#i'm moving out at one point in the near future and I have a renovated apartment waiting for me already

[eskumii]

Part two of yandere big bro Eren let's say reader has a secret boyfriend and one day Eren sees them on a date.

soft yandere!older brother!eren yeagar hcs (part 2) + how he reacts to you having a secret boyfriend [platonic]

TITLE: " LEARN YOUR LESSON " — navi. part one.

A/N: this took me so freakin long, i am so sorryy ToT i just got back from visiting my grandma, who's not doing so good. life can be rlly unexpected but i'm back baby!! the ending is kind of rushed bc i totally word vomit all over these hcs and can never find a good ending point lolol :( so idk sorry if it's just not that great. i hope u enjoy it anyway!

PAIRING: soft yandere!older brother!eren yeager x little sister!reader (platonic)

CHARACTERS: eren yeager (19), reader (15), reader's boyfriend (16)

☆ it's not often you meet guys your age—or anyone at all, really—inside of the little section of wall maria you live in with eren. after your disaster of an experience at the corps boot camp, you find that the trauma of attempting to befriend people has yet to leave you.

☆ you can't really recall ever making friends with anyone when you were younger; in fact, the only people you could actually consider friends are armin and mikasa, but even they get stonewalled by eren if they hang around you too often. you still don't understand why he's like that, but his overprotectiveness seems to have bred your tendency to be incredibly sneaky. now that's something you can thank him for in the very near future.

☆ of course, though, eren is naturally your closest "guy friend." you tell him everything, he's been there for everything, and he probably knows you better than you know yourself at this point. however, there is one thing you'd rather not talk to him about: your love life. you pretty much had no female influence in your life except mikasa, who somehow had even less capability of showing affection than eren, and what little memories you had of your mother were now fading into obscurity.

☆ your near non-existent social experiences leaves you lonely. you're at the age where romance should be the peak of your explorative endeavors, yet you don't have a single romantic anything under your belt. the thought of being lonely forever makes you sulk, but the day you receive an unfamiliar knock on your front door is the day you meet the end of your demise. it's the new boy from down the street.

☆ eren had stepped out to get some groceries for dinner, so that left you up to your own devices for a little bit. usually he told you to never open the door for anyone who knocks because 1.) he has a key, and 2.) if it's not him, you shouldn't be talking to them, period. something about him being concerned you'd get taken advantage of or kidnapped or murdered—he rambled on about the possibilities for like thirty minutes, you recall. anyway, it would be rude to not answer the door while someone is home, so you did the unthinkable: you opened the door.

☆ and standing before you was quite possibly the cutest boy you had ever laid your eyes on. he's a head taller than you with dark eyes and ash blonde hair, his lean form clad in modest yet stylish apparel. you're both frozen in place, staring at each other with varying degrees of embarrassment. you're suddenly all too aware of your homely pajamas and unkept hair—frankly, you assume he must think you're the ugliest thing he's ever seen.

☆ "uh, um.." he stumbles over his words. "i'm lukas roth. i, uh, just moved into the house that's, like, over there." lukas points to the once vacant house that sits at the very end of your block. renovations for that house were put on hold for so long that it remained abandoned for years, so it was surprising to hear it was finally moved into. excitement wells up in your chest at the prospect of a potential new friend.

☆ "hi, i'm [y/n]!" you stick a hand out for him to shake. "welcome to shiganshina." lukas stares at your hand, face flushing red as he moves to grab it. his hand is large and warm and you're totally internally freaking out at the skinship. you're basically holding hands! though as quick as it happens, it's over, and lukas is back to looking frazzled. he honestly looks like he wants to run away.

☆ "my mom wanted me to give the neighbors these." he sheepishly pulls out a bag of brightly decorated sugar cookies from behind his back, "uh, i hope you like them..."

☆ you're literally ascending. graciously taking the bag of confectionary treats from him, you excitedly begin to engage in conversation, completely disregarding your former shame of your disheveled appearance. he seems to loosen up after a bit of back and forth, thankfully.

