#i'm honoured you liked it but that's not the way

[arxxq]

• 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇, 𝐘𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐘 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐘...🌷•

୨⎯ "eyes don't lie, say you're mine?"⎯୧

My first Aventurine x reader post. (also my first hsr imagine post)

Mentions and implied afab/female reader so I apologize for that I will try to make it up by making a gender neutral imagine soon. stellaron hunter reader!! Pure sfw? Fluffy + angst? Mistakes will be corrected once I find the time and energy to reread it. English is not my first language so please keep in mind my usage of words is not advanced and my grammar will have mistakes as well as spelling so bare with me here. Quite long...?

"I hate you..."

Those were the words she always had said to a certain blonde headed IPC executive. She didn't know why she even crossed paths with him in the first place....but unfortunately it was all written in her script that Elio said so.

Like her coworker Sam, her script was also quite brief. Nothing but a few short sentences and it aggravated her so badly.

But lines in her script said she'll break rules one day for a certain man...she scoffed at that fact. "For a man? Really?" She didn't like the idea of so.

But now realising it...maybe that line in her script was for that certain IPC executive.

She hated it. No matter how much she said "I hate you" to him...she always finds herself meeting him all over again. Was she really head over heels for an IPC executive? It made her stomach sick.

"I know you say that all the time," she snapped out of her thoughts when the certain blonde laughed. God that laugh really knows how to make her stomach twirl. "Penny for your thoughts? Or in this case a chip..." Aventurine asks the woman in front while flipping a chip in the air.

"or we could continue gambling though I'd say I would win either way" he always did after all. His good luck is what makes it so unique. "It's fine.." she gave him a short response. "Now hey what's with the cold shoulder?" Aventurine is clearly confused.

The woman sighed looking at her chips. Her gaze then changed moving it to meet his. Now noticing it she saw the beauty in his multi-colored eyes...even if it has no light it still seemed to shine stars to her. She then let out a hitched breath and without thinking she muttered. "Your eyes are pretty..."

Now realising it she cursed in her head...

"I love him..."

"shit I fucking love him..."

"Your eyes are pretty.."

Aventurine's eyes widened in shock. Did he hear that right? The woman who constantly reminded him that he hated her was complimenting him?

"Are you alright you're acting weird," he laughs trying to change the mood but she looked so deep in thought.

He will be honest meeting her a year ago was probably one of the things he still remembers till now. He never expected to cross paths with her either.

"Well if it isn't miss stellaron hunter [name], I never expected to see you here~" the woman in front of him looked at him in utter disgust.

"An IPC executive? You must be under the ten stonehearts then?" Her words were harsh but nonetheless Aventurine was too distracted with the softness of her voice. To him her voice could calm the oceans. It was so soft yet her words were hurtful.

"Ouch [name] I'm hurt, my name is Aventurine of the Ten Stonehearts, senior manager of the strategic investment department in the IPC it's an honour to meet you ma'am,"

That was their first encounter but it seems like he remembers and can recall every single moment they've spent with each other.

Silence engulfed their surroundings, there was no one else there but the two of them. None of them dared to utter a single word. Aventurine gaze lingered on [name] and her words.

"your eyes are pretty..."

Indeed he's gotten compliments that his eyes are pretty, but to him her eyes were much more majestic than his. Sure it never compared to him but he would always get so lost staring at them. As for her beauty that's where he was at first so lost but no he has an answer.

To him she was but a piece of art that can't easily be won through a gamble or any sort of money. She was an artwork that was unfinished yet so astonishingly beautiful that he admired her forever if he wanted to and he would.

He wanted to love her, he did...but he couldn't. It had nothing to do with him being in the IPC but rather his fear of losing her. After all even with his good luck it seems like it has no affect on his loved ones as he lost them once and twice and thrice and he was not willing to lose another one.

It was a gamble indeed and for once he didn't want to take this one...but it was so tempting.

But he couldn't...after all he can't possibly try to love someone else without learning to love himself more.

It was devastating indeed.

"life sent me you, but I can't have you in order to not lose you so soon...."

[name] didn't know what to do...she could tell from afar that the said man never really loved himself...not finding any enjoyment in the things he's doing. He was afraid but he hid under a confident facade.

