#i’m sorry for complaining but literally every day is horrible | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brilapse · 2 months

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Hi guys…..

So this is extremely embarrassing for me to admit but I really need help. I was recently diagnosed with hep c….. I would have had it for going on 7 years now…. Long story short, I am appalled with my doctor. When I first got clean in Jan 2017, I was tested, now it may have been to early then but sometime in 2020, I just started to feel generally unwell all of the time. Tired no matter what, low energy levels, achey, headaches, etc. Then my stomach issues started. There was a time period I was waking up sick af every day, throwing up pure stomach acid multiple times a day for months, then it kind of subsided and was probably three times a week, and it’s been like that since then. I still get “attacks” (I call them- pain and crazy nausea) every damn day. My energy levels the past year has all but plummeted. Like, I am nearly DONE for the day after showering, they are that bad.

I was complaining to my doctor. In the past 3 years, I’ve had bloodwork done 4-5 times, and not ONCE did she include the test. When she said she was going to test me for “everything”, I’m fucking sorry but I assumed she meant EVERY disease, etc. apparently fucking not. The only reason we caught it now is because I got a new methadone dr and she actually took the time to go through my medical chart and history and brought it up. So yeah, we did the test and, unfortunately it was positive.

The fact that I have been feeling so god damn bad all of the time and it was not caught, and could have been and no one thought to bring it up with my history. That’s another thing, I’m so damn unlucky I guess. When I say that I was METICULOUS about being clean and using new stuff every time during my active addiction, it was borderline ocd… but there was ONE time. ONE time that I KNOW is when this happened. I have some trauma from the time I was in active addiction…. I ended up literally homeless and unfortunately I didn’t have anything or anyone, no support… and I ended up tangled up with this one guy I put my trust in… mostly because I had no choice. He was not a good guy. Without going into details, I literally had to escape essentially and I feared for my life. I was held at gun point a few times… he was psycho and had major anger issues. Anyways. There was one time, I was on day 3 of withdrawals, and anyone who had been through them when you’re an IV user of Fentanyl… you know it’s literal hell. I wouldn’t be able to begin to tell you what it feels like. You would not be able to fathom it. There is a reason people do crazy things to get their “fix” … you’re not thinking about anything other than feeling okay again. You’re in hell and every horrible symptom you could think of, you’re experiencing. Anyways, I finally got some stuff and I didn’t have any clean things. I could barely move or walk. Didn’t have a car or money to get there. Begged him to go for me. He would not leave me alone because again, he basically held me hostage and did not have any of his “guys” around to watch me. There was another girl that came by to pay him “his cut”…. (Yeah you can imagine what he did..) and she had some stuff but all used. She swore she didn’t have anything- which, she may of not known. Fine. And I was DESPERATE and also suicidal at the time. I thought ok, this ONCE. I boiled water and even cleaned it out… and even if you don’t do that, the transmission rate is approx 10-20%, it’s not 100% guaranteed. So I thought ok just one time, if I clean it out, I should be okay.

Evidently not.

So yeah… I don’t want to talk about any more of that time in my life… I’ve been clean seven years now. Doing well… well, I was, until about a year ago when I started to get really sick. I got laid off a job and was really struggling financially and then got a new one, and now my hours are cut and way lower than when I started, so I’ve been dealing with that. Barely surviving the past few weeks.

NOW… I started treatment this week. 8 weeks. 3 pills a day… but the thing is, the side effects can be hard on some people and because of my stomach issues, we already know it’s gonna be hard on me and it’s already been BAD the past two days….and it’s gonna be a ROUGH 8 weeks. Now, it’s obviously worth it, to have a 95% chance of curing myself and go back to a normal life and feel motivated and normal again. ACTUALLY HAVE ENERGY!!!!!!!!!

I can’t work though during these 8 weeks and I am going to have zero income. I don’t have EI sickness because I had to use it last year when I got really sick. Since my hours were cut, and went to part time status, I don’t have benefits.

I got a new full time position that is supposed to start March 4th but I have to start the April training class start date instead now… I literally will not be able to do it. I am going to be in bed for 8 weeks and resting essentially.

That brings me to this….. my bills are already high and up there because of my hours being cut and only being able to pay the bare minimum on them. I am literally going to get my heat cut off and internet and cell probably. I cannot afford food, but at least I’ll be given ensure or boost with my meds from the pharmacy.

That’s another thing. The treatment is 40k Luckily the compassionate care program with the government covered 90% of it- but the other 10%, my dad had to help. I can’t ask him for any thing or any money after that…. I’m just.

If any of you would be able to help me out during this time, it would be so much appreciated ❤️

ANYthing you can do and send my PayPal… I will be so grateful.

& when I’m up and running again after treatment, when I’m not sick af all the time and i actually have energy again… I will start my OF again and make it free for a couple months. I was debating doing that to help right now but when I tell you I have ZERO energy… I have ZERO. and that combined with the side effects and feeling just so shitty and migraines from the meds… I just, I can barely do anything.

I’m just… I’m at my wits end. I’ve never not seen even a SMALL light at the end of the tunnel but I’m not seeing any lately….

Thanks guys.

Love B ❤️

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 7 months

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I just need to rant okay. As a kid who has grown up hearing pretty much everyone complain about the government this and our horrible society that I’m honestly just… done all around. No Grandma Agnus, I don’t care about how you think lgbtq+ people are all going to a hell I don’t even believe in but you know what, cousin Cadence? I also don’t care about how all homophobic people are the true evil ones. No, I don’t care that trans people exist but guess what? I also don’t care that there are people who think differently because people are entitled to their own fucking opinions so long as they aren’t actively harming others (if you don’t like them don’t interact with them more than you have to on both sides, it’s not a hard concept).

Yes I understand that racism has played a huge role in our country but I’m pretty sure that’s not why they got your order wrong at Wendy’s Uncle Jason. Yes I understand that women have had it tough in the past but guess what, last I checked we’re doing a hell of a lot better and no men are not stupid or evil for fuck’s sake and yes they do have problems of their own even though they’re not women

No, I don’t think that all rich people are evil or owe us something (and that’s coming from someone who used to live in a tiny little trailer and only got a small packet of gum for Christmas once) but I also don’t think that workers are over-exaggerating some of their horrible conditions such as payment. No, I don’t care what pronouns you use Finley but guess what when you come at me for “assuming your gender” or whatever twice in the same day despite the fact that it changes literally every hour then that’s where we start to have problems. No, I don’t care that you believe in god but fun fact I am a heavy believer in the separation of church and state and will you look at that, it seems like church and state are getting a bit too chummy up in this house when you claim that all women who get abortions are murderers who are gonna go to hell and abortion should be criminalized for the sake of their souls Auntie Susana.

On top of that I become old enough to vote and stuff soon but honestly I don’t really want to. All I’ve seen my whole life are a bunch of adults going at each other’s throats like rabies-infested dogs and for what? So that they can try to get an extra bit of rope in ya’ll’s tug-of-war? And then older people come at people my age who don’t want to be involved in the shitshow? It almost makes me want to laugh my ass off because that’s like polluting a well and then pleading for the townsfolk to drink that nasty water.

