She never bothered to ask more about his story either, she didn't want to her sister's hopes up.

Lucien put a weary hand over his face, covering his russet eye. “When I was young, I fell in love with what my fa- Beron would call “a lesser fae." I thought we were mates, that it was a matter of time before the bond would snap in place - we were planning on leaving the Autumn Court together. When he found out… he killed Jesminda, and made me watch. When he was done with her, he sent my brothers after me. That’s how I ended up in the Spring Court.”

All of the words went out of Elain’s mind at the revelation. She had dreamt or seen something like what Lucien was describing often - a beautiful female being killed by a brown-haired man. Red-haired sentries holding her, or Lucien she supposed, down while she pleaded for her life - Jesminda's. Occasionally, she saw her face or Vassa’s, instead of the females. Or she saw Jesminda go into the Cauldron in her place. She always thought it was a vision from the future, but she realized now she had seen one of Lucien's nightmares. “I’m sorry to hear that.” Elain murmured.

“Don’t apologize. It was long before you were even born. I’m telling you this, because being connected to a High Lord’s Heir puts a target on your back. Feyre and Nyx are safe, only because people fear them, believe Rhys is the male they knew Under the Mountain. If my fa- If Beron realizes what I am, that I'm powerful, he'll go after me and he'll likely use you to do it. He'll stop at nothing to make sure another court does not have access to his - to my mother's power. Just like how Amarantha used Feyre against Tamlin and Briallyn used Cassian against Nesta. ”

“But… we aren’t...we aren't like them.” She said quietly. It wasn't fear that made her uncomfortable, it was acknowledging the thing between them, the mating bond.

Lucien looked out onto the garden. “It doesn't matter.” He said. “Ever since I met you, my instinct has been to protect you. It may even be why I warmed up to Feyre so quickly. Even if you ended up… even if you never acted on it, the bond makes it my instinct to shield you from harm. Hurting you would hurt me.”

His throat bobbed, as if he was debating what he said next. “And the death of a mate... whether it be mine or yours… it would be… unsurvivable, even if we never... act on it at all, we'll always be linked in some way.”

The pain in his voice was something she had never heard before. Elain knew he was telling the truth - she fought hard to keep memories of Feyre’s labor at bay — Rhys’s yelling, his fighting, barely restrained by Azriel and Cassian’s fourteen siphons. It was something she would never forget.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like a pawn in all of this. I know you haven't had many choices in any of this." He added. Part of Elain wondered if Lucien’s pain and devastation was because of her, of the role he would play in her death if history repeated itself, and the risk his new role created for her.

That thought made her say, “Don’t - don’t apologize for something you have no control over and don’t worry about me being a pawn.” His eyes snapped up to meet hers in surprise. “I have been a pawn from the moment the King of Hybern broke into my father’s house and put me in the Cauldron, even before that. The fact that you’re in the Night Court shows I still am one. Adding another court to a mix doesn’t change much.”

His expression was one of pure guilt. “I’m - I- “

She cut him off before he could deny anything, “Don’t apologize for that either. I know neither you nor Tamlin knew what was happening and I know you fought against Hybern’s wards to help me.”

Lucien’s shoulders sagged. He said sighed wearily, “I should have known then. I had never used that power before - Helion’s power. I thought it was the bond's reaction, but I realize now that the fire came from my mother, not Beron. He opened up his palm and let fire dance on his fingertips. "He won't pleased to know I have Autumn and Day gifts."

She's never seen Lucien use his power before. It was mesmerizing, they way he did it so casually, as if he didn't fear getting burned. Part of Elain wondered what her power would look like if she trained, like Amren had suggested.

He let out a chuckle, extinguishing the fire on his hands and snapping Elain's attention back to his face. “For someone who has switched court allegiances and had my world turned upside down as often as I have, you would think I would be used to it.”

Elain made herself laugh at that, and looked around for way to relate or lighten the mood. “I spent my whole life thinking iron would protect me from faeries. And now, I am fae sitting in a iron chair, talking to a High Lord’s heir, while living in another High Lord's house. I know it's not the same, but...the world way of turning upside down when we least expect it, you can’t plan for things like this.”

“When Feyre told us she thought faeries couldn’t lie, Tam and I laughed ourselves hoarse.”

The shadows in his eyes shifted - a different guilt taking their place.

