#i’ve been thinking about my childhood recently and how i loved wearing costumes but only for boys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mzminola · 3 years

Text

Community

Straight and cisgender people being part of the broader queer community is good in a variety of ways, and the example from my own life is growing up queer in a small town with parents who were supportive before either they or I knew I was queer.

My mom and dad grew up in Berkeley CA and were involved through their youths in a variety of extremely nerdy things like the Society of Creative Anachronism, Dungeons & Dragons (and a Star Trek inspired sci-fi variation), theater, etc. Within those groups, and other parts of their lives, they had a lot of queer friends.

They moved around a lot as adults, and this was the pre-internet era so staying in touch was harder, and even when they stayed in touch they didn’t necessarily see people in person much. I wound up growing up in a small liberal town in western WA. Statistically, due to the small population, I just did not know any out queer adults in my hometown when I was growing up. There was no GSA at the school, either.

But for years I had stories of queer adults, long before I ever knew I needed them. I never once worried my parents wouldn’t accept my bisexuality, because I was so very used to my parents talking about queer friends of theirs who were giant nerds, with the exact same fondness and nostalgia as all their other friends. Stories of queer-specific shenanigans were told alongside all the other shenanigans.

We had semaphore flags in the costume playtime box because Dad’s a nautical history nerd, and we had big motorcycle goggles designed to fit over chunky glasses because Mom used to catch rides around the Bay Area with lesbian biker friends. That blend and casualness was just a normal part of my childhood.

I learned from stories of my parents’ friends that you could take stereotypes and turn them into in-jokes; gay friends playing backyard baseball or catch or other sports totally flubbing a throw, and heckling each other with “What’s the matter honey, your wrists too limp?”

I learned about the AIDS epidemic, of the loss, the grief, the stigma, and of the ways people fought back. Supported each other. I learned a lot more when I was older from queer adult survivors of the epidemic online, but I learned first from my parents, who were still grieving friends they lost.

This was not distant history, this was not something that happened to “other people” this was something that happened to their community.

My father’s mother’s brother is gay. My great uncle. He raises tropical birds. When he was a much younger man than he is now, the signaling style of wearing a diamond earring in one ear was starting. Now, at the time, most men to wear a diamond earring as a signal of their sexuality wore very small, discreet flecks. Just this little flash of light that might catch your eye, that might make you look again.

Great Uncle inherited his mother’s engagement ring, took that honking big “look at me and admire how I got engaged! Look at me, look at me!” diamond to the jeweler, and got that sucker turned into an earring. You could not fucking miss it.

And you know what? That’s how I learned about queer signaling as a thing people could do, it was presented as a fun family story, and I wouldn’t have heard it if not for my parents, because Great Uncle lives in a completely different part of the country from us and doesn’t travel much, so I’ve only met him twice, during which everyone was catching up on current life, not stories of his youth.

When my mom, dad, and their friends were all young adults who’d recently left home and were living in a different state from their families, one of their friends was a butch gay man who’d recently come out to his parents. And his mom wanted to be supportive, and she was a person who sewed clothes herself. So she made him shirts. She had his measurements, and she’d regularly mail him care packages with beautifully hand-made button up shirts in pink and purple fabrics. Because those were the gay colors at the time, and she wanted to make sure he knew she supported everything about him, that she would never want him to change himself to fit in society’s mold.

Now the thing was, pink and purple were not actually to his taste. They were not colors he’d normally pick out for himself. But he and his parents didn't live in the same state anymore, this was pre-Internet, if you wanted to share photos you had to take them, develop the film, and mail them. So she wasn’t seeing his style regularly, she was seeing the style of the out gay men back in the Bay Area, and doing her best.

He wore the shirts. He was running around the Oregon countryside as a butch gay man in the early 1980’s in pink and purple button ups, because his mom made them for him with love, he loved her too.

So I heard this story growing up, and I learned from it. I learned parents could love and wholly support their queer children long before I ever heard about parents who rejected theirs. I learned love is in the actions we take. That it’s going to be imperfect, but what matters is we’re trying our best, and accepting that from each other.

I’m bisexual, and I’ve got some weird gender stuff going on. I did not know any out queer adults in my hometown growing up. I did not find any writings until the early 2000’s when the Internet became more accessible. My school did not have a GSA.

But I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew pieces of west coast queer culture and history. I knew queer people could be giant nerds, could be outdoorsy, could be silly and serious and fully rounded people with rich, wonderful lives. That their friends and family could accept them wholly without hesitation. Because what was there to hesitate over?

I’ve said before my hometown is liberal, and it is, but it still had enough prejudice to keep me semi-closeted as a teen. I had peers insist to me that “a child needs a mother and a father”, had adults insist civil unions were fine but marriage equality would violate religious freedoms, heard peers use “gay” as an insult from late elementary school onwards (and the teachers just ignoring it).

I needed all those stories from my childhood. I needed them. And I had them. Without ever having to ask.

And my brother had them too. He’s straight and cisgender, and he has never been anything but 100% supportive of me. He was arguing for equal rights and refusing to use the derogatory language peers were before I ever came out to him.

When I see people trying to gatekeep the queer community, this is what I think of. I think of being a kid in a small town, without knowing any local out queer adults, hearing people around me say bigoted things, but having all these stories burning in the hearth of my heart, and I think…

You want to douse that flame?

You want to reach back in time and wrench those stories from the child I was?

You’d rather I grow up isolated, confused, lonely, and scared, than have my straight, cisgender parents in the queer community? You want me to be isolated now, you want my brother to abandon me?

Really?

Identity and community are intertwined, but they are not rigid, nor should they be.

Community being broader is good.

#long post #queer tag #queer community #AIDS mention #fuck gatekeeping #Min and their entire family are all giant nerds #my dad's family just does NOT do subtle #this essay has been in the works for a while now #Min writes stuff #edited to change the last sentence from #community being the broader of the two is good #to just #community being broader is good

8K notes · View notes

dreamwritesimagines · 3 years

Text

Burn The Witch 4 - Making Believe [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: A lot can happen in a coffee shop.

Series Masterlist

Considering all the missions your superiors had sent you, this wasn’t the first one to make you end up with a gunshot wound, but it was the first one that you were assigned to seduce the target and ended up with a gunshot wound as a first impression.

Now that you had met Bucky, the next step would be easier. You just hoped he wouldn’t suspect something was up like General kept warning you about, so you had to make sure to memorize every single detail of your cover story.

Instead of being a trained assassin, you were now working in a milkshake shop.

Instead of having lived there your whole life, you were now clueless about the city since you had recently moved there.

Instead of liking horror movies, you now loved rom-coms.

New identity, new apartment, new car, new everything. It was as if the real you had never existed, but none of that was your biggest issue right now.

It was your new uniform for the milkshake shop.

“Jesus Christ,” you muttered to yourself, looking in the mirror before fixing your skirt. Even after a week, you still weren’t used to wearing it, the uniform was some sort of a retro diner waitress costume with red and white stripes, cinched waist and a white apron over the short skirt. “I’m going to kill whoever picked this after I’m done with the mission.”

“Y/N?” Chloe called out from the living room, “Come on, we need to go over everything for today.”

You ran a hand over your face and walked to the living room to find your two best friends sprawling on the couch. Keith let out a laugh as soon as he saw you in that outfit, but managed to hide it by pressing his fist on his lips while Chloe kicked at his boot.

“I didn’t say anything!” He held up his hands, “Will you break my phone again if I take a picture?”

“Yeah,” you pointed at him, “I will, so don’t even.”

“We need to go over the plan,” Chloe said, “Today is the day you accidentally run into Barnes, he’ll be at that coffee shop.”

“How do you know where he will be?”

Chloe scoffed, “Hello? I’m a genius hacker?”

Keith sat up straighter, turning the pages of your file.

“Okay so,” he said, “You guys will probably make some small talk, let’s have some practice. Pretend I’m Bucky, how will you talk about yourself?”

“We don’t need to practice it, it’s not my first rodeo,” you reminded him “I got this.”

“Y/N, no offense but he isn’t some clueless civilian okay? The guy was going after targets before you or your parents were born for that matter. The tiniest mistake could tip him off.”

“He has a point.”

“Fine,” you sighed, fixing your nametag, “Let’s practice then.”

Keith took a deep breath and cleared his throat, “Look at that, we ran into each other again.”

You frowned at his deep voice, “Bucky doesn’t sound like one of those robots in the Terminator, Keith.”

“I’m in the zone, just go with it,” he said as offered you his hand, and you shook it.

“Yeah, hi again.”

“I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Oh that’s normal, I just moved here. A month ago.”

“You just moved here?” he repeated “Really? Did you get used to the city yet?”

“A little.”

“I bet your family misses you.”

“Not really, I grew up with my grandmother. She passed away last year.”

“Any siblings?”

“No.”

Keith raised his brows, “Can you be less specific?”

“Keith—“

“You’re not acting like a civilian right now, you’re acting like a spy who has been forced to socialize and he will see right through that,” he told you. “You have to give him more details, civilians talk about themselves a lot.”

“It’s true,” Chloe said, “Once I was in this speed dating thing and just- don’t ask. They don’t stop talking about themselves.”

Keith pursed his lips only for a moment, stealing a look at Chloe before turning to you,

“Let’s try again. Any siblings?”

You rolled your eyes, “Unfortunately not. I’m an only child but when I was a kid, I kept begging my parents for a sister. My mom asked me what would happen if I got a brother, apparently I went like “but mommy, you can give him back then!””

“There we go, embarrassing childhood memories,” Keith grinned, “Good idea.”

You checked your wristwatch, “I gotta run,” you said, “You guys can see yourselves out.”

“I was actually hoping I could stay a little more,” Chloe said, “To make this place look a bit more appropriate. I suppose you’ll bring him here at some point?”

You pulled your brows together, looking around. “Yeah, so? There’s a bedroom.”

“Ever the romantic, this one,” Keith said and Chloe shook her head,

“Y/N, he needs to see something personal otherwise he might get suspicious.”

You pursed your lips, deep in thought, “You mean like sex toys?”

“Oh Jesus…”

“Contrary to popular belief, when people say they want to see something personal, they don’t refer to sex toys.” Keith stated helpfully, “That being said, we’re all screwed if you end up falling for a civilian, you have no idea how to act like one.”

“I meant personal as in stuff to make your place look more homely,” Chloe explained, “Things from your cover’s past that show him we didn’t fabricate this whole identity.”

“Even if we did,” Keith mumbled under his breath and she nodded.

“Even if we did. He needs to see something personal when he comes here, like…” she motioned at the walls, “Like your childhood pictures or your art projects from when you were seventeen.”

“I was learning how to use a pencil as a knife when I was seventeen, Chloe.”

“Exactly. Just let me handle it, I’ve been watching so many makeover shows lately.”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Knock yourself out,” you said, “I have milkshakes to fill, see you guys later.”

“Go get him tiger!”

“You got this!” Chloe called out as you walked to the door, “Just be confident and your milkshake will bring all the ex-assassins to the yard!”

You let out a small laugh, then closed the door behind you before throwing your shoulders back and going down the stairs.

***

Approaching the target as your training taught you had to have certain steps. You couldn’t just implant yourself in their life, you had to wait until they thought it was their choice to include you in their lives. Sometimes it took more time than you had patience for, but in the end it was worth it.

Seeing that Bucky Barnes was no civilian, every single step had to be checked twice.

Well the uniform would help the mission, at least a little.

A distracted target was a good target.

You lowered the binoculars before pushing them into your purse and fixing the apron wrapped around your waist. Bucky was sitting with Sam at the coffee shop and they seemed to be in a deep discussion, not even aware of what was going on around them. You took a deep breath and approached the door before you pushed it, then slowly made your way to the barista.

“Hi, can I get a cappuccino please? Small.” You smiled at her and went to the counter on the right to wait for your order. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Sam looking at you with a frown before saying something to Bucky, nodding in your direction. You kept your eyes on the counter, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet before you scratched around the tape of the bandage over the bullet wound absentmindedly.

Come on…. you thought Come on, approach me already, just come here….

“Here you go, miss.”

“Thank you,” you said, taking the cup off the counter before you started pouring sugar into it just to stall, and finally heard someone clear their throat behind you.

Bingo.

You looked over your shoulder and turned around, your jaw dropping.

“Come on,” you let out a giggle, “Is this real?”

Bucky smiled slightly and pursed his lips together as if he wasn’t familiar with the gesture, “Uh…hi.”

“Hi!” you said, your voice way too high pitched for a moment, “Wow. We meet again, my hero.”

His smile widened and he rubbed the back of his neck, “How’s your arm?”

“Healing,” you ran a finger over the tape of the bandage, “I didn’t die, that’s something. But the doctor said that was the worst bullet wound he had ever seen in his life.”

Bucky frowned, “Wait, really?”

“No, I’m just trying to look badass,” you admitted, making him chuckle, “They didn’t even think it needed stitches.”

“Ah,” he said and motioned at your uniform, “So you’re a…?”

You scrunched up your nose in what you hoped to be a cute manner and shot him an abashed look, “I know. I thought the exact same thing when I first saw myself in it.”

“I doubt that,” he mumbled more to himself and you tilted your head, batting your lashes.

“Hm?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, “So the uniform?”

“I work at this milkshake shop just around the corner,” you said, “Apparently retro shops are popular nowadays. It’s supposed to look like this pin up style— can you tell me what’s wrong with the dress so that I can tell the owner what a ridiculous idea it is?”

He opened his mouth and closed it again, looking you up and down, “I don’t- it’s-“ he stammered “You know, it was such a long time ago. I think it looks perfectly fine.”

“Does it?”

“Absolutely.”

You grinned at him, “Well in any case, you should drop by sometime. Milkshakes are better than the uniform, I promise.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded, “Yeah! I would’ve invited you sooner but by the time I was done at the hospital you had already left, and they also told me you paid for the whole thing and the taxi, so…”

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved a hand, “It’s nothing.”

You bit down on your lip, “If you don’t mind me asking,” you said softly, “Why did you leave in a hurry? I mean obviously you didn’t have to stay, I’m sure you’re very busy and—“

“No no, it’s nothing like that,” Bucky cut you off, “I just didn’t want you to think you owed me anything, that’s all.”

“Huh,” you clicked your tongue, “I see. I was wondering what the catch was, didn’t have to wait that long. That’s good to know.”

He raised his brows, amused for some reason, “What’s the catch?”

“You’re too much of a gentleman.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not really,” you taunted him “Just unfamiliar.”

His gaze lingered on you as you took a sip of your coffee, keeping your eyes on him.