Sorry for my harsh words. I just had a lot of frustrations and really needed to say something anywhere. Know that none of this was directed at you or anyone with strong opinions in a malicious way, I’m honestly just so tired. It feels like everyone everywhere is fighting and for what? No one listens to anyone anymore. I do fully intend to vote when I’m old enough, I’m just done with everyone shouting at me from all sides.

I am very confused as to why this rant was brought to me, because I literally am one of the people you're complaining about.

When I saw this ask, I had to stop looking at this website for like three days. It's a very privileged take, honestly. I don't blame people for getting tired of hearing about politics and world issues all the time, it is exhausting. But as someone who's frequently called exhausting, well, I'm fucking sorry if hearing about the people suffering around you is bothering you. That is a privilege. You can feel that way, but recognize you feeling that way is a luxury.

Your (I'm assuming) metaphorical Grandma hating gay people isn't the same as your metaphorical cousin calling homophobes evil. As I said to my mom yesterday in a very similar conversation, your grandma has the luxury of leaving that conversation any time. So do you. I, as well as other gay people, do not have that luxury. Getting annoyed or tired about any debate on basic human rights I understand, but equally at both sides is bizarre to me. It's like getting mad at a random person in 1912 and the Titanic passengers equally for continuing to talk about the Titanic. One of these groups hAS TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE TITANIC RIGHT NOW. You're not on the Titanic, so you can shut your newspaper and get annoyed it's all you hear about. THE TITANIC PASSENGERS CANT! One side is there because it's literally them being talked about. The other is there because they have too much free time and are demons.

I understand why you feel like people are fighting all the time. They are. But politics are not very black and white. In America it's really just the right and the farther right. But individuals are fighting because things need to be fought for, simply enough. Silence is complicity, and your first two paragraphs are just that.

@antigirlb0ss look at this shit

#sorry buddy i don't know why you brought this drivel to me #but i am not the one #i eSPECIALLY am not the one for not wanting to vote convos #although i understand feeling ike ur vote is useless #it's not smaller state elections are very important #but gtfo about racism and sexism dude #they still play major major roles in our society and it's absolutely valid for someone to complain about them?#also rich people are not evil but billionares are #theres a distinct difference #and also “workers are exaggerating some of their horrible conditions” hOW DOES THE BOOT TASTE MY GUY DOES IT TASTE GOOD? jesus christ #capital owners don't need you LARPing as a shoeshiner for them they are actually fine just on their own #both sides-ing every issue you brought up here literally makes you the problem #trump: there are good people on both sides #<- that's you #melissa's asks #melissa bullshit #i get more and more radicalized (become more reasonable) every day

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windfighter · 1 year

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Goodbye Breakfast

Prompt: Failure

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Kouichi stared at the plate Kouji put on the table. It was certainly… some kind of food? There was rice mixed in with vegetables and… raisins? Kouichi tilted his head. Poked it with the chopsticks. An eye looked at him and he covered it with rice.

”...What is this?” he asked.

”Breakfast!” Kouji said and grabbed a plate for himself.

”I mean… what kind of food?”

It didn’t really look like any kind of food Kouichi had encountered. Maybe risotto, but far from how tasty risotto looked when Izumi made it. Kouji shrugged.

”Cooked some rice, added some proteins to it. Always gotta make sure to have a balanced meal.”

Kouichi looked at the suspected raisins and his stomach cramped.

”What proteins?” he asked.

Kouichi wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Kouji raised an eyebrow.

”Fish.”

Fish wasn’t bad, but there was nothing in the mush that looked like it. Kouichi poked around with his chopsticks again. Izumi stopped by the table and gave Kouichi a quick hug.

”I’m off to school”, she said and kissed his cheek.

”You don’t want breakfast?” Kouji asked.

Izumi looked at the plate infront of Kouichi and shook her head. Kouji took a huge bite out of his own mush.

”I’ll eat something on the way”, Izumi said. ”See you two later.”

She waved good bye. Kouichi turned to the plate again and gathered some of the mush in a pile before trying to grab it with the chopsticks. He hesitated, then put it in his mouth.

It tasted… It definitely tasted, he could admit to that. He had to force himself to swallow and his stomach did not approve of the food. It churned. He glanced at Kouji who had already finished half his plate.

”Have you ever cooked before?” Kouichi asked.

Kouji looked at him like he was stupid.

”I lived on my own until a month ago.”

”But did you cook?”

”Of course I cooked. I don’t have a job, I can’t afford take out every day.”

Kouichi’s stomach protested again and he put a fist to his mouth. Swallowed. Kouji went back to eating and Kouichi also took another bite.

The second bite was somehow even worse than the first. Kouichi’s whole body tensed up, his stomach threatened to empty itself before he even swallowed. His eyes teared up and the food wasn’t even spicy. He stood up.

”Need to use the bathroom”, he forced out.

His voice sounded tense even to his own ears. Kouji tilted his head and Kouichi ran away. He made it to the bathroom just as whatever it was Kouji had fed him forced itself up. He fell to his knees, leaned over the toilet and threw up.

Weirdly enough the food tasted less horrible on the way up. Kouichi could not understand how Kouji had survived on his own for two years.

He heard Kouji’s steps but didn’t feel like getting up from the floor into a more dignified position. Kouji leaned against the doorframe.

”Are you sick?”

”Poisoned”, Kouichi complained and pressed a hand against his stomach. ”You’re never making food again.”

”There’s nothing wrong with my food.”

Kouichi gestured at the toilet, his stomach churned and he threw up again. Kouji winced.

”Okay, there might be something wrong with my food. Or with your stomach.”

”Buh-bleh”, was Kouichi’s eloquent answer.

Kouji at least tried to look sympathetic to Kouichi’s ailment. He patted Kouichi’s back and smiled.

”I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Kouichi sighed, dried off his eyes and nodded.

”Water would be nice, thanks.”

He pushed himself away from the toilet and leaned against the wall instead. He looked at Kouji.

”You are banned from the kitchen though”, he said.

”Yeah, yeah. I get it”, Kouji answered.

He left and returned with a glass of water. Kouichi’s hand trembled as he accepted it. He rinsed his mouth, spat the water out into the toilet and finally flushed the remnants of breakfast away. Kouji’s shoulders fell and he sighed.

”I just… really wanted a nice moment before I left”, he said and sat down next to Kouichi. ”Sorry I ruined it.”

”You’re leaving again? You just got home!”

”I got home two months ago”, Kouji corrected. ”There’s literally no jobs for me here, everyone requires either university degree or that you’re a university student. If you want me to help with rent I have to go do my thing.”

Kouichi sighed. Kouji grabbed the glass from him.

”Where are you going this time?”

Kouji shrugged. Kouichi never liked how there was never a clear plan in Kouji’s travels.

”I was actually thinking about staying in Japan this time. Head north as far as I can go, see where the light takes me. I’ll probably be back before you even miss me.”

Kouichi snorted. He felt a little better now when the weird food was out and far away from him.

”I’m leaving in a couple hours”, Kouji continued.

