#i'm already bored with this drama since the kids are already gone

[the-white-soul]

We've got some good thoughts already, aside from Sans. The only thing he's eager about is quitting. You can't blame him with how hard this all is, but we have to win this case despite that!

Let's see... During the war, we couldn't even manage to take one life while countless monsters died. They were also allowed to make these murders since it's a given of war, but all this means is monsters haven't manage to kill anyone until Asgore's seven souls. Humans are much more bloodthirsty, and most monsters could hardly even hurt humans if they tried. At the point when souls were taken, we were forced to do so just to live free from a barrier which was put in place for no real reason in the first place. Monsters were innocent for the longest time and beaten down on by humans for that one instance with the curious child who absorbed the soul of their already dead friend. The kid didn't even try to harm anyone with it, like Alphys said.

I'd like to say I should go as a witness as well since I also know asgore well and grew up in politics so I know how things work, but then again I didn't perform well last speech and I might ruin this again in addition to sparking some negative reactions just by showing me face.

Speaking of, d'you think people are going to try to take me for murder? Or would the police not care since that human was obviously an idiot? At least I hope it was obvious.

(Kara) "Honestly, I have no idea. How hasn't he been arrested? I'm happy about it but confused." (John) "While you are probably a criminal, you are a criminal of war, so…" (Dess) "It doesn't matter. We have great security." (Kara) "People spraypainted your house." (Dess) "They were protecting you. They are everywhere." (Kara) "Spies cost money." (Dess) "You want to know how we can afford everything? There's one monster who's so popular even some humans give him plenty of money." (Mettaton) "It's me, darlings! You can see why, can't you? I'm so glamorous it connects the world because everyone agrees I'm hot." (Kara) "Whatever pays. Now, one last question." (Dess) "What is it?" (Kara) "What will we do with the Anons?" (Dess) "I was about to ask the same thing."

(Kara) "How many problems can we handle? I feel like I'm about to explode. You can change your voice, as well. Great, now you could all be psychos. 'Hey Kara, did you have enough stress today? No? Well, let's make it so you want to pull out your hair and punch yourself so hard you'll be unconscious. Won't that be great?'Looks around and sees the monsters hiding behind a chair. Sorry, something slipped out. Now, how did you get here? Cause when one person gets in…"

(Kara) "Wait, Chara did this again?" (Dess) "Um, Kara? I don't mean to alarm you too much, but we're not hiding because of you." Kara turns around and sees Chara pop out. (Chara) "Howdy!" (Kara) "Oh shit!" (Chara) "Don't worry, I'm not here because of blood lust. Well, not now. Tee hee. I'm here because I thought a flower would've been my mailman, but he seems too afraid. Don't worry. I'll tell them. Winks. You see, I think you should take this more seriously." (Kara) "Why?" (Chara) "Oh, let's just say monsters will be free one way or another, whether it's by death or love. Most likely both. I guess you've met some of the anons. I thought about giving you a little fun because we all know how boring court dramas can be." (Dess) "Don't you want monsters having less discrimination? How does bringing more hate solve anything?" (Chara) "Well, if you can't handle a simple creature like an anon, you should give up! I promise you I'll make it quick." No one spoke. The wind could've gone 1 MPH, and everyone would've heard it. (Chara) "Okay! If you want a ridiculous trial, then who am I to judge? Good luck! Try not to die to the anons!"

#undertale #the white soul #kara #flowey #ask flowey #airspeaker #sans #Let's just shoutout to whoever you anons are besides from airspeaker #Unless you're all him #Sorry #I couldn't answer the question about Clover. #It was about other people's comics and nothing is canon if it's for any other blog for mine. #If that's confusing assume everything not on my blog isn't cannon unless I say so.

[parvuls]

obligatory 6am episode thoughts (and MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TED LASSO SPOILERS)

so far it's ep2 > ep1 > ep3 imo. this episode was basically the start of various plotlines but didn't have any big moments for any of them, so it's a little 🤷

ngl, hated zava with a passion and all of his scenes were cringe and boring to me. we already went over the dick star player arc in season 1 with jamie, and zava purposely has less redeeming moments (because he doesn't have a three-season story ahead of him). this plot could only be interesting if it leads to a break in format or character development: ted yelling and giving up on a player / rebecca firing him despite the wins because she cares about the team / west ham drama.

I was SO FOND of colin and michael in this episode!!! they were sweet but not over the top and those moments were literally so far removed from the rest of colin's scenes in the ep, which just stresses how long colin has been hiding this. really liked michael coming to sam's restaurant and their collaborative cover story, because I'm pretty tired of gay relationship drama being one dude angry that the other one is "ashamed" of him. framing the media as their enemy and not each other is a good start.

speaking of which: trent. big sigh. could SO see that plot coming from all of the interviews mentioning trent as both a good and bad presence in richmond. idk if he'd actually out colin, because it'd be hard to come back from that in the eyes of the audience, but there's definitely drama coming and SOMEONE is going to either out colin or threaten him with it, leading to him coming out himself. could be rupert, and that'd be the start of nate realizing he's gone too far. either way that's one plotline I'm hella excited for.

that being said, if michael ends up outing then, I'm 🤡

I simply do not know what to make of tish's predictions. rebecca being upside down and drenched is foreshadowing the amsterdam episode, and whoever saves her (probably ted) would be the knight/shite. but being a mother? obviously not biologically, since hannah explicitly said it's no longer an option. so... tedbecca future???? I'm not even a shipper, I honestly can't see who else she could adopt. rupert's daughter somehow? idefk

jamie was my fave this episode, followed closely by roy. thank god for that bromance, and all of jamie's sudden vocabulary moments were laughing out loud funny. praying for a shot of him reading a dictionary and explaining his sudden word knowledge 😂 am Not Amused at the scene by the bar where keeley looks at them both, but we shall see. I'm actually kinda here for a jamie/shandy thing? their vibes sort of fit lmao. also YES to sam and his chef falling in love. let the man have some happiness and normalcy!

the ted/sassy ongoing hints confuse me, and their purpose escapes me even three seasons later. remind us ted can fuck? I don't feel like it's an endgame thing.

I'm not touching the jake thing with a ten feet pole, jfc. jake seems like a nice guy in theory, but going out with your patient/marriage counselor + not telling your co-parent that you're bringing a new man into your kid's life? no. michelle is on thin ice with me.

#that's it I'm tired I'll think harder later #ted lasso spoilers #text

[metalmonki]

I Want To Ruin Our Friendship

eddie munson x fem!reader

1.6k word count

summary you've been friends with Eddie since you were 5 but discovered it was the love of your life. You want more with Eddie but don't know if he feels the same. Will you ruin the friendship to find out?

fluff, idiots in love, friends to lovers

warnings none

Note this is my first post on here so be nice. I haven't written anything in like 7 years so I'm pretty shitty. Unedited work ahead, written in one sitting if you don't like it then bite me. If you want more let me know and I'll keep going!

Part 2!

...

We had become fast friends, Eddie and I. He was the first kid my age I had seen when my mother had moved us to the tiny speck on the map that was Hawkins. I was  5 years old, and my parents had just divorced. My mother had decided that a move would be the best thing for us both. ‘A fresh start with new faces and opportunities,’ she said. Not that I cared at 5. All she could find was a caravan at the local caravan park. That is where I met Eddie. He lived in the caravan next to mine. He had burst out of his front door and leapt over the steps in pure excitement when he saw me.

“Edward Munson” He smiled, holding out his hand

“y/n y/l/n,” I smiled back

The rest, as they say, was history. Eddie and I joined at the hip from that day on. Even when, much to both our disappointment, my mother had purchased a lovely house in town just after my 12th birthday. Eddie teased me relentlessly for weeks, faining hurt over how I was ‘leaving the lowly peasants to live in your castle clad with luxury.’ Always the drama queen. We still saw each other at school during the week, and I would often bike to his trailer on the weekend, or he would come to my place so we could play D&D with our other friends. Then my teenage years hit, and something changed. It started just after my 14th birthday. I started viewing Eddie differently. He was still my best friend, but suddenly, even the slightest glimpse of him sent butterflies flying in my stomach. I had brought this up with my mother, careful not to let slip that it was Eddie that I was talking about. “Oh, your first crush, how cute,” my mother had squealed. A crush? On Eddie? I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t possible. I wasn’t supposed to crush on my best friend, yet here I was 6 years on, still stuck on the same guy. Eddie freaking Munson. My mum had said I would get over my crush soon enough and be on to the next cute guy at school, but the days turned to weeks, the weeks to months and the months to years, and I was still stuck on Eddie. Every fibre of my being knew Eddie was my soulmate, but Eddie was a loose cannon. I knew he wouldn’t be able to settle for one chick. I tried dating other guys but didn’t feel anything for them. It got to the point where Eddie started keeping track of who I was with just to mock me with them later.

Gave my virginity to Steve Harrington and broke up a month later.

Had a short-lived relationship with Gareth.

Spent one night with Billy Hargrove, Hawkins’s resident bad boy.

Jason, Jonathan, Argyle, the list goes on. After yet another boring shift with Steve and Robin at Family Video, I came home to an empty house and a note from my mum on the fridge. Gone on a girl’s weekend with Joyce, left money in my room, enjoy! I wanted so bad to call Eddie and ask him to spend the weekend, but I convinced myself to call Robin instead.

“Hello, Buckley residence”, Robin answered

“Hay Robin, want to spend the weekend at my place? My mum went on some weekend away with Joyce” I cringed as I realised I had rambled a bit

“Hay y/n, I would love to, but I already made plans with Steve. Apparently, his dweeb friends want to break into Hawkins lab for some stupid reason.”

“Probably trying to play Ghostbusters again”, I chuckled

“No doubt, Steve wants to ensure they are safe.”

“Aw, is poor Mummy Steve panicked about his little babies.” I burst out laughing

“I will tell Steve you said that” Robin laughed along. “Why don’t you ask Eddie to stay with you?” Robin asked once we had calmed down

“Eddie has been seeing someone random chick and hasn’t really had time for me, you know?” I sighed

“Not from what Nancy said”

“What did Nancy say?” My stomach did a summer sault

“Nancy was dropping Mike at Max’s and saw Eddie tossing a chick and her stuff out of his trailer. Apparently, he looked pretty pissed.”

“Still, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Come on, y/n, if this is to do with you crushing on Eddie, then you need to suck it up and tell the man already.”

“I’m tired. I think I’m going to go change and go to bed, okay” I said quickly, changing the topic

“Whatever, but you can’t get all butt hurt when he moves on to the next girl”, Robin blurted out before I hung up the phone.

Sighing, I dragged myself up the stairs and to my room. I pulled off my work uniform, tossing it into the corner before retrieving an oversized Van Halen shirt and shorts from the cupboard. I then sat staring at my phone, thinking about everything Robin said. Before I could stop myself, I had my phone in hand, and Eddie’s number was dialled. I panicked when Eddie answered.

“Hello,” Eddie said, clearly frustrated

“Hay Eddie, sorry your clearly busy I’ll just let you be”, I mumbled out, going to hang up

“No, y/n, wait, it’s good to hear your voice” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I was starting to think you have forgotten all about me, the lowly peasant in his humble trailer.”

“Well, I have not, lowly peasant. I was actually calling to summon thee to my castle of luxury for the weekend if you wanted to; that is,” I giggled

“Wait, really? But what about your mum?” Eddie asked shocked

“She went for the weekend, and you know I hate being alone.”

“Say no more, sweetheart, for your knight in shining armour is on his way in his noble steed once I find the keys.” I could help but giggle more

“See you when you get here” I smiled

As soon as the phone hung up, I immediately became bored and panicked. I was going to spend the weekend here with Eddie. Multiple scenarios started to play through my head. What if he hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend, and she found out he stayed here? What if I let it slip that I like him more than a friend should, and he doesn’t feel the same way? Would it ruin our friendship? Rather than continue to panic, I opted to grab my guitar and work on a new song hoping it would keep me distracted until Eddie got here.

Eddie, darling, you’re my best friend,

But there are a few things that you don’t know of,

Why I borrow your jacket so often,

I’m using your shirt as a pillowcase

I wanna ruin our friendship,

We should be lovers instead,

I don’t know how to say this,

‘cause your really my dearest friend

A knock at the front door pulled me out of my thoughts. I dropped my guitar on my bed and dashed down the stairs. I tore open the front door and tossed myself at Eddie. He chuckled, catching me in his arms with ease.

“Missed me?” Eddie chuckled

“I have; it’s like you barely have any time for me since you started seeing what’s her face.” I scrunch my face up at the thought

“Oh yeah, well, Chrissy and I are over” Eddie took a step back

“Sorry to hear; want to tell me about it?” I asked, seeing Eddie was clearly hurt by it

“She wanted me to choose her or you, so I chose you” Eddie smiled

“Why me?” my voice caught in my throat

“Because any girl that can’t accept my best friend isn’t worth my time.”

