#i'd seen that phrase—you can't love anyone until you love yourself—and internalised it. not just with love‚ but with everything else.

[morallyambiguous]

how lucky we are that, even crushed under the weight of sadness & grief, we are capable of giving love and joy to other people, and they are often more than happy to give some back.

#i think abt this alot but when i realised you don't have to be happy to bring other people joy‚ it made life so much more bearable. #for the longest time i thought happiness was something you could only spark in others if you experienced it‚ too. #i'd seen that phrase—you can't love anyone until you love yourself—and internalised it. not just with love‚ but with everything else. #i didn't feel much joy‚ love was rotted over with childhood anger & hopelessness‚ home was the body i couldn't escape from. #i didn't understand what it meant to be cared for until i was 16 & things finally started getting better. #but better just meant i didn't have an excuse anymore to be miserable‚ nothing distracting me from how i felt. #it's so easy to see people in groups‚ people laughing‚ people telling jokes & see that as your goal‚ your expected‚ your norm. #the trap 'happy people want to surround themselves w/ other happy people. they want radiant people. people for whom jokes come easy. #they don’t want someone who is always sad‚ who brings the mood down.' is an easy one to fall into. it is not true. #you can be sad‚ you can feel hopeless‚ you can feel unlovable‚ but it doesn't change the fact that you are necessary & wanted. #you do not have to be happy to spread happiness to others‚ you don't need to have to feel hopeful to inspire hope in others. #you can exist as you are & people will still love you because you are not your feelings or your perception of yourself. #i'm still learning not to see my sadness as something unforgivable i have to repent for. #but it's nice to know regardless of what im feeling i have the ability to make someone feel good‚ and what's a better feeling than that? #thank u world for making humanity so wonderful & giving. kisses #text.