#i'm astonished

[nemofil]

google search deranged greek sculptors

#ultrakill #guess who just finished violence with a C rank !! i was fucking suffering #BUT THE LORE THAT GOT DROPPED ON US IS SO ASJKFNQAWJKLRNAM #.M2NQKRJHQKJFH IM SO NORMLA ABOUT IT #HGGHEUGH #OUT OF MY SEVERAL PREDICTIONS NONE WERE A SNAG #I'M ASTONISHED #i wonder who this king [REDACTED - 6 LETTER NAME] is

[tr0llskog]

Woah did they change back to the previous tumblr layout?? :O

#I'm astonished

[betweentheheavesofstorm]

the year is 2024. I am watching The X Files 1x08 with my blissfully offline boyfriend. We reach the scene where, in confinement, Mulder and Scully examine each other's backs for alien marks. My boyfriend, who has never seen the show before, makes an amused noise and utters a strong contender for understatement of the year:

"I'm guessing there's fanfiction about these two"

#he is astonished that tumblr still exists and that I'm on it

[libroseitm]

[Izzy voice] fuck me.

"We're all gathered here today to celebrate the life of [redacted]. One of their biggest achievements was a meme about a lube company supporting the ofmd season 3 and beyond campaign of 2024."

#You guys. #I'm astonished #And find all of the tags utterly hilarious #I read them when I'm sad #And it never fails to cheer me up 🥺

[soracities]

i dont know how else to put this but to approach books (or any media, really) solely for the sake of relatability is genuinely incredibly heartbreaking......to have such little (or such unwilling) imaginative scope that you cannot stretch yourself, even marginally, in a different direction to what you’ve known or are used to knowing when the very POINT of stories is to transport you somewhere else, into someone else, so you can do just that........when fran lebowiz said a book “is supposed to be a door!” and george saunders said good prose “is like empathy training wheels” they were right!!! they were so so so SO absolutely entirely right!!!!!

#thinking about that last post still and i'm having so many thoughts #that people have relatability as the sole criterion is astonishing to me #like how else are you going to develop variegated textures in your relationships w others? #not to be dramatic but it seems like a little death to me. truly. #everything i read as a child and teenager was expressly something as different from my world as possible. bc i wanted to relate as something #other than me #once again it is. heartbreaking #truly it is #p #book talks #idir lúibíní

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hands down one of my worst experiences in high school was when the seniors decided to extort the entire school by using tactics that were banned by the UN to get them to pay for the senior party! If that sounds like a wild sentiment stay tuned because this shit got crazy.

I was living in Arizona at the time and I was a freshman. Our campus was largely open air, with walks between class room buildings and some covered outdoor tables. Our event began with a morning announcement. The seniors were collecting donations for the senior party, and when they reached their goal, their fundraising method would stop.

Their fundraising method:

To pipe the entire schools speakers with "If You're Happy and You Know It" on loop. To this day, I cannot hear this song without experiencing a degree of rage and madness that is frankly alarming. One of the worst parts of the entire thing was that the recording they chose had the female singer do a little clap and say "Yay-ha-hey," at the end. So it wasn't just the song, it was this awful little cooldown stinger at the end.

If this sounds a lot like psychological torture you'd be extremely correct! This practice has been banned in some countries, but the good old US hasn't ruled it a human rights violation, and what a fun silly way to raise money, that definitely wasn't damaging to adolescent psyches!

Every morning for 15 minutes before school began, every passing period, every lunch, and after school for another 15 minutes they blasted that fucking song on unceasing repeat through every speaker in the school. Everyone found different ways of coping with this and mine was to observe my classmates descent into madness and categorize the stages.

The first stage was almost completely consistent, and it was a smug almost exasperated eye rolling phase. Often accompanied by derisive comments about the song or the tactic, this phase was extremely mildly annoyed. Most people figured it would blow over soon, and no one anticipated this continuing for a week and a half, creating a miasma of fraught tension.

The second phase was elevated annoyance, starting to snap and be less amused characterized this level of irritation. People would try to cover their ears or put on headphones, humming aggressively to block out the syrupy repulsive children's performer with her loathsome little clap. This phase had people picking their absolute least favorite part of the song. Her inflection on certain words, her timing between verses. I think it's pretty clear already which part I hated most.