☆ your small talk ends abruptly when you hear a woman's voice calling for lukas down the street. he bids you goodbye with a charming smile and promises to visit you again sometime (he stresses the "only if you want, though..." very shyly). the grin on your face is telling and you, of course, welcome it with vigor.

☆ as if on cue, eren emerges from the opposite side of the street. there's no time to duck back inside as he's already spotted you, and he immediately looks like he's going to chew you out with the way a dark look passes over his features.

☆ "who was that?" eren asks, glaring holes into the back of lukas's head as he walks down the block to his own house. "don't talk to weirdos when i'm not home. didn't i tell you not to open the door if it's not me?" you roll your eyes at his annoying demands and step aside so he can come in. he's carrying a bag of vegetables judging by the stems of green onion that peek over the top.

☆ you wait until lukas disappears from your view before you shut the door completely. you gush through a brief recount of the short conversation you shared with him, clasping your hands together excitedly. you even tell eren about how he asked to hang out (which you regret almost immediately after he sends you a sharp, unforgiving look). it just that you've never heard someone say that to you like, ever, so it's only natural that you can hardly contain yourself.

☆ now wait a minute, he asked you to what? eren watches with an exasperated deadpan as you practically float around the room in bliss, the cutely ribboned bag of sugar cookies with pink frosting dangling from your hands. he knew this part of your adolescence would come at some point, just not now. as much as he hates being the bad guy, there's no one else around who'll "crack the whip," so the speak. especially when it comes to boys and dating.

☆ "you're not hanging out with that boy, [y/n]." eren sets the bag of groceries down on the kitchen counter then leans against it with his arms crossed. you open your mouth to argue but you can't even get a breath in before he cuts you off. "no. that's final. you hear me?"

☆ you sit through dinner mumbling under your breath, but eren pays you no mind. is he being irrational? well, he doesn't deny it. a lot of things he does may seem irrational, but there's always a method to his madness. eren knows how boys are at your age and if they're anything like he was, they can only pursue you romantically over his dead body.

☆ as he expected, you don't bring it up for the rest of the night or even the rest of the week. all is well in paradise it seems, and the earth is still spinning on its intended axis. you're acting normally, joking around with him normally, and just... being you normally. honestly, it's a cause to be cautious—eren would be lying if he said he didn't at least somewhat expect an outburst or pushback of some sort. you are his sister after all, the hard headedness and rebellion runs in the blood.

☆ eren begins to grow kind of suspicious of your behavior. you're going outside a lot more with the excuse of doing laundry down at the river (even though you'll be carrying a basket that clearly has like two socks that don't even match) or needing some fresh air. he's not necessarily opposed to you going outside, just as long as he knows exactly where you're going and if it's an area that's within walking distance. eren pretends to find it incredibly bothersome if you were to wander off somewhere unfamiliar, but really that kind of thing makes him panic.

☆ and it's not like you're really breaking any of the rules he's given you. you come back before your curfew and you make sure to tell him where you'll be and for how long. he's at a loss, really. there's a nagging feeling in his gut that tells him you're up to something. however, unless he can find some solid evidence that proves you've been breaking the rules, he can't punish you without looking like an idiot.

☆ on one unfortunate day, eren follows you. it was bound to happen, of course, especially when the excuses you give him get lamer and lamer. nothing can bypass his ultra instincts. so right after you bid him goodbye and the front door shuts behind you, he leaves through the back and skillfully tails behind you. and to his utter and complete surprise, you don't go to the river. no, you don't even leave the block.

☆ instead of going down the path that leads to the river, you stop in front of lupin or luca's house (he hasn't even bothered to remember the kid's name) and knock on the door. you're giddily rocking on the balls of your feet, laundry basket secured between your arm and waist. not even a few breaths later, the door swings open and the boy he saw a while back leans down and kisses you on the mouth.

☆ yeah, okay, now he's furious.

