#i'm just.. feeling a certain way today

[yenvengerberg]

i hate what bingeing culture has turned the consumption of media into. the pressure to watch everything all at once as soon as it drops otherwise you simply can't go onto social media or 'it's your own fault, you should know better!', the way it forms a dread around shows you know you can't watch straight away because of life commitments when you should be excited for them, and the way buzz only lasts for a few days before inevitably, everyone moves on and forgets about it. i just wish i could return to the excitement of weekly releases that kept me guessing for months on end and fostered a discussion around media

#i'm just.. feeling a certain way today #as we get closer to tua releasing this week i should be excited but instead i'm just like #great i have no time to watch it (bc they're dropping it on a weekday like wtf???) #and i will inevitably get spoiled in the time it takes me to watch #and it's just SO annoying #i want to be excited but this release and consume content immediately has taken the fun out of media for me #anyway i'll stop rambling #i'm just v tired and in my feelings #1k #didn't expect this to take off but i'm glad it resonates with so many people!!! #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[prettyboybun]

Sometimes it's like. no I am not horny. Yes I know when I get home, I will inevitably be touching my tdick til I cum regardless. We exist

#think it's mostly just that I need cuddled but I don't see my bf til tomorrow #I'm also just in a vv soft mood anyways- 💫 has been fronting a lot today #anyways umm. hold me in your arms and overstim me while I bury my face in your chest? 🥺 #edit- also realizing that I can't think Too in depth/serious abt sex rn due to ptsd stuff being wack rn #like. I can absolutely still do sex stuff esp with my partner because I don't feel any pressure to be a certain way #but like just fantasizing alone is difficult rn tbh

[flutterbyfairy]

btw sexuality labels do not have to be super specific with strict boundaries of what "qualifies" as being that sexuality. you do not have to base how you define your sexuality on the first description that comes up on google; history, culture, the nuances of personal experience, and what you feel connected to are just as important a part of how you choose to identify!

#brought to you by a lesbian continously annoyed at the 'non man loving non men' description of lesbianism #i used to think i had to wall myself off from being attracted to certain genders in order to continue identifying as a lesbian #but like. gender is weird and silly and so is sexuality!! #this isn't something i'm the most knowledgeable on but to my understanding before lesbian separatism the term lesbian was used a bit #differently than it is today - being attracted to men didn't make someone not a lesbian #which i like! cus i identify a lot with (especially femme) lesbian history #i like queer masculinity! in the particular way that is common for femme lesbians #to me being a femme lesbian describes my experience with the way i feel within myself and the way i love queer masculinity. it doesn't feel #contradictory to me to be in relationships with men. i luuuuv my boyfriends and #me being a lesbian doesn't mean i don't or that i don't see them as men or anything #i am not particularly good at the whole Social Constructs thing due to autism so that probly plays into it #it is all confusing and i don't necessarily understand some of it (even my own identities) but i go with what makes me feel like me #^-^ #meg (boyfriend) saw this post and said ''i used to think i wasn't attracted to men. i was just looking at the wrong men'' #which is sooo true

[skeletoninthemelonland]

#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project #My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much #On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes #there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain- #starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this #On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it #I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create #You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone #and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me #What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions #'This is not the message I wanted to convey' #'This is not the story I wanted to tell' #The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean: #Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA #then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg.. #i won against my negative thoughts today. yay #this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf #bye :waves: #starbstalks

[rowenabean]

.

#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe #you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and... #what a way to look at the world tbh #like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia #(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me) #and... i am also a good doctor #last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried #no one had ever told her that before #and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of #excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say #i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person #i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about #fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor #i think that's what i'm trying to get at #the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics #if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all #so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an #active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing #and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this) #i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train #(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl #things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same #room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when #you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is #SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.) #this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way #to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable

[welcometogrouchland]

See, it's less about whether or not Willow is the braincell, and more about the fact that Willow likes taking care of her friends and looking out for them. It's both a source of self esteem and worth for her (she feels useful and competent if she's helping others) AND it's her main way of expressing her gratitude and affection for her friends presence in her life. They make her happy so she's gonna keep them safe and out of harms way. Plus most of her friends (sans hunter) have a history of looking out for her that, as much as she appreciates, she'd rather not return to. She likes her independence and she likes her new role in the friend group, she doesn't want to take steps back.