Elain only nodded again, deciding to offer a truth the way Lucien had offered his own. “I’m sorry” she said.

“Whatever for?” Lucien asked, surprise coloring his voice.

“You wouldn’t have left Tamlin if I wasn’t, if we weren’t -“ she trailed off. “I know it pains you to see him like this.”

Lucien looked at her as if he was disappointed, not in her, but what she had said. “I thought we weren’t apologizing for things we can’t control?”

He let out a hoarse breath. “I was blind to a lot of things, Lady. After losing Jes, Tamlin was my only friend, my protector. After he refused Amarantha for what she did to me -“ he gestured to his golden eye and scar - “I couldn’t see past that loyalty. But the male I knew, I haven’t seen him since he sent Feyre back to the Human Lands.”

Elain just looked at him, realizing they had never spoken for this long, never this openly. She didn’t know what to say, if she could say anything to make him feel better about this. She was almost as shocked that she wanted to make him feel better, as she was by his honesty.

Lucien continued. “I didn’t want to see what he was doing to Feyre. I wanted to believe that he didn’t act Under the Mountain. because it would harm more than help. I wanted to believe that the Spring Court was my home, and I need to help keep things stable, show unity. But when Feyre came back to us, and she pushed back on him - I realized how wrong I was. I let her use me to get to him and Ianthe, because I was angry with him. Angry for how he got us into the war, angry for how he hurt Feyre, angry for trusting that two-faced priestess. ” He shuddered.

“It took a lot of time to realize that. When I came here, I realized what a court could be like when people are treated like equals. For all my power, I could never question Tamlin the way your friends question Rhys and Feyre. I would try, but he never listened." A long pause. "So yes, it pains me to see my friend in pain, and it pains me that the Spring Court will suffer because of my choices, but I do not regret leaving with your sister. Even when she lies to me, and fights with me, and uses me, and pushes me, she was a better friend to me than Tamlin was in years. Jurian and Vassa are too."

Elain was speechless for the third time since Lucien had walked into the garden. She let his words wash over her, and the tightness she felt, that feeling of turmoil in her gut - it was duller now, as if saying the words had given Lucien a release he desperately needed.

She reached for his hand, laying hers on top of his momentarily, before pulling away. “I’m glad you got out.” she offered.

Lucien went still at her touch, but mastered himself enough to say, “Me too, Lady” smiling softly. “Me too.” Lucien began to stand, as if forcing himself to put space between them, “Speaking of Jurian and Vassa, I should probably head out. If I’m not back by the time Vassa shifts to her human form, I’ll have hell to pay,” he said with amusement in his tone.

Elain hadn’t realized how quickly the sun had begun to set around them.“Of course.” She said. He stood, and Elain joined him, deciding to walk with him until the anti-winnowing wards ended.

The silence was overwhelming, so she asked: “Do you like the Human Lands?”

“I do.” He said, smiling as if he was thinking about some memory. “I can’t say I fit in, but I enjoy Jurian and Vassas company. They are at each other’s neck’s constantly, but I can’t say I’m ever bored.” She couldn’t imaging Lucien fitting in particularly well in her old home. She supposed that with humans as strange as Jurian and Vassa were - a centuries old human that was resurrected by the Cauldron and a firebird cursed by a Death Lord, who had been freed by her own father - they could at least bond over how they didn’t fit in.

“I suppose you aren’t used to experiencing seasons.” She found herself saying.

“After spending most of my life in eternal autumn and spring, it’s refreshing to feel the weather change. I can’t say I loved the winter, but it’s different... It makes me appreciate time more.”

“I haven’t been to the seasonal courts, but I enjoy it too - seeing how the seasons change. I would like to see more of Prythian, more of the world some day.” She said in response. It was true. Elain loved watching the leaves turn and watching flowers bloom again in spring. She longed for a time where her greatest wish was to see the Tulip fields in the continent with her sister.

“I think you would like the Spring Court in its former glory, the gardens were almost as enchanting as yours.”

“Thank you.” She forced herself to respond to the compliment. Feyre and Nesta had both mentioned how she would love spring. Elain was content to watch the seasons change in Velaris.

Lucien nodded to her, coming to a standstill where the wards ended. “I’ll be back in a few days to meet with Helion. Thank you for speaking with me... Are you truly not scared, knowing about the risk?.”

