#i'm glad that some things happened; i think that many others deserved to be given more time and thought and development

[copperbadge]

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

#sam has adhd #therapy #dbt

[kitorin]

one more time.

contents. 6.031k words (gave up on proof reading i'm sorry-), second chance romance, hurt to comfort, author + psychologist reader, swearing, nsfw (not smut just mentions), getting drunk, one nightmare, abandonment issues, kaiser’s terrible with people, it takes a while for kaiser to appear

part two to this

a/n. i guess you could read this as a stand alone, but a lot of the details won't make as much sense (like they'd have a lot more relevance and meaning if you've read part 1). and you're being referred to by your first name by your nephew for the sake of keeping it gn

"y/n?"

Your nephew's question brings some of your attention towards him, with the rest focusing on the road. Rain droplets raced along the windows, and he must've gotten bored of guessing which one was the fastest. 

"Yeah? What's up?"

"When are you getting married?"

The innocent yet so significant question made you choke on your own spit. It was unexpected for a child to not gag at the idea of intimacy and love, let alone one questioning your marital status.

"Why are you asking something like that?" You carefully dodge the question, given that you have little to no experience with any sort of romance, the closest to love was an eternity ago. Despite graduating from college already, nothing about that had changed.

"Well." He begins explaining himself. "Mama and papa met each other in high school, they got married when they were younger than you." Unlike you, your sibling had a quite successful love life, already married and with a child. The fact that they were even high school sweethearts seemed to only accentuate your sorrowful envy.

"Your parents were lucky. Not everyone gets to meet the person they love forever in high school. Even if they do not everyone ends up marrying them." It was a difficult approach. You wanted him to fully understand the possible outcomes of love but didn't want him to avoid it entirely. "Love is dumb luck. Sadly, not everyone ends up loving someone who loves them back."

"Hmm." He sounds like he's deep in thought, which also surprised you given that he was still young and oblivious to these sorts of discussions. "Were you unlucky? Is that why you're not married?"

The query stung a bit. Not necessarily because it hurt to be reminded of him, but because it wasn't mere misfortune. It was ultimately up to him to act that way. 

"Hmm, I guess. Your father got all the luck I suppose." You chuckle, an attempt to conceal that your heart was begging for some sort of closure, even after all this time. 

"But that's not fair."

A sigh leaves your lips as you continue. "It isn't. But that's just life."

"What happened to them? Did they not like you?"

"They did at one point. I think. It was pretty obvious but after I liked them back, they became a bad person" It felt so weird. You've bottled up all the memories and emotions, sealing them away from the world, yet with this tiny child you've decided to open up. It's odd, but not uncomfortable.

"They're dumb." 

"You can't say that. It's not their fault for not liking me-"

"But you're amazing. You always spend time with me since Mama and Papa are too busy to. You bring back yummy snacks and tell the best stories. You even teach me so many new things. You're the best person ever." 

Although misery from the past had been reawakened and nurtured at the topic of the conversation, his kindness seemed to combat that, you can't help but grin.

"I'm glad you appreciate that."

"You deserve better!" 

That makes your breath hitch up, a weird, indescribable sensation accumulates in your chest, and for the first time in a while your eyes begin to prickle. 

You blink away the sensation. Three, simple words uttered by a literal child, yet it seems to affect you so much to the point you're moved to tears. 

Because no one ever told you that.

No accusations of you being delusional and crazy. No sort of discomfort inflicted through others attempting to make it public. 

It was what you've been waiting to hear for so long.

"Thanks bud. Keep this a secret from everyone else, yeah?" You come to a stop at a red light, turning towards him with a grateful smile.

He mimes zipping his lips. "Of course!"

"I know everyone's asking about me getting married, but it won't happen."

"Why?"

"Because." Because you feel undeserving of it. Because you're terrified of being abandoned like that again. Because you're simply just scared. "Because it just won't. I'd rather focus on making sure you and your parents are happy."

"Am I supposed to do that when I'm older?"

"Maybe not to my level. Make sure you treasure your family, but your lover too." Now that piece of advice makes you wonder what it'd be like if you got lucky.

"I don't want to get married even if I'm lucky. I want to be cool like you and take care of family too."

"Then do that. But don't close off your heart completely. Your dad didn’t think of love when he was a kid, look at him now. But it's completely okay if you don't love anyone." Obviously, you'd support him no matter what, but a part of you desperately wished that he'd be lucky enough to never experience what you did.

He nods but changes the topic. "What about you? You seemed happy when you talked about that person. A different kind of happy."

What was that supposed to mean?

"It's just nostalgia."

"That's a hard word. What does it mean?"

"You'll learn when you're older. Promise." And with that you dodge the topic of love, adjusting the conversation to one about the new Doraemon episode he watched the other day.

"Holy shit Ness look at how good they are at this."

"Fucking useless."

"Please help me with trig, I'm begging you. Really? Thank you so much."

"That's such a bitch move. Class average was so low, yet they're still scared of showing their high B. Fucking pussy."

"I love you."

Fuck. 

Another nightmare. It's only a mess of his words, both the good and the bad; followed by overwhelming dread and fear swallowing you. A wave of relentless cold engulfing you and drowning you in the depths of torment.

The dream leaves you drenched in sweat and panting. It doesn't fucking make sense. It's been years, you were only kids and now you're an adult. Yet it still leaves you so affected. You don't even clearly remember what he looked like. Only the cerulean orbs and the blonde wolf cut. 

Most people brush off any sort of heartbreak in high school as trivial and temporary, yet yours has clung onto your heart so persistently, that it still constantly haunts you. 

Nothing's working. Attempting to date others only accentuated your paranoia and abandonment issues. Trying to open up to trusted ones caused the words to get stuck in your throat, to the point it feels suffocating. You even wrote an entire book about it; sure, it was effective in expressing yourself and it was a huge hit and profitable, but something deep down still hurts. 

You keep trying and trying, heart craving for closure. But the only way you'd satisfy that miserable desire is through meeting him.

Only you know that so damn well.

Maybe that's why you keep fiercely trying. It's your own way of hopelessly trying to escape him.

But it's futile. It's so draining.

It doesn't matter though. It should stop soon. It's such a stupid thing to be sad over. You're successful, a now bestselling author known for your beauteous expression of love and hurt, while still working as a psychologist. You've achieved something majority of people couldn't do, and you're seeing the fruits of diligence and hard work. But it still hurts.

You do your best to shrug off this sense of dread, focusing on what's important. 

"Thank you for today!"

Your nephew wore his signature grin, one that was adorable and so full of joy. It was almost impossible to not smile back at him. 

With the commencement of school holiday, you decided to take him to a nearby soccer match, France vs Germany. You didn't know anything about soccer, but he loves the sport, constantly practicing and rambling about Julian Loki (a.k.a. his favourite player of all time) You got extremely lucky, if it weren't for Yoichi and his connections to the JFA you wouldn't've been able to surprise your nephew. Yoichi wasn't prepared to see you constantly thank him ("You're my closest friend, your nephew's a good kid too. Lemme coach him some day!"). He even managed to get you three VIP seats.

"Yocchan, how do I win more? I want to shoot the most goals in my team!"

You passively listen to Yoichi's advice for your nephew, as you can't understand or contribute to the conversation much. It's impressive how people play with this many people watching. The whole stadium was flooded with people, except for the VIP section but that was purely due to how expensive it was. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to France vs Germany!" The commentator booms, earning a cheer from everyone. You expected it to be loud, but not to the point you think your eardrums would burst. 

The event went on normally. Player names were read out, with an energetic screech from your nephew when it was Loki's turn. At this point in time, you were pretty laid back, given that you recognized no one.

"Aaaaand Germany's ace and forward, Michael Kaiser!"

You froze. 

Michael Kaiser, the Michael Kaiser from back then? 

Finally, you have a vivid image of what he looks like. His blonde hair was partially dyed blue, the pretty shade slowly fading out, and navy roses decorated his neck. Red eyeliner adorned his almost feline like eyes. He looks almost unrecognizable yet he's still the boy who had a crush on you. 

Suddenly, VIP seats weren't so tempting anymore. Suddenly, you want to drag yourself out of there and ask Yoichi to supervise your nephew.

But he still looks beautiful.

"I hate that bitch." Same Yoichi, same, you silently agree with him. "He's insufferable and a fucking prick."

"Language." Although you'd agree with him, it was a bit too early for your nephew to start speaking like Yoichi (though you wouldn’t mind him learning how to verbally defend himself from Yoichi).

It's only 90 minutes. There's over 20,000 people. Kaiser won't notice. Besides, high school was years ago. He's a professional player and seemingly a famous one, he would've met plenty of players and coaches, too many to even remember your existence.

You suck up your fear, the three of you cheering on Loki.

"Do you think I can be like Loki?"

The game concluded, and to your nephew's joy with France's win, 3 - 2. To be honest, you were still clueless about the sport, but you could at least tell Loki lived up to his name, rapidly scoring and leaving his opponents in the dust.

"Of course, you could be better than him!" You appreciate Isagi's support but that probably wasn't the right thing to say in an environment full of soccer fans. Nor the smartest.

"I'm going to head to the bathroom, I'll meet you outside." You hurry away, ready to get out of the stadium.

You were being too paranoid earlier, obviously nothing would happen. To a national athlete like him, someone he hurt all the way back in high school, someone who he entirely ignored for a few years too.

"Fucking found you."

As if the universe was transpiring against you once more, you're dragged into some unknown corridor, a hand silencing you.

It's him.

Michael Kaiser, now a full-grown adult. His high school popularity bloomed into real world fame and glory now. While your success had sprouted from seeds of hurt. 

Now you're pressed up against a wall by him again. This time with his arms having an iron grip on your shoulders, roughly pushing you against the wall.

You can't help but reflect on last time something like this happened. But instead of childish affection it’s aggressive and rough, with his aquamarine eyes clouded with something unreadable. That wasn't particularly new, but what changed was that the foreign but hostile glint flickering in them.

All Kaiser does is stare, hair messy from the match and breathing unstable.

You don't say anything either, you can't even think properly, let alone find the right words to say.

"I've waited for this for so fucking long. You're too distracting."

His arms wrap around you, tightly, as if his life depended on it.

You can't move. Your body won't let you. It's not like you were petrified with fear. It was more so all the conflict of emotions. You weren't sure if you wanted to reciprocate the hug, scream for help, or spit in his face and swear at him.

"Kaiser... Please let go."

He abides, partially, changing back to his original position of holding you against the wall.

"No."

"Please?”

" You always fight back when you're uncomfortable." He wasn't wrong, you didn't exactly hate being in his proximity. You hated how he treated you, and how he's suddenly here again.

"You don’t mind this, right?”

Despite his words, his releases you, allowing you to run away whenever.

But you don't.

Because even though it'd be smarter to run away and never see him again, the tiny hope within you is still pleading for closure, and Kaiser himself.

"Kaiser, I can't, my nephew-"

"Is with Yoichi." Kaiser brings his face a lot closer to yours. "If you wanted to run away, you would've already."

Both of you remain silent, as your cheeks heat up at his touch and presence. His hands reach towards your face to caress your cheeks, the roughness of his calloused hands contrasting your soft skin. Annoyingly, you whimper at the unfamiliar sensation. It earns a cocky smirk from him.

"Cute, you really haven't changed."

"I don’t want to see you."

"Why? We both know you would've already kicked and slapped me if you really hated me."

"Because" Because he scarred you beyond words. "Because you hurt me. A lot." Your voice cracks up at the end, he's the one person you didn't want to be vulnerable around, both before and after heartbreak. 

For the first time in forever, there's something vaguely readable in his eyes. Was that regret? Sorrow? Guilt? Empathy, even?

"I know, I could tell-"

"Then why did you do it?"

You've given up on sounding stoic, evident anger was displayed in your voice.

"I tried everything, dating other people. Yet you still haunt me to this day." Years of accumulated feelings were finally released. "Just when I finally figured out, I liked you, you fucking did that then, and then." The rest is cut off by him.

"... You liked me back...?" There's a significant shift in his tone, from cocky and confident to vulnerable and shocked. "You, liked me...?"

"Of course I fucking did Michael." A quiet gasp leaves his lips at the sound of you finally using his first name again. "You were so sweet and was always there no matter what, until you decided to hate me for no reason."

"No, I've never hated you-"

"Just stop lying. Please. First you lie about loving me and now-"

He swallows the rest of your words with a kiss, denying your claim. The kiss gives you butterflies, your cheeks heat up even more and his lips taste you and him; sweet and irresistible.

When he's done his face is flushed as well, lips swollen. His chest rises up and down, he seems more flustered from the kiss rather than the actual match itself.

It's back to the uncomfortable silence, his hands gripping your shoulders tight and various emotions clouding your mind and heart. 

Without a word, Kaiser just leaves. 

The action evokes a nostalgic yet dreaded emotion, it's just like how he initiates whatever he wants without considering anyone else. 

You swallow your hurt, leaving the hallway and finding Yoichi and your nephew.

You don't lie to your loved ones. You’d rather die than deceive your nephew or your best friend Yoichi. But tonight, was an exception. 

It's not like you wanted to make Yoichi baby sit your nephew ("Sorry, work suddenly called me in), but you were too hurt to spend time with anyone.

The bar's loud, all the noise drowns out your thoughts, as you're up to the nth bottle of alcohol, no one was keeping track.

It's out of character for you to drink so much, but the state of being disconnected from the world, not having to deal with any worries was irresistible. 

"You're drinking a lot." A stranger seated next to you comments, you don't bother questioning who they were.

"I desherve it." You slur out, evidently flat out wasted. "I hate men! Especially the German ones." A few glares were probably received after you said that.

"Why's that?" Their calm tone juxtaposed your upset and livid one. 

"Because, because, this bitch leaves me heartbroken for years, appears out of nowhere, kisses me and." You're cut off by a hiccup. "Disappears again! I, I-" You're a complete mess, hiccupping while chugging down alcohol, and now sobbing with tears messing up your expression. 

The stranger doesn't respond, taking a quick sip from his own glass.

"Did you know," You begin explaining, despite them not asking. "I did so much. I never wanted to date much but I tried to so I could forget him. I even went to a party, and I'm scared of those. Heck, I wrote a whole ass book! At least I can monetize my pain."

