#i'm mentally pretty dead atm

[tblsomedoodles]

I

C R A V E

more Donnie VS The World content. It makes me vibrate and scream and wiggle like I'm off my meds. I would love anything, even a solid block of text, but your doodles/full artworks/comics are my favorite.

Please? All I've found so far is what we see in the donnieverse comic and the MVA/AMV (music video animatic/animatic music video). So many questions, like - is Casey (Sr) involved in any way, whethercas a fellow captive or rescue mission teammate? Is this the True Apocalypse or Averted Apocalypse timeline? If the latter, where is Casey (Jr)? How is Splinter handling it? (Is he even still alive to be Having Emotions About It?)

(Please feed me.

B L E A S E)

(If you don't mind, could you show/tell how Donnie escapes, one of his first Big Leads that gives him so much hope he cries, and/or the Big Reunion? One would be nice, two would be great, and all three would be amazing. If they aren't planned/are too spoilery, that's okay. Anything you can/are willing to give would be lovely.)

Thank you!! I'm glad you like it : ) I don't think I've answered many asked about this particular au, so i'm more than willing to talk about it! : )

I don't really have much up for it, mostly b/c it deals with a lot of angsty material that i can be a little uneasy about posting. I have a bit of old concept art, and an unposted fic i'm editing/rewriting (b/c it's the first fic i wrote for Rise and i did not have those character voices down lol.) I can probably post the first bits of it later this week. I did say at one point that i would once 'proud family tradition' was over, and it now is.

but yeah, here's the concept art, i'll put the explanation under the break b/c i'm going to be rambling lol.

So Donnie vs. takes place after the thwarted apocalypse (not-apocalypse future). They get taken by Bishop a few months afterwards, and it isn't until about a year after that, that Donnie gets free.

He's the last one still with Bishop at that point, and had been told/convinced through various means that his brothers were dead.

Bishop did a lot of experiments on him, leaving a lot of scaring. One of which was injecting him with Krang DNA to see what would happen. (the eye and veins thing. I think he has some side effects from that but i'm not entirely certain what they are atm)

The fic itself starts after his rescue, b/c i'm focusing on Donnie's search for his brothers (and his own recovery) Rather than the traumatic event itself.

The rescue itself, was certainly a rescue. April, Casey, and CJ worked together to get him out of there as well as gain whatever information they could before they were found out. (Casey went undercover and was able to get some incomplete files and help get donnie out before she was discovered and had to leave.)

donnies in...pretty bad shape at that point, mentally and physically. Physically, he's malnurished, injured, scared, the works. Bishop did a number on him in the year he had him.

Mentally, he's pretty much shut down. He's completely non-verbal, unresponsive most of the time, when he does respond it's very slow and seemingly difficult for him to do so. He describes it that it feels like he's behind several plates of thick glass. He can see and hear what's happening, interacting (or even just feeling anything about it) is very hard to get past the glass.

How he goes from that state to hunting down his brothers is fairly simple. One of the broken, encripted files Casey acquired was Leo's file. None of the three could open it, but they managed to get Donnie to try to do so. He manages it, sees the file, and for the first time in about a year, has hope. He doesn't even wait to show the other three, he just takes off while no one was looking, with April's laptop and CJ's coat (he steals a backpack along the way.)

I don't really want to say much past that. A lot of the rescues/reunions are pretty spoiler heavy, and i don't want to ruin some of the mystery of what's going on in the fic. But know this, he does get all his brothers (and family in general) back. Also, splinter is alive and is part of this, but again, that's spoilers for some things i don't want to ruin.

Again, i'll probably start posting this sometime this week. It's an interesting fic that i've put quite a bit of time into at this point, so i'll be excited to see what is thought of it.

Thank you!

#asks #tmnt #rottmnt #donnie vs the world #my doodles #medical experimentation

[justagalwhowrites]

Coming soon ❤️

Hi Besties!

For starters, thank you thank you thank thank you for being so kind and patient with me over the last month here. I've just been feeling pretty overwhelmed with the holidays and work so I haven't been able to write as much as I've wanted to, or do things like reply to everyone the way I've wanted to, either. I also sidetracked into different spaces for me, including Holly Jolly - which took me a few days longer than intended to write but I hope you enjoyed it if you read it!

I'm going to go through my inbox and respond to some of you lovely people who have been kind enough to send me asks (though I'm not intending to write any requests atm - I will get to them eventually but I have a hell of a backlog.) I do usually respond to asks that aren't story requests pretty much as soon as I get them but I just haven't had the mental space to do that lately. I'm not sure why. But I appreciate you for sending them and being patient with me ❤️ And please send me asks about just about anything at any time, I love them!

Next, here's what you can expect from me posting wise in the immediate future! I'll do my best to stick to it but feel free to send an ask or shoot me a DM to check on the status of something, I definitely don't mind!

I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and have a fantastic new year. Thank you for being here ❤️

Love you!

Halcyon - Coming this weekend at the latest! Maybe as soon as Friday.

DDDNE One Shot - A dubcon Raider!Joel fic for @romana-after-dark's Dead Dove December event! (Grain of salt on this one, I love a dark fic to read but I'm not sure how good I'm going to be at writing one so please don't get your hopes up 🫣)

Yearling - Early next week and again toward the end of the week.

Halcyon - Next weekend

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

it's good to find someone else with the same opinion on black star like man. it was such a good idea and I loved everything except the characterisation....

YEAH . and like honestly I even liked Akira for the most part! which is really hard to do bc most people get Akira off from how I headcanon him. But his feelings about Akechi are ALL wrong and then Akechi himself is just a huge fucking mess and the biggest reason I finally dropped the fic. I loved the concept of Akira falling unconscious and the Thieves thinking he had a mental shutdown and leaving them leaderless and anguished, it's sooo good. I ended up stealing the idea for a Nanako & Akechi AU I developed (idk what I'm gonna do with it atm it's still in the developing stage and i have too many wips to make it a full fledged fic rn) bc I didn't want it to go completely wasted on black star :P

I think the thing that pissed me off about black star the most was the ending. I DNFed pretty early on but just to make sure I wasn't missing out I skipped to the end and skimmed the final chapter and it's just like. what the fuck? The author gave Akechi a redemption arc and a found family with the Thieves and then decided that's not enough and threw him into jail. Okay. Why.