"I'm not."

“Maybe we can… talk again soon, Lady.”

“Elain. Call me Elain. I’m not technically a Lady, and you needn’t be so formal with me. I'd like us to be friends.”

He looked surprised at that, and well - Elain was too. She had no idea what possesed her to say that. To offer up friendship, when she was still hurt from another loss, still processing her new life, her role in this Court.

Lucien just smiled at her in a way she had never seen before, and said “I'd like that too, Elain.” before disappearing.

#elain archeron #lucien vanserra #elain x lucien #lucien x elain #there's hints to elriel and vucien but they are subtle #elucien #kp writes #acotar series #mtp

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lily-mj-fae · 3 years

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So listen. I've said many times before, I'm q ship whore. I will be happy with elriel, elucien, gwynriel, vucien, etc. But i feel like i come off as anti-elucien a lot. And that's not the case.

I'm against the mating bond. I've said it in a post before. Unlike her sisters, Elain doesn't have this chance to get to know Lucien blindly before learning they're mates. Not only that, but it's been thrown in her face and used against her. Used to reject her. I think people forget that. Elain has absolutely no reason to have any good feelings towards the mating bond or the person attached to it (i love Lucien. Again. But it doesn't change that he was with spring. And it doesn't change that he was used by Graysen to reject her. And she's allowed to feel however about that). Not to mention, like Nesta, accepting the mating bond, is rejecting more of her humanity. And while in some ways she's tried to embrace the fae way of life, i think we'll find some she hasn't.

And then lucien is there, and while i don't think it's his intention, it's so obvious that it's only because she's his mate. Which only pushes that on. Add to the fact that Feyre is trying to nudge Elain that way despite Elain's declarations of not being interested on multiple occasions.

And now, now we have Rhys, who was present for one of those moments, interfering with a potential romantic rendezvous. He's claiming because Lucien could invoke the blood duel and he wants to avoid the international incident that could come with it. But. It's flimsy. First of all, Lucien isn't going to fight a blood duel to win Elain. In fact, i think he would only fight it, if he felt Azriel didn't mean her well. And if he won, he'd let her go, because he'd know he wouldn't have a chance after that. Second of all, Beron hates Lucien. And his brothers don't seem to be all that much more fond of him. Perhaps Eris.

Not to mention, Lucien doesn't seemed thrilled by the bond. He seems to be more obligated. He felt elain was thrown at him. And aside from his compassion (which i admire) the few glimpses we've gotten into him through Feyre, reveal little affection for elain. Reveal a slight impatience over Elain not being interested in trying. Because to him, a mating bond is sacred. It's a war of emotions going on.

So why the hell does Rhys care? Especially when Elain is a resident of the night court. A place where he's said there are laws to protect mates females who reject the bond? Why is he not protecting Elain's decisions? Why is not respecting them? Why is he using something that he knows Lucien isn't inclined to do? Because Lucien was the one ready to accept that Elain was in love with someone else already.

I think there's a scheme a foot. Something nefarious. I wouldn't be shocked if Rhys intends on using that mating bond against Lucien or Elain for some larger purpose. But it goes against everything he's said. And for the man who touts choice, he's taking away choice from Elain and Azriel. And i really want to know what else is going on.

#elain archeron #azriel #lucien vanserra #anti rhys

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theladyofdeath · 4 years

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Alone in the Ashes {16}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click > Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: It may be short but it’s still a hot mess. I should start naming my chapters like Friends episodes. This one is a tie between “The one before the weekend away” and “The one where Mor ships Elriel.”

Comment to tell me what you think, or to be tagged! x

“The marks humans leave are too often scars.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Cassian had called to tell his coworkers that he couldn’t come in, but neglected to tell them it was because of a massive hangover. It didn’t help, either, when he decided to take Bryaxis for a walk around noon and found Tomas leaving Nesta’s apartment.

“Later,” he grinned, leaving Cassian staring at Nesta’s door.

He should have just walked away, should have let it go.

But he couldn’t.

He slammed his fist against her door, over and over again, until she opened it up. She wore an oversized hoodie and a pair of jogging shorts. Her golden-brown hair was in a high pony-tail, her feet bare.

When she saw Cassian, she hesitated, but the look of surprise quickly faded and was replaced with something hard and dismissed. “I was just leaving.”