“I hope you got home safe though,” he said after a beat and you thought for a moment.

“I did, and now I know to stay away from dark alleys in New York,” you said, “Lesson learned I’d say.”

“You’re not from around here?”

“I- no, I actually moved here just a month ago,” you said, “I grew up in a small town, we didn’t really have robbers or anything. And I managed to get mugged within the first thirty days in a big city. A true New York experience, I feel like I belong here already.”

“Your folks must be losing their minds if you attract trouble that fast in the city.”

“No one is losing their minds, it’s just me,” you said and when you saw his quizzical glances, you felt the need to explain. “I grew up with my grandma and I lost her a year ago, so…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Ah it’s okay,” you said, “She wouldn’t want me to live in sadness, she told me that herself. You can’t focus on what ifs, you know? We just decide what to do with the time left for us and that’s it. Past would drive all of us crazy otherwise.”

He looked almost surprised at your take on loss and when you saw the soft light in his eyes, you knew you had just hit jackpot.

“You’re a glass half full kind of person, huh?”

Nope, I’m more of a “use the glass as a weapon” kind of person.

“Yeah,” you said, “There are enough pessimists in the world, and they don’t need me within their ranks. No one really did anything nice by thinking the worst anyways.”

“Oh you were definitely not raised here.”

Your jaw dropped, “You know what Mr. Barnes, I’d take that as an offense but lucky for you, you saved me the other day, so I’ll let that slide.”

“Mm hm,” He looked like he was struggling with himself not to laugh, “Lucky me.”

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully, then checked your wristwatch.

“I should probably go, my boss cares a lot about punctuality,” you said, “But is it okay if I gave you my number?”

He stared at you for a couple of seconds as if he couldn’t believe you.

“Wait- really?”

“I mean I was going to wait until you asked me, but apparently you’re too much of a gentleman,” you joked as he hastily grabbed his phone from his pocket and handed it to you. You typed in your number, then saved it.

Y/N (The Milkshake Girl)

Bucky tilted his head, his brows furrowed, “What, you didn’t think I’d recognize your name?”

“Well it’s better to be safe than sorry,” you joked, “Besides you should really come by sometime. We have the best chocolate milkshakes. It’s on the house.”

He smiled, “I will.”

You took a step, then held your breath and turned around as if you had just remembered something.

As if it wasn’t all practiced.

“But not after 4 on Mondays and Wednesdays,” you said, “I volunteer at the soup kitchen then.”

That light in his eyes was almost gentle, as if he was worried he could hurt you just by looking at you, but couldn’t stop himself from doing so.

“I’ll see you not after 4 on Mondays and Wednesdays then,” he said and you giggled, then turned around and walked to the door. Sam was watching you with a small, proud grin on his lips so you waved at him and left the coffee shop, still holding the warm cup tightly in your hand.

As soon as you were sure you were out of their sight, you dropped the smile, exhaled a relaxed breathe and grabbed your phone to touch the contact on the screen.

“I’m sorry, our delivery service is down right now,” the voice said and you scratched around the tape on your arm before telling her the code;

“That’s okay, I can wait until the rain stops.”

There was a click on the other line and soon enough you heard the assistant’s voice.

“Hello?”

“This is Shrike, put me through the General.”

“Of course, a second please,” she said and you tossed the cup into the garbage can, then General’s voice reached you.

“Shrike?”

“Sir, I just called to inform you that I’ve contacted the target for the second time,” you said, “Everything is going according to plan, my report will be on your desk by tonight.”

“He didn’t suspect anything?”

“No sir.”

“Okay,” he said, “Don’t move too fast, alright? We don’t want to spook him.”

“Of course.”

“And Shrike?” he said, “Good job.”

A smile lit up your face, “Thank you sir,” you said and hung up, closing your eyes and leaning back to the wall.

“Okay,” you whispered to yourself, “You got this, he’s just another target. Let the games begin.”

Chapter 5

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #bucky barnes x you

588 notes · View notes

joshjacksons · 3 years

Text

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

#joshua jackson #interviews #jodie turner smith #dawson's creek #dr death #fringe #emilio estevez #mr porter #patrick stewart #michelle williams #katie holmes

57 notes · View notes

wisteria-lodge · 3 years

Text

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them.

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts.

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job.

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake.

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game.

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there.

or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction.

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model!

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model.

#submission #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #sortme #double snake #snake primary #snake secondary #bird secondary model #family dynamics

40 notes · View notes

storiesforallfandoms · 4 years

Text

proud ~ cillian murphy

word count: 2015

request?: yes!

@shady80smusicsingercolor “The reader was always tried to get them proud,but nothing,one day the reader remembers their parents how they were never supportive or proud,the reader cried, cillian was passing by their dressing room,he stop cuz he heard the faithful tears,he came in,he ask what's wrong,and the reader explain how their parents never were proud of them but their siblings yeah,and ask him"what's wrong with me"and cillian reassures the reader nothing wrong with them but with their parents yeah,he told the reader he was Damm proud of them”

description: when you’re reminded of your rough childhood, your co-star is there to lift you up when you’re feeling down

pairing: cillian murphy x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst

masterlist

You were in the middle of taking a picture of yourself in your costume when your phone buzzed. A notification at the top of the screen read that you had you were tagged in a post on Facebook, by your mum.

You cringed, immediately knowing what it would be.

A picture of your mum, dad, and sister sat around a table at a restaurant popped up on your screen. The caption for it read, “A special dinner for our beautiful daughter, who just scored another win on a case!” As per usual, she had tagged your dad, your sister, and you. Not because they wished you were there, but to remind you of your sister’s accomplishments and their pride in them.

Your parents made it very clear at a young age that your sister was the favourite child. They had a vision for the future of their kids, one that included a high paying job and eventually a family, and your sister was the one to follow this vision, in their eyes anyways.

Your sister was a straight A student all throughout her school years, and was accepted into law school with a full scholarship right out of high school. You, on the other hand, found yourself falling in love with acting. You were in drama club all through school and often starred in the school plays and musicals. When you graduated high school you were accepted into one of the biggest art schools, and of course you went.

Your parents were less than enthusiastic about your path, even after your acting career took off. They viewed acting as not being a “real job” and often ridiculed you, comparing you to your sister or reminding you of your sister’s accomplishments at every opportunity.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself. You had to remind yourself that just because your parents weren’t proud of you didn’t mean you should be so hard on yourself. You had a successful career, you were happy as an actress. You weren’t going to let them bring you down.

You went to the family group chat to send a congratulatory message to your sister, one that your parents would see and realize they weren’t going to get to you this time.

“Congrats on your case win sis!”

Your sister responded a moment later, “Thanks sis! you're fantastic on Peaky Blinders! I can’t wait until the next season!”

The text gave you a brief moment of happiness. You and your sister never had bad blood. You both understood that you took your own paths and there was no reason to give in to your parents patronizing.

The happiness faded when another message came, this time from your mum, “Did your sister tell you she was seeing someone? It’s pretty serious, we might have our first son in law soon.”

You tossed your phone to the floor and buried your head in your hands. Of course they were going to start taking jabs at your love life now. Now that your sister had a serious boyfriend they had something else to belittle you about.

You were trying to hold back your tear when a knock came at your dressing room door. You sighed and swallowed the lump in your throat. “Come in!”

Your co-star, Cillian, opened the door. You looked at him through your vanity mirror. “We’re about to start filming soon, are you ready?”

You nodded. “Yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be out.”

“Are you okay?”

Being asked if you were okay when you were on the verge of tears was always the worst question. You had to look down so Cillian didn’t see the tears forming in your eyes.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Tell everyone I’ll be out soon.”

Cillian crossed the room to sit next to you. You kept looking down at the vanity’s desk.

“For an actress, you’re not the best at acting like you’re okay,” he teased, causing you to laugh. “What’s wrong? And don’t say it’s nothing because you know I’ll force you to tell me.”

You knew there was no use in lying. Cillian knew you better than most people, he’d know you weren’t telling the truth.

You picked up your phone and passed it to Cillian, allowing him to read the most recent messages. His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “I don’t get it, what does her love life have to do with either of your jobs? And why would your mum make a comment about him being a future son in law? Your sister even told her that she’s only been seeing the guy for six months.”

“Exactly!” you snapped. “It has nothing to do with the conversation, my mum just wants to tell me she has a new reason to ridicule me. I don’t have a real job, I haven’t had a serious relationship, I’m nowhere near having a kid or being married. But my sister, oh she’s the star child - a lawyer, has a boyfriend now, will probably give my parents their first grandchild.”

You buried your head in your hands again, finally allowing the tears to start flowing freely. You knew the makeup artist was going to be pissed, but you could care less at that moment. You couldn’t leave this frustration to build up while you were filming, it would just guarantee that you'd fuck up the scene and feel even worse.

Cillian took you into his arms, resting his head against yours as he ran a hand soothingly over your body.

“It’s alright,” he said. “It’s alright, let it all out.”

You felt comfortable in his arms, like it was the best place to be, and honestly, it was. Cillian was your closest friend on set of Peaky Blinders, probably your closest friend all together. There were many a times when he would hold you like this, whether it was a friendly hug, a scene on set, an idle gesture when the two of you were hanging out together. Being in Cillian’s arms was so soothing, it was exactly what you needed.

You finally pulled away and looked at yourself in the mirror. Luckily enough, since you were filming a show that was taking place in the early 1900s you didn’t have to wear too much makeup, mainly mascara and enough foundation that you didn’t look shiny on screen. The makeup artist on set had given you waterproof mascara, which again was lucky for you, but your foundation, however, was ruined from water streaks running down your cheeks.

You grabbed a makeup wipe from your vanity and began wiping the foundation from your face. You had foundation in your dressing room for moments like this, so that you could fix your makeup before scenes so no one would realize you were so upset.

“I get that they may not have viewed acting as a possible job back when I was in high school,” you said as you fixed your makeup, “but I’ve made an actual career from it. I’ve been in countless shows and movies, I’ve been nominated for awards and even won countless ones, and they can’t accept that. They can’t be proud of me for making a name for myself in my own way. They’ve never been proud of me. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing!” Cillian told you. “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re an absolutely amazing person, and you’re so talented and amazing. Just because you chose a different path from your sister and because you’re not following in their footsteps or the path that your parents wanted you to take doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. There’s something wrong with your parents, they’re the assholes here.”

You sighed and shook your head, putting the foundation away. “This thing with my sister having a boyfriend is what’s really gonna start getting to me, I already know that. Being an actress I don't really have the time for a relationship, and I haven’t found a genuine guy that I want to be with because so many Hollywood guys are fake assholes who want to date you for their own professional gain. By the time I find someone to be with, my sister will probably be engaged with a child along the way and my parents will never let me live that down.”

As you spoke, Cillian was listening intently, until you got to the end of your rant. That’s when he cupped your face in his hands and pulled you towards him, pressing his lips to you. The gesture shocked you at first and you almost jerked your head away, but, just like being in his arms, kissing Cillian just felt so right. You relaxed into the kiss, cupping his face as well to hold him close.

He pulled away after a brief moment, smiling at you as he did so. “Am I one of those asshole famous people do you think?”

You giggled. “Oh God no, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

“Well then, this nice person thinks you’re the most amazing person he has ever met, and that your parents couldn’t be more wrong in the way that they treat you. And this nice person wants to take you out on a date when we’re finished with filming today.”

You smiled brightly. “I would love to go out after filming today. But to do that, we should get to filming.”

Realization passed Cillian’s face. “Shit, you’re right. Let’s go.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” you said as Cillian stood. “You go and tell them I’m sorry I’m late but it’s family issues.”

Cillian nodded, leaning down to kiss you once more, before leaving the room.

You took your phone in your hand and checked the family chat to see that the last message was from your sister, explaining to you that her and her boyfriend hadn’t even been together for long and chastising your mother for her message. You took a deep breath and began to type out one final text message.

“I’m really happy for your relationship, sis, and I’d love to meet him, but this is my final message in this groupchat. I’ll be leaving the chat and taking mom and dad off of Facebook. I also probably won’t even tell you guys when I’m visiting home since you’ve made it clear that you don’t even want to see me. I know that I haven’t conformed to your beliefs of “success”, but I love where I’ve gone in life and I’m happy with my career. I’ve been in countless TV shows and movies and I’ve won awards for those things. I love my job, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. As for my love life, if either of you ever cared enough to check in on me instead of flaunting (Y/S/N)’s accomplishments in my face you’d know that I too am seeing someone. Too bad you’ve officially burned all bridges and won’t be meeting him now, but what can you do? Feel free to call if you ever decide to be proud of your youngest daughter for where she is in life and not just for your oldest because she followed the life that you tried to force upon us (I love you sis, don’t take this as an insult)”

After hitting send, you left the chat and promptly blocked both of your parents on Facebook. You took a deep breath and sighed heavily. It felt like a weight had been taken off of your shoulders then.

You inspected your makeup in the mirror to make sure it looked fine before getting up and finally walking to set. The rest of your co-stars were gathered, waiting, when you finally arrived.

“Sorry I’m late,” you told them. “Family stuff. I’m ready to go if you guys are.”

Everyone started getting in place. As the camera was being set up, Cillian looked at you with a little concern on his face. “Everything alright?”

You smiled at him, suddenly feeling more confident than you ever had. “I feel great. Let’s kill this scene.”

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x reader #peaky blinders #imagine #one shot #request

555 notes · View notes

daydream-believin · 3 years

Text

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (kmart’s haunted)

Summary: (part 1) Reader has joined Douxie on the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company. (part 2) - Missouri 1 (part 3)

Warnings: swearing, very light spooky?

Word Count: 2245

A/N: so we’ve established that Doux wasn’t the one who burnt the bookstore, but they don’t know that. look, have you been in a Kmart recently? its apocalyptic. also, you know that post about people repeating their default work greetings by accident? yeah

“Do you want me to split the bill or?” The waitress asked, not sure if the group at the table was a young couple and their child or just three college kids hanging out. It was kind of hard to tell. On one hand, that one kid was so small, wearing a little deer costume, and had been helped to order. The other two radiated the energy of an old married couple and talked mainly to each other. But on the other hand, college kids are just like that sometimes.

“Nah, I got it.”

“What? No. I’m paying for us.” Douxie insisted.

“I have the cash, Doux.” (Name) turned to the waitress. She put some honey in her voice. “Just bring us one bill, please.” The waitress nodded nervously before heading off.

“No. I don’t want you paying for too many things while we’re traveling. You’re unemployed.”

“And who’s fault is that Mr. Mephits-Are-Vulnerable-To-Fire? You fucking burned down the store and put us both out of work here.” Nari was squirming at the negative vibes going on. It helped that she didn’t exactly understand what was going on.