☆ let's just say that eren is not happy with you. he's more frustrated at the fact that you lied to him rather than you having a boyfriend. which is almost equally as bad but lying to him is still worse. he's sort of hurt that you didn't seem to feel comfortable enough to tell him about your little relationship (of course he would have opposed it but at least it's miles better than going behind his back). it looks like the only reasonable explanation for your behavior is that this boy has been influencing you to do these things and betray his trust.

☆ that night, eren is waiting for you in the living room. he's seated on the couch with his arms crossed and legs folded, looking very, very upset. you already know what it's about, but you're totally prepared this time. you won't let him interfere with your love life—you refuse.

☆ you and eren engage in yet another argument. you're screaming at the top of your lungs about how controlling he is and how you just want him to leave you alone for once. he's yelling about how boys are no good and that lukas will just break your heart once he gets bored of you. it hurts your feelings and ends with you locking yourself in your room while eren apologizes, somewhat disingenuously, through the door.

☆ despite your passionate efforts, your theatrics don't work. look, honestly, you were foolish to think you could win against eren. you're not aware, but he's already pulled some strings and now the roths' are conveniently needed somewhere in Wall Sina. that boy is no good for you; it's become evident in the way you're acting.

☆ within the next few days, you receive the sudden news that lukas is moving away again. he doesn't tell you why or where he's going, but he looks obviously distraught and annoyed. you try to visit him but whenever you do, no one answers the door anymore. one time you had seen him down by the river but when you called out to him, he ignored your existence entirely and walked away. you're completely heartbroken from his negligence and silence.

☆ once again, eren takes the upper hand. he'll bring you sweets and comfort foods to soothe the heart that he inadvertently broke. you cry over lukas for a while but eren is there to cheer you up. you don't even get a chance to say goodbye to him when he moves the next week, only allowed to watch through shades of the window as he disappears into the horizon. you feel as though he's taken a part of your heart with him.

☆ eren told you not to hang out with that boy, but you did it anyway. he was right. and he hopes that, this time, you've learned your lesson.

#eren yaeger headcanons #yandere x reader #attack on titan headcanons #aot x female reader #yandere aot #yandere #yandere attack on titan #eren yeager #yandere eren yeager x reader #yandere aot x reader #yandere eren yeager hcs #aot platonic hcs #eren yeager platonic hcs #older brother eren yeager

[pastballads]

Life is an abstract carnival of pain, and apparently, I'm the performer it loves to clown on. Consider this a notice of low activity or a semi-hiatus announcement for now, with a full-blown hiatus to be announced at some point in the near future.

If y'all want to talk about muses and plot ideas, or just want to talk, I'll throw my discord out to you if you message me. If you're curious why I'm saying this, read below the cut at your own peril.

I'll probably delete this in a few days.

I'mma keep it brief. Things haven't been going so hot for me lately. In fact, things have been downright terrible. Rocky family issues, my mental health and the mental health of my family has been in decline, pretty sure I'm losing my MediCal coverage, my bed giving out on me and waking up with neck pain or headaches, dealing with plumbers for almost the entire month of March, my sister nearly getting kicked out of middle school due to residency bullcrap-

The list just goes on and on. The most recent events were the one-two combo of getting sick and having a fully-loaded two-shelf spice cabinet falling off the wall to smash into my knee, and today I've got news we're switching over to a neighboring apartment for two weeks while they renovate this one. Only problem? We've been living in this place for twelve years, and have twelve years worth of junk. I don't even know when we're supposed to start moving!

Motivation to write or just do anything is at an all-time low, and I'm holding it together with duct tape and gorilla glue. Life ain't good.

#{Out of Odes | OOC} #{Luan Speaks | Mun} #TW: Vent #{To be deleted}

[brightgnosis]

Instagram Repost: June 26, 2022

It's been ~7 years since I published my first "Pagan Book", but today no one actually associates me with it. Indeed, most people, while they adore my old partner and she's making waves now, don't even know I exist at all; no one knows I was ever involved with the original version of the book- nor that without it, and my admin-esque work on it, she likely wouldn't be where she is now.

