Thrones & Crowns Part 2
Pairing: Morpheus x Reader
Warnings: None. I just like jewelry
Requests: Morpheus gets his spouse that crown he promised them
Requested by: @jesllianaquilesrolon
He had heard their footsteps before their voice. But either was alright, good enough that he knew that they were there.
"Morpheus? Sweetheart? What's all this?" His spouse asked.
They stepped into the room, their attention on the wide table.
It had been cleared of books to leave room for a rather large collection of crowns, circlets, and tiaras proudly displayed.
He offered out his hand to them, pulling them closer when they took it. "Well, I did offer you a crown." Morpheus reminded, gesturing at the jewelry.
He felt a little pride at the obvious entrancement on (Y/N) face as they stepped forward for a closer look. And relief. While Lucienne had told him not to worry, he had briefly thought that this display might have been a little too much pressure on his spouse.
But (Y/N) ghosted their hand over one of the jewelry pieces. Not close enough to touch, being far more careful than they needed to. "These..."
"I thought about surprising you, picking one myself. But I decided it would be preferable for you to choose one yourself."
Their face was brightened with excited for a moment, before worry clouded their face. "You know you didn't have to do this, right?” They asked, making sure. “I married you because I love you. Not because of some throne or crown."
He smiled at their cautiousness. At their worry that he didn't know how much they loved him.
"I am aware. But everything you've done since you came here, the help you've given..." Morpheus knew exactly that they married him out of love. He couldn't believe it sometimes, thinking that he most likely didn't deserve it. But he did know it. "You were the best thing that could have happened to me and the Dreaming. I could never repay you for it, so the least I could do is give you a symbol of the respect you deserve."
His honest words felt were fairly uncomfortable to say, not loving the vulnerability he felt around (Y/N). But their grin made it all worth it, with all the gratitude in their smile.
They pulled him into a tight hug, voice muffled against his shoulder. "If I hear anyone say that you're emotionless again, I'll fight them. You're the sweetest.”
He just chuckled, tightening the hug. "Only for those who deserve it. Those like you."
They laughed nervously when he let them go, warmth in their cheeks at Morpheus’s loving words. “You know, if my ego gets any bigger, I'll turn into Lucifer."
Morpheus was about to respond to their joke when he noticed how their attention was grabbed by one specific piece. "Do you like that one?" He asked, and they nodded distractedly.
He would admit, it was a nice crown. Not the kind of thing that would pull his interest, but most definitely his partner's. "It belonged to a French Royal killed in the revolution. Desire took it from the palace, but quickly got bored of it. Moving on to newer, shinier toys."
"How could they? It's beautiful."
He gestured dismissively, knowing that Desire was just the type of person to do that. "Well, now it's yours." While their attention was on their new gift, his attention was on them. "I love you." He spoke gently, getting their attention once again
"I love you too." Their smile was stunning to Morpheus, more beautiful than anything he could create. "Even more than I love this." They pointed at the crown.
He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Really?" The King of the Dreaming played along with his lover's enjoyment of gentle teasing
"I mean… at least a little." Their grin was wide, with a slight wink. Expecting him to response with a joking comment of his own.
But Morpheus just reached up to brush his fingers through (Y/N)'s hair. "Good, I'm glad." His response was gentle, soft. "And I'm glad that you liked your gift."
(Y/N) thought about making another joke. But honestly they just wanted to tell him that he was worth so much more to them than any gift. That they were so grateful that he loved them and they loved him back. But words wouldn't be able convey the emotions they wanted to communicate.
So instead they kissed him. Hoping it would let him know better than speech.
Warnings: SMUT 18+!
Pairings: Eddie Munson x reader
Word count: 8k
A/n: I'm going to be honest I'm nervous about this one because it's so fucking long. Almost 8k! I struggled with this part. I just wanted to fit everything in the last one so here it is! Nancy for sure listens to Dolly Parton in know she does! And Eddie, Eddie is a big softy but I know he could be a brawler.
Part 1. Part 2.
Almost a month passed since what happened between you and Eddie, and he has been attached to your hip ever since.
'Its time! Here they come!' Miss. Em told herself and saw how Eddie held your pinky with his. She pulled the teacher next to her and began telling them about her little date game. Each day she would see how you and Eddie got close. At first it was walking side by side and now he was holding your pinky! As silly as it sounds it meant a lot to certain people.
You really didn't show any PDA but he would hold your pinky or belt hoop every chance he got. The relationship between the two of you was unknown. You two never talked about it, it just happened. Yes he would tutor you still, but now he would keep you by his side when he had his campaign. He even managed to steal a desk for you and would help you with work in between breaks.
Eddie noticed how Gareth would sneak glances at you mostly when you took of your plaid shirt leaving you in a tank top due to the heat. Eddie would scoot over to you and wrap an arm around your waist and bring you closer to him or he would softly move your hair to the side exposing your neck and softly run his fingers from your soft jaw to the tank top strap running his fingers underneath the strap. Eddie was warning Gareth that you where his.
You had become used to his touch that you rarely noticed it when you were going over problems or something that you didn't understand.
"Eddie, can you check this?" You said looking up to him rather quickly and went back to work.
"Sure, Sweetheart." He had given you that nickname and it always made you blush a little.
Eddie had also begun picking you up and taking you home from school. He had to ask your dad for permission first.
"Come here." Eddie would say each time you got in or out of his van. He would reach over and hold you from the back of your neck and gently pull you to him for a kiss. You would get blown away each time he kissed you, he was gentle, skilled and so tender towards you. It became a daily routine.
"So I've heard some birdies say that Munson got a girl." Robin said during lunch somewhat looking at you. As much as Eddie said to come and sit with them you still sat with the girls. Robin always knew what was going around the school, She was the eyes and ears in this school and you really didn't mention nothing about the day he made you- well that isn't important, but you also didn't mentioned that you and Eddie had this secret but not secret relationship together.
"Yeah, i wonder who it is? Maybe some heavy metal girl like himself?" Nancy said completely oblivious. You would have seen it from Robin not Nancy.
"Oh I think I have a guess." Robin wiggled her eyebrows at you and you shyly looked at your plate tying to pick at a green bean with your fork.
"Really?! Who is it? I haven't really seen Munson in the halls. It is also a big shock that he even found one." Nancy forgot about her story and became interested in Eddie's love life. It kind of bothers you but you really didn't say anything to them, its was bound to come out.
"Look at him! He is already telling you who it is Nance!" Robin pointed towards his direction. Nancy managed to see the side glance go their table looking past the both of them and look at you.
She gasps and slams her hand on the table making you jump.
"You are Munson girl? He is the mystery guy who sweetly gave up his shorts for you?! " She whispers and kept herself from fangirling. You couldn't help but smile at her reaction, it made you feel happy that they didn't mind him.
"Yes." You said and blushed when you looked at him and he winked at you and threw you a kiss. The two of them caught it and they both began quietly screaming.
"Oh god can you guys stop!" You said and grabbed their hands. Soon questions began being thrown at you at a fast speed.
"Was he the first one to make the move or you?"
"Did you guys already have se-" you covered Robin's mouth before she finished her sentence.
"I'll tell you. Just, one question at a time." You removed her hand and told Robin to ask first.
"Go simple, Robin. Not all crazy!" Nancy said and let robin talk.
"First of, when did it happen?" You chew the inside of your cheek and move your plate aside.
"About a month ago..."
"A MONTH AGO! AND YOU DIDN'T CARE TO SHARE?" You shushed Robin and pulled her back to her seat.
"God! Can we keep it in the wraps?" You said. You looked at Nancy for the next question.
"Where and what happened?" She put her hands together and waited anxiously.
"That Friday when I didn't go to school, he came to my house to tutor me and to check up one me..." they where at the edge of their seats.
"While we were doing work I mentioned that I had back pain and he kindly asked if he could help, I said yes and didn't realize that he had trapped me in between his legs, when he said something and found his face so close to mine." They began trying not to yell and debated on whether to tell them about the- the grinding.
"That can't be it! Look at her eyes, she is hiding something." Robin said and pointed at your wide eyes.
"You tell us or we ask him." You kept your mouth shut until She turned around and began calling him over.
"Okay! Okay! I'll speak!" You said and placed your hands up.
"I asked him why was he being so nice all of a sudden and he said a Dolly Parton line! I actually had the song on and didn't catch it until he said something about it." You whispered and Nancy asked which song.
"Here you come again!" You said and she grabbed Robin and shook her. Robin was confused and Nancy had to give a small summary about the song. She understood and told you to continue.
"He then came to me, began asking these questions which they did kind of scared me, but he hovered over me and looked at me with these puppy eyes. He touched my jaw and cheek before he leaned in and kissed me." They yelled and you shushed them. You took a quick glance at Eddie and saw him smirking. He knew that you're talking about him and it made him blush.
"And then?!" You told them that that was it and they didn't believe you.
"Is that bullshit I smell?" Nancy said and smiled at you.
"Its a little too..." they told you to continue and that they wouldn't say anything.
"Okay. He got in between my legs, still clothed, and wrapped them around his waist, he leaned in to kiss me and..." you ran a hand over your face and became as bright as a beet.
"He began grinding against me..." their eyes almost popped out and they told you to keep on going.
"It was embarrassing but he moved against me and I felt him grind against my, my, uh my clit.." you whispered.
"And I told him that it was too much that it's going to lead to something else. He grabbed my butt and lifted my hips to his and he said that he just wanted to make me cum. Now, I don't know if this is something but he said that it could relieve cramps... so I let him and he, GOD I CAN'T DO THIS!" You covered your beet face and they kept on telling you to finish what you started!
"Yes you can! And you will if not I will yank him over here." Nancy warned and began getting up.
"Fine! FINE!" You said and shook your arms and fingies.
"He, he, he got hard against me so he undid his belt and pants.." they gasp but you stopped them.
"He didn't take them off! He continued moving and speed up a bit, god I saw his trail and I just wanted to run my fingers over it but I knew that if I did he would go ballistic and, well you know!" Nancy nodded and you sighed. Robin was confused again until Nancy had to let her know.
"Yeah, it's kind of a no for me, but continue." She said.
"I was, um, I was so horny that it was driving me nuts then..." you looked at the two. They got closer to you.
"His tip slipped out of his boxers making him make this loud hot moan that just intensified my arousal and I began grinding against him. I brought him closer to me and after a while I felt myself, cum, and he kissed me again and I couldn't help and whimper against him..." you touched your lips and felt this warm feeling on your chest. The two girls noticed it and smiled at you.
"Yes he made me- but there was something with that kiss it felt so passionate...well, he went at it against me a couple of times before he came. I showered again and we just cuddled. Ever since then he hasn't left my hip." You looked at him bothering the jocks and it made you smile. You needed to talk to him about the relationship, it was just there. You didn't know if you where his girlfriend or...
"We haven't talked about the relationship or what happened that night. He treats me so kind and is gentle with me. He makes me feel special even though I'm not good with PDA. it's the little thing that he does that drives me crazy." You said and kept on looking at him until he turned to you and smiled.
"What does he do?" Robin asked looking at your love towards him.
"He holds my pinky with his or he has this habit of hooking his fingers on my belt hoops. When he picks me up from home and when he drops me off...he gently kisses me and it seems like if he pours all of his love into them." You looked away and felt your heart beat fast. Nancy and Robin felt happy that you found someone..even if it was Eddie 'the freak' Munson.
"Hey Sweetheart." Eddie startled the three of you and he laughed.
"Hey." You said and he looked at the two and waved at them kindly.
"Ready to go?" He asked and you gave him a confused look.
"Where to?" You asked as he grabbed your backpack, pulled you up and smushed his chest against yours with a smile.
"I kind of planned a last minute date for us." He placed his forehead against yours and gave you an eskimo kiss. He pulled away and looks at Nancy and Robin trying to contain themselves from seeing the two of you.
"Mind if I steal her for the rest of the day?" He asked them.
"She is all yours!" Robin said and Nancy nodded.
"We are going on an adventure Bilbo!" Eddie exclaimed and took your hand in his and began skipping almost making you fall. You giggled and let him pull you out of the cafeteria.
"Well it finally happened, Nancy. She got a real boyfriend on her senior year!" Robin said and placed her head on Nancy's shoulder watching as Eddie walked backwards you giving you devil horns and you doing the same.
"Eddie better not break her heart like the he did. I'll cut his dick off." Robin said before getting her stuff ready for band.
"Yeah I agree and probably Steve too." Nancy glanced at Robin and caught the evil smile.
"Come on! We gotta go before-" The two of you where in the parking lot almost close to his van, when Eddie stopped midsentence and looked past you. You looked at Eddie and his jaw clenched almost hurting. You raised your hand and tried easing his jaw but it wouldn't do, you turned and saw Billy. He waved at you and gave you a smile while he threw the cigarette and stepped on it. You moved closer to Eddie's side and looked away remembering what he did and how embarrassing it was.
"Need something, meathead." Eddie sneered and pulled you behind him. You peaked behind Eddie and saw Billy with his hands up looking like if he didn't want a problem.
"Take it easy, shithead, I'm here to talk to her." Billy pointed at you. He noticed you looking at him and he sent you a wink.
"Why?" You grabbed Eddie's belt hoop and pulled him back when he took a step forward. You ment good when you did that, you've seen the damage that Billy does when he fights. Yes, you haven't seen Eddie in action, but you didn't want Eddie to get hurt.
"That is none of your concern, shithead. I just want to have a few words with..." Billy looked at you and smiled at you...sadly. It made you frown and freaked you out seeing him with that expression.
"Y/n." Billy finished and didn't stop looking at you.
"Yeah, well it ain't happening." Eddie moved so Billy couldn't see you.
"I'm not asking you for permission. I'm asking her. So why don't you back the fuck off unless you want your world rocked." Billy got up on Eddie's face, you didn't know how Eddie would react and pulled him back but he didn't budge. You really didn't want him to get his world rocked.
"You should back the fuck off, nut job." You saw how they both made fists and you knew that if you didn't say or do something a full fight was going to break out.
"Fine! I'll talk to you, Billy. Just leave Eddie alone, don't hurt him..." your voice lowered with each word. You might have missed his face but Eddie saw how he eased his fists and face.
"Please." With that Billy backed off and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Eddie reached behind him and pulled you into a side hug and began trying to pull you towards the van when you planted your feet
"Eddie.." you stopped him.
"Let me talk to him. Just a few minutes, I said I would." Eddie looked annoyed and let go of you. He placed his forehead against yours.
"If I see that he crosses a line I'm going full Munson on him." He said before he leaned in and gave you a kiss while looking at Billy, telling him that you're his. Eddie pulled away and walked towards his van giving you and Billy some privacy.
You closed your eyes and turned.
"Hey princess, what, don't want to open them pretty eyes and fall for me?" You opened them and glared at him.
"Don't flatter yourself, Billy." You leaned against his car and kept distance. He chuckled and lit another cigarette before copying your movements.
"It's quite disappointing seeing you with the Freak. I would expect you to be with a band or theater geek."
"If that's the case. Why did you ask me on a date?" You looked at him and felt a lump form on your throat.
" I thought that you are cute, even though your style is different from what I'm used to-" you cut him off.
"What showing my tits and ass to everyone?"
"Oh come on, you seduced me when I saw you in gym shorts in Gym, okay. I don't know, i guess I just wanted to fuck you as a one night thing but it ended up being a whole long thing." Hearing those last few words from him was something that probably shocked you to your core.
"Well at least you got something..." you said and felt a few tears slip. He gently pulled your face up by your chin and wiped away the tears you shed with his thumb.
"I don't regret that night, y/n. I wanted you and I had you and now I can't forget you. When I'm with other girls I remember that night and I just want to relive it." He got closer until his shoulder was next to yours.
"I'm going to be honest and say that I enjoyed that night too..." you saw a light blush fill his cheeks. It's true, you did. He took your virginity and you willingly gave it to him. He was a bit rough but he made you feel something new. You actually thought that he loved you.
"Is that so?" He smirked and it stoked his ego. He turned to his side towards you and rested his elbow against his car looking at you.
"Yeah, I did... Then why do a 180 and humiliate me in front of your friends and a whole lot of strangers." It felt as if you slapped him when you reminded him of what he did.
"I wanted to cover you up and keep you safe but it gave me a perfect chance so you can break up with me. You are the longest relationship I've ever been and the happiest but it felt weird being with someone for too long, I had to find a way for you to leave me." You scoffed at his words and moved away from him.
"So, you're telling me that because you wanted me to break up with you, you felt okay to show a whole lot of people my vulnerability. I didnt know that I was- i needed you and you threw me away like a ragdoll. That fucking stings like a bitch, you asshole. When Eddie noticed it in a heartbeat he covered me, and me and him weren't really friends." You wanted to punch him but you saw the guilt in his face. He stood up and wiped his nose again and looked down.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Y/n." He kept his head low.
"But you did, Billy.." you saw a few tears fall from his eyes. Billy Hargrove, the meanest and toughest person in all of Hawkins high was vulnerable in front of you.
"I never got to say this, or had the fuckin balls, and it's not the right time and it will never be." He looked up at you and you saw his sad eyes making you tear up.
"I'm in love with you..." you sucked in a breath and covered your face stressed out because of it. You wished he would have just kept it.
"Don't.." you said still covering your face. It hurt because he was your first of everything. First date, kiss, first person you gave yourself to.
"I'm sorry Billy but my feelings for you are way gone..." you said loud enough for him to hear.
"I'm with Eddie now... and he is a good guy. Like you were after we had sex and before what you did. He treats me so good and I've been with him for a month." You went up to him and wiped away his tears. His blue eyes looked into yours and slowly moved towards you until his chest was touching yours.
"Can I hold you, one last time? And can we try and be friends?" You looked up at him and nodded. He wrapped his arms around your abdomen and you wrapped yours around his neck. He dug his face in between your neck and you felt him breath deeply. The two of you stayed like that for a while until he tightened the hug and felt his hand move up to the back of your head pulling you closer to him.
He abruptly pulled away and still held your head when he pulled you into a quick passionate kiss and pulled away.
"I'm sorry..." he said to you and jumped into his car and drove off like a maniac. Eddie ran towards you when he saw that and pulled you to him wrapping his arms around you. Billy looked at his rearview mirror and smiled knowing that he finally felt a weight left off his shoulders and confessed his love for you...and that he probably made Eddie pissed off. He felt relaxed knowing that you're with Eddie as much as he fuckin hated him, he saw the way he looked at you.
"That MOTHERFUCKER!" Eddie yelled and ran after his car. You stood there shocked with what happened. Your legs acted as their own and you walked towards Eddie, he was yelling and cursing at him when you grabbed him by the shirt and smashed your lips with his.
"Its you and me, Eddie. Alright? You are my boyfriend..." you tighten your hand in his shirt and look up to him.
"Unless you don't want to be?" You ask looking into his beautiful eyes.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" He says and you let go of his shirt. A deep sense of doom fell on your stomach, was he like Billy all this time also?
'Don't get ahead of yourself! Let him finish' you thought and moved back until you sat on another cars hood.
"Come here!" He roughly grabbed you by your shirt now and smashed his lips with yours. It felt as if he was going to break your nose but you, you loved it. He placed his forehead against yours and began swaying the two of you.
"I thought we conformed it when you let me make you cum?" You laughed and pushed him making him smile.
"You had me for a whole month wondering what we are!" You said and began walking towards his van.
"Hey! Come back here, Sweetheart!" You turned back and saw him coming full speed making you laugh and began running towards his van. You got in and locked the door behind yourself and reached over to lock his. He knocked on the window and you pressed your lips against the window. He loved how your lips almost formed into a heart.
"Oh come on Sweetheart! I'm not that stupid." He smirked and dangled his keys and unlocked the door jumping in and attacked you with tickles. You giggled and attacked him back with tickles making him jump backwards into his seat.
"Okay! We gotta go!" He said in between laughs. You stopped and looked at him. He looked so beautiful that you gave him a small kiss on his cheek.
"Ready?" You nodded and he turned on the van and drove off to the starcourt mall and dragged you to an arcade and a scary movie afterwards, which was hilarious that he got more scared than you did. When the two of you left it was already getting dark.
"One last thing for this date." He said when he was driving out of the parking lot. You nodded and let him take you wherever.
"Where are we going?" You asked when he drove into a familiar dirt road. You have been here before with Billy...
"Look, I know that I haven't actually taken you in a proper date and I'm sorry about that..." he said and turned Into the small opening where people went to make out or party next to the cliff. It was a circle of candles and a blanket in the middle with what seems to be a pizza box and beer.
"Eddie!" You said as he parked and you got out.
"I know it's not perfect-"
"Shut up. Just shut up." You said with a smile and he grabbed your hand and the two of you carefully stepped over the candles. He sat down and began opening a beer to calm his nerves. This was the first time that he has done this and he was lucky that Dustin helped setting this up for him. The two of you began eating and talking while enjoying the view and the sound of waves crashing against the rocks.
"Can I ask something?" Eddie had this thought in his head since they left school. You nodded and took a sip of your beer.
"Hargrove and you dated?" You almost choked and placed the beer down. You looked at him and pulled away the pizza and beer so you could cuddle against him.
"Yeah for a few months. Why?" Eddie wrapped his arms around you and brought you closer like if you were going to run away.
"Just wondering..." you could tell that he had something in his mind.
"Eddie, you can ask me?" He sighed and threw his head up starting at the pretty clear sky.
"Did you and him have sex?" You sat up and looked at him. His question threw a fast ball at you that it made you scared of answering him
"Yeah..." you swallowed thickly.
"But he is long gone out of my head if that is what you think. I don't have feelings for him Eddie. I have them for you..." you stratled him and leaned down to kiss his jaw.
"You drive me crazy and make me feel loved..." you moved yourself against him the same way he did that night.
"You are so pretty to me. God, i wanna hear you moan again." You kissed his neck while you rocked your hips harder.
"That should be my line." He groaned and moved his head to the side so you could kiss his neck and leave two hickey's. You felt him get hard under you and you stopped moving making him groan and look at you in pain.
"You going to tease me like that?" He said and sat up, he made you get off him before blowing out all the candles and stood up grabbing your hand, pulling you up. He walked you towards the back of his van and opened it. He had a gym mat that he stole with more blankets covering it.
"I was so glad that you didnt look back here." He got in and you did too. He smashed his lips against yours and slowly layed you down. He got in between your legs, squeezing as he moved his hands up before resting on your butt. He smiled against the kiss and lifted your hips against his again.
"Can I love you? Like really really love you? Like love fuck you?" He bluntly mumbled. You smiled and nodded feeling a fiery ball in your cunt.
"Oh thank god! You have been giving me blue balls all month." He said and you laughed.
"You are my heaven tonight." He seriously said, looked at you lovingly and began unbuttoning your plaid shirt. You knew it was a good idea to not wear a tank top today. He pulled it open and finally saw more of you, his hands gently ran up your belly and hovered above your clothed breast. He swallowed and licked his lips before you grabbed his hands and placed them underneath your bra making him touch you. You pulled your hands away and let him do whatever he wanted with them. He would squeeze them and roll you nipples over his fingers, your breath shudders and began grinding against him wanting to feel him.