“It was magic fire!” Douxie interjected in outrage. He looked so cute when he got defensive.

“Yeah, okay, sure.” (Name) shook her head, looking up to the ceiling. She let out a huff, “look, I invited myself onto this trip, Douxie. I want to pull my own weight. You’re going to have to let me pay for something eventually.”

“We’ll see about that, Love,” he said as he grabbed the ticket from the waitress’s hands as quick as lightning, tucked his card in and gave it right back before (Name) could further protest.

“Ugh! FINE! Then I’m getting the tip.” She pulled out a tenner and slapped it onto the table. She glared right back into Douxie’s hazel eyes. He glared right back into hers with a matched intensity. Nari looked back and forth between the two and whimpered. (Name) broke the standoff to assure Nari that they weren’t actually angry at each other so she shouldn’t be worried. That seemed to ease the forest child a bit but not by too much. She could still feel the weird aura they were putting off.

“Okay! So here’s your check back and here’s that lox bagel you ordered to go.” The waitress handed (Name) a doggy bag.

(Name) took the bag gingerly. A big fake smile spread across her face as she was momentarily possessed by that good spirit of customer service. “Thank you! I hope your experience was spellbinding! Have a magical day!” (Name) said on autopilot in that high-pitched voice and winked exaggeratedly. It was like she was an NPC and her talk button had been accidentally pushed. The waitress laughed forcibly and scurried away to the kitchen. Douxie cracked up.

“You do know that when I told you to say all that stuff after ringing people up, I was hazing you, right?”

“Oh yes, I am completely aware, Doux. Did you think I’d not pick up on how ridiculous that sounds? But I still say it to spite you.”

He shook his head. “Of course.”

***

Archie scarfed down his bagel sandwich with almost disturbing speed. It was like watching the void consume, well, a bagel sandwich. It just disappeared. Down his furry maw and out of existence. Being a dragon works up an appetite, after all. (Name) was a bit baffled and asked him if she should go get him another bagel. He assured her that the one was just fine and said something about trying to catch some birds later. She leaned back on her elbows against the boat’s railing, trying and failing to not think about the details of that.

Douxie cleared his throat. “So,” He folded his hands together for emphasis, “Since the subject of money came up earlier, I think we should also discuss the topic of our accommodations.”

“Well, you two obviously cannot afford lodging every night.” Archie snarked, flicking his tail.

“Thank you, for that, Arch. No, I was thinking more along the lines of a tent.”

“A tent?” the cat asked incredulously.

“Oh, that could work.” (Name) pointed at Douxie animatedly, “keep us close to nature for Nari. And also could keep our possible property damage bills down. Good idea, Doux.”

“Thank you,” Douxie puffed up, “see Arch? Someone appreciates my ideas-”

“Wait. That’ll be a short-term solution. We’re just barely into September. It’s going to be much, much colder in about a month. By October it’ll be too cold to bear. Even if we all huddle together like penguins.”

Doux looked away to hide his blush at the suggestion. “That is a problem. Okay, um-”

“Maybe we could just cross that bridge when we get there? Who knows what could happen between now and then. We could find so temp work in a little town somewhere.” (Name) shrugged, smirking at Doux. She didn’t want to admit that ‘we could be dead by then’ was also definitely a possibility on the table, so she tried to further distract from that thought. “Maybe we’ll find a creepy abandoned cabin in the woods we can squat in. Maybe some nice trolls will take us in as novelty pets. Maybe my rich Aunty Josie could just suddenly die under some ‘mysterious circumstances’ and leave her lavish fortune to her beloved niece,” she smirked at Doux, “I dunno, just spit ballin’ here.”

“I’m electing to ignore that you just suggested we ice your aunt because you were onto something there.”

“I was?” Her tone was a mixture of sarcasm and disbelief.

“Yes! New Jersey!

“New Jersey?” The wheels turned. “Oh! New Jersey!”

Nari looked confused. “What is special about this ‘New Jersey’?” she asked

Both Douxie and (Name) turned to her, “Trolls.” They said in sync.

***

(Name) stood there with her hands in her pockets. Somehow this Kmart was still standing, out here in The-Middle-Of-Fucking-Nowhere, Missouri. She was standing here, in a Kmart. It might as well have been 1986. There was barely anything on the shelves. Half the shelves themselves were missing. The floor had a layer of grime to it, in spite of the wet floor sign along with the shiny patches that said that it had clearly been mopped recently. The air smelled like something (Name) couldn’t quite place, but it was nostalgic. A strange scent that took her back to her childhood. Or at least she thought it was her childhood. It had to have been. Taking deep breaths, she couldn’t quite get enough of it.

Continuing that vibe, a muzak 80’s tune played over the speakers. Funny enough, despite (Name)’s brain seeming to recognize that it was playing a song from the 80’s, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on it as to which. Every time she thought she’d figured it out, she’d hear a few notes that would somehow change her mind. It was a pop song at least, to narrow it down. It’d been going on for about six minutes now. Must be one of those extended tracks.

She’d ask Douxie what he thought the song was. She turned her attention to him and noticed he was still just staring at that same shelf like he had been for, what, ten minutes now? Even though this fucking Kmart barely had any shelving in it, by some miracle it not only had exactly what they were looking for but an entire aisle of them. How lucky was that.

Douxie was taking very careful consideration into this tent purchase. This was going to be their new home, after all. He just couldn’t decide which one was best. They all had fancy camping terms on the packages that meant nothing to him. He’d been trying to decipher the code. The secret outdoorsman code. Nari shifted uncomfortably in the basket.

“Hisirdoux, you should maybe, hurry this along?” She sounded strained.

But she was right. He should just pick one already. It’s all a gamble anyway. He decided on a dark green one that boasted a water-proof material. Good natural color, not easily spotted, and it wouldn’t soak through with rain. That should work well enough, he figured.

“I’ve hurried along. Sorry Nari.” He casually tossed the box into the cart next to her. She sniffed the box and nodded to him.

Now that they had their goal item, the quest party started for the checkouts. Douxie could have sworn that it had been on the side of the store they were in. They had passed it when they came in. Now it was completely across by the other door. Did he get turned around? Or maybe they did come in from that side of the store. He actually couldn’t remember.

As they walked, a few things caught (Name)’s eye. They passed a display of dark leafy plants in oddly shaped pots, a table stacked high with various books and a clearance sign, a knife case that had been left open, a candle display with a few that had already been lit and were dripping wax, a bargain bin of CDs, and lastly a sad box of no-longer-in-season pool noodles. There was a sale on bloodmeal apparently. Perfect for perking up those roses after the summer heat.

They arrived at the checkout after what felt like an endless journey. (Name) hadn’t noticed any other customers the entire time they had been there, and yet the line for the only check open had seven people in it. She grabbed a couple bags of red licorice from the impulse shelf to add to their cart while waiting.

Nari was really interested in that checker. (Name) took her in. The teen was taller than most and had very, very long blonde hair that cascaded down her back like a shiny golden waterfall. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in. Must be going through a diet phase. Poor girl.

The young woman was obviously not one for small talk. Name couldn’t blame her. Retail sucks. Her perfect red fingernails clicked against the keys of the register in a practiced beat. She turned around and told them their total in a bored monotone. As Douxie fiddled with his wallet and payed, (Name) found herself staring right into the cashier’s eyes. They were such a light icy blue, they were almost white. It was striking. (Name) was almost in a trance. It was broken as the cashier turned around swiftly to rip off the receipt off the machine, and, in an uncharacteristically cheery voice, told them to have a nice night. Night?

They returned the cart back to the stack, grabbing their one singular shopping bag and helping Nari out. Of course Nari could easily just jump out herself, but that wouldn’t be something a human child could do. They didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to themselves here. They made their way to the automatic sliding doors that lagged so that they didn’t open until you were standing right in front of them. This allowed Douxie time to catch a glimpse of the reflection in the glass. The reflection of the store was completely devoid of people. Not even the checker was at her station. He sucked in a breath. After walking through those first doors, he stopped. He took a moment to turn back. There she was, right where she should be, checking out another customer with three more in the line.

Douxie hurried along the doorway to catch up to (Name) and Nari. It was darker outside than he expected, and he was taken aback. He found them right outside the store, waiting for him. In one hand, (Name) was holding Nari’s, in the other, the plastic shopping bag. Her head was tipped up to the sky, transfixed by the moon. He came over, grabbing her shoulder as he pulled her along, in an attempt to urge her away from this place. She looked back at him, eyes wide with distress. He tried to convey that he understood with his eyes. All three of them instinctually knew not to say anything more why they were still in this parking lot.

It had barely been half past noon when they had started this little Kmart side quest. It was now at least seven by the looks of it. They had spent six and a half hours in a Kmart? How had they spent six and a half hours in a Kmart. There went their entire travel day. But no time to dwell on this, they needed to get back to Archie and the boat as soon as possible.

As they walked back towards the ship, (Name) and Douxie both took one of Nari’s hands so that she was in the middle, like how those couples walk with their children. The streetlights glared up at them in the slick pavement. Apparently, it had rained while they were in shopping limbo. Poor Arch. (Name) let out a puff of air.

“Well. That sure was something.”

Douxie nervously chuckled, “If we had stayed in there any longer, I think we might have died.” (Name) mirrored that nervous chuckle.

“Oh, no, dying would be much simpler than what would have happened to us.” Nari said sweetly, like what she was saying was somehow better. Nari liked being helpful. (Name) put on her best fake smile.

“Thank you, Nari.” She tried her best to sound as sincere as possible to spare the veggie lady’s feelings.

#douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan #hisirdoux casperan imagine #douxie #toa douxie #toa wizards #my writing #the never ending roadtrip

80 notes · View notes

brave-clarice · 3 years

Text

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episodes 5 & 6

Since these are extraordinarily late, I tried to keep them more concise/focused than before. I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to (almost) catch up. And to the handful of you who’ve enjoyed these and encouraged me to do them: thank you!

Episode 5, “Get Right With God”

the music at the beginning of this episode might just be in the maintenance guy’s headphones(!) but it was still a…Choice.

there’s something so tragic about watching Clarice be unable to use her legs… :’(

this whole scenario feels like a twisted parallel universe version of the end of Hannibal.

glad to see Ardelia finally has her priorities straight and is going to fight for her best friend! let’s forget her Episode 4 subplot ever happened.

good: the warrior finding a weapon even in the direst of circumstances!

bad: those damn moths are back. at least this time they might be drug-induced.

“she worked Bill alone” no, she didn’t. not really. (Hannibal: I’m right here.)

stop trying to make Likable Paul happen, it’s never going to happen!!!

I HATE the “Reesey” nickname, y’all. HATE. IT.

plus, we know that her dad called her “Baby”?

her father’s appearance doubles down on the end-of-Hannibal vibes...Not Sure If Want.

wow, Clarice is being literally tortured? thanks, I hate it!!!

really doubt that Clarice’s Pinto used to belong to her father (who drives a truck in the books??)... weird flex.

and how would she even have gotten it? her mother would either have driven that car into the ground out of necessity or else have sold it for the money the Starlings needed so desperately.

Pintos also weren’t super high-quality cars and were definitely not built to last ~20 years.

Clarice already being able to chat with her father whenever she needs to really undermines the therapy Hannibal will eventually give her, but…I guess they’ve already accepted they’ll never make it that far?

“you’re trying to get in my head” yeah, and she’s doing it, too–’cause she learned from the best!

“you get an answer, I get an answer, Felker.” she’s Hannibal’s girl all right.

this episode’s had flashes of brilliance before diving back into…whatever tf watching one of your favorite characters of all time being tortured is.

I really wanted Ardelia to say that no, but Clarice was like a sister to her.

it took FIVE episodes to get some lamb imagery, but we’ve been looking at moths for the entire season?!

oof, Clarice voicing her own insecurities about her childhood abandonment and using them to twist Felker’s arm...painful but smart.

HANNAH!!!

I would die 4 baby Clarice

after all that, Clarice is going to apologize to Ardelia about last week? this episode SUCKS.

Good: Clarice playing mind games with Felker like Hannibal did to her; Ardelia going to bat for her bestie, lamb flashbacks, baby Clarice, and HANNAH!

Bad: So much. Clarice being medically tortured multiple times, moth hallucinations, the several-years-premature (imo) Daddy-as-Guardian-Angel plot device, “Reesey”...did I mention Clarice getting repeatedly tortured?!

Ugly: Krendler backstory + making out with his wife. Ew.

Wow, this episode was a hot mess, and I kind of hated it. I loved Clarice’s really Hannibalesque approach to Felker, and I’m so thrilled that Hannah got mentioned at all (tho...did they need to be so heavy-handed with the helmet and gun and everything?) Also nice to see Ardelia behaving much more in-character. That said, it was sickening and imo totally unnecessary to further traumatize Clarice the way they did. To make her almost helpless.

Clarice, and by extension Rebecca Breeds (who is fantastic and deserves better), has been given very little range so far. She’s frequently been shown as miserable, afraid, desperate, traumatized, angry, resentful, but I also want to see her joyful, laughing, silly, relaxed...something else that will give her depth. Her life wasn’t miserable 24/7, 365. It was just unfulfilling. We got glimpses of this in the first two episodes. PLEASE bring it back!

And rn I’m questioning how Clarice’s career can possibly drag on for another six years after this. Her apparent PTSD is already interfering with her job performance as it is--this experience is only going to make it worse. Her “body count” in Hannibal was around five, iirc, and that was enough to slap her with the “Death Angel” moniker. In the show at least four people have died in close proximity to Clarice in the space of like...a week. How does she come back from that, even as the savior of Catherine Martin? It’s a PR nightmare for obth Clarice and the FBI.

They’ve also sort of forgotten that the Martins existed while continuing to flesh out Krendler’s (?!) character? It’s weird.

I almost don’t even want to watch Episode 6 after that. But here goes...

Episode 6, “How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful?”

the freaking MOTHS again, I hate them!

frankly, yeah, Clarice should be on leave.

Clarice’s nondescript monochrome suits and constant ponytail are just so boring. in the book she’s described as never having to put effort into making her hair look good--so why is it always pulled back in this show?

I’m not sure it’s very in-character for Clarice, at this point in her career, to go over her boss’s head to get out of admin leave (one she really needs to take tbh) even for the sake of solving a case

lol what the actual hell @ AG Martin guilt-tripping Clarice, who was very recently tortured and almost died, for not calling Catherine back? Clarice is not Catherine’s therapist!