Kouichi felt cold all of a sudden. A couple of hours was far from enough time to say goodbye. Kouji shoved him and he realized another issue.

”...I leave for school in one”, he said.

”I know. I hate goodbyes.”

Kouichi sighed and nodded.

”Did you pack already?” he asked.

Kouji nodded as well and Kouichi stood up, offered a hand to Kouji. Kouji laughed and stood up on his own.

”Let’s watch an episode of Attenborough’s Life-series”, Kouichi suggested.

Kouji nodded again and left the bathroom. Kouichi flushed the toilet once more, just for the sake of it, before going to the kitchen and getting a sandwich. He heard Kouji start the television and went to join him in the living room. Kouji smiled at him.

”Sorry I got you poisoned. I’ve… never cooked for anyone else since the hamburger-competition.”

Kouichi snorted.

”And you’re never doing it again”, he said.

Kouji didn’t protest. Instead he started the episode and Kouichi sat down in the couch next to him, ate his sandwich. It tasted a lot better than Kouji’s risotto.

#windy writes #whumpcember #digimon frontier #kouichi kimura #kouji minamoto #food poisoning #sick kouichi #kouji as a great cook :3 #best to have around when you invite your enemies #kouichi learned it the hard way x3 #this was fun to write but then it got away from me a little #you could probably tell xD

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transboykirito · 9 months

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That is horrible I'm literally speechless. What the actual fuck is wrong with them. Actual garbage human beings

I'm so sorry they're doing that to you. You don't deserve any of that

oh that’s not even half of it!!! i can’t repeat most of the shit they said to me the other day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m not comfortable posting what they said directly, but some of the asks included:

(context: very clearly these people assumed i’m either black or mixed?? i’m not, i’m white, but my step mom and step brothers are black. i think it’s fucking disgusting that these people decided to target my family. and if this is the shit they’re comfortable saying to me, my heart fucking shatters for what they must feel comfortable saying to people of colour.)

- calling me the n word. multiple times. including every one of these examples. it’s fucking gross and ridiculous.

- saying that the friend who made me so upset i won’t cosplay sinon anymore is a hero because sinon doesn’t deserve to be “tainted” by being cosplayed by a black person

- saying they hope my family and i are all shot

- saying they hope my mom and i are sold to white men so they can rape us

- once again dragging other sao bloggers into it and saying that i should be used as their sl*ve to “apologise” for “ruining” their fandom experience by complaining

- saying aj deserves to publicly murder me, and i can’t even say the rest of it. just know that it, along with the one about my mom and i, was complete white supremacist bullshit that made me physically ill to read.

once again. i’m white. if people are comfortable saying this shit to me and so fucking proud of themselves for saying this shit to me my heart is just broken and i am beyond pissed at what they must feel comfortable saying to actual people of colour. and there aren’t words to describe the disgust and anger about my family being dragged into this, all because i said it’s wrong to ignore the whitewashing and colourism in the series and it’s wrong to dismiss fans of colour when they talk about it.

#roxyloserlesbian arts #asks #racism tw #there’s just. it’s fucking disgusting. and i was crying for hours watching the asks come through #and they’re still coming through!!!!!! i got another one this morning!!!!!! it’s fucking sick!!!!!!#i can’t imagine living with myself with those kinds of thoughts. let alone saying them to someone. what the fuck is wrong with you.#how can you fucking live with yourself. how can you sleep at night after that. what the fuck.

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thefixeraa · 1 year

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i’m furious so i’m going to rant , it will be under a read more so honestly feel free to ignore the fuck out of this .

so had my annual review today , and it was horrible . i left the meeting upset , angry and devalued as a employee . mainly my customer service is shit , hey we all know this because i’ve been saying it since day fucking one ( and even told my main manager three months in on my first one v one meeting that one : despite my previous experience in customer service and doing it well , i find that my own issues regarding face to fact interactions with other people , because of many reasons . is difficult for me to play this customer service part that is happy and smile-y and honestly ridden with toxic positivity despite the fact someone might be a complete dick head to me . two : my mental health is not what it used to be because i’m actively taking steps to heal . )

but then they were nit - picking things about my performance , as an example i had to yell for a manager because at the time i couldn’t take cash - i had just clocked in , thirty fucking minutes early mind you ... i had to count my till in and other than that it wasn’t my register , so i couldn’t take someone’s cash on that register . but because i was attempting to explain why i couldn’t take cash , they said it confused the customer more . like excuse me for having to explain the situation to a customer . maybe that’s just my irrational response to things , but i literally just started my shift . it is technically my monday . give me a fucking break . oh and let me not start talking about how i’m not approachable to do tasks , only because i have a “ face ” that suggests that i don’t want to be bothered .

point of the matter is , i have done pretty well despite my poor performance in customer service . yes it isn’t that good , but it’s not like i curse out every single customer . i have my good days and my really bad days - but despite that i still come early , i start my shift and i get things done . my manager asks me to do things , i do it and yes , that’s even with my bitch face ( sorry , i can’t always change the face i fucking have . ) this past year i have pushed myself to it’s limits , without much complaints , without much push back . i have burnt myself out , not once but twice and i’m currently in that sort of mental state right now . yet ? i am still a hard fucking worker . hell i’ve gotten fucking hives from being so stressed out with my personal shit and work combined BUT I FUCKING DON’T COMPLAIN ! i just keep pushing , like the good worker bee that i am . hell i didn’t take any sick days , minus my trip to italy . i worked hard for them when we were short staffed . i busted my ass during the holidays . i go out of my way to make sure everyone i work with is fucking communicating and seeing where they are at - because i don’t fucking just think about myself . when i get really worked up , i walk away and go outside instead of keeping myself at the register .

what pisses me off more is that despite everything , despite the burn out and clocking in early and doing the work and working hard . i didn’t “ earn ” my fucking raise . now i have to wait five fucking months to see if i have earned it . so in the end , my suffering and hard work doesn’t mean a god damn thing to them and this is fucking capitalism as its fucking finest .

#* out of chara .#feel free to ignoreeee #i don't even think i got out everything but i just needed to put #something out there #cause my head hurts from just frowning and thinking too hard #jkdhflksjhdf #fuck my managers.#customer service can kiss my ass

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1p2p-heta-imagines · 2 years

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May I request girlfriend headcanons for 2p Nyo Italy and 2p Nyo Romano?