Your hands went behind your back and unclipped your bra. You placed your hands over his feeling a little insecure, but he pulled away and helped you out of your plaid shirt and bra. The air had gotten cold and he ran his thumbs over your hard nipples admiring them.
"Can I kiss them?" He asked innocently and you smiled at his request, nodding. He kissed them both and ran his hot tongue over them. You shivered and ran your hands through his scalp and down his back tugging his shirt making him sit up and take it off.
Your fingers traced his tattoos and began admiring them. His fingers danced along the waistband of your jeans and hooked his fingers on the belt hoops.
"Take them off." You told him and he snapped his eyes back to you.
"If you want...take them off." You said and covered your chest. He nodded and unbuttoned your pants and moved back so he could pull them off, you lifted your hips and he swiftly pulled them off . You were left with your boring black granny underwear and now you felt embarrassed by it and moved one of your hands to cover them.
"What's a matter?" He asked seeing as you covered yourself.
"I, I'm wearing my comfortable underwear..." you blushed embarrassed and looked at him, he looked at your underwear and he pulled the band of them and let it go making it snap against your belly.
"What about them?"
"They look like granny underwear." You mumbled and he cracked a laugh. He leaned forward and placed his forehead against your belly and gave you a small lick.
"Babe, you could be wearing a banana costume and I'll still get turned on." He looked up at you and bit your belly before biting the band of your underwear and began dragging them down your legs. A whimpered escaped you as the cold air hit your cunt.
Eddie smiled grabbed your underwear and threw them to the front and got tangled on the rearview mirror. He fist pumped making you giggle.
"You better take them off, Munson. " he shook his head like a child and went back in between your legs.
"Eddie you-" he grinds into you unexpectedly and the buckle of his belt grazes against your clit making you gasp. You opened your mouth to scold him and he grabbed your hips and began grinding against you like he did that day. You felt your slick ruining his pants but the thought of it turned you on even more.
"Eddie please... at least take off your pants." You quietly moan. You push him back with your feet and he begins to unbuckle his belt. You smirk at him and moved your hand to your cunt and began playing with your clit gasping and moving your hips. He stopped fumbling with his pants and saw your movements. He got closer and pushed one of his fingers in you making you jolt in pleasure. He began moving it until he inserted another one. You gripped the blanket underneath you with your free hand when you felt a familiar knot in your belly.
Eddie moved forward and moved your hand and replaced it with his tongue tenderly sucking your clit, your body acted as it's own and thrust your hips forward making his fingers go deeper into you.
Your thighs began closing against his head until you yelped and came on his fingers. He pulled away with this crazed lust In his eyes and took off his pants so quickly that he bumped his head on the ceiling. The thunk that it made made you giggle and he still took off his pants before crawling on top of you nested in between your legs.
"You okay?" You carefully caressed the spot on his head.
"I'm far more than okay. I'm in love..." you look at his eyes and noticed them blown out.
"I love you."
"I love you." The both of you said in unison. A smile crossed the both of you and he leaned his forehead against yours and gave you an eskimo kiss before he aligned himself and slowly filled you up.
"Oh shit..." you said breathless and wrapped your arms around him and pulled him into a hug. You placed your head in his neck. He made you feel so full that there was a sting when he pulled back and thrust back into you so tenderly. He stayed still trying to relish your warmth and softness.
He began grunting when you clenched around him that he pulled you closer as if he wanted to swallow you whole.
"Eddie. Move, please." You whimpered and he did in less than a second. He started of slowly giving you long strokes trying to find that spot that makes you go crazy. He untangled himself from you and leaned back to see you, your hands covered your eyes and began quietly moaning each time he thrusts. He stuck out his tongue and angled his hips finding the right spot. You groaned and trembled each time he grazes over it. He kept his speed and angle driving you crazy.
He ran his hands over your body and stopped at your hands moving them away. He saw your tears and panicked and stopped.
"Y/n? What's a matter?!" He asked and gently held your jaw. You opened your eyes and softly glared at him.
"Why did you stop?" You whispered not being able to really use your voice from the pleasure he is giving you.
"Well I thought that I-" your hand finally touched his trail of soft hair and down until you felt his cock connected to you.
"Please move, you are making me feel so good and I'm happy, my love." You softly cried and wrapped your legs around his waist bringing him towards you. His cock moved deeper in you than before and he moaned loudly. He didn't have to be told twice that he grabbed your legs and threw them over his shoulders and began plowing into you. He grabbed hold of your side and squeezed loving the plump of your body. He kept on moaning and grunting that you tried your best to stay quiet and hear him.
"God I love the way you sound!" You said and felt your toes curl.
"Fuck, fuck!" He cursed making you clench around him. Seeing him lust fucked and hearing him curse sent another fiery ball into your cunt. Still in you he let your legs down and pulled you up into his lap.
"What the fuck!" You yelped feeling him go deeper.
"Eddie put me down! I'll crush you." You said trying to push him off.
"Crush me, break me, obliterate me. I don't give a fuck! Just let me-" He cut himself off and began snapping his hips upward and you threw your head back almost screaming his name. He ran his hand up your back and nested in the back of your neck so you don't hurt yourself.
"Eddie...eddie...eddie." you kept on saying under your breath. He leaned in and began licking and sucking against your chest all the way towards your soft jaw.
"Y/n, look at me." He's said slowing down his pace until he found a good rythm. You brought your head back and looked into his eyes.
"Yes, my-my love?" You said. He smiled and hovered his lips over yours and just groaned and moaned. He knew that it would drive you crazy that he exaggerated a bit.
'God he is going to kill me with that mouth of his!' You mentally screamed. You kept on looking at his eyes enjoying the sound of him. His thrusts speed up and he closed shut his eyes, you where so close that you hugged him again but still kept your eyes on him wanting to see him cum. You began meeting his thrusts until you began unraveling. Your nails scratched his back from the sudden wave of pleasure, you moaned against his mouth feeling yourself get dizzy and trembling worst than before.
"Almost there, Sweetheart, don't stop. Fuck please don't stop!" He said still keeping his eyes shut. You began riding out your orgasm and helped with his. He thrusts a few more until he pulls you down on him and grips the back of your neck almost painfully and cums in you. His pretty lips opened and his eyebrows frowned. His face was so euphoric that you could have sworn that you came again.
"Fucking Christ!" He curses and groans. You feel him fill you up. His jaw tensed and he slowed down his movements to a stop. His eyes opened and he found you already looking at him in awe. You moved the hair that stuck against his face and kissed him lovingly.
'Yes, Billy might have been my first but Eddie, Eddie is billion times better than him.' You told yourself.
"Fuck my leg" Eddie said. You tried getting off him when he pulls you down and fixed himself in a comfortable position.
"Who said that you could go? Huh?" He said against your lips and held you close feeling you inside and out.
"My love..." he hums and moves your hair out of your face.
"We need to go to the pharmacy." He stopped.
"Why?" You chuckled and grind against him making him whimper he was still so sensitive when he remembered that he was still buried into you.
"Oh shit yeah we should go..." he glanced at his watch.
"Unless..." you figured out that look and it would have been cute but the two of you were still young and you still didn't want to share him yet.
"Not now." You gave him a nose kiss and it made his eyes sparkle in hope that you have his babies one day. It turned him on that you felt him slowly get hard.
"Babe..." you said. He slammed himself in you making you moaned loudly still feeling sensitive and it brought a huge smile on his face.
"How about a quickly to practice for the future?" He raised his eyebrows and giggled when you glared at him.
"How fast?" You panted.
"I don't know? Should we time it?" You nodded and shook his hand before he began pumping into you.
"Oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT HURRY UP!" Eddie yelled at you when he pulled into the pharmacy with only 3 minutes left until they closed. He parked the van practically jumped out of the window, grabbed your hand and began running into the store.
The two of you finally made it and high fives each other. You took a deep breath and found the morning after pill and Eddie grabbed a Gatorade one for you and one for him.
The two of you met at the cashier. It was an older lady, she looked at the stuff in the conveyer belt and then at the two of you. She sighed and reached down and placed a box full of condoms on the belt.
"Know how to use these young man?" Her voice was a bit raspy, like if she has been smoking for a while.
"Yes ma'am." Eddie said nervously.
"Then?" She looked at the two of you for an explanation, like if she was our parent.
"Heat of the moment ma'am." Eddie said and gave you a smooch on your head. The lady smiled and began scanning everything.
"You two remind me of my husband and I. Polar opposites, but madly in love. We ended up having 7 kids..." she pointed at the picture on the wall.
"But we are still madly in love. Be safe and if I see that pill in your hand I will bonk you in the head, boy. Use the condoms easier and cheaper." The two of you said thank you and left.
You opened the packet and took the pill and chugged it down with a full bottle of Gatorade. Eddie stopped halfway way drinking his and gawked at you.
"Dayum girl. Why don't you do that to me? Do it to meee!" He back hugged you and walked you to his horribly parked van.
"My old man is going to kill me" you said looking at his watch. Eddie became quiet and side glanced you.
"What?" You catched his look. He started the van and began driving out of the parking lot.
"Yeah I was supposed to have you home by 8:30..."
"Eddie! It's almost 11!" Eddie shrugged his shoulders making you chuckle. You opened your mouth to say something when your hungry tummy spoke for you.
"Oh, oh you hungry girl." Eddie smiled and pulled into the nearest McDonald's. Eddie made you find a table while he ordered food.
"My old man is already upset. Might as well eat." You said when you bit into the burger. The burger tasted ten times better after getting plowed by your hot boyfriend. The two of you are in silence, until the door opens and you recognize the short haired girl, and the one who cares to much for his hair and their children. Eddie had his back towards the door so he didn't see them.
"Oh shit!" Robin said and pointed at you while running towards you and made you scoot so she can sit with you.
"Hi Robin." Eddie said confused. She told steve to get the food.
"What am I? Her maid? Come on what do you want?" Steve said and pushed the Dustin, lucas and mike. He still did what she told him to do.
"So whatcha guys doing?" She said while eating some of your fries. Eddie and you look at each other and grin like idiots.
'Only if she knew our eventful night.' You thought and took another bite.
"Holy shit dude! You left her like cheetah!" Dustin and the three other came back with food.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Eddie jumped and turned to see them they all brought chairs and even a table to sit with the two of you. You looked at the people around you until Robin pointed at your neck.
"What about it?" You asked when Robin pulled out a compact mirror and handed it to you. You gasp when you saw the hickey's that Eddie left on you.
"Oh Eddie" You scowled and placed your hand on your head. His face became bright red.
"Why so many?!" You asked and noticed that your hair was all over the place so you tried making it presentable.
"I only left you Two! TWO!" You yelled and everyone began cracking up.
"Sorry sweetheart, it was the heat of the moment." Eddie said and winked at you. Steve was out of the loop that he butted in the conversation.
"Wait, wait, wait, you and Munson a thing now?" He asked you. You nodded and it looked like if his head exploded.
"Gee thanks for the heads up Robin! I wasn't talking about asking her..." Steve pointed at you.
"To go on a date with me!" You looked at him and awed.
"Aww Steve!" You cooed and he looked away flustered.
"Woah, woah I'm here ya know!" Eddie said and you just grabbed his pinky.
"First Billy, now Steve. Jesus Christ." Eddie mumbled and finished his burger with a huge bite.
"What about Billy?" Eddie saw Steve and Robin tense up and saw their eyes glow red.
"Take it easy!" You said mouth full of fries. You covered you mouth and took a sip of your drink before you talked again.
"Billy and I had a small talk..." you felt uncomfortable with all the looks but know they all knew what Billy did.
"He apologized for what he did, and he felt guilty that I've never seen him so vulnerable.." you spoke your mind.
"He confessed somethings and asked if the two of us could be friends in the future. That's all!" You raised your hands and noticed that Eddie had his eyebrows raised and this 'are you fucking kidding me' expression.
"Oh shit.." You muttered when you forgot about the kiss and saw Eddie's almost blow up.
"That's all...That's all!" Eddie said and wished to have Billy right now to deck him. You kind of sink into your seat and a bunch of 'what' was said.
"Billy and my lovely girlfriend gave each other a friendly hug until that motherfucker decides to pull a fast one and shoved his lips on hers!" Eddie finished and the whole lot gasped. You raised your hands in defense and claim innocent.
The rest of the night they spent laughing and causing a ruckus until the manager told us to leave. Everyone walked out and you hook your finger on one of Eddie belt hoops to bring him closer to you. Steve noticed the small interaction and decided to keep his little feelings to himself. Steve always thought that you were cute but never thought about you as a girlfriend until a few months ago.
"Bye lovebirds!" He yelled and shoved the kids into his car and drove off. Eddie drove you to your house and noticed that the lights where still on. Your old man must be furious right now.
"Ah shit. Soon as I get off, floor it out of here." You said.
"Come here" eddie said and you bit your lip as he placed his hand on the back of your neck and brought you into a kiss. You hummed and pulled away you grabbed your forgotten back pack and get off closing the door softly.
"GOOD NIGHT SWEETHEART!" Eddie yelled and he backed out of the driveway. You playfully flipped him off and he did the same driving away.
Taking a deep breath you opened the front door and saw your old man standing there looking out the window.
"Hey old man." You shyly said realizing that he saw everything.
"Offspring? I told your friend to have you home by 8:30 and it is close to one in the morning. Care to explain." He stood there with his arm crossed looking at you and clenched his jaw when he saw the spots that Eddie left you.
"We lost time, old man..." you scratched your head and put down your backpack.
"Did he treat you right, y/n?" You understood what he meant. You had told him about the time with Billy and he disapproved so quickly that he was going to go after him right there and then. With Eddie he seemed somewhat calm, but you knew that he liked the way Eddie treated you.
"He did...he treated me so well." He went to you and hugged you tightly for a few minutes until he pulled away. You told him goodnight and showered. Your hand ran down the side of your neck touching the spots he had left you. You sighed and smiled for the day you had and walked to your room. You went to open your door and saw that the window was open and that Eddie was laying on your bed playing with your magic 8 ball.
"Eddie, what are you doing here?" You closed your door and whispered trying not to make your old man wake up.
"You should know that I'm a cuddler, so I need to cuddle after baby making." He scooted and pat the bed a couple of times.
"Should we ask the ball? Should I spend the night cuddling with my girl?" Eddie shook the ball and you quickly went to his side to see the result. The thing stopped and it said 'YES'. Eddie smiled and got up removed his clothes only being in boxers, turn off your light and jumped in bed and began spooning you bringing you closer and closer until he was satisfied.
"Goodnight my love." You said and he kissed your shoulder.
"Goodnight my love." Eddie also said and the two of you fell asleep in each others embrace.
Mr. Jeon - Part 3
“You’ve trained her well.” He says impressed. “Bet she’d do anything you told her.” I nod, looking up at Jungkook. I place my hand on his thigh, “Anything."
» genre: angst! smut, fluff at the absolute very end (unless simping counts in which case, plenty)
» word count: 5.7k
» description: teacher x student, voyeurism, almost cuckold but not really ... just read i can't think of a term for this. two members ;)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Mr. Jeon - Part 3
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. If only I had any ounce of self control I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. if only i was as smart as i thought myself to be.
My eyes scan over her name in my phone.
How can someone be so trusting?
It’s not even that she doesn't know, she seems not to care at all. Each conversation with her is a testament to that. I’ve spent the entire weekend texting her. Never initiating anything myself, I really ought to remind her of my no spam rule, but i think it to be cute, and necessary, that she's this obsessed.
jk: what if i am just using you?
y/n: i just like having your attention. you can do whatever as long as you don't leave me.
jk: and if i left you?
This leaves her typing for quite some time. I can see she's deleting what she's typing and trying over and over again before she finally sends her response.
y/n: don't warn me. just go and never come back.
y/n: i hate being teased like that.
The conversation flatlines soon after, leaving her on read and not being bothered to continue the conversation. She’s got class early anyway, I'm doing her a favor by at least leaving her be for the night.
My shoes click against the tile floors as I head into the school, pushing past the wooden doors to be met with silent halls.
In silence like this you can't help but wander. ask yourself questions like how you ended up here. I never considered myself to be a very deep individual. In fact, I always believed humans were never as fathomless as they believed themselves to be.
It was simple. I became a teacher because my mother was one, and I loved my mother. I saw the joy it gave her, and I chased after her and her life by following in her footsteps while my elder brother followed in my fathers. my parents had favorites, as all do. you're always inclined to love the things that love you back.
I've never asked myself the question if I was ever, genuinely happy in my decision to teach. and now i feel as if it's an unfair question entirely. What qualifies a person to be happy? I lost my mother after my second year teaching at my university job. I always associated her with teaching. Could I ever truly love something, after losing the very reason I started it?
Once my mother was gone I coped much better than anyone thought I would. i'm not sure what they expected, but the sympathetic stares and dinner invitations went stale very quickly, and I left my job and hometown as soon as I found another, even higher paying, job at a different school.
No one here knows anything about my past. They only know what I tell them, and I’ve enjoyed my time here. The people are kind, they don't pry, they invite each other to drinks, dinners, discuss their marriages, families, the economy, and so on.
One man has always stood out to me. He's young for a teacher, like myself. He must be incredibly smart as everyone praises him and holds him in high regards. The staff refer to him almost constantly when struggling with concepts, the subject never mattered.
He was tall, dark hair, wore glasses, dressed average, never attracted attention to himself, and yet he always had it. He looked at me as if he saw through me. I hated it. And it felt like he knew that, too.
I began to see him more and more as the months went on, until it became almost guaranteed that I'd see him when passing through the foreign language wing.
And today was no exception to that.
“Ah, you again.” He grins widely at the sight of me, coffee in one hand and his leather folder in the other, settled underneath his arm.
I force a grin, “It’s me, again.” I stop in front of him in the hall, “Good morning, namjoon.”
He bows his head slightly, looking at me through the top of his black rimmed glasses with a smirk, “good morning to you too jungkook.”
I clear my throat and sigh, “I suppose we have some things to discuss.”
He lingers purposefully, making me uncomfortable with his silence, and I hate to admit it works. “We do.” He extends an arm into the dark room behind me, “If you don't mind.” I turn on my heels and head into the room, watching him set his things down at his desk before opening the blinds to allow a small amount of light to creep into the room, “I'm quite prone to headaches, I don't so much enjoy unnatural light. i find it too harsh.”
I mentally roll my eyes at his behavior, but keep my composure, simply exhaling as I stare at him, “can we stop with the theatrics and you just tell me what you have in mind?”
He ignores me and continues to stare out the window and play with the blinds, before meandering back towards his desk and sitting down with a laugh, “Pretty bold statement considering you're at my mercy. Your entire reputation as an educator on the line. A little harsh, don't you think?”
I shrug, “I'd simply like to handle this already. I figured if your intention was to ruin me, you'd've made a case already.”
He spins slowly side to side in his seat, twirling a pen around his hand, “Who’s to say I don't have one tucked away in my desk?” he chuckles, “I wouldn't put anything past me.”
“Do you?” I ask.
He hums, “I might.” a smile tugs at his lips and he leans forward on his desk, “Have a seat, please.” he watches me intently as I reluctantly sit in the chair on the other side of his desk. He curls his bottom lip and his brows furrow before opening his mouth, “I can't comprehend why a man like you would entertain a relationship with a student.”
He's practically laughing at me, I suppose he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does, “I’m not in a relationship with her.”
He peaks at my response, “You’re not? What would you say your relationship with her would be labeled as?”
I hold my tongue, racking my brain for any mild way to put this, and fail to find one, “Well you clearly know what we did last week, call that what you may.”
He chuckles, “Yeah, strange how I found out though don't you think? All you'd have to do was close the door. I would have walked right past your room, but you didn't.”
I shrug, “I didn't think things would escalate to that.” Lying straight through my teeth.
He nods, “Well you're lucky I’ve always considered us very similar individuals.”
“What do you mean?”
He smirks, “You think you're doing something original? There’s always one, jungkook.” I sigh, not entertained, I didn't come to be reprimanded for my actions like a child. “You’re playing it wrong, all too dangerously.”
I finally let out the sarcastic laugh I’ve been holding in, “please tell me how to ‘play the game’ correctly.”
“Well for starters, I'd like to say it's normal for a man to feel this way, despite any age gaps. So long as she's over the age of consent of course.”
I wince at the thought, “of course she is.”
“Yes of course, and we as educators see hundreds of people a day, thousands a year, and hardly any of them outside of our wall of profession, be it students or teachers. So the likely chance that someone catches your eye and isn't one of those, is slim. The sad reality is so, the more married to your work, the closer you marry your work.” He chuckles at his own joke. “So all i ask from you is three things.”
I sat up in my seat, “please go on, i haven't got all day.”
He nods, “I can't sit here and tell a grown man what to do, but you cannot be so careless. If you're intent on keeping her around, don't interact with each other while you're at work. It’d be one thing if she was simply a student here and not yours, you could just argue you met in other circumstances. But luckily the semester ends soon, until then you can’t waver the professional line.”
“She already knows this.”
“Good, secondly, on the chance you do get caught, I’ve never known anything about this.”
I laugh, “I figured.”
“I've taken it upon myself to look into your personal life, and I'm not fond of blackmail, but consequences to meet these requirements will result in unfavorable things for you.”
“Mhm, wouldn’t want to jeopardize your spotless record.”
He smiles, “Glad we understand each other, and lastly, I want to talk to her.”
I raise an eyebrow, “You want to talk to her?”I shake my head in disbelief, the hoops he’s making me jump through, “Just the two of you? I’m not sure she’ll agree to that.”
He shrugs and heads towards the door, “I don’t care if you’re there or not, it won’t change anything that I do, whether you’re watching or not.” He gives me a shit-eating grin, acting like this purposefully to get under my skin. I’m not a fool, I know what he’s planning to do.
I go throughout the rest of the day lost in my own thoughts, and when the final bell tolls I slouch back in my seat. “Y/N, can I see you for a second?”
I call out to her as she passes my desk and heads for the door. She looks surprised and turns around, “Yes Mr. Jeon?”
I lean forward on my desk, resting my forearms on it as I look around, waiting for the classroom to clear out before glancing back up at her, “Do you have plans tonight?”
She ticks her head to the side, “No, I don’t.”
I nod and sigh, “Okay good, I have someone that wants to meet you.”
“Who?” She asks, puzzled.
I sigh, unsure how much information I can actually trust her with. If I tell her what I’ve gotten myself into she’ll have no reason to go. It’s solely beneficial to me, and if she isn’t interested in seeing another man then that puts me in the worst possible position.
I grin and look up at her, “It’s a surprise. Wear something cute.”
She nods slowly and takes a step away before stopping, “W-where are we going?”
“I’ll pick you up at the bus stop near your house at 10.”
With the details all sorted to her liking she skips off happily to her last class of the day.
I take one last breath before she opens the car door, sitting down and looking at me with a large grin, “Hi.”
I smile back at her, trying not to show my nervousness, “Hi baby.”
She sits back in her seat and blushes as she clicks her seatbelt on, “Are we going to your house?”
