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#i’m still very lucky and blessed that my family are okay and they’ve all had the vaccine
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Corruption au Eren cockwarms mikasa once they’re together, he says ‘it helps him remember things’ and then every so often he gives her an orgasm just to keep her pliant against him while she plays with her boobs, he doesn’t do it in a cruel kind of way, it just he wants to pleasure her while doing his work
however when they’re not together, he’s such a sadist about it, he refuses to let her come even after he’s done his hw and is just fucking her, he always leaves when he’s done. Until one day when he starts feeling bad, he lets her come and it absolutely ruins him, he becomes obsessed with pleasuring her and seeing her face flushed pink, and hearing the needy sounds she makes and the quiet sighs, and the way her hands frantically move around until he Holds them together
STOP U GUYS KNOW ABOUT MY COCKWARMING OBSESSION STOP IT 😂😂 omg bless corruption Eren tho, this is my favourite kink for him, its so hot and it fits their situation perfectly.
It starts slow for Eren, to be honest he has no fucking idea when it really started. One day he'd been failing calculus, accepting he wasn't going to pass the year and thinking about maybe dealing drugs as a career path over his previous dreams of doctor. The next he was being forced to study three days out of the week with high school princess, Mikasa Ackerman.
At first he'd hated it, hated her really. He'd never been able to stand her, not since they were little and she'd chosen the dark side of Historia Reiss, bully and mean girl if there ever was one. Historia had sweet innocent baby Mikasa under her thumb. Mikasa followed her around like a dumb fucking puppy and Eren hated followers, they were all the same, no personalities, no aspirations of their own. She had no backbone either. She let all the shit Historia did slide, all the bullying, the holier than thou attitude because her family was richer than god. So very typical of the rich kids from the upper class neighbourhood. Eren would know, he used to be that rich kid, used to live that life. That was until his parents died in a brutal car accident, Zeke had inherited half the estate on the condition he'd take care of Eren and the rest was tied up in Eren's trust fund until he was twenty one.
Big surprise, no one had taken care of Eren and he was fucking lucky Armin and his grandpa had been there to help him out.
Everyone else, all his other 'friends' had given him the cold shoulder upon finding out he was no longer rich for the moment, he'd been dropped like a hot potato. So Eren's hatred of the upper class of Shiganshina had begun.
And Mikasa Ackerman was the pinnacle of it all, the worst the rich had to offer. She was beautiful, smart, loaded, had every opportunity in life, completely innocent and sweet, and the cherry on top of it all she volunteered on the weekend at the pound.
She disgusted him, so prim and proper and all around good girl while she was letting her 'friends' bully him for being poor, watching the injustice happen like a fish in a bowl.
He couldn't fucking stand her.
Of course, she would be the person who ended up tutoring him though, Principal Erwin mandating it if he wanted to graduate. So here he was sitting in the computer lab at five on a Wednesday watching her plump lips move as she explained integrals to him for the third time in an hour.
It's been a few months since they've started this little arrangement and he's gotten used to her presence. He wouldn't say he likes her, thats a stretch but he's not quite as cruel as he once was. He'd be lying if he said he didn't get a kick of watching that beautiful mouth part every time he does something mean though, those little gasps when he pinches her thigh or touches her where he shouldn't.
It's probably the highlight of these sessions.
Today he's feeling bold, maybe he'll push his luck. After all, he's done it before and she's never protested. For some reason or another Mikasa Ackerman has a soft spot for him, and no matter how mean, she lets him get away with murder. "Miki, come here I can't hear you properly." "And then you take the-what?" She looks up, pretty dove-grey eyes wide, sparkling as she explains her favourite subject, fucking math.
"You heard me, get over here." As usual, she takes orders so fucking well, it brings out the absolute worst in him. She's standing up and next to him in seconds and he's eye level with her perfect chest, those tits he dreams about every night, ripping her bra off with his teeth and sucking at those pretty pink nipples of hers. He's only seen them a few times, when he convinces her it's okay, when he's sure there's absolutely no one around, but they keep him awake at night. He pats his lap, grinning as she goes easily, settling into her favourite spot, he knows she loves it just as much as he does. Her thighs always shake and she shudders as his hands find their place cupping those beautiful creamy thighs, head tucked into her shoulder.
Mikasa starts talking again, beautiful lilt soothing him as she launches into a renewed explanation of integrals while his hands move up, up, up and to his absolute favourite spot, her panties. Today she's wearing cotton, he can feel it, must be laundry day and he kisses her shoulder as he feels how wet she is. Fucking perfect.
Lately she's been more partial to fancier underwear and he can't help but wonder if it's for him. He has a feeling it is, because the first month of their little arrangement he'd snuck as many peaks as they could and it was always pink or white cotton with polka dots and pretty bows. They were his favourite, so fucking innocent, so untouched by anyone but him.
He watches as she moves her pencil drawing lines and numbers, a little bit of the alphabet too and he ignores it all in favour of watching her chest, her breath hitch as he slides a finger inside her panties, feeling those velvet lips, it's been a while.
He's been on his best behaviour lately since Levi almost caught them at her house that one time, but he's horny and she's wet and he misses being inside her, misses watching her try to talk through him fucking her, how her voice would waver, change pitch. How many times she'd stumble through her sentences, have to start all over again, because she can't handle how big he is, doesn't know how to deal with the all-consuming sensation of him fucking deep within her walls, just sitting there filling her right up to her cervix.
Fuck.
He can't really be blamed for what he does next, and besides it doesn't matter, Eren's not a stupid kid, he allowed himself to get this far behind in calculus. He'd spent an hour last night going over integrals with the sole purpose of knowing what was going on today so he could fuck with his favourite toy.
He moves her a bit so she's resting more heavily on one thigh and slides his joggers and boxers down just enough expose his heavy cock to the air, already rock hard and waiting. Mikasa gasps a little bit, a breathy sound quick and sharp as she sees him, her eyes transfixed on his dick and he grins, sliding her panties to the side and slamming her down on him before she even knows what hit her. The slide is so fucking easy too, it takes almost nothing and he gets a sick sense of satisfaction that even with little to no prep she can take him, probably better than anyone else he's ever fucked. She takes it all no complaints, as deep as she can and he bottoms out.
She lets out a long moan, that pretty sound he wants to record and listen to on his phone over and over again, her head lolling back uselessly against his shoulder as she takes in the sensation.
"Miki baby you know this helps me remember better right, sorry it just wasn't getting through my head I was too distracted, but now I'm all ears, why don't you continue. What's that rule you were talking about, how are derivatives and integrals related again baby, they're opposites?"
She's breathing quick and Eren doesn't blame her, he's struggling to keep his tone level as her walls squeeze him, warm and soft and he wants to stay buried there forever, she's so fucking tight.
"I-Eren-I-yeah, opposites," she finally manages to get the last word out ending a little broken as she struggles to sit up and make herself comfortable on his cock, she should be used to it by now with how often he does this, but it never fails she always reacts like she's taking him for the first time all over again. He fucking loves it.
"Why don't you explain again baby, I don't think I really understand? And make sure you're clear Mikasa." She nods, still squirming around, every movement shooting electricity up through both of them as she accidentally grinds down, she lets out an involuntary moan and Eren smirks.
Eren takes it upon himself to move her up and off his cock a few inches before impaling her back down, biting down on her neck a little bit as punishment and she whines, teeth coming out to bite down on her lip brutally as she tries to keep quiet.
"Stop moving baby, you're distracting me, just take my cock like a good girl and explain for me yeah?" She replies brokenly her voice soft and struggling with her breaths, "Yeah."
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nightowlwriting · 3 years
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summary: you've always known there's a soulmate on the other end of your injuries. when you're working the victory pit during the harvest close festival, though, it's the furthest thing from your mind. ironically, it's the closest mollymauk has ever been to you.
word count: 4.0k
warnings: canon level violence, mentions of molly activating his swords, canon level allusions to war and corruption
title credit: the steve miller band
note: takes place during episodes 17/18, requested from the soulmate abc list: damage done to a person also translates into their soulmate’s body (cuts, bruises and all).
masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3
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Throughout your childhood, you’ve been called blessed. It started with bruises and scuffs. Little things that are perfectly normal for a child to receive and not remember. The problem with your bruises and scuffs was that they were not your own. When you grew into your celestially gifted powers, it started to make more sense.
Your family had stories of soulmates bestowed upon their clerics, but it wasn’t something that had happened in many generations. Nobody was really concerned until the wounds you received from your soulmate began getting worse - deeper, taking longer to heal, more life-threatening. It worried you, and your family, but it pressed you to become a better cleric. To find your source of power and lean into it. You heal yourself each night before bed, hoping that you’re giving some sort of comfort to the person you’re connected to. Even if you have no energy spells, you pull a pearl you were gifted when you left your hometown and press your lips to it and let it fill you with the love and warmth of life and still heal yourself. It’s your nightly ritual and, since you’ve started doing it, you haven’t missed it once.
Except once, but really that doesn’t matter because of how you miss it. It’s the Harvest’s End festival and the Victory Pit, and you’ve been conscripted to work it. You hate working for the Crown, but it pays well and allows you to help people. Your clerical skills and magic get used every day and you help the people that really need help. Still, the inevitable war looming over the Empire worries you. You’re skilled for your age, more so than the other clerics who perhaps have years over you, and War Clerics don’t have the longest life expectancy. After the last time that your soulmate died, and the grief and pain it inflicted upon you, you don’t want to do that to them. You try not to think about the several times you’ve felt their death and resurrections, though, because it worries you.
Most of all, it tells you very important information about them. They’re some sort of adventurer, best case scenario. The worst case, though, is that they’re a criminal. Regardless, you’ve become fond of them. The cuts don’t really hurt as much anymore, but they still pucker and scar when you heal them at night. There have been a few times when you’ve gotten hurt and you know that they’ve received those wounds, so perhaps they know about you as well. You hope they do because it would be awfully lonely to be the only one out of a pair to be aware that there is, in fact, a pair.
Still, your soulmate is the furthest thing from your mind as you funnel people into the Victory Pit. Clerics double as security, mostly because the Guard want to watch the fights more than they want to keep people safe, and you grit your teeth trying to keep your prepared spells at the back of your mind. You have several healing spells in your mind, but a few offensive ones as well. In Victory Pits of the past, you’ve had to use them. Now, you’re just sore and aggravated with the hickey that appeared on your chest last night - that you did not receive yourself. It doesn’t bother you that whoever you’re linked to is getting lucky, but it would be nice if you didn’t have to look at the proof for the next week or so.
Someone stamps on your toe and you bite back your curse, skittering backward and colliding with someone who is cursing. “I’m sorry,” You apologize on instinct, turning and grabbing the person by the arms. You’re momentarily struck by how beautiful they are, but you’re at work. “Are you okay? I’m a cleric working in the Pit today.” They glance down at you, baubles and trinkets swinging from their gaudy horns, and you realize with a start that they're purple. It’s not that tieflings are rare in Zadash, but purple ones are. The group they’re with also has a blue tiefling, a small green halfling, and a half-orc. Truly a strange band of people.
“No, no,” The person you’d run into says, voice smoother than you’d anticipated, “I’m alright. Are you okay, darling?” They smile down at you, completely red eyes smiling with merriment as they settle their hands on your biceps in a mirror of how you’re holding them.
“Please, I ran into you,” You shake your head, “Besides, I’m working. It’s my job to make sure that you’re okay.” You give them your name, telling them to seek you out if they shall become injured.
“Oh,” They sweep you grandly underneath their arm, squishing you into the side and stepping toward their group for a few steps, “I will get painfully injured today, but I will seek you out specifically, darling. My name is Mollymauk Tealeaf, and I am fighting with the Mighty Nein. You may call me Molly, all my friends do. I am a man of many friends, and you are one of them now. Keep your eyes on me today.” He winks and then sweeps himself away with a flourish, leaving you standing and a little flustered.
After that, the Victory Pit starts faster than you anticipate. You're stationed in the Pit itself, one of the more powerful offensive clerics on the roster today when you start to put the pieces together. You're not sure why you didn't notice at first, but Mollymauk - Molly - has a lot of scars. A lot of familiar scars. You trace a particularly deep scar on your collarbone as you watch the first Pit fight and wonder. What are the odds? Could Mollymauk really be…? A horrible thought hits you, and you can feel yourself pale. He's fighting in the Victory Pit today. He's going to get hurt, which will either confirm or deny whether or not he's your soulmate but if he is… Shit, you're in for a rough day. You know that The Mighty Nein is slated for the first fight against an Otyugh. They're nasty creatures, although not really native to Zadash you've still had to heal up some rather awful sucker wounds in your time.
You're glad to see that Mollymauk holds his own in the fight, and stays far away from the Otyugh. It's hard to keep your eyes off of him with the idea that he might be your soulmate and you get the sense that he's a melee fighter more so than a magical fighter in the beginning, but then he activates his swords, and the pain blossoms in your ribs as he drags his blades along his.
There's no question now. Mollymauk Tealeaf is your soulmate. Watching the way he fights and interacts with the Nein during their fight with the Otyugh everything about the injuries you've received from your connection with him makes so much more sense. You actually find yourself… Weirdly proud of your scars, then. You've heard about the Nein, how they're swords for hire and defeated the Fey Spider in the tunnels, but still. Mollymauk seems like good people. Maybe it's naïve to hope on your part because he's your soulmate, but you'll take it until you're proven different. You've been doing things like that for most of your life, and you'll be damned if you stop now. You know you can hold your own, too, so that helps. The next fighters pass in a haze to you, as you stand ready to save someone from death the Banderhobb fight passes with no need for clerics, and the fights with the Giant Crocodile and Ice Troll are much the same.
When the Mighty Nein is back up, your senses fire to life. The next monsters are Winter Wolves, nasty creatures with powerful ranged attacks. You steady yourself against the half-wall you're stationed behind, readying yourself for whatever pain Mollymauk is about to feel. The beginning of the fight is tense, and your fellow clerics watch you curiously as your hands grip tight and relax intermittently on the wall in front of you. When one wolf whirls and releases a nasty, icy breath you heave a sigh of relief that Mollymauk wasn't hit but then the other does the same thing. You feel it more than see Mollymauk get hit, sharp shards of pain washing over your skin so intensely that your eyes roll back in your head and the only thing that keeps you from collapsing is the fervent grip on the wall. Someone lays their hands on you and you feel a swell of magic before you shake them off. "I'm fine," You grit out, "Save your spells for the competitors." Even though you could use the healing, there's a reason clerics wait in the wings at the Pit. It's very possible that someone could be on death's door before the end of the day and if they die because you wasted a spell you'd never forgive yourself.
By the time you fight the darkness from the edges of your vision, Mollymauk is delivering the killing blow to the final Winter Wolf. You're not sure how he's still standing, let alone aware of his body enough to swing his swords like they weigh nothing. Your knees practically knock together as you gather your wits, wiping a hand down your sweaty face. The trials only get harder, and one hit almost took you down. You know you should heal yourself but you're not really sure if your nightly heals affect Mollymauk and, while you have no love for the Empire, it wouldn't be fair if your heals do help him. (And, again, there's the preemptive guilt of maybe not having enough energy for a lifesaving spell. You're just too selfish to use your pearl, too, so you have to make do and conserve your energy.)
The next group comes out and whispers flitter down the row of clerics to you: Owlbears are next. They're awful creatures, nasty when there's only one but two are damn near unmanageable. You happen to know these two aren't even mated, but that hardly matters. It's going to be a bloodbath at best, and at worst there'll be a death. Reaching over the wall, you unhook the latch that keeps it connected just in case you need to rush into the field. The beast-keepers are technically supposed to be the first on the scene, but you're also technically more powerful than they are. You rarely listen to the rules at the Victory Pit, mostly because you're a Crown Cleric and not from the Temple of the Platinum Dragon.
The fight is intense and the clerics next to you barely hold you back when several members of the team go down. They have clerics on their team, yes, but it's hard to tamp down your instincts when you were practically raised by your family for clericdom. It's only when you hear the whispering chatter that the beast-keepers are gathering the magical manacles that you jump into action, flinging open your door and sprinting into the field. The gasp from the crowd barely registers in your mind as you dodge an attack, skidding underneath and stopping next to what looks more like a bloody lump of cloth than a humanoid. The beast whirls on you, but you're faster. You've cast spiritual weapon before it can strike, the air in front of you and the injured party member shimmers and then, the first thing you thought of, a replica of one of Molly's scimitars but three times the size, appears and blocks the strike.
The Owlbear reels back again, going for another, but you're right there to block it. The beast-keepers are going to get an earful from you when you're done with the Pit, but for now, you're relieved that they've managed to subdue the beast and you can focus on the fallen. They're not in great shape, and with a precursory feel of their pulse, they're incredibly close to death.
You put your hands on either side of their neck, close your eyes, and pray. It's not necessarily a religious relationship with the deity that gives you the powers you have to heal, but it's still technically a prayer. The contestant heaves a deep breath, and you can feel the life rush into them from the fold between this plane and the next. The other clerics have gotten everyone else, so you focus on your patient. They probably need two or three more spells before they’re fully stabilized, which is going to burn through either your higher energy spells or all of your lower levels. You grit your teeth as you roll your patient onto the blade of your spiritual weapon, using it as a makeshift gurney. They’re already calling for the next team as if the clerics they’ve hired aren’t already spread thin trying to keep this team from dying. The Mighty Nein are at the doors, holding them open for the clerics, and you barely catch Molly’s eyes as you bring your patient off of the Pit floor and into the waiting room. The scimitar disappears as you lay them on a cot, quickly finding the worst wounds and sealing them with magic, burning through a lot of the spells you prepared and the arcane energy that it takes to cast.
The next beasts are angry and wily - displacer beasts - so you don’t really have time to think about how Molly is lingering near you, trying to find a time to talk to you while you’re trying to keep this person from dying. You stabilize them eventually, but the scarring will be intense. There’s nothing that you can do about that with what you’ve got now. Outside you can hear the next team win against the beasts and stress begins to bundle in your shoulders at the thought of how quickly the Pit is moving. Molly is hovering over your shoulder as you step back and begin clearing the blood off of your hands, despite his group being called out once more.
“That was my sword,” He rumbles, keeping his voice down and stepping even closer to you when you turn around. You track his tail thwipping through the air behind him, either very agitated or incredibly curious. Either could be incredibly accurate, and you don’t really have enough time to parse any information from the rest of his body language.
