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blackwolfstabs · 6 months

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 15

LET GO

"You have to let me go." - the hardest decision and one hell of a commitment.

inspired by the song "I Loved Her First" by Heartland

I was enough for her, not long ago. I was her number one, she told me so.

Tara was 20-going-on-21. She was growing up. She was moving on. She was independent and dependable. She was smart and courageous. She was everything Sam would ever hope for her to be.

Except not staying her little girl forever…

Sam remembered everything. Everything they ever had before it all changed, before their fallout, before she left. Ten years, five years, one year, all of the time wasted and estranged meant nothing. It didn’t hold a candle to the amount of memories she could talk hours about. She couldn’t tell you she’d been there for her baby sister’s whole life, but she could tell you anything you’d want to know about her. She remembered every fight, every smile, every laugh, every cry, every pain, every hug, every kiss, every “Sammy”—

Sammy… That’s a name she hadn’t heard in a long time. It was Tara’s name for her… Her special name. She had said that more times than she had said “Mama” or “Daddy”, more than she had said “Mom” or “Dad.” She had said that more than she had ever said any other name in the whole world. Now, she was just Sam, and that was fine. But she couldn’t forget what it meant to be Sammy. What it meant to be the one Tara would cry for in the middle of the night when she was being sleep trained and was tired of going back and forth from their parents’ bedroom. What it meant to be the one she hugged every day when she came home from school. What it meant to hold her hand at the doctor’s office or push her on the swing. What it meant to be adored and believed in, no matter how impossible the challenge. What it meant to be Tara’s Number 1…

“You’re my number one, Sammy! I love you!”

It’s not that Tara loved her any less or that she ignored her. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about her or was leaving so they’d never see each other again. They saw each other every day. They talked every day. They still said, “I love you” and “Goodnight” and “How are you?” to each other.

But it wasn’t the same.

There was hurt and scars deep in that girl’s eyes. Her smile hadn’t changed, but it hid a million tragedies. She was no longer innocent in the way that pain and suffering and fear were the worst in the forms of splinters, not getting the stuffed animal she wanted, or what might be hiding under her bed. Tara knew what it was like to have broken bones and scars permanently tattooed onto her skin. She knew what it was like to beg for mercy as she bled out and drag herself helplessly across a cold floor in hopes that a serial killer with a blood lust would have mercy on her life. She knew what it was like to shake so violently that it took mountains of drugs to sedate her and scream herself hoarse trying to fight for everything she had to lose. She knew what it was like to be so far gone that trauma was the only thing that pulled her back.

And then Chad came along…

And she still means the world to me, just so you know, so be careful when you hold my girl.

He and Tara were a match made that Sam never saw coming. When she had first returned to Woodsboro, she thought of him having grown up to be the stereotypical jock that you see in the movies. However, once he lost Liv and Tara lost Amber, something between them sparked. It was subtle, but Sam had babysat Chad long enough to figure him out as if he were her brother. She noticed the way he was careful around her younger sister, watching how he moved to make sure he never made her uncomfortable and how he was always there to watch out for her when Sam wasn’t around. Trauma had matured them both, as sad as that was to say, but in the same token, they bonded over that.

Sam respected how protective Chad was over Tara. How he was the one nearly caught in a fight when Frankie intended to drag Tara up the stairs and rape her. How he held the door for her and pulled her out of harm’s way whenever she tried to rush into danger. How he held her when she was hurting and kissed her goodnight. She knew she could trust him with her only sister, the person she cared the most about in this cruel world. And she would never love anyone more.

Tara was her girl, no matter who she devoted her heart to.

And if it was Chad, so be it.

Time changes everything, life must go on. I’m not gonna stand in your way.

Yes, Tara had grown up. She didn’t cry anymore when she fell down. She wasn’t clingy when they were in a new place. She didn’t ask for help with her homework or crawl into Sam’s bed in the middle of the night just because she “missed her”.

She was still young, but she couldn’t be tied to Sam’s side anymore. She had to let her go.

And she did. That night she had given Tara the knife, while she hung off the balcony, their bloodied hands clutching each other’s wrists like they were all they had to lose.

“You have to let me go.”

Since then, they had become closer as sisters but even more distant in boundaries. Tara was free, because she proved to herself and Sam that she could take care of herself. So, she went to college, stayed up late, walked to and from therapy sessions by herself, hung out with friends, hit up a movie theater every now and then, and just indulged in her collar-free lifestyle. She always told Sam where she was going and how long she’d be out, but she was alone in doing it. All her older sister could do was say, “Okay. Be careful. I love you.”

And in reply, she’d hear, “I will. Love you too.”

She had made a promise to Tara that she’d always be there for her, but she understood that she couldn’t keep her sheltered from the rest of the world. Tara had a tough background; she deserved the freedom, trust, and independence she had to go where she wanted, experience what life had to offer, and love who she couldn’t live without.

Sam couldn’t stand in her way any longer.

I loved her first. I held her first. And a place in my heart will always be hers.

But no matter where Tara went, how long she stayed away, and who she spent her days and nights with, Sam would always be the first one to love her. Sure, she may have gone to school with Chad Meeks-Martin. She may have shared her lunch with him. She may have raced him on the playground and gave him hours of her time after school when Sam would babysit both twins and Wes Hicks. She may have fallen in love with him. She may have kissed him and sat in his lap late at night. She may have pushed his buttons, and he may have pushed hers. She may have done a lot of things.

But Sam had always been the first one to do any of them. She was the reason Tara knew what all those things felt like and how they made her feel.

She loved her first, and no matter how old Tara was or where life took her, Sam would always hold everything she had of her baby sister in a special place in her heart.

From the first breath she breathed, when she first smiled at me. I knew the love of a sister runs deep.

The day she was born. Her first word. Her first asthma attack. All of her doctor’s visits. Her sleep training. The day she lost her first tooth. Her first day of pre-k. Her first day of kindergarten. Evey milestone Tara had in her childhood, Sam was there for.

As far as she was concerned, being the older sister meant being anything and everything for her baby sister, even if it was impossible. If Tara was scared, she wasn’t. If Tara needed a doctor on sight, Sam vowed she would get her to one by carrying her on her back. If Tara asked for one more bedtime story, one more hug, one more goodnight kiss, Sam would give it to her. Anything Tara wanted was hers, no matter how hard it was to get.

She never could stand it when her younger sister would cry, no matter the age. When Tara was a baby, she’d keep asking her mom why she was crying, convinced something was wrong when she was told that babies just cry sometimes. When she would accidently push Tara down while playing, she would beg her parents that it was an accident, that she didn’t mean to hurt her or make her cry. When Tara was being sleep-trained, Sam would cover her ears to block out her constant wailing when she would be put back into her room. She’d listen to her sobs and pleas, asking for one more hug or pull an excuse just to get her way. But when Tara would give up on their parents and started to call out “Sammy! I need you, Sammy!”, she gave in every time. Because when she saw her tears dry before she drifted off to sleep, happy that she was no longer alone, Sam couldn’t think of anything else in the world that was more precious than her existence.

And I prayed that she’d find you someday. But it’s still hard to give her away…

If only Tara could have always been that happy. If only she could have always stayed that innocent. But life was never fair to the ones that didn’t deserve its wrath.

However, it had given her so much to live for. Her degree. Chad. Her future. The rest of her life.

And as hard as it was to let her go, Sam knew she had to. For Tara’s sake. Because like it had been from the start, she’d forever do whatever it took to make sure she was happy.

Even if it was impossible.

I loved her first.

She knew from day 1 that she could never love anyone more than the baby girl with the most beautiful smile in the world. She would never want anything but the best for the baby girl with the most beautiful name in the world.

Tara Carpenter.

How could that beautiful woman with you be the same freckled-face kid that I knew?

And Sam had never been more right about anything in her life. Tara was gorgeous, and everyone thought so too. She’d come home from her college classes and go on and on about how many boys tried to get her number or make a move on her. Then, she’d proudly talk about how she’d turn them down and flash them her lock screen—which was of her and Chad celebrating New Year’s—as she walked by.

She carried herself with confidence, she said what she pleased, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, and she had no problem throwing a punch to someone who deserved it. Samantha couldn’t believe how much she’d grown from being that little girl that would hide behind her, because she was too shy. That little girl who would look up at her with the biggest eyes and brightest grin, saying “Sammy, guess what I did today?” The little girl that once thought she was the queen of the household, just because her big sister doted on her so much.

She was the same person who had done all that, but no one would’ve thought it.

The one that I read all those fairy tales to… and tucked into bed all those nights.

Oh, God, and how Sam would do everything a thousand times over, if it only meant Tara could stay little forever.

There were many times that their parents were working or having heated discussions in their room, so it would be up to Sam to read Tara her bedtime story or tuck her in. It became a routine, and she enjoyed it so much that she took it up to be her responsibility each night. They were both learning, so why not do it together?

She would always let Tara pick the book and choose how many times she wanted to hear it. Tara always sat in her lap or leaned against her with all her weight from the side. Sam never minded it when she’d shout out the words on the next page before she even turned it or the way she would insist she wasn’t tired—that she wanted to hear it again—even though she was yawning and rubbing her eyes.

And when Sam got her in bed and tucked her in, Tara would rehearse the same phrase she’d learned from one of her books, except she had her own little twist on it.

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my Sammy, you’ll be.”

What Sam would give to hear that one more time.

And I knew the first time I saw you with her, it was only a matter of time.

But she would never ask to hear it. Tara was who she was, and she did her best not to look back. Not because of her childhood, of all those beautiful times she and Sam shared together, but because of the grief, pain, and trauma that had come in between then and now. It was a brick wall, a storm window, a tangle of strings that shaped her into who she was today.

Sam knew that, just like she knew moving on and giving her heart to someone new was all a part of Tara living and enjoying her life.

She had to accept it.

Tara wasn’t gone. She hadn’t left. She had simply grown up. They still had a ton of time to spend with each other and just be sisters. They loved each other like no other half-siblings could ever love each other.

They were Samantha and Tara Carpenter. The Carpenter Sisters.

And for a while, they had forever in their hands. That’s why it was so hard for one to understand…

That the one thing that was the best thing she could ever do for her baby sister was the exact thing she was the most scared of.

She had to let her go.

Someday, you might know what I’m going through…

“Can I see her?” Sam asked her mother, barely unable to keep her excitement in finally becoming a true big sister to herself.

She had only been 5 years old at the time, not knowing just how close she and her new baby sister would come to be. Not knowing how crazy and reckless their lives would become. Not knowing how putting their lives on the line for each other 20 years later would come to be of the same little girls that once thought monsters in the closet, thunderstorms, and the first day of school were the most terrifying things in the world.

“Mm-hmm,” Christina nodded as her husband picked up her oldest daughter and placed her on the edge of the hospital bed.

Sam saw her mother cradling the smallest human being she had ever seen in her arms as she leaned over to get a better view. And then next thing she knew, she was staring at the face of her new baby sister.

And her whole world stopped.

When a miracle smiles up at you…

“Samantha, meet your baby sister. Tara Carpenter.”

I loved her first.

i did not expect to write this so quickly, i literally couldn't stop typing (except for the times when i started crying and had to retreat where my mom wouldn't notice lol)

this was one of the hardest things i've ever written. if you didn't cry, your heart must be made of stone, because i'm lowkey a wreck after finishing this (unless the carpenter sisters' relationship doesn't hold any power on you, then you're not heartless, just vibin).

All my best ♡ - parker

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subtle-as-an-earthquake · 3 months

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i miss them so much

#again #yes this is about them #all of them #dont mind me i'm just going through it again #gonna go cry myself to sleep now bye

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miallurk · 4 months

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In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!

#i am losing my sanity day by day #drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day #why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about #don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha #ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't #fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess #am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story!#i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow #vent ig #my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol #nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays #at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig #anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs #when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop #anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go #please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you #i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just.#all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this #for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect #and care made me expect it more? fuck #i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person.#everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things #long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider #my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at #at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person.#my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got #to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me.#this is showing so many issues.#so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12 #i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering

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the-irreverend · 1 year

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Seeing the VA for Hunter changing his Twitter display name to Hunter Noceda has made me realize something.

We're eventually gonna get a scene where Camila calls him "son" AND/OR a scene where Luz calls him "brother."

And it's going to (emotionally) destroy EVERYONE.

#NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME I'M GONNA GO TO MY ROOM AND HAPPY CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP #toh #the owl house #hunter noceda #hunter #luz #toh season 3 #toh spoilers #camila noceda #luz noceda #toh luz #toh s3 #toh camila #toh hunter #the owl house hunter #toh season three

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kiss-this · 5 months

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Yes, Valentine, I know and I understand. But it's Trastevere for me 💔

#gonna elaborate tomorrow maybe #now I'm going to cry myself to sleep #måneskin #Rush! (are you coming?)

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da-proti-toku-grem · 2 months

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#gonna whine and be annoying in the tags again 🙂#i've only slept like 3 hours total in the past 2 days #i usually don't sleep much but it's getting worse lately and idk why bc i thought it was bc of school but apparently not #i've slept so little that my eyes burn like when you've been crying the whole day #i feel like shit and i don't want to do anything rn #and on top of that i'm omw to the psychiatrist for the first time ever and i have to see her in 10min #and my social anxiety has gotten so much worse lately that i think that i'll cry my eyes out the moment she asks me one question #i probably won't bc i'm so sleep deprived that i don't think i even have the strength to cry #but the fucking pang on my ches and the lump on my throat tell me otherwise #i've become so familiar with these anxiety attacks that i look completely normal rn sitting in the back of the car #so my parents probably think that i'm just texting someone or something when in reality i'm here typing this and thinking that #i want to throw myself out the window 😀👍#oh and on top of that i'm also on my period bc of course 😀#i'm wearing my comfort hoodie but i'm wearing it so much lately that atp it's not even giving me comfort :/#oh well gotta go now......#venting #maca speaks

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madeimpact · 5 months

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Younger Noct: I'd rather warp directly into the ocean than be sincere about my feelings

The Crystal business meeting with Bahamut: hi

Noct:

Noct: Never mind I need these guys to know how much I love them and I need them to know right fucking now.

#dude i can't even go back and rewatch the last camp scene to check myself #and make sure i'm not writing noct too mushy at this point #because I WILL BUST LIKE A FUCKING DAM!!!!#IT'S STILL FRESH FOR ME LOL #the moral of the story is to always tell the homies u love them #anyway i'm gonna cry myself to sleep now that i've reinflicted the ending pain on myself LOOOOOL /LH #❛ ooc: shut up neg.

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megaawkwardhuman · 1 year

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OK SO I wrote most of this starting at 2 am and stopping at like 3 also 4 am after listening to numbers by temporex for the fifth time (I was inspired by the overall vibe of the song link to the song if you wanna check it out) and originally it was going to be small bummer fic written only for myself where Guillermo did get turned by Derek and he goes back but nothing changes around him but I got a little too carried away so now it’s about (roughly) that and Nandor wishing for Guillermo to return after he left and didn’t return after becoming a vampire.

disclaimer: I'm currently clinging onto a free grammarly account for dear life and I tried my best to edit the nonsense I wrote instead of sleeping so if at any point this sounds weird I apologize!

and with all of that out of the way I now give you Just Alright:

Guillermo sat in the same old bed he’s been sleeping in for over a decade. He thought when Derek turned him things would change but no not much changed when it came to the way he was treated. Things did change overall sure he was gone for weeks before returning to the mansion but in a way they haven’t. What it all boiled down to was the fact that nobody really noticed the change. Normally Guillermo chalked it up to them being assholes but the reason they didn’t care or notice this time around was due to the fact that they had gotten themselves busy while he was gone.

Laszlo tried to go back to his old ways but after the loss of baby Colin he found himself going over to sean’s place to distance himself from the energy vampire he help raise. Whenever anyone asks him about it he brushes him off. Due to him being away from the house most of the time, he didn’t even know Guillermo was back let alone now a vampire for a while.

Colin Robinson still doesn’t remember being a freak child at all and so he went back into looking into energy vampires just now without the help of Laszlo. He tried to get Laszlo’s help at first but after a couple of fuck offs he gave up. He still treated Guillermo the way he did before mainly to annoy him.

Nadja had a lot on her plate. At first, it was having to deal with what to do now that the nightclub dream was basically dead then it was getting to the council building back to the way it was before to trying to get Laszlo to stop hiding away in the neighbor's house and actually getting him to sit down and talk about how he was feeling. With all of that, she didn’t seem to care he was a vampire now. I mean it was understandable she was doing a lot but she still treated him like a familiar. He wasn’t even her familiar to begin with yet he was still left to do all the hard labor for her. After some protesting and reminding her that he’s an equal now for the tenth time she got a familiar to do her bidding instead.

The only one who cared at all about the change was his ex-master Nandor. As for why well that’s a really long story. Let’s just say he’s the reason why he ended up back there.

Guillermo thought about going back at first. It was his original plan but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew he would have to eventually to get his stuff back but he wanted to fend for himself. He knew he could go out on his own he didn’t need any big strong vampires to fight for him he was Guillermo: by blood a vampire killer, an ex-familiar, an ex-bodyguard, and now a vampire. He knew how to kill he could live alone and they wouldn’t care if he was gone. If they did someone would have found him by now and begged him to come back.

But in the blink of an eye after a couple of weeks of trying to live on is own only to crash at Derek’s place half of the time to just living with Derek (Derek needed a friend anyway), he found himself face to face with the entrance of the place he wasted over a decade of his life in. He doesn’t remember walking back just suddenly being at the door.

“What the fuck why am I back here?” he asked himself. He tried to turn back but he couldn’t. No like he physically couldn’t turn back. Despite not wanting to be there he knocked the door.

“Come in the door is open.” He heard a voice he really didn’t want to hear say. He could also hear a few footsteps on the other side along with a few small sniffles thanks to vampire hearing. He opened the door and got a few steps in before getting tackled into a hug by Nandor. Guillermo was not only surprised but still had no idea what on earth was happening.

“What the fuck is going on?” Guillermo says extremely confused. He looked around over the vampire’s shoulder as Nandor cried into his. As he was searching he found the Djinn standing there with his notebook and pen not too far from them. Well, that explains it. Guillermo didn’t have time to be upset yet since he has to deal with the sobbing vampire hugging him.

Wait Nandor was hugging him willingly? Guillermo tried his best to pinch himself. “Ow.” well he wasn’t dreaming so yeah he WAS hugging him and he was hugging him REALLY tightly. If he was still human this would have most likely killed him either due to suffocation or Nandor accidentally breaking something really important.

“Oh, Guillermo where have you been? I was so worried about you I- I missed you so much.” as he talked he cried harder and harder. Guillermo was honestly surprised to see him in such a state. He can’t recall seeing him express his emotions or saying how he felt ever let alone see him cry this hard. He was HUGGING HIM for fuck’s sake.

“Master I like this and all but this is starting to hurt a lot” he knew he didn’t need to call him that but he still did out of habit. Plus he didn’t know if calling him Nandor would piss him off so it was better to be safe for now.

“I just missed you so much and if I hug you tight enough you won’t be able to leave again.”

Guillermo would be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel at least a little bit like shit. But in his defense, he thought Nandor would be too busy reading his books or whatever to notice his absence. Sure he wouldn’t be gone forever since he has all eternity to go back to the house to say hi or to bump into Nandor while out hunting and small talk about his times as his familiar. He didn’t expect Nandor to actually be hurt by this. He knew he should have known better but he did what he did anyway without taking Nandor actually noticing into consideration.

“You didn’t even leave a note. I thought you were out on one of your silly human errands, but when you didn’t return I thought you were hurt or dead.”

“Well, I’m here now.”

“And that’s all that matters.” Nandor slowly let go of the hug.

Guillermo wanted to say his goodbyes and get out as fast as he can but he knew he would feel like shit if he left knowing it would hurt Nandor this much he made his way inside.

After Nandor calmed down a bit they ended up walking to Nandor’s room to talk. Looking around his room and the house overall while thankfully repaired the house was still a mess. Bodies were all over the place, candles melted all the way down leaving puddles of wax, and every other surface was dusty. It reminded him of when he first returned to the house after trying to leave this life behind for the first time.