I shake my head, “Our guest decided on the location, it's about a half hour away.”
She hums, “That’s kind of far.”
I nod and begin driving, “I know, do your parents know you’re gone?”
She glances at my side profile then looks out the window, “I don’t know.”
I chuckle, “You don’t know? You still live with them don’t you?” She nods silently, and I rack my brain for any thought or memory of ever having seen or met her parents but to no avail. “Are they away a lot?” She shakes her head, clearly not a fan of talking about this but now I'm interested. “Do they not pay much attention to you?”
She chuckles so quietly I almost miss it over the humming of the engine. “You could say that.”
She stays silent the rest of the ride. I had predicted a relatively interrogative ride to the hotel but our conversation at the beginning had put her in some kind of mood.
A few blocks away and already into the city I try to lighten her mood.
I place my hand on her thigh and she falls out of her trance to stare at me for a moment, but quickly falls back into it.
I mentally sigh, wishing it would have been that easy, “Baby.” I call out to her, she looks to me and responds quietly, “You look very pretty. I think our guest will agree.”
She grins and takes the hand I placed into hers and plays with my fingers, “You think?
I grin, eyes on the road, “I think he’d be an idiot not to.”
“So it's a he?”
I hum, “What do you think about that?”
Her lips tug, “Nervous.”
“Nervous? Why are you nervous?” I tick my head.
“Because you're nervous.”
I glance at her then immediately back to the road, “Don't worry about me. We’ll see when we get there.” I pull into the parking of the familiar hotel. I ought to have predicted he'd choose something more opulent like this. He’s always given me “daddy’s money” vibes. Not that his salary couldn't support this as well.
“Woah is this where we’re going?”
I park the car and nod, “Yes, follow me.”
We walk past the automatic doors in the front, revealing a gold and white interior to the building's monotone exterior. I had gotten a text a few hours earlier of a room number, the lady at the desk only looking up from her book for a moment before turning around in her seat.
The elevator ride was also silent, but I can feel her body heat she’s so close to me.
“Come here.” I extend my arm to her and she latches onto it as the elevator dings and I search for the room.
As soon as I find it I knock on the door. I feel her grip on me tighten and the door opens in front of us to reveal the same man I had talked to earlier that day.
“Ah, hello y/n.” a man grins at me, ignoring jungkook and extending his hand outwards towards me. “I'm Namjoon, or Mr.Kim.”
I looked from him to Jungkook, and he nods to me so I let my hand become engulfed in his. I don't step away from Jungkook for a second as we enter the hotel room. I have a weird gut feeling but I also have faith that Jungkook would never put me in danger. I’d do anything for him, and if this is a test I know I’ll pass.
Namjoon walks to a table by the window where a glass jar of liquor sits and some shot glasses, “Jungkook?” he offers.
He laughs, sitting us both on a large bed in the center of the room, “You first.”
He smiles at him, “You’re sharper than I thought.” He downs a shot, refills it then hands it to Jungkook as he pours another.
Namjoon then stands with the glass in his hand and meanders towards me, sitting beside me and leaning rather close, to a point where I could smell the cologne. I don't know what scent that is, but it smells like he’s got money.
“Would you like to try it, dear?”
I stare at him and Jungkook speaks up from behind me, “Only do it if you want to, baby.”
Namjoon glances at him with hooded eyes then back to me with a small grin, “Of course, you should never do anything you don't want to.”
I gulp and let go of Jungkook’s arm, taking the small glass with two hands before drinking it.
My face immediately winces like I had eaten an entire lemon and I stick my tongue out. “bleh.”
They both chuckle at my reaction, “First time?” someone asks and I nod, never having drank before.
It settles on my tongue and I find the aftertaste quite nice. “That's not that bad actually.” I say but a displeased expression is still present on my face.
“Here.” Namjoon hands me a water. “Drink this after, as a chaser.”
I untwist the bottle and take a sip, “Is that what you call what you drink after alcohol?”
He grins, “Yes it is, you are a quick learner aren’t you.” I smile up at him and he leans closer, pulling a strand of hair behind my ear and staring at my lips.
This reeks of trouble, but I know Jungkook is beside me. Surely we wouldn't be here if he wasn't in on whatever is happening, right?”
Worried nonetheless I pull back and turn to look at him, who’s already staring at me with an unamused face. “W-what's going on?” I ask him.
“Don't be so dense, baby. I think Namjoon is interested in teaching you as well.”
My eyes widen and I grab onto him, “But y-you’re okay with this? Do you want me to do this?”
He grins, “Why would I bring you here if I wasn't? Do what you want baby.”
“I want you.” I insist. I don’t so much care for the other guy. Unless I’m explicitly told to entertain him, I’m not interested, and frankly a little embarrassed.
He stares at me speechlessly, then looks towards Namjoon. “You’ve trained her well.” He says impressed. “Bet she’d do anything you told her.”
I nod, looking up at Jungkook. I place my hand on his thigh, “Anything!”
He bites his lip before speaking to me again, “Even if I told you to let him have you?”
I frown at him, more confused than anything, he told me only a few days ago I was not to have boyfriends or let anyone else touch me, and now he's asking me to do exactly that? “W-why-”
“No why. It's a yes or no question, y/n. Would you?”
I nod determined, “Yes, i-if that's what you want.”
“It is. Now stop staring at me.” He rises from the bed and walks over to the liquor, pouring himself a shot and taking it before sitting in a seat in the corner of the room.
Namjoon crawls in front of me, “Just like he said gorgeous, look at me.” I do as told, committing to the idea that this is what he wants and I want it too.
“W-what are we going to do?” I ask him, still feeling my knowledge on the topic of intimacy is still growing.
He smiles, leaning in so close his nose almost touches mine, “Whatever you'll let me.” He closes the gap and presses his lips onto mine, leaning me downwards until my head hits the pillows. He licks at my lips and a hand comes up to my jaw, massaging it and I knowingly let my mouth fall open and he kisses me with tongue.
I can't remember doing this before, and he grins as if it's obvious, “So cute.”
My cheeks heat all the same, and he kisses me more feverently, his large hands sliding everywhere on my body until one slides into the top of my dress and over my boob, lightly pinching my nipple and causing my back to arch into him.
"Baby likes that huh?” I look at him, my lip gloss reflecting on his lips as well and I hum.“Where else do you like being touched, kitten?”
The nickname confuses me but I answer him the same I’d answer Jungkook. I grab his other hand as he continues to flick at my nub with the other, and lead it down to my very lower stomach, “h-here feels good too.”
He sucks at the skin on my neck rather harshly than Jungkook does and I wince. “This part?” He asks, his hand applying pressure where I put him but that wasn't right.
I shake my head, “no.”
He smiles and bites at my ear, “Then, where?”
I whimper and push his hand further down to my naughty bits, “h-here.”
He hums and adjusts his hand directly over my good spot, pressing his fingers up and down my underwear, “Right here, you said?”
I moan and my body squirms, “y-yeah there.”
He persists, focusing on my chest and his other hand moving up and down until he pauses, removing both hands and pulling my dress up to my waist, completely revealing my lower half.
“Lift your hips baby.” He grabs onto my underwear and takes them off. He then turns to Jungkook, amusedly sat twirling liquid around in a glass, and hands him the garment, “here, it's yours, really.”
He looks up at him sharply, and ignores his gesture. Namjoon chuckles, “Your loss.” He then turns back to me, both hands on either of my knees as he widens my legs, “Wonder why he’s so upset?” He dips his head down between my thighs and my brows furrow, until I feel what must be his tongue. Licking multiple stripes before a finger flicks at the super sensitive part of me in a pattern.The feeling both new and overwhelming has me gasping and the bedsheets crumpling beneath my hands. “Oh f-fuck!”
“What is it baby?” He laughs, quickly resuming.
“F-feels really good.”
He leans his head against my thigh, “Has Jungkook never done this for you?”
I shake my head, glancing at him whose eyes haven't left us, “N-no.”
He grins, “Well that's okay, not every man can do this. Only the good ones.”
I whimper as he continues to touch me, “h-he’s really good.”
“Is he?” I nod, choking on my words. He smirks, “Ask him to try then. You can tell us who's better.”
I look over at Jungkook who’s now sitting on the edge of his seat. “Jungkookie?” I call out to him, “C-can you? Please?”
He twitches in his seat, “You don't seem to need my help baby. She's easy, she’ll come just like this if you let her.”
Namjoon laps at my area rather viciously and I moan out as he pulls back and chuckles, “Yeah, I can tell. Such a sensitive girl.” He coos, pushing a finger in lightly at my entrance and I try to push back the noises in my throat but I fail miserably. “Oh you like that, don't you?” He pushes a finger in all the way and begins to pump it in and out of me, lightly curling his finger.
I shake my head vigorously, “y-yeah, Jungkook taught me.”
He adds a finger and moves faster, “Did he? Did you come on his fingers?”
I nod again, “Y-yes, fuck.” My back arches and it's as if he predicted it, I feel the familiar tightening and burning sensation in my lower stomach, like I’m gonna pee.
He pulls his hand away completely and laughs at me, “Can't have you finishing that easily, can we? It’ll ruin the fun.”
I pout. “I-i was close, please-”
“Why would I let you finish when you’ve barely touched me? Doesn't seem fair does it y/n?”
I shake my head, “No. That's not fair.”
He grins, sliding his bottoms off and completely exposing himself to me. “So baby, what can you do?”
I stare at his dick, very different from Jungkook’s. I guess it never occurred to me they wouldn't all be the same. He's definitely longer but not larger, if that makes sense. “I-i can use my mouth, or my…”
I gesture at the area he left unfinished and he grins, “Do you know that word?”
I shake my head, “Only the medical term, i guess.”
He grins, “Your pussy?”
I wince, not liking that word, and he laughs, “don't like that word?” I shake my head. “Well, you can decide if you'd rather use that or your mouth.”
I'm unsure of the right choice here. Jungkook always tells me what he wants. “What do you want?” I ask him, scooting closer.
He smiles and grips the bottom of my dress, “arms up.” He slides the fabric off of me easily, leaving me completely bare in front of him. He ogled my chest before answering, “Why don't you ride me?”
He nods, leaning against the bed frame and stroking his member with his own hand, “Haven't done that either?” He laughs, “Must be a pretty shit teacher to skip all the fun parts.”
I ignore his comment to Jungkook and simply ask, “H-how do I do that?”
“Come here, like you're going to sit in my lap but don't sit yet.”
I do as told, uncomfortably hovering above his hand that's holding his dick, “okay, now-”
“Now replace my hand.” I do as best I can. “Now sit on it, put it inside you baby.”
I look him in the eyes and he nods, encouraging me to do it. I cautiously sink onto his length, only getting what seems to be a third of the way until it begins to burn a little, then halfway I had to stop. “Ow, fuck.”
He massages my back and hums, “It's alright baby, take your time, you're doing well.”
I slowly sink more and more, my legs growing quickly tired until I collapse down and shove himself in the rest of the way and I cry out.
He moans in my ear and grabs at my ass. “God baby, so fucking tight aren't you?”
“Hurts.” I pout.
He chuckles, “A lot of girls would kill to sleep with a guy like me, you’ll learn to like it. Pain feels good doesn't it baby?”
I take some breaths and it starts to feel much better, I nod my head and he chuckles, “Lean into me, let me help.”
I do as told and he begins to push in and out of me, thrusting harshly but keeping most of himself inside of me. I can feel myself growing hotter, feeling how deep inside of me he reaches and rubs against my walls.
I whimper and bite at his neck as a distraction but this seems to encourage him, thrusting harder and faster and I yelp.
He groans and halts suddenly, flipping us around to where I’m on my back and he’s between my legs, “Fuck if this is how you feel now I can't imagine how you felt your first time.”
I don't know what he means but he doesn't give me any time to ponder his words as he fucks into me aggressively.
I mumble incoherent things as he groans beside my ear, “Gripping onto me so tight, so fucking wet too, just like a whore, got another man watching me fuck you and everything.” He whispers and chuckles, “Tell me, is he watching you get fucked?”
I force my eyes open for a moment and glance at where Jungkook is, staring off at the ground. “N-no.” I mewl.
He growls, “Can’t stand to see it can he? His baby with another guys dick in her?” He laughs, “I know I’d be pissed.”
He continues to thrust into me, one arm balancing himself and the other reaches down to my sensitive area. He begins to rub and flick at it and my back arches as I moan loud.
He cusses in response to my walls tightening erratically, before he moans loudly and stills inside of me. “Fuck.”
He thrusts a few more times before pulling out, and aiming his member towards me as he paints my face and stomach white.
It surprises me and I close my eyes until I feel him lay next to me.
I slowly open them back up and glance around, Jungkook looks away as soon as my eyes meet his, and Namjoon rests beside me with his eyes closed and an arm across his forehead.
He's the first to speak, “Don't you know what to do?”
I shake my head and he chuckles, “Well I’d tell you but I’m not your teacher.” He stands and begins redressing himself. He walks to the bathroom for a moment and fixes his hair before digging into his pockets for a card. “I have the room until 11am tomorrow, do with it what you will.” He grins and tosses it at Jungkook before walking out of the room.
The entire thing happens too fast for me to catch up and it leaves me puzzled.
I look at Jungkook who’s still avoiding eye contact. “Jungkook?” He hums. “What do I do?”
He sighs, “Either grab a wet towel or take a shower.”
I nod and slide off the bed and head into the bathroom. I look around, only a hand towel was out so I grab that, wet it and begin to wipe the white substance off of me.
Once I think I have it all I head back out and stand in front of Jungkook, covering myself best I could, “d-did I get it all?”
His eyes slide over me darkly, looking me up and down before settling on my face, “missed a spot, on your cheek.”
I turn around and wipe at my cheek, “did i get it?”
He nods, and I continue to stand there. “What are you waiting for? Get dressed.”
I frown, “b-but, I’m not finished.”
He looks at me confused, “Not finished?”
I shake my head, “n-need you to touch me.”
He exhales and chuckles, “You didn't get to finish did you baby?”
I pout, “No, didn't let me.”
“Aw.” He coos, getting up from his seat. “Talked all that shit and he left you unfinished? Not much of a man after all, I guess.”
I agree and let him back me up to the bed. “w-will you, please?”
He grins down at me, “I can't say no to your begging, y/n.”
I smile and pull the back of his neck in for a kiss, which he only lets me have for a moment, “Face the bed.” I frown, wanting to kiss him more but I do as I’m told, “Get on it, stay on your knees and put your elbows on the bed.”
The position is weird to me but exposes me perfectly to him. What I can't see is the large grin across his face.
“So pretty baby, do you know how pretty you are?”
I hum contently and feel his slick tongue against my folds. “Still wet too, but not as wet as I get you.”
I shake my head, “You’re much better. He was too mean, too hard.”
He coos, circling a finger against my hole, “At least now you know what other men are like. He’s the epitome of every guy your age.”
“What do you me-” I’m cut off by two of his fingers sliding in at a delicious angle, and pulling them back out slowly, scissoring them before dipping them back in. “God Jungkook.”
He smiles as he watches me, “No one can worship you like me baby. They can't make you feel this good.”
I nod, “F-feel so good.”
He hums, picking up the pace, “I’m sure it does baby.”
It doesn't take but a minute more of his work until the feeling comes back, and he notices the way I tighten around his fingers so he adds a third and his tongue.
“Fuck Jungkook.” I whimper. “T-too much too much.”
“You can take it baby, let it go.”
Only a few seconds more of his relentless actions and I’m cumming against him, hard.
My body easily falls limp and I curl myself up in the sheets, feeling exhausted and worn out.
Jungkook disappears into the bathroom for a few moments, then he reappears beside me, towel in hand as he uncovers my lower half and wipes at my area. I whine and try to move him away, “let me y/n.” I snuggle into his leg and relent, allowing him to touch me until he stops, “I have your clothes, do you want to put them back on?”
I shake my head, not wanting to move another muscle until I at least get a good nap in.
Jungkook begins to stand again but I tug on his arm, “Stay with me, please.”
He sighs, “Let me take you home baby.”
“Why? So I can be alone again?” I snap at him, feeling emotional and tired. “I'm so fucking tired of being left.” I whisper, muffled against the pillows.
He pauses for a moment before walking away. I sigh, letting my body go limp against the bed. I shouldn't have put that onto him, or let myself think he has any reason to stay.
The lights shut off and he shuffles back into the bed beside me, not settling until he hands me something, “put this on please, you’ll get cold like that.”
It registers in my tired brain that he's handing me his shirt, and I look over at him, shirtless and barely in view due to the dark room. The only light from the barely covered window’s city lights, and I feel as if I’m about to burst into tears.
“a-are we staying here?”
He nods, also seeming rather tired, “Yes baby, all night.”
I feel a tear run down my cheek and I turn my back to him, wiping it away before sliding the shirt on.
I let myself fall back onto the bed, he pulls me close, his chest pressed against my back and he inhales my strawberry shampoo. “Thank you.”
I hum, “why are you thanking me? I really should be thanking you, thank you.”
He shakes his head, “You don't deserve anything happening to you. Including me.
I chuckle, “I know.”
He exhales, “I don't mean it like that, baby. I mean you're better than all of this.”
I let a silence settle around us. My brain runs circles around the question I know I shouldn't ask. “I want to say something but I’m afraid it'll scare you.”
He pulls me closer, “You couldn't scare me if you tried.”
I smile, “Do you think we could've had a real shot, if we had met under different circumstances?”
He pauses, “I do.” He kisses my shoulder and mumbled something about how I should go to sleep, but I was already halfway there, and soon after I am comfortably curled up in his arms, sleeping peacefully against his chest above the city lights. and for once I feel wanted.
* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚
Hi babes. Phew. I didn't think I'd have to specify this as it's clearly listed just about everywhere but my account is no exception to the rule that if you're interacting with my nsfw posts and you are a minor you will be immediately removed. Now it is impossible for me to monitor this perfectly, but please for my sake and yours, please be considerate of my boundaries and rules. If you continue, you run the risk of being blocked from any of my content. Please don't make me do that!
Also: If you're going to request a taglist, FILL OUT THE FORM IN MY MASTERLIST. my notifs are off, i don't check comments consistently, it's the easiest way. however, i'm missing half the people that requested because i couldn't find the username submitted, so you either didn't submit your actual user or i got it wrong bc you commented. if you think this is you, dm me or resubmit!
Sigh. Debating to give this story more depth or just leave it as smut. Anyway hope u enjoyed, check out my other stuff, yada yada masterlist yeah. Thank you for reading and have a peaceful day! - ara <3
masterlist | taglist
tag list: @marvelahsobx @jeonpendejo @carzjeon @jayunu @coldfoxkid @whipwhoops @marcoswhore @isab3lita @notbotheredtho @fragmentof-indifference @jwnghyuns @heronstairsxd
Could you talk about the things you think the fandom gets wrong about Matt? I’m very curious 😆
Okay, so this is gonna be a controversial take, I’m sure. I definitely don’t expect everyone to agree with me, and I welcome healthy discussion!
Also, this is incredibly subjective. I’m only speaking to the bits of fandom I’ve observed. And the Daredevil fandom is big enough that I can’t say I’ve seen all of it or the majority of it.
That said, here goes.
First and foremost: Matt is not a bad person. I don’t know how much of fandom actually means it when they call him an ass, a bad friend, etc., vs just saying it in the tongue-and-cheek “human disaster” sort of way. But I don’t think Matt’s a bad person at all, nor do I think he’s a bad friend (although this second one is admittedly more complicated).
What makes a person bad? I think I’ve talked about this a little before in other posts, but you can evaluate badness on at least two spectrums: intent and outcome. I don’t think anyone can deny that Matt’s intentions are incredibly good. He deeply desires to help other people. He makes dumb choices, sure, but even those dumb choices are usually inspired by a desire to help.
Of course, sometimes his intentions are less about helping others, and more about something else. That “something else” is most often, I think, self-protectiveness. Like, does he keep his survival of Midland Circle a secret because he thinks Foggy and Karen are better off without him (a dumb but also selfless, others-centered intention)? I think so. Does he also keep his survival a secret because he’s afraid of their rejection (a self-protective intention)? I think so.
But self-protectiveness is clearly rooted in specific traumas, like the rejection he’s experienced from Stick and Elektra and even Foggy and Karen. Personally, I see that as a mitigating factor. I challenge any of us to go through rejections like that and not end up self-protective. Does that make us bad? No. It makes us hurt.
(And this leads to a third factor: capability, or, at least, a person's capability at the moment. I don't think I touched on this the last time when I talked about intent and outcome, but capability is very important to me when determining if I think a person is good or bad. Someone who's been raised with privilege and who's been taught how to treat others well, and yet fails to do so...I'm more likely to believe that this is a person who's either intentionally or negligently treating others poorly. But someone who's never been shown how to treat others well is acting within their capabilities if they treat others poorly. This matters for someone like Matt. I don't see any evidence that Matt was ever taught how to handle even the normal types of complications that come up in human relationships, let alone how to handle something as bizarre as heightened senses and vigilantism. Instead, what was modeled to Matt was that when relationships get complicated, you walk away. Maggie did it first, then Stick, then Elektra. AND YET MATT DOESN’T WALK AWAY. He...uh, pushes people away. But he doesn’t leave them himself, which is what you’d expect, given what he was shown over and over growing up. Also, Matt's capability is clearly capable of expanding as he matures, especially as seen in Season 3. But I think his capability for trust and honesty in Seasons 1 and 2 is lower - and that's not his fault.)
And then we have the outcomes. Matt certainly causes bad outcomes. But do those bad outcomes outweigh the good? Really? Does the heartbreak he causes Foggy and Karen outweigh the lives he’s saved and the people he’s protected from the unthinkable? I don’t believe so, not at all.
Personally, I think both his intentions and the sum total of the outcomes of his life are all good, so to the extent that we measure the goodness of a person that way at all, I’d say he’s solidly “good.”
What about being a bad friend? This is more difficult. Matt is certainly a high-maintenance friend. He’s a difficult friend. But is he a bad friend? This is a much more subjective question, but I personally don’t think he is. I don’t think every high-maintenance and difficult person is a bad friend.
Do you have a friend in your life who struggles with mental illness and trauma which causes them to make choices that hurt you? Does that make them a bad friend?
Do you have a friend in your life who has a job that’s stressful or dangerous, and it worries you? Does that make them a bad friend?
Well, maybe they are a bad friend insofar as they’re not a good fit for you. But for someone else, those issues may not be obstructions. That doesn't make them a bad friend, that merely makes them a bad friend for you.
Honestly, I’m a high-maintenance friend. I’m a person who cares deeply about the problems of others, and it’s hardly unusual for me to call my friends in tears because someone I care about is hurting or because I’ve run into a problem in the world that I can’t fix. This puts a burden on my friends that I'm sure they don't always enjoy.
I’m also a difficult friend because I’m opinionated and argumentative. Sometimes I don’t control that very well. I’ve hurt people in arguments and not realized it, and sometimes I’ve hurt people and realized it and just...kept going. Although I will note that I try not to do this and try to apologize when I do. Still, there are some people who would never want me to be their friend because they don’t want to be friends with an opinionated and argumentative person. I would definitely be a bad friend for them.