“Yes, it was,” You want to grumble, but it comes out softer than you intended, “Sorry, but you’re being called and I have to get back to my station so that you don’t die.” Molly tries to catch your arm when you slip around him, but with a promise and a smile you turn back to face him. “Don’t fucking die out there, and then we can talk, okay?” You wish that you could tell him, warn him really, that they’re about to face a Hill Giant. An incredible creature, really, but pushed to a near unreachable limit by the beast-keepers and their prodding, angry spears and arrows. It makes you sick to your stomach, but this is your job. The Empire pays your bills and keeps you fed - they would not tolerate any dissent from you on the matter of the Victory Pit and the treatment of the creatures captured specifically for death, no matter how strong of a case you can make. Instead of telling Molly what he’s up against, you casually brush the back of your fingers against his hand and let your magic make its way into his system. He should be okay, you think, the blessings of a cleric are strong.
Making your way back to your station, you fidget with your uniform. One of your friends - using the term loosely because you’re more like coworkers - catches your sleeve as you pass him. He’s grinning, mischief in his eyes. “You’ve never given a contestant your blessings before, what’s so special about him?”
“I didn’t do anything,” You pull away from Brock, “I just told him that if he wins, we can have a conversation. That’s all.” You shoot him a pointed look and then, after glancing around to make sure nobody else is looking, a wink. Brock grins and relaxes into his station, shaking his head. You’re known to push the limits, but outright break the rules? It’s almost unheard of for you. Everyone knows you’re blessed with a soulmate and Zadash is a bustling metropolis, frequented by the sort of people who get the injuries you sometimes show up to work with. They know you’ll need to stick around to find them, so you’ve only pushed the limits the Empire gives you, not outright shoot past them. By the time you’ve found your station again, the Hill Giant is almost out onto the Pit floor, and Brock has probably figured out why you’re so soft on one particular contestant.
The giant knocks out one of the pillars, roaring so deeply it vibrates in your chest. He’s pissed, rightfully so. The spines sticking out of his body make you sick to your stomach, and you have to look away. Your eyes find the halfling that was with Molly earlier, but as she sprints off toward the human woman, you realize that she’s a goblin. An interesting myriad of people traveling together, but you’ve seen strangers come through your town. She fires off two of her bolts, missing entirely, and you watch one arc through the air and strike off of the helmet of a Guard, who yelps.
You snicker as she takes off again, and the human man fires off his magic. It’s strange to see magic come from another person, especially magic that is clearly learned and not given. It almost makes you wish that your magic was learned instead of bestowed upon you but that would mean losing Molly, who you’re already rather fond of. You’re watching the man try to keep his cool and almost miss the other tiefling casting - a giant fucking lollipop appearing out of the air, smacking the giant, and then flames rocketing out of her hands to hit him, as well. You grin when you realize she’s a cleric, too. You wonder if she has a soulmate, but it would be improper to ask.
When the giant reels back and hurls a large chunk of wall, you suck in a breath. Everything is happening so fast, and Molly… Not only will it hurt to take the hits, but he’ll get hurt. It’s not just about you, but if he goes down so will you, and then you can’t help anyone. You’re almost relieved when the giant turns toward the half-orc, but then Molly is sprinting up toward the giant’s legs, his swords out. He’s a melee fighter, getting right into the thick of it and making your skin crawl. Molly’s swords carve through the giant like butter, making you cringe because the giant is pissed, and Molly won’t have time to get away from whatever is about to happen to him.
When the giant whips around, his eyes are fully black and bleeding down his face. You’re almost certain that’s Molly’s doing, but you don’t really have time to figure it out. The giants club swings up, and then down, and before Molly hits the ground your world has gone hazy with pain and darkness.
The pain and darkness keep their hold on you for what feels like forever. You know that eventually you’ll wake up, but floating in the darkness of unconsciousness you think of Molly. Did someone heal him? Is he okay? You’ve felt the other times he’s died, the way it rips you apart inside, the way you sleep for what feels like days before you wake up. Is this the same way? Has Molly died, even for a second, and you’re left to suffer the consequences? The stories your family told you all ended with soulmates together, no longer bearing the injuries of the other, because of the love that they share and the way they give and take equally. Nobody told you stories of soulmates where one dies over and over again - or at least comes close to doing so rather regularly. You’re still floating in the abyss when you hear his voice. Molly’s voice startles you because normally it’s the deity who blessed you with magic that comes to you, reminding you that everything is going to be okay.
But this time it’s Molly. He’s saying your name, asking you to wake up so that he can see your eyes again. Faintly, as you drift closer and closer to the surface, you can feel the light tracings of fingertips against the crest of your cheekbone and the faint wisp of breath against your hair. He keeps speaking, telling you things that you’re not sure you’ll remember when you finally float to the surface.
That happens faster than normal. When your eyes finally feel light enough to open, Molly is there. He looks a little worse for wear, but you can tell he has at least one healing spell in him. When he realizes you’re awake, a large grin splits his face. “There you are, darling,” He sighs, leaning forward in his chair to be even closer to you, “Scared me for a moment there.”
“Now that I’ve found you I highly doubt that you can get rid of me, Mollymauk.” Your voice is hoarse as you push yourself up, one of Molly’s hands curling around your shoulder to help you sit up on the cot. When you’re upright he moves from the chair he had set up next to your bed to sit next to you, his entire side pressed against yours. “You are a man who is constantly in danger.”
“That I am,” He leans against you, his horn pressing into the side of your head but you don’t mind. He’s warm and nice. The aches in your body numb a little bit just by being near him, but Molly seems like he has a bit of an ego so you don’t mention that. “Do you know why we feel each other this way?”
“Have you heard of soulmates, Molly?” You drop your voice to a whisper and turn your face to him, your lips pressed against his lavender forehead, “My family has legends of them, given to clerics to help them become the best healers they can be. Pushed to their limits by the other’s injuries, but also filled with an overwhelming need to be good enough. To have enough power. To protect, and love, and heal.” You kiss his forehead, hoping it’s not too bold, and let one of your last healing spells flow through his body. The last one you cast on yourself.
“It’s rotten work to love me, darling.” Molly finally says, one hand searching yours out, “But I do feel much better having met you. I feel connected, loved.”
“It’s not rotten work to love you, Molly. I’ve loved you for a long time, and I do not plan on stopping now.” You kiss his forehead again and his head turns, his own lips pressing against the side of your neck as he sighs, “Perhaps your work is not done in Zadash, but it should be soon.” You drop your voice to a conspiratorial whisper so that only Molly can hear you, “War is coming, Mollymauk. You, The Mighty Nein… You should run before you’re conscripted to fight.”
“And you?” He asks, red eyes never leaving yours as he pulls you impossibly closer, “What about you?”
“I… I’ll come with you, if you’ll have me.” You watch the shock flicker across his face for a brief moment, but then it settles into something that you can’t find a name for. “But if not, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t be conscripted to be a War Cleric, not at first. They’ll take the clerics from the temples before they take me.”
Molly caresses the side of your face with his other hand, a small and hesitant smile playing on his face. “Darling, of course, I’ll have you. The Nein will, too. We’re meant to be together, after all.”
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peachy-inserts · 3 years
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𝕙𝕢 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕤 𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕒𝕕𝕤
part one ♡  part two (coming soon)
✉︎request: Hcs for Hinata and Kuroo as fathers, please?🥺
✰warnings: none
✎a/n: ahh ty for requesting!! im so sorry but i just.., we dont really write for hinata im so so sorry baby- hes on the masterlist, but we really. just really dont like him. anyways., i added some characters and part two coming soon! i had a little bit of trouble with kuroo, but i hope you enjoy it <3
➳ᴜꜱʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ, ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ, ɪᴡᴀɪᴢᴜᴍɪ
☾ ⋆*・゚:⋆*・゚:⠀ *⋆.*:・゚ .: ⋆*・゚: .⋆
✰ ushijima
He swears that he just KNOWS the gender of your baby before you’ve even had your first ultrasound, and with your third child you’ve just come to accept that he actually, really does know. Or maybe it’s dumb luck, but that never seems to be the case with him and he’s far too sure of himself
Talks to the baby no different from you, asks them for advice knowing they won’t be able to answer, but their little coos and smiles directed towards him are all the help he needs anyways
Sews patches into their play clothes when they’ve become too worn to wear, and teaches them how too! Makes his daughter a hello kitty bag when she says she wants a purse and she uses the leftover fabric to patch his work jeans, which he tore on purpose just because she wanted to put her new skills to use. He wears them out in public and with pride
Okay I know he’s a pro athlete but he’s also a farm boy sorry. Anyways he throws blankets into the back of a pickup truck and takes the kids on a (slow, and careful) ride through the backroads. Could you imagine having a dog back there with them too?? He’d train it to tug on their pants when they lean too far out of the truck and keep them safe
Excellent at putting babies to sleep. He’s kind of confused by them at first, and isn’t really sure what to do with them, but eases up when he sees how easily they drift off to sleep when he tucks them into his chest and pats their back
Doesn’t bring up volleyball to them, but secretly  has his fingers crossed that they’ll ask him to play one day; which of course they do, duh, he’s a pro player. As soon as they show even a mild interest in it he’s signing them up for the little league teams and bragging to his teammates
Keeps a photo of the family in his wallet and when he’s away for matches that you can’t make it to often gets caught just staring at it; the team shoots confused looks his way because he’s been looking down at the same photo for 30 minutes straight and smiling softly 
☾ ⋆*・゚:⋆*・゚:⠀ *⋆.*:・゚ .: ⋆*・゚: .⋆
✰ iwaizumi
Please Iwaizumi with boys is just a role model father. He absolutely adores his little man and drills manners into his head from day one. It’s very important to him that he knows how to treat people with respect and be respected!
The moment he finds out he’s going to be a father he starts planning to build a treehouse. You haven’t even begun to put together a nursery and he’s made several trips to the hardware store and stacked wood in your backyard, and spends the baby’s growing years perfecting it 
He buys/sends you flowers on every single Friday, and hasn’t missed one yet. Your little boy catches on and saves up his allowance to buy you some too, because he’s gone with his dad to pick them up plenty of times and knows the way there relative to his walk home from school
He nearly cries with pride, because come on; that’s too cute.
Iwaizumi with a daughter? Different breed. He may not be real but my feelings for him are and I would do ANYTHING for him
He dresses her up in the ugliest frilly little dresses and takes hundreds of photos, and goes to daddy daughter events/dances??!? Bye I’m smitten. 
Little league coach!!! Listen he knows and loves sports, just the whole category, so everything his kids wanna sign up for you bet your ass he’s signing himself up for too
And he’s a GREAT coach ugh he always knows how to handle the kids, and given his profession is a bargain deal, they’re super lucky to have him there tbh
The other parents try and flirt with him and he just freezes up and panics because he can’t respond to them like he usually would to people given his kids are involved, so he just starts rambling about how great you are
Takes them to practices he’s needed at sometimes and before bringing them in, practically gives the whole team a death threat. They have fun there, though, and he’s screeching instructions and insults out at them with his kid asleep in his arms
☾ ⋆*・゚:⋆*・゚:⠀ *⋆.*:・゚ .: ⋆*・゚: .⋆
✰ bokuto 
He cries when he finds out he’s going to be a dad. Big, ugly tears, and crushes you with his hugs. Wastes no time whatsoever in bragging to everyone about how lucky he must be to be having your kids ugh hes a cutie
Also cries when they’re born, and it’s visible in every photo. It’s heartwarming, though, and you’re ecstatic to see just how excited he is. You certainly know you’ve made the right choice
When he’s away for games, he always calls to tell his kids a bedtime story and tell them he loves them. Even if it’s 12pm or 3am for him, he keeps his alarm set to go off for 9pm at home.
When he can’t tell a story because he’ll be in the middle of a game, he begs, BEGS, for someone on the sidelines to answer the incoming facetime call and face the camera towards him. When it’s done and over, he’s handed his phone and it met with their sleeping faces, with an msby flag clutched loosely in their tiny fists
He always makes up for having to travel by taking them out individually so they all feel special, whether it’s for ice cream or to a movie. It’s their choice, and he gives them his undivided attention the entire time
They’re completely spoiled by him, honestly. Their allowance is cut off by you because he’s not even leaving enough for him to buy himself lunch-
Shows up to practice when then they’re born just to show them off, excitedly displaying his blessing to all of his teammates before promptly tucking them away into their carseat and leaving before they can make him stay-
✰ kuroo
☾ ⋆*・゚:⋆*・゚:⠀ *⋆.*:・゚ .: ⋆*・゚: .⋆
Sends his kids to private school, but makes sure they engage in community activities; he still wants them to have the same neighborhood kid experience that he did rather than being stuck up like their classmates, and will push them towards sports
Carries them around on his shoulders nearly everywhere he goes, when they’re babies always has them strapped to his chest and insists he be the one to hold them when you’re out and can’t use a stroller
Buys EVERY single parenting book he can find. Even the ones in the dollar store bargain bins, and compiles every common suggestion into a spreadsheet. By the time the baby’s born he has 12 pages on every book he’s read, everything he’s learned from it, complete with statistics and a works cited page
Takes classes! Is very nervous and doesn’t really know much about babies so he really wants to just make sure he can’t do anything wrong, and like the nerd he is learns as much as possible
He may as well be a pediatrician at this point tbh
Keeps stuffed animals in the bottom drawer of his desk at work for when he brings them in, and will make a bed where his feet would usually go for them to nap on time so they won’t interfere with your sleeping at home
The dad that is angry that math isn’t done the same way as when he was in school and they both have a whole entire moment at the dining room table
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scnteria · 3 years
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( alex wolff, cis male, he/him, muse b ) oh snap! is that THEODORE “TEDDY” WELLS ? they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE MISCREANT. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( affable ) but also pretty ( misguided ). they’re 22 and they’ve been living in woodstock for FOUR YEARS. it must be their shift because i totally hear RADIOHEAD blasting from the record store. 
( @volumeupdates )
hi everyone !! phew i’m so hype to be here... hello... you can call me wren ! i’m in the est timezone and use she/her pronouns. a lil bit about me: i love making playlists and my silly little lattes every morning, i have two puppies at home that i love more than anything, and i’m currently watching ted lasso and falling in l*ve with jason sudeikis and no i do not think i named teddy after ted lasso but it might’ve been an unconscious thing idk
anyway, i’m going to try not to ramble too much about my boi teddy but you’ve been warned:
sweet boy theodore ! he mostly goes by teddy. i don’t think he minds being called theodore but he DOES hate the nickname ted. sorry to mr. sudeikis
he was born and raised in chicago but his father is from woodstock. he has some distant family here but growing up, it was teddy, his mom, dad, and older brother mccartney ( mick !! )
( alcoholism, hoarding disorder tw ) teddy’s older brother was like a refuge for him in a household that was pretty tough to live in. his mother is an extreme hoarder so teddy felt pretty trapped in his own home. on top of that, his father is a functioning alcoholic who had a tendency to pick fights when really wasted. ( end tw )
teddy shared a room with mick, so that was like their little escape from it all ! but mick left for college because he’s a Smart, Good Boy when teddy was fifteen ! so he took it super hard to be living alone in this environment
( depression tw ) naturally, at that age ( and with evident mental health issues running in the family ), teddy started to show signs of depression. in an attempt to alleviate that, his fam fulfilled a lifelong dream and adopted a lil border collie pup ! ( end tw )
he realized his home wasn’t suitable for him, his mental health, or his dog winnie. he saved up money by working odd jobs throughout high school and on his eighteenth birthday, he and his pup moved to woodstock.
his dog winnie is named after his celebrity crush, winona ryder ! he absolutely carries a polaroid photo of her in his wallet because truly that is his child and god bless you if you even mention dogs around him
he got the job at high volume four years ago so he’s been around for a bit ! jerry was actually really good friends with teddy’s father, so he’s known jerry pretty much his entire life. 
( drug use and alcoholism tw ) teddy has a chronic intestinal disease that basically attacks his immune system and can be preeeetty painful ! it’s manageable ofc and although teddy would say: “kurt cobain had it too so it’s fine,” it still Sucks to deal with. he is on medication for it, though another prescription works wonders for pain too...... and that ‘prescription’ is just Weed. he smokes a lot lol and also likes to drink, both as a source of self-medication and just because ! ( end tw )
( violence and ptsd tw ) oh haha also he saw jerry get shot in an alley but i imagine he is currently going through the many phases of ptsd at this moment. very much trying to keep it together but in reality, he’s a ball of pure anxiety and could crack at any given moment. definitely going through some bouts of denial and doubt ? jerry is not only his boss but he’s a family friend and someone he kind of looked up to, so it’s safe to say he’s not Doing Well ( end tw )
ok now more about his CHARACTER:
teddy is a sweetheart. he’s got golden retriever tendencies, i’d say ! verrrry sociable, loves to be around people.
he’s pretty independent and self-sufficient for someone who makes dumb decisions and doesn’t vibe with being alone  ! he has learned to look out for himself but at the same time, he’s one of those people that make you wonder how he got this far ??
overall, a pretty great friend to have. he’s a man of his word and basically likes to make people around him feel comfortable and happy ! 
kinda charming, an accidental flirt at times. like i don’t think he realizes when he’s flirting ? he’s a little oblivious and definitely does better with people who are direct with him. like if you’re dropping hints that you like him or need him to do something, he won’t pick up on it at all lol the boy is stuck in his own little world that has karma police playing on a constant loop
walking into a shift with him means you’ll either be: entertained, annoyed, distracted, or high lol
( drugs tw ) like he has shown up to work high before and probably has smoked outside during a slow shift i’m SORRY ( end tw )
messy, messy boy makes questionable decisions because he doesn’t quite think them through. he’s SO responsible with his dog, but himself ? a hot mess
perhaps he’s not ... wise when it comes to money... i’ll leave it at that for now :)
perpetually running late and rambles a good amount
weak-willed and self-destructive ! he’s easily swayed to do pretty much anything bc he’s kind of a happy-go-lucky kind of dude. pretty much does Not say no to plans and maybe he pushes his alcohol tolerance from time to time
CONNECTION ideas !!
he moved to woodstock four years ago and i wanna say he lives alone but tbh a roommate would be Cost Effective ( must like dogs tho )
that being said, if your character happened to grow up in chicago let’s do some childhood connections ! maybe an old friend, previous unrequited crush, etc.
pls give me a favorite coworker that just doesn’t get anything done when they’re working together
he absolutely will get on people’s nerves. he gets on MY nerves. so give me enemies of any sort lol
i don’t think he’s much of a relationship guy. i could see one longterm relationship in his past so an ex is a possibility ! 
a previous one-night stand is pretty accurate for him too, but i don’t see him thinking it’s weird or anything. i see him being pretty casual with hook-ups in general, so... do with that as you will
friends ! teddy is a talker and really likes to get to know people, so i can see him having friends of varying levels lol whether you’ve spoken twice but he’s like That’s My Guy ! or you regularly see him walking his dog or you just vibe at work... truly this man will talk to a wall. the possibilities are endless
a BEST friend ! i would very much like someone that teddy spews mostly everything to. he will indeed lay his life on the line for this person lol
party-goers, fellow druggies ! this is a scene teddy OFTEN dabbles in, whether you indulge yourself or provide. >:)
could definitely see him on the receiving end of a mom/dad/parent friend kind of relationship. like that john mulaney quote GET SOME REST, TALL CHILD
okay i seriously need to stop this got so long please end me anyway hit me up here or on discord for all of the plots. i really like to get into the nitty gritty of plots so if that’s your jam, let’s make some toast, baby ! i’m SO excited to get things going !