Or it may've taken significantly longer, at least; good or bad, it was my art, CreateSpace experience, & editing / formatting that made the original TSG (and then later TWC) possible and finally allowed her to break into publishing like she'd always dreamed of doing. And I'm so happy to have helped give her that chance.

I actually wanted it that way, however, when we initially dissolved our partnership on both books. That was the entire point of dissolving things the way we did; I wanted to fade back into the obscurity that I'd slowly slipped into as a "BNP" ... Sometimes I think it was a mistake to do that. But other times- a lot of the time- I'm glad I did it when I walked away. There was just so much going on in my life at that point in time. I couldn't keep up with it all anymore (and plus, doing all of the taxes sucked).

Discovering who I actually was without the abuse of others (+ all the fumbles / mistakes that entailed); getting engaged, then married; renovating a house, then moving in (+ always more and more renovating); the work towards opening our Orchard (which fell through); so many mental breakdowns as I finally cut my abusive family out of my life for good and took my first steps towards healing the life of abuse I'd lived through; then eventually the first waves of my disabilities really settling into place finally instead of only being on the periphery ... Developing PTSD after a near-miss with a Tornado was the last straw that finally broke me.

Looking back, however, I realize that even if it's exactly what I wanted- and potentially even needed- in that particular moment in time? For good or ill, this was really the start of the agoraphobia that I ended up developing; the significant worsening of the social anxiety that I'd always carried with me, and my near-complete pulling away from the world ... A level of traumatization I inflicted upon myself that I'm now having to work fiercely to undo. And in a way I hate that- just like I hate this book now for a variety of reasons.

Mostly I hate the poor job I did writing and designing it + all the others I wrote during this time in my life, and many more unnamed ... And in truth, I don't even know why I wrote it to begin with- and I now disagree with nearly everything I did say in it (as little as that wound up being; I may have done the work, but it was Bree who carried the book in regards to the content). I wasn't even practicing that style of magic at the time anymore to begin with! At that point I was already well on my way out the door; it was a nice idea, and we did our best. But looking back on it, it was well overhyped in many ways.

But we learn, and we grow, and a part of that growth is that ultimately that we must accept that the past's an inseparable part of who we are as we move forward; all of our mistakes we make are integral lessons we can learn from in order to be better selves in the future- no matter how much we hate the many mistakes we made ... Regret and wallowing only ever holds us back. It never allows us to move forward towards better things.

#Instagram Reposts #2022 #The Sisters Grimmoire #Alphabet Soup #Oklahoma #Personal

[pjunicornart]

Long Post Incoming

Okay so I just watched @what-is-my-aesthetic's new video where she ranked Halloween specials, and that got me thinking about some Meet the Robinsons horror ideas.

Let's be honest with ourselves here: MEET THE ROBINSONS SHOULD'VE GOT A TV SHOW SPIN OFF FROM THE MOVIE. It was literally the perfect formula for an interesting series and we were ROBBED. Honestly if Disney doesn't make it into a cartoon in the near future I will be boycotting. JUSTICE FOR MEET THE ROBINSONS!

So anyway I'm imagining three ideas for horror Meet the Robinsons stuff. 1. The TV Special. Basically I'm imagining an episode that could go two ways. A situation similar to Flutterbat from MLP, where an invention goes haywire and it turns Cornelius into... something. I'm leaning more towards a bat creature because the image of him hanging upside down from a tree spitting out seeds is funny to me. Or, it could be an episode where it takes place from an alternate reality, where everyone in the Robinson family are just monsters. Wilbur could be like Frankie from Monster High, the idea that he was created because Cornelius and Franny wanted a child. So they made one! 2. The Creepypasta. This idea leans more towards creepypasta territory, like it wouldn't be airing on the Disney Channel, lol. What inspired me to create this reality is that in the movie, Wilbur mentions a "dark day at the Robinson house" when discussing what's left of the first prototype of the time machine. What if that day was fatal? What if when the prototype malfunctioned and exploded, it took the whole family with it, and burned down the house? Now that the house has been rebuilt and renovated, a new family moved into it, stating that it's perfect for their family, yada yada. But something isn't right. I've been watching too much of "My Haunted House" from Discovery+, so this next part is influenced by the countless stories I've seen from there. Cornelius - a by extension the other Robinsons, but mostly Neil - starts tormenting the new family. One of the family members get the worst of the worst, as they're in a weird dream-like state. The other members of the family always find them "talking" to a wall in the house and not responding to their calls. When they finally wake the person up, they say, "There was a man talking to me from the wall." There's nothing behind that wall, though... 3. The Labyrinth Named School. Okay so I've been OBSESSED with this old horror game I found out about a little while ago called "White Day: A Labyrinth Named School." Basically in that game there are a lot of ghosts that you can encounter and learn about, twenty in total I think. The way I see this working is that characters from Meet the Robinsons all attended this school at some point, but now they're all dead by one way or another. For example, Lizzy could be the Spider Girl, Lewis can be the Kid Solving a Problem (a.k.a. the Eyeless Spirit), Spike and Dmitri could be the Doppelganger Ghost, Bud could be the Tree Ghost, Michael/Goob could be the Face Filled with Hatred, etc... I understand this is an AU sort of idea, but I still think it's fun to discuss!

So yeah since it's around Halloween time, I've been thinking about this stuff and I wanna know what other people think. :P Or if you have anything to add, I'm open for discussions via asks or comments or whatever. Thank you for listening to my brain dump, lol.

#rosey rambles #meet the robinsons #halloween #horror #ideas #brain dump #seriously we were robbed #salty #long post

[belovedstill]

.

#shhh b #some rambles i need to write out #tag 3 #tag4 #tag 5 #tw acephobia #tw aphobia #sometimes i think about my identity and plans for the future and how my family reacts to it and it makes me lowkey sad #i'm moving out at one point in the near future and I have a renovated apartment waiting for me already #the room i'm most proud and happy of is my own home office and my family is aware of it - i've talked about it to them many times #no matter how many times tho--they always say that this room will be perfect as a baby room. all smiles and all #i've been preparing my family for the thought that I might not find a partner. i might not (most probably) want to have kids. #i might not get married ever #they're not listening c': #last year--i was 25 at the time--excited about the first book in my country about asexuality i came out as ace to my family #'focus on finishing university. you're under pressure right now.' #and when i was trying to explain how that doesn't change anything my dad looked at me and said 'no. stop.' #it's been a year and i keep thinking back to it #i have that book about asexuality. it's written in my native language. nobody in my family wants to read it or even look through it. #they're not bad people and i guess that's what's confusing #idk friend life is weird i know i'm privilaged lots but it still sucks sometimes

[incarnateirony]

Gotta admit, I'm a bit anti Jarpad. Just because he comes off as entitled. BUT given how he and his wife have their hands in the fans pockets EVERY SINGLE DAY, I'd have thought he was far more minted going forward than Jensen. Neither have anything to worry about.

Corollary of that is Jarpad seems to know how to spend, his wife dresses in 10 grand of clothes daily and he wears 200k of watch on his wrist. Investment watches are usually kept pristine, not worn daily. His wife wears a 1.5m engagement ring. They frequently put pictures of the house on her blog and it's stuffed full of expensive crap. I'd feel claustrophobic living there, seriously.

Please correct my points, cos I'm really interested!

1. Lol-jackles (who is a bit of an arsehole IMHO) said JP would be getting the same for Walker as for SPN and extra (cut of profits as exec), so that's around $200,000 dollars per episode. The ensemble cast of Walker looks really expensive so that surprised me. Do you think that's true?

2. He shoves his overpriced vitamins #Mantrafamily down his fans throat and they are EXPENSIVE. He's an investor, though he's changed his story on his position several times. How much do you get from them?

3. He apparently owns a lot of property, including student housing in Austin.

4. He is owner or part owner of San Jac and Stereophonic in Austin.

5. His wife shills products daily on her blog

FYI, I HATE the "family" tag. The family is the fans not the stars. My test, I know my family's phone number and they wouldn't get an injunction if I went to anyone of their houses. Apply that test to J2?