Additionally, as a prosecutor, my job is incredibly stressful, and if I end up prosecuting the types of people I desire to prosecute (sex traffickers), then my job will also be dangerous. It means long hours when I’m simply not free to go out for drinks with friends, and it means heavy conversations, and it might very well mean, in the future, that my friends will worry about me if I don’t answer their calls.
Am I a bad friend?
I mean, maybe, lol. But my point is: those things by themselves don’t make me a bad friend; they merely make me a high-maintenance and sometimes difficult friend—and that's not the same thing.
I’ve said it before: if Foggy or Karen can’t handle the stress involved with being Matt’s friend, both due to his choices as Daredevil and due to the impact of his mental health issues, then they need to evaluate whether the friendship is a good fit for them—but that doesn’t mean Matt is a bad friend. The truth is, Matt is a person who is high-maintenance and stressful, but who loves his friends intensely and struggles to treat them well but (and this is key) actively tries to do better, as seen in Season 3.
That’s not a bad friend. A bad friend is someone who hurts their friends and doesn’t care. A bad friend is someone who willfully or negligently takes advantage of their friends. A bad friend is someone who doesn’t bother trying to do better.
Matt doesn’t do any of these things.
Next up, another thing I’ve noticed is that…I don’t agree with how Daredevil fandom seems to think about what it means for Matt to be happy. That’s what a lot of us want, right? We want Matt to be happy. We want him to find healing.
But a lot of fics, posts, etc. seem to focus on happiness as Matt finding more stability in his relationships, be they romantic or platonic. Like, Foggy or Karen or Frank or whomever supporting him. And although I certainly think that would contribute to his happiness, I think there’s a lot more at play.
Matt is a character who is deeply self-judgmental. Which is not to say that he constantly loathes himself; to the contrary, he clearly takes pride in several parts of himself. He is, overall, pleased with his abilities as a lawyer, with his competence as a fighter, and he’s even sometimes pleased with his ability to flirt. ;) What I mean when I say that Matt is self-judgmental is that Matt is constantly evaluating himself. He’s constantly trying to figure out if he’s doing the right thing, if he’s meeting the standards to which he holds himself.
From my perspective, a lot of fandom acts like if other people reassure him, then that will soothe his self-judgmentalness (shut up, tumblr, I know that’s not a word). But the thing is, it WON’T. Matt is not a person whose view of himself depends on how others view him. Even when everyone around him says he’s doing something wrong, he can be convinced that he’s doing something right. Even when everyone around him says he’s doing something right, he can be convinced that he’s doing something wrong.
So bringing Matt to a point where he’s happy needs to address this. Either: a) his standards need to lower so that he can meet them where he is; b) he needs to see that he is meeting his standards where he is, even if he thought he wasn’t; c) he needs to grow in the specific ways required for him to meet those standards; or d) he needs to somehow, despite his self-judgmentalness, become okay with not meeting his own standards.
None of those things automatically follow from his friends being supportive. The closest would be (b) and possibly (d), but I rarely see fics and posts actually address those specific elements of supportiveness.
Similarly, some fics and posts seem to suggest that Matt will be happy if he stops / lessens his Daredeviling. This is a complicated subject because there’s a wide range of how Matt would go about doing this. Is it simply spending less time in the mask? Is it fighting less dangerous bad guys? Is it taking backup? Is it getting better medical care? Is it letting other people know where he is so they know if he doesn’t come home? What, exactly, does that mean?
The problem is that some of these answers, namely “spending less time in the mask” and “fighting less dangerous bad guys,” risk leaving him feeling like he’s not meeting his standards, and he's not okay with that. As he tells Foggy, people get hurt when he takes a night off. So it’s not enough to get him to Daredevil less in those two regards; he has to also believe that he’s still doing the right thing. And I sometimes see that addressed, usually in a utilitarian “you’ll be able to help more people if you’re not on the verge of collapse” sort of way. But although there’s a certain logic to that perspective, it doesn’t really get at the heart of what it means for Matt to believe he’s a good person, you know?
And I mean, I get that a lot of fics and posts aren’t trying to do a deep-dive into Matt’s understanding of what a good person is, especially as applied to himself. This is just a thing that I happen to think about a lot, so I notice when it seems like it’s getting skimmed over.
The final thing that’s probably more controversial is Matt’s relationship to his faith. You can’t scroll though his tag on tumblr or AO3 without seeing “religious trauma” and “Catholic guilt” somewhere.
And here I want to pause to acknowledge my own bias. I’m religious, and I love it. My faith has made my life infinitely better. It has some sort-of downsides (in ways that I believe are similar to what Matt experiences, in that the downsides don't actually come from the faith itself but rather from my misunderstanding/misapplication of my faith), but it’s overall my favorite thing about myself.
I also need to acknowledge that many people in the Daredevil fandom have been hurt by religion. I in no way want to diminish that, nor do I want to diminish the value of Matt as a comfort character to anyone.
But what I’m trying to do is set aside my personal experiences and set aside other people’s personal experiences, and just evaluate Matt within the confines of the story as told on Netflix. Factually, objectively, what is his relationship with religion?
I don’t think it overall is one of trauma or even guilt.
Here’s my understanding of his relationship with religion:
As a child, he’s told by his grandmother that he has the devil inside. He may not know exactly what she meant by that, but he certainly has his own idea: the devil is a scary sort of rage that hurts people. He sees it in his dad, and he sees it in himself. Even as an adult, he still remembers that phrase and still identifies with it to the point that he continually brings it up with Father Lantom, clearly seeking some sort of explanation of it and guidance for how to deal with it.
He believes in damnation. He believes, specifically, that killing someone will lead to damnation.
He believes in redemption. He believes anyone and everyone, no matter what they’ve done, can be redeemed. (Apparently redemption triumphs over damnation, at least in theory, because when Frank talks about giving killers a chance to kill again, Matt doesn’t hesitate to argue that they should have the chance to try again—because redemption is still possible, even for them.)
He believes God made everyone for a purpose. He believes this includes himself, although he’s not certain how that works out in the context of Daredevil, where God’s purpose seems to clash with (or perhaps take advantage of?) the “devil inside.”
He believes God hears people’s prayers, and believes God has given him his abilities so he can answer those prayers.
He believes God hears him and expects God to answer him—and is confused and hurt when it appears that God is silent. But although we don’t see him pray often, he makes the sign of the cross before making hard/questionable decisions (like…to kill someone), and he prays desperately over Elektra when he thought he was losing her. (I also think he prayed when he hugged Karen after Frank shot at the hospital, but I’m not entirely sure.)
He comes to believe that God is not silent, but instead that God is at work subtly in and through him, as well as in and through the people around him, to bring about good in the world.
His faith brings him comfort when confronting the hard things in life—not always, but sometimes. (Unless he’s not being honest with Karen about that, back in Season 1.)
He finds comfort and guidance in talking to religious characters like Maggie and Father Lantom. He seemed to distance himself from religion for a while before the show started, but eventually the need for that comfort and guidance brought him back.
He’s grown up in a church that clearly cares about “the least of these.” There’s the orphanage for one, and Father Lantom sharing the church with people of other faiths, like the mosque in S3, and Maggie’s statement to Karen that the church is experienced with protecting people who are on the run who have nowhere else to go.
The church gave him a home when he had nowhere else to go. Father Lantom was a father figure when he had no one else to care for him that way.
He notably doesn’t appear to feel any guilt over a lot of Catholic sins: most prominently punching people in general (which…actually, it’s debatable whether that’s a sin in the context of defense of others), sex outside of marriage, getting drunk, swearing, skipping church, etc.
I think that about sums it up? Looking over this list, the only things that seems to be traumatic is his belief of “the devil inside,” and possibly his belief in damnation (though arguably not, or at least less so, to the extent that he considers the possibility of redemption for himself). Those are also the only two areas where I see guilt really arising.
Is that enough to say he’s a character with religious trauma and Catholic guilt? Well, definitely not Catholic guilt as it is technically defined, since technically Catholic guilt is about feeling guilt for something that you don’t actually think is wrong, but you feel guilty anyway because you were taught by Catholicism that the behavior is wrong. This would apply to all the things Matt does without feeling guilt, like sex outside of marriage, etc. This would not apply to the things Matt does feel guilt about, like, y’know, beating people up and considering murder, since these are things that Matt truly thinks are wrong.
So I think fandom is using “Catholic guilt” to suggest that Matt feels extra guilt or too much guilt (or…any guilt, to the extent that you might think no guilt should ever be felt) for doing certain things.
So by that definition, is it fair to say that Matt has religious trauma and Catholic guilt? Well, maybe—except when we consider his personality.
I mean, imagine Matt without ever having heard the words “devil inside.” Imagine Matt without any belief in damnation or hell.
Now imagine that same Matt lashing out in anger and beating people up. Imagine that Matt trying to kill someone.
How would he feel about himself?
Here’s the point I’m trying to make: Matt is an intensely self-judgmental person with or without his faith, and it is this self-judgmentalness that compounds his trauma and feeds his guilt. His faith gives him a certain specific framework by which to evaluate himself and his actions, but I don’t see any evidence that, if he ditched his faith, he would no longer care about doing the right thing. Nor do I see any evidence that, if he ditched his faith, he would think that lashing out in anger and trying to kill people is fine.
In other words, Matt would be a guilt-ridden person even if he weren't Catholic.
Additionally, the moments in his life that I believe were most traumatic have nothing to do with religion. Growing up without a mom. Losing his dad. Losing his sight. Growing up in an orphanage (and presumably watching other kids get adopted / fostered, while he was left behind). Stick’s rejection. Elektra’s rejection. These were all formative in his life, and most clearly lead to his specific trauma responses, and they would’ve happened with or without his faith.
Why, then, does Matt sometimes appear to have religious trauma or Catholic guilt, when in fact he’d have trauma and guilt regardless? I think the answer is this: his religion colors his trauma and guilt, and people see the coloring and mistake the coloring for causality.
This is where I have to tread carefully, because I’m straying from fact and entering into speculation, and I recognize that my own life experiences might be coloring (ha) my perspective. But then again…maybe my own life experiences, as a religious person, are simply giving me a unique insight into a religious character.
I mean, Matt hasn’t been to therapy, okay? He doesn’t appear to know the first thing about mental health. He doesn’t have the vocabulary to talk about it.
But what vocabulary does he have? A religious vocabulary. So how does he talk about trauma and guilt? With religion and in the context of religion.
Take his angst over his anger and how he acts on it, for example. If he had the vocabulary, he could talk about it in terms of nuanced emotions or in terms of cognitive distortions. But he doesn’t have that vocabulary. Instead of saying, “I’m constantly angry at the injustices of the world,” he says, “I have the devil inside.” Instead of saying, “I don’t always know how to act on my anger appropriately,” he says, “Sometimes I let the devil out.” Instead of saying, “I engage in self-blame and believe that every bad thing is somehow my fault,” he says, “I feel guilty.” These religious phrases (”the devil” and “guilty”) are not the cause of how he feels; they’re merely the vocabulary he has to explain how he feels.
So again, this is a matter of vocabulary, not causation. And it’s personally what I’ve experienced. My parents are psychologists, so I actually have an advantage over Matt in that I do have a vocabulary for talking about mental health. But even so, my faith adds a layer to things. It has to, if it means anything to me, if it’s not just window dressing.
Like, if I’m depressed and feel that I’m of no value, then I necessarily wonder if God values me. If I’m anxious and I feel that everything is out of control, then that could easily lead to me thinking God has abandoned me. That doesn’t mean my faith caused the depression or the anxiety, but it certainly is how I explain it. My faith colors it.
All that being said, I have to be fair: the idea that Matt’s faith colors his trauma and guilt rather than causing it does not negate the possibility that, by coloring it, Matt’s faith also exacerbates it.
So does it? Personally, I think…yeah, sometimes. Sometimes, but only to the extent that Matt applies his faith in an incomplete, patchwork way to himself. The clearest example is the damnation vs redemption issue, where Matt jumps to say that killing someone will damn him, but never seems to consider the possibility that he could be redeemed from that—or that he could be redeemed from any of his bad choices whatsoever.
I also think Father Lantom was woefully unhelpful in telling Matt that guilt is a sign that his work is not finished, which 1) misstates the Gospel (smh); and 2) places the responsibility of bad things on Matt’s shoulders; and 3) doesn’t bother to help Matt distinguish between the feeling of guilt and the reality of guilt—the reality that he’s done something wrong. (Which is incredibly ironic in S2, given that the “guilt” Matt was referring to in this conversation was about Grotto’s death, which wasn’t his fault at all, and yet we never see Matt process his mistakes with Foggy, Karen, and Frank’s trial in terms of guilt, even though those mistakes decidedly were his fault.)
And personally, I think the positives from Matt’s faith outweigh those. Positives like comfort and guidance, stability, a sense of purpose, a home, the belief that someone out there is listening, the belief that someone powerful is working things for good, the model of a lifestyle of service to others, the belief in redemption...that’s a lot of beautiful things, don’t you think?
I also think the positives from Matt’s faith would outweigh the negatives even more if he had a more accurate understanding of his faith, which would get at issues like whether his anger really is “the devil,” whether his feelings of guilt are accurate, whether his wrongs determine his value, whether redemption is applicable to him, etc. But that’s an essay for another time. ;)
Anyway, those are my thoughts on a character that I love and obsess over and enjoy analyzing way too much. Thank you for the fun and very challenging ask!
Feb 2022 issue of B'sLOG Obey Me translation Japan Release 1st Anniversary Special
[PLEASE DO NOT REPOST]
Feb 2022 issue of B'sLOG Obey Me translation Japan Release 1st Anniversary Special
(On sale during Dec 2021)
<Hit on 'em!>
'If it makes you swoon, it's their win!'
All characters are challenged to "hit on your special someone who has spent the year with you with the sweetest words of all"!
Who makes your heart race the most? Let's take a look at them and their pick-up lines over the past year.
ENTRY NO.1: LUCIFER
I never thought that you would become someone who is indispensable to me.
I know you have been through a lot of hardships over the past year, but I thank you for your sincere support to me and my younger brothers.
I feel relieved when I see you smile, so keep being by my side.
Lucifer's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
*Lines are taken directly from their Devilgrams and are official translations.
Lucifer [A Brief Respite] -
I suppose you can stare at me as much as you like...
...as long as you do something about that grin of yours.
Seeing that look on your face makes it difficult to hold back.
ENTRY NO.2: MAMMON
Lucifer [Braids and Purple Flowers] -
I presume that’s because you desire as much?
And judging by how increasingly ensnared I’ve been getting, you desire me quite strongly at that.
Well, do as you please. It’s not like I have much say in the matter at this point.
Mammon's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
Ya have had a great time with me this past year, haven't ya?
I'll make ya smile even more in the future, so don't ya ever leave me.
After all, ya chose Mammon as your first, and I ain't makin' ya regret it!
Mammon [You Always Ride Shotgun] -
Whenever I’m with you, my feelings just keep runnin’ wild.
It’s your fault that I can barely think straight, ya know.
ENTRY NO.3: LEVIATHAN
Mammon [Mammon at The Office] -
Your lips recharged my batteries tenfold...
But I could use a bit more...
Leviathan's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
Even though I'm a gloomy, shut-in, Devildom's trash of an otaku, I can hold my head up and say this with confidence.
I won't lose to anyone else when it comes to stanning you.
So... please let me keep on stanning you to the fullest!
Leviathan [Skiing for Two] -
We should go visit a ski resort in the human world sometime, just the two of us!
Just kidding... Unless?
ENTRY NO.4: SATAN
Leviathan [A Virtual Drive] -
I’m going to put the seat back, okay? ...I can take the lead sometimes too, you know!
If you’re wondering where this suddenly assertive character is coming from, you’ve only got yourself to blame!
Satan's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
When I'm by your side, I can be myself.
I want to be able to accept all of you, just as you accept my wrath.
I hope you can be yourself...and I hope my presence is that kind of place for you.
Satan [Demonic Pajama Party] -
...You already know my answer, don’t you? Even without my having to say it.
So there’s nothing you need worry about."
ENTRY NO.5: ASMODEUS
Satan [Our Story's Ending] -
I hope that you and I will get a similarly happy ending someday...
Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
Asmodeus's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
Hey, you're having a hard time believing you're in love with me, aren't you?
Too bad. You're going to be even more obsessed with me from now on, and you'll be my prisoner forever.
But you have my eyes all to yourself, too. It's a win-win for both of us♪
Asmodeus [Catch the Lost Bunnies!] -
You’re so cute that I want to kiss you all over...
ENTRY NO.6: BEELZEBUB
Asmodeus [Princess Asmo's Escape] -
I like this... Kissing in a secret room. The atmosphere makes it that much more exciting, don’t you think?
Beelzebub's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
The food I eat together with you is special.
You are my special, precious, favourite person.
I would be happy if it was the same for you.
Let's eat lots of delicious food together from now on.
Beelzebub [Bunny Café Part-Timer] -
Don’t worry... You have me.
I’ll give you a big hug later.
ENTRY NO.7: BELPHEGOR
Beelzebub [Beel Goes to C.S.!] -
I would do anything if it means I get to see you smile like that.
Belphegor's Unforgettable Pick-up Lines:
I feel at ease around you.
No matter what time of the day, I feel safe when you are around.
Thanks to you, without you I can't sleep peacefully anymore.
You'll take full responsibility for this, right? I won't let you get away from me.
Belphegor [Let's Play Dolls!] -
Are we? I’ve always thought about what it would be like to live together, just the two of us.
ENTRY NO.8: DIAVOLO
Belphegor [Chocolate for You] -
You’re the only one for me.
Diavolo's Unforgettable Pick-up Line:
This past year spent with you has been so exciting.
If it were not for you, I would not have known the feeling of being loved so much.
I am glad that I chose you as an exchange student.
Let's make many fond memories together from now on.
ENTRY NO.9: Barbatos
Diavolo - [A Royal Pajama Party]
I want to see every side of you—especially those you hide from everyone else.
It doesn’t have to be all at once. I merely wish to become someone special to you.
Barbatos's Unforgettable Pick-up Line:
I am impressed that you have made it this far in Devildom.
I never get tired of observing what you do, but please watch that you do not strain yourself too much.
I will always be watching your efforts.
ENTRY NO.10: Luke
Barbatos [Barbatos the Mechanic] -
I usually don’t behave so recklessly, after all.
When I’m with you, I find joy in even the smallest of things.
Luke's Unforgettable Pick-up Line:
What does "hit on 'em" mean...?
Uh, anyway, you're doing a great job, even though the Devildom is a very scary place!
I'll bring you some homemade Maritozzo.
Eat it and show me your smile, which I love!
ENTRY NO.11: Simeon
Luke [Graceful Transformation] -
I’m going to change bit by bit and become cool in a way that suits me.
Simeon's Unforgettable Pick-up Line:
I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes off of you.
I think about you all the time, and even though we have just leave each other, I wanted to see you right away.
It's as if I've been cast a spell that makes me fall head over heels in love with you.
I wish I could cast that spell on you, too.
ENTRY NO.12: Solomon
Simeon [The Legend of the Stars] -
If you stay by my side, I can keep looking forward... That’s how you make me feel.
Solomon's Unforgettable Pick-up Line:
With you, there's never a dull moment. So, will you stay by my side from now on?
Of course, you can always count on me when you are in trouble.
I will be your own personal sorcerer for as long as you want me to be.
Solomon [Solomon the Researcher] -
...I can’t hold myself back anymore after hearing you say that.
Do you realize how badly I’ve been wanting to touch you this whole time?
BREATHLESS | steve harrington
+ steve harrington x fem!reader
summary: the 3 times you took all the breath out of steve's lungs as his best friend, and the first time you took the breath out of steve's lungs as his girlfriend
warnings: best friends to lovers, confessions, fluff, swearing, jealous, a lot of teasing, pet names, mutual pining, first kiss and heavy make out sessions
word count: 3k
a/n: in this imagine there are no monsters and all that upside down shit; gif is not mine! | masterlist here.
THE FIRST you took all the air out of Steve's lungs was when you saw each other after 1 year.
In context, you and Steve were neighbors. You lived in the house across from Steve's. You two, at age three, were soon inseparable. Today, each 19, things remain the same - quite different, in fact.
Well, you had gone to your grandparents' house for the holidays. You two were 17 years old. And you took the opportunity to take courses to deepen your knowledge while you didn't return to Hawkins.
Communication between you and Steve was complicated. And the longing that invaded Steve’s heart in not being able to see you every day consumed him for all the time you were there.
When you finally got back, Steve came the same day to see you.
Steve knocked on your door, his hands were shaking a little from nervousness and anxiety to see you. When you left, you were both 17, now you're 18. And Steve was relatively scared of what it would be like to talk again.
You've never been so long without seeing each other. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to talk to you properly or wouldn't be able to control his heart beating faster when you opened the door.
And then, you opened the door. And what he promised to control, he didn't. When he saw you, all the air in his lungs ran out.
Steve always knew you were beautiful, and the boys at school made sure to remind you of that. He always got comments from Tommy, Keith and Billy. Comments like:
"Your girl is a hottie, Harrington." “Is she single?” “Can you tell her about me?” “She looks really hot today.”
And Steve hated it. He hated it more than he should because he knew. He knew you were beautiful. You were smart, insightful, funny, and once again, beautiful. And he also hated himself. He hated himself for not being good enough for you. You were too good.
Seeing you so beautiful just standing in the door made him dizzy. Last time Steve saw you, you were already beautiful, but now you were breathtaking. You were perfect. God, he wanted to pass out.
But you keep him from passing out when you hug him. You hug him so tightly that he can inhale all your sweet scent into his nostrils. And once again he feels like he's going to pass out.
“Hey.” Your voice is muted as you are pressed against his neck. Steve doesn't respond. Making you let go of the hug - to Steve's dismay - to see his face. "Are you still alive?"
“Um- Yeah. I just- You look great.” He says nervously, and gets even more when you smile big at him, letting out a light laugh.
"You're not that bad either, Steve." You talk as you make way for him to enter your house.
“Sooo, how is your mom?” Steve asks as he walks past you, then follows you on your way to your room.
“Oh, she is great. My dad would be really mad at you if he knew you didn't ask how he was doing."
“Oh god. Sorry-“
“Steve, why are you so nervous?” You speak when you finally enter your room and close the door behind you. "I'm kidding. As i always do.” You notice Steve hesitate before speaking. Hands frantically smoothing his hair and gasps pouring from his nose.
“I know it's just that- Things are different, you know? You are different."
“I am different? Im definitely the same.”
"Oh, you're not." He speaks with a low laugh as he smoothes his hair again.
“Yeah? Tell me then. Tell me why i am different.” A small silence - not so comfortable, more suspicious, charged with tension - settles between the two of you.
"Shit. It's just- God, Y/N. You leave me speechless."
"I have a great power of asking questions that people don't answer, hmm?" You laugh and go on. “I love doing this to you. You get all nervous.”
