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#i'm in awe i am proud of myself. weird.
boldlygoingtohell · 4 months
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In a weird way, as a Jew, I can kinda take Normal Antisemitism™️.
I mean, I understand where right-wing racists are coming from when it comes to their antisemitism. At the end of the day, theirs just comes from fear, replacement theory, etc… It’s easily identifiable. 2+2=4. Yea its shitty, but I see how they got from A to B and it’s a straight line.
But left-wing antisemitism?? Like, how does that happen? I thought the left was about supporting minority groups, encouraging them to speak and be heard. But all I’m seeing from leftists these days (I myself being super fucking liberal, left, etc…) is just waves and waves of antisemitism. And yes it has to do with Israel, but these people are incapable of criticizing the Israeli government without going “all Jews are responsible!” in the process. It's infuriating.
Are all the the world’s Jews, millions of which live OUTSIDE of Israel, now responsible for Israel’s actions? I'M a stupid American! I’ve never even BEEN to Israel, much less know the intricate details of a geo-political conflict whose complexities go willfully unlearned by armchair activists in favor of yelling in all caps for 140 characters.
But what really gets me, and I mean REALLY get me about the whole situation, is the hypocrisy.
Remember how awful it was when we saw waves of Islamophobic hate crimes after 9/11, American Muslims with no ties to al-Qaeda being targeted for the faith those terrorists claimed to represent?
Or do you remember standing against the wave of anti-Asian hate crimes that was spurned on by COVID falsehoods? The “China virus” as Trump so eloquently put it? You remember being pissed about that, not blaming Asian Americans but standing with them against hate?
And hell, I’ve heard there has been a rash of Islamophobic attacks again because of the Israeli-Gaza conflict. That’s fucking awful, and I will stand against that bull shit because it does not belong here, end of story.
But now there are also antisemitic attacks, hate crimes, being perpetrated around the world. And who are the perpetrators now? The left that stood against everything else. There's no widespread ally-ship for Jews like me. There's no sweeping social media campaign, no catchy hashtag, no ice bucket challenge.
Why am I allowed to be condemned for what a country on the other side of the world is doing, when I have nothing to do with it? Why can I have the finger pointed at me when I don’t want the fighting in the first place? Why must Jews be allowed to be the target of this ire when it's already been decided that other ethnicities/religions don't deserve it either?
Now, I am PROUD to be Jewish; it is my culture, in my heritage, in my literal blood. It is in my genetics, my bones, my spoken language, it is in the holidays I celebrate, the philosophies I live by.
But it is also in the generational trauma of my mother insisting I have a passport as a young child, not because we were traveling, but in case we had to flee. It is in her inherent distrust of the government; a card-carrying Democrat all her life, she would always remind me, "if you don't think the government can't turn on you, you're kidding yourself." It is her constant reminders that as a Jew, our assimilation is conditional, our acceptance is political. I felt these, but never as strongly as she did. Not until now.
I am third generation American, and yet I feel like an outsider in the only country I have ever known. People who I thought understood, who were my friends, who marched with me against the injustices of the world, are now calling after Jews to answer for Israel's actions.
I say I don't want the violence to persist and I'm told that I'm, "one of the good ones". I'm told hurt Israelis don't deserve sympathy because, "all Jews are rich anyway, right? Who cares." I tell them my fears about the rising antisemitism and wearing my star of david necklace out. I'm told, "it doesn't matter, you're white anyway."
For the first time in my life, the racists aren't just some crazy KKK members. They're not just Nazis marching around with beer bellies and ill fitting helmets. It's not just some screeching street preacher who claims I'm going to hell after he caught the glint off my star of david necklace. If needs be, I can kick and punch my way out of those. They're just idiots. Isolated, concentrated incidents. It'd be a good story to tell at a bar the next day though a gap-toothed smile and a sling on my shoulder.
But now, both sides are coming after me and my people. Now, it's not just idiots who have all of their views backwards; it's people I thought I could trust to have my back, to go down swinging with me against those Nazis. Right. Left. It's everywhere. There's no escape.
It's coming from all sides. It's coming from social media platforms, from dinners with friends, from posters on street lamps.
I live in one of the safest, most Jewish neighborhoods in America, and for the first time in my life I am truly scared.
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ectoentity · 24 days
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Ectoplasm Gives You Wings 0.?
Hey here's a scene that happened long before Danny showed up have fun
Here is the subscription post
Need to know concept:
When you're in a world where wings are associated with ghosts, you're gonna assume that coming back from the dead with wings means you have some unfinished business. Harley Quinn POV.
Ever since Joker died, Harley expected his killer would come after her. She hadn't been with him for a couple years, but that hardly made up for the shit she'd done while they were together. Really the only surprise was that they hadn’t killed her first as a warning to him.
So when she walked into her apartment kitchen to see a guy with huge wings wearing a red helmet, Harley wasn’t terribly surprised. Not about the break-in or the gun pointed at her, at least.
"How'd'ya manage to fit those things in here?" she asked. The guy didn't answer. The wings flexed like he wanted to open them, but there wasn't any room.
"Harley," the Red Hood said, sounding very intimidating with some kind of voice modulation. "You know why I’m here."
"I can make a guess, big guy," Harley said sadly. "Nothing I can do to change your mind?"
"You let it happen. You helped him. Why should you escape justice?"
"I did my time for most of it. And I spent the last couple a years trying to put him in the ground. That doesn't fit into your equation somehow?" She tried edging slowly to a shelf where she had a gun of her own. Red Hood noticed. He stepped forward and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt.
"Did any of that bring back the innocent people you killed? The children you tortured?"
"Woah, woah, woah, time out. I never did anything like that to kids." Harley held her hands up in a T shape above Red Hood's fist. "I did some awful stuff I ain't proud of, but I never tortured kids."
"You didn't seem to care that he did."
Harley sighed and lowered her hands onto Red Hood's arm and tried to look into the eyes of his weird helmet. "What do you expect to happen here? You want me to beg until you feel satisfied? Sorry, buddy. Not really my style! I don't like a lotta what I did back then, but I can't fix it. I'm trying better now. If that's not good enough for ya, that's too bad."
The Red Hood didn't move for a moment. It was kind of creepy, if Harley was honest. He didn't say anything, he didn't twitch. Was the guy even breathing? It was always hard to talk to someone in a full face mask. There was no way to tell whether they were even listening. Contrary to popular belief, Harley didn't talk just to hear her own voice! Not often, at least.
The hand let go of her shirt. Harley pulled back to regain her balance, but she didn't relax just yet. There was still a big murderous birdman with a gun in her apartment. Even if he wasn't about to shoot her just now, he was still dangerous.
"Fucking hell," the guy said. He seemed to stagger backwards until one of his wings clipped the half-wall separating the kitchen from the living room. Then he leaned against the pillar heavily.
"Shit. You're right. This is pointless. Why am I here?"
Harley took her chance to grab her gun just in case, but Red Hood didn't seem to notice. She stared at him with suspicious, narrowed eyes. "Do you mean here in my apartment, or are you really having an existential crisis right now?"
"I'm not having a- Fuck. I guess I am." He held his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Harls."
Well, that was an unusual nickname. It wasn't something she heard much outside of kids from the Bowery or Narrows. Most other kids in Gotham got swept up by their parents before they could talk to her.
"You lose somebody?" she asked softly, gun tucked in her pocket. "Sibling? A kid?"
Red Hood choked out a bitter laugh. "Myself." When Harley's eyebrows did a wild semaphore of emotion, the asshole deigned to explain. "He killed me. I... I came back. Figured, y'know, I must've been brought back for a reason, right?" He sunk down further against the pillar, the white tips of his mostly-black wings spreading across the floor like the fabric of a cape.
Damn, Harley thought. That made a fucked up amount of sense. "I can't really blame you for thinking that," she admitted. "The feathers a new fashion choice then?"