(I originally started writing these as the 1ps and that’s why it took so long to finish, I’m SO sorry, it was a complete accident on my part 😅🖤)

2p Nyo N. Italy:

• It’s very likely that her S/O confessed first because she’s quite socially inept and has no idea how to talk to them, never mind confess to them

• Has no idea how to ask for physical affection, it makes her feel really awkward so she usually sends them a text or expresses it wordlessly like opening her arms out for a hug

• Finds dates to be really formal and doesn’t like them much, she’ll attempt to go on any if her S/O asks her but it is VERY rare that she’ll set one up unless it’s something like an anniversary

• Speaking of anniversaries, she’ll remember literally every single one of them but won’t get mad if they forget because she understands it happens sometimes

• Doesn’t take their clothes without asking, it’s usually only when she gets cold because she feels the cold a lot easier than other people

• Tries her best to explain her mental health to them so they understand the reasons why she might do some things, says they can always just call her sister if they’re confused

• Tries her best to communicate, she’s not that great at it but she does try her best and it works out decently most the time, though it’s mostly because she overexplains herself

• Doesn’t really want to tell her siblings, she doesn’t know how to tell her younger sister and she knows her older sister will bombard them with questions about things like first meetings and marriage which embarrasses her

2p Nyo S. Italy:

• She definitely confessed first, she hates when she gets distracted from things and they took up a lot of her mind

• Makes sure that they’re taking care of themselves, she makes her younger sisters lunch every day so she’s perfectly fine making another plate for them and laying with them until they fall asleep, among other things like that

• Absolutely loves cuddling, it is her favourite kind of physical affection and it’s also a great way to get her to sleep/relax

• Really loves any kind of physical affection, to be honest, she won’t complain if they ever surprise her with a hug or a kiss or anything else

• Can’t accept gifts without feeling horribly guilty and needing to repay them for it, she’s really grateful but she’s worried it’ll get held against her so she always gives them something back

• She likes spending dates at home, she’s running around all the time and the ability to lay around and watch a movie with her S/O is more than enough for her

• Wants them to meet her sisters almost immediately, they all mean a lot to her so it’s very important they get along

• Will use a ton of different nicknames for them, she has nicknames for pretty much everyone in her life so it’s not unusual but they’ll probably have like 10 different things she’ll call them

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lonelyvomit · 2 years

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I wonder how much they actually get to say what comes to the shows being all ages or 18+. With the cruise especially. I don’t think the promoter or whoever is willing to take a risk that the cruise won’t sell enough with just adults. I would like to know if they like to play for kids or adults more. They seem so happy every time they are playing abroad where the audience is mostly 18+ (but that could just be the fact that they are playing abroad). But anyway I am sure they enjoy the normal kind of attention - it would be weird if they wouldn’t as as a musician who aspires to “conquer the world” you will need to thrive from the attention. Anyway, I bet the cruise is a good way to make money and they sure need it if they want to get bigger in literally everywhere else than Finland as let’s face it they aren’t that big outside Finland and even here there’s bigger bands still. Like sure everyone knows them but there’s also more popular bands/artists. I am still sure they don’t actually get to pay that big of a salary from the money band makes. They may be smug and have big egos (but I bet that has been a thing since birth and part of me finds it amusing) but I don’t see them as greedy - you need to make hay when the sun shines (please is this really the same as “pitää takoa kun rauta on kuumaa” :D) as who knows how long the kids will be interested in the band and bring money to fund their dreams. The cruise can be horrible but I am also sure they have learned to bring more security in. This fandom just always assumes the worst and likes to complain (and still goes everywhere. Haha). But I am saying this as a person who won’t go on a regular cruise let alone a cruise full of BC fans. But yeah... Keep on getting the money out of the kids but meanwhile please play more 18+ shows. I don’t like the taste of alcohol but I can start drinking so the venues get more money from the shows (I’m joking, kind of).

(sorry for this getting so long and incoherent. I just needed to let my thoughts out but I am too shy to have my own blog. I hope you are having a great day ♥️ Here’s love in a form of a plant 🪴)

you're all good, I gotchu 🖤

yeah I absolutely understand the cruise being all ages, tbh with the timing it strikes me as being marketed to parents to buy the tickets as xmas presents and surprise their kids, and idk if they'd sell a full 18+ cruise either, so yeah the cruise being all ages makes perfect sense. just really wish there was 18+ shows too.

I'm definitely assuming the worst lmao but like said, they do what they wanna do, and we can all decide if we want to attend ourselves - I sure as hell would not step my foot on an all ages BC fan cruise even if I was getting paid for it. just means this thing isn't meant for me and I hope whoever goes will have fun, and I hope everything goes better than my pessimist ass is able to imagine lmao.

thank u for the plant ily 🌱

#asks

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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years

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Hi, disassociation anon here! Ah, it seems when I actually gain some footing in my life, the world around me crumbles😅 Aka, guess who's stuck on the wrong side of the russian-ukrainian war and now has to deal with my abusive brother being violently pro-patriotic and an increased amount of conflicts and abuse going on in the house because of the ideological differences and the economy slowly crumbling around us. My plans to go to a desired uni fell through because of the sanctions, everything is slowly going to shit and half of the essentials are missing from shops, but somehow I'm able to keep my cool despite still planning to go into medicine, which would mean that if things go to shit completely I'll be among the first ones they'll send to die (doctors are technically part of the military here and are immediately summoned in case of a conflict)

Despite all of... Well, that, I only disassociatied like once, and that was for a short two hours! For some reason, this is the time my positive outlook on life, which was lost about 10 years ago, decided to return. Probably as a coping mechanism lmao but not complaining

And how are you doing?)

Hi! Disassociation anon here with an unfortunate update, this one will get heavy✌🏻

Things only keep getting worse and worse - not only in the country, but also in my house. My family, who had already been capital A assholes before complete with racism, homophobia, transphobia as well as shitty abusive personalities have been brainwashed by the propaganda (it's insane, I've literally heard my mother say that genocide is okay, what the fuck). Soooo due to that their violent tendencies have exploded.

In the past two weeks my brother has: come home shaking with rage and screamed that he would kill our mother and then himself by the end of the day (I texted some friends and prepared to run if shit hit the fan), stated that he "should've killed me the first time he pointed a gun at me", has started to regularly attempt to harm me and threaten to hurt me or break my bones, and now he's brought another gun in the house claiming that it "needed maintenance". Ha. As if I can't see through his bullshit. So anyway now I regularly have to worry if my own family member will murder me. Yay!

My mother has gotten even more verbally and physically abusive - hitting him, holding screaming matches and rountinely calling both of us a failure and the reason of her misery.

Worst thing is - I'm stuck. My plan was to lay low until graduation and start working in the summer (since I can't exactly do that with 12 hour school days which drain every bit of energy out of me) to hopefully save up enough to move out in some time, but with the economy crashing looks like that might not happen. So... Any tips for searching jobs or maybe working online? A single dollar can get you quite far with the current state of my country's economy so anything will do but I don't even know where to start. I'm sure I'll be fine (unless my brother goes into a murderous rage and kills me) but if you have any words of support as well that would be greatly appreciated¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hope you have a nice day, sorry for the depressing ask✌🏻

Hi again, nonnie, and really sorry I took so long to reply.

What you’re going through right now sounds so horrible I honestly don’t have the words, and I have no idea what I could say that could help. I just really hope you’re safe and okay right now. Please remember it’s okay to do anything you need to do to keep yourself safe from your brother and from your family at large.

Unfortunately, when it comes to job searching I don’t have any advice to give :( maybe some of my followers might have some ideas?

Sending the biggest hug and all my love and support your way. I’m really sorry this is happening. I hope things start to look up for you soon and you can take some steps to get yourself out of that house :(

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seathesilverlinings · 2 years

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So last night I got called “fucking inconsiderate”

Since this is going to be a long info dump and me just generally feeling sorry for myself I’m going to put the rest of the post under a cut.