“I’m coming in,” Cassian grunted, and as she was protesting, he stormed past her. “Have fun last night?”

“You don’t want to know the answer to that any more than I want to answer it,” Nesta said. She left her door open and didn’t stray from the threshold.

Cassian turned to look at her and shrugged. “Well?”

“Well, what?” she asked, exhausted.

“I deserve an explanation,” he said, as if it were obvious.

Nesta sighed, rubbing her temples. “Look, Cassian, we hung out, we had fun, and now my boyfriend is back. Okay?”

Cassian chuckled, shaking his head. “I know you, Nesta, and you can’t hide from the fact that you just cringed when you said the word boyfriend. The guy’s a jackass, Nes.”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Says you of all people.”

Cassian stilled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You just wanted me for sex!” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re just like every other guy I’ve ever been with. Try to impress me, fuck me, call it a night. It was only a matter of time before you got bored. Trust me, I’m doing you a favor. The sex was great while it lasted, but you’re free now.”

She stepped aside.

The way out was clear.

Cassian didn’t move. “Do you seriously think that’s what I think of you? That you’re a fucking sex toy?”

Nesta wouldn’t look at him as she said, “Don’t make a scene, Cassian. You look ridiculous.”

Cassian’s jaw went rigid. Bryaxis looked up at Cassian, noticing his change in posture. “Nesta…”

She stared at the floor. “Please leave.”

Cassian stayed where he was. He had to say it, had to confess. What she did after was up to her. “Nesta, I love y-”

“Stop!” she cried, and when she looked up, her eyes held such pain and misery that Cassian thought he’d been punched in the gut. “Don’t. Shut the fuck up. Okay? Stop. Just...Just. Fucking. Go. Please.”

Cassian’s lips snapped shut as he nodded, slowly. Bryaxis whined at his feet. “Fine. Alright. Whatever.”

He walked toward the door and when he had met Nesta where she stood, he took a step closer to her, took her face into his hands, and brought her mouth to his. He kissed her slowly, savoring every second that passed, every second he got to taste her lips.

Nesta didn’t fight him.

But she didn’t touch him, either. Her hands stayed by her sides.

When he pulled back, Nesta’s eyes were shut.

Cassian dropped his hands, whistled for Bryaxis to follow, then he was out the door, walking away.

He didn’t look back.

~~~~~

Nesta closed her front door, quietly, and leaned back against it, slumping down until she was sitting on the cold, hardwood floor.

She knew she was crying, knew there were tears streaming down her face, but she was grateful she held it in until he left.

He was going to tell her that he loved her.

And oh, what a mistake that would have been.

Nesta knew who she was.

She was a bitch. A no-good, personality-less, empty bitch. She had done horrible things throughout her life. She knew where her place was, knew what to expect out of this life.

As she wept in the entryway of her apartment, Nesta knew she had done the right thing.

Her heart was broken, shattered, but she had done the right thing.

She would have given anything to be loved by Cassian, but he deserved better than her. Women like Nesta were meant for men like Tomas.

Not men like Cassian.

Cassian was caring, thoughtful, kind. His heart was pure. A true gentleman...until that dark, seductive glare formed in his beautiful hazel eyes. And when he did make love, he made it well.

Cassian was a good man.

The best.

And Nesta Archeron didn’t deserve a good man.

Because even though she loved him, too, she would never be able to admit it. She loved him too much to make him spend his days with her. If she let it continue, the days would pass, then the weeks, the months, the years. Eventually, he’d propose. And, being in love with him, she would say yes. And as time went on, she would find a way to mess it up. He would grow to resent her.

He would become unhappy, because who the fuck could be happy with a woman like her?

No.

Nesta wouldn’t do that, not to him.

He deserved better. He deserved it all.

Better to break his heart now, before his love could be declared, then to let it go on and disappoint him, later.

Even though breaking his heart meant breaking her own.

But, she had done the right thing.

Even if she regretted making him stop. She should have let him finish, should have let him say it, just once.

Nesta, I love you.

Nesta wiped her face with the back of her sleeves before picking herself up off the floor, her run long forgotten as she slumped down the hall, to the bathroom.

She opened the top drawer.

Pulled out Tomas’ pain pills.

Using the glass toothbrush holder, Nesta ground the pills into a fine powder, once again.

Yes.

Cassian deserved better.