"You must hate this guy."

"Beyond words, he's the reason why I think everyone will leave me, but I still feel like I have some kind of hope. If you want to know more, you should read my book." Now you were self-promoting, but the alcohol diminishes your shame. At this point it wouldn't be surprising if people were concerned about how much you've drank. "There's no point of a stupid psychology honours degree if I can't fix myself."

All they do is chuckle, still calm. "I'll read it, and I'm sure he likes you back if he kissed you. There's nothing about you to fix." 

You burst into laughter; you sound borderline manic. "That's what I thought after he said he loved me." Another glass, swallowed down by you with ease.

"After all, there's no way the Michael Kaiser would actually love me."

The next morning you wake up, with a splitting headache and swollen eyes. 

You try to get up and get started with the day, but the lights are so blinding, only amplifying the splitting headache. 

How much did you drink? 

Now you start remembering last night, the (probably) unhealthy amount you drank, your inconsolable bawling and that mysterious yet kind stranger. Your immediate reaction is to grab your pillow with plans of screaming into it, out of embarrassment, praying that you'll never meet that person again and that they'll forget who you are.

Wait.

Since when were your pillow cases white? 

And where did your bookcase go? What about the drawings from your nephew and childhood you cherished and decorated your room with? And what happened to your clothes, since when did you own white robes?

Shit.

"Finally awake?"

Your eyes have finally adjusted to the light, and blinding white melts into something, no, someone.

Kaiser. 

He's seated at the end of the bed, white robe matches yours, with his exposing his toned and muscular chest, and the navy roses blooming on his neck.

What the hell happened. 

It's as if your fight or flight response was triggered, and your brain decided on flight with full confidence, you scurry backwards, avoiding him like the plague.

"Did we-?" The new and completely different outfit and waking up in his bed were obvious hints.

He blinks. 

There's no fucking way. 

"Did you at least use protection? If I get fucking chlamydia because of you, I'll ki-" 

Kaiser laughs. So hard that it sounds like he can barely breathe.

"I didn't say we slept together. The y/n who never understood anything remotely sexual, instantly assuming we went that far." He composes himself, "No, we did not fuck. You were too drunk to consent."

"Then..." Your hands grip at the robe.

"Nothing happened. All I did was give you that to change into"

Alright, now you've confirmed that you don't need to get tested for any STDs or STIs.

"Goodbye then, where's my stuff?" As you try to get up, his hand holds you and your shoulder down, denying your question.

"Don't run away."

It's so ironic for him to tell you that when he stopped talking to you, avoided you, and even went as far as treating you badly. Anyone would want to run away if their first love who had scarred them emotionally randomly reappeared in their lives. 

You remind yourself to remain rational, to stay calm and respond maturely, to deescalate the cascading sentiments overwhelming your heart, like a proper, polite, and perceptive adult. 

But you don't want to be an adult. Not when it feels exactly like your high school years, ones where you had stayed up late just to innocently fawn over Michael Kaiser. Only for your heart to be a toy, one that he had thrown away and ruined merely because he had enough of playing with it.

You're a scared teenager alone in your room again, fearful of everything, heart closed off to the point not even you could fully comprehend what it was feeling. 

You just want to run, to run away from all your problems until they'd give up hunting you down, until they found other prey to pursue, until you could live at peace with your scars.

When people mention 'confronting your fears', most would imagine someone fearless and undisturbed, someone who knows what they're doing. Yet you completely contrast that curated image, a troubled individual who wants to return to how they were before their irremediable suffering.

"Don't give me that crap. You're the one who fucking did that to me."

He's the one who decided to poison you with the suffocating fear of abandonment.

"You never cared for me in any way, why should I bother listening to you now?"

To break your heart was one thing. To do it out of nowhere without explanation after years of captivating affection was another.

Kaiser remains silent, expression still stoic. 

"I hate you." 

That's what you've told and convinced yourself for so many years, yet something inside of you refused to fall for your self-inflicted dishonestly. The part that miserably prayed that Michael Kaiser would one day go back to the boy who was head over heels for you.

You've managed to forget this torment for years, but all he's doing is ruining it, making it even more difficult to get over him and the indescribable hole in your heart.

But now, it doesn't seem like you're the only hurt one.

By the end of your speech, you're panting, despite only staying still in bed. You still have so much more to say, but you're already in disbelief that you've finally expressed the hardships plaguing you, and to the reason for said burdens.

"Why'd you hurt me?" And it finally happens. Tears. Ones that had hid from the world, cowering at the thought of another witnessing this pathetic vulnerability. “Everything would be so much easier if you never appeared again, but you had to randomly appear again to kiss me, only leave again.” 

He finally speaks. Voice equally soft and weak as yours. “I know I did. And I know it wasn’t right. But I never wanted to, I never wanted you to hate me or end up hurt. I’ve always wanted the opposite.” Kaiser shuffles closer, hand inching closer towards yours, not daring enough to hold onto it. 

He inhales, deeply, as if this whole ordeal had an emotional toll on him too.

“I didn’t avoid you because I hated you, or wanted you to get hurt. I wasn’t trying to play with your emotions either. I was young and foolish.” For the first time, he’s readable, evident sorrow painting his features. Right now, he was a complete juxtaposition of his image on the field, assertive and lionhearted to now frightened and uncertain.

He’s not done yet. “I’ve always liked you, from the day we started talking. I wanted to love you properly, to take you out on nice dates and to be a boyfriend no one could ever compare to. I was just… scared.” The Michael Kaiser admitting to fear was something new. “Scared of ending up as a disappointing lover or you never reciprocating. I ran away yesterday because I was a coward. But I don’t want to stay as one. I refuse to."

Kaiser continues. “It feels unreal, the idea of you liking me back when you’re so perfect. You’ve always been mature, diligent, and hardworking, your future seemed so bright with how academically proficient you were. At the time I was so unsure of myself and felt so inferior, it doesn’t justify anything I’ve done but I wanted to rather hurt instead of being hurt.”

“You, think I’m perfect…?” It’s such an innocent question. The praise seemed to melt away the resentment accumulated within your heart, and momentarily you forget wanting to leave.

“Of course, I do.” There’s still the same vulnerability in his expression, but this time it’s complemented with a soft smile. “I mean, look at you. You always got the top marks, and you’ve achieved a dream of entering the psychology field. I still love what you wrote about PSTD.”

How did he know that?

“I never mentioned my job.” He still remembers that one piece you wrote, a task that your English teacher had given. You were allowed to write anything you wanted to, and that was the birth of that PTSD essay, which Kaiser had found impressive for the level of detail it had.

“Your books state it.”

And how does he know about those too? You used a pen name for privacy and to avoid any attention to your personal life and loved ones.

“I never mentioned being an author.”

“You certainly did last night. I quote ‘you should read my book’.”

Wait.

A wave of realization crashed over you, the poor individual you complained to about Michael Kaiser was Michael Kaiser himself. Now the memories are flooding in, the declarations of hate, the miserable murmuring, and your stupidly embarrassing behaviour.

But even after recalling all the events and details of that night, you don’t remember providing a title and your pen name. It’s a complete secret, not even Yoichi or your own family know.

“I didn’t tell you the novel name though?”

Kaiser’s now grinning, but there’s still the soft feel to demeanor. “I’m a bit of a fan. ‘Where the Sea and the Horizon Meet’ is my favourite." It’s the book you wrote about him.

“But how did you know I wrote it?” Anyone can write about their tragic first love and the bitter yet beautiful saccharinity it entails. Your pen name didn’t allude to your legal one in any manner, and you dismissed any questions that interviews that attempted to intrude into your personal life.

“Because I instantly knew it was about you, about us. I’d never forget that day, right before English. When wanted to tell you I loved you since it was so pretty that day. I missed bothering you. I missed you.”

He actually remembered?

All this time you had assumed it was a memory that had been sitting at the back of his mind, only to be forgotten so easily after a couple of years.

You don’t say anything. It’s so confusing and overwhelming, the person who hurt you did it out of the fear of hurt, yet still missed you.

“You didn’t forget?”

“No. You were the first and only person I’ve ever loved.”

First… and only too?

You hadn’t shown any signs of auditory hallucinations recently, right?

Even though he himself just said it, it’s still a fever dream to you, unreal and fictitious.

Did you hear that right? You’re the first and only person he’s ever loved; all those touching memories were real, that heartfelt proclamation of love wasn’t fake.

Despite Kaiser’s confession to being in love with you, there was the tiny part of you that was still convinced that you were dreaming; that none of was real.

Because someone who completely destroyed you so long ago shouldn’t be able to waltz back in so easily.

Yet every part of you is begging for him to come back.

You haven’t said anything for a while, only lost in the storm of thoughts while trying to navigate the seas of your emotions.

“Same.” You whisper, you wish you had said something more than a simple agreement, but it’s all you can muster. And it’s true. No one else had been that loving with you. “I don’t hate you. I hate the pain I felt.” You take back your claim, and he looks like he’s received the best news of his life, relief washing over his features.

“I know, which is why, I would never do again. That’s if, if you’re willing to give me another chance.” He finally has the courage to hold your hand with his own, fingers ghosting over your knuckles. “I want to love you. Again. This time properly, and until I learn how to do perfectly.”

There’s an undeniable fear of you have of vulnerability and love, yet the offer is so tempting.

Is the risk really worth it?

You’ve always depended on logic and rationality to make decisions, and here, it’s clear that trusting someone who hurt you isn’t a smart idea. It’s common sense, but something about him makes you want to oppose your usual ideals; to get hurt over and over again until something works, to finally break down the walls you’ve miserably built, and to expose your heavily guarded heart.

“I love you y/n.”

It doesn’t the possess the same grandeur it did that day, years ago, but it still conveyed the same passion, laced with his true feelings for you.

Only this time, you say it back.

“I love you too… Michael.”

“Am I allowed to kiss you again?”

You permit his request, pressing your lips against his, and it tastes just as saccharine and tempting, but this time it’s now garnished with satisfaction.

“Congratulations on your wedding, Kaiser!”

A smile tugs at his lips as his teammates congratulate him, well pleased with how the event had been turning out so far. His parents were overjoyed about you and the occasion, and everything was running smoothly.

It’s been around three years since you had given him another chance.

You looked flawless, the outfit you chose complemented all your tones (though he’d argue that any colour and shade would’ve looked beautiful on you).

Kaiser couldn’t find the right words to describe how euphoric he felt. The closest to this happiest he’s ever gotten was when you accepted his proposal.

He's relieved and buzzing with a sense of pride. Not the typical, cocky kind, but the kind of proud where he’d be able to happily tell his younger self about all of this, that it all works out in the end, that he eventually makes up for his actions; that he ends up marrying his long time crush.

Everyone was happy, at least, except for one person.

“I can’t fucking believe you’d date and marry this man.”

Kaiser snickers at Yoichi, someone who he’s been competing against constantly and has been his rival for years but is also your best friend.

“I swear, he’s not that bad. But I understand if you’re disappointed.”

 “Excuse me, I’m the perfect boyfriend and husband.”

“Oi, did you hear something? Must’ve been a fly. Didn’t expect any here.” Michael’s jaw drops at being ignored by Yoichi.

“Shit, I’ve forgotten the bug repellent, my bad. My mother might’ve brought some.” Michael lets out an exaggerated gasp at the betrayal.

“You guys are so mean.” You and Yoichi grin at his faux pout.

“Well,” Yoichi begins to slip away. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone; I’m going to go say hi to Kunigami and Hiori again. Kaiser I’ll kill you if you ever hurt y/n.” He waves a small bye to you before running off.

“Someone seems to trust you a lot.”

“I- “Before Michael can try to defend himself and respond with a witty comment, your nephew interrupts, with his parents following from behind.

“y/n! Congratulations!” He comes running towards you with a bouquet, so big that it was almost the size of him, it’s a miracle how he’s able to carry it. You quickly accept, hoping that it wasn’t a hassle for him to bring it.

“Thank you. How’d you carry these? They’re too big for you.”

“He insisted.” Your bother replies to you, his wife nodding. “He said he wanted to be the ones to give them.”

A hand playfully ruffles his hair. “Thanks bud.” Even after years he still has the same kindness and enthusiasm.

“We’re going to say hi to everyone, are you coming?”

“Can I talk to Michael and y/n more?” They nod, reminding him to be polite and greet everyone afterwards.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the Michael Kaiser though.” Kaiser stands with pride at your nephew’s disbelief, about to make a confident statement until your nephew continues. “You better behave properly, you clown.”

Again, Michael’s jaw drops and the sight has you biting your lip to avoid laughing uncontrollably. Your nephew runs off to his parents, saying that he wants to see his grandparents.

“Since when did he talk like Yoichi?” He nudges you, still shocked at being called a clown again. “He even waited for his parents to go. And he ran off immediately. ”

“No idea, but I like it.”

“Of course, you do…” He takes a few moments to stare at you, dazed by your beauty and seemingly in a trance. “You’re stunning.”

“What’s with that suddenly?”

“It’s not sudden, you’ve always been cute. And pretty. And just perfect in general.”

“Someone’s cheesy.” But your smile is out of control.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me a second chance.” The morning you woke up in his hotel room comes to mind, and although you were conflicted on whether to let him back into your life again or not, you don’t regret anything.

“Liebling, I’m truly forever grateful for it.” His hand takes yours, planting a kiss on your knuckles.

Because it’s been amazing with him. From the small yet sweet things like how he'd pay attention to literally everything about you, and remember every time detail about you to his grand proposal by the beach, the one that was located near your high school, the one outside of the window when he first declared he loved you. You adored it all; the connection you and him had that no one else would ever understand, to how the sun sunk into the sea, breathtakingly beautiful. Even the aftermath of arguments because he always refused to deal with them immaturely, knowing the consequences of not doing things right better than anyone else. The mere thought of you crying could bring him down to his knees.

Now, if someone were to ask you about Kaiser you'd end up stumped, thinking of all his actions of love, from always defending you no matter what, even if it's him against the world and the media, to how he constantly teases you (he never shuts up about how you assumed you had slept with him when you woke up in his hotel room.) He's your everything, your boyfriend, lover, your own proof reader and soon to be husband.

