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#i'll draw her with breakdown soon
zimthandmade · 2 months
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Hi Zimt! Since it's M2's death anniversary (sobs), I was wondering how would Matt react to Mello's death if he managed to survive?
Sure, Anon. Let's suffer together, yeah?
Matt bolts out of his car to the truck in the old church to find Mello lying limp over the steering wheel and a panicking Takada in the cargo bed begging for her life. This is the most helpless Matt has ever felt and he has a complete breakdown, dragging Mello out of the truck, rocking him, talking, mumbling, putting his vest around him and bawling his eyes out.
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Mello has always been the shotcaller of the two, the main character. Matt only followed wherever Mello went. Now he‘s all alone, desperate, delusional. After sitting outside for a while, letting reality sink in, he enters the truck again, sitting opposite of Takada on the floor with Mello still in his arms as if he wanted to say “look at what you did, asshole” and silently debates on what to do. Shoot Takada? Let Takada write his name too? Call for help? Who? Halle? Near? What would Mello have done? Matt feels rage taking over while he’s overthinking, he gets hold of Takadas phone, looks up the last dialed number and calls fucking Light Yagami. And Matt dares to be as vulgar and degrading as possible.
"Takada, I told you not to-" "Listen up you little pissface. You‘re Light Yagami, aren‘t you?" Light just hears a male voice he doesn't recognise on the other end and his mind goes ???????????? Who the hell is this???? "... is this Mello?" "No, you fucking cunt. This is Matt." Let your imagination run wild on what hyper-specific slurs Matt throws at Light over the phone. He's aware that the whole task force is listening in on this call and straight up insults them as well on being an incompetent clown party, not seeing the devil right beside them. Maybe he ends the call with something like "and I hope Near busts your ass so hard you can stick your bloody notebook up your ass sideways and it falls right back out, you self-righteous motherfucker."
Sorry for being a little dramatic on this. I'll get back to drawing happier things soon 💛
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Text
I'm here
Summary: Natasha holds you as you fall apart.
Pairing: Natasha Romanov x Reader
(No use of descriptive words for Reader's appearance. If you do stumble across one, please let me know and I'll immediately find a more inclusive alternative)
Warnings: 18+, mental breakdown, work stress, feeling overwhelmed by everything, tears, lots of tears, hurt/comfort, fluff, hugs and kisses, Natasha being a perfect human being and pure soul
Word count: 1.1k
Author's note: Comforting fluff and angst for everyone who just needs a damn break from life. I wrote this for @romanoffsbish because I wanted to give you something nice 🖤 I hope you like it ☺️😳
...
Your hands blindly reach out for your caffeinated drink of choice, downing the last dregs before pushing the empty container to the side with a grumble.
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You blow out an agitated sigh, eyes narrowing at the papers scattered across your desk. The black letters are barely readable in the dim light ofyour laptop screen.
Your eyes are burning, lids heavy as you fight to keep them open. You can't stop now. There's still too much to do, too many things to take care of. They just keep piling up, as soon as one thing is crossed off the list three new ones are added and you are drowning in the attempt to stay on top of the ever growing work load.
The sky outside your window is dim, the last rays of light vanishing on the horizon as the bright artificial lights of civilization take over the evening sky.
“Fuck,” you curse under your breath. Your teeth dig into your lower lip as you look at the mess of unfinished work spread out in front of you. Tears rise in your eyes and you tear your gaze away from the papers to stare at the ceiling.
Heavy breaths rattle in your chest as your throat starts closing up, the overwhelming pressure of life swamping you.
Your fingers desperately twist the fabric of your shirt and you can't keep the tears from falling. They roll hotly down your face, collecting at your trembling chin before sliding down your throat and wetting the collor of your shirt.
“Fuck,” you curse breathlessly, your voice shaky and unsteady. “I can't do this anymore. I just can't.”
Giving in to the tears you slump forward, elbows resting on the desk as you bury your face in your clammy hands. There's no holding back the mental breakdown bearing down on you with crushing might.
“God, I can't,” you sob, shoulders shaking with grief and overwhelm.
Broken sobs shake your body, tears dripping down your face, snot clogging up your nose and mixing with the tears.
You are so caught up in losing your mind, you don't hear the scraping sound of the front door or the whisper of quiet footsteps drawing closer.
“Sweetheart?”
You jerk up, startled by the sudden sound of a voice. Your heart starts pounding in your chest and you do your best to wipe your teary, snotty face with your shirt before glancing over your shoulder.
Natasha stands in the doorframe, her soft, red hair pulled up into a messy bun. She eyes you with concern, a sad slant to her full lips as she studies the part of your face that she can see from her position.
“Hi,” you choke out nasally, still trying to compose yourself. Natasha isn't supposed to see you like this. Weak, messy, desperate.
“What's going on, sweetheart?” she calls out softly and approaches until she stands next to you. One of her warm hands comes to rest on your shoulder, but you turn your head away, not wanting to reveal your puffy, tear-stained face.
Natasha is having none of it. She pulls your chair away from the desk and reaches out to grasp you chin between her fingers, forcing you to face her.
“What has you so upset, hm? What can I do to make it better?”
“It's nothing,” you try to deflect, squirming in her grip. But she doesn't allow you to turn away.
“It's not nothing if it makes you cry. Tell me.”
“It's stupid. Just... too much work. I have so many things to do and I don't know where to start. No matter what I do, I can't stay on top of all of it and it just keeps getting more,” you start, reluctant at first, but as soon as the first few words are out, it's as if the floodgates have been opened.
“I barely have time to relax, all I can think about the tasks still waiting for me, the neverending list of things that need to be done and I just can't- I'm tired, I'm so tired. I can barely get out of bed in the morning but I still can't sleep when I go to bed at night. There's just too much, too much to do, too many thoughts in my head, too much- I can't I don' wanna-”
The breakdown is in full swing now and the tears resurface as you crumple under Natasha's gaze.
The red-head moves quickly, pushing her hands under your arms to keep you from folding in on yourself completely. She hoists you to your feet before taking your place on the chair and pulling you into her lap.
“Shhh, it's okay. I got you,” she whispers, one hand stroking up and down your shaking back while the other holds the back of your head, tucking you comfortably into the crook of her neck.
You mindlessly burrow into her embrace, arms winding around her body to have something to hold onto while you fall apart.
Natasha holds you through all of it, the tears, the choked sobs and violent trembling shaking your exhausted body. She coos calming words at you, kissing the top of your head and humming to you to bring you down to earth.
Eventually, your sobs quieten down, tears slowing and allowing you to see more clearly.
“You're okay, I'm here,” Natasha mumbles, giving your body a little squeeze.
You stay silent, head tucked away in the crook of her neck as your breathing slowly calms down and grows more even, matching Natasha's steady breaths.
“I- I just want a nice, easy life. Is that too much to ask,” you croak out tearily, voice muffled against Natasha's skin.
The red-head hums, her hands slowly caressing your back.
“Not at all,” she says after a moment of silence.
You scoff, though there's no bite behind it. You're too wrung out to feel upset.
“Then why is everything so difficult? Why is everything more than I can handle,” you ask, not expecting an answer. Natasha gives one anyway, but not one you expect.
“We'll figure it out, love. Make plans for you, charts and lists to keep track of things. Keep everything managable,” she says and kisses the side of your head. “I'm here for you.”
The sincerity in the red-head's voice makes you tear up again. You cling to her and rub your face on your shoulder, brushing away the tears that threaten to fall.
“Thank you,” you mumble and turn your head enough to kiss her neck.
“You're welcome, sweetheart,” Natasha replies softly, slowly rocking the two of you in your desk chair. “Now rest. I have you.”
Closing your tired eyes, you do as Natasha tells you, drifting off into a deep slumber in the loving embrace of your girlfriend.
...
:'D
I need Natasha so bad, pleeaaase *whines*
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charliee · 1 year
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Relaxing moment with Kylian Mbappé
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Sorry, english is not my first language but i promise to improve it.
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It wasn't that y/n didn't like her current job. On the contrary, having a routine and a purpose for leaving the house every day was what made her feel independent. But this same routine that made her feel useful also sucked all her energy and disposition to enjoy the little free time she had, and these were almost always filled with worries about the job. But there were also small moments that took her out of these stressful situations and brought her to the clouds in a matter of seconds, and the one who provided these moments was Kylian. Y/o looked at her boyfriend who greeted her at the door with a warm hug and a gentle kiss on the forehead. Her body relaxed against his, snuggling into his warmth.
- I've missed you, Ma chérie, I've been thinking about you all day. - Kylian said against her hair. Y/o let out a satisfied sigh, reluctantly leaving the cozy warmth of her boyfriend's chest to take off her shoes and sit down on the large sofa that looked even more inviting because of her tiredness.- I think someone is really tired here. How was your day? - Kylian asked with a playful tone, also sitting down on the couch and putting his sore feet in his lap, which was met with a grateful smile from you, knowing that he cares to know how your day went, even if it wasn't as exciting as a soccer player's, made you not look at it so negatively.
- Nothing new, you know, it's just that I'm feeling a bit...overwhelmed.
Kylian has always supported you in your goals, he was the first to support you to leave your old job in order to grow and he is also the proudest guy when it comes to saying how smart his girlfriend is and that she is the best at what she does. But Kylian would also be the first to tell you to abandon something that isn't doing you any good, he would enter his highest level of protective boyfriend if he knew that you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of work.
- Your boss isn't giving you more work than you can handle, right? - Her countenance was calm, even though her voice carried concern, and her hands began to slide down his feet and ankles, pressing carefully, drawing a tired but relaxed sigh.- No, but work has been more exhausting, if I want that promotion I'll have to work twice as hard, three times as hard in fact.
- You knew that being the girlfriend of the most talked about soccer player at the moment could give you easier access to the position you were aiming for, any position in fact, but you were never like that, choosing to get what you wanted by your own efforts without Kylian's influence, even if you had to do triple what a white man would do.
- Can I try to convince you again to accept my influence to provide you with a better job?- Kylian, we have already talked about this.
- What about you staying at home without worrying about anything, just being treated like the queen that you are?
- That option was also discussed and equally denied, my love. - You rebutted him with a smile. - But about being treated like a queen, do you think I can get that treatment now? I feel like I ran a marathon.
- Ma chérie, you can ask me anything you want and the answer will always be yes. - Kylian had a lazy smile on his face, you assumed that his day was not one of the smoothest either, but he still seemed willing enough to make you have a relaxing evening. Kylian shortened the distance between the two of you and deposited a soft kiss on your lips, caressing the sides of your body, Y/o's hands moved up towards your neck to deepen the kiss, but was surprised by a jolt from her boyfriend who lifted her off the couch bridal style towards the bathroom. Kylian set her down and turned on the tub, and turned around quickly as soon as he heard you start to undress.
- Non non, mon ange, today I will take care of you. - Kylian interrupted your movements and looked at you with a passionate gaze that you had no idea was possible due to your current state, neutral clothes that revealed nothing much, your hair caught in a clumsy hairstyle done at work, and the rest of the make-up you had put on in the morning, all seemed too ordinary and undeserving of such devotion.
As if he had read your thoughts Kylian said this, as he took off his clothes, but this action was not like he had done the other times, there was desire but this was a moment of devotion and gratitude reflected in his actions. - I love the life I lead with you, to be able to lie down with you every night and wake up with you. I am grateful for the time we spend together and I dare say I am also grateful for the longing I feel when we are away, longing is the certainty that we have the capacity to love.