To her Aventurine was Fragile as a dandelion but yet he was as brave as a wildflower. To her he was just a beautiful boy with such a broken soul yet she loved him. In the start she was in denial but in her script she remembered a line that was long which never was usual...

"Your heart will fall for another, a confident soul yet so broken in denial you will be, you will soon learn to seek for his love. Your heart knows the way so run in that direction no matter the risk and the consequences that will come..."

She now knows what it meant. She loved him and she wished that she could possibly lend her eyes to him so he could see just how spectacular he was in the eyes of someone who was supposedly born with hatred and see the newfangled that dance within her vision when he sees him.

The girl smiled without knowing because in her head she realised that meeting him was destiny's will.

"what chance did I stand against kismet (fate)? Even if I did hate it I don't regret it now...at some point some rules in life really were meant to be broken..."

As for Aventurine the moment he saw her smile...even if it was so small to him it was like a gift from the gods and above. To him she looked like an ethereal yet ghostly angel with a divine smile on her archangel face.

She was like the moon or perhaps the sun? It didn't matter anyways as her beauty was intimidating yet that was the reason she admired her so much. Seeing her smile was the last straw to him. He knew that she lived her life hating on others due to the hate that was given to her...so he wanted to give her a different perspective hoping that it could make her learn that there are some things worth to love

In each of their minds they made a choice...

"maybe just this once..."

"I wouldn't mind gambling my life just so I can love her and this time I'll be sure I won't lose her...so she can learn that there are things in life worth loving..."

"Just this once..."

"I'll adjust the rules and listen to my heart just so I can love him hoping he'll know how amazing he really is..."

There were just two human beings...and sometimes it's never really wrong to listen to your heart and desires no? Because in this life we all live with desires...whether it can be fulfilled or not it was up to destiny to decide.

For these two...I guess you could say that even fate wanted them to love...after all they can't possibly go against that can they?

do not plagiarize my works to any other platform or so...

reblogs and likes are highly appreciated

(feel free to comment and criticise my work nicely so I can improve!!)

a/n: it's quite long since I written something, so it's quite rusty? But if you've read my works before is there any improvement? This is my first hsr creation and it is about aventurine. Ever since I played the quest I got so attached to his lore and he became my favourite. Hope you enjoyed this. I'm not really proud of this work and I'm not sure if it's ooc but if you manage to read it till the end thank you. Have a great day and I hope that to those pulling for Aventurine..you'll get him since he's out in a few hours.

I have 106 pulls saved up wish me luck !

And all the best from me.

Have a great day or night <3

#·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳aryssa;hasinah #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #aventurine fluff #aventurine angst #aventurine imagines #hsr aventurine #honkai star rail imagines #hsr x reader #hsr imagines #aventurine x y/n

[iris-black13]

In honour of Merlin trending for literally no reason today, I would like to share my theories that I came up with during my recent rewatch. (I'm only up to season 3 right now so there really aren't that many theories yet.)

1. Merlin and Arthur 100% fell in love with each other in season 1, but they aren't aware of it at all.

2. Merlin is so gay. I'm not sure if he knows it or not, but Merlin is not attracted to women. Every time he's seemed interested in a woman, it's because she's been a powerful sorceress or a magical creature. Speaking of Freya; his only real female love interest, what he loves about her is that he sees himself in her. He feels a sense of kinship towards her as someone who is trapped and hunted for something out of her control. I don't think he feels any actual romantic love for her. He loves her, sure. But I think he's confusing romantic love for something else. (But idk I could be wrong.)

3. I don't think the Morgana we got back after her disappearance is the same Morgana we had pre S2E12. I think she probably died and came back wrong. Because otherwise the personality difference is too drastic. Her relationship with Gwen for instance. It makes sense if she didn't forgive Merlin for what he did, but why is she so mean to Gwen?? Gwen was her best friend and maybe even her first love? Morgana was never classist before season 3, but afterwards she acts like Gwen is lesser than and it just doesn't make sense. Anyway that's my in-universe explanation for her terrible shift in character.

