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xtra7s · 3 months

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𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐒 ★ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑

pairing: Renee Rapp x Reader

Synopsis: Y/N gets in a bit of trouble and Renee saves the day. Renee sees a bit into Y/Ns life beyond the act.

content: big warning for emotional abuse, manipulation, shit like that, drinking

word count: 2.9k+

masterlist | previous part

Renee's phone buzzed insistently, shattering the afternoon calm of her corner of the room. It was Adam, her manager, requesting an urgent meeting in his office. Curiosity gnawed at her as she navigated to the office, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. Inside, she found Adam pacing, an uncharacteristic crease etched between his brows. Beside him, Y/N sat quietly, her usual vibrant energy subdued. Y/N's manager, Connie, stood ramrod straight, radiating tension.

"Renee, thanks for coming," Adam started, his voice strained. "This concerns Y/N. We want you guys to finish writing, but..." He hesitated, glancing at Connie for confirmation.

"There's been a…development," Connie interjected, her voice clipped. "An unexpected turn of events that could potentially cast a negative light on you and Y/N if not handled delicately."

Confusion washed over Renee. Y/N is known for her diva posts and witty replies but rarely courted controversy. "What happened?"

Connie cleared her throat. "Well did you know Y/N went out last night?"

A memory clicked in Renee's mind. She'd seen a photo Y/N posted, posing with a few other people outside of a club, holding a goofy grin on her face. "Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"Well," Connie continued, a hint of exasperation in her voice, "turns out, Y/N here heard a guy talking about her friends, being –" she paused, her gaze flitting to Y/N, "Not very nice, and Y/N took it upon herself to shut him up."

Renee's brow furrowed. Y/N was passionate, that much was true but reckless? Unlikely.

As if reading her mind, Y/N spoke up, her voice surprisingly calm. "He was being an asshole running his mouth, I didn't do shit wrong."

Renee nodded in understanding. While Y/N was 'mainly' lighthearted, sometimes she gets intense. Renee would probably do the same thing.

Connie sighed. "Look, we appreciate your protectiveness, Y/N, but the backlash is getting intense. People are misinterpreting your intention, accusing you of just wanting to start a fight."

"So, what's the plan?" Renee asked, sensing the unspoken part of the conversation.

Adam leaned forward, his expression apologetic. "We need to do some damage control. Y/N will be taking a temporary break from social media for a few weeks. We'll have Y/N issue a statement clarifying her stance on it, and why it happened."

"But…" Y/N started, a flicker of protest in her eyes.

"It's for the best, Y/N," Connie interjected firmly. "This way, the heat dies down, and you can return with a clean slate."

Renee glanced between them, feeling the weight of the situation. While she understood the need for caution, she also knew Y/N thrived on engagement and connection. A forced hiatus might take a toll on her spirit.

Suddenly, an idea sparked in her mind. "What if, instead of silence, we used this as an opportunity?"

The room fell silent, all eyes fixated on her.

"Y/N could still use her platform, but with a different focus," Renee explained. "Instead of social media, she could create educational content – blog posts, videos, you said he was being an asshole right? what was it about?"

Y/N shrugs, slumping in her chair. "He was being fucking racist, homophobic, whatever the fuck. I'm not just gonna sit there and let my friends feel bad about that shit, it was supposed to be a fun night."

Renee nods, leaning in on the table. "Exactly so post about that shit. Captions being about your experience, shitty people, talk about the fact that its the 21st fucking century and people like that shouldn't fucking exist anymore"

Adam and Connie exchanged surprised glances. The idea was unconventional, but it held merit. Y/N's passion and reach, coupled with her genuine concern, could create a positive impact far outweighing the initial controversy.

"It's…different," Connie admitted, her voice softening. "But it could work."

Y/N's eyes lit up, a spark of her usual fire returning. "I love it! It's a way to turn this around, and make a difference while still using my voice."

A wave of relief washed over Renee. With Adam's hesitant approval and Connie's cautious optimism, the plan was set. Y/N wouldn't be silenced; she would be redirected, her voice amplified for a different cause.

The meeting came to a close, and Renee took a leap of faith. "Hey, Y/N," she began, "how about we continue working on the song over dinner? Maybe grab a drink together?"

Y/N, surprised by the proposal, hesitated for a moment before responding, "I've got plans tonight with friends, but you can tag along if you want."

Renee, intrigued by the unexpected invitation, agreed.

Later that night, she found herself standing before Y/N, who looked radiant in a tight dress that shimmered like moonlight. Renee, true to her style, wore comfortable yet stylish pants and a top that showcased her confidence.

"Ready to get absolutely hammered?" Y/N asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Renee chuckled. "Always."

Renee couldn't help but be captivated by Y/N's presence. Her outfit was a perfect blend of chic and edgy, catching the play of lights in the club. The way Y/N carried herself spoke volumes – a mix of poise and a subtle hint of mischief. The club's atmosphere seemed to intensify with every step Y/N took.

Renee's eyes lingered on the way Y/N moved, effortlessly navigating through the crowd. The soft glow of the club lights accentuated the highlights in Y/N's hair, and the music seemed to harmonize with her every move. There was a magnetic quality to Y/N's presence that demanded attention, and Renee found herself unable to look away.

The Beat was alive with energy. Music vibrated through the air, pulsing with a rhythm that invited movement. Y/N led the way, greeting friends with warm hugs and introducing Renee with genuine enthusiasm.

The pulsating beat of the music echoed through the crowded club as Y/N and Renee navigated the lively atmosphere. Tonight was different – a blend of work and leisure as Y/N had invited Renee to join her and her friends. Among those friends was Y/N's boyfriend, someone Renee had heard about but never met.

As they approached the group, Y/N's smile widened. "Renee, meet Jake," she said, gesturing towards a man with a polite smile and slightly awkward demeanor.

"Hey, nice to finally meet you," Renee greeted, extending her hand. Jake shook it, his eyes flickering with a mix of nervousness and uncertainty.

Throughout the night, Renee couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about Jake. He seemed distant, his eyes often wandering, and his responses to Y/N's affection were lukewarm at best. As the trio conversed and shared laughter, Renee observed the couple, sensing an underlying tension.

At one point, Y/N excused herself to grab drinks, leaving Renee alone with Jake. An awkward silence hung in the air until Renee decided to break it.

"So, how long have you and Y/N been together?" she asked, trying to initiate a casual conversation.

Jake hesitated, his eyes darting around as if searching for the right words. "A few months, I think." he replied shortly, avoiding direct eye contact.

Renee's instincts heightened, and she couldn't ignore the unease settling in the pit of her stomach. Y/N returned, handing them their drinks, but the atmosphere remained strained.

As the night progressed, Renee couldn't shake the feeling that Jake was hiding something. His behavior became more erratic, and he seemed increasingly uncomfortable in Renee's presence. Observing this, Renee grew concerned for her friend, unsure whether to address the issue or wait for Y/N to bring it up herself.

Despite initial nerves, Renee quickly found herself swept up in the welcoming atmosphere. Y/N's friends were diverse and accepting, and their energy was contagious. Soon, laughter and conversation flowed freely, forging new connections between them.

The club's vibrant lights danced over the energetic crowd, and the music reverberated through the air as Y/N, Renee, and their friends enjoyed the night. However, things took an unexpected turn when Y/N's boyfriend, Jake, abruptly pulled her away from the group, a few tables down.

Renee couldn't help but notice the sudden change in Jake's demeanor. His face wore an expression of hostility, and as Renee discreetly observed from a distance, she sensed tension building between the couple.

Curiosity got the better of her, and Renee discreetly made her way closer to the commotion, keeping a safe distance but close enough to catch snippets of the conversation.

"Why do you always have to hang out with her?" Jake's voice carried a harsh edge, his frustration palpable.

Y/N, clearly caught off guard, tried to maintain composure. "Renee? She's just a friend. What's the problem?"

Jake's eyes flashed with anger, and he gestured toward the friend group. "I can't stand being around her. It feels like a threat. Are you trying to make me uncomfortable?"

Y/N, bewildered and defensive, responded, "Jake, she's just a colleague. We're working on a project together. It's not personal."

Renee, hidden in the shadows, felt a mix of concern and disbelief. She hadn't anticipated the depth of Jake's unease, and the scene unfolding before her raised alarm bells.

As Jake's voice grew louder, Renee debated whether to intervene or give Y/N some space. Before she could decide, Y/N's eyes met hers, a mixture of embarrassment and helplessness written across her face.

Renee chose to step in, approaching them calmly. "Everything okay here?" she asked, injecting a hint of hostility into her voice.

Jake shot her a venomous look, his anger directed toward Renee. "Mind your own business, Rapp. We're fine here."

Y/N, caught in the crossfire, attempted to mediate. "Guys, let's calm down. Renee, it's fine. We'll talk later."

As Renee reluctantly retreated, she couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that Y/N's relationship had taken an unexpected and troubling turn. The strained atmosphere lingered in the air, leaving Renee grappling with the realization that the music of the night had unexpectedly hit a dissonant note.

Trying to shake off the uncomfortable encounter with Jake, Y/N made her way to the bar, seeking solace in the rhythmic beats and the clinking of glasses. The dimly lit ambiance offered a momentary escape as she took a few sips, trying to drown the unease that lingered from the heated conversation.

Determined to salvage the night, Y/N joined her friends on the dance floor. The pulsating music enveloped them, creating a temporary sanctuary where worries could be momentarily forgotten. However, the tension from earlier still loomed in the back of Y/N's mind.

After a few energetic dance routines, Y/N decided to face the lingering issue. She approached Renee, who was now chatting with another friend and pulled her aside, away from the pulsating beats.

"Hey, Renee," Y/N began, attempting to sound nonchalant. "I just wanted to let you know I'm heading out with Jake. It's been a weird night, but I hope you enjoy the rest of it."

Renee, sensing the underlying tension, nodded and offered a supportive smile. "Sure thing, Y/N. Be safe, we'll catch up soon."

As Y/N disappeared into the crowd with Jake, Renee couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. The club's lively atmosphere continued around her, but a sense of unease lingered. Renee wished Y/N well silently, hoping that whatever turmoil existed in Y/N's relationship would find resolution.

With a sigh, Renee turned back to the dance floor, determined to immerse herself in the music and the joy of the night. Yet, in the midst of the celebration, a lingering concern for her friend colored the remainder of the evening. The dance floor pulsed with energy, but Renee couldn't shake the feeling that the night had taken an unexpected turn, leaving a discordant note in the air.