I’m not asking for sympathy, not asking for anything really I just need to get this out somewhere to get it out of my head.

I know people are going through their own stuff and they don’t need to read mine on top of that.

Last night I got called “fucking inconsiderate” by my mums best friend of the past 8 years and someone who I have REPEATEDLY bent over backwards for and done every single thing she has ever asked of me without a question, just happy to help, even helped her with stuff without being asked. When I tried to apologise she told me I had “already fucked her off” and to “get out of her face” before she “gave me an even harsher tongue lashing”

And when I got home I had a full fucking meltdown.

Unfortunately it’s not an option to cut her out of my life due to certain circumstances that would take my mental health down a couple of notches if I did so.

And you would think she’s just in a bad mood and she’s been horrible to me many times before so why can’t I just get over this one? Well the matter of the fact is that this isn’t the only *one* thing right now.

My mental health is at an all time low. The last time I felt anywhere close to this was after I lost my grandad three years ago, something which I have still not fully recovered from.

Over the past year I have been treated like shit by “the powers that be” at my place of work, you’ve seen me complain about this before. But I still have helped and helped and helped. I got moved over to a new department where I was not comfortable but I needed a job, once I got comfortable there my boss from my old department suffered mental health issues of her own due to stress and went on long term leave. They asked me to cover, so I did, but on top of everything else I was already doing with my new position. I told them I was exhausted after a couple of weeks (I literally felt bone tired and almost fell asleep on the floor at home one night because I sat down) and I was told by my new manager, someone who picks and chooses when she works and what parts of her job she actually does that “we all get like that sometimes” this same woman was horrible to me the day before I had a job interview for somewhere else, to the point that I broke down in the HR office, but it doesn’t matter because two of the HR ladies are her best friends.

Most of you know I had a car accident last June which left me with severe whiplash that I still haven’t recovered from, what I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here is that I had another two back in March. After the second one I was beside myself, I was in pieces (not literally of course) but I was with my grandma and said I was going to go home and call my dad because “he will make me feel better” (my mum was away in the Maldives so she wasn’t an option) I called him and told him what happened. His response? “Why do you only ring me when something bad happens?” I call him when something bad happens because I need him, I don’t call him in general because he’s always busy and I don’t want to bother him, he knows that because I have told him before. I went to his house to drop something off recently and because I don’t go because I don’t feel welcome /am never invited when my step mum got home she was like “oh sea’s here! To what do we owe the honour of this visit?!” Which made me feel even more unwelcome. Whenever I spend time with my dad recently it feels like it’s just a chore to him, something he has to do in the week.

My grandma who I love to absolute death she is my favourite person on the planet has started pointing out the time when I go to visit her. Now this might seem like a little thing but I go twice a week and every time it’s “oh it’s *this time* already” and my experience is that people do that when they want someone to leave. And it’s starting to feel like she doesn’t want me there.

When my dad takes me to see my nana on a Sunday when I’m spending time with him, she ignores me or talks over me, all the time. If I ever try to tell her about something nice I’ve done she starts talking over me about my cousins achievements and what they’ve done (which I hate to say has made me resent them somewhat, but that’s my issue because except exclude me from things which I don’t mind since we’re not that close, they’ve done nothing wrong in this) this has been going on for as long as I can remember. If I didn’t behave perfectly as a child I would be told off very harshly but if my cousins did the exact same thing, nothing. I made a comment about how my cousin must be tired because she was working lots of hours and she snapped at me saying “well she’s studying too!” But when it was me studying she told me that my dad would be disappointed in me because I got a bad grade, while I was on the phone with her extremely upset. She recently made a comment to my dad when the football was on and my stepbrother and his wife were staying with them that it was “nice he finally had someone to do those kinds of things with” I was sat right there.

Whenever I try to talk to my mum about anything she says “I don’t have time to deal with this right now!” And expects me to be fine but then throws a fit (and I mean a full on tantrum) when I don’t want to talk to her about anything. Whenever she comes home from spending the weekend at my stepdads house, despite the house being much cleaner than I come home to on a Friday evening it’s always “this house is a shit hole! Why do I always have to come back to this house being a mess?! You don’t do anything to help me here! You just sit on your arse and do nothing all the time!” I work 8 hour days and three days a week when I leave the house I’m not home properly for 12 hours.

My best friend lives 74 miles away at best, depending on where she is at the time, my friends nearby is always busy with work. I love my boyfriend but the drive to get to his is exhausting for me on top of already being exhausted and he can’t drive so him coming to me isn’t an option.

I am sick to death of feeling like no one in my life likes me.

And I’m aware that some of these things just sound like I’m moaning and being petty. But I don’t have the mental capacity for this anymore. Last night I reached my breaking point but I’ve still had to pull myself together and come to work today and I’ve still got shit to do. But everything I want to do? I have no energy or patience for anymore.

I’m back in a place where I no longer feel like myself I just feel like a zombie and considering last time it took me two years to drag myself out of it I’m scared about how long it’ll take me this time.

#personal rubbish #mental health #it’s down the pan really #tw mental health #not doing great if I’m honest #long post #really long actually

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try-and-try-and-try-again · 2 months

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It sounds like you're going through a lot right now. I don't mean for this to sound rude but literally, what did you expect a psych ward to be like? Did you not do any reading or research into them before begging to be sent to one? It seems odd because you were so desperate to go and now that you're there you're complaining about it all. Acute psych wards are known to be really difficult places to be. They are not like ED treatment centres that, in comparison, are compassionate & try to tailor treatment to the needs of patients. I'm wondering what the purpose of your admission to the ward is. Respite? Treatment? It sounds a bit like you're not sure either. Perhaps this is something to figure out, then communicate to staff and advocate for yourself. If not you're going to get progressively worse as psych wards on their own are mostly about keeping people alive and keeping people from harming themselves and others. They are rarely about treatment (unless you advocate for this).

I don’t really know what I was expecting to be honest. I tried to do research about psych wards in this country but what I found was very limited. I knew it would be tough as it would be full of distressed people and the NHS is on its knees but I at least hoped there would be more of a treatment plan by now.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know. I read this message last night, then I broke down and went to tell the staff I wanted to discharge myself. Two patients asked what I was doing and then spent an hour trying to calm me down and talk me down from doing it so I haven’t. I also told my parents I wanted to self discharge and they said they wouldn’t take me back in this state so I don’t even know what I’d do if I did. Now I don’t know what to do.

I guess the purpose of this admission was respite for my family who were struggling to look after me and both the ED service and crisis team said I needed the admission so I went along for it. They said I’d be able to get my meds reviewed and changed and be monitored while I changed over but no such thing has been happening (it’s been weirdly hard trying to get a meds review in the community). I guess I also wanted an escape from reality. I’m exhausted and burnt out and hopeless. I’ve spent every day thinking about how to end my life. Sometimes I’ve acted, other times I’ve been overwhelmed by my huge fear of pain and ended up feeling angry, trapped by myself and like a horrible coward.