And it drives me wild (derogatory) bc a lot of people said they liked the fic bc Akechi "paid the consequences for his actions" when like. Huh? Really? Three years in jail except not because he immediately joins the Shadow Ops is not "paying for his crimes." If Akechi got what he deserved he'd be fucking dead. I don't understand people's obsession with punitive justice I just don't! Akechi's suffered enough what he needs is love and an opportunity to rehabilitate and make amends.

(And really, what's the better punishment for Akechi? Jail, which is literally what he wants bc it lets him not have to think about his crimes and the guilt bc he's paying the consequences so what does it matter, or being forced to live and get better and co-exist with the people he hurt most and go through the painful experience of feeling remorse and making friends and self betterment? To me, it's definitely hands down the latter. But the author of black star so fundamentally misunderstands his character they can't get that. Ugh!)

#sera answers #anon #once again making this unrebloggable

[ay-chuu]

heyhey! is the matching event still opened? if so i would like a matchup for twisted wonderland

i go by they/she pronouns and i usually like to wear cutesy clothing with slight macabre themes (pills, syringes, bandages all that. look up yami kawaii for more stuffs) these can vary between pastel and somewhat gothic/scene. i am also 159 cm, if that accounts to anything.

my zodiac sign is aries and i am an intj with a 4w5 enneagram. as far as general personality type stuff goes, riamu yumemi and shin sato are pretty on the mark but i suppose i'm just not as open abt me being mentally ill than riamu is considering i just mask my emotions a lot of the time.

and my hobbies consist of astronomy, music compositions, and stag beetle terrariums!

as far as my pet peeves go, i hate sudden loud noises or constantly loud noises as the latter gives me a migraine after awhile. slimy food textures and foods that trigger my gag reflex as well is a massive ick for me too. i also despise slow-paced tasks since they easily make me bored and then i get distracted to do something else

my favorites are relatively spread out, i don't consume much television or movies so it's pretty much games and music for me. i like rhythm games such as project sekai, bandori, and idolmaster and i like games that fall into the rpg genre like pokemon, omori, earthbound, yume nikki, etc. with this, i do quite enjoy visual novels too. as far as music goes, i like a lot of punk rock but sometimes i'll consume other genres (fav english song is love me dead by ludo and atm my fav jp song is shoujo rei by mikitop)

as far as musical artists go, it can vary quite a lot. my most notable ones are probably pepoyo, shinra-bansho, akatsuki records, mcr, and green day.

i am so sorry that was longer than intended, i hope you have a good day and be sure to stay hydrated! ^^

Thanks for your good wished love and i really like your style! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ

I match you with... (っ＾▿＾)💨

VIL SCHOENHEIT

First of all, when we look at the zodiac and MBTI features, you are quite compatible. You're both Aries, so you two are stubbornly committed to your goals as possible. What I would say for INTJ and ENFJ is that you can help Vil when he has unnecessary emotional tantrums about himself and he gives you the long self-care conversations that you wish. Rather, you complement each other in terms of your needs, and that's something you both want and respect.

I see some "haters to lovers" among you, Because at first you thought Vil was needlessly selfish and different and he didn't like the way you stare at him even though you're beautiful and interesting JKLFGJKDFLGDF I think you respected him after the events of book 5 and you respected each other You started to know and love!

He likes your taste in clothes, I think he thinks it reflects the sweetness of your introverted personality. Apart from that, he likes that you care about himself, give importance to him and your commitment to life. He always feels so happy and proud when talking about your commitment to your goals together. But even if he doesn't admit it, his favorite feature about you is that you are understanding and more relaxed, making him feel at peace with himself no matter what <3

I think the problem with your relationship is that you sometimes stay away from long-term goals and he is sometimes overly obsessed. Because he wants the best for you, he wants his goals to be long-focused and you want him to relax and not be so hard on himself, which causes fights between you. But at the end of the day, because you realize that the things you fight for are the value you give yourself, you put your pride aside and make peace.

Some of the memories i imagine for you two: A long night spent together at the mall, secretly making funny faces and laughing together while choosing a meal, Renting an arcade saloon for you one night and playing arcade for you laughing together until the morning even though he normally cares about your and his sleep a lot, and "You're Slaying today too, my queen" words given to each other :D

#by.aychu #matching/shipping event! #vil schoenheit #twst #twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit x reader #twst vil #vil

[vinxwatches]

wyrd sisters

Terry Pratchett, i love his stuff in concept, but i tried to read small gods and boy was that not a good one for me to start with, plan on retrying with guards. but hey, lets see if i can enjoy an adaptation. especially witchy stuff sounds very good to me.

my source since it's on youtube for once at a good quality: https://youtu.be/Qvl-ni6ezUU

i love the weird mix: king gets murdered, witches cackling under the thunderstorm. "is tuesday good for meeting with you?" "nay i'm babysitting then, can we witch together again on friday instead?"

ok yea death is the best character ever.

ok, death has competition for best character ever.

"oh, what king is that?" "he rules these lands." "oh, that king." both hilarious and gives a strong indication of power.

"i'm X king of Y" "nice too meet you, likewise". meetings between ghosts are fun.

oh this is the mc beth but very different.

very strange transitions. probably a combo of origionally being on vhs and different times.

"things that try to look like things often look more like things then things" this should not be comprehensible, yet it is. well done?

bit too much of second hand embarrassment for me, hope it's not too much of that more.

got to love a sexually liberated witch. both in media and irl.

three gifts just like the godmothers of old, and neat gifts they are without being too cliché: make friends easily, have a good memory and be whoever he thinks he is.