The night stretched into the early hours as Y/N and Jake returned to her house, the once vibrant energy of the club replaced by an unsettling tension. As they stepped through the door, the atmosphere shifted, and Jake's demeanor darkened.

Without warning, Jake started a fight, his words cutting through the air like shards of glass. He criticized Y/N for spending time with Renee, accusing her of purposely making him uncomfortable. Y/N, taken aback by the sudden escalation, attempted to defuse the situation.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Y/N pleaded, her voice quivering with confusion. "Renee is just a friend, and tonight was supposed to be fun."

Jake's response was cold and manipulative. "You're always so sensitive. Can't you handle a little criticism? Maybe if you weren't so emotional, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

As the argument intensified, Y/N's attempts to reason with Jake only seemed to fuel his anger. He twisted the situation, placing the blame squarely on Y/N's shoulders. Tears welled up in her eyes as she felt the weight of the conversation.

"You're the one overreacting, Y/N. This is all in your head," Jake sneered, dismissively waving off her tears. "Stop being so sensitive, we wouldn't have these problems."

Y/N, overwhelmed and emotionally drained, couldn't comprehend the sudden turn of events. She felt trapped in a web of manipulation, her attempts to communicate met with hostility and blame-shifting. The tears fell freely now, a mix of frustration and heartache.

As the night wore on, the toxicity of the situation lingered in the air. Y/N's home, once a sanctuary, now felt like a battleground of emotions. Jake's manipulative tactics had left scars on the night, and Y/N found herself questioning the foundation of her relationship.

In the quiet aftermath, Y/N was left to grapple with the emotional aftermath of the night, hoping for clarity and resolution in the days to come. The echoes of Jake's harsh words lingered, a painful reminder that sometimes the deepest wounds come not from external forces but from those we hold closest.

In the hushed aftermath of the argument, Jake's anger continued to cast a shadow over the room. Y/N, emotionally drained and vulnerable, found herself on the receiving end of a twisted attempt at reconciliation.

With a feigned sense of remorse, Jake approached Y/N and gently touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to ruin our night," he said, his voice laced with insincerity.

Y/N, still raw from the earlier confrontation, hesitated but yearned for a semblance of normalcy. As Jake leaned in, he pressed a kiss against her forehead, attempting to use physical intimacy to mend the emotional wounds he had inflicted.

"Let's just go to bed, okay? We can talk about it tomorrow," Jake suggested his words designed to manipulate Y/N into submission.

Caught in the confusing web of emotions, Y/N reluctantly agreed. The facade of normalcy seemed appealing, and the exhaustion from the night's events weighed heavily on her. As they lay in bed, a palpable tension lingered in the air, overshadowing any sense of true reconciliation.

Jake's actions, though masked in the guise of apology, left Y/N grappling with the unsettling feeling that something fundamental in their relationship had shifted. The room, once a sanctuary, now felt like a silent battleground where emotions were suppressed and genuine connection eluded them.

As she changed into her pajamas, Y/N's phone buzzed on the nightstand. With a curious glance, she saw a message from Renee.

Renee: Hey, you okay?"

Renee's message felt like a lifeline in the midst of the emotional storm. Gratitude washed over Y/N as she replied,

Y/N: Hey, thank you for checking in. I'm fine."

In the quiet darkness, Y/N couldn't shake the nagging doubt that this night would leave an indelible mark on her perception of Jake and their relationship. As sleep claimed the world around them, Y/N lay in the stillness, contemplating the complexities of love and the blurred lines between sincerity and manipulation.

As Y/N lay in bed beside Jake, her mind refused to be silent. The events of the evening replayed like a relentless loop, casting shadows over her thoughts. As she stared into the darkness, her mind involuntarily shifted towards Renee.

The contrast between Jake's manipulative behavior and Renee's genuine concern became starkly apparent. Y/N couldn't help but imagine how different it would be if Renee were in Jake's place – a realization that weighed on her heart.

Renee, with her kindness, understanding, and the support she offered earlier, seemed like a beacon of comfort in comparison to the storm that had engulfed her night with Jake. Y/N began to entertain the idea of how Renee, with her genuine nature, would be a far better partner, someone who valued communication and mutual respect.

In the quiet of her thoughts, Y/N couldn't help but imagine a relationship where trust was the foundation and where vulnerability wasn't met with manipulation. The idea of being with someone who cared for her well-being, as Renee had demonstrated, felt like a balm to the wounds inflicted by the tumultuous night.

As the night lingered on, Y/N found herself caught between the reality of her current situation and the fantasy of what a healthier, more genuine relationship could be. In the gentle embrace of these thoughts, sleep slowly claimed her, carrying with it a dream of a connection that transcended the toxic dynamics that had tainted her evening.

#renee rapp x reader #lesbian #wlw #the sex lives of college girls #renee rapp #leighton murray #leighton murray x reader #lgbtq #mean girls

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simplepotatofarmer · 10 months

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Blog Update:

Hi, it's me, Loyal.

I just want to say first and foremost, I really do love (parts of) the fandom and I'm not going anywhere.

I will, however, not be around as much. One, I'm about to enter an all day intensive treatment plan so I'll literally just be on in the evening. Two, as much as I'm going to keep writing and creating, I have no intention of interacting publicly with fandom as much as I have.

I can't. It's actually fucking insane that it's gotten to this point. I made tribute post and because I used lyrics from Dream's song, I got harassed. The people doing this, acting like this, thinking this way are insane.

So in case it's not clear: Based on my personal lived experience and some information that's come to light, I still enjoy Dream's content. You can approach me personally, off anon, if you want to know my reasoning. If you dislike me for this, that's fine. But I'm done trying to walk this fine line just so I don't get people threatening me, my kids, and my pets. Just so people stop sending me the city I live in, so they stop digging up twelve year old tweets, so they stop calling me slurs and suicide baiting me.

That's absolutely insane. It's horrible. It's disgusting and I was honestly just sitting here, taking it, because I'm terrified of upsetting people and losing friends if I say 'yeah, I'm excited for a new manhunt and I also this song helped me and my kids process my grief'. And the worst part is, it's not an unfounded fear. People have done the most vile shit to me. People I thought were friends jumped on me instead of those harassing me.

I just want to post about Techno and c!Rivals duo and not worry about whether or not this post is going to get me hate. I don't want to worry about how random discord servers are talking about me.

Because that's fucking batshit. Not the worrying, but what these people are doing and I'm tired of letting this effect me. I have enough going on in my personal life. My partner of 15 years almost died. We almost lost our house. I should be able to come online and post about the silly minecraft guys I like and their RP and lore without censoring myself out of fear of literally being doxxed and cyber stalked. I should be able to talk about the racism that effects me without being afraid people will make it about cc drama or calling me slurs or erasing my identity as an Ojibwe person.

The people doing this are the problem. It hurts that so many people are part of this, it really does. But I can't keep letting it get to me. I've always done my best to be kind. I haven't been perfect, especially not lately, because all this hate and stress has gotten to me. I've lashed out. I shouldn't have.

And I shouldn't have had to deal with all that shit in the first place. I hope no one else does. It's terrifying and draining and I'm done.

So I intend to post the things I enjoy, I intend to reblog my friends' art, write the Emerald duo and Rivals duo fics I want to. I want to post about the Syndicate and the new manhunt when it comes out. That's what I'm going to do.

Asks are staying off for the moment because people are too happy to make burner blogs but I'll probably turn them back on at some point as I love answering lore and headcanon questions and, again, it's fucked up I can't enjoy an aspect of the site and fandom because people can't just leave me alone.

To those people: Get help. You're harassing someone because you think they deserve it and that's the most fucked up thing.

To everyone else: So so many of you have been amazing. You've been supportive, you've been kind. That kindness and support speaks volumes and I love you all. I genuinely love you. Dreblr, you've been here for me for over a year at this point and I cannot thank you enough. You are the best part of fandom as far as I'm concerned. And to Dtblr, y'all have come to support me countless times and that means the world to me, it really does. As for all my fellow Rivals duo fans, you people are worth your weight in gold for the joy you bring. A special shout-out to @vpofcookies because you've been here since the beginning, practically, and I love you. There's more but you know who you are.

Anyway, I've been carrying this for awhile and I'm tired. I'm no longer going to give any amount of thought to the people determined to drag me down and harass me constantly.

My best advice is stop focusing on the things and people you hate and instead focus on what you love. That's what I plan to do, from here on out.

#I had someone help me write this because it's been a lot but hopefully this makes sense and explains things.#I'm leaving tomorrow. I just had a break because of everything that happened lately. With the car and then missing Techno so much.#Then the sudden onslaught it was like. Wow. This isn't good! I need change.#So I'm changing things. And I do know this is going to get me hate of course.#But I mean. I'm done with caring about that. I have people and things that I love and that's what I care about.#loyal talks about stuff and things #I'm not tagging this as discourse because like this is my literal fandom experience.

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sereves · 4 months

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Tsubaki and Lawless Sibling Headcanons

After reading that meme about what woulda happened if Lawless and Tsubaki were on good terms I had to make these headcanons

This. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought about this- Allow me to do a small rant/analysis-

Lawless is canonically referred to as having a family root according to Gear in this panel

Yall no one can change my mind Lawless got fat daddy issues that run deeper than a black hole

As shown in these panels he has a deep respect and gratitude to Saint germaine for reviving him, and even goes as far as to lecture Kuro for being "rude"

I also find it interesting how of all the siblings Lawless is pretty much the only one that was happy to be revived, aside from Ildio who was more or so neutral on his new life. Lawless pretty much took his new life and appreciated his second chance-

Personally in my opinion, I believed because he was a lower-ranking prince who was killed in a conspiracy he may have never gotten a chance to live life? He looks like he died pretty young and since he was a lower ranking prince, he may have lived with a silver spoon in his mouth, but likely was never able to go out to much and was probably very lonely. He probably only had Guil by his side which is why I love and adore their father/brother dynamic 😭

SPEAKING OF BROTHER DYNAMICS- KURO I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU-

dAWG- WHYD KURO DO HIM SO DIRTY 😭Bro straight up just lost Ophelia, is about to lose his "second father", then gets dumped by his own god damn brother- Like Kuro pretty much told him "we shouldn't have been born". Like bruh lawless got done so dirty in a span of like a week, like even after this he goes back home Ophelia's kingdom was destroyed 💀

Also he had to walk to the meeting stop for about 10 days+ and then walked back on his hedgehog stubby legs like is this man okay, IMAGINE WALKING ALL THE WAY ON FOOT AND JUST BEING DUMPED LIKE THAT- no wonder bro held such a fatass grudge against Kuro. Centuries later they meet again and Kuro really had the audacity to be like, "why u mad at me" as if he didnt kill Saint and told Lawless they shouldn't really exist 😭

Anyways, moving onto the actual Tsubaki and Lawless siblings headcanons-

Lawless desperately wanted a family and tried seeking that through his new found Servamp siblings, but sadly none of them really wanted it aside from Ildio and Freya. Love the headcanon that Freya canonically thinks of Lawless as her "dear brother"🥺

Tsubaki later down the road looks like he craved that too? In fact it looks like he went to every sibling and tried asking them who he was and none of them knew. But what Im curious is about is this

Lawless already knew about Tsubaki? When we got Lily's POV, he stated that he was visited by Tsubaki, and Tsubaki started laughing because none of his siblings knew about him. Now Im curious, because if Lawless had met Tsubaki in the past, what was it like? Did he just know of Tsubaki from C3? Given the fact that Lawless has spied on them sometimes when he was bored, is that how he found it? But I have a weak heart, so lets make some headcanons on had they met earlier and actually became close.