My heart audibly broke. I’m unsure what I expected to hear, but it certainly wasn’t that. I told Eddie to put his stuff in my room while I ordered a Pizza for us for dinner. Eddie made some crack on his way to the stairs about us needing to pick a horror movie because it would make the Pizza taste better. I placed the Pizza order and went to pick a movie since Eddie was taking his sweet time. It was between A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th. I took both movie choices and walked up the stairs to my room, looking for Eddie.

“Okay, so we have 2 choices here Friday the 13th or….” I looked up to Eddie

He sat on my bed, holding my book in his hands, reading over my lyrics. I froze, dropping both tapes. He raised his head to look at me, a look of confusion spread across his face. He glanced back to the page and back to me. I dropped my head in shame; I knew our friendship was ruined.

“Ed, I’m sorry”, I whispered

I turned and ran from the room. I ran out the front door heading for the only safe place I knew.

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #eddie stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson the love of my life

[king-maven-calore]

Oh please, please, please share your headcanons for ptolemus and wren. They're my faves and I'm starved for content of any kind lol!

My time has come...

Ptolemus has a lot of tattoos. He's a relatively chill dude, not like hyper violent at all times. If his first reaction is to resort to aggression, it is because that's how he was raised. Not as much of a misanthropist as his sister in the beginning of the books, but since he doesn't gain any further alliances (other than those close to his heart) by the end of them, he does end up surpassing her. Grows restless when bored, but he's easily entertained by casual human cruelty. Lots of bro type buddies but the only one he can stand and respects is Cal. (Yes, I'll push my Cal/Tolly bros agenda to the grave bc it's ridiculous VA didn't give Cal friends wtf. Also bc of ~angst~ and ✨drama✨ purposes) Reformed manwhore. When they were children he would nick his finger or scrape his knees on purpose to have an excuse to talk to Wren.

"You know my mom/uncle/cousin could heal this way faster, right?" she would ask, struggling to perform the most basic things since her powers hadn't "bloomed" yet.

Tolly would just stare dumbly at her and try to act tough like. "You were the closest I could find 🙄. Work faster." And add a "Please 🥺" after she gives him a cut the bullshit look.

Enter Wren, deeply compassionate but bound by duty for better or for worse (at least at the beginning). Academic queen. Despite growing up in the silver court, she resents the excess of violence they indulge in. Good friends with Elane. If she wasn't naturally a healer she might have made a good spy because she's great at picking up details and reading people. Not a fan of Ptolemus whole macho act. Doesn't bat an eyelash when he aggressively flirts with her as they grow older, or at his finely crafted attempts at seduction. Like cornering her against a bookshelf and reaching a book for her while looking at her with the full force of his panty-dropper gaze.

"Anatomy, uh? Need help to study that? I may know a perfect specimen of the male sex 😏."

To which she replies without batting an eyelash. "I already have a corpse on the dissecting table, thanks." Ducks under his arm and goes away. But secretly she's having a heart attack.

(Only simp men allowed in this house btw) Ptolemus grows increasingly frustrated, angry, and infatuated with her; she's just so enthralling when her hands delicately restore that which has been wounded, when they make whole what's missing. And he gets this feeling, like when they were kids, that he needs her in his life. That, despite her solid character, she's the softness he can't even allow himself to crave. And she's way too beautiful. Wren is so gorgeous it actually hurts (quoting TS)

Wren sees too more of the boy, almost man, that's nothing but a perfectly sharpened knife for his father to use at will. She sees the tender love he has for his sister beneath a shallow cold exterior. She wants to dive in the depths of the emotions he's been so well taught to hide, to go under the metaphorical scar tissue (bc in reality they don't have those) and reach the soft flesh, the beating heart. Wren wonders what it would be like to accept the dagger inside her heart, to allow herself the possible wound of a fling with such a ruthless man. Also, undeniably, he is a perfect specimen, especially when he's covered in his rivals' blood, face twisted in a wicked smirk.

Things finally change between them when she has to restore his hand after the events of KC. As she works, all pretenses are gone. He's just glad to have an excuse to have her close, glad they are on the same side of the war, it would have been a nightmare to be parted from her. And Wren gets to see the side of him she always knew was there. With her abilities she may restore his hand, but by coming together they restore each other's souls 🥺. And they make such a hot couple.

...K I just realized this isn't exactly what you asked... so sorry anon. I got carried away. I love them 😬

#they are the flower that blooms in the battlefield ok? #don't hate me for appreciating symbolic contrast #PtolemusxWren #that shit is so long I ain't gonna check the grammar #Red queen series #RQ headcanons #Ptolemus samos #Wren skonos #muah I love you anon #and again sorry lol

[jotatetsuken]

jotarna (jotaro kujo x shyna)

Our relationship in a couple of words: As they were fighting towards a common cause, they realized that they couldn’t fight with each other anymore. Not for long, anyway. The fact that they were opposites caused them to be alluring to each other. As they spent more time together, their feelings of each other seem to have clouded, only to have been transformed into something much deeper than they realize.

You're more than welcome to send an ask to get to know about our ship ♥️

How did we meet? The whole Stardust Crusaders group came to Calcutta, and my family's been associated with The Speedwagon Foundation. (Yes, Anika Sen is my S/I :D)

What do you call each other: *cough* I call him JoJo (GET IT? :D), Jo, 'Taro, JOTARO JOSEPH KUJO when I'm extremely pissed with him (lol help?) When he's in a lovey-dovey mood, he calls me babe, sweetie, Shy (based on Shyna), when he is pissed, his mouth's colorful with profanity xD (he later apologizes though, that buffy tsundere)

Who confessed first: He did, behind my back (literally behind my back like as if he didn't want me to hear it LMAO), then I did it in an argument, like "Ugh, why am I in love with you?" and he's like, "wait, do you love me too?!"

How long have you been together: we denied it for a long time, it was on and off, but then i got injured (and he didn't know i survived), then he got married for 7 years while I waited, then he divorced and we then got back and now we've been together ever since? (it's a lot of drama lol)

Are you affectionate: I'm affectionate all the time, but remember, he's a tsundere, so I dial it down in public, although, when we're alone, he's more affectionate and more touchy. He's the kind to give back hugs and they feel so comfyyyy

Living together/married: I'm ready to marry, my parents are already bugging me, waiting for him to be ready

Kids: There's Jolyne from his previous marriage and we get along (THANKFULLY) but we're considering one more. :)

What your friend group is like Kakyoin and I are great friends. The three of us play video games and Jotaro always wins even if he has no idea of the controls like HOW?! Polnareff's like a big brother to us and we must have gone to Paris like a couple of times now. Avdol and I make chai for all of us and he's the gossip queen. Idk why, but I feel so. And Joseph, I was upset with him initially about Josuke, but later on, Josuke's heart melted my anger towards Joseph. Also, Jolyne, Josuke and Kakyoin pull Jotaro's legs like crazy. Okuyasu and Koichi look up to Jotaro and Rohan, well, we gossip with each other hehe. Then comes my best friends who eventually got along with Jotaro so I found that surprising.

How you get along with each other’s friends: He finds mine to be very trustworthy, noisy but reliable. I find his group to be a bundle of contradictions.

Night in or Night out: depends—if a night out, it's with our friends' circle, else he prefers a night in.

Your favourite date: We went on a ride on a Harley Davidson and went to the aquarium, went to a fine dining restaurant, had some nice steak (I'm so glad he didn't walk out of the restaurant), and then spent the nice watching a movie (an action one ofc, he's not boring *eye rolls*)

#✊🏻 jotarna #jotaro kujo #kujo jotaro #my first detailed ship post let's go <3

[ohitssoclumsy]

#ouch #i'm already bored with this drama since the kids are already gone #i just like seeing these 2 together #han ga in #jung il woo #moon embracing the sun #the moon that embraces the sun #the sun and the moon #sageuk #kdrama #ep 09

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

#troquantary #norwegian things #bella swan #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #evighetens kyss #evighetens kyss meta #evighetens kyss renessanse