"assassination is dying of natural courses for a king"... not untrue... also makes some interesting implications for the future of people in power.

the power of rumours and the knowledge of literal fools. really neat to have that included in a story with magic.

yea you could use fancy magic items and exotic spices, but for the less lavish wish some detergent and a washboard'll do fine. and my gods the interaction between "vile demon" and "evil" witches is just beautiful.

officially approved jokes only!

56.16 excuse me the cat is a what?! you could get away with that? the only way they can get away with saying that on youtube is due to the thick accent meaning the bot can't detect it (yet).

"sharp bread knife is a womans best friend" this thing is just filled with great advice (:

watch out for old witches, they'll fucking stab you with no second though.

uhm... this is very... rape-y... jesus fuck older cartoons, and i don't even think it's that old.

"the dead shouldn't kill the living, would set a bad president, you'd outnumber us for one thing"... not inaccurate... yet not the direction i expect this to take.

somehow this old cartoon can also do a pretty good romance

"currently i'm haunting her apron" "well you're not the first one that's for sure." this is "how the fuck did they get away with that" that i love.

oh, someone just ran out of patience (man do i know that feeling atm, getting teeth removed and losing family puts a drain on mental reserves) and she has the power to back it up. someone just made an enemy they can not afford.

important rule: "if you break rules break them good and hard."

"i wasn't there with you" "it was i who didn't hand you the dagger" great lines. also very interesting that they bring up the mailability of the memory of the past, a way the villain can win even if they lose. it's... well it's a rather big thing to try and tackle.

the logic behind this magic is really solid and really cool. remind the rock about when it was soft, fly around the place that you wish to move though time carrying the required magic. it's clearly supernatural bullshit, but there's logic to it, the best type of magic.

"in a swamp the alligators don't pick your pockets" man some word smiths truly made this great. you decided to make enemy of an ape? man truly you lack sense.

i'm only a thief, i can't steal that much, got to be in the league of lawyers for that... ok?

the witches are great at directing things, but man are they bad at acting. two witches decline everything, the third'll take anything. gods i love her.

yay death returns.

"break a leg" "break your own leg" have i said the writing is great yet?

foreshadowing if you've seen enough media, yet man does it say a lot about the "murderer"/murderer.

throw a spear at a witch. what amazing magic will she use to not die? she'll catch it. duh. (:

you made an enemy worse then witches.

you don't invite a witch, they just turn up. my mum has a friend like that. not a witch (at least publicly) but definitely has the attitude (and a bit of a cackle), lovely woman as you'd expect.

the story is... passable. it's the moments that make it great. for me that's the wrong way round as i adore a strong trueline and character arcs, but my sibling would probably love it. not saying i didn't enjoy it, i clearly did. just not in the all time greats.

#wyrd sisters #Terry Pratchett #discworld

[the-charlie-ryan-saga]

How did Stanley/Andreas and Smudger/Albert become best friends? What r Andreas/Albert backstories, all I remember correctly is that Albert has a pet cat and Andreas was married?(is his partner dead?divorced?) and hates cats

I'm sorry if I'm not as enthusiastic as I used to be, I'm currently hyperfixated on TUGS, but I'm still willing to share.

I do gotta give a clear warning for alcohol use, cheating and miscarriages.

ALSO ALL AU DETAILS ARE SET IN THE 1970-80s AND SOME STORY ELEMENTS ARE BOUND TO CHANGE.

The entire thing after the cut: ↓↓↓

1) How did Stanley/Andreas and Smudger/Albert become best friends?

Okay so like, I'm gonna start with Stanley and Andreas because that's the one I have hyperfixated the most and has the most history.

Actually, Andreas and Stanley had a rivalry at first. This was mainly because Stanley was American, and honestly, both Atlas and Andreas had a distain for Americans, so yeah. Andreas worked as a janitor and Stanley an English teacher.

Andreas usually watched the other secretly, and whenever the two did get a chance to talk, it was usually Andreas acting sly and Stanley, the cranky mess he was, getting explosive and defensive.

Luckily nothing got physical, actually before anything did between them, Stanley had gotten physical with Atlas and was fired the next day.

Andreas, luckily, kept his job, and while it was lonely, he didn't mind it.

One night, however, Stanley was doing his usual nightly drinking at a pub, trying to cope with losing his job, and his overall mental health. It wasn't until Andreas came in and saw the hungover wreck, and sat next to him. We'll get into why Andreas was there in the first place later.

Andreas talks to the fellow, and while Stanley is snarky, he warms up to the guy after the two start talking for a while. They start connecting and soon enough, the two are drunk and shit and joking around.

The two talk for a bit, whatever comes into mind when you think of two drunken dudes having a conversation, and Andreas asks if he can crash at Stanley's place, and once again, we'll get into why later. Stanley agrees, mainly cause Stanley's house isn't that too far away from the pub.

So yeah, the two arrive at Stanley's place, talk a bit, joke around, and eventually, fall asleep. The next morning, when the two had sobered up, they talk for a while, and then Andreas asks Stanley if they can put the Mid Sodor behind them, and try to be friends, which Stanley agrees to.

So now, they're best friends, and when any chance, you might see them drunk as shit. Ya know, for shits and giggles.

Now let's go over Smudger and Albert's friendship:

There's not much I added onto it really, so it's still unknown. I think they sort of just bumped into each other and when Smudger was comfortable with Albert, he just exploded. He exploded with telling him about his special interest and his hyperfixations, and some of his trauma.

Albert is just there like "I may not know what this hyperfixation is, but I do share a fair love for music, and I experienced trauma as well."

Smudger just listens, and because the two bond over their own love for their own interests and their trauma, the two were like "Damn you wanna be my friend?"

I'll work on this relationship more, but as of now my heart goes to the Z Stacks. 🖤🖤

2) What are Andreas/Albert's backstories?

