#i'll probably delete this im sorry

[burninginthegymplplinko]

MAG 81 - A Guest For Mr. Spider

doodle 81/200; days left 19/110

ehehe babby jon babby jon :)))

posting late bc today was horrible. first bouldering, after which i couldnt even write. (also i know climbing shoes are supposed to be cramped but they didnt have my size and i had to wear shoes that were three sizes too small and i couldnt feel my toes for a good hour after that)

then i tried to prepare one kid for an esl english test but their textbook is. god i HATE IT SM. it doesnt make sense and the kids cant even say a full sentence after 3 yrs of english >:( but the test is also from there so grrr have to use it >:((( Fock you Happy Street from Oxford

and THEN my dog got bitten by a sewer rat (?) and he then killed (???) the rat (??????) which was like,,,,almost as big as him?? and like he is vaccinated but im also sweating bullets atm

anyway that's it for my littol rant i'm sorry but i am just so angy

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #a guest for mr spider #tma 81 #mag 81 #straight up just using this blog as a diary aftjzg #im so sorry #i'll probably regret and delete it tommorew i just got carried away bc it 1am and im tire #oh yeag art uuh yeagh episode cool babby boe babby jom <33

[hakuyukii]

wip //

reading the same lawrence lore that i've already read some many times before and one of gato's older artwork of him inspired me to do this ^_^ it probably doesn't make a lot of sense though but i really liked it.

oh and i know this might sound stupid but after making this i was thinking about how my art has been improving since i joined communities of games like dol and btd. i have been making fanart for another fandoms for years but it was always the same thing, i really wasn't confident on making something else because my abilities weren't enough. sometimes i still think that lol but it's not as frequent as it used to be.

i think being on these communities and making fanart for these games have been pushed me outside of my comfort zone and made me do more with my art. it still not good but it's better than before.

#sorry if my english doesn't makes sense >_> #anyways im going to bed gn #i'll probably delete this later

[megabuild]

i realised why this is getting me so badly btw it's because. i made a post a while ago saying that last life was painful as fuck for me to think about but it was manageable because etho doesnt get too hard into the roleplay and just sort of chills and laughs and doesnt show much signs of distress when bdubs is very clearly manipulating and dragging him into this toxic ass relationship. okay well now imagine me making that post and ethoslab seeing that and going im gonna fucking kill this guy

#mine #like he ISNT but hes. UGH. #this is a billion times worse in every way. its okay though. im sane now. #if this had happened like six months ago i probably would have done something drastic. #once again i must tap the sign. Traffic is not just a Minecraft series it's real life and I was there #This post makes like zero sense sorry I'll probably delete it in a minute my head hurts

[maudiemoods]

Hair? Falling out from stress!! Chest? In constant pain!! Eyes? Dead and tired!! Brain? Overthinking and emotional!! Hygiene? Routine completely forgotten!!

#ren won't shut up #waaaaeaeawaaaawawaaaawaawaawaasuwauuwa #ignore #GIRL WHAT IS GOING ON?? #I'll be getting a therapist soon but hot DAMN i am struggling #my hair is so thin now :(( #my eyes look terrible? and not from the lack of sleep. i sleep enough i just dont rest #if I disappear for a few days its because im trying to figure my shit out lmao #i have severe undiagnosed/untreated mental illnesses lmaoooo #idk whats going on anymore waaaa #i used to ve about to control all of this waaa #tw mental illness #tw mental breakdown #?? i guess im having a breakdown And you all are just witnessing it? sorryy #cw mental health #idk sorry if i dont tag this right jdjsjs #probably will delete later? idk

[pagodazz]

I COULD NOT. REMEMBER. WHAT TWILIGHT LOOKED LIKE. don't insult me I'm sorry

#IM SORRY. #idk #idk what came over me #Alex Kralie #alex kralie fanart #marble hornets #marble hornets fanart #this sucks #OMHBBB #I'll probably delete this

[marvelnatswhore]

what words won’t say ♡

Natasha X reader ~angst & comfort

Sum: Natasha’s always there for you, at your best or worst

Warnings: descriptions of SH (self harm) mentions of depression, self hate, angst/comfort 

WC: 1.1k

A/N: i’m really sorry for no fics lately

✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧

Your head fell low as your eyes traced the small cracks littering underfoot, holding back tears with what little energy you had left.

The silent flight back from a failed mission, no one said it, they didn’t need to, it was your fault. You compromised weeks of work, put countless civilians in danger and let everyone down. 

It was just one more reason, one more excuse to feel that emptiness, the weight on your chest that sunk lower the more you let your mind get to you.

Even now you felt it. Laying quiet covered by the warmth of Natasha nestled around you as she slept, soft snores tickling your neck and cold legs tangled with your own.You listened to her slow breathing for some time, the occasional snore, she would always deny and the rhythm of her heart beating in your ear.

You were alone in your head, she couldn’t hear your thoughts, no matter how dark, a part of you wished she would wake up and know how much you hurt, wrap you closer and whisper all sweet things.

The other part of you held on to every last mistake, letting in every thought that filled you with disgust, telling you everything you tried so hard not to believe, the mission really was all your fault, you were right not to tell Natasha about it. you were worthless, nothing more than a burden to everyone around you.

The thought settled in as your heart rate quickened, you didn’t matter, they’d be better off without you, everyone would.

You slipped out from the comfort of Natasha, careful not to wake her as you left silently and headed for the bathroom.

Your breath hitched as you shut the door and tried not to notice how your hands shook when you ran the tap, wetting your face with the cool water and staring blankly at your reflection in the mirror. You watched your eyes glaze back as tears threatened to run, every imperfection seemed to find you, filling your head and drowning you in it.

Useless, stupid, ugly…

It was suffocating. You need out, even just for a moment to feel something other than hate. Anything.

That’s how you found yourself, slouched against the wall on the bathroom floor with a blade in your shaking hand. 

You’d been clean. You had, you’d tried so hard, the scars were fading, you were doing so much better, but now? you hated yourself for it. for everything.

You brought the blade to your skin, hesitating as you pulled in a breath-

it doesn’t matter

You ran the tip softly at first watching it mark, admiring the faint red for a moment, then again swiping it harder until a streak of red ran down your arm, again and again, you didn’t care anymore, you didn’t care at all.

You watched the blood spread down, beading on your skin and sticking to you like all the thoughts that pulled in your head. You hated that it felt so numb, that you felt so hopeless.

You didn’t stop until tears clouded your vision and your chest pulled tight, until your breath became unsteady and all you could hear was the pounding of your heart in your head. 

Your eyes stung and suddenly the world was closing in, your hand clenched around the blade, still in your sweating palm, the stain of red imperfect against its metallic shine.

You didn’t look as you threw it in the sink, burying your face in your hands and not caring to hold back the tears as they streamed, running through the gaps between your fingers and down your neck as your chest rose and fell all too fast and the feeling of panic overcame you. 

Why wouldn’t it stop, why couldn’t you just disappear, why-

“Y/N-”

Maybe you didn’t hear the soft knock, or the handle turn, or the door slip open but there was Natasha standing in front of you.

You could only stare at her through fearful eyes; she saw the blood smeared on your arm, dripping down in varying streaks staining your skin and her expression changed, 

“Nat-” your voice broke and the guilt consumed you. “Nat! i’m so sorry I didn’t-” 

Before you could say another word she was on the floor pulling you into her embrace, strong arms holding you tight as you sobbed between them, ‘I’m sorry’ spilling from your lips like a stuck record;

“I know love, I know. I’m so sorry, It’s ok, I’m here now, I’m here. You’re gonna be ok, Detka..” 

You can hear the shake in her voice, she was there, pulling you closer smoothing your hair back and not caring for her clothing quickly being dampened by your tears.

The tightness seemed to calm, and your breathing slowed, it was still numb, that feeling, but it settled as she held you, tears slowed and it seemed to finally be quiet.

Natasha pulled back cupping your cheek, running her thumb to wipe stray tears as they ran; she took your arm softly with her own, you could feel it now, the sting of each cut. “Can I take care of this?” She asks, and you nod softly. 

It’s delicate the way she holds you, concern deep in forest eyes as she brings a wet cloth to clean the blood, the sting of antiseptic making you wince, not that you minded, you listened to Natasha while she held your hand, running her thumb over your own and whispering softly, it distracted you for a moment, the comfort of her.

Placing the last bandage and smoothing her thumb gently across the edge, she leaned in to kiss the skin. “You don’t deserve to feel this way, you never do.”  Her own tears stung, running down warm cheeks as she spoke. “Not you, never you, Detka.”