I’m sorry if I’ve been coming across as whiny and ungrateful for care in my posts. I’ve just been in need of a space to vent.

I just want to say I don’t know what EDUs you have been in but I have never in my experience found them to be compassionate. Nor have they ever tried to tailor things to my needs. Every time I was in one and expressed that I was not ok with the one-size-fits-all treatment regime they subjected me to the response was that I was being pathetic and I was sectioned so I would had no choice but to go along with it. (Having said that, some people did seem to get personalised treatment plans - their own meal plans and target BMIs, actual individual therapy, I don’t know how. I was sickeningly jealous of them). Those places were just as hellish as this one - alarms and all, or if not more so because of the constant threat of force feeding, lack of autonomy over my body, constant comparison with other patients etc. Just at least those places had weekly ward rounds so you knew what was happening, assigned you a key worker so you knew who to go to (even if they weren’t always in or were busy), and the timing of meds, obs and weighing were consistent.

#asks #this was a hard one #thank you though #mental health #inpatient #psych ward

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ritualofthehabit · 3 months

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cw for discussion of disordered eating and weight loss pls don’t read the rest if you struggle with eating disorders or feeling inferior at a larger size I’m serious

I swear 2 god the next time I complain about losing weight and some bitch is like “I should be so lucky” im straight up gonna fat shame them or some shit I swear. It’s always someone who is an average fucking size so I don’t feel bad sorry. Imma be like yeah it must suck to be so FAT askjfksjsjsj (I probably won’t but) I’m literally complaining about my POOR HEALTH which is often bc of poverty making me food insecure, don’t insert ur fat phobic bullshit like. So few ppl actually “need” to lose weight imho although many people need to stop with the Netflix laziness and exercise lol. Like you should exercise for ur health and happiness ur body literally starts craving exercise if you do a little everyday and it’s super satisfying. Most ppl who “can’t lose weight no matter what” didn’t exercise or change their habits they actually just tried like 15 different restrictive diets and gosh I wonder why it’s not working… btw being “slightly overweight” Judging by BMI (which is already a bullshit barometer of health) has been repeatedly proven to be …. Healthier than being skinny…. Almost like BMI standards are fake af…..And I’ve repeatedly registered as “underweight” bmi wise. Don’t try and like make me feel good/bad whatever about being a skinny bitch especially when I’m like “yeah losing 5 pounds makes me feel like I’m gonna die and I struggle to gain weight.” Like I’m being honest I’m not bragging. I understand that even at my “biggest” I still read pretty thin and that comes with a lot of privilege but like if I’m talking about how I feel horrible and sick every time I lose weight and how I struggle getting to a weight that feels like I’m not eating myself and fainting… wowwww maybe it’s not the time to insert ur own self hating fat phobia like Jesus!! It is not admirable to be thin!! And don’t try and frame this as something besides that it’s not. Ur not fighting body standards by aspiring to my (unhealthy) thinness. There are a ton of bigger, even Fat athletes and I’m a firm believer of health at any size (and body positivity in general being unhealthy doesn’t mean ppl should lack respect towards you duh)…. If you listen to your body and prioritize feeling good your body will adjust and that does not always mean losing weight, for me if I’m healthy and doing things correctly based on how I feel, I often gain weight. However bc I’m poor I sometimes can’t keep up with the amount I need to eat in order to exercise the way I like to, especially seeing as I have a wildfire adjacent metabolism. It’s NOT fun to budget meals in a day or try and stretch leftovers instead of eating everything you want bc ur too poor to buy fucking chicken.

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lenny-zaim-sucks · 1 year

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The morning after 26/12/2022

It’s like nothing happened. He’s apparently conveniently forgotten his previous day’s behaviour. I said to him the truth comes out when you’re drunk but he denies this. So I say it was all fake flattery then? He says no he does want to take me out. Well I still have zero interest in that. He continues to act like everything’s normal and that we’re friends. We’re not, he was rude to me yesterday whether he remembers or not, I still want nothing to do with him and he calls me weird for that.

I’ve had enough of toxic people taking advantage of me, my kindness and trampling all over my boundaries. I literally walked out my aunts house a couple days ago for this exact reason and then I have to come home to another horrible person. I’ve cut her off for being nasty to me and I can do the same to Lenny. Just like her he’s delusional about how he behaves and thinks he’s nice. When will these people learn?

He says he only wants to be friends with people that share the same values and who’s views align with his, this does not include his ‘friend’ that was here on Christmas. It does however include me but the same way he feels about that guy is how I feel about him. He does not hold the same values that I respect therefore I don’t care to have him as a friend. He also hides me so why would I want to be his friend? He says he respects me and wants me as a friend but the only thing he doesn’t agree with is my attitude towards sexual relationships. Funny he wasn’t complaining when he was having sex though was he? He accuses me of sleeping around, something he himself used to do too and acts as though it’s ongoing. I would love to know when where and how I’m getting all this imaginary dick. The guy literally lives with me and sees me spending most of my time at home. I’m not out every weekend at the club but he will still paint me with the whore brush insinuating that I’d fuck his friend. Then he’ll wonder why I don’t like him as a person? If I dare try to go out looking nice it’s apparently for the male gaze and surely not to just make myself look presentable.

He’s deeply and disgustingly insecure as he said posting selfies on instagram or even on your whatsapp profile is attention seeking and somehow it’s a woman’s fault if men approach her. He really sat there saying when I changed my picture didn’t men message me? As if I have control over that! And that if his girlfriend already has men commenting under her picture why should he say anything nice. Oh I dunno, maybe to pay your gf a fucking compliment cos you’re the person who’s supposed to actually matter??

He really was right in admitting he’s such a fucking loser, I absolutely feel so sorry for the next woman who doesn’t know what kind of insecure toxic wasteman she’s getting involved with. I wish he’d just leave women alone. He knows he’s a loser so why is he bothering them?

He still loves to make up stories saying how I messaged his aunty about being his wife and having secret children with her. The reality was that I messaged her to tell him to leave me alone and pay me back all the money he owes, as if i give af if he’s having incestuous relations. He also likes to believe I made no effort to look nice for him yet he made no effort to plan dates, stupid asshole. He will die miserable and alone, I pray no woman puts up with a worthless piece of shit like him.