4. This is the most important one. Merlin doesn't realize he's in love with Arthur until some time shortly before the season 2 finale. Before the finale, Merlin is happy to cheer on the romance between Arthur and Gwen. Two of his best friends fell in love! Why wouldn't he be happy? Even if they think there's no future for their relationship, he's more than happy to help them get together because Merlin believes in loving who you want to love.

Now, I could go on about how falling in love with Gwen is basically Arthur's way of expressing his repressed feelings for Merlin since Gwen and Merlin are of the same social standing and since Gwen is a woman he can experience the love he could have had with Merlin if it was allowed, but I won't do that. This ain't about him. What's important is that Merlin, in the season 2 finale- knows he's in love with Arthur, and that Arthur can't love him back. After the finale, he's still happy to help his friends in their affections for each other, but his bright goofy smile is gone. It's replaced with this melancholy smile and a hesitant voice.

I'm so serious right now. If you don't believe me, just go rewatch seasons 2 and 3 and see the shift in his demeanor yourself. He actively avoids them when they're interacting in season 3. In- I think it was the changeling episode, at the end, Arthur and Merlin walk into a hallway at the bottom of the staircase. They both see Gwen on the staircase, and when Arthur starts up the stairs, Merlin immediately leaves. It's not a "I'll give them their space" moment. It's a "I can't be here right now" kind of moment. He doesn't even try to stick around to protect Arthur on their date in the episode where Morgana frames Gwen for witchcraft. (and don't even get me started on that episode of my god.) Normally, he would stick around in the shadows to make sure nothing goes wrong and they aren't attacked or anything. It's weird that he doesn't try to stick around!

And oh my God. There are so many moments where Colin Morgan's acting just makes my heart ache. In the crystal caves, Merlin trying to banter with an unconscious Arthur while trying desperately to heal him makes me want to cry. And any time he's encouraging Gwen to follow her heart and be with Arthur just makes me ache. In the "...you still have feelings for him." And the "you like him. He likes you. Isn't that all that really matters?" I just can't.

Honestly, I could go on, but this post is already wordy enough. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

#merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin analysis #merlin spoilers #merlin 2008

[changingplumbob]

Romero Household: Chapter 1, Part 4

Dia de los Muertos wraps up and we visit our friendly neighbourhood infants!

CW: Discussions of death

Marta’s first language is Spanish so she is teaching Keira (and me) some common Spanish phrases/words Abuelo/Abuela: Grandfather/Grandmother Ay dios mio: omg equivalent Buenas noches: Good evening / Good night Carino: Term of endearment for a loved one Cuídate!: Take care De nada!: You’re welcome/no problem Lo siento: Sorry Padre: Father Por favor: Please Si: Yes Te amo: I love you

With the departure of the Fosters leaving the couple alone, Marta has broken out the face paint to adorn her and Keira. It’s another way of honouring their ancestors.

Marta: Hold still por favor

Keira: I am holding still

Marta: Shhhh, moving your lips counts

Keira: Why didn't we do this before dinner

Marta: I haven't done it for ages so I'm not sure I'm good anymore. I didn't want the dinner thrown apart by focus on my lack of painting skill. Just one more line… there! All done, I’ll take a picture to show you

Keira: Wow this looks great! You’re really going all out this year

Marta: *sighs* I felt bad for all those years Liam didn’t let me make one

Keira: I should have done more than kick his ass

Marta: Carino violence solves nothing. He's in prison for now, let's not think of him

Keira: I’m sorry we didn’t make one at Alexander’s house, I didn’t realise what it meant

Marta: De nada. I didn’t say to you, how could you know

Keira: I suppose. But don’t let us miss it again

Marta: Si. I promise

Keira: Do you… do you think they would have liked me

Marta: I know they’re happy I’m happy but si. Padre would be happy you're active, he was to. And mama would love to talk to you about the ocean life

Keira: You think

Marta: Si. Being so close to the ocean was what she loved about Cuba. She missed it when we moved to Texas

Keira: Well I’m glad you left for Windenburg. Even though it was because…

Marta: Everyone was gone? I didn’t have to leave after padre and mama died. I had the community still but I felt alone. I don’t feel alone anymore

Keira: I’m so glad I worked up the nerve to propose

Marta: *giggles* It’s good you did or I would have had to do something extremely romantic

Keira: I mean… you could still do something extremely romantic if you wanted?