THIS is what my Vogue-reading heroine with burgeoning great taste wears for a night out? so disappointing.

never in my life did I think I’d be sitting through Krendler’s personal drama in a show ABOUT CLARICE STARLING.

her costume sucks and her hairstyle’s from years in the future, but dang does Clarice look gorgeous.

and I love thinking of her getting a taste of the luxury she’ll enjoy with Hannibal. :)

you know what? I think I was actually fine with them forgetting that the Martins were in this show.

whyyy is Krendler being made so sympathetic?!

now Catherine Martin “loved to sew” just like Frederica Bimmel? hmm. (tbf, maybe this is in the novel, and I’ve just forgotten.)

her gift for Clarice is sweet, though.

so beautiful, indeed

Christ on a cracker, that confrontation between the Martins was painful to watch (not a criticism). this show’s AG and her daughter are very much two of a kind in terms of emotional manipulation.

I stan one (1) doofus

now either Catherine’s gaslighting Clarice...or Clarice’s trauma (over BILL! again with this!) is so pervasive that it’s twisted her memories. either way, I hate it.

so Krendler’s lawyer is dirty and that’s why he’ll (probably) turn against Clarice? but WHY? why can’t Krendler just suck?

Good: Clarice looking gorgeous, Ardelia continuing to fight for Clarice, female characters in positions of authority everywhere

Bad: Clarice’s underwhelming costumes, Clarice’s primary/worst trauma apparently STILL being Buffalo Bill & having Clarice break down crying again (and NOT over what happened last week, which would tbh make a lot more sense).

Sad: Shaan’s backstory about his wife, everything involving Catherine

Ugly: Krendler subplot. Ugh.

I just don’t know how I feel about this installment. Wish I cared more about the overarching conspiracy plot, but I’m really only here for Clarice and Ardelia. And while no show can stand on the shoulders of a single character, for a show about Clarice, there seems to be quite a bit of screentime devoted to her bosses, Martin and Krendler, and even to her team members. And all without Clarice herself getting much character development. They don’t seem to be exploring much of her character other than her traumatic backstories, and I’m no longer very hopeful that she’ll be much more fleshed out in the last four episodes, either. It’s a bummer. I really think Rebecca could shine like Jodie did if she were given a chance.

Most of the scenes with the Martins were visceral and felt so real that it was hard to watch. That said...the AG Martin/Catherine content all strikes me as being somewhat detached from the rest of the show, as if the writers are making it up as they go along with no real end goal in mind.

Man...these two were rough going. Very little humor or warmth and absolutely no joy. Of course the source material is dark, so a somewhat dark crime drama is to be expected, but I really think the show needs a slightly less intense, bleak and (dare I say it?) unpleasant episode. But they writers have really dug themselves into a hole by zeroing in on Clarice’s PTSD. And unlike in Hannibal, there’s no love interest with whom she (and by extension, the audience) can flee her misery and pain.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the rest of the season. A lot of the ingredients are there, and despite my many criticisms, it’s been great to spend time with a character I love. Fingers crossed that they finish strong!

#Clarice Starling #cbs clarice #clarice #rebecca breeds #spoiler warning #bc I know a few of you haven't quite caught up either #long post for ts #media [cbs show]#actor [rebecca breeds]#char [clarice starling]#char [the night watchman]#char [paul krendler]#char [ardelia mapp]

17 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions

3 notes · View notes

random-imagines-blog · 4 years

Text

Bittersweet (Barry Allen x Reader)

Requested by: @kurtbastianlover Wordcount: 3967 Summary: Like every fan’s dream, you suddenly drop into your favorite television show.

The world could be a very mysterious place. Not knowing how they built the great pyramids, the Bermuda triangle, the current US president - but the biggest one was how the hell you went from falling asleep on your couch, to waking up in a bed in the fictional STAR Labs with the actress Daniel Panabaker sitting across the room, looking at medical charts on the computer. When you blinked open your eyes and looked around your surroundings, you tried to think of how this could be happening. There was too much detail for it to be a dream, you could see things that were just background blurs in the show. And the IV needle stuck in your arm hurt too much for that to be part of a dream too. It grew itchy and you scratched the area around it, which caught the attention of the actress. She got to her feet and pressed a call button that made her voice echo throughout the lab. ‘They’re awake!’

“Alright, is there some new prank show out there where they drug you and put you on the set of your favorite show? Because that seems a bit on the illegal side, Netflix will never pick it up.” You looked at your arm and at the needle. You’d seen movies and shows where people pull them out of their own arms, and it always looks uncomfortable. “I’ll play along if you can get a Doctor or a nurse to come and pull this thing out of me. Health and safety nightmare for me to-”

A bright flash appeared, and then there he was. Grant Gustin himself, wearing the infamous, skintight Flash suit. It looked even better in person than it did on your shitty little tv. But how did he get there so fast? You would have noticed if he just walked in. It’s like you were watching reality with special effects. “Wow, it really sprung for the big names.”

“What are they talking about?” Grant leaned in to ask Danielle, who looked at you concerned.

“Grant Gustin, Danielle Panabaker. I met the both of you at SDCC a couple of years ago, after the first season came out. I don’t expect you to remember me, though you certainly made an impression on me,” You chuckled nervously. Danielle shrugged and looked puzzled, before coming closer to you with her hands up. You didn’t make a fuss, only watched carefully as she removed the IV so you were free to move about. “Did they have enough in the budget for Carlos?”

“Who is Carlos?” Grant asked, moving forward. “Is that the person who did this to you, or someone we could track down or...”

“Cisco Ramone? Seriously, what kind of show is this?” You looked between the two actors, frowning now. It had been a bit fun at the start, but the genuinely confused look on their faces was making that run out quick. “Alright, the only thing that I can do from here is pretend that this is serious, so that’s what I’ll do.” You breathed, then got to your feet, realizing that you were still in your pajamas. Well, this certainly is not how you wanted anyone to see you.

“How do you know Cisco?” Danielle asked. You noticed they were avoiding any sort of conversation about this being a show, as though they were scared of the topic. You didn’t blame them. You’d be confused if you were just going about your life and someone showed up and said they knew your life.

“We’ve never met, but I guess you can say that I know a lot about all of you.” You admitted. “I know that sounds crazy but hey, if I somehow slipped from one earth to another, in your words, then anything is possible, right?”

“I’m going to go get Cisco,” Danielle said, backing away, and left the room, leaving you alone with Grant. You stretched your back and took a better look around, noticing that there was no cameras, and the room was indeed closed off - not open like a set. Once Danielle was back with Carlos - it was strange to think of them as their characters when they were standing in front of you - you cleared your throat. “You guys might want to sit down, I have a lot to say.”

When you were done, and having done a short introduction of yourself, the three in front of you seemed to have their minds blown. Grant, no, Barry, had taken off the hood of his costume since you revealed that you knew his identity anyway.

“So somewhere in the multiverse, we’re a TV show. Please tell me I’m played by someone good,” Cisco said, looking at you eagerly.

“You’re played by a guy who looked exactly you. And this is your only real acting gig. It’s great though, you’re fantastic. And Caitlin, you’re Danielle Panabaker, you did, let me think,” You tried to remember other things you’ve seen her in. “A Friday the 13th remake, and a high school superhero film called Sky High. You controlled plants and were hella feminist.” She seemed more troubled at this than happy. “And Grant, sorry, Barry, you also did Glee, which is funny because so did Melissa - er, Supergirl.”

“So this is really all just a TV show? You know all about it?” Barry reiterated.

“Uh - probably, unless I somehow just changed the timeline. Can you tell me about what’s been going on recently? Because by the looks of things, I might actually be ahead of you guys.”

“Tony - he’s made of metal or something. We were fighting and then I just saw you, lying off the side of the road. I couldn’t tell what was wrong, you were just unconscious so I brought you here,” Barry explained. You thought for a moment, Tony, Tony - no, you couldn’t be this far back, could you?

“Tony, as in your childhood villain, Tony?” You asked to be sure.

“That’s where I remember him from!” Barry jumped up. “I knew he looked familiar. But how-”

“This is just season one stuff. You have no idea how crazy things are going to get from here.” You sighed. “This is like, calm before the storm type of things. I could tell you how you eventually defeat him, if you want me to.”

“Season one, how many seasons are there?” Caitlin finally spoke up.

“So far - six.”

“I gotta go tell Harrison about this, he’s going to freak-” Cisco said. At the mention of Harrison Wells, you remembered the twist at the end of the season, and instinctively reached out and grabbed Cisco’s wrist. He stopped, surprised. It was the first contact that you’ve reached out for with any of them. It was still hard to believe that they were real, and you were touching skin. Cisco’s skin.

“It would be extremely dangerous to tell him any of what I’ve just told you,” You said, seriously. “I wish I could tell you, but it would also be dangerous if I did that. Just um - just tell him I’m diabetic and I passed out on the street, and I’m - I don’t know, a cousin or something, because if he finds out who I am and what I know...”

“Do you know who killed my mom?” Barry asked, getting onto his feet.

“Uhh - yes, but - oh god, please don’t make me tell you the big things. I have a really bad feeling about this.”

“Let’s give y/n a little space, okay?” Caitlin said, smiling at you softly. You returned it, knowing that by doing this, you were giving them a little space. You climbed back onto the bed in the medical room and closed your eyes tightly.

You even tried to click your heels three times, muttering, “There’s no place like home,” but that didn’t do anything. You were still here, in the Flashverse. And you had a lot of decisions to make on what to tell them. They weren’t just entertainment now, you could be putting lives at risk. You could be putting your own if Eobard Thawne, under the guise of Harrison Wells, knew that you knew the future. You probably already ruined it by telling them that they had six seasons of adventures ahead of them. You sighed, and went over what you could remember of the first season, especially what was coming up next.

“He seems undefeatable,” Barry said, coming to you in the Medical Bay. A couple of days had already past. Caitlin got you some clothes to change into, and had concocted a story to Harrison about how you had been her neighbor when she was younger. He seemed to buy it and welcome you, which was a bit difficult for you to accept naturally, but you did your best. He still seemed to linger, however, especially when you were alone with one of the members of the team. This was your first one on one talk with Barry since you got here.

“He’s not - Cisco comes up with a way. You defeat him, with a little help from Iris actually. Just give it a little time, and stop trying to just punch him, it’s clearly not working.”

“Does she know who I am?” Barry asked, growing nervous at the mention of Iris’s involvement. “Does she find out when we fight Tony?”

“No, this isn’t how she finds out, but she does eventually. So just keep being careful, alright?”

“Yeah, alright.” Barry nodded. “Hey, have you had a chance to check out Jitters yet?”

“Haven’t really been able to leave this place, no matter how many times I try to explain to Cisco that there’s no Central City in my world so running into a double of me is impossible.”

“Do you want to go, with me?” Barry asked. A flush came across your cheeks. You always thought that Grant Gustin was handsome, and that Barry Allen was an amazing character, so seeing that face, with that personality, and seeing those lips form ‘do you want to go with me’ was overwhelming to you.

“Is this just a ploy so you can go see Iris?” You questioned, trying to play it off cool.

“No, though she might be working. I just thought that since you’re here, I could show you around. Maybe you’ll see something that isn’t in the show.”

“Sure, sure,” You teased, knowing that he was in love with his best friend and that they would one day get married. It was best not to get your hopes up. “Oh, and can we also go to Big Belly Burger? I’ve always wanted to try it.”

Barry laughed at that, but agreed that he would take you there for dinner.

Apart from the danger of being near the big bad from the first season, being here was a dream come true.

You sat across from Barry at a small Jitters table with large coffee mugs in front of you. The place was larger than you thought it would be, but you only were able to see a bit of it due to camera angles. You got what sounded best, while Barry got his usual. And of course, Iris was working. It was just like the show, where she was front and center while there were background characters literally in the background.

“So you know all about us, why don’t you tell me a little about you?” Barry asked, taking a sip from his coffee. He was barely looking over at Iris, it was odd.

“Oh, I’m really not that interesting,” You said, brushing it off. “Not like you guys anyway. My life is pretty pedestrian.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Barry frowned. “There’s got to be something.”

“Well, I live by myself, so apart from my job, I doubt anyone has noticed that I left yet. Thank God I don’t have a pet or else I’d be freaking out about them not being fed,” You chuckled, trying to think of anything that might be of interest. You told him about your job, and how it wasn’t nearly as cool as being a superhero.

“You shouldn’t compare yourself to other people as often. Especially not TV characters,” Barry said, looking a little concerned.

“I guess I do that a lot, huh?” You tried to lighten the mood with a little chuckle. “Is there anything that you want to know, by the way? I mean, I can’t spoil the big things, obviously, but there’s probably some things that I can tell you.”

“There’s one thing that I’ve been thinking about, but you don’t know the answer,” Barry frowned. “How you being here is going to affect the timeline that you know.”

“I hope someone cool plays me in the show,” You mirrored what Cisco had said earlier. This made Barry laugh which was a wonderful sight to see. He was so stressed about this whole Tony thing, and his mother’s investigation. Looking at him smile, you noticed that he hadn’t been looking at Iris throughout the whole conversation, but seemed to have his eyes set only on you. You wondered if - maybe - did he think the same way about you that you thought about him?

“You would definitely be played by someone cool.”

You wiggled around in your seat, a little more bashful than you were before. “Barry, I have to ask-”

You were cut off by a shadow over the table,and it belonged to the one and only Iris West. She was absolutely stunning in person, just as she was on your TV screen. “Nothing else for you two before we close up?”

You were surprised by that, and looked at the clock only to find that you had been there for hours. Wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling shy next to the supermodel beside you, you shook your head.

“Iris,” Barry said, getting to his feet, as if just realizing that she was there. “This is y/n.”

“Thanks for the delicious coffee,” You said, smiling awkwardly. You really did have a problem with comparing yourself to other people. Being here had made that abundantly clear.

“You’re welcome,” Iris said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Barry has been rather busy lately, I’m guessing that’s because of you?”

“A lot of things, but yeah, y/n has been ... helpful.” You nodded along as Barry gave a haphazard explanation for your friendship. The look on Iris’s face showed that she didn’t entirely buy it but she dropped the subject.

“However, we are closing so - Barry, do you want to come for dinner at dad’s house sometime this week?”

“Uh - maybe, I’ll let you know.” Barry stood up and put his coat back on, and you did the same. Both of you left, and once you were out in the night air, you let out a huge breath.

“It’s a bit awkward, isn’t it?” You asked. “Iris is your best friend and you’re in love with her then along comes me and makes it uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”

“You know about that too?” Barry looked at you, then sighed, leading the way towards the fast food place. “Is there anything that you don’t know?”