The next phase was a bounce back out to absurdity. It became funny how annoying it was and people would sing along as if to challenge the song's authority over their psyche. This paired exceptionally poorly with people in phase two as they'd often lash out at the people giving more voice to their hell.

The fourth phase was a dead-eyed madness. People would stare straight ahead and their lips would silently mouth the familiar words. The song had pounded its way into their very soul and was inextricably linked to auditory output. They often didn't even realize if they began chanting along.

The fifth and final phase was pure uncut pubescent rage. Kids would scream, attack each other, and in a truly epic end to the event hurl a cafeteria chair with such force at the speaker in the cafeteria to irreparably damage the sound system.

The seniors got funding for a party, but some of it had to go to repair the damages, which were substantial.

#ramblies #funny #ffs foibles #high school #when I transferred back to my home state they tried something similar with the song “Blue”. The teachers were threatening to walk by lunch #I'm honestly astonished that none of the teachers rebelled in arizona? It had to be just as bad for them and it played in classrooms

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

The prevalence of male violence means that the chances of a woman telling the truth about a man hurting her is INFINITELY more likely than the chances of her lying, but people will still believe the man over her

#I'm not saying women never lie #Of course they do #But if your first instinct is that she is a liar then you are unscientific #I feel like it's a defense mechanism tbh #If you believe every woman then you have to come to the conclusion that there's an astonishing number of bad men #And most people cannot handle that thought #It's depressing agony #It's better to assume most women are lying #But alas

[ask-spiderpool]

He’s so dear to me, so i had to give him the maximum honor a character can have;  to draw them doing some kind of gymnastics

i really hope you like it, i had to learn how to really use tumblr for this ..

Submitted by @carnelianeye

#ask-spiderpool #spiderman #submission #peter parker #olive me #SHRIEKS SO LOUDLY #OOOUUGH. OUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #oh my god. his back muscles. his hair. the pose. #this is so. so astonishing #and yes. his 🍑 #the neon lettering.... #the... ouhghgg.g.. #i'm going to stare at this for hours. im g #the incredible urge to rake fingers through olive's hair. #carnelianeye i adore you

[wyvernquill]

Now, this may be obvious to others, but I haven’t seen much discussion of it here on Tumblr, so I thought I’d draw some attention to it!

In my n-th rewatch of the 1389 scene (I keep checking and re-checking the details for accuracy in my fics), I noticed something interesting towards the beginning of the scene: I think Dream was about to “poach” Geoffrey Chaucer, similarly to what he did in 1589 with Shakespeare.

It’s subtle, but you can see Death and Dream pause in front of his table, listen to their conversation, and Dream is noticeably interested - and why wouldn’t he be, Geoffrey here is practically catnip for the Lord of Stories! So he steps closer, he leans in, we can even see him open his mouth as if to strike up some conversation about those “tavern tales”...

...and then Hob Gadling says “Look, I’ve seen death”, and both Dream and Death stop in their tracks, and the scene proceeds as we all know and love it.

Now, I really adore this little moment for multiple reasons:

1) I suspect Death planned this. She dragged Dream into the tavern and led him over to Chaucer’s table, and was going to make her silly little brother talk to a promising storyteller in the waking world for once - but then they found an even more interesting human to spark Dream’s curiosity instead, which, still a win in Death’s book.

2) It’s just so Dream. Of course he wouldn’t be able to resist a storyteller in the wild, of course he would be drawn to that conversation. Of course he would do his whole “oh, is this your wish then?” spiel and play patron of the arts for a little while. This is what he does and is, which only makes it more interesting that he then turned towards Hob instead (and didn’t talk to Chaucer after, I’m pretty sure we see Dream leave at the end of the scene?) Which brings me to

3) IF ONLY HOB KNEW. Hob “probably still mad at Shakespeare for stealing his date once” Gadling would be OVER THE MOON to know that Dream of the Endless snubbed Geoffrey Fucking Chaucer to talk to him, albeit only because he mocked Dream’s sister within earshot. Please, somebody tell him, it would be the highlight of his century, I just know it.