In a perfect world, Id had pictured Lawless helped Tsubaki escape from C3 and they both became close since both craved familial love. Its been revealed that Tsubaki is trying to protect his little sister so for sure, bros in the same boat as Lawless trying to make found family

There was also an old book called, "The Hedgehog and the Fox" where a quote is stated, "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing." Reference: https://www.jimcarrollsblog.com/blog/2018/5/23/are-you-a-hedgehog-or-a-fox#:~:text='The%20fox%20knows%20many%20things,various%20wiles%20of%20the%20fox.

I like to think this very similar to Lawless and Tsubaki. Tsubaki, is likely one of the strongest siblings and can clap cheeks instantly. He has many skills and is canonically the only one that can "kill" his siblings, but Lawless is older, so I believe the "the hedgehog knows one big thing" is really cute, but it feeds into the dynamic that, yes although Tsubaki is superior to Lawless in terms of power, he has a lot more to learn.

Considering Tsubaki was locked up in C3 for a while I would like to think Lawless took him out and immediately tried getting him situated in the modern era. Thats my perspective on "hedgehog knows one big thing" like imagine being locked up and experimented for ages, and finally being introduced the modern day, like when was the last time Tsubaki saw the sun 💀

I also headcanon Lawless is probably pretty well off considering hes greed and judging from the fact hes constantly wearing rings and bracelets like I doubt those are fake, and he literally shops at Shibuya. Lawless is canonically a bougie bitch 💀

Please give me cute shopping montage of Lawless dripping out Tsubaki in modern Japanese styled clothing LIKE I WANNA SEE HIM WEARING THIS

Anyways thats all I have for now, but TLDR: I love servamp sibling interactions, strike please stop depriving us

#servamp #lawless of greed #servamp manga #tsubaki #servamp headcanons #headcanons

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spacenintendogs · 28 days

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I’ll be asking about the dragons off the coast au.

What inspired you to make this au?/what made you make it different from every other modern au. (Small dragons was a great idea)

What does Valka/Eret do in this Au?:)

Whose all not included? (Any villains/side characters, ect.)

howdy!!

i was inspired by modern aus by ppl in the past mainly from when i was a teenager!! funkytoes/funkytoesart, siggyshrieks/sigtryggr, perpez/rikez, daglout, edge-of-bizarre, soplezhuj, & yenich are my main inspirations! some these blogs do not exist anymore but old reblogged posts can be found! obv any blog that still exists i will link directly!!

this is going to be LONG so please bare with me!

the answers to your questions about eret and valka & then other character inclusions/exclusions will be after the list of my inspirations!!

example of rikez/perpez's work! they're my main inspiration for the dragons being small!!!!!! the idea also isn't unique, it's been done before in the past but rikez/perpez's works are SO amazing!!! they are also where i got the idea for having the legendary dragons keep their leviathan sizes!! i miss their blog so much.

funkytoes/funkytoesart is the inspiration for the sanctuary aspect!! the dragons are their full sizes in their au but i LOVE the whole vibe of it all!! so so so good!!!! their blogs are still active and you can scroll through their httyd art at your leisure!!! highly reccomend esp if you're a hiccstrid fan!!! @/funkytoesart (remove the /)

sigtryggr/siggyshrieks is one of my biggest inspos for overall vibes and the feelings i want this au to create. this art means so much to me. they still make art, but not for httyd as they've gone professional and deleted all of their httyd art from their blogs. their blog is currently @/celialowenthal (remove the /)

edge-of-bizarre's modern au called north of nowhere is also a huge inspiration to me!!!! have been since they first appeared in the fanbase and i was a kid who lurked without having a tumblr acc!! pls pls pls check out their au!! absolutely stellar

daglout's modern au is also incredible and includes versions with regular animals as well as the dragons being dragons!! he also has an au where everything happens in florida and it's fucking incredible like. pls just scroll through his modern au and florida au tags!!

so much of my au is an amalgamation of what i've seen over the past 14 years in terms of being in the fanbase (lurking and otherwise) and just. trying to combine my favorite reoccuring aspects, like the dragons being dragons and being small, from different ones and the uniqueness that makes mine different is just?? i think the stories i'm telling with the setting and that's also what separates everyone else from each other!!! different character interpretations/even different favorites leads to different stories abt how everything connects!!!

one of my biggest inspirations is definitely soplezhuj in terms of how the characters are and basic things like general direction of where they go/what they do (like snotlout being a biker guy!) their art was everything to me back in 2015/2016 and i still have it saved to my phone. i miss their blog every day.

EDIT: OH MY GOD I DIDN'T ADD @yenich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING THEY DO FOR THEIR MODERN AU IS INCREDIBLE PLS GIVE THEM LOVE!!!!!!!! absolutely STELLAR!!!!!!!!

what do valka & eret do in this au?

valka is alive and well, however she is a mostly absent mother as her conservation work with dragons has her traveling the world and she considers it to be more important than anything else in her life, at the expense of her relationships with stoick & hiccup. hiccup looks up to her SO much tho & he yearns to be like her & help her with her work. she doesn't NOT love stoick & hiccup but her priorities are elsewhere & she maybe shouldn't have started a family but alas. hiccup & stoick will visit her wherever she is during summers. she doesn't come home too often but once stoick dies she decides to be in hiccup's life full time & has to come to terms with the fact she does not know her son at all & was a terrible mother. i'm actually very excited for her arc :) cloudjumper is her buddy btw!!! also she was the one who originally started the hidden world sanctuary in berk!! but once she started traveling it became too much & that's why it's not in use until hiccup gets it going again! she's also connected to drago! they're former partners in conservation work & they had a BAD disagreement!! (drago is going to be more fleshed out for this au. he's not gonna be straight bad guy villain!!)

eret, on the other hand, is a poacher :) after the red death, berk becomes a destination spot for tourists esp with the sanctuary & the stories of the potential last night fury in existence being there draws a lot of attention. he goes & visits, pretending to be a tourist, & gets a tour to help scout for the group he's a part of. there's like, a whole heist planned & everything, which isn't new for the gang given who they deal with before :) through his scouting tho, he befriends astrid & learns a lot abt dragons & becomes attached to stormfly (obv!!) & then skullcrusher (much to stoick's chagrin lol) & does decide to side with the gang & admits his (now former) job. :) he becomes the tidal class dragon guy (not quite an expert yet but he's on his way!!) & splits the tracker class dragon duties with astrid to help take off her work load

who's all not included?

characters from the comics except for bayana!!! i love bayana and he deserves his time!! i haven't talked abt him yet bc i'm figuring out his storyline but i want him to be one of the volunteers & help with the mystery class dragons specifically and therefore works with the twins!!! but yea, other than bayana, no comic characters like king mikkel or the scalie bad guy dude from the serpent's heir (caldur i think lol)

characters that will be there but i haven't figured out yet are viggo, ryker, krogan, etc!! it's me trying to have everything connect in such short time spans & it's a lot LOL

i've figured out basic ideas for alvin & drago!!! they're connected to stoick and valka, respectively :) but i'm basically like this rn lol:

but tbh any character is fair game!! even book characters like camicazi!! altho idk if i'll put like, humongously hotshot the hero or big boobied bertha in for major roles!! (omg i could have tantrum o'uglery as someone fishlegs crushes on..... that'd be iconic) i'm even including my oc ermintrude for a side story & have @artinandwritin's oc siri be in my snotstrid fic!!! it's all depending on my mood & if the ideas strike me!!!

thank u for asking!!!!

#httyd #dragons off the coast au #httyd modern au #ziggityzigg #rose answers #i didn't directly tag any of my inspos bc i feel bad abt bothering #but everything is linked!!!!!#long post #when i said these were gonna be long i meant it #httyd headcanons #EDIT: YENICH I'M SO SORRY FORGIVE ME

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twistmusings · 1 year

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hi! i’m so happy your requests are open! i love your blog :) i was wondering if you’d be comfortable writing how the dorm leaders would mourn for you if you died? i know that’s pretty angsty but angst is my favorite 💕 if you’re not comfortable with it, i totally understand! thanks either way!

Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad you've been enjoying it. I don't mind angst at all, though I may be a bit rusty, so hopefully this does it justice!

How would the Dorm Leaders mourn for MC if they died?

TW: Dark content, death, mourning, bad mental health and coping mechanisms, implied relationship but it could also be read as very intense friendship (just depends how you wanna view it!).

CW: Mentions of a major spoiler from book 6 in Idia's section. Please be careful of that and skip reading if you would like to avoid it!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle is convinced he must have done something horrible in a past life. His life was supposed to be getting better, right? He was supposed to be moving past the things that happened in the past with his mom and his isolation and be making moves to improve himself, right? So why was someone so important to him taken away from him so soon?

At first he couldn't bring himself to believe it-- it had to be some cruel prank. Despite him having attended their service... there was no way that they were gone. It had to be a joke and someday he would wake up and they would be there and they would be smiling and say "Gotcha!" and he would be mad but they would still be here and he could learn to forgive them someday.

And then that had not happened. Trey had told him that he was worried about him-- about how little reaction he seemed to have. Chenya came to check on him every few days to try and drag him out of the house, but he said to him that something had changed with that worried look on his face. People were tip-toeing around him again, he could see it.