And Steve really got nervous. I mean, who wouldn't, right? A pretty girl asking why she looks different while looking at you with the brightest eyes and the most tempting smile in the world, who wouldn't be nervous? Even Steve The Hair Harrington, the charmer of women would.
Steve didn't know whether to appreciate you not seeing the other side of his sentences or hate it. He was obviously speechless not because of your question, but because of you, and thank god you didn't understand that. But he also hated that you didn't notice. All he wanted was for you to finally understand and jump into his arms, kissing him until he was breathless.
And Steve had to admit he was tired of having to imagine what your lips felt like every time he saw you. And he always imagined. But it seems that this time it was stronger. It was different. It was as if he really needed the feel of your mouth on his, not just the thought.
“Do you want to eat some junk while we talk and catch up?” You ask Steve that seems to be in some sort of trance. “Steve?”
“Yes, that would be great. Very very great.”
You just smile and run to your junk drawer. You get three candy bars, a potato and some candy.
“So, tell me. How are the kids? I really want to see them.” You talk as you sit on the floor with the food and tap the floor beside you as a signal for Steve to sit down. He sits.
“They are great. They asked about you every time they saw me. They really miss you. And im sure they prefer you. You're great."
“No fucking way. You are the babysitter. I'm just the helper.” You answer as you pass him a piece of the chocolate bar.
"Sorry to tell you but you're wrong." He talks as you finishes eating a piece of chocolate and he continues: “What about the boys? Seeing someone?” You laugh lightly at Steve's question.
It was no surprise between the two of you that you'd already kissed a few guys in your life. And you've always sensed a certain - big - interest from Steve in your love life. But you always thought it was normal. Something best friends like to know.
“I'm not seeing a person fixedly, you know? But i kissed a boy on the trip. We kind of dated? I don't know. He didn't ask directly but he was really cute."
And at that very moment Steve swore his heart would burst. You dating? No, no, no, you weren't dating. You were only seeing one guy, weren't you?
The idea of being traded for you by another boy was killing Steve. In fact, that was something that bothered Steve a lot. He knew that when you started seeing someone he would have to walk away. It's impossible for a guy not to be jealous of a male friend. Even more a best friend.
"Why do i get the feeling you didn't hear anything i said?" You ask yourself more. Slightly stressed that Steve was so off. “If you don't want to talk, tell me. Because honestly it feels like im talking to a wall. I can call Robs, she'll probably be more interested in-"
"Sorry. Y/N.” Steve cuts off your speech. “I want to hear everything you have to say, Absolutely everything. Very sorry. Keep going.”
And that was his day. Steve stayed from 2 pm until 12 pm at your house. Just talking to you. And if you hadn't practically forced him to go home because it was late he would have stayed longer. He would have stayed longer because he wanted to hear your voice. He wanted to see your face. See the way your lips curve into a smile every time he says some stupid joke. Or how your hands are so soft as they caress your bed pillows.
And he went to sleep thinking about you. Thinking about how you left him breathless. How you had an effect on him like you never had before.
The second time Steve swore he would stop breathing was a week after you had arrived from your trip.
Steve had been working on Family Video for a year. And you went to visit him for the first time. You didn't warn him that you would. You just asked Robin what time he would be there. You got a ride with Nancy, who dropped you off and went to school to work on something she was writing.
When you get there, you open the door of the movie store, making Steve automatically looks over, preparing to charm the customer. He's only surprised when he sees it's you. That same strange sensation taking over all of his senses.
Your intoxicating scent invades his nostrils. His eyes seem to blur at the sight in front of him. The sharpest hearing looking for your voice. And the shortness of breath from your presence. Shit. It was killing him.
You looked so beautiful. You wore a short dress above the knee. That showed too much skin. He stood out perfectly with your eyes and combed hair. You crack a big smile as you see Steve. And damn, this time he's sure to pass out.
Steve already expected that this would happen every time he saw you until he learned to control himself again. What he didn't expect is that his beloved lower limb wouldn't control himself. He was behind the counter when he felt him hard. Holy shit. You were getting closer and he would have to find a way to hide it. Because he knew the minute you two hugged you would feel it.
"Hi!" You speak with a smile. “Big place you have here.” You say and continue, noticing a slight discomfort on Steve's face. “You're okay?” He just nods. “Get out of there, i want to see your new uniform. It used to be those super sexy shorts from Scoops Ahoy. I want to see what's new.” You tease. Looking at him with a pitying look that Steve was never able to deny, even more so now. He knew what he was facing and he knew the danger. But he couldn't say no to you. Never.
He comes out from behind the counter. Getting a good look from you. Looking from his head to his feet. To Steve you were judging him, when in fact you were melting at the sight in front of you.
“You look hot, Stevie.” You say teasing - when really you're telling the truth - "Killing all the ladies with this look, hmm?" You tease one more time. Getting dangerously close. Your hand touches the badge that says “Steve” positioned it correctly. Soon after, raising your gaze so that you could face him.
“You look pretty too. Is this dress new?” He chokes a little as he speaks. Looking away several times.
“Actually it is. Are you going through my wardrobe, Harrington?” You play one more time. Making Steve's heart flutter faster through the uniform that feels too tight at the moment. “Your heart is beating faster. Do i make you nervous?”
Holy fuck. He wants to kiss you now. Kiss you so hard and rip that dress off you, even though you look so beautiful in it. He wants to run out of breath from kissing you so much. He wants to memorize every part of you as he runs his hand through your hair and your thighs. He wants to smell you as he kisses and sucks your neck. He wants this more than anything.
He's wondering when you became so provocative, so seductive. He wanted you to know how crazy you are driving him. But, he just looks at you and says, “Not at all, sweetheart.” And now it's your heart's turn to beat hard at the pet name.
The way your heart beat made you recoil. Fear takes over you. Because you knew Steve didn't feel the same way. He was just like that, teasing everyone. It was normal. He was your best friend and that's all.
The third time you almost killed Steve you were at his house. The kids and you had gone to his house to watch a movie. But since it was already very late, Steve asked you to stay there.
Everyone was gone when you finally said, “I really need a shower. Will you borrow a shirt for me?”
"Sure. Get a towel in the first drawer and any shirt of mine in the second drawer, okay?” He answers.
“Yeah. Thanks.” You talk as you get up from the couch. Going quickly to his room, getting his things and locking yourself in the bathroom to shower.
A few minutes pass. You get ready in the bathroom. Combing your hair, brushing your teeth and putting on Steve's perfume. When you leave, Steve is still in the same position he was in when you left. "How do i look?" You say making Steve take his eyes off the television and look at you.
And once again it's the fucking feeling. The shortness of breath taking over Steve. He's breathing heavily - if he's breathing at all. - You're in his shirt. IN HIS FUCKING SHIRT. With wet hair and the prettiest look ever. This time he's already dead. He's already dead and only his soul is on that couch.
You start walking towards him, waiting for the answer he hasn't said so far. And maybe you've already guessed what's going through his head.
"You did not answer me." You mumble. Sitting next to him. The sofa absorbing your weight and sinking a little. Steve is looking at you. Just looking at you with those prying brown eyes. You are melting. Wanting to give what he's been asking for some time. "Will not you answer me?"
"I cant." He finally speaks. So low you're almost unable to hear it. "Because if i did, i would say things you can't hear."
“What do you want to tell me, Steve?” You ask, even though you already know the answer. And you're dangerously close again. Thighs touching, even a small touch it sent shivers through Steve's nerves, chills that made his whole body shiver.
“I would say you look perfect. And that you've always driven me crazy, but recently you've been killing me. You leave me breathless every time you pass.”
And that's enough. That was what you needed to hear.
And before you could move forward, he's already kissing you. Once, twice, until he realize he will never have enough. He's everywhere, on your back, in your arms, and suddenly he's kissing you harder, deeper, with an urgent, fervent need you've never known before.
He disconnects your lips so he can whisper, “If you want me to stop, tell me now.” When you still didn't say anything, he brushed his mouth against the hollow of your temple. “Or say it now.” He traced the line of your cheek. "Or now." His lips were against your. "Or-"
But you reached out and pulled him to you, and the rest of his words were lost in your mouth. He kissed you softly, but it wasn't kindness you wanted, not now, not after all this time. Then you clenched your fists in his shirt, pulling him tighter against you. He moaned softly, and then his arms went around your waist, pulling you against him.
When he's already laying you back against the couch, you smile against his lips before whispering, "Why haven't you told me anything in 15 years?"
“I was afraid of losing you, beautiful.” He kisses you one more time. "You're too good for me."
“I'm not. Stop saying that. You are perfect, Steve.” You stop kissing him. Hands cupping both of his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. “Perfect.”
He sighs as he looks at you with eyes of love, affection and affection. "I love you. I love you since i knew the true meaning of the word love. Because you were the one who showed me what it is to love.” And he kisses you one more time. But it's not a sexual kiss, it's a kiss of love. He loves you and that's what matters. Even if it took a while, he's there.
It had been a month since you guys started dating. And this was the first time you were going to visit Steve at work as his girlfriend.
And when everything goes like the first time, the bell rings, you walk towards Steve with the same big smile that leaves him out of breath. So breathless he's unable to think straight.
He can't believe it. How was he able to have the girl of his dreams? How did he stay with you after 15 years? How? Only how?
You're wearing a little dress in the same style as the first time, only the color is different. You look beautiful, as usual. You're approaching the counter, but he's already out of it. Running to get close to you.
“Hey.” You speak approaching. Steve automatically already wraps his arms around your waist. The urge to be close to you has never been greater than it is now that you're dating. “You look hot, Stevie. Killing all the ladies with this look, hmm?" You say as you move even closer. Lips brushing as Steve responds:
“You look pretty too. Is this dress new?” This time he doesn't choke before speaking, much less look away. He could not. Not when you're right there.
“Actually it is. Are you going through my wardrobe, Harrington?” You say with a huge smile. Making Steve's heart flutter faster just like the first time. “Your heart is beating faster. Do i make you nervous?”
"Actually, you make me breathless." He says, finally closing the space between the two of you. And Steve is sure he'll never get used to it. He's sure he's going to wake up and it's all going to be a long dream.
I'm Here (Part 2 of 2)
Part 1 here
Pairing: Jotun Loki x gender neutral reader
Warnings: touch of self doubt, bit of angst, fluff and happiness as promised
POV: Y/N pov & Loki pov
Summary: After a string of terrible blind dates, Loki is pushed into trying online dating and despite his doubts, he meets you. The two of you become fast friends and soon you find yourself falling for him completely. After a few months, Loki begins to ask if he can visit you but every time he does, you come up with an excuse to keep him away. Eventually, Loki decides it's worth the risk and goes to Norway to see you, but will you be excited to see him?
Word Count: 4k words
(Y/N POV - the next day)
You come home after work and kick off your shoes as you sigh loudly. You check your phone again and throw it on the couch, Loki still hasn't responded to your last message and why would he. Sinking into the couch, you put your hand over your face and feel the tears begin surface again, you were so tired of crying but you couldn't stop. You can feel your heart breaking into pieces, Loki had finally given up on you and you only had yourself to blame.
(Y/N POV- the night before)
When you told him he couldn't come, he said you he understood like always and then he quickly changed the subject. Everything seemed fine, he had just gotten back from a mission and you were thrilled he was safe and you could to talk to him again. After about half an hour or so he told you he needed to take care of a few things and he would talk to you as soon as he was free. A few hours later he finally sent you a text, but you weren't expecting it to be this.
"Y/N, can we talk about why I can't visit you? I want to understand. I care about you so much, you know that, and I want to be with you. I want you to be mine and I thought you felt the same. Please, just tell me the truth, why don't you want to see me?" the message said and you could feel your chest tighten.
Your fingers ghosted over the keypad as you tried to tell him what was going on in your mind. Your inner voice screamed, telling you that you weren't extraordinary enough for him... he was an Avenger. You didn't deserve to be loved or cared for by him... he was a prince. He would leave as soon as he realized you were beneath him... he was a god. You were deeply in love with him but you the voice would tell you that you would never he his.
You try to respond but you can't get your thoughts together. It must have taken you too long because your phone chimes again and your heart sinks. "I'm sorry I keep asking, I won't bring it up again," you can barely hold yourself together when you see those words.
You stare at the phone, your hands shaking slightly and you write back, "Loki, I'm sorry." He didn't reply to you again that night, you laid awake holding your pillow tightly as you cried and cursed yourself. When the sun rose, you were still awake and there was still no response.
Your phone chimes and you pick it up, smiling through your tears when you see a new message from Loki. Maybe he hadn't given up on you completely, you hope when you open the text.
"Hi love," it says and you wipe your eyes, letting out a small sigh.
You reply back quickly, "Hi Loki, I've missed you. I'm so sorry about last night."
Those stupid dots appear and disappear several times and your anxiety starts to rise. Was he going to end things officially, is that why he messaged you? No, you try to reason with yourself, he called you 'love', he wouldn't if he was upset with you, would he? You bite your lip and wait for him to finish typing.
"I missed you every second. I'm sorry I didn't respond to you last night, I have a surprise for you but it took a bit longer than I thought," he replies.
"A surprise?" you ask curiously. He had a sweet habit of sending you small gifts when something reminded him of you or he saw something he thought you would like. What kind of surprise would have kept him from talking to you for so long, you wonder.
"I'm here," he types and your mind freezes.
You stare at the words, finally writing back, "Where is here?"
"I came to see you," he texts back and you put the phone screen down on the table quickly.
You pace back and forth at baggage claim, waiting for a response. Peter had told you not to come but after Y/N wouldn't explain why they didn't want to see you, you bought the first ticket you could. You couldn't wait any longer, you needed an answer.
After a few minutes without a reply, you text again, "Y/N, I know you told me not to come but I want to talk to you, please answer me."
You feel yourself holding your breath as the message remains unread. You wander slowly through the airport and take a seat at a random gate. You put your face in your hand, realizing maybe you had made a mistake. Y/N didn't want you here. Your phone vibrates and you open it excitedly but it's a new text from Peter. You sigh, not in the mood to tell him he was right, you lock your phone again.
You feel something bump into your leg and you look up, seeing a happy couple walk past you. The man apologizes to you with a smile, his arms wrapped tightly around his partner's waist. You nod to him and sit back in the seat, looking at your phone again. You unlock it and decide to send another text.
"I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done to make you not want to see me. I'm going to try and book a ticket back home," you hit send and stand up. "I won't try to visit again, but we can still talk if you want to," you text, feeling your heart tear in half.
You make your way to the ticket agents and stand at the back of the line, your phone on your pocket. Each time you move forward, you lose a piece of hope until you finally reach the counter. You purchase a ticket to go back to New York and lean against a wall, taking your phone out again. The messages you've sent are still unread. "My flight is in an hour, I'm sorry I came," you type slowly then rest your head on the wall.
You sit on the couch, your arms wrapped around your knees as your phone continues to chime on the coffee table. You put your head on your arms and cry silently as your thoughts keep you from responding to him. Your phone chimes again and you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, slowly reaching for it. You see four new messages and you take a deep breath as you open them. You read the last message and stand up quickly, he was leaving. Suddenly your only thought is that you needed to stop him. You click on his image in your phone and do something you've never done before, you call him.
Racing to put your shoes on and grabbing your keys, you hear the ringing continue. Please pick up, you say out loud and finally you hear him answer. "Y/N?" he asks in a low voice.
"Loki, please don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm coming. Please wait for me," you say quickly as you get into your car, breathing hard from crying.
"I'm still here love," he replies and you start your car. "Take your time Y/N, I'm not going anywhere," he tells you in a soothing voice and you let out a small laugh between tears. You had hurt him yet again today but he was still worried about you as he told you to drive carefully. You hang up and try to focus on the forty-five minute drive you have ahead of you.
You call Peter and let him know Y/N is on their way, he sounds so excited for you and he wishes you good luck. You purposefully leave out the part where Y/N ignored you for so long you bought a return ticket. It just isn't something you want to talk about right now. You decide to sit in the waiting area for about half an hour then you make your way towards the exit.
Standing outside by the line of cars waiting to pick up friends, family and loved ones you begin to search their faces for someone you had never seen. You start to feel your hope fading again when you realize its been over an hour since Y/N said they were on their way. Had they changed their mind at a red light or were they here and still unwilling to meet you, you can't help but wonder. You close your eyes and lean against the facade of the building, trying to hold onto your last bit of hope that they will be here.
"Loki?" you hear a voice call to you.
You open your eyes and stand up straight. "Y/N?" you ask, coming face to face with them for the first time. They nod slowly and smile, their eyes are red and their cheeks are streaked with tears. Without thinking, you move quickly, pulling them close to you as you wrap your arms around them tightly. Their body is tense but you feel them relax against yours as they exhale deeply and grip the fabric at the back of your jacket.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Loki," they mumble into your chest and you shake your head. You release your grip slightly and touch their cheek, wiping away the fresh tears.
"Look at me love," you say softly and they look up cautiously. "You're here now, that's all that matters to me," they nod again and wipe their eyes on the back of their hand.
"I'm such a mess right now, this isn't how I wanted you to see me the first time," they say as they look down again. They pull at the sleeves of their jacket and you smile at how cute they look when they are awkward.
You take one of their hands in yours, running your thumb over their knuckle and they look up at you again. "I think you are perfect Y/N," you tell them, then you lean down and softly kiss their forehead. You are afraid if you move too quickly they will run even though you desperately want to feel their lips on yours.
They blush and you stroke their cheek again, wiping the last of their tears with your thumb. "Norns, it is so good to finally be close to you. To hear your voice, to see your smile, to hug you tightly. I've wished for nothing else since we began talking."
Y/N smiles and looks up at you, "Thank you for not listening to me."
They hug you tighter and you want nothing more then to never let go of them. The two of you stand with your arms wrapped tightly around one another a few moments longer and then they pull back slightly. You can feel yourself tense up, worried about what the next steps are now.
"Um.... so, did you get a hotel or...?" their question trails off.
"I wasn't honestly sure what to do about my sleeping arrangements. If you are more comfortable, I can get a room somewhere nearby," you offer.
You pull into your driveway and turn off the car, looking over at Loki you smile nervously and he squeezes your hand. "Well, here it is," you tell him and he looks out the window at your small, one story house. You get out of the car and begin to worry he is going to regret not staying in one of the high end hotels in the city. He's probably used to such lavish and extravagant things whereas you're idea of luxury was using your dishwasher instead of washing dishes by hand. "I know it's not a palace or a super high-tech skyscraper but-" you start.
"It looks like a home," he says, then he looks back at you and smiles. He takes his bag and then holds his other hand out for you. You interlock your fingers with his and you instantly begin to feel calmer. "Shall we?" he asks and you nod before you can change your mind.
You open the front door and as you let him in you feel extremely thankful you are a naturally tidy person. Keeping your hand in his, you give him a quick tour of your home, guiding him through your living room into it dining room and kitchen then finally your bedroom. He walks over to your bed and he runs his long fingers over the soft green blanket he had sent you. You watch his face light up when he looks around the room and sees all the things he sent you displayed proudly. You cherished every gift and you were glad he could finally see how much you loved the books, the stuffed animal and the postcards of various places in New York you had wanted to visit.
Loki sits on your bed and looks over at you, his smile fading slowly as you sit next to him. He sighs and places his hand gently on your knee, you put your hand over top of his.
"Can we talk about why I wouldn't let you visit?" you ask quietly and he nods. You take a deep breath and look at the floor, unable to look in his eyes. After a moment or two, you finally open up to him, telling him all your fears and negative thoughts. You feel the tears slowly building again and then his hands touches your face softly making you look at him.
"I wish you had told me this before," he tells you in a caring voice. He shifts to be closer to you, one arm around your waist and his hand still on your cheek. "You are everything I have ever wanted and more. I would never change a single thing about you love, you are perfect in every way," he tells you and you begin to smile but you notice a sadness in his eyes.
"Loki, what's wrong?" you ask.
"You aren't the only one who has doubts about worthiness," he says and you ask what he means. "There's something I have not told you, I wasn't sure how to. I'm not... I'm not who you think I am, I'm not an Asgardian," he tells you and you look at him questioningly. He lets go of you, bringing his hands together to fidget with his fingers. You sit quietly and listen to Loki as he looks at his hands, telling you about Odin, Laufey and Jotunheim. When he finishes, you put your hand over his and he finally looks up at you.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, you didn't deserve to be taken or used by them. But Loki..." you make sure he is still looking at you. "None of that changes how I feel about you. I'm sorry Odin made you feel like you were a monster but he's wrong. You are kind and patient and loving, you didn't deserve to have him as a father."
He smiles a bit and then he lifts your hand to his lips, kissing it lightly. "Besides, I don't think I could tell an Asgardian from a Jotun if my life depended on it," you joke but he shakes his head.
"You would be able to tell," he says and you ask how. He is quiet for a moment, then he gestures to himself and says, "This is all an illusion... I've never shown anyone what I truly look like."
You keep your fingers intertwined with his, "I would love to see the real you but you don't have to if you aren't ready."
He looks worried but says, "I want to show you, I just don't want you to be afraid of me."
"I could never be scared of you," you tell him and he nods.
He looks down at his hand in yours and his fingers slowly turn the most beautiful shade of blue you have ever seen. The color gradually moves up until his arms, neck and face are blue as well. Thin ridges form in intricate patterns on his arms and face. When he looks up at you, his eyes are as red as rubies. Without even thinking, you slowly reach out with your free hand and trace one of the raised lines on his cheek.
"Is it ok?" he asks and you smile back at him.
"Of course it's ok Loki. I told you, you are not a monster. You are stunning and you have the most striking eyes I've ever seen," you tell him and he smiles. You feel yourself lean forward suddenly and you press your lips to his quickly, before pulling away and hiding your blushing face in your hands.
He looks at you almost as if he is in shock and then he chuckles a bit. "Not in a million years did I think you were going to kiss me first," he says, the smile on his face growing.
"I didn't think I was going to do that either," you say from behind your hands.
He laughs again and reaches to take your hands away from your face. You lean back as you laugh and end up with your back on your bed. You feel the space on the bed next to you sink and you lower your hands slightly to see Loki lying on his side next to you. He props himself up on his elbow and he smiles warmly at you. He touches your cheek lightly and his skin feels cold but not uncomfortably so.
He looks at you for a moment, his fingers tracing your jaw as you look up at him and says, "Y/N... there is one more thing I need to tell you." You feel yourself holding your breath, unsure what his last secret could be. "I am completely and utterly in love with you," he tells you as you look into his deep red eyes.
You exhale with a smile and say, "Loki, I am madly in love with you. I have been since we first started talking."
You place your hand on the back of his neck and gently pull him towards you. He presses his lips to yours, softly at first then you feel him put his arm around your waist. He shifts onto his back and pulls you on top of him, never breaking the kiss. One of his large hands rests on your lower back, holding you tightly to him while his other hand cups your cheek. You feel his tongue run across your lips and you open your mouth, moaning softly as his tongue meets yours. Your fingers run through his long, raven curls and you bite his lip lightly as you finally break the kiss to catch your breath.
"Y/N," he kisses your nose softly, "I still can't believe I'm here with you."