A trail of kisses was deposited as each piece of clothing was removed, Y/o didn't know what to say, he just stood there admiring the love of his life saying one of the most beautiful things his ears had ever heard. Kylian didn't usually show his devotion with sugary words, always opting for physical touch, gifts and actions, but on this night he was particularly tempted to speak his deep thoughts and feelings. As soon as the tub filled up, the best products that were arranged in the bathroom were mixed in the water, Kylian helped his girlfriend into the warm water, kissed her forehead and lit some of his favorite candles that he knew would help her relax even more.
- Join me Ky, please. - Y/o's voice and face sounded needy and wanting, Kylian didn't wait a second request and undressed at the same moment and posed behind Y/o. In other moments the situation would be taken to another goal, but now what the two wanted most was the calm water and a relaxing moment just listening to each other's breathing. - Thank you for everything, mon coeur. - Your speech didn't last long because y/o was assured that Kylian knew the meaning of those words and was answered by him with a trail of kisses from shoulder to ear, he smiling slightly to hear you using that nickname he likes so much. Y/o let out a satisfied sigh, feeling all the tension fade away with the light massage on her shoulders and the warm water that worked wonders on her aching muscles. It was these simple moments that made her happy and made everything worthwhile, she could endure another day of hard work if she had the assurance that she would have Kylian wrapping her in his arms and making her feel like the luckiest woman in France.
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looking forward to the game between PSG and Bayern München
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mlove44lh · 1 year
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Don´t hurt yourself
Chapther 5 - Emptiness
Masterlist
Previously chapter
Warnings: mention of cheating, angst, swearing,
Words: 3.561
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“God was in the room when the man said to the woman, "I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in." Sometimes when he'd have her nipple in his mouth, she'd whisper, "Oh, my God." That, too, is a form of worship.”
"He's here.” I didn't see his car or the lights in our apartment on, but I'm sure of it. It's like I can still feel his presence even though he's meters away. At least that hasn't faded away yet.
The tears from the earlier breakdown are still on my face, but I'm calmer now.
"He’s better be. Now come on, I'll help you upstairs."
Alessia unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the driver's door, but I grab her arm to stop her from getting out of the car.
"No, I'm fine. Let me go alone."
"Are you crazy? Look at you, Y/n. I'm not going to..."
"I'm serious," I interrupt her. "I don't want to go home being carried. I'm not that bad."
I am feeling terrible, but she doesn't need to know how much.
Alessia stares at me for a few seconds before relenting and closing the door on her side.
"Alright, but I'll stay right here, in case you need anything throughout the night. Just to make sure you're okay."
"Go home. I've already caused you enough trouble today. I'll be fine, I promise."
We stay silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.
"You know, if you need help hiding his body, I can assist you."
I chuckle amidst the mess of tears at her comment.
"I'll let you know."
I open the car door and unbuckle my seatbelt. Alessia grabs my hand before letting me get out of the car.
"Y/n. I..." Her eyes tell me what I already know. We've always had a crazy connection where sometimes words aren't even necessary.
"I know. I'll call you when I can."
We exchange a lingering look before I finally let go of her hand and step out of the car. Alessia nods, her eyes filled with concern, and I close the door behind me.
I glance back one last time before stepping into the building. My agitation is palpable, and I can feel my whole body trembling as I wait for the elevator to arrive at the top floor apartment. I try to envision my next steps, but my mind is so muddled that I can't hold a coherent thought for more than a few seconds.
I look at my reflection in the elevator mirror and can't recognize myself through the blurry makeup and the dark bags under my eyes. Just this realization makes me want to cry again. I never thought I would reach this point, never thought it would hurt this much.
I take the key out of my bag as soon as the elevator doors open, revealing the entrance of my home. My hands tremble slightly, and I struggle a bit to place the key in the lock, but I manage to open and close the door without making too much noise. The apartment is dark, and I refrain from turning on the lights to avoid drawing attention. I take off my heels and take a few cautious steps, only to bump into the side table near the entrance with a loud thud. The sound echoes throughout the apartment, cutting through the silence of the night. I release a frustrated sigh and feel a sharp pain in my hip from the impact. I remain motionless for a moment, waiting to see if I've been noticed.
What the hell am I doing? Why am I trying to avoid being noticed by him? Why do I feel like I have to hide my current state? It's not like he doesn't know the way he left me.
The questions echo in my mind, mixed with the throbbing pain in my hip. Angrily, I throw my heels away, watching them hit the floor with a muffled clatter. So I sit on the cool living room floor, leaning against the wall. I feel the hot tears run down my face again, I feel so much that I couldn't even name it now. My crying now isn't compulsive like earlier, but I don't make myself try to hide the tears anymore, I don't care what I look like, or how Lewis is going to find me here, I'm tired, so fucking tired.
I can hear footsteps approaching, but I don't move from my spot.
Lewis appears in the room, his gaze surprised as he sees me sitting on the floor in this state. He's wearing only a sweatpants that I gave him shortly after we first met. A wave of sadness envelops me as I see the worn fabric and faded colors of this garment that I had asked him several times to throw away. But he always refused, telling me it had sentimental value.
The sight of that sweatpants is a painful reminder of how we started and where we are now.
The feeling of loss is poignant. I feel like I've lost not just Lewis, but also a part of myself. My hands tremble, and my heart clenches with the overwhelming sadness that consumes me.
Lewis looks disconcerted, unsure of what to say or do in the face of my state. His eyes fill with remorse, but the words seem to elude him. He tries to approach, but I move away.
"No!"
It's the only thing I can say. It's a plea, and he knows it, as he immediately backs away upon hearing my single word.
"Y/n, let me help you.”
There's pain in his voice, but it also sounds harsh.
"You want to help me?! When all of this is your fault?"
Lewis crouches down, getting closer to my height. I shouldn't say anything now, I'm still drunk, sad, and angry, anything that comes out of my mouth now will likely be regrettable. But I don't think I have much more to lose, so I keep letting the words flow.
"A guy bought me a drink today. A fucking dry martini.” I look at him, trying to discern any change in his expression. But Lewis remains unmoved. “And I accepted. I accepted because I realized what he wanted with it, and I wanted to try to understand. I wanted to see if I could...”
The incessant tears become more potent, and I have to focus on my breathing to maintain some semblance of calm.
"He was handsome. He thought I was beautiful too. He wanted to take me to his hotel room and fuck me." I keep my eyes fixed on Lewis. "You know, I've never been so hurt in my life, I never thought I could feel so angry at you. And even though..." Some sobs escape from me. "And even though, I couldn't even consider the idea of cheating on you.”
My head is still resting against the wall, and I don't have the strength to even maintain a posture.
"The only thing I can think of is why. What led you to do this to me? What made you come to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough and cheat on me with her? And why did you do this to me at the worst moment of my life?"
Tears well up in my eyes again as another wave of sorrow hits me.
"This isn't love, Lewis. This can't be love."
Lewis finally moves, walking towards me and helping me to get up. I don't pull away from him this time, knowing that if he doesn't take me away from here, I'll be sitting on this floor all night.
I stand up with his help, and Lewis carries me to our room, leading me to the ensuite bathroom. Tears are streaming down his face as well, but he doesn't make a sound, nor does he look directly at my face.
He let go of me to turn on the shower, and I lean against the sink counter.
He turns to look at me after the water starts flowing. With great care, he removes each piece of my clothing. I look into his eyes that avoid meeting mine, and he does everything without showing anything other than sadness.
The warm water against my skin helps me relax, even if only slightly. He leaves the bathroom and doesn't come back. I wait for his return, but there is none. The sound of the water falling prevents me from hearing much of what is happening outside the bathroom.
As the effects of the alcohol wear off, I begin to feel shame and fear creeping in.
When I finally feel calmer, I turn off the shower and step out of the stall, still feeling a bit shaky. I walk to the closet where the hanging clothes seem blurred to my swollen, tear-filled eyes. I dress myself before even thinking about what I'm going to do.
I leave the room and come face to face with his figure, sitting in one of the chairs at the dining table, seemingly waiting for me.
As I stare at him, standing still in front of the bedroom door, his expression is one of exhaustion. He looks older than he did just a day ago. His eyes are red and tears stain his face.
Despite the hurt and anger I feel, my heart clenches at the sight of Lewis in such a state. I never wanted this, but still, I feel guilty for our situation.
What Emma said is true, I was very happy with him for many years.
I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I never thought he could hurt me this much.
"Are you feeling better? Sober?" His voice comes out hoarser than usual.
"Yes," I whisper.
"Then sit. Please." He points to the chair in front of him.
I think about ignoring him, but I don't want to act as I should anymore, I want to act as I want. And now what I want is to hear what he has to say. So I comply with his request and sit in front of him. I don't think I have anything else to say to him, but I realize he has a lot to say as he looks at me again.
Lewis looks at me for some time before gathering the courage to start speaking. The first rays of sunlight begin to invade the apartment.
"It was at the Monza Grand Prix. The first race weekend since... that happened." He lowers his gaze as he mentions the last part, and I feel a shiver run through my entire body. "You stayed home. I think that was the first time in my life that I raced without caring about the result. I knew I didn't need to go that weekend; Toto had made that clear. But I don't know, I thought that if I could focus on something, I could take some of that feeling out of me. But no, I didn't focus on anything for a single second. It was a terrible weekend, and I shouldn't have gone.”
Lewis still doesn't look at me. His tension is almost palpable, and his melancholy seems more evident with each passing second.
"I felt so much anger, so much hatred towards myself. For some reason, I felt guilty for not being able to give you what you wanted, what we wanted. I could barely look at you, not because I blamed you or anything, but because I blamed myself. And I regret so much not even trying to talk to you, not forcing you to talk to me. I knew you wanted to talk. But back then, everything was so painful and confusing." He takes a few seconds to breathe before continuing. "On Sunday, my flight got delayed by a few hours, remember?” I don't answer him, just move my head down millimeters to show him I understand, and that he can proceed. “I didn't think it was worth booking another hotel room, so I decided to spend that time at the hotel bar. It was empty, almost dawn already. I just wanted that feeling inside me to go away, so I started drinking. And she showed up, all alone. I didn't know who she was, but she knew who I was, and it seemed like she knew exactly what to say.”
Lewis lifts his gaze to me, perhaps to see if I'm still following along. My body burns, the pain I feel as I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth seems to be physical. But I remain still, waiting for him to continue.
"We had some drinks. And after a few hours, she asked me to accompany her to her room. And I went. And when we got there, she asked me if I wanted to come in. And for some reason, I said yes.”
He continues to look at me, and I continue to look at him. We are sitting just inches apart, but the feeling is as if he is miles away. Until this moment, I hadn't stopped to imagine how he was able to do what he did. I wasn't aware that I needed this explanation. Although it doesn't bring me comfort, at least now I am aware, and I no longer need to speculate and hurt myself with my own imagination.
"I don't know why I did what I did. And it didn't feel right at any moment. I knew it was wrong, I mean, it wasn't out of my control or anything like that. I did what I did fully aware, even though I was miserable. But at that moment, I didn't care about anything."
His hands are tightly intertwined, with the tendons clearly visible, showing a strong grip.
"I left that room, and it didn't take long for regret to hit me. I cried all the way back as if it could undo what I did. I decided not to tell you because it was a mistake that meant nothing, and no one would find out." His pauses become more frequent. "I came home determined to change our situation, to help us overcome that moment. But you were so deeply absorbed in your sadness that you didn't move to change, and I understand, but at that moment, I felt frustrated. And again, I didn't push myself or push you to take any action, I just accepted it, or rather, I gave up.”
I feel my breathing getting heavier. But I don't think I have any tears left to cry.
"I found out who she was weeks later, when I met Matteo in Brackley and he showed me a picture of her. I thought I couldn't feel any worse, but the guilt multiplied at that moment, not because of him or her. But because I knew that you would eventually meet someday, and that even without knowing, you would see in person the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. She became real at that moment.”