~~~~~

The bell rang as Azriel stepped into the fancy children’s boutique. His jeans were splattered with paint, although his black tee was clean. He hadn’t been wearing it while he painted, hopeful that Elain would get off early and catch him.

She didn’t.

True to his word, he went to her work, ready to pick her up for lunch. When he walked through the door, she caught his eye and smiled while she was talking to an elderly woman. He let her do her job and started to wander around. He had never seen so much pink, frilly shit in his life. He picked up a dress, one that he thought Mila might like, and looked at the price tag.

He quickly put it back.

Suddenly, he was terrified to touch anything.

Just as he thought to wait outside, Elain called his name.

He spun around, smiling when he caught her smiling up at him. She must have run home after he left, because her makeup was flawless and her hair hung in loose waves. She wore a little black dress with tights and ankle boots.

That morning, when he left, her face was bare, her hair a mess, and she was still half-nude from their almost-love making session in the middle of the night.

Her cheeks turned pink, as if she knew the thoughts that were running through his mind, making his heart beat wildly.

He kissed her on the cheek. “You look nice.”

“Thank you,” she said, quietly. “Lunch?”

“Anywhere you want,” he said. “That...can fit into the one hour slot that is your lunch break.”

She laughed and nodded. “Perfect.”

After grabbing her bag, clocking out, and telling her boss she’d be back, she was walking down the sidewalk, hand in hand, with Azriel.

“What are you hungry for?” he asked.

She thought about it for a moment before suggesting, “Tacos? There’s a food truck just up here my boss goes to all the time. She says it’s amazing.”

“Everybody loves tacos,” Azriel said, fingers tightening around her hand. “I should bring some home to Mor. She took Mila to school this morning which means she had to put a bra on before noon. She always gets cranky when she has to put a bra on before noon.”

Elain laughed, voice bright. “Ah, every woman gets cranky when they have to put on a bra. It’s truly tragic. The worst part of womanhood. Well...definitely in the top ten.”

Azriel chuckled. “I’m not sad to say I wouldn’t know.”

Elain rolled her eyes and nudged him in the side. “Men.”

Azriel grinned as they came up on a row of food trucks near the heart of the city. Azriel asked Elain to find a seat while he ordered. And once he did, and was carrying boxes full of tacos, he found Elain sitting beautifully by a fountain of the goddesses. Water was pouring from their mouths, in true fountain-fashion.

He set a box in front of her. “Chicken and rice.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he murmured, opening his own box. He got one for Mor, too. He’d bring it to her once he walked Elain back to work.

Elain told him about her day as she ate, and he told her what he’d done that morning to finish up at her dad’s.

“Oh! Speaking of that, I have exciting news, I completely forgot,” she said, setting down her fork and clapping her hands.

Azriel raised a brow.

“That townhouse I applied for? I got it,” she beamed. “I can move in this weekend. I was...hoping you could help?”

“Of course,” he said, smiling. “That’s great, I’m so happy for you. I’ll get Cassian to help, too.”

“Thank you,” she said, eyes soft. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

They ate the rest of their lunch in easy, light conversation before Azriel walked her back to work and kissed her goodbye before hopping into his truck and driving home.

Mor was doing yoga when he walked in.

“Good, I just started,” she said. “Put on your yoga pants, Az. Join me.”

Azriel snorted. “No, thanks. I did bring you lunch though. Tacos. Really fucking good, too.”

“Aw,” she smiled, moving into her next pose. “Aren’t you the sweetest?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “I am. How did Mila do this morning?”

“Awesome,” she said. “She really seems to like it there. She introduced me to her teacher, her friends, the class hamster, and every one of the dolls and stuffed animals in the play area.”

Azriel laughed. “Sounds right. You’re lucky, though. I only got to meet Deano the dinosaur. All the other stuffed animals were too important for me.”

Mor grinned, falling onto her mat. “So. Elain-”

Azriel groaned. “Stop asking me about my sex life, please.”

“We all know this is much more than just sex,” Mor crooned.

Azriel plopped down on the couch and popped open a can of Coke. “Fine. Stay out of my….”

“Love life?” Mor implied, eyebrows wiggling. When Azriel didn’t reply, she rolled her eyes. “Az, you’ve never even said that word to a woman, have you?”

“Haven’t found a woman I’ve loved. No need to say it if it’s not true.”