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Ava

Nancy: okay, so now the Seychelles makes even more sense... Nancy: you could've told me, you know Ava: ? Ava: Expand, please Nancy: I'm just saying, like, whatever relationship drama you were going through at the time Ava: I wasn't in a relationship when we were in the Seychelles though Nancy: exactly Nancy: so I'm glad you sorted it out with whoever you were obviously missing Ava: Well, thanks Ava: it wasn't as simple as that though really Ava: isn't, whatever Nancy: it rarely is Nancy: do you want to talk about it now, it's not suddenly too late or anything Ava: Yeah, okay Ava: now's as good a time as any for me Ava: if you've got the time Nancy: I do Ava: Alright Ava: so it's not a straightforward, conventional kind of deal Ava: there's multiple factors that make it, hmm Ava: not problematic for me but problematic in being open about it, telling certain people especially Nancy: I'm listening & trying not to be a judgey bitch Nancy: how unconventional are we talking about? Ava: He's not in prison or in a cult or anything before you get carried away with possibilities Nancy: That's a good start, he's not a teacher either is he, because you know, for obvious reasons I can't support that Ava: As if Ava: If you saw my teachers, you wouldn't ask that Nancy: I will have, they can't all have retired or died since I was there Ava: Do you remember Buster was friends with a boy called James? Nancy: Yeah Nancy: he has a brother your age-ish, right? is that who you're dating? Ava: No Nancy: What about James then? Nancy: Why do I need to remember him? Ava: Nancy Ava: come on Nancy: No, you come on, that's not funny, Av Ava: I'm not joking Ava: that would be such a strange angle to take Nancy: he's married to...he's married Ava: They're getting a divorce Ava: it isn't out there yet but it's happening Nancy: because of you!? Oh my god Ava: No, not because of me Ava: their relationship was a mess, she's awful Nancy: No shit, Ava! Nancy: why would you do this? how could you even, like...I know Chelsea is cliquey but Jesus Christ, where would you even find him? Ava: At King's open day Ava: I did some summer courses, he was there too Nancy: does she know about you? Ava: She's gone Ava: to her parent's villa or something Nancy: okay, good Nancy: she can't find out Ava: Well she's going to Nancy: No Ava: Um, yeah Ava: I highly doubt she's deleting her socials any time soon Nancy: you need to be serious Ava: I am Ava: you mean I need to be scared of her Ava: I'm not and I'm not going to be Nancy: I don't know what you expect me to say Ava: Then don't say anything Ava: you asked Nancy: I can't just Ava: I'm already planning to tell mum and dad today so you don't need to do anything Nancy: I want to do something though Ava: Are you really going to tell them before I get a chance? Ava: Tell Buster as well if you fancy it then Nancy: That's not what I mean, I want to help you Nancy: it's going to be so bad when she finds out Nancy: Forget mum & dad for a second, forget Buster Ava: No it won't Ava: what's she gonna do Ava: it's her marriage over, her kids she doesn't wanna see Ava: she's got bigger issues Nancy: she made my life hell every day for 5 years & I didn't even do anything to her, she's clearly got issues Ava: Yeah well that's not gonna happen to me Ava: she's made James' life hell for 6 years Nancy: how many kids do they have? Ava: Two Ava: the one she had back then and a baby, about a year Nancy: a year... Nancy: she's not just going away then, is she? Ava: Yeah, she must've been trying to have a fixer baby Ava: it had fallen apart before then Nancy: Gross, I can't think about that Ava: Now who's not being serious Nancy: I'm serious, I can't Ava: Who's asking you to Ava: just drop it Nancy: okay Nancy: I just mean, his life, I can't imagine what's happened and what it must have been like for all those years Ava: You can't Ava: no one can Nancy: you said you met him at that open day, it hasn't been that long, can you? Ava: I didn't say I could Nancy: I'm just trying to process this Nancy: how serious you two are Ava: It's not really a situation to dip into casually Ava: not fun from my perspective or fair on his side Nancy: Obviously not Ava: There you go then Nancy: I'm doing my best here Nancy: to me, James, how I remember him, it's weird Ava: That's nearly a decade ago though Ava: of course he's changed Nancy: yeah, we all have Ava: Exactly Nancy: except her by the sounds of it, unless it's for worse Ava: I think so Ava: she's actually ill, I think Ava: but what can you do? you can't force someone to get better Nancy: how long has she been gone? Ava: Only a couple of weeks Ava: but she didn't tell James she was going, and hasn't been in contact at all since Ava: just with her parents when they threaten to fly out, basically Nancy: she didn't take the kids with her? Ava: Nope Ava: she's said she doesn't love them, didn't want them Ava: and I've not heard or seen anything to the contrary Nancy: Wow Ava: I know Nancy: Like, I know she was young when she had the first one but she wasn't that young Nancy: she had choices, not like Nan or something Ava: Choice is just a matter of perception Ava: she clearly didn't think so Nancy: Mum & dad are going to go ballistic, you know that, yeah? Ava: Undoubtedly Ava: there's nothing they can do though Nancy: except make it harder for you than it's already going to be Ava: That would require being here Ava: which they're not going to do Nancy: Dad might Nancy: if he's angry enough Ava: For how long Ava: he'll get bored Nancy: you can come & stay if you need to Ava: I have school soon so Nancy: I know, but I'm making the offer anyway Ava: Thanks Ava: but I'm good Nancy: I'm not good at this, I know that, but I care about you, okay? Ava: Then why do you want me to leave Nancy: all I want is for you to have somewhere to go if you need it Nancy: no, more than one somewhere actually, as many as possible Ava: I don't want to go anywhere Ava: I want to be here Nancy: I'm not dragging you onto a plane Ava: If I have problems, I deal with them Nancy: okay Ava: Okay? Ava: Good Nancy: I don't appreciate the drag but we're not going to fight about it now Ava: Sure, another time Nancy: yeah Ava: Yeah, well done, Nance Ava: later Nancy: Ava, come on Ava: You've got to be kidding me Nancy: don't do this Ava: No, you don't Ava: don't offer your faux support, it's worse than you not being there Nancy: I'm genuinely trying Ava: Then just don't Ava: I don't need it Nancy: what do you need? Ava: Honestly, just go Ava: and don't tell anyone before I do Nancy: I wouldn't do that, it's not about me Nancy: you have to tell them Ava: I know, I'm going to Ava: I have places to be right now though Nancy: can we just not leave it like this though Ava: Fine Ava: thank you for trying Nancy: whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry, you know Ava: If you don't know, it means nothing to me Nancy: you're gonna have to tell me, one day, when you don't have places to be or whatever else Ava: No, that's the thing Ava: I don't have to Nancy: you don't want to, you mean Nancy: cos I don't understand I can't just figure it out Ava: Why would I want to? Ava: It doesn't affect me Nancy: fine, forget it Ava: Sounds good Nancy: Yeah well, I won't keep you any longer then Ava: Uhuh put the blame on me Nancy: oh my god Nancy: you either want to forget this or you don't Ava: I want you to not victimize yourself every five seconds Nancy: yeah? I'd love not to Ava: Bullshit Ava: if you aren't complaining you have nothing to talk about Nancy: that's really constructive criticism, thanks, like Ava: You can't help yourself can you, Christ Nancy: No, my life's mostly a mess & clearly nothing I'm doing is helping Ava: So just fucking think, will you Ava: nothing I said indicated I would want to leave Nancy: I'm not telling you to leave, I'm telling you I'm here Nancy: because I can't come back Nancy: but that doesn't mean I'm not here Ava: Well it does Ava: You haven't been here period so let's not act like that's revelatory to either of us Nancy: I don't need to be in Chelsea to be supportive Ava: Anything you have to say, any advice, is so far removed from my reality Ava: you don't know me, it's insulting Ava: you don't get to offer support and then be offended when it's not wanted or needed Nancy: I'm not offended, upset for sure, but that's because you're right Nancy: I don't know you, so what? Now I just never get to know you ever? That's upsetting Ava: You don't get to dole out advice or act the big sister Ava: especially when that's the last thing I would want Nancy: okay, I'm sorry Nancy: I shouldn't have reacted how I have for basically this entire conversation, but it was a lot Ava: It's fine Ava: it just proves how little you've changed Ava: your first reaction will always be to run and hide and I don't need that in my life Nancy: I had to leave, Ava Nancy: I wouldn't be in your life at all right now if I hadn't done that Ava: You did what you had to for you Ava: it doesn't change that it happened Ava: doesn't mean we can force a relationship now 'cos it weren't your fault Ava: that time's gone Nancy: it's not gone for me Nancy: it affects everything Ava: and I'm sorry for you Nancy: yeah, I know Ava: I can't be expected to fix that for you, no one can Nancy: I know that too Ava: There's nothing more to say Ava: we both got fucked over Ava: it is what it is Nancy: there's just one more thing I wanna say, even though you don't want or need my advice, don't let her ruin anything, whether she comes back or it's just the damage she's already done to that poor fucking lad, like Ava: I can't control her Ava: I can just be there for him now Nancy: Yeah, don't let anyone stop you then Ava: I won't Nancy: Good Nancy: I hope you're both happy, I mean that Ava: Thanks Ava: that's the goal Nancy: It's all mum & dad actually want, they'll calm down eventually Nancy: Buster too, he's a lot calmer these days Ava: They'll have to Ava: he's not doing anything wrong Nancy: it's not me you need to convince Ava: I should probably go do that then Nancy: Right, why waste time Ava: All good fun Nancy: C'est la vie Nancy: if there's a NYC equivalent of that I can't remember it Ava: even New Yorkers don't have culture Ava: still American Nancy: Gays are the only ones who have culture Ava: Bold statement to make about plaid and dysfunction but okay Nancy: what else have I got? might as well Ava: Sure Nancy: she didn't manage to straighten me out even if she took everything else Ava: Any small victory Nancy: Go then, you're shamelessly stalling now Ava: I'm walking Ava: going to the park, I told you I had things to do Nancy: try not to get run over again please Ava: 🙄 Ava: that's nice isn't it Nancy: I'm serious, I was worried Ava: James came and looked after me Nancy: I'm glad, it's shit being alone when things like that happen Ava: They wouldn't have been able to discharge me so yeah Ava: it was good Nancy: he always did seem like less of a prick than the rest Ava: A glowing review Ava: almost sounded like a compliment Nancy: he never joined in with any of it, so yeah, I guess it is Ava: He's a nice person now, that's all I know Nancy: that's all that matters now anyway Ava: Yeah but I'm glad he didn't Ava: obviously Nancy: I wouldn't let him near you if he had, whatever you say or however many flights I'd have to get to keep you apart Ava: Okay, drama queen Nancy: shut up, that one's not my fault, actually genetic Ava: 😂 True Nancy: dad's such a 👑, good lord Nancy: I wonder if they met James when he was friends with Buster Nancy: probably not Ava: He says he doesn't really remember them but I remember Buster's friends being around so Ava: guess saying thank you when you run out the front door isn't really meeting Nancy: Yeah, they always were Nancy: but like you said, mum & dad really aren't so Ava: they were more back then Ava: when I was little Nancy: Sure, they aren't going to rival James' wife in the parenting stakes Ava: It's not even funny Nancy: she never has been Nancy: how she ever thought I could fancy her when she's not no sense of humour Ava: Maybe she is gay Ava: something's making her seriously unhappy and fucked Nancy: She was definitely into Buster too though, I remember that from way before I left Ava: I think she slept with everyone, like Nancy: not him though, his 😍 for Ri were in place before we moved from Cambs Ava: Yeah but I mean, she obvs didn't know that Ava: 'til everyone did Nancy: that whole group were always swapping, it was so gross & weird Nancy: but I was the weird one, okay bitch Ava: Yeah Ava: lots of people still roll like that Nancy: there's a whole gay scene here that's entirely that Ava: A box is a box wherever it is Ava: even if you roll it in glitter and call it culture 🤷 Nancy: & lesbians are ridiculous wherever you find them Ava: we'll leave that at a self-drag Ava: I'm not getting involved Nancy: I'm just saying, I don't wanna be friends with someone who broke my heart, why does that make me weird? Ava: Who's broke your heart this week then Nancy: Unlike you, I was heartbroken in the Seychelles Ava: Duh, you wouldn't have come otherwise Ava: so go on, what happened Nancy: you've pointed out enough of my flaws for one conversation, cheers Nancy: I'm not dissecting my breakup with you Ava: I am busy so ⌚ Nancy: goodbye then Ava: 😂 Ava: I'm not dying Ava: laters Nancy: until you get run over again, yeah? Nancy: seriously, stop walking & annoying me, like Nancy: it's an actual safety hazard Ava: Not to brag but my coordination is great, tah Nancy: being rude to the dyslexic now Nancy: yeah, you can go Ava: 👋

[lunaofthevalley]

The Little Mermaid of Manhattan |||

Peter Parker x Reader

Plot: Peter is saved by a Myster girl one day at the park, and he will stop at nothing to find her.

Note: If you'd like to be tagged comment down below or send me an ask. Also I'm opening up requests for imagines and Ships, if anyone is interested in that💜

For the past week, Life decided it would deal Y/N a good hand. She and Peter had managed to work out some of the details of their Drama Project, they've been doing great actually.

Much like Betty had suggested they chose a scene from The Little Mermaid, but that was more due to the fact they didn't actually find any other decent scene with a mute character. At least it worked.

And that's what they were doing right now, practicing. They were sitting in Y/N's living room floor, the TV playing the scene they had chosen to do from the film, their notebooks, in which they had written out the scene, sat on the small coffee table, where snacks and drinks were also present.

Both had agreed that the best scene to do was when Ariel and Eric met again at the beach, after Ariel's transformation. They didn't realize it at the time, or well maybe Y/N did a bit, but the scene had many parallels with real life, how Eric (Peter) is looking for the girl who saved him, with out realizing that she's right in front of him.

"So... I guess we could use a...desk for the rock," Peter suggested.

Y/N thought about if for a second before writing it down on her board, 'Yea I guess that works,' she quickly erased the message after Peter saw it and wrote something else down, 'We could also use a beanbag, there's lots of those in the classroom, more comfortable.'

"That would work great actually, there's even a gray one, so it will resemble a rock with out us even trying to make it look like a rock."

Y/N nodded eagerly in agreement after remembering said bean bag. She had become mor comfortable around him the past week. She was weary at first, afraid that he would realize it was her that day at the park, but Peter was as clueless as Eric, maybe even more so. She had actually enjoyed the week, getting to know him more and finding out he was a pretty cool guy, quite dorky, but still cool.

"Hey Y/N/N, what about wardrobe, how should we dress?" He asked.

'I'm not wrapping a piece of fabric around myself,' she wrote in reply.

Peter let out what you could call a giggle, it was quite adorable. "I wasn't suggesting that. Maybe you could wear a beige dress, that is if you own one and we could tie some rope around it."

'Yea that works. You just need a white button up, some jeans and a red cloth.' She showed him the board and he nodded in agreement. She then turned the board around and wrote something else before showing it to him.

"Ahh yes, can't forget the black boots. Most important part of the outfit," He said sarcastically.

Y/N made a face at him and he just grinned in return.

"Well, if I have to use the black boots, then you have to wear a wig."

Y/N pretended to be insulted, 'what's wrong with my beautiful hair?'

Peter rolled his eyes, "There is nothing wrong with your hair, I just think that if we really want to sell the scene we both need to be in full costume, and for you that includes a bright red wig." He explained, "Plus I really want to know what you would look like as a red head."

'I would look terrible as a red head.'

Peter thought about it for a second, "Yea maybe you might. All I'm imagining right now is you looking like some off-brand Weasley sibling."

Y/N leant back in shock and then proceeded to throw handfuls of popcorn at Peter.

"Hey...no...stop it...it was a joke" he said in between laughs, "I'm sorry."

Both of them were now doubled over in laughter, a mess of popcorn lying around them, the faint sound of kiss the girl played in the background.

After calming down Y/N looked at her phone to see the time as Peter began picking up popcorn.

'Hey, wanna have a quick lunch break, I can heat up the frozen pizza.' She wrote and showed it to Peter.

"Sounds good, I'm actually super hungry. While you do that I'll clean up this mess." He gestured to the popcorn.

He stood up and held out his hand which Y/N gladly took and he helped her to stand up. Y/N made her way to the kitchen to start preparing the pizza while Peter went to get the broom from the supply closet. Y/N decided to listen to some music while she waited for the pizza to be ready, she set it down on the counter, putting her music on shuffle.

Peter was just finishing up cleaning the popcorn when he heard it. The song he's been endlessly thinking about since that day in the park. After listening to it for a few seconds longer he determined it was indeed the same song.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen where he found Y/N putting the pizza in the stove. Y/N turned to him and noticed he had a faraway look on his face as he stared at something. Y/N followed his line of sight and she saw he was staring at her phone, and that's when it clicked.

The song.

It was the same song she sang that day at the park, and Peter was realizing it.

"Y/N." he suddenly spoke. She turned to look back at him, his gaze was till on the phone, which was a good thing, he wouldn't realize she looked like a deer caught in headlights. "What's the name of that song?"

Y/N grabbed her board and slowly wrote down the title before handing the board to him. He gently took it and his eyes scanned over the title.

"Songbird." He said tentatively, as if testing out the name, "It's called Songbird. By Fleetwood Mac."

Y/N stood there like a scolded child, looking down at the floor as she bounced on her heels. Had he found out it was her? He hasn't said anything about the fact just yet so that made her hopeful.

She tried to think of why it would be such a horrible thing if Peter found out the truth, but she truly couldn't come up with an explanation.

Oh how she would love to have a Jamaican sounding Crab advisor right now.

After Peter had made peace with the name of the song he handed the board back to Y/N. "Sorry if that was strange. It's just I had heard that song before but I didn't know what it was called."

Y/N only nodded and wrote back 'it's okay.'

Thing had become slightly tense, so much that you could cut it with a knife. The only sound in the room came from Y/N's phone. They both just stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to say. Their hunger and project far forgotten.

Peter was the first to speak up, "Hey um I think I'll go now. I think we made good progress."

Y/N only nodded and followed him to collect his stuff and then to walk him to the door. As Peter slung his back pack over his shoulder and grabbed his coat he turned back to Y/N.

