#i'll probably delete this in the morning after i regret posting it in the first place

[infernalinvert]

I just had a realization about my mental health- and it's why I'm having trouble writing this, and why I almost never reblog anything, much less write my own posts. And, why I actually struggle to do pretty much anything.

Idk where to even begin re: if I "have" it or not, but looking at myself from the perspective of OCD is making a lot of things make sense. It's difficult for me to see it as actually OCD because what I do is just. Not do things. If I can't decide on the "right" way to do them.

I'm always always thinking about how to "improve" things, like even when I brush my teeth in the morning I'll feel this oppressive weight. I have to make sure I'm doing it right. I have to keep reminding myself to make sure I'm getting the backs and the sides and behind each wisdom tooth and between each tooth and the gums but not too hard because my dentist said not to but not too light because then there'll be plaque left behind and I shouldn't leave anything behind and am I sure I did this part am I sure I did it hard enough, I'll do it again, and this tastes weird, does it always taste like this, is there something wrong with my brush is there something wrong with my mouth but I can't stop because I should only have to do this once, it shouldn't be this stressful, I think I got everywhere so I should stop, I could scrape my cheeks but I'm not sure how to do it right so I can't. And then I'll keep checking my teeth with my tongue for like an hour afterwards, I am right now.

And this is every single time, pretty much everything I do is like this! I have to do everything right in one go or not do it at all, and that's if I'm even sure it's the "right" thing to do in the first place. Brush my teeth in the morning? Sure. Start a new project? Well, I don't *have* to do it today, and I could always take more time to research, and make sure I have the right tools and materials and I know the best techniques, and that I do each step in the right order and I clean as I go and I don't leave any mess after and I have the perfect place to store it, and really I should make sure the plan I have is the best one for my needs, so I should research more but I can't get the information from just *anywhere*, and I could ask here but what impression would that make on people do I really have to burden them with my problems and okay that's kind of insane so I should probably ask but how exactly do I phrase it what tone should I take what approach is it even the right question are there other questions i need to ask how do i know i can't be sure so how

I've been doing it with this too, I've been agonizing over my word choice and. The structure, cadence, thesis, what even the point is, like it's a college essay. I always do, whenever I write anything, and half the time I can't decide whether to post it or delete it so I just. Don't do anything with it

And now I don't even want to do this. I mean I do, but I can't be certain. I feel like I shouldn't. I must be doing something wrong so I should stop trying to do anything.

Since I started seeing this, it has been easier to just remind myself that I don't have to worry about these things. Before I was trying to deal with everything by just forcing myself to do what I know I should do. But that was just another thing I was doing wrong, still a failure, just a slightly more acceptable one... If I didn't still feel so guilty about it, another incorrect action.

I dunno what the point of this post is! Probably just externalizing my thoughts for once. As I was saying, I have found that once I release myself from that anxiety, it's much more clear what I actually want to do. I just regret how long my self-image has been totally blind to that, and how much I've aggrandized correctness. I really imagined my life as just, a process of correcting myself, until I was "correct" enough to be... "good", I guess. Acceptable. Honestly, acceptable enough to be a part of society.

I hope it's a good sign- or, well, "correct"- that change feels almost inevitable now? It's definitely imperfect, *I'm* definitely imperfect, in learning to separate what's an actually desirable correction from what's just the result of my obsession with it. And I am worried about the consequences of ignoring what's "correct" maybe too much? But that's probably better for me to lean into than what I've been doing.

I guess I feel pretty satisfied with that. Usually I try to end these types of things with something actionable, or like a summary, and I think I do genuinely want to? So uh

- I think that I'm going to change how I act, significantly, since I've realized the thing that dictates most of my behavior is something I can let go of

- That's scary, which I hope is good?

- I should. Or, I do want to, share this soon, and. I mean it's probably worth switching tacks in finding a therapist, to picking one that specializes in ocd

- When I do that, I mean this is kind of a compulsion, but I think I should ask whether ERT would be a good/necessary thing in my case, or if we should go more towards that I-CBT thing?

- I think I will post about that in the subreddit I found when I have more time cause I gotta go soon

- I should do the worksheets I found even if they're not perfect

#ocd #maybe? #unplanned interactions scare me so I'm anxious about actually posting this #but uh #any kind of conversation about this would probably be good for me #or even just accepting the possibility of one #idk bye

[turtletaytei]

so ... imma admit a thing here

long talk below - feel free to ignore (if you’re an AVID 2k12 fan maaaybe tread lightly here? It’s not an intentional bashing or anything, just my general thoughts so far shalhgsa)

I haven’t watched 2k12 turtles in its entirety, or even in proper order. I’ve seen a good chunk of random episodes (mostly me bouncing around looking for good mikey stuff as i am prone to doing) and ... it just wasn’t for me.