You rest your head on his shoulder and listen to his heartbeat with a smile. "I can't either. I've dreamt about laying in your arms for so long, I never thought it would actually happen," you tell him.
He kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers up and down your back. "You're stuck with me now," he jokes but you shake your head and hold him tighter.
"You're going to have to go back," you say quietly.
"Not yet, we have two weeks love," he reminds you of how long he told Stark and the team he would be away. "We will figure this out. I'm not going to be able to stay away from you for very long."
You nod hopefully and close your eyes. You aren't sure how long you two stayed like that but you must have fallen asleep. Loki's strong arms are still wrapped around your body, holding your back to his chest as you both lay on your sides. You readjust a little, pressing yourself closer to his body and he smiles in his sleep. "Y/N..." he whispers softly, and you kiss his cheek before closing your eyes again.
(LOKI POV - the next morning)
You open your eyes to an unfamiliar loud beeping and groan. "Sorry, it's my alarm," Y/N tells you as the turn it off.
They kiss your cheek and move to slide out of the bed but you keep your arm around them. Pulling them back to you, you shake your head. "No, stay," you mumble.
Y/N giggles and says, "Loki, I have to go to work. I'll tell my boss I need to use my vacation time for the rest of this week and next week but I have to at least go in today."
You groan again but know they are right. You couldn't really expect them not to go to work, especially since you had come without warning them. "I'll be home around six, ok?" they tell you when you loosen your grip to let them out of the bed.
"I like that," you smile, sitting up a bit.
"Like what?" they ask.
"You coming home to me," you tell them as you get out of the bed.
Y/N smiles as you walk over to them. "I like it too," they say, you put your arms around them. Leaning down, you kiss them and then go into the kitchen to make coffee for both of you while they get ready.
(Y/N POV - night before Loki leaves)
Loki lays on his back and you curl up against his side, resting your head on his chest. You put one arm around him and he holds you close. You look into his glowing red eyes and smile. You were so happy he felt comfortable enough with you to remain in his Jotun form while you were in the house, you wanted him to be himself completely.
"I love you," you tell him as he shuts off the light.
"I love you too," he says, placing his fingers under your chin to tilt your head towards his. He kisses you and you kiss him back. "Goodnight love," he says and you can hear the smile in his voice.
You tell him goodnight and close your eyes but you know sleep will be hard to come by tonight. It's your last night together for who knows how long, months most likely but how many? Three... four? Would it be another six months before he can come back? You don't want to think about how much it will hurt to see him leave so you try to focus on all the memories the two of you made while he was here.
You remember when you came home from work the day after he arrived. You walked through the door and there were candles all throughout the living and dining rooms. A large vase of fresh flowers sat in the middle of the table and there was soft music playing. He greeted you at the door with a warm smile, wrapping his arms around you as he kissed you and told you he missed you. He kept an arm around your waist as he took you to the dining room, pulling out your chair like a true gentleman. He had cooked dinner for the both of you and you admitted to him that you were shocked he knew how to cook.
Over the next few days, the two of you took several trips into the city. Visiting museums, bookstores and even seeing a movie. You had taken him to your favorite park and he told you about the gardens on Asgard. No matter what you did or where you went, Loki never let go of you. He always held your hand or kept his arm around your waist and you loved every second of it.
At the beginning of the second week, it began to snow so you stayed home together. You lit the fireplace in your living room and curled up on the floor in front of the couch as Loki read poems and short stories to you. You would close your eyes and listen to the sound of his voice as you played with his long hair. When the snow got higher, you had a snowball fight then built a snowman before coming inside for hot chocolate. You taught him how to make smores and they quickly became one of his favorite foods.
The more time you spent with him, the deeper you fell for him which you didn't think was possible. Loki was the most amazing person you had ever met and you were terrified to say goodbye to him.
(LOKI POV - night before you leave)
Your eyes flutter open and the room is still dark. You listen, trying to figure out what sound woke you. Feeling Y/N shake slightly in your arms, you realize they are crying quietly.
"Y/N, love are you ok?" you ask in a whisper. They sniffle and you can feel them shake their head 'no'. "What's wrong?" you ask but you have a feeling you know.
"I don't want to do this. I can't say goodbye to you," they say quietly. Y/N rolls over so they aren't facing you, trying to hide their face in the pillow. "What if you can't come back to visit again or..." they don't finish their question.
"Y/N, I don't want to say goodbye to you either. I would stay here forever if I could," you tell them honestly. "Look at me," you say softly, putting your hand on their shoulder as you sit up. They roll back towards you and you lean down, kissing them deeply. "I love you more than anything and I promise we will be together," you say. You hadn't figured out how it was going to work but you knew you would do anything to be with Y/N.
"I love you too Loki," they tell you but you can hear the sadness in their voice.
(LOKI POV - two weeks after your trip)
You sit in your armchair by the window, reading a new book, trying to distract yourself from how much you miss Y/N. As much as you enjoyed the phone calls and video chats, nothing would compare to physically being with them. You found it difficult to sleep without them cuddled against you and waking up alone gave you an empty feeling.
Your phone vibrates on the side table and you smile. "Hi Loki, I missed you," the text reads.
"Hi love," you type back. "I missed you too. How was work?" you ask, knowing it was a little after six there.
There is a pause for a few minutes then you get another message that simply says, "I'm here."
"Y/N, where are you?" you ask, standing up slowly, putting your book on your chair.
A picture loads and you nearly drop your phone. Its a selfie of Y/N smiling as they stand in front of a large steel and glass building. You recognize it immediately, it's Stark Tower.
You make your way down to street level as quickly as possible and see Y/N waiting for you just outside the doors. You throw your arms around them and hug them tightly, lifting them off the ground. Y/N giggles and you set them back down, still holding them. They reach up and touch your face softly then guide your lips to theirs.
"What... what are you doing here?" you ask, you are confused by you can't stop smiling.
"I didn’t want to say anything because I didn't think it would work out but... I applied for a job here a week or so before you came to visit," they point towards the tower. "And they called me a couple of days ago."
You can barely believe what you are hearing, "You... you're going to work here? And live in New York?" you ask in shock.
They smile and nod then say, "I haven't actually had time to look for a place yet-"
"Move in with me," you say without even thinking.
Y/N reaches up and kisses you, their hand on the back of your neck, your hands still firmly around their waist. "I would love to," they answer.
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An Unambiguous Love [9/10]: Trial Runs
1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10 ::
alternate AO3 link
Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson x f!Reader
Summary: Your favourite customers really make it easier returning to the town you never went to school in. If only your friends at work would stop trying to play matchmaker between you.
Chapter 9 word count: 3751
A/N: Sorry this is a little later than usual, I got home from work and started watching Spree and got distracted by how I am so sure I could fix Kurt Kunkle, but you're not here to hear about my poor taste in men lol.
You really don’t feel too good over the next few days. You take the Sunday off sick, and the Monday. Tuesday is your day off anyway, and in the late afternoon, your brother shouts to you that you have a visitor, though he doesn’t name them. You think that strange of him, since he’s met all your friends by now, he knows all of them by name. You make your way downstairs and see Tiffany at your door, looking worse for wear than you feel. You recognise the pale green complexion, though, and crane your neck around to see Eddie sitting in his van, reading a book. Tiffany pipes up, “I found him and asked him to bring me here after school. I hope that’s okay.”
“You wanna come and sit down after the drive?” you ask with a smirk, and she nods with wide eyes. With a soft chuckle, you let her in and close the door behind her. You get her some water and guide her to the couch.
"So how are you holding up?" she asks.
You blow out a harsh breath. "I don't know. I hate taking time off work, I'm hoping this all clears up by tonight so I can come in tomor-"
"Don't you dare even, Jesse's already taking over that one for you, too, so you can be back at 100%."
You scoffs, "He barely likes doing his own shifts, let alone covering for me! Why would he do that?"
She shrugs. "Knowing him growing up, the only thing I could say is that he'll want to use it as leverage, maybe he plans to "call sick" himself once you're better? I dunno. So what happened? Steve came in to see you on Sunday and he seemed real concerned about you."
You hold your head in your hands. "Tiff, I really don't need your whole spiel about how Steve and I are star-crossed lovers or whatever, alright? I'm sorry, I'm just really not in the mood to entertain it right now."
She frowns, "I'm being serious, Y/N. He's been in, that Eddie guy's been. Those other freshmen that are always in the store even came and found me in the cafeteria today to ask about you." A warm smile spreads along your face. "So, are you going to tell me what's up?"
"What do you already know?" You ask.
"I know you went out to the movies with those two boys, and then you saw your other friends, and then you've been ill ever since," she explains slowly.
You nod, "Well, the truth is… I got overwhelmed, because I think I was supposed to have been set up on a date." Tiffany chokes on her water. "But I couldn't think of how, or why, or even who it was that wanted it, I mean… Like, yeah, we've all always been close as friends, but if I'd have known that I was accidentally leading one of them on - or both of them - I wouldn't have been that way so much with both of them… But it's so weird, it's not like I do that with all new friends, I've never been compelled to invite Ralph over to cuddle and watch movies with like I have the other two." You hold your head in your hands again. "Now I don't know if they expected more of me, or maybe they thought they had to go along with these things even if they didn't want -"
"Let me stop you there, just… Breathe a second," Tiffany strokes your shoulder. "They certainly care about you. It's obvious even now, when you're not around. I don't think they'd be like that if they felt any ill will towards you." Tiffany herself takes a deep breath in. "In all honesty, I don't think even I could tell you which one is into you, really. Maybe you should just… Ask each one on an actual, real date?"
"I don't want to ruin what we have, if they like it like that, too." You throw yourself back onto the couch, head leaning up to stare at the ceiling. "Oh god, what have I done?!"
"Don't frame it as a date, then. Just… Hang out with them, one-on-one. Invite them somewhere," Tiffany suggests.
You gently put a hand to her face. "How are you wiser than me, when you're years younger?"
She shrugs. "It's a blessing and a curse, honestly." You both laugh and she starts to say her goodbyes.
As she reaches the door, you say, "Hey, uh… Tell Eddie I miss him, will you? And I give you full permission to tell Steve whenever you want to, as well. As long as there's no more matchmaking. I've got to take that on now," you nod, and Tiffany does back, too.
"Of course I will," she agrees with a smile, hugging you in the doorway. You watch her climb back into Eddie's van, and catch his eye briefly. He looks at you with his classic soft smile, but his eyes are sad. It changes his whole face. You smile back and wave at him. He flutters his fingers back at you before reversing out.
You go to your room and open up your journal. You split a double page spread into four: two rows labelled with each boys' name, and two columns labelled "pros" and "cons". The only issue is… There are no cons. There are no downsides to either one of your best friends. That's why you've been able to become so close to them so quickly.
Giving yourself some more time to take care of yourself, the next day you call up Eddie first. It's only fair, he's seen you in person the most recently, he deserves an explanation.
He still sounds so enthusiastic on the phone. "How are you? Are you better now? It's so nice to hear your voice again."
"I'm… Fine, Eds, thank you. Just a quick one, I know you've got Hellfi-"
"If you need to, I can postpone -"
"No, that's very sweet of you, but this'll only take a second. Would you like to get dinner tomorrow? I'm only working early, and there's that Italian place downtown that I swear does pizza that's actually made to taste like how I thought that takeaway one was, but I can't get a whole one for myself, and… It'd be nice to catch up, just us two. What do you say?"
"Ooh, dinner at a fancy restaurant? Sounds like a date," he teases.
"Call it what you want, Munson, are you in?"
You can hear the grin on his face. "Hell yeah. Call me when you're home from work and we'll go from there, okay?"
The whole morning of the next day, you'd been trying desperately to plan this all out perfectly. You're only working the opening shift, so you can go home, get ready, and meet Eddie at your favourite proper restaurant, for a proper dinner. You'd had everything down to the letter.
And then Jesse just had to call off his closing shift. And you took that as a sign that this was how you're supposed to "repay" his kindness. You'd really rather not, but between Jesse and Eddie, you decide Eddie would be far more accommodating to the idea of rescheduling. You phone him up, having his and Steve's numbers memorised by now, and explain your situation. He understands, naturally, though the disappointment is clear in his tone. He tells you he'll figure something out, and to enjoy the rest of your shift.
Later on, disgruntled by the fact you're still working, though glad it's almost over, you're so busy with your usual closing routine that the doorbell ringing throws you off. You manage to get out a, "Sorry, we're closed!" but not before letting out a small squeal of surprise.
"Well, that sound was mighty delicious," you don't even have to turn around to know from the tone of his drawl that Eddie has the widest smirk on his face. Sure enough, his head is cocked as though he's admiring you, sucking his half-smiling bottom lip in and out between his teeth. If you give yourself more than a split second to admire it, you'd be lost for words.
"Point still stands, Munson. Can't serve you. Sorry," you shrug, mirroring his head tilt.
"Really? You won't do me one solid as compensation for standing me up?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.
"I did not!" You throw your cleaning rag at him, which he manages to dodge with a cackle. "Blame Jesse the jerk for calling off at the last minute."
Eddie pulls a face. "Ugh. Yeah. Don't love that guy. Buuuut I am feeling a little buffered now, getting all excited for a dinner that never happened. Especially since I got all dolled up," you hadn't even realised, since its all sleek black, but he's ditched the denim, kept the leather jacket, and is wearing a button-down shirt that is far too flattering to look at without gawping, especially when the top few buttons are undone just enough for his tattoos to peek through. When you manage to catch his eye, he smirks, "You got anything to help with that?" Eddie-the-date seems to be emulating Steve's usual cockiness when he's around other girls, but you try and put that thought out of your head. No thinking about Steve. This is Just Eddie.
You quirk an eyebrow to try and match his energy. "Got anything in mind?"
Eddie's cocky half-smile breaks out into a full beam. "Yeah, I got somethin'. How's about an apology kiss?"
Your brain freezes for a moment. You, Eddie and Steve all have your flirtatious banter, sure, and what happens at parties, well, it's always stayed at parties. And here Eddie is offering it up as if it's normal for all of you.
Trying to remain cool and collected, your eyes scan your surroundings until you see the jars of assorted dice, sorted by shape, that sit on this particular counter. You grab a d20, press it into Eddie's hand, hold his fingers to wrap around it and grin back, "Roll for persuasion." You have no idea how you've managed to make that so smooth, but you've done it. Though only for a split second, you have successfully rendered Edward Munson speechless.
"Alright, alright, what's the difficulty?" he eventually asks, shaking it around in his fist.
You suck in a breath through your teeth. You don't want to look desperate here, just in case. You eventually settle for, "20. Flat roll."
Eddie kisses his teeth. "Alright, fair enough, let's go." He flicks it onto the table, and…
"Ah, 16. Too bad," you scrunch your face up jokingly and lean back to start heading over to pick up your cleaning rag, but Eddie gently places a finger underneath your chin.
"You're forgetting something, sweetheart," his voice is lower, softer, yet more gruff. You narrow your eyes in questioning and he starts to pull you over the counter, closer to him. "That's just on the die," he tiptoes to lean right over to close the gap between you two, whispering so close to your mouth that his warm breath tickles your lips, "I got a plus 5 proficiency." Eddie kisses you in a way that is both brand new and yet every way he kisses into one. The tenderness of his usual, affectionately-high kisses, mixed with the fervorous intent of his passionately-drunk kisses. It's soft in nature, yet strong in practice. It lasts for one long peck, followed immediately by a short one, then a shared look of genuine elation between you. "Did that hit, by chance?"
Feeling the rush, you ask, "Wanna try your luck again?"
Eddie cocks his head in that way that makes you Feel Things again. "What do I get out of a natural 20?" He asks as he blindly feels for and picks up the die again.
Trying to test entirely what the vibe may be including a certain other someone, you tell him, "For that, let's throw in Harrington, too."
"Hot damn!" Eddie sings as he fully slings the die across the counter.
You tut and shake your head. "Your plus five doesn't help you on a ten, does it?
Eddie taps his chin in thought, closing one eye as he focuses. "Trying to think of what spells and abilities get me back up there again…"
You giggle, "If you can think of any that get you back to 20 off the top of your head, I'll get Steve myself."
Eddie's teeth practically go through his lip as he bites it in contemplation. Finally too weak to combat your urges, you let your mind wander. To you biting his lip for him. Just taking it between your own teeth and pulling it right out until it slips back out again. The sounds he'd make from that, the desperation to get back to it. Daydream!Eddie just can't get enough, going back to kiss you and gently nibble on your lip so you take the hint about what he wants from you. Daydream!Eddie's hands are on your ass cheeks, gripping and releasing with every bite.
But it's not just you two in this scenario. Daydream!Steve is stood directly behind you, head bent to kiss and bite your neck. His hands squeeze your hips as they pull you back flush against his chest before sliding up to possessively grab at your breasts. Both pretend boys are absolutely all over you, and within that universe, you are entirely content.
Real Life Eddie takes you out of that by drumming on the counter as he continues to think, getting himself more and more frustrated before growling. "Why is my mind so blank now?!" He doesn't seem to have noticed your transfixed-on-nothing eyes, or burning hot cheeks.
Wishing you had the same issue, you try to hide your blushing face by keeping your head down and looking for your rag once again. "Sorry, Munson. Rules is rules."
He tuts and gently punches the counter. "Rules is rules, and that's final. Yeah. Can't argue with that."
"Do you at least feel somewhat… Compensated for missing out on dinner?"
Eddie smiles softly. "It's not a transaction really, but let's say sure. You gonna be okay getting home tonight?" He starts fidgeting with his shirt in a somewhat awkward manner.
You chuckle and nod. "I'll be fine, you go put some Eddie clothes back on. Sorry again -"
Eddie cuts you off, but not before a brief moment to check you out as you bend over, completely unnoticed by you. "No apology necessary. Maybe we'll just reschedule. Or maybe that'll just jinx us again?"
Once stood back up, you shrug, "Who knows. Night, Munson." You decide to give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek, and he turns on his heel before you can notice it turning just as red as yours.
"Goodnight. Get home safe," he waves over his shoulder before heading back out.
Once everything is done but the locking of the door, all the evening's events hit you at once, so hard that you end up just sitting on the floor between the comic aisles. You and Eddie kissed. Sober. You didn't expect to be doing that with these dates. Is he going to expect more, now? What about Steve? Should he know? Would he have any opinion of it? Everything between the three of you has been mutual and friendly, would it be better if he got to kiss you, too? But it wouldn't be fair if one was more natural and the other one "only" happened to balance things out. But what if Steve doesn't want to kiss you while he's sober?
You hold your head in your hands and try to clear your thoughts. You're able to eventually come to the conclusion that you're simply overthinking everything. You decide to just put all those thoughts away, dump them into your journal later, then slam that thing shut and instead focus on how you’re going to ask Steve out now.
You can’t really go on a real date with Steve, since you didn’t technically go on one with Eddie. But, the next day, knowing you’re both closing, you decide to end things a little early and surprise Steve with a visit. As soon as he sees you, he rushes over and pulls you in for a tight, lingering hug. Much like how Eddie had been acting like Steve the day before, this certainly feels like more of an Eddie reaction to you. You squeeze him back, hoping to squeeze out any other comparison to Eddie when tonight is about Steve. “How are you, now?” Steve asks.
“Better,” you nod with a weak smile. “Uh, hey, I know it’s late and all, but did you wanna just… I dunno, drive around? Go hang out some place? Just us two?”
“Yeah, sure! You want me to drive? I can take you to my favourite spot,” he suggests, and you nod.
He spends most of the drive catching you up on all the things the kids have been up to and talking about while you’ve been away from it all. Apparently, you’ve really got Jane into the world of comics, which Mike wants to someday thank you for in person.
You vaguely recognise the area around the lake he’s driving towards. You’ve seen the lake on your map. The one shaped like a heart. If you think about its name too long, you’ll start getting nervous about Steve’s intentions and panic. But, isn’t this whole evening all about finding out Steve’s intentions? Maybe he’s picked Lovers’ Lake on purpose.
He leads you to where some large rocks converge onto a soft patch of grass, but instead of sitting at either of those spaces, like you do as you perch on a rock, he instead starts patrolling the area while staring at the ground. “You good?” you ask with a laugh.
“Who, me? Just swell. Hey, uh, you ever skimmed stones before? It’s like, my favourite thing to do here. But I think I’ve used up all the good ones,” he pulls a face.
Rolling your eyes, you hop off the rock you’d just sat on. “No way you’ve used up every good one. Maybe you’re just looking for the easy ones.”
Steve gasps dramatically, “Are you questioning how good I am?!”
“As someone who’s never done it before, absolutely,” you giggle, finally finding one that looks like it’s got a relatively smooth surface.
“Alright then, let’s see what you’ve got,” Steve’s stance is cocky, his head tipped to one side as he looks you up and down with a smirk. It flusters you for a second before you regain your composure. You flick your wrist as you throw the stone, and it bounces once off of the surface of the water before ultimately sinking beneath it. You raise your arms in celebration and cheer, and Steve chuckles at you. "Wow, never before have I seen such excitement over such a feeble attempt."
You cross your arms, "Like you could do any better!"
"Watch and learn, babe," he smirks, picking another one up and throwing it out at the water. It bounces twice, awkwardly, before tumbling into the water.
You raise your eyebrows, “And that was supposed to be better than my attempt?”
“Sorry, isn’t - isn’t two more than one?” Steve presses a finger to his lip and looks up, laughing as you shove him away.
“Yeah, but at least mine was all smooth! Yours was, like…” You wave your hands up and down alternately. He mimics you mockingly, so you exaggerate your movements further still until you both start hitting each others’ hands, eventually collapsing into each other with laughter.
“Look, why don’t I show you how it’s done?” Steve picks out another stone and presses it into your hand. He moves behind you, gently kicking at your feet to guide them before cradling his body around yours, one hand on your hip and the other wrapped around the hand holding the stone. “Now,” his voice is low and soft in your ear, “a lot of people say it’s all in the wrist, but you’ve gotta angle yourself right, too, right?” You nod, swallowing hard. “So just get a feel for things, like this.” Using your hip and your hand as leverage, Steve starts guiding you to swivel at the hips, from side to side. His hand squeezes your hip just a little, and your breath hitches as you take a deep breath in. You feel Steve breathe out against your neck, his breath hitching, too.
He wriggles the fingers of the hand holding yours until he’s gotten you to drop the stone entirely, before guiding you round to face him. He slips his hands into yours and leans down to kiss you sweetly. Soft, lingering pecks, one after another after another. Usually, Steve smiles into his kisses, and you can feel it, but this time it feels more… Intense.
Your mind wanders again, to Steve kissing down to your neck, his hand reaching up into your hair as he backs you against the larger rock you’d been perched on earlier. Eddie’s here now, too, kissing your mouth with open lips and hands that inch further and further down your body. Daydream!Steve pulls you back to kiss you fully, as daydream!Eddie seems to sink lower and lowe-
You pull yourself out of the very real kiss still happening between you and Steve with a sharp intake of breath. He shuffles his weight between his feet and drops your hands. "We, uh, should get you back to your car again soon, right? Is everyone home tonight or is it just you and… Marvin?"
"Look at you, on first name terms!" You playfully bat his arm as you both start walking back to his car.
"Shut up," he laughs bashfully.
The ride back is quieter than the one there, but it's not awkward. Not until you've given Steve a goodbye kiss on the cheek just like you did with Eddie, and then you've gotten into your car and made it safely out of the lot. Only once you're alone with your thoughts do you realise how screwed you really are.
Both "dates" were equally amazing, in their own rights. But your wandering thoughts ultimately kept bringing you back to the same wish: you couldn't help but want the other person there, too.
number 39 or 93 (or both) with you know exactly whom. (mingles)
Mingi + never gonna give you up
fluff; friends to lovers
— Ah, this was fun! — you told Mingi once you left the restaurant after bidding goodbye to the couple you are friends with.
— I liked being your boyfriend for one night too.
You looked up at him with confusion, propping your chin on his arm, that you were holding.
— Well, fake boyfriend.
— I meant I liked the dinner.
Two of your friends in common, who were married to each other, had invited you and Mingi for dinner at a fancy restaurant that was giving discounts for couples. Neither you nor Mingi had a partner, so why couldn't you fake it to get the discount? It was your friend's suggestion and it was brilliant.
You knew Mingi for your whole life, he was the best, loveliest guy you knew, so you wouldn't have a problem with holding his arm as you entered the restaurant.
While walking to his car, Mingi cleared his throat and spoke out:
— You see, we've known each other for decades-
— No more than two — you interrupted.
— ...and I think we click very well.
— We... click? We're best friends since our mothers' uterus and you think we click?
He rolled his eyes and laughed, knowing how much of an euphemism that sentence was.
— Okay, anyway — Mingi breathed deeply. — What if we were a real couple?
You freezed on the spot, holding Mingi back with you, your eyes stayed wide, your heart was beating crazily inside your ribcage, it almost hurt. Mingi was still beside you, waiting for your answer, that never seemed to come. It felt like the time and world around you had stopped.
Except it didn't, because a harsh blow of cool wind hit you, making you shiver and embrace your torso with your arms. The man immediately took off his blazer and put it on your shoulders.
— I told you to bring a jacket, but you never listen to-
— Mingi, are you serious?
— About us being a real couple. Did you mean it like "let's date"?
— Is there any other way to mean it?
You shrugged your shoulders and gripped his blazer, letting his scent involve you. Having somewhat of an answer, he kept going:
— I just thought it was time to tell you how I'm feeling, how I always felt for you. And I know- I hope you feel the same way.
— Do you… like me since always?
— Pretty much, yeah. Remember when you broke up with your ex and he apologized for you two days later? — You nodded. — I made him do that. It hurt me so much to see you falling for a guy that didn't want anything serious with you, while I was ready to give you the world.
— Mingi… — you whispered, not knowing what to say next.
— I love you. And if you reject me now, I'll understand, but I'll never gonna give you up. If you want to be friends? Alright, that will hurt like hell, but I still would treat you like the most precious thing of my life. I want to be the man that will give you the relationship you have always wanted. So, please, say you understand me.
Your smile lit up his heart.
— I'd love to be a real couple with you, Mingi. I accept you and your heart.
send me a number between 1-100 and an idol (atz or svt) and I'll write you a scenario based on the songs of my old but gold playlist <3
wanted to post this earlier but Then I Didn't - it's the semi-traditional pre-flight 150 words meme!!! send me up to three numbers and I'll write 150 words in that project, etc. etc. if you're wondering what something is you can check my wip masterpost which I think is completely up to date.
go forth and tell me what to write on my transatlantic flight during the hopefully fairly short period of time when I'm not sleeping!
1. Kinn came a little closer, his arms uncrossing. “I just wanted to find out if you’d done anything useful tonight, or if you’ve just been spending it fucking the help.”
Vegas’s temper tugged at the leash he had on it. “No,” he said, giving Kinn a brilliant smile. “I was just getting started on that.”
Kinn made an irritated noise. “If you can’t keep it in your pants–”
“I should keep it in the house?” Vegas said. “I’ve always wondered if you hire them based on how fuckable you find them or if that’s just a coincidence.” (no tenderness)
2. “I was supposed to meet somebody here, but it seems like they ditched,” Xue Yang lied. “Which means I’ve got an open tab and a free evening and nobody to take advantage.”
A little more eyebrow furrowing, but then his expression cleared. “Oh!” he said, sounding a little startled. “Is that…so?”
“Uh huh,” Xue Yang said. “The incredible gift of my presence just going to waste. Shame, right?”
Prettyboy laughed. Actually laughed, loud, like that was the funniest thing he’d heard all day, and Xue Yang felt his smile tick a little wider, pleased. Then he dropped a stunner of a smile on Xue Yang’s head that he just stared at, briefly derailed.
“I’m sure it is,” he said. “So you’re telling me it would be my civic duty to make sure it doesn’t?”
“I don’t know if I’d say civic,” Xue Yang said. “Moral, maybe.”
That got another laugh. Definitely stupid. Or trying to flatter him, but that wasn’t the vibe Xue Yang was getting off this guy. “Well, when you put it like that,” he said. “I’m Xiao Xingchen.” (spin me right round)
3. Vegas had figured out that Pete had a smile he used to hide. He’d identified what it looked like. Now he was wondering if there was more than one.
He watched Pete closely over the next couple of days, but he was acting perfectly normal. He seemed in relatively good spirits and as far as Vegas could tell there was nothing different about the way he was treating him. Then again, maybe that just meant that it’d been there all along and he’d just been deluding himself for months without noticing that something was wrong.
Or maybe Pete really didn’t remember. Maybe he’d sectioned that time off so well that it only came out when he was sleeping, gone again in the morning. His brain protecting itself, or something. That possibility was a relief for about 24 hours before Vegas realized that it wasn’t actually any better except in the shallowest possible sense. (walking shadows)
4. Xue Yang gave Jin Guangyao an incredulous look. “So people start coughing up flower petals because somebody doesn’t like them back? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Or, okay, not ever, but it’s pretty stupid.”
Jin Guangyao’s lips twitched a little, not quite giving way to a smile. “You do have a unique perspective, Chengmei. Many people think it’s romantic.”
“Considering most people are stupid,” Xue Yang scoffed, “that makes sense.” He twitched his shoulders. “I’d like to see that, though. So what happens? Do people actually die from it like in,” he gestured, “the play?”
“Sometimes,” Jin Guangyao said, and then corrected, “often, or so I’ve read. I’ve never encountered a case personally, only records. It’s not clear if there is a cure. Some have said that there is in gaining the love of the object of the victim’s desire. Others say there’s no arresting the progress of the disease, only an inevitable and…apparently gruesome death. I don’t know the truth.”
“Huh,” Xue Yang said. “Why don’t people just…stop?”
Jin Guangyao raised his eyebrows. “Stop?”
“Yeah,” Xue Yang said. “Stop caring. Just say fuck it, I’m not dying for this.”
Jin Guangyao’s eyebrows crept higher. “Are you proposing that someone will themselves out of love?”
“Why not?” (xuexiao hanahaki au)
5. Song Lan turned around and began to make his way back to the city he’d hoped to leave behind forever. He didn’t let himself pass through populated areas; he didn’t know what Xue Yang’s ghost might be capable of, and if he seemed to be focused Song Lan there was no guarantee that he couldn’t harm others. Doubtless he would, given the opportunity.
It seemed that whatever had been keeping Xue Yang from manifesting before, there was no such barrier now. Sometimes he was there during the day, a second shadow attached to Song Lan’s heels; sometimes there was no sign of him until nightfall, when he would sit with dark eyes fixed on him, chin propped on his hand, startlingly lifelike. He looked younger than he had when he’d died, though it took Song Lan a little while to realize why. (the poison in your bones)
6. “Back to the wandering cultivator seeking justice and righting wrongs,” Xue Yang said, sarcasm thick in his voice. “Helping the common people.”
As Xingchen and I did before, Song Lan said, and while he managed to catch himself before he said the you, he didn’t really need to, and the way Xue Yang’s shoulders twitched suggested he heard it anyway. And there he’d done it again.
Was it his fault, that the simple truth could cut this snake? If he could not accept it–
You aren’t saying it because it is the truth. The thought, somehow, sounded like Xingchen. Speaking the truth to hurt is still speaking to hurt. And you wanted to hurt him.
And using Xingchen – using his bond with Xingchen – to do so.
Song Lan sighed. (Walking Far From Home)
7. It would’ve been nice if he could find someone to ask for tips on how to tell Vegas that he really wanted him to stop treating Pete like he was some kind of normal human being who didn’t want to get fucked up by his boyfriend/owner. He wasn’t going to ask Yok and he definitely wasn’t going to ask Porsche. Even if he could’ve managed to get any of the words out without dropping dead, whenever Porsche and Vegas were in the same room for very long they still started eyeing each other like strange cats. Pete couldn’t be sure he’d understand. (begging to bleed)
8. “Oh, okay,” a-Qing said. “That doesn’t sound creepy and suspect at all. I don’t just mean your boyfriend, either, that sounds like the start of some kind of horror movie.”
Xiao Xingchen winced, a chill running down his spine. “Don’t say that,” he said plaintively.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” a-Qing said.
Hadn’t he thought…not exactly the same thing, but sort of? Xiao Xingchen didn’t say anything. A-Qing narrowed her eyes in his direction.
“Aw, Xingchen, don’t be worried about him,” she said. “I bet your boyfriend can murder his way out of some kind of most dangerous game bullshit, no problem.” Xiao Xingchen gave her a tired look, and she said, “no, seriously. And that’s assuming this story isn’t some cover for his real job as a contract killer.”
“As a what?”
“Do you think I could hire your boyfriend to take a hit on my parents?” a-Qing said, like she hadn’t heard him.
“He’s not an assassin, a-Qing!” Xiao Xingchen exclaimed. She smirked at him, even if it was a little weaker than it usually would be.
“You don’t think,” she said. “It’s not like he’d just tell you. Can’t hurt to ask. Maybe there’s a friends and family discount.” (Redux)
9. “Okay,” Xue Yang said, breezing into her cell early one morning while she was half-undressed for her bath, “so I think you were right.”
She didn’t squawk, or scramble for her clothes. She turned her back, put on the single layer she’d removed, and said, “I’d appreciate it if you gave me a moment’s notice before coming in,” as calmly as she could manage.
“Sure, whatever,” Xue Yang said, apparently taking no notice whatsoever of her state of undress. “Point is, I tried stitching one corpse’s hand onto another corpse’s arm, and it worked. Sort of. I mean, it didn’t try to rip itself off or anything. So whatever the issue is, it’s something about living qi specifically.” He paused, frowning, and said, “I guess to really see I should try with something more than a hand. A head, or something. If I switched two heads around…”
“Slow down,” Wen Qing said, interrupting him. “What are you talking about?”
Xue Yang gave her a look like it should be obvious. “I’m talking about what we were talking about the other day,” he said. “Or - whenever it was. About why you can’t just swap body parts between people without them dying. Remember?” (fall apart, destroy, release)
10. “So what’s your bright idea, Song-daozhang,” he said. “If you’re not gonna kill me yourselves–”
“We’ll go to the Nie,” Song Lan said over him. “A strong sect, and Chifeng-zun is reputed to be a righteous man.” Xue Yang scoffed, but neither of them paid him any mind. Xiao Xingchen didn’t look completely convinced, but he was nodding slowly.
“Did you not hear anything I just said?” Xue Yang snapped. “That’s not going to solve your problem and you’re still stuck with a prisoner slowing you down and I’m not going to make it easy–”
“I can’t imagine you make anything easy,” Song Lan said under his breath. Xue Yang snarled at him.
“Shut the fuck up,” he said. “You’re both so fucking–”
Xue Yang really hoped the arrow through Song Lan’s shoulder taught the two daoshi a lesson about leaving people alive to follow you later. Probably not, though. (strangers once united)
11. “What did I do?” he asked.
“Do?” his friend said. He sounded distracted.
“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen said slowly. “I did…something.”
“You’ve done a lot of things,” his friend said. “Bit of a long list. Could you narrow it down for me?”
Xiao Xingchen groped after understanding. His head hurt so badly and kept spinning and he was so confused, knowing things were missing but not knowing what he knew was missing. “I don’t know,” he said, distressed. “I…something wrong. Something…bad?”
There was a brief, terrifying pause and then a laugh that sounded genuinely amused. “What? You, Daozhang?”
Xiao Xingchen could feel his face warming but he shook his head. “It was something important,” he said. “That I should have…or shouldn’t have…but I can’t remember. Did I…” He took a careful breath and said, “did I hurt you, friend?”
“Pff,” his friend said. “No. Don’t be stupid. Come on. You won’t let me kill spiders in the house.” A flash of memory at that image, legs tickling his palm and he could feel someone’s amusement even though no one was laughing. It must be his friend. But it seemed like someone else.
He didn’t know who. (xiao xingchen + concussion)
12. “Jiujiu,” Jin Ling said, frowning. Jiang Cheng fixed him with a frown.
“That’s enough,” he said firmly. “Did you have something you wanted to discuss or did you just come here to read my mail?”
Jin Ling, to Jiang Cheng’s relief and slight surprise, dropped the subject, though Jiang Cheng had no doubt he wouldn’t forget it. And maybe say something to Wei Wuxian himself, since they’d gotten so close.
Which was, Jiang Cheng reminded himself, not a bad thing. Was a net positive, really. And it would be very, very silly to be envious of his own nephew.Enough was enough, though. Whether this letter writer was just posturing or thought he could actually do something, it was time to put a stop to this nonsense. (through thistles and thorns)
13. It wasn’t like Sha Hualing hadn’t done this before. It wasn’t her first time with this shit, or her second, or even her tenth.
There’d been a period of time when she’d first been blossoming into her full strength that it’d seemed like she couldn’t go two days without someone trying to hit her with one thing or another – Tender Violet pollen, the crushed leaves of Lover’s Embrace, the intoxicating scent of Thousand-Night Peach Blossom – and she’d dealt with all of them. Any demon that wanted to try to either claim her position or her heart was going to have to do better than pathetic attempts at humiliating her, forcing her to show weakness, or even just cornering her into fucking them. So alongside caution and care she’d learned five hundred cures and remedies and techniques to mitigate a hundred different possible poisons.
She knew what she was doing.
Even she made mistakes, sometimes. Slipped up. Got – not careless, she was never careless, but confident enough to miss something she shouldn’t have.
She hadn’t done anything quite this stupid in a while, though. (under pressure)
So I really wanted to ask you (and now I’m finally caught up on TNA 3 chapters 🙈)
But what do you think is Addis goal? And Sam do you think he’s still in love with her?
I’m torn after the last chapter 🙈😬
(Because I’ve read some theories where I’m like mmmkay)
OMG yes, let's get into this!
Oh boy, apologies in advance. This answer really got away from me.
(if you aren't up to date with TNA, there are spoilers below)
So before I officially answer your question, I'm going to tell you the theory I've had since the end of book 2.
My initial theory was that she was bribed or blackmailed by Paolo to disappear, thus freeing up Sam to marry Sofia and secure the merger. Now that he is dead, she is able to come out of hiding without repercussion.
Since we've dug into the book though, and seeing/hearing more, I still believe Paolo was involved (it just seems way too weird that he died, and that was the end of it, unless that's how they bypassed his misogyny and get Sofia in the competition and eventually running the company). However, now I think that Mason was involved in it as well.
The timing of her showing up at the party, immediately after Sam steps down from the company and proposes to MC seems too suspicious for me. Mason had to have called her and told her to get her ass down to that ballroom. Why? Oh don't worry, I have a reason for that too. I don't think that the Daltons loved Addison for Sam, they expected him to end up with Sofia. So they got with Paolo (or acted alone) and got rid of her to make room for the business engagement. Then MC comes through and fucks all of that up.
Addison was bad, but marrying the help, especially after the controversy surrounding it (remember in book 1, on the way to the country club, Sam mentioned that his parent hated all that gossip news after his and Sofia's engagement leaked), is far worse. So if Sam isn't going to be married to Sofia, they'd rather he be with the lesser of the two evils. At least this way, he's a family man, and it's a happy story of long lost love, and a family reunited.
That being said, I have no idea what her goal is. If it was simply to get her family back, like she says it is, she wouldn't be storming into engagement parties with wedding licenses and causing a big scene. She would handle things quietly and delicately behind the scenes.
Let's also remember that she is the one that brought the DNA test to the cabin. I don't know trustworthy that test actually is. And honestly, neither does MC, because Sam won't fucking talk to her about anything. That could just be a PB plot hole that will just never make sense, but it does open the door for this to potentially not be Addison.
And can we talk about the "emergency in Berlin"? That's a set up if I ever did hear one. If I recall correctly, Mason was naming a new CEO because he was retiring. If he's retired, what the fuck kind of emergency requires them to drop everything and run to Berlin? The wall came down in '89 dude, nothing's happening. Sam's being Parent Trap'd, but instead of the twins being the one doing it, it's his parents.
I just unloaded a bunch of nonsense just to tell you this, I have no idea what her end game is, but it's not good, and it's not just trying to get her family back.
Now, does Sam still love her? Absolutely, 100%. He can talk a big game, and he can take MC on these little dates, and fuck her all over town, but at the end of the day, Addison was his wife. You can go through your grieving, and have other relationships, but you don't just stop loving that person.
You know that saying "he doth protest too much"? Sam doth protesting a whole lot. And I think that that's him trying to reassure MC, but also to convince himself.
The problem is, Sam is an incredibly indecisive and emotionally unavailable individual. He is constantly trying to do what everyone expects of him, so he has lived his life ignoring his own opinions and decisions. His whole life, he was living for his father, and doing what was expected of him as a Dalton. Then he met MC, and decided he was going to start living for himself.
However, he doesn't know how to live for himself. He is again, doing what he thinks he's supposed to do, instead of what he wants to do. And he's so used to getting validation from his father, that MC has taken over that role for him. He needs her constant validation and approval. It's like with an addict, they say that when they quit their addiction, it gets replaced with another. He keeps reassuring her that he doesn't love Addison, and that they're still getting married, because that's the answer that he knows she wants to hear.
What I do know, is Jenny is an idiot for suggesting sending the two of them on a date together. And MC is a FUCKING idiot for thinking it's a good idea. Seriously? The person who literally just thought it was a good idea to fuck her married boyfriend in her best friend's office, during business hours, while he was in a meeting, you're going to trust her judgement right now?
If you're still here, congratulations! You listened to my crazy ramblings! Sorry I got so nuts, but I had a lot of pent up opinions and thoughts, I guess. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for asking, and for your patience in reading this!
...so.. I'm realizing that I was never sexually attracted to any of the men I've dated. I'm still not totally sure what romantic attraction would look like, when you break it away from sensual attraction- But I've realized I.. Might not be Ace?
I won't get into how or anything, but.. I feel like I'm back at square 1 again. Idk how to label myself.. Or how to decide whether I'm Allo actually, Or if I'm sapphic greyrose like I initially thought..
I'll be 22 this year, and I've only been sexually attracted to one person, and.. If I'm being honest I think she was the only person I loved in a non-platonic way? (Nothing wrong with platonic love ofc, this is just to give as much info as I can) And like, I'm into all sorts of fictional characters- Just not all sorts of real people. (And not like, sexually)
If.. Y'all could let me know what y'all think, it'd be appreciated, because I'm seriously at a loss here. Would it still be okay to call myself greyrose since the attraction is there, but extremely rare? Would a different aspec label be better? Does.. This imply I'm allo? I'm genderfluid, and use they/them pronouns.
My understanding of allos was they looked at people and got..excited, lets say. But I've never really..experienced that from the get go? So maybe DemiAroAce? The ex I'm referencing and I were friends for about 3 yrs prior to dating.
Please help, Aro & Ace community
I’d love “Five times Character A helped Character B up off the ground, plus one time B helped them up.” for Hotch and Jack.
Well...5.2k words later and we have whatever the hell this is! I love you for sending me this, but you might hate me for what I did with it. (No, I know you won't. I'm kidding.)
No ships. Just Hotch & Jack through the years (with Haley & Jess along the way). Lots of darkness, lots of light. Sweet and sour. lol
Warnings: Haley's death is mentioned, head injury, blood, grief...it's all mostly canon-compliant with 100, Route 66 & Mr. Scratch
(If anyone wants, I'm working through things very very slowly...like a damn turtle...but you can send me a 5+1 prompt if you want, I like that whole list. Please keep it to ships that I normally write for or request it as gen.)
Haley wants a shower. It's all she can think about. Her eyes are tired, it feels like real work to drag them open after she blinks but a shower will definitely fix that. It'll also fix the way her hair falls limp in her face every time she leans forward. She could really go for a wash and a blow dry. Soap feels like a luxury right now.
“Aaron?” She calls for him, and she smiles because he's home. He's actually home. Sure, he's working, but he's in his home office right down the hall and it makes her feel good. “Aaron can you come here please?”
“One minute!” His voice sounds light after a week off. Not really off, but not there, not in those walls, not staring at death. He's on light duty, just doing the grunt work so the team can focus on everything else. It was either that or he didn't take any time off at all...felt like an okay compromise. Earlier, while she prepared a bottle for Jack and threw out a dirty diaper, he rocked Jack and spoke to Gideon on the phone. Things were going well, better than she'd anticipated.
“I need a shower,” she announces the minute he walks into the open room. His eyes roam from her to Jack and back again before he cracks a smile and nods.
“I didn't want to say anything, but you are a little ripe...”
“Oh shut UP.” She extends her hand and he pulls her up, dipping her in a goofy attempt at clunky romance and kisses her. His eyes sparkle and she grins, but then he wrinkles his nose and says something about her needing to brush her teeth before letting her go down the hall. She flips him off as she walks out of the room.
He crouches, listens to the pop and click of his knees. They had only recently begun protesting. “Hey,” he says, staring at Jack curiously. Like he's an alien, something from another planet, and Jack kicks his chubby little legs. He can't help it, he pushes the tip of his finger into the little crease of his thigh, that magical place halfway between hip and knee that only babies seem to have. It's fleeting, like the soft spot on the top of his head that's perfect for kisses, perfect for breathing in that sweet baby smell.
Jack seems content, so he just crouches there and watches him. Those little eyes are blinking dreamy and slow around the room, taking it all in. He's only been here a week, he's so new, and everything is filled with some kind of filmy wonder. And truthfully, he's still a little wary. His big hands feel enormous and scary beside such a small little thing. He never wanted this, fatherhood, but he already can't imagine his life without it. That abrupt change frightens him.
Jack's legs start kicking furiously, he's rubbing his heels together as one knee straightens and then the other. The beginnings of a fit, tiny muscles tensing and relaxing. Soon his arms follow, and then his face scrunches up and he lets out the first wailing cry through his toothless little mouth. He snorts when he cries. It sounds more like an angry cat than a human and makes Hotch's stomach twist. He glances down the hallway and wonders how close Haley is to being done, knowing completely that this was on him.
He's not sure he's qualified for this. The fear settles into his belly.