"Hey um, I almost forgot to tell you but we can't meet up at my house tomorrow. I have to go do some spid- internship......yeah I mean internship stuff at the tower...so I asked Mr.Stark if you could go there to work and he said yes," he explained, "I'll...uh, text you the details later." And with that he was out the door, leaving Y/N to ponder over that information by herself.

She would be going to Stark tower tomorrow. That was.....great.

So much had happened in the last few minutes that her brain hadn't properly processed everything. Right now all she needed a warm slice of pizza and a sprite, she found these were the remedies to her existential life problems.

_______________________

She was having another existential life problem as she stared up at the huge tower before her.

She was currently standing outside the towers entrance, too afraid to go in, but it the end David needed to confront Goliath, so she walked through the doors.

She quickly sent a text to Peter to inform him that she had arrived. He replied a couple of minutes later telling her someone would be down shortly to get her.

After waiting a few more minutes a nice looking man in a suit appeared. He looked around the room before spotting her sitting down at one of the couches the lobby offered.

"Are you Y/N Y/L/N?" He asked.

Y/N nodded as she gathered her stuff and stood up.

"I'm Happy, the kid... I mean Peter sent me down to get you." He explained as he started walking back towards the elevator. Y/N quickly began to walk behind him, following him into the elevator. When the doors closed he turned to her and gave her a once over. "I'm taking you to a private floor, so no misbehaving, no touching stuff, no shouting, no screaming, no wandering, you stay where I leave you, capiche?"

Y/N nodded.

"Good, we got that clear." As he said that the doors of the elevator opened and Happy led Y/N out and towards a briefing room.

He opened the door and gestured for her to go in. "Alright so you'll be staying here Miss Y/L/N, and for your sake and mine please follow the previously stated rules. Peter is doing some....internship stuff, but he'll shortly be with you."

Y/N nodded again.

"Well that's all, goodbye." With that happy left and Y/N was left to her own devices, so she decided to do some of her other homework while she waited for Peter.

After 30 minutes had gone by with still no sign of Peter she decided to send him t to see where he was. She received a reply after a few minutes.

'Sorry for the delay, doing some last minute internship stuff, won't me much longer.'

She let out a big sigh. Maybe she shouldn't have come to the tower today, she could've been happily spending her Saturday at home watching Netflix, but instead she was holed up in a meeting room in stark tower waiting for Peter who was very late. She decided she would just keep working on her homework while she waited.

Even after finishing up all her other work, there was still no sign of Peter. It had been more than an hour already and Y/N was becoming really bored.

Seeing she was in a safe space she subconsciously began singing, starting with Part of your World which had been stuck in her head for the past week and then went on to sing Songbird.

She began quietly, barely audible, whispering it to herself, but after the first chorus she started singing a little louder, but not enough it would catch someone's attention. And then, just as she had finished the song she heard clapping. She quickly sat up straight and looked to the door, where Tony Stark was now standing.

"Has anyone ever told you, you have a very nice voice? Very nice, like honey for the ears."

Y/N could only stare at him with wide eyes. He had just heard her sing. But he couldn't know it was her right? He had arrived after she made her escape.

"Well I doubt it since apparently you're supposed to be mute. Peter told me when he asked if you could come over, and then Happy just told me a while ago about Peter's weird but very well educated mute friend." He walked over and sat in a chair in front of hers.

"You wanna know what else is weird? Peter was just telling me yesterday about that song. Songbird by Fleetwood Mac right? It's quite strange a 16 year old listens to Fleetwood Mac, I thought you kids were only into Justin Beaver and One Discretion."

She stared at him as he went on. What was he getting at? And did he say those names wrong on purpose or was that what he actually thought they were called?

"Anyway, its nice to know there's kids out there with good music taste." He said as he stared her down. "But you wanna know what has me flabbergasted? I feel like I've heard your voice before, which seems unlikely seeing as I've never met you before."

Y/N fidgeted in her seat, she could no longer look Tony in the eye.

"Hey I think I remember now where I've heard it before. Friday, play back Peter's suit recording from last weekend, the one taken after the spider slam dunk in the lake."

After a few seconds the room was filled with the sound of Y/N's voice again, only this time it wasn't her singing, but a muffled recording of her voice that was being played in the rooms speakers.

After the recording stopped playing Y/N slowly turned to look at Tony who had been gazing at her, studying her every move since the recording begun.

"Guessing by your reaction, which quite frankly makes it look like you want to vomit, I'll say I was right, and that in fact is you in the recording. But I think that was already obvious, not many kids now a days listen to good ol' Fleetwood Mac."

Tony then stood up and straightened out his suit and walked towards the door, but before he left he turned back to look at Y/N.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me....Little Mermaid."

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[thethirteencreators-blog]

Chapter 6.5

"The idiot still isn't answering his phone? Is he working late or something?"

This would be such a simple answer and I wish I could just smile and say, "Sure! That is exactly what's keeping him!" However, I know that this is a lie and I have never been good at lying. I twitch when I lie, my lips betray me and form the most devious grin, and my voice sweetens itself to the point of me sounding like a cartoon character from the sixties. "No, he isn't working late. I walked by the café. It's closed, everyone is gone," I explain to Lyric, slapping my hand onto my knee to keep my leg from shaking. My friend purses his lips, a sign that he was either really irritated or really confused. (Good chance of it being both.) The two of us were in his studio apartment, plopped down on his couch, staring blankly at the muted television in the middle of the room. I came to Lyric's place about five minutes ago and caught him in the middle of watching the movie adaptation Hairspray for the thirtieth time. He invited me in and offered me a pop, but I declined. Caffeine was not what I needed right now. I was already jittery enough. Lyric lifts up his arms in a thoughtful gesture. "Have you tried calling his coworker?" I throw him a pointed look. "Why would I have Jasmine's phone number?" It's ridiculous for him to even assume I would have it. "I don't know. She's cute." Is he joking? I can't tell if he's joking. "Not my type. Or yours, I thought." I throw him a questioning look. Lyric chuckles, taking a sip out of a cherry colored bottle of pop. "Hey, I'm pretty open minded." In all the time I've known Lyric, he has not once actually showed any interest in another human being. When I say this, I don't mean he doesn't have romantic feelings for anyone. I mean he literally finds people the most boring beings on the planet, which is why I believe he enjoys acting so much. Up on stage, he isn't surrounded by people anymore, he says, but actors. Actors are not just people in his eyes. What they are is something so much larger with so many different layers to them. Actors are the only people he can discover any intrigue in. "Anyways," I huff, changing the subject back to a more pressing matter than Lyric's so-called open mindedness, "if Jimmy calls or shows up or you see him somewhere for some reason, tell me please? That way I will know he didn't get stabbed thirty-seven times in the chest or hit by a bus." "Why is it always a bus with you? Why can't people be hit by cars anymore?" Lyric points out, getting up from his sitting position and following me towards the front door. I stand there for a second, trying very hard to let my worry go and laugh along with him. "Jimmy is too sly to get hit by a car. If he's gonna be crushed, it'll have to be something huge," I reason, rubbing my lips together. They are so dry. When I see Jimmy, I'm gonna kick his butt for taking my lip balm. My friend reaches around my body and unlocks the door for me. "Jimmy is probably fine," Lyric assures me, his hand on my shoulder. He gives me a tight squeeze, an odd show of affection from the man who hates physical contact. I have to pause when he does this and stare, which he returns with a small smile. Lyric's smiles are so rare. He knows how much I love them. "Don't get all paranoid, man. Knowing that loser, he's probably in the drama room having dinner with his mama." "Why does having dinner with his mom make him a loser? His mom is really cool," I point out. I've never understood why kids are so anti-parent. Yes, my parents weren't perfect and spent eighty percent of their time nagging at me, but I never felt a need to shove them away. I was never ashamed of them, even if they might have been ashamed of me. During the period of time after I came out as pan to them and the day I announced I wanted to go to Broadway, they seemed a little iffy on how they felt about me. We cleared it up, though, and they went back to loving me unconditionally after the initial shock wore off. A group of blonde girls stroll by in matching purple dresses, trilling about some band they were going to see live. One of them, apparently, won free tickets off the radio and another splurged to get them a limo. Kudos for them. "His moms are pretty chill," Lyric agrees, setting his hip against the doorframe. "I'll see you tomorrow for rehearsal before class, Alto. If I receive any contact from the alien life force we know as Jimmy John, I'll let you know." "You are so weird," I laugh, listening to the sound of the door clicking shut behind me.

------*

The dorm is in an oddly tranquil state when I return home sometime around midnight. Even though Lyric instructed that I don't let paranoia overcome me, I couldn't help but wander the school grounds for a few hours. I even walked all the way to Jimmy's favorite restaurant about a mile away from the school. Sometimes he goes there in the middle of the night to get some cheap noodles. That actually has become his routine during finals. Patricia, the owner, loves him for all the business he brings her. I even went as far as to actually call his mother when all else failed. She told me that she saw him at around three and hadn't heard from him since. To avoid freaking her out, I assured her he was probably just practicing somewhere secluded, wanting privacy. There's no sign of Jimmy anywhere. No call, no text, no email... Absolutely nothing. Something happened, I know it. I can feel it in my stomach every single time I think about him; this overwhelming, aching dread repeatedly splashes over me like a bucket of blood. Wherever Jimmy is, he isn't safe. I'm almost up the first flight of stairs when I consider calling the police. This might be nothing, but I refuse to take a chance. If Jimmy really is in trouble and I did nothing to help him, I will never be able to forgive myself. "Hey, Alto!" I hear someone call. I look up and find the sweet smile of Edda waiting for me. She is worn down and borderline weak looking, but still manages to be the brightest star in the room. "You were out late." I wave her off. "Hi, Edda. I was out looking for Jimmy," I explain, playing it off as if this were nothing. There is no reason to worry anybody else. "What were you doing? Partying?" "Yikes, me?" she chuckles, slapping her hand to her chest. Edda has lived down the hall from Jimmy and I since she started here last year. The two of us have a minor friendship made up of mostly childish banter and musical references. Also, she is one of the only people who does not look ready to barf when I make a terribly wonderful pun. (For example, H-2-Oh No! When I used this on my neighbor, Madison, she looked ready to slam my head in her door. Would I have blamed her? Probably not.) It's nice having a friend who doesn't treat me like the freak I know I am. I appreciate her more than I appreciate Jimmy sometimes and that is saying mounds about our simple contact. Edda pauses on the stairs before me and gestures to the tag on her shirt. "My staff kind of bailed last minute at the paper, so I'm pretty much on my own. I just needed to run back here and pick up some photographs I forgot for the front page." Ever since the beginning of the year, Edda has been the head of our school's newspaper. She is the one who compiles it all together, writes editorials, finds leads for her team of three (counting the resident cartoonist, Kam) to follow, prints everything out, and sets up the newspaper stand in the main hall. "That sucks," I say. "It keeps me busy," Edda shrugs, adjusting a strap over her arm. "Well, I best get going. Nice seeing you, Alto." "You too," I nod, watching her descend the stairs and exit through the side door. Just as I reach into my pocket, I feel my phone start to buzz. Finally, Jimmy has messaged! I pull out my device and see his name printed across the screen. Thank god, Jimmy! I hit answer and let out a breathe of relief. "Jim-Jam, you scared me to death! Where have you..." "Heads up!" the phone cackles and I'm propelled forwards. The stairs thud beneath me with each roll until I'm at the bottom, my body trembling with pain. I lift my hands and cradle my head, attempting to recollect myself. My phone lies beside me in about three different parts. For that to have happened, the fall must have been pretty intense. "Why?" I choke out, lifting my head. The attacker is nowhere to be seen. "W-where'd you go?" I try to get up but my body refuses. Every one of my limbs feels ten times its size. I can't even move my left leg. Did I break it? Could I have broken it after only falling down half a flight of stairs? A horrible thought strikes me quite suddenly and I feel bile in my throat. What if I was right and Jimmy was hurt? Maybe the same person who did this to him is doing this to me. My shoulder stings. There's something pricking it. Before I can look, what I assume is a bag is thrown over my head. I'm engulfed in darkness for a few seconds. I don't fight it. I lay there and wait for it take me away.

#thirteen #thethirteen #thriller #story

[postpoptheblog-blog]

Hits & Misses: Some albums that I really wanted to review but I'm a slacker so . . .

Linkin Park - One More Light

 Everyone freaked out when Linkin Park decided to go mainstream pop with their first single, 'Heavy,' from their new album, One More Light.  I'll be honest, the change in sound made them unrecognizable and I rolled my eyes at the desperate attempt for relevancy. 

I liked Hybrid Theory; loved Meteora; and  still believe that Minutes to Midnight is one of the most underrated rock album of the 2000's. I didn't understand what the big deal of them going 'pop' was - to me, they had always been a pop band or at least embraced their pop sensibilities. Sure, hiring Justin Bieber's writers isn't the most 'rock' thing to do - but there's no need for all of the homophobic slurs being shouted at them by their 'fans.' 