Now, you'd describe him as your favourite, someone you adore beyond what words could capture, not even your experience as an author could ever change that.

“I love you, so so much. I would die for you Liebe.” Kaiser eagerly kisses you, and no matter how many times he does you never get sick of how he tasted, or how soft and tender they were.

“I love you too Mihya.” You breathe out, crimson dusted all over your face as you’re panting in between words.

He really wasn’t lying when he said wanted to love you properly.

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk #bllk x reader #michael kaiser angst #michael kaiser #alexis ness #michael kaiser x you #fluff #second chance romance #michael kaiser x reader #michael kaiser x y/n #hurt to comfort #bllk x you #bllk angst #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you

[mtkay13]

Qi Ye ensemble cast poster, second edition

Yet another one of those LOL Qi Ye just has that power over me. You know the drill; more info below!

I'll go straight to the point: my main reason to draw this was because I wanted to draw the most somber, dark-looking Helian Qi possible with some dark cross-hatching effect. And because I don't want to draw a Helian Qi solo image because who the HELL does that, I had to turn it into an ensemble cast thing again. I just REALLY like to do that for Qi Ye, for some reasons!!! For a general note, first: shading was a PAIN but making a nice composition and thinking about how to make a hierarchy that both works in terms of storytelling and visual composition was fun. I also liked finding out the "color scheme" to use and I do like lineart. So, now, little notes about each character, and the obligatory name poster just so I'm sure we all know whom I'm talking about:

Jing Beiyuan: I've mentioned it before but drawing Beiyuan is like. The easiest for me, I think, out of ALL Qi Ye/TYK characters combined. He happens to have my general goto "pretty face" (which conveniently has peach blossom eyes). I'm happy with how he turned out here! And got to put the sable around his neck which makes for a nice additional touch. Helian Yi: He's easy to draw as well and I'm glad with how the guan turned out. He initally looked sideways, but I liked it better having him wistfully stare into the distance. Helian Zhao: has the exact same face as in the other, coloured poster, and that cracks me up bc that wasn't even intentional. Helian Pei: GDI I find him so hilarious. He looks so done and out of it. Shout out to all his bird as well, which, I find, really complete the look. Helian Qi: I can't possibly say that I love him as an antagonist because there's nothing to love about this literal trash, but I'm still grateful that we got some of the most rancid stuff going on in Qi Ye just because of him and I'm always here for that. He deserves the villain visual treatment, at least. He was VERY fun to draw and I tried to push that nasty grin and shading as much as possible. He turned out exactly how I wanted him to! (the shading on his face and the balance of light and shadow was a bit of a challenge, actually)

Wuxi: Again, a rather easy one, always pleasant to draw! I loved working on his hair (but complained a lot while doing so)--which I think turned out nicely. Bai Wuchang: Finally! Finally I draw him!! He had to be there, since he's like. The base of the whole Qi Ye plot. Lining him was....... a pain, but at least it looks nice.

Su Qingluan: nothing much to say--I think it's always important to have her there in Qi Ye stuff, and I put her next to Helian Zhao because of how he tried using her--but it did make me feel bad for her when I realised that. Song Ping'an: The real star of the show, lowkey, but always alert and present. Feng Xiaoshu: FINALLY. PRINCESS JING'AN. I'm sorry I took so long to draw her. I want to work on a proper design, I swear. To make up for having completely forgotten to include her in the other spread. I'm so sorry. I like how her face turned out! Liang Jiuxiao: I never, ever, EVER get enough of drawing him. Have I mentioned how much I like him? How much of a great surprise he was reading Qi Ye? How many times I've wanted to high five because finally someone is as confused as I am? I love drawing this very specific smile on him, SO satisfying. Also Bichen said he was "THE Qi Ye antagonist" and I live for that LOL Zhou Zishu: do I really need to say anything atp Jiang Xue: I'm so sorry I put Xiao Xue next to ZZS. The cruelty. But she came out really cute didn't she T_T Anyway that's it. I'm still obsessed with Qi Ye and given my current (totally secret) retranslation project I'm nowhere near done going crazy about this book.

#qi ye #jing beiyuan #wuxi #bai wuchang #helian yi #helian pei #helian zhao #helian qi #su qingluan #ping'an #princess jing'an #liang jiuxiao #zhou zishu #jiang xue

[misc-obeyme]

Hi! I hope you're well. I'm sending you a request for Headcaons for Simeon, if it's still possible, rather Hurt/Comfort on the theme that Simeon's become human. I loved the text you wrote for him for the 500 followers event with the word Fear. I really wanted to get into the fic to give him a hug and reassure him. Take care of yourself and have a nice day!

Hi there, anon!

Oh wow, I kinda forgot all about that little scene I wrote! It's right here in case anybody would like to read it. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

So okay, I really tried to do this theme justice. I have a lot of feelings about Simeon and him becoming human. I hope it turned out okay! I think I could write quite a bit on this theme and never tire of it. There's just so much potential.

Thank you for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Simeon on becoming human

Warnings: spoilers for season four of OG

Simeon will never forget how it felt when he became human. The reassuring warmth of his angelic power dissipated, leaving him feeling empty and incomplete. Throughout the many years of his existence, that power was always within him. It defined him, heralding him as an angel, giving him the means to survive in all three worlds - places where magic and demons also thrived. The second that power left him, it was replaced by an endless barrage of questions. Who was he without it? Who was he without his wings? What did it even mean to be human? Would he ever feel like he knew himself again?

He can't tell you. Whenever he looks into your eyes, he thinks about sharing this new truth with you. And yet every time, he holds back. He's too full of the need to protect you from the burden of it. It's the only way he has to protect you. Once he could watch over you, he could be your guardian angel. Now all he could do was keep his secrets.

He can tell that you're aware that something has changed. He wants to confide in you, but just thinking about speaking to you about it makes his gut twist. He's sure some of the others already know. He's noticed how Solomon and Lucifer seem to be watching out for him more than usual. Will you catch on? Will you guess what has happened without him having to say it? Is that better or worse?

Simeon had given up so much to stay in the Celestial Realm when Lucifer and his brothers fell. Deliberately standing on the sidelines so he wouldn't be ousted himself, but unable to join the fight on the side of the angels he cared so deeply about. A demotion to archangel was only a small sting in comparison to the guilt of knowing he had left Lucifer and the others to fall without him. This time he couldn't stay out of it. This time he had made the choice to help Lucifer. This time it had cost him more than just his angelic rank. Without his wings, he could never go back to the Celestial Realm. He had lost more than just his understanding of himself. He had lost his home, too.

Simeon thinks perhaps he should feel guilty. Perhaps he should be ashamed. But though he maintains his calm and collected exterior, inside he knows that he would make the same choice a million times over. And beneath that there boils a secret rage. His choice saved the worlds, his choice kept you safe. Despite everything, Simeon knows he did the right thing. He did it for you, but he did it for the state of the three worlds, too. Maybe he deserves this punishment, but he can't bring himself to regret his decision. Every time he sees your smile, his conviction strengthens.

You learn the truth eventually, of course. And when you do, Simeon is blown away when he sees your eyes fill with the deepest love. He's baffled by your reaction. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting. Disappointment? Confusion? Outrage? And yet, you're all softness and warmth. You encompass him, a light he didn't realize he was missing until that very moment.

It takes some time. Simeon has to learn what it means for him to be human now. He has to find his purpose again, find himself. You stay by his side, a steady presence, a gentle comfort, and a reminder of what a human can be. You're stronger than him now, protecting him where he can longer protect you. And yet, he finds he doesn't mind. You're an inspiration to him, MC. You are something special, something he can never become, but perhaps he can learn to be something new, too.

A day comes when Simeon looks at you and realizes that you have filled the empty hole where his angelic self once was. Your smile, your patience, your endless love, how you accept him no matter what. And he sees that he would rather have you than all the angelic power in the Celestial Realm. He had been confused and frightened for so long, not knowing his place in the world any longer. It was an ache so wide within him he didn't think he could ever move past it. Now he sees he hasn't lost his home. It's always been right here, with you.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

#obey me #obey me spoilers #spoilers #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me fanfic #obey me simeon #om simeon #simeon obey me #obey me simeon x reader #om simeon x reader #simeon obey me x reader #obey me x reader #obey me simeon x mc #om simeon x mc #misc cozy comforts #misc writes

[regulusrules]

Hi! Okay so you seem like a very well-read person and I’d love to know if you have a list of your favorite Merlin fics. I just bookmarked all the ones you recommended in relation to the 10 best episodes and now I need more! I’m going on a training camp and would love to have something fairly long to download to my kindle so I can read on flights and when I don’t have data 🥰

Thanks so much in advance!

(Also, I LOVE your writing, I’m so glad to be part of this fandom with talented people like you!)

Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words! OF COURSEE I'd love to recommend you some fics! Likewise— the creativity of this fandom never ceases to amaze me :)

*cracks knuckles and pretends my eyes aren't lighting up rn because my time has finally come*

Long fic recs (50K-100K+)

1. to the world that never let you be by ImperialMint. Look. I'll hand out my own throat so willingly to any scar reveal fic. The trope is just so dear to my heart, and this one in particular was something else. It broadly covered every single feeling you might be looking for in a Merlin fic, and its characterization of both Arthur and Merlin was top tier. I basically sell my soul to any fic that does justice to their characterization, and this one did so much more than that.

2. What I'd Have Done by @flight-of-fantasy. I solemnly swear you will never read something like this fic. I read it in one day from how on edge I was all the time. I had to recount it to my friends in the timespan of three hours because of how much screaming and dramatic pauses there was. Simply, the brilliance of plot here is unmatched. Arthur's characterization as a strategist shook my innards, and Merlin's unapologetic nature was chef's kiss. It's so hard not to give away the plot while recommending this so just.. just read it.

3. Redemption by flakedice, Zerda. Soon, you will find a parallel post to the best 10 episodes with the worst 10, featuring first and foremost The Disir. Honest to God, I could literally go on ages ranting about how much agony this episode brought me. It was the blow that awoke my eyes to the possibility of fuck, this show isn't going to end well. I once thought about shitting on that episode like I did with 5×13 in My heart is readily yours, but fics like these hold me back because they already gave us everything. It gave us the ending we deserved. Gold. Everything in this was gold. The world building, the character development, the fact that Arthur has been given time. Truly a fix-it that fix-ed my heart.

4. Talking about deviations from The Fucking Disir, The World I Built for You by Fulgance is a must. It was the first fic I've read from the How They Didn't Find Out (magic reveal one-shots) series, and from then on I was * s o l d *. Whichever fic you decide to read from this, I guarantee you, you will have the time of your life. Fulgance is the one author I will always recommend without a shadow of a doubt. There is not a single work of theirs that will disappoint you. They will only break you.

5. Deep In My Heart I'm Concealing by @citharaposts. True story about this fic, I squealed when I read its summary. “I'm not standing here as a king, Merlin!” was the quickest catalyst to ever make me start a fic. I specifically wrote a spoiler-free comment for the author and left it in the first chapter so that anyone who's thinking about whether or not to go into yet another 100K fic will rest assured that it's an amazing ride. Have real fun with this one.

6. It Was One Kingdom, Once by queerofthedagger. Two things, if they happen, you leave everything behind and go thank your God for blessing you with it: @queerofthedagger posting a new Merlin fic, and it being a Royal Hanahaki AU. Like so many other tropes the author has nailed, this was the best Hanahaki I've ever read (across fandoms). It's so intricate and detailed and the world building is on another level. If our world was burning and I had only one thing to save, it'll be the works of this author.

Hope I helped, and hope you have so much fun in your camp!◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕

[Short fic recs]

#merlin fic recs #the one thing I know how to do #this fandom is sustained by the brilliance of fic writers #we redo bbc writers' shitty work #and we ask nothing but kudos and maybe a fanart every once in a while #merlin #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merthur #ao3 #merlin x arthur #merlin fic #fic recs #king arthur #archiveofourown #bbcm #LJ recs #regulusrules answers #regulusrules recs

[good-beanswrites]

Same Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins anon here (you know if I'm gonna keep sending anon asks because of ideas, I need a shorter name...) Glad they're getting time to cool off on what happened during the trial. This project is hard on them all QvQ

Okay another thought! While working on the Trial 2 MVs, you think the prisoners get to watch everyone's first MVs? Like, maybe praise how each video looks ("Oh my gosh, Amane you look amazing!"), making comments with Jackalope's artistic choices (Shidou's flower mummy) and how stiff some of the prisoners look ("Fuuta you're walking like a tinman." "Shut up!"), some singing along to songs they've overheard earlier (Kotoko singing Weakness), and...er...shirtless Mikoto ("Amane don't look!"). Idk, this makes their filming for the next MVs sound more fun as they hang out.

Hello again!! omg Thank You for sharing once again, I’m obsessed with that 🥺🥺🥺 That's so wonderful picturing a little movie night... (And yes, feel free to pick a name :D else I will dub thee 🎬 next time given the theme lmao)

Okay so my original idea was that those first videos were actually watched on the down-low. There were a few days of nothing going on while the prisoners debriefed, made plans, and communicated their song ideas to the writers to start working with. (Minor detail but I think they’re cut off from the world still, no internet access though they can exchange a few messages/visits with family). They do, however, get access to the others’ T1 videos on their phones/ facility computers. Everyone gave permission to watch them, but there’s a bit of hesitancy. They haven’t started filming their new videos yet, so no one has gotten a look that deep into anyone else’s hearts. Just because they’re closer in this au doesn’t make them better communicators -- there’s still a lot that’s been left unsaid regarding near-murders and their true selves. So they only watch them in secret out of respect.

Haruka hides under the covers to watch After Pain on loop late into the night (going “she’s just like me fr”). Fuuta doesn’t care much for the others’ songs but tries to decipher the crimes as best as he can. He probably gets one stuck in his head the next few days that he finds really embarrassing. Mahiru gets very emotional over the other lovers, doing a poor job of hiding her sympathy toward Yuno, Shidou, and Kazui in the following days. Kazui is embarrassed to watch Throw Down so often, but Shidou is such a subtle man and it’s nice to see a more open side to him (who admits to lying as well). Amane takes a while to watch them -- they’re videos supporting murder and sin, after all -- but once she convinces herself it’s to help the experiment, she allows herself to enjoy  them. Kotoko does the same as Fuuta but jumps straight into Fandom Mode and starts taking notes and analyzing the others’ videos. She keeps a secret folder on her phone of theories and symbolism and screenshots for reference. 