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tf2-hellhole · 3 years
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TF2 Mercs with a pregnant Fem!S/O and even though the pregnancy is super hard on her, they're still really excited for their own kid. When they find out, they have to gather everyone and let them know and ask if they can help out when they can. When she gives birth, everyone is on the other side of the door waiting to see because hey, they have to live with a kid now and that's gonna be super different.
Scout:
This poor boy is so unbelievably excited, but he’s also really terrified. Because he never had a dad, he’s convinced that he’ll probably be a horrible parent. He’ll probably cry about it a few times until his S/O comforts him and tells him that she thinks he’ll be a great dad.
He feels really bad about the difficulty of the pregnancy. Sometimes he just pulls them into a hug and apologizes; somehow he feels like it’s his fault. He does his best to help out when he’s home but he’s not the best at chores.
When the baby is finally born, Scout is really emotional. He bursts into tears as he’s handed his little girl. Once he and his S/O hold the baby, the very first person he shows her to is his mother (Spy is right next to her). After that, he has to show all of his brothers and the other mercenaries with a big grin on his face.
For a while, he just sits by his S/O’s side as she holds the baby, and he can’t take his eyes off of the two of them. He wipes his eyes and looks down at his child to tell her how much he loves her.
Soldier:
Soldier is just as excited as his partner about the baby. He’ll always be there helping when his S/O is trying to plan for the baby, though a lot of his ideas are absolute garbage. He actually had a few good ideas though.
He knows how rough this is on his S/O, so he makes absolutely sure she will never have to lift a finger the whole time. He makes a lot of mistakes, but he tries so hard to keep her healthy and happy. It’s super sweet.
When the baby comes, he’s so excited. He’s at her side the whole time, yelling encouragement and telling the midwife to do their job correctly, despite the fact that the midwife obviously doesn’t control how fast the baby comes. He demands to be the first one to  hold his baby. When he’s handed his son, his S/O is shocked at how he says, low enough to almost be a whisper, “Hello, little trooper. I’m your father.”
He’s so, so careful as he carries his son around and shows him to all of the mercenaries. They’re also baffled by how much he’s lowered his voice. In the future, he always lowers his voice when his kid’s around, but goes back to normal volume when they’re not.
Pyro:
Would adopt kid, not father one
Demo:
Demo’s really happy about sharing this with his S/O, but honestly he’s a little scared. He feels like he’s not fit for the role, and feels like he doesn’t deserve it. He needs a LOT of consoling and encouragement from his S/O. He peppers them in kisses and tells them he’s going to do his absolute best.
He’s not a mother hen like Soldier, but he takes excellent care of his S/O and makes sure she never has to work hard. He’s a surprisingly thoughtful partner during the pregnancy
During the childbirth, he’s holding his S/O’s hand and she can see he’s terrified. He knows she’ll be fine, especially if she got an epidural, but it breaks his heart to watch her struggle so much. When he’s handed his son, he sits down and happily cries, “Oh my god. (Y/N), look at him! Oh, he’s perfect.” He sits with his son for a long time, unable to tear his eye away from his face. He’s too shocked to say anything. He probably cries a little the first time the baby does.
He’s beaming when their families and friends enter, he’s so excited for them to meet his son. He gives the baby to his S/O so they can decide who to give the baby to first, but he’s always next to the person holding him to keep him safe.
Heavy:
Heavy is honestly in shock when his S/O tells him she’s pregnant. He wants a baby so badly but he feels like he’s too old to be having children. He’s scared of bringing a baby into the world knowing full well that he’d be lucky if he was still around by the time they turn 25. He doesn’t tell his S/O this though, because he still does want this baby and wants to care for them and his S/O.
Heavy is definitely a mother hen type. He takes as much time as possible off of work so he can stay with his S/O and do all of the chores. He gets a little mad every time he comes home and they’ve done some chores.
Throughout the birth, he’s standing next to his S/O, letting her grip his hand as hard as she can (I don’t care how big or strong she is, she can’t hurt his hand). When the baby is finally born, Heavy sits at his S/O’s side, staring at his daughter. He doesn’t want to hold the baby, believing he might hurt her, but his S/O insists he’ll do fine and hands him his baby. For a while, he sits there stroking her cheeks and muttering the sweetest things in Russian to her.
He gives the baby back to his S/O when their families and friends come in. He’s always low-key eyeing the person holding the baby to make sure she’s safe.
Engie:
Engie is so excited about the baby. He’s always wanted a family, and he’s so happy he gets to start one with the love of his life. He’s always telling her how grateful he is for her. He often tells her she looks more beautiful than ever, and he means it every time, even if she’s currently curled up on the couch with no makeup and looks exhausted because of morning sickness.
He is so sweet and is always doing everything he can for her. He doesn’t baby her and lets her do things by herself but is always telling her to relax while he does most of the chores.
During the birth he’s good at keeping himself together, but he’s internally screaming. He never leaves his S/O’s side. When he’s handed his son, he has the biggest grin on his face. He sits with his S/O so she can interact with the baby too, and holds him close to his chest, exclaiming all of the fun, exciting things he wants to do with him as he grows. He eventually hands the baby back to her, hugs her tightly, and presses a kiss to her cheek to thank her for giving him something so wonderful.
He has to show the baby to all of his family members and the other mercenaries; He’s so excited to show his little boy to all of them. He’ll joke that he hopes his son ends up taller than him.
Medic:
Initially, Medic isn’t excited at all about having a baby. He never wanted one, and his S/O only got pregnant either by accident or by begging him to have a baby with her. He’s never rude about it or brings it up though.
Despite this, he does an excellent job of caring for his S/O and making sure she’s healthy. He attends every doctor’s visit (he wanted to do them himself, but she insisted it’d be better to see a specialist). He never lets her physically exert herself and is always making sure she’s comfy.
When the baby is born, he’s pretty indifferent. He’s glad the his S/O and the baby are okay but honestly he still doesn’t care that much. When she offers him the baby, he sighs, “Oh, alright,” and is very poker-faced as he settles down with the baby. They sit in silence for a moment, then his son wraps his tiny fingers around his pointer finger, and cooes at him. Medic smiles a little and rubs his thumb over the baby’s tiny hand. When the baby smiles back at him, his own smile grows into a toothy grin and he looks up at his S/O. He finally realizes what a blessing this little boy is to them.
Before their families and friends are let in, he apologizes for being so horrible throughout the pregnancy. When introducing the baby to the others, he never, ever lets go of his son, and no one is allowed to touch him other than him and his S/O.
Sniper:
Sniper wants a baby and is super excited about having one with his S/O, but he’s honestly really shocked as well. He doesn’t think he can care for a baby at all. In his mind, a grumpy traveling assassin like himself can’t care for a child. His S/O assures him that they’ll find a way to make it work.
He does an excellent job of caring for them. He finds a good home to raise the baby in and does all the research to find good hospitals/schools/whatever so their child is raised in a great place. He is always taking care of her when he’s home and his heart is broken every time he has to leave her alone for a while.
During the birth, he’s white as a sheet and probably passes out for a short while. But when he is conscious, he’s super encouraging to his S/O and holds one of her hands the whole time. When he finally gets to hold his daughter, he’s wiping the tears from his face. He almost doesn’t believe that despite the life of suffering and loneliness he’s lived, he gets to raise his beautiful daughter with the most wonderful person in the world. He cries a ton and doesn’t let go of the baby.
If his parents are still around, only Sniper’s mother (and his S/O’s mother if his S/O wants that), him, and his S/O are allowed to hold the baby. But he’s really happy and has to show the baby to everyone.
Spy:
Spy is so, so grateful to be having a baby with his S/O, but he’s also so scared. He’s happy that he gets this last chance to redeem himself as a father, but he thinks he’s going to screw it up. He’s scared he’s going to be a horrible parent or be a coward and run away from his baby and partner. He spends a lot of sleepless nights in his S/O’s arms, his mind racing at the thoughts as they comfort him.
He’s such a good partner throughout the pregnancy. Of course, he can’t always be home because he has to work, and he hates it. But when he’s home, he’s a mother hen who doesn’t even let his S/O wash the dishes. He’s excellent and keeping her healthy and always takes her to her appointments.
When the baby comes, he’s literally shaking and is standing at his S/O’s side the whole time. He doesn’t hold or react to the baby until the three get some alone time. He takes his daughter into his arms and sighs shakily, a smile spreading on his face and tears pricking his eyes. He says softly, “Look at her. She’s beautiful,” before spending several minutes holding her to his chest and muttering all sorts of sweet promises in French.
He’d prefer everyone else meet the baby once his S/O and the baby are out of the hospital. But when they finally get out, he holds a wonderful house party for them, where she can finally meet everyone.
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randomfandomimagine · 3 years
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MY CALLING! DIALOGUE PROMPTS!
Here’s a some angsty ones that I collected for different OCs of mine (a personal project thingy so they kind of reflect the character or situations with the character) as well as some others I have stored up! I live for angst and hurt/comfort but I have to throw some funny stuff in ^^ (and the second one definitely isn’t me taking a jab at the chocobros)
“You are insensitive and apathetic and incredibly impolite. We will get along wonderfully.”
“You four look like the gay emo version of the Backstreet Boys, and that’s putting it the nice way.”
“I can’t believe this is happening to me again...”
“Don’t make this harder than it already is!”
“Don’t say ‘goodbye’, it makes it worse.”
“Sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.”
“We won’t be able to keep this up forever. One of us has to go ahead, and it has to be you!”
“Because that’s what love is- a big lie meant to take your heart and stomp on it.”
“I trusted you!”
“I can’t love a traitor. He has to die.”
“Why couldn’t you just tell me to my face that you hated me rather than toying with my feelings?”
“No- we are not and never will be the same. At least I have the guts to not act all high and mighty!”
“They can’t do anything to me. I have nothing left.”
“I don’t care about you! No one does!”
“I don’t want your apology!”
“Just go, I’d feel better.”
“I’ve had worse scratches from kittens- I’ll be fine.”
“I was never ready to say goodbye.”
“The police said they can’t do anything- people are dead!”
“Don’t leave me too! Don’t leave me like the others!”
“Don’t be alarmed, but there’s a chance that I currently have a bullet in my shoulder.”
“Don’t try to follow me- just know that everything will be solved in the morning.”
“I see that I was simply a game.”
“I understand, no one tends to stick around and I don’t blame you for leaving too.”
“I trusted you more than anyone else and you lied.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been loved enough before to know how it feels.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.”
“He was not my brother- he was a lying, cheating, cruel dirtbag who caused me nothing but pain!”
“Don’t touch them!”
“Stop talking about him! Stop! I don’t want anything to do with him!”
“They’ve been a better family to me than you ever were!”
“Honestly, she’s the only thing that makes me smile.”
“I thought she was getting better...”
“Unfortunate as it is, I’m indeed alive.”
“You really couldn’t have picked a worse time to tell me.”
“They’re all gone.”
“I wouldn’t say my survival was lucky.”
“A bitter end to a bitter life.”
“No, it’s okay. I didn’t expect you to feel the same.”
“Every day I curse myself for loving you.”
“He was never there, and now I lost another.”
“I ask myself why the sun doesn’t shine for me before realizing I’m the cloud preventing it.”
“Can this be the part where things start getting better?”
“I’m done. I’m done trying so hard for you to never even look in my direction.”
“You seem to be the only one who thinks that way.”
“Shut up! Just shut up…”
“Forget it. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I don’t have a choice- I never did.”
“This fate is something that I’ve dreaded as much as I’ve accepted it. I’m doing it for him.”
“I don’t know why I ever thought I could do this.”
“No! He’s not supposed to die! It’s supposed to be me!”
“Tell him it’s not his fault- tell him that I love him.”
(Can you tell I make very angsty characters?)
“This is going to hurt. A lot, actually.”
“Remember when I said I knew the way there? I lied.”
“You have something on your face.”
“So I might’ve set the sink on fire.”
“Yes I’m still mad about that. Two years ago you caused me to hit my head on the roof of this van and I’m still not over it- why would I be over this?”
“I get that I’m bleeding out and everything but I’m gonna feel really bad if I stain your shirt so can you transport me to safety another time?”
“The rational part of my brain said I should stay away from you but honestly I’ve never made good choices so lead the way.”
“To be fair- you weren’t supposed to find out until you received the hospital bill.”
“I really genuinely wish I could apologize and mean it but I can’t.”
“Okay just because I did a dumb thing doesn’t mean you have to rip your vocal chords out trying to explode my eardrums!”
“Bite me.”
“If you interrupt me one more time I’m sticking you in the fridge.”
“Yeah I know it’s a bad idea but since when have I ever listened to you?”
“I didn’t think you’d wake up.”
“Out of everything you had to poison your just had to make it the cookies!”
“Is it just me or is my leg on backwards?”
“I get that we’re on the run and everything but can we please just stop by a McDonald’s or something? I’m starving!”
“Listen, if you’re not gonna feed me can you at least entertain me? Being kidnapped is kind of boring.”
“You suck at holding people hostage. Can it be my turn now?”
“I can handle you taking away all of my human rights but if someone doesn’t start making conversation with me I’m actually gonna begin screaming for no reason.”
“Of course I’m annoying you- you’ll either kill me or let me go and quite frankly I like both options more than staying here in this stinky place.”
“That didn’t taste right.”
“I’m just saying- there’s time for us to steal a hamster if we go now.”
BLESS YOU, BETHANY!! I was honestly expecting to get more stuff for my future prompt list, but huge thank you to @clilee and @im-alexandra-13 for contributing too! 🤗
You gave me so many prompts, sweetie, thank you! I might have to chose and change some a little bit because I want them to be pretty generic, but thank you so much! 😍
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zahra-kha · 3 years
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Dear Diary 32
The weekend was a blast! Well, up until I nearly bled out in the middle of the forest.
I was late to Hanami so I missed out on the fortune-telling which was sad about, but I did manage to get a good luck charm. I’m not sure how well it’s working, but I didn’t die, so I guess it’s doing something. I was really hoping to get my fortune told, I enjoy that sort of thing, but I guess I’ll have to wait for another festival.
I ran into Tamala, Nivaar, Vivien, and Arashi while I was there, oh! Before that though, a strange person bumped into me and handed me off a letter from Lord Thiji Higuri from the Regalia sending his regards. I responded to her giving a formal greeting from house Kouris and infomed her that I’d try to visit the Regalia to give proper respect and greetings to the Mythrite Sultan at some point. It’s not exactly often or common for someone of his standing to reach out to someone of my position, so I should at least give him due respect.
Some of the folks from Ebonheart were there and I chatted with them for a bit before I gave them space to enjoy the festival. I didn’t want to crowd them.
So there was a ritual and a blessing sort of thing. I didn’t really understand it, but it involved lining up to drink sake. I wasn’t sure if that was a religious thing or not, but I didn’t feel very comfortable jumping into something like that when I have my own beliefs and I pray to my own gods. That’s not to say accepting blessings from another belief set is bad, it’s just that I’d like an understanding of what I’m accepting before I accept it. I’m probably overthinking it, I doubt the priests would have offered a blessing to all if it was harmful or insulting. I’m not sure why I felt so apprehensive about it.
After everyone went up to accept the blessing, it was time for the performances. Everyone was so amazing! There was such a variety of performers celebrating the beauty of spring and from different cultures too!
I was performing as well. I did two songs, one on the blossoming of a new love after heartbreak (Yes, it was a personal song, and I don’t often sing about my feelings, but I also feel my songs won’t reach anyone if I don’t try to reach out and touch their hearts with my own). The other was about the powerful bonds of an unshakable love, and I think that moved some people. I really tried my hardest with that song.
The Sword Princess Zenos one was inspiring, I wanted to go home and write some friend fiction featuring Trystan as the warrior of light and Vin as Sword Princess Zenos. I wonder how badly I can bastardize this? I won’t be satisfied until I’ve upset some people (in a good/bad/funny way!)
After the performances, someone named DJ CARVI came out. He had this amazing car thing and started playing this awesome music while playing on the guitar! We danced and danced until we nearly passed out! He looks so cool, and I love his personality! The music was unique and flowed well and just....
[There’s a series of hearts and little doodles of CARVI’s helmet along with little notes saying ‘I ♥ DJ CARVI’ written on the margins. Zahra is clearly a fan]
I tried to see if Tamala could get me an autograph but she already had one so I politely asked if he had signed autographs after his show. He did us one better and give us illegal copies of his album and signed them! I’m not supposed to listen to it but that’s okay! I’ll just try and check out another showing of his and see if I can find places where there’s orchestrion scrolls of his work. And maybe some posters. Or other merchandise.
He was really cool.
So anyway, the next day was Lucky Sparrow’s 4th anniversary! We had a wonderful turnout, so many showed up in green and gold. That was so nice to see, I loved the support, it just goes to show how much people love Lucky Sparrow and how much they’ve given to everyone. I’m proud and honored to be a part of them.
The performances were ama-zing! We practiced and practiced and everything turned out well! Suki and I got to do our solo acts, and I even saw some familiar faces in the crowds! I think I heard Kaito, Vel, Koh’a, and S’aeil out there! I think one of them was celebrating their own anniversary! Scorpius showed up too and wished me luck, that was kind of him.
We all got a bit sappy after, which made me happy. I love the environment with the troupe, it helps me feel a little less alone. It’s warm and comforting, which I think I needed after everything that’s been going on.
Speaking of...
After the show I went back to the encampment and found it empty. I thought it was going to be my best chance of investigating everyone so I tried to hurry.
I went through Sahrin’s things first. I admit I was still upset Cecilia even insinuated that Sahrin may have tried to kick her out. Even if we cleared the air on it, I wanted to prove his innocence. I didn’t find...much? A locked jewelry box and a bunch of really raunchy letters to Fitaan. Gross.