[ And in case someone says it’s cause Rise, I checked out the series like a year BEFORE i saw rise and it just didn’t vibe ]

But with this hiatus going on quite a bit longer than we thought it would ... boredom is getting to me and it’s the only turtles series on available on hulu (i’ve already watched the 90s trilogy and the 2007 movie too many times to count)

so i thought “ok, i’m gonna sit back, turn off my bias brain and just watch it as it is”. I knew that it had elements that I liked, and thought that the things that had rubbed me the wrong way originally were only really grating on me because i expected them to.

Watching a show actively looking for the things you don’t like is no way to go into anything

So I sat back, threw it on and sat through the first two episodes

And ... I dunno, I really want to give this series a chance (at lEAST the first season in it’s entirety), but the tone is just so ... mean?? TT~TT

maybe my belly has gone soft from how affectionate the rise boys are and maybe it’s just me, but the boys are in 2k12 are just so MEAN to one another. It felt like every other line was jab or insult towards each other.

And i know they have instances of good familial content (those were actually the episodes I previously sought out specifically to watch)

but there really wasn’t even a hint of that in these first two episodes - and that don’t bode too well for my uber sensitive heart. I love familial validation man, i eat that shit up

and cause it can’t go without saying (me being who i am)

... i forgot how they made mikey like, a legitimate idiot? I still adore him, do NOT get me wrong but oh. my god. i had to pause in the middle cause i was getting legitimately frustrated sahlhgsa

but since i DID want to focus on the positives ...

A lot of the humor lands really solidly, there are some really hilarious lines and their line delivery really sells it

    - i’m just not a huge fan of burp/fart/gross out humor

The opening is an absolute bop, no denying

The animation isn’t nearly as bad as i've seen a lot of people say

I do like the boys individually: Leo’s a fucking nerd, donnie’s a sassy sweetie, raph has some good lines, and i love that mikey is a little nutcase

Their voices actors are also incredible - they fit their characters really well and they deliver their lines PERFECTLY

but i think this kinda ... encompasses my entire relationship with this series.

It has quite a few things that I like about it ... but the things that i don’t like, i really don’t like.

I think the best way to explain it would be like trying to eat a snickers bar when you’re allergic to peanuts. You love the chocolate, the carmel, and the nougat. But it’s impossible to eat the entire thing without eating the peanuts too.

I can’t enjoy the things i like about the show, without also taking in the stuff that has literally brought me to tears it frustrates me so much.

maybe it’s cause it’s late and i’m tired, so i’ll keep trying to watch it tomorrow

but these are my thoughts on the first two episodes. Not even including all the stuff i know that’s coming.

worse comes to worse, the show just isn’t for me and i just gotta accept that and move on ╮(╯_╰)╭

#my posts #delete later #i'll probably delete this in the morning after i regret posting it in the first place #i can EASILY see why people like this series #and i'm not faulting anyone that DOES #but the things that bother me about it REALLY bother me #and that just means it's not for me #so if after continuing it tomorrow and it still doesn't work with me? #i'll probably never bring it up again sahklhgsa #no point in putting out negativity when no one wants it and it doesn't do any good #which is why i'll probably regret posting this when i wake up tomorrow but HERE WE GO BOIS

[niall-is-my-dream]

I'll Wait For You

At the request of @awomanindeniall I have written a blurb detailing exactly what happened when Alex and Harry saw each other in Australia six months before We Know Where We Belong happened.

Hope you like it.

Catch up below and as always let me know what you think.

Em xx

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/186287708843/we-know-where-we-belong

2170 Words

Your fingers hovered over your phone, typing out a message and then deleting it. No, calling would be better.

What time is it there? Would she be awake? Maybe she would be on a date or something? You hadn't spoken to her in a few weeks and that was only via text, she could have a boyfriend with her right now.

The thought made bile rise up, threatening to spill.

You're her Harry, a boy she's been best friends with forever even if she had a boyfriend over she would still make time to talk to you.

You hit the call button before you had a chance to change your mind.

 "Hello You." She said as she answered the phone.

 "Hi love, not interrupting anything am I? Have you got time to speak?"