It might take several weeks, but when it finally hits him, he snaps. He starts crying-- loud and ugly and miserable. He's inconsolable, and even though he has people there to help, no one is ever going to be able to fix this. He can't stop the tears, and they come on so randomly. He can't quite bring himself to be as put together as he always has been-- his hair is an unbecoming mess and his clothes don't sit on him right and he's exhausted to the point that he can barely hold himself up.

He has people to help him work through it, and he's so gracious for their support, but it's still going to take him a long, long time to be even be "okay" again.

Leona Kingscholar

Leona's first thought when it happened was that he should have known. He should have known because his life had always been this way. Happiness had always been dangled just outside of his reach, and yet somehow he had hoped this time would be different. He'd let his guard down enough that this hurt, it felt like someone was tearing a hole in his chest and it feels like a piece of him is missing now. He's hollow on the inside.

He shouldn't get his hopes up, and so he doesn't. Anything he loves or values is snatched away from him, so it's in his best interest to just stop caring about anything. It's what he'd been doing for years-- and what he should have kept doing because he wasn't allowed to know contentment. Maybe if he had, they would still be here.

He's starting to wonder if they really would be-- maybe he was cursed by someone as a cub and he would have to watch the people around him that he cares about wither and turn to sand whether he uses his unique magic or not. It's ironic, really, because it feels like every time he tries to find any light at the end of the tunnel that it slips through his hands just like sand.

So he sleeps. And he doesn't get up anymore, not unless someone pulls him physically. He can't find it in himself to care anymore, it's exhausting to constantly be disappointed and grieving. He doesn't have the energy and he can't muster it anymore. His body feels weak, like the only thing that was holding him together was momentum and their loss was the last straw and he was finally going to fall apart. It's so much easier to just sleep.

And at least when he's asleep there's still a chance he will get a chance to escape to somewhere where he's still allowed to feel hope. And maybe, if he's lucky, he'll get to see them again.

Azul Ashengrotto

It's like someone has cut a limb off of him. There isn't a better way to describe it-- it feels like someone has taken one of his legs and now he's left there to look at the place where it used to be and to know that something is missing... except, unlike his own limbs, this one won't regrow. It can never, ever regrow.

For a while, he throws himself into his work. He needs to fill the void with something, at it feels like his job and the Leech twins are all he has left to try and mend. And even the Leech twins sometimes look at him like he's broken-- look at him with such pity in their eyes and it takes him right back to that pathetic, small octopus that he was as a child. It makes him feel helpless, so when he notices Floyd behaving because he's worried, he tells him off. Likewise for Jade, when he notices that he's shying away from giving him a hard time. He expects them to be on the top of their game.

On some level, he knows it's unfair. It's unfair to them to expect that he should just be okay to move on like this. Unfair to himself to not give himself the time to mourn, and unfair to Jade and Floyd because they were also close to them. But if things don't feel normal, then he's going to fall apart. He just might overblot, again, if he has to sit and wallow in it. He needs to feel some semblance of normal. He needs it. Please.

But that's not how it works. It's not normal, because he's trying to ignore it. He's trying to push off having to deal with it until he feels well enough to deal with it and it backfires horribly.

It overwhelms him, one day in the lounge. Floyd and Jade are in the back room with him and they're chatting with each other. Azul hasn't really been listening to them-- he's trying to crunch the opening predictions and he doesn't need to know what they're saying. At least, not until he hears Floyd say Shrimpy, and suddenly it feels like Azul's lungs are collapsing. It feels like he can't breathe-- like his potion is failing and he can't breathe the air on land anymore. His grip tightens on his pen and his desk, fingers flexing so tightly against the wood that they go white. He feels like the walls are collapsing in around him, and though he can see the way the tears splash against the papers and desktop below him, his brain can't quite connect that he's crying. He's started crying.

"Azul?" It's Jade, and something about hearing him address him snaps Azul out of the hole he feels like he's falling into and everything snaps back to the present around him. Jade has this worried look on his face, and he's apparently had his hand on his shoulder. Azul is confused and overwhelmed, and all at once it's too much. He feels the sob wrack his body painfully, and he hiccups. It's like he's a cup and he's overflowing. He must look pathetic. Floyd and Jade move quickly, one on either side, arms around him in a hug and there's something soothing about feeling small and safe knowing that despite all of their ribbing, they won't abandon him here when he's at his lowest. And they stay until he stops crying.

He's lost a limb and it's never coming back, so he's going to have to learn how it is to live without it. It will take work and time, but he will learn to live without it someday, though he will never forget it.

Kalim Al-Asim

For one of the first times in his life, Kalim feels entirely lost. Hopeless and adrift, and since all he knows is showing his heart on his sleeve, he cries hard and repeatedly. The only person who he really lets near him is Jamil, and that's only because Jamil is too obstinate to let him self-destruct.

He can't pull himself out of bed. He feels like he's been run through the wringer and he has been thinking about it non-stop since it happened and wondering why. They were so kind and fun and wonderful, he doesn't understand why it had to be them of everyone. They deserved better, and though he knows the universe doesn't work that way, he can only hope that they still exist somewhere and that they know that he does care. That he misses them, and that he hopes they can still have fun. He's not spiritual, nor is he religious, but the thought brings him comfort, so he clings to it.

Since he's really the only one who actually gives himself space to mourn, it might look like he gets over it quickly, but really he just reaches his equilibrium faster than anyone else because he isn't trying to stuff the feelings down. He will always, always miss them, but he can only hope that they know how much he cares and how much love he has for them in his heart.

And even if privately, he will hold out the hope that someday, in some form, he'll get to see them again.

Vil Schoenheit

Vil handles his mourning with silence, and with shutting people out. No one needs to know how he is feeling, he's not a spectacle, and it's none of their business how he's handling it. That might be well and good in the eyes of the public but... in private, people are worried about him. They can't see him cry, but they can see that he's tired. His normally perfect complexion is marred by the dark bags that are under his eyes. He does a good job of covering them up, but for the people who see him every day, they can see the difference.

It's not that they haven't tried to talk to him about it, but whenever they try, Vil's temper gets the better of him. He is fine, they need to act like it. At least... he will be fine someday, and he doesn't have time to dally and linger on it right now. He can deal with processing his emotions when it's more convenient.

It fails in about the most spectacular way that it could have. He's asked for an interview, and while he's not acting right now to finish out his education, he still needs to keep himself relevant so he accepts. He doesn't know how the interviewer found their name, but they ask about them. Ask how they're doing-- entirely unaware-- and it hits Vil like a train. It is so unbecoming to have a breakdown on camera and especially so on live television, but he can't seem to stop it before it happens since it happens so fast. Before he's even aware of it, he's started crying and his mascara is starting to run.

He handles it as gracefully as he can, apologizing profusely for his crying and phrasing in the most detached way possible that they are no longer among the living. He ends up needing to ask to be excused half way through the interview and leaves the stage with cheeks streaked with his makeup and shaking. Despite it all, he holds it together long enough to get to his dressing room before the dam breaks and he starts sobbing.

He still has a long way to go, but if there is any saving grace, it's that the people around him care about him and are patient with him. After the interview even Neige reaches out to make sure he's okay and offer his support, and though Vil is overwhelmed and miserable, at least he knows he still has people to go to if he needs.

Idia Shroud

Idia is no stranger to death. Their death wasn't so traumatic as Ortho's, he hadn't seen them get mauled, and he didn't feel responsible for it, and yet it still hurts so badly. They had managed to get him to lower his walls-- get him to let them in to see who he was despite of his fear of their judgement. They had so easily made themself at home in his heart and now there was nothing there to fill that gap. Idia has no desire to fill it-- no one else is worth the effort.

Somehow he expected something like this should happen. It was a sort of dread that always stuck with him-- maybe its trauma? Either way, Idia has a track record of losing everyone who is important to him, so why would he try? He should have learned his lesson the first time and he can't find himself to feel anything but disappointment to start. He'd always shown his grief strangely-- look at Ortho.

He doesn't try to make a replacement for them, though. Something tells him that isn't what they would have wanted him to do, and as much as he loves Ortho, he thinks trying to recreate them might be impossible. He'd know Ortho better than anyone, but they were always so unpredictable and seemed to know exactly how to push him to open up. Even if he tried to recreate that, he would fail-- even he doesn't know how they managed to earn his trust.

He doesn't cry. Not really. He's spent a lot of his life crying over the dead-- cried more times over Ortho than he can count, and eventually it just... stopped. He doesn't think he can cry from sadness anymore.

He ends up knowing that he is destined to be alone. He already knew that, actually, but this cements it. He's going to end up losing the people he cares about, and regardless he's going to end up having to care for STYX and the underworld, and that's all he's got going for him in life.

Malleus Draconia

Nothing anyone could have said could have prepared Malleus for the reality of death. And a young death, at that. Malleus cared about them so, so much, treasured their company and their opinions and seeing how quickly their life had been snuffed out was devastating to him. He wasn't able to bring himself to speak to anyone for several days after it happened. Instead he retreated into himself entirely.

He knew that the others were worried-- Lilia kept bringing him food and insisting that he eat to sustain himself, but he finds that he can't taste anything and really has no desire to. He's listless, and while Lilia and his other retainers keep coming to sit with him, he's having a hard time holding himself together and continuing to push on.

It marks a fundamental change in Malleus-- something inside of him morphs and becomes cold. He struggles to let people in again. And while he ends up warming up again to his fellow fae and SIlver, he finds it so, so hard to let another human in even if he wants to. They're so fragile and getting hurt and he doesn't know if he can take it again.

Especially not when the person that he lost was as special as they are.

#answered;;#riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #tw: death #tw: character death #cw: death #cw: character death

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internetgremlin-writes · 2 years

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We need no. 8 and 143 for Sebastian Vettel x reader 😍

8 - "Looks like we'll be trapped for a while,"

143 - "Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?"

SEB REQ SEB REQ SEB REQ!! Very excited about this one because I ADORE Seb and I was secretly worried no one would want to hear about him. Entirely based on Seb's flirting with anything that moves era

Also, this is my 100th post on this blog woo

Warnings: Yeah this is getting smutty. NSFW!

Prompt night info and list for requesting your own ficlet/HCs here!

Also entered an entire crisis over picking a gif because Seb is a YES for me in all of his eras

"Looks like we'll be trapped for a while," you sighed, slumping back against the elevator and sinking to the floor.