HOWEVER

You have opened my eyes to Milgram Movie Night 👁️👁️

Everyone realizes they’re going to need to get comfortable with a lot of personal info really quickly, since T2 filming starts in a few days. Rather than Jackalope’s suggestion of undergoing a painful group circle talk, they go with Mikoto’s idea to all sit down to watch the videos together. This keeps the atmosphere up while they watch, allowing for many compliments and encouragement. It also lets the singer defend things in their video if they see fit, though most let it speak for itself. (Fuuta: “ah, back when I was a menace online.” “You’re still like that Fuuta.” “I’m a changed man!” “You got one guilty verdict and nothing’s even happened yet.”)

I love all of those reactions so much ahhhh! Amane getting showered in compliments like she deserves. Honestly, all of them getting showered in complements because it's what they deserve ;-; Playful teasing getting thrown around for everyone. Not even Jackalope is safe from their heckling (see: Throw Down flower person), and he's not even there to defend himself. There’s lots of blushing and eye covering during MeMe. And a singalong aspect!! I don’t know I didn’t think to incorporate that into the fic so far -- there’s nothing quite like heckling your friend onstage by echoing their lines really loud from the wings asdfsdfsd. Mikoto recognizes the video game from Fuuta’s and makes his whole day. Mahiru and Shidou realize they have both flowers and food in common, and get to talking. All at once, everything clicks into place for why Amane hated Shidou him so much.

I'm also realizing Kazui would have a Moment TM while seeing all the prisoners talking so comfortably about their deepest selves and struggles. I don't think he'd break down and open up just yet, but I bet it's be a pretty big change of heart for him to see such honesty/vulnerability...

Plus, most of my original ideas can still stand after the fact! There's no shame in seeing too much personal info about another prisoner, the only shame comes from just how many time the video was looped in private lmao

#milgram #thank you for sharing your thoughts waaahhh these have been making me sooo crazy!!! #and ive seen people using emoji nicknames and thought it was cute but feel free to pick an actual name haha #i would do anything for the vas to cover other trial songs ;-; #i just love the idea of them singing together so much... #im not a theater kid but i did dance and been backstage for some shows so i know what its like when the rest of the company is shouting out #the song thats currently playing for the dancers onstage #im just picturing the prisoners getting silly on set while the background track is playing and they start singing along #or like everyone shouting along with muu's big moment 'kawaiso nano!' or joining in the 'aaahhh-LOVE' in cat #ill have to keep that in mind for the t3 drabbles.... #this made me remember theres a line in the fic insinuating kazui never saw harrow so maybe i go back and fix that later #because i always intended for them to see all the videos #i try to keep my fics fairly ship-neutral but theres definitely potential here for prisoners getting caught looping the singer they have #a thing for :') #lights camera sing your sins #ask

[acourtofthought]

I know you are primarily an Elain, Lucien, and Elucien essayist. Do you mind writing an essay on Nesta? I know there are others out there who have written numerous analyses on her, however the depth and rigor in your works could help me understand Nesta's character more. Many thanks. 🙇‍♀️

I might not be the best person to give insight into Nesta because I have struggled with her character.

I believe Nesta deserved to find happiness.

I believe Nesta deserved to find a path that was healthier for her.

I believe Nesta deserved to try and mend her relationship with Feyre (though I don't necessarily think Feyre was in any way obligated to have her in her life if Feyre felt there was too much water under the bridge).

But I disagree with many of Nesta's behaviors before that.

I do think it's normal to for a character to expect their parent to be a parent for them. However, I do think there comes a time where someone needs to step up and become an adult themselves and that's where maturity kicks in.

Nesta is not wrong for feeling that her father failed her but I do think she was wrong to continue using that as an excuse for why she refused to do things. I think it was wrong that she hated Feyre because of it, that she was mad that Feyre chose to hunt for their family because she would have preferred them to starve in order for her father to finally be motivated.

My childhood was full of, "why isn't my parent acting like a parent?" At some point, it does no good to continue sitting around waiting for them to step up when after a certain period of time, it's fairly evident that's not happening. That's when there is a choice to be made. A choice to accept the life you've been given, try to adjust while learning how to rely on yourself or others who are willing to help or a choice to continue doing nothing but stay angry at everything and everyone.

To me, one of those choices is clearly not benefiting you or the people trying to help you.

I realize that some truly struggle with accepting things as they are and trying to better their own situation but I have seen first hand that those people end up extremely unhappy and they tend to bring down those around them as a result.

I will never agree with someone lashing out at others because they are hurting. While I feel sorrow for the struggles they are personally facing, while I wish they weren't hurting, I also realize that they are perpetuating a negative cycle with their actions.

A child being verbally bullied at school is going to suffer damage to their mental health and they're not going to feel better just because they find out that their bully is dealing with a difficult home life.

There is a level of responsibility I do feel Nesta should have taken in regards to the way she treated others. She admitted to selecting the words that would cut the deepest and though I know she was deeply struggling with her own self worth, I don't think I'll ever be fine with accepting that she felt pushing others away away to keep her from getting to close because she didn't think she deserved it, was more important than choosing not to put others down.

She put her hatred of herself first over her love of others.

She chose to focus on why she was mad, why she was angry, why she needed to be alone and while that part is not wrong, actively choosing to hurt others to achieve it is.

When it came to Elain, there's two sides because I do think she did set aside her own hatred to be there for Elain but, I get the feeling it was more about protecting someone she felt was incapable of protecting themselves?

I'm glad she was kind to Elain but I don't know that Elain deserved it more than anyone else did and it kind of feels like someone being cruel to everyone they meet except for small children. Where they're only kind to those they feel are not on the same level as they are. And I don't agree with Nesta throwing it back in Elain's face how she was there for Elain's recovery after being made while Elain wasn't there for her.

First, Elain never asked Nesta to stay by her side. It's wonderful Nesta did but she doesn't get to guilt trip Elain for doing something Elain didn't even ask her to do.

Also, Elain sat there and said and did nothing. Nesta was worried about her, no doubt and I understand that took a mental toll on Nesta however Elain did not push her away, she did not say cruel things to Nesta, all Nesta really had to do was sit and read a book.

Elain did try to reach out to Nesta on a few occasions and Nesta told her "you have your lives and I have mine." She chose not to see Elain yet showed up on Solstice only to get money for her rent. When Elain saw her in the square, Nesta turned and walked in the opposite direction.

There is a big difference in Elain's recovery versus Nesta's recovery. Nesta insisted she be left alone yet was jealous when Elain spent time with Feyre.

Also, being friends with someone does not mean the other person should not be allowed to have a differing opinion. Just because Amren and Nesta were friends does not mean that Amren is not allowed to disagree with Nesta and agree with Feyre.

Friendship does not entitle anyone to blind devotion.

All of the above is giving vulnerable narcissism.

With all that said, I'm very happy with the direction SJM took Nesta's character, I think the Valkyrie will be an excellent storyline for all the girls connected to it and I know Nesta won't be as difficult for me to read moving forward.

I'm so sorry if that's not the kind of analysis you were looking for! I realize Nesta is a very polarizing character and my opinion may not be how you have perceived her.

[minimoefoe]

thoughts after reading a court of silver flames for the first time

before and while reading this book tiktok was force-feeding me many acotar vids so this is what I already knew going in/found out while reading but before I got to those moments:

feyre gets pregnant, rhys keeps some kind of secret about the pregnancy from feyre, the baby has wings, it's called nyx

cassian and nesta get together (obviously)

there's someone called gwyn, ppl ship her with azriel

nesta changes her and feyre's bodies so they can have winged babies??

nesta loses her power to save feyre and/or rhys

thoughts after reading

rhys (and everyone else but especially rhys) not telling feyre about how risky the birth was gonna be is INSANE. I know it's rhys' thing to not tell ppl things but at a certain point it's like okay you're just a twat actually. like.. feyre deserves to know there's a big chance this baby is gonna kill her

ALSO, it's literally a thing that feyre in a previous book was like hey don't keep things from me, tell me your plans and he KEPT keeping secrets and then he does this as well...?

I was thinking that maybe this is purposely to show rhys isn't perfect and we'll see growth from him/he'll get called out at some point but going by how it got brushed over pretty quickly and he's kept secrets before and nothing happened I'd say it seems like sarah j maas fr doesn't realise how fucked it is that rhy keeps doing this and getting sway with it

I'm glad nesta told feyre about the baby stuff even if it didn't come out in the nicest way and I don't think anyone should've given her shit for it. rhys being like 'get her to leave or I'll kill her' PLEASE grow up

it simultaneously was really cool and really strange to have the focus not be on feyre (and rhys) like part of me was like omg it's an end of an era and things won't be the same and another part of me was like UGH how cool to be getting more details on other characters within the series and get to also see rhys and feyre continue their lives in a subplot. I really liked it but also it was sad/strange

nesta thinking elain would love the spring court, elain not looking like she fits in at the night court... it smells of her getting with lucien and tamlin being redeemed and them moving to the spring court idk

I was thinking the house being alive was just some weird shit that wasn't gonna get addressed at all but I liked it a lot

seeing nesta make friends and stuff made me so happy. I found her mildly annoying at first, which isn't a shock bc she's been annoying for a while now, but I did get that it was bc she was going through shit so I tried not to be too annoyed at her but seeing her pull herself together throughout the book was so worth her annoyingness I think

Cassian taking Nesta on a however many day trek through the mountains after she revealed the baby stuff was very odd

Eris is so !! I need more info about him and wtf he's refusing to tell anyone except Mor

I knew going in that people ship Az and Gwyn but they barely interact 😭 I don't really see the appeal rn but if we ever get more of them I'll defo be down

I gave the book 4.5 stars bc I LOVED it so much like it was Nesta just reading books, walking down stairs, sucking dick and healing herself and we love that but the stuff with the crown etc didn't sink in fully so I think I need to pay more attention whenever I reread and I'm not sure how I feel about the stuff with rhys and feyre. them having a baby isn't my fave thing but I can live with it like whatever, the whole secret keeping thing is where it loses me the most like it was just ridiculous

need an Elain focused book right now so we can unpack her, Lucien, and Azriel bc I find it very intriguing. I'm team Lucien but the buzz I get when Azriel and Elain are weird around each other is kinda crazy. I skimmed the bonus chapter but I need to go back and read it properly

Emerie CLEARLY fancies Mor like hello

#reading thoughts #nesta archeron #cassian acotar #idk if i have more thougjts #will edit and add them if i think of any

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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51. The Clue in the Diary by Carolyn Keene--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Four stars because I've been waiting to get to this one in the series. We finally meet Nancy's series boyfriend here and he is a very keen guy. So swell. LOL. To be honest, knowing that he becomes her series boyfriend made it all the more obvious because of his behaviour. While he wasn't the first guy to catch Nancy's eye, he's the one that was the most persistent.

The mystery in this was pretty good--it made me feel like I was watching a mystery show. I think it might be one of the more layered mysteries so far in the series. And I don't mean that in that it has multiple mysteries, but in the sense that it felt like it had more heart than some of the other books in the series (so far).

Anyway, this was the last audiobook at the library of this classic series, so I don't know if I'll be reading beyond this, but maybe one day I will.

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52. The Winter King by C.L. Wilson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I came across THE WINTER KING on Tik Tok and I remember thinking, "This sounds like a book full of tropes I'm going to love." I was correct.

Wilson has created a beautiful and fantastical slow burn of a romance where the spice and sexual tension may be immediate, but the romantic part of the story is a slower burn. And the best part is that while these two are coming together and pulling apart, there is an actual fantasy storyline happening at the same time. There was always something happening and it was all being told in dual POV, which I'm very grateful for.

I'm a sucker for a FMC who has always been underestimated and treated less than she deserves, only for her to prove everyone wrong and for things to finally go her way. This book was full of those moments and they were like catnip for me. The brooding hero making her feel like she isn't wanted, when he in fact is too scared to get close to her because he wants her? Yes please, melt me.

Also, the side characters were great! Especially a younger one that comes into the story later on. Everything just came together so beautifully and ugh, I'm so glad I finally read this.

I highly recommend this for anyone who wants a slowburn, but sexy fantasy novel that also has a pretty great storyline.

By the way, I went to bed very late last night because I kept adding ten more minutes to my audiobook timer. I couldn't stop listening!!

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53. The Language of Seabirds by Will Taylor--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE LANGUAGE OF SEABIRDS, right from the beginning, has this beautiful and nostalgic air to it. Over the span of a few days, we get to see the MC learn more about himself, what it means to speak up, and the power that words and actions can have. It also shows how infallible even parents can be when they are somewhat just as lost as we feel.

Dealing with divorce, a father who is acting differently than normal (given the circumstances and his one too many drinks), and that in between chaos of deciding what life will look like post-divorce, our MC's summer isn't off to the best start. When he sees a mysterious and cute boy running on the beach past his temporary summer home, it sets of a chain of events.

Their adventures (and misadventures) over those two weeks gave me the greatest sense of nostalgia for those summer nights that can only truly be experienced while being a kid. The ending took me out, emotionally, and had me teary eyed in bed at 330 in the morning.

Also, I want to say that this book is 100% a middle grade book because the characters are only 12, but this is probably one of the most beautifully written middle grade books I've read. It felt very literary and almost older than the intended audience--not because of content, it was all very age-appropriate--but because of that feeling it made me feel of summers lost, and the way the story is written and presented. I think this is a great book for people of all ages to read, especially those who want to reminisce on their first loves, especially those who couldn't pursue said first loves because sometimes there can be truly negative consequences, or simply the fear of acknowledging that love.

The author also included an author's note about what he wanted to invoke in this book and truly, he fully did his work. What a gorgeous and under-appreciated book.

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54. How to Bite Your Neighbor & Win A Wager by D.N. Bryn--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'll be honest: I never knew this book existed until I came across it on Libby. It looked fun (from the cover alone) and listen, who doesn't like a vampire romance now and then? I will say, though, that while this cover is very indicative of the emotion between these two characters during this act, this book was surprisingly...not what I was anticipating?