I'll start with Andreas's backstory first:

Andreas was born in the 1940s in UK. Unspecified month, day and place of birth. His father did work in the Royal Navy (to live up with the fact the 'War Office' Hunslet 4-6-0s were built for war, so maybe Stanley's father and Andreas's father must've met once?) and his mother, unknown.

For most of his child and teenage years, he lived a pretty decent life.

To answer you question, yes! Andreas was married, sadly now divorced. Andreas got married with a woman by the name of Amy (concept name atm) in the late 1960s/early 1970s. The two were happy, until they started arguing. The concept idea was that Amy had way too many miscarriages because Andreas's sperm count was low, but obviously, you can see why that was taken out.

One of the many factors was because Andreas always worked late. He was a janitor after all, and there had to be a lot done, and of course, Amy would always be upset because this didn't allow them to spend time together.

As the arguments got worse, so did Andreas's performance, not only socially but economically. He was so irritable at work, and followed up with Stanley's explosive behavior it wasn't a good catch.

It wasn't until one morning, Andreas and Amy got into a humongous argument, and afterwards Andreas had to leave for work. Later that night, when Andreas got back, he noticed Amy wasn't anywhere, that wasn't until he got into their room and saw Amy with another man.

Andreas was rightfully devastated, and with Amy trying to explain herself, trying to justify her actions, it just didn't make anything better. He just simply got in his car and left, driving to a place he didn't know, and that's when he decided he would drive to a pub, and yeah. MAJOR yikes on my part as this is just silly, and while yes this can happen, this just doesn't sit right with me as of now.

He stays in his car for a bit before getting out, obviously devastated and stressed. As he got inside, he noticed Stanley and - well you know the rest.

Now time for Albert's:

Albert was also born in the 1940s in the UK, mainly in Wales and once again, unspecified date, month, and place of birth.

Albert grew up in a pretty rich home, mainly due to Albert's parents being musicians and making 🅱️ank because of it. He wasn't spoiled, more pressured during his life. His parents were pretty strict on him, wanting him to get the best grades, to go to a great big college and to be as great as them.

Obviously, this caused Albert a lot of stress growing up, and some time during his college, he just got very burned out and tired.

Albert then applied as a music teacher for the Mid Sodor, but obviously wasn't a good one, as he was prone to anger and told every kid who did something he didn't approve of that they were doing wrong despite them being kids. Obviously what his parents did to him as a child.

It was also that while yes he has music experience, due to the stress and being burned out, he just didn't play well, backtracking what it said in his application.

He was fired, and after some time being unemployed, he met Smudger and yeah.

Also the cat things aren't important. Albert loves cats cause growing up he had a Persian cat. As an adult, he got himself a cat and since then it's been a comfort thing for him. Andreas doesn't like cats because of their shedding, litter stuff, and of course, the scratching they do.

Thank you for the ask. 💜

#ttte #thomas and friends #ttte human au #ttte humanized #ttte ask #ttte narrow gauge #ttte smudger #ttte andreas #ttte oc #ttte albert #mid sodor albert #rws stanley #ttte stanley

[trash-iest]

1,4,12,15,23,35,38,40,4650,55,60,75,78,83,86. You don't have to answer these. It's alot I know and I'm sorry. Just.. curious 😅

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

Passion & purpose (im sorry it's impossible to choose one)

4. Who's the most important person in your life right now? Why?

Myself because i need to consistently work towards my 5 year goal. Its the bare minimum but feels a lot so im hoping ill adjust and become a better version of myself if not the best.

12. What's your most controversial opinion? Would you state it publicly? What's the most controversial opinion that you would publicly support, if it's different?

The moon is made of cheese and pluto is a planet. Oh i would shamelessly state that publicly and stick out my tongue if the other person tries to educate me on the matter (im sorry if you were looking for serious answers, we dont do that over texting)

15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?

This is stupid (but youre allowed to laugh at how basic i am) Book: 13 reasons why. So just a bit of context: Up until grade 7 i was an extremely insensitive kid like id mindlessly laugh at people in school, made fun of their insecurities and was completely clueless about feelings/emotions. It was just considered banter since i was the class clown but the way id gang up with my group and tease other kids was wrong, yet no one corrected this behaviour (tbf i didnt grow up with cousins and they rarely ever visited so there was no sense of realisation) Now end of grade 7 i came across this book and I casually started reading it like any other book and lets just say i didnt expect the traumatising details. It was nothing like the stuff i used to read and it ended up giving me the biggest reality check. I started analysing my behaviour and realised how i might be an actual bully and i couldnt fathom the thought of someone resorting to self harm or suicide because of my silly jokes so i stopped and apologised to those few people. Lets just say this book was the first step towards developing eq and becoming a better person.

23. What would you never admit to in real life?

A LOT of things. I cant really think of anything atm but i mostly just stay quiet when people say questionable shit because i dont have the energy to explain my pov and idc about their opinion lol.

35. What's wrong with you? Physically, mentally, whatever comes to mind. What's right about you? What are your best and worst traits?

Physically— i have a HUGE nose, kinda short, dont have grey/hazel eyes, i wear specs (doesnt look cute), my nails chip every time i grow them out and theyre not a natural pretty shape. Also, i dont feel pretty like an actual girl; im not elegant or any of that and neither am i a hot tomboy. Im just eh. (Edit: i just remembered the dark circles and i look dead without lipstick/lip taint lol)

Mentally— anxious sometimes but thankfully no more anxiety attacks. I feel like my major trust and commitment issues come under personality disorders but ill just list them here. My therapist said im stubborn and very rigid (and I believe him over anyone else) and quite frankly i feel incapable of forming a real human connection. To sum up my worst traits: Im mostly horrible at reciprocation, im always emotionally unavailable, im selfish, hella lazy, careless, stupid. Im definitely forgetting something so whenever I remember it ill add it here lol. My best traits: im very understanding when it comes to the other person needing their space. Im a good listener because i rarely have good advice or solutions lol. Im calm and rarely ever lose my temper which doesnt really last long. I believe in communication instead of letting misunderstandings grow until they explode (im guessing thats good because it has strengthened my friendships)

38. Who do you miss, if anyone?

My 15 year old self. She was so happy, loved the way she looked and was so mentally stable (i might be considered a narcissist at this point)

40. Would you sacrifice your life for a stranger? An acquaintance? A loved one?

I WILL SACRIFICE MY OWN LIFE FOR PAKISTAN (its hard for me to be consistently serious, bear with it pls)

46. Do you have a "right person, wrong time"?

Yeah feels like it

50. What qualities do you find charming?

Whatever prince charming brings to the table (its so hard to be serious about this im sorry it reminds me of middle school)

55. What reminds you of your childhood?

Certain songs, snacks and a few places.