"I met with her afterwards. I asked to speak with her after I found out who she was, thinking it would put an end to it, not wanting to take any risks. But..." He pauses, knowing he doesn't need to continue. They kept meeting, it's obvious. "It lasted for a few weeks, I found ridiculous reasons to make myself believe that none of it was wrong. Every time you cut off contact or kept your distance, I believed even more that there was a reason for what I was doing. But it all ended things before November. I think I snapped out of that numbness and apathy and realized what I was doing at the same time as I watched you trying to get better. I decided to end it and hoped it would never affect you. I never wanted to tell you, thought I could hide it and go back to normal. But of course you noticed, and the more distant you became, the more distant I became too. Not because I didn't care, but because I was afraid you would find out and give up on me. But I didn't realize that by doing that, I only made our situation worse.”
He separates his intertwined hands and extends one of them towards me, slowly, as if wanting to make sure I will allow the contact. I'm indecisive, unsure if I want or can handle the touch at this moment. But before I can make a conscious decision, I feel Lewis' hand on mine, which is resting on the table. His hand is warm and firm, and I feel his fingers gently closing around mine. It's a comforting gesture, yet it hurts like never before.
"You said I looked at her the same way I looked at you, but that's not true, Y/n. I never even looked at her in any other way than to fulfill a stupid need that I thought I had. She will never be half of who you are. It was never your fault, and it never will be. I love you more than anything, and I tried my best in everything I did for you, until the moment I broke our relationship in a way that I don't know if it can be fixed." His hand tightens around mine. "I won't insist on you giving me a second chance. Not after tonight. What you said and how you're feeling right now, it's more devastating for me than I thought possible. I want us back, but if you don't want that, I'll understand. I love you too much to push for it after what I've done to you.”
His voice comes out choked with tears, which hurts me deeply. I desperately wish I could say something to ease the weight we both carry, but the words elude me, and there's nothing I can offer to improve our situation right now.
I only decide to speak up once I'm sure he's finished telling me what he needed to say.
"I don't think you can truly understand what I've been through and what I'm going through right now," I say in a calmer tone than I expected. I watch Lewis cry in front of me as I try to formulate what I'm going to say. He breaks eye contact, but I keep looking at him. "And I will never know your feelings and what led you to do what you did.”
Gently, I pull my hand away from his touch.
"Look at me," I say. He turns his gaze towards me instantly. "But I still love you. More than I should. But I don't know if that's enough.”
"It's okay.” His expression falls again, I never thought I would see him like this, but I also never thought I would be in this state.
“I'm not sure if I want to end this. And I don't want to think about it anymore today. I'm exhausted, Lewis, exhausted from thinking and trying to understand. I just need some time away from everything.”
“I can spend another night away.”
“No. It's okay. You can stay here.”
I get up and walk towards him, closer than I have been in the past few weeks. Lewis is sitting down, so his height is a bit shorter than mine. His hands rest on the sides of my legs, and he leaves them there. And I don't mind the contact, nor do I move to pull away.
"I'm not worried about forgiving you," his eyes shimmer. "I'm worried about what will happen if I do forgive you. How I can trust you again? how I can no longer be afraid or ashamed? And all of this seems so much more complex than I could handle, even with all the love in the world. I don't know how long it would take for me to heal from this.”
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you to be sure, no matter how long it takes."
"I may not come back."
"That’s okay. Just let me know." His eyes are sad, but he seems more relieved now.
I nod as I place one of my hands on his shoulder.
"Let's go. I need to get some sleep."
He accompanies me to the entrance door of the master bedroom.
"Goodnight." The smile on his lips looks pained. He looks at me for a few seconds before heading to the guest room and closing the door behind him.
"Goodnight, Lewis." I say to no one, knowing that my words won't be heard by him.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I decided to change some things in the story in the last minute 😅. But here it is. Hope you guys liked it, and see you in the next chapter!
Taglist:
@slafgoalskybaby, @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27, @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic, @maryseesthings, @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyunee, @missamericana69, @thotsposts
If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, please let me know!
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DR3 episode 10 Makoto Vs Munakata BREAKDOWN
recently someone else made a post about Makoto's feral-ness during the showdown he had with Munakata in episode 10, of course it's quite cool, but i feel some may take it the wrong way so i wanna set the record strait and also gush about stuff i love in that scene that people may not notice so first lets lay some context
future arc episode 10: prior to this Munakata has gone on a downward spiral of insanity being a knight templar and that his way is the right way and that he must kill all despair meaning everyone he even practically killed Juzo and even before his full berserk mode he was highly aggressive and hostile towards Makoto not listening to his words at all and belittling him, in short at the time he was far from "a reasonable folk" and Makoto at the time just had his girlfriend friend Kyoko die in which Munakata challenged him to a once and for all face off, in which Makoto bears his will and steady's himself, though being open about the pain in his heart of her apparent passing and this is important as his heart is his most powerful weapon ok now lets start
so we start with the precursor as Makoto walks to Munakata and they think over their ideologies. and how Munakata wants to pull a "kill them to save them" with Makoto and everyone cause he thinks despair must be destroyed and you know its interesting cause then Makoto says
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i remember it shaking me how steadfast and determined he was, to stop Munakata at all cost but i just want to point out something from here on out that i feel is very important to what we shall be seeing
Makoto Planed all this
not the before stuff i mean as soon as he walked in that room he knew what he would say and what he would do, he had his end goal in mind he even says so near the climax with the doors but even before that he planned what would happen prior it may not seem like it due to how he always seemed on the losing side and sure he probably didn't plan to get beaten up so much but he still knew what he would do and how he would do it, and people don't talk about that much but this all shows how Makoto is much more intelligent then we give him credit for, but I'll explain as we go on
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so then we start Makoto steps on glass to alert Munakatas attention, you can tell it's on purposes as there's no indicator of uncertainty or fear on Makoto's part, it's to say "i am here lets end this" as when Munakata speaks makoto still stands strong not faltering or fumbling. then he says "i wont hesitate anymore" makoto will face munakata head on and do what he needs to but even then befor anything he trys to talk down munakata saying how killing eachother is pointless and that they can still work together
of course munakata doesn't listen but no one can say Makoto didn't try
and that's when the chase begins, but who's the hunter and who's the hunted? that's what one must ask
so though munakata attacks makoto runs out closing the door as it's revealed in the end makoto knows munakata can't open doors and uses this to his advantage drawing distance and gaining time to make his next move, as
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open door which of course Munakata knows is a set up,
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but jokes on him makoto knew he would know it's a set up, or not, it's a win win either way because if he didn't know
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deep fried zealot on the barbie! but since he did know he survived which leads to the next phase of makotos plan. and if any of you are wondering why makoto would do such a thing
he was always feral! he just didn't have much chance to act on it because he's polite and sees the good in people, but even he has his limits, so you best start appreciating the kindness Makoto shows in you when he does, well on to phase 2!
cause munakata survives with his sword and shoots makoto with tengans weapon which hurts of course so makoto runs off as his blood leads munakata exactly where makoto wants him to be he even says so
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of course makoto knows about the fire extinguisher and he dosent just mean that but I'll bring that up in a second as we see makoto look around waiting for munakata who comes in soon after and makoto is hidden now holding the fire extinguisher to bop munakata on the head! which fails, he also throws it but that fails, now one ask if this could kill munakata but from my research it seems it would only hurt maybe konk him out as for something to hit your head and kill you it must be about 24 kg (52 lbs). for it to be lethal from arm length and the average fire extinguisher is around 5-10 pounds and as much as i like to believe makoto is this
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hes more likely this
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so that fire extinguisher is more then defiantly not killing just gonna sting maybe knock him unconscious which would be a win, but he failed but dont worry! this leads the phase 3! which brings up how before he threw it he planed on using it for its intended purpose, (which is a important part of phase 3)
because though it gets thrown away and jammed in the wall it BLOWS UP HITTING MUNAKATA IN THE BACK AND MAKEING A SMOKE SCREEN EVERYWHERE! which disorients and distracts munakata for makotos phase 3!
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JUMP HIM AND PUSH HIM IN THE HOLE!
which leads me to point out something genius The dud fire extinguisher? It was the same one that Asahina tried to use to cover their escape in episode 2. Likewise, the hole in the floor is the one Great Gozu smashed for an escape route in the same episode. In "fighting" Munakata, Makoto made use of observation, deductive reasoning, and a pretty good memory; skills that he'd honed in his own Killing Game, which Munakata had earlier derided for being too orderly compared to fighting in the real world.
which of course leads to the kicker as they are both down the hole, munakata apears to have makoto right where he wants him right there in on a silver platter for a kill, but on the contrairy, makoto has munakata right where he wants him as makoto reveals he knows munakats forbidden action, and thus makeing it so munakata cant kill him and has to listen. moral of the story
munakatas like "your plan faild i am not dead" makoto:
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this of course all leads to the epic confrontation scene
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it was with empathizing and saying these words to munakata did he finally pierce his heart and get munakata to back down...
so much for useless platitudes ay munakata?
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dogboyklug · 4 months
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UH-OH! a comic about being trans. by me. part one of probably three :]
i felt bad about being transmasc so i decided to just give up and write about it until i hopefully didnt. i feel a little better getting this all on digital paper but there's still. a lot to draw. so. oops
i'll be posting the next parts. whenever they're ready (which will hopefully be soon) and linking them all here, so whenever you want just check back with the base post and i'll prolly add some links and maybe clean things up. yay!
text transcript / partial ID under the cut!
transcript:
looking back, there were a few signs i might have been trans.
[a sequence of events showing little me flinching and going "ow" at being called his deadname, little me reading a book and going "haha im like a tomboy but i dont like sports or being active or anything im just. a boy. haha", and little me having an active breakdown, crying and holding his glasses, with partially obscured text in a dark cloud around him. the only text visible shows his thoughts, and shows he's worrying that he's sexist for mostly only liking and relating to boy characters.]
...some.
however.
there were also a few things i considered signs of me not being trans at all.
EXHIBIT A:
[a drawing of little me, looking at his 3ds. he's thinking "as long as i make sure that i always play as the 'main girl character' in these games i wont cry because im a girl because i wont be me as a girl i'll be Them. roleplaying. as them".]
no dysphoria.
[caps] EXHIBIT B: [end caps]
[a crude drawing of little me staring at nothing. he's thinking "i don't hate women. and i don't like being mean to other people."]
[caps] I WAS A FEMINIST. [end caps]
and not toxically masculine.
i knew about trans people, but i didn't know trans MEN existed.
[a drawing of little me, with the caption "clueless". he's staring slightly up, and saying "huh?!"]
my mom was nonbinary, with a few trans friends, but people [caps] WANTING??? TO BE MEN??? [end caps]
to be
gross,
disgusting,
hateful,
cruel,
oppressive,
men?
[the background slowly gets darker until it reaches the final word, and that word is a significantly bigger font than the rest of the words.]
for a while, primarily due to my lack of research
[drawing of little me, staring at his computer (which is labeled "deviantArt machine") and going 'huh'.]
i figured, if i WAS trans, I was probably a trans women.
but of course, that was silly
you can't be a trans woman if you're already afab.
and there's no other ways of being trans,
right?
[a crudely-drawn drawing of a deviantArt favorite's tab. none of the favorited pieces have any detail, though several are the same width and length as classic deviantArt stamps.]
hm.
hmmmmm...
[a crudely-drawn drawing of a representation of one of the favorited stamps. it's a massive, pink stamp with the text "SHE/HER!" in it in all caps and pink lettering. bottom text states it is a "she/her pronouns badge by ...", though the rest is cut off.]