 "No, not at all Harry. I know it's a Saturday night but I'm curled up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a book." She replied laughing. "Pretty lame I know. I bet your Saturday nights are better than this."

"Well, I'm in the middle of tour, so some of them are!" You laughed back. "You always did like chilling out and reading at any available opportunity."

 "How's the tour going?" She asked.

 "Really well, I'm coming to Australia next week." You replied, desperate to hear how she would react. 

It had been about four months since you'd seen her, at a Christmas party at her parents house, when she had flown over to spend the holiday season with them. It had been full of neighbours, friends and family so you hadn't had much time alone to speak.

 "I know you are!" She said sounding really excited.

 Your heart began beating faster as the question sat on your lips.

 "I am, I was um wondering......um."

 "Spit it out Harold." She joked.

 "Are you free for dinner maybe? I know it's short notice, you're probably busy or something with a boyfriend or something or maybe......um."

Shit you sounded like a twat.

 "No boyfriend and I always have time for you H. Dinner sounds good, what day were you thinking next week?"

 "Well my show is Wednesday, so I can get you a VIP ticket for that and maybe dinner on the Thursday? I have to fly to the next venue Friday morning."

 "Sounds good to me." She replied. "I've been meaning to text you and blag a free ticket for your show. Got to abuse the best friends privileges sometimes!"

"I know I should've called sooner." You said quickly hoping that she thought maybe it had slipped your mind rather than that you'd been nervous about inviting her for weeks. 

You'd met some incredibly famous and beautiful people, but Alexandra Connelly always had the ability to make you stumble over your words.

When you'd seen each other at Christmas last year, you'd not left her side. You'd seen your Mums eyeing you both up. The house had been noisy, so you'd leaned in frequently to each other to hear what the other was saying. She, as always, had smelt and looked amazing and you were completely in awe of her. No one you had met or dated ever held a torch to Alex.

The drinks had flowed and you'd got a little confident, your hand on her lower back at times and you'd flirted with her. She had reacted back, flirting with you too, and left you blushing at her words.

"It's ok, I knew you'd call. Your Mum said you would."

"My Mum?" 

"Yeah, we speak every week. She said you would probably call about the show."

Of course she did. Her and Angie's dream was to see you two together. To be honest that was your dream too.

A boyhood dream that was still there at 24 years old.

"Ah bet she loves that. She's always adored you."

"She's the best, always felt like we had two Mums growing up didn't it?"

"It did, always used to throw the best bbqs and parties didn't they?" You replied reminiscing.

"The parties were always great, especially once we hit 14." She said, a smirk evident in her voice.

"How could I forget?" You smirked back.

There was silence on the phone then, both of you clearly remembering how you'd both fumbled around with each other. Teenagers experimenting with their best friend, how she had made you cum in your pants within minutes of her touching you. How she had let you touch her boobs over her bra when she had been rubbing herself against your erection, causing her to have her first ever orgasm.

"Well Harold, I shall wait to hear the final plans for next week. Just drop me a text."

"I will. Night Alex."

"Night H."

********

You had been pacing back and forth in your dressing room that evening trying to calm your nerves. Not for the show, but because you were finally getting to see Alex again after four months. The distance was something that had been bothering you since she moved here. She came back at Christmas to see her family and that was it. She didn't get to visit more than that one time. And with you travelling all over the world for work, it wasn't easy to just hop on a flight to Australia to see her. However, you were incredibly proud of how successful she had become in her job.

When she finally appeared at the door you couldn't hide your smile and she couldn't hide hers. You held her close, that familiar smell and heart beat was comforting and needed.

You shot Jeff a glance when he interrupted you not even five minutes later saying he needed you for something. Making sure Alex would be looked after you headed off with Jeff.

Her gaze didn't falter from you for the whole show, she sang along word for word to each of your songs. You couldn't help but keep glancing in her direction and it was becoming quite obvious. You noticed quite a few of the fans looking in her direction to and it left an uneasy feeling in your stomach. You always tried to keep friends and family out of the spotlight, never confirming relationships. However, some fans did know who she was as she had come to shows with your Mum, Gemma and Angie when you had been in One Direction. Niall had asked about her once and you'd told him to back off, the teasing you endured from him about her since then was never ending.

Your frustration at Jeff grew when after the show you were ushered out to a car and to your hotel barely having a chance to say goodbye to her. Upon arriving at the hotel you noticed she had text.