60. What are you afraid of? What are your worst fears? Are you afraid of any of the following - the dark, fire, heights, being alone, people, spiders, snakes, blood, drowning, or death?

Betrayal/abandonment from someone i truly love, getting attached to the wrong person, staying unemployed after graduation, childbirth and raising my own kids, emotionally depending on someone and lizards 💀 Of the following: people, only the big spiders like tarantulas etc, snakes, drowning only because i dont know how to swim and its a very painful death from what ive heard so no thank you.

75. What is your favourite fairytale?

Definitely hansel and gretel because of that edible cottage (still such a dream) but I recently read the story of the youth who went forth to learn what fear was (grimm's fairytales) and its my favourite one as an adult now.

78. Have you ever written a poem or song about someone? Or had someone write one about you? Do you hope to have either of those experiences in the future?

Nope i havent. My best friend has written poetry for me, about 3 times. It was super cute but it constantly made me feel indebted because ive never made a grand gesture like that and what she wrote was proper poetry and she appreciates me so much. Ive only ever written her letters with my ugly handwriting yet she treasures them. Hypothetically if i do find someone in the future like that idk how id react but ill definitely be thinking about ways to reciprocate.

83. What's your type? Otherwise, do you think you attract a certain sort of person?

An aromantic asexual or at least someone whose love language isnt physical touch and theyre naturally not a cheezy person but i feel like im asking for a lot here since most people associate romance with their partners and what i say is considered abnormal or bs so lets not go there. Ill need to be attractive to attract a certain type of people or anyone for that matter lol.

86. What could you talk about for hours?

Honestly my chattiness depends on my mood or the type of day im having instead of a particular topic.

#idk what made you curious if not sheer boredom but i hope this suffices 😂 #i really hope i didnt miss any questions #honestly surprised how wrong my estimation was lol #anon

[dissociacrip]

animal death/harm cw.

part of the reason i'm spiraling atm is the fact i hit a deer on the drive home from work at like 2 or 3am and it was like. it walked onto the road and i think its head smacked against my headlight so my headlight is busted which is the cause of the financial anxiety part but there's also the fact i was going ~65mph and i'm guessing a deer getting smacked in the head by a vehicle going that fast is something that causes serious or likely fatal injury at the very least. i already almost hit a deer one other night this week but i managed to (dangerously) swerve to avoid it.

i didn't stop to check on it. i only stopped a little up ahead, partially because it took me a second to process what even happened, and i checked on my headlight. i can still somewhat remember the sound of me hitting it. i broke into complete sobs on the rest of the way home and had a pretty bad dissociative episode where i was having trouble fully feeling my body and using my hands. my mental state was already fragile before i even hit the thing.

this is the only time in my memory i've ever hit an animal with my car. it happens all the time in society. not a day goes by where i don't see a dead deer on the side of the road that i take between the city where i work and the town where i go to school and now live in. but it's messed me up on some subconscious level for the same reason i had a lot of dreams (and sometimes still do have dreams) where my cats were sick or injured back when i first had them as kittens.

when i went to sleep the same night i hit the deer, i had a dream that involved me killing a person (though not entirely intentionally) by dropping them through some kind of hole, then my dream self justified it with "she had it coming."

i don't really know how to put these feelings into words. something about violence. something about potentially taking a life, even if it's just an animal. even if it happens all the time.

#j

[iamfuckingsorry]

Hiya tumblr :)

I used to use this blog for venting and rants all the fucking time as a child (or like, possibly even into my early 20s, but my point is it was a pretty long time ago). Apparently I haven't made a personal post since like 2017, which honestly tracks with the general development of my mental health, but apparently I'm nearly 30 and back to where I was pre-2017 so here we fucking go :)

I'm just like. Ugh. Everything in life is very ugh atm. My thesis project sucks, it's mostly programming and doing stats which I fucking hate, I'm not learning any of the skills I want to learn, I could have found something so much better if I'd just cared when searching for a supervisor, but I couldn't even be assed to do that... So now I'm stuck doing this fucking thing because I was supposed to graduate 2 years ago and I fucked off doing random cool shit instead having a great time at life and so now I better fucking finish this goddamn degree.

Which I don't even want, by the way. I don't want the jobs you get with this degree except for the ones you need experience doing things I am not learning for my thesis project for, I don't want the title, I don't want any of it. But this thing takes 5 years to do when you graduate on time, and I'm so so close to finishing, I'm not gonna give up now and leave without the degree. Even though it might legit be better for my future career if I didn't have the degree, I'm too fucking stubborn for my own good and I'm not gonna leave without the degree even if it kills me.

What I really want to do is do one more year of uni to get a professional cert (which you also can get as part of a bachelor's degree, but of course I didn't choose the right degree for that because I felt like I had to do an engineering degree even though I never had any real interest in it), then use that professional cert to get a mediocre dead-end job up north. Where there's no jobs in the field I'm currently in so I can't really move there unless I get this cert. But it also just feels so fucking wrong to get this cert instead of, like, getting a proper fucking job and finally being done with uni. (though the cert is like very practical, it's like 70% work placements, which honestly sounds nice). And like, I know the only reason it feels wrong is because I grew up with classist parents who think people who've gone to grad school are better than everyone else and that earning a lot of money is important, but recognizing that doesn't really help with the feeling now does it? Realistically speaking I'm never gonna get this cert which means I won't end up moving to where I wanna live and instead stay where I am even though I don't really like this place or move to the capital (honestly a worse option than staying where I am) because that's where I am most likely to get a shitty job somewhat relevant to this meh degree I'm getting that I don't even want.