You thought for a minute, then shrugged your shoulders. “I don’t really know where to go from here. I mean, both the burger place, and in this weird life.” He nodded along, listening to ramble about how you missed your old life a bit, even though it wasn’t nearly as exciting as this. Within a couple of minutes, you had it all out of your system and were finding a place to sit while he ordered the burgers.

“Thought we could eat outside,” Barry said, holding up the bag. You nodded, agreeing with that, and the two of you found yourselves sitting on a nearby bench, looking out at the water. “I know things have really changed for you but, I like having you around.”

“Really?” You squeaked more than said, which made you blush again. You never even blushed this much in the real world, but then again, you didn’t have anyone like Barry Allen in your real life. He looked at you and a little grin came across his face - and you recognized it. It was the same grin that he had when he looked at Iris during the show. “Um - thanks, that’s really nice of you to say.”

Barry’s phone ruined the moment, the annoying beeping not stopping until he took it out of his pocket. “Hold on, it’s Cisco,” He said, and answered it. “Cisco? Yeah, y/n’s with me, really? I thought it would take longer than that... Okay, yeah, we’ll head that way now.” He hung up then put it back into his pocket, and looked over at you. “He found a way to potentially get you back home.”

“Oh, alright,” You said, a little disappointed. It felt like things were only beginning to grow here, like maybe you could have a place, but you knew in your heart it wasn’t right. Any move that you make now could affect the lives of these people. Knowing the future and not being able to tell them was extremely difficult. “Yeah, we should head over there.”

“Y/N...” Barry started, but then stopped as you got up and started to walk away from the bench. He jogged, rather than raced, to catch up with you. “It might not even work-”

“But it might. And then - then I’ll have to be content with watching you all on the television again, once a week, seeing you fight and be in pain, and see bad things happen, and good things and not being able to be there anymore...”

“I’m sorry,” Barry said, looking down at you as the both of you walked, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “I wish you could stay here.”

“Yeah, me too.”

You weren’t as thrilled about the idea of going back as Cisco thought that you would be, but you put a big smile on your face so he wouldn’t feel bad about all the work he put into it. When he explained that he would be attempting to alter your frequencies in the same was as televisions in their world, you just nodded and smiled.

“It was really nice to meet you all, I guess I’ll be seeing you again soon.” Your laugh gave away that you were a bit sad about this. They each gave you a hug - first Caitlin, then Cisco, then Barry, though his seemed to linger for longer.

It wasn’t until you rested your head against his chest that you realized that this was your only chance. At first, you were hesitant to bring it up, but then you looked into his eyes and knew that you had to. “Remember how I was going to ask you something at Jitters?” You licked your lips, still slightly tasting the Big Belly Burger, and wished you had a mint or something.

“Yes,” Barry nodded. You smiled slightly, and tried to think of how to word it. Iris had thrown you off your guard back at the coffee shop, and you had to get those thoughts back together.

“I was going to ask if it would be alright if I considered coffee and the burger as a date. It would be really cool to be the only person on my Earth who can say they had a date with a comic book hero.”

He chuckled at that and you thought for a second you had made him blush, but it could have just been the lights. “We can both call it that,” He agreed.

“And would it be alright if I ended this date ... with a kiss?” Even you couldn’t believe how bold that you were being, and Barry looked a little shocked by it as well. You two had just started to get to know each other but he thought that you were a lot more shy than this. But he nodded his head, so you stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips against his.

It was a good thing that he also tasted like burger, so neither of you had to feel insecure. Apart from that, it was amazing - there was a storm rumbling in your belly, which was more powerful than any butterflies you’ve ever felt before. It was like being on a roller coaster that was just about to totter down a large drop. It was like coming across untarnished treasure. It was beyond any other kiss that you ever had before, and when it ended, you were holding in tears that you had to leave.

He looked at you sadly as well, and took a couple of steps back. You smiled, because despite the sorrow at leaving, you were happy that it had happened at all. “Alright Cisco, beam me up.”

The last thing that you remembered was him pointing a device at you, and some sort of weird vibration going through your body. And then you woke up, which was startling because you didn’t remember falling asleep. You were back on your couch, with the credits of a recent Flash episode playing on your television. The only thing that was different was your clothes. It wasn’t the pajamas that you had been lounging it, but rather, it was an outfit that Caitlin had found for you, and that you had worn on your date with Barry.

That’s how you know that everything that happened was real, and not just some crazy dream. These were definitely not clothes that you owned.

You sat up and reached for your cellphone which was charging on the armrest of the couch. You saw that your phone was not only fully charged, but that you missed three days of your life, that you had 13 missed calls, 22 text messages and plenty of notifications from phone games - and of course, the ever threatening Duolingo reminders. You swept past those and called your best friend right away. She sounded sleepy as she answered the phone, given that it was almost one in the morning.

“You won’t believe what just happened to me,” You said.

“Does it have something to do with the fact that you’ve been lounging around, not answering your phone for three days?” Your friend yawned.

“Yes, actually, it does. I just went on a date with The Flash.”

You waited for your friends reaction to either think it was a joke, or be utterly surprised. It turned out to be neither. “Y/N, I know, you’ve been saying that since that episode came out.” You could hear them rolling their eyes from here. “Yes, there was a character with the same name as you back in season one, we get it, can I go back to sleep now?”

“Yeah, sure,” You said, and hung up. You looked blankly at the TV as another episode started. A rerun, but from season five, not the season that you were in. You rested back against the couch and watched it, a longing in your heart to return back to the show. You wouldn’t be able to watch it without remembering the feeling of Barry’s lips.

#Barry Allen #Barry Allen x reader #The Flash #The Flash x reader #DC #DC x reader #Barry Allen oneshot #The Flash oneshot #DC oneshot #oneshot #request

133 notes · View notes

thestartline · 4 years

Text

NYLON JAPAN February Issue - Stray Kids Eng Trans

The world based Stray Kids has appeared for the first time!

At the start of the year, I read a fortune telling column on some magazine, that I’ll have a new encounter during the latter half of the year. The new counter in the latter half of 2019 was with Stray Kids, and the fortune telling was true. The shock I had when I first saw Stray Kids. Their fluid but powerful dancing, vocals that captured anyone who listened to them, and their rap performance as goo as any hip hop artist. Anyone who sees their stage will for sure be captivated by them. For the first time, Stray Kids have appeared solo on a Japanese magazine, and on the cover of NYLON guys. After their debut in Korea in 2018, they quickly went on a very successful world tour, showcasing their popularity and significance not only within Asia but all over the world. They have finally announced their long awaited Japanese debut in March of 2020. As for a boy group which is world based, this might be something normal. We will introduce Stray Kids who will surely become the icon of all boys group, through their fortune tellings and special photoshoot by NYLON JAPAN.

Lee Know

Known for his powerful and flexible dance. From his beautiful sculpted face, he is named the “Dancing Gem” by the fans. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Lee Know

The year which will determine which direction to go forward to. Your surroundings might be surprised by your decisions in March. Your childish side will need to be toned down. There may be a possibility that you’ll wish to pursue something on the world level in August. Need to be cautious of your responsible nature and how you may try too hard at times. On your own pace, have fun both personally and officially!

Changbin

A skillful rapper known for his dark voice. Also highly regarded for his lyric writing. Often teased within the group. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Changbin

Your heart will be filled with happiness in 2020. During the winter, you will be concerned with your surroundings more than yourself which might be troubling, but by April, you will find a peaceful solution. From May will be a time to learn, and there will be more areas which will need to be understood. By September, you may possibly try something new! If you feel stuck, try relying on I.N.!

Hyunjin

With his sweet face, he is a visual that everyone admits. A dancer that leads Stray Kids. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Hyunjin

Anyone who sees you will understand its a happy year for you. If there is anything you wish to try, try saying it out loud! If it is accepted, April may become a fun month for you to delve into it. June and July may be a little challenging, but from August onwards, you will be once again surrounded by everything you love.

I.N.

The youngest in the member in charge of vocals. A natural airhead that is loved by the members. His dimples when he laughs is his charming point. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> I.N.

Your life will become richer, and you will step into something new. Early in the new year, a big offer might come your way, signaling your luck. During the spring, you will be strapped to something with history and order but think of it as a learning period! By September, you will be someone who is highly regarded. Your free spirit will always be by your side.

Han

In charge of rap but also a skilled vocalist; an all rounder. Part of “3RACHA” along with Bang Chan and Changbin. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Han

A year which you might have a lot of responsible jobs coming your way, but always remember that you will be one smiling at the end. From January, you might be caught up on the past, but your goal is April! You will have new ties in surprising places, and if you want to be acknowledged, set your goal for September and you will succeed.

Bang Chan

The leader of Stray Kids and the brain of the group. In charge of writing lyrics and songs as well as producing. From Australia.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Bang Chan

2020 is a year that might change things dramatically. From the start of the year to March, you will be able to rest. If you are sensitive to your surroundings, many new supporters will appear and you will have a strong wind to push you through in June. On the other hand, by September, you might possibly change tracks and be greatly successful. Your heart will be delicate so you will need the support of your members.

Seungmin

Mostly in charge of vocals. His skills earned him second place in his companies audition. Also speaks English well, and is an intelligent character. From Korea.

Fortune SKZ 2020 >> Seungmin

The hobbies and fun things you are absorbed in might become part of work for you, a lucky sign. From January, your luck with personal relations seem great as well. By spring, captivating job offers will come your way. In August, some difficult things might occur, but if you believe it is a chance for you to step up and endure it, you will be able to uncover a new self that you didn’t know about.

Felix

With his cute visuals, but extreme deep voice, he is well known for his gap. Pay attention to his sexy rap and sharp dance moves! From Australia.

Fortune SKZ2020 >> Felix

Both personally and officially, you will be happy. Be generous to yourself! There will be a lot of changes in January, but March and April will bring new chances and allow you get on board. You might be able to reach for something you have always been dreaming about in August. Be sensible in November to not be scolded at.

In the cold and brisk breeze, reminding me of winter’s arrival, I met Stray Kids in Seoul, Korea. They entered the set still looking sleepy. During the waiting times, they played with the cats on set, or teased each other, showing the natural sides of the group, the average age of the members being 19 years old. Different to the powerful faces they have on stage, another reason as to why they are popular. A little different to their normal styles, with the colourful outfits and ennui concept. Feel their first story through NYLON JAPAN.

Q. Firstly, please tell us how you feel about today’s shoot.

Bang Chan: As it is our first appearance on NYLON JAPAN, we are very honoured just by that. It has created a new precious memory for me.

Lee Know: Today’s set is a famous shooting area! I have always wanted to come here, so I am very happy to be here on such wonderful opportunity.

Changbin: It is a derelict amusement park, and it was great to be able to shoot in the unique atmosphere. I was able to have fun by feeling like I was back in my childhood.

Hyunjin: From the styling, it had a different feeling to our other photoshoots. Personally, I had a lot of fun as the costumes were different to usual styles.

Han: It’s been a while since we had a location shooting! As it is surrounded by mountains and trees, the air was good and I had a great time from the morning.

Felix: As we began filming from the morning, I felt refreshed and because we were with the members, I had a great time!

Seungmin: I have actually seen a Japanese photo book before, and it was interesting because I was wearing something similar as to what the model was wearing in the photo book. There were many cats in the set, and it was really funny to see Lee Know taking care of the cats because he seemed like a butler.

I.N.: The shoot was fun, but because I heard it was the ruins of an old amusement park, I was a little scared at first. However, the air was nice and I was able to shoot with a good feeling.

Q. You wore outfits with a lot of colours today, but do you have any styles you are liking recently?

BC: Always black! I think its my colour. All black fashion, I usually like to wear monotone looks.

LK: I actually am not really interested in fashion... I used to think about it before, but these days I like to wear whatever is most comfortable.

CB: As winter is approaching, I want to wear things that make me seem softer, or things that are large and relaxed styles.

HJ: I usually wear cute sweats, hoodie t-shirts, and big sweatpants so I think I’ll like to wear warmer things for the winter.

FX: Its getting quite cold recently, so I like wearing a fur hood outer these days! I like to feel the warmth from my outers.

HN: I don’t really prefer any fashion styles, but my style is quite showy compared to the others. The costume I wore today was colourful and I liked it, I want to keep trying lots of styles.

SM: I often like to wear long padding downs, long coats, trench coats, and long outers in general. Coats that go to my knees are warm and I like them. I was happy because my costume for today was a long coast as well. Its my style!

IN: I’m interested in street fashion these days, I used to like clothes that fitted my body, these days I like wearing wide pants, kind of like a newtro (new and retro) style.

Q. What is your favourite (pop) culture?

BC: I have always liked games, but recently, I’ve been busy and haven’t been able to do it much. But whenever I have a little time, I always want to do it... its a stress reliever for me!

LK: I watch a lot of films. Recently, I watched a film released in 2003 called “A Tale of Two Sisters” with Han. It was a horror film, but it was really great!

CB: I’m into music and YouTube. I’ve been listening to senior Kpop artists such as TVXQ and Super Junior, groups I was into when I was younger. On YouTube, I watch funny contents with fresh ideas.

HJ: I’m really into an artist called “Leellamarz” these days, I’ve only been listening to them. I have always been the type to only focus on one thing when I’m into it.

HN: I like band music, so I’ve been listening to “One Ok Rock”, and recently, I’ve been listening to an English band called “Young Blood”. It’s great.

SM: Listening to band music is a hobby of mine. After listening to DAY6 senior’s songs, I listen to a lot of rock bands these days. It’s great fun to listen to the vocals, keyboard, and bass individually. I don’t know many bands so I’m still learning. The band I began to like recently is “Green Day”. I think their music is fun and good. (Bang Chan began to sing Green Day) If I’m ever going to play any instruments, I want to try the melody parts like the guitar, keyboard, or piano!

IN: Rather than watching movies, I like reading reviews other people wrote. I like to compare my own thoughts to how other people found it. I look for many reviews and enjoy reading them.

Q. Then we’ll move onto questions about music. Unlike other groups, Stray Kids can self produce their songs which is a strength, but is there anything you pay attention to or focus on?

BC: We create our own songs and weave it into the concept, making a performance. And, I think it is the most important part about self producing is to definitely put our message into our songs. We believe it is our strength to be able to tell our message from the bottom of our hearts, and Stray Kids cannot exist without that, which is our self producing.

HN: As Bang Chan said, we like to make songs that our fans can understand, but what we focus on is having others relate to us. We try to incorporate all the feelings, anxiety, and experiences that people our age might feel into our lyrics, and we really try to have other people relate to us.