“Before Elain?” Mor asked.

Azriel shot her a glare.

Mor’s eyes softened as she said, “You two are really good together.”

“You’ve mentioned,” Azriel muttered.

“Look, on Saturday night, I’m taking Mila to the movies. And you, Azriel, are finally going to make love to that sweet, amazing woman.”

Azriel choked on his drink.

Mor just patted his knee until he was done. “Great. It’s a date night, then.”

She left him on the couch, still halfway choking, to eat her tacos.

~~~~~

“He didn’t go to work today?”

“No,” Amren said, voice hard. “And he’s gone jogging three times today. I’ve tried to go talk to Nesta twice today, but she keeps telling me to fuck off.”

“Hmm,” Rhysand said, into his phone. “I would ask Feyre what happened, but she doesn’t talk to her sister.”

“Something went down,” Amren said. “Something bad, Rhys. I haven’t seen Cassian this pissed in a while. He doesn’t handle this shit well. When I got back this morning from going out with my old work friends, at around two, he was passed out drunk in his bed, sleeping upside down with his socks on. He was sleeping with his fucking socks on, Rhys. He hates socks on when he sleeps.”

Rhysand sighed. “I’ll try calling him again but I doubt he’ll answer.”

“Well, try,” Amren muttered. “He’s a mess.”

“I will,” he promised.

“Thanks,” Amren said. “Tell Feyre I say hi.”

“Will do.”

He hung up just as the front door opened and Feyre came in. She smiled when she saw him sitting at the table, covered in food and candles.

“I wasn’t expecting dinner,” she said, slipping off her shoes.

“Don’t get too excited,” Rhysand laughed. “It’s from the diner across the street.”

Feyre grinned, sitting in the chair across from him. “Either way, it looks delicious. I’m starving.”

“Dig in,” Rhysand urged, gesturing to her plate of pasta.

He watched her while she took a big, obnoxious bite and laughed.

“Why are you watching me eat?” she asked, covering her mouth.

“I love you,” he said, softly. “So much.”

Feyre raised a brow. “I love you, too.”

Rhysand cleared his throat as he picked up his fork. “I thought we could go away this weekend. What do you think?”

Feyre started chewing slower. “Really? Where?”

“My mom’s old cabin, up in the mountains,” he said. “We could leave Friday after you get off and come back Sunday night. It’s only an hour drive.”

Feyre’s smile widened. “Yeah, okay. That sounds nice.”

“Good,” he said, a breath leaving his body. His whole plan revolved around her saying yes to the cabin.

Feyre took another bite. “You’re acting weird.”

“What?” he asked. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” she said, eyes narrowing. “What are you hiding from me?”

I’m gonna ask you to marry me. No big deal.

“Nothing,” he said, stuffing his mouth with pasta.

“Damn it, Rhys,” she began, setting down her fork. “Rhys, you’re hiding something from me.”

“I’m not,” he said, swallowing his noodles.

“I know you,” she said, crossing her arms. “Tell me now.”

“It’s nothing,” he promised.

“Tell me or I’m not going this weekend.”

Rhysand stilled, sighed, and set down his fork. “Fine. I…...I went to see Tamlin today.”

He wasn’t sure why he thought that was better than telling her he wanted to marry her, but it’s what came out.

“You did what?” she asked, softly. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Rhysand rubbed his temples. “Look. We can’t live like this, Feyre. I love you. I want to be with you. And I want Tamlin to back the fuck off...so, that’s what I told him.”

Feyre said nothing.

“Hey..” Rhysand breathed, reaching across the table to take her hand. “I handled myself. I was….nice.” Feyre rolled her eyes. “I told him that you deserved better. Okay? That’s all.”

Feyre sighed, wrapping her fingers around his. “I guess I can’t be mad at that. Thank you.”

He nodded. “Of course. Now, eat. This pasta’s delicious.”

Feyre smiled, softly. A minute passed before she asked, “Do you think that’s it, then? That Tamlin is done throwing his hissy fit?”

“Yeah,” Rhysand said, smiling. “I do.”

Hopefully she didn’t see it for the lie he thought it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

#acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #sjm #fanfic #fanfiction #feysand #elriel #nessian #modern AU #tacmc AITA

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daywing-moved · 4 years

Text

Birds of a Shadow

Rating: G

Summary: Elain comforts Azriel after Mor confesses to Azriel.

A/N: This was originally supposed to be a poem, which then turned into prose, and then transformed into a semi-Elriel fic.

All characters belong to Sarah J Maas!

fic tag list: @thesirenwashere @justgiu12 @b00kworm @acourtofmarauders @empress-ofbloodshed @maastrash @savemesoon8 @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares @yourtypicalbookworn @ryhsrocks @captainthefangirlofhp @iammissstark