...if I can get my fucking thesis done.

Because I have zero fucking motivation now, and the fact that I've been clinically depressed for literally as long as I can remember (not exaggerating here, I was suicidal at like 9-10) means the consequences of not doing shit don't do anything to motivate me anymore either.

I do maaaybe like 15 hours of work on this full-time thesis project right now. And even that might legit be enough to just barely get it done, but... it might not be. And it feels like there's no fucking force in this world that can make me work on it more than this bare fucking minimum.

Ugh.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and honestly it fucking sucks.

#herr's personal tag

[mik0is0bored]

Heyyy! Welcome to my Tumblr!! I'm Mik, but you can also call me Swivl! I go by she/they pronouns. I'm just a introvert who likes mha twd atla tlok and vld (in that order). I like books, listening to music, drawing, and writing. I'm (probably) depressed🥲 (I haven't been diagnosed). Im still pretty excited they added mha to netflix✨️✨️. I'm an artist and draw mainly fanart but also oc art. Atm I'm stressed abt school so I don't have much time to post😔

ART TAG

PINTEREST

YOUTUBE CHANNEL

UPDATE!!

Sorry I haven't been posting a ton of stuff lately, I've been stressed w school and my mental and emotional health isn't the best🥲 with that said, every now and then I will post smth to do w the following:

Avatar the last airbender

My hero academia/Boku no hero academia

Maybe the walking dead

❤️❤️❤️

#abt me <3 #pinned post #update

[shutupdia]

Hello, sorry for being a stranger on the internet sticking me nose were i wasn't called but I really really hope you're ok?

Idk what's going on that makes you feel that way but from experience, that kind of feelings usually come and go, which is to say, any reason to hang in there longer is a GREAT reason, to still be here when things do get better. It doesn't even have to be a pretty or poetic reason, it can be just to be petty, to see if your fav media gets more content, to live and have one extra story to tell when we do die in case there's something more to afterlife after all.

Because eventually we will die, yeah, no getting around that, and if we'll have forever from then to be dead, why not see life through while we're here, in the big scheme of things we're here for a very short time. It's a weird one in a lifetime limited experience, sometimes harsh, sometimes beautiful, ridiculous almost all the time.

And even tho we don't know each other, I'd be very happy and grateful if you stuck around and I'm sure I'm not the only one 🌻

Sorry for the long and kinda awkward ask, and sorry if I assumed, overreacted or missed the mark (but if it was serious and you were looking for any signal to keep going then this is it), I hope you're doing well regardless and if you're not I hope things get better very soon.

- 🌻🌻🌻

Oh god man this made me really happy to wake up and read. My mental stability is really bad atm so i apologize im just djfjfndn i don't know what to do

[obiternihili]

there's a part of me that's like, the male equivalent of a biological clock, that never was quite ready to give up on the idea of maybe normy-ing out and having a family, etc.

as much as i buy antinatalist views there's a part of me that thinks maybe because i care in the first place it's important that my genes stay in the pool. and there's a bi part of me that really wants to be with women, i mean. i'm not even really into a.

but the future seems so grim. like, if i have a wife and we accidentally a family but the pregnancy's ectopic then there's a chance we're sued for infanticide. if there's complications, the doctors might murder her like savita halappanavar.

i'm bi, i'm pretty sure my entire x line is to some degree even if only a dead uncle's ever been out, it's probably likely any kid i'd have would have to deal with this shit too. not to mention everything else; my allergies, the mental illnesses in my family, other health shit, fucking just how ugly i am, the way i put on weight, my size as a man, none of that deserves furthering along.

And the future seems so grim. Something ww2 scale is coming. There's a climate catastrophe on the horizon. The far right is itching to pogrom lgbt people and steal kids from ally families. My country's declining in a slow and ugly way, all the ones that speak my language are utterly garbage nations that either are collapsing as well or deserve collapse (and I guess new zealand but you'd still have to accept a westminster monarchy and I'm fundamentally opposed to that). the best destinations I could flee to are not much better, even actively aiding a clear genocidal invader in war, and would never really accept me

there's a part of me that wants to "choose" to be gay because of all of that. just not take the risk. bi/gay guys probably don't expect much out of a male/male marriage, because it hasn't been a thing. if it's taken away, it's taken away. adoption's still an issue, so it's not like family planning was realistically on the table. but things are bad enough i doubt even a straight passing family is safe from theocrats, even their own families. i don't want that taken away. I don't want to have it if they're going to take it away, idk, maybe it's the avoidant personality of mine. I'm afraid of another pet because I know it would die before I do.

saying "I'm too afraid of the circumstances of family building atm to want to date women, so I think I'm only open to dating men for the foreseeable future" feels, idk, wrong? scary? at some level kind of dumb because it's like committing to always running. Like it's not the defiant reaction either

but i kind of want to rub it in. like, congrats idiots, you're driving down the population of white americans. I don't know that I'm smart, but like, it's the only thing i have going if i have anything going on, so congrats on the iq bellend front too if you're somehow secular and proud of the anti-progressive society. you're creating "gay" people adverse to family building when you could have "straights" with kids and everything. etc

at the same time i know they wouldn't care. they'd just think i'm demented and illogical and a degenerate pervert and that's that. i'm just a stupid faggot.

so it's like, i can't take anything from it. not like solace, not like, idk, the feeling when a thief takes something of yours but it's too broken to work so you know they can't sell it and they just wasted their time being cunts?

