#i’m too much of a coward to do it

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

I think PrinceZam should be put in a saw trap. Not that it’d be good for him just that it would force him to either confront the worst of his mortality and all of his fears and force him to reckon with the parts of himself that he continually tries to deny. Or die trying

#my brain put me in The Torment Nexus last night for five consecutive nightmares in a row so I’m coping by figuring out what kind of trap #would force Zam into acknowledging all the worst parts of him #(gesturing vaguely at my brain) you put ME in saw traps?!!!???? I’m gonna put ZAM in one #this is also partially inspired by holland’s ASDOM saw au because it goes crazy hard #I’m thinking that the best trap for him would be one where he has to choose between being selfish (saving himself) #or selfless (saving someone else) BUT it can’t be a simple decision. he needs to be forced to run through the cowardly and catastrophizing #thought patterns that have guided him this far (heavy s4 inspiration) with a side of severe mind games #I think for that reason the bathroom from the original saw film would work well but that is too much mind game not enough hands on death #but the reverse bear trap would also work to drive home the significant physical threat there needs to be #thinking……. thinking…….. #no drawn out conclusions yet but god . this is an AU I wojld really want to work with if I had the spoons and time #ohhhh perhaps he is a paranoid shutin after ruining the only friendship he’s ever had (reporting severe academic violations? perhaps) and #the whole pont is to force him to find a way to throw his full faith into doing what’s right (IE: grievous bodily harm / death) or choose #the coward’s way out becaude he cannot stand the consequences of his actions (death again but this time his own) #cats.txt #cats.writes

[mutalune]

me when people hate on aos trek:

#starlight fandom #starlight trek #LOOK I KNOW THEY AREN’T GOOD MOVIES THEY WERE IF MARVEL HIT STAR TREK WITH A BASEBALL BAT BEHIND A CLUB #BUT AOS GOT ME INTO STAR TREK IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY IT HAS A PLACE IN MY HEART FOREVER #AND IT’S NOT AOS!JIM’S FAULT THAT THEY WROTE HIM BAD I ACTUALLY THINK ITS REAL INTERESTING #TO SEE A VERSION OF JIM KIRK THAT’S TRAUMATIZED AND FUCKED UP AND DIDN’T HAVE A FATHER AND YET HE STILL ENDS UP COMPASSIONATE #HE STILL ENDS UP A LEADER AND KIND #like fr tho that’s a fascinating concept #how much things may be different and how Spock!prime broke the timeline by melding with aos!kirk #and Kirk still ends up kind and loving and beloved anyway!!!!! #like I’m sorry they didn’t execute well until beyond and honestly I ignore stid entirely but it’s such a cool concept to me #and Karl urban as bones was so. SO. SO GOOD. he was perfect and deranged in the best way #Quinto-Spock I can take or leave but I do love me a bitchy Vulcan and he did have that #it’s okay to not like aos I don’t blame anyone for not liking it but I am so fond of it folks I truly am #and I’m not just saying that b/c the fic I’m writing rn for comfort and therapy reasons is projecting my current issues on aos!kirk #he’s just really to project onto and he looks like he’d benefit from ketamine treatment too and learning how to have hobbies w/o stress #anyway like I said I don’t blame anyone for disliking it or erasing it from their fandom memory #but it got me into Star Trek and I’m grateful and if ppl weren’t cowards aos!kirk would be so fucking fascinating in a feral way

[ashersanity]

Pookie!! ˊᵕˋ♡ I don't mind being called pookie anon, I think it's rather cute! I get the fuzzies hearing about how my asks make you feel calm, and even more so when you talk about your friend crush! It doesn't bother me at all when you're straightforward, it's quite the opposite really ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა I hope your hiatus is going well and you're taking time to yourself! You do cross my mind every once in awhile and I wonder how you're doing when that happens. As for me, don't mind my status! My slump's just a little hiccup that'll pass, I'm certain! Also, your moot colour would be mahogany! I feel like you'd be fun to play video games with and banter with, but you give me the feeling of the kind of guy i'd wind up having late-night conversations with at 3am about life troubles. You feel like deep conversations in the middle of the night in a parking lot with some slushies. ( 灬´ ˘ `灬 )

Wait, you actually read those tags LMFAO.