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Fic Masterlist

There is a shadow hunched over the fireplace.

His head is bowed, his wings drooped, blanketing the floor in a mass of tragic power. Darkness surrounds his presence, as it always does, but this time, it’s different. The shadows lash and flick, like a violent, rolling storm contained in a glass bottle. The black night outside draws to him like a comforting blanket, but is pushed away. Instead, rain falls outside, a silent, drizzling downpour.

The embers of the flames flicker in his hazel eyes, the only light in those swirling, sullen eyes.

A warrior in defeat, tired of fighting all his life for something he could never conquer.

A fallen angel.

Elain watches him from the doorway. She, perhaps, is the only other light in the room aside from the crackling fire. And she watches, silently, as his long lashes close, his jaw hardening. Shoulders tense, figure clad in black.

The seer sees, and she does not see a vanquished fighter. She sees past the darkness and the shadows and the cold, cold night, to the bird finally ready to take flight inside. The bird that had been caged, as if its beauty could be cherished for longer behind age-old bars, was finally free.

Elain takes a step into the room. The shadows drift away from her. He does not want to taint her with the presence of brokenness, but she has been broken before. Had been broken by an iron ring that would not break, even as she tore herself apart for months. Would not leave, until she pieced herself together and tended to the tangled thorns of her heart.

She was not afraid to let a bird out of its cage.

Elain approaches him softly, a hand resting on the mantle of the fireplace. His eyes turn to her, and they are filled with bitterness and hopelessness. Tragically beautiful. He attempts to raise his wings, to put that mask back on for her, but she shakes her head.

“You do not have to hide yourself from me,” she whispers gently, staring into his eyes. Moments of silence pass before he acknowledges her presence.

“It is not your responsibility to heal me.” He stares into the fire, shadows barely contained.

“I will not heal you.” Elain lifts her chin, daring him to raise his gaze to her again. “You need to find that light yourself.”

His shoulders sag. “She was supposed to be my light,” he murmured, running a hand over his face and sighing.

Elain shakes her head, replying, “You know her light was not yours to match.”

For five hundred years, he had loved the red-clad, blonde-haired female. Half a millennium of longing gazes, a lifetime of hope slaughtered. Winked out like the last of a flame.

Elain does not think that the legendary Shadowsinger had not known it would turn out this way. Perhaps his shadows did not pry where he did not want them to, but she has an inkling that they would at least know that Morrigan was never destined to find peace in a male.

She watches his chest rise and fall with every heave of a breath. “She loves you.”

His head snaps up, his eyes flashing. “Even if she did, I would not deserve it.”

Elain takes in that guilty look of his and does not falter. “Her love is of a different kind, Azriel. She may not take your heart, but she loves you as family loves each other. It is that warm, joyful love of hers.”

He looks out the window on the other side of the room, at the rainy, cloudy midnight sky. “I know. I knew.”

Elain watches that bitter smile on his resigned face. “Then why do you mourn like such?”

A flicker of pain. His shadows slash against the floor. “Because I thought loving her would be safe. I’d be able to love her and never hurt her, because she would not want me back. I knew how to feel and how to fight that battle. It was so easy because I knew that I could not win that war.” His breathing catches in sync with the stuttering of Elain’s heart. She knows he does not want her pity, so she does not give it. But this tears open old wounds of hers. Ones that she will gladly rip open to guide her friend back to the light.

Or, maybe, she did not have to guide him. He was already there, but could not see it. Had been there for some time, but was clouded by his own self-doubt.

He shakes his head, muttering, “I’m sorry, Elain, you shouldn’t have to-”

“Do not. Apologize,” she interrupted, emphasizing every word. “You do not apologize for setting the bird free.”

He finally pushes off the mantle, running a hand through his ruffled hair, and repeats, “Setting the bird free?”

“You knew Mor would say it one day. That the bird would be able to fly one day. But you kept the bird caged, like you could be startled by its beauty one more time. She is not yours to trap or to admire like such. Let the bird fly. The bird no longer wants to be trapped.”