Fitaan’s tent was...strange. It was like going into a room felt like someone was trying too hard to show it’d been lived in. Things that looked normal upon first glance, but then didn’t make sense as you really thought about it. A bedroll but no pillow, sheets or blankets to be found. Cooking utensils but no traces that food had ever been in the room. Not even dried herbs or meat. Thrown away parchment in a trash bin, but no writing utensils to shown he’d been writing anything. Sure, he could have taken some of the items with him to track down Armand but...the room feels too neat, clean, and off for that. It’s like it has the appearance of a normal room but there’s enough bits and pieces once you look around to know otherwise.
Esila’s tent was normal. Smelled of metal and polish but that’s likely from all the blades she has laying about. She has a hobby of collecting axes and swords. I tried to be careful, but she really didn’t have anything that I could find.
Armand’s room had been cleaned out by Sahrin already, he took everything of relevance with him. I didn’t find much of anything outside of letters he’d saved from old lovers and a letter from Sahrin congratulating him on job well done on his first solo performance at a village he was at in Thavnair.
It was when I went to Sai’s room that everything went downhill. I’ve been to her tent countless times. She’s been training me with how to use daggers, she’s taught me how to be a better songwriter. Sai is...the calmest of the group. The quietest. But when she speaks she always has kind or profound things to say.
I’ll be honest, there was a part of me that didn’t believe Cecilia, either. She’d just come to the troupe and suddenly she disappears and then reappears and starts saying Sahrin kicked her out, then that Armand was behind it, and suddenly I’m just supposed to believe the people I’ve cared for since childhood are trying to hurt me?
I went to the encampment to...
I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Myself wrong. I didn’t want to believe my family would betray me. Sahrin. The troupe. And I was angry with myself for doubting them. Angry for not doubting them more. I was angry at my friends for doubting my family, and I was angry at myself for being unreasonable about it. I just wanted the truth. Mostly, I was angry that this was happening at all.
So when I heard something click after finding a letter in Sai’s drawer, I think my mind went completely blank. I stopped thinking, I didn’t move, everything just went white.
I don’t remember too much of what happened, only that instinct told me I had to go. I had to leave, I couldn’t be found. I don’t know if that was out of fear or just a sense of survival, but it started raining heavily so I lost my bearings quickly. It’s fuzzy, but I don’t even think I realized the trap had been a knife until I finally found a spot to sit down because I felt really tired suddenly.
I needed a healer, and I could only think to call Gail. She came and I don’t remember much of our conversation after she arrived, but I think she brought me to her apartment somehow and I got shoved into her bath. I told her as much as I could as I tried to warm up, I don’t remember how long I was out in the rain, and I didn’t feel much pain, just exhausted.
Oh, but after she healed me and got some food in me, godsdamn did the pain come in full force! I think the blade had been poisoned, because after I got back to my apartment I felt feverish and weak from the after effects. I’m still recovering, the fever is gone and I was able to take a look at the letter.
Gail got a good look at it too, seems like it was a letter from Sahrin to Sai, a really old letter too. I guess from the days before the troupe was formed. I know Sahrin is very anti-Imperial, but I guess Sai is too, looking over the letter’s contents. I’m not sure what this all means, but I guess when Sahrin was thinking of making the troupe, he had some grand designs and made some promises to Sai about it. I wasn’t able to find out much else since I triggered the trap, but the letter was well taken care of even after all these years. It must have been important to Sai.
Sai, was it you? Did you put Armand up to killing me? Deceiving Cecilia? How much of everything going on is you? You were like a sister to me, I don’t understand. I don’t understand.
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herald-of-dirthamen · 3 years
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@liliumsunshine​ said: May I ask why?
Honestly... where do I start.
I suppose, if I were to put it in a very brief way, it’s because the natural instinct is to fear magic and hide it away, unless they can find a way to use it.
I was lucky to be born among the Dalish, where we see magic as a gift, and treat it as a part of everyday life instead of something to be locked away and feared. We’re taught how to control our magic without it being surrounded by fear and disdain, treated not as if we’re ticking timebombs that are doomed to inevitably become a demon abomination and therefore to be watched under lock and key 24/7, forbidden to venture into the outside world unless you either have money or you have extremely special circumstances that require your skill, such as the potential of the end of the world, but instead treated as though we’re people like anyone else who can make their own decisions and will not make a deal with a demon at any chance they get, which we won’t, if we’re treated with basic respect and dignity instead of mistreated at almost every step.
Like... no one is denying that magic is dangerous and requires respect. Magic can be dangerous, precisely like how fire can be dangerous, or even a basic tool can be dangerous, if used the wrong way. I’ve heard people argue that mages think our magic cannot be dangerous, and it’s like-- who are you talking to that even says that? I use magic casually and trust me, I know that it takes a great deal of focus and control, which does get easier with practice, but that’s because you learn precisely how much focus you need to shape Fade energy to do what you want it to do.
Er... I should probably... cut this post. It’s very long, I’m very sorry.
But I guess I’m going a little off-topic there. It’s just. Frustrating because some of these people act like we don’t know we’re dangerous, and it’s like... how can we forget that, when we’re constantly reminded of that every step of the way?
It’s just... everyone acts like only mages, or only this race, or only this country can commit atrocities when the fact of the matter is that everyone is capable of committing atrocities, and it feels like they forget that because they think they’re in the right, that they’re doing it for the greater good, that what they’re doing is protecting people at the cost of so many other lives.
Like... gods. There are humans who waged war with my ancestors because my people didn’t help enough. Were worshipping our own gods instead of Andraste. None of them remember the people they’ve killed and most of them don’t care because it was a religious war, an Exalted March, and because we didn’t want to give up our culture and give up our gods, what little of them we remembered, they came and they slaughtered us and they put up statues and memorials dedicated to their prophet in what used to be our homeland and they said it was Good.
...I keep going off topic. I just... there’s a lot and I don’t know what isn’t important and what is so I’m giving as much context as possible, I guess.
It’s just, so much of their fear of magic is rooted in how their prophetess was killed, but she was killed because she was leading a slave rebellion, not because... it’s just... yes, I know Tevinter, ruled by mages, is also a horrible place. I know slaves are still allowed there. I know many of them practice blood magic even if it’s technically “illegal” because they view that as the most powerful school of magic, I know so many magisters there are awful and sacrifice thousands, I know, I know, I know, but there’s a BALANCE that has to be struck, and clearly they’re just as imbalanced as the non-magical countries.
And I know now that... apparently my ancestors, back in Arlathan, were just like Tevinter.
But that doesn’t mean that treating mages like potential abominations, murderers, slave-owners, and so on and so forth is okay. You learn that history. You take that history to heart. And you try your hardest not to repeat it. And you can only do that by knowing the history and the ideas borne in it.
It’s just. Hard for me to not be afraid. People act like it’s such an unthinkable idea that we should be treated like anybody else. “What will you do when they commit crimes? Who should judge them?” I don’t know, gosh, maybe a jury of their peers? Magic and non-magic?
This fear of magic is so prevalent that people have even written books about how to prevent magic from manifesting in your children. Superstition that encourages you to do things like place leeches all over your infant’s limbs, before burning said leeches without breathing in the smoke, and wrapping your child’s limbs in cloth specially blessed by a Chantry sister. Superstitions that encourage you to nearly drown your child showing signs of magic, holding them underwater until they almost lose their breath, saying that if their magic is weak, that the magic will die before your child does. Families are so ashamed of having mages in their family that instead of sending them to Circles, they’ll simply lock them away in their homes and ignore them, refusing to let them even learn how to control their abilities until it’s too late.
It’s so hard not to be afraid when those tasked with protecting the common people from mages - and even if they say they protect mages from the rest of the world too, it can’t help but feel like a lie - do horrific things. Abusing us, blackmailing us, even going so far as to cut our connection to the Fade and rendering us as people who can no longer feel or have desires and barely any self-preservation instinct and can’t effectively say no to anyone and being abandoned and left to die. They kill us for not passing Harrowings where they deliberately summon demons to tempt these mages, and some people are so afraid of being unable to pass that they’d rather just be killed then and there.
In fact, if a Circle is deemed too out of control, too beyond saving, they’re allowed to pass a Rite of Annulment, where they just kill every single last mage, every man, woman, and child, and just... start anew. Because most Circles think it’s better to do that than do anything else.
And templars would raid my clan to drag mages to their Circles, their prisons, or would kill us if we proved to be too hostile, too resistant. I’ve lost family to these raids.
And then everybody wonders why so many mages turn to making deals with demons, turning to blood magic... they’re scared and they’re desperate. They’ve decided that if the world is going to treat them like monsters, if the world is going to always treat them like this, then what hope do they have? What else do they have to lose? They decide things can’t possibly get that much worse. That no matter what happens, even if they were good, that they’d never get to be treated like a person because someone will always find a reason to hate us.
Even if all mages are free of Circles now... how long is that going to last? With the war, even though I resolved it... people aren’t going to just forget four years of templars and mages killing each other, killing innocent people, ruining so many lives because it was inevitable that eventually things would come to a head and explode and now there’s even less of a reason to treat us like people.
It’s. It’s just. I don’t know. People have every reason to be afraid of us but by treating us the way they do, they’re only just... causing a vicious cycle, one that I fear has been going on for so long that it might be impossible to break, no matter how hopeful and optimistic I want to be.
It’s just. It’s funny. I’m one of the lucky ones who was treated like a person worthy of respect when I was growing up, my family celebrated when I developed magic, I know I didn’t experience the worst of things for a mage. I know I was born lucky to not grow up in fear of myself and my own abilities.
But I’ve had to learn how to act in the world outside of my clan, and... so many people want me dead for the abilities I have. So many people act like I’ll go out of control. And it’s... how can I not be afraid? Truly?
I’m sorry, I know this meandered a lot and went to a lot of places. I’m not... much of a professional when it comes to writing. Or talking. And there was a lot that I felt was important to share.
I just think that... at least here, for your average person... they may be afraid of us, they might hate us, they have valid reasons to, but I don’t think they’re ever going to quite understand the terror we feel knowing that they’re never really going to want to see us as people who are just as scared as they are.
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bodytoflame-ao3 · 4 years
Text
born for this // one
When she finally feels the exhaustion drift over her, it’s overwhelming; like the entire weight of the day’s been dropped on her at once. In a way, it has. She’s here now, this is real. Not just the stories her parents told to her, or vague bursts of imagination from brief visits.
As hard as she tries, she can’t shake the feeling of anger in the pit of her stomach — exactly for what, she’s not sure.
or, a next-generation fic following the lives of Percy and Annabeth, and Piper and Jason's children, and a prophecy.
AO3 Link
--
okay. so this is my first attempt in a very very very long time at a multichapter fic. i have absolutely 0 clue how long this is going to be or how fast i'm going to be able to update. but here it is. my take on a next generation fic. in which jason is alive because i said so.
this one goes out to @officialpjo for encouraging this mess
i //
Piper McLean never thought she’d be alive at 18, much less pregnant.
“I don’t know what to do.”
It’s three in the morning, but Annabeth’s still here for her. She’ll always be grateful for that. She rubs her back, and for a moment, it’s like everything is okay. She’ll speak her wisdom and that will be it. Instead (and Piper knew deep down it would turn out this way) she says; “Piper, that’s something you have to decide for yourself. You know that.”
And that’s not very helpful — but it’s true. “I just thought everything was finally going back to normal.” It was. She’d gone back to school and was about to graduate, even got accepted into a few colleges (not that she was sure she’d even go). “What if there’s another prophecy?”
Annabeth stays silent.
“I can’t bring a baby into the world like that, Annabeth. I won’t!” It would put both of our lives in danger.
“Then you don’t have to,” she replies softly, resting her hand on Piper’s shoulder.
“I do, Gods, I want to.” Piper wipes the tears from her eyes, “That makes me sound so stupid.” It was stupid to want to have a baby when she could be pulled into a war at any moment. But this is a chance to make something with her life — something mundane; normal.
Annabeth reassures her, though Piper isn’t sure how much she believes it, “No. It doesn’t; you’re not. You were as safe as you could be.”
Piper tries not to yell, not at Annabeth at least, but her emotions get the best of her this time. “I don’t want you to tell me it’s not my fault, I want you to tell me he won’t hate me!”
“I can’t do that.”
“Then lie!”
She doesn’t acknowledge the outburst, knowing it comes from a place of frustration, not directed at her but the cruel irony of the world (and how familiar she is with that herself). She simply offers a piece of hope; knowing nothing is certain, but it could be. “It’ll be okay.”
Piper lets the silence wash over them for a minute. “What would you do?” She asks, genuinely curious.
“I’ve always wanted a family,” she admits, fiddling with her wedding ring. Of course she does. That's all she's ever wanted. “But it would still be scary.”
“I have to tell him,” Piper says after a moment. He’s just as much a part of this as she is, and he deserves to know, no matter what she decides. And she knows — she knows what she wants, and it’s this.
Annabeth is unflinching. “I’ll come with you, okay?”
“Hold my hand?”
“Yeah.”
Annabeth does; all the way back to their apartment, up the stairs, into the living room, onto the couch, across from him.
“We have to talk,” Piper says, firm, but gentle.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Jason asks, a puzzled look on his face.
“No.” She shares a knowing glance with Annabeth, knowing what it looks like, and suppresses a laugh. Though, in all honesty, they both know if by some coincidence they both ended up single, it wouldn’t be a question, and they’d both know the answer.
“I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Annabeth squeezes her hand tight before she leaves, and then, it’s just them.
“Pipes. You’re killing me.”
She reaches into her pocket and hands him the test, unsure if she could even get the words out of her mouth.
“Oh.” He pauses. “Do you—”
“I’m keeping it,” she answers.
“Hey.” Jason wraps his arms around her. “We’ll be okay.”
ii //
Annabeth storms into her room, barely knocking before she opens the door. “I think I’m pregnant.” She says it, quiet, almost nonchalant. It’s hard for Piper to decipher the look on her face; somewhere between dissociated and awed. But most definitely a little scared.
“I thought you were on the pill?” Piper asks.
She nods.
“So why do you—”
“—I don’t know. I just feel… off.” Annabeth cuts her off, rambling. “It’s possible.”
“Unlikely,” Piper adds.
Annabeth emphasizes, “But possible.”
She knows Annabeth wants this, but she has no clue what Percy’s stance on kids is. To be completely honest, he seems to Piper like the kind of guy who wouldn’t care as long as Annabeth was happy. “Have you two talked about wanting—”
“No… not yet, but...”
“But you do want—”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” she admits. She does, and she will, no matter what. It’s permanent — a concrete legacy, that will last as long as the circle of life keeps spinning. And isn’t that what she wanted? It may not be exactly what she imagined, but the thought of it makes her want to cry. With Percy, doing better than her parents ever could, because he’d surely learn from the best; knowing this child would grow up with people who care. Immensely. Deeply. Parents who know what it’s like.
Annabeth wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, composing herself. “I bought a test, I just… I wanted you to be here.” She sighs, and opens the box from her bag, tossing the cardboard in the trash along with a packet of pills from her bag.
Piper pulls them out of the bin, scoffing, “You might still need these.”
She shakes her head, “I already know what it’s going to say, Piper. I just have a feeling.”
“Is it… a good feeling?” she offers.
“I don’t know yet. I hope so.”
iii //
“Is something wrong?” Percy asks, sitting down next to Annabeth on the couch. “You seem off,” he offers. She’s been distant all week, and it scares him. He knows what that distance feels like, the kinds of storms that brew up in their minds.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Annabeth says, because it's not — but it is scary. “I do need to talk to you though. Ask you something.”
He looks at her expectantly.
“Do you want kids?” she asks, a nervous edge lacing her voice. It's something they've never talked about, and she really wishes they had, if it would make this moment easier. In all honesty, she has absolutely no clue what she’ll say if he doesn’t; and his hesitance is no reassurance. Because she does; now more than ever, now that it’s real.
Percy considers his answer. He does. Not desperately; distantly. Not so much that he would have a problem if she didn’t. “Um, yeah. Do you—”
“Percy.” She stops him, because it’s all she needs to hear. “I’m pregnant.”
The look on his face turns from confusion to awe as he processes her revelation. It’s a moment before he speaks again, softly: “Really?”
She nods.
“Wow.” His hand finds her stomach, unable to feel a difference but struck with wonder with this new knowledge. He’s always wondered what it would be like to start a family with her, but for all the daydreaming he’s done, none of it compares. “When did you find out?”
She stares out the window, leaning into him. “Two weeks ago. I didn’t have any good reason to suspect it, I just… had a feeling?”
“Does anyone else know?” He has a feeling he's not the first person she's told. Two weeks is a long time, bottling up something that big.
“Piper.” She ran to her the second the thought popped into her mind. It was only fair — she’d helped Piper when it was her. Piper held her hand while she waited, and hugged her as long as she needed.
Percy analyzes her nerve-wracked expression. “Just Piper?”
Annabeth frowns, looking at him with a gaze that’s trying too hard to be apologetic. “No, I… I told your mom, too. I’m sorry,” she says, bursting out laughing, and trying to hold the tears back. It’s expected by now, but somehow still funny how untraditional they are. “I was freaking out and she’s kind of the best motherly figure I’ve got. But she’s thrilled — if that helps.”
“Oh, thank the gods,” he sighs, laughing, “No, no, I think I would die of embarrassment if I had to tell her myself.”
“Well, then you’re welcome… and you owe me.”
“When do I not?” Percy smiles, wrapping his arms around her.
“I know this wasn’t what you expected — me either — but this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I’m actually happy, Percy,” she sighs, so weary from the world and how it’s beaten her up before. This almost feels like a blessing, even if it isn’t one she planned for.
“No, no, so am I, I just don’t… how? We’re careful.” Incredibly so. He doesn’t want to dwell on the odds of it.
“I mean, nothing’s perfect. To have two different methods fail, though… that’s either just terrible luck or godly interference.” At this point, it doesn’t matter which.
“I feel pretty lucky right now.” No; odds are… he’s the luckiest person in the world.
“Yeah?” Annabeth asks, leaning her head on his shoulder.
“I couldn’t think of anything I want more, Annabeth.” Now that it's right in front of him, he knows that.
iv //
“How is she?”
“Asleep. Both of them.” Piper nods her head towards them; Percy clinging to Annabeth as much as he can in the tiny hospital bed. She winces, seeing the position he’s folded himself into, knowing too well how sore he’ll be in the morning. “Estelle was getting antsy so Sally took her home.”
Jason sits down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
“I still can’t believe she walked across the stage at graduation nearly nine months pregnant. I barely left the bed.” It was as much a physical feat as it was an ode to her determination.
“Don’t I know that,” he scoffs jokingly.