"You could say that. Shit." Red Hood reached up to the bottom of his helmet and depressed some trigger there. Harley heard a hiss of pressurization before it popped off the guy's head. The first thing she saw was black hair. That wasn't surprising. The surprising thing was when he leaned his head back against the pillar, revealing a young face and a shock of white hair in his bangs. Then he opened his eyes, and they were as blue as the sky.
"Hey kid? What did you say your name was?"
He took a devastatingly long time to respond.
"They called me Robin, once."
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earlgreytea68 · 1 month
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Many years ago now, when I was a very unhappy and depressed lawyer, I went to see a therapist. The therapist diagnosed that I was suffering from severe levels of stress and asked me to keep a "stress journal": for the week between appointments, I was to write down whenever I felt my stress spike.
When I returned to the next appointment with my stress journal, the therapist was shocked I'd actually done the assignment. He said nobody actually keeps a physical journal. I suspected that maybe he didn't fully understand my personality type and the fact that some of my stress was the result of PEOPLE ASKING ME TO DO THINGS THEY APPARENTLY DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT ME TO DO BUT I WAS RESPONSIBLY DOING THEM BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I AM.
Anyway, I digress, that's not the point of the story. The point was that when we looked together at my stress journal, we diagnosed that a recurrent source of spiking stress was receiving an email. This was so many years ago that it was before the smartphone, in the age of the BlackBerry, and every time my stupid BlackBerry vibrated, my stress skyrocketed. Having figured that out, the therapist was like, "What happens if you miss an email for an hour?" And that was hard to articulate. Probably nothing, tbh. Like, realistically I could go without checking my email if I was too busy with work, so why couldn't I when I was home watching TV? So the therapist suggested I confine my email checking to a set schedule. Only at the appointed times would I check my email and deal with whatever had come in.
And you know what? The world never ended, and it WAS a huge relief not to feel like I had to immediately be available for every email. To this day, my work email does NOT come to my phone and I only check it at my appointed times of day. (Actually, I resisted getting a smartphone until very late because after I left the law firm I thought the most glorious thing in the world was PEOPLE COULDN'T REACH ME.)
Anyway, I was thinking about all that today because I had a bad day at work and I realized that I was dreading checking my email and it just made me think that I have lingering issues around email. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I was like, ...no, I probably have lingering issues around WORK because of that job experience I had. Like, was it really about what emails I might have, or was it because I spent the day feeling manipulated in an unpleasant way that made me wary and suspicious of certain things around me, and then THAT made me think, like, I was overreacting because of the way that previous job experience was and the fact that the way it manipulated and abused me will never actually fully leave me, but THEN I was like, OR is it that I honed excellent instincts for that kind of situation happening and I should listen to myself when I feel that way, or or or--
Which is all to say that I wonder sometimes how I would have developed as a professional had I not had that career experience so early on in my life. But then I am in a weird way grateful for it, not because it forever kind of messed up my head in some ways but because I learned SO MUCH about those messed-up situations. Like, it was awful, don't get me wrong, but I did learn a bunch of coping mechanisms I still use today. Like limiting my email exposure. And I think I am warier than a lot of other people I know who didn't go through a workplace that mentally abused you the way that mine did, but I'm not so sure that's a terrible thing. I think it makes me touchy about work-life boundaries and i think there are way worse things to be in our capitalist society.
And also, every once in a while I think about the fact that I didn't think I was going to make it through those years but I did and I am pretty proud of myself for that, so also that. I made it through the other side when I honestly for real didn't think that I would, and every once in a while I have a day that reminds me of how I felt all the time back then, and it makes me remember to be grateful how many days I've gotten to have without that feeling.
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bonesandthebees · 15 days
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Hi again Bee.
Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).
When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.
It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?
Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.
I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.
I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.
I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.
Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.
Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.
I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?
I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.
-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)
hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days
(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)
I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them
anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.
also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.
also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.
the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music
it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that
I hope you're doing okay tech
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squintclover · 3 months
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9, 19, 24
Hey lovely - I'm always so happy to see your name here. ❤️❤️❤️
9. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?
My children. I grew those! And that to me is endlessly fascinating and awe inspiring. But then also... these creatures are magical and they are half my DNA and that mindblowing too. It feels weird calling them an accomplishment but I think they are the thing I'm most proud of. (Is this cliché and predictable? Sure but honestly. These kids!)
19. A time that you told a lie.
(CW: mentions of vomitting) Okay, so I am not a good liar because the guilt eats me up and I have to confess, even telling simple stories I will correct myself after or do something drastic. FOR INSTANCE... I once had a job working in a supermarket and had asked for a day of holiday but wasn't granted it. I forgot all about it but was then hugely hungover on the day in question and couldn't be arsed to work so I rang in sick saying I was vomiting. The next time I was working I was called into a meeting to ask if I had purposefully missed the shift and lied about being sick just so I could have my holiday day. To which I lied again and said that I was actually vomitting so couldn't work. Anyway. Because I had lied and felt so guilty about it, I handed in my notice the next week!
24. When did you first feel like an adult?
God a lot of the time I still don't. I think I feel like an adult for moments, like when making life decisions. But on the whole I still feel a bit like its bonkers that I am allowed to own a house and car and have a responsible job. I am just that awkward 13 year old really.
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aspecpplarebeautiful · 10 months
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I realized I am arospec and it has been the most amazing and freeing realization thus far. I knew about the label when I was a teen when I originally began questioning, but due to a lot of misinformation back then, mostly thanks to the raging aphobia that was happening, I assumed I didn't fit the bill to be aromantic. I also wasn't aware of the depth of the label and how many microlabels there was within it! Another reason why exclusion is an awful thing- I spent my teen years and half of my 20s feeling broken, weird, never feeling at home with any label, all because the label that was mine, unbeknownst to me, was being debated like fandom drama by terfs and other exclusionists and it got treated as a thing that wasn't an option to even consider. It wasn't until a month or so back I looked into the label once more, and I learned so much about it this time in a safe environment. I realized immediately that I fit the bill for demiromantic, as I have only ever felt true, genuine love and romance once for anyone and that someone is the love of my life I'm currently engaged to. I adore her more than words could say and this love I feel only happened towards her, nobody else prior to her. I do not get crushes, she is the only one I ever felt that for. I do not feel romantic attraction to anyone else, I never look at others and find them hot or anything. I simply see only her. This label has been the most amazing thing and I am so so proud to call myself aro. To feel whole, not broken, etc is the best thing. I love being aro and my only hope now is that people do not debate my identity or sit and question why I, an aro, is feeling this romantic attraction to someone (My wife!) I know some of the LGBT community loves to gate keep still, and even go as far to say demiromantic is "the norm" , or say flat out ignorant statements such as "if you're aro, you can't be happily in a relationship, you cant love someone that way!!" But I am going to be myself and ignore any ignorance.
I'm so glad you found your labels in the end, Anon! And 100%, Gatekeeping never helped anyone, and it's caused a lot of people a lot of harm. Gatekeeping to me is a huge red flag for any LGBTQIA+ community, people have good reasons for using the labels they do, and all they ask of other people is the respect it.
Thanks so much for sharing your journey and how far you've come.
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lesbienyu · 3 months
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obviously haven't been out of active addiction (bless coke and alcohol lol), but I realized that I'll be seven years off opiates on january 20. I've had three slip-ups since, but never beyond a single use, didn't get back into it, and immediately realized I'd fucked up.
I've struggled a lot with coke and alcohol in the time since, and I'm applying the lessons I've learned to that. I haven't touched coke or any stimulants in six months. I make a point of only drinking and smoking pot at home, keep hard limits, and do so under supervision. I'm really happy my friends keep me accountable, and call me on it if I even think of getting intoxicated. I'm not happy with the fact I still drink, albeit in moderation and under only specific circumstances, but I'm looking forward to getting to a point where I never even feel tempted, and feel comfortable setting boundaries when offered.