Idk why I didn’t expect you to when it’s right fucking there to read to the whole world. Thanks for that though, glad to know I can comfortably refer to you as pookie anon, the nickname is pretty cute hence why I chose it for you. My brain is kind of mush and melty rn as I type this so some of what I say might not any sense at all. Sorry for that, return to classes hit harder than expected and now I’m out here trying to give a breath of fresh air to my burnt out brain that was already burnt out to begin with, now getting more burnt out. Wow. I wrote burnt out like 3 times. Going on 4 now.

As little as it may mean, the fact that I cross your mind at times and that you wonder how I’m doing does mean a lot to me. Even something as small as a stranger online possibly worrying(?) for my well-being makes me warm inside, idk how to explain it entirely. As for your own status, hope you’re doing well, sure you’ll get through it as you’ve said so yourself, seeing someone positive with my current mindset is a little more motivating to me.

Surprised you didn’t pick one of the negative colors lmfao which were something along the lines of being chronically online though thanks to college, not much of being online anymore either. Being described as that sounds nice, especially the specific scenario of bantering over video games only to end up at an isolated parking lot at 3 in the morning, slushies in hand and thoughts tumbling out. Most of it would be just me having an existential crisis however lmfao.

I forgot about the color assignment game but if I remember correctly, I think yours would be yellow? since receiving asks from you brightens up my day (Yeah, I know. Cheesy. We’ll not elaborate on that one.) That’s as much as I can remember. Once again, hope you’re doing well, still very much set on my want to be your actual friend.

#but I’m too much of a coward for it #hnnnn #ironic considering I’m the one out here to say it’s not that difficult just do it #I’ve gotten too used to people approaching me instead #think every friendship has started with the other person talking to me first #not the other way around #which is why I feel so paralyzed whenever I get these sort of friend crushes? they call it #I wanna do the first move #idk how to #loser #saw you’re posting again #welcome back :) #pookie anon

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

Hey legit question: I’m probably 2/3 of the way through my fic and I want to finish it this week… would anyone be willing to beta??

A) I need the external motivation lol and B) I’m desperate for some feedback from someone familiar with both fanfic in general and The Witcher more specifically.

I would pay you in eternal gratitude???

K thanks bye.

#the witcher #mine #fanfic #full disclosure is currently at like 35K and it’ll probably get to 45-50K by the time I’m done. #it’s a bit of a beast #but it’s also pretty good! I think??? #Oh! also ​it’s rated T for swearing and that’s about it. no spicy content here I’m too much of a coward lol #it’s called A Song About Pirates. #(the pirates do not show up until chapter 6 lmao) #(I’ve completed 6.5 chapters) #anyway YES both my ao3 username AND the title of the fic are TAD lyrics #what of it?? #geraskier #geralt/jaskier #geralt x jaskier

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Feelin a little spicy………. might write a kenstewy fic idk 😳

#tbh i barely registered stewy as a character on first watch so my characterization may be ass #also i hate kendall lmao #but i get his voice more than like shiv or w/e #i’m so attached to tomgreg tho lmfaoooo #but i’m too much of a coward to write good omens fic yet b/c i haven’t finished it & no fucking way i could even get close to book quality #life is hard #i’m sure a molly makeout fic already exists but idfc #kenstewy #kendall roy #stewy hosseini #succ #succession #what if i do it…….. what then……………

[imjustexistingtbh]

it’s 5.40am n i haven’t slept n i m so in love with my best friend it hurts

#just jupiter #queerplatonic yearning #i love her do much. and i’m she loves me too. but it’s not the same. at least i don’t think. and i’m too much of a coward to tell her how #how i actually feel. it feels pathetic. oh hey i love you. not in a romantic way. not ‘just’ as friends. something so much more. #i feel like a clingy little kid whenever i think about it. #sigh #vent #aromantic

[kiwikipedia]

“Name something with more diversity than genshin”

Star Wars but BARELY

#on god mace is doing all the work because genshin is too much of a coward to actually put a black character on the roster #anyways I’m swinging a bat at a hornets nest with this #a small one maybe #but a nest nonetheless #star wars #genshin impact #genshin criticism #Kiwiki Speaks

[castielmacleod]

Hello bitter Cas fans and DestieI dislikers I’m thinking of ways to survive thee fifth this year and I know @vaicomcas has talked about a Bitter Cas Fan Week of some variety, so being inspired by that.. idk. I realise this would be a very quick turnaround for a whole week, so what if to start, and just for the particular occasion, we did like…. Bitter Cas Fan.. Days.

