The unreliability of memory
Hi okay I want to talk about this gorgeous freaking credit sequence
Okay, all done looking at the pretty gifs?
What I specifically want to talk about is what this sequence says about memory and how symbolic it is and how terrible we are at it, and also some things about unreliable narration and so on. Because I have seen so many people say things like WHY DIDN’T ALUCARD JUST SAVE HIS MOM and WHY DID TREVOR SAY HE WAS 12 IF HE LOOKS LIKE AN ADULT IN THE CREDITS and I just. yeah. memory vs factual reporting of events. we’re gonna talk about this.
Yeah, I gotcha. He doesn’t look remotely 12. He is also not, imo, reacting like I’d expect a 12yo to react, even a badass one raised by hunters. He was a KID. I would expect anger, sure, but also fear, and shock. Shocked horror, I guess. This, though? This is pure, unadulterated rage, and the bitterness of years of ruminating on the fact that there’s nothing at all you can do to stop something terrible. This is almost like he’s stuck in a nightmare replaying of that night, however many years later, because both nightmares and memories have this tendency to insert us into them as we currently perceive ourselves. Right now, in the show’s timeline, he is older and angrier and the shock has pretty much worn off, so that’s what we see in this memory--even though the moment could never have really looked like this. Do you think two random priests or townspeople could have held back a fully-grown Belmont with that much rage in his heart? Probably not without, say, breaking both his legs, and even then maybe not. The memory exists because the moment happened, but with a shocked, terrified boy hanging there between those two assholes, not a strangely helpless version of the powerhouse we know grown!Trevor to be.
He is remembering it as if he had been then as he is now. This is a really, really common memory distortion! Let’s call it Memory Error #1: I’ve always been like this.
Sorry, couldn’t find a good shot of what I actually want to talk about, which is the silhouette of a man stopping in the mouth of the alley, looking ominously down into it at the Speakers as the rest of the crowd moves on obliviously. Specifically the fact that he is just a shadow, he has no face, no defining characteristics. This isn’t one specific memory of a particular event where her family group was targeted for harassment in this way--it’s an amalgamation of dozens, if not hundreds of similar situations and events that have imprinted on her as ‘the way things have always been’. Someone stops and stares; she has to hide herself before the stare lingers too long. This exact alley probably didn’t exist. It was just a setting her memory invented to remember ALL of these incidents against, smashed together into one memory that feels formative and important.
She is remembering a large number of similar situations, none of which were that incredibly significant on their own, pressed together into one that, taken with that weight, IS significant. Also a super common memory distortion. Memory Error #2: Many become one.
So, up to this point, the idea that these are not in fact literal representations of the events they’re describing has been something I’ve just asked you to take my word on. But no longer. Look at this. LOOK AT THIS. HE ALREADY HAS HIS INJURY. That is just, plain and simple, not what freaking happened. He also was never alone in front of Lisa’s pyre in this way; there were never not hundreds of people gathered around. See, I can buy that he was there, hidden away somewhere, trying desperately (and failing) to come up with a way to save her that didn’t involve hurting anyone. But this dramatic moment, with the wound and the completely deserted town square? This is not a thing that happened. This is Alucard, in his head, compressing everything that happened in those few days down to a single moment that he can actually try to process--because at this moment, Lisa died, and from that point onward, everything else was inevitable. Dracula had to react the way he did, and Alucard had to challenge him on it, and Dracula had to injure him, and a year later, had to die at his son’s hand. All of that happened in this moment, basically, because there was no altering course from this point on. It’s no surprise he would remember it as if he already had that wound, because in temporally deterministic terms, he DID.
He’s compressing an entire sequence of horrible events into a single moment in which they all ‘occurred’, in order to simplify the memory and make it easier to bear. Also common! Memory Error #3: You died when my mother died.
So, yeah. Basically, these are not meant to be the showrunners telling you exactly what happened. They’re showing you the memories the characters have of these formative events, and like all memory, they’re fragmented, imperfect, and subject to revision, even unintentionally. It’s not that Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard are inherently unreliable narrators, or at least, no more so than anyone is. But brains in general ARE unreliable narrators, and that’s just something we have to accept and learn to deal with.
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Summary: Dean makes the reader (his true mate) feel unwanted, so she leaves the Winchesters. What happens when he realizes he can’t be without her?
Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam, Garth
Warnings: sad reader, hurt reader, heat, pain, heartbreak, ABO, ABO dynamics, true mates, pregnant reader, breeding kink, scenting, nesting, angst, oral (female receiving), smut, vaginal sex (unprotected), knotting, claiming
“Goddamn Sammy, where have you been?“ Dean yells.