[awkwardrocker]

It's 1am. I'm still working and have a meeting in 7 hours. So here's a picture from this past weekend when I went out and played pool for the first time in over a year while I wait for my simulation to process

#i'm tired #it's just been a lot going on lately #i'm doing my best #but i haven't been able to do anything but work for work and work for school #for quite a while #i'm mentally pretty dead atm #but wanted to pop on and say hi #selfie #also #I was drinking so my mask was off for this picture #but i was wearing it when we moved from the table #in case people were concerned

[novamirmirsblog]

I am not a woman, I'm a God (17+)

If I can't have love I want power pt 2

If I can't have love masterlist

Word Count: 1640

Genre: dark I guess?

Request: no

Warnings: none? (atm anyways)

A/N: I'm not too happy with this chapter so it's subject to change BUT the next couple chapters should pick things up a little :3 OH and the next chapter might contain smut (Idk yet - I'll try to edit this when I've written the next chapter)

1737 - The middle

The revenge was sweet and drawn out. The redhead and her long-time friend had made sure of that. They let you finish the duke off but not before they had their fun. The two women were gorgeous, both with red hair that would make any woman jealous. The green-eyed woman had hair like a wildfire and the blue-eyed woman had hair the colour of a deep red sunset. Liking women was wrong but you weren’t sure these two counted as women – they certainly weren’t human. Wanda, the one with sunset hair, tortured your husband mentally, angry whisps the same colour as Natasha’s hair crawled in through his ears and buried themselves deep within his brain. While this was happening, Natasha was peeling layer after layer of skin off him with her razor-sharp nails. You weren’t sure if you could even call them nails – not when they looked so much more like claws. While Wanda was exploiting your husband’s deepest darkest fears, Natasha was calmly explaining to you which tools to use where so you could cause the most pain. Apparently pain and torture was an aphrodisiac for them because the two demons decided to show you what you had been missing out on due to your husband’s lack of skill.