It hits Piper that she’s never seen Annabeth this happy. Even the day they got married. And then — she had thought the same thing. It’s something she could get used to; seeing her best friend overwhelmingly happy, with the love of her life, and knowing she has everything she’s ever wanted.
Lyra stirs in her arms, wriggling her tiny limbs within the blanket swaddling her. Piper smiles, shushing her before she even starts to cry. “Don’t you miss when he was little?” She asks, curled up awkwardly in the uncomfortable chair, but cradling the baby in her arms so gently.
Jason’s blunt, yet misinformed response: “Pipes, he’s still a toddler. He’s like half your height.”
She laughs, “This tiny. So tiny you’re amazed it’s even a person. When he could fall asleep in our arms.”
“Huh,” his face softens into a smile, “I guess… wow, he was so small when he was born. Smaller than her.”
“I can’t wait to do it all again.”
“Wait—”
Piper smiles.
He speaks, quieter this time, trying not to wake Percy and Annabeth, “You’re serious?”
She nods, “Yeah. Yeah. I found out this morning. Then Percy called, and it’s just been chaos since then. She doesn’t even know yet.”
Piper can tell it means a lot to him, being the first to know, like it’s a secret between them — secrets were inevitably reserved for Annabeth, as they’d been before.
“I love you. A lot.”
“A lot?” She hums, teasing.
“The most.”
Part Two
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lanaisnotwool · 4 years
Video
youtube
411 Income Avalanche
http://moneyripples.com/2020/08/04/411-income-avalanche/
Chris Miles, the "Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor," is a leading authority on how to quickly free up and create cash flow for thousands of his clients, entrepreneurs, and others internationally! He’s an author, speaker, and radio host that has been featured in US News, CNN Money, Bankrate, Entrepreneur on Fire, and spoken to thousands getting them fast financial results.
Listen to our Podcast here:
https://www.blogtalkradio.com/moneyripples/2020/06/25/411--start-an-income-avalanche
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Hello, my fellow Ripplers! This is Chris Miles. Your Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor. And we welcome you guys for a wonderful show. A show that’s for you and about you. Those are that work so hard for your money, and you’re ready for your money to start working harder for you. Now! You want that freedom. You want that cash flow. You want the prosperity. Today. Not 30 or 40 years from now, if you’re lucky, but right now, right? So you can have that freedom to be able to do what you love with those you love. And whenever you want to do it. And you get to work because you want to. Not because you have to. You get to work by choice. You get to have an empowered life. And that’s exactly what we’re here to do. But on top of that, it’s not just for your own prosperity, but this is something for you to create a ripple effect in the lives of others. To be a blessing in the lives of those around you, whether it’s your family, your community, or across the world.
And guys that is the ripple effect. I am here to create in your lives. And thank you so much for your part of it. Thank you for downloading and bingeing and doing everything you guys do. Like I love watching us grow all the time. And that is in large part to you guys. And thank you so much for living the example, not just being here is the word, but doers as well.
Here’s a quick reminder. Check out our website. MoneyRipples.com. You know, not only do we have that great ebook Beyond Rice & Beans, Seven Secrets to Free Up Cash Today. That’s great for you to be able to access and find money quickly. But there’s great blogs on there now too. Including videos of this very show that you can check out. So make sure you go and check that out today.
So today, guys, I want to talk about, you know, really a concept that I’ve referred to on the show, and I’m just kinda throwing out a little sound bites of it. But I want to go in depth of what it really looks like because there’s two really big prevailing mentalities when it comes to money. There’s the accumulation mentality, which is almost what everybody teaches you to do, right? It’s all about net worth is about building up your savings and compounding over time, you know, using that stuff. And I’ll tell you that it doesn’t work. I mean, most of the conventional things are out there. Don’t work. I mean, for example, I mean the stuff I teach is not conventional, right? This is not mainstream. Hey, I’ve been telling you guys to take out key locks. I just had a client thanking me because we actually talked in the beginning of March saying, Hey, you want to get access to that home equity now. And guess what COVID hit, you know, of course it was already hitting by that point. But I said, do you want to get access now? He did it. Then a month, he got the cash out and then he was laid off.
And of course people would think, why would you go into debt and get laid off? Right now, you know what he’s doing? He’s emotionally saying, wow! I never thought it feels so good to know, how did we get 120 grand out of my house that now sitting in savings. And even though he’s got some unemployment coming in, that’s great and they’re doing fine. He’s like, I got this extra cushion of money that is there for whatever, you know, in case something was wrong or even better yet I can invest it and make it work for me. And guys, that’s a very different mentality. And how many are telling you, “Go into debt”, which I’m not telling you, by the way, I’m just saying, Hey, the equity, the assets you have available, let’s leverage it. Right? And so when I talk about money, it’s about acceleration, not accumulation.
It’s not about building up money and saving over time and going the long, hard path that really may or may not get you there because whatever money you do have, you gambled in the stock market, right? I’m not telling you to do that. I’m saying go for things that have real assets, especially create cash flow. I’m about acceleration. Acceleration of using cash flow to keep building. And the constant we talk about today is that Income Avalanche, right? You got the debt snowball method that you hear people talk about. Well, this is the opposite, but it’s income instead. It’s like, how do we get cash flow to keep building upon itself to keep growing exponentially getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. That is what I’m going to talk about today. And so I want to illustrate that. So first let me explain the concept.
What is this that you’ve got a certain amount of assets or money, whatever it might be. Now, some of you guys are in the beginning stages. Some of you might just be at a point where you say, Hey, I need to start building up an emergency fund. Great! Do that. You know, I would recommend going back to the wealth building step-by-step podcast, I did just recently. A great step-by-step showing the order of how you should be doing these things, right? So maybe you’re needing to start out, but I know many of you that are listening are already at the point you have savings. You actually have more savings. The fact you say, Hey, I’ve got money coming in. What do I do with it? Right? What’s next? And so I actually want to bring up an example of someone I just talked to recently, one of you, in fact that had reached out, I was actually connected to them through a turnkey real estate investment company that said, Hey, you’re looking for a financial advisor?
We know a guy who’s not a financial advisor, but will help you do the things that you had hoped a financial advisor would do. And so they referred him to me and in very cool situation. And cause it’s fresh in my mind. I want to use this an example of how this looks, because ultimately what it is, it’s like this exponential curve, your cash flow, your income, your passive income, you know, starts at year one, but it doesn’t just take time to get there. It does take time, but it grows steadily more and more each year until you eventually hit your cash flow goal. And this could feel daunting for some of you because some of you might say, okay, Chris, my goal is 10,000 a month. That’s my cash flow goal. That’s the passive income I want to create. So I work because I want to, not because I have to. But I’m only at 2000 a month or maybe with what I have right now, I could create 2000 a month. We go from 2000 to 10,000. That’s a big gap. How do I get there?
Good news. This is where this comes in.
It does require discipline like anything, right? But I want to show you what my mindset’s like and how I see it differently. Because when they came to me, they said, Hey, we’re starting to get some money in here. You know, more savings than we’ve had for a little while. And what do we do with it? What do we do to make it work for us? And they’ve went to every other financial advisor says, well, you could put it in these mutual funds or maybe put into an annuity. You know, that kind of basic stuff that they’ve told them, right? I said, you know what, what’s your goal? And they said, our goal is 2000 a month. I said, Hey, watch this.
So here’s their situation. They have about 50,000 savings. They are able to cash out somebody from his 401k. He was actually laid off from work or furloughed, right? So as a result, he might get hired back anyways. But as a result because the cares act, you can access up to a hundred thousand dollars of your IRAs or 401k’s without the 10% early withdrawal penalty. So even if you’re not 59 and a half, and these guys are in their late thirties, if you’re not 59 and a half, you can access up to a hundred thousand dollars, without that 10% penalty. You will pay taxes, but at least you’ll avoid the penalty. So as long as you’ve been affected by COVID in some way, shape or form, you know, even if it means you didn’t get the bonuses you usually get, or your income changes or your hours change or something changed, or you got furloughed, that’s the easy one, all those things, right?
So anyways, I say, all right, you got about 50,000 savings. You got some money from your 401k. That’s what you have right now. 401ks that are currently still in them. They’ve got about 284,000. So over 280,000, they just started a Roth IRA with 9,000 in that. They have a rental property. They actually bought a ramp which is probably through this company that referred me. A company I’ve actually had on the show before. In fact, a couple times. That’s cash flowing them 350 a month. By the way, mazing returns, when you consider their out of pocket costs with the down payment and everything, was only 16 grand, but they’re making 350 a month. Guys. That’s like a 26% return. I told them, I was like, Hey, that was a golden property you bought last year. Don’t expect that every time. I just tell people, if you can make 12% return on your money, cash on cash return.
That’s good. So anyways, We make it 350 a month on the property. Cool thing is they don’t have any real extra cash flow because they’re not making as much money, but they’re not in the hole either. They’re actually doing okay. They do get an extra gift of 15,000 a year that they get from family too. That comes from a grandparent’s estate. So that’s kind of cool. Cause that adds to building this income snowball, this income avalanche, right? Now they have credit cards. You see that one here, They’ve got like 8,500 credit cards. They’ve got some student loan, they got an SBA loan. They have a mortgage. I told them all their loans are great, but I would pay off. And this is number one. So I talk about strategy. Again, their cash flow goal is 2000 a month, right? So what the resource they have, they’re thinking, okay, we know it will be awhile before we hit 2000 a month.
You know, we know we’ll be several years down the road. So maybe we’ll just invest, you know, pay the 401k back, keep the money in the 401k, let it grow. You know, we’ll build a Roth and he put a property inside of it. That was kind of their, their thinking, right? And that their cool thing is they’re looking at these creative strategies. I was like, wow, they’re really thinking outside of the box more. And then I saw their situation. I said, you know, but I wouldn’t do any of that. And I said, Hey, this is not a recommendation, by the way, for you guys, anybody looking at this, just cause you see this here, this does not mean this is the recommendation. I said, here’s what I see. I said, first and foremost, with the cash savings you have, I would pay off that credit card because the 8,500 it’s payment is $218 a month.
And they said it was only 10% interest. It’s not a bad interest rate for a credit card. But I said that 218 a month, like if my goal is to make 1% a month on my money. So if I have 8,500 bucks, I would want it to pay me. If I invested, I want to pay me at least $85 a month. So you just drop off the two zeros. If you have 20,000, you want it to pay you 200 a month. If it’s 30,000, pay you 300 a month. If it’s 55,000 pay 550 a month. That’s my goal, right? When I look at investments. But when I look at debt, if I know that I can beat that well, beat that number, you know, 8,500, you’re hoping to maybe make 85 to a hundred bucks in an investment. But if they pay off the credit card, it’s guaranteed 218 bucks a month.
I say, guys, that’s a no brainer. You would want to pay off the credit card. But the rest of the loans, I would leave it alone. They’re actually not that bad. Their monthly payments are pretty low compared to the balance. If you remember my cash flow index formula, I talked about, right? Very good cash flow indexes. They’re high. And so we don’t want to pay those off necessarily. So they just keep paying those like normal. Here’s the other thing and I get, this was not a recommendation, but I said, here’s an option you have, you already started to do it. What if you cashed out your Roth, you know, the 9,000 and then they just barely put it in. So it wouldn’t be a big deal. And if they gained some money, you know, maybe they keep the gains and they have Roth and leave it there. But they could access the 9,000 for the Roth and the 401k.
They’ve got about 284,000. So that’s about $290,000 that they can potentially use. Now in their minds because they’ve been trained like everybody else, don’t touch that money. Right? Don’t touch that 401k. Don’t touch anything. And I said, well, you’re in a position you could potentially touch, you know, access that money. And so I’d say with both of you guys and they have both, you know, either they got furloughed or they quit their jobs recently. So these were 401ks that were accessible. If you work for a company, you may not be able to access your 401k, maybe through a loan, but not often through cashing out. That’s pretty rare you can do. What’s called an inservice distribution. So in their case, they’re both old 401ks, 401ks with old companies that they worked for. So I said, Hey, you could cash that out. Now they have up to $150,000.
They could do total between the two of them. Cause there’s 200,000, you can access without the 10% penalty. So I said, if you do do that, that’s 150,000 and maybe they pull out a little bit more, you know, maybe they pull out the full amount. Maybe they don’t pull out the full amount, right? Maybe they only pull out 240,000 more. You know, maybe they leave 50,000 and whatever, it doesn’t matter. I just told him like, Hey, if you bought 290,000, here’s the thing. You will have about $70,000 in taxes based on their tax brackets and everything. Now companies will likely withhold probably almost 60,000 of it. But I said, Hey, either way, you’re gonna need about 70,000 withholding from tax. That leaves only about 220,000 right? Now, 20,000. That needs to be set aside for emergency fund. Now they already have 50,000 savings. They already got that there.
So of the total, they got, you know, 220,000 plus the 50,000, right? That’s 270, make sure 20,000 is left in their emergency fund. You know, that sort of thing. Now the rest I said, you know, only invest 230. And by the way, this is some stuff. This is easily going deeper than even I told them, I think, at this specific, but I want to illustrate this for you guys as an example. So we took 230,000 of that money. Now, granted, I know actually doing the math currently. We could probably do a little bit more, but Hey, may could be able to do 250,000, but I think 230 is a good conservative number because it leaves a good amount of money in their pockets about 40,000 bucks in their pockets there. And who knows? I said, even with emergency savings, maybe some of that goes into infinite banking policy, right?
Maybe we diversify their savings. At least it’s earning better than point, nothing percent with the bank. Right? So anyways, investing 230,000 for cashflow at 10% is 23,000 a year. We bumped that up to 240, great! Now they’re making 24,000 a year. Now, remember what is this cashflow goal? 2000 month or 24,000 a year. So he could basically do it here. So I get, I just took 230 and making 23,000 a year. I think that’s a good conservative number. There’s several places they could do that. They do real estate. It could be even more, but even if it’s just, you know, like AHP fund, right, the AHP fund that here we talk about, they pay 10% a year. Cool. That’s 23,000 a year. Now, I go to number five on the strategy list here. I say, reinvest this 23,000 of cash flow. So that cash flow they’re getting rather than consuming it, keep it, you know, build up that savings.
And again, it could be put into life insurance or whatever else, but either way, 23,000 plus the 15,000 gifts that they get each year, that’s $38,000. So in their second year they got $38,000. They can now invest again. So with cash flow and everything, investing that, whether it’s, again, AHP, it could be real estate or whatever conservative number adds about $4,000 a year. So now they’re 23,000 becomes 27,000. Right? Now they do it again the next year they take the 27,000 and take the 15,000, from the family gift. This could be true for you guys. Maybe you don’t get a family gift, but maybe you’d get extra cash flow you’ve been saving, putting way. It could’ve been money you put into your 401ks, maybe money that you just have leftover each month. That bigger, that number is the faster this grows, by the way. So anyways, they’re taking that 27,000 plus the 15.
Now that’s $42,000. They have to work with. So that makes 4,500 a year. Again, I think these numbers are very conservative compared to the options that are available. And I even did this in case they couldn’t quite do the real estate options we wanted. I want to make sure this was realistic. Well now their total in year three, jumps up to 31,500. So remember they started at 23,000. Now they’re at 31,500 of cash flow a year. By the way, if you want 31,500 from mutual funds, that means you can’t be pulling out more than about 3% a year. This would mean that the equivalent of this would be like having over a million dollars sitting in a mutual fund that you’re pulling out 3% because we have a million dollars at 3%, you’re pulling out 30,000 a year. They’re already by year three at 31,500, not waiting for age 59 and a half, which is over 20 years away for them. Right?
That’s another thing that’s crazy. Why invest in vehicles that don’t match your objective? You know, why put money in a 401k if you want to retire before 59 and a half, that’s ridiculous. That’s like throwing money away from you. It’s locking up in prison and saying, Oh, sorry. I guess it can’t work for me after all, right? You don’t want that. You want your money working for you. They want them out of prison doing their thing. So already by year three, that’s 31,500. Well guess what? 31,500 plus another 15,000. That’s over 46,000. Maybe now they’re making over 5,000 a year and you could see how this keeps building. You know, that we keep adding more and more on this cash flow side, you know, that keeps growing and adding up, right? Like, so what happens? You keep buying bigger and bigger assets that keeps going, and we’re not talking about selling and repositioning out of properties to buy more because equity growth and everything else that’s beneath the surface.
We’re not talking about the fact that their mortgages are getting paid down too. So what’s happening is we’re taking about, you know, 300,000 or so of their money total, right? In total. Even after paying the tax, a big chunk of that to taxes. And still now it’s got way more cash flow coming in. Then if they had waited however many decades for their money to turn into over a million dollars inside of a 401k. You see what’s happening here? Like this is just speeding up everything. Now it might sound amazing or it might sound too good to be true to some of you. But the truth is that this is something that happens every day. And in many cases, these numbers are better. Again, they can be more conservative, depends on the situation of life, right? And what’s going on, you know, I’ve lately with everything going on with people being furloughed like I’ve had, we’ve had to get pretty creative on finding different investments that are secure for them, but also providing good cash flow.
In fact, even helping provide some income when they don’t have the income coming in, or it’s not the full amount of income they’re used to. And so this is the cool thing, is that even a situation like this really within the first year, and this is what I told them, I said, really, within the first year, guys, you can actually hit your 2000 month goal. They’re like, how? How’s it possible? Well, it’s about finding the resource. Figuring out where the money is. Again, they never really considered that they could use that money elsewhere because you know, everybody does a great job marketing to you telling you don’t touch your 401k money. Don’t touch the equity in your home. Don’t touch these different assets that you have that really could be used to accelerate and even create good, steady streams of income for you.
And just like everything. Cash flow is the real path of freedom. When you have more income coming in than expenses going out, that is true freedom. What happens though is that many of us are taught that it’s about accumulating and compounding and not, you know, not doing anything with your money, you know, just letting other people manage it and try to make money for you. And the truth is that does not happen. You know, first off, most of those managers are, have their hands tied on what they can and can’t do, even though they know better with their funds, they can’t always buy and sell the way they think they should. So they have to think in a very different perspective. And if, again, if you’re lucky, you can take all these high risks in the market to maybe average what, 6% maybe 7%, if you’re really lucky. Longterm, because remember the real rate of return of the S and P 500 last 30 years has been seven and a half percent, not 10 or 12, seven and a half, right?
So you’re taking all this high risk of all these ups and downs and try to be in it for the long haul and delaying your gratification, delaying any real life, especially when you’re alive, right? All the stuff that’s happening and what’s can actually happen in truth is not an accumulation type of model. That’s been proven to take way too many years for your life to make it really truly work in a good way to create freedom. And then instead do an acceleration model, which is about cash flow. Passive income now.
So guys, that’s the thing I want to share with you is that, this the stuff I see day in and day out, this is the stuff that oftentimes people can consider. Maybe their mind starts to play with it. And then they retract again because it’s uncomfortable or it’s unknown. And they don’t know where to go.
Guys. There is places you can find good returns. You can actually take control of your financial life, not turn it over to somebody else and hope and pray. They do something with it, but have real control of your money. Take less risks. Get regular, stable, steady income from your money, get your money working for you now. So you work because you want to not because you have to. That’s what this is really all about, right? It’s about creating that legacy, creating that ability to create a ripple effect through the lives of others. And imagine what you could do for your family and what you can create for generations beyond you. Even it’s changing their mindset, how their lives can be so much better than your own by doing and teaching and living by example, this very thing.
Guys, this is the reason why I’m teaching you this stuff. This is why it’s so exciting for me. This is why I left being a financial advisor because when I saw what was possible, being a financial advisor sounded stupid. This is why I couldn’t do that anymore. That’s why I had to leave the industry in 2006. And I’m telling you the last 14 years, man, there are some amazing ways to create good solid cash flow. But it does require patience. Requires discipline. It requires you to do everything we can to minimize that risk. So anyways, guys, this is something that you think is good for you. You can always shoot me an email, [email protected] and say, Chris, how’s this apply in my life? But right now, guys, I hope this just expands your mind to realize this income avalanche can become something amazing and truly profitable for you. I hope we make it a wonderful and prosperous week and we’ll see you later.
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jadondonsancho · 4 years
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12 Days of Christmas- Day 12
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Christmas Day- Anyone you’d like
Soft knocking in the door pulled you out of your sleep.
“Aunty y/n? Uncle p/n?”, came the little voices from outside your bedroom door.
Your niece and nephew obviously doing the rounds to wake everyone up, your brother probably having told them they couldn’t open presents until everyone was awake.
Reluctantly you climbed out of bed, it was 7am. As you opened the door, two very excited faces were beaming up at you.
“Morning guys! Merry Christmas! We’ll be down in a minute okay”, you said bending down to speak to them.
“Okay!” They both said, running off to wake the rest of the house no doubt.
You closed the door and climbed back into bed. He was facing the other way, having rolled over at the noise.
“Babe...cmon, Santa came and the kids are gonna keep knocking until we go down”, you laughed nudging him awake.
He groaned, “can’t they just start without us”
“Nope! Now get up you grinch”
“Merry Christmas to you too”, he rolled over to look at you, huge smile on his face and his hair a mess.
“Merry Christmas love”, you leaned down to place a kiss on his lips.
The two of you came downstairs to excitement. His dad getting started on coffee for everyone and his mom making pancake batter. Your mom was sitting by the tree with your niece and nephew as they were pointing out all the gifts Santa had left in the night. Slowly the rest of the adults made their way into the living room, the kids successful in their mission to wake the house.
Your dad assuming the role of Santa, one of the kids placing a Christmas hat on his head as he handed out gifts one by one and before you knew it the living room was a mess. Wrapping paper and ribbons everywhere.
You were curled into his side on the couch, coffee in one hand as you watched the chaos unfold, your heart happy. You were so grateful to have everyone together at Christmas. And pretty soon there weren’t any gifts left to be unwrapped. The kids going to town on all the toys they’d received. Your brother already trying to set up his new phone, your dad admiring his new set of gold clubs and his mom taking excitedly with yours about her new blender.
“Right”, said his dad, “that was fun! Thank you everyone, can we get started on breakfast now? I’m starving”
“Wait dad...”, came the voice from beside you. “I have one more present to give”
He stood up, disappeared from the living room and came back seconds later with a small wrapped box.
“Merry Christmas love”, he said handing it to you and taking his place on the couch again.
You eyed the box, and then looked at him. He looked a little nervous but for the most part his face was unreadable.
You removed the bow and the wrapping carefully, very aware that everyone was now looking at you. It was a jewellery box, your heart stopped.
You looked back up at him. His thumb was between his teeth but still, he was giving away nothing.
You opened it to reveal a bracelet, silver and dainty...stunning. You then noticed it had a charm and as you took a closer look you realised it was engraved.
“It has your initials on it”, he said smiling.
Except...they were wrong.
“It’s stunning babe but they’ve engraved it wrong! The last initial isn’t right”, he took a closer look, the last initial was wrong, it didn’t match your last name but instead his.
“Well I guess we’re just gonna have to fix that”, he said.
You looked up as he was getting down on one knee in front of you, in his hand a ring box.
“Y/n, I love you. I want to spend every Christmas with you from here on out. I know this is incredibly cheesy but I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I want nothing more than to be able to call you my wife. Marry me? Take my last name and make that bracelet right?”
Tears were streaming down your face, shock had taken over and all you could do was nod. The sound of your family members clapping and crying bringing you back to reality.
“Yes...of course I’ll marry you”, you chocked out. The ring slid onto your finger and you leaped into his arms. He was crying too. You could have stayed like thy all day.
Hugs of congrats and merry Christmas went round the room and you couldn’t stop staring at your hand. Almost unable to comprehend that this was a reality, that you were really this lucky.
“Not to take away from the moment or anything...but we still doing breakfast?”, his dad said causing laughter to erupt through the room.
The rest of the day was magical, the best Christmas yet! Delicious food, champagne, lots of chocolate and a Christmas movie to end it all off.
Truly the best Christmas ever!
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Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a blessed day filled with family and fun! Love to you all xxx
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novantinuum · 5 years
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Bi the Way...
Fandom: Steven Universe
Rating: Teen
Words: 2.8K~
Pairings: Steven/Connie
Summary: Connie has a question, and also something to say.
Or: the one where Connie comes out as bisexual :D Set post Steven Universe: The Movie.
You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit it from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos on AO3 as well.
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Bi the Way...
Outside the familiar coziness of Steven’s bedroom, the late autumn rain pours steadily, the choppy waters of the Atlantic crashing onto shore with a ferociousness Connie hasn’t seen for a number of months. Historically, Beach City has been blessed to be host to consistently good weather. But even the most consistently stable meteorological systems aren’t immune to the odd unexpected shake-up. It’s a necessity to clear the air with a great thunderous clap, sometimes. It relieves pressure that’s built up long term amongst the clouds. It leaves the atmosphere noticeably cleaner, the dirt below sparkling with that fresh scent that comes about after torrents of cool rain.
On this particular afternoon, she’s found that this is a lesson that holds just as true for people as it does the weather.
It begins with a stray comment, as things often do.
They’re watching TV, the two of them, tangled together on his bed. About once a week they’ll try to have one of these cuddle sessions, just some time alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company in private. Working alongside a myriad of Gems to aid in the restructuring of an entire society can be excruciatingly stressful at points, and so can rigorous AP classes and the eye-rolling drudgery of high school drama. There’s no placing a hierarchy on these things for them, no matter their outward difficulty or importance, they’re all just... the challenges in life they have to win. And on occasion, they’re the challenges they need a quiet break from. Both of them are no stranger to throwing themselves at a problem and working endlessly towards a solution until they hit rock bottom and crash, but over the years they’ve started to recognize this tendency for the bad habit it is. It’s okay to take 'me' time, Connie’s constantly reminding Steven (and herself) whenever she catches him about to stubbornly sneak away to the galaxy warp with clear stress lines rimming his eyes. And without fail he’ll groan halfheartedly, knowing he’s been caught red-handed, and retire to his room to relax with a book or a board game or a few rounds of Lonely Blade: Resurgence instead.
Today’s workaholic distraction is a marathon of old Under the Knife episodes. It’s been a while since they’ve binged through this show, and when Steven brought it up and she started to feel super nostalgic about it, in a flash their entertainment for the afternoon was selected.
“Gosh, I honestly forgot how good this is,” he says in the middle of an episode, nudging her arm with his elbow. “The satirical nonsense, the passion, the drama? Eh?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty pulpy,” she giggles, nudging him right back. Then, directed at the unhearing characters on screen: “Ughh, Marigold, come on, just go out with him already! We all know you like him!”
“I can’t believe they kept this a slow burn for five entire seasons,” he comments, pursing his lips. “They’re literally perfect for each other!”
Connie throws her arms down against the mattress, palms stretched wide open. “I know, right?? Adrien’s like, a total dreamboat of a man.”
“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Steven says, an unmistakable blush coloring his face and ears.
Connie pauses upon hearing this, gazing at her boyfriend thoughtfully with a soft smile as he continues to watch this old episode with the same level of investment he exhibited upon its first airing. He props his chin in the cradle of his hands, which of course only further exaggerates the curve of his chubby cheeks. His eyes are blown wide with youthful endeavor, the TV’s glow glinting against his irises in a myriad of continuously shifting colors. He is pretty cute, she thinks, his own adorably smitten words echoing through her mind. And then that blush...
There’s a question she’s had for quite a while but has never asked. Something she’s suspected of him, but had no concrete proof of. The reason? Even if they’re best friends, and now— boyfriend and girlfriend on top of that— the idea of asking him something like this just felt too... what’s the word... invasive. Not that there’s anything wrong with discussing this sort of stuff, no, no, of course not! That’s definitely not what she means. But talking about something as important as this, she just knows it would turn into an in-depth conversation, as most worldly topics tend to do with Steven Universe, and it’s only inevitable this conversation would eventually turn back on her. On why she cared to ask in the first place. And that answer was... well, straightforward, but something she’s not sure she’s ready to broadcast. As if she’s taken command of but a single fragment of Garnet’s future vision, in her restless mind she’s already mapped out what feels like every possible response he could have to her. Most of them are no more than anxiety laced fabrications, things he would never ever dare think of with his upbringing, but believe her when she says she’s been burdened with considering every possible outcome in great, excruciating length.
Now that she knows for sure there’s a strong chance he’s the same way, however... that narrows down these possibilities significantly.
Connie threads her fingers together, gathering the courage.
Come on, you. It’s just Steven. No script, no planning, just... say it!
She opens her mouth to speak before her anxiety laden mind can beg to differ.
“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask- do you like girls and guys?”
Steven glances away from the television set to meet her curiosity head on. “Oh, you mean like, romantically?”
Running in automatic, she nods in confirmation. Here she goes. The answer to both her spoken question, and the question of which river of possibility this conversation will careen down.
He grins, scratching at the side of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do! But I think I could like anyone, really. Guys, gals, none of the above. Doesn’t matter to me. That’s... okay, yes?”
“Silly, of course it’s okay! You don’t need my permission to like who you like. I just asked because I-“ Her heart pounds as she pauses briefly, focusing on the nervous jitters, but not in fear. Not anymore. Instead, that soft fluttering in her heart is nothing less than sheer exhilaration. She parts her lips once more, bravely speaking her inner truth into reality for the first time in her life. “I’m like that too. I... I’m bisexual.”
Her boyfriend’s whole expression lights up so bright she may as well be looking at a newborn star.
“Oh, really? That’s awesome!” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulder to side hug her. (Knowing him, his keen empathetic ability likely led him to sense the internal battle she waltzed through just to state this out loud.)
The forgotten soap opera continues to play in the background as Connie gives a bashful laugh.
“Hehe, glad you think so. You’re actually, um... the first person I’ve ever said that out loud to,” she says, blushing.
Steven looks as if he’s about to say something in response, but then he pauses— fades into a silence that’s deliberate and measured— as he gazes back at her. Drinks in the moment. Wonders how he could be so lucky to hold her trust like this, or how— heck, he could be thinking anything, she has no idea! Unlike him she can only catch small glimpses into how he feels, the truth woven like gossamer threads through his words and actions, but in this one hallowed moment she doesn’t need to guess. The spark of affection dancing within his dark eyes is soft, perhaps softer than he’s ever looked at her before.
More than anything, Connie feels seen. Years back, long before sword training and Gem missions, long before that fateful day she discovered the beautiful temple (it looked like it could very well be a Hindu goddess, and that cultural connection alone made this slice of beach instantly familiar) hidden on the other side of the hill and decided to park herself there with a book, she’d grown used to feeling invisible. Before she bravely chose to step into this world of magic, it’s as if she forgot that she even had a choice to stand out, to openly shine as the unique, extraordinary individual she is. Admittedly, she still struggles with that to this day. But whenever she’s with him, with her Steven? It’s as if her universe explodes into a kaleidoscope of dizzying color where everything is so, so beloved and worthwhile. She’s worthwhile.
She can only hope being with her makes him feel the same way.
“I know it’s silly after everything we’ve been though,” she continues in time, still having a few things on her mind she suddenly has an exhilarating need to set free, “but I always kinda worried that people... would belittle me for it, I guess. Especially my parents. That like, there’s some upper limit to the number of unusual things about my life they’ll accept.”
“It’s not that unusual, though,” Steven says with a shrug. “I mean, Ruby and Sapphire are legally married. Sure, the Gems aren’t exactly women, but they do present that way. And then Pearl was in love with Mom, of course. Oh, and Amethyst once told me, and I quote, that ‘like a whip, I swing in every direction.’”
Connie snorts at this, and even he can’t help but laugh.
“Let’s see, what else...” he muses, peering at the ceiling thoughtfully as he continues to list the queer individuals he knows of. “Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream are all dating each other. Mr. Smiley finally reconnected for real with his old comedy partner, and they’re dating. And my dad may not be seeing anyone but he’s always been openly pansexual.”
“Well, it’s not usual in my family,” she says glumly, nestling her chin into his bed’s comforter as the terrifying possibility of rejection hits her harder than expected. Her glance roams. On the television screen, the episode they were watching had paused automatically, a message asking if they’re still there popping up. Clearly it’s been a while since anyone’s handled the remote. She blinks past tears, shame settling at the pit of her stomach for even daring to cry them when others have gone through so much worse, and you’re lucky, what do you even have to feel lost about, and suddenly she begins to feels shameful just for feeling shame, and what cyclical, bittersweet irony is that, and what’s wrong with her, why can’t she stop obsessing over distant possibilities that likely have zero chances of coming to pass, why can’t she—
Steven breaks through her downward spiral with a gentle hand on her shoulder, rubbing away the physical evidence of her stress. She melts into his touch, forever smitten by this kind of casual intimacy they get to experience together here, alone. It’s innocent, still merely the wandering hands of two teenagers barely beginning to break the boundaries between close friendship and romance, but when words fail she’s discovered that touch can be a language of its own. And right here, right now, she knows he’s talking her down from the mountain of anxiety she’s marooned herself on. He’s leapt effortlessly into the stormy sky and cradled her in his arms, ready to float back to Earth’s surface together.
Outside, the rain continues to slap in rhythmic sheets against the deck. She shivers. Maybe it’s in reaction to the gloomy weather beyond the sliding glass door, maybe it’s despite it. She has no idea.
Steven scoots forward on his belly a bit, and rolls to his side so they can talk face to face without turning their heads. During this, his shirt rides up— ever so slightly— ambient light catching on the lower facets of his gem. The reassurance found in that beautiful, familiar smile of his is dizzying. “Well, at least no matter what happens with your family, you have more than one, huh?“ he says.
“Yeah,” she breathes shakily, eyes glistening with emotion at the metaphorical hand he’s extending with that statement.
Hopefully it’ll never have to come to that, though.
“I do think my parents will be fine with it, if I ever do tell them,” she continues, dabbing the dampness from her eyes. “Especially my mom. She works with queer patients all the time at the hospital, so she’s pretty used to stuff like that. I just... get anxious sometimes.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s tough dealing with identity stuff.”
She hums, mind immediately harking to the years he spent doubting his own personhood. Seeking any kind of physical connection she can get, she nuzzles her cheek against his forearm, which he’s currently leaning on. They lay there like that in comfortable silence for a good while. Steven, laying on his side, one hand lazily trailing through her wavy hair, and her, curled up close to his heartbeat, hugging his free arm.
“Hey, while we’re on the topic, can I ask you something?” he asks eventually.
She nods. “Anything.”
“How’d you distinguish bi from pan, when you were figuring all this out? I know they’re pretty similar, and my dad tried to explain it a while ago when I asked, but I still don’t exactly get the nuances.”
Connie shifts to sit up, pursing her lips as she considers her words here. She’s done a lot of research into queer identity in her time, checking out books from the school library and looking up stuff online on incognito mode, but there’s probably still a ton of holes in her knowledge. “Hmm, okay... so I’m no sole authority on any of this of course, but to the best of my knowledge bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pan means you’re attracted to people, but like... their gender isn’t really a factor in the way you experience that at all? I‘m pretty sure? There seems to be a lot of overlap. From what I’ve read people just sorta pick whatever feels the best to them.”
“Huh, that makes sense,” Steven says. “So picking labels is kinda like fusion, then! Whenever I fuse, we decide our own name, and it’s sorta... based on a feeling, y’know?”
“Yeah! And like, with Stevonnie... Even though Amethyst kinda inspired the name, they still had to figure out who they were as a person on their own.”
“Exactly! And then, even if two fusions are made of the same gem types, they could still have different names because they’re different people, and that’s what they choose. Anyways, that’s just what this reminded me of,” he says, glancing up at her with a bashful smile. “Honestly... I don’t actually know how I identify.”
The corner of her lips edge upwards. “That’s fine,” she reassures him with a pat, “it took me a while to sort through all this stuff.”
“I really wanna figure it out, have a word for it, but nothing’s clicked yet. For a while I thought I was pansexual like my dad, but that didn’t quite... feel right. Like—“ he too shifts to sit up, folding his feet under his legs as he continues to speak— “I love getting to kiss you, but no offense, I don’t... know if I'll ever want to have- to do anything more than that, y’know?”
She snickers at his inability to simply say the word sex. He’s seventeen now, he knows full well what that is, yet still his faux innocence on the matter remains. It’s one of his charms.
“None taken. Love and attraction is a bizarre, complicated world.”
“You can say that again.”
“Bogus.”
“Whack,” he agrees with a playful grin. Reaching for the remote, he presses play a few times to wake up their streaming site. The episode starts up right where it left off, and they continue to watch together, the air somehow feeling sweeter after her much needed release of emotion.
The satirical medical drama quickly fades into the background, though, as Steven’s hand curls around hers.
“Hey,” he says quietly, blushing. “Even if I don’t know everything about labels yet, I do know one thing for sure.”
She raises a curious brow. “What?”
“I know I love you.”
And before she can open her mouth to respond in kind, he’s kissing her cheek, swooping in like a bandit just like she did for the first time all those months ago, and her heart swells with affection for this boy. He leaves her with one kiss, then two. At the exact moment she turns her head to reciprocate— to sneak a gentle kiss to his cheek right back— he turns as well and she ends up meeting him at the lips. It’s but a quick peck, but she's almost floating. The two of them stifle a laugh as they gaze at each other, their noses almost brushing together.