#the sandman #dream of the endless #death of the endless #hob gadling #the sandman meta #dreamling #the level of detail in this series is astonishing #i keep discovering new fascinating tidbits every time #so much storytelling in blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments like this #and gosh i really want hob to find out about this now #it'd give him a massive ego boost i'm sure #gadling (1) - chaucer (0) #let's forget about will shaxberd (1) though #he doesn't count #(look at me making an original post that isn't art for once)

[jerreeeeeee]

people so often interpret sazed as taako’s ex, which like, to each their own obviously, nothing wrong with that, but i think its so so much more interesting to interpret him as taako’s apprentice instead. and like all we have to go on is that he really looked up to taako who sort of taught him how to cook. “thought taako hung the moon and stars” or something like that iirc. which brings so much more depth to taako’s relationship with angus if sazed was to taako then what angus is to taako now, someone who idolized him and saw him as a mentor.

it puts some of the conversations taako’s had with angus into really interesting context. like the fact that the first person taako’s (ever?) told about what happened at glamour springs (which he didnt know at the time, but was sazed’s fault) is angus. does he tell angus because he doesn’t want him to be betrayed (like he assumes sazed was, since he ran away)? or because he doesn’t want angus learning from someone so clearly unfit to be a mentor (both since he was unfit to be sazed’s, because he was dismissive to him, and because he believes himself to be a murderer)? he teaches angus magic and cooking. when he implies that angus might become as or more skilled than him he jokes about striking him down. which is exactly what he did to sazed when he wanted equal share.

but taako redeems himself with angus. he mistreats angus in the beginning, bullying him and dismissing him and generally being a dick, but as angus becomes taako’s apprentice, he’s more open and a little nicer. still “open” and “nice” in his own way, but definitely more than he was before. learning from his mistake, letting angus in and being encouraging and honest in the way he wasn’t with sazed.

idk. i think it’s so interesting and so rarely explored

#i also kinda feel like thats what justin was going for just from the way he describes sazed but i could be wrong #that doesnt matter as much to me as the narrative parallels though #taz balance #taz #taako #sazed #angus #angus mcdonald #taz taako #mine #obviously theres some differences. sazed is implied to be young but he wasnt a child #and angus is a lot more understanding of taako's eccentricities and sazed was more ambitious #so there's a difference in the way taako treats them but also in their individual personalities #i wanted to write a fic abt this exploring it more but idk if thatll happen so i'm just gonna post it. maybe still write it someday #it astonishes me time and time again how good of a narrative taz is despite being fucking improvised. #how is there FORESHADOWING when they MADE IT UP AS THEY WENT!! #just goes to show that you can find parallels in anything LMAO

[bethanythebogwitch]

Look at the little baby sharks!

They're being bred at the New England Aquarium. There were two species: One was the epaulette shark and I don't remember the other.

#Shark #fish #fishblr #epaulette shark #aquarium #new england aquarium #i'm astonished that i spelled “epaulette” right first try #picture

[therobotmonster]

In honor of he who died and rose after three days in the grave and now grants life ever lasting to his followers I thought it only right I got into the spirit once. So Dracula, this one's for you:

Just look at it.

You have what appears to be (and is) an accountant being menaced by boobalicious vampire women twice his size, so he's got Ethan Winters beaten to the punch by 34 years. But don't be fooled. One glance into his 30-yard stare and its obvious why only Mr. Weems can stop these sinister She-Vampires:

Weems is dead on the inside yet still living, where the she-vampires are animated from within with life, while dead.

He is their antithesis.

So yeah, a pile of jank with a fun name crossed my path, and now you all have to hear about it. If you're not hitting 'J', you have no one to blame but yourself.

Released on a scad of systems, but mostly the ZX Spectrum and the C64, The Astonishing Adventures of Mr. Weems & the She-Vampires is a sort of 'Gauntroidvania'. It's also trying to push the limits of how titillating a pre-NES era game could be, though the C64 port's interface missed that memo.

The hacked c64 version was the one I played, but giantbomb had a lot of gifs from the ZX verison that I've upscaled for demonstration purposes.

The only bit of story is from the back package. Weems wants to feel something, so he's decided to take on the Great She-Vampire or die in her buxom grasp. Fair.

This game is not recommended for people with epilepsy, dignity, or in general.

Mr. Weems has a garlic gun to defend his ever-dropping blood supply (vampire hunter is an odd professon with anemia) and destroy the baddies...

All three of them, which are all introduced on the first screen!

You've got bats, they pop out of pots and attack you.

The manual says these guys are Frankenstein's' monsters, but they're clearly the giant from Twin Peaks trying to warn you that you've bought a dud.

On the C64, the lesser she-vampires are clearly based on Dracula's brides, whereas on the ZX, they're more like ghosts with big naturals.

Which means that to get both kinds of vampire babe from the secondary cover, you'd have to buy a cassette for your c64, and and for your ZX. And I don't mean a cartridge, I mean a, Cassette tape.

If you manage to stalk your way all the way to the end and find the gear you need to destroy her, the Great She-Vampire awaits:

There's no boss fight, but there is a 1 pixel nip, at least on the ZX spectrum.

From there you book it back the way you came, only every screen now has a she-vampire chasing you in a murderous rage. Make it out, and you win. Or maybe you didn't, because just like the Dungeon of Fear and Hunger, you can never really escape Mr. Weems & the She-Vampires.

Only Weems increases the immersion by truamatizing you, the player. Mr. Weems is fine. You don't have to worry about the Weems.

So...

Is it a good game?

Not remotely, but that isn't the point in the slightest.

It's temping to say this is the Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies of video games, but that's not quite right. Weems has promise and ISCWSLaBMUZ doesn't make promises. It issues threats.

Mr. Weems has the charm of a concept that's all potential and zero execution. A dead-eyed accountant gunning his way in a Gauntlet-esq blitz through a vampire-babe infested castle is a fun idea, more-so with all the secret passages and 'gather items and backtrack to the boss' aspect. It's just everything else that goes wrong.

I mean, who doesn't want to hunt the Great She-Vampire to her penthouse for a good staking, I ask you?

#the astonishing adventures of mr. weems #retrogaming #zx spectrum #commodore 64 #Mr. Weems #she-vampires #vampires #bad games #80s #twin peaks #dracula #transylvania 6-5000 #geena davis #weird obsessions #jank #so bad its good #I swear I'm not fucking with you #this time

[tswwwit]

Due to the nature of the Whump Sequel, it's unfortunate that I can't have a moment where a drugged-to-the-gills Dipper blearily compliments Bill. A thing where he doesn't recognize him and when Bill informs him they're married he goes 'oh shit..... wow '😳Cute moments like that just won't fit, sadly.

#writing is hard #In my head I'm picturing those videos after surgery where the patient blearily hits on their significant other #But in Dipper's case it'd be more getting awkward and shy around Bill then ASTONISHED when it turns out they're together #These are just thoughts that I think #Not all of them are good or wise #In other news ran across Lonely Island's Spring Break Anthem and immediately went 'This is how Familiar Bill do' #100% Party Energy with just. Random interjections of Happy Monogamy #All the other demons just kind of smile awkwardly #Way to throw off the mood man. That human's really gotten to you #Also I made cupcakes yesterday and they're pretty great

[maniacace]

ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE TRAILER

#GOING FERAL #i am going to love this movie i know this #the animation is going to look fucking astonishing on cinemas i can't waitttttttt #i'm so excited #across the spiderverse #c speaks into the void

[madamescarlette]

It's such an endless comfort to return to books you haven't read in years but loved in your adolescence and finding that they're actually still good. Good not just in your memory or because they held your hand when you needed it, but fully, truly good.

#thinking out loud #like maria i just reread rilla over this vacation and i was almost astonished by how beautiful the passages about walter still are #i meant to write an essay long long ago about the tragedy and triumph of him #but i think I'm still not grown up enough to do it yet <3

[nordic-language-love]

Well you guys, I don't know how the FUCK I did it, but I passed N4!!!!

#i'm fucking astonished honestly because i wasn't even paying attention during the listening section #i guessed at least 2/3 of those answers #it's not like a good pass but it is a pass!