Sometimes this Need To Help manifests as magical outbursts that may not be great strategic moves (when she thinks Hunters been kidnapped in coth). Sometimes it manifests as scolding and steering in the right direction (her with Gus in something ventured) but ultimately letting them make their own choices. Ultimately Willows the sort of person to do whatever she thinks is right in the given situation for the people around her. When she can summon it, she has a lot of wisdom for her age (seen in the scene w/ her getting everyone to share food on the airship in king's tide). And if she can't summon it, she'll still try and do whatever seems right in the moment (gives hunter the pic of flapjack) and just problem solve as the day goes on until someone feels better, goddamit! <- this is the kinda moment that leads to rash decisions, bottling her feelings and burning out bc she really doesn't wanna fail due to her history and self esteem issues. It's why Hunter comforting her works so well in ftf and completely shifts their dynamic. She finally has confirmation that someone who loves her won't love her any less when she fucks up, but I digress.

Willows always looking out for others, and sometimes she's dumb about it, sometimes she's smart about it! It depends on who she's helping, why they need help and what kind of day she's had/where she is. Thanks to Them showed Willow in a pretty stable situation, hence there's extra room for silliness. For the future was following extremely distressing events and put even more stresses on Willow herself. Hence she bottles things up and struggles to make the good decisions she was once able to. It's not like she became a worse leader or friend since asias or king's tide (episodes that take time to include small moments of her playing to people's strengths, doing good strategy, making sure no one's left behind, etc). She's just having a really garbage fucking day.

She's probably only gonna get 1 Moment™ or so in the finale bc she had her day in ftf and I'm content with that, but I was rewatching asias where she DOES take on a responsible leadership role (while still maintaining her whole "blossoming wallflower/crouching underdog hidden badass" thing) and it reminded me of the small contained debate that happened around thanks to thems airing. Because yes, Willow and Gus were Goofy™ that ep, but a) they were literally comic relief in season 1 + 2A, it kinda has precedent and b) Willow is only as sensible as the situation calls for her and as her environment allows. She's nuanced like that!

#the owl house #toh #ramblings of a lunatic #willow park #this doesn't necessarily feel like anything that hasn't been said before but like. idc man it's a free market and i love willow #I'm still really sad abt the finale but i finally got time to draw today and I'm feeling A Little Better #still can't get over how sad i am that the show isn't fully getting to end on it's own terms and there's no promise of continuation #despite the obvious fan demand and like. #the hope that we were given with that interview that said the yt releases made execs realize how popular the show was #even the watching and dreaming trailer has a TON of views on the youtube page for disney channel #ftf is currently at 6 MILLION views and reached that number in less time than it took for thanks to them to his 5.8 million #i just #the unfairness of it all is Bugging me and it's making it hard for me to be fully excited for the end the way I've been with shows before #I'm really hoping for spin-off comics- even though i know there'd probably be AT LEAST a year between the show ending and the comics #if they ever happened #that's just how these things work and dana desperately needs a break #but still. it'd keep me going to a certain extent #AUGHhhhh i hate u modern state of television and animation i hate you cannibalistic entertainment industry i hate u disney corporation #anyway. i love asias i need to stop watching it so much

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

not to be anti-tech but i really want more phone-free events. more phone-free concerts, phone-free festivals, phone-free weddings, phone-free dinners, phone-free night clubs, phone-free game nights, phone-free sporting events, etc.