I'm really happy I'm not getting arrested or hospitalized. I have the Pfarm, my little house full of cats. I have the road, and my weird car, and my career, and just traveling. I don't have my family wondering where I am. I'm reconnecting with my sister. I feel like shit a lot of the time, but I have a lot going for myself, and I'm grateful.
my alcoholism and cocaine abuse have been awful- I cannot apologize enough for what I put my loved ones through, it was horrible for everyone, but nothing compares to the heroin shit and like. I'm just shocked that I got seven years without putting myself and everyone through that again. it was really bad- I was a teenager, I'd disappear for days on end, got sexually abused multiple times, started the cycle of homelessness, tried to drop out of school a million times. and I don't want to do the war story shit, but I feel lucky I'm free from that lifestyle. I had friends die from it, and it's just luck I didn't.
Idk, this is a rant, but I'm buying a cake next month to celebrate. I'm happy. I feel like it's nothing to be proud of, because I'm still struggling and not exactly where I want to be, but I'm getting there.
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gucciwins · 2 years
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Actors on Actors 
Y/N Belmonte and Pedro Pascal rave about each other's past projects and speak of what to see next for them.
Word count: 2670
A/N: Hi friends! It certainly has be awhile. This is an extra part to my story Love on Tour. This new piece is an insight to her acting and what her future looks like as she speaks with a friend. I chose Pedro Pascal because why not! and because he's great. Also because he's part of the Latinx community :) So please enjoy, I had fun with these. Remember if you want to see something about Bel and Harry just shoot me an ask <3
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The Chilean and Mexican duo are one you have not had the pleasure of seeing on your screens, but that changed today (electronic devices for now). When Pascal and Belmonte were placed in the room together, they hugged like family and began chatting like old friends. That's because they were. They met at a party–that's all we got as neither of them could stop laughing long enough to tell the complete story.
Pedro Pascal and Y/N Belmonte got photoshoot ready. Pascal rocked a pastel pink suit that was tailored to him perfectly. While Belmonte wore a loose-fitting velvet green suit that complimented Pascal well. Each photo together ended with a laugh as they worked to make the other laugh. It was clear by how easily our photographer captured their photos how much they enjoyed being in front of the camera. Belmonte stayed behind the scenes cheering on Pascal as he was directed to each new pose. Pascal did the same but went up a notch, going full dad mode, screaming how proud he was and "to work it." It's safe to say these photos will become everyone's favorites.  
Pascal was quick to rave about Y/N Belmonte's acting and how she has a foot in every door for just about everything. Not Marvel, Belmonte was prompt to input. That reigns true, she doesn't say if she's auditioned or if she's been offered a role, but we're all waiting for the day another Latina graces the screen. Salma Hayek and Xochitl Gomez have got it covered, but hey, I'm sure Kevin Feige has a way to get my number if needed. Pascal laughs, stating he'd personally make a new role for her in his series, The Mandalorian. Belmonte assured him she could get her own roles, but she appreciated the offer. 
It was apparent they were big fans of one another. They went back and forth complimenting their latest work but also their earliest. It's easy to say you're a fan, but they clearly have a strong love for each other. 
Belmonte: The Mandalorian was a captivating series because your acting relied heavily on your voice and the emotion you had to convey. We went from a stoic Mando to seeing him care for Grogu as a father would. Going to the ends of different galaxies to protect and save his child. I was in awe because you did stunts and wore big armor, but the impact of you as an actor could be seen in your character. And with a third season coming, I feel honored to see you act. 
Pascal: Stop it. I'm serious. I'm twenty years your elder, and yet I feel that I am learning from you. The grace you hold—I swear you've probably had it all your life. The way you speak of me, I feel that I talk of you whenever I hear your name brought up, and if I'm not in the conversation, then I'll insert myself because I love talking about you with others. 
Pascal: She sings, dances, acts, and directs! What can't she do? 
Belmonte: Knit, it seems. Somehow everything I make ends up too big or too small. 
Pascal: Or has a weird hole somewhere. My sweater is a mix of this royal blue and light pink. 
Belmonte: In my defense, I ran out of yarn. You love it, though!
Pascal: I do. I do. It's made with love. You picked up knitting for your anxiety, right?. 
Belmonte: As much as I love acting, sometimes scenes require so much from me that I need a way to calm down, and focusing on my hands and a pattern is a way I found that helps. 
Pascal: It's important to look after ourselves. It might seem odd, but I agree. I can't knit, but it works for you. Just sitting in silence can go a long way. 
Belmonte: Self-care is underappreciated. Oscar taught me this fantastic breathing technique, which works wonders. 
Pascal: Speaking of, we share a common friend.
Belmonte: Oscar Isaac. 
Pascal: He's just marvelous and unforgettable. 
Belmonte: So funny. Always has me in tears, that man. I miss him.
Pascal: Moon Knight, that was brilliant. 
Belmonte: I was in awe. I knew he was great, but he just shined. I love his duality as an actor, taking on a role and making it his own. Marvel for going in a different direction of storytelling. Very beautiful.
Pascal: I visited him on set.
Belmonte: Me Too! 
Pascal: Not that Marvel knows.
Belmonte: I was never there. 
Pascal: We should have dinner or lunch or anything together.
Belmonte: I'm living in London now when I'm not busy filming, so if you or Oscar offer a guest room, I'm there.
Pascal: You're family. The door is always open. 
Belmonte: Pedro, I will cry. Stop.
Pescal: You are, pequeña.
Belmonte: I remember you invited me to a family barbeque, and I showed up with my chicken salad even though you specifically said not to bring anything. I was like, I can not show up empty-handed, and I know everyone raves over this dish I make. 
Pascal: My family raved about the dish for ages. They still do. Think a cousin of mine proposed that night. 
Belmonte: He did. He cried when his mother said no because he was only ten. I felt at home when I walked into your family, and I'll always be grateful because your family treated me as one of them.
Pascal: That is because you are part of the family. Remember when you introduced me to your boyfriend, I think he was scared.
Belmonte: H was nervous. I hyped you up so much, only for you to tease him for not bringing you some of his nail polish or sweaters. 
Pascal: It's nice. I will never say no to gifts. 
Belmonte: He was so red. I hadn't seen him blush that much since when we first started dating. 
Pascal: I did receive a package, though, with lots of his items. I was pleased. 
Belmonte: H asked me for your address, and I told him he didn't have to, that you were only joking, but he assured me he wanted to. A gift, he said, for being so kind to him and always looking out for me.
Pascal: I'm glad he didn't listen to you. 
Belmonte: He usually does. 
Pascal: Do people know who you're dating? Or is this just ominous?
Belmonte: People know, I'm assuming, and if they don't, I'm sure they'll just google it.
Pascal: Good old google.
Belmonte: Should we go back to speaking about your movies and shows? I've got lots to say.
Pascal: As do I. 
I feel your work speaks for itself. You're booked and busy, and I'm in awe of you. 
Belmonte: Pedro—
Pascal: No en serio. The rolls you take range differently, and you make them each your own. For example, you worked with a dialect coach in Queen Gambit's because of your accent and learned Russian. That's not easily done. You learn from those around you and treat everyone with the utmost respect. A testament that you're someone who surrounds herself with good people. 
Belmonte: I'm not crying, but if I were, that would be totally okay. I appreciate that; I really do. I admire you. I love seeing you on the big screen. That Hispanic culture is being represented. You're also very loved by the fans and the ladies. 
Your IMDb speaks for itself. You take rolls that don't fit any mold, which is fantastic. In Wonder Women 1984, you got to play a villain, but he was also a father. The duality you showed for the two greatest needs he was searching for were apparent, and that film ending speaks for itself. 
Pascal: Each character comes to life as soon as that camera rolls, and I just want to honor our writers and team. 
Belmonte: When I work on new projects, I always enjoy speaking with the screenwriter because I want to see their character's vision and what more I can do to make that a possibility. 