I thought this book would be spicier and just MORE. By the end of the book, I felt both relieved and a little let-down. Relieved because I was counting down the minutes until the audiobook ended and a little let-down because, like I said, I wanted more. I wanted the climax of the story to give me more. I wanted the romance to feel more...passionate? I don't know. It all felt a little too easy? And at times, I totally forgot these characters were adults. I thought that this could have easily been a YA novel, the main difference is that these characters are old enough to work office jobs.

I did like the diversity (both racially and body-type). I also really liked the one MC's best friend, she was great and I loved that she kept that MC levelheaded.

I enjoyed how they fell in love. It reminded me of past novels I've read where one MC shouts out that they love one of the characters, which gives me that "Aw" feeling. But I'm still a little salty that this was a vampire romance and it wasn't very sexy.

Anyway, if you like contemporary fantasy novels with vampires and close door romances, I think you'll enjoy this one. Was it silly at some points? Sure. But well, it wasn't the worst vampire book I've read!

___

55. Hideaway by Nora Roberts--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another day, another Nora Roberts book I've thoroughly enjoyed. I'm beginning to see the somewhat formula behind some of these books and I'm not going to lie, for the moment, I'm really enjoying said formula.

One of the beautiful things about HIDEAWAY is the familial love and how thoroughly this MC is loved. And even though I had to suspend my disbelief in the beginning (how is a ten year old capable of so much???), I was hooked.

Roberts has such an addicting way of writing. Her books are so much more than the fluffy romances people have always classified them as. Yes, there's romance in this, but it's also a thriller with some people who would heavily benefit from serious therapy.

It was also interesting seeing such a wealthy family have such a warm core.

Will definitely be picking up another Roberts novel!

___

56. You & Me by Tal Bauer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

⬆️⬆️ Real footage of me after I finished reading YOU & ME after only sleeping for two hours because I couldn't put the book down.

Listen, I'm an avid reader. There are some books I love and then there are some books that make me say, "I don't care about sleep, give me all the pages." YOU & ME was one of the latter books for me. I wanted to know what would come next, I wanted to know if these cinnamon rolls would get their shit together, and I especially wanted to see the father/son relationship be healed.

This book has hype behind it and it is completely worth it.

This is like one of those rare books that you immediately know will both linger with you long after it's done, and will be something you're going to re-read in the future.

I loved their love, I loved their relationships, and I loved seeing the unravelling of the mess that we are introduced to in the beginning. This is a story about love, hope, friendship, and heart. I loved it so much.

___

57. Barbarian's Prize by Ruby Dixon--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was excited for this one because LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS COVER! While it's not my favourite book in the series, I found it did hold some pretty important themes.

The FMC is dealing with some serious trauma after being r@ped various times when she was captured at the beginning of the series. I think that's one thing that's easy to bypass in the past few books--the trauma these women went through after being capture is sometimes swept aside in order to get some sexy times. But I liked that Dixon let her FMC heal herself before she gave her heart to her mate. I'd call this book more a sobering moment in this spicy series.

I liked the MMC because he knew what the FMC needed and how to respectfully approach her. Maybe the bar is set in hell, but I thought it was sweet that he wasn't as pushy as all of the other male aliens around them. God, that's such a weird sentence to write. LOL.

Anyway, onto the next one!

___

58. Mindy Kim, Class President by Lyla Lee & Dung Ho--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think that books like this one are such important reads for the little readers in our lives. Not only does it teach the reader more about a culture (key words and phrases and snacks), but it also teaches them the importance of kindness, bravery, and how to approach scary moments in life.

Mindy faces her class's presidential elections in this one and while the teacher comments on the importance of voting and using that right we all have, we also watch Mindy overcome her fear of public speaking and how it's okay to be an adult with fears (her father), or my favourite, how it's okay for adults to have stuffed animals.

I love seeing Mindy grow in each book and I will never get over how adorable she is! I think this is a great and under-appreciated series.

___

59. Indian Horse by Richard Wagamese--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

INDIAN HORSE is an emotional punch of a book. I think it's definitely one of those books that will haunt the reader for a very long time after the very last page. It was beautifully written, but it was also written with the phantom blood of those poor children who suffered, died, and were permanently scarred by residential schools.

Triggering is one of the first words that comes to mind when I now think of this book, but it's also so incredibly important.

This is the perfect of example of using and excelling at something to run and try to escape from the monsters in the dark, but that not even something you once loved can be a permanent escape. Monsters always find a way to find us in the end.

God, this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book--made even more so knowing that while this is a fictional story, the events are not wholly confined to this book. The horrors these children suffered will forever haunt our society. The cowardice and monstrosity of using religion to dehumanize people is something worth burning in hell for.

So, though it is triggering and traumatizing, INDIAN HORSE is a must read, since sometimes it is the most jarring books that have the greatest impact.

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Have you read any of these books? What are your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

#Review #Reviews #book reviews #on books #on reading #book blog #book blogger #Features #reviews of the week #books #booklr #bookish #bookworm #bookaholic #bibliophile #books and reading #books and literature #books books books #bookblr #read #reading #reader #my writing #my opinion #long text post #book list #readers of tumblr

[researchgate]

Although I don't live in Israel, as a Persian Jew born and living in France I really appreciate your reblogs recently, it seems most of radblr is choosing to gaslight many Jewish users that NOBODY is attacking Jewish people and ONLY criticising Israeli government, while I and many other Jewish people I know are facing extreme antisemitism on the daily that only gets worse. I've had coworkers «joke» in various different ways basically that I should have my will written up for when Palestine reclaims their land because all «colonisers» [Israeli = Jewish as usual] deserve to be killed -- which is the mildest example. Seeing claims that no antisemitism is happening as a result of the pro-Hamas state of the internet and media is so ignorant and shows that most of these people are not Jewish nor do they know any Jewish people. Being Jewish is stressful on person and online and yet most responses are like «You people have only yourselves to blame» or calling us Zionists if we dare call out antisemitism, it's disgusting and as usual feels incredibly isolating. It makes me very relieved to have another Jewish woman on here like you who is so well-spoken! <3

Hi! Thank you so much for this, I'm so glad I could give you some relief.

I follow less than 40 blogs so I don't see most of the hate, but I surely believe this is the sentiment in general given how it is outside radblr, and what friends of mine told me happens on radblr itself. It's terrible and seeing some notes on posts is just... Despairing. It's clear none of them ever gave an actual damn about the conflict until they could celebrate the rape of Jewish women, and the slaughter of innocent Jewish civilians.

Antisemitism has always been a problem for diaspora Jews, regardless of the country, and it is undeniable it's gotten worse ever since Hamas has invaded Israel with the sole purpose of killing jews. People online are maliciously happy and proud of that, and as much as we like to call them "keyboard warriors" these are real people who not only espouse their opinions online, but live these opinions in real life too, thus posing a direct, active danger to Jews as possible offenders at worst, and at best, they'd be bystanders who film/encourage/watch silently attacks against Jews in real life.

These people never liked the idea of Jews existing, that much is clear. And when it comes to radblr, it seems they forget some important feminists were Jewish themselves. Instead they go full Judith Butler and call Hamas a liberation/resistance movement just because the latter is in their name (Harakat al muqawamah al Islamiyah — Islamic Resistance Movement), whereas they know to call out things like liberal feminism nit being feminism. It's honestly irritating at the very least.

The media and reaction to it is another interesting (and by interesting I mean very much predictable) case: when it's pto Hamas, no one bats an eye, people share al Jazeera, Middle East Eye, etc. articles without viewing them with even a little bit of critical thinking. But when a news source is clearly anti Hamas (not even pro Israel!), it's suddenly pro Israel and Zionist and the sentiment is terribly close to "Jews control the media." I'm not saying there weren't reports that were meant for just shock value (that's literally how news media work), but it was still very interesting to see people go back to antisemitic tropes. Predictable, too.

In the UK, security on Jewish schools has been strengthened in fear of violence against kids, but people would blame "Israel's treatment of the Palestinians" for that, which is full on victim blaming and antisemitism: they're jewish; Jewish = Israel; Israel = bad → jewish = bad like Israel → Israel deserves punishment → Jews deserve punishment.

The fact that the solution for Jews is to walk outside without anything that can mark them as Jewish is not too different to the idea that "she shouldn't have dressed in provocative outfit," which again, puts the blame and responsibility on the victim.

The fact that calling out any form of antisemitism is seen as Zionism is, however, not just the fault of antisemites in my opinion, because Token Jews allow themselves to ignore antisemitic notions within the movements which tokenize them, and allow people to think only Zionist (non-token) Jews care about antisemitism. It's vile, and just wrong. It's especially wring since Zionism isn't even what they think it is, they just think all Jews who protest or call out antisemitism is like that absolute scum Ben-Gvir (who is actually partially responsible for the situation right now, but I digress). It's so disheartening to see and even moreso to experience, of that I'm certain. The ""joke"" about the will for instance, is just absolutely vile and disgusting, although it accidentally acknowledges the fact Hamas wants total annihilation of Jews and not just the "Zionist Entity" as the 2017 revision of their charter suggests.

I'm sorry if I didn't address all of your points, your ask is very loaded, as is expected given the circumstances, and me being unfortunately not very well-dpoken means I probably couldn't treat it with all the due eloquence it deserves. For what it's worth, though, I did try my best.

Being Jewish, especially in the diaspora, is always stressful, but the current situation sure has made it worse ten-fold. Again, I'm glad I could offer some relief for at least the online experience. Myaskbox and DMs are always open if you want to share anything, or just need an ear for your frustrations. Given my situation, I cannot imagine yours but I can sympathize and offer my utmost patience and efforts to understand.

Thank you again for this meaningful ask, here's hoping for somewhat better, somewhat safer days to come as soon as possible. My thoughts are also with the diaspora Jews, at these truly trying times. 💙

Am Yisrael Chai, and we will outlive them.

#it's the first time i used am yisrael chai lol #because honestly yes. we are alive and we will live. theykeep trying to eradicate us but we live. and we will continue to do so #until and including the last jew. #ipc #swords of iron #anonymous #asks #love you anon 💙 #nf #but also #radblr #kinda

[boliv-jenta]

Angelo (OMC) x f!reader, tiny bit of Nico x reader.

WC:3.4k

Summary: After some time apart, you and Angelo catch up. A purely self-indulgent fic set in the Kitten Universe.

Warnings: Smut. Rough P in V sex. Dirty talk. Daddy/Papi kink. Vaginal fingering. Mentions of M/M sex.

Angel

"Hey, Sweetie. How are you?" It has been a few weeks since you had seen Angelo. He and Owen had welcomed a new addition to their happy home. They'd adopted a slightly timid Boxer Terrier.

For the last ten nights, Angelo has slept in the living room while his new baby, Oisin, adjusted to his surroundings. Owen had doted and fussed over Angelo, making sure the anxious new parent was comfortable and actually sleeping. Rather than watching their new baby sleep.

"I'm freaking out. Owen wants me to meet Lily." Lily was the apple of Owen's eye, his granddaughter.

"Why are you freaking out? You've met his kids. They love you."

"Yes, but they are adults. Kids are brutal. They have zero filter."

"You mean they're honest, and she will honestly love you."

"But what if she doesn't. Now that we live together Owen wants her to stay over. What do four year olds even do? How do you even talk to them?"

"Angel, you're spiralling."

A deep breath blew down the phone. "Can we go out for lunch? A little retail therapy?"

"I suppose I could be convinced. I do have some good news to celebrate."

It was a warm day. The breeze blew pleasantly across your skin as you waited for Angelo to return from the bathroom. As he walked over, you couldn't help but admire the flash of his muscular legs under his skirt. The leather swished from side to side with the swish of his hips, giving you a tantalising glimps. 

"So you had good news?" He sat back in his seat, bringing another piece of his vanilla crown to his lips.

"Yes. I didn't mention it before because I thought it was such a long shot and I don't understand all the legalities but I'm going to get a settlement from all the work I put into my family's business."

Angelo's breath hitched in delight. "Oh, that is wonderful. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I can finish my degree. Afford a new place…."

"With Nico?" 

"Maybe." You grinned at the thought of the man you loved. "Not yet though."

"Oh?"

"We've decided to take things slow."

"Sure, you don't want to rush things with a man that has already violated you in every way imaginable." He added a pastry muffled 'twice'.

"Funny." You rolled your eyes mockingly. "We're taking things slow to build a strong foundation. We want this to last. You know beyond the really hot violation of each other's bodies. Twice." You weighed up adding the next part for a moment. "We started to see a couples therapist."

"Really? How's that going?"

"We're only two sessions in. I think we've overwhelmed the poor man. He's mainly given us tips for communication."

"Well, good for you. I'm glad you guys are planning for the future. You both deserve to be happy."

"Thank you." It warmed your heart that Angelo meant that with all of his. "So Lily?"

"Lily. I'm thinking bribe her with presents and use Oisin as a social buffer."

"You're a very successful doctor, who makes life or death decisions, and you are terrified of meeting a child."

"Damn right. Medicine I know. Growing up with my cousins I was the little effeminate kid who read, while they were all rough and tumble outdoor kids. Until I was twenty-nine I was a gold star gay. I was in two long term relationships with men who didn't want kids. I wasn't good with kids when I was a kid and I never thought I would have to deal with them as an adult…."

"Spiralling…" you reminded him as you stirred more sweetener into your coffee.

"You're right." He lay a hand on your arm in thanks.

"Out of curiosity, what happened at twenty nine?"

"A post break up dry spell, coinciding with the farewell party of a beautiful colleague who was going back to Germany and a few too many two for one cocktails."

"So I have Appletinis to thank for having you in my life?"

"First of all, it was Cosmos. Second of all, no, you should thank Dr Meyer for showing me what I was missing. The alcohol just got me over my nerves."

"You? Nervous about sex?"

"Not exactly about the sex. I was living as an openly gay man. I had the odd crush on a woman but I'd never acted on it. It was the whole ramifications of if I liked it. It would open up a whole new side to explore, and as you know, with new things in my personal life, I tend to…"

"Spiral. I know."

"Well I'm glad you explored that side." You leaned in to kiss him. He hesitated to meet your lips. "What?"