"Hey Harold, loved the show. Can't wait to see you tomorrow. x"

******

Alex looked phenomenal as she sat opposite you in the restaurant. You talked about tour and about her work. The topic of your childhood came up and you laughed about all the things you used to get up to, neither of you mentioning the experimenting but you could see the amusement in her eyes. She knew she had got you thinking about it. Both of you barely acknowledged the waiter when he came by with your meals and eventually your bill. Something had definitely shifted between you during the evening.

When she invited you back to hers for a drink, you didn't hesitate to say yes. Hovering by her front door while she got her keys out, you decided that you were going to kiss her tonight, knowing that if you didn't you'd regret it.

Leaning against her kitchen counter as she got a bottle of wine out of the fridge, you admired her body. All the yoga she did made her bum perky and firm but she still maintained a healthy and curvy body. When she turned around with the wine bottle in her hand, she grabbed some glasses a smirk on her face as she made her way to you. Placing them down on the counter next to you, she looked up at you.

"Were you checking me out?" She asked, the smirk still on her face.

"I always check you out, been doing it since we were 13."

 "Well, that's honest of you." She replied, just inches from your face.

There was silence between you, both of you just looking at one another, wondering if going any further with this flirting was a good idea or not. You decided that it was worth the risk as you brought your hand up to cup her face.

"You're even more beautiful than you were back then, if that's even possible." You said in a whisper, mainly to yourself. But Alex began to blush and you decided to lean down and kiss her lips. 

Your mouth moved against hers, deepening with every second. You ran your tongue against her lower lip before taking it between your teeth. She omitted a low moan that made your cock twitch and you moaned against her mouth at the feeling. The wine was long forgotten as you kissed each other with everything you had. She ran her fingers inside the collar of your shirt, caressing the skin at the nape of your neck. Your hands fell to her bum moving her closer to you, all too soon though she was pulling her lips from yours.

"Well your kissing has improved over the years." She said breathlessly, her forehead resting against yours.

"Hey, I wasn't that bad. You never complained anyway." You replied.

She laughed a little before leaning in and kissing you again. Being careful not to knock over the wine, you lifted her up and placed her on the counter. Her dress rose up her thighs and you slotted yourself between them.  She was as close as she could be to you and yet it felt like you wanted her even closer. You shamefully made out like you were still teenagers, hands roaming everywhere before you ran your fingers up her thighs and under her dress. When your thumb reached her centre, you ran it across the front of her knickers feeling now wet she was. 

"Take me to bed." She whispered.

Not surprisingly it didn't take long to rid you both of your clothes, you didn't hide the fact that you were taking in every inch of her body as your eyes roamed her up and down.

You didn't know when you would see her again after tonight, you'd got six more months of tour and events, none of which were on Australia. So you were going to take it slow tonight and enjoy every second of it.

You'd never made love to someone before, never trusted someone enough to go bare. When Alex said she was on contraception pills, you believed her and the condom you had placed in your wallet in hope that something might happen was ignored.

Watching her face and hearing her gasp as you sank deeper inside of her was the best feeling, knowing that you were the one to make her omit those sweet sounds. When she whispered your name, you almost came, you'd waited so long to hear her say it when lying beneath you, taking you so well.

When she came, she clenched around you and you moved your hips faster and harder, hoping to prolong her high. It quickly pushed you over the edge, a low guttural moan came tumbling from your lips. Your voice deep and raspy as you cried out her name.

Alex looked amazing lying beneath you, her lips plump and her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. You kissed her forehead before pulling out and laying next to her. She turned her head to look at you, a wide smile on her face.

"Well, we've never done that before!" She said laughing.

"Should never have let you go to the Year Ten Prom with Jacob Stubbs." You replied.

"I knew that bothered you! He said you kept tackling him in football even though you were in the same team the week after I went out with him."

"Maybe we would've been more than friends if he hadn't asked you out."

"I only went out with him to make you jealous." She admitted.

"Alex!"

"What?! It worked didn't it?!"

"Yeah, but I wanted to ask you to go with me. Was going to ask you to be my girlfriend!"

"Were you?"

She looked shocked that you'd told her how you had been feeling at 15 years old.

"Yeah, I was." You replied as you turned on your side and snuggled up to her.

"I wish things were as simple now as when we were teenagers." She said.

"I know, I wish they were too. Do you know if you'll ever come back to live in England again?"  You asked her.

You didn't expect her to drop her new life in Australia to start something up with you. Travelling was part of your job too, but you based yourself in London and L.A. normally. When the tour ends you'll be back writing and who knows where that'll take you.