With shaking hands, he reaches out, one on each side of his tiny little rib cage. He nudges his fingers under and begins to lift him before sliding one hand up behind Jack's head. Quickly, he's being raised to Hotch's chest and cradled there, still kicking his legs, still whimpering but the screams had ceased. Now he was staring up at Hotch's face, brow furrowed like a little mirror image of his father's thinking face, and Hotch smiles. It's not so scary now.
When Haley finishes, her entire countenance is brighter. She is smiling and her hair is fresh and the color of golden autumn straw. “Did he make a fuss?”
Hotch smiles, rocking Jack who is now sleeping against his forearm, one leg dangling over his wrist. His little toes twitch and Hotch bounces a little, just to keep him asleep. He makes it look easy. Haley knows otherwise, she can see the fading fear in his worn honey eyes. “Nothing I can't handle. Super dad to the rescue.” His words are flat but he's trying his best.
Haley's eyebrow quirks up and she can't help but smile. This isn't how she pictured any of it, but right now, somehow...it's better.
Hotch wonders what it was like to learn how to walk. He's watching Jack pull himself up on the couch, fat little legs unsteady but somehow so sure of himself. So much confidence. Each time he's up, he falls backward and lands with a bouncing little plop on his diaper. Padded falls. There is so much trust there. Jack will crane his neck backward to make sure Hotch is still there, eyes locking briefly, and then he's climbing again. It never seems to phase him when he falls on his butt again.
He never stops. Hotch shifts where he's sitting, stretches his legs out. His knees ache from sitting cross-legged too long. His feet are asleep.
And then it happens. Jack turns around to look at him, cracks this tiny little smile, and stands. But this time, his hands come free from their hold on the couch and he doesn't fall. His knees are locked and he's just...standing there. The way his eyes light up makes Hotch's heart come to a stop. He's afraid to move, he feels electric. One shift in the atmosphere might ruin it all so he doesn't even breathe.
Jack's toes twitch and scrunch up beneath him and he looks down, breaking the spell. Down he goes, thump, right on his butt. Hotch lets out the breath he was holding and waits for it. But there is no cry, he just sits there stunned at his accomplishment. Hotch finishes his coffee and rushes to work.
This becomes their morning routine. Every day, Haley showers and he sips his coffee on the floor with Jack. Just sitting there while it steams beside him, and Jack tries and fails over and over. He wonders if his mother remembers how long it took him to take a step.
He could ask her, but dredging up those memories feels like a minefield.
He was never as precocious as Jack, he knows that. His father had always called him slowpoke, like it was affectionate. “C'mere slowpoke,” he'd say with a smile, with a frown, all the time. For a while Hotch wondered if that wasn't his name. Slowpoke Hotchner, even his mother would say it. And he did, he walked slower, he did things slower. He was methodical and quiet, shy to a fault. He gave things more time and thought than anyone deemed necessary. He'd overheard his parents talking one night while he brushed his teeth, and his father said he might be “touched”...he didn't know what that meant but it sounded bad. When he asked his mother later what it meant, she only smiled her sad smile and said not to worry about it.
That made it worse. But the next time he heard it, he understood. “Is that boy touched in the head?!” It had come after he'd knocked a glass on the floor. He knew now to associate that with bad. Stupid. Slowpoke.
But Jack, he's not a slowpoke. He's careful. His eyes study the ground, the couch, his father behind him and now he stands. Days later, he just stands there swaying...and then his foot slides forward. Just one and it jerks his body enough that he falls, but his face...Hotch can't believe the exhilaration on his features.
“Haley!” he cries out, like something magical is about to happen and he can't imagine she's going to miss it. She rushes in, panting, her hair still half in curlers...and Jack crawls along the floor to his pacifier and grabs it, smushes it in his mouth, and lays down. His eyes are sleepy, he's done whatever he's going to do and that's it. Ready for his morning nap. It isn't a let down though, they can both feel it coming.
The next morning, they do it again. Only this time Jack's foot slides a little further and he looks...well he looks so thrilled, until his body careens to the side and he slams against the floor with his full force. He doesn't know enough to try and catch his fall and Hotch knows instinctively that Jack expected his hands to be there...but they weren't. They're both crushed in different ways, and when Jack screams, Hotch stretches his arms out and pulls the crying almost-toddler into his arms. He cradles him there, one large hand splayed against the back of Jack's head that has just made unfortunate contact with the floor, and he feels the hot sting of tears too. They're both crying. “I know buddy, I know. I'm so sorry...”
Jack takes his first steps when Hotch is on a case, halfway across the country. After all those mornings, he misses it.
Haley sends him a grainy little cell phone video, and he's absurdly happy in spite of missing those first real steps. He was there for the building. He doesn't show anyone at work because he can't imagine them caring that much, but he desperately wants to shout it from the rooftops.
“Mommy and I, we're going to do things a little different now.” That was what he said, because he didn't know what else to say. How does he look his child in the eye and say he's failed? Well, he has. And maybe that's what he's saying in his own cowardly way.
Jack doesn't cry. “You still love mommy?” he asks, and Hotch can't help nodding. He doesn't even think about it. What a silly question. He loves Haley to the ends of the earth, but he no longer serves a purpose in her life except to make it harder. “You still love me?”
“Always,” he says, his voice thick with tears. It's the first time he's cried over Haley leaving, over her filing for divorce. This was supposed to be forever, didn't she remember the vows? But, as Jessica would argue over coffee a week later, didn't he remember his vows? To love, honor and cherish...yeah he loved her, but what about the other parts? Things get lost along the way, he figures. There are no saints here, only sinners.
“It's okay daddy. Don't cry.”
In Jack's simplistic way, he puts a band-aid on the pain. Hotch has to go, his team is on a case and he needs to be there. They're waiting on him. But his son is sitting on the floor in a pile of legos and right outside the door Haley's listening to make sure he doesn't say anything untoward. Nothing to spin this, or her, in a negative light. She knows he won't, but she's hurting and she's wound up. He doesn't say a thing.
And yet she can't help but think about the man who used to compromise. The man who tried to give his entire self to her and their life when he had time, but now...now he doesn't make the time to even try. A shift happened and she knew without a doubt that it would get worse, and wasn't it better to cut and run while they still had a chance at making diamonds from the dust? She was doing this for all of them and she hoped that someday he would see that.
He bends over and lifts Jack into his arms, hugging him close. His back protests the weight of the child, he's getting so big and this is a dead lift. “Daddy has to go now,” he whispers. “I'll see you soon. Take care of mommy, okay?”
The house is quiet. It's eerie, there are so many people and yet...he can't hear any of them. Feet falling on once plush carpet, now trodden and blood stained. Shattered glass everywhere, in his hair, at his feet. Blurred faces, familiar but far away, he's in a world of his own. And then he wakes up and he knows that he's been dreaming again.
He's left only with loneliness and regret. His shoulders ache as he pulls his jacket on and he wonders why he's doing this at all. No one wants him there. He doesn't want him there.
But he shows up and he gives his speech and he honors her better in death than he did in life, of that he's certain now.
He visits her graveside, stares at the marker with her name written in block letters by someone who never met her in life. There will be a beautifully engraved headstone soon, but not yet. These things don't just happen overnight, and no one expects to make a marble headstone for a young woman in her prime.
The day it's placed, he takes off of work. Tells Dave he's got to take care of some things and right now everything is so fresh and they're worried enough about him that no one questions him. Derek is glad to take the reigns, attend budget meetings, do whatever he has to. Hotch folds peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in wax paper and shoves them into little paper lunch sacks with mandarin oranges and Capri Suns. Jack's favorite lunch.
They sit by her headstone with a bouquet of flowers handpicked by Jack and play a game of Go Fish. Jack is so little he doesn't really understand why they're eating lunch in the weird park with no playground, but he watches his father eating the sandwich curiously slow, like it's making him sick to put the food into his mouth. Truthfully, it is. He hasn't eaten a full meal in weeks. But he's got to start doing better for Jack, so he does.
One sticky bite at a time. Slowly, eyes barely focused on what he's doing, he pokes the straw into their Capri Suns and watches Jack slurp his happily.
It's apple juice. He likes all the flavors fine, but apple is his favorite.
“Daddy, can mommy hear us?”
The question catches him off guard and he clears his throat, setting down what's left of his sandwich. He thought he'd eaten a lot but really he's barely touched it. His stomach cramps. “I like to think so.”
“Can I talk to her by myself?”
Hotch closes his eyes and nods before pushing up to his feet. His knees protest angrily, he's still stiff and sore weeks after his battle with Foyet, and he offers Jack a small smile. “I'll take a little walk, okay buddy? You talk to mommy all you want.”
Jack beams, and Hotch walks away slowly. He keeps his eye on Jack who spreads the blanket on the little patch of marble beneath the headstone and lays himself down there. Curls up on his side like he would in his bed, and Hotch doesn't see any further movement. He wanders around the little path, watching the headstones wind around him like baby teeth speckling the field. Out of the corner of his eye he watches Jack, until finally he thinks it's been long enough and comes slowly back to their picnic.
Jack is asleep with his hand just beneath her name. He looks so peaceful.
Hotch sits and finishes his sandwich, just him and his tears, before he packs everything up and lifts Jack's sleeping body into his arms.
At home, they nap in his bed and they both sleep well into the evening. He doesn't dream of the house, of the glass, of her body. He doesn't dream at all, and for that he's grateful.
The hospital room was noisy at first. All day, people in and out. Penelope had stayed to visit with Jessica long past the time she was needed, and Hotch just slept through all of it. He had wanted to stay awake, it just wasn't possible. Tiny droplets on a glass pond, ripples in the bag and then a hissing sound before a dose would snake its way through the tubing and into his waiting vein. Over and over, time irrelevant except when the pain crept through and then he would watch and wait again. How many times he had no idea, but those last few minutes before another dose were his only lucid spells in his bone deep exhaustion.
They'd fixed him, but he didn't feel much better.
The team came through, trickled one by one after getting off the jet. First Derek who had been silently on edge the entire time and snapping at people a little more than necessary. He didn't stay long, just enough to see him lying there asleep. JJ and Spencer hung around for a few minutes in the hopes that he would wake, but they were exhausted so they wrote a silly little note for him on the whiteboard beside his current nurse's name and left. Dave stayed the longest, made himself a cup of waiting room coffee and visited with Jessica.
Jessica. The only constant. She'd come with Jack and hadn't left. She was just biding her time until she could load him in her little Subaru and drive him home.
While all of this happened, Jack sat curled up on the floor beneath the doctor's desk with a book. For the longest time, Hotch forgot he was even there. He forgot a lot of things.
“I'm starving,” Jess announced, seeing the weary look in Hotch's eyes. He'd woken midway through her conversation with Dave and now he was holding onto being awake so desperately for Dave's sake that he looked peaky and pinched. She couldn't let it continue, he needed to sleep. “Dave, would you like to have dinner with me? I hear the cafeteria is featuring Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes tonight. My treat.”
Dave isn't keen on anything she said, but he also knows what she's doing. He's being asked to leave in a way that Hotch won't argue with and he's more than a little impressed with her skillful mastery of his reactions. She presses a kiss to Hotch's clammy forehead and smiles.
He hums in response and after whispering a brief goodbye to Dave, his eyes drift shut. He's nearly engulfed in the black pool of dreams when he hears a faint rustling, like pages turning, and then a sniffle. It takes him a full minute to realize what it is, that Jess has left Jack in the room with him. He licks his dry lips and tries to speak but his mouth won't work, his vocal chords are a desert and the arid wind that blows through them carries no tune. He's out of breath after two attempts, his body failing him so completely.
And still, he doesn't know what possessed him, but he shifts in the bed and slides his legs over the edge. He's not supposed to get up, not on his own, but here he is planting his bare feet on the cold floor. One and then two, he wiggles his toes to life and focuses himself in order to push up and away from the bed. It takes more effort than he really has in order to achieve it, and for a moment he thinks he's going to fall but some deep reserve of strength (another page flipped) guides his feet into motion. One large hand splayed against his midsection, its gaping wound still fresh and barely stitched together (another page flipped), his other hand firmly against the bed, he makes his way toward Jack. Just a few steps, not even far enough to tangle his cords or bring up the alarms. (Another page flipped. This time it's more hesitant.)
“Jack?” His voice barely works, like a gentle breeze through reeds in the summer and Jack peeks up at his father from beneath the desk. He looks too sad, too grown, and Hotch tries to force a weary smile. Tries to conjure up the images of that newborn baby, that toddler just learning to walk, the days when Jack looked at him with wonder instead of fear and sadness. “Come out of there, please?”
Jack stares at him and shrugs before looking back down at his book. He's feigning disinterest, protecting himself. Hotch feels his chest constrict painfully and the heart monitor speeds up. “Jack?” He extends his hand to the boy who won't even look at him now. A large tear lands with a plop right on the page he's looking at, soaking in and spreading over the tiny black print. And then another. “Jack, please.”
Jack finally give in and takes his hand, and Hotch pulls him upright. It hurts his stomach and the instant pain makes the heart monitor jump again, but he pays it little mind because he's about to make it worse. Jack looks up at him and Hotch can't help it, he sees Haley there for a moment, when she was innocent, when she still looked at him like he could move mountains and all she wanted was to stand beside him while he did it. Back when he hadn't taken all of her joy and all of her wonder, before he made her choose between him and happiness. There was a time those two were synonymous, he was one with her happiness, and somewhere they separated. But for Jack, there was still that spark, faded as it were.
He pulls Jack against him, grunts when Jack hugs him a little too tight. He holds his breath and sees stars, splotches of white coursing over his vision but he doesn't ask Jack to stop. He would rather pass out than make Jack step back. “Dad,” Jack whispers. “Are you gonna die?”
Hotch can't find his breath. He's barely standing and is glad for Jessica's sudden intrusion. He doesn't want to hear that question, let alone answer it. “Aaron!” she exclaims, rushing toward the two of them standing there. “You aren't supposed to be up...god, you could have fallen...what were you thinking?”
The look on his face, the exhaustion in his eyes, Jack with his face buried in Hotch's belly tells her all she needs to know and she nods. They don't have to say it. “Come on, back to bed you. I brought you some juice.”
There is an air of some strange electricity in the apartment. He's been wandering between these walls for two days now, restless. Jack is at school, and then he does his homework at Jessica's house before coming home. Just to give Hotch some time to himself, maybe, he's not really sure. He's got a concussion, it's a bad one this time, but he suspects there's more to it. Some aftershock of Peter Lewis' cocktail that she knows about...Dave called her, he knows it. Keeping her in the loop. But she leaves Jack there overnight so she must not be too scared of him or what he can do.
He's harmless, though, he's fairly certain. Can barely hold his head up for longer than a few minutes at a time before the intense throbbing starts in his temples like a university marching band during the homecoming game. This concussion hurts worse than some in the past. Some of it, he thinks, must be because of the filmy memories that Peter Lewis put there...memories he would carry forever...memories of things that never happened. He dreams of Derek's blood on his cheek, and for ten minutes after he holds his phone with trembling hands wondering whether he should call or text.
Just to make sure.
But he clicks into his last texts from Derek and they're only from earlier that day. Derek checking up on him.
How do you feel?
Short and sweet, no follow up, and he knows part of it is Derek making sure that he knows what he saw wasn't real. It's not a fun game and he's just wishing for his moments of being lucid to turn into hours to turn into days and to forget these false memories entirely.
Jessica drops Jack off just after she feeds him dinner, and she brings Hotch a plate made just for him. Macaroni and cheese. Meatloaf. Green beans. Jessica cooks like her mom, like all the moms he grew up with. She's never stopped envisioning the food groups set out sectioned off on a plate. If all of them are eating together, she'll even butter a plate of bread for the middle of the table and serve everyone a glass of milk. She's a trip and he mocks her endlessly for it.
“I am going to watch you eat,” she threatens, unwrapping the wobbly plastic after heating the plate in the microwave. It's steaming and he realizes he hasn't eaten anything at all that day.
She leaves when she's convinced herself he means to eat. A few green beans, a bite of macaroni and she's satisfied that he's going to eat it. Sometimes she has too much faith in him. Then it's just he and Jack while he puts the plate into the fridge to eat later. He's just not hungry. He's not allowed to watch TV yet, or read books, nothing too taxing. Even those few seconds on his phone checking his texts are more than he's supposed to do until his doctor clears him, so he lays on the couch with his eyes closed beneath a cool wash cloth while Jack watches a show. It's not even tempting for him to try and watch.
They do fine until the apartment is quiet, until it's all dark. That's when the memories start to flicker to life like old black and white film. Everything is disjointed, he hears sounds and feels things that never happened and then Derek's blood is on his face warm and fresh. He wakes with a start and stifles the cry, pretends it didn't happen. He can't wake Jack.
He's thirsty. Slowly, he wills his aching body out of the bed and his legs decide to give out. Right there beside his bed like a toddler's first failed steps. His head spins dangerously and the earth is rocking beneath him. He came down hard on his knees and now they're throbbing in time with his head.
Some part of him thinks it's so bizarre that he questions whether he's still in the dream, whether this is real. The world feels on a delay, like he's watching things happen a moment before they actually do. He's living in the future and the past, his present is nothing but mist.
He's on the floor. He knows he's on the floor, but the room keeps changing. Shifting around him.
Blinking changes it every time.
He tries and fails to get up to his feet. There is darkness creeping toward him, threatening to swallow him, and he tries again to get up but his knees just won't do what they're told.
Footsteps, small and hesitant, creep down the hallway. A voice far away. He can't trust his senses. Hasn't been able to for days now but it's worse at night, worse after sleep.
He sucks in a breath and holds perfectly still. He's sitting beside his bed, his back to the mattress, facing the door. His knees are pulled to his chest like a child, fingers rubbing at the sore places he landed on absentmindedly, like it'll help. Like that's the problem. And there is Jack looking small but also somehow impossibly grown. “Dad are you okay?”
He mumbles something that he knows is incoherent and scares Jack because suddenly Jack's hand is slamming down on his cell phone and he's pressing a button. It's not 911, it's Jess.
“Aunt Jessica? Something's wrong with dad...”
He blinks owlishly up at Jack and tries to listen to the conversation, he keeps the volume on his phone up so loud as his hearing gets worse. Nothing breaks through the muffled chaos in his head though, but soon Jack is rushing out of the room and coming back with something shiny and silver in his hand. For a split second Hotch cowers, it's a gun his mind tells him it's a gun. Where would Jack get that? He panics, and then Jack extends it to him and he blinks again.
Capri Sun. It's apple juice in a tiny little foil pouch. He takes it warily and with trembling hands fumbles at the little yellow straw, trying to break it free. Yeah, this is going to help...he hasn't eaten more than a few bites of food in days, this is going to help.
But he can't get to the straw, his fingers won't work. Jack drops to his knees with the phone still in his hand and he trades his dad. Gives him the phone, takes the drink pouch. Hotch doesn't do anything with the phone, though, he knows already that Jess is on her way so he watches Jack with fascination instead. Steady hands pulling the glue apart and opening the tiny yellow straw, poking it through the foil and into the pouch just the right way. He wonders how many times in their lives he's done this simple task for Jack, remembers the first time Jack tried it on his own and jammed the sharp end of the straw all the way through the pouch spilling juice everywhere. All of this goes through his mind and he smiles because those memories are all absolutely real.
He sips the cold juice, feels the way the sugar coats his tongue and instantly he feels revived. And stupid, so stupid, letting his blood sugar drop so low that he scares his son.
“I'm sorry, Jack,” he whispers and the words come out correctly. Jack stands and reaches out his hand, helping Hotch to his feet and onto his bed so he can finish his juice more comfortably. Jack is big enough to help him up. His hand is engulfed in Hotch's but he's strong, he's growing, soon his hand won't disappear like that inside of his father's. He used to cradle Jack's entire little body there, and now his hand just barely fits. Time is a thief.
“Aunt Jess will be here soon,” Jack says and Hotch nods. He knows. He'll have more apologizing to do, as always, but for the first time in days Hotch knows that no matter what tricks are being played on him, this has to be real.
Peter Lewis dealt in fear and in pain. He could never conjure a vision so serene, so inherently good as Jack and this Capri Sun.
Seeing as how it’s still July 4th in much of the western hemisphere, Happy Independence Day to those of my followers who live in the States! And happy...uh...bald eagle drawing to everybody else...?
he’s not really who he used to be before..
image descriptions under the cut
[image id: two one-page comics.
comic 1: damian is looking blearily over his shoulder. off panel, a voice says, “why the hesitance to call it a shrine?” damian turns away from the viewer to wipe his eyes. we see the aforemented ‘shrine,’ filled with trinkets -- an rumpled picture of him and jon in costume, an old burger wrapper with a cat doodle and the words SUPERBOY & ROBIN messily scrawled across it, a half heart necklace made of cardboard and string, and a piece of tanbark with googly eyes glued on. damian replies, “you aren’t supposed to have shrines for people who are still alive.”
comic 2: the scene is bathed in intense light and shadow. damian, in his robin costume and seething, has his sword pressed up to jon’s neck, and he says, “if you didn’t want to patrol with me, then maybe you sho--” he’s interrupted by jon, whose face is nearly entirely in shadow, nervous and confused against damian’s blade -- “damian?” in the final panel, jon continues, “when did I ask to go on patrol?” robin just looks back, shocked.
image id end.]
an essay about growing up and seeing your siblings grow up or something I guess
I've never had a Not Like Other Girls complex but I can see where some people get it. I feel like I'm just now realizing that trends and everything really do exist and most people really do follow them and that's why they're trends. My sisters have started dressing and acting like you'd expect modern teenage girls to do and I'm sitting here like this is the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life! I don't know why I wouldn't expect them to, they ARE modern teenage girls, but it really does feel like it's showed up out of nowhere and slapped me in the face about it.
And still it's not an issue where it feels like I'm the only one who's not like that or like there's something wrong with me; I know those things aren't true. I know not EVERYONE acts the same like that. But it's so weird!! Like why do trends apply to my family too? Why are we not exempt? 😂 I guess the only reason it would seem unusual is because I grew up with them and they weren't always trendy because my parents didn't dress them trendy when they were little or something.
And in that same sort of vein of thought, I now understand where stereotypes about girls being airheaded (if that's the right thing? Is it about girls in general?) come from. Obviously it's not true, but it's because apparently normal (using this word to mean most/typically maybe?) ones just like to act like that with their friends? My sister usually goes somewhere else with her friends but whenever I see her with them she's doing that and it's just bizarre. My sister is very smart, and then whenever her friends show up she starts acting like she only has half a brain now or something. It's not that she actually has anything wrong with her; she's genuinely just acting like that! For fun!!
All this stuff adds up to feeling kinda like "who are you and where is my sister" all the time. I never know what's going on and I don't understand why she and apparently teenage girls in general are like that. I'm so confused and I have no idea what's going on ever!!!!!!!
Despite the idea the game gives off, I feel like a lot of people just kinda forgot that Cloud and Tifa aren't technically childhood friends. Like they knew each other, but I wouldn't go so far as to say they were friends. They were kinda more like acquaintances before the water tower scene.
Of course I haven't read the novel so I'm probably just wrong all around, but is it just me?