"I'm just thinking about the couples therapy. Is this still okay? Us?"

"Yes. That part he was surprisingly chill about. It was more the self delusion and lying that he had a problem with."

"Well, in that case." He shuffled closer to lean in conspiratorially. "After we finish stocking up on bribes for a four year old, you wanna come back to my place?"

"I'm not a hundred percent on board with bribing a child."

"Please. Bebita. I need help to choose the right things."

Angelo pulled you into a half hug. As he did, your hand grazed rather high on his thigh.

"Are you not wearing anything under there?"

"What do you think?" His low tone and warm breath in your ear sent a shiver through you.

"That we'd be better going to the toy store on Third. There's a stationary store next door too. Kids love crayons."

Angelo's eyes creased adorably as he laughed. The two of you quickly gathered your things and left.

On the way home, Angelo ran a scenario that he was eager to try past you. As you entered the apartment, shoes were kicked off, bags were left in the hallway. Angelo pulled you lightly along to where he wanted you. Past the dog bed near the living room. "Puppy school." He offered as an explanation as to it being empty.

The balcony wrapped around their penthouse apartment. They shared the floor with one other apartment. A thin wall separated the individual parts of it. It provided a little privacy but not much. Voices would easily carry to the next apartment. When you were in reach, Angelo promptly pushed you up against said wall. His hands skimmed along your thighs, worrying the hem of your dress. His lips left red hot kisses on your neck.

During the last couple of weeks, you'd missed Angelo. You'd missed the easy, carefree relationship you had. He was your best friend here. Actually, he'd become your best friend, period. The new person you had become this last year didn't have as much in common with her old friends. She still loved them dearly, Angelo was just a better fit for the new you.

"Are you sure they're not home?" You asked nervously. Public sex was never your thing. The idea of accidentally violating someone like that if they caught you was a turn off. They'd be one time with Nico but that was more about the rush of being with Nico. The attraction and the power you had over each other. So desperate for each other that you didn't care who saw.

"You sound like Owen. I told you they are away for the week at the same conference. That's how Owen found this place. He works with the neighbour." He pressed a reassuring kiss to you temple.

"Come on. I'll keep the skirt on. I saw how you've been looking at me." He twirled his hips for effect, the fabric swishing from side to side, inching up to show more of his toned flesh. "I've been thinking the same about that little sundress." The flimsy sundress nearly burned off your body under the heat of his gaze. Those soft brown eyes turned predatory. "Do you have underwear on?"

"Of course." You laughed. The material was light, a good gust of wind would leave you exposed if you didn't.

Angelo sat himself down. "Take it off. The panties then the bra. Slowly."

"The bra?"

"I want to see if I can fuck you so hard that they bounce free."

Something about that tickled you and a laugh bursted from you.

Angelo laughed with you. "You're laughing? Don't you think I could? Come here…." A tug on your arm set you off balance until you landed in his arms. His large hands tickled just under your ribs. "Angelo!" You couldn't help but giggle. Angelo was always warm and playful. It was hard to imagine him at work being the very serious doctor man. To you, he was your sweet Angel. There were times when his intensity bled through but with Nico there, Angelo usually fell into a sub role. That gave you an idea. 

"Well, what if I want to fuck you in your pretty skirt instead?" The nudge of his rapidly swelling cock against your thigh told you he was more than okay with that. "Would you like that, Baby?" You rolled your hips, grazing his dick. "I'll fuck you so hard that my tits bounce out of my dress."

"Fuck the dress." Angelo did his best to strip it from your body. The top of it ended up hanging around your waist, he completely abandoned it at the sight of your delicate chiffon bra. His fingertips traced your nipples through the sheen fabric. As your nipples pebbled his tongue darted out to wet his soft lips. Before he could lean in and capture one in his mouth you stopped him with your hand in his hair. A sharp tug on his tousled curls stopped him in his tracks. The shift in the energy between you showed in his eyes.

"You didn't even ask, Angel. You should remember your manners." You chided. 

A shallow breath rattled in his chest before he spoke. "Please?"

The quiet desperation in his voice made you clench around nothing. The well toned muscles under his shirt strained under your palm as he waited for your answer.

"Go ahead." 

Suddenly, his lips sealed around one of them. His firm sucks drew out your moans like he was nursing on them. His thumb made sure the other nipple wasn't neglected before he swapped over. It took no time at all for your panties to be as wet as the sodden bra covering your nipples. While your nipples ached from over stimulation, your pussy ached from lack of attention. 

Another tug on his glossy curls was followed by an order. "Go sit down."

"Si, señora." He folded himself down into one of the large sofas. Stripping his shirt off in one move as he did. It was tossed to the floor where your panties soon joined it.

Angelo's well defined legs dropped open under his skirt. The leather rode up to mid thigh as they did. The sight has you on your knees and pushing the skirt up around his waist in seconds.

"Hmmm. I've missed this pretty cock." You told him before traces the thick vein underneath it with your tongue.

"Oh, fuck, yes." Angelo's head rolled back only to snap back to you when you stopped. "Wha..?"

"You don't get to be inside me, in any way, until you make me come."

"Easy." He pulled you into his lap. His large hands spread your legs either side of his before one of them came to your folds, only to be stopped by you.

"Not like that."

"How?"

"Talk to me." You lowered yourself against his hard length, letting his thick shaft rub against your clit.

"Oh, I can do that. I can tell you how much I've missed you on top of me. I've missed your curves under my hands, the warmth of your pussy as it drips all over me."

"Mmmm. What else?" Your hips sped up as much from his words as from your needs for more friction.

"I can tell you that just from the thought of seeing you today, I had to jerk off this morning."

"I bet you looked so good doing that, Baby."

"I was naked on our bed, I came so hard at the thought of fucking you I painted my stomach with it."

There was something about watching your boys jerk off that just did it for you. Maybe it was the added naughtiness of viewing what could be a private moment. Or the fact that they could take themselves apart so easily, you were rewarded with the sight of them coming so quickly. The thought of his naked body glistening with his creamy release pushed you closer.

"Love watching you touch yourself."

"Maybe you could ride my thigh instead and you could watch me now?"

"Look at you trying to turn the tables by offering what I want. Naughty boy! I'm still in charge, you stop if I tell you to."

"Of course, señora."

With a little adjustment you were soon riding his thigh and getting closer than ever watching his large hand be dwarfed by his even larger member. His strokes were slow and firm. There was something so debauched about watching his first his cock that was peeking out of his skirt. It was a mystery to you how even after all these months of filthy, no holds barred sex that some things could still give you that type of thrill.

"Tell me how it feels?"

"Not as good as when you do it. Or when I sink into your pussy."

"I'll let you have it soon, I promise. Just be good for me. Keep talking to me."

"You know, the last time I sat in this chair Owen was sucking my cock." The lewdness of his confession made your hips stutter. A smirk played on Angelo's pretty lips. "He wouldn't let me fuck him out here though. He was too afraid of being caught. I wouldn't give a shit. I want the world to know how good he makes me feel. I had to settle for fucking him up against the window there. I took his ass while I pumped his cock. I talked so dirty to him I had him whimpering for me. He came so hard I had to clean the whole window." The mental image had you on the edge. Angelo could feel you tensing against his thigh. "So, señora, do you still want to be in charge or do you want me to fuck you hard?"

Being so close to climax had you needy and weak for him. "Fuck me."

"Oh, Cariño, you can ask nicer than that."

"Please, fuck me. Please."

The hand that had been around his cock, wrapped around your throat. "Who do you want to fuck you?"

"You…" A squeeze of his hand prompted you to remember. "You, Papi."

"Buena niña." His hand remained at your throat as he kissed you deeply. The passion that you had missed from him had his tongue swirling around yours like he was trying to lap you up. The entire time he guided you across the balcony, his lips barely left yours. When they did it was to spin you abruptly. When he stopped your hands automatically braced yourself on the brick wall of the balcony. The height of it allowing you enough cover to protect your modesty but your head and shoulders peeked above it, giving you a view of the city.

"Do you think people can see you from up here? Do you think they'll be able to tell that you are taking my cock in your tight little cunt?" He filled you as he spoke.

"Angelo!" He was pushing as deep as he could, making you take everything he had. 

"I want you to be completely full of me when you come. I want to feel every excited twitch of this sweet pussy." His fingers strummed your clit as kept himself pressed deep inside.

At this high you wondered if people heard your scream as you finally burst apart around him. 

"Sucia. Look what a mess you've made of me." His words didn't register as you were too gone from your orgasm. Absently, you let him turn you and push you down to your knees. He bunched his skirt up in his hand at his hip. "Clean me up."

Your tongue made quick work of the sweet fluid glistening in the hairs as the base of his cock and the top of his thighs before you moved onto his length, taking as much as you could into your mouth. "I said clean it, not enjoy it. Get up." His fingers caught in your hair. Dragging you up, he bent you over the balcony wall again. 

"Fuck!" He bellowed as he slid back into your now drenched pussy. "You've made it too easy to pound the fuck out of you." His hips moved languidly, teasing you with the ease of his movement inside you. "Papi is going to use this little cunt until he fills it. You are just going to take it. I don't want to hear you holding back any moans. I want to hear all of it. ¿Comprender?"

"Yes." A sharp slap to your chest served as a reminder. "Yes, Papi."

After that point, any thought of anything but Angelo left your mind. The tip of his cock slamming impossibly deep. The girth of him stretching you out. His fevered mutterings in Spanish and English, all of them undoubtedly filthy no matter what the language. The caress of the soft leather of his skirt against your ass. Your arms strained with effort to stop your delicate skin pressing into the rough wall. When he realised this, he pushed you face first onto the nearest sofa. The wood groaned under the plush cushions as he rutted into you hard and fast. Another orgasm swelled within you, it didn't come to fruition before Angelo's cock swelled inside you, pumping out every drop he had to give you. 

"Yes. So good for Daddy. Love this perfect cock sleeve." He babbled as he finished inside you.

After pulling out and wiping the sweat from his brow on his forearm he turned his attention back to you. "You were close for me. Let me see if Papi can finish you off while I stuff all my come back inside of you. I want to be so deep in you that Nico can still taste me later on."

Three fingers scooped his seed back up and rammed it back inside. You whined at the sudden intrusion. "Shhh, Bebita. Just take it like you took my fat cock. Come on, come for me." His thumb gently coaxed you towards your end as his fingers pumped his spend in and out. He could feel you close on his fingers. "That's it. You took me so well. Let me use your perfect hole to come. You deserve another orgasm. Come for me."

His sweet words pushed you over the edge. This time was even more intense. Your whole body lit up with it, chasing his touch. "Oh, Ang…Papi!" 

A satisfied smile played on Angelo's lips. "That's it, come for Papi." His fingers worked you until you begged him to stop. 

Happily exhausted, Angelo flopped down next to you, cuddling into your side. He intertwined his legs with yours, his softened cock pressing into your hip.

"Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?" The softness returned to his eyes.

"I'm fine…Papi." You smiled.

"I know. It's such as fucking cliché but it gets me going."

"Everything gets you going! Why Papi in particular?"

"I don't know. You think young women are the only ones that can have daddy issues?"

"Maybe you should speak to someone about them? Our therapist suggested bringing you along."

"Therapy with you and Nico? I would do anything to get out of that."

"Anything?" You closed the gap between your faces. Stopping just before your lips touched.  "Then try talking to Lily before you try to bribe her. She will love you like we do."

"I love you too." A tiny kiss was pressed to the tip of your nose. "Well, come on then."

"Where?"

"I'll need your help to hide all the gifts before she sees them."

The gifts were hidden, Oisin was picked up from school, and the three of you spent a quiet night in.

Owen arrived home mid-afternoon. After Angelo and Oisin welcomed him home, with matching puppy dog enthusiasm, he exchanged pleasantries with you before he ushered you towards the door. "I know you want to get home to him. He did great. Take care." He gave you a warm hug before calling the elevator for you.

Owen's words repeated in your head. Nico had been so nervous about starting at a practice again. The conference had been his first big step. Oddly, it was nice to be the one being leaned on for a while. Nico had done so much for you even if he didn't realise it.

Before you knew it, you were home. "Hi." Nico beamed at you from behind the counter.

Freshly chopped herbs scented the air. Quickly washing and drying his hands, he came around to pick you up into a hug. "I've missed you. How was the weekend with Angelo?" He set you down but kept you close to his chest, rubbing circles on your back.

"I shopped. Played with an adorable puppy. Let Angelo fulfil his desire for outdoor sex by fucking me roughly. Watched a movie. Then, this morning, we went for a run. Showered together, and just before I left, he made sure to make an absolute mess of me for you to clean up. The usual." You casually remarked.

Nico responded by walking away and turning off the pans in the kitchen. "Let's go." He pointed in the direction of your now shared bedroom.

"What? But food! It smells so good."

"Oh, I'm still going to fed you, Kitten." He smirked as he spanked your ass.

Tags: @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass @mandoloriancookie @faceache111 @elegantduckturtle @manazo @simpingcowboy @pedrit0-pascalit0 @yourcoolauntie @pedrostories @geekrenaissance @its-nebuleuse

#i have no idea how to tag this #smut #some pedro pascal character fanfiction #mostly an omc that may look like oscar isaac #the kitten universe

[ashadowcalledkei]

So ... QSMP Purgatory huh ...

I had too many thoughts last night to fit in the tags of other people's posts, so I just chucked it all into a draft and polished it up today. Who knows how it'll go from here, everything could change in an instant, but as it stood at the end of yesterday, well ...

It was interesting, because the challenge they were given can be overcome in a way that doesn't follow the eye's wishes. 'Can', being the key word. They've clearly been set up to turn on each other with intent to break the bonds that made them strong. Especially with couples and close friends being split apart like that. They've made it hard for teams to cooperate. However, compromises, workarounds, and cooperation could ensure that the chance of ultimate failure and losing the eggs is minimized. Sharing information, making unified plans, trying to find the cursed team, or find the exit, or find the eggs.

The team I thought most likely to think that way and try new things to get around the system was team red. After all, they did think outside the box with how to get resources and overcome their built in limitations. Why not take that further and think their way out of the situation as a whole? But being hunted for sport while your competition mostly leaves each other alone doesn't exactly allow for that kind of lateral thinking.