Azriel stumbles backwards, eyes panicked. “I trapped her. Like some creature of the sky trapped underground. Cauldron, I’m just like my father-”

Elain whips her head to him. “But the bird learned in that cage, Az. Your father locked you under and forced you into the reality of those dark walls. But from you, Mor found so much more. You saved her from Autumn. If not for you…” she shakes her head. “You may have your flaws, as all people do. But stop fearing those flaws, as you stopped fearing the darkness.”

She takes a breath. The words pouring out of her—they were like talking to her past self, words that no one had ever told her until she started telling them to herself, like the little parts of a puzzle all fitting together.

“You had begged for a cure for that darkness, and took it as soon as you thought it had appeared. As soon as she had appeared. But you are a Shadowsinger. You do not need someone else to push and pull at the darkness. You control your own shadows, and they are not some poisoned part of you. Every rose has its thorns, and those thorns make them strong.”

His mouth opens and closes. “I want to say that I was blind,” he breathes. “I want to say that I never knew about her preferences or her life or any of it. I wish I hadn’t been a shadow over her life.”

“Not being blind only shows you knew her,” Elain counters. Her honey eyes are warm but defiant. “And it is an honor to know someone as bright as Mor. You are not a shadow over her now, are you?”

He stays silent, watching her. She stares up at him with a round, understanding gaze, and he can’t help but admire how there is no pity or sympathy there—only a knowing look. He gives her a single shake of his head, even as a storm continues to brew in his eyes. A muscle in his jaw twitches. “Why? How?”

Elain stares down at her hand, at where an iron engagement ring used to be. A cage for her finger, suffocating it until it could no longer be free. A mark of possession rather than love, of cruelty rather than the promise of a better future. She had not realized it then, but she realizes it now. “There was no one who understood me the first months I came here,” she says, releasing a small sigh. “There was no one to tell me what to do or how to feel or why what I had thought was love had suddenly become betrayal and hatred and disgust.”

Azriel’s face shifts, as if realizing just how alone she had been.

“I saw birds,” she continues, the rain outside pouring harder. “I saw them and thought about how they flew in the rain. It must’ve been cold and dark for them, like how empty everything felt for me. But they sang nonetheless.”

Her eyes dare shutter for a moment. “And that was the only thing that kept me sane. How I could be a bird, trapped in a thunderstorm, but the storm would see an end. When you started talking to me, and showing me the gardens, your wings… it was like my bird could finally take flight again. I’d found a friend in you. I was just… I was just hoping I could do the same for you, even if the wings do not spread tonight.”

And the look on Az’s face is utter awe, awe at how someone could speak such beautiful words.

A defeated warrior can still hope, can still rebuild, he remembers. He remembers now. His wings lift slightly. “Thank you, Elain.”

She knows a wounded heart cannot be fixed overnight. Elain takes a step forward, not close enough for them to touch, but close enough to see the clear reflection of the fireplace in his hazel gaze, like a light burning anew. A new dawn.

She takes his scarred hands. “There are many battles to be fought,” she says.

He takes in the sight of her gentle hands in his rough ones.

“Those battles may last the entirety of an infinite night,” Elain whispers. She smiles at him, briefly. “They are not easy. You know this.”

She squeezes his hand before letting go and watching the rain halt outside, clearing way for the watery moon. “But what makes a night worth living through is the stars. My stars are already shining. And I will be there as your friend through every battle, as you were through mine, until the stars can shine for you, too.”

He nods, and her heart lifts, lifts, lifts to the stars like a winged bird soaring. Perhaps she is when he offers, “Would you like to fly tonight?”

She nods. She would not allow the Shadowsinger to drown in his sorrows again, and she knows he finds freedom and comfort in the night sky.

So, in the aftermath of the rain, they perch on the rooftops of Velaris. Wrapped in the smell of petrichor and chilled night mists, they reveal hidden wounds and stitch them back together.

And when Elain finally sees a peek of guilt fade from his gaze, a light where it may have looked dark before, the stars are shining gently above them, finally unhidden and twinkling.

#elriel #elriel fic #elriel fluff #elriel angst #acotar #sarah j maas #acofas

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