HMMMM...
[a picture of a mouse hovering over the 'favorite/unfavorite' button. the star is filled in, indicating clicking it would unfavorite the piece.]
[two wordless panels, side-by-side, showing little me staring at his screen, hovering his cursor over the unfavorite button.]
[two more panels, showing that little me has unfavorited the she/her badge. the panel showing his face shows he is grinning wildly, his hair has poofed up in excitement, and his glasses are now blue-ish purple.]
OHO!!!!!!!!!!!!1
.................and that's
quite literally
how it happened.
before i knew how bad the entire site was, i would frequent dA. CONSTANTLY.
it was baby's very first "social media" webpt site.
[a drawing of a tiny, cartoonish kitten with a small turf of hair, staring at wonder up at a computer, one hand on the mousepad. it is labeled "dramatic reenactment of me making my d a account."]
i wasn't really SHELTERED as a kid, i just didnt know fuck for shit, and my baby anxiety made learning annoyingly hard.
so i turned to memes as a sort of wire mother as opposed to my real, cloth one.
jokes can be easier to understand than reality, sometimes.
(this isnt a good thing.)
so, i sort-of-came-out on deviantart, home of the wacky, wild and weird, where i learned he/him pronouns were an option, and a choice.
[a drawing of little me, with blue glasses, gazing up at the sky and smiling triumphantly.]
and some crazy trauma but that's for a different comic. if i make it.
[a drawing of little me being hit with a cartoonish star, which is meant to represent the trauma.]
sooo...
that's it, right?
[little me, with a cartoony bandage on his head, gently rubbing his wound.]
my mom was supportive & anyone who wasn't ...isn't in the picture now
that's the end
...right?.
end transcript.
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so.. non-c//a criticism about spop. because, you know, c//a wasn't the only thing that spop messed up. I'll just get straight to the point.
Horde Prime was a bad villain.
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he had such a cool character design, i had high hopes for him. but like everything else in s5, horde prime's potential was wasted.
to put it shortly, he was boring. he was the typical pure-evil villain archetype with none of the charm. his motives weren't very interesting, we know nothing about him except that he's hordak's brother and an egotistic fascist with a god complex. his VA did a good job but his character was so badly written, even they couldn't salvage it.
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even hordak was more intimidating than him until he got defeated by the inexperienced teenager who was never shown to be improving her skills but that's a whole another post
i thought the whole religious trauma aspect of it was going to be explored more, but it just turned out to be cartoonishly stupid, with the typical brainwashing trope.
not to mention, they even added shipping fodder in scenes with horde prime, because of course they had to. how else would people know that catra loves adora? she hasn't ever shown it so the only way the crew can convince everyone that she cares about adora is by having the main villain point it out (not to mention the scrapped off script where he says "you always wanted more but all she ever wanted was you" because we love a villain who exists solely to provide the viewers with ship angst)
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the first one pisses me off so much because they didn't even bother to draw catra's eyes dilated yet had horde prime mention it?? all while glimmer was sobbing and pleading him to not hurt adora, but she's not the one in love apparently. i feel like this show was trying to gaslight us
anyway, shipping aside. one common trope in media you may have heard about is the third-act breakdown. this is something that usually happens to villains where their once intimidating and confident façade starts to break apart as they are close to being defeated by our hero.
the keyword here is third-act. if you want a villain to be genuinely scary or an actual threat, you cannot make them lose their cool as soon as something goes wrong. because it just makes them look insecure and weak, and you're left wondering why they're even the main villain in the first place.
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and the problem with horde prime is exactly that. as soon as adora swoops in and saves catra, horde prime is immediately angered and upset that his plans failed. and from there, we see him get irritated and lose his cool easily multiple times.
this lessens the anticipation because you're not wondering how the protagonists will defeat him, you're wondering when they'll do it. because if he loses his cool so easily, it's clear that he's not cunning or calculating, he doesn't have a backup plan. and a good villain always has a backup plan, they are always one step ahead of the heroes, because that's how you raise the stakes.
it's no wonder horde prime isn't even a memorable villain and people only talk about how he brainwashed catra or how he "ships catradora". there's nothing else notable about him and it's honestly so evident that he was only introduced so that the previous villains could be redeemed for the sake of making certain ships canon.
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they literally had to make it so that adora might die because of the failsafe thing, because having horde prime as a villain wasn't enough stakes.
they tried to make a connection between adora and horde prime with mara being his previous nemesis, but it was really hamfisted and didn't provide enough tension or exposition. it certainly didn't feel as tense as any of the fights between catra and adora.
horde prime could have been a really cool and threatening villain, but spop decided to focus more on handing out free redemption arcs for all the antagonists and butchering everyone's character arcs instead. bravo.
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s-tarksintern · 2 years
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𝐑𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐬. 𝒕𝒘𝒐
𝑶𝒇 𝑨𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑼𝒏𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑹𝒆-𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
AU: 1920s AU, Arranged Marriage AU
Warning: Angst, mention of loss love,aristocrats (yes that is a warning) my writing :)
Series Summary: What if their two broken hearts fit together like a puzzle? It could very well be that the two broken people trapped in this marriage of convenience could find a happily ever after if they ever get over the war they have both just survived. However much love can hurt, love will always mend.
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It was hard for Y/N to imagine herself married or engaged so quickly. Her fiance had intended on arriving that same afternoon and she dreaded it. She had pictured what her wedding day might look like, probably in a small church or in Gretna Green to a completely different man. She dreaded still thinking about him. The man who had left her, or rather a shattered glass version of herself that really had no way to be put back together. The simple thought of him was enough to send her into a panic, and yet he was all she could think about. 
She couldn't help but be overrun by emotions and had enough frequent nervous breakdowns that it was enough for her to stop her work at the hospital. She had been an auxiliary nurse during the war, but since her breakdowns she was frequently sent home till finally Tony decided it was time for her to stop and stay at home. Home however, was much too quiet, too. She couldn’t be left alone with her thoughts, and as both Stark siblings gave up any musical abilities they had once possessed, she had nothing to occupy her days. So after much consultation between Tony and her grandfather had a greenhouse built where she could spend her days; and it worked. 
Her days were soon occupied with growing orchids, jasmines, and the like. Much like any other typical day, she had been living with existential dread and gardening.  She sat there drawing a most delicate, white and yellow daffodil  in her journal and pressing one of its petals gently onto her book. She had now mastered her drawing skills that she previously didn’t know she possessed. She had been at this journal for hours until she had finally been satisfied with the page. It was humid and warm in the greenhouse enough for her to be excited to step out into the fresh breeze of the mid morning. It wasn't until then that she decided to step out of her glass house and admire the beauty and quiet of the estate in the here and now; she had spent too much time in her head,  in the past, to really relish in the beauty of the grounds. But unfortunately for her she was immediately brought inside.
"Am I late for something?" 
"No, perhaps luncheon but your mother told me that she wants you to try on your new evening gown but I thought you could do with a bit of a walk, what do you think?" 
Anna was a gentle redhead who had always acted like a surrogate mother spoiling her as opposed to her real mother who avoided her at all costs. She smiled gratefully and hugged Anna giving out a sigh of relief. How could she ever be ready to sign away her life to a man she knew wanted this even less than she did? 
"Oh! That would be absolutely lovely, let me just get my hat and coat, I'll meet you at the back entrance," She hugged Anna once more and walked upstairs, never noticing the car that was riding up to the gates of Withall Castle.
She was too busy putting her hat and coat on to be bothered with the thought of her new fiance who she was sure was not as nice as everyone had told her he was. Aren’t all arranged fiances supposed to be absolutely awful? She thought to herself. She also considered how different the trajectory of her life might've been if the man she had faithfully loved after all this time, had just chosen her. Perhaps if it had been him she would have been happily making up a guest list and deciding on menus and venues, but she couldn’t think it possible in her current reality.
Perhaps this might have not been an escape but maybe this walk to the village could offer the little peace of mind she was looking for. As she thought about it all, trying to put it out of her mind she took the servants stairs to the back entrance and left as James Buchanan Barnes stepped out of his car ready to meet his future wife.
"Hello," James said, shaking hands with Tony and Howard, "It's a pleasure to see you again."
He directed it at Howard and noticed how stressed he was at this meeting. His mother however soon made herself known and naturally put everyone at ease with her welcoming and charming persona. 
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you both," She said as she noticed Y/N's mother and immediately looked around for her future daughter in law, Y/N’s mother was naturally beautiful with striking features. She looked like the perfect snobbish, polished ladies she had tea with and naturally she feared for her son, her son who didn't know anything about society women, "Will Lady Y/N not be joining us?" 
"Y/N is just out in the village, I didn't think you would be arriving till later," Tony interjected before Howard could speak, "I suspect she'll be back soon, she never stays out too long. Why don't you both join us for our luncheon we haven't started yet?" 
“We wouldn’t want to impose,” James immediately responded trying to get out this rather awkward meeting. 
“Nonsense, you are very welcome,” The countess responded walking them towards the dining room but soon enough Howard sent James on an excursion promising him that she was sure to be there if he looked. James and Y/N's mother both looked annoyed at the suggestion but felt terrified to say anything, so they both just agreed to the idea despite how much it pained them. 
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"I'll be in the doctor's office, so you can wander all you like," Anna said, squeezing Y/N's  hand before letting her go off to walk around the village. 
Y/N sat down and looked at the world passing by her as it had been happening since before the war. Her life had been escaping her and she had desperately tried to grasp at it but as the years went by the less she tried and soon gave up knowing it was useless to try and stop the passing of  time. She sat there for what seemed like forever, not noticing the tears escaping her eyes, knowing she would always mourn and long for the day she would finally control her life, knowing it would never come. She tried her hardest to shake this feeling, walking might’ve helped but soon she came to halt when she hit a wall or what seemed like a wall.
What had seemed like a wall, was actually a fine looking gentleman. He had striking features, and Y/N was oddly taken by the strange man. 
"I'm very sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," She said, stepping away from him and letting go of his arm. 
"If anyone should be sorry it's me," She noticed his american accent. 
"You're not from around here." 
"Yes and no, I suppose," He handed her a handkerchief seeing her tear stains, "Here for the um, the tears." 
"Oh," She touched her face and nodded, "Thank you." 
"It's nothing." 
"Would you like to walk with me?" 
He should've said no, but she looked like she needed company and if he was truthful he felt a bit drawn to this mystery woman, or maybe he was trying to do everything in his power to avoid finding his fiancee. 
"Yes." 
They walked for a bit not speaking, until reaching the edge of the village where every inch of the ground was covered in grass and wildflowers. It was beautiful in its own way, much like she was. Sometimes beauty is an unexplainable thing, something just has to exist to be beautiful, sometimes it needs no reason it just is. 
"How long did you live in New York?" 
"A long time before coming back here, I was raised there by my grandparents but how did you know?" 
"My grandfather is from New York and I suppose my mother too," He nodded in response.
"This place is beautiful," She nodded in agreement,"I take it this is your favorite place?" 
"No, my favorite place is near the castle grounds." 
"You work there?" 
"In a sense," She smiled at him and strangely he smiled back. He felt oddly warm inside, and his previous fears of meeting his wife-to-be  were soon washed by the smile of the woman standing before him,"You're welcome to visit anytime you want." 
"Actually, I'm-" 
Before he could say anything she heard the clock strike which startled her and also the not so discreet presence of Anna. 
"I must be off, but if you pay a visit, I’ll show you all my favorite places," She shook his hand and walked away from him. Suddenly turning back, "It was nice to meet you." 
He stood there still smiling, admiring the scenery for a couple more minutes looking forward to seeing her back at the house and all thought of his fiance thrown out the window. 
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Y/N sneaked back upstairs, refreshing her appearance with the help of Anna. She fiddled with her locket as Anna fixed her hair. She felt quite happy with the outing and couldn't remember the last time she had genuinely enjoyed the company of a stranger.
"He seemed nice," Anna smiled and noticed the handkerchief on the desk, "Did he give you that?"
"I had allergies," She quickly lied before smiling and nodding, "And yes I suppose he was quite nice."
"I don't suppose you might want to run off with this mystery man?" 
"Of course not Anna. I do not dream of marriage much less love. Not anymore, anyways," She smiled sadly, before clearing her throat and fixing the last of her rouge, "I think I'm ready now." 
She got up and made her way to the door before being stopped by Anna who smiled kindly at her and put her old hand on her cheek. 
"I love you very much my darling girl and I wish you every bit of luck," Anna hugged Y/N and felt a strange feeling, a feeling she had felt before. She felt nostalgic and remembered how they used to bake, laugh, and dance together. It was a feeling all mothers knew too well; wanting to stop time for just a second. Her heart swelled with an odd sense of pride and placed one of her most beloved pins on Y/N. 
"I love you too and had I chosen my own husband, yours and Jarvis' blessing would've been all I required," She let go of the woman and walked downstairs for a quick tea time. 
The halls were desperately empty and all the chatter seemed to be concentrated downstairs. The library seemed to bustling with joy and warmth could be felt even from outside the room. It was odd to find any room in Withall Castle to be joyous or the source of any sort of happiness. Their footman quickly let her in and she stumbled into the room clutching her locket, hoping she would make a good first impression. 
"I apologize for being late," She spoke as the attention shifted to her and sat down quickly next to her parents.
"I take it my son never found you?" 
"No I-" She stopped noticing the similar accent and striking blue eyes of the man she had met in the village.
"I'm sorry for being late," James had stumbled in, capturing everyone's attention. He put a cigarette in his mouth trying to calm down his nerves. He hadn't noticed Y/N and walked past her to his mother before he noticed her. 
"Oh, I'm sorry," He suddenly felt stupid at not recognizing her, "It's a pleasure to meet you properly, James Buchanan Barnes." 
"I agree," She shook hands with him and suddenly the thought of marrying him became even more frightful. 
"How was your walk dear?" 
James had been staring at Y/N for far too long before he responded. He tore his gaze away from him and spoke to his mother feeling like a complete idiot at not recognizing her. He soon however was entrapped in conversation with the rest of the Starks as Y/N moved next to Tony. She also felt completely idiotic considering she was so determined not to like him. 
Both James and Y/N fought the urge to steal glances at each other and were both eager for the day to end. However it just seemed to last even longer and time apart was somehow cut too short. Dinner seemed to come quicker and last much longer than either of them would've liked. Dinner dragged on and by the time she lay in bed she felt utterly exhausted, she never thought silence would be as exhausting as chatting away. She was grateful when the evening of socializing was done and she could finally rest. 
Anna and Dottie both were upstairs waiting for her to divulge on the details although Dottie dreaded it more than anything. Y/N climbed up the stairs and all but ran to her room to avoid James. Pepper and Tony noticed but only shared a look and left her, deciding not to bother her. 
"Oh!" Anna dropped the nightgown she was setting down, clearly startled by the way Y/N ran into the room, "You made me jump!"
"I'm very sorry," She apologized sitting down in front of her vanity, taking her hair down. 
"Are you alright, m'lady?" 
"Yes absolutely, why shouldn't I be?" 
"Did he live up to your expectations?" 
Y/N only shrugged, eager to forget all about James, especially the sweet moment they shared in the open field. She only sighed, hanging her head and crumbled up the handkerchief, throwing it on the floor. 
"He was the man, the one I was with earlier today at the village," She held her head in her hands as Anna brushed her hair. 
"You liked him, didn't you?"  
"I guess, when I didn't know who he was." 
"At least now you'll know you can grow to like your future husband," Anna tried her best to be understanding of  Y/N's own confusion and Dottie felt too awkward to continue listening, she found her heart beating loudly thinking about James, and she became too distracted to realize Y/N was now sitting ready for bed and asking her a question. 
"Dottie? Are you alright?" 
"Of course, what was your question, m'lady?" 
"I only wondered… well you worked with the Marquess or in his household. Did you think him a good man?" 
"I think he's as good as he can be…" 
Y/N seemed pleased with her answer and bid them goodnight, but hardly getting a good night's sleep. 
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The next morning she woke up as tired as she had gone to bed. Getting ready on her own as she usually did and walking out of her room only to bump into Dottie walking out of James's room. She was startled and wondered how many more forceful encounters like this she would have to endure. 
"Oh, I'm sorry," She apologized, stepping to the side, "Were you tidying his lordship's room? Is he up yet?" 
"Yes, he is," She nodded, giving little thought to what Y/N was asking her, running off to her bedroom hoping no one would notice she had been gone all night. 
Y/N waited downstairs but found he was nowhere to be seen and walked outside enjoying the early morning dew and the smell of the fresh air. The air carried over the sweet fragrance that came from the gardens and took it. She appreciated nature and felt so at ease in its presence. 
She walked towards the orchard that had been planted by her deceased grandfather and sat under it. Remembering how she liked to fetch apples for her horse. She loved riding and was easily overwhelmed by all the hobbies she had given up once her sanity had started spiraling. She used to love so many things and now it seemed as if there would never be any joy for her. 
As she walked back home she wondered how she could approach the Marquess or James without being a bundle of nerves. She had been thinking about him more than she would have liked to admit. He arrived in the library a few moments before her. 
She didn't notice him, she was too immersed in her own world. Getting lost between the pages  and laying upside down on the duvet. It was normal for her since no one was ever up early, she was free to do what she pleased for an hour. James hadn't knocked thinking everyone would probably still be asleep, so he found the entire scene equally amusing as he did extremely awkward. 
"Oh I'm sorry," He said, turning around, smiling. 
"It's alright," She quickly tried to sit down but instead hit her head on the floor and found herself sitting on the floor slightly disheveled, "I thought you were exploring elsewhere." 
"No I have been in my room all morning, truth be told," He turned around and sat next to her with his own book. She looked confused as to why Dottie had lied to her and why she had been in his bedroom at all that morning. 
"Why was one of the maids in your room that morning then?" 
"I was returning something to her." 
"My lord, please do not take me for a fool," She was rather upset with him and he finally sighed. 
"She used to work for me a long time ago, I loved her, or I thought I had loved her, and I tried to forget about her but it never worked," Y/N almost felt sorry for the man, and she squeezed his hand. 
"I know what that feels like,” they shared a smile and although their hands soon parted they couldn't deny the warmth they both had felt for just a second. 
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“Y/N , why don’t you show his lordship the house?” Y/N’s mother said as she walked into the library and observed her sneaking glances at James who was also doing the exact same thing. Y/N looked alarmed as if she might just throw up right there and then but nods nonetheless and gets up. 
“Well,” She stops, clears her throat and then says, “Would you like me to show you the house?”
“That would be nice,” Partially the reason he has accepted is because he’d rather not have anyone else inspecting their every move and she is grateful that he has accepted for the exact same reasons she had to invite him . 
They both walked upstairs and put on their coats and came out at the exact same time, even wearing the same color scheme, which she hadn’t noticed until now but was rather suspicious of. The silence made her skin crawl and itch as if awkward silence was something someone could be allergic to, perhaps it had nothing to with it. Perhaps it was the odd feeling growing in her chest, this nostalgic feeling, this longing for how things were, she still longed for a man who was (when she last heard), living happily with his new wife and was quite sure didn’t think about her nearly as much as she thought about him. She glanced at James as they walked and all she could think about is how awful it is that he's here and the one she truly loves isn’t.
James waits for her to say anything but they just keep walking and to be honest he’s not sure why he wants to speak to her so badly seeing as she clearly has no interest in getting to know him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have told her about Dottie but somehow he can’t help himself around her. She had been vulnerable enough to cry with him during their first meeting but now she was holding back from him. She finally looks at him and guides him to the green house finally speaking to him telling him about all the different plants and she is finally comfortable enough to talk about plants with him. She lets him explore the place and he admires how well kept it is and walks by himself  admiring the gaps of sunlight through all this greenery and lets himself immerse in the warmth until he hears a gentle hum. 
“Do you sing?” He muses, smelling the fragrant flowers surrounding.
“I used to, not anymore,” She knows he's going to ask why and she responds before he can ask, “No inspiration.”
“What was his name?” 
“Loki.”
"He married a while ago, did he not?" 
"Did he?" She tried to sound aloof, as if she hadn't, as if her heart weren't constantly breaking and pining over him. To change the subject she mentioned the music room they had, "Would you like to see the music room?" 
"Are you sure? We only just got here." 
"Quite sure," She said until he stopped and grabbed her wrist, "My lord?" 
"You do not have to pretend to like me, or get know me and I'm very sorry you are to marry me instead of him," He spoke and suddenly took a deep breath as if already regretting what he was going to say, "Perhaps even as sorry as I am to be marrying you." 
She nodded and just politely excused herself out of the greenhouse. Y/n couldn't bear the way he looked at her with pity, but had hurt her the most was how easy it was for him to dismiss her as if they could never be friends, as if though it would've been a much worse fate to be married to her. What had hurt her the most was that he, like Loki,  had shared a very similar thought,  that she was unfit to be a bride to anyone. 
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She returned to the house just wandering around until Tony waltzed looking as happy as ever and bumped right into her. 
"Sorry dearest," He said. 
The Stark siblings always addressed the other as "dearest" in an ironic manner, they had always been this way. Except no one really found it funny but them. Of course as of right now Y/N had found the term comforting and found herself hugging her brother tightly, a rare display of affection between siblings. 
"Is everything alright?" 
"Yes, I just needed a hug and now I'm fine so I better be on my way into the drawing room." She smiled and walked off putting on a brave face  before seeing everyone but she found that her father, future mother in law, and James were the only ones in attendance. 
They appeared to be discussing something so she quickly tried to turn around. but was unfortunately spotted by Winnifred. Who of course was excited to catch a glimpse of her. 
"I missed breakfast so I tried to get here early for luncheon, but I think I was too early," She tried playing it off as a quirk but it didn't seem to work since no one laughed. 
"We were just discussing dates for the engagement party and wedding, and the honeymoon as well," Y/N frowned, not liking the idea of a honeymoon with James.
"I thought there would be no honeymoon and I really am not great with decisions," She had a pained look on her face as if she would rather be anywhere else in the world.
"Nonsense, it's already been paid for, but perhaps you could help us with the wedding dates? We have to depart early so we really must talk now."
"If I must," She muttered knowing no one was listening to her, walking over to look at the calendar when suddenly the 30th of May caught her eye, "The 30th of May, I should like that." 
"Then it's settled, you shall have a beautiful spring wedding," Winnifred smiled and soon they all got to talking over the engagement party and everything seemed to be a blur after that. 
They didn't exchange any words after that. She just let him go and wanted desperately to never see him again.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 [𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧]
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@turbolisedcomet-deactivated2022 @jessyballet @majo240820 @sammypotato67 @leyannrae @adangerousbalance @justlovelifeblog @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @coffeebooksandfandom @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @selluequestrian @gennyphantom @othersideoftheparadise @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @noorreads @southblizzard @natashasilverfox
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aechaz · 8 months
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AB / BG / CP / PP.
hi everyone! this is isa (23, she/her) coming to u live with park aecha, a soloist under culture creative. direct links above will bring u to her pages, but i'll do my best to breakdown her background below. i have discord available upon req, but i can plot thru tumblr as well!
somewhat of a standard, subpar childhood tbh. born out of an affair btwn her mother and her father's (?) best friend in l.a. and it's something that sticks with her constantly: a reminder that she really wasn't supposed to happen. her father draws back significantly after, who ends up divorcing her mother afterwards because it's. a lot!!! she moves on quickly, hopping between boyfriends and husbands and affairs in between.
aecha's raised a lot by her aunts and an uncle, who try to minimize the effects of instability to no avail. if she's here, she knows she will end up there in a matter of weeks. aecha gets used to change really fast - she doesn't like it; but she gets used to it. it's easier to get used to it as opposed to fight it and resist it.
ends up officially moving in with her fifth stepfather; moving in with the dude on his tangerine farm in jeju. it's the closest thing to stability aecha has ever known honestly, and her favorite memories are there. her mom ends up moving and disappearing out of her life not too long after, whisking away to another country with another potential husband. unbeknownst to aecha, her mother finally settled down with this one and had children too.
ends up joining a singing club at school purely on a dare (pls don't tell her she can't do something because she will purely in spite of it) and ends up liking it, alot! becomes close with the teacher running the club and eventually is scouted by culture creative staff, who was a former alumni and friend of said teacher.
the rest, as they say, is history!
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aecha is considerably known for her ice princess demeanor. very stoic, sharp, in general icy persona. (think irene, krystal, etc) at the start of her career, she became pretty obsessed with what ppl thought of her and tried super hard to curate her music style to hit that appeal (#mommyissues), which is why her first album sounds so different from everything released afterwards.
learned to stop overexplaining and forcing other people to know her, so she gave up, which is why the bitchy persona stuck. she also stopped trying to justify herself to others and well, that's what the public was left with. the type to let others run and believe what they want - wont go out of her way to correct it. is very much this emoji 😐 on the outside
inwards however!!!! aecha is soft like butter. it's rare to see honestly, she really keeps to herself as much since she's a public figure and yadda yadda, but she's so soft hearted it's a little sad. sometimes her eyes can give away what her face will not, and you can see her almost beg with them. she loves deeply and strongly, and values platonic friendship over romantic or familial ones. she's very supportive of her friends and goes out of her way (sending flowers, cafe carts, reposting on her socials, etc) to make sure its known.
shes a woman of a handful of words, her expressions almost always give her away, but she's slowly evolving into becoming much less logical focused and blending in her deep emotions in as well to her craft and herself. definitely multilayered, a chameleon, and always questioning her existence.
all her social media handles are: @aechacha.
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currently: aecha is working in the background to release an ep at some point soon, but it's coming around slowly. she hasn't had the most inspiration or motivation so it's a long awaited piece. she's been more focused on her modelling aspects and a few talk show / radio appearances. she also wants to focus more on producing and songwriting - definitely working behind the scenes as of late.
she'd like to dive into acting at some point - but is just starting to take acting lessons. when she's not doing work stuff, she has biweekly pilates and pottery lessons she takes. likes to dip her fingers into a little bit of everything.
a big homebody, she likes to hang out with her cat (chickpea, the very definition of an Orange Cat) and tend to her plants. work on random song pieces - some that may never be completed, or cafe hop with friends.
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i have a few plots listed above, but i'm big on brainstorming and going back and forth / seeing what works best with our muses. if none of mine or yours work, let's see what we can come up with together!
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hopeful-hugz · 2 months
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Get to know the RPer || Accepting
Send me a ♔ for me to describe a favorite rp character of mine.
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🕯️ Okay so I'm sticking to this blog's muses for now and since I don't play favourites in general. I'll just talk about one of the muses that has had my braincell lately.
So, Leah! A muse I have yet to draw a reference for. His original iteration was made on Discord cause I wanted to expand more on the aethers' opposite species, nagete. That soon evolved into my wanting to test aether-nagete hybrids as well and expand on that.
I tend to test a lot of storylines with close friends on Discord so I can bring a more fine-tuned version of things here for you. I did that with Maria and Leah is another example of that.
Leah in particular I've struggled developing beyond him being a permanent antagonist on the blog.
His goals are horrific and terrible (something I'm not spoiling) and has accepted playing the role as the villain for the sake of that. But he really is just a guy who wants to run his radio, tv and online shows with his cast. He's a gameshow host mainly, but he's got some other things he films for the air too, more often than not having a live show or three every night when his shows are available.
Currently he's got a small group of four that make up his main cast!
Amygdala is one of them! Leah made her shortly after he ended up self-corrupting into a mix breed hybrid. Mixing nagete shadow manifestation and Hope's own DNA, she is to epitome of a stoic mad scientist and is responsible for making any beasts and creatures that are used for security and the games Leah hosts. Treats every creation like they're her pets.
The other two I can't go into much since they aren't officially debuted here yet and are written by a friend, but they are Leah's co-host and his best friend. Folks he originally thought would be interesting to save from a "bad end" timeline of their universe.
Originally he was gonna be "just the bad guy for this episode." Now he's attached and has lowkey started to make the amusement park grounds, the tower at it's centre where shows are filmed and the living spaces at the top of the tower a home he and his cast can use even after his plans come to fruition.
Lost Now Found from HOAAR is a good song for him regarding his Cast.
As far as his relationship with Cam, Hope and Teal, it's not a good one.
Leah originally tracked the two siblings down in regards to his investigations regarding Maria and the interest he took in her life, story and legacy. Things didn't exactly work out and he put them in a state of distress instead.
Naturally this got Chamyle's attention and made Leah pay dearly for even laying a metaphorical hand on them. [He's still salty about that and Cam's job as The Archivist having meant she was keeping an eye on him. Now he's more than aware of her "passing" and has instead directed that Pettiness towards Melody.]
Despite this, Hope still gave him another chance. The two talked for a while after that incident, exchanging questions on their views and goals. Until Hope gave him- a purebred nagete at the time- an answer to a question that made him start thinking. Too much logic can start turning an aether into a nagete or completely hybrid them; something that is considered the worst fate for any aether and nagete and something incredibly taboo.
In reaction to this, Leah snapped and had a breakdown. In the midst of said breakdown, he not only kidnapped Hope- having blamed her for the change- and demanded she fix him. When she couldn't, he decided if he was going down he'd take multiple universes with him. He really wasn't in his right mind at the time and even he will admit that if you ask.
Teal was the one to solve this issue and get back Hope. Still bears an aggressive view on the host; believing him to be a heartless monster who's only true goal is destruction.
Hope is terrified of Leah and tries her best to avoid him when possible. Though she doesn't hate him. If anything she feels sorry for him.
Leah still blames Hope for his hybrid state and hates her for it. Heavily dislikes Teal because of him being one of Maria's experiments among other petty things. He won't hesitate to actively mess with either sibling and will often do elaborate things to them just out of that hate and because he finds it amusing and interesting.
As far as the rest of the multiverse?
He's a heavy believer in people being free to do whatever they want or they should be given the power to wield autonomy. It's the main motivator behind his current overarching plan.
He takes freedom very seriously and treats his usual contestants and guests with that. Picking on a volunteer basis and making sure people know what they are getting into (and that they may not leave the studio ever again should they participate in certain games.)
But he can't tell the multiverse this. Doesn't care to with how bored and tired of everything he truly is. It has to stay all behind-the-scenes. He's their enemy of the multiverse; the Big Bad Evil Guy! The Villain!!
People need to believe he's such so they can come up with their own reasoning behind his actions.
He knows the path he's taking, but he's taking it of his own free will.
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woolmasterleel · 8 months
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Okay I wanna know what would be so horrifying about Reflection of Romirr’s breakdown 👀
OhhhhhHG thank you for asking I've been wanting someone to ask about him so bad.....
So Reflection of Romirr isn't the real Romirr obviously.. Romirr, as he existed initially, is gone. Mirror only has bits of pieces of how he used to act, therefore Reflection of Romirr acts very off from any normal human.
When Pandora finds him initially, Romirr is able to replicate the soft, warm attitude and words he used to use when talking to Pandora all those centuries ago. Of course Pandora knows something is off, she never liked Romirr, why he would think softly conveying his joy in seeing her again would work is beyond her. Mirror is able to convey a sense of love scarily well, anything else is slightly off-putting.
When Pandora begins to interrupt Romirr to say she does not care about what he has to say, he begins to act distressed. His figure is just an illusion, it distorts easily. Upon not listening to him, Romirr begins to shriek, it is deafening and sounds very unnatural. It's when Pandora says he isn't ever going to win that Reflection of Romirr stops to smile, then his form shatters like a broken mirror (✿◡‿◡)
It's really had to describe, if I could animate I absolutely would animate this scene... I just like how gradually scary Mirror becomes overtime! I'll have to at least draw out Romirr's temper tantrum soon (~ ̄▽ ̄)~
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pokerninja2 · 1 year
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Tonight's breakdown will be covering two characters at once! I was originally going to do just Daisy, and then I realized I didn't really have anything to say about her as far as references or inspirations go. So, I decided to group her with Rosalina, and get the rest of the Mario princesses (that I've done) out of the way! Keep in mind Rosalina's gonna have more about her though.
So to start with Daisy, her outfit is the same as Peach, being a skin-tight suit allowing for a lot more flexibility than a poofy dress would. While Peach has a heart pattern on her suit though, Daisy has an odd white pattern on her legs. Daisy fans might recognize this as the pattern her dress used to have in the classic games, and they'd be right! I thought it would be a nice touch and help set her apart from Peach design-wise. As far as other references go, her Flower Power attack was directly based on her star swing in Mario Super Sluggers, only instead of walling opponents out with a garden of flowers, she traps them inside one!
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Overall, I'm pretty happy with Daisy. I mentioned when I talked about Peach that I was pretty nervous about drawing the Mario girls back in the day, and I think Daisy fared the best here. I like her jumping to spike the ball, really fits with her competitive edge. I think the expression she's making looks great too.
Now for Rosalina, who I have a lot more to say about. I made her for Mar10 day last year, so I wanted to make her inclusion special. What I ended up doing was pairing her up with a cream-colored Luma - the first one she met and sent her to space in the first place! I thought that would be a really cute touch.
Also means she gets to have a Luma play beside her like in Mario Kart Wii! I have had clinical depression ever since that was removed in MK7. Bring Luma Back You Cowards!!!!
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Unlike Daisy, Rosalina's outfit is pretty different from Peach. The top is similar, but she has a flowing dress at the bottom with white leggings. I wanted to match how Rosalina often has a slightly different outfit to Peach and Daisy in games like Mario Golf and Mario Tennis. To that end, I think the design I gave her works well!
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And then there's Rosalina's attacks. Black Hole is obviously based on the black holes Mario could get sucked in in the Galaxy games, although the art makes it look less menacing. She's probably holding back their true power so they don't actually disintegrate the competitors. And finally her Super Spike, which is based on the ending in Galaxy 1 where the Comet Observatory rockets Mario to the center of the universe! It's just as strong and powerful, so you can imagine how fast the ball would go if a literal comet smashed into it.
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I mostly like how Rosalina turned out, although I will say I'm not super satisfied with how I drew her. I feel the posing is a bit too stiff, and I could have made it look more lively. I really should draw her and the other princesses more to get a better feel for them. Maybe sometime soon I'll redraw her, I think I've gotten a lot more confident over the past few years doing art.
And that's generally all I wanted to cover tonight. Got both remaining princesses done at once, although like I said it was really kind of just me talking about Rosalina. Still, I hope this was interesting for fans of both!
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waheelawhisperer · 2 years
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Vol 8's climax was simultaneously depressing 'cuz I was never too keen on Winter actually becoming Winter^2 (and hey, neither was she); heart-gouging for the 'oh hell they all think each other's dead' angle, and interesting 'cause Cinder may never have it as good as she did here again: bottomless pit hazard, foes running on fumes with fleeing civilians to worry about, and an ally/pawn in play who's out for her main threat's neck. And then Cindy gets to 'doom' them *both*.
Spoilers blah blah because this is about as current as it gets with RWBY's canon etc.
Yeah, I definitely agree that this is as successful as Cinder is going to get as a villain. I think the show is setting her up to break away from Salem eventually, and I also think that the end of Volume 8 kind of showed her that maybe Salem isn't all that's cracked up to be. She can be beaten, outmaneuvered, tricked... and she doesn't have as much power over Cinder as Cinder thought she did. I'm not exactly sure how Cinder's going to come to the realization that she isn't going to get what she wants by sticking with Salem or what she's going to do after she escapes, but I think that she will, and I think she'll do it soon (within the next few Volumes). To be honest, I'm not great at predictions or theorizing regarding the future of the show, so I don't think I can get too deep into Cinder's trajectory, but I do think that her days as Salem's enforcer are drawing to a close.
In terms of the actual tactical situation surrounding the fight, you're right when you say that this was pretty much ideal from Cinder's perspective. She's fresh and her opponents aren't, she gets to start the fight on her terms with an ambush, she's surrounded by civilians against opponents who care about protecting them and will sacrifice themselves to defend them without hesitation while she and her ally think collateral damage is the height of comedy, she can fly while her opponents are trapped on a series of winding walkways that offer limited space to maneuver, Neo's initial ambush removed one of the two most dangerous fighters on the enemy side, she and Neo are able to split the enemy throughout the fight and repeatedly manipulate their foes' concern for both each other and the civilians to take free shots or give themselves favorable 1-on-1 or 1-on-2 matchups, her ally is specifically dedicated to countering the one enemy that has a power that she's specifically vulnerable to, and she gets to stab Neo in the back once she's served her purpose.
You know what? I wasn't initially planning to do this, but I think I'll go ahead and do a fight breakdown for the finale, paying special attention to Cinder's strategy and tactics. She does a great job throughout the fight of turning what could have easily been a 2-on-8 if RWBY and JNOR had concentrated into a series of smaller engagements where she and Neo achieve local superiority.
The fight opens up with Cinder drawing everyone's attention, and the brief engagement at the start shows that she's capable of taking on all four members of Team RWBY at once. They'd probably have done better in this fight if they weren't all tired, but they are, which means Cinder knows that she can handle drawing all the aggro to give Neo her shot (or maybe she's just arrogant enough to think she can handle it. Regardless, she's right). I'm not sure if her little speech is an active attempt at breaking Team RWBY's morale and throwing them off their game or just gloating (hell, it could be both), but either way, it's working. Team RWBY is focused on her, just the way she wants them to be.
Neo gets the gank off, and while it doesn't take out the intended target, the result is almost as good: Yang is the most dangerous fighter on Team RWBY and arguably the single most dangerous of the 8 heroes actively escorting the civilians at the moment, given Penny's visible struggles to adapt to her flesh-and-blood body throughout the fight. The psychological effect of losing the team's best fighter, as well as the Team Mom/Cool Big Sis/Love Interest, was clearly a pretty nasty blow, given the way Blake goes straight for Neo's neck with pure berserker fury that would make any Viking proud. Team RWBY is not in the best mental state, nor are Team JNR or Penny, whereas Cinder is fully in control and riding high, while Neo is pissed that her initial attack hit the wrong target and focused on killing Ruby, but doesn't seem to be shaken enough for it to affect her performance.
Ruby gets a lot of criticism for not reacting "properly" to Yang's fall, whatever that means, but to me it's always been pretty clear that she was in shock and struggling to process what had just happened for the literal 2-3 seconds that the show gave her to respond before Neo was on top of her and going for the throat. I do think the show could have done a better job of making it clear that no one could have reacted in time to save her: Ruby has been knocked to the ground by Yang's charge and Weiss is facing away due to how she was previously oriented when the group was trying to flank Cinder from four directions previously (the correct tactical choice based on what they knew at the time). Weiss is just barely turning her head when Blake is already moving in Yang's direction, and she doesn't have time to do more than raise her arm before Yang has gone off the edge. We know Weiss uses gestures to activate/focus her glyphs, and I simply don't think she had time to use her Semblance before she lost line of sight on Yang. Ruby, for her part, is still in involuntary motion from Yang's push when Yang's Aura breaks, looks stunned and disoriented from her landing, and just barely has time to raise her head and catch sight of Yang before her big sister goes over the edge. I think, based on the visual evidence, that she straight-up couldn't process what was going on in time to activate her Semblance to save Yang.
Blake, meanwhile, is booking it. Seriously, girl is moving. She looks like a cheetah hopped up on amphetamines. Blake is in a full-on sprint by the time Weiss even turns her head. Weiss hasn't fully raised her arm by the time Blake is past her and getting ready to launch Gambol Shroud into the void. The writers/animators deliberately placed her in the physical position to see what was happening and respond instantly, while also putting her as far away as possible while still maintaining the flank, which served to both make the way Blake feels about/is attuned to Yang as clear as possible and prevent her from saving Yang despite that depth of concern and instantaneous response. This was really well done by the crew in terms of... scene composition? I don't know if that's really the right word I'm looking for, but they positioned the characters in the set really well here, is what I'm trying to say.
I think what the crew intended to convey with this scene is that it all happened too fast for there to be any chance of stopping Yang's fall, but the use of slow motion hindered that. It was suitably dramatic for the emphasis such an important moment deserved, but I think it convinced a big chunk of the viewerbase that because we, the viewers, had time to process things, so should the characters in the scene. I know I had to watch this sequence of events several times to get a clear picture of just how fast Yang's fall was supposed to happen in-universe. There's a good 35 seconds of actual screentime between Neo making contact with Yang and Yang's ultimate disappearance into the void, 19 between contact and the beginning of Blake's throwing motion, and 25 between contact and the moment where we know for a fact that Gambol Shroud has missed. That's a lot of time for the viewers to come to an understanding of what's happening, but all of this is in slow motion. In-universe, things are going significantly faster, but the extended slow motion sequence can make that hard to pick up on. I'm not 100% sure how to improve clarity here without ruining dramatic impact, but I can see why the scene didn't hit as I think it was intended to with some people.
Anyway, Yang is gone, Neo's gunning for Ruby, Blake is gunning for Neo, and Weiss is just kind of thinking "Oh, God, I'm going to have to be the one to hold things together, aren't I?" Unfortunately, this leaves her squarely in Cinder's sights. Right now, Cinder is getting what she wants: her slippery ally, who she doesn't even like, is the target of two of their three opponents (including the one who at minimum soft checks Cinder), leaving her, the strongest fighter on her side, in a solo matchup against the support. Cinder's inner Zed main is salivating at the chance to carve up an unprotected support fighter here, and if the other three weaken each other while she's doing it, so much the better.
Penny comes in to improve the odds and square off with Cinder, but we see immediately that she is used to fighting as a robot and not as a human: she reflexively attempts to summon Floating Array and gets dunked on for her troubles. She compensates by using her Maiden powers to create a copy of her old weapons, but we can tell she's already a bit off balance. With Weiss to help her, she does okay for a moment, but then Cinder exploits the heroines' concern for the civilians they're protecting by trying to hit Weiss with an AoE that she can't just dodge. Weiss has to block it, and she has to block the whole damn AoE. She can't just use a glyph to hop out of the way because that would expose the vulnerable civilians behind her, so she's forced to use more of her Aura to defend, and Cinder gets a free shot at her on top of that. Cinder has cleverly set up an attack that lets her win either way: either she gets uncontested damage on Weiss or she forces Weiss to abandon civilians to save herself, crippling her morale.
Blake looks over and sees that Cinder is clearly individually superior to Penny, especially since Penny does not have full access to her previous capabilities. She notices that Cinder is winning, while she and Ruby are not making particular headway vs. Neo. Blake has to make a choice, and she chooses to kick Cinder in the skull. I know a lot of people, myself included, were expecting a Semblance evolution for Blake here, but instead she just chooses to put protecting the people she loves over revenge, which... works, honestly, but I think it has less impact than the Semblance evolution overall.
This is where I think Team RWBY starts slipping tactically (understandably, they're not in the best frame of mind at the moment after losing the heart of their team, but they're still not making the optimal decisions. I'm not calling them out for this, but it's important to point it out as a contrast to Cinder and Neo, who are still very much in control). I think Team RWB + Penny's best play here is to try to force a 3-on-1 against either Cinder or Neo and assign whoever is best at stalling to handle the other one. There are a few ways they could have done that. Neo's already fixated on Ruby and Ruby's Semblance makes her slippery as hell, so Ruby could have fought defensively and kept Neo occupied long enough for Blake, Weiss, and Penny to gang up on Cinder. Alternatively, Penny has the ability to fly. She could've either stalled Cinder and tried to make her chase her or she could've taken to the air and bombarded Neo with Maiden Magic. Being able to move through the air is a huge advantage in this kind of fight, and either she or Weiss could have potentially leveraged that against Neo. Blake or Weiss could also have tried to hold off either Cinder or Neo with the innate disengage tools in their kits, though they'd most likely have an easier time delaying Neo than Cinder. Regardless, I think it would have been smart to try to find a way to bring Ruby's silver eye powers to bear against Cinder ASAP and in circumstances of their choosing, or as close to it as possible.
Yes, many things could have gone wrong with this strategy, but the one they actually went with resulted in a loss, so I think it would have been worth a try. Again, I'm not saying the protagonists should have been unfeeling machines that always make the most logical choice, I'm just trying to point out the difference between how they and their opponents are approaching the fight. Cinder and Neo had the luxury of picking their moment and planning out their attack, while the protagonists are exhausted and stressed. This was a very clever move on the part of the villains, is what I'm getting at here.
Ruby's still going up against Neo, whose superiority in terms of pure fighting skill is evident. We get Weiss punting Neo through a portal in the funniest moment of the whole fight and Cinder gets an advantage in the 2-on-1 in the background. What we see here makes me wonder if the strategy I proposed above would have worked at all, but I think it's still at least as viable as what they actually do. Ruby's not fighting defensively here, which leaves her open and forces Weiss to come to her aid. If she'd focused on delaying Neo instead of beating her, maybe the others could have capitalized on their numerical advantage. Or maybe not. Maybe this was just unwinnable from the moment Yang went down and Jaune and Nora committed to helping the refugees. That happens sometimes.
Cinder again exploits the fact that the protagonists are willing to sacrifice themselves for other people to get another free hit on Weiss specifically and break her Aura. She's got Weiss pegged, that's for damn sure, and this is the point where I think the fight truly becomes next to impossible for the protagonists to win with the resources they have on the field. Without Weiss's support tools, the only paths to victory I see are receiving reinforcements or activating Ruby's silver eyes, which have already been established as unreliable. Crescent Rose falling into the abyss kind of seals the deal, but Ruby pulls off a very clever little move to bait an opponent who is clearly superior in terms of technical skill but emotionally unstable into a trap. This was really smart by Ruby, if a bit concerning because of her willingness to use herself as bait, but it's a great reminder that while Ruby is generally sweet and pure and innocent and so on, she also can and will go for the throat if she thinks it's warranted. Tyrian learned this the hard way.
Cinder, once again, identifies and takes a free shot against a distracted opponent. She's still getting everything she wants, because now she can both remove one of the two remaining significant threats to her and get revenge against her underling at the same time. She already knows she can beat Blake, Weiss, and Penny. She's been doing it all this time. She's happy to trade Neo to remove Ruby. This is a winning play for her.