So they broke. Understandable.

It was actually so demoralizing watching that happen before it spiraled so far that it twisted around on itself and became utterly hilarious instead. Screaming and singing and dancing around the death pit and the ashes of their own bodies? Fascinating. The surprise lore drops around the 'house' which is only a floor? Fantastic. Funny and oddly touching as they started spilling secrets, no judgements just shocked laughs and a numbed acceptance, to each other in the ruin of what they once tried to build. They 1000% deserve to just go crazy. Do it kings, build that village, become npcs.

(Quick side-bar ... guys, don't you find it odd that our three confirmed avians, Baghera, Jaiden, and Phil, are all on this one team? And two of the three 'odd' tickets, with the only other one being Q himself? It's just strange, it seems significant in a way I can't put my finger on.)

But also. The admin team has done a great job placing clues that all point to blue being the cursed team which Must Not Lose. Great job there, it's a fun little puzzle and just because it looks like people have solved it already doesn't take away from that. We might even be wrong about it, but I hope not, because a good puzzle should be solvable. So ... it's probably team blue. And with certain members of team blue going murder mode and terrorizing team red till they shattered, giving up on points or standings or winning ... that potentially locks it in for them for the rest of the event.

If team red isn't playing by those rules anymore they aren't a threat. And team blue only needs to not be last for the eggs to be saved. Right? Well, done deal. Blue and green can go at it for clout unbothered by red and the threat of true failure. The event might has well have been 1 day. The rest of these two weeks won't matter beyond the lingering effects of personal actions if we truly are going with this format being the majority of the event (and if red truly has been beaten into a pulp).

And honestly ... I'm glad. I'm glad they locked it in. I'm glad team red was so crushed and demoralized that they broke down into madness. Because this is more fun.

Now it's possible that after some sleep red will decide to actually try again .... out-skilled and out-gunned with half their team perma-mia ... or that they'll end up getting member shifted over to make them an actual threat ... but I hope not!

I watch this roleplay server for the stories and drama and comedy. And for the truly beautiful way it has woven together people from different countries and cultures into a close knit group of friends. For the bond forged through joy and terror and loss that made some of these strangers into family. I don't want two whole weeks of sweaty pvp and grinding! Sounds boring. (To say nothing of the jarring tone shift and how it'll change character dynamics after as the memories and guilt and knowledge of how quickly and brutally some of them turned on each other linger.) But you'd best believe I'll tune in to see what these already traumatized people who cracked to pieces do next!

So don't re-balance it admins. Let it ride and let team red do whatever the fuck they want. They earned it. They put in their time being tryhards and it didn't work so fuck it all let's just have fun. Let's go npc madness village! Or whatever new chaos comes next, I'm sure they'll come up with something sufficiently scuffed. Few things are as intriguing and mildly-terrifying as Charlie Slimecicle with 'a plan'.

Go team blue to win the event. Go team red to keep the server fun.

And just as a quick addition ... Charlie summed it all up best. "We were put here to tear each other and ourselves apart ... " "When you guys finally come to your senses ... maybe it'll take a day, maybe it'll take two, but it won't take two weeks. And when you realize what this place is taking from you, you come find us."

#qsmp #ramblings about qsmp Purgatory event #this event's a fascinating look into how jarring change to the system made so many of them give up what makes them truly strong in a second #and you know ... breaking and giving in to madness might actually be better in the end (at least for us viewers) #quick edit bc I was rewatching from Charlie's pov and had mis-remembered where the lore drop happened #also had to add in that quote. wow man. he has a way with words when he wants to

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Thanks to Them"

Salutations, random people on the internet who are already scrolling past this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When it was announced that The Owl House's third season would get cut short to three hour-long specials, the fans fought as hard as they could to rectify this insane mistake. And...I really hate how I wasn't surprised.

I've seen this before. There have been many instances when a studio decided on something fans didn't like, and those fans did everything they could to fight back against it. The problem is that the fans rarely win, and it'll take a gosh dang miracle to make a studio change its mind about something. Studios don't care about how badly the fans want something or about a creator's vision. All studios care about is how much money they can make off a product. And it seemed The Owl House didn't have as big of a number as Disney's other shows at the time. It's an unfortunate pill to swallow, but that doesn't mean the situation is hopeless.

There are competent writers out there that, when given restraint, try to roll with the punches and still push out something amazing. Believe it or not, what happened to The Owl House is the best-case scenario, as the writers were told ahead of time what their situation would be, giving them the chance to adjust and make as satisfying of an ending as possible. And if you ask me, I have absolute faith that they'll be able to pull it off. The Owl House isn't my favorite show at the moment for nothing. The writers are outstanding, and the final product of Season Two proves that they know how to tell an overarching story while still giving the characters and the audience the time they need to breathe. The question is, did "Thanks to Them" reinforce this faith? Well, let's find out together, shall we?

SPOILERS BELOW

WHAT I LIKED

Starting Where the Last Season Ended: This was the best decision. The events of the finale are too big of a thing to gloss over immediately by starting with a time skip of them already working hard on getting home. Continuing the story right after the last season left things off works because the characters are allowed some time to establish this new normal and get started on their mission. While putting out some...issues.

Luz and Hunter’s Guilt: I'm still a little iffy on Hunter's guilt, mainly because I don't see him as the victim here, but I understand what Luz's going through. What happened isn't her fault either, as Belos could have tricked anyone instead of her, but I can see how she can believe it's her fault. Even though it could have been anyone else, Luz is still the one Belos tricked in the end, and her pain of knowing that she inadvertently caused so much damage is well within reason. So I'm glad Luz has Hunter with her to share some of the pain. If you think these two were siblings before, you'll get a kick at watching them bond over shared fears and anxieties, being each other's support and reassurance that things are going to be ok. Luz adds more to that last part (because, of course, she does), but it's still sweet seeing them go through this together. It makes their relationship grow stronger and more compelling, and I hope we get just the briefest moments between these two in the future. And I'll go over each character individually, but there are just a few things I want to get out of the way first.

Starting with a character who deserves way more love.

Camila: IF I SEE ONE MORE MOTHER F**KER CALLING CAMILA A BAD MOM AFTER THIS, I'M GOING TO LOSE IT!

Let me break down what this woman does for the dumb dumbs in the back:

Upon seeing these four new kids without a home or anywhere else to go, she doesn't hesitate to insist that they can live with her and Luz until they find a way back. Even if she doesn't entirely understand how they function and is a little freaked out by certain antics.

When Luz came out to her, Camila pulled her and Amity in for a loving hug, and Camila started to wear a pride pin throughout the rest of the special, an extra cherry on that sweet sundae.

Upon seeing Vee in her new form, Camila ran toward her daughter with just as much pride as she did when Luz came out.

She looked at Luz's quirkiness and antics with pride, and if anybody had the AUDACITY to call her daughter a freak, Camila was more than ready to throw hands.

Once she finds out that Luz is planning on staying in the human realm, which is what Camila wanted once she realizes where Luz was during the summer, Camila refuses to let that happen. Back in "Yesterday's Lie," Camila didn't know the context of why Luz wanted to stay. Now, she does. The context has been living with her for months. And they helped her understand why Luz loves the Boiling Isles so much and how it's more of a home than the Human Realm.

The woman even jumped into a dirty graveyard pond to save our precious boy Hunter!

The one misstep she might have made was going through her daughter's journal, but, like...what parent hasn't done that? If you think your secrets are safe, they're not. And they never will be. Just accept that right now.

Is Camila a perfect mom? No. No parent is perfect, as there will be mistakes no matter how good you try to be. And if your takeaway from "Thanks to Them" is still about how Camila's a bad mom, despite all the kind-hearted things she does for her baby and her friends, you're an idiot. There's no other way around it. You are an idiot who doesn't understand good parenting if it slaps you in the face. And I'm only partially joking about that.

Alright, now that I've got that rant out of the way, let's keep things chugging along.

The Montages: There are two prominent montages in this special, the first showing us what Luz and Co. have been up to the past few months and the second detailing the antics Vee and Luz's friends went through in finding the secrets of the puzzle they found. And this was another perfect decision on the writer's part. The Owl House's third season has a similar plot to Amphibia's, only that the writers are working with a third (Ha) of the run-time that Matt Braly and his team did. This means they'll have to speedrun through the same story beats Amphibia had while still providing a satisfying final product. So, seeing the characters adjust to the new environment is relegated to montages instead of dedicating entire episodes (and wasting time) of them going on a wacky adventure in the human realm. And I'm ok with that. This idea of keeping things moving forward but delivering the briefest of cute character moments makes The Owl House more different (and better) than Amphibia. While Amphibia will grind its stories and narratives to a halt so we can have a filler episode dedicated to stuff like Sprig being a superhero, The Owl House keeps things going while working these character moments in with the story. It's a reason why I think people get too bent out of shape when shows don't have filler episodes anymore. Yeah, I get that some of them can be fun when done right, but that doesn't mean characters can't grow without them. Maybe Luz coming out to her mom or the characters meeting giraffes would have made great episodes, but I'm not losing sleep over getting a few seconds instead. Besides, while "Thanks to Them" is still continuing the story, that doesn't mean it can't stand out on its own as something spectacular.

Or should I say spooktacular...?

It’s a Halloween Special: And I love that. I love that despite the writers having less time, they still went out of their way to deliver the one holiday special this series is perfect for while continuing the story. They just added the fun, filler-like stuff with it (see what I mean?). As for how well it works as a Halloween special...it's pretty good. Some solid imagery feeds into the spooky season with some creepy stuff that should be enough to scare the kids watching. Heck, maybe some adults might get creeped out given some body horror that happens later...and yes, we'll get into that...but first, let's talk about something wholesome.

I need something wholesome.

OH, MY GOODNESS, DO I NEED SOMETHING WHOLESOME!

The Kids Learning Spanish: You'll do.

This was sweet, by the way. It shows us just how much these kids care about Luz and Camila by putting in the effort to speak a language that they mastered. It's a small thing, but it fills up my heart.

(Also, that demonic Duolingo is perfect as an in-joke for the fandom. If you know, you know)

They Painted Hooty on the Door: This, on the other hand, is both funny and kind of tragic. Like, the kids miss the Boiling Isles so much that a reference to Hooty gives them comfort.

Hooty!

Man, they really need to find a way to get back home...

The Kids Finding a Way to Get Back Home: Oh...that was fast. But not too convenient. It's heavily implied that the house the kids set themselves up in used to belong to Philip and Caleb (or something like that), so it's not too hard to believe that the kids find their first real clue there.

As for the others leaving Luz out on the search, this does bring up my friend's complaint about how Luz doesn't have much agency as her friends. And, yeah, I can see that frustration. Luz doesn't get to do much in this special, with the most crucial story-driven moments going to the others. Luz is the main protagonist, and she should be able to do more than...relatively nothing. However, it does make sense in context. Luz is currently not in the right mindset and is going through a lot, so her friends are doing their part to chase a lead, wanting to surprise Luz with a win instead of letting her down with another failure. It's her friends' way of paying back all the kindness Luz has done for them by going just as above and beyond as she would in completing a task. It has the unfortunate side effect of letting Luz have little importance, but I wouldn't call it bad writing. Just...a slight mishandling of characters.

Besides, while Luz doesn't do much to advance the story, she adds a lot when it comes to character development.

Luz: This is the most development Luz has gotten through the whole series. Luz is weighed down by her guilt over accidentally helping Belos to the point where she believes things would be better if she never existed. That...hurts. It hurts a lot to see Luz think this way. And it hurts even more to see her heart not being in it when acting like her usual self. When Luz smiles, it never reaches her eyes. When she says something lighthearted and goofy, it almost sounds as if she's empty inside. This experience changed her, and it makes sense. To Luz, she caused so much damage that is unable to fix it for months. It makes sense why she's so emotionally numb throughout the special because...how would you react to all that? Something tells me it wouldn't be great.

This special also gave us more insight into Luz's life before the Boiling Isles. We get to see how isolated she feels, how miserable she is being in a world that doesn't understand her, and even why she loves The Good Witch Azura. We get bits and pieces of that in the past, but this is the first time it's a central focus, and that's great. We know a lot about Luz's friends and family but don't know much about her. So to finally get something about Luz is spectacular. If you ask me, having her go through the most development is a fair trade to her not having much agency in the first part of a three-part finale (besides, we've got two more parts to go through).

Although, she's not the only one going through a lot this special.

Hunter: Next to Luz, Hunter might be the one who grew the most in "Thanks to Them." He gets a hobby that allows him to find some self-expression, finds a book series that gives him comfort over his anxieties, and ends up crying tears of joy when he realizes he's part of a kind, loving family. Again, "Thanks to Them" worked all these great character moments into the story while still moving things along. Seriously, take notes, Amphibia writers!

Jokes aside, it is great to see Hunter happy for the majority of an episode for once. After everything he went through (and will soon go through. We'll get to that), it warms the heart to see my boy just loving life and getting everything he could have ever hoped for...This is why it does serious emotional damage to see it soon crumble to an end. And we'll get to that...but can we go through some more nice stuff first? Please?

Cosmic Frontier: Sure, why not?

I like Cosmic Wonder primarily for the help it gives Hunter and his issues, but it's also amazing how it gives him and Gus something to bond over. It adds more to that brotherly bond they've got going on, which is sweet to see.

Also...those books obviously belonged to Camila. The way she reacted to them and the fact that she got bullied in school over something is all the proof I need. And that's also sweet because it means she's as much of a nerd as Luz, even though she has bad memories of expressing it. Plus, now that we know that Luz's father is the one that gave Luz her first Azura book, a fact that breaks my heart as much as it makes it whole, that might hint at how Camila and Manny met. The boxes in the closet imply they went to conventions together, even saving old cosplays they've made. Really shows you how much Luz takes after her folks, thus warming the heart up in the process.

Masha: Do you want to know what else warms the heart? The Owl House continuing to excel at having such casual LGBTQA+ representation.

Here, we have a character that's non-binary but embraces feminity. There's an incorrect stipulation that to be non-binary means to not conform to either male or female genders, but (as far as I can tell) that's not true. Being non-binary means that you don't identify as either male or female. How you choose to express that is up to you. But if a man can wear makeup and have long hair but still identify as male or a woman can choose to wear no makeup and shave her head but still identify as female, why can't a non-binary individual choose to wear pride nails and wear long dresses?

For The Owl House to allow a group of people to feel that seen is fantastic, and I hope this series will be remembered for years because of that reason alone.

And, hey, it looks like they might be a potential crush for Vee. Isn't that just cute...Oh, yeah, VEE!

Vee: I'm surprised with how well Vee fits into the group. She doesn't do much, but she adds a lot of cuteness and charm, and I love that there are zero issues with the fact that she's a basilisk. She's just a part of the gang, and there are no questions or hesitations about it. And that's nice. It's great to see Vee happy and loved after all the crap she went through before meeting Camila. Also...at least someone had a happy ending...unlike others...But I'm not getting into that yet! There's still the, uh, um...OH! I know!

The Tale of Brothers Whittebane: They just...put it all out there. That's the story of Caleb, Philip, and Evelyn (who's obviously a Clawthorne. I mean, come on). This story is everything we could really need to know, and it's told uniquely by having it be a sort of puppet show. Any blanks in the story we might have can only be confirmed through the background paintings found in "Hollow Mind," which the Tale of Brothers Wittebane in "Thanks to Them" adds clarity towards. Would a flashback episode work better? Most certainly, yes. But, as I've said, the writers have no choice but to speedrun through these story beats while making it serviceable. And that's what this is: Serviceable. I would love to know more, but I'm fine with where we're at.

Belos–NO! No, come on, there's gotta be something else!

Uh...Luz making a light glyph? That was cool and effectively gave me goosebumps.

"Shmuck--"

Um, uh, Luz's journal entries are neat! It's probably the best scene in the entire series, showing us exactly the kind of person Luz is and the heartbreak she learned to deal with!

"Schmuck."

And how about Luz and Amity going as Azura and Hecate?! That's something I've always wanted to see, and I got it! And I bet it made you all happy, right--

"SCHMUCK!"

...

"It's time."

...*Sighs* Yeah...yeah, let's get into it.

Belos Possessed Hunter: This...might be the worst thing Belos has ever done. And that's saying something.

Hunter was finally happy and at peace with everything. He had friends who loved him, interests that gave him something to hold on to, and a family that accepted him. The sad part is that the stuff that made Hunter happy only led to his own downfall. His love of sewing caused a hole for Belos to sneak his slimy self into. His admiration for Cosmic Frontier led to him staying behind and finding Belos in the first place. It is beyond twisted and could potentially lead Hunter to think he's not allowed to be happy if this is where it gets him. Sure, we got a cool fight scene and some decent body horror as Belos took over, but it will never change how this is an experience that will scar Hunter far more on the inside than the out. Especially considering...

Flapjack’s Death: This stings.

No, screw that. This shatters.

Flapjack, the first good thing to ever happen to Hunter and what kickstarted him learning to be loved, is...gone. He's gone, and it's all for the pettiest of reasons: Belos' resentment towards a witch his brother fell in love with. Sure, he hates magic and palismans in general, but he clearly specified that he was doing it because of how Flapjack reminded Belos of Evelyn. And he did it while using Hunter's body as a vessel, adding more damage to the poor boy.

But, if there's one good thing to take away from this, Flapjack died on his own terms. Belos cracked him, and it was unlikely Flapjack would survive anyway, but in his last moments, he spent them saving Hunter one final time. It's not the sendoff we wanted Flapjack to have, but this showcase of true loyalty proves how endearing he can be and how badly he'll be missed.

RIP, you little rascal.

...Thankfully, it doesn't take long before tragedy fades and hope rises.

The Truth Comes Out: And everything is fine.

I'm not shocked that Belos tried to throw in one last manipulation by telling the truth to Luz's friends about the mistake that she made. Nor am I surprised that their reaction was to be stunned at first, but they were quick to get over it, reassuring Luz that there's nothing to be worried about and ashamed of. And you have no idea how much relief I felt when that happened.

Lesser shows would have taken the opportunity to milk this drama far more than what it's worth, having Luz constantly blame herself while others refuse to look at her the right way ever again. Meanwhile, the writers of The Owl House said, "F**k that!" and gave Luz the instant reassurance she'll need. I'm sure she's not totally over her guilt and that we'll get bits and pieces of it in parts two and three, but I'm glad that the writers gave us all the drama they could about Luz keeping her mistake a secret without it feeling like it overstayed its welcome. It's another case of phenomenal writing in this series that was more than welcome.

(Also, Amity echoing back the words Luz said when confessing to her is beyond adorable, and I will hear nothing of the contrary)

But while this wasn't much of a surprise, what definitely was is...

Camila Deciding to Go With: I mean...yeah.

A part of me thought this might happen, but I did not expect it to come true. Still, I'm excited. I cannot wait to see Camila join the fight and kick some butt in the Boiling Isles...That or die/sacrifice herself to save her baby...I mean, if Camila's the only thing keeping Luz in the Human Realm, her death would give Luz the excuse she needs to stay in the Boiling Isles forever with her new family and home...I'm not saying I want this to happen, but it's even more of a possibility now than ever.

And I'm gonna hate myself for calling it...

WHAT I DISLIKED

Get the f**k out of here--YOU ARE NOT NEEDED!

...No, really, you're not needed. I took the one complaint I had (Luz not doing much) and weaved it into the likes so I could rationalize why it still works even though it rubbed me (and others) the wrong way.

What did you expect me to do? Break the flow so I can do something that's not necessary? What am I, an Amphibia writer?

...People probably think I hate Amphibia  due to me ragging on it even though I gave it a B- in my final verdict review. The truth is, I do like Amphibia. It's funny, Anne's character development is ten times better than Luz's, and this is a show that knows how to stick the landing when it comes to its finales. My problems are that certain ideas and decisions weren't executed well, with the primary issue being how poorly it mixed episodic storytelling with a serialized one. Other than that, it's pretty good. Check it out.

...What were we talking about? Oh, right! "Thanks to Them!"

Yeah, this is an A+ for sure.

IN CONCLUSION

"Thanks to Them" is better than anything that came out of the series so far. It proves that Season Three is going for the "less is more" approach, giving the fans everything they could want and ask for but not letting it distract from the few narratives left established. There's a voice in my brain telling me that parts two and three of this final season might not live up to expectations, but it is outclassed by the part of me that is reassured by how astonishing this season will be. I have high hopes for the future. And it's all thanks to the writers who really do know how to roll with the punches.

#the owl house #the owl house season 3 #the owl house spoilers #camila noceda #luz noceda #toh hunter #toh flapjack #toh vee #vee noceda #emperor belos #the owl house reviews #what i thought about

[thegreatandpowerfulversy]

Hi! I just want to say I've found your blog a really valuable source of differing jewish opinions. I'm in sort of a pro-palestine echo chamber, which initially I thought was a good thing (and to be clear I still don't think palestinian people should be harmed, killed, deprived of human necessities or forcibly removed from their homes) - but I am also increasingly aware of the lack of critical thinking, casual antisemitism as well as full blown antisemitic conspiracy that happens in these discussions. I don't always recognise it immediately, but I understand it is there. And knowing many antizionist jewish people doesn't at all stop that from being true. I'm buddhist (culturally but also in practice) and it is important to me to consider the welfare of human beings and to not simply get trapped in dogma. I hope all of us can reflect on our views and be more mindful of the takes we uncritically share on social media - not simply whether or not they are 'true', but also if they are actively harmful to marginalised peoples. There's a real oppression olympics feeling to some of the discourse that I really dislike. People seem allergic to caring about multiple kinds of people at the same time. I've been able to better navigate the free palestine tag despite the claims of 'antisemites not welcome' as a result of your blog. I don't necessarily agree with every last thing everyone you've ever reblogged has said but I just wanted you to know you've helped me learn a lot. And I am still learning

Thank you for the message! I'm happy that you're taking steps to recognize the environment you've been in and get to a healthier place, and I'm very glad the posts I reblog and my occasional rambling in tags thereof is helping!

I fully agree with you that everyone deserves human rights, that's what the "human" part of the phrase means, no exceptions. I find it incredibly tragic that so many people are dying in this war, and I wish none of them had to (even the Hamas fighters, in a perfect world they would be captured and given trials, because they're humans too). But one of my biggest issues with the online pro-pal movement is how they insist that this war is somehow exceptional -- that it must be genocide, that it must have the highest death toll ever, that it must be so much worse than any other conflict... and that's simply not the case on all counts. And the expectation that it would be, simply because Israel is one of the combatants, is due to ingrained antisemitism that, in most people anyway, probably isn't even at the level of conscious thought.

Also, even I don't 100% agree with everything on the blogs of all the people I follow. I'm aware that some of the Israeli news articles I see have a right-wing slant, but to me at least, going in with my eyes open is better than not hearing what's going on at all. I've definitely seen some Islamophobic posts going around and I don't endorse that any more than I do antisemitism.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your thoughts! I hope you continue to learn and grow and fight for human rights for all, Palestinian and Jewish both... and Israeli Arab, and Bedouin, and Druze, and Samaritan, and all the other groups in that area who always get forgotten by people in their black-and-white thinking. The only way we achieve peace is if we all stand together.

#honestly it means so much to hear someone say all this #good luck anon

[runabout-river]

Spoilers

Watched all of The Umbrella Academy season 3 yesterday and before I throw myself at all the gifs, headcanons, meta posts and fics I wanted to post my personal critique of this season first:

- the fight scenes didn't impress me much this time and the big fights at the end should have run way longer but the episode was too short for that apparently. I think the best fight this season was the hallucinated dance battle which was hilarious

- the start of the season was... muddled? I don't know how to describe it accurately but in a narrative sense it was not quite focused, maybe? The latter half of the season was better structured

- I still don't like how Luther and Diego were dumbed down from the first season but props to Tom Hopper for actually selling it after given the script

- they wanted to imitate season 1's fractured communication of the Umbrella's but it didn't quite fit at first and felt forced in a few places. In season one the siblings not talking to each other and making their own plans was a natural consequence of them being estranged and physically! distant from each other. Now they were all in the same place and had rekindled their familial relationship with each other (somewhat) and still no-one knew what the other was doing? It just took a few episodes for it to feel normal.

- their powers got downgraded and the power exchange between Harlan and Viktor and Viktor and Allison didn't have any weight behind it. Viktor didn't have negative side effects from giving Harlan his powers nor any positive effects from getting it back and the upgrade from Allison's powers went nowhere really fast. Their powers themselves didn't have much of a role this season except in some small parts which is a shame. (Except for Harlan killing the mothers)

- the scene where Diego puts Lila in a closet. I'm not saying it's out of character but I have so many issues with it that it deserves its own post.

- I think it would have made more sense to have a different explanation for the Kugelblitz than the grandfather paradox and their mothers dying before their other selves were born (many thoughts). Allison reuniting with Claire was already near impossible to happen after landing in the past and changing things around but those thoughts are so long and also belong on a different post.

- also, their other selves dying before they were born >_> I (and Klaus) got robbed of some selfcest shenanigans

- it's a missed opportunity to not have the Umbrella's interact with the public more. Yes, we got one tragic scene of Allison finding someone else's child in her former home but we could have had more people going out to the places they knew and finding old friends and acquaintances and having to interact with them.

- the scene where Allison rumors Luther was executed... strangely, and they should've put more weight behind it. Maybe I'll make a post about that one, too.

But that's it for the most part. The season was enjoyable to watch and I'm glad to obsess about it for the next few weeks. (And hopefully finally finish that fic I have sitting on my laptop for nearly two years.)

#tua #the umbrella academy #spoilers #tuas3 spoilers

[angelofthepage]

Waddles in here hi hello

What’s your favorite part about the archives/part you thought was interesting? We got a little more information about what happened to Audrey’s memories and why Wilson looks like that, which were my favorite parts (that and seeing Henry again, even if who is in the cyclebresker section doesn’t make much sense)

Greetings Lucky, thanks for stopping by! Gosh, I love those parts, they're so good! Audrey is great, love having more details on her, yes please. Always happy to get an up close look at her model too Wilson's information was especially intriguing, I'm so glad we got that. It puts things into perspective nicely.

And Henry, gosh we LOVE Henry, so good to see him again. You have yet to hear how much I love this man, my gosh. I dunno if I'd say the cycle-breaker section doesn't make sense, but I suppose that depends on what angle you're looking at it from. Yeah it's not everyone who was in the Pit, but Henry, Tom, and Allison do seem to be the characters most driven to do something about the cycle. Sammy is driven by the ink demon, Bertrum and Norman are just kind of there, and outside of just prisoners, you have Heidi and Porter at the end who are driven by...what ARE they driven by? I dunno to be honest. But other than Audrey, they're the ones who are directly opposing Wilson, and that seems to be what being a cyclebreaker is about. Though after being the best steed ever, I think Big Steve deserves a cyclebreaker pin too, as a treat.

My favorites? Gosh, that's hard to pin down! Sammy knowing Flow and apparently being a master of it has given me SO MUCH BRAINROT. No joke, I have a script for a theory video about it in the works that's up to nine pages long at this point. This detail has given me so much perspective as to how some of the pieces connect, I have so many thoughts. I will always be a little sad that he didn't have more of a role, but you know what? I have a keyboard and a pencil, I can make my own and it'll be awesome.

Besides that though? Gosh, I mean I have some mad appreciate for Malice, our "queen of the studio." Hell yeah girl you ARE a queen, flaunt it! Also love the potential of her coming back one more time, really hope she does. I love that Carley is included in the Butcher Gang now, that's really sweet that she's an official member! I wanna see more fan art of them, it's so cute. Baby Benders almost having a squeak is adorable, and now I wanna do like six hundred audio skits voicing him. Clarifying King Widow's name was great, THANK YOU! Also, speaking of names, CRACKLE?! I love him hello?! Adopting the crab immediately, he is my baby now. Also, Betty. Betty I have so many questions about you, you'd better come back!

Just, really really happy to get more on these characters. They're all extremely beloved and I'm holding them in my heart.

#batdr #batdr spoilers #bendy and the dark revival spoilers #bendy and the dark revival #askbox #answers