#words #yes i know it's ironic that i'm saying this on social media #but i'm just feeling extra salty about the state of the world and how social media has affected us today #i hate how taking pics 'for the gram' #phones really can ruin the experience of certain events #i hate going to shows where EVERYONE has their phone up #or filming a stranger in public for tiktok has been so normalized #not to sound like a boomer but a lot of people really are addicted to social media and whatnot #thoughts #anti tiktok #i've also been thinking a lot about how social media has negatively impacted people's social skills #like a lot of people can't even interact with people irl but they'll gladly do it via phone #idk there's way more i can say #but i'll just leave it at that lol

[byronicbi]

Making breakfast only to freeze up like a deer when the most wretched idea popped into my head and am now strapping myself to the couch because if I even glance at my laptop it is over for me.

#Telling myself that if I succumb to this madness there is no coming back from it. #I even scoured youtube and I'm shocked that no one's made this connection when there's entire YT personalities #that have made this their entire careers. #YOU GUYS IT'S RIGHT THERE. HOW HAVE YOU NOT PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER??? #but I guess applying literary analysis to a video game franchise isn't exactly common given how much research it'll require #especially if you're not already lost in the literary sauce I guess. #Good god the temptation is so STRONG...... #I'm either a genius or just insane tho I'm leaning towards the latter. #..... i feel like this would make a certain someone cry. #'You're reaching' you say. 'Yes' I retort #'But I can trace the lineage of genre evolution all the way back to the great 18th century Gothics #and by looking at the trope conventions--' #*distant sound of a piano crashing* #..... i may be slightly manic today

[jedi-bird]

Tried to tidy up and rearrange the plants on the patio and feel like I made it worse. It's definitely not how I want it to look yet but it's at least organized now. Dead plants have been removed and overgrown ones trimmed and marked for repotting. I have a better idea now on how much potting soil I need to go get and how many bigger pots I need to buy (or aquire from friends). I'm already thinking about how I'll change things but I'll give it a few days before I start.

#adventures in gardening #i needed a day to be outside and it's the coolest today that's it's been in weeks #don't feel up to driving today so no garden center #but at least i can make a list now and not just guess once I'm there #did get one of the kangaroo paws planted #the other two are each going into different places in the yard so i can see who does the best #I've found that certain plants will only grow in certain spots since our sun situation is weird #and i found that i either need to give away a lot of succulents or start composting them #certain ones propagate way too fast and are getting out of control #funnily enough i didn't buy those just inherited them from family members that didn't want them

[kirabook]

As the world changes and centuries pass, humanity changes too. Languages and beliefs that existed more than thousands of years ago are completely lost to history. What little we know now is from finding their remains or hearing about them in fairy tales aka the telephone game.

Genuinely I am so curious about the past. It's somewhat interesting connecting the dots and seeing how we ended up where we are today. How some beliefs overtook others over time and some dying out. Things seemed to change so much back then. Beliefs were so fluid.

But it seems like this changed at some point. I don't mean that suddenly everyone is killing each other over religion, that's always been the case. I mean while in the past it seemed like there were hundreds and thousands of beliefs around the world.... everything is becoming so.... homogeneous. It's always the same three culprits.

As I look to the future of this world, I wonder if all the geopolitical stuff happening right now will birth new ideologies. New beliefs. New ways to live?

Or are we too far gone? Will we be stuck with the same belief systems, the same wars, the same way of life until we eventually destroy each other for good this time?

#text #I'm agnostic btw #meaning I don't know either which way but I'm certain religion is just a human construct #but as I grow older #I grow fond of the concept of humanity looking to the world around us and being like #“Yes at the bottom of the sea is a sea god who gets mad sometimes and causes havoc because we threw trash in the ocean” #or “The sun god danced with the moon god today and created an eclipse” #the ocean sun and moon aren't what most modern religions consider “god” and it's not literally a supernatural entity with a will of its own #but isn't that better in some ways? #I feel like I'm talking like a hippy lol

[kosmicfeelings]