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thenighttrain · 1 year

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ohhh my god while we’re on the topic of horrible teachers the worst teacher I ever had was this PE teacher when I was 9 and she was like a brand new teacher, just graduated from her training or smth. We had some annual sports competition across the classes and one of them was a relay run thing. She told us we HAD to run to the cone on the left and come back on the right so we don’t run into each other but nine year old me DIDNT KNOW left and right and I went right instead. She literally dragged me by the collar (for a short distance) and omfg I’m still traumatised. I don’t rmb much after that but apparently my mum saw me crying randomly one day and when she asked me abt it I told her. She went down to the school and complained and scolded her and I just feel so extremely grateful that I’m lucky enough to have parents who love me so much. Ever since I’ve always done so poorly in PE, also because the PE teachers I’ve had were all generally unsympathetic. Like I’ve never passed this 2.4 km run we have to do every 2 years and only this year did I find out that I have weak airways/got an inhaler like omg I didn’t know ppl could breathe so much while running but I always felt judged by all those PE teachers. Sorry this got so long!

that’s awful omg I’m sorry u had to go through that! PE teachers SUCK they’re literally the worst bullies ever i swear!! my mum did the same as yours and went to the principal lol but it didn’t help. PE was genuinely traumatic i hated it 🥰🥰

#ask #dominoes-cascading-in-the-line

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rbcclndr · 3 years

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i have never been so genuinely miserable taking a class holy fuck i can’t wait to be done with this shit in a little over a week

#i’m sorry for complaining but literally every day is horrible #the content is just not what i’m interested in so there is absolutely no motivation to learn it #these goddamn weekly quizzes are TANKING my average because they’re worth a horrendously disproportionate amount of the grade #and the professors are incredibly harsh and extremely unforgiving #not to mention that they just expect us to know what’s going on and always understand everything #i wish they assigned homework throughout the whole semester rather than these fucking quizzes #i would HAPPILY have done loads of homework every week to be able to learn and practice the content #rather than just study on my own and hope i understand things only for me to realize i don’t actually know exactly what they want me to and #then my grade suffers for it #i’m just so worked up and tired of this fucking class #i’m gonna study my ass off for this final - and hopefully do pretty well on it #and of course it would improve my grade #BUT THE FUCKING QUIZZES ARE STILL GONNA DRAG MY GRADE DOWN BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON THEY THIUGHT THAT PORTION SHOUKD BE WORTH HALF OF OUR #GRADES WHEN EACH WUIZ IS ONLY 4 QUESTIONS AND YOU MAKE ONE STUPID MISTAKE EACH TIME AND BOOM YOUR QUIZ AVERAGE IS A C #i hate it here i really do #i’m so sorry for the rant i just hate this class so so much #i’ll probably delete this later i just needed to yell #my friend is gonna take this course next semester but with different professors and i pray that it goes better for her because i honestly #have lost all interest/appreciation for these topics because it’s been such hell learning them #thank you for reading this far if you have

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gaysimpsstuff · 3 years

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Could I get a Hawks in his rut headcanon?

No problem, Anon! I’m sorry this took so long, I wanted it to be perfect since I really like thinking about Hawks’ avian traits, and I know people really like it too. I hope it’s good!

Hawks Rut Headcannons

Genre: fluff, smut

Type: headcannons (so... many... headcannons)

Warnings: animal traits, Keigo being possessive af, the commission being assholes, sickness, food, breeding kink, lots of horny times

Other: most of this is based off of real research, but some of it also comes from personal preference. @keilemlucent and their fic Best Nest very much inspired many other headcannons, check them outI They’re one of my favorite creators, and the linked fanfic is one of my favorites! Hope it’s okay I tagged you here lmao

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy (Lemme know if you wanna be added to or removed from the Taglist)

Remember to check if requests are open before sending in a request. This was made while requests were still open.

Pre-Rut Behaviors

Grooming and Preening

Before his rut, Keigo starts to feel dirty. He just seems to accumulate more dust and dirt during hero work than usual. He’ll come back home grumbling about blood in his hair and little bits of concrete in/on his skin.

He will insist you clean him off. So you get to brush his hair, put creams on his face, and wash him off in the shower.

Finally, there’s the preening. If he lets you preen his wings, then you know he’s in it for life. He loves and trusts you with everything he has.

Expect him to press his nose against yours a lot.

Possessiveness and Protection

You’ll notice he gets more clingy, more possessive of you. He gets really controlling in the days leading up to his rut, so you’ll be annoyed a l o t.

Just text all your friends and family that you’ve been swamped at work, it’d be a little weird to say “hey guys, sorry I can’t hang out, my boyfriend’s horomones are crazy right now and he gets really insecure if I so much as exist near anyone but him.”

You would come home from work and he’s already on you, sniffing your body to see who you’ve been around, and to see if any of them were attracted to you at all.

If he had any kind of sneaking suspicion that anyone posed a threat, he’s literally laying on you and rolling on top of you to try and get his scent on you. Even if no one will smell it except him, he’s gonna do it.

He’s so protective of you, and if something tiny hurts you or makes you upset...

He.

Is.

Angry.

Someone was rude to you? He’s screaming at them.

Someone tries to hurt or touch you? You’ve got to hold him back to stop him from ripping that person apart limb from limb.

All that x100 when he’s approaching his rut.

One person accidentally bumps into you? He takes it as passive aggressiveness even if they’re very apologetic about it.

You stub your toe on a table? He’s smashed the table and burnt it then thrown the ashes in the ocean.

If you’re sad about something he can’t beat up, he feels horrible. He’s not the best at comforting people, so he’s just grabbing onto you and not letting go, telling you how much he loves and cares for you, and just how amazing you make his life feel.

If you don’t give him enough attention, he gets really huffy, and it gets worse leading up to his rut.

You lifted your hands from his head to reach for your buzzing phone? He’s already whining and pouting and begging you to give him more head-pats again.

Nesting

He’ll leave hints asking for you to make a nest, usually saying things like “Our bed needs some changing, don’t you think?” “Don’t you wish our space was more personalized?”

If you don’t get the hint, he’ll be very sad, and he thinks you’re rejecting him. So you’d better be good at reading into things and realizing he’s approaching mating season and wants you to build a nest.

He comes home one day and sees you piled blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes in the living room, sprayed with his cologne and you’re cologne and/or perfume. He pulls you into his arms and spins around with you, giggling and laughing.

He’s so happy you made a nest for the two of you.

He starts putting pretty shiny things he likes around the nest. Your toothbrush went missing and you found it in the mountain that was your nest.

Once, you were in desperate need of a clean shirt, and the only clean shirt you could find was in the nest. So you picked it up to put it on, and two seconds later, Keigo was in front of you, hands in your shirt, staring at you with such a fierce intensity, you felt almost like a villain.

He was very mad at you for taking things from your shared nest.

He leaves feathers all around the penthouse, but they’re all piled mostly around the nest, they’re for your protection so don’t try and throw them away.

Noises

He also gets really noisy, so he’ll be ‘singing’ and squawking and cooing constantly. He feels really bad about it so he might get you some noise-blocking headphones for when he’s screeching into the sky in the dead of night about how “THIS IS MY FUCKING TERRITORY Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS STAY AWAYYYY!”

You really think bird’s springtime songs are about love? Nah he’s mostly screaming about how he’s gonna fuck his partner and how the neighborhood practically belongs to him.

Someone called the police once, tired of all the shouting, but the officers backed off when they saw who was doing all the shouting. Most of your neighbors are used to the screaming during early spring.

Rut End-game

On the third and second to last day before his rut, he gets a sudden burst of energy and an increased appetite. He refuses to eat anything unless you’ve made it though, so let’s best hope you can cook at least a little.

When he was younger, his hungry times before his rut were spent either eating anything and everything he can get his hands on. The commission broke that behavior very quickly though, so he’d starve himself before his rut, which would result in him getting very sick from a lack of energy and sustenance. That plus the extreme arousal was a recipe for pain and suffering.