“Where’s the fire?” Sam sighs.
“Y/N was in heat for two days, it was life-threatening so I had to take care of her.”
"She likes you, Dean. Where’s the problem?”
“Do you know how hard this was for me? I needed all my strength to knot her. To get hard for her, I was so nerv…” Not ending his sentence Dean stares at you.
Trembling you’re standing in the doorframe. Another wave of cramps woke you up and you wanted to call for Dean. You were so happy that he finally showed interest, that he touched and knotted you. Hearing him say these words breaks you.
He needed all his strength? Sobbing you tighten the grip around the blanket you slung around your body.
Staring at you with wide eyes Dean tries to say something, tries to touch your shoulder.
“Don’t! I rather die than let you touch me ever again. You should’ve let me die. I’m sorry I forced you to touch me. I’m sorry that I’m who I am.”
Running toward your room you try to ignore the pain shooting through your body. Not just the cramps caused by your heat, no the pain that broke your heart.
Hearing the Alpha you love saying something like that hurts you more than any physical pain ever could.
Lying down onto your bed you let the tears fall. Sobbing you try to breathe through the pain.
“Y/N it’s me, Sam, can I do anything to soothe the pain?”
“No, please don’t come in. You make it worse. I’ll just bear the pain, only three days left. I’ll survive for three more days.” You say.
“I’m so sorry Y/N.”
“Me too. It has always been like that. I’ve always been unwanted…”
Around 4 months later…
"Hey Y/N, you look great,” Garth says hugging you tightly.
“So the case?” You ask.
“Oh, yeah. I need help. A whole pack of werewolves, but as I’m one too I can’t take them out.”
“I can’t help you with the hunt. I just came by as I was in town to visit my aunt.”
“But you used to hunt with Sam and Dean.”
Hearing his name makes your stomach churn. After the heat was over you packed your stuff. You sneaked out of the bunker without saying goodbye. Sam called you almost every day for months to make you come back, but you always said no.
“Until Dean decided I’m unwanted and made me leave. Can we change the subject?” You try to hide your discomfort hearing Dean’s names leaves your friend’s name.
“Isn’t it too dangerous to hunt for an unclaimed Omega?” He continues.
“No one ever wanted to claim me, so it’s safe. Right now I’m not hunting. I can’t as…”
“What do you mean no one wanted you?” Garth gasps.
“Garth I like you, but can we change the subject? I’m unwanted, always was, so let’s just drop it.”
“And your true mate?” Garth continues.
“Had no clue I was his true mate, I used a spray to hide my scent. He made me leave. My true mate didn’t want me either.” You whisper.
“I’m sorry to hear. Now that I know I’m even sorrier for…shit … I’m so sorry.” Garth whines and you wonder. But only until you see a tall man enter the dinner. Shit, Sam.
“Garth, I trusted you! How could you?”
“Please hear him out.” Garth pleas, but you already left the table to get out of the diner.
Using the back entrance you run toward your car to drive away. You don’t expect to see Dean leaning against your Mustang.
“If you wanted to stay invisible you should have dumped your beloved car,” he chuckles.
Ignoring the cocky Alpha you open the trunk of your car to toss your bag in. Holding your jacket in front of your belly you try to hide your secret.
“Get your ass off my car!” Is all you say.
“Wait, Sammy and I needed so long to finally find you.”
“Congrats, you found me. Now get off my car.”
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
“No, you were right. I’m not your type. I’m no one’s type. I was always unwanted. Why should my true mate see me in a different light?” You grunt.
“True mate? You knew?”
“Sure. I knew it from the first moment we met.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Why? That’s a joke right?”
“If I would’ve known…”
“You would’ve needed all your strength to get hard for me either way. Now get off my car.”
“Please, since you left everything is…so hard. I’ve missed you. For over four months I’m searching for my true mate to feel complete again.”
“Well I’m not what you want and it’s too later either way.” You lie.
“You let someone claim you?” Dean asks panicked.
"None of your concern.” Entering your car you start the engine. Driving away you don’t give him another chance to hurt you.
Four weeks later…
“Not bad for a girl.” The tiny Beta chuckles. Handling you another bunch of money you won he sighs defeated.
“Anytime Johnny. I’ll call it a day. Have fun.”
Waving the hunter goodbye you don’t recognize the wall of flannel you’re running into. Staring up you look into angry emerald eyes.
Snarling he grins before grabbing your arm to drag you out of the sports bar.
“Can’t you just leave me be?” You yell.
“No, you will come with me to my motel and we talk this out.”