I wait for you

;Alex G

#alex’s diary #I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon. #I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it #I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me #quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door? #I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me? #To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way. #While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore. #You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it. #I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me. #But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you. #I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you. #There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you #How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day #I'm still lost and confused and upset. #I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis #Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining. #I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here. #I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it? #I know you once loved me so that should be enough. #I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was. #I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day #I thank you for everything that you have given me. #I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end. #But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before #Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again #no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you. #im sorry for everything. #I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

[evils-corner]

Sometimes I see mention of the first warrior cats book and it feels so...nostalgic to me. It feels like home. It's comforting. Just Firepaw and his friends learning and growing together when they were young and naive. Before the plot thickened and before he was really thrust into the politics and tragedies of the clans.

#I feel like I'm waxing poetic about all of this but #the book really does feel so....comforting #so nostalgic #so good to me.... #maybe it's because I read it when I was younger before I also had to deal with responsibilities and being an adult and whatnot #but like..... I've reread the first book alone SO many times #over 50 I know #it just....makes me really happy #In a similar way that the first HP book used to but I can't stand those books anymore #I think its just.....the nostalgia and innocence and naivety of childhood #being carefree and having fun and being with friends and warm summers #.......anyways Warrior Cats got me feeling a certain way in the club today brb gonna go cry a little bit #evil's stupid life #don't mind me #Warrior cats #wc

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

still working on that lightxlightxlight shit but i need it Perfect and also my ability to draw goes wayyyyy down when i have slept more than 6 hours and i have shit to do :/

#*sighs* sleep deprivation is the only way to succeed in life #but i really like the composition i am just. so pissed w linework atm #u ever try to do art and your hands like. start feeling weird. esp w certain movements #every once in a while when i'm typing or drawing my hands will feel weird and then i'll start getting nauseous it's not great #and it makes me so pissed bc everything i need to do needs hands but like. if i can't even type or write or draw what can i do? #thinking it could be a nerve thing? idk i'm not a doctor. i should probably go to a doctor one day for it #also i need to work on smth for today bc begging pegging and gun/knifeplay???? that's some good shit #but again. i'm busy and also my hands hate me atm #ughhhhhhhhhhhhh life hates me and i looove to complain

[essektheylyss]

.

#[sharp inhale] #I will not argue with people on the internet about how the tv industry works I will not argue with people on the internet about how the tv #like. here's the fucking problem. every time you try to talk about business models of tv and why certain things are different than others #it's just impossible cuz no one wants to operate under the assumption that tv is in fact a business from start to finish #and there are better and worse versions of that #and right now we have the WORST version of that #down to 'a strike has been considered every single damn time contract terms are up for review' #like tv has always been a business and that has give and take but you have to start at that basic understanding #the fact that showrunners are now begging people to watch immediately is a symptom that regular people are feeling #but it is WAY larger than that. and creators of all types and actors and below the line folks need to fucking eat. #which means you HAVE to acknowledge that this is a business and then regulate it as such #but you get can't do that cuz internet leftists will be like 'um all government intervention in art is morally horrible—' #yeah go fuck yourself. you sound like an right wing asshat building a backyard militia. #'but megs!' you say. 'no one yet suggested that today!' #yeah cuz I'm not starting the fucking discussion BECAUSE every time anyone has the leftists crawl out of the woodwork #to rebrand what are basically altright talking points to fit their narratives. #sorry but if you try to go 'this should just be way less regulated and everyone should do what they want' #you are giving the state and the market free reign to steamroll over whomever it likes. and I can tell you who they'll go after first. #anyway. idk who you are or what that is. ama closed.

[potential-fate]

not that I ever use mobile anyways so it affects me little. but Tumblr, I don't think you understand. I would literally rather expire here and now than use live feed functions on any website ever.

#also what the fuck is this “snooze for 7 days” toggle instead of a proper “turn this stupid feature off forever” toggle #I'm just feeling a certain type of way today #don't mind me. I'm just complaining cause I'm crabby 😩 #but also this is still true. I'd just normally not post about it on main. #pfate.txt #nonsims #tumblr