So when you noticed he suddenly stopped eating, you insisted on making food for him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him go hungry ever. That was the first rut in years that didn’t feel like torture.

You’re cooking almost all the time, and he’s constantly eating everything you give him, running around from room to room while he waits for his next meal. He’s basically a hobbit.

In the last day or two before his rut, he suddenly has no energy, and starts getting hot and cold flashes. He’s sniffling, curled up in your shared nest, dirty tissues surrounding him. He comes in and out of consciosness, and when he’s awake, he’s whining and complaining about exhaustion and aches.

Physical Changes

Most of these happen in the last few days leading up to his rut, so it’ll be very sudden. These physical changes is what causes the extreme hunger and sickness.

His feathers darken several shades, and they become super sensitive. They also seem to grow in size, so when you cuddle, you’re smothered by them more than usual.

He also gains an extra couple inches in height, so expect some teasing now that he’s just that little bit taller. His hair also gets thicker and stronger, that’s so you can pull on it when he fucks you.

His nails get longer and darker, and they’re impossible to file or cut. So when he holds you and touches you, he often scratches you on accident. He’s really apologetic about it, but honestly you could totally paint his nails and pretend they’re acrylics if you’re into that.

His teeth get sharper, and he starts biting you just for fun. Bites your finger, hand, wrist, neck, even your nose. He underestimated just how strong his teeth are, and he made you bleed first time he bit you.

His whole body is very sensitive, so head-pats, back rubs, wings, and even his touching his feet can get him to the verge of cumming.

his tongue is longer, and it’s a whole lot stronger. He could probably carry a full plastic water bottle with his tongue (which isn’t a lot, but for a tongue it’s very much a lot).

His voice drops a whole octave and a half- mans is sounding almost like Corpse now. Maybe Markiplier? Anyways, if you’ve got a voice kink, you’re in luck

His dick changes too, it gets bigger, and he grows a lump at the base of it, between his shaft and balls. His balls get smaller until they’re barely noticable beneath what he calls him ‘knot.’

His eyes become sharper too, so don’t try and hide anything from him.

Rut (MAJOR NSFW)

Everyone already knows Keigo has a breeding kink, but he hasn’t brought it up with you until now. It just kind of- happens. As he’s drilling into you, he suddenly starts blabbering about fucking a kid into you, and how hot you’d look all round with his kids. Might be a little weird for those of you who physically cannot give birth to children (my lovely AMABS and infertile AFABS).

He can’t control it, so it’s especially weird if you don’t even want kids. If you can get pregnant, you’d better double check that you’re taking your birth control. And get to know some good clinics just in case.

However, if you do want kids, if you want to start a biological family woth Keigo, fuck. You will not be able to handle his happiness and horniness in that moment when you beg him to get you pregnant.

He is going to mark you up. Hickies, bruises, hand prints, bite marks, plus his scent. He needs everyone to know that you are his. He wants to claim you, make sure you know you belong to him. No one else can have you but him.

Halfway through your fuckfest, he starts making animalistic noises. He’s growling, roaring, whining, chirping, etc. This is around the time when he stops thinking about you, so he’ll really rough you up during this phase.

This man was a virgin before you, so this is also the first rut he’s ever going to have with another person, so he’ll hold himself back a lot. He needs you to reassure him at every step, tell him how good you feel, how you want him to fuck you, how not only are you okay with him going all out, you want him too.

Did he just cum? You think you’re finished? HA! No way in fucking hell is he finished after one, two, five, ten... so many rounds. He just keeps going and going and going and how the fuck is he still hard? He cums so fucking quickly, so much, and then keeps going.

When he finally does go soft, his whole personality changes. it’s like he didn’t just fuck you stupid. He immediately goes into ‘protect’ mode, which includes cuddles, him spoon-feeding you, petting you like a dog, and singing to you.

He puts the nest near a window so he can keep an eye out for possible threats. Just like “gotta keep mate safe. Is that the mailman? NO FUCK NO GET OUT OF HEREEEE!”

One moment, he’s fucking you, and the next he’s leaning halfway out the window, screaming at some poor dude walking his dog. Remember, he’s still naked. You learned your lesson after that and kept the windows locked, and warned the neighbors to stay out of sight of the window, at least for the time being.

You’re going to feel very dirty, because he does not want you cleaning off the sweat, cum, and tears from your body. He likes that you smell like him, and you washing it off makes him feel rejected.

He’s going to break a lot of things, so move pictures and vases into another room and lock the fuck out of that room. Or else he will break all of it.

He thinks any clothes you’re wearing are mocking him, so wear clothes you hate when his rut starts, then get used to being naked for a couple days.

Oh yeah, his whole rut lasts one to five days. He’s fucking you for about three days on average.

He fucks you until you faint, and then keeps going until he’s out of ‘fuck’ mode and into ‘protect’ mode. A few times, he fucked you unconscious in the middle of the afternoon and then kept fucking you until the sun rose.

Yeah, he’s got that much energy.

Don’t worry, during the whole time, he lets out pheromones with a strong vanilla-chocolaty scent that keeps your body and mind relaxed.

There’ve been times when he’s just fucking into you and your water bottle is just out of reach.

During his rut, he has no shame. Let’s hope your walls are soundproofed, or else your neighbors will all know how he fucks you.

He will not restrain you or hurt you in any way during his rut. So no degredation, no collars or chains, the only thing keeping you in the nest is his weight on top of you.

He gets upset if you try to touch yourself, things it’s you trying to tell him that he’s not satisfying you enough.

He wants you to cum as many times as him, which is difficult because of his increased sensitivity, so he’s using every skill he knows to get you cumming again and again and again.

Most of the time, he’s going hard, rough, and spilling absolute filth from his cock and mouth, but in the last few hours of his rut, he suddenly gets emotional.

He’s rocking up against you, holding you close to his body and blabbering about you

How much he loves you

How good you make him feel

How he wouldn’t want anyone else by his side for his rut

How you’re his mate for life

How he’ll protect you and keep you safe.

Please be gentle with him, he’s very vulnerable near the end of his rut, and he’ll cry very easily.

When he’s nearing his last load, he makes out with you sloppily, trying to talk as he shoves his tongue down your throat.

He finishes off by pushing his knot all the way inside you, and stays there for an hour.

This is the softest moment, and he’s covering your body in kisses.

His knot pushes these small eggs inside you, and you have the lovely job of pushing them all out the next day.

Post Rut

When his knot deflates, he finally pulls out and starts cleaning you off.

He’ll carry you around and finally gives you a bath, constantly making sure you’re okay.

He’ll give you lots of massages and he’ll cook for you. He’s constantly thanking you for helping him, telling you he didn’t deserve it.

Just kiss him on the cheek, tell him you had fun, and that you love him so very very much.

He needs the most reassurance now than ever before.

He’s also very tired, so you’ll be taking care of each other.

Then his ‘post-rut’ resets, and he sleeps for hours.

Then he gets super hungry, and the two of you make huge meals and just kinda binge eat for a day or two.

Then his physical changes go back to normal, and you have a happy lil bird boy who simps for you so hard

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