Pascal: I'll speak on this briefly because I can go on forever if you let me, and I know you won't, but your show, The Dance of Life, was one of the best. Taking that chance on a script that was based entirely on grief and allowing you the opportunity to put everything you have in there only made you better as an actor. I remember recommending the show for Oscar to watch, and he called me in the middle of the night, cursing my name for showing him the show. It's how Y/N met Oscar, actually.  
Belmonte: That show was healing in the strangest of ways. I'm no stranger to grief, and it wasn't until I experienced it did I realize that it's not linear or has specific rules one has to follow. I was allowed to bring that into the set and spoke with the writers and teams about what worked and didn't. To have them listen and appreciate what I was saying reminded me of the importance of this story. One of my proudest works to this day still.
Pascal: As did the world because that earned you your very first Emmy at twenty-three, making you the youngest to receive the award. 
Belmonte: You say that like a proud dad. 
Pascal: I am. Not your dad, but proud. I took you under my wing, and I'm here to support you in whatever way, knowing your life story. I feel like I'm repeating myself, but I'm very proud. 
Belmonte: That means–that means the world. For so long, I thought this industry would swallow me whole and felt that I'd have no support, but the support I have found is endless, and I'm grateful. This role opened many doors for me, and I will forever be thankful. 
Pascal: Are there any roles you miss? 
Belmonte: I don't miss the characters, but the crew. I feel like I make friends everywhere I go. For example, Alex is a costume designer I met on the set of my second film, and now I'm the godmother to his child. Frances was the head of engineering, and we meet up for coffee every time I'm in Atlanta. Helene is a beautiful friend who always helps at her daughter's bakery when she's not on set as a personal assistant. Taking the time and getting to know the crew makes for a great and safe work environment. 
Pascal: Remembering names and something about them is a joy because you see them for months on end, so of course, you want to remember them. It's essential that we're all on the same team. 
Belmonte: My mum always told me that kindness is given freely, but respect is earned. 
Pascal: Wise words. Mothers do seem to know best. 
Belmonte: Very true. H's mother is someone I go to for a chat sometimes when I need that extra support or unbiased view because I know she'll tell it to me straight. I'm thankful for that. 
Pascal: I'm glad you have that. If she ever gets sick of you, give my mother a call.
Belmonte: Doubt it, but good to keep in mind if she's ever too busy for me. 
Pascal: As if. I drop everything I'm doing when you call. 
Belmonte: Even when you're reading a script. 
Pascal: Even then, it means you're saving me from work. How do you practice remembering the script? I feel like my methods have changed over the years. 
Belmonte: I'll read the entire script when it's given to me, and then I'll go back adding notes for myself or others sometimes. When I first started, I'd memorized the entire script, and being so young, I felt like I had so much to prove. Knowing the script helped, of course, but knowing line for line doesn't allow for that element of not knowing what's coming to get yourself in your character's mindset. Now I just practice with others, and it seems to work well. My boyfriend practices with me. 
Pascal: Does it go well?
Belmonte: Nope. He is the sweetest. He's also an actor, got two films under his belt and two to be released this year, but I feel he's genuine in his acting, which isn't bad. Not at all, just that he acts with his heart on his sleeve. He allows himself to wear his character's emotion authentically because he hasn't differentiated the difference just yet. He is not good at lying, which is why his work is so excellent because he's giving himself away. 
Pascal: He's genuine. That's amazing; I will take notes when I see his films. 
Belmonte: He's a beautiful actor, but it's clear we have different styles. 
Pascal: Don't worry, this is just his side job. This field is yours, always has been.
Belmonte: Pedro! It's not even that. I hope he continues auditioning because he has so much potential, and I want everyone to see it as well. 
Pascal: He'd be perfect for a RomCom. 
Belmonte: He'd love that. 
Pascal: You'd love it. 
Belmonte: A true joy that would be.
Pascal: Cast him and you as the leading love interests. I'll be your father. 
Belmonte: And Oscar? 
Pascal: Your other father or a weirdly involved uncle. I don't know, we'll write him in somehow.
Belmonte: Someone, please begin with the script. 
Pascal: Contact our managers, please! Once it's ready, we're on board. 
Belmonte: You're wrapping up filming The Last of Us soon. 
Pascal: I am. It's been a great experience. The cast and crew I've had the privilege of working with had become family. It's important because you spent so much time with them and now we're all saying goodbye. I hope to see them soon or even work with them again.
Belmonte: Do you have something lined up next, or take a break and see what happens? 
Pascal: Roles aren't falling in my lap, Y/N. 
Belmonte: What!? No–
Pascal: Era una broma. Relajate. 
(It was a joke. Just relax.)
Belmonte: Pedro, I will call your mother after this. 
Pascal: No, I do like taking breaks. Sometimes I have something lined up, but this was over a year-long production. It's a series I am really proud of, and I feel like I deserve a break. You seem to go year-round. What were you working on early this year?
Belmonte: Foe in Australia with Paul Mescal, with whom I've had the pleasure of working. Finishing up the last few days of The White Lotus. 
Pascal: See what I mean, booked and busy. But you like it, I presume?
Belmonte: I love it. I love the go go go moments, but I have come to realize that I do need breaks in there. My boyfriend was a big help in developing that. I love having a reason to slow down because work is not everything at the end of the day. 
Pascal: He's got a fabulous job. 
Belmonte: It's something unique. We'll get you out to a show, promise. 
Pascal: The most important news dropped, I feel, was you being announced as Princess Irulan in the sequel of Dune. 
Belmonte: It was…it was very competitive. I thought I wouldn't get it. I was sure the call would not come, and to my shock, not to Viola, my manager; she was smug, stating she knew I was perfect for the role. We're set to begin filming at the end of summer. So I'm glad to look forward to that.
Pascal: The waiting is scary, I understand, but congratulations. The cast is already so excellent, so adding you on feels perfect. 
Belmonte: Everyone is kind, sent welcoming messages, and called me. I already feel very welcomed and am excited for what is to come. 
Pascal: What will you do now? 
Belmonte: Now? Get some lunch. My boyfriend is picking me up, you're welcome to join. We can practice his Spanish some more. 
Pascal: Well, I can't say no to that. 
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thank you for reading!!!! if I tagged you is because I love you and you're part of this lovely stories tag list :)
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stobinesque · 8 months
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C and F for the fanfic ask game ✨💕
C: What character do you identify with most?
Hilariously I think the answer for Stranger Things are all characters I don't talk about all that often 😅. Somewhat paradoxically (maybe?) I find it easier to project onto characters that aren't necessarily hugely similar to me on paper. Of the characters I yell about most frequently, the answer is absolutely Lucas, especially season 4 Lucas. After that I think Dustin might actually be the character I relate to the most? If the younger kids have a mom friend outside of Steve, it's Dustin, and I'm definitely typically a mom friend in my friend groups. But like Dustin I often end up feeling a little insecure about my position in my friend groups. I am also an annoyingly pedantic know it all 😂
I also relate to Jonathan a whole lot! Just not in ways that feel super comfortable to super closely. To borrow from The Magnus Archives for a sec for analogy purposes: if Steve would be susceptible to being trapped by The Lonely, Jonathan Byers would be susceptible becoming an Avatar for The Lonely. I am Jonathan Byers in this regard. But I have enough healthy fear of exacerbating that in myself that'd I'd rather explore loneliness through a character who is actually afraid of being lonely, rather than susceptible to embracing their loneliness.
........there's definitely not a theme going on with all of those characters. (Also Robin is included in this--really loneliness and ostracization is just a strong thematic throughline for all of the series' characters. Hmm. I'm gonna stop introspecting about this now)
F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.
Okay so in general I just really love writing dialogue, especially for Stobin, so this was hard!