“I’ve got better things to do and as I said…too late.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Fine. I was pregnant with your pup when I left. But due to the exhaustion of my life-threatening heat, I lost it before I even knew I was pregnant. So leave me alone. Find an Omega to claim and just leave me be.” You lie.
“You lost my pup?” Dean whimpers.
“No, I lost my pup. Now leave me alone, I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Please, we could try again.”
Shaking your head you walk away, not looking back at the heartbroken Alpha you start crying.
Sighing you thank god you wore a wide flannel and a jacket today or Dean would’ve seen your baby bump. Grabbing your bag you pack your things. You hope he won’t come after you again, but you never know.
After packing you strip your clothes off to wear something clean. Gently stroking your baby bump you scream in terror when someone bursts your door open.
Staring at you mouth agape Dean starts purring. Panicked you try to hide your tiny baby bump from the angry Alphas view.
“You lied. You still will have my pup?” Dean asks softly.
“No, it’s not yours, it’s mine. You’ve got no right…you never wanted me, so you never wanted the pup either.” You sob.
Snarling Dean stalks toward you. Walking backward until you feel the wall against your back you keep an eye on the angry Alpha. Towering over you his features soften. Purring he starts sniffing at your neck. He can not just smell his true mate; he can smell his pup too.
“My Omega. My true mate filled with my pup.”
“I’m not yours, neither is my pup yours.”
Kissing down your neck the Alpha ignores what you say. He finally found his Omega and she will have his pup.
“You will come home now!” He snarls.
“I’m your Alpha you have to obey me.”
“I can’t see a claiming mark at my neck so go away.”
“This can be changed.”
“You can’t claim me against my will.”
“Don’t you want me Omega?”
“You never wanted me so just go away. Leave me alone.”
“You will come with me on free terms or I’ll drag you out in your underwear.”
“Sammy will drive your car home and you will get dressed and come with me. Now Omega. You have ten minutes to get dressed or I’ll drag you out.”
Around 2 weeks later…
Purring you arrange the pillows and blankets on your nest. You need to get comfortable so you chose your bed to make a nest. Your instinct wanted you to make a nest in Dean’s room, but he’s not your Alpha, so you can’t.
You’ve got no clue why he insisted to bring you back. Since the day you entered the bunker with him he kept his distance. Always hiding in his room he barely comes out these days.
Pacing around the bed you know something’s missing. You need something from your Alpha, well what can you do? You can’t fight your instinct.
Tiptoeing to Dean’s room you knock. Purring you open the door to get a piece of clothing of the Alpha. Before you can enter the room you meet a pair of angry emerald eyes.
“Why are you entering my room without permission?”
“I just…I needed…”
“What?” He grunts.
“Nothing…forget it…” Sobbing you run back into your room.
“Y/N? Is everything alright?” Sam calls after you.
Sniffing you shake your head. “I just needed…”
“Oh, you’re nesting,” Sam says smiling.
“From you Alpha?”
“He’s not my Alpha, he doesn’t want me…I just needed something that smells like…him…or like an Alpha to feel safe on my nest…"
“That’s the reason he yelled at you?”
“I knocked and waited for him but he didn’t answer. I just wanted to grab a shirt or something. He yelled as I entered his room without permission.” You sob.
“Here take my flannel. I’m not Dean but maybe it helps.”
Placing the flannel on the nest you start purring. Lying down you try to relax.
“He shouldn’t have yelled.”
“It’s okay; he doesn’t want me close by. As soon as the pub is born I’m going back to my old hunting partner. He can’t have pups so he will agree to raise it with me.”
“You want to let Jesse claim you?” Sam asks worriedly.
“He always liked me and I like him.”
“But what about your true mate?”
Remaining silent you close your eyes. “He can claim an Omega that suits his taste.” You say bitterly.
“Leave the room, Sam,” Dean orders angrily.
“Dean! Don’t!” Sam warns snarling.
“She will have my pup so leave the room now.”
Sighing Sam leaves the room. Hiding under your blanket you start shaking when Dean comes closer to your nest. Normally you should feel safe with your Alpha close by.
“Y/N? Are you scared of me?”
Not answering you just lie there curled into a ball to hide from Dean.
“Omega? Listen I just had something to do in my room and that’s why I didn’t want you to enter it.”
Sniffing at Sam’s flannel you try to calm your nerves down. Seeing and smelling his brother’s flannel on your nest Dean starts to snarl.
“Why is his flannel on your bed?”
“I needed something for my nest but you yelled at me so Sam helped me out.” You whisper.
“You wanted something for your nest from me?”
“No, but my instinct wanted something, that’s the reason I came to your room. Forget it. I’m fine; you can keep your clothes. I don’t need anything from you. Just leave me alone.”