Q. What do you think are the problems of the people in their 10′s have?

HN: There are a lot of young people now that don’t know what to do with themselves now, right? They are facing who they are on the insides, but they aren’t sure. So, I focus on putting in the feelings of not knowing what to do, or not knowing which way is the right way in the lyrics.

Q. Next, I’ll ask a question your beauty. Please tell us the secrets on how you stay good looking all the time

HN: Honestly... I was born good looking so... hahaha! There isn’t anything. Next, fashionista Changbin!

CB: I think its better if you don’t stress if you want a nice or gentle look. Its important to think positively all the time!

BC: To take in nutritional food once every day! There’s no point if your body isn’t healthy!

SM: Rather than being good looking, I think it is important to keep in mind the feelings I had towards music when I started as a Stray Kids member. A straightforward heart!

FX: When I’m on stage playing with the members or performing, or when I am communicating with the fans, I think thats when we look the best.

HJ: Isn’t how good we look on stage the true style for us? Even when we make a little mistake during practise, we practise until we go on stage and make sure the outcome is a 100%. We can accomplish that because we try that hard. We heighten ourselves to the best version of ourselves, and as professionals, we showcase the perfect version on stage. I believe that is how Stray Kids maintain our good looks,

LK: I used to go on diets and care about how I look on the outside, but now I’m focusing on who I am, trying to face my own heart.

IN: Who I am on camera and off camera, me on stage and off stage, I try to make sure its all the same me. My definition of good looking is whoever that can be truly who they are, wherever they are. I always try to maintain that mindset!

Q. Okay, so how you maintain your good looks differs. How about a easier question now - please tell us anything that you specifically focus on in terms of eating habits

HJ: I always make sure if there are no eggplants in my meals! I really don’t like eggplants. The members always try to make me eat eggplants, so sometimes I eat them without noticing.

BC: There is something that I specifically focus on. It’s table manners. To not make noise when I’m eating, if I blow my nose I make sure I won’t trouble the people around me. It’s also important to chew a lot during meals, so I try to chew a lot.

SM: I don’t eat dinner the day before a shoot. Instead, I eat everything I want to eat for breakfast and lunch! I’m the type to lose weight if I don’t eat, so I make sure of how much I eat the day before.

HN: On off days, there are days where I don’t eat properly, but I have decided to eat something I really want to eat deliciously once a day! Within the group, I don’t have a lot of likes and dislikes, and I think I eat a lot. Even if I bloat the next day, there’s no point if I have no strength! Really, its an excuse though haha.

FX: I’m starting to like eating spicy foods! But, when I eat spicy foods, my body doesn’t handle it too well. I get stomach aches. Days before I have schedules, I refrain from eating spicy foods.

IN: I don’t snack at night! I really bloat easily.

Members: Han is a night snacker, so I.N. always says he’s envious of him!

IN: When I began snacking at night, I can’t stop. I eat the next night too... I can’t stop myself. So I made a promise with myself to stop. I allow myself to snack at night about twice a month!

BC: I try not to snack at night, but I usually can’t help myself and end up eating.

LK: To work out, I’ve been taking a lot of protein lately. I eat whatever I want to eat and take in proteins. I heard about green tea diet before and I was drinking Green Tea frappuccino but it was no use... But, salad and hamburger is good for dieting. Because its filled with carbs, proteins and vitamins, right?

Members: That’s Lee Know’s excuse!

CB: I should take care of what I eat, but I don’t. There is one thing I do focus on, though. I don’t eat cold food and cold drinks. Cold food isn’t good for the body... But, if there are only cold food, I warm it up in my mouth before I drink it in. It’s good for digestion too.

Q. The key content for this month is “fortune telling”, but have any of you had your fortune told before?

LK, HN, IN: We have!

Nylon: Did you believe the results from those fortune tellings?

IN: I was told 2015 won’t be a good year, but 2016 will be better...

HN: At that time, I.N. and I were part of a project. We went to a fortune telling together, and we were told “August will not be a great month” and August was really crazy. I was scolded all the time! Even the smallest things I was scolded for... I should only look at the positive things from a fortune telling, haha!

LK: I was told that my luck will go up when I’m around 30...

Members: Hahaha! How many more years do you have to wait?

IN: I actually don’t believe in fortune tellings. My parents went to a fortune teller before, and the fortune teller told them their son will either become a judge or a prosecutor. Thats why I didn’t believe in it... but, when I went with Han when I was a trainee, I thought fortune tellings are quite nice, so now I believe in half of it?

Q. A lot of the readers of NYLON JAPAN are people who treasure their individuality. Please give an advice or message to those who have dreams and ambitions.

IN: Don’t care about what other’s say about your individuality, and work on your own pace!

BC: There probably are people around you that accept your individuality, and people who relates to you and became your friends. I think it is important to be able to push on for what you enjoy.

HN: I want the people to talk about how happy and blessed they are. Even having a dream is a big part of happiness. I hope your dreams will come true!

Q. The theme for NYLON JAPAN’s 15th anniversary is “NEW POWER NO BORDER”, but is there anything of this that you relate to?

FX: NEW POWER NO BORDER! (in his native accent)

BC: We always say our greeting by saying “STEP OUT!”. This “step out” means “stepping out of the borders”. With our own style, and our own music, we want to step out of the borders! This “Border” means “border” right? That’s something I relate to.

Q. What do you want to tell the youths?

HN: There are people with dreams and people without dreams. Those who have dreams may stumble at some moments, and hard times may come along. But, if you can get over those hard times, your dreams will definitely be accomplished. For those who do not have dreams, don’t worry and look at who you are carefully. It’s not late when you find interest in something new, and I hope you’d be able to have some space for that in your heart. “Those who are talented cannot surpass those who try, and those who try cannot surpass those who have fun.” Even at the hardest times, trying your best won’t backstab you, and whatever you are doing, having fun is the best. I really want to tell them those words!

BC: It’s a little simple, but “Just enjoy!” Even at difficult situations, I think the winners are those who stay laughing. If you can have fun, good times will come. You’re still young, and life is long so “carpe diem” !

IN: Even if you can’t see the future, don’t worry about not being able to see, and it’ll be good if you focus on where you are now.

Members: Those are words for us too

Q. Within your busy schedules, what stimulates you?

LK: This is obvious, but STAY’s are a biggest motivation! This is a fact!

BC: We’re really busy and there are so many things to get done, but interestingly, when I’m talking to the members, I think “maybe the future is bright?”. I feel like I don’t have to worry. The members help me. The existence of a group is good for the energy too. We can take care of each other and stimulate each other!

Q. I didn’t think you’d enjoy this as much. Now, the interview has come to an end. Lastly, you announced your Japan debut! Please tell us how you are feeling about your Japan debut

BC: It has been about a year and a half since we debuted as Stray Kids in Korea, but we are “debuting again” in Japan, which is a new feeling. Everything is new and exciting! We really can’t wait for our Japan debut! We’re all very motivated! Fighting!

Japanese to English Translation by @yarn1003 (skz acc on twit)

!! Please give credit when reposting !!

#Stray Kids #Bang Chan #Lee Know #Changbin #Hyunjin #Han #Felix #Seungmin #I.N.#nylonjapan #nylon guys

259 notes · View notes

discoveringsandra · 3 years

Text

Reupload from my other blog

Journal entry #2

This picture is more or less how I'd like to look like after transition. I don't know if I'll do it or if that goal is realistic, but I think I'd be pretty and that's cool.

Let me tell you a bit more about myself. I've always imagined stories. Fantasizing by myself was kind of my main entertainment as a kid. I'd be at school, or at home, laying on my bed waiting to fall asleep, and my mind would drift to worlds of adventure. Everybody who knows me offline knows that's one of the reasons I want to be a writer.

What they don't know is I that also imagined how would my life be if I was born a girl. I didn't tell anyone about the fantasies where a heroic wizard got turned into a girl by the bad guys and fell in love with his friend. I wasn't a fan of sports and I didn't want to be seen as not boyish enough. At the time, I thought that being treated as a girl was an insult.

When I was a teenager, these fantasies became very sexual. I'd imagine myself as a woman with a penis or sleeping with shape-shifting lustful beings. It was at that time that I started to be interested in porn.

Although I've enjoyed different types of porn and erotica in this lonely life of mine, I have a preference for webcomics and blogs with transgender themes, mostly mtf. I would lurk on these blogs and investigate DA artists to see if all of their work was around these themes. I considered myself a weird fetishist and a sex addict for this.

Then Faceapp came into existence. I ignored it at first but, one day, I decided to illustrate one of my stories, the ones I do talk about to my friends and family, with an aged picture of myself. Soon after downloading the app, I had hundreds of gender-filtered selfies. I think I've deleted it a few times, only to reinstall it to see myself as a woman.

For a while, I considered this part of my perversion. How can I fall in love with someone, if my ideal woman is me? How could I explain a potential partner that I get turned on by the idea of being a girl? I always thought that any relationship I could have was doomed for disappointment.

I don't remember the exact trigger for the last time I got the app. I had been thinking of starting an erotic stories blog, for the sake of releasing my unsatisfied urges in a creative way. Then I saw that story about a Japanese man who catfished his Twitter followers into thinking he was a woman, so I decided to start this blog with more or less erotic stories and illustrate them with my own Faceapp pictures.

But, the moment I chose a female name for myself as a pen name, I realized that this was something else, that I couldn't keep calling myself cisgender. I started using my new name in other networks and following trans people and their blogs, to see if I could relate to them.

For years I had assimilated that discourse of trans women being always femenine in every sense but the body they're born with, that they dressed with female clothes since early childhood and that, somehow, they were born with the mind of a woman. Since I didn't think that was my case I thought I couldn't be a trans woman but, as I've discovered in my recent online journeys, every transgender person is their own individual with their own feelings and their own valid reasons for transitioning. I could have understood that earlier but I didn't want to as I was afraid accepting my own queerness would make others reject me for not being the man I was supposed to be.

Now, I'm still not sure of how to define myself. Words can be powerful and also scary. I know that I have a femenine side that I have been repressing. I know that I want to dress as a woman, and be referred to as a woman. I bought a wig and some lipstick and one of those shapewear things that I thought would give me a more femenine body. I want to get more clothes and see what's my style.

At first, I thought I wouldn't try crossdressing until I had left my parents home, but I'm 28 and still looking for a job, so I've been hiding my girl stuff for when I'm alone. I know that I want to tell them more or less what I've written in this post, but I want to be able to show them how seriously I take this. I don't want them to think that I'm wearing a half-assed woman costume but to understand how I see myself.

I've been thinking of telling them that I'm questioning my gender, and explore my identity more gradually, with changes they could see. It would probably be less shocking than appearing one day on a dress, but I fear that they could think that I'm just confused and expect things to go back to the old normal. I also fear that, as an adult, I should already have been able to define myself on my own, that this is something I should have done before finishing college and that I would look ridiculous.

As you see, I still have fears to overcome. I know that I don't want to live in the closet forever, that I want to embrace this part of me more openly and share it with the people I care about, but I'm terrified. At least now I have accepted myself and I'm trying to build some courage to make myself accepted by others. At least now I know I don't have to hate myself.

✌️

#Me #Transgender #queer #lgbtq #Mtf #Closeted #Faceapp #gender #trans #Journal #Personal

1 note · View note

capsized-heart · 4 years

Text

Lady Liberty and The Captain / Part One

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader (1940′s Brooklyn AU)

Summary: You are a rising young star and the newest breakout actress in Hollywood’s Golden Age! When war finally descends on the west, your reputation as America’s Sweetheart finds you cast in a promotional picture alongside Captain America himself.

Yet, he looks eerily familiar, like your Stevie from childhood…

Word count: 4.7k+

Warnings: fluff!!

A/N: hello, everyone!!!! I hope you’re staying home, warm, and safe during these crazy times. I’ve been snuggling with my doggie and continuing with my university’s online classes in my final semester..absolutely crazy how things are rn. I hope this new story can help brighten up your day just a little bit.

First of all, I just want to say thank you💖💛for all the love that old and new readers alike have shown this blog recently. I’ve been writing on this platform for a little less than a year and I never thought l’incendie would blow up as much as it has. You guys are amazing. I’m really excited and eager to share new pieces and hope you enjoy the content I have coming! Please don’t hesitate to pop in and say hi, or shoot me a message. I’ve really enjoyed connecting with readers and would love to know your thoughts on my fics, or just to talk about fandom stuff! Timmy included! PAHAHA

So, this chapter is gonna be a part of a mini-series for a 1940′s writing challenge and I’m using the prompt of wartime romance! This will probably be split into two or three parts and I will tag the host as soon as the last chapter goes up, I’ll most likely make a masterlist in the end as well. Reader has a name in this fic, but hopefully the choice of name will make sense later on :D

As always, feel free to drop a ask/message if you’d like a tag in the next update.

ENJOY!

THE NEW YORK TIMES

Film: ‘Apple of Discord’, Lola Swanson’s Dazzling Debut!

By NICHOLAS WATTS September 1, 1943

----------

The film drama from the original screenplay written and directed by Andrew Campbell opened to a roar of applause and acclaim at the Radio City Music Hall yesterday evening. Apple of Discord is a reimagining of the myth and Plato’s allegory, focusing on the tumultuous, profoundly elegant life of a young noblewoman during the Trojan wars.

The film’s frontrunner and leading lady is Hollywood newcomer, young and fresh-faced Lola Swanson. Swanson’s performance is so thoughtful, so unfaltering, so intelligent and controlled that it is hard to believe this is little Lola’s long awaited motion picture debut. And what a debut this is!

Starring opposite Hollywood veterans Sean Schultz, Kash Dennis, and Gracie Smith, this star-studded cast packs punches and sizzling chemistry and yet, Swanson does not fizzle out but confidently holds her own, demanding your attention in every scene, and rightfully so. Watching Swanson in this picture is watching a major actress in the making.

Born and raised in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen before moving to Brooklyn to pursue acting, some may recognize Lola from her daytime television roles in Insanity and Passion, It’s a Date! and as Jessica in Jessica Davis Returns.

Now we know these roles were preparing Swanson for the debut of the decade.

“APPLE OF DISCORD” is now showing at the Radio City Music Hall and Cinema 2. Tickets at 25 cents. Running time: 139 minutes.

★★★★☆

——

APPLE OF DISCORD, written and directed by Andrew Campbell; director of photography, Laszlo Kovacs; edited by John Wright; music by John Barry; released by Universal Pictures.

----------

The newspaper trembles hard between your fingers, threatening to tear its edges. Pulse pounding, ears ringing. You can’t stop smiling. You feel like crying.