"Depends on if a role in one of the UK offices comes up." She replied, her eyes searching yours for your reaction.

"I'll wait for you." You simply said.

#Harry and Alex #Harry fan fic #Harry styles #Harry fan fiction #Emily writes #Harry fluff #Harry smut

[braekfirst]

210607

well, it's a new month now. future you are probably already tired of reading these, me counting the daysㅋ anyway, i haven't reread all of the old posts i've written yet. the last time when i mentioned it, i meant i'd read the ones after you left — but now, i've read some of the reaally reeaally old ones. and let me just say.. how did you ever put up with me..? when i first started this blog, and even now, the intention is that it's for you. that it contains my feelings and thoughts for you.

the old posts.. they seem more like diary entries. i talked so much about what i was doing instead of things related to you. i understand that it was to update you but still!ㅠㅠ it was like 80% about me and 20% about you. i can't believe this. the only good thing is that you kind of adopted that style and so, i got to know how you were doing and all. especially since you went on hiatuses often then.

what did i want to say again..? ah, right, i also read the ask spams i sent you. you bullied me a lot, huh. makes me want to kick you. should've treated me sweet in public too! but jokes aside, looking back at this after like almost 8 years, funnily enough, i understand why the past me fell in love with you. maybe you don't see it, but you were very charming, funny, kind, and sweet. i could list more, but yknow. i wonder if you're just the same now. of course, maybe not 110% the same person, since i myself have grown a lot, too (i think). i really regret that i deleted all of the past posts when i changed my url and all. it'd be nice to still have your spams. i don't even have many messages at all in the inbox. maybe past eunji needs to be bonked on the head.

hmm. it's six in the morning now. maybe you're asleep, but i keep hoping that i'd see you suddenly pop up. don't worry, i'm not up late because i'm waiting for youㅋㅋㅋ you know i sleep late most of the time. and to keep the tradition going, a little update about your beloved (me): hmm, i've been feeling pretty.. eh today, and i just played a bit of a game but it got boring fast since you can only use two controls, plus the characters walk so slow and you have to backtrack multiple times. anyway, i think i'll cook chicken in the oven later tonight. hopefully it'll go well! unless, do i want lasagna instead? we'll see.

i don't know what else to say. my brain is blank, zero thoughts, so as always, take care, idiot. see you hopefully tomorrow.

i love you.

#ej;ltb

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 7

Goddamn happened again - I spent two hours on this post and my phone deleted it.

In which snakes get tortured, an expatriot hero is honored, a suit is fitted, and axes don't get thrown.

I slept weird again last night - I'm not used to box spring mattresses. I have a Koala foam mattress and April has a futon, so springs poking me in the ass all night is a new experience for me. Plus the air con, it's hot then it's cold, etcetera.

Usual morning routine - the Hitler Youth and White Family Mart for breakfast. I planned my day while I ate - I wanted to visit the snake farm. Technically, the late queen's memorial snake farm. I thought that sounded awesome.

Skytrain to Siam, swapped to the other line. Not much new to say about the skytrain except there's this jingle that one of the ads plays that I will never get out of my head. Also, there's barriers around some but not all of the platforms, and the train stops perfectly such that the doors are between the openings in the barriers. It's pretty special.

Crazy Thai traffic aside, I made it to the snake farm. It looked like something out of the Walking Dead:

It was mostly the rust on the spikes. And the overgrowth. And the barriers in front of the entrance. And the red cross trucks unloading pallets of gear. I did not think I was supposed to be in there, but the sign said this way to snake farm, so in I went.

I found the place fine. Once I got past the zombie movie shit anyway. The farm looked awesome!

It was a big pagoda with open air snake enclosures all over the place. Very tropical, very novel. There was a big old rat in one of the enclosures. I watched him for ages to see if a snake was going to get him, but he was as still as a statue, with only his tiny rat ears twitching.

After the pagoda was an indoor museum - much the same, but with single cages for each snake. With glass. It wasn't quite what I expected from a Thai snake farm - far more like a zoo than a snake farm. Not enough zero-fucks-given Thai dudes with snakes wrapped around them. I looked at the snakes for a while. This guy was my favourite:

He's a Malayan Mangroce Cat-Eye Snake. I think he's gorgeous. I also thing I have a thing for snakes. They're like nature's ropes.

There was maintenance work going on inside - some drilling or digging or something. Lots of noise. I found it unpleasant, and I'm not a creature whose entire experience of the world is through vibrations. I didn't stay long inside, and left straight after.