Only you could get yourself stuck in an elevator in the middle of the track stadium with Sebastian fucking Vettel. Sebastian was very calm about the whole thing. Thank god, you thought, that the race had finished and it was only post-race interviews left. If you'd held up the race you would have had to change your identity and move to Peru out of embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry," you apologised again, because it was the only thing you could think of doing. Sebastian gave you a fairly blank look from where he was examining the control panel, trying to kick start the buttons to life.

"Not your fault," it wasn't the first time he'd said that either.

"I shouldn't have jammed the buttons," you were running late. You were still new to the whole journalism thing, and if you were being honest you'd been late because you'd gotten stuck in your tech belt with a wire crossed where it definitely shouldn't and you couldn't get it undone alone. You'd rushed into the elevator and repeatedly stabbed the button for the floor you were supposed to be on in your rush. He shrugged simply, giving the blank buttons another slap.

"I don't think it's the buttons, we called for help before they died," he was right; the elevator had started moving before it had ground to a halt, and you'd been able to get through to the help desk, which was entirely unhelpful and had promised help wouldn't be able to get to you until after the interviews when security would be able to safely clear the mechanics for entry.

"In an arena full of mechanics?" Sebastian had questioned, sounding almost amused at the situation. But apparently being able to build a supercar and fix an elevator required two entirely different skillsets.

Sebastian, as it turned out, was an incredibly nice person. You'd crossed paths with him twice before, both for interviews lasting only a couple of minutes long. He'd remembered you, and the second the elevator had shuddered he was more concerned about making sure that you didn't start to panic than anything else. He gave up trying to spark some life into the button panel and sank down opposite you.

"I knew I should have brought my flask," you mumbled because not being sober in this situation sounded a whole lot better. Sebastian raised an eyebrow at you, a little smirk tugging at his lips.

"Do you normally drink before interviewing us? Are we that scary?" He was teasing you, but you could see there was a genuine interest in the way his blue eyes held yours.

"No, but a shot or two for dutch courage sometimes helps," he broke out into a toothy grin, nodding along in understanding.

"Yes well, some of these young drivers are very attractive. It must be distracting," was he teasing you?

"Not really my type," you said without thinking, your response bluntly honest. Sebastian didn't miss a trick, a gleam in his eye letting you know he was keeping hold of that piece of information.

"So you like the older guys?" There was nothing but simple curiosity in his tone, even so, you couldn't quite look him in the eye when you gave your next answer.

"Well, not total grandpas," you said. Your age you meant. More experienced, sensible, mature, but still young enough to have a sense of humour, to know how to show you a good time. You liked gentlemen. "Aren't I supposed to be interviewing you anyway?"

"Ha, please," he opened his hand in invitation and you mimed a microphone in the air, asking him a few stupid questions about the race and his performance, to which he answered with equally silly responses.

Seb, as you learnt he liked to be called by friends, was fascinating. Even his silly answers gave a little bit of himself to you. Every look he gave you was charged, every raise of his eyebrow or quirk of his lips perfectly calculated. And it was working, because you knew it wasn't just the confined space that was making the German increasingly more attractive.

An hour had passed. There was no phone service, you still couldn't get through to the help desk, and even your pocket radio wouldn't tune in. It was like you were stuck in a void. You groaned in frustration as the batteries on your radio stuttered out.

"This stupid thing," you grumbled as you pulled at the random straps and attachments in attempt to free yourself from the equipment. How Ted Kravitz was happy to walk around all day in his was beyond you. Seb was watching you struggle and slowly got to his feet, stepping closer to you.

"Hey, let me," he was very softly spoken as he stilled you.

His deft hands made short work of your belt. He carefully unplugged wires and removed clips and placed them slowly, one by one onto the floor beside you. Your mic and radio pack were the last things removed, so you thought Seb would step away but his hands were back on your waist. His hands were constantly brushing at the skin of your waist, only covered by the thin fabric of the summery dress you'd decided to wear that day. He undid the final buckle, his hands feather-light as he leant around behind you and you could feel his fingers drag across every centimetre of your skin as he finally pulled the belt off you.

Sebastian dropped the belt, but his blue eyes were fixed on yours as he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. You weren't sure if you were breathing or not.

"Are you trying to turn me on, or are you really that oblivious?" The words rushed from you in a breathless whisper. You froze for a moment, the fear that you'd made a mistake and were about to make the next god-knows-how-long incredibly awkward. Sebastian was painfully neutral in his expression as he regarded you, but he still hadn't stepped back and the smell of his cologne was fogging your mind,

"Oh, I'm trying," how he sounded so casual, just a hint of playfulness about him. You had no idea how to respond, was he teasing you? This man was a world champion, he could do whatever he wanted. There was an edge to that, the idea of the power he held, he was almost untouchable in the paddock. And it wasn't like he was a golden boy who kept himself out of trouble, Vettel had been handed his fair share of fines over the years.

"Right," you could see his back in the mirror opposite you, he was taller than you, shoulders stretching the fabric of his own polo. You looked helpless, backed up against the wall by him. He was looking at you now, eyes a little darker, trained more on your chest than your face.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No,"

The second the word left your lips Seb stepped forward, his body pressing against yours as he pinned you against the second mirrored wall. One hand was gripping your hip, with enough pressure to hold you in place. His other hand was already tangled in your hair, pulling you towards him as he captured you in a searing kiss.

Whatever kind, sweet, gentle nature you thought Seb had when he was interviewed had completely vanished. The man in front of you was kissing you like the world was ending. There was nothing gentle about him as he caught your bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. The was nothing gentle about the way his hands were roaming and grabbing at your body as if he was trying to mould you to his shape. There was certainly nothing gentle about the way he was rolling his hips against your thigh.

"Jesus," he managed to hiss as your mouth fell off his and you started attacking his neck, careful to toe the line just before you'd leave a mark on his skin. You decided to throw caution to the wind, because how many times do you find yourself stuck in a lift with a sporting legend, let alone such a handsome one? And besides, part of you wanted to be in that special club of people who'd known him like this.

You dropped to your knees in front of him, your dress providing a perfect view of your cleavage as you made quick work of unbuttoning the shorts he was wearing.

Sebastian groaned loudly as you took him in your mouth, the feeling alone enough to go straight through you. His hand tangled through your hair again, but he let you control the rhythm as he simply watched you bob your head through the mirror. The noises he made were addictive, and hearing him cursing in German was enough to make you want to finish him off like this.

But he was calling your name and asking you to wait so you pulled back oh so slowly, earning yourself another heavy hiss as you released him.

"I have to fuck you in that dress,"

It wasn't a request. But you didn't mind, you liked being told what to do. He pushed you back against the mirror again, lifting your legs and encouraging you to wrap them around his waist. Seb wasn't particularly tall but you always forgot just how strong the drivers were. He held you like you didn't weigh a thing.

His pace was bruising, and you were actually glad you were trapped in the elevator because there was nothing you could do to stop the near-constant stream of noise slipping from you, and he was equally loud. It was almost, almost, embarrassing at how quickly you were approaching your orgasm, but when Seb, oh so confident, let go of you with one hand and slipped it between you to start toying with your clit you were done.

"Seb-" you whined, his name so natural in your mouth. He was moving at a relentless pace, the pleasure almost overwhelming.

"You can do it," he forced the words out through gritted teeth as he watched you scream, your head falling back against the glass as your hips moved forcefully with him, your walls clenching deliciously around him as wave after wave of pleasure shot through you. You felt him twitch and he bit down on your shoulder as he came with a shudder of his own.

You stayed in his arms for a second, the pair of you breathing raggedly and trying to recover when something crackled behind you making you jump. The buttons on the panel were glowing again.

"Hi, it's reception, can you guys hear me? We're sending someone up now,"

#1.3k prompt night #sebastian vettel #seb vettel #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel imagine #stuck in an elevator #a classic for a reason hehe #formula one #F1 #sebastian vettel smut

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unpickled-olive · 3 months

Text

brain is healing

I've always been depressed, but before grad school, I had interests. I was teaching myself woodworking, building things, drawing plans, and restoring rusty hand planes. I had bought my first ever digital microphone and was recording (bad) music. I was practicing the violin on a semi-regular basis.

I also had hyperfixations. I always loved the experience of being obsessed with something for a few weeks at a time, even if I felt empty when the feeling passed. Spending three weeks learning about homesteading, or being a travel therapist, or rollerskating, or learning Arabic.

Grad school wasn't a decision I made out of passion but out of necessity. After getting my Bachelor's in Linguistics (not a hireable degree but an extremely interesting one), I went as far I could with entry-level jobs before going broke and having a mental breakdown. So I decided that if I couldn't find a job I was passionate about, I would get one that where I could 1. decently support myself, 2. do something meaningful for others, and 3. have the freedom to pursue passions outside of work. My dream job became one where I worked 3.5 days a week.

The conclusion was to build upon my background in linguistics and go into healthcare via speech-language pathology.

But when grad school started, I noticed how quickly all of my passion evaporated. Over night, there was suddenly no more planning, drawing, violin-making.

From week 2 to week 100 of school, I didn't have any thoughts about it. I was emotionally drained and too busy to think about enjoying life. I felt like I'd sold my soul for a stable job and when summer and, winter breaks didn't allow me to do anything but sleep, I figured I would be like that forever.

The one creative thing I did that entire time was write a short little sci-fi story. While trying to read a research paper in the student lounge, I suddenly had an idea and deleted the notes I was taking. For three hours, I did nothing but sit there and type. But due to how inundated in academia I was, it was both super morbid (a story about how Earth is the only planet where life degrades and dies due to ageing) and super academic (it took the form of a research paper written by horrified alien observers). I was so in that world that the only thing I could write had an abstract, an intro, a methodology, a results section, and a discussion.

I'm currently 4 months free of grad school (I say like I'm in recovery), and I've noticed that passion and interest are slowly dripping back into my life. I've spent the last few days reading about Proto-Indo-Europeans, just for fun. I read a BOOK. I'm contemplating building an English joiner's bench. I'm even motivated enough to post something personal on a blog no one will ever read.

These days, learning feels like it takes more effort than it did before. I have this feeling that there isn't room in my brain for any more things, so I shouldn't get too excited. It feels like that, and like the inertia of not having exercised in so long. But I notice this feeling lessening with each month.

This is all to say: grad school couldn't kill my soul forever—it could only kill it for two and a half years.