You reread the words again and again, the words written by legendary film critic Nicholas Watts, the man you’ve only dreamed of making an impression on, that he’d someday see you in a picture. And here he’s written a glowing review of your major motion picture debut.

You erupt in a fit of giggles and screams, twirling around the small space of your apartment in a swirl of nightgown, pinned curls. A neighbor, Mr. Krisinski, you think, pounds on your wall to shut you up.

It’s still early morning and you had gone downstairs at first light to buy a paper from a newsboy. Outside your window, the streets of New York already yawn and bustle with morning commute. The movement of people, gleaming automobiles against the red brick buildings and muted gray of Manhattan. Warm sun washes over it all, your heart brimming and full, mirroring the glow of golden dawn.

You feel on top of the world. Maybe you’ll finally make it here.

Your phone rings. You rush over to the mint blue rotary telephone on your bedside table, snatch up the receiver before Mr. Krisinski can break down your door with all the racket you’re making.

“Hello?” You say into the mouthpiece, cradling it between your hands. You feel breathless, high strung and buzzing, like you’d just downed a whole case of Coca-Cola, whirring with the taste of sugar and success, bubbling with starpower. Maybe it’s Kash or Gracie calling to congratulate you. Hell, maybe even President Roosevelt.

“Lola! It’s me. Have you read the paper?” The cool voice of Peggy asks you through the receiver. You quietly laugh at your own fantastical expectations. Of course it’s Peggy. Punctual, collected Peggy.

Peggy Carter is your talent agent and manager at MGM. Peggy had snatched you up while you had been working as a background actress on Michael Curtiz’s Casablanca, so hopeful and beholden just to be in the presence of such respected artists, willing to stay the extra hours even after the other girls had gone home when realizing they wouldn’t be seen in the shot. It hadn’t been your first time on a hot set, you were used to the itchy costumes, long hours of endless waiting, and the empty stomachs, but no way you were going to miss a chance to see Ingrid Bergman and Madeleine LeBeau up close.

Back then, only a few years ago yet a lifetime away it seems, Peggy had been a casting assistant, seeing your dedication and marching right up to you between takes to hand you her card. On the back, written in smooth blue ink, a time the next morning for an audition at MGM Studios in downtown New York. Eight o'clock sharp.

You didn’t sleep at all that night after you wrapped.

She’s worked at getting you into audition rooms and meetings for years, pushing you onto writers, production assistants, riggers, directors. She had secured you an audition with Andrew Campbell after “accidentally” leaving your headshot in his mailroom and later calling his assistant with threats of stolen property. MGM’s new fresh face had been penciled in for a side read the following week.

Fierce, ingenious, and your own bright star, you’ve risen through the ranks and fought your way up with Peggy at your side.

“Yeah, Peg. I have it here in front of me. This is...absolutely nuts.”

“Not really, you were brilliant in the picture, darling. But it’s a comfort to know Watts has finally replaced that cotton in his brain with some sense.”

Another laugh from you, twirling the telephone cord around your finger.

“Let me have this one, Peg.”

“If you insist.”

You hear the rustling of newspaper from the other end. You can practically see Peggy sitting at her desk, perusing the paper over a morning cup of coffee, her hair curled, makeup and nails all scarlet red and perfect. The golden placard glittering on the frosted glass of the door.

Margaret Carter, Casting Director.

“I’m calling to tell you about an offer we received this morning from Paramount. I think you should take it.”

That rush of giddiness burns bright again in your veins, pulse skyrocketing.

“Paramount? Geez, what did they say?”

“They want you for a promotional picture that’s being produced by Senator Brandt. Brandt is hoping to boost the homefront’s war bond sales with a little starpower from you and from Captain America. You’ve seen his posters, haven’t you? That costumed bloke?”

You have. Plastered everywhere and looking like an absolute buffoon. Nice physique, though.

The disappointment that settles in your stomach is ugly and cold, like a fruitless pit, hard, rough, a sour taste in your mouth. It’s stupidly childish, yet your own expectations for your first movie, first box office hit, for that very first taste of the promised fame and fortune of success, begin to blink out. Expectations you’ve held on to since you were a little girl, since you realized this is the type of work you want to do for the rest of your life.

You’ve managed to impress Nicholas Watts, the most cynical film critic in all of Hollywood, and this is your big break? A Paramount picture featuring you and a tights-wearing mascot?

Peggy is practically asking you to star alongside Mickey Mouse.

“Is that all they offered?” You respond. You wince at the demanding, ungrateful tone. Afterall, showbiz has hardened you to go after what you want, to take and take because this lifestyle does not guarantee anything. You’re told no more than you are yes, the constant rejection having molded you into a diamond tough girl, glitzy and solid, unbreakable, beautiful.

But how many girls would kill to be in your place?

“The only sensible deal. They also offered you the role of Violet for It’s a Wonderful Life, and Ruthie in The Grapes of Wrath.”

“What?! Peggy, contract me for those instead!”

“Well, I’m not going to. And you listen well as to why.”

You twist your lips together. Peggy’s voice filters clipped and disapproving through the phone line, the way she always gets before she offers you damned good advice.

“Not just Watts is impressed with your work, Lola. You’re finally turning heads and for all good reasons. Anyone can get in front of a camera if they have the right look. But you’ve shown them that you have the look and the raw talent. Critics are saying you’re rivaling Judy Garland, darling. And you’re telling me you want the part of a lousy love interest? A secondary daughter? All because the pictures have big names behind them and people may go see it?

“No,” you mumble.

“No is right. You know better than anyone that people expect young stars to burn out fast so they can take their place. It’s all business. If I put you in for those roles, we’d be playing right into their hand. We’d use up all your potential in one summer. The public would get sick of seeing your face in every big picture. We have to earn their affection, darling. It’s slow and tame and not always glamorous, but this deal is smart.”

You listen, silently.

“Morale is low. War is when people turn to familiar pastimes and simple pleasures. To treat themselves, to take their minds off all the grizzly headlines. Captain America embodies all of that and more. If we take this, I promise you, Lola, that people will remember you as the girl who got them through the darkest times. This will do wonders for your career years down the line. And then, if you still want to play Violet, I’ll phone Frank Capra myself.”

You close your eyes and draw in a breath, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

“Well, it looks like I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Wonderful. I’ll phone Paramount now. We’ll be in touch.”

Growing up with poor Irish immigrants for parents, the rare moments you could afford to splurge on luxuries, you spent them at local cinemas and theaters with your brother. Any day was a good one when you and Samuel bought tickets for a noon screening, the cheapest showing of the day, scraping together pocket change to split a popcorn if you were feeling extra special.

And reclining in a nearly empty theater with refreshments and goodies between the two of you, you’d watch the silver screen with hope in your mouth and stars in your eyes. In here, it no longer mattered how little money you had, or the discrimination your family faced, or the war in Europe, or the meager apartment you’d go home to, lucky if the electricity and heating had been paid for. In here, nothing else mattered but the visual stories.

And you realized that you wanted to help tell them. You wanted to be in front of the cameras, to embody characters and personas and let audiences worldwide empathize and identify with your performances.

You’ve loved playing make-believe since you were a little girl, having never really grown out of it. You could do it, you think. Dangerous dreams, perhaps, but what child doesn’t hold this wish within them? To see their name in lights and to be admired and commended, but most of all, to provide for their family?

How hard could it be?

At sixteen, you land your first speaking role. It’s pathetic. You’re working on set as background, per usual, only this time, the director picks you out from the crowd and gives you the line of, “Good morning, sir.” You’re to look off camera as the actor playing Kent entered the scene and you would then say your line.

You’re stupidly excited. Three simple words. You’ll be uncredited, of course, but your face would finally be seen! With butterflies fluttering in your stomach, the scene resets, Kent takes his mark, the cameras roll, and you deliver.

The scene is cut from the final reel.

You pound the pavement. You scour newspapers and flyers for casting calls, you phone agencies and playhouses, you save up to get your picture taken on glossy photo paper. You keep looking. You keep working in background until you can land a steady role.

Then, you finally get one. A miniscule part of a friendly neighborhood girl on a TV drama for CBS. You only have mere minutes of screen time, but the checks that arrive in the mail from Columbia Broadcasting System after your first few episodes air say otherwise.

You open a savings account. You plant your paychecks and watch them grow into a comfortable sum of money. You land another guest starring role for a daytime soap, the secretary of the title character. Combined with your parents’ salaries from your mother’s sewing and your father’s work on the railroads, you become the main breadwinner.

You move your family out of Hell’s Kitchen, out of your cramped, dark apartment. You sign a new lease under your new stage name and move to Brooklyn together.

Brooklyn is slightly cleaner, but the familiar hustle and bustle, the noise of shopkeepers and dialects and children and cars is comforting, grounds you in your roots. When your CBS drama wraps months later with your last check in the mail and you’re looking for your next gig, your brother works odd jobs to help shoulder the burden. Brick laying, chimney sweeping, milk and mail delivering, Samuel becomes no stranger to any and all work, so long as it pays. You become a typist on the side as you wait for auditions and callbacks.

Samuel tells you his aspirations to be a poet, a writer. He hasn’t said a word to your parents, but he shows you the small bound notebook he carries with him, leafing through pages of prose and verse. You encourage him to submit his work to newspapers, publishers. He gives you a shy smile, says he’ll consider it as soon as you get your motion picture debut. You shake on it. Together, your already close bond of brother and sister grows stronger as you each work to support your art.

You’re waiting for Samuel to finish his shift so you can catch a late showing of His Girl Friday, a warm September day when you first meet Bucky Barnes down at the wharfs. He’s tall, lean, and glistening with sweat when he rounds out of the warehouse with an armful of crates and nearly knocks you off the pier.

“Hey, watch it!” he snaps. His eyes flash like the water around you, blue and cold and dangerous. Brown locks curl with perspiration against his forehead, the sleeves of his workshirt rolled up over his shoulders, the exposed skin of his throat and arms flushed and tan.

Embarrassed, you try to steady him, to which he growls in annoyance and spins out of your reach. He makes a great show of bearing the weight himself, grumbling as he sets down his load. You don’t miss the way the muscles in his back flex and dip. It isn’t until he slowly stands back up, wiping his palms on his khakis, that you get a good look at each other.

The hostility in his eyes softens ever so slightly, simmering into a look that cinches your chest tight when his gaze travels shamelessly up from your kitten heels to the curves of your lips and cheek. His breathing is still labored as he surveys you and you can feel heat and color blooming against your skin. When his eyes finally settle on your face, you can’t decide whether you want to slap or kiss him.

“You lost or something, honey?” He asks with a whisper of a smile. He strolls in a lazy half-circle in front of you and moves to go back up the ramp to the warehouse. Then, he pauses and turns back to you.

“Have we met before? I swear I recognize you from somewhere.”

This delights you deliciously, that a handsome young man you’ve met by chance has seen your work. Not glamorous, acclaimed roles by any means, but recognition nonetheless. You bite the inside of your lip to suppress your smile and give him a coy, bashful flutter of your eyelashes.

“If that were the case, I’m sure I’d remember you.”

He grins wolfishly, pleased, and takes a step closer. “Yeah? Think you’ll let me take you out for dinner tonight?”

“She’s got plans with me, Buck.” Samuel’s voice carries across the water. Your brother emerges with wooden boxes and sets them between you and Bucky in a huff, as if he’s implementing a physical barrier, both childish and endearing. Bucky glances at you and Samuel.

“Are you two..?”

“Steady? No. She’s my sister.”

Bucky snorts and his eyes find you again, glittering in the evening light. “You never told me you had a sister, Sammy. And such a looker too..”

“Makes you wonder why I never brought her up,” retorts Samuel and gives him a playful shove, traps him briefly in a headlock. “At least Steve wouldn’t ogle.”

“Stevie would get a nose bleed and pass out.” You hear Bucky grunt back. Samuel moves as if to dump him into the drink and Bucky pinwheels, scrambling. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

Satisfied, Samuel releases him and socks him in the shoulder for good measure. Bucky stumbles, looking boyish and smooth despite his shirt and hair all disheveled.

You’ve seen his type in casting offices all across New York; bold, alluring, and charismatic. It’s a look and type you’ve longed to act opposite of someday, as all young starlets dream of, but a look that simultaneously sparks the feminine temptation that shivers between your breasts. You wonder if Bucky would look the same in a dark bedroom, with him on top of you and your fingers running over his back…

Bucky grins toothily when he catches you staring and shoots you a wink. None of those movie star hopefuls hold a candle now to his rugged, spirited charm.

Samuel guides you back up the pier so he can punch out his time card and the two of you can be on your way. And as you’re about to set foot on solid ground, you hear Bucky call out to you.

“What’s your name, honey?”

Samuel sighs and shakes his head. “Cripes.” He mutters to himself. Before Samuel can stop you, you laugh and turn back to the water with a fresh and girlish aire, warmth and excitement whispering through your veins, young and naive and sixteen.

“Dolores!” You give him your full name, your real name. For once, you don’t want to be Lola Sparks. You want to be your natural, honest self, the girl who deserves young love and joy and an untroubled adolescence. The sound of your voice rings clear and strong, the diva that you are, and Bucky’s mouth curves upwards.

“See you ‘round, Dot.”

Much to Samuel’s displeasure, you tail your big brother around the docks like a lost pup whenever you have time. And being a C-list actress and a part-time typist, you have plenty of it. You loiter with the excuse of bringing sack lunches, waiting on Samuel and Bucky at the edge of the warehouses. It’s lonesome and bores you to no end being all by yourself, until one afternoon when someone is already waiting at your spot by the pier.

Small, skinny as his own shadow with a fringe of blonde hair, he leans hunkered and folded within himself, timid and seemingly conscious of how he occupies space. His jacket droops over his shoulders, eyes downcast even as you approach. He has a sketchbook in his hands, concentrated as the pencil moves across the page in fast, gentle strokes. You see an impressive likeness of the piers and Bucky’s distant figure in charcoaled lines.

“That’s really something.” You say.

He jolts so hard the paper tears and he crumples it into his fist in a single motion. “Huh?” he answers. When he looks to you, you realize his eyes are a pretty shade of teal. He flushes, petrified, the tips of his ears coloring pink. You feel horrible when he goes to pocket the ball of paper.

“I’m so sorry for scaring you,” you breathe. Gently, you offer your palm to him. “If you’re not keeping it, do you mind if I have it?” You ask softly. A few seconds pass and he shakes his head before placing it in your hand. You unfurl the paper, carefully smooth it out as he watches you from the corner of his eye.