I'm not 100% certain that I would never get a snake as a pet. I was before the snake farm, but now I'm not sure.

On the way back to Siam, I saw the Jim Thompson store! I had to go inside and pay my respects to a true expatriot hero.

Thompson's business was selling Thai silk, so the entire store was silk scarves and shirts and other stuff. Expensive silk stuff - one shirt was $200. The cheapest thing I saw was a scrunchie for $40. I looked around for a while then left, richer for having experienced the life of a great man. Also richer for not having bought any of that tourist bait.

I went back to Siam and went book shopping. I had almost finished Growth Mindset and needed something else for the plane. I found this awesome bookshop:

It took up the whole floor, it was so big. It had the largest non-fiction section I'd ever seen. I spent an hour walking around looking at stuff. It was great. I love bookshops.

I bought Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius, a stoic philosophy book I've been meaning to read for ages. I also got The King in Yellow, by Robert W. Chambers. Lovecraft listed it as one of his influences, and I love spooky.

The coolest bit was that the clerk wrapped the two books in plastic to keep them safe. I thought that was a really cool idea, and I was impressed by how quickly she wrapped them - like 5 seconds each. I only noticed later that the plastic had the store's logo on it - even better, now I won't forget its name.

I went home via Thai KFC. I wanted to try it before I left. I knew it was a mistake going in. I always know that KFC is a mistake going in, but this was bad. Weak McDonald's style chips, boring chicken "pops". A waste of time, what with bonchon around the corner. I regret it immensely.

I went home and chilled out for a while - it's been a big week. I've walked a good 75km, according to my phone. I finished Growth Mindset and wrote some notes, listened to music, charged my phone, lazy stuff. Josh texted me and I met him at my station. We went back past Siam to a station near the tailor.

We got bonchon chicken for a late lunch/early dinner. It was great - best I've had in Thailand, and way better than the culinary abortion I had for lunch before. I distracted Josh with a game I've been playing :

It's a programming game, which is 100% Josh's thing. He hated it, but couldn't keep his hands off it. It's based on Assembly, a really old programming language. The first one, pretty much. It frustrated him because it wasn't like normal programming, but I thought it was a good challenge in thinking iteratively.

We walked to the tailor from bonchon. I cursed that I was going to be fat for the fitting. Josh could barely move - we got 18 pieces of chicken and he had 12 of them. I was still full from my mistake earlier.

On the way, I told Josh how frustrated I was with Bangkok's footpaths. There are lips and cracks and broken bits of concrete everywhere. Manhole covers that could drop you into a sewer if you're not careful. Just look at this:

That's a tame one. I've lost count of how many of these things I've tripped over. Or on trick edges to the footpath - step down onto the road, expect it to be level, nope there's another step down, don't you look smart. Or, walking down the steps from the skytrain, again, expect it to be level. Nope! It's on a raised platform, enjoy your trip, see you next fall.

Josh told me to not stand on the manholes.

We walked past some massage girls. I finally saw first hand what Josh has been talking about all week - they pretty much screamed at him. "hey handsome man," they'd say, and he'd say "no thank you," and they'd say "come over here sexy," and he'd say "no thanks". It looked uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I don't know if I Iook less approachable, less wealthy, less naive or less desperate, but none of them have reacted to me like that. Maybe it's because he's 6'3".

We got to the tailor. The suit was almost ready :

Looks awesome - the vest turned out exactly how I wanted it to. The tailor is going to courier it to the hotel tomorrow after some last minute changes. I hope.

We walked back to the skytrain, but the foot traffic was terrible. Peak hour in Bangkok is insane compared to Melbourne. We couldn't even get onto the platform last time we tried. So, we sat down at Starbucks and shot the shit for a while. I showed him my notes on Growth Mindset, and we argued about that a while. He talked about how he was going to do some of Bill's contract, then renegotiate. Seemed reasonable.

We headed home around 8 - our earliest night this week, but it's been a big one for both of us. Josh is moving to a new condo tomorrow. The train ride back was bittersweet - it's been a fun holiday. We both said while walking around that there's very few people either of us could hang out with for a full week without going crazy. He's probably coming back to Melbourne next month though, so it's not too bad.

I'm going to miss him when I head back. But I'm not going to miss much else. Bangkok is -

I guess I'll save my thoughts on the city for when I'm safely no longer in it.

I found this set of signs on the street today and it made me laugh: