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near-dareis-mai · 9 months

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Hi! I'm the anon who asked about Moirane and Siuan and I'm crying so much, I never expected you would be so incredibly awesome and kind with your reply. I was honestly shocked by it and I literally have no words to thank you for all the time and effort that must have taken. I was expecting a short and simple "They interact two more times and never see each other again" or something like that at most but you went so far with it and it seriously means the world to me. I also absolutely loved your funny comments, you had me laughing in many parts.

And yeah, that's actually why I couldn't find anything explicit about what happened to them, I didn't exactly know what to look for, their wiki pages barely mention their relationship to each other outside of New Spring and I've seen some tumblr posts but they're not specific. Some mentioned Moiraine dying, Siaun dying, them never speaking again but implying it ended on bad terms or that they just never cared about each other again after their last meeting so I was just getting more and more confused, that's why you even including moments when they thought about each other even after believing the other was death meant everything to me.

And you were right, learning more about it made me happy because of the knowledge and because of the affirmation that even after everything they still thought about each other and how this entire series basically started because of them (which makes it worse that they didn't have a proper culmination regarding that) but it also made me so sad and even more mad.

One of the things that surprised the most was what happened to Siaun, I've read many fans say that while they don't care about Thom that much, they do love Garrett and his relationship with Siaun so imagine my surprise when I read that he was an old man infatuated with his "almost teenage slave". How can anyine love that? There is no context or excuse that would make that entire relationship better in my eyes, I'm so shocked. And the way she changed I just can't believe it. Of course so far my take of Siaun comes from Sophie's interpretation so I can't, in no way, imagine that woman that I met in episode 6 behaving like you just described. It's so absolutely awful and wrong, he created an entire different character and said it was Siaun! I'm absolutely shocked.

And Moiraine's story got no better either. I knew she and Siaun weren't really gonna have a happy ending, definitely not together, but I had NO IDEA the Lan/Moiraine beautiful platonic relationship would also be ruined. Again, I just know them from what I've seen on the show so I can't even begin to comprehend a world were Moiraine is believed dead for a long time, then comes back and her and Lan don't try to at least fix their relationship. I know the Warder thing is complicated but I always liked to believed that their love for each other was more than just the bond, that they really loved and cared about each other as friends, so I'm really sad about that just being destroyed.

I'm really sad that Siuan had the opposite of character growth for the most part and then had an awful ending that wasn't even an important part of the story and that Moiraine ended without the people she loved the most, with a guy that didn't respect her. That was also shocking, I can't believe the Moiraine I got to know would not only marry a man intimidated or threatened by her power but that she would tell him she would renounce her power for him. I just can't imagine that ever coming out of her mouth. I know she changed and suffered and stuff but it doesn't make sense.

I'm not from the USA and finding the books is a bit hard here but I found a way to buy New Spring online so I got that one and I will definitely read it! The little bits you wrote about it had me squealing and hugging my pillow because of the cuteness and gayness and just knowing that it focuses on my two best girls and Lan made me instantly get it. I will just try and pretend their ending was different though lol I know fans of book series hate changes, I get that in a way but hopefully some things do change in the show because I'm just no ready to accept some of the things I just read.

I know the story was never about Moiraine and Siuan, but knowing that they were meant to know each other, all thins that they accomplished together, both of them hearing that prophecy and starting this mission together, basically the whole plot of the book, for that to not have a real ending. Just using them to start the engine but then not having a good resolution about it? And I don't even mean a happy ending, but something!

There are so many more things I could say and I have so many opinions about this and I'm still in awe that you took the time to do this but I'm not gonna make this longer than it needs to be and bore you even more, you already did too much for me and I will absolutely treasure everything you wrote and I will save it so I can read it many more times.

Thank you so much for everything, I hope you have the nicest of days!

Spoilers for the entire Wheel of Time book series

You're quite welcome. I hope you enjoy New Spring! However, I feel dutybound to warn you that there's triggering content in the book.

(TW for grooming: In New Spring, Lan has interactions with a woman who basically groomed him when he was a child. The narrative tries to pass it off as a Malkieri cultural thing, but. It. Is. Grooming. So go in forewarned.)

I've read many fans say that while they don't care about Thom that much, they do love Garrett and his relationship with Siaun so imagine my surprise when I read that he was an old man infatuated with his "almost teenage slave". How can anyine love that?

(I hate defending Gareth Bryne but i feel honourbound to clarify: he only thinks Siuan is ~18 when he begins to chase her down. When he finds her and realizes who she really is - the deposed Amyrlin - he realizes she's 42 years old, and is still utterly infatuated with her, so it becomes un-creepy at that point. Again, I HATE having to defend this man but he's meeting the very low bar here.)

I presume it's easier for some people to find Gareth/Siuan romantic than Thom/Moiraine because if you're not thinking too hard about it, the barebones of Gareth/Siuan fits certain romantic tropes that were popular in the 90s and early 2000s (a highly decorated lord/general falling in love with a commonborn fisherman's daughter when she's lost all her power, a highly ambitious woman finding that what she actually values is romantic love above all else, the whole servant-master dynamic, etc). Everyone can ship whatever they want, but I will never see eye-to-eye with people who find it romantic, and I personally want to beat Gareth Bryne to death with my bare hands for what his introduction into the narrative does to Siuan's arc and personality.

Of course so far my take of Siaun comes from Sophie's interpretation

IMO Sophie is a perfect Siuan, I really can't see anyone else in that role anymore and I feel like she really gets across the complex and seemingly contradictory facets that make up Siuan's personality in the books perfectly - and she's why I hate Siuan's character deterioration in the later books even more now than before I watched the show, because imagine Sophie!Siuan putting up with any of that, LMAO.

but I had NO IDEA the Lan/Moiraine beautiful platonic relationship would also be ruined

Yeah. Sorry. i don't have even snippets to comfort with you here but the good news is the show most likely won't treat their relationship as something to be discarded by the wayside. IIRC, Rafe Judkins - the WoT showrunner - got a huge binder from amazon of fans' opinions on what they want improved from the books to the show, and one of those was fans asking for a proper resolution/interactions for them. so like. have hope.

Enjoy New Spring!

#also message me if you want the free pdf of the wheel of time books anon... since u said it's not easily available where u are #wot book spoilers #wot books spoilers #wheel of time spoilers #wheel of time book spoilers #wot spoilers #what the fuck even is the accepted spoiler tag for this series #siuan sanche #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran

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is-the-snake-video-cute · 2 years

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Sorry if this is a sad question, I'll understand if you don't want to answer, but I've been concerned about how I'll know when the right time is to euthanize my ball python. That is if he ever needed it, if he didn't just pass peacefully on his own.

I was thinking about the signs in other animals that are usually indicators that it's time, like lack of eating and sluggishness, but I realised that my snake is like that anyway. I have no idea how old he is since I got him secondhand. I'd never want him to be suffering because I couldn't recognise the signs.

And is it a case of most are euthanized like with dogs, or is it uncommon?

Thank you for sharing your knowledge with all of us (just in general with this blog) and I hope your day/night is going well.

This is a super important question. I would honestly say it's a pretty even split with pet snakes on how many are euthanized - there are lots of snakes that slowly decline and pass away in their sleep, but euthanizing old snakes is not at all uncommon.

I find the answer will always vary on a case-by-case basis - start with a baseline of what your snake is like in his prime (usual activity levels, usual feeding response, etc.) so you can notice any declines.

Here are the things I look for when I'm making this decision:

Is the snake eating? What you're looking for here isn't good feeding responses in snakes that never had that in the first place, it's watching for food refusal to the point the snake starts to lose weight.

Is the snake active? Again, this is looking for a baseline - if the snake's main activity level has always been just popping their head out of their enclosure at night, then that's what you're looking to see.

Can the snake function? Is the snake able to eat food, drink water, pass waste, and shed? Old snakes will often need help shedding, but they shouldn't be so unable to deal with it that stuck shed builds up. Is your snake physically able to strike food and move to the water bowl? Is your snake unable to eat appropriate meals, or do they frequently regurgitate what they do eat?

Is the snake showing signs of being in pain? These include reluctance to move, unusual irritability/snappiness, withdrawing sharply from touch, acting unusually nervous, and refusal to eat/drink.

Can the snake take part in activities they previously enjoyed? If your snake likes an occasional climb or to dig around in their substrate, can they still do that? Do they exhibit any interest in natural behaviors?

Is the snake physically healthy? Older snakes might develop painful and stressful breathing problems, painful masses, and suffer from lack of mobility in their joints. If these conditions make it so the snake is in pain and cannot function like they used to, it's time for a conversation with your snake's vet about what, if anything, can be done to make your snake more comfortable or if euthanasia is the kinder option.

I recommend keeping a journal for senior snakes. It makes it easier to recognize patterns - it helps when making this decision to be able to point to concrete evidence, and it helps reassure you when your snake just has a bad day. Consistent patterns let you know that your snake might be declining, and it's time at that point to take your snake to the vet to discuss. Some snakes just gradually decline without significant pain or stress and will pass away at home, and for some euthanasia is kinder.

Here's hoping that you and your ball python have many more happy years together! :)

#not a rating #animal death #pet death #snake health #animal suffering

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brokenrobot2004 · 2 months

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It makes me a little sad that I'm going to be convicted forever by the hate blog my ex best friend made about me years ago now; to her, the drama ended with that blog, but to me, it's going to stay forever as long as it's around, because it's one of the first things anyone is going to see when they look me up; I'd be more accepting of it if it wasn't also loosely comprised of buzzwords (Biphobic and ablest are specifically strange to me because I'm bi and diagnosed with autism, and even back when I was aroace I never said anything about bisexuals? I never said anything about any kind of disability either, I was always very respectful about both of those things and have even considered myself bi before now too, when I was 11) and mildly sexualized assumptions that an adult made of posts I made when I was either 10 or 11 years old in the furby community, just trying to fit in with what other people were saying but not entirely having a grip on what they meant and sounding off, when I never meant to sound the way I did at all; like how "Fetishizing trans women" was a post where I angrily mocked my mom calling me cute or girly things because I was a trans guy and found it upsetting, "disabled furby fetish" was me trying to make a positivity post about helping disabled furbies to be inclusive like everyone else was being, one of the things happened to be me saying I'd help a furby who couldn't walk sit on the toilet because I heard around that people taking care of the elderly would do that, so I included it in my post to seem knowledgeable on real ways of helping, and that was it; I really really wish that even while I was an unhinged young teenager, people would have just gently asked before writing those ever-lasting posts, "Hey, did you mean bla-bla-bla when you said this, or did you mean something else?" and I would've answered honestly, I'm sure; I was a bit of a monstrosity the further back you go into history of how I acted on the internet but I was really, not all that terrible to talk to when there was no perceived threat from the person and asking me a rational question would've been easy, I never ever mean to hurt anybody, but now, that's all people are going to think of me; even in real life, because who wouldn't look up my social media in this digital era? 🙁

And it was mostly, if not entirely, consisting of behaviors and views I've grown out of since the 5+ years ago it happened; I have even been met with backlash in 2022 or 2023, for saying I'm sorry to someone I was mean to back then 😯 (I now think that was unnecessary from me, I was very tired that day) what do the people who've cancelled me want from me? I don't think they want me to apologize, or care that I've gotten so much better since then; I think maybe they just want to revel in that I am a complete recluse now socially, a coward; I cannot even say "Cool fursuit!" or "I like your artstyle!" without feeling like somehow, someone will come forward and be able to twist what I've said into something terrible and use it against me if they don't like me, because that's just how people can be online now; it's terrifying. My ex best friend has shunned me behind my back for being so scared, I remember being shown longer ago; but knowing the things that upset her, she would be absolutely broken if someone did to her, what she did to me online; because that shit can ruin careers, it could ruin my chance of ever making a friend again, even IRL because anyone can look me up online; imagine doing that to somebody who was at the time, not even old enough to drink.

I've been called vile, irredeemable, and anonymously told to kill myself once even; I was a 16 year old; a rather air-headed one too yet. Who would talk that way to a 16 year old who made it clear he was trying to improve and never meant to hurt anyone? Who knew he was in the wrong and was trying his hardest to fix it? For young readers rolling their eyes, how absurd that is will click when you're older and realize how inexperienced most people are at that age.

And that isn't keeping in mind how developmentally delayed I always have been too, which I state as a fact and not as an excuse; I don't let it ever stop me from improving myself either, but I feel like it's probably important that I mention that about myself here; I've always been considerably far behind people my age socially and often, intellectually; it was very visible at School especially where alot of the work I did was far behind everyone else's, and was alot slower than them too, and when I was younger I'd hardly get any work done at all even and was very difficult to deal with as a whole; Autism can be a very unflattering disability, it's not generally pure or wholesome, and it has influenced my bad or otherwise embarrassing behavior alot in the past; which I will still take responsibility for; because my illness isn't some seperate entity from me I'd use as an excuse, I just want it to be understood and recognized that I can't function as well as most other people in the head, I never could, and I genuinely just want that to be understood coming from someone who is seriously, detrimentally autistic to a point I had gotten diagnosed with it at a young age; my past outbursts and socially-inept behaviors helped by it gave the internet ridiculous shitshows to point at, and I'll never be able to take that away; what I can do is hope that I'll be atleast somewhat understood in the end, and left alone for how I was such a long time ago now

I've made a good effort to no longer be that way or act immature and freak out like I did long ago, and I can't stop persuing a social presence at such a young age, over the idea that strangers might not understand that about me.

I have no respect for people who think call-out and purity culture are okay and useful towards youth; this stuff was meant for use against megacorperations and rich celebrities that are getting boycotted for being generally harmful and/or gross on a huge scale that affects many innocent people, not stupid teenagers like I was, or even young adults. People learn, grow, and change; I spend and have spent every second of my life finding ways to grow and improve, and taking information in from people I look up to and admire to do so; and came far enough that I am 100% no longer the petty, angry, and immature person I was at the time, and that makes me very proud. I am no longer going to cower in my little corner, shivering at the thought of complimenting someone's 3D model or uploading a piece of music on YouTube; because people who told a scared and confused autistic kid to end his life and tried to take future careers, friendships, or even love away from him with things he's said and done years and years ago, do not deserve my compliance anymore

#Also did that blog ever mention me making alts? I don't remember but if it did‚ I wanna say that I literally did that because (continued)#my ex best friend showed me that she was doing it in a video call when we were friends and I admired and copied her methods #That's why I also tried to cancel her when I didn't really vibe with her anymore because I thought I had to do that to end a friendship #I didn't know that I could just not vibe with someone anymore‚ that's how our fight started really; because I didn't know how (continued)#to make that decision properly and kept struggling; my to-be girlfriend later on really helped me figure out (continued)#how to handle ending a friendship properly #And SO MANY other things honestly?? I really owe it to my girlfriend; while my ass was getting ripped off‚ she calmly told (continued)#me what I wasn't approaching properly and with understanding and care; I was actually extremely annoying when we were first talking #but she tolerated me so much that I really grew close to her and bonded with her and we eventually became best friends and then #we became girlfriend and boyfriend and uhh.. What was I talking about again sorry-#Back to me learning something bad from my ex best friend though I also want to say that I'm not saying that to condemn her either.#I was just in a bad online space in general at the time because call-out culture and stuff was just getting big and I didn't (continued)#understand what it was or how bad it can be yet; some people don't care or even actively enjoy it though and I can't change them so‚#I focus on changing myself; like I always do #Or like maybe I can change them but it's not my responsibility- you know what I mean!!

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vanerespira · 1 year

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I say go, go, go.

Hi, there. It has been a long while since I've written anything at all.

That's an exaggeration, of course. I've written short essays, even shorter reviews, IG posts, legal papers, text messages, more affirmations than I can count, and plenty of quotes, straight from all the books I'd read these past years.

I have also filled many, many pages journaling. Picking a subject and then dumping everything I felt and thought about it onto paper, usually in quick and messy handwriting, and a mix of languages because my brain couldn't just pick one. It still can't, honestly.

But I haven't been writing like I used to. And by that I mean... Like when I was a teenager. When any idea needed to be written. When every song was a fanfic, every event something to be included in a fictional character's life to make them look more believable. When my dream was to be a writer so I behaved like I thought one would.

I wrote a lot back in 2016, though, when I was well in my twenties. I remember the feelings that drove me to sit behind my small, wooden desk (the same one I had had since I was 7 years old) and just write. Whatever I was creating was fine (multitudes of fanfics; I'm still not as imaginative as I used to be), and it felt right to write about it. It was familiar and uncomfortable in an uncomfortable way.

Those feelings can be summarized in a sentence: "You either write or you are never going to find out what you're really feeling/thinking/needing." That's pretty much it. Because feelings, my friends... those are confusing. Especially for us, the people that live so much in our heads that we can't differentiate between anxiety and excitement, between sadness and boredom, between emptiness and chaos.

(To be honest, I had a way easier time recognizing that writing was going to help me out thanks to my 14-year-old self who thought was dying for a while until she wrote about being saved. So there. I already had a 'break in case of emergency' solution the second time around. I just forgot about it for a couple of years.)

And so, I wrote. And, predictably, everything got better. Also predictably, I stopped writing.

And now here we are. Well into my thirties, nervous about writing again. This time is different, though. This time, maybe for the first time in years, I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm taking the time to reconnect with who I was and all the joy I dropped in the way of being an (isolated, responsible, closed-up, lethargic, reliable, sane, and insecure) adult.

But I have so much to unpack and so much new knowledge to learn and apply that, well... I either write about it or I'm never going to find out what I'm really feeling/thinking/needing. It's as easy as that.

My 14-year-old self taught me everything about it. 20 years later, I'm finally listening.

It's been a long, long while since I have written anything. But I am now.

Welcome to my blog, friend.

#write #blog #why i write #personal

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welcometogrouchland · 3 years

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5 HCs for a fantasy AU for TMA?

(This is mainly influenced by my special interest in mythology/folklore/fairy tales and my lack of knowledge about fantasy. It’s mainly me aligning characters with tropes/characters from those sources)

1. Annabelle is the king’s evil advisor. I just think it’d be wildly entertaining to watch her play the king (probably someone like jonelias) and it feels like a fitting translation of her role in canon. She’s just making sure errant heroes go on quests at exactly the right time to exactly the right place to get exactly the right thing, and well wouldn’t you know it the king’s dead now, woops! Who could’ve foreseen this? :::::/ ((anyway I like to think Annabelle is a subversion of the evil advisor trope. Not particularly out for power, just hates the guy in charge and wants him gone. You couldn’t pay me money to make Annabelle straight evil)) but of course, she just ends up working for the next guy in charge, speaking of which…

2. Haha so you guys know king Arthur and the knights of the round table? Yeah?

That’s basically Jon and the archival staff in this au. Jon’s a humble orphan turned scholar turned errant hero questing for “the watcher’s crown”, turned king of Britain! I like this idea first and foremost because we’ve seen the kind of imposter syndrome Jon gets when he feels he doesn’t deserve an archiving job let alone being king of a country! I’m so interested in what Jon’s leadership style would be. He’s simultaneously so hesitant and so impulsive. He’s willing to mull over the morality of things to the point of wallowing (re: season four), but he’s also willing to make snap judgements and impulses if he’s under pressure/people he cares about are under threat. It’s easy to assume that Jon’s story could end just as tragically as it did in canon, but then again, maybe there’s hope. After all, he has his knights

3. Speaking of knights! Not everyone is a one-to-one match with a particular Arthurian character, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that Tim can easily slot into the Lancelot role. A noble, skilled, handsome hero who serves as the right hand man to the king until a misunderstanding leads to betrayal and tragedy? It writes itself! I don’t think Tim has quite as much backstory going on as Lancelot does (no raised by the lady of the lake (whom we’ll get to) here), but I think a dead brother murdered by Nikola (who I guess is a fae court jester in this au? I think the dynamic between fae, mortal’s and their names feels very fitting for the stranger, so that’s appropriate) is enough to spur any dashing hero to a life of chivalry and questing. There isn’t a love triangle in this au (because as tempted as I am, just for the drama, I know that it’d feel pretty trite with these characters), but there is a misunderstanding regarding Sasha in this au! Which leads me into:

4. The translation of not!Sasha would be a classic changeling swap in this au! Sasha, one of the knights who was once a scholar alongside Jon, goes out on the quest of the week alone, and get’s taken by a changeling who replaces her and takes her place in the king’s court. This is sufficiently less angsty than in canon though, considering a) Sasha just get’s taken to the realm of the fae rather than dying, and b) there’s no “you don’t remember what she looks like?” moment, since the changeling just looks like regular Sasha. The changeling is a part of the same fae court as Nikola, and just generally sows the seeds of doubt in the knight’s minds until they decide to attack. That’s where things probably get angsty. But, like in the original story (as much as there is one in Arthurian canon), where Arthur is taken to Avalon to heal, I think Sasha in the realm of the fae eventually gets to reunite with at least one of her friends. Maybe it’s Tim, maybe it’s Jon, I’m not sure! But I think there’s a silver lining to it all.

5. And a lightning round of other roles I think are filled: martin is the Gawain equivalent. He’s seemingly plain and un-special, but he has his own adventures that show his contributions are valuable to the round table (like the poem Gawain and the Green Knight). I like to think he comes back from that particular adventure and it’s like a mag22 moment where king Jon is finally a bit more noticing/kind to him. Que eventual romance and martin siding with Jon like Gawain sided with Arthur. Instead of the lady of the lake it’s the lady of the flame and it’s Agnes Montague! She has the watcher’s crown because something something her and Gertrude, and gifts it to Jon much like the lady of the lake gifts Arthur his sword. You might be tempted to say that Elias or Gertrude is the Merlin equivalent, but I actually think it’s Gerry in this au. I just think he’d thrive as a chaotic neutral advisor to Jon (even if Gerry isn’t really chaotic neutral in canon. This Gerry is probably a lot more…noble? Than Arthurian Merlin is). Gertrude was the knight to first try and find the watchers crown (like Percival with the grail) but she failed. Rip grandma, this twink’s here to carry on your legacy. Melanie is a knight and is born blind in this au, Basira is also a knight, and daisy is an assassin from a foreign land (Wales) who ends up being reluctantly allowed to help in court after she’s impressed with Jon’s honor (he saves her like in canon).

#ramblings of a lunatic #tma fantasy au #like i said it's less fantasy more ''ladel's special interest in king arthur violently reactivated'' au but hey #this took a while? but im decently proud of the ideas i came up with!#king arthur au you live in my head rent free!#keep in mind though it's been a WHILE since i last read abt arthurian/celtic myth #i'm honestly sad i couldn't include more of my knowledge? but it's mainly centred on irish myth which isn't that relevant in a story-#-set in ye olde britain #also the ''foreign land (wales)'' bit is sarcastic #i just think it'd be funny if jon's like ''what strange land does this mysterious assasin come from?'' and daisy's like ''fuckin wales''#ALSO i couldn't find a way to include it but there's a thing in welsh myth where ppl attributed the howling of the wind to GHOST TORNADO-#called 'the wild hunt' or the 'night hunt' and i desperately wanted to incorporate it into daisy but couldn't #look it up it's cool #idk if i have anything else to say uh...#the knucklavee is a manifestation of the flesh #thank you for your time and the ask oran #EDIT: AGHH FOUND TYPO GRR BARK

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 3 years

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Mamihlapinatapai Or The Season Of Longing

A/n: Here is another fic. Since it's been raining like crazy and I have spent way too much time indoors because of the weather, I decided to write this. The poem featured in this fic is called Lluvia by Jorge Luis Borges. I finally figured out how to put things under the cut so that my followers don't have to scroll through a large post 😅 It's another piece set before Doofus Rick and the reader were dating. Feel free to check out the other fics in my Masterpost.

In this fic the reader isn't the only one longing

___________

Imagine that instead of a blue sky, there was an off white, almost grey sky, and what should've been wispy white clouds were blankets of rumbling thunderstorms without a drop of rain; that was how you thought you might've felt. There was a name to this feeling, but you weren't sure what to call it; as though you were missing something you couldn't place; not sadness or grief, but whatever came in between. No, nothing bad had happened, and there hadn't been any disagreements between you and Rick, but something did occur which fed this alien feeling. It seemed that only a few days ago you were alright, but then you invited him over and he had a chance to look over those books you had mentioned. That day he had returned home from work and came over right after; offering his best of smiles and a piece of candy from his labcoat pocket as soon as he crossed the threshold of your doorway; it was nothing out of the ordinary, but it was charming all the same.

With swiftness, you had led him to your hallway closet so that you could bring down the box of books sitting on the upper shelf; that was where you kept a great portion of your father's old books. Father had been a fan of languages and botany, but ventured into the bizarre mystery from time to time; being a master of neither, you had hidden them away for a later date; mostly because the memories were more disheartening then they space they took up. With all your might, you stood on the tips of your toes in a vain attempt to reach, but your fingers barely brushed the edge of it; you should’ve just used the step ladder. It was Rick's small huff of effort which alerted you to his nearness as he unexpectedly stretched up and grabbed said box when you had a little trouble. Goodnaturedly, he carried it towards the kitchen while you took a moment to calm your girlish heart.

Coaxed away from your thoughts by the dusty cardboard and the delighted guest, you nodded lightly to give him the go-ahead to help himself. His gentle presence made him a joy to study; not in the way he examined things in the world or of the world, but in the way one does when fascinated by a butterfly or a fresh bloom hidden in an otherwise barren bush; he was a miracle. With care he pulled out one book after another, glancing through their pages and making piles for which one's he'd like to borrow. In a way he seemed to belong to this house; as though what wasn't found within pages of novels could be sought, and felt beyond reason; flowing calmly and relished in these favorable moments. Although it wasn't much, and that borrowing books could be of little consequence except to the reader itself, you hated to see him go.

Now thinking of it days later, you found yourself wondering about its significance as well as a plethora of other things as you walked to the store and back. You hadn't needed anything in particular, but you felt slightly better being outdoors; the fresh air allowed you to believe you could think better. The sounds of light traffic and grass being cut somewhere along in the neighborhood felt timeless as you walked around the corner, almost home. The wind blew, rustling your clothes and you narrowly lost the receipt that hung out of your pocket, but that didn’t bother you.

Rain clouds were rolling in from the west and you hoped it wouldn't rain before you reached home. And the closer you got, the more you could see the familiar house of your lovable neighbor. A smile couldn't help but stretch across your face at the thought and you hoped he was home so that you could ask if he'd had a chance to look those books over but that alien feeling bloomed again; the sinking, drowning, heavy feeling. How you wanted to be with him despite what reason thought was logical. The dance of your heart would've loved nothing more than to place a dozen or more kisses upon his smile lines while he stammered into the next week. Oh, your foolish heart had taken on a personification of its own these days; speaking and thinking of itself and it's wants like a second brain; draining you whenever it appeared.

Yet, before you knew it you had reached home and dropped off what you had bought before stepping out again. From your front yard, you could see that he was in the garage and you questioned whether you should go over and attempt to alleviate this feeling; it’d vanish whenever you were with him. You must’ve stood there thinking for a while as to what ought to be done for the pitter-patter of rain broke this trance-like state and you ran back towards your front porch. How silly you have become as of late with this strange crush of yours. Weren’t you past these sort of schoolgirl feelings? Perhaps, but it was more than that.

You sunk into your wicker bench and listened to the sound of the rain as it hit the roof and walkway. The earthy scent of the lawn and the splash of puddles as cars drove by was a welcomed distraction. A nap didn’t seem like such a bad idea. Yet, gentle footsteps and the sound of a closed umbrella woke another sort of feeling within you; that of hope.

“Golly, it - it sure is raining cats and dogs t-today.” he commented.

The words were out of your mouth as soon as you were aware of him; of this creature who walked out of a daydream. “I didn’t think I’d get to see you.”

“Huh? Are you alright? Did s-something happen?”

“I'm fine,” you answered; all at once conscious of him and your surroundings. “it’s just...I thought about coming over to ask if you checked out any of the books but it started to rain.”

“Th-that's part of the reason I'm here,” he confessed. “I-I had noticed you went out for a-a walk and wanted to make sure you had come home safely.”

“As you can see, I made it back in one piece. Although, I did get my hair wet. Though, that's the least of my problems.”

“Do you mind if I-I-I take a seat?”

Patting the space beside you, you nodded. “Not at all.”

He set his umbrella to the side before he seated himself and turned towards you. His warmth radiated from him and being as tall as he was, the bench might’ve been too low to the ground since his legs seemed to stick out too much, but he made no complaint. From his inner labcoat pocket, he pulled out a small book. “I thought y-y-you might enjoy this.”

“A book?”

Handing it to you, he commented. “I thought y-you might enjoy this collection of poems. I um - I bookmarked my favorites but I'd like t-t-to know what your thoughts about them would be.”

You knew this whimsical creature was well-read in many respects, but you hadn’t given much thought to the possibility of including works of a more abstract nature. “Sure, that sounds lovely. Though, I hope you don't mind me asking. Do you read works like this often? It's not because I find it strange. Honestly, I find it fascinating and wonderful that you would even consider it, but I ask because I thought….well, I thought you only read serious works related to your work.”

Scratching the back of his neck, he explained. “I read whenever I-I-I find the time and it uh - it usually doesn’t matter what the subject may be. In the pursuit of knowledge, one reads everything. For example, th-the terms and conditions for some computer programs or limited warranties at times list amusing reasons why y-you might be able to get a replacement for a damaged product. It keeps things interesting.”

“I see. It certainly makes sense.”

With a smile, he sighed with contentment as he looked towards the street. “Boy, th-this weather reminds me of a certain poem. It's called um - it's called Lluvia. That's the Spanish word for rain.”

“That's right,” you remembered; his last name should’ve been a reminder enough. “you can speak Spanish. I forget sometimes since you only talk to me in English. So, tell me, how does this poem go?”

“Please forgive me since my Spanish is a-a little rusty.”

Taking a deep breath, he recited calmly. “Bruscamente l-la tarde se ha aclarado, porque y-ya cae la lluvia minuciosa. Cae o cayó. La lluvia es una c-cosa qué sin duda sucede en el pasado. Quien la oye caer ha recobrado, el t-tiempo en que la suerte venturosa. Le r-r-reveló una flor llamada rosa y el curioso color del c-colorado. Esta lluvia que ciega los cristales, alegrará en p-p-perdidos arrabales. Las negras uvas de una parra en cierto. Patio que ya no existe. La mojada, t-tarde me trae la voz, la voz deseada, de mi padre que vuelve y que no ha muerto.”

You stared at this man, amazed by his fluency and ability to fascinate you with the simplest things. Yet again, a reason to be marveled by him. “Whoa, I don't know what you said, but it sounded beautiful when you said it.”

Turning towards you, his smile seemed brighter than usual albeit a bit sheepish. "It's n-nothing special."

"But it is, especially since you can think and speak in more than one language. I can't do that."

"I-I can teach you if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. You're busy enough as it is, but I appreciate the thought. You really are so incredibly smart."

"And you…eres maravillosa."

"What?”

His smile faltered a bit, and he thought to himself for a bit on what he was about to say before his smile returned; albeit more gently. “Eres amable y-y dulce. No soy digno de una amiga como tu.”

“Rick,” you started; confused as to why there seemed to be some sort of admission that you weren’t able to understand. “all the poetic talk is lovely, but I don't think it's fair if you reply in a way I can't understand."

"Si pudieras entenderme," he sighed, wringing his hands in the nervous way he did. "me pregunto qué creerías si te expresara cuánto me preocupo por ti."

Raising from the bench, he said to himself. "Si puedo llegar a la luna, algun dia podria...¿Q-que estoy haciendo?"

"Rick?"

“I’m o-okay. I uh - I zoned out there for a second. I’m sorry.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

He studied you for a moment longer; a world of words unsaid in his melancholic glances. Was something secretly hurting him like it was hurting you? You could only wonder as thoughts were drowned out by the sound of the rain.

———————————-

It was warm and comfortable with him sitting beside you. His presence always provided a sense of calm that was softer and sweeter than that of the sedatives that eased your anxiety. Why you could fall asleep right here if it weren’t for that fact that you’d be mortified if you allowed it to happen.

“Are you a-a big fan of the rain?” he wondered.

This question had come after a half-hour of companionable silence. “Hmm, it’s not the rain so much as the memories that accompany it.”

“Do y-you want to talk about it?”

“Only if you don’t mind hearing it.”

“I-I don’t mind.” He reassured you.

“Well,” you started. “my dad enjoyed rainy days since he said the plants almost seemed to smile when rainwater hit their leaves.”

“Th-that’s a nice thought.“

“Yeah, I thought so too. When it rains like this, and I’m watching it fall,” you softened; feeling lighter because you had someone to share your thoughts with. “it feels like I’m looking through a curtain. It’s not completely see-through, but the shapes I can see appear softer and more mysterious like how you must’ve appeared when you showed up. Too bad I wasn’t paying attention.”

Oh, you did not just say that out loud. “Or something like that.” You added.

If he had noticed you had tripped over your words then he gave no indication of it. “Gosh, I-I never thought of it that way b-before. I usually see it as part of the pr-precipitation cycle and it smells nice, doesn't it?”

“It does. I wouldn’t mind bottling up this scent, but then it might lose what makes it special.”

Yet, if you could bottle up his scent, it would’ve been nice to keep nearby just in case you wanted a little piece of him.

“That um - that reminds me,” he brightened. “I had baked some mandarin scones before walking over tonight, and I-I-I thought you’d like t-t-t-t-to try them but I didn’t want to risk them getting wet. I-I thought we could share some over tea tomorrow if that’s alright with you.”

Tea time with Rick was like what others did over rounds of drinks; it was to unwind and talk about the day; minus the drunkenness and the unforeseen embarrassment. “Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

“Gee, I um - I was supposed to, but there was a shift change. Actually, I have a shift t-t-tonight in a-about an hour, but I had wanted to make sure you were alright before I left.”

“Why?”

“Because I-I thought you were going t-to walk over.”

So he had thought the same thing. “Oh, well like I said earlier I had planned to or thought to, but the weather put a damper on things.”

“Yeah.”

“Though, isn’t it funny that we both had the same thought?”

He smiled at that. “It's because gr-great minds think alike.”

What right did he have to be this adorable you thought. All you could do was smile up at him and fight the urge to run your fingers through what appeared to be soft hair; as odd as you had initially thought his haircut was when you met him, you couldn’t imagine him any other way. Still, drawn to his bright, kind eyes, you wondered if you were being attracted by some invisible force to test the limits of this friendship, and yet you knew well enough that now wasn’t the time. Following a slow blink of his, you mentioned without looking away. “Now that we have gotten to see each other, it's probably time to let you go. I wouldn’t want you to be late for work.”

“Y-you’re right.” he straightened; jumping up on his feet with much more agility then seemed possible for someone so mature. “Until next time.”

There he was leaving again when you didn’t want him to. Still, you had no right or claim to him. At least, not yet. “See you tomorrow.”

Grabbing his umbrella, he motioned to open it but paused, and slowly, but surely turned back; his smile almost boyish. “Gosh, I-I will see you tomorrow, right?”

Clutching the book of poems to your breast, you giggled. “Whichever way it may be, we will. I promise.”

Fin

#doofus rick x reader #doofus rick #rick sanchez x female reader #j19z7 #j19ζ7 #j-19-zeta-7 #rick and morty #rnm fanfiction #rnm #Rick x reader #my fanfiction #my works #rick sanchez x reader #Rick Sanchez

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kachulein · 5 years

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Dear Han Jisung,

It has reached my ears how you're feeling about yourself. In all honesty, I've feared all along you might have a low self-esteem and many insecurities despite the confident appearance you always make.

That's why I've decided to write down everything I can think of that makes you a wonderful and beautiful human being, in order to show you my unconditional love and affection, in hopes it might reach your ears and make you feel loved.

Dear Han Jisung, this is For You❤

Let me start with your appearance first. Even if you do not believe it, you're beautiful beyond measure, not just in my eyes, but in the eyes of every STAY. You know I've realized you rarely post selfies on your Instagram account and it makes me sad, thinking you might feel too insecure or bad about yourself to bless us with your pretty face.

Take a look at your eyes. I've never seen a pair of eyes that reflected so many emotions in such a strong sense and they're sparkling as if they're holding whole galaxies within them. Your eyes are truly beautiful and I could get lost in them in no time.

Solely from the look in your eyes, I can feel the emotions you are conveying.

But not only do your eyes contribute to your beauty, it's your whole face, your whole being, that makes you as beautiful as can be.

You have the fluffiest hair and I'd love to run my hands through it.

You have the cutest frame and I'd love to hug you.

You have the cutest nose and I'd love to boop it.

You have the cutest cheeks and I'd love to squish it.

You have the cutest smile and it's so contagious I can't help but break out into a smile myself whenever I see yours.

Your smile has helped me through so many hardships already. When I see your smile, it makes me feel warm on the inside. I catch myself thinking of you, wondering how you're doing and if you're taking good care of yourself. I keep wondering whether you have people surrounding you who make you feel loved and appreciated because that's what you deserve and so much more.

Your smile has made my day so many times and no matter how sad and broken I may be, your smile is so powerful that it makes me smile as well. And I'm truly thankful to you for pulling me up when I've fallen down with as much as a simple yet genuine smile.

Have you noticed how your lips always break into a heart-shaped form whenever you smile? It's as if even your smile wants to tell us STAYs how much you love us.

Your lips are beautiful and I love seeing them curve into a smile because I want to see you happy, I want to see you enjoying life because that's what you deserve.

You are so precious with the most precious smile.

I hope you will continue to bless us with your beautiful and loving smile, in hopes you'll never lose it.

Even though I love your appearance wholeheartedly, I must admit your personality is even more beautiful and shines brighter than all the stars in the universe combined.

At first glance, you seem like a fun person and a happy-virus, the one member that talks the most and is the loudest, the one member that never fails to draw attention to himself by being cheerful or screaming. Some may think this is an immature and silly behaviour but those people don't know what else you got up your sleeve.

You can be loud and talkative, but this includes being supportive and funny as well. You are the happiness in my life and I miss your screaming every day I don't get to hear it.

Your aegyo and your jokes are also underappreciated. In my opinion you are the cutest little bean and I honestly love your acrostic poems, they aren't just random, funny sentences, they make sense and are sweet.

Not only are you a moodmaker but you are also a very caring, helpful, kind and sweet human being.

You are always there when another member needs your help.

You are very attentive and notice when another member is struggling

You are quick to help and stay by their side

You are very empathetic and caring towards your brothers

Your whole being is just so loving and caring that I can only say, everyone needs a Han Jisung in their lives❤

Here's a gifset of you noticing Hyunjin is shivering and warming him up to visualize how much of a caring and sweet human being you are.

And now let's talk about your talents and your position in the music industry because you genuinely blow my mind.

You are only 18 years old and yet you've come so far and I'm so incredibly proud of you (and you should be proud, too💞).

First of all, you are an insanely talented rapper who can spit fire

Your raps are either very powerful and aggressive

or sweet and comforting, with your lyrical rap style

Not only are you a great rapper but you're also a very talented vocalist

You are able to reach high notes and your vocals are stable and either powerful or sweet and dreamy

Your voice is beautiful, so so so beautiful (and I don't want to discredit vocal line here, I just want to point out how much I love his singing voice)

You have a certain tone in your voice that makes me feel safe and happy, I could listen to you sing all day long and I'd never get tired of it.

Apart from your singing and rapping voice I also want to point out that I love your speaking voice as well.

And this might get overlooked but wow, you are such a great dancer? or is it just me?

(again, no shame to the dance line ofc)

But I'll never get bored of watching you dance

There's something about your moves that captivates my attention and it's hard for me to tear my gaze away

Your dancing is so smooth and you're doing it with such ease, I can only admire you

And as if it couldn't get any better, here you are, at 18 years, producing bops after bops with your fellow 3RACHA mates.

Apart from your incredible producing skills, you're also a very talented lyricist and you touch my heart with the lyrics you write

Following up on you writing deep and comforting lyrics, I'll come to my next point, which is pointing out how mature you actually are.

Yes, your happy-virus, loud and fun-loving personality may make you seem a bit immature, though that is not the point at all. You've proven to us over and over how thoughtful, mature, serious, sincere and considerate you are.

With your 18 years of age, you are already so knowledgeable and deep, seemingly understanding the complexity of life and giving us advice on how to overcome hardships and deal with them.

Every time, you surprise me all over again with how wholesome you are and I honestly couldn't be prouder.❤

Please don't let the hate get to you. It's only a reflection of the character of those who sent it your way and not of you, yourself.

Please know, that even if you feel like you're lacking or not good enough, you are so much more than enough for the entirety of the STAY fandom.

You are a blessing to us and we don't deserve such an angel like you.

You've set your own expectations so high, to a point where you can't reach them anymore, but the thing is, you don't have to.

You are enough as you are. And nothing less.

I know, I shouldn't say someone is perfect because no human being is, but you are very close to it, my love.

Dear Han Jisung,

I love you with all my heart and I wouldn't know what I'd do without you in my life.

Thank you for being a wonderful and amazing human being.

Thank you for giving us love and stay by our side when we need you.

Thank you for existing and blessing us with your music and messages.

Thank you, simply for being YOU.

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dearmomimissyou · 4 years

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So yesterday I tried to make a post explaining the back story of what caused Sunday's mental breakdown to happen and I tried to save it to drafts after spending 30 minutes on it while walking Miss Phyre outside but Tumblr decided to cock out and didn't actually save it which led to another mini meltdown afterwards so I'm just going to skip the background. It hurts to mich to relive it a g a i n. So thanks Tumblr.

Sunday I went to Sam's house after donating plasma cause dad was working on the electrical and I figured I'd just spend time there instead of being home. Instead, I ended up having a breakdown on Sam's back porch. I started crying inside while in the fetal position on the floor and figured that I should go outside so nobody heard me. I violently sobbed for at least ten minutes and dug my nails into my arm because I wanted to punish myself. I also went outside because I wanted to destroy Sam's living room and I can't do that but I can destroy myself and my things. I kept wanting to smash my head into something and eventually I did on the banister twice and screamed both times when I did it. After some time like five minutes of so Nemo came out and tried talking to me and I blew up on them and basically blamed them even though it wasn't their fault. They were crying and begging me to get help dad came out too crying because he heard me say that somebody was tearing me down and making feel like shit about myself but he didn't hear who and at the time it didn't make me feel anything but looking back fucking hurts. Sam came out too after Nemo went inside I think to talk to dad about what was happening and she brought Nala Tyler's cat and asked if I wanted cookies or soda to feel better. I just remember ignoring her and being so annoyed with her in the moment.

Eventually I got to the point where I couldn't physically talk and typed a message to Nemo:

I want to me normal I WA. T to be fixed and go just can't cause miss Phyre needs attention and the dress fitting and I don't want to worry mom and tge family but fucking here I dpimg just that all the God dam. Duckknf time vsvauar I can't fucking control my stupid fucking brain

They asked if I wanted to go to the lds hospital crisis center or if I wanted to wait til tomorrow:

I have to go today cause if I don't there be an excuse tomorrow like I feel better it always happens

So they drove me home so I could get some clothes and stuff to bring to be admitted into inpatient. The whole time I was getting stuff I cried and kissed miss Phyre and told her over and over how much I love her and that I'll be back I'm not abandoning her.

So we get up to the access center thing and because of covid Nemo has to leave but I get taken back pretty fast for the physical part and asking the standard health questions. They also take my stuff including my phone and the pieces of paper that I wrote down all my problems on and a brief breakdown of my childhood traumas. I sit in a pretty okay chair for what feels like an hour. I cry a bit but nothing too noticeable when I finally got back to see the crisis counselor she basically said I'm very knowledgeable about my mental illnesses and told me that she'd let their therapy coordinator know to give me a call on Tuesday and also gave me her business card so I could call too and said as long as I'm not a danger to myself I can go home. In that moment I wasn't in danger of hurting myself more and I did want to go home instead of being admitted so I could take care of Miss Phyre but this was the second time a crisis counselor told me I wasn't in enough danger to be admitted like? Excuse me? Sorry my fucking emotions turn on a fucking dime but I absolutely need professional fucking help please?

She led me back to my chair to wait for the psychiatrist or whatever and that time I didn't have to wait as long. I got a turkey sandwich box thingy that came with a fruit cup chips and a string cheese as well as mustard and mayo in packets to put on it and tomatoes and Lettuce on the side so you can add them if you want them. I only had time to eat the fruit cup and started spreading the mayo on my sandwich before the psychiatrist came to me and we talked and he said the same thing as the counselor thag I'm very insightful about my failings and then put me on welbutrin instead of Lexapro and said I'm good to go home. I went back to the chair finished making the sandwich and then ate it while filling out their crisis sheet thingy that's like when I'm in a bad place who can I go to type shit. I still had to wait to actually be discharged so J ate the string cheese too. I finally left and had to wait another thirtyish minutes for Nemo to come pick me up.

What the scratches looked like right after being discharged. We went back to Sam's house because dad was still doing the electrical and we stayed there for another hour or two before going home. Don't remember much after the discharge honestly.

Monday was labor day and we went shopping I got my pills and stuff from Smiths. Then we went back home to wait for mom and Karleigh to get up so we could go to Joanne's tk make a playyard thing for aidrian and the dollar store for other stuff I don't remember. Then we went to the grocery store to get pita bread for dinner and something else I forgot but we ended up shopping and spent like 200 dollars. We also went to Lowes to get more pvc pipe for the playyard because dad apparently didn't get enough the first time. We ate dinner with Dave which was tikki masala and it was pretty dang good. Also before we got my pills I walked Miss Phyre for a while outside and she loved it. I decided to give her a bath afterwards since she doesn't wash herself and she was oaky the entire time she didn't meow or hiss or anything. She tried to climb out of the tub but not like in an aggressive manner like she didn't want anything to do with the water. She was such a good girl.

When Dave left we started working in the playyard. We wrapped some pink tulle on the sides and tied it to the pvc with some thin yarn. It took us hours to do and it was just mom Karleigh and me because dad went to bed. It was grueling work because my body was already exhausted from shopping all day and I had to hold my arms above my head for extended periods of time. My heels were in excruciating pain but we finally finished half of the playyard at about 1230 only to find out the other tulle we bought was the wrong stuff. It was too small to have it folded over to keep the sides secure and wasn't long enough to reach both ends of the other tulle so we had to give up for the night which actually pissed me off more than finishing it would have probably. I ended up only going to sleep at 5 am and waking up at about 9 on Tuesday but it was a nice cool day so I took Miss Phyre out for another walk and while we walked I typed up the previous Tumblr post. When I was ready to go inside and take a break from reliving the shit that happened I saved it to drafts so I could finish it later and brought Miss Phyre inside. Then I realized that it didn't actually save it and I had another breakdown but not nearly as intense as Sunday. It didn't help that the therapy coordinator never actually called me. I got a call from a bit for Intermountain that asked a bunch of questions like do I understand my discharge orders am I feeling safe did I get medication and do I understand how to take the medication and I had to hit 1 for yes 2 for no and 3 for unsure and one of the questions was like am I still feeling like I'm in a crisis or something and I had to hit 1 three times because it just wouldn't register it and that pissed me off and made me mad that it was automated and they didn't even bother to have areal human call and talk to me. After every question I answered basically they said were sorry to hear that well have a nurse follow up with you later today. I ignored both calls from the nurse because I just didn't have the energy to deal with it after the Tumblr thing. Like I wasted so much energy just typing it out and what little I had left just instantly sapped after I realized it was gone. The second voicemail the nurse left mentioned that it would be the last time trying to get into contact with me but also that our insurance has mental health advocates so thats something I need to look into.

Eventually Cavell told my dad that I needed to be watched I guess and since dad was still at work and mom had just left to take aidrian back home mandi came downstairs and spent time with me. Cavell told my sad that I needed to eat so he texted mandi to make sure I ate something and we went upstairs and made pizza and waited for dad to come home. After that we had to wait for mom and Karleigh to get back so we could go back to Joanne's to get the right tulle and while we were there I bought some double pointed needles so I could make some wrist warmers to hide the scratches. I also wrapped them up which just made it seem way more serious than it was since they were too close for bandaids to work right I had to use gauze and ace wrap.

We thankfully didn't finish the playyard yesterday we're supposed to some time today but hopefully I'll be asleep before then.

I also left the access center a review since they only had two. One one star review that was basically my experience and one five star with no description from an account that only gives 5 star reviews and seems like a bot.

Nemo wanted me to call the center for evidence based treatment last night because Google said they closed at 7 but when I called they closed at 5 so I called today instrad and nobody answered so I filled out their online form and I just got the response email from them so I'm going to hopefully get better soon I guess.

Love you always.

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