This would be just a small maybe 2-day event, from the 5th to the 6th, to share works or meta or think pieces regarding how Castiel’s story (and Billie’s, honestly) ended in canon. I’m imagining something like:

Day one, Nov 5th, with the prompt “Despair” (obviously the title of 15x18). This is the day were we can all vent and lament about how miserable and infuriating Cas’ ending was, complain about that speech and its assertions, the whole bury your gays element, how unfairly Billie was vilified and unceremoniously killed as well, etc.

Day two, Nov 6th, with the prompt “The Truth” (the original title of 15x18 before it was changed to Despair, aren’t I cheeky!). This is the day where we can imagine a better world where Cas and/or Billie are resurrected after 15x18 and get to freely live on, or maybe even a world where 15x18 never happened or went differently. Our truth if you will.

This could be just a really informal thing for anyone who wants to commiserate with likeminded individuals as the rest of spnbIr celebrates one of the worst episodes of television I’ve ever personally seen. Text posts and overall conversation would be the main medium for it but any art or writing would be amazing if you’re someone who can pull something together that quickly.

I won’t create a whole shiny blog for this or anything, so if anyone’s interested you can just tag your posts with #Bitter Cas Fan Days through November 5th and 6th and hopefully we can all make it through peak Dusty Yell season together!

#My posts #So I guess I’ll just do #Safeantidestiel #Dean critical #<— to keep the w* and pro Dean anti Cas people away lol #Because I’m not putting this directly in the CastieI tag I’m too much of a coward for that 😭 #And I could not be more scared of the main anti DestieI tag. Everyone in there is fucking ill. No thanks #Bitter Cas Fan Days #I would love a full week someday though #This is just something small so the fifth doesn’t make me insane

[little-shiny-sharpies]

Spiraling so hard tonight I’m not even gonna lie

#dw not gonna kill myself or self harm #I’m too much of a coward to do that #I flinch and cry for zits being popped I’m not gonna lie

[bibleofficial]

this guy harassed me for years to meet but i thought his profile was fake & then we eventually did & he led me on for months before ghosting me, so in retribution i’ve been hitting him up constantly on scruff & grindr & today he’s finally blocked me …. BUT I STILL GOT HIS NUMBER 😭😭 BUZZ BUZZ BITCH 😭😭😭

#diary #ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA #LIKE ITS SOOOOOOOOO PETTY #like i know i’m insane #but he knew i was insane when we met & then he ghosted so it’s only just #& it makes me laugh so fucking hard bc i knew he wouldn’t block my number he’s TOO NARCISSISTIC #i mean i already know i’m deleting & remaking my scruff & grindr in a month or 2 so i’ll be BACK ON IT #unless i’m in the uk then i :( gotta focus :( #ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSA BUT ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY #like when he blocks my number i’m just going to show up at his office ALSKASLALKSLAKSLAKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA #like hi xxxxx uwu #I KNOW IM INSANE BUT IF U PLAY W MY EMOTIONS I PLAY W UR LIFE #like ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKS IF HE DIDNT GHOST & JUST BROKE THINGS OFF LIKE AN ADULT INSTEAD OF A COWARD WE WOULDNT BE HERE #BUT HERE WE ARE #HE STILL HASNT SAID ANYTHING ALONG THE LINES OF ‘IM NOT INTERSTED’ HES PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO DO SO BC HE LIKES THE ATTENTION SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭 #girl this has been going on for like a year

[curly-cottage-girl]

at this point I don’t need therapy anymore what I need is to just sit down for a while with a girl who I know is as equally messed up as I am and just tell each other all the horrible and disgusting thoughts, feelings, and parts of ourselves and then leave

#and not see each other except to repeat it every once in a long while #but I just #I can’t quite seem to fully do this in therapy :/ #which is why I stopped #I guess I’m too much of a coward so I need that extra reassurance #even if I know the therapist won’t judge me

[a-tender-violence]

ur taags bro that was v fucking sweet

hope ur figure drawing's going well <3

hehe yeah man of course <33 i really mean it!! i love your art in general and it was a big source of inspiration when doing my school work esp your attention to lighting. shading on faces and figures always fucked me up and i was much better at it for still life but looking at your stuff and people with similar styles helped me a lot with that ^_^

i fucking hated figure drawing for that class but i’m continuing it on my own now that i’ve left that school and i’m really starting to enjoy it :))