“Give me Sam’s flannel!” He orders.
“No! I need it.”
“You won’t have another Alpha’s clothes on your pitiful nest.”
“It’s not pitiful!” You snarl.
“It is pitiful.”
“No, it’s not, asshole!”
“You’re calling your Alpha an asshole?” Dean chuckles.
“You are not my Alpha now get away from my nest. It’s not pitiful. I used everything I could find. Not my fault I don’t have a real Alpha to give me his clothes to make a nest.” You yell now.
“Oh, it is a pitiful nest little Omega.”
Getting mad you jump out of your nest poking a finger into Dean’s chest you start snarling.
“My nest ain’t pitiful! Take that back or you’ll regret it.” Clenching your fists you have the urge to smash Dean’s face.
Laughing he tilts his head to look at the nest again. “It is pitiful.”
“No!” You protest. “It’s imperfect like me. But it ain’t pitiful.”
“You’re cute when you go full Omega. Defending your little pitiful nest. Let me show you something.” Dean says softly.
“No, I can’t leave my nest…”
Shaking his head at your stubborn behavior he picks you up in bridal style to carry you toward his bedroom. Wiggling you try to free yourself from his grip, while Dean starts purring.
Entering his bedroom your eyes widen. He made a nest on his bed. All his weapons are gone. He placed pillows and blankets on his bed. Scented candles are lit and some of his clothes are placed on his bed too.
“You made a nest too?” You ask shocked.
“Hmm…I’m sorry I yelled, but I wanted to surprise you. I bought a bigger bed and renovated the room. I’m sorry I didn’t want you to see so I hid most of the time in my room.”
“You made a nest for me?”
“No, I made it for me and my Omega.”
“I’m not yours.”
“Not yet…but tonight I’m going to make you mine.”
“No, you don’t want me.”
“Listen what I said…I couldn’t get hard as I was nervous as hell. I felt like a teenager close to you. I’m an Alpha. I can’t run around and tell anyone I was afraid I couldn’t satisfy my true mate.”
“I wanted you to come for me.”
“Oh…But I came…thrice…I mean…Isn’t that good?” You ask thoughtful.
“I guess it is.” Dean stammers.
“Hmm…I’ve got no clue; I never had an Alpha before.”
“Let’s test the nest.”
Humming you sniff at Dean’s neck while he carries you toward his bed. Placing you carefully on the nest he hovers over you. Kissing down your neck he starts purring.
Moaning you move your hands through his hair while he licks and nips at the same spot.
Sniffing at you he starts purring and snarling while he’s busy unbuttoning your flannel. Humming he admires your already hardening nipples.
Sucking your hardening buds into his mouth he watches you with darkened eyes. Purring you grind against his leg placed between your thighs.
Chuckling he shows mercy, slowly kissing down your stomach he drags your ruined panties down. Letting your legs fall open for him you whimper when he starts sliding his tongue along your thighs. Teasing you he kisses along your thighs while you fist the sheets.
Humming he just looks at your wet pussy. You can feel his hot breath fanning over your mound. Parting your folds with his tongue he stares up at you. Nipping and sucking at your sensitive nub he can’t take his eyes off you.
Arching your back you moan and whine while the Alpha between your legs devours your cunt.
“Ngghh…gonna cum Alpha.”
“Nodding Dean sucks harshly at your clit while pushing two fingers into your pussy. Stroking your inner walls gently he replaces his tongue with his thumb.
Screaming his name you lock eyes with Dean while he keeps on stroking your clit.
“Beautiful Omega,” he rasps.
Leaving the bed Dean strips his clothes off. Moaning you watch the strong Alpha crawling up the bed. Moving between your legs he slides his fingers over your thighs.
“Alpha…need you. Need your knot,” you whimper.
Purring Dean strokes his hard cock a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. Pushing home in one go he groans at the feeling. Placing your legs around his waist he hovers over you.
Starting to move he locks eyes with you. With every thrust, he gets faster. Pounding into you he presses your body to his, leaving no space to have his Omega as close as possible.
Meeting his hard thrusts you moan and purr for the strong Alpha. Kissing down your neck he starts licking the same spot. Gasping you can feel his teeth grazing over your skin.
Digging your nails into his back your scream in pleasure when Dean hits your g-spot again. Trembling underneath him you purr when you feel his knot swell. Floating your slick channel with his cum he breaks the skin right when you reach another high.
Making you his Dean starts purring and snarling while his knot is swelling, even more, locking your bodies together.
“Alpha,” you whisper.
“My Omega, my true mate, you were never unwanted. You will never be unwanted…”
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