I anticipated One More Light because I trust Linkin Park - I've enjoyed all of their albums (except for The Hunting Party - which I totally forgot existed).  One More Light is lighter pop version of Minutes to Midnight minus the immediate memorable performances. I don't think this album will be considered underrated nor do I think that anything on it will be considered a classic in 5 years for their army. But I have to say that I am on board for whatever this little 'experiment' is for them - as long as it doesn't last more than one album cycle. Because, while the album is littered with Top 10 studio gimmicks, Linkin Park is at the heart of each song.

My biggest critique is that there should have been no need to collaborate with Pusha T or Stormzy on 'Good Goodbye' when they have Mike Shinoda. 

Also, they were smart clocking the album at 35 minutes.

Check out: 'Nobody Can Save Me,' 'Heavy,' 'One More Light'

Grade: B+

Father John Misty "Pure Comedy"

I joined the Father John Misty bandwagon really late - at least 9 months after I Love You, Honeybear was released. It made my top albums list of 2015 and I stand by that. However, I really haven't been able to connect with Pure Comedy much at all. 

I like the 'we're too connected to entertainment and that's how Donald Trump got elected President and we're all going to hell' idea, I dig his take on being Elton John  - but Misty also happens to be an asshole who makes good music. Too much of his own narcissism fills the last half of the album and I haven't returned to Pure Comedy since.

I respect the challenge of knowing that everything we know is wrong - but I just don't feel like being lectured for an hour and fourteen minutes nor do I find diving into Tillman's psyche for thirteen minutes that interesting.

Check out: "Pure Comedy," "Total Entertainment Forever," and "Ballad of a Dying Man." 

GRADE: D-

Blondie - Pollinator

Blondie's new album, Pollinator, should have instantly made my top albums list. First single, "Fun," was pretty pleasing and buzz singles, "Long Time" and "My Monster" were just as good. I liked the idea that Debbie and company had a lot of help from newer acts because honestly - they needed it. The days of Blondie releasing albums like Parallel Lines and Eat to the Beat are long gone and while there are awkward moments ('Already Naked') the album is harmless fun. 

First track, "Doom or Destiny," perfectly blends Debbie Harry and Joan Jett's vocals and starts the album off with a bang that continues for roughly five songs ('Long Time', 'Already Naked,' 'Fun,' 'My Monster').

So what could possibly kill an entire album, you may ask? Mmmmmmm . . . how about vocals that completely out of tune with the music. I don't know exactly who didn't let Blondie know that her vocals were off key throughout the whole song, but they should be fired and blacklisted from the music industry. Part of me also wonders if they accidentally released the wrong version of the song. And for the life of me, I have no idea why this wasn't pointed out by critics across the board. 'Best Day Ever' is un-listenable and kind of ruins the rest of the album which is full of mixed results. 

Check out: The first 4 songs.

GRADE: D

 Harry Styles - Harry Styles

I was never a fan of One Direction but I was a little intrigued to hear Harry Styles' self-titled debut album.  I mean, honestly out of all of the members putting out solo efforts, he was the only one who seemed remotely able to pull of an entire solo album.

I think releasing 'Sign of the Times' as the first solo single was pretty risky. Not only is it a ballad but it also shares the same title of a beloved Prince album/single - and I just thought that was a ballsy move. I didn't love 'Sign of the Times' - it had the same two melody lines during its five minute length - but I was a little bit more intrigued to hear the whole album.

Harry Styles is kind of a miss for me although I think it is an enjoyable album.  It sounds like absolutely nothing that is being played on the radio today and also sheds any Top 40 sounds. What it does sound like is Pink Floyd, Elton John, John Lennon, U2 and Oasis. I'm kind of surprised that Pink Floyd hasn't filed a suit for 'Meet Me in the Hallway' ripping off 'Breathe (In The Air)'. 

It's not just that if I want to listen to Pink Floyd, I'll listen to Pink Floyd or if I wanted to listen to John Lennon, I'll listen to John Lennon - it's that the lyrical depth of those artist and Harry Styles is just so drastic - and at the end of Harry Styles I've not learned anything about him beyond his musical influences - and that's a missed opportunity to really disclose who he really is. 

Check out: 'Sign of the Times'

GRADE: C

Paramore - After Laughter

Paramore's new album, After Laughter, came out of nowhere. Four years after their self-titled fourth album, first single 'Hard Times' showed up and After Laughter was released a little over a month later - it all seemed a bit rushed and I was convinced that After Laughter was nothing more than an obligation to their record label in order to fulfill their contract . . . well . . . for Hailey anyway.

It's sad - but Paramore has a rocky history regarding the comings and goings of their lineup and while it's easy to point the finger at Williams for basically the entire original lineup to walk away from a band at its peak - it kind of feels like Williams is truly the one who has sacrificed. I mean, she technically could have gone solo after Paramore's debut, All We Know is Falling and kept the fame and fortune to herself - but she didn't.

I initially passed on After Laughter. If another band claims evolution by ripping off the '80s, I'm gonna scream. But what is fascinating about After Laughter is its stark contrast of sunny beats and sullen lyrics. Williams truly seems to be over being the jolly frontman and isn't trying to hide behind orange hair and a smile. Instead, she gets pretty fucking honest that she's exhausted by the drama and seemed downright sad during the band's Beats1 interview with Zane Lowe. 

In order to really appreciate After Laughter, you have to really know the history of Paramore . . . pretty much the same as hearing the self-titled third album. On its surface, it's about ten tracks of 'Ain't It Fun' and a few 'The Only Exception.' But if you peel back production, there's a lot going on with Williams that she's trying to work out through the only therapy she knows - songwriting. 

There are a few missteps. 'Rose-Colored Boy' is kind of annoying and 'No Friend' really isn't a great idea at all.

Check out: 'Fake Happy,' 'Told You So,' '26,' 'Pool'

GRADE: A-

 Dreamcar - Dreamcar

For those who don't know - the guys from No Doubt and AFI's Davey Havok got together and formed a supergroup for all the emo kids in their 30s. Dreamcar is a fun ride and probably an album you could blast all summer long and not get bored with it.  

The album's first single, 'Kill For Candy,' is a sugar-induced bop that could very well be a sleeper hit and the rest of the album follows suit. There isn't a bad song on Dreamcar, although there are references to 'candy,' 'candy girls,' 'girls on the charts,' 'dead girls,' and . . . 'gum boys'. I'm not sure what any of that means. 

But the reason that Dreamcar works so well is that it's a low stakes album. Davey and the boys have made their names and their money. Dreamcar is pure adoration and tribute to '80s influences - most notably Duran Duran.  And it's an album that my kids can stomach and ask to listen to constantly. 

Check out: all of it.

GRADE: B

LP - Lost on You

Thank the Lord! LP has finally blown up in everywhere but the US. Lost on You has been released overseas since fall of 2016 and finally making its way stateside albeit with absolutely no promotion from Vagrant Records. 

I love LP's music. Her last album, Forever for Now, was a top contender for the #1 spot of my top albums list in 2014. I've followed her since and know that the song, 'Lost On You' is a few years old. But, a Greek radio station started playing the song and all of a sudden LP was a bonafide star! 

The U.S. version of Lost On You has added some tracks and is a cohesive set that proves how much of an underrated talent LP truly is. We (the States) really need to get on the ball and give this artist the recognition LP deserves because it is high time 'Lost on You' saturated our radio stations.

And Vagrant needs to release this gem on vinyl, pronto!

Check out: 'Lost On You', 'Muddy Waters', 'Other People'

GRADE: A

Incubus - 8

I feel like 2017 is the year for all of my favorite early 2000's bands to make comeback albums. 

S.C.I.E.N.C.E., Make Yourself and Morning View all have their places in my Favorite Albums of All-Time list, but their last three releases have really left a lot to be desired. There seemed to have been a hunger that just kind of died down in them and their last album, If Not Now, When pretty much put me to sleep. 

I wasn't impressed by first single, 'Nimble Bastard', at all. It reminded me of anything Alanis Morissette released after Jagged Little Pill - trying way too hard and never ever reaching the same kind of genius. Thankfully (and I can't believe I'm saying this) Skrillex got his hands on the album and beefed it up a bit. The first few bars of first track, 'No Fun' actually sound like Incubus from their S.C.I.E.N.C.E. days.  Whether the album had a drastic change from Skrillex's collaborative effort, I don't know but 8 is a welcome return from a band I've been waiting to light a fire under their ass. 

There's nothing too surprising here - no political statements - Incubus plays it pretty safe. But, I think that's okay because 8 sounds like a band that has finally rediscovered that passion, confidence and drive (HA!) that once made them a great band. 

Check out: 'State of the Art,' 'Loneliest,' 'Throw Out The Map'

GRADE: B+

[mikeyg1985-blog]

Hits & Misses: Some albums that I really wanted to review but I'm a slacker so . . .

Linkin Park - One More Light

 Everyone freaked out when Linkin Park decided to go mainstream pop with their first single, 'Heavy,' from their new album, One More Light.  I'll be honest, the change in sound made them unrecognizable and I rolled my eyes at the desperate attempt for relevancy. 

I liked Hybrid Theory; loved Meteora; and  still believe that Minutes to Midnight is one of the most underrated rock album of the 2000's. I didn't understand what the big deal of them going 'pop' was - to me, they had always been a pop band or at least embraced their pop sensibilities. Sure, hiring Justin Bieber's writers isn't the most 'rock' thing to do - but there's no need for all of the homophobic slurs being shouted at them by their 'fans.' 

I anticipated One More Light because I trust Linkin Park - I've enjoyed all of their albums (except for The Hunting Party - which I totally forgot existed).  One More Light is lighter pop version of Minutes to Midnight minus the immediate memorable performances. I don't think this album will be considered underrated nor do I think that anything on it will be considered a classic in 5 years for their army. But I have to say that I am on board for whatever this little 'experiment' is for them - as long as it doesn't last more than one album cycle. Because, while the album is littered with Top 10 studio gimmicks, Linkin Park is at the heart of each song.

My biggest critique is that there should have been no need to collaborate with Pusha T or Stormzy on 'Good Goodbye' when they have Mike Shinoda. 

Also, they were smart clocking the album at 35 minutes.

Check out: 'Nobody Can Save Me,' 'Heavy,' 'One More Light'

Grade: B+

Father John Misty "Pure Comedy"

I joined the Father John Misty bandwagon really late - at least 9 months after I Love You, Honeybear was released. It made my top albums list of 2015 and I stand by that. However, I really haven't been able to connect with Pure Comedy much at all. 

I like the 'we're too connected to entertainment and that's how Donald Trump got elected President and we're all going to hell' idea, I dig his take on being Elton John  - but Misty also happens to be an asshole who makes good music. Too much of his own narcissism fills the last half of the album and I haven't returned to Pure Comedy since.

I respect the challenge of knowing that everything we know is wrong - but I just don't feel like being lectured for an hour and fourteen minutes nor do I find diving into Tillman's psyche for thirteen minutes that interesting.

Check out: "Pure Comedy," "Total Entertainment Forever," and "Ballad of a Dying Man." 

GRADE: D-

Blondie - Pollinator

Blondie's new album, Pollinator, should have instantly made my top albums list. First single, "Fun," was pretty pleasing and buzz singles, "Long Time" and "My Monster" were just as good. I liked the idea that Debbie and company had a lot of help from newer acts because honestly - they needed it. The days of Blondie releasing albums like Parallel Lines and Eat to the Beat are long gone and while there are awkward moments ('Already Naked') the album is harmless fun. 

First track, "Doom or Destiny," perfectly blends Debbie Harry and Joan Jett's vocals and starts the album off with a bang that continues for roughly five songs ('Long Time', 'Already Naked,' 'Fun,' 'My Monster').

So what could possibly kill an entire album, you may ask? Mmmmmmm . . . how about vocals that completely out of tune with the music. I don't know exactly who didn't let Blondie know that her vocals were off key throughout the whole song, but they should be fired and blacklisted from the music industry. Part of me also wonders if they accidentally released the wrong version of the song. And for the life of me, I have no idea why this wasn't pointed out by critics across the board. 'Best Day Ever' is un-listenable and kind of ruins the rest of the album which is full of mixed results. 

Check out: The first 4 songs.

GRADE: D

 Harry Styles - Harry Styles

I was never a fan of One Direction but I was a little intrigued to hear Harry Styles' self-titled debut album.  I mean, honestly out of all of the members putting out solo efforts, he was the only one who seemed remotely able to pull of an entire solo album.

I think releasing 'Sign of the Times' as the first solo single was pretty risky. Not only is it a ballad but it also shares the same title of a beloved Prince album/single - and I just thought that was a ballsy move. I didn't love 'Sign of the Times' - it had the same two melody lines during its five minute length - but I was a little bit more intrigued to hear the whole album.

Harry Styles is kind of a miss for me although I think it is an enjoyable album.  It sounds like absolutely nothing that is being played on the radio today and also sheds any Top 40 sounds. What it does sound like is Pink Floyd, Elton John, John Lennon, U2 and Oasis. I'm kind of surprised that Pink Floyd hasn't filed a suit for 'Meet Me in the Hallway' ripping off 'Breathe (In The Air)'. 

It's not just that if I want to listen to Pink Floyd, I'll listen to Pink Floyd or if I wanted to listen to John Lennon, I'll listen to John Lennon - it's that the lyrical depth of those artist and Harry Styles is just so drastic - and at the end of Harry Styles I've not learned anything about him beyond his musical influences - and that's a missed opportunity to really disclose who he really is. 

Check out: 'Sign of the Times'

GRADE: C

Paramore - After Laughter

Paramore's new album, After Laughter, came out of nowhere. Four years after their self-titled fourth album, first single 'Hard Times' showed up and After Laughter was released a little over a month later - it all seemed a bit rushed and I was convinced that After Laughter was nothing more than an obligation to their record label in order to fulfill their contract . . . well . . . for Hailey anyway.

It's sad - but Paramore has a rocky history regarding the comings and goings of their lineup and while it's easy to point the finger at Williams for basically the entire original lineup to walk away from a band at its peak - it kind of feels like Williams is truly the one who has sacrificed. I mean, she technically could have gone solo after Paramore's debut, All We Know is Falling and kept the fame and fortune to herself - but she didn't.

I initially passed on After Laughter. If another band claims evolution by ripping off the '80s, I'm gonna scream. But what is fascinating about After Laughter is its stark contrast of sunny beats and sullen lyrics. Williams truly seems to be over being the jolly frontman and isn't trying to hide behind orange hair and a smile. Instead, she gets pretty fucking honest that she's exhausted by the drama and seemed downright sad during the band's Beats1 interview with Zane Lowe. 

In order to really appreciate After Laughter, you have to really know the history of Paramore . . . pretty much the same as hearing the self-titled third album. On its surface, it's about ten tracks of 'Ain't It Fun' and a few 'The Only Exception.' But if you peel back production, there's a lot going on with Williams that she's trying to work out through the only therapy she knows - songwriting. 

There are a few missteps. 'Rose-Colored Boy' is kind of annoying and 'No Friend' really isn't a great idea at all.

Check out: 'Fake Happy,' 'Told You So,' '26,' 'Pool'

GRADE: A-

 Dreamcar - Dreamcar

For those who don't know - the guys from No Doubt and AFI's Davey Havok got together and formed a supergroup for all the emo kids in their 30s. Dreamcar is a fun ride and probably an album you could blast all summer long and not get bored with it.  

The album's first single, 'Kill For Candy,' is a sugar-induced bop that could very well be a sleeper hit and the rest of the album follows suit. There isn't a bad song on Dreamcar, although there are references to 'candy,' 'candy girls,' 'girls on the charts,' 'dead girls,' and . . . 'gum boys'. I'm not sure what any of that means. 

But the reason that Dreamcar works so well is that it's a low stakes album. Davey and the boys have made their names and their money. Dreamcar is pure adoration and tribute to '80s influences - most notably Duran Duran.  And it's an album that my kids can stomach and ask to listen to constantly. 

Check out: all of it.

GRADE: B

LP - Lost on You

Thank the Lord! LP has finally blown up in everywhere but the US. Lost on You has been released overseas since fall of 2016 and finally making its way stateside albeit with absolutely no promotion from Vagrant Records. 

I love LP's music. Her last album, Forever for Now, was a top contender for the #1 spot of my top albums list in 2014. I've followed her since and know that the song, 'Lost On You' is a few years old. But, a Greek radio station started playing the song and all of a sudden LP was a bonafide star! 

The U.S. version of Lost On You has added some tracks and is a cohesive set that proves how much of an underrated talent LP truly is. We (the States) really need to get on the ball and give this artist the recognition LP deserves because it is high time 'Lost on You' saturated our radio stations.

And Vagrant needs to release this gem on vinyl, pronto!

Check out: 'Lost On You', 'Muddy Waters', 'Other People'

GRADE: A

Incubus - 8

I feel like 2017 is the year for all of my favorite early 2000's bands to make comeback albums. 

S.C.I.E.N.C.E., Make Yourself and Morning View all have their places in my Favorite Albums of All-Time list, but their last three releases have really left a lot to be desired. There seemed to have been a hunger that just kind of died down in them and their last album, If Not Now, When pretty much put me to sleep. 

I wasn't impressed by first single, 'Nimble Bastard', at all. It reminded me of anything Alanis Morissette released after Jagged Little Pill - trying way too hard and never ever reaching the same kind of genius. Thankfully (and I can't believe I'm saying this) Skrillex got his hands on the album and beefed it up a bit. The first few bars of first track, 'No Fun' actually sound like Incubus from their S.C.I.E.N.C.E. days.  Whether the album had a drastic change from Skrillex's collaborative effort, I don't know but 8 is a welcome return from a band I've been waiting to light a fire under their ass. 

There's nothing too surprising here - no political statements - Incubus plays it pretty safe. But, I think that's okay because 8 sounds like a band that has finally rediscovered that passion, confidence and drive (HA!) that once made them a great band. 

Check out: 'State of the Art,' 'Loneliest,' 'Throw Out The Map'

GRADE: B+

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Rio: Hiya babe Rio: what's good? Nancy: I need to like Nancy: ugh idk it's such a bad idea, like I already know Rio: You wanna Thelma and Louise? Nancy: Who wouldn't want that much gay subtext Rio: Susan Saradon is a babe Rio: what's the actual drama then, shitty husbands and creeps at bars assumedly ain't it Nancy: Okay so you know how I have the misfortune of having to share a birthday, well, now he also wants me to do a joint party Nancy: except not Nancy: he wants my share of the guestlist cos he's gone over his own Rio: Seriously Rio: 🙄 Rio: Well that sounds like a nightmare Nancy: Right? Like I don't have to see enough of all his fuckboy friends already Rio: So you've actually got to be there Rio: that's so rude on so many levels Nancy: I might just leave once mum and dad do, it's not like they're gonna stay and chaperone all night Nancy: That's where you come in Nancy: Save my birthday from total ruin, yeah? Rio: They should, last party I went to the house was basically a write-off after Rio: What can I do, obviously I'll do it but catch me up Nancy: Oh Nancy: maybe they will and I will have to stay Nancy: But my original idea was more Thelma & Louise, naturally Nancy: You're the most fun person I know Nancy: and it is Halloween, there's gotta be something else on offer Rio: Yeah, you do live in one of the most exciting places in the world, nbd Rio: of course there's something more fun to do! Rio: I'll start looking now Nancy: You're actually the best ever Rio: N'awh, you're so cute 💖 Rio: see how quick you are with the compliments after I've saved you 😘 Nancy: 😉 Nancy: Who's immune to such blatant heroics? Nancy: If you save me from having to spend a minute at this party you can have anything you want Rio: 😳 Rio: Steady on Rio: I'm good, might not be THAT good Nancy: I was more thinking from my wardrobe Nancy: You're not really my type, cos of the whole related and straight thing Rio: Sure Rio: that whole thing Rio: not gonna turn down a tour of your latest purchases obvs Nancy: That sounds really flirty still but I'll go with the less awkward version of events Nancy: Things are weird enough with this party, like Rio: I can't help being this irresistible, babe Rio: but I won't say it's a date, just a plan Nancy: You're flirting with me but sure, we can both be irresistible, I guess Rio: I am not Rio: Straight and sharing DNA, remember Rio: you only got 1/2 so you're more suss Nancy: A lesbian remember? One convo and you're moving in Rio: 😂 Rio: Won't just do carry on then Rio: tah for the warning Nancy: You're so welcome Rio: Already gonna look so underdressed without being caught without 😱 Nancy: Um with full access to my wardrobe, not for long Nancy: Anything less than utter perfection is not an option if I have to show my face at the party for even half a second Nancy: I'm beyond prepared, and in case you can't tell, beyond STRESSED Rio: I caught that Rio: gurl you're gonna get stress spots if you don't tone it down Rio: you'll look 🔥 Rio: assume it's a costume party? Nancy: God, don't, the girls he invited would love that to happen to me Nancy: especially cos no, it's not Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Honestly, you had one job Rio: such an easy cop-out Nancy: He says no costume could make him look as hot as his labels, that's a paraphrase, I wasn't listening well enough to deliver a direct quote, sadly Rio: 🤢 Rio: Please don't try any harder to remember that was upsetting enough Rio: definitely find something better to do Nancy: Right? I literally get gayer every time he opens his mouth Rio: 😂 Rio: Not a choice but if it was, I get it Nancy: God was like, with him as a brother you've suffered enough Rio: Though it would be funny if you can find a man more unbearable Rio: he'd be fuming Nancy: My dad too Rio: Oh, the male posturing Rio: let me down, if no one else Rio: such a laugh Nancy: Maybe I should have turned this plan on its head and come to you to celebrate Nancy: Get away from it all Nancy: his friends are like clones and nobody thinks that's bizarre Nancy: like the girls are just 😍💘💋 Rio: Match their boys to their bags Rio: weird Rio: we should still do something special for you though Rio: it's your birthday as well, after-all Nancy: Yeah but I'm the weird one, okay then Nancy: It is but I don't feel as if I need to be all 🎉🎂👑 Nancy: He's got that covered Rio: Don't worry, I know your style Rio: and that it ain't his Nancy: He doesn't have any Rio: 🔥 Rio: ice that on the cake, babe Nancy: If ANYTHING was allowed to be homemade I would Rio: Can't imagine your Ma in a pinny, like Nancy: If my dad asked, then maybe Nancy: They are so gross but that's a convo to have in therapy one day Rio: Yeah, that is NOT my present to you Rio: lemme get qualified Nancy: What ARE you getting me though? Rio: No spoilers! Nancy: 😞😞😞 Rio: Surprises are fun Rio: don't be sad Nancy: Never in this house Nancy: But I trust in your gifting abilities Nancy: 🧡 Rio: And I'll bring over all the kids...interesting homemade attempts Rio: what more could you ask for? Nancy: Tell Junior he's so rude for refusing to get on a plane Nancy: It's not a phobia if you just don't want to Rio: Real talk Rio: ride or die until he's scared he'll end up at this party too Rio: bless Nancy: Like, I get it, I don't want to be in Chelsea either but I'd do it for him Rio: I ain't getting in the middle of gay drama Rio: I know better Rio: I could beg on your behalf but we both know, unlikely Nancy: Oh my god, you're not allowed to out him, even to me Nancy: It's a secret that we all know, okay Rio: 🤐 Rio: I do forget he's younger than us, like actually no pressure but also you know NONE of us are gonna be mad so Nancy: So problematic, you'd fit right in at the party actually Nancy: He's an adorable little old man Rio: 😱 Rio: 'Scuse me Rio: don't be starting beef with me, I'm coming Nancy: 😂 Rio: Literally so rude Rio: don't make me flip my hair at you Nancy: Babe please, I can do it better Nancy: Mine's so long now Rio: Alright showoff 😉 Rio: mine would be too if I straightened it Nancy: [sends a show offy hair flip clip but cute like look] Rio: Awh, you look so cute 🧡 Nancy: I look so 🥕 but I make it work Rio: straight 🔥 I swear Nancy: Okay but never use straight to refer to me, thanks Rio: Such a hater Nancy: Of men, exactly Nancy: You would be too if you went to our school though Rio: I can imagine Rio: tory central Nancy: Lord, it's like a timewarp of values but the levels of privilege have kept sky rocketing Nancy: The party's gonna be like Gatsby's except if the green light was shots and nudes Rio: Ahh the irony Rio: How do you stay even slightly sane/normal Nancy: I don't Nancy: They are the 'normal' ones and I'm obviously insane with grief about it Nancy: Oh please let me in your oh so exclusive club so I don't have to hang my head in shame Rio: nah, fuck that Rio: just the lunatics running the asylum Nancy: I hate it here so much Rio: Is there anyone vaguely decent you hang with? Nancy: No Rio: That's so crap Nancy: I'd rather have no friends than fake ones cos there's nobody real around Rio: I feel that too Rio: but its hard having to spend, what, 7 hours a day alone and surrounded by dickheads Rio: hope you're making your weekends worth it, yeah Nancy: I'd love it if they left me alone Nancy: That's what weekends are for, definitely Rio: Enough about those boring bitches anyway Rio: my mum wants to talk to yours, the usual, but they're cool with it so Rio: 👍 Nancy: I'll let her know when she comes in Rio: 🤞 she doesn't talk her ear off so hard she won't let me come like hell no, this fucking family Nancy: I can't even let that be a possibility Nancy: Do you want me to have a birthday breakdown, mum? Nancy: I don't think you have time in the schedule for that Rio: Hit her up with those birthday demands Rio: it's my party and I WILL cry if you don't do what I want, like Nancy: I don't wanna go there but if I have to, I will Rio: 👑 Rio: if there's ever a time to be a tiny bit of a diva Rio: I have to make a fuss or bitches will be tryna skip to Christmas like nah Nancy: That's so rude Nancy: To you and your dad Nancy: Also who in the hell wants to skip to Christmas? It's so stressful oh my god Nancy: Give me all the shopping days, thanks Rio: Seriously Rio: not a grinch or anything, gimme presents then too but come on Rio: attention is the best 🎁 for the eldest of 10, duh Nancy: Do you wanna be the joint guest of honor at this party instead of me? Nancy: As far as attention goes, you wouldn't get more unless you lock Buster in his room or something beforehand Rio: 😂 I know you're not identical but I don't think your ma would appreciate the insinuation that me and him are in any way twinning Nancy: You could wear a costume Nancy: He'd hate that as much as he'd hate sharing the spotlight even a little Rio: No shade but 0 lack of desire to white face Rio: but that's tempting, have I even got time to think of a decent costume though Rio: hmm Nancy: I can't lie, I'd be tempted if I was staying Rio: We so should Rio: maybe we'll need one for wherever we're going once you've made your joint wish or whatever the fuck Nancy: I'm with you on everything except I'm never blowing out candles with him for as long as I live Rio: Jokes, you definitely have enough 💸 for separate wishes Nancy: 🙏 Rio: This will be fun Rio: I'll send you details of anything that sounds good then Nancy: I'll send you any costume ideas I have, obvously Nancy: Thanks Ri Nancy: You seriously are the best Rio: Definitely Rio: and don't mention it, I had nothing good on anyway, this'll be way more fun than whatever lame party I was gonna be at Nancy: I feel like I definitely just complained about my life this entire convo Nancy: Which needs to be mentioned since I didn't even ask how you are or anything Nancy: Like, yeah that's gay culture but you know Rio: Nah, it's your bday, soon Rio: fully in support of that diva ish remember 👑 Rio: and same old same old here Rio: all good Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: Feels like forever since we've had a real life interaction Nancy: I'm glad you're coming Rio: It has been a while Rio: always feels like that since Schools in full swing and sucking the life outta us all like summer never happened Nancy: Unless you're Buster and school's your playground Nancy: I'm honestly surprised he isn't breaking in to have the party there since he loves it so much Rio: When you're gonna peak, gotta make the most, I guess 🤷 Nancy: I wish, you know he's just gonna keep doing better and better Nancy: Failure's not an option, like Rio: Not an option but a reality Rio: all well and good living that mantra and letting it take you as far as it can but I swear, real life is gonna hit him so hard, it won't be good Nancy: Maybe I took his share and mine, that'd be about right Nancy: I'll throw him a party for his mid life crisis though, of course Nancy: What are sister's for Rio: 😂 Can't wait to meet his hilariously age-inappropriate bae and pretend to give a shit about his sports car, like Nancy: I'll show up in mine like hey bro, older, hotter girlfriend in toe Rio: 🙌 Rio: Power moves Nancy: She can drive so I just get to pose even more extra when we turn up Rio: and you just want a driver, lbr 😜 Nancy: You'll thank me for not driving Nancy: The girlfriend who doesn't exist won't when I'm that distracting, though Rio: 😏 Rio: go off boo Nancy: If only that saying was true Nancy: about quiet ones Rio: can be Nancy: I can't even remember how it goes Rio: it's always yous, basically Rio: bit ominous Nancy: Oh Rio: Init Rio: Junie can't be convinced Rio: spent a solid 30 there trying Nancy: He's no longer my best friend, you are Nancy: Next time he wants to know how to let a girl down gently I'm not helping Rio: 💔 Rio: cold, I'll break that news to him gentle tho Rio: old times sake Nancy: My mum's just text me so I'll gently persuade her that you need to like, stay forever Nancy: Easy, obviously Rio: Obviously Rio: with your persuasion skills and her laidback attitude Rio: 😉 Nancy: She's in such a great mood too after another meeting with my form teacher who is himself convinced that Dyslexia only affects working class children Nancy: I tried to tell him that's the stock I'm bred from but he also believes that girls should be seen and not heard, like Rio: Ugh Rio: What a prick Rio: though not that surprised Rio: any issues and the royals hide their kids in asylums so Nancy: They only let girls in during the last century or whatever so he's far to old to have ever interacted with one Rio: Yeah, probs far too invested in the boys if the stereotypes keep ringing true Nancy: Gross but probably true Rio: Someone has to rub 'em down after rugger, babe Rio: 🤷 Nancy: Stop trying to trigger PTSD in me Rio: 😂 soz Rio: jus' sayin' silver lining you don't have to deal with the predatory masters, even if they at best tolerate your existens Nancy: Thank god, since I came out more lads have told me they fancy me than ever before, I'm already inundated and wanna die Rio: Nothing sexier than unavailability Nancy: Nothing sexy about how they show their 'interest' though Nancy: If that's how they approach straight girls I don't know how we've survived as a species Rio: Go on, wow me with their chat Rio: need a laugh Nancy: Most of them don't even bother to speak, their love language is clearly touch Rio: 😬 Rio: Rapey Nancy: It's scary, like Nancy: I thought posh boys were meant to be repressed Rio: Nah, they're THE worst Rio: untouchable in return for all the grabbing they're into Rio: and SO many mommy/daddy issues Nancy: Gross Rio: Fun if you're feeling it for the weekend but yeah Rio: not a mood you wanna marry into really Nancy: If I wasn't gay before I definitely am now you tried to force your tongue down my throat in the middle of the school hallway, thanks so much  🙄 Rio: That's so grim Rio: hope you smacked him Nancy: My brother has essentially one use to me Rio: It's something Rio: don't discount it Nancy: I can't unless I also wanna take up boxing myself Nancy: Not really my thing so Rio: Least you know he gives some shits, yeah Nancy: He likes to hit stuff Nancy: I've always known that Rio: Yeah Nancy: Anyway, I have to go Nancy: If I ignore this deadline it won't Nancy: and the essay won't write itself either Rio: Oh no Rio: lame Rio: but good 🍀 Nancy: Thanks, I need it Nancy: At least until my mum gets back and I can ask her about romantic classicism Rio: I'm too dumb and poor for this shit, sorry xoxo Nancy: I do have the money to buy myself an essay where my brain has failed me Nancy: but I'd have to make it look Dyslexic enough so I might as well just write it Rio: 💔 Rio: Sad times, princess, sad times Nancy: ikr 👑💧 that's my crown of tears not like Nancy: any other liquids Nancy: I'm definitely not putting any sweat into it Rio: 💪 you got this Nancy: I've got 🍀 because of you Nancy: I'll make it work Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: xxx

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: where u @ baby? Carly: so bored Ali: same Ali: so I started early Carly: k Ali: idk where this is but I'll 📌 my location Ali: hold on Carly: yea Ali: [is failing and takes ages 'cos casually gone already] Ali: there 👍 Carly: ty 💙 Ali: where u been anyway Carly: drs w my ma Carly: handholding Ali: oh for her or u Carly: her but idk why Carly: drama maybe Carly: shes bored too Ali: idk if this is her scene Ali: no top40 Ali: very few barely legal lads Carly: ha Carly: then nah Carly: u want me to come tho Ali: 'course i do yeah Carly: omw but gotta catch u up Carly: already on a flight 👼 Ali: shh don't tell Ali: top secret Carly: promise Ali: ❌💛🤞💀💉👁 Carly: fun Carly: this is like the puzzle page of the mags in the waiting room Ali: those are fun Ali: rude when someone's already done it at the drs Ali: spoiling the fun Carly: i stole lots for you Carly: if nothing else you can draw devil horns & mustaches Ali: ur teh best ever Carly: aw Carly: missed u 2 Ali: its been a weird fuckin day carls Carly: weird how Ali: weird like when nobody makes no sense and everything is wronger than normal and then u think maybe it's always been that fucking fucked ya know Carly: yea Carly: i kno Carly: what do u need baby Ali: hmm Ali: to Ali: do something about something Carly: k Carly: like start or stop Ali: both Ali: see something through Carly: ur not breaking up w me are you Ali: what Ali: no Ali: why would i be Carly: idk Ali: no i'm not Ali: i love you Ali: it isn't you it's Ali: everyone else Carly: i love you Carly: u wanna leave them behind we can Carly: every lad i kno can drive & some even have cars Ali: i think we already did Ali: leave him behind Carly: who Ali: idk Ali: i'm chatting shit Ali: stupid Carly: idk sounds like its the something Carly: someone Carly: important Ali: it's just my brother Ali: he's gone Carly: oldest or hottest Ali: not right now yeah Ali: let's party Carly: k but whered he go? we can take the party there Ali: london Ali: idek where he lives so Ali: idk why i don't know Carly: its a big place Carly: but we could Carly: find out find him Ali: no he wants to be gone Ali: ask drew ha Carly: gone like that Carly: still if u wanna find him idc what he wants so Ali: i think maybe no one ever did Carly: not true Carly: u do Ali: maybe Ali: maybe baby Ali: maybe too late tho Carly: i can hear it baby Carly: & maybe not too late u kno Ali: you're a ray of light Carly: ur my 🌞 Carly: id sing it if i had a band Carly: & could Carly: its not all for me why cant he have some of that 👼 energy Ali: u can and u do Ali: we're a band Carly: ur gonna make me cry Carly: so sweet Ali: nuuh Ali: 🍭🍬 Ali: you Carly: 🍯 you Carly: feels like forever since we were together Carly: time stops in the drs Ali: yh they do that on purpose Ali: so u can't complain about wait times Carly: ha Carly: my ma did tho Carly: she was so mad Ali: was she rattling or just lookin for a scrap Ali: that receptionist w the glasses is a savage like Carly: the 💊 he gave her are shit Carly: feel like i am Carly: but i think she was looking for the other kind of hook up Carly: white coat fantasy Ali: awkward Ali: do we even have any fit doctors or is she willing to look past that for the bank Carly: uve seen my da Carly: more awks that she brought me w Ali: everyone knows leave the kids at home Ali: deny they exist til you've trapped 'em Carly: waiting to tell u ive got 3 ha Ali: o dam Ali: what they called Carly: named after me cos ive got enough middle names Carly: its how the travelers do Ali: aw cute Ali: whos baby daddy(s) Carly: idk idc Ali: fair Carly: its u now Carly: 💍👶👶👶 Ali: ha my dad is gonna be fuming Carly: mine too Ali: lol where u hide em Carly: the sites got lots of good places Carly: ill show you Ali: slacking babe Ali: why ain't I in the know already Carly: cos u always take me away from there Ali: true Ali: let you off Ali: u coming tho Carly: it says im here Carly: but ?? Ali: 😞 Ali: i'm coming out Ali: i will find u Carly: my hero Carly: 💙 Ali: gimme a clue Ali: what's ur surroundings Carly: ha I thought you were gonna say what's your sign Carly: maybe the 💊 aren't as shit as I thought Carly: 🌳🌳 tho Ali: i remember Ali: ♊ lady Ali: k i'm all 👀s Carly: aw Carly: u kissed me back cos we r so compatible Ali: if its in the stars its in the stars babe Ali: can't fight that Carly: 😊 Carly: the stars are really pretty tonight Carly: did u see Ali: no Ali: when i find u let's stay out here Ali: it's crap and everyone is annoying Carly: k Carly: maybe we can find a 🌠 Carly: change the vibe Ali: this is why i love you Carly: u can have my wish & urs Carly: I just wanna b w you Ali: baby Ali: there is a decent dealer here i'll get you anything u want for ur wish Carly: aw Carly: what I took from my ma is making me 😪 if u want me to bring a party i gotta get 🚀 Ali: only way, baby Ali: i got you Ali: wave if its u rn or im about to scare some random cutie shitless Carly: wave if its you or im about to kiss some sweet blonde 👼 Ali: [yay]

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: So, I'm having a hard time getting her to move but Rio: Quinn's being pretty decent considering Rio: Saving her from total embarrassment Buster: Well, that's something Buster: Do you want me to come help? Buster: I can always carry her out Rio: Nah, you're okay Rio: She'll clock it ain't working in a few and don't reckon either of you wants you to be there for that Buster: True Buster: And I don't need her trying to fight me Buster: She already knows I lied about why I trashed my room even if she can't catch me in it Buster: Things are weird enough, like Rio: Exactly Rio: Best to avoid unless you want your truths coming into question 'cos she's outed herself Buster: At least this does answer our question of whether she really did like the girl or not Buster: Type not so set in stone Buster: And if nothing else you've earned yourself yet more fruit Rio: Least she does now Rio: Even if she reckons the teach was her first love, Quinn was other firsts so, shit matters too Rio: Just trying to get my five a day, obviously Buster: I'll feed you grapes later, no need to go so hard with the heroics, babe Rio: What can I say? Rio: You inspire it in me, clearly Buster: 'Course Buster: How is she really though? Rio: Drunk, jealous and sad Rio: but she'll be fine Rio: No need to worry, honest Buster: She's had plenty of practice at wanting someone she can't have Buster: Honestly same Buster: Shame we can't bond over it, but Buster: I don't reckon she'd appreciate my success story at the moment anyway Rio: Yeah, somehow not seeing that as what she wants to hear rn 😏 Rio: Don't worry babe, always the fam to fall back on Rio: 😬 Buster: That just sounds like you wanna set Nance up with another cousin Buster: Good try, but I don't reckon she'd go for it Rio: I mean it's Billie or nothing really Rio: slim pickings Buster: Rude Buster: Don't worry I won't tell her you said that Rio: Good luck explaining if you did, babe Buster: 😂 Buster: Are you going home or staying out? Rio: We moving, compromise Rio: I'll probably bring her back with me when we leave Rio: or throw her at nan and granddad, like 👋 enjoy Buster: As long as she ain't on her own Buster: Take her phone too, that girl don't need to be all the texts too Rio: 'Course Rio: she's gonna have enough morning after regret to contend with Rio: this is so awkward Rio: this pub too quiet for this tension Buster: I'll take her breakfast 'cause there's no way she'll be going to school Buster: Imagine Rio: That'll be good Rio: This place [Insert] does a good veggie equivalent of a fry-up Rio: Gonna need it Buster: 'Course you know that Buster: Cheers, babe Rio: In this fam? Duh Rio: Just don't tell my Da I'm sending business away, like Buster: Your secret's safe Rio: Cheers, babe Buster: I miss you Buster: Not a secret, but Rio: Same 😔 Rio: If I gotta be dragged away, wish it was for something a bit more fun Buster: I appreciate it though, even if Nance can't right now Buster: So I'll make it up to you Rio: I don't mind really, aside from aforementioned awks and not being with you Rio: but not gonna pass up on the offer Buster: Don't, I've got nothing but time to think of ways Buster: Do you reckon I should talk to this girl, can I be that twin, like? Rio: Oh no, babe Rio: Nance would die Rio: Noble and cute but no Rio: Save that 🧠 power to thinking of all the ways Buster: I know you're right it's just like me and Nance are in a contest of who can fuck up the most right now or some shit Buster: It's such a mess Buster: I actually almost feel bad for mum and dad Rio: Not a 🏆 they want in the cabinet Rio: But really, it's bad but like, nothing REALLY bad happened Rio: Once she goes to Uni this will be so forgotton, like Buster: You reckon? Buster: I don't know, I'm not gonna forget about you when I go Rio: Bitch, like I'd let that happen 😤 Nah 😂 Rio: There'll be new girls and so much new shit in general, she'll be loving life, trust Buster: Maybe Buster: At least there's nothing stopping her from going anywhere she wants Rio: Yeah Rio: World's still your oyster, baby Buster: Don't worry, I'm not trying to swap with her Buster: I'd rather have you Rio: Good Rio: 'Cos can't say I'd be above a bit of slight stalking Rio: even though I'm seeing how well this is going, like Buster: Good 'cause I ain't been above it before either Rio: Should I be concerned or? 😉 Buster: Please, you've shown yourself right up, loving that 50 shades bloke Rio: If you're gonna buy me an Audi you can do what you like Buster: Well, if that's what you want for your birthday, I'll take everything I've bought back Rio: You're a fool Buster: You love it Rio: Yeah Rio: You better not have gone crazy with the gifts though forreal Buster: Shhh Rio: 😑 Rio: Babe Buster: I'm giving you them in secret so they don't count Buster: Besides, it's your 18th I'm not just gonna buy you a drink, am I? Come on Rio: Is that what we're saying now? Rio: Convenient if none of this counts isn't it 😏 Rio: But I didn't do a good job don't out-do me 😖 Buster: Yes you did Buster: You know I had the best birthday with you Rio: I just wanna treat you like you treat me Rio: like you deserve Buster: Baby Buster: You do Buster: Look where you are and what you're doing right now. You're so good to me all the time Buster: Above and beyond Rio: I just love you Buster: I love you too Buster: If it was about what you could buy me I'd be with Chlo like she wants Rio: Don't Rio: If you wanna motivate me to get my 💰 right, there's SO many better ways to do it Buster: I'm just saying Buster: It's not about that Buster: She wishes Rio: Least mine's my own 😒 Buster: You're doing better than me on that score Rio: Not being a bitch about you Rio: just her Buster: That's welcome any time Rio: Have you spoke to her since the last time? Buster: Nah, she must be complaining to one of her friends instead Rio: That's something Rio: She accidentally liked one of my pics the other day Rio: Hey babe 👋 Buster: I doubt that was an accident Buster: She's all about you Rio: You wish Rio: Get her off your hands, like Buster: Don't Buster: I never need that mental image Rio: 😷 Eurgh Buster: Besides, it's your family that she's changed her mind about, you've got hers made up Rio: What? Buster: Your parents are alright, shit ton of kids and all, 'cause they've got that clout of their jobs and cash Buster: You're letting the side down though, babe Rio: Why were you even talking about my fam Buster: She loves talking about you Buster: But I had to tell her your mum got her figure back 🙄 Rio: 🙄 Of course Rio: She better get my name out her mouth though Rio: She don't know me Buster: I don't think she's ever said your name Buster: You're always like THAT cousin or whatever Rio: Not the point Rio: that's even worse, like Buster: Don't worry, babe I'd never let her bad mouth you Rio: Whatever Rio: not like you can defend me Buster: Of course I can Buster: I always do Rio: Does that not get a bit Rio: risky, like Rio: I'm always so paranoid when anyway starts talking about you Buster: It's fine, I'm not an amateur and I swear she barely listens to me anyway so Rio: I hope so Rio: don't be chatting to her so much yeah Buster: Trust me, it's not something I wanna do Rio: I know, I know Rio: Ugh, can't even blame current company and drama but I will to save face, like Buster: You don't have to worry about Nance, she ain't gonna remember much of this, surely Buster: Feel how you feel Rio: I don't wanna Rio: I'm not used to being jealous Buster: Then don't be Buster: Not of her Buster: It's stupid Rio: Don't call me stupid Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm saying you're acting stupid if you think Chlo's anything to be jealous of Rio: Ugh forget it Rio: You don't get it Buster: Then explain it to me Rio: It doesn't matter Buster: Yes it does Buster: Just tell me Rio: I don't know it's just Rio: she's got something over you and it's fucked that she does and I'm not saying I want something as well but Rio: fucked or not, it's still true and there Rio: you know Buster: Babe, she's clutching at straws Buster: That's how much she doesn't have Buster: You're the only one who's got me Rio: I know it's stupid Buster: It's not, really Buster: I shouldn't have said that Buster: I just don't want you feeling any kind of way 'cause of her Rio: It's alright Rio: Not trying to make this about me when you're the one really getting fucked over Buster: It still affects you though Buster: I'm not gonna be that selfish Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Sometimes I'm alright and I feel like we know what we're doing Rio: then others, my head is just fuck Buster: Don't ever say sorry for this Buster: You're handling it better than I could've asked, not that I can or would Buster: I don't deserve you Rio: What am I gonna do? Rio: Not letting you go Buster: I really want you to mean that Rio: I do mean it Buster: Yeah now, but you're always saying things are gonna be different when the kid's born Rio: 'Cos your priorities are gonna be different Rio: they just will Rio: that doesn't mean I don't mean it Buster: Maybe your priorities will be different Buster: If I'm not around as much or whatever Rio: You saying I'm going to get bored? Buster: You could Buster: If I'm up all night not sleeping but not with you, like Rio: What are you saying? Buster: I'm just saying if we reckon I'm a moody cunt now wait until I'm trying to juggle school with keeping a kid alive Buster: Only so many fruit baskets I can order, babe Rio: Yeah Rio: 'cos I'm that much of a bitch Rio: Tah Buster: Shut up Buster: That's not what I'm saying Rio: Yeah, it is though Rio: It's fine, if that's what you reckon Buster: Fuck that Rio: I'm not that much of a slag Buster: Stop Rio: Seriously Buster: Seriously, stop Buster: I don't know how we got here but you're stressing me the fuck out Rio: I'll leave then Buster: Don't Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: I'm not calling you a slag and I don't want you to go anywhere, I can't believe I have to spell that out right now Rio: What else would saying I'm gonna get bored possibly fucking mean Buster: I just meant it's gonna be hard for both of us, not just me Buster: Christ Rio: The real concern here is you clearly think you're gonna be doing night shifts so that clearly leaves me out the picture Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: You've so obviously got an idea in your head of how it's going to be Rio: and I'm not a part of that Buster: Bullshit Buster: How are you getting that from literally anything I've said? Rio: You said you're not gonna be with me Rio: so where are you gonna be? Rio: With your kid, and her Rio: and that's okay Buster: It's not fucking okay that you'd say that to me Buster: I'm obviously not gonna be with her, am I? Rio: I know you Rio: you're going to want to be with your kid, to look after it and the only way you can have it all the time is to be with her Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'll tell you like I've already told her, I don't need to be her boyfriend to be a dad to my kid Buster: What century are we in? Rio: Don't chat to me like I'm her Rio: so you're gonna be a weekend dad then, yeah? Rio: and that'll be fine Buster: How is it not? Tommy's kids from before didn't become serial killers, like Rio: You don't do anything by half Buster: Yeah well I don't have a choice this time Rio: You're not going to like it Rio: it'd be so much easier for you Buster: I don't know how you can say that Buster: I wouldn't like being with her and neither would the kid growing up in that Buster: Be real Rio: I'm not saying it'd be true love Buster: It'd be another mistake Buster: And I'm not doing that Buster: So shut up Rio: You can't say your brain hasn't gone there Rio: all I can think about is all the different ways to make this work Buster: It's gone there in her dreams and my nightmares Rio: I know Buster: Then stop Rio: I want to Rio: it's not that easy Buster: Yeah it is Rio: Bullshit, babe Buster: Why isn't it enough that I want to be with you? Buster: Why do we have to keep doing this? Rio: It is Rio: but it doesn't make the rest of this shit disappear does it Buster: Well, I can't do that so what else do you want from me? Rio: Don't make it sound like I asked Buster: I'm so fucking tired of this Buster: I don't even know if its my kid yet and I'm tired Rio: I know Rio: Just forget I said anything alright Buster: I can't Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Buster: Just come back, yeah? Rio: Okay Rio: Might take a while to sort Nance but then I'll be there Buster: Okay Buster: Bring her if you have to, I don't care Rio: Really? Rio: Alright Buster: Not that much of a slag myself, babe Rio: Shut up Buster: No Buster: I just need you here, that's what matters Rio: I didn't mean it Rio: pretend I'm drunker than I am Buster: Babe Buster: We have to keep talking, even if it goes to shit sometimes like Rio: I don't wanna make shit harder for you Rio: I really don't Rio: even though I keep doing it Buster: Well, I don't want you not to tell me things Rio: sometimes I don't know what I'm saying though Rio: or how to say it Buster: And I do? Buster: You thought I was calling you a slag for the longest time Buster: Just keep trying for me Rio: Okay Rio: I promise Rio: we're in the cab Buster: I love you Buster: Just so you know Buster: In case I don't get to say it with Nance around Rio: No telling Rio: gone from not being in the talking mood to telling the cabbie her life story so Rio: love you too, pray for me, like Buster: Fucking hell Buster: I'll give him a tip when you get here then Buster: And get on my knees for you, of course Rio: You really had to phrase it like that Rio: when we gotta be good 😒 Buster: We never have to be that good babe Buster: She'll crash and we'll be quiet Rio: Promise Rio: 'cos I really need to unwind Buster: I know Buster: me too Rio: Yeah Rio: owe you that, like Buster: You don't owe me anything, but I still want it Rio: Good 'cos I still wanna give it Buster: Yeah? Rio: You know I do Buster: Shit, hang on Rio: ? Buster: Proof yet again there isn't a god Buster: Getting a call from satan Buster: Hold up Rio: Seriously? Rio: Ignore it, it'll be nothing but a booty call at this o'clock Buster: But what if it's not? Rio: Then she'd call someone in the country Rio: or go to the hospital Rio: Don't be stupid Buster: Don't call me stupid Buster: So much for trying to unwind with this hanging over my head, like Buster: Come on Rio: Whatever Rio: Do what you want Buster: Don't be like that Rio: Nah Rio: this actually takes the piss Rio: I'm going home Buster: Don't Buster: Whatever it is I'll have it sorted by the time you get here Rio: It's nothing, Buster Rio: it'll be nothing Rio: Jesus Rio: really got you trained already though Buster: If it's nothing it doesn't have to ruin anything, does it? Buster: Just give me a second Rio: Take as many as you like Buster: Fucking hell, Rio Buster: What happened to not wanting to make things harder for me? Rio: I'm letting you deal with the most pressing issue here Buster: Fuck you Buster: Don't do that Buster: If this is how its gonna be every time you don't get your own way Rio: Then what? Buster: I can't do this right now Buster: Forget it Rio: Of course not Rio: Chloe's on the phone Buster: Why do you have to be such a bitch when I already can't win? Jesus Buster: Go where you want. Do what you want Rio: Yeah, that's what you like about me Rio: So easy Buster: Give me one break Buster: Please Rio: Done Buster: It doesn't have to be THIS difficult Rio: No, it really doesn't Rio: any chance to play the hero though Buster: Fuck off Rio: Going