Cinder gets another free shot on a heroine who is concerned with saving someone else when Blake and Penny try to rescue Ruby. She's been identifying and taking these opportunities all throughout the fight, and it lets her land an attack on the other significant threat still in the game in exchange for giving her opponents the chance to rescue a fighter who is out of Aura and has no weapon. Cinder has done a great job picking her trades since the fight started, and this is no exception.
Blake and Ruby are now gone, disappeared into the void. This cost Cinder nothing. With two fireballs, she's gotten damage on Penny and eliminated two opponents, and all she has to give up in return is a couple hits when Weiss shows up wielding Gambol Shroud. Sure, Jaune is now here to help them and is fresh in comparison, but Cinder was winning when Blake was here, and Blake is much stronger than Jaune. Penny takes more damage protecting Weiss, by the way, because Cinder knows that targeting the helpless works against these foes and sees no reason to fix what ain't broken.
Cinder once again baits Penny into protecting her friends and then isolates her opponents with a clever use of her Maiden powers and gets an uninterrupted, uncontested strike on the biggest threat remaining. She cripples Penny in the time it takes for Weiss to get around the obstacle she created and engage her, which leads us into a scene that quite a number of people absolutely fucking hated, myself included. I honestly don't recall seeing a single positive response to this choice. Maybe my opinion will change once we see where this storyline goes, but right now, bringing Penny back just to kill her off again just feels cruel. Having Jaune, a character who has already received considerable backlash for perceived theft of the spotlight, be the one to strike the killing blow just makes things worse. I know a lot of Penny fans felt like the writing was basically telling them to go fuck themselves, and I can see why they felt that way. Again, I might change my mind once we get more content that shows us where the narrative is going with this, but as things stand, it just makes a couple of plot threads from the Atlas storyline feel pointless. Winter being the Winter Maiden was a red herring and Penny getting the powers was a twist? No, wait, Winter's the Maiden now. Penny has come back to life and is taking part in the group's adventures? No, actually, she's dead again, and may very well be revived a third time at some point in the future. Based on what I know now, rather than what may be revealed in the future, this is one of the worst writing choices RWBY has ever made. I truly hate it. It just feels mean.
That said, I don't think having Jaune kill a mortally wounded teammate is inherently a bad storyline in a vacuum. He's a healer, a defender, whose powers and skillset focus around healing, enhancing, and protecting his teammates. Forcing him to take a friend's life after he's already lost his own partner, even if (as the narrative wants us to believe) there was no better choice, is a fantastic vehicle for character development for a character like him... but there was no way it was ever going to go over well when Jaune is already such a controversial character within the fandom and a lot of people feel that Team RWBY doesn't have enough agency within the main plot. Not a choice I would have made when considering the context and the likely fan reaction, that's for damn sure.
I also don't think the show does enough to set up the idea that Penny's wound is actually mortal or that killing her was the best way forward. It looks like Cinder's Grimm hand penetrates her torso when the attack initially lands, but we don't see any blood, nor are there any visible wounds when Jaune tries to heal her. We don't get any concrete evidence that healing her will unambiguously fail and we don't see any sign of significant strain on Jaune's part, he just tries to heal her and Penny almost immediately shuts him down and says he can't do it in time. It's not really a surprise that Penny thinks about it this way. She's been trying to sacrifice herself the moment she has a chance for the whole damn Volume. She wants to make this choice, but I think we needed a better visual indicator or a line of dialogue or something to make it clear that this choice was anything but stupid. I'd have been a lot more willing to accept it if we'd gotten, like, a few seconds of Jaune visibly struggling to heal Penny's wound, followed by him saying "It's not working" or something, and then Penny makes the choice to sacrifice herself, now that it's clear that her death is inevitable and the only thing left is to make it mean something (obviously, this is an extreme off-the-top-of-my-head rough draft that could use a lot more polish, but I hope you get the idea regardless).
Anyway, after that, we get Maidenbowl, where Cinder is meaningfully challenged for the first time in this fight. Winter seems to be winning, but yet again, Cinder gains an advantage by directing her attacks at a vulnerable target her main opponent cares about protecting. She's done it so consistently throughout this fight that it is 100% a deliberate strategy, just like the way Yang destroys the terrain to give herself an advantage in combat, and despite my intense dislike of the specific story beat mentioned above, I think the writing/animation/storyboarding etc. crews did a great job of telling Cinder's story with this fight. She's definitely smarter than a lot of her haters give her credit for.
To be honest, I don't like Volume 8 very much, for a lot of different reasons. I might expand upon that in other posts, but this one is long enough as it is.
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bthump · 1 year
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How many of your theories were confirmed true? Was it satisfying? Is there anything you predicted wrong and wish could change? Do you accept the story more or less for now? Is there anything that made you almost quit?
Thanks for asking!
Not a whole lot lol. Most specifically, I predicted that there were 4 previous Godhand members and Void was the last of that group/the first of this group. I predicted the Elfhelm quest going south and ending in misery, but I certainly did not predict how lol, and I wish it was more dark and more emphatically tragic, but tbf there's still some room to get worse that Guts is having his breakdown.
This is a bit of a stretch, but I consider Guts restlessly swinging his sword and asking himself what the hell he's supposed to do now in chapter 358 to be pretty close to confirmation of my theory that Guts bringing Casca to Elfhelm was basically a distraction for him, and a vague hope that fixing Casca would solve his problems that did not come to fruition.
I guess I kinda predicted Elfhelm having a shady history that becomes relevant, in that a bunch of ancient tortured soul-goo ate a bunch of people, or whatever lmao. I was hoping it would be relevant in a more interesting way, but I'd say it kinda counts.
I predicted Griffith crying at some point, but I didn't think it would be this soon, and it's still something he's blaming on the werebaby so it only half-counts.
Oh and I definitely called Guts seeing Griffith naked again, and Miura drawing more naked Griffith in general lol.
Among plenty of other things, I incorrectly predicted that the behelit would open and result in tragedy right after Casca gets her memories back, and that she'd sacrifice moonbaby, and I would love to change that lol, I think it would've been a ton of fun and a great set up for a third act. Still got my fingers crossed for the climax tho since that behelit's still hanging around.
The incorrect prediction that's definitely not gonna happen at any point now is Elfhelm turning out to be antagonistic in some way. And again, I definitely would've preferred that - I found the sudden evil goo, Elfhelm fading away, and Danann just being kind of sad and ineffectual, pretty underwhelming lol.
And enh, idk what accepting the story entails exactly. I reserve the right to be disappointed about how it goes lol, and to think it could've been better, or more personally enjoyable, if xyz happened, but I think that whatever is going to happen is probably roughly what Miura intended, and even if it's not what I want I can live with it. I'm not gonna be starting a #releasetherealending twitter campaign or anything lmao.
And nothing's made me nearly quit so far. I am a tried and true quitter of disappointing media though, so I could see myself dropping it in the future potentially - like what would happen is tumblr would die, or people would stop interacting with me on this blog so I'd stop updating it, and I'd stop keeping up with new chapters, and eventually I'd hear on the grapevine that it ended disappointingly with virtually no griffguts-y content, and I'd be like 'welp that's a shame, guess I'll never finish it.'
But yk, as long as I'm active on this blog, and as long as I have hope for more griffguts content lol, I'm gonna keep reading and discussing new chapters.
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inlocusmads · 1 year
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A quick hasty sketch of Nora & Aneesa (my OC) for Bisexual Awareness Week hosted by the lovely @choicespride (and also I can't draw hands.)
Get yourself a girlfriend who'll talk endlessly for hours and hours on the many interesting cases she's come across, to the point where the hours translate into days and you're so close to screaming but also you're incredibly touched that you're the only person with whom she shares everything
Bonus:
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Aneesa : *cracks the corniest joke* Nora: omg you're the coolest person ever pls marry me thank u.
Headcanons:
Aneesa's Nora's ex-partner. She used to be a small-time fraud trying to pay her dues and the two became good friends during Nora's time at the NYPD. Soon the friendship blossomed into something more, thanks to Aneesa's charisma but equal shyness and Nora's confidence mixed in with her crippling insecurities. They almost become two halves of a whole.
Until.. exactly eleven months later, Aneesa is targeted by a massive crime group that's convinced she's some "key witness" who's got people in the police. They frame her for something she didn't commit and Aneesa's now both on the lam from the crime gang and the law.
Nora helps Aneesa escape the country on a houseboat, en route to Hong Kong as planned, but she never makes it there.
Since Aneesa's on the run, she makes sure to completely erase her history, change her name and run to an entirely different country to throw her chasers off the course. It leaves Nora in the dark for nearly two years.
Later, Nora receives a bittersweet letter that says Aneesa's doing well and fine but she can never talk to her again, because of obvious security reasons and that, Nora worked at the NYPD of all places. Both of them could be tried for a crime, simply because they were trying to escape.
This leads Nora to quit the Force and spend the next six years wallowing in her sorrows.
A/N: This is why I didn't write the "houseboat" fic lol. It was just too angsty and I cried like, five times trying to string coherent sentences and had several mental breakdowns at 3 AM. I'll def write it at some point in the future, for sure! It's still a draft for now.
I really want to tell Aneesa's story and make it into a full-fledged mini series of some kind, and not some one-off one shot, because Aneesa was one of the most important people in Nora's life. If not for her, she wouldn't have had the confidence to be the person she is today and honour her father, rather than convincing herself that she isn't worthy.
Relationships, regardless of one's sexuality, is all about that, in my opinion; to grow and mature as an individual but at the same time, support one another and be a listening ear during some tough times.
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madmonroe · 2 years
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Life Update
So. This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions and to quickly sum it up: a friend is having a major emotional breakdown and hurt me, and I'm trying to be considerate of his situation, but as it is now I'm keeping him at arm's length for both our sakes (there's a lot of details that go further into why he "friend dumped" me but I don't wanna get into it). I'm also being asked to vacate the apartment I'm living in. My mom has lived here for over 15 years (I've moved out when I was younger and moved back in as an adult with her, but I've been paying the whole of rent for a few years now). Basically, the new landlord doesn't care what the old one said about grandfathering us into the cheap rent. This guy wants to "renovate" the place and essentially double our rent (the old landlord didn't do a lot of upkeep, so there's a lot of little things to be prettied up, nothing essential is needed save a vent/window in the bathroom). Yay, greed. So, all in one day I was friend dumped via text and then told I had a month to get out of my home. A couple days later my ex friend tried to make up with me and made an excuse for his behavior that was pretty upsetting...
I am generally past the sadness and worst of the anxiety, but I am very tired. I'm trying to focus on finding a new place to live. One of my longest, closest best friends is also getting married next week (and I'm part of the wedding party, and thank whatever forces be that it's fairly casual and I otherwise have no responsibility in it). I'm also trying to focus on being happy and excited for that... It's a lot right now.
That wasn't the quickest sum up, but hey. It could be longer and way more thorough. I just wanted to say sorry to anyone expecting or waiting for the various uploads I've been talking about the past couple months. I really wanna keep organizing add-ons for the Eddie ref post. I really wanna draw more Rise of the TMNT stuff- I've been doodling so much future! Donnie and Jude. I also wanna continue that Digimon short comic (that was starting to get longer? And I was thinking of putting a hard pause on it and actually writing some stuff out, whereas I had just been thumbnailing/sketching a half-baked idea). So... Idk. I'll probably get some sketches posted soon, but nothing serious or finished like I was hoping for... Wish me luck on all the adulting I have to do! 😅😅😅
1 Sept '22 ~ Mad
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