#grad school #slp #linguistics #woodworking #writing #dark academia (but in a sad boring way)#grad life #grad student

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anderscim · 8 months

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@eventide-roses asked:

I would like to drop in something that has been.....kinda bugging me??? Not really bugging, but idk if you can even make a theory off of it. It's more Xanvid inclined anyway (and ig Teruvid if you squint really hard), but it's something that I found kinda interesting imo

Ask yourself this. How much screentime did David even have before chapter 2? I find it odd (my brother and I joke about him being the "Levi" of chapter 1 - having very little screentime) that he wasn't on screen for.....really most of chapter's 1 daily life, except for when he intervened Teruko and Xander's conversation in the dining hall (where he went on about how there is so much pressure on his shoulders from being looked up to a lot). Keep in mind Teruko knows his optimistic facade is merely an act. Lots of ppl (included myself) think that David only intervened cause he was watching Xander and Teruko, cautious cause one person knew something that they shouldn't have. But that also sounds a little too cautious, wouldn't you say? Sure, as an inspirational speaker, you are expected to be always happy and cheerful, seeing the world through rose tinted glasses. But surely, as a human being, you are also not immune to being sad. His slip up in the introduction just sounded like an introvert to me. Maybe a bit of a bitchy introvert, but not......something worth total contempt from someone. Yet, David is paranoid enough to keep to himself for the majority of chapter 1 and (most likely) just watched Teruko and Xander's interactions carefully. Why would he do this? Obviously he doesn't want anyone else to know about how his facade is just....well, a facade. But it honestly seems like he genuinely values Xander's opinion about him. He doesn't want anything negative to smear Xander's opinion about him. And keep in mind, ever since the killing game was announced, David (most likely) automatically went in his head "Well, it's only a matter before we all die" yet he still desperately tries to keep up his happy go lucky facade, even when he knows he could die the very next day

I found it kinda odd he never really played a big part until after chapter 2, episode 4 where he became the so called 'leader' and started the plan to share secrets again. But wasn't this also after the end of the first trial where he says "I lost hope, I won't bother to keep it up anymore, we are all going to die here" <- paraphrasing rn, don't kill me. And yet he STILL tries to keep up the persona. I remember one blog made a post about how David's plan was actually better than what the cast could've done (sit around the let the motives be revealed or reveal them without permission) which I agree with. But then it backfired and everyone started to gain up on David during the trial. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when Teruko said David has been faking not only his personality, but also being a good person. Like damn girl, you think he's a bad person just cause you caught him saying a few negative things to himself? It fits with her character of not trusting people, but still. All that was revealed about his 'true true' personality was that he was some mildly bitchy introvert that wanted to sleep in I have no idea where I am going with this, but these are some findings that I thought was interesting enough to share with you (hopefully I'm sending it to the right blog as well). I guess what I'm trying to say is not only does David truly care about Xander, but possibly everyone else in the cast (he probably even had some respect for Teruko, until Xander died, which is a whole other can of worms, but I also think he blames her for Xander's death and her secret he received in chapter 2 only verifies his belief) And (this is also an extremely long stretch but also worth considering) the gag comic that the dev made I think? 2021 ish? Where David received too many letters and he was worried how he would get through all of them? It wasn't even his idea to throw them out, it was Whit's (to which, David even asked him isn't that a little mean?). It shows that David still cares about his fans (again, it's a really big stretch, but still has the character's canon personalities, since the dev themself made it)

first off, thank you for the submission lexi! i hope you don’t mind that i transferred your ask to this blog ^^

and yeah, i noticed these things too, but in my opinion it may mostly be an indication that david is adamant about maintaining his persona and what the cast expects from him.

(take this with a grain of salt)

despite his (at the very least) pessimistic dialogue at the end of chapter one, i think he tries to consistently keep the “ideal image” that the rest of the cast expects from him as the ultimate inspirational speaker—leading the group, presenting that entire plan (despite likely making it up on the spot), etc—in the beginning of chapter two. similar to what you said, i think it’s a very interesting contradiction to have david act so pessimistic and say that they’re “all certainly going to die here,” and then suddenly find him within the next few days leading the group and doing everything he possibly could to keep his plan going. like i mentioned in this older post, david’s plan was likely better than any of the alternatives—and based on the fact he could potentially convince everyone to follow a separate path from what he outlined in ch2 ep4, it’s likely that he wasn’t actually attempting to “foster the right atmosphere for murder to occur,” like he claimed in episode 11.

so if he was trying to help and prevent another murder despite the (very) limited means to do so—despite him clearly saying how they’re all going to die the chapter before—it might point to the fact that david is pressured by his own reputation to act in a way that is fitting for an inspirational speaker, regardless of all of his slip-ups from earlier. after all, david may have felt that it was wrong to watch all of the discourse happening in ch2 ep4 and not do something about it, especially since he has a career that literally helps other people for a living.

however, this internal(?) pressure could imply that he sets unrealistic expectations on himself to maintain that image—which might explain why, despite his slip-up in the prologue only showing us that he was more pessimistic and lazy than the cast expected, he was paranoid enough to check on xander and teruko. as implied from the MV and all of the secrets that it has, there’s a lot of evidence that points to david not feeling human (the dolls, the albino mouse / arabidopsis / footnote 2)—instead, he thinks of himself as a sort of “model organism” and someone who’s supposed to hold up an ideal for everyone else to follow. if this is true, this may explain why he felt cautious enough to go out of his way and monitor(?) the two people who may know something past his persona/reputation—true, it is only human to feel negative emotions and express them outwardly, but in david’s case he may hold incredibly high expectations for himself as a role model and pretend that he’s immune to those emotions. after all, he doesn’t feel like he’s human.

i also agree on the “he at the very least had an iota of respect for the rest of the cast at one point” part <-paraphrased. no specific evidence for this but i might get to it later

i hope you get what i mean. (-.-;) thank you again for the submission!

#bagel’s asks #bagel’s train of thought #drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time #david chiem #fangan #fanganronpa #slightly shorter post #again thank you for the ask!

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quaranmine · 3 months

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6, 12, and 25 for the mcytblr fic author asks?

6. Do you like using the mcyt multiverse as a concept? (all SMPS and MC content exists in the same universe)

Yes!! To the point where it will bother me if I can't make them all fit, lol. Usually I like to keep the Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, Evo and Life Series all within the same universe. I like MCC as an event where people from these servers can intersect. Empires though is a problem to me, as it often contradicts things quite heavily due to the characters' lore. So whether or not Empires (S1 or S2) is canon sort of depends on what I am writing. I also often disregard random one-off SMPs as well--I'm not going to try to figure out how Rats SMP fits into Hermitcraft fits into Empires, it's just a nice little series in its own right.

12.Funniest comment you've ever gotten in a piece of work?

I think the funniest is when I posted a Firewatch AU chapter and @ivi-prism sent me a screenshot of her fake-buying plane tickets to Texas on an actual airline website to come kill me

Also I do find it pretty amusing that I am so loudly fixated on fire lookouts that I am aware of more than one person who have started reading my fanfic without even being familiar with Hermitcraft LOL

25.What works and/or authors in the fandom do you recommend?

Well, I've got to rep some of my friends first! Ivi is the creator of this ask game, and you should definitely check out her works -- Off-world vacations is a sweeping dsmp x hermitcraft crossover that has been in the works for years, great for Fundy fans. chrysalizzm is one of the most talented writers I've ever met, and I've seen firsthand the incredible research and depth and soul he's poured into the wasteland series. another excellent writer is prismartist, who probably has something for everyone since they've written life series, hermitcraft, dream smp, qsmp, and empires.

Really though, I need to get better at actually bookmarking my favorite works. I often kudos and then lose them oops

I have to recc definitelynotshouting's hunger au, although I feel like that's quite well known in the fandom already (for good reason)

sunlight over me no matter what i do by odaigahara is a GREAT oneshot, but mind the gore and body horror (grian cuts off his own wings to get rid of watcher influence)

I'm pretty fond of a specific subset of Watcher!Grian stories where the old Grian died and a Watcher/something else just kind of uhhhh took over his body with his memories? So I must recommend tempering by sixteenthdays, as well as You Say You Feel Hollow (and you know it's 'cause you are) by writing_and_worrying. still slightly similar in concept but not quite the same is the body is an object by ruffboi. And it's probably distinctly different enough that it shouldn't even be grouped here, but I also adore Covet by Oceanbreeze7 for a good Creature-y Watcher!Grian.

I like Enderwoah's Jimmy/Bad Boys fics. The two I have in my bookmarks is i've got problems (not just the ones that are little) and i can see the pattern (but i don't know what i can do)

Finally, I don't always blog about hermitshipping but I do sometimes read it, so I'll leave you with a scarian fic that has killed me like three separate times: Baby, just let me bleed in peace by mossman_mothman

#quara asks

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kanaesparadise · 2 years

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Valorant Agents Reactions to You're Killed By Their Mirror One

Type: Angst with no comfort

Pronounce: They/Them

Characters: Neon, Fade, Jett

Warnings: Major characters death, Mentions of Blood, psychological problems (depression, anxiety, tantrums etc.)

A/N: Reader is an Valorant Protocol Agent in this scenario. They died on a mission because of the replicas of the agents in the omega world. And Sage can't get you back in life. If you are a reader who can be triggered by the things that I mentioned in the warnings, please skip this writing. You can check out other content on my blog. Also because of the heavy content, I just wrote about my favourite characters 'cause it's more easier to me. Have fun while reading my Valorant scenarios, dear (Y/N)!

Neon

She was already afraid that this would happen one day, seeing that she couldn't protect you from being killed by her copy was enough to bring her down.

She had seen with her own eyes that you fell to the ground with a scream of pain because you couldn't escape the opposing Neon's ultimate in the spike area. Neon was able to hit the copy but couldn't save you.

You were so electrically charged when she took you in her arms that she was horrified. How could she let this happen when she was afraid of hurting you?

When she took you to Sage, she was trying to believe that you could somehow come back.

But that never happened.

Sage said she couldn't bring you back because you died in a very different way from a normal bullet wound.

Neon didn't want to accept this. Why did Sage say she couldn't just bring you back when she could bring everyone back to life? That's unfair, totally unfair!

She blames Sage, even though she knows that she can't do anything. She loses herself in anger and sadness, so they have to stop her, along with a few agents.

For a week after your death, she will throw tantrums blaming herself. If she had been faster, if she had hit more accurately, if she hadn't missed in the first place, if she had been where you were standing…

Although she seems to have calmed down in later times, this is not because her pain has subsided, but because she has started behaving like a spirit.

She didn't joke with the others, attend their events, or even talk to them outside of work.

After returning from missions or when she feels worse and out of control than ever before, she comes to your grave and talks for hours. Although it's easier for her to control her powers because the soil absorbs electricity in graveyard, she wants to believe that she's okay because she's talking to you. Even if you're not there.

Except these times, she comes every week and leaves your favourite flowers on your grave and tells about what she did that week.

And she's apologizes to you. Every week. Every time she come to graveyard to see you.

"I'm so sorry. I don't think I deserve to live, but I don't deserve a peaceful death with you either."

Fade

She knew that you were both at risk of dying, but she had never imagined that she would cause it.

She wasn't affected by Mirror Fade's nightmarish ability, but she didn't realize that you were.

While she was aiming at Mirror Fade, her target was different, aiming directly at you.

Even though Fade fired her gun first, she couldn't stop her from shooting you.

It was one thing that Fade heard your agonizing cry the moment she shoot her Mirror one.

When she looked back at you, it was too late, you were on the ground covered in blood.

When she saw you like that, it was as if her heart had stopped. This must have been a nightmare too, right? Mirror Fade had chosen you instead of taking her.

She could handle anything that was a nightmare, but she couldn't stand it being real. She can lose everything but not you. They don't have a right to take you away from her.

She could feel it, your body was freezing. You weren't moving, you weren't breathing, you weren't showing her your sweet smile. Why? Shouldn't this nightmare be over now, why was it so realistic?

She felt as if she was losing her sense of reality. How could this be possible? She did her duty successfully, but sacrificed you? Was she that incompetent?

She didn't know what to do when she found out that Sage couldn't bring you back to life.

Fade didn't have much things in her life, just you. It was as if she had watched you slip through her hands and crumble into pieces like you're a delicate vase. She couldn't put the pieces together, how could such small pieces be the same again?

She didn't make a mess, but she didn't feel the need to hide her sadness either. She felt too awful to care what others thought of her.

When she came to leave flowers on your grave after time had passed, she couldn't stay there. She couldn't look at your grave.

She would have had a lot of trouble coming to your grave because she couldn't bear the weight of being the reason why you were in that grave.

Instead of coming to your grave, she prefers to go to places that have memories with you.

Even though she blamed herself for not being able to come to your grave, she couldn't bear to see you among those dead bodies. You shouldn't be there, you have to be with her in her room. Why you have to sleep there without her? Why didn't you take her with you?

Although she doesn't have much contact with the other agents, she moves away from them much more than before.

What was the point of her talking to these agents that she talked to because you were friends with them, without you?

"I wish I hadn't complained about my nightmares."

Jett

Although Jett didn't seem to think about the possibility of you dying, she was always afraid of it whenever you went on a mission.

She were a little relieved, thinking that she could at least protect you on the missions she went with you.

But she couldn't. She can't protect you from herself.

While the you and Jett was trying to stop the agents from setting up the spike, jett had gone ahead of you so she thought she'd shoot a few agents with her ult.

Yes she did, but never thought of her Mirror One.

Mirror one dash over Jett with her blades in her around, ignoring her and targeting you. She caught you off guard by throwing all five of her knives at you at once.

Jett had hit her in the head with her knives when she spotted the mirror, but it was too late.

She dashed next to you, panicked when she saw you like that. You had a lot of bleeding and she knew it would get worse if she tried to remove the blades.

She hoped you'd survive until the others arrived, but when she checked your pulse, she realized she couldn't feel anything.

A few times she thought she was looking in the wrong place, but she was looking in the right place for your pulse. Also, you weren't breathing anymore.

She was starting to feel as if she couldn't breathe. Her throat was burning, her eyes began to ache, she could hear how fast her heartbeat was.

"No no no no NO! THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU'RE LEAVING ME ALL ALONE LIKE EVERYONE! HOW-HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!?"

She cannot accept your death for a long time. She even had a big fight with Reyna because of this.

Reyna's mention of your death as a childish affliction was enough for Jett to go mad with anger and attack her.

It was much more difficult to keep her under control compared to her normal strength, as she was blinded by anger.

Sage had to give her a sedative as Phoenix and Yoru had trouble holding her together.

Since Reyna wouldn't hesitate to give Jett the same response, Sova and Breach also had to hold Reyna so she wouldn't get close to Jett.

After your death and everything that had happened, Jett would have completely lost her old energy.

She would become less competitive and much calmer than before. It's because she doesn't want to care more about what other people think.

Raze and Phoenix tried to get her energy back, but she refused them all and told them to she didn't need her old energy anymore.

She didn't respond when Brimstone scolded her, didn't respond when Yoru messed with her.

She's just starts to apologize to everybody.

She wasn't angry about anything because she didn't care about them. She was using her entire day to practice, not talking to anyone.

She was ignoring anyone who tried to talk to her. They can get angry and yell at her if they want, but Jett will apologize and continue to ignore them once they stop yelling.

Still, she will not let any bad word said to you go unpunished.

She often comes to lay flowers on your grave, would sit by your grave for hours while listening some soft tunes. Watching the sky as if she wanted to see your face again at least for a second.

"The sky looks beautiful today. Maybe it's because of you, my love."

#valorant agents #valorant #valorant x reader #valorant scenarios #valorant jett #valorant fade #valorant neon #jett x reader #neon x reader #fade x reader #valorant angst

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sunxstreaker · 29 days

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Hi! 3, 6, 9 and 12 (TF) and 8 and 15 for Ambulon please

Aecho Hi!!!!!

Transformers

3...which scene I would like to erase from the universe and why.

Auuughgh I'm not even gonna try and think too much but like half the deaths and deaths fake outs in mtmte are grating me, I think if i sat down and actually tried to tell you i wouldn't come up with anything concrete or really worse erasing. Despite how much criticism i give to tf media there's barely anything that makes me mad enough to erase it from existence.

6...which is my favorite platonic or familial relationship in this world.

Charlie and Bumblebee is the biggest comfort to me!! I can't just keep talking abt idw1 LMAO their friendship is so wonderful and I hope we get to see them interact again at least briefly.

9...which characters I think should have interacted more in canon.

Oh man. It'd take another list. I think i would've loved to see Shockwave and Ambulon and combicons in general interact. Would've loved a little more into Shockwave working on the combiners and flashback on the combicons even if vaguely.

Amb got some daddy issues i know he does /j

12...what attracted me into checking it out.

It's actually been with me my whole life i was a HUGE transformers kid with the first two live action movies and tfp, i just kind of fell off when i started using internet much more. I had a HUGE crush on Bumblebee, esp Animated one, even wrote Ded Moroz a letter asking for an animated bumblebee toy. With a drawing. With me and Bee.

I didn't get the toy though and my parents never indulged me cuz they weren't big fans of me being into "boys" things so fucking jokes on them now.

Though if i had to say why i got so much into it recently (its going to be exactly a year since tomorrow. LMAO) its cuz I've had a passing interest in rewatching tfp and then i kind of got Really into starbee and found out about idw1, watched the live action Bumblebee, got Transformers devastation on my laptop, started reading a Lot of starbee fanfiction and eventually started reading idw1 and watching tfa, which became an actual rabbit hole for me. And here I am........

Ambulon

8...if I'm most interested in fics about them that focus on fluff, angst, humor, smut or actual plot?

I'll be real I mostly read fanfiction for smut cuz when it comes to anything non-shippy I'm very picky and particular w the way my favs are characterized and how things are written, but smut is somehow much less commitment to me lmao. Especially w Ambulon I'm very territorial w him.

So yea most fic I've read w him was smut.

I don't mind non-smut/ship fic recommendations I'm just bad at finding fic like that I would like lmao. Which is very funny to me cuz most stuff I write isn't really about shipping.

15...how I wish their story would go/would have gone.

He shouldn't have died like that, my entire Ambulon blog is a fix-it fanfiction. He's such a low stakes character from like. Narrative stand point, that his death is a tool for other characters "development". I don't really like how much his character was warped and twisted in general cuz Jro cannot be consistent w Ambulon for the life of him. But also I get it, y'know? His death was stupid but also not like, getting rid of another bg character is that much of a deal, even though it's insane how much personality and story he was given as a one-off character lmao.

I love the angst around his death though he makes a good story ghost.

#aecholapis #thank you!!! ❤❤

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littlepuppylee · 13 days

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Update On My Life:

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a while since I've been active, a lot has been going on in my life recently, and my recently I mean the past year. Just a warning, I do talk about just like anxiety, depression, and dealing with trauma and thoughts of sewer slide.

First, I would just like to thank you guys for being patient with me and my absence. I know I don't have a large following, but I still have people on here who I would chat with occasionally. I haven't been doing well since July of 2023. To sum everything up, I had jumped from relationship to relationship, got cheated on in one, had a fwb relationship for the first time and got my heart broken, and was uhhhh not well mentally lmao. Sorry I'm avoiding trauma dumping. But hey I finally lost my virginity, so that's something.

So for me, whenever I've been in relationships, I kind of neglect my NSFW Tumblr blogs mainly because I don't want my partners finding them and either 1. finding out some kinks that I'm not ready to share, or 2. presume that I am cheating on them or being unfaithful.

I'm also in therapy and I should be starting some anti-anxiety medication that should also help with depression. Yay, Zoloft. Oh yeah! Officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder - not surprised since it runs in my family- and Atypical Depression - I didn't fit the entire criteria for Major Depressive Disorder since my depressive episodes aren't long enough, which also runs in my family - as well as some symptoms relating to PTSD - I don't fit the entire criteria for PTSD I think; I just remember being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder. I'll talk to my therapist about that for clarification.

Also, don't be like me and jump from relationship to relationship as a way to distract yourself from the negative feelings from the past one. 1. That just isn't fair to the other person if they are not aware of this, and 2. You need to give yourself time to heal. I never gave that to myself because I thought I was fine. I thought I was better, but my therapist helped me realize that no, I am not better. She had said to me that just because I feel better, that doesn't mean I am actually better, and when she asked me for my thoughts on what she had just said, I realized that I haven't been better for a while. I haven't been better for a long time, which became more obvious when I opened up to her about a traumatic event that happened when I was 12-13 and hadn't talked about in years.

I ended my most recent relationship because I realized that I was in fact not okay and not over my trauma, and the levels of anxiety and feelings of apathy from depressive episodes that I was feeling was affecting my relationship. It was a good relationship, but I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship to begin with at the time considering 1. my grandfather died and that was a bit traumatic to witness, 2. I had just gotten my heart heavily broken, and 3. uhhhh mental health got SUPER bad :] Thoughts of sewer slide, but I'm hanging in!

Alright! Let's get onto the positive stuff! Besides that, the second semester of my second year of college is going super well academically speaking. It's the end of the semester right now, finals are coming up very soon, and I have 2 B's and the rest are A's as of this moment. All I have left now are mostly papers, 2 official finals, and a presentation. I'm also an aunt now! Not too fond of kids myself, but my nephew is the exception lmao, he's pretty cool for a newborn. I've also been reading a book right now called 'Tiny Traumas' to hopefully help me identify some areas in my life that could've contributed to the way I think, act, and feel, and how to move forward. I also finally get to start working, so making some money will be nice. Putting off relationships for a while and focusing on making money and bettering myself

What have I learned? Well, I can't have sex without developing feelings - found that out the hard way, I genuinely DID go through a traumatic experience and I had been downplaying it for years because nothing physical happened, don't trust Gemini men, don't date a 23 year old at 19, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK AFTER HE CHEATS EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY EMOTIONALLY CHEATING, and I cannot do a polyamorous relationship. Scratch that, what I actually learned was that I was a unicorn lmao. At least it makes a good funny story to tell.

So I'm mostly making all of this known to hopefully help feel someone less alone, especially on the NSFW side of Tumblr, as well as to just vent a bit while avoiding trauma dumping. This is also just to help show where I've been and how I'm doing. Besides that, I should be back for good, and I hope you guys are doing well :)

#tickling community.#tickling.#tickling kink #tickle thoughts #tickles.#nsft tickling #mental health #mental illness #tickling kink.#tickle content

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lemonhemlock · 1 year

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Let's be honest Alicent portrayal in the show is not great either.

I know some fans are very disappointed with the adaptation choices for Alicent's character, but overall I am not one of them, although I do have some points of contention. You are free to disagree, of course, but I'm not going to be writing an entire essay on this when I already have a pretty crowded tag in place for show!Alicent on my blog, as well as a few reference posts already here, here and here + a rhaenicent ask + another one. I also think they did stellar work crating Alicent's fucked-up dynamic with her family members.

There is also that post flying around about how so many people resonate with her, so they must be doing at least something right.

I think the main reason Alicent's portrayal suffers in the show is because the writers did not properly highlight that Aegon has the superior claim legal-wise. This is a huge mishap, because it leaves Alicent in a weird limbo state when there shouldn't be any doubts (I have already discussed this at great length in my succession for the iron throne + bastardposting tags, so I will not get into it here).

Another plot point that people really hated was that they showed Alicent misinterpreting Viserys' last words. I would invite people to watch that scene in relation to the fireside scene between pregnant!Alicent and drunk!Viserys in the "Second of His Name" episode for more context. I agree that it's not the best possible execution, but at least it didn't completely come out of nowhere.

I would also like to point out that, as stupid as it seem to our modern logic, this is actually a development lifted from The Anarchy. After King Henry I died, they claimed that he had changed his mind about his daughter Matilda succeeding him and nominated his nephew Stephen as heir instead.

This information is available one Wikipedia click away. So, this begs the question: if this kind of shit actually worked in our real life history, why is Alicent so disparaged over it? Henry of Blois was obviously not "robbed of his agency" by this "plot twist" lol, it genuinely helped his brother become King.

#ask #anon #alicent hightower #the anarchy tm

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compassionatereminders · 1 year

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Long time lurker, first time asker. Love your blog, Kat. It helps me a lot when the bipolar blues get me down (or up).

I am so sad about something but also guilty about being sad about it 😞

I've been planning to speak at a big national conference for my job for the last 6 months. My husband has been super proud and supportive of me for this. My employer already paid for the travel and hotel and everything, and I'm going with several other close friends who I also work with. It is this upcoming week.

But then yesterday my husband's grandma died. He's very distraught, obviously. She passed away in a hospital 5 hours away. And of course, he needs to go to be with his family. And I'm going with him, since that's a long drive and he shouldn't have to face this on his own. So I'm choosing him over a work-related thing.

But I am just so upset I'm going to miss the conference. I'm crying by myself when he's not around, and then feeling so guilty about being upset about something so miniscule when HIS GRANDMA JUST DIED. Like, wow, how selfish can I be?

I'm telling you because I can't tell anyone else about how I'm feeling without risking hurting my husband if he finds out, you know. I don't want to make this about me. I'm trying to just be there for him. It just fucking sucks.

You're not being selfish. I mean you literally canceled your big important thing to be there for him! And it's not like you lose your right to be upset and disappointed because his grandma died. You're still entitled to having emotions and you're definitely not selfish simply for being upset about how all of this is affecting your life

#chat with kat #death tw

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guzsdaily · 5 months

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Memento Mori

Day 17 - Nov 22nd, 12.023

Hopefully, I will create a video essay in the future about this topic.

"Memento mori (Latin for 'remember that you [have to] die') is an artistic symbolic trope acting as a reminder of the inevitability of death. The concept has its roots in the philosophers of classical antiquity and Christianity, and appeared in funerary art and architecture from the medieval period onwards." - Momento mori - Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia

I have an interesting relationship with death and the general idea of "everything has an end" personally. I'm never able to think of it as something good or bad, relieving or depressing, unnatural or inevitable, I'm still young, and thankfully I haven't lost that many people yet to know my relationship with it completely. Personally, it would be great if we could cure aging and have a fulfilling mostly immortal lives and be able to experience the mind-blowing size of this universe, but maybe our brains cannot comprehend and process a life bigger than 100, 200, 500 years. The only thing I know today, is that someday, everything will be a memory, independent if I die or not, the word and people change, and this is something with cannot be "cured".

Memories

- Not being able to remember

One of the worst symptoms of something like anxiety, depression, bad mental health in general, or even just bad sleep, is the degradation of your long form memories. I can't remember things from 5 years ago easily, I can even remember things from when I was a young teenager, and I'm just 19 years old! My childhood and teenager years wasn't interesting enough to me to remember easily, I was always inside my home, didn't have any friends to talk to during school, I didn't hurt myself, played, risked myself to be able to pinpoint interesting moments of my life!

I can't remember the face of my deceased grandparents... I always had a difficult with faces, not being able to reconstruct the face of my girlfriend or parents easily in my mind, and not I can't even remember how my grandparents looked like when I visited their home every week...

Most of my childhood is just a faded image, with just small areas where I can recognize things.

- Saving memories

Something which I can't thank enough is how today we are able to save and store things and events in photos, hard drives, videos, text, chats, etc., it's a privilege to be able to just go back in a chat and remember a joke that made you laugh with your friend, open your gallery to see an image that you took with your parents when you were young, or even just open YouTube to see a creator that you watched on your childhood again.

But what would happen if all of it goes away? If one day YouTube shuts down, if Google Photos or iCloud stops working, if Discord deletes your account? What happens to all those memories of yours? Do you give enough attention and care to be able to remember them from your memory alone? And I'm going to be honest, I'm not here to give an answer, blame the dependency on technology in plain 21st century, we can't save everything in our brains. But again, wouldn't be at least better if you saved said memories in a USB? Local hard drive? Put your blog posts in plaintext or markdown? Remove at least the dependency on online services, y'know? Because one day, they will go out, it's easy to unplug a server, to delete an archive, to lose a backup that you can't control, the average lifetime of a company is just 15 years, Google has 25 already.

- Sharing memories

You probably already know the concept of "two deaths" - "Everyone has two deaths, one when the body dies, and the last time someone says their name" - and I think that this could be taken not just as a way of "make an impact in people's life", but also "share who you are, and you will be remembered who you were". And you shouldn't be remembered by just other people, but also yourself, to remember who you were.

I never thought a lot on posting about my life, who I am, share memories, events, things that are happening and struggles I'm facing. Neither talking to my friends nor family sometimes, I always felt that my life is uninteresting, that no one will remember what I said. But I'm starting to realize that, writing these posts and, even more, sharing my thoughts with the people that I care, started to help me remember who I am and who I were. The people who love you, the people who find you interesting, will remember, they will remember about you and your stories, and they will continue to tell them about you, to yourself! They will help you remember who you are and were!

And they will remember about you and not let you die after your body does. Share your and others' memories, don't let you and others die out.

Everything has an end

- Change happens

A lot of times, the idea of "The End" is always associated with death, destruction, the complete stop of someone's or something's lifetime, but changes also end things. The person you were a year ago died, you change, your body has new cells. The world in which you lived in already died, government changes, experiences passes, people change jobs, technology and society progresses, and you can't do anything about it liking or not. Entropy cannot be stopped, and the world will never actually stop changing, for good or bad.

So everything will have an end, independent if it ends up being with a rewrite or complete burn of a book.

- Unus Annus

And you probably are already asking, why? Why this entry about death and change out of nowhere? And the most honest answer that I can give is: I'm subscribed to Markiplier, and every year I'm remembered about a project which he made in 2020, when I wasn't subscribed, called Unus Annus. If you don't know about it, in summary it was a YouTube channel that he and Ethan Nestor created together, with the premise of "after one year, this channel will be deleted, and all the videos will be lost" - you probably can see the connection of death, memories, etc. here.

I didn't watch Unus Annus, I've never heard of it until around the end of 2022 I think, and now that the channel is gone, the only thing that are today are the memories and people who talk about them. And I will never be able to experience it, see the videos, the fun that it had, because it's gone, and I didn't even know, I can't go back in time or change the reality that time passed and things happened without me even knowing about.

- You can't experience everything

Even if one day immortality becomes a thing, we will never be able to experience how it was in the medieval times, how the steam engine was created, and the start of electricity. I will never be able to know how a world without internet was, how World War was, how a world without computer and the digital machines worked. The only thing that we can have are the memories and experiences of others about said things.

One of the things that probably a lot of people have today is the want to do a lot of things, create worlds, draw characters, create software, create histories. But even if time was limitless, said things could fade away, software can have another meaning with new technologies, worlds can be created by others before we, or characters can lose their meaning after a while, so there can be a chance where we will not experience all of them. However, we will be able to talk to people who done said things, who experienced them, who created the same things you wanted to create, and those people will be jumping of joy to have someone to share their experience and memories with.

Everyone likes to share memories, and the more we share, the more immortal we are.

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Today's artists & creative things

Video: Unus Annus: The Most Interesting Channel (not) On YouTube - by TheSyperior After watching Markiplier's Unus Annus death anniversary video, I was recommended this video essay by TheSyperior about the channel. Because of this I made this journal entry in the first place, so it would be correct to recommend also the video to know about the history and how Unus Annus affected people.

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This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0) License

#daily journal #memento mori #unus annus

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