#n e ways yeah. this was sweet of you to say smth. #i don’t see ur art a lot but i highly admire what i do #not to prompt further conversation but if you wanna see some of the figure work i’ve done dm me and i’ll show you some #i’m too much of a coward to post them directly to tumblr dot com lol #anyways okay bye

[acidsapphic]

waaah she’s so cute and i really wanna dance with her but i also want to drown in her pussy

#last time we hung out we watched but i’m a cheerleader #and we kept inching closer till our knees were touching #but i was too much of a coward to do anything 😭😭😭 #we haven’t been able to hang out in like 2 week and im dying #she’s so smart and gorgeous and way out of my league #like. the fact i think we might like each other is fucking insane to me #txt #text #lesbian nsft #sapphic nsft #nblw nsft #nsft

[hairenya]

Too mad to sleep because my coworker implied that I didn’t want to get fired when that’s literally my goal

#jlktalks. #adventures in teaching #this isn’t even a joke I’m so pissed off #I’m too much of a coward to quit but I absolutely HATE working here and I proclaim it loudly to whoever will listen #I do NOT want to be employed #Like idk how to make it more clear that I hate this school and everyone in it #I might actually get fired because I said fuck in front of the kids yesterday which is objectively hilarious #it’s like how I’m too scared to jump off a bridge but if someone pushed me I wouldn’t complain #my blood has been boiling for HOURS since he said that #I want to yell at him tomorrow but it’s his daughters birthday so idk if I will or not #a courtesy he’s exclusively afforded because his dumbass is hot and that I don’t typically extend to other people #like I’m literally too mad to sleep

[neuropteran]

my friend today said something kind of weird about how he thought a couple of a mutual friends dating in hs was “obviously going to happen” and it makes me feel weird abt all the stuff I’ve said to him abt that person, bc like he’s always telling me i’m not special for knowing things or like, quietly asking me to tone myself down when talking abt them and i know i’m a lot & yeah, i need someone who tells me to not read into things but like. I straight up told someone else that multiple ppl have said they think that person is into me and i expressed my feelings like “okay and what can i do about that?” and it felt good to say but like. maybe i’m being ridiculous and thinking i’m special when i’m clearly not. i don’t know. i need to stop talking about that person, i need to stop thinking about them, and i can’t fucking help myself we were talking about something else and i made the conversation abt that person and i just!!!!!! idk i almost want to say something to my friend like “do you think everyone’s crazy for thinking there’s something there” just so i can have my heart ripped out like. it would be easier if like he could tell me i was reading too much into anything.

#ugh i just. It’s worse when other ppl see something #And everyone I talk to is like. Wow he’s into you and it’s like!!!!!!!!!! At least if it was me being crazy it was just me #idk #It makes me feel kind of unlovable too like maybe the only reason is bc im something new or different #Also my friend said that actually that perosn is a silly funny goofy person and I ….. #i wonder if I’m actually not enough #maybe I’m not enough. And sometimes I see like. Idk ppl making fun of girls being jealous abt their boyfriends interest in other girls #And i feel like. Bad in a way. Like I’m not doing anything I’m just existing and being myself and I’m not trying to do anything #but It must feel like shit if ur find out your boyfriend is emotionally cheating on u #idk Idk im struggling with feeling like. A bad person even tho I haven’t done anything wrong #like im not enough as myself and that person is also bad and too much idk #I feel so. unlovable. no one cares about me #it’s all ‘someone will see you for you and love you’ but what if they don’t. What if no one ever rlly does? What if it’s a dude with a #relationship long enough to be in middle school who’s a bit of a coward. #what If it’s literally bc he’s bored and his relationship is stagnant and you’re only interesting bc he hasn’t worked out you’re boring yet #what if the only thing that attracts ppl is that ur new #:| #I’m so tired of being alone. Sometimes it gets so much I almost regret having boundaries

[galaxywhale-moved]

sometimes I kinda want to just say fuck it and quit my job and sell my apartment and move my whole life to an entirely different place/city/country but I don’t think think that would actually solve any of the problems and would probably cause new ones so /:

#also I’m too much of a passive coward scared of change to ever actually do anything like that lol