“Hey, it stopped raining,” he comments then, grinning against her cheek.
She drapes her arms around his shoulders, and hugs him close. Her eyes trail to the glass sliding door. The clouds outside are still thick, but after releasing their load they’re visibly lighter now.
“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling her muscles finally relax as she sinks into her best friend’s embrace. “Yeah, I guess it finally has.”
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sieshedsit · 4 years
Text
2020– the year of endless road blocks.
Let’s start with the shitty parts of this year...
Roadblocks or excuses? Perhaps both. This year has been tough. The year started out with putting my grandparents in a nursing home. My grandma is was first. Then we finally convinced my grandpa that he needed to go to assisted living. I won’t go into all the deep details... but dementia sucks. Watching your grandparents get old sucks. My grandparents are my world. They raised me until I was nearly 11 and are like my parents and they’ve always considered me a daughter. It’s been especially rough with COVID-19. They are in the same facility but different wings so they currently can’t see each other and it is making them both so depressed. It’s a constant stressor for me. I am always worried about their mental and physical health. I have recurring nightmares about them. I’m trying my best to just be supportive and realize there’s nothing I can do right now but that and to let it be until this COVID-19 situation fizzles out.
COVID-19 hit right before we moved my grandpa into a facility. We all know how much the ‘Rona has made things suck more. We are our friends and family less, or less at a time. Lots of things we look forward to have been cancelled. Weddings have been moved or made smaller. Parties and concerts have been cancelled. Trips cancelled. Hawkeye football cancelled. MLB is a joke. All things that we look forward to during the spring and summer and fall months. This has greatly contributed to my depression. I often times feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to for a very long time.
In April, I got the horrific news that my dad’s best friend (who has been like my second dad my entire life) was murdered by his own wife (who has also been in my life for over 15 years). For me it was not only a total shock to hear but also the feeling of “how the fuck is this happening to me AGAIN?” For those of you who don’t know me well, one of my dear friends was murdered in 2015. It was awful. The grieving process has been everything but easy. So receiving this information was like a horrible nightmare all over again. Not only did I start reliving Andrea’s death but now another tragic and traumatic desth. It was crippling. And honestly, I’m still not okay. I’m not grieving properly. It’s hard knowing someone who was an important part of my life killed someone else who was an even more important part of my life. It’s mind-blowing that his body laid there for days before he was known to be dead. We didn’t get to say goodbye. We still haven’t had a celebration of life. It’s like my grief is on pause. I hate everything about that. It still affects my every day life. I don’t know when or if we will have answers to his death and that really affects my ability to accept it. I miss him so much and my heart is torn to shreds over how much my dad is hurting.
In June, I changed my whole career plan. When COVID-19 hit, I was a full time student in a mortuary science program and working full time at a funeral home. My school pulled me out of all funeral related activities for credit because they didn’t want to be held liable if we got COVID. I also wasn’t working as the funeral home I worked for was on limited staffing due to all the COVID restrictions. So I was essentially unemployed from March until the beginning of this month (August). I had already lost my drive to be a funeral director due to things I’d experience through my funeral home that I won’t go into detail about. The death of Brody also greatly affected my drive. With the combination of all those things I decided that I need to enter the work force. I’ve been in school for so long and never found something I truly loved so here I am back working full time in claims work which I due truly enjoy.
Alright enough of the depressing shit here’s some positives..
In May, I got engaged. It was the best day. It gave me something positive in a year full of negatives. Nick proposed at the lake house and we were surrounded by our roommate, two of our best friends, his parents, and my dad. I’m still so in love and so excited to marry him. He truly is the man of my dreams.
In August (now), I started a new job in claims work again and so far I’m really loving it! The company is fun and caring and very successful. Nick and I have also decided to buy a bigger house. With the derecho that hit (if you don’t know what that is please google Iowa Derecho and check out the Cedar Rapids damage, it’s devastating and they still need SO much help) we’ve had a hard time selling our house. I think people who were looking may no longer be because of damage sustained to their homes or homes of their families. I know this isn’t the end of the world, but it still sucks. But I’m so grateful we were only without power for 20 hours and our house and vehicles are completely fine. We are blessed and lucky.
I’m honestly blanking on more positives. I’m sure there are a few more, but it’s Monday and I’m mentally exhausted lol.
Alright, Sierra, what’s all this rambling have to do with your weight loss journey?
Everything, actually. Food is my coping mechanism. Sometimes it’s just eating crappy and others it’s bingeing. With that being said, I’ve been doing what I’ve done my whole life and diving into being healthy and then something happening and I give up. Is this an excuse or a roadblock? The answer is yes. Haha. Although let’s be honest, they’re more of excuses. Grief sucks. Bad things happen and that sucks. Sometimes everything sucks. But the thing is... we can let it suck and complain about how much it sucks and sulk OR we can rise up and do better and be thankful and do whatever we can to make the best of those situations. This is something I’m working on. With the negative things.. I’ve been binging and eating crappy as mentioned. I am at my highest weight of 267 lbs yet again. I feel disgusting. I can hardy look at myself in the mirror. I have little motivation to do anything. I have hardly went anywhere unless I don’t have to dress up or it’s people I see all the time and even then it takes a lot for me not to bail because I’m embarrassed to be seen. Yeah this is pretty real and raw.
Last night, my fiancé and I had a very deep talk. He gave me some great advice. He’s always so supportive of me and truly wants the best. I expressed to him all these awful feelings I’ve had about myself and that I want to change. I want to be healthy. I want to workout. I want to lose weight. I want to wear normal clothes. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. What he said to me was:
Do you want to do it or are you going to do it?
He’s right. I’ve been wanting these things or trying these things but not DOING them. Yoda said it best when he said:
Do or do not, there is no try
So. I’m doing the damn thing. Today I started tracking my macros and water again. I will be working out again following Strong Daily with my Coach Maddie. You can find a link at the bottom of my blog.
I am still currently wanting weight loss surgery. I have to follow a diet and exercise regimen that is physician supervised for insurance purposes for 6 months. In these 6 months, I will work my ass off. If I am happy with my progress and results and no longer feel surgery is necessary to help me, I won’t get it. But for now I’m following the plan to get there. I’m working on my mental health. I’m a mess right now and I don’t want to be. I will do something for myself every single day to help in that journey and will be beginning therapy again as soon as I can. If you’ve read this whole post of rambling, thank you.
Peace&&Love
Sierra
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Text
TW: racism, bullying, brief mention of my own ED.
A couple of days ago, I was thinking how I originally got involved in the BLM movement. I remembered this story, which was my turning point, and I wanted to share. I want to say that this is not me tooting my own horn or saying I did a great thing. I did a decent thing for family. More than anything else, this is about my insurmountable white ignorance before this happened to me.
tl;dr: Had an insight into the bias of the world that POC live in. It made me a better person. So POC, I am asking you to call me out. I’m going to work really hard on making myself better, and the burden of that is on me. But if you’ve got something to say to me, say it. You’re helping me evolve, you’re helping me to better support you. I want to be the best ally I can possibly be. It will not be taken with offence, it will be taken with thanks.
For context, I am the oldest child of all my cousins (there are eight of us), by about 6 years. One Christmas, I told one of my cousins, a girl (exactly) a decade younger than me, that I would be there for her, no matter what. I mean, they all knew that, but I really wanted to reiterate it to her. I think that every older cousin has one younger one that to them, that is their absolute baby. P was that for me. Sure, I love and adore and would happily care for (for free) all of my cousins (even the 5 y-o), but despite the age gap, we just...clicked. I knew P was having a hard time at school, and I shared my own stories of bullying and eating disorders and all sorts of other awful things. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I never really expected her to take me up on it - she was beautiful (like, crazy stunning), sociable and clever. At that age, I was short and busty, had cystic acne, greasy hair, untreated endometriosis, glasses, braces, my hobby was reading and I was quick to react when provoked. Put simply, I was an unattractive nerd. But she was tall and lithe, clever and calm, blessed with perfect skin, teeth and eyesight (drat her). In my ignorance, I assumed that she’d be one of the pretty girls that succeeded in sociability, *as well as* academics. And oh fucking boy I was wrong.
P rang me about two months later from her mum’s phone. She‘d stolen it, and was hiding under the bed, in her bedroom. We chatted for a bit, and then, after a moments silence, she whispered down the phone that she was being bullied. Her voice was so scared, it was awful to even listen to. As I gently asked her to talk about it, I realised why she was scared. She wasn’t being bullied like I was (I was a nerd, and I went through puberty before all my friends - meaning boobs and extra weight). Her type of bullying was so, so much worse. Her bullies were picking on her smarts, sure, but their main target was her skin.
Her mother, my Dad’s sister, is a specific type of Irish white - we burn when we think about the sun.
But her dad is Indian. He’s one of the most generous, kind, and intelligent people I have ever met. But these kids had packages that down into one thing...his brown skin.
She was 8 years old.
The girls from her school were telling her to ‘go back to the streets where she belonged’. They were following her on her walk home after school, because they ‘couldn’t believe that she lived in a house’. They told her she was ugly and dirty because she was brown. But the worst part, was that she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was *ashamed* of her own damn skin and her own damn heritage. I was utterly heartbroken for her. I wanted to drive the 3 hours to her home just to hug her. I also wanted throw those tiny bitches out a window. I couldn’t, as I was pretty ill myself, but let me tell you, rage is a good motivator to get well. Incredibly, I was okay enough to drive to see her two weeks later.
When I eventually got there, I had a secondary quiet chat with her mum (I had called her after I had hung up with P, to give her a heads up). She had dealt with the whole situation. Personally I think she was much calmer than I ever could have been - I was seeing red. I think that she too was furious, but she’s always been good at keeping her emotions in check. The situation had been resolved with the school, and the girls were seriously reprimanded and given a weeks worth of curriculum on racism. But the whole thing stuck with me. I think it was because though we are so similar (she’s also a sarcastic asshole) my bullies had never said anything like this. No one had ever picked on my *colour* (lest I was sunburned). I realised that if I was a POC, my torment could’ve been so much worse, and that’s what my baby had to endure.
That was my wake up call. That was the day the concept of privilege hit me square in the face. The irony of the situation was, her parents are incredibly well off. More so than my own. Her dad is thrice a doctor (he graduated in India, had to retake his exams in both England, where he met my aunt, and again in Australia, where they live now) and is a highly sought after radiologist. But even that that still didn’t protect her. The day I heard her little voice break down the phone line, is the day I realised no POC was safe until we had systemic change.
Next year, they’re moving from their town, which is three hours away, to the town my family and I live in. I’m really excited. It’ll be nice to pick the girls up from school, to treat them to McDonalds on the way home, and to look after them when their parents are away. I’ve got a little fold out bed in my tiny apartment for one of them, and the other can sleep on the sofa bed. I’ll get to shower then with love because I’ll be *present*. But mostly I’m excited because, for the first time ever, our weekly check-in chats will be face to face. I’ll be able to hug her on the spot. I’ll be able to hold her if she cries. I’ll be able to congratulate her on her achievements, rather than woo-ing down the phone line. And yeah, I’ll also be close enough to throw any prospective little turds out the schools cloisters windows.
Actively wanting to learn about racial injustice, changed my life. I can’t imagine feeling like my skin colour was a target of hatred, even in Australia. It terrifies me that one day, my babies might go to America, but I know I can’t wrap them in bubble wrap.
So here’s my pledge. I know I don’t know your pain. I certainly don’t feel your pain. I am still an outsider looking in, and I always will be. But I want to help. I want to learn. Please push me, please correct me, please call me out. I think that I am very lucky in that this is personal for me but I am so very privileged that this comes without danger to my own being.
Today, P is 14, her sister is 11, and they’re both strong and clever and beautiful and wicked funny. They’re just at that age where I’m old and uncool, but that’s okay. I like being embarrassing. Even if they don’t know it, they’ve given me a gift. I’ve been given a tiny, horrible, painful insight into *every* mother and father and sister and brother and cousin and grandparent and spouse and friend and colleague who is scared for someone else in the US (and beyond) right now.
I want to be better. Help me be better. I don’t think that if I follow the usual politically correct limitations, I’m fine. I want to be more than fine. I want to be voting for women of colour and marching with the movement. I want to be more that a black tile on an Instagram page. I desperately don’t want to be the girl who assumes that bc my best friend, and cousins, are POC, I’m immune. I’m not. I want to be an ally, one who passes the mic, who steps aside, who says that ‘it’s not about me’.
So this is my rant and this is my promise. I promise I will learn. I promise I will take criticism. I promise that I will choose from POC businesses over cheaper options. I promise that next (Australian) election, I will vote for a person of colour. I promise I will protest and make signs and send politicians letters and sign petitions. I promise will actively search out new information to educate myself with. I promise I will fight past this trend, past a black tile on social media. I promise I will not walk away. Followers, please hold me accountable, always.
Having said all of this. I truly believe in voting with your wallet. So, if anyone knows any POC run organisations, businesses, stores, political movements, protests, artists, designers or anything else, I would be forever grateful if you could link me to them. I’m a weirdly organised person, and I’ve started Christmas shopping. This year my family is only doing Christmas presents that are made/created/run by POC. I know there’s a chance that we’ll all find one website and ordering from there, which is great, but I want to broaden my gift-giving horizons. If you’re a creator, I really really want to see your work. Thus far, I have one painting, by an indigenous Australian artist, for my mum.
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fortwest · 4 years
Text
Fenn/Cordelia Interview
@liahavelock
The two interviews before him slipped by quickly – Fenn was paying little attention to them, truth be told – and he stood almost robotically when prompted by an avox, who led he and Lia to the bottom of the stairs. He shook himself out of it and grinned at his sister. “It’ll be fine. We’ve dealt with worse sirens than Dora Tales.”
Dora leaned forward to the audience. “Between you and me,” her voice seemed to bubble up from her chest, like a burbling stream, “this next couple is one of my favourites.” She winked performatively and giggled, raising goose-bumps on Fenn’s bared chest. “I think we can all agree they’re a couple to watch. Please make them feel welcome. It’s our favourite seaside duo. Cordelia and Fenn!”
Wolf whistles, screams, and raucous applause assaulted Fenn’s ears as he strode confidently up the stairs, his suit attracting gasps and further applause from the audience. He bowed to the audience cheekily and batted his hand their way, as if to say – Oh stop it, you – they loved that. A glint in his eye and a broad grin on his face, he turned to Dora Tales and shook her hand, firmly, whilst bending in to kiss her on both cheeks. As he pulled away, her eyes met his and Fenn returned the searching gaze and superficial smile.
As he and Lia sat on the sofa, Fenn offered his hand to Lia. She looked up at him and took it into her lap. Dora looked admirably upon the two of them, sighed and shook her head with a smile. “I’m sorry to stare, but you two really are beautiful. What do we think of these outfits, ladies and gentlemen?” The audience roared. She leant forward and squeezed Fenn’s leg, who laughed and leant back on the sofa. “Oh I know,” he giggled. “I have genius stylists – I usually wake up looking like a blobfish.” Dora then booped Cordelia’s nose, and Fenn squeezed Cordelia’s hand, praying she wouldn’t bite Dora’s finger off.
As the crowd died down, raptly watching Fenn and Cordelia – already baying for blood, Fenn thought with a sick twist in his stomach – Dora Tales began to work her magic. “Well now. I must admit to being starstruck. You two have both gathered quite the following in the capitol – we really feel as though we’re a part of this little family.” Tales beamed at them.
“We’re happy to welcome you into the Havelock clan,” Fenn opened his arms to the audience and to Dora, chuckling.
Lia concurred. “Yes,” she forced a smile, though Fenn felt it was only because he knew her face so well that he noticed its falseness, “You’ve welcomed us very warmly – and we’ve managed to find a few home comforts here.” Fenn squeezed her hand again – nice one.
“Ah District Four,” Dora sighed. “A humble place but so beautiful, and such a rich culture – so rooted in mythology. Tell us a story from home – it seems you both spent a lot of time playing them out as children,” she added with a wink.
“If you’re referring to the clam shell bras, Dora,” Fenn chuckled, “I’d rather reserve comment.” Fenn held a hand up jokingly, and forced his face to flush redder. “But we can tell you a story if you’d like – I believe Lia knows the best ones.” He indicated his sister and extricated his hand from hers to give her the floor. “I never paid much attention in school,” he whispered and winked at Dora.
Cordelia accepted graciously, her eyes sparkling brighter than her dress. Fenn sank back, grinning at his sister as she spoke. The room was eating from the palm of her hands; the way Fenn commanded attention was loud and charismatic, but when Lia commanded a room it was with a soft power, her voice like the smell of coffee grounds permeating the air, wiring everyone’s brain. Masterful, he thought as she flipped the coin into the air. He was glad to see Tales smiling uneasily. He had never promised her District Four stories were sweet fairy tales.
Dora laughed effervescently as Cordelia caught the coin, and applauded. “What a story!” Dora exclaimed. “The myths of District Four are legend, of course, but I wasn’t prepared for them to be quite so sinister.” The hint of menace in her voice was not lost on Fenn – she didn’t appreciate command of the room being taken from her. Tales was trying to point out to the audience that beneath the golden couple lay something darker.
Fenn smiled and lent forward. “There’s nothing to fear about death,” he spoke gently. “Living by the sea teaches you that we are helpless when presented with it.” He grinned, “I think, though, Dora, that you’d have more to fear from the kids playing pirates back in District Four than the scary stories they tell.” Fenn chuckled, and Dora graciously accepted the shift in direction of the conversation.
“And speaking of your dastardly deeds back at home, Fenn,” Dora laughed airily, “You’ve had quite the young love right here in the capitol. Do tell us about Valentine, Fenn. How did you feel when you saw what he said to Valkyrie? And what,” she grinned, “happened on the train?”
Fenn chuckled, “Oh I never kiss and tell, Dora. Although I’m not sure that applies when you all saw the kisses anyway.” His voice was edged with a warning. Don’t ask me again. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, and opened his mouth to evade the question – he’d been preparing for this, but Dora clearly saw what he was trying to do and cut in before he could say anything.
“Come now, Fenn. We’re all desperate to know!” She looked round at the audience, and Fenn became conscious of how close she had come whilst talking, her knees mere centimetres from his own. “Aren’t we?” The audience roared, some of them practically frothing at the mouth.