She’d never judge you for it. After all she had a past, she had demons and scars, she understood.

“sweetheart. I'm right here, always.”

.

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romanoffxreader #natasha x y/n #nat fics #pressents fics #im sorry this is likely horrible i'll probably delete it #i just really needed it

[dandyshucks]

ouhhhh the neighbour doesn't have any supplies of her own for crochet and I'm teaching her and my mother today starting in just over an hour

and i am ... not selfish with my supplies but i am unemployed and living off a very tight budget (cannot purchase any more yarn for projects unless i manage to do some pretty spectacular savings on my groceries for the month which is... not very doable) so I'm a tad worried she's going to be good at crocheting and want to Make Something with the yarn that i do have fjdskl and I would normally be totally fine with that but considering there's basically nowhere in town to buy yarn (i've had to buy online) and shipping is $20+ lately, that's not exactly a great thing for me right now 🧍‍♂️

#but i feel terrible for worrying about this fdsjkl like it feels selfish and greedy to worry #however. she is employed. as is her husband. and i have been unemployed (due to disability lol) and have had zero income for three yrs #just living off savings and watching it get drained slowly all away by my parents charging me rent to live in the basement fdsjkl #(and i realize i am very very lucky to have had so much in my savings account that i'd been stashing away since my first job in gr 8 lol) #so um... i think perhaps she should go to walmart and buy whatever random skein they have on the bare shelves #in NORMAL circumstances i'd be totally fine to share my supplies #i love teaching ppl and sharing my crafts !!! i love helping ppl make art !! i am normally very happy to share and give away !! #this is not normal circumstances though i am so stressed about even just buying groceries lately fdsjkl #AUUGHH i was just hoping she'd got some sort of beginner's kit or smth already fdsjkl #im probably worrying about nothing though fdsjkl like crochet takes a while to get the hang of #and hopefully by the time we have our next ''lesson''/teaching session she will have acquired at least some yarn of her own #and unfortunately i cannot lend her any of my hooks bc i am working on a project that requires the hooks i'd normally lend #vent // #dandy.cmd #I'LL DELETE THIS LATER BTW SORRY i just have to yell somewhere so i dont cry and panic dsfjkl i got myself so worried over this

[lazysunjade]

V I X E N |

#ts4 #ts4 screenshots #oc: vixen #( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) #super spontaneous edit because im obsessed with her #but prolly delete later #also this is very likely to be the last game screenshot on main #tbh im kind of over sims 4 #I'll probably do the sporadic decor post #and I'll finish CotS but after that idk #been thinking about it for a while and already rarely go in game as is #so if renders aren't your thing... sorry #blender is the only thing keeping me from quitting altogether #maybe things change in the future but for now ima follow my big 3D dreams

[kithj]

i think if you call yourself pro-Palestine but then you spend all your time undermining every single call to action while also constantly "debating" and talking down to others, especially Palestinians, on tumblr dot edu, then you aren't actually pro-Palestine and we should stop pretending that you are.....

#if i go to your blog and all of your posts are just you saying what you think is best for palestine #while ignoring actual palestinians #also if your blog is just screenshots of bad faith actors which you use to vilify the entire pro-palestine movement..... #while still ignoring what actual palestinians and allies are saying #and filling your blog with 20+ posts of discourse and useless arguing about things like... spins wheel..... #what the real definition of genocide is. or if something is really a 'general strike' or not. or complaining abt 'infighting' #i think you should shut the fuck up forever #like. begging people to just block these users and move on #like we are beyond the threshold of tolerance. block these people and ignore them completely #you should be embarrassed and ashamed #sorry i'll probably delete this post im just stewing. i hate this website

[pyrriax]

hi everyone remind me to never look at deviantart again

#haunted ecosystem #probably jsut take this post at face value tags are if youre really curious 👍 #i was trying to find something. immediately got blasted with a person who i did not want confirmation was out of prison is out #if im weird the next few days this has been an un-fun experience 👍i just wanted to look for some furry bases ok not. dread. #i just wanted to work on beest & saturn </3 #actually feel nauseous ah this is going to be fun im going to go. draw things. do something. i need to get rid of this dread #why did he fucking follow my new account there? why? didnt he get enough? didnt he fucking get enough god i. #sorry chat im feeling things and if i remember this later i'll probably delete these tags but i need to just put this somewhere #im not a kid anymore i can handle this i shouldnt be this scared but fuck i am. maybe it wasnt just paranoia! joy joy joy oh joy! #tomorrow will be better tomorrow i'll forget about this and i'll move on like i never saw it and i'll continue being happy #i have people that love and care about me and that i talk to every day i have people that i trust and know i can rely on #i don't have to be scared anymore i don't need to worry i'll be fine and that has to be true because things are better now

[conretewings]

I think one of the worst, most uncomfortable and lonely feelings to experience is that of being tolerated.