But I think this scene from phryctoria captures most of what I both love and think I'm good at when it comes to writing stobin dialogue in particular:
“I don’t know. I don’t think...I mean I’ve never heard them say anything, you know? And, like, they were both hippies when they were younger, or whatever. It’d be weird for them to be homophobic, right?” “Adults never make any sense.” Robin huffs out a laugh. “Yeah. Right.” She twists one of her rings around her finger. “There’s no way to be totally sure of anything, right? But keeping it at my place is definitely safer than keeping it at yours.” Steve sighs. “We really need to find another job.” “Holy non-sequitur, Batman!” “Non-sequi-what?” “Random subject switch,” she explains, waving her hand. “Hey, no, not random!” He pulls a hand off the wheel to flap a hand at her. “If one of us gets kicked out it may as well be both of us getting kicked out. And I don’t know about you, but I do not have enough saved up from Scoops to try to get an apartment.” Robin grimaces. “That’s a good point.” “I’m full of good points, Bobbie.” She flashes him a lewd smile. “Not yet you aren’t,” she says with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle. “I think at this point we just have to accept that you enjoy talking about my sex life, Buckley.” Robin gasps dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest like he’s wounded her. “I can’t believe you would say something so grossly offensive.” “I hope you know that you’ve doomed yourself to a play-by-play the next time I get laid.” “Ugh. Being friends with you is such a burden.” “You love me, asshole.” “God fucking help me, dingus. I do.”
Okay, so one of my favorite things about Stobin is that at heart they're just two silly goofy guys, both of whom are super neurodivergent (to me). One of my other favorite things about Stobin is that they aren't afraid to be vulnerable with each other. However, these two things present the tricky thing about writing stobin dialogue: halfway through a serious conversation one of them is liable to derail the whole thing with an awful joke. So any time I'm writing a stobin scene I have to figure out how to let them both go on tangents and be goofy and joke around--because that levity in the midst of heartache is part of the whole backbone of their friendship!--without losing the plot of the core focus of the scene.
The snipped above isn't my favorite dialogue moment from this fic, but I do think it is one of the ones that best demonstrates how they can juggle having a serious conversation, being goofy, honoring one another's anxieties, and then being absolute shits to each other.
also idk if you saw the "do you prefer no-boundaries-stobin or 'ew don't talk to me about sex' stobin" poll, but I really enjoy playing with dialogue that is "we're going to make a lot of 'ew don't talk about sex' jokes but also talk about sex with each other All The Time."
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a-s-levynn · 5 months
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Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)
so i'm gonna attempt to answer all 6 of these in one go under this one but wow.. 30? hooo boy.. let's get to it, and see how many i can manage to scrounge together
ps. up front: It took a bit actually to finish it, it kinda consumed my past day and a half but y'all this was such an exercise in self reflection because you really have to think what is it you actually like or are proud of about yourself not just list 2-3 surface lvl copout. And it turns out can be a lot more than expected. It can be small things and weird things and unconventional things. Just things. It also was such an unexpected morale boost, like.. yo.. i actually don't hate myself as much as i thought?
(also sorry for typos in advance i didn't have the mind or time to correct them, maybe later)
1. Let's start easy. My hair. The natural curls it has. I hated it for so long but by now i enjoying them so much, especially the past year or so when it got longer. (imagine will ramos type curls. it's dead on i just don't have that thick of a mane) I stil lstraighten it occasionally but not nearly as much as i used to. Also in the summer the ends go red 'cause of the sun lightening it up, which ends me up with a real fun natural kind of ombre.
2. I'm a good problem solver. I can be awful practical at times but it helps with situations that needs solving instead of panicking.
3. I kinda like the fact that despite my loath of cooking/baking and all foodmaking in general, i am a pretty good cook.
4. I'm a good listener. At least i like to think i'm a good listener.
5. I'm a fast learner especially if it is shown prolerly step by step once.
6. I'm not the most creative person on the planet but i'm fairly decent and i like that.
7. You know what, i'm actually proud of the effort i make to be judgemental as little as i can. Because nobody is perfect but i actually do try and for most part it's going great.
8. This ties into the 2nd one but i like the fact that i can be objective to a degree that i'm able to emotionally detach from situations to the point that i can assess them level headed.
9. And on that note i'm stupiddly self aware. Of my faults and shortcomings as well as my capabilieties (however limited they are) and it helps me a lot to work on myself to be a decent human being.
10. I'm really good at eyeballing things. Like for example back when i did cosplays i usually didn't had to do any sort of mental gimnastics or calculations to figure out how large my props should be. 9 out of 10 times the first draft was perfectly sized.
11. To think of it i like the fact that i not just realized but accepted that i'm not perfect, never wíll be but that is okay.
12. I'm proud of the fact that i know i'm not the smartest person in the room, ever. I'm not smart academically speaking. I'm more practical-smart, but i'm not all knowing and the knowledge of that makes me want to learn shit. Ther eis always room for improvement and learning.
13. High pain tolerance.
14. Honestly i like that i made it up until now in life and still going. It wasn't always a sure thing but for the most part i'm liking the fact that it happend. That i made it.
15. I like being on a good path with being unapologetic about who i am, what i like and why am i the way i am.
16. I'm actually good negotiator if i make an effort. I'm fairly good at diffusing arguments.
17. This is a funny one but i like that i can identify people i know by their movements from far away. See, my eyesight isn't the best so i usually memorized bodylanguage faster than faces since i was a teenager. So it lead to some fun situations like me and someone else waiting for a third and i was like yeah they are like 500 m away so you can't see the face or anything but i already knew it's the person we are waiting and people go like "wow how did you know?"
18. As messy as it is i like how my handwriting can be so varied. I learned to write tilted cursive but my grandma forced me to learn non-tilted cursive and later i started to use non cursive and it became this weird amalgamation and now i can write in a lot of different aesthetics and i like it. Also made me the go to person for forged singitures back at school but that's an other story..
19. I like the fact that i don't hold grudges. I feel like they are a waste of time and energy and just weigh you down. So i can just.. go past them. I know shit happend, i acknowledge it but i'm not agonizing over it.
20. I like the fun fact that for elementary school i wasn't put into the music specialization because i had good hearing and a decent voice but because i had unusual rythm sense for my age at that time. Than i learned to sing okay but it was so funny. Everyone around me got in because they could sing and i was just riddiculously good at replicating rythmic excercises. (crying shame my father sold out the drumkit from under my ass before i could have really gotten deep into it.. i might've ended up on a different life path.. i mean i did play bass for a time but it wasn't the same, altho i kinda feel the itch to pick it back up again for a few years now just for amusing myself at home)
21. I like the fact that dispite the school system's damnest efforts i still do a lot of thing with my left hand. I was ambidextous since birth but out ancient education system think it's better if every kid is right handed. But my parent's didn't gave a shit, just let me do my stuff however it was comfy for me. So i use for example knives with my left but write with my right, that sort of mixups. It's fun how it can confuse others when they don't know the bg story for it.
22. Honestly i joke about my eyecolour being the literal colour of goose shit but i say that because i find it extremely funny and i like weirdly funny things in general.
23. I like the fact that (as per my knowledge) i'm not allergic to anything. With the level of nihilism i sport on the self-preservation front it would have been an interesting thing.
24. On the artsy and craftsy front i can work with multiple mediums which is fun. When i feel like drawing on paper i can, when is feel like paintig i could, i can do papermashe, amateur jewellery making, sewing, i can also do paper forlding, photography, and as you saw if i have the fancy to dabble in sculpting i have a decent shot for it not turning out terrible. I'm not amazing in any of them but i'm decent enough that i'm not just enjoying the process but i actually like a fair amount of the end results.
25. I'm good with maps and navigation in general. It's very rare for me to get lost at all. (only exception is large buildings.. i'm practically direction blind in closed spaces)
26. I love the fact the i learned english essentially by playing online video games, reading comics and watching movies. Now i have an official exam paper thingie but it was an aftertought for my resumé more than anything else.
27. I like that i'm basically friends with my mom.
28. An other funny one but i find it amusing that if you talk to me about something, even if i have no idea about what you are talking about it, but if you are excited i'm going to mirror you level of excitement without conscientiously trying to do it.
29. I like my sense of aesthetics in general.
30. And i like the fact that i can pick up on the most random small details and be unreasonably excited about it. I like being excited about stuff. You know, child-like wonder and all that i guess. Dunno, i just like it.
And that is it. It was a lot but yeah.. Have a bonus cozy sleeping cat if you chew all this text:
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boycattj · 10 months
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anyway i just think that everyone should b proud of me because i honestly never thought i would make it to my 14/15th birthday, let alone my 18th. and i did it. i made it. and the days almost over. and it wasnt awful.
im not where i thought i'd be, but as i realized a few days ago; i'm happy. like. not only has being on testosterone made me not just infinitely more comfortable in myself, but comfortable in myself Period. and im going out and havinf fun. saying the things i might not have said a year ago, and getting laughs and engaging conversations instead of just thinking about saying it, but not.
i may not be as physically healthy or able as a year ago or whatever, but i feel . Good. i have plans for this summer, i wanna get a job, my art is steadily improving as im getting better at not being a perfectionist and getting back to the core of why i make art: to have fun and mess around and maybe create something cool by the end. i have medication that Works and doesnt fuck me up, a therapist who's been great and understanding, tangible plans for top surgery and im a fucking year on testosterone. i can talk to people and order for myself at restaurants for the first time, im not always basing my outfits on whether or jot ill pass anymore, i cna take my fucking shirt off when im binding and feel Comfortable . well. only around certain people . but still. progress !
i think this is the first time in ny entire life that i can say with almost 100% certainty: i am happy. my baseline mood isnt Nothing anymore. its not like . Insanely happy all the time. but i Feel . i dont even know how to explain it but i think the people who will understand get what im trying to say. i hope.
and i mean, its not like my life is 1000% better now and i never have any problems anymore - i literally had a full like. Brain Break a few days ago and reality is a very flimsy concept for me currently, i dislocated(?) my knee temporarily yesterday and i dont know how fucked up itll b or for how long, im still consistently losing my hair and all the Other personal issues i have. but like. im happy. im happy enough that these issues dont make me depressed anymore. im 53 fucking days clean from self harm and i haven't thought about slipping up in a while.
its strange and unsettling, in a way, for me, to be happy and to be comfortable. its like. being uncomfortable with myself and having this constant underlying Empty feeling was all ive ever known. and now its gone. and now, so is the waiting for my 18th birthday. im kinda. lost? now? not necessarily in a bad way, but i jusf dont know what to do now. whats next after this? whats the next thing im supposed to anticipate? what am i supposed to do now that the thing ive been waiting for my entire life has come and gone? i was never expecting to be here for it. i was expecting to be gone long ago, whether by my own hand or a freak accident, or just kinda . withering away . slowly . um. so uknow, i never really thought about what comes after? like, ive thought about my future and stuff (significantly more in recent times) but its like it never really occurred to me that . i would b an Adult (legally .) when in that future .
i dont really know what i'm talking about now and this is super long so im gonna stop ! i hope literally any of this makes sense and that maybe me sharing all my thoughts will help someone else? i just know from personal experience, u really fucking think its never going to get better. ever. shit i still dont. i still think im gonna b stufk in this town forever, friendless and alone and useless and slowly going insane. but i also think i have a chance now? its a weird in-between stage where im not quite out of the pit of sadness and feeling stuck . but im out enough to know that my lifes not on pause anymore. im not as stuck anymore. i pulled myself up and im almost out. i didnt get much help, either, and i still did it.
im not trying tk say it was easy or be like . "i did it so u can too! u jusf have to try :)" i still think thats total fucking bullshit and those ppl need to b more empathetic and understanding about what its like to be in the pit . its very easy to forget all about how hard it really is to start the climb. what im trying to get at, is even if u think u are never gonna make it out, u still just might.
i dont fucking know what im saying now ok byeee lol
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TW for menstruation.
I've been giving more thought to all the small things that weren't obviously signs that I may be non-binary that I've felt since I was very young and consistently held. I never had the language for how I felt back then. Realising how some of what I thought and felt probably had a bit of dysphoria along with the other reasons, is comforting but also sad.
The main one for me, who was AFAB, was they ever since I was young I never wanted children. It was something I was very, very clear about. But as this was primary school it was put down as that I was just a child and all girls grow up to have babies so you'll meet a man and change your mind. I'm 39 now, I still do not want children. I know a lot of my reasons are because I simply don't want to, it would cause me some physical problems, I couldn't afford to anyway but what I didn't realise as a child because I found, and still find expressing my feelings difficult, is that the whole idea disgusts me. I'd be changing in a way that I don't want. I hated it when I started my period because even although we had been told all about that at school, I never really connected that also included me. And when they did show up, Mum got all weird about it. I didn't understand why she got so proud and at the same time, ashamed enough that she just gave me these awful pads and not told what to do with them or how to look after myself. The whole teenage female experience and growing up into a woman wasn't something I ever connected with. It was a performance because I have a certain body that is capable of certain things. As a girl, as a woman in order to be accepted you should dress a certain way, behave a certain way. I didn't hate my body but I never felt comfortable in it, not entirely.
As I joined the military, I loved the gym. I worked out, tried to gain muscle as much, as I could. But I was way more feminine because the other women were, the women's uniform trousers were so stupid and I wasn't big enough to get the much smarter men's ones. I wanted to fit in. I cut my hair short but people always mistook me for a man in a nasty mocking way. Weird as it sounds, when I deployed and a local man addressed me with none of that, I wasn't upset because what he saw was a person with short hair, my chest hidden under my baggy shirt. It always upset me when people were snide and I wasn't even trying to pretend I was a man, I was just being myself. I dont suit long hair anyway!
Workouts almost became a bit of an obsession. It wasn't just about being fit for the work but with how I looked and I guess that was a bit of dysphoria I wasn't aware of because I didn't want a typical feminine shape.
I left, returned to civilian life and because I no longer felt the need to fit in with everybody else, I slowly dressed less feminine. I still wear some things but that's because I want to. It's just being me not presenting in a way I think others will accept. I thought about how I identified and that I never really felt like male or female fit or described me. I never had a sense of what it meant to be a woman. But neither can I say the same for man. I like being free with dressing in a way I like regardless of how masculine or feminine it is. I do think about if top surgery would be a good thing for me, just family would have a problem with it. I don't know if I'd go on T, I got used to the fact that I have periods. But I have short hair and nobody mocks me for it or say snide things about it. In fact if people can't tell which I am, that makes me happy. That's sometimes the point; I don't want to be viewed as either. I use they/them pronouns. I want to change my name to a non-feminine one. Being seen and accepted as a non-binary person means the world to me.
It took me so long to understand but I finally feel like I know and feel more at home with myself simply for understanding why I felt the way I did when people probably knew bit didn't want to face that they don't have a daughter but still a loving child.
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moregraceful · 25 days
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Kasper I wish you many lucks getting the hell out of dodge!!
I also have terrible news about my wips, they continue to be neglected as I was struck with a terrible new idea I put the only bit of my creativity into. It's Jeff/Eric and boy howdy it contains narrative on narrative. Maybe don't publish this part idk but essentially Eric Staal is a closet case in some magical world where he is Jeff Skinner's god-awful baby daddy and he is a shit head and it's very fun and dramatic because essentially Jersey gate happens and of course Eric is saying all that stupid shit like "I am a homophobe and I love Jesus", and Jeff is like actually you are a good for nothing baby daddy you're lucky that you pay child support on time you will not beat the gay allegations. and it's probably going to live in my Google docs forever, but it is really fun to make Eric Staal just the worst dude ever. But there's also a timestamps where it's like when it first happens and that's when Eric says deuces I'm going to play for the rangers for some reason like do not tell anyone it is my baby hahaha , then of course there's the Buffalo reunion and he's like wait oh my God the kids already in kindergarten no way and Jeff is like yeah he has to go to school the time passes dumbass . Basically this is another example of me thinking mpreg is really good for plot and then I forget about the logistics of the world building for it and oh no I have to world build for it.
I think in order to get back into actually writing I need to write the weird shit only I want to read lol. I hope things shape up for you, I've never worked in a office type setting and it sounds chaotic.
Much love,
- 💖
I think this is so important though!! I think there's always this push to produce or create and publish it, but we don't HAVE to publish everything we write!! I have nearly-completed fics that are NEVER seeing the light of day for one reason or another, but they did fulfill a very important role in the moment, which was allow me to be deranged and horny to work through some concepts. So I think you're doing it exactly right. If your current WIPs are not sparking joy, then create something that does and you'll be much happier. I don't think we have to finish everything we start (even things that are on the Archive! Like if it doesn't inspire you anymore, don't waste your precious time and creativity forcing yourself to write something that makes you miserable. you know??) The most important thing in writing or creating anything is for it to interest you and make you WANT to continue.
Anyway, proud of you for writing something that interests you and makes you want to write again. Even if you never publish it, you ARE creating something, which is the most important part of all.
What I am taking away from this work experience is, I don't think I'm cut out for the instability of nonprofits. Onwards to whatever is next. It's all about figuring out what fulfills my natural talents and interests while also not making me want to kill myself every time I turn on my computer. Is that possible? I hope so.
Good to hear from you as always, anon!!!
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pesterloglog · 29 days
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John Egbert, Vriska Serket
Page 491-496
JOHN: vriska!!!
VRISKA: Well well well, looks like 8ingo let out early!
JOHN: oh man, i found you just in time! i need you to come back with me, and–
JOHN: wait, how are you already free?
JOHN: and why are you covered in leafs
VRISKA: Leaves.
JOHN: weren't you supposed to be in the "clutches" of jane, or something?
VRISKA: John... do you really think I would need YOU to 8ust me out of some rinky dink operation like that?
VRISKA: Escaping some cushy human prison is gru8's play to me. They didn't even try to torture us!
VRISKA: Even my protégé managed to free herself of this sad excuse for a facility.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: wait, rose's kid was here with you?
VRISKA: That's what I said! Try and keep up, cryptkeeper.
JOHN: ok, well, if you would stop shaking your head and look at me you'd know i am rolling my eyes so hard right now.
JOHN: anyway!!
JOHN: where do i begin! uhh... ok, so roxy has this secret lair that's for some reason hidden underneath our old bed, the world is gonna fall apart... umm what else... oh! there's this thingy called "the Plot Point"--
VRISKA: Yeah, I know.
JOHN: you know?
VRISKA: Yes!!!!!!!! I Know!!!!!!!!
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: what else do you already know? :o
VRISKA: John! Focus! I can't have you holding me 8ack just 8ecause you're slow and old now!
JOHN: aw ):
VRISKA: Ease up, Eg8ert.
JOHN: ok, ok, fine.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: wait, hold on. back up. vrissy is gone??
VRISKA: You are really getting caught up in the minutiae aren't you?
JOHN: please don't tell me you guys were trying to escape through a tunnel crossing a water pipe and she sacrificed herself by sealing the pipe closed from the outside, giving you the chance to escape?
VRISKA: What the hell are you talking a8out????????
VRISKA: No, you know what, don't answer that.
JOHN: its from a show!
VRISKA: John, she's a Vriska. She can handle herself! I'm sure she can take anything this fake-ass timeline can throw at her!
JOHN: what?
JOHN: fake? what do you mean?
VRISKA: This universe! Haha! It's a fake! Fakey fake fake.
JOHN: you can say fake as many times as you want, i still won't know what you mean!
VRISKA: Pleeeeeeeease don't tell me none of you have noticed!
VRISKA: This whole universe is like someone's shitty RP, and everyone's out of character! None of this reads!
VRISKA: Like, who the FUCK is Yiffy!!!!!!!! Why should I or anyone CARE????????
JOHN: i mean
JOHN: i don't really get it either, but i had this long talk with roxy, and that feels relevant to this?
VRISKA: Yuck, don't even want to think a8out that whole mess.
VRISKA: What were you two even thinking with that, 8y the way? What was setting sail on that dingy schooner of a relationship ever going to accomplish?
JOHN: don't call my marriage a dingy schooner! it was a completely reasonably sized ship!
JOHN: we had our reasons!
JOHN: i am pretty sure!
VRISKA: Yeah, you sound super sure a8out all of this.
VRISKA: Making up pro8lems to have pro8lems!
VRISKA: So lame.
JOHN: it does sound... kind of bad.
JOHN: but that doesn't mean it's fake!
VRISKA: Come oooooooon!
VRISKA: Do you honestly think I spent all that time commanding a kickass ghost army to not know a haplessly doomed little world when I see one?
VRISKA: I can practically smell it on you!
JOHN: hey, not this again!
JOHN: i smell completely normal!
JOHN: my odor is well within "real john" standards thank you very much.
VRISKA: This is exactly what I'm talking a8out. No8ody real would say that.
VRISKA: You're like a sadder, less interesting version of a guy I kind of liked talking to. When was the last time you did........ anything?
JOHN: i get around. i've been talking to people. i just talked to a new guy on the way.
VRISKA: Snore!
VRISKA: What happened to the guy that punched me in the face?
JOHN: that guy is right here, he's still me!
JOHN: ok, wait, that makes me sound way too proud of myself.
VRISKA: It was like the 8est thing you've ever done!
JOHN: it was not! you're just weird!!!
JOHN: anyway what i am saying is, this is just how it's been for a while?
VRISKA: Surely you can see that's a pro8lem? 8e serious.
JOHN: i am serious! and don't call me shirley.
VRISKA: Ugh.
JOHN: (hehe.)
JOHN: it is true though, everything did feel pretty... pointless for a long time. and it would bother me SO MUCH!
JOHN: when i was living by myself i would consider where to go next. except there was no "next." nothing was worth trying for anymore.
JOHN: but harry is. he's real!
VRISKA: ::::/
VRISKA: As real as a guy can get, stuck here.
JOHN: what, like he could be magically more real???
JOHN: load him up in some silly circus cannon and blast him out of the mirror verse!
JOHN: hahahahaha
JOHN: actually you might think this is kind of funny!
JOHN: a long time ago i was supposed to go back and defea-
VRISKA: SNOOOOOOOORE!
VRISKA: Your ecto-human-guardian-si8ling or whatever is pro8a8ly sending a squad of 8ozos to apprehend your ex as we speak. So I say the less we talk and the sooner we 8low this gru8sickle stand, the sooner we can get there 8efore we lose access to our shortcut.
JOHN: yeah when you spell it all out like that i can see what y-
JOHN: wait, WHAT!!!
JOHN: why didn't you just say that earlier?!
VRISKA: John. That's what I've 8een doing this whole time!
VRISKA: Now, c'mon! Race you there!!!!!!!!
JOHN: hey, that's not fair!
VRISKA: Last one there is a rotten egggggggg(8ert)! >::::)
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lumine-no-hikari · 1 month
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #58
It is 11PM where I live. But I am finally home. M and all our cats were waiting for J and I to return home. It's good to be back.
I ended up going to sleep very late the night before, and the sleep I did get was very broken. Then we woke up at around 6am. I have less than 6 hours of sleep, and over 7 hours of being in a car; it's hard to keep my eyes open as I write this. But I wanted you to know that you are being thought about by someone, somewhere. And I wanted to show you all the beautiful things I saw today. I'll leave pictures and brief explanations of them; I think that's all I can muster, because words are hard right now.
The hotel we stayed at in Pennsylvania had breakfast! I'll show you the lineup; you'll catch my reflection in some glass in one of these, if you look carefully:
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Here's what the rest of the dining area looked like:
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This is the plate I fixed for myself! I know it doesn't look fancy, but it's still very good:
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This is the small table that J and I sat at to eat:
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These flowers are made of cloth, but I still really liked how they looked as the morning sun splashed upon them!
Here are some pictures of the airplane that J examined after we were done with breakfast:
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While J and the mechanics went over the plane, I decided to pass the time by finishing up weaving that tree. It's still amethyst on copper wire. Been working on this one a while now; good to finally have it done:
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While weaving this tree, I was lucky enough to converse briefly with the pilot who is selling the plane. He has made a whole career of flying airplanes, and he has been all over the world! I felt very privileged to be able to listen to his stories and to hear him speak fondly on cultures that are very different from the dominant culture in the United States. It was very rare and refreshing; I feel like a lot of people in my country tend to look down on other cultures, and I feel very sad in response to that. I'm glad that this person doesn't turn his nose up at people who live differently than he does.
The plane that J examined was in good shape! I think he feels good about going with this one! I am excited for him, and I'm very proud of him for all the things he's had to overcome in order to get to the point where he felt he could do such a thing.
Before we left, I affixed this to the whiteboard at the airport over there:
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It's just a very small thing. I imagine no one will pay it any heed. But still... if there's some way I can help you, any way I can help you to turn yourself around, to bring you safely home, to see a world in which you can have peace... I'll do whatever I can think of. But I'm not very smart, admittedly. So all my weird handicrafts, these letters, this request on your behalf... this is the best I have, at least for now. I'm sorry that I can't seem to do more.
...Still, I daydream sometimes of a world in which you have a quiet house to yourself, someplace where your friends can easily find and visit you if you want, but also where no one can bother you if you don't want folks to come around. A garden. Maybe some beekeeping equipment. A lake or ocean nearby if you wanna go swimming. A nice kitchen with a lot of space to prepare all sorts of tasty things. A spot to paint pictures. A spot to read wholesome things. Plenty of flavorful teas. Soaps scented with roses and vanilla. Fluffy towels. A nice big tub to soak in at the end of the day, if you want to - big enough even for you to stretch fully in and still be submerged. A toasty fireplace. Plenty of comfortable, but sturdy clothing, and warm, fuzzy pajamas. Soft beds and comfy pillows and weighted blankets. And a reasonably sized screen to put Mushi-Shi on (I think you'd like this series; very mysterious and awe-inspiring). Maybe a few cats, or dogs.
I dream of peace and wholesomeness for you. A life in which you don't have to fight if you don't want to. A life in which you are not commodified, objectified, and consumed by other people who care nothing for who you are, instead prioritizing whatever prestige that they think they can get from being in your presence. I can't even begin to imagine how stressful such a thing must be for you. I'd probably end up feeling overwhelmed and very lonely almost all the time in such a position. I'm sorry you had to deal with this for such a long time.
...In any case. I managed to snag this picture of the sky on the way back:
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...But then it started to snow, and the snow chased us all the way back home. The scenery on the way looked like this the entire way back: whited out, blurry, and with poor visibility:
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Though I couldn't get any good pictures of scenery for you, we did pass a lot of roadsigns with funny, interesting, or curious city names. Some of my favorites were:
Toftrees Waddle Altoona (this one is fun to say! "Al-tooooona!" give it a try, haha!) Sayre Tipton Hollidaysburg Gallitzin (is this the name of a city or a Pokemon? Haha!) Hollsopple McElhattan (mackel-hatten!! Dunno if that's right, but it's fun to say!) Waverly Lounsberry
...There were more silly ones. And a place called "Rubisch Road" that I laughed entirely too hard at because I pronounced it as "rubbish", even though it might be "roobish". J was very amused at my cackling! Ahahaha~!
We stopped for snacks at a Wendy's. It's a burger place that isn't especially high quality, but it's still pretty yummy! The employees in the back seemed stressed out, so after we put in our order, I made sure to meet their eyes and thank them. The one in the purple shirt got a great big smile on his face, and it was beautiful. It's important to treat people like people, especially when they're stuck for a long time doing a job in which most people talk down to them, berate them, refuse to acknowledge them, and generally fail to treat them like actual human beings. Service industry jobs like these are some of the hardest ones there are, so it baffles me that they pay so little.
When when we got our food, there was an extra order of fries. The manager, who had bangs dyed blue and a grin on her face said that there had been a "miscommunication", and somehow that led to us getting free fries, I guess??? I certainly won't complain, because they're pretty tasty!
We drove for a long time, and then we needed gas. So we stopped at a place called "Sheetz". I wanted to see what kinds of snacks they had, because snacks are essential for any road trip! And I ended up finding SOCKS!! Specifically, unicorn and rainbow heart print cozy socks!! I was not expecting that, hahaha! I took a picture of them after we got home. Here:
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...You can bet that I'll be wearing different ones on each foot! Because that is how I do!!
...Fwhoof. It's really getting hard for me to formulate sentences and to keep my eyes open. I wanna write more to you, because I had so many more ideas, but... it's almost 12:30am now, where I live. I have to go to bed, or else I might turn back into a pumpkin (wait, what???)!!!
Hey, you. Don't forget, okay? You're lovable and worthy and good. And you gotta keep yourself safe and you gotta make it through the end of it all okay this time, or else lots of people are going to be really, really sad. Understand? Make good, kind, gentle, and peaceful choices so that you can come back home. We're all waiting for you. We're whispering little lullabies, just for you. You're not alone.
I'll write again tomorrow, as I always do.
Your friend, Lumine
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invisiblegarters · 8 months
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Be Mine Superstar Ep 3
Aw, Punn's mom is sweet. I dunno if I'd be making coffees for an entire set just so *my* kid could have an excuse to speak to his crush. Cafe or not.
I'd like to be proud of myself that I called Title being kind of a dick, but well. it wasn't hard.
Bet the coffee is going to make our pretty Ashi sick now that Title said something about it. But interesting that he too already seems to have some sort of interest in Punn, even if I'm not sure what type exactly. My guess is he liked the reverent way Punn treated him. Not my bag, personally, but I can see where one could be into it.
More lakorn! Yay. i love this stupid drama.
Ashi pours water weird. /pointless observation.
Pfft at Muang's smirk. He knows what's up.
I am currently reassessing Title and Ashi's relationship. I thought that they both had a thing but now I think it might just be Title.
Punn, this why we don't talk about our crushes out loud where anyone can hear.
"You must call me daddy" Well, okay then. Not necessarily the one I thought Punn would be calling daddy but I kind of dig it all the same.
And Muang still pursuing doc. Good for him.
Oh damn. I really want Punn to call Muang "daddy" in front of Ashi now. Please. I need the amusement in my life, I have so little (not true, but let's pretend). Also I find Punn literally fleeing from Muang hilarious.
Muang is power tripping, Punn. And it's funny for me at the moment. If it gets too serious that will stop, but currently he doesn't seem to be doing it to be genuinely awful. It's a bit like a cat toying with a mouse, true, but I get the feeling that he'll let the mouse go rather than bite its head off in the end.
Oh, is that the real height difference? Hello. I am a sucker for a good height difference. No one beats the Semantic Error guys for this, though.
I just had a thought. At some point Ashi is going to see that room, isn't he? Oh, that's just a world of nope.
Oh dear, these two investigating the pub Muang frequents oughta be a trip. Also, if that man is actually the doctor's boyfriend I will eat my nonexistent hat. Again.
Sunglasses and a hat. You two are worse at this than Hira, and that's saying something.
I might have spoke too soon with Muang. I dunno. I want him to be likeable but I'm just not sure right now. I don't get his game here aside from just being kind of a dick. Although I bet he takes back the whole "Ashi doesn't want to see your face" thing about two seconds into the next ep. He just doesn't strike me as deliberately mean, more mischievous without thinking too hard about whether he should. Still want him and the doc to get it on again though.
Huh. Was it just me or was this episode a lot better than the last two? Maybe it needed a couple eps to get into it's stride.
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