Marta: Maybe I’m saving it for the honeymoon

Keira: Can I get a preview

The two embrace on the sofa, feeling warm and fulfilled.

Abuelo Manuel: Did you see Rafael? She cooked the chimi to perfection. Remembered what we taught her

Padre Rafael: Si padre, she did a good job

Abuela Maria: Will you two shush, I’m trying to listen

Manuel: Corazon I think their conversation is finished

Mama Aymee: *sniffles* She looks so happy and grown up

Rafael: Ay dios mio, you’ll make me cry mi vida

Aymee: Lo siento. I just… we didn’t see our daughter for so long

Maria: You heard what that fiancé said, she’ll make sure Marta does the ofrenda now. She’s a keeper

Manuel: Do you think there will be a new generation next time we visit

Aymee: That would be nice *sniffles* even if would make me cry

Keira: The place definitely feels full when everyone is here, I thought we got a big unit

Marta: We did, people just fill it well

Keira: Am I meant to feel like I’m being watched

Marta: You’re meant to feel loved. I always want you to feel loved

Keira: I feel loved whenever I look in your eyes. Shall we go to bed

Marta: Si, I’ll just say buenas noches to everyone

Keira: We can leave the ofrenda up longer than tomorrow morning if you like

Marta: No. They’ll all be back in the forever save by then

Maria: Are you snooping

Manuel: No! I can’t snoop on what is out in the open, can I?

Rafael: I’m happy she’s still got these photos

Aymee: Liam didn’t take everything from her

Rafael: If I was still alive-

Manuel: There’s no point thinking about what we can’t do

Maria: She’ll be bueno

Rafael: Mi vida, it’s time to go

Aymee: Can’t I just watch her for another five minutes

Manuel: Dawn is coming, we must get back

Aymee: Buenas noches Marta, I leave all my love with you, te amo

In the morning Marta returns the living/dining room to its normal layout while Keira is on laundry duty. Taking their clothes to the shared laundry she wonders why so many people have left their washing in the machines. Being a helpful sim, she moves stuff to the dryers. Fingers crossed none of the clothes shrink!

Marta has harvested what she can from the garden and is singing to herself when Keira walks past in her work clothes.

Marta: Ay dios mio, is it 8am already?

Keira: Si. Te amo sweetheart

Marta: Te amo! Cuídate! Where did I leave my work gear?

Luckily she’s only a few minutes late to the local coffee shop, the perks of a quick commute. After an uneventful shift, where she mostly daydreamed about the upcoming wedding, she gets back home and hangs the washed clothes on the line. When Keira arrives back they go see the Staples.

Here Oli and Vernon are on the move! Marta scoops up Oli while Keira chats.

Marta: Do you want to hold him carino

Keira: Uhh, what if I break him

Margarita: You won’t, he’s sturdy

Marta passes over Oli, giving his tummy a cheerful tickle on the way.

Marta: You hold him for a bit, I’m going to play with Vernon

Keira: Okay but-

Marta: Who’s adorable Vernon? Is it you?

Keira: Sorry if we’re pushing in

Stefan: Don’t be silly. With two infants any helping hands are good

Keira: I think this is part of her plan to convince me to have kids sooner

Margarita: *laughs* I have to say she’s doing pretty well with Vernon, I love it when they laugh

Keira: Uh, anyway, we were wondering, since you’re a baker on the side Stefan, would you consider making our wedding cake?

Stefan: Sure thing! I have a free day tomorrow. Any special requests?

Keira: I think she said she’d like a pink one

Margarita: We had a pink wedding cake!

Stefan: Here, I’ll take him off your hands

Keira: Gracias

To her surprise Keira feels sad giving the infant back, especially as he smiles and giggles at her. Marta’s plan might be working.

Keira: Marta, sweetheart, time for dinner

Marta: Si, coming. Gracias for having us

Margarita: It was lovely to see people who can talk back

The whole group laugh as Stefan puts Oli on the playmat. Let me tell you, he is not happy our sims are leaving. After bursting into tears he glares angrily at his parents while we leave.

Previous ... Next

#sims 4 #the sims #the sims 4 #simblr #my sims #ChangingPlumbobStorytime #R0903 #MartaRomero #KeiraFoster

[noxious-fennec]

Got the opportunity to color one of @metfell 's lovely pieces!! It was delightful :)

#hi met i hope you don't mind me tagging you #this was absolutely lovely i hope you like my contribution #I'm not big on coloring that's not my forte usually but i do hope its up to par #i tried to keep the autumn cosy ambience going #i also now realise i drew his white streak the way i usually do its a disease and it's incurable #thank you for offering this!! it's very honouring #like truly in earnest your art is so so cool and beautiful i cannot state that enough #ok maybe I've done enough rambling for today alright bye #my art #<- only half

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hi! Your Hollow Knight AU has really cheered me up so I wanted to do a little drawing for it! This got me to get my art tablet out after months of not feeling like it so thank you for the inspiration! I hope the colors look good on any monitor that's not mine sdfsdf

Bugs In the Jingshi wyd?

I am so genuinely awestruck at how well you translated this AU to the hollow knight style! Also obsessed with the height difference.

#mdzs au #hollow knight #lan wangji #wei wuxian #fanart #Thank you so much for this B'*) #This is *so* incredible!! I feel incredibly honoured to have inspired something so beautiful! #I showed this asap to my friend who's been letting me observe their hollow knight playthrough and oh man oh man. The hype was real. #The colours have the Hollow Knight gloomy swag and the way that this looks like it could be an area in the game is soooooo good. #Thinking about the bug sounds they would make.....Peace and love on earth could be achieved with lwj hollowspeak.... #I hope you keep finding fun things to draw!! Your art has continuously brought a lot of joy! #I very much understand the pain and struggle of having a craft you just...cant seem to get your heart back into. #Sending you so much love and energy and artistic inspiration!!!! #(lwj has the wrong eye shape b/c I was too focused on getting the silly angle for dramatic perspective. whoops) #I have honestly loved doing this AU and I'm fiercely happy that its been resonating with people (as it makes me want to do more hehe)

[rogueulus]

rip black brothers you would've loved ethel cain

#something about inbred is so regulus to me #like he'd spiral over james while listening to michelle pfeiffer #the arc in preacher's daughter is sirius and I'll die about it #cannibalism trope + wolfstar? gobbling that shit up thank you very much #also have been listening to the homecoming queen demo while thinking about them both but in different ways #'my love is my love [...] and it's your problem too' that is a direct quote from sirius black your honour #'I'm the real pig's blood soaked fucking homecoming queen' ?? reg ?? hello ?? I'm stabbing myself in the heart over here ?? #it's fucking one o'clock in the morning #marauders era #regulus black #sirius black #jegulus #wolfstar #black brothers #black brothers angst

[13eyond13]

omg okay so he's aware about it at least

#here's something i'm kind of wondering... #Was Griffith intentionally manipulating Guts then? and/or did Guts misinterpret Griffith's meaning #because CLEARLY Griffith was not cool with him trying to actually leave #(amazing scene btw) #so was he trying to manipulate Guts somehow and it backfired in a way he didn't expect #or was he like trying to be like 'i think of you as my equal' in code to guts while he was with the princess #but Guts just heard 'you're not good enough for me' #??? #it's hard to know because so far Griffith is quite an enigma #anyways they're sickeningly in love your honour that's all i have to say #berserk #berserk spoilers #13readsmanga #p

[wayward-wren]

hilda never fails to make me cry everytime I think ill make it through without ugly sobbing it's a lie I will cry

#Wren rambles #Hilda #Hilda season 3 #The way I SOBBED at the end of that finale #It felt like the END #five years ago I watched season 1 as I was getting ready to move out #Now I finished season 3 the night before I'm moving back home #That show essentially bookended my university years and my time in this city #And the themes of growing up and moving on and change hit me so hard #Johanna looming back at her parents sacrificing themselves for her and whispering thank you #The snapshots of johannas memories coming back #The goodbye montage of the parade and everyone #TWIG coming to save the day #All moments that made me Sob #And honourable mention to David pushing through his fears to save Hilda Twig and her dad #What a King I love him so much my boy

[ladyalicentshightower]

Criston Cole isn't really been afforded a lot of nuance by the fandom and it's starting to annoy me.

I think a few more small scenes would've done so much, say hearing the ladies of the court gossiping over an illegitimate child or even he himself discussing his background with either Alicent or Rhaenyra, which would've added to his development and his eventual crisis of faith, his Catholic guilt. I think people forget Criston is one of the few main characters who isn't a noble or a direct part of the family. As an illegitimate child in Westeros, all his life he's been told that he is the sinful thing, that he was born of sin and therefore unclean as result. By taking the white cloak and becoming a King's guard, he was able to put that "sin" behind him and become "clean". By sleeping with Rhaenyra he's stained and tainted that, something he can't handle or stand at all. He committed the ultimate sin, he's broken his oath, stained his honor and may have created a child doomed to be unclean too (obviously no such child was conceived or born but there was always the chance one could've been and I think that ate Criston alive inside and will probably be a factor of why he behaves the way he does towards Rhaenyra's sons). It's why he's so eager to run off and marry Rhaenyra so he can (in his mind) set it right. He wants to see himself as clean again. It's why he confesses so quickly to Alicent (also did some of you not watch the episode? Criston knew Rhaenyra snuck out, he had no way of knowing Rhaenyra was even with Daemon, he wasn't in King's landing to hear the gossip regarding Daemon & Rhaenyra that Larys spoke of and he was summoned immediately by Alicent so of course he assumed the rumours Alicent spoke of was referring to him), to seek forgiveness and regain some of that "cleanliness" before dying. Alicent offers him salvation, sanctuary, forgiveness while Rhaenyra shattered the version of herself he had built up in his mind. She betrayed that ideal he had of her and cannot understand why the "sin" they committed haunts him so greatly. For her it was a pleasurable night they spent together, to him it is his damnation, his ultimate sin. It's why he follows Alicent, in his eyes she offers him salvation while Rhaenyra can only offer him ruination.

I could ramble so much more about this, I don't know what it is but Alicent and Criston and the religious themes surrounding them both is absolutely fascinating.

#hotd #hotd spoilers #house of the dragon spoilers #house of the dragon #ser criston cole #ser criston #criston cole #alicent x criston #queen alicent #alicent hightower #alicent targaryen #like not going to say criston did nothing wrong but his actions and way he reacted is understandable if you look at what we know about him #joffery made a dumbass move and essentially fucked around and found out #like I'm pissed we got a queer relationship & one half got buried literally in the exact same episode #but like joff it was a robb stark marrying jeyne westerling / talisa move while betrothed to the roslin frey dumbass move #robb i love you always but that was such a dumbass move #joff you weren't even in kings landing a full day maybe wait til you had the lay of the land before approaching people #not justifying what Criston did to him because I was sat there like jesus christ what the actual fuck #but you got to be a little politically smart to survive in this world #joff u did a ned he assumed everyone was as honourable as he was and you assumed criston was as open as you and it bit you both in the ass #like I can't and won't defend what Criston did but I saw something coming the minute you walked over to him

[hajihiko]

Oh my god i completely forgot that Fuyuhiko almost killed himself that one time to apologize. This boy this way too intense.

IM SAYING LIKE!!! He JUST got out of the hospital after being repeatedly slashed/stabbed (I think?? Lotsa blood at least), missing an eye. And hes like "I figured you wouldn't accept my verbal apology. And I agree! *CUTS STOMACH OPEN*"

AND then hes like "ah this was stupid. I inconvenienced everyone"

Bro are you good.

#Yakuza pain tolerance indeed #Hes so fuckin intense I wanna psychoanalyze him #Hiko why do u fling ur life around like that. Is it bc you think you're invincible or do u have a death wish #He reminds me of my 1st serious end character a lot lol #Follows Peko to her execution and gets seriously injured (accident born from desperation) #Stabs himself as atonement (honour thing?? Does the fact that Peko is dead have sth to do with how ready he was) #FTE tells Hajime 'I'm giving you half my life so you dont die' and 'dont die *without* me' #Hiko your relationship with death is a little unhealthy I think. #Peko and Fuyuhiko both value the other's life way beyond their own #I FORGOT TO ADD: Tries to get Peko out of her punishment from the moment she commits the murder #Knowing it will mean the death of him and everyone else #Not an art

[babydillpickle]

no i cAN'T binge rewatch the untamed right now i have to defendmyfuckingthesis i don't have TIME for a breakdown i don't i DON'T

#wei wuxian i know failing terribly at the final hurdle and tumbling into hell would be a hilarious way to honour you #but i would actually rather avoid that can you stop being so tragic and compelling #and could mdzs fic writers stop being so fucking good like y'all are writing things that make me insane #trying to put together coherent sentences so i can leave grad school but inside i'm a dog alternating between rabid snarling #and piteous whines #anyway things are going well #mdzs #the untamed #into the abyss

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[uncanny-tranny]

you mentioned the "first reansmasc haircut" thing and i gotta say its not just a white thing, i did the same thing lol

I didn't want to be overly presumptuous because hairstyles are incredibly diverse, but... it's nice to know this is a thing we can share regardless of what The Haircut happens to have been 🙏

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i specified race because i think a lot of people think of trans mens'/guys'/mascs'/ect first Masc Haircut to be a white dude's undercut #like you know what i mean right? like short on the bottom and longer on top #when that is absolutely not the norm across this community #like the amount of trans guys* who loc their hair for instance? there's a HELL of a lot of them #and hair can be a VERY important aspect of one's identity with their culture or heritage or gender experience and i want to recognize that #anyway i just love when people style their hair in the way that best honour /them/ and i wanna celebrate that #even IF some of us get a 'weird' haircut because we aren't sure what will honour us yet <3<3 #(i'm not trying to like... defend myself but moreso to expand and clarify for those who don't understand what i was meaning (which is fine!) #i hope the OG post didn't come off as exclusionary though because that was *absolutely* not what i sought out to do

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

lonan clark google searches: jesus stained glass

#ohhh this prose is UNREADY for how pretty i'm about to make it <33333 #I HAVE A REVISION LIST FOR HB AND IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED #i don't typically like revision and it's probably because in university Writing School they make revision seem like you need to murder #your current writing LOL like nooo STOPPP #that's such an old outdated school of thought #the best writing profs I had KNEW that not all writing needs to be burned to the ground and written back up #like that process works for some people so YAY if that's you! but it's fine to be gentle with yourself and to see strengths #in your first drafts and to see revision as a way to refine what you originally wrote as an act of honouring rather than #as an act of destruction.... don't get me started on the “YOU MUST SUFFER IN REVISION” attitude that my least favourite teachers had loool #NO YOU DON'T!!!!!! IT'S JUST WRITING CALM DOWN!!!!!

[non-un-topo]

Every time I spend too many days in a row at home, I get it into my head that I don't actually want to transition, and then I go back into the world and go Oh. I remember what it's like to have a body and a mind.

#it's almost like a huge portion of our genders are determined socially. by those who are around us and by the situations and spaces we inhab #-inhabit. #it's almost like i study this at an honours level. #<< that doesn't in any way discount or devalue or delegitimize a person's gender identity and expression. #we do Live in a Society #can't really be disabled without the world that disables. might not know you want to transition until you understand your own position. #sometimes it's relative. #also sorry i've been using tumblr as like a complain diary lately. i'm going through some serious shit. #it is a blogging site so. #i'm sure i'm not the only person who thinks 'i must not be trans' the moment i don't feel intense dysphoria and self-hatred. #thanks to the medical/deficit model! #and i do feel intense dysphoria and self-hatred. oh i do. but sometimes it's easier in my home and i forget. and i go: #'Oh! i must be cis because i feel okay about my body and mind today' #*whispering to self* you're just scaaaaared. scaredy little peepeepoopoo pants who won't accept being wrong

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

i live for your little cat guy he’s so fucking cute

We can be like this. Creature to creature.

#ask #non mdzs #thank you!!! I'm kinda honoured that my little authourial mascot creature is recieving so much love #they are communicating. i don't know what thoughts they have #Probably about hexcodes. they feel like hex code enjoyers #I'm writing this out in the most hectic environment right now so my joke brain is a bit offline but I really do appreciate your kind words #and the IDs you''ve written! Its humbling in the best way possible! #Keep doing what you do!