Shyness is a barrier of art you’ve known all too well, from your own experiences in audition rooms to your brother’s reluctance to find a publisher, you understand that sting of insecurity better than anyone. So, you let him watch you as you admire his work, let him know of his talent and let your actions speak for you. You smile and slip the drawing into your purse.

Then, his stomach grumbles audibly, almost comically loud. He folds his arms around his stomach, so tight you’re afraid he’ll snap in half. You quickly reach into one of your paper bags and hand him a sandwich wrapped in cellophane and a can of lemonade.

“Here, let’s trade.”

“That’s awfully kind of you, but I can’t accept..” he starts. The timbre of his voice is surprisingly gallant and sure, pleasant, sweet. You have a gut feeling that the world has been taking advantage of that kindness his whole life, scaring him away from genuine compassion, that everything must have a catch. It makes you press harder.

“I insist. Please. It’s the least I can do for sneaking up on you.” He eyes you warily and again that feeling of regret washes over you. “Consider it payment.” You smile.

Finally, he takes Samuel’s lunch from you and unwraps the sandwich. He eats quickly and quietly, draining the lemonade only minutes later. Perhaps it’s his bony statue, but you feel happy to see this stranger eat.

When he’s finished, he wipes his mouth and turns to you. His lips, pretty, pink, part as if about to speak, yet no words leave him. Instead, he stands frozen with that transfixing blue-green gaze keeping you still, lingering.

That is until a stream of brilliant scarlet red dribbles down his chin and splatters onto his dress shirt. He pinches his nose, doubling forward and his flustered complexion matching the blood spilling from his nostrils.

“You must be Steve,” You laugh lightly and quickly hand him your handkerchief of cream yellow lace and embroidered flowers. You help steady him as he keeps his head tilted down. “Bucky’s told me all about you.”

Steve groans and presses the handkerchief to his face, blushing all the way down to his neck.

Steve returns your handkerchief days later with an embarrassed hush, carefully cleaned and laundered. It smells of lavender and clean linen and the image of him working the fabric between his thin fingers with soap and suds warms your heart.

You tell him it’s his. He blooms and keeps it neatly folded in his breast pocket.

You and Steve quickly grow close in the hours you spend together waiting on Bucky and Samuel. You pack extra lunches for him and sit by the piers chatting, skipping stones as Steve sketches the Brooklyn skyline day in and day out.

“Draw me!” you tease. “Isn’t that the request that all artists want to hear?”

But surprisingly, he does. He always draws you and Bucky and Samuel with striking, intimate familiarity. His sketchbook gradually fills with portraits and pictures of you, sketches that could put your very headshot to shame.

After their usual shifts, the four of you head to the drugstore for your ritual of sodas and sundaes. Two pairs, brother and sister and brothers by blood enjoying a rare wartime treat. With the rations on sugar, it’s a special and memorable circumstance just to be together and sharing something sweet.

It’s there, at your corner booth in Wolfe’s Pharmacy over ice cream, that Bucky opens up a paper for that night’s television network schedule and sees your name.

His eyebrows shoot up. “Dot,” he says. “What do others call you?”

Defeated, you twist your lips, hesitant to break the short spell of normalcy you’ve had with your new friends. Samuel sips at his Coke with a silent grin.

Time for the truth to come out.

“Well, ‘doll’, by Stevie,” you giggle and toe Steve’s foot under the table. Steve shyly shrinks back into his seat. “But CBS calls me Lola.”

Bucky’s jaw drops.

“Get out of here. You’re pulling my leg..”

“I absolutely am not.”

“Sammy, tell me she’s pulling my leg.”

“She’s not.”

Two pairs of brilliant blue eyes dart between you and your brother. Bucky’s face breaks into an open smile, laughing. Steve lurches forward.

“Have you ever met anyone famous?” Steve prods with a hint of that honest, innocent charm.

You wrinkle your nose sheepishly. “Mason Cook?”

“Who?” Bucky asks around a mouthful of sundae.

“Exactly.” Samuel snorts.

“Well, I’m sure he’s very talented.” Says Steve.

You swipe his maraschino cherry and let the stem dangle between your lips. “At least Stevie believes in me.”

“Dot, honey. I saw your pilot episode. If anyone’s a fan, it’s me.” Bucky feigns hurt, hand to his chest.

You stick out your bottom lip before sucking in the stem, working it into a tight knot in your mouth. “Are you still gonna be when your girl is signing autographs with John Wayne?”

You place the knotted stem on your napkin. Bucky nearly chokes.

“I better be.”

Samuel coughs. Steve giggles.

You thank your stars that your secret doesn’t change anything between Steve and Bucky. They treat you just the same; as Samuel’s baby sister who tags along with the boys. The teasing, the fleeting looks all unchanging.

Girls, you’ve unfortunately realized, are catty and mean. You’re competing for roles, after all. But with Bucky and Steve, your first taste of homecoming since moving to Brooklyn, you don’t have to worry about silly competition, or fame, or being the best in the room. They keep you level-headed, reminding you of your girlhood and life’s simple pleasures.

Bucky drives you and Steve around town in the company truck on weekends. Hopscotch and jacks on brick roads and warm nights, watching sunsets until the sky blushes peach and mango yellow at Coney Island.

A Saturday afternoon on Rockaway Beach, a vacation for you all after a draining week of work and auditions when Bucky promises to win you a stuffed bear when he sees you eyeing the one on careful display.

“Buck..Bucky, give it a rest, we can try the next one.” Steve chides.

Another plastic ring pings off the neck of a glass bottle. Bucky curses, rings his hands together and slaps another dollar onto the counter.

You and Steve trade looks. Bucky’s been at it for ten minutes. At this rate, you know you’ll be walking on the train tracks home tonight.

So, you and Steve huddle close and cheer him on. Do it for our doll! says Steve. Finish it so you’ll stop wasting money, you dolt! you cry. Hell, even the vendor finds it humorous and joins in.

And when Bucky wins that grand prize and you’re handed a teddy bear as big as Stevie, you hoist it on your back, careful to not let it touch gravel or dust as the three of you walk in line with the train tracks later that evening.

Paradise, a sheltered haven from the broken landscapes and realities that the European newsreels broadcast home in grim black and white.

True to Bucky’s word, they become your biggest supporters, helping you run lines and monologues and accompanying you to auditions. Bucky’s not bad for a scene partner, and Steve’s awareness of emotion and character motivation is impressive.

The attention you receive from casting directors and auditionees doesn’t hurt your chances either, lanky Steve and smoldering Bucky wishing you luck before stepping into the green room.

You book a drama. Then, a short film. Then another. You call them your lucky charms.

And when your humble little short film “premiers” at the corner cinema, squeezed in between an empty noon showing of a cartoon rerun, Steve and Bucky whoop and holler when your character is shown on screen. They throw popcorn and gumdrops, jostle you by the shoulders. Bucky even runs down the aisle and mimes kissing the projector screen.

“That’s our girl! That’s our Dot!”

The usher threatens to throw you out. Steve tells him you’ve paid good money for your tickets and you’ll stay and watch as long as you please.

The following week, you’re scouted by Peggy Carter.

Your world, your career will never be the same.

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #captain america x reader #captain america x female reader #captain america x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x female reader #winter soldier x you #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #bucky barnes imagine

83 notes · View notes

scnreiis · 3 years

Photo

Sun Rei’s Samhain 2020 Costume: Origins

When it comes to Samhain costumes, Rei’s typical attire includes fox fur and claws of some sort. Dressing up as your own species isn’t the norm for some but for Rei, Kumihos are a symbol of power to her and that’s what she’s after.

This year, however, she’s feeling a bit more nostalgic. With recent developments in her personal life and her newfound desire to search for the father that she’s never been able to know, her costumes this year is based on a bedtime story that her father used to tell her. It’s one that he says is passed down through generations of his family and has always kept him sleeping soundly.

Late Summer, 1839, Sol Park

“I thought you wouldn’t allow me to see her, anymore,” Her father’s voice drifted through the hollow hall in Sol Park that led to his daughter’s room.

“She’s not sleeping through the night, okay? She mumbles your name in her sleep when she’s on two legs and when she isn’t, there’s a howling noise that the rest of us can’t bear.” There’s a bitter bite in Danae’s voice as she turns her back towards the man she once called her love. “This is a last ditch effort. I do not want to use magic on my daughter to force her to sleep,”

“I wasn’t going to suggest it,” He scoffs quietly, still surprised at how Danae thought he used magic and his fists to solve all his problems. “You know, I never was a sound sleeper,”

“I know. You always used t-” Her words cut short and she clears her throat throwing up the wall she’d built when he’d lost his rank.

Danae gestured to the room and then walked away turning her back to him. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last, either. Her father made his way towards her room trailing his fingertips against the wall of the hallway. His eyes closed as he took a deep breath trying to face the fact that this may be the last time he sees his daughter. As he draws closer, he sees her tail restlessly rolling from side to side and hears the soft whining. Something about that sound makes his heart twitch. It was almost like she was tugging on them by just making that sound. God, what a noise.

The sound drew tears to his eyes that fogged his vision for just a moment as she watched the black and silver tones of her fur shimmer under the lights. His daughter was beautiful just like her mother always was and when he saw her, both of them, his chest swelled with love and pride. Despite the absolute contempt her mother now had for him, she was untouched. She was pure and loving and he could do no wrong to her. There was something so special about having a daughter, too. There was something so comforting about it. It was as if his world stopped and started with the little swishing of those tails.

His chest burned as he stood there taking it all in. The shine of the moon’s light onto his daughter’s wet and sniffling nose. The smell of vetiver and bergamot that grew just below her windowsill. The huff as her chest rose and fell and the quiver as she stopped for a moment when she sensed him there. It was so painful to know that comforting her this time, may be the last time. That he wouldn’t have the privilege of helping his daughter through a possible lifetime of sleeplessness that he may have passed down to her.

He sat next to her bed and watched as she repositioned herself to have her head in his lap. His voice was low as he spoke to her.

“Your mother told me that you haven’t been sleeping little fox,” He hummed softly as his fingers brushed between her brows. It was a spot that usually soothed her in her most animalistic moments which she had a lot of for a five-year-old. “I used to have sleep problems when I was your age, too, you know.”

He sighed propping his feet up on the small footstool that was in front of the chair.

“My mother used to tell me this story that has helped me sleep since the first time I heard it. Would you like to hear that story, little fox?”

Rei’s head nestled against her father’s chest and he began to speak. His voice with its own tone of roughness and his speech pattern containing brevity and description all at once, began to twist a tale.

____________________________________________________

Every festival season when the moon is her brightest and a misty fog rolls in over the garden, the Moon Queen returns to earth to pay her loving mortals a visit. As The Moon shines bright in the sky, she graces earth with her presence. It’s okay if you don’t recognize the moon queen at first sight. She likes it that way, you know? She wears a blue dress larger than life with symbols of her home and crystals drawn from her own garden. A crown of moonstones sit atop her head and she carries a glowing staff that uses the power of the moon to provide it’s light. It’s said that even the oceans bend to the power of that staff. Her eyes are littered with reflections of men who owe her their fealty.

The Queen towers over most and wears a mask to hide her unbelievable beauty from those who cannot fathom the existence of such perfection. It is said that once a man who looked upon her countenance grew immediately weary and pissed himself for three days unable to move or speak. It didn’t take long for the man to return to his former state but it would not be unlikely for her ice blue appearance to strike any man mad. As her being is filled with the power of her home, she has the ability to punish those who disturb her slumber when the moon shines in our sky with sleeplessness and anguish but for those who sleep soundly and let her rest along with them, she offers rest, brighter days, plentiful pockets, and true love’s kiss. She is only able to offer all of these pleasures because they are the same pleasures that her lover, the Sun King, gives up for her every night. When she must rest, he offers her and her home, his light to shine upon the people of earth. It is even said that she keeps a small pouch with her with which to sprinkle the love and grace that only she can bless us with.

_________________________________________________

“Of course, people say that’s just a story. Some sort of fairytale involving a goddess and her lover like many I’m sure you’ve read, but the thought of someone protecting us and giving us good fortune because someone they love very much gave that up for them,” Her father hums as he rubs his fingers over the head of the now slumbering fox in his lap.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he held his daughter for what would be one of the last five times he would be able to see her. He would tell her that story every time, sending her off to the land of dreams to sleep soundly.

“ I would give up that much for you. Actually, I have. I’ve given up everything for you and even if you grow to hate me. Even if your mother takes you away from me, I will always love you. I hope that you see one day that I’ve done everything to make a better world for you, little fox,” He would say at the end of the night bordering on choking on his words as he rested her little body back onto the bed. He would hesitate for a moment there as he watched her sleep willing to stop himself from the senseless sobs that left his chest each and every single time he left her thinking it may be the final time. “I- I love you with all my heart and one day, you’re going to fall in love. I hope rank doesn’t matter to you. I hope you follow your heart and not your bank account. I hope you love with all the fierceness which we fight. Most of all, I hope that you find someone who loves you with all the love that I love you. I hope you find your Sun King, my little fox and I hope you have as many days to sit in the sun as possible,”

He leaned down kissing her head and left her. Then one night, after he left, he was gone for good at her mother’s warning and eventually, time forgot the hopes and dreams that Rei’s father spoke to her but fate did not forget and Rei did not forget the Moon Queen.

____________________________________________________

This is why Rei’s costume for this year, as she continues her search for her father and finding the truth about whether or not she is a hybrid by learning his species, this is her attempt to look back on her childhood. She also knows that if her father is still alive then maybe, just maybe, he would recognize her or maybe someone from his family would since it is a family story after all.

#∘⡊ ❥ ˚ｅｘｐａｎｓｉｏｎ⊹ — ↳ ❝ ᵗᵉˡˡ ᵐᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵗᵉˡˡ ᵐᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ❞#∘⡊ ❥ ˚⊹ｅｖｅｎｔ⊹ — ↳ ❝ ˢᵃᵐʰᵃᶤᶰ ᶰᶤᵍʰᵗ - ᵐᵘʳᵈᵉʳ ᵐʸˢᵗᵉʳʸ ❞#∘⡊ ❥ ˚⊹ｅｖｅｎｔ⊹ — ↳ ❝ ˢᵃᵐʰᵃᶤᶰ ᶰᶤᵍʰᵗ - ᶜˡᵘᵇ ᵛ ❞#∘⡊ ❥ ˚⊹ｅｖｅｎｔ⊹ — ↳ ❝ ˢᵃᵐʰᵃᶤᶰ ᶰᶤᵍʰᵗ - ᵇˡᵘᵉ ᵐᵒᵒᶰ ᶠᵉˢᵗᶤᵛᵃˡ ❞

8 notes · View notes