When he entered Nandor’s room it was messier than the rest of the house but considering the state he was in when he entered Guillermo could make an educated guess as to why so he knew he couldn’t judge.

“Sorry for the mess. When I noticed you were gone for longer than usual at first I tried to ignore it but I just couldn’t. I tore this room apart trying to see if you hid a letter or anything that would tell me where you went. It was honestly stupid of me to think you would hide something like that since you didn’t hide the letter you left behind last time.”

“I really should have told you why I left before…” should he tell the truth?

“Before what?” he looked at him confused then he saw his fangs. “Oh…”

“I paid Derek to turn me.”

Silence so thick you could feel it fill the room. It was Nandor who broke it with tears slowly running down his face again as he spoke.

“Why?”

“Look I know you view vampirism as a curse and I knew you didn’t want to turn me because of that and I know you’re not the biggest fan of change so by turning this way you wouldn’t have to-”

“Why did you not come back?”

Nandor’s words felt like a stake to the heart. Guillermo didn’t know how to respond so he froze. Any word he could think of saying vanished like he did weeks before abruptly and without saying goodbye. If he didn’t feel like shit before he felt like the worst person on planet earth now.

“Master I-”

“DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!”

“LOOK I’M SORRY OK!?”

“You think that’s going to make up for you abandoning me!?”

“I didn’t plan to stay away I was going to come back.”

“When Guillermo fucking when?”

Silence flooded the room again. This time It was Guillermo who ended it.

“Nandor look I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t intend to leave permanently I was going to come back and change everything for the better but couldn’t bring myself to go back I… I’m so sorry. If I knew I would be out for as long as I have I would have said goodbye.” In the middle of his sentence, Guillermo caught Nandor’s tears and began to cry too. “If I were you I wouldn’t forgive me.”

Nandor went up to him and cupped his right cheek with his hand wiping away a tear. “Oh my sweet sweet Guillermo I knew you wanted it so bad but I didn’t turn you not because being a vampire is a curse. I didn’t turn you cause then you would have left. I know once you were one you would have no purpose here anymore. it was selfish sure but fuck I just couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving and I thought if I kept you busy you wouldn’t leave. Making excuses to keep you as a human, promoting you to bodyguard when your life was at risk, making turning you into a long trip all of it was to keep you by my side for as long as I can. When you were shipped off to England by Laszlo and I ended up traveling alone I was left to think about why I did this. Why I wanted you to stay for so long and when I realized why I didn’t want to think about it. So when we all came back as I was helping you out after you fell into the water filled basement I used finding someone to marry to cover up what I found out” it clicked in Guillermo’s head what he was getting at but he let him continue. “I was hoping every day that you would stop me from going through with the wedding, I made every task hard in hopes it would stop you and, when everyone was objecting I was hoping you would be in that line. I wanted you to stop me causes…I love you Guillermo so so much. I just couldn’t bring myself to fully accept it until you left.”

Guillermo nuzzled into Nandor’s hand as he began to cry harder “I love you too.”

Nandor pulled him into a kiss.

They could get angry at each other for what they had done another time. For now, all they wanted to do was hug and be glad that they could express how they feel for hopefully not the last time.

And it wasn’t time flew by and they slowly vented out their feelings to each other. They had their scheduled yelling match about what they had both done to each other once all the tears were fully over a few days later. But what had started as them fighting with their tongues figuratively turned into fighting with their tongues literally. Needless to say, they forgave each other quickly after that. As for what they were now they settled on boyfriends. it felt weird at first to say but after a while, the word felt great coming out of their mouths.

Not much has changed really looking back as he sat on his old bed. Laszlo was still horny, Colin was still annoying and Nadja would kill him if he boiled her down into one word even if it was just in his head. But as he sees Nandor take a box of his stuff up to their new room he's glad he at least made one change. Considering he has all eternity to help the others for now he’ll take this as a win.

“Guillermo, what are you doing?”

“Oh just thinking that’s all.”

“You know I was doing some thinking too and I was thinking maybe I can give you my last wish.”

“How thought full.” he gave him a peck on the cheek. “You know I think I already know what I’m going to wish for.”

“May I ask what that wish might be?”

“A coffin big and wide enough for the two of us,” Guillermo said with the biggest grin on his face.

#oh the lovely art of writing a fic instead of sleeping at a reasonable time but fuck you past me I woke up feeling like SHIT cause of you #can't believe I'm posting this but eh fuck it you know #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandermo #what we do in the shadows fanfic #hurt/comfort #A LOT of crying #gather around and lend me your time #the first fic I've ever completed #speaking of fics I'm gonna go back to writing the serial killer guillermo fic in a bit just taking a little break from it for now #I was putting a LOT of time into it and if I put TOO much time into something (especially if it involves a lot of writing)#after a bit I get really sick of it and I don't wanna burn myself out so yeaaaaaaaah

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neaverse · 1 year

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It's 7 am and I have a doctor's appointment at 10 and I haven't slept. At all. Hope I don't fall asleep while getting blood work done

#i feel sorry for myself #i need sleep #sleep deprived moment #how do I stay awake???#I think I need coffee #i'm gonna go cry now #I should also write #but I'm having writer's block #I haven't updated my fics in YEARS #okay not years #but months #idk how people manage to read my fics #I update like twice a year #or start fics I end up never finishing #haha oops #im a mess #okay that's enough tags #sleepy rambles

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selfnss · 7 months

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// i was gonna write something today like i was gonna write literally anything just Something.... but my meds are changing and im not feeling too hot actually so i just. Didn't write anything at all i guess... getting brain zaps from coming off sertraline and also just not coping well with life atm i guess. sorry for the lack of content i'm just in a very weird place right now and i really don't know how to cope with it tbh

#ooc.#personal //#turns out the sertraline was doing Something #cus my mood swings are literally all over the place now i'm off it #man was i this bad before i got on that stuff??#jees #i'm so tired and low energy at the moment and iu know that's only gonna get worse with what i'm going onto as of tomorrow #im literally sat here willing myself to do something just something just do Something but instead i just #start to fall asleep at my desk #and i keep having crying fits for like. some reason i guess #idk im not doing too hot #the Bad Thoughts are coming back and i just want to lay down and sleep all the time #im like. paralysed??? all the time at the moment #there's so many things i want to do but instead i just end up having weird brain zaps and head rushes in between episodes of falling asleep #idk!!!#but yeah #sorry for the lack of content #im trying #i want to be here #i just.... am struggling

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blizzardfluffykpop · 10 months

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me reading my 11k (almost 12k) fic: aw man- i wonder how this ends- me: remembering i still have to finish it...

i love writing don't get me wrong- but rn i wish to nap- i have not gotten good sleep in a week because of this 😭😭 like worse than usual-

#kate rambles #kate is writing and working hard but wants to curl up and nap #will prolly curl up and nap in the next five minutes just to find myself working on this fic again #also it's the same au/member as a previous fic- but we are all gonna ignore it and enjoy this one #(i wish for me to cut it at least in half- but i know i can't)#it has went from 3k to 9k to 10k back to 3 to 5 and it's just recently went from 10 to 11... it's about to be a 15k fic and idk how to #deal with that- most of my fics are 1-3k i'm crying #should i break it up into chapters!? would that even make sense!? i'm going thru the motions with this fic #i've gone from sleeping at 2 am to 3 am to 4 and now were at 530 and i'm crying... my body needs rest and this fic won't let me 😭#haha help me...

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jamesisasimp · 2 years

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No, because how lost was he when his parents died? He already had to grieve them, somehow carry on surrounded by their things, but not them. Never them ever. And on top of that he realized he couldn't do anything. He's wearing the same clothes after a week, all of his closet in the laundry basket or scattered across the floor. The dishes are piled in the sink and he's been eating nothing but takeaway, if eating at all. He doesn't know how to tend the garden how his father would, so the grass overgrows and the flowers wilt. His mother's statues and tapestries collect dust and he doesn't know how to clean them off properly.

He could use magic, but it doesn't feel like there's any of that left in him after they died.

#i actually can't handle this #someone give him to me so i can hug him and cook him pasta #like can't you see him? just sitting there on the couch just not knowing what to do. tell him what to do #someone please tell him what to do-#james potter #marauders #i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now bye

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hell0mega · 2 years

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BUGS CW BUT I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING BUGS SO FUCKING MUCH I HAVE SO MUCH TRAUMA WITH THEM I WISH THEY WOULD ALL DIE I DONT CARE!!!!! I DON'T FUCKING CARE

I TRY SO FUCKING HARD TO NOT HAVE ANXIETY SURROUNDING BUGS AND THEY KEEP FUCKING PROVING ME WRONG

JUST SITTING AT MY DESK AND I FEEL A TICKLE ON MY HEEL, IMMEDIATELY THINK OH IT'S A BUG, BUT I TRY TO MANAGE MY FUCKING ANXIETY AND IGNORE IT, I FEEL IT A FEW MORE TIMES OVER THE NEXT COUPLE MINUTES AND FINALLY DECIDE TO VERY CASUALLY CHECK, LIKE OH IT'S JUST A TICKLE THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME IT'S NOT A BUG.

IT'S THE BIGGEST COCKROACH IVE EVER SEEN, IT'S LITERALLY 4 INCHES LONG. IT WAS TOUCHING ME!!!! IT WAS HANGING OUT BETWEEN MY FEET MAKING ME IGNORE IT BECAUSE I TRY NOT TO FREAK OUT AT EVERY FUCKING TICKLE I EVER FEEL BECAUSE AM INCLINED TO BUT IT'S NOT HEALTHY SO I DON'T

i yelled at it and this fucker has the GALL!!!! THE NERVE TO JUST CASUALLY WALK AROUND LIKE OH THANKS FOR MOVING YOUR FEET IM JUST GONNA LOOK AROUND

i got up and grabbed the Raid that's RIGHT ON THE COUNTER BECAUSE GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE GET IN MY THIRD FLOOR APARTMENT ALL THE TIME SOME FUCKING HOW, AND DOUSE THAT BITCH IN POISON. THAT MADE HIM RUN!!! SPRAYED HIM UNTIL HE FLIPPED OVER FUCKING DEAD LIKE THE PIECE OF SHIT THEY ARE

i grew up in a VERY buggy house, we were surrounded by trees and an acre of grass and old barns and my dad never finished the house so there was just holes to the goddamn outdoors fucking everywhere, we had bugs all the time and they would attack me, i got stung and bit A LOT and i suffered for NINETEEN YEARS OF THIS, we had flea infestations and wasps, FUCKING WASPS came in through the FUCKING AC VENTS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, i fucking hate it i want to live on the fucking moon. i want to douse my entire house with bug poison and smelly essential oils that every bug hates and infest my yard with invasive mint, i do not care, i want them gone!!!!

do not come for me with environmental bullshit I KNOW!!!!! I KNOW THEY ARE ESSENTIAL TO THE ECOSYSTEM AND AGRICULTURAL PESTICIDES ARE RUINING WHATEVER BUT I DO 👏 NOT 👏 WANT 👏 THEM 👏 IN 👏 MY 👏 HOUSE 👏 THAT IS ALL I ASK!!!!! i don't GIVE A SHIT if it's "natural" or "they don't want to be there either" or "they're escaping the rain" or "you're the one invading their home" I COULDN'T CARE LESS!!!! i want to live in a steel box with ac and refined sugar and preservatives and the bugs can live outside of that. i can see them on walks in nature but god fuck i hate them so fucking much

#the other day a moth dive-bombed my desk and i got my bf to get it in a cup and we took it outside #I'm not evil. it's mostly roaches.#god i can NOT stop swatting at every fucking tickle i feel now #I'm laying down for going to bed cuz CAN'T SIT AT MY DESK NOW CAN I!!!!#and i just had a tickle on my neck that made me twitch at a weird angle and it's like i cricked it #I'm just gonna literally cry myself to sleep now that I'm done processing my anger #i took extra melatonin which might've been a mistake but i need all the help i can get to try to fall asleep right now #i won't tag anything cuz i don't want to like upset anyone who is looking for positive bug content

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