Not hated outright, but not really enjoyed either, just people around you accepting your presence out of obligation. Nobody likes you enough to engage with you except out of politeness and when necessary, but they also don't dislike you enough to directly state they would rather not have you around.

You try to join in a conversation that by all signs seems to be welcome to input, and suddenly everyone goes a little quiet, forced smiles are given and the discussion fades out.

People make comments or a joke, and when you try to inquire about it are told 'nothing'.

And you know if you were to disappear somebody might make an offhand comment about it, but that's all the concern or consideration you'll be given.

#loneliness #depressed #I don't feel like I fit in anywhere #I'm always on the outside looking in #sorry im rambling #i'll probably delete this later

[subcon--forest]

So i sorta just went into a thoughtless haze while working on some art, passed out, and promptly woke up to an angry rant i went on after apparently putting the lineart on the wrong layers

#im sorry but this is so fucking funny #I didnt even change to a different pen #I just enlarged it and started aggressively writing #I'll probably post the finished piece on my sideblog #delete later

[atlas-affogato]

I'm a cool internet mutual TO YOU in reality I'm crying because I wasn't born a boy

#oop whats that? #me? talking about my feelings? #disgusting #probably delete later once im embarrassed about anyone knowing something personal about me #im sorry i cried in your lap about being pre op baby do you still want to fuck #I'll be cool about it i promise

[hiddenintheveil]

i want to love i want to love i want to love i want to love but it's not proper to just say "i love you" to someone. I love you. I want you to be happy i want you to be safe i want you to be proud of yourself and happy with where you're at. i love you i love you i love you

#delete from the veil #sorry. #i'll probably delete this #this is not directed at anyone in particular i just wanted to say it #there are two things i constantly want to say: 'i love you' and 'im sorry' #Well. Let me rephrase that. #This was not written with anyone in particular jn mind. #However if you're reading this it applies to you.

[lewishamil10n]

considering making an f1 sideblog because i just. i've had a couple of experiences where people don't want to interact with me because of the sam/dean shipping and like. i get it, i do. it's exhausting because you can just blacklist the tag, but, well. i guess it's easier to just block. and i'm not blaming anyone for that, curate your own experience etc etc, and i've always been in favor of just blocking the content you don't want to see. it's just that it's kinda mentally exhausting for me and while i usually have a thick skin about this kinda stuff, i hate the idea of my mere presence making someone uncomfortable. also, all my spn mutuals have been SO sweet about the constant f1posting but i'm still constantly worried i'm being annoying, so maybe it's just better if i move everything to a sideblog? idk.

#i'll probably delete this later idk #im just a bit tired right now #i mean... it's just a ship. not a very conventional one i get it but. i dont even post it that much #and if i do it's always tagged n it's literally SO easy to blacklist #and i'm really enjoying myself so much on f1blr but im constantly anxious that any spn post will be the last straw and then #everyone will be like ew she ships the brothers begone wincestie or sth similar #maybe this website has just made me jaded i don't know i just. i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and i am not blaming anyone #it's just that i wanna enjoy myself without having to worry about these things #but also every time i've tried to have a sideblog i ended up abandoning it and like #i don't want to do that again #anyway #naila.txt #tag rant #sorry for the word vomit im just. not sure what to do

[here-2suffer]

I want to sincerely apologize to everyone following me. I am trying to get chapter 2 of Fish Tales out as soon as I can, but I only write during a specific time period because it feels wrong to do it another time and I'm a very slow writer. I feel bad for making you all wait on this for so long only to get something that's probably not even worth how long it took- And on top of that I also try and write other things and stop writing those too, so I don't have anything for you guys until I eventually get to finish the chapter and post it.

I do have to sleep now tho, so goodnight to all of you!

#im sorry #very sorry #vent #i guess? #i might delete this #but at the same time i'll probably just forget about this #i am trying to finish chapter 2 #its almost done #not even good tho #okay i need to sleep #goodnight