That was almost 200 years ago. Wanda and Natasha had given you great gifts, allowing you to have a much longer life, giving you cat-like reflexes and godlike powers. Perhaps your favourite was the enhancements they gave to your voice. People were suddenly compelled to do whatever you suggested they do and the rush it gave you was unexplainable. These gifts were not free however and yet the price was one you willingly paid repeatedly. Especially because it meant spending extra time with your two favourite demons. You were there to cause chaos and have fun which was ironic considering Wanda was a chaos demon and Natasha was a succubus but perhaps that’s why you did what you did. Perhaps it was because you were made by them and therefore must serve them in every way imaginable.

~~~~~

You had watched your siblings grow from afar and made sure every single villager who ever even looked at them wrong suffered. When you were with Wanda and Natasha, it felt as if everything just fit into place. It was strange and you felt as if you shouldn’t miss them – they killed and tortured your husband in front of you, gave you gifts that meant you couldn’t live a normal life and coerced you into sex that you weren’t sure you wanted; yet you still wanted them.

Your story was told countless times and the more times it was told, the deeper the truth was twisted into a legend, a tale mothers told their children to keep them away from the forests late at night. You were turned into a martyr, a victim of the horrible cruelties the evil creatures of the world could bestow onto innocent girls.

You were anything but.

If the storytellers could see you now, they would burn all mentions of your story. You were a problem child, a bad example and you had two of the most powerful demons wrapped around your little finger.

A few years ago, you had mentioned to Natasha and Wanda one evening that you were bored. That’s how you found yourself currently being shot at.

“Natty I’m bored.” You whined, throwing yourself dramatically over the bed. History was going through a dry spell; people weren’t doing anything interesting and there weren’t enough opportunities for you to wreak havoc.

“Natty” Wanda mocked “Our princess is bored.”

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Natasha moved to hover over you, Wanda placed your head in her lap. Natasha’s tail flicked with a cat-like manner before it slithered between your legs.

You grabbed her tail and she let out a moan “Not now Natasha. I’m serious. If I knew living forever was going to be this boring, then I wouldn’t have done it.” That wasn’t quite true, you enjoyed being theirs to use but you were getting restless.

Natasha rolled her eyes, leaning up to kiss Wanda instead. You waited a few moments for the two demons to stop their make-out session, but it didn’t look to be ending any time soon. You rolled out from underneath Natasha and untangled Wanda’s fingers from where she was massaging your scalp.

“Awe come back baby.” Wanda broke the kiss and made grabby arms at you. For a supposed demon, she sure was soft. “I promise we’ll make things more fun.”

Natasha rolled her eyes again “You’ve gone soft Wands.” Although Natasha huffed and puffed about how ‘soft’ Wanda had gotten, she seemed to have a slightly less hardened heart when she looked at you.

You were no longer bored but you were being shot at and while it couldn’t kill you, it sure did sting. Perhaps going after Dick Turpin’s loot was a bad idea but what can you say? You wanted to live a little. All you had wanted was a pretty horse you had seen him steal but nooo – he had to keep them all for himself. You had managed to escape Mr Turpin himself but one of his lackeys just wouldn’t give up. Rather than continuing to run, you decided you may as well get a quick meal.

“Hello darling.” Your voice echoed from all around, you watched as the man trying to kill you frantically whipped his head around.

“Who are you? Come out now!”

You let out a low, predatory chuckle.

“I’m the poor little martyr in all your stories.”

“No. You can’t be- that’s impossible! You should be dead!” You watched as the man continued to spin around and around in circles, watching him trip before revealing yourself.

“I am ancient. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have seen kings and queens and holy men enter the world and I have seen them leave; and yet I am nowhere near as old or as powerful as the women who made me the person I am today. While I watched preestablished civilisations crumble, they were reminiscing the time they created them, all while burning them to the ground. Some call me the end but they are mistaken. They are the end. I am your warning. I am the only kindness they will show you. Trivial things such as death do not concern me.” As you finished your speech, Natasha and Wanda’s comforting aura surrounded you, the dark mist embracing you before forming the two women.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun now could we dove?” Natasha’s voice rumbled out against your neck, biting it lightly.

“You have to share.” Wanda cooed, lifting your chin up to face her as she captured your lips with hers.

The idiot who you were about to kill and feed on decided now was a good time to make their escape. Luckily, Wanda had other plans as her red magic bought the squirming meal back to you.

“Go away. I want to eat. It’s been so long.” You pouted, making your way back to your meal. It was a little annoying that to continue living in your young body that you had to drain the soul from another person, but it was worth it.

“But if we leave then who’s going to do all the heavy lifting?”

“And who will dig the hole in your garden?”

“Or put the body in the hole?”

“Or-”

“Okay! I get it. Fine. But just hush, okay? I like to eat in peace.” You grabbed the man and kissed him hard, feeling his soul merge with yours before it was consumed by the darkness.

“I don’t know why you always have to kiss them to feed” Natasha bit out, moving away from you with Wanda, voicing her unhappiness at you kissing someone else when only she should be kissing you- her and maybe Wanda.

“Well, it wasn’t me who made her feed that way.” Wanda whispered back

“Are you suggesting this is my fault?” Natasha’s voice got low and dangerous, and you felt the forest drop about 10 degrees.

“Well that’s how you feed isn’t it?” Wanda’s eyes glowed and a wind picked up.

You pulled away from your meal, the faint glow of his soul swirling around your mouth and eyes. “Want to share?” The forest rose back to its original temperature and climate as Natasha kissed you, absorbing small remnants of the soul. Wanda wrapped one arm around your waist while the other snaked up to your neck, her teeth lightly biting and sucking along your shoulders.

“I think you forget dove” Natasha broke the kiss to growl at you

“We’re in charge here. If we wanted to share, then we would share.” Wanda finished off for her.

It dawned on you that perhaps this was about more than just the meal. They were jealous.

“Are you two jealous?” You laughed, not at the situation but at their reactions. Wanda bit you harder and Natasha just glared at you.

“Of course not. Why would we be jealous of some silly insignificant dum-”

“Baby…” You reached up and placed one hand lightly on Wanda’s horn and the other on Natasha’s cheek, effectively stopping Natasha’s rant about how unjealous they are. Wanda moved from where she was standing behind you to stand next to Natasha. “You both know that if I could live off Demon energy then I would, but I can’t.”

Natasha and Wanda shared a look, having a silent conversation in the space of seconds before turning their attention back to you. “That’s not necessarily true love.” Wanda said.

“It will be painful but…well demons aren’t born. They’re made.” Natasha explained.

“And if you wanted to…”

You didn’t even hesitate before giving your answer. “Yes.”

Taglist:

@lucydiibi

#natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanov #natasha x you #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wandanat x reader #wanda marvel #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff #wandanat #wanda x you #wanda x reader #Spotify

[stormlanterns]

Heyho~

Long time no see. Let's say that life was pretty busy the last months and I also needed time for my mental health. I'm feeling way better and I'm also deep down in Dead by Daylight hell atm 😈

I love to play with Cheryl and Meg is also one of my fav survivors so I had to draw them ♡ Maybe I'll draw more survivors and killers too in the future, maybe all of them, we will see~

Btw my fav killer is Ghostface but I'm so bad as killer that I rarely play with him 😂

#dead by daylight #meg thomas #dbd fanart #dbd #cheryl mason #heather mason #silent hill #dbd art #traditional art #linearts #dead by daylight fanart #stormlanternsart #stormlanterns

[donnyclaws]

So in ritual abuse regarding cults there's such a thing as programming where they make the person act in certain ways via mental manipulation n such that they cannot control (idk if I'm explaining it well) did Aran go thru programming? Do they still deal with it to this day?

definitely! i only have more general ones atm but there'd be a lot of smaller daily life changes for control reasons like that too.

bigger ones are that kids raised in the cult fully believe the outside world is a dead void, and adults who came in and HAVE seen the outside also fully subscribe to that. the cult runs off the idea that since demons don't have a core god they're not meant to be in the world at all. they prey off people's feelings of isolation and struggle. they have their own rewritten history, they keep knowledge of the outside very limited and in the hands of authority figures/those in charge of supplies.

the manifests and the physical issues they cause upon viewing are also used to keep people in this position. especially since those symptoms are passed down to the next generations. it can show up in anything from physical health issues/seizures/a permanent sense of confusion ect ect. recent kids are running on layers of this at this point.

they're very strict about marriage roles being between a woman and a man and having someone clearly acting as the wife and someone acting as the husband ect ect. there are exceptions tho! aran's other father, Tobias, was slot into a wife role for deacon due to lack of unmarried women in the cult. they are fairly homophobic but their need to maintain their Roles tends to outweigh context, as long as there is a wife and husband they can ignore everything else ect. gender presentation tends to be less strict outside of marriage, there's plenty of people like Tobias who are obviously gnc in their presentation.

they have a style for their uniforms that dictates their role in the cult but that tends to be colour based and outside of that u can style them how you like. they only get one each, the further u move up the more u can move onto a more personalized outfit, often more dramatic. authority figures wear more white/have more buttons. as a rule the more authority you have the more you can break these rules, expressiveness in clothing is almost reserved for them only. Aaron, who's very high up in the cult, wears a variant of the base outfit with no white to make himself seem more humble/down to earth ect ect.

THIS IS GETTING SO LONG HELP

basically the cult controls physical and mental health via the manifests symptoms, destroys the idea of escape entirely, makes it so only those in positions of power can fully express their personalities and strictly controls how one behaves in a marriage. they're taught to worship the manifests and often know their faces via the genetic symptoms from their parents, but are kept at a distance from them to maintain fear and mystery.

ALL THAT TO SAY YEAH ARAN GOT PRETTY MESSED UP BY IT. he's the prodigy kid of the cult's leader so he was victim to far more of that programming than most. he struggled raising his kids because he had no sense of what a regular childhood was, only really running off what he Knew to be bad and upsetting and what he knew to be love from tobias. misses out a lot of behavior in between that's neutral and not entirely normal.

#long post