Fenn raised his hands in defeat, and they fell silent at once, waiting for the story. “Well as to what happened on the train – I think it’s fairly clear that we clicked pretty much straight away,” Fenn grinned sadly and held his hands in his lap, looking down at the floor and pursing his lips. He knew how to play an audience. “We sat up and talked for hours most nights – same as when we got here, really.” He looked back up and shook his head. “I remember being so nervous when I saw him in the training centre. ‘What if everything’s changed now we’re here’, I thought. But you know between the dates and the singing and the sleepovers… and the baths,” he added, grinning at the audience. “I sort of settled into it.”
“I guess I felt a bit of an idiot. I can’t have expected him to seriously fall for me in a place like this. I should have trusted myself at the start, I suppose.” He held his hands up as if to signal that there was nothing more that could be done, and looked out into the audience, pleased to see a couple of people dabbing at their eyes. “Lucky I have my sister with me,” he grinned. “You know I always used to go to her as a child, too. She used to spray ‘magic sea water’ on my leg when I’d cut myself, or over my heart when I was feeling upset. No magic water here, of course, but she’s still here for me like no one else can be,” he placed his arm around his sister and squeezed her in towards him.
Dora leant closer and spoke in a false whisper. It was softer than her usual soaring voice, but loud enough to echo around the room. “And is that why you chose your beautiful sister here over Valentine?”
Fenn smiled and looked over at Cordelia. “Well, Dora. I think I always knew I would be with Cordelia in these games.” The audience loved that. “Valentine was fun, but family is the most important thing in the world.”
 Tales moved on from Fenn to Cordelia and asked about Onyx. Fenn used the opportunity to assess the audience more closely – he had heard the story a thousand times from Cordelia, so didn’t need to listen, though he made sure to nod sympathetically from time to time. He was pleased to see that the audience were enamoured. Cordelia’s hot-headedness made them look like serious contenders, but the sharp edges of her fire were softened by Fenn’s charm.
Dora’s laughter soared above them all, and the audience laughed along. It was infectious, though not to Fenn and Cordelia, who smiled politely. “Well we certainly have a charming pair here, don’t we? You’ve been quite the golden boy and girl independently, of course, but to be in here together.” She whistled through her teeth. “Well, I think we can all say we were heartbroken to watch your reaping.” The audience agreed fervently, but Dora ploughed on. “But to actually be in your position, I can’t imagine what that must be like.” She almost choked on her words with emotion, though Fenn noted her eyes were dry. “How did it feel to see your sibling get reaped?” Dora asked the two of them.
Fenn glanced at Cordelia, who was flipping the coin nervously, and nodded almost imperceptibly to Fenn, encouraging him to take the lead. “I don’t think words could do it justice, Dora.” He spoke softly, directing his words out to the audience. “You know – on some level it’s almost a blessing in disguise, to have Lia here with me. A small slice of home goes a long way. But equally, my stomach dropped when I heard Lia’s name get called, and it hasn’t gone back to normal. I’d do anything for my sister here.”
“You know – I just can’t stop thinking about our parents. They’ve been through such tragedy already,” he sighed sadly.
“Tragedy? What’s this?” Dora reached out her hand, which Fenn took – almost comforting her rather than her comforting him. He looked at Cordelia to check this was okay, and she nodded a small nod, looking at the floor.
Fenn began. “Cordelia and I have already lost a sibling. My parents have already lost a child. Cordelia’s twin.”
By the time Fenn had finished telling the story of Atalanta, how they would spend days out on the boat as children, how she had died, and how it had felt going from a trio to a duo, the room was silent. The loudest sound was the breathing of the three people on stage, amplified over their microphones. “Now this is unprecedented,” Dora leant back and brushed at her eyes, again tearless. “Well, my dears, I think we can all say we hope you make it home to your poor parents. They must be sick with grief.”
Fenn shifted, taking this as the end of the interview, but Dora used the hand already on his leg to press down firmly, telling him not to move. He glanced at Cordelia, who looked just as confused as he did.
“Speaking of people back home who must be worried. We contacted some people back in Four, and my they had some lovely things to say about the two of you.” Dora indicated the screen behind her, on which people flashed, saying how sorry they felt for the Havelocks, how Lia and Fenn were good kids, always brightened a room, and how they’d grown from kind and funny children into even kinder, funnier adults. Allium’s face appeared briefly, and Fenn smiled sadly at his voice. He hadn’t forgotten its sound, but it was nice to have his memory refreshed.
When the video reel ended, Fenn exhaled heavily and wiped at his eyes, which had moistened. “Thanks for that, Dora. It was nice to hear from them.” He looked over at Cordelia, who smiled and nodded.
“We miss you all,” Cordelia said into the camera. “We’ll be home soon.”
The audience roared and stood on its feet as Dora bowed to Lia and Fenn and kissed their hands. They waved solemnly at the audience, but with winning smiles, and left the stage.
Fenn embraced Lia shakily the minute they were out of sight, though the cheers of the capitol still wracked his head. He couldn’t find the words to say how he felt, but from the trembling of her breath, she understood.
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mrsrcbinscn · 4 years
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Franny Robinson HC Infodump #4: Country and Bluegrass Music
hi, I’ll finally do a writeup on her work in jazz next but I’m in a country mood and was INSPIRED so oops country first
Word count: 2486
Dara & Danny
  In 1991, Daniel Maitland (fc: Martin Sensmeier), an Indigenous Alaskan kid, moved from Alaska to Payne Lake, Georgia, with his parents and older and younger sisters after his father got a job opportunity in Atlanta, a reasonable commute away. Daniel spent two years being musical rivals with Franny Framagucci before he proposed they just combine their talents and perform together at talent shows and the county fair. The two were inseparable, musically, until Franny went to college at NYU and Daniel went to East Tennessee State.
  They remained friends throughout college and reunited during winter and summer breaks to play together locally. Daniel was in Franny’s wedding party. He’s Wilbur’s godfather and is ‘Uncle Dan’, they’ve always remained close. They would write songs together usually through an internet connection except for when they could travel to write in person.
  In 2009, Daniel once again was the one who suggested they officially collaborate. That’s when the bluegrass-country-traditional southern/Appalachian folk duo was born. They have released 9 albums together since they started releasing music under Dara & Danny.
  One album, titled Molly’s Church, is almost entirely songs from the hymnal of the Church of the Nazarene in their hometown in Georgia, which was the church their friend Molly attended before her death. It was a “fuck you” response to them having received backlash from certain gatekeepers for a video of them singing Hank Williams’ I Saw The Light going viral. They were pissed two non-Christians were getting praise for performing the song. (Franny is a Buddhist and Daniel is an Indigenous Alaskan with traditional spiritual beliefs).
  To the backlash, Franny said, and announced the dropping of this album on an Instagram Live Q & A, “It’s funny. Like. Christmas is such a part of mainstream American culture. I celebrate Christmas, my non-religious Maori husband celebrates Christmas, are y’all mad about that too? Christianity is so deeply woven into American culture and the history of American music, like I just -- its wild y’all are so mad. And because I like to poke an angry bear, our new album, Molly’s Church [...] and what really gets me is like - just because I ain’t Christian, don’t mean I’m ignorant about it either. I’m from the Bible Belt, y’all. I did go to church with my little friends some Sunday mornin’s as a child if I had a sleepover at their house. [...] One of my best friends, the lovely, talented, beautiful, late Molly Vaughn, who we named the album after, was a devout Christian. When I would cry, she’d always sing It Is Well With My Soul to me and play with my hair. You can’t tell me that because I’m not a Christian, that song ain’t special to me. I think of that song whenever I’m going through a hard time and my heart is at peace because at its core it's a song about looking at your situation and making peace with it, and finding the strength to move on to hopefully better days. At her husband’s request, I sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing at her funeral, okay? Like- [pause for annoyed exhaling] to suggest we have nothing but respect for these beautiful hymns is insulting. [...] Insulting not just to us, but to the hymns. They’re so beautiful that they have made an emotional impact on two non-Christian musicians. I think that’s wonderful and speaks to how lucky we are to live in a time where all sorts of sorts are able to learn from and share with each other. But that’s just us, I guess.
  Every song on Molly’s Church has a special memory attached to it for either myself or Daniel, or in the case of Be Thou My Vision, it was Molly’s favorite hymn ever. We couldn’t name an album of hymns after her and not put that on it.”
  The track list is as follows: [Spotify playlist]
  I couldn’t find a folksy or bluegrassy version of Be Thou My Vision, which. I’m ANGRY about. Because when I was a practicing Nazarene Christian it was my favorite hymn, and I still find it beautiful but.
  Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing
How Great Thou Art
Dwelling In Beulah Land
Be Thou My Vision
It Is Well With My Soul
I Saw The Light
Victory In Jesus
Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel 
Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory
Holy, Holy, Holy
  Another album, titled Something’s Rotten in The Sticks is purposely very dark. It’s largely covers of murder ballads and sad traditional folk songs from the American South and Appalachian Mountains, featuring original songs and covers of songs that explore the darker sides of more modern rural life like the opioid crisis, unemployment, poor education, poverty with no social safety nets, and more. 
  Franny openly admits that she wrote the original songs from a place of immense privilege. In an Instagram Live Q&A about the album she said, “These aren’t my exact lived experiences. But I feel like I have some right to talk about these stories because these are the things happening to my people, the good people of the town that took my mother in when she was a twenty-something year old refugee, and then helped raise me. I buried my first friend thanks to the Sacklers (the family whose pharma company produces oxycontin, who purposely spread misinformation about how its a safe drug and who pret-ty much engineered the opioid epidemic) in 1998. I just last month buried one of my best friends since elementary school after three narcan shots couldn’t save them. 
  Rural Southern folks and the problems they face are dear to my heart. [...] I know how lucky I am to have grown up in the rural south and ended up where I am today, in the privileged position I am in. [...] And I see the way people in the cities talk to and about these people and it’s fucking gross. You know nothing about these people and what their lives are like, and what they care about and worry about. I have always been proud to be Southern, just as I’m proud to be Cambodian. [...] Rural poor folks are the kindest, most loving, most resilient people, and I am not ashamed that I came from that. 
  This album… so our last album, Prodigal Children of Clayton County, Georgia, was a love letter to and about our hometown and the people of the rural south. This album is more of a ‘we see you.’ And it's also, I hope, an accessible way to start explaining the problems our people face to city elites that look down their noses at them. Like, I hope people can say in response to “I just don’t understand these people”, “hey, go listen to I Grabbed A Banjo (And You, The Pills), then talk to me.”
  Daniel said in that same Q & A, “I was born in Alaska, I met Franny when I moved to her hometown in Georgia, in middle school, and we began playing music together in high school. I live in the Appalachian Mountains now, I studied Bluegrass and Old Time music at East Tennessee State University, in Johnson City. Now, I’m -- I’ve been lucky enough to make a living out of the music I love, but you know- like I said. I live in the Appalachian mountains, in Kentucky, in a rural area. I never left the rural south, since I came here, this has been my home. We’re privileged now, but had a few stars aligned differently, our high school friends’ lives would have been ours. We love the people of this region. Like Franny said, we both have two groups of people we are passionate about amplifying and equipped to amplify. Mine are our struggling rural folks, and Indigenous voices, and Franny don’t ever shut up about Cambodian or the rural south.”
  “I really fucking don’t.” Franny quipped.
The track list is as follows: [Spotify link, the first 8 tracks are the songs they covered on the album and the rest are songs that fit the vibe of the original songs to give y’all a picture]
  Knoxville Girl
I Grabbed A Banjo (And You, The Pills), an original song about the opioid epidemic that’s killed many of Franny and Daniel’s high school friends 
Troubles, traditional folk song as popularized by Kilby Snow and Anna & Elizabeth
Red Dirt Girl (Emmylou Harris cover)
But I Ain't A Milton Boy/Girl , an original song about how in Milton (a bougie rich people part of Georgia) kids go to college and become doctors and lawyers while people from the song narrators’ town don’t bother learning to solve for X because all that waits for them is army recruiters, the power company, or the unemployment line [the male narrator, Daniel], and the female narrator [Franny] sings about how she was a smart girl who held her first baby when she was a baby herself, married two bad men she thought were good, and now she sells her ADHD pills to college kids to buy groceries, and how their high school aspirations crumbled easily, and the chorus is literally just narrators fantasizing about a decent standard of living and having decent opportunities and then going, “But I ain’t a Milton boy/girl, and that’s why I’m cryin’ today”
Deportee (Woody Guthrie song as covered by Dolly Parton)
Savannah, a song Franny wrote about the time her brother drove her down to Savannah when she got pregnant in high school so she could have an abortion three hours from home, where nobody local to them would be out front shouting at people needing abortions
Poor Folks Town (Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton cover, instrumentation is modified to be a little melancholy to fit the rest of the album, but it is still a markedly happier song than the rest of the album except for Rich Kid Clothes)
Don’t Put Whiskey In My Water, an original song about a man nine years sober almost falling off the wagon when he’s laid off ahead of his teenage daughter’s high school graduation, including the line ‘don’t worry about Ole Miss, we’ll figure it out, somehow we always do, smart little girl like you can’t die in this town’
Don’t Take Your Guns To Town (Johnny Cash cover)
Pretty Polly
Down In The Willow Garden
Rich Kid Clothes, original song about a brother and sister super jazzed about their “new” clothes, hand-me-downs from the rich kids of the house their mama cleans, happiest song on the album
Health Insurance, an original song from the perspective of three different people, on in each verse, either dying or seriously suffering from solvable medical issues but because healthcare in America is trash they either can’t get help, or are going bankrupt trying to, that’s incredibly sarcastic including lyrics like ‘and I know I deserve to die for not having had a rich great-grandaddy, and who wants to see their daughter graduate college anyway’ , one of those sad songs with joyful instrumentation
  Another album! Is titled The Rise And Fall of Jenny and Jamie, and is a concept album meant to be listened from start to finish that tells the story of a couple that falls in love, gets married, has a very dysfunctional marriage, and ultimately divorces. Think the energy of Alpha Desperation March by The Mountain Goats, and the entire Tallahasee album but especially No Children. The Dara & Danny album is a little less dark because the last few songs, about divorce, are like...happy. 
  Daniel, who had been divorced twice by the time they wrote the songs for that album, said “There is nothing sad about ending a marriage you’re miserable in or don’t want anymore. The two songs about the divorce, they’re happy because our characters are happy to be done with each other. It isn’t Tammy Wynette spelling D-I-V-O-R-C-E and lamenting the end of her marriage, instead, Jenny and Jamie realize their marriage is toxic not just for the other person, but for themself, and they’re relieved to not be married anymore.
  Notable Dara & Danny performances and accomplishments:
They cover Whiskey Lullaby at many shows they do. A video from a 2016 show went semi-viral, and fans of the duo will show it as an example of “Peak Dara & Danny”
Nominated for the 2019 Grammy Award for Best American Roots Song, as the duo Dara & Danny, but ultimately Brandi Carlile won for ‘The Joke’
Franny was absolutely thrilled for her. She STANS Brandi Carlile and has written songs with her before. 
In the post-Grammys interview, the interview asked Franny if she was disappointed and she was like “I would pay Brandi Carlile to punch me in the face, so no.”
The clip of Franny saying that went viral and embarrassed poor Wilbur
“To be honest, when I saw The Joke was nominated, I didn’t even bother writing a speech. Daniel and I were both just thrilled to be considered to be like, at her level.”
Nominated for the 2019 Grammy Award for Best American Roots Performance, as Dara & Danny, and again lost to “The Joke”, but again, did not care at all
Won the 2019 Grammy Award for Best Bluegrass Album as Dara & Danny, their fifth nomination in the category and second win
Nominated as Dara & Danny in the category Vocal Duo of The Year at the 2019 CMA awards.
Nominated for IBMA Album of the Year in 2014, 2015, 2017, and 2018
Won the 2019 IBMA for Album of the Year 
Won the 2019 IBMA for Song of the Year 
Franny is the first person of Cambodian descent to win a Grammy, an ASCAP award, an IBMA, or be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame
Daniel is the first Alaskan Native to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame
Solo work
  Franny’s used bluegrass-folk style music to write songs about the experiences of her mother and other relatives under the Khmer Rouge and in the civil conflict that preceded it. It leans a little away from #pure bluegrass but it includes mandolin, banjo, and even some traditional Cambodian instruments. It’s this blend of bluegrass instrumentation and traditional Cambodian instruments that on paper sounds like “Franny you’re crazy” but in practice its fuckin’ lit, y’all.
  It’s as genius as The Hu, that Mongolian band that was like “what is we play metal music with guitars and a drum set and TRADITIONAL MONGOLIAN INSTRUMENTS?” Lit.
  She did an entire album, Franny Sor Robinson Covers Kitty Wells [playlist] and that album gained Franny a ton of street cred in the country/bluegrass industry. She got a lot of respect for her Kitty Wells covers.
  She’s released three solo albums of folksy-bluegrass-country style music that is original music she wrote the lyrics and music for.
  Three solo albums, the Kitty Wells cover album, and nine Dara & Danny albums makes twelve country-bluegrass albums total Franny’s released, not counting featured artist appearances on other albums.
  Notable Franny Sor Robinson awards, performances, and accomplishments in the country music sphere:
  Franny sang ‘Born To Fly’ with Sara Evans once
Franny loves that song, it came out in 2000, when she was in college at NYU, and it was a staple song of hers to perform at any gigs she did in college
The day the United States legalized same-sex marriage, Franny was a supporting solo act for a friend of hers and she was like “I don’t know a better way to celebrate than by taking one of my favorite country love songs and making it better. And by that I mean gay.” By this point she’d been out as bisexual for years. So she sang Brad Paisley’s She’s Everything 
Franny’s always kept the pronouns the same in songs she covers, so if it was a man’s song about a woman she’s always kept it about a “she.” Her cover of She Thinks I Still Care by George Jones was an instant hit when it was released on one of her solo albums
At an event honoring Randy Travis, Franny performed his hit Deeper Than The Holler for him
She also got to sing I Told You So with him once at another occasion and she damn near died
At the final show of George Strait’s final tour, Franny sang Carried Away with him and almost cried he is one of her!!! Idols!!! and during his encore, she joined him and all of the other special guests of the final concert to sing All My Exes Live In Texas
She’s been awarded and recognized by various organizations for the furthering of Asian-Americans in the arts in general, in music, and empowerment for both her work in jazz and country umbrella music
She’s performed at and been nominated for CMA awrds, ACM awards, and Americana Music Honors & Awards
She’s won Americana Music Awards
When challenged to prove she could yodel she fuckin got right up and sang Hank Williams’ Long Gone Lonesome Blues and nailed all the very technical yodeling, and its a thing she’s like, Known for doing, so she will perform it live pretty often
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