Fans are PRODUCT to actors and definitely to Jarpad "I care so much I want you to feel better so buy my yellow vitamin wee"

I mean I never said Jared would end up homeless in a box. You can be blackballed and have money in the bank, these two statements have nothing to do with each other.

I haven't checked the Walker payrole. That statement could be true, but I'd say to take it with a grain of salt until you see a receipt about his paygrade. For example, on SPN last I knew he was making about 125K per episode (Jensen was 175K, Misha was just over 100K).

Jensen's value was higher due to a mix of... well, quality, quality of his representation, and the fact he had a few other skills in his pocket on access like directing.

Jared being a producer on Walker likely is worth a paygrade boost, and he headlines the show, truly. It's a matter of how his agent negotiated his worth.

On the other hand, it would be INCREDIBLY stupid for CBS/CW to accept a pitch that high on Jared on a show that hadn't been tested for its success. If Walker was still running its 0.3X in appropriate follow-up to SPN on the same TV season, sure. I guess. But with its fairly stable 0.15 for the last bazillion episodes that is rounding it up or down to 0.1 or 0.2 depending on its thousandths, that is baaaad. The first season should have been more conservative on its paygrades, but CW isn't known for the wisest business decisions and may have highly overestimated its potential appeal, in which case--LOL.

There is some wiggle room on potential budget because at a base, Walker is not a very expensive show to shoot, as it can just drop a camera in real world locations and roll from there. Very little CGI and the like. Again, I'd have to review what the show budget is to see what's going on.

Now to clear up some other things:

Jared does not actually own Stereotype. His friend owns Stereotype. He supported them early on with a small investment but his respective share is not enough to be a decision maker or an "owner" any more than anybody else that owns some stock in a company does. San Jac he is one of the owners of. One of. He holds far larger investment in it with several friends, so he is one of a few co-owners.

Things Jared owns:

Several empty lots

His fancy ass house everybody knows about worth about 5 million (Gen's been given power of attorney)

The "student housing" is:

a 4 bed, 2.5 bath home also for families, that can be arranged like a multifamily unit if needed. If you saw it from the street, you'd go "awww, that's a cute house." (some dude nobody knows has power of attorney--he owns a building company, not gonna be more specific)

a 3 bed, 2 bath home (power of attorney guy has this too)

A funky little duplex with 4 bedrooms per unit, best I can tell. (power of attorney guy has this too)

A singlefamily 3 bed home (different power of attorney guy)

One random suite in a business building with like 200 suites granted to him by a family member

The three with matching "power of attorney" is basically the three rentable ones so Jared himself doesn't have to be your landlord. In total there's 15 bedrooms between three properties (one truly multifamily, one arrangeable-as). These properties aren't located anywhere near each other. There's another 3 bedroom home in there that may be rentable. And some office space that got passed to him and basic cross searching in the past brought up a billion bankruptcy filings so I'm pretty sure it was "quick, Jared, take this".

jared doesn't own some giant mega campus complex. Jared owns a few homes that in theory could be rented out to students. This isn't unusual nor is this something the Ackles don't have too. Jared is the equivalent of that dude you find that owns a couple of houses and rents them out, but he goes through a property management agency by proxy of a building company that does the renovations that puts it in there for him, on 3/4 homes. He's not a landlord titan. He's a guy with a fraction of side income by the time it gets to him on a few properties.

So let's get that set straight before anybody makes it sound like Jared floats the student housing business in some lucrative scooby doo real estate scheme.

AND THEN THERE'S MANTRA:

Yes, Jared is a co-founder of Mantra. Which is honestly... god, don't get me started on why Jared Padalecki should not be simultaneously broadcasting for mental health and then packing nootropics down people's throats. (x for general nootropics) (x for phenibut in particular, which might explain his outburst on SM)

(That's just the one that jumps out as most problematic but the cocktails involved could really just not go over well with the wrong person, some of these things are like mixing OTC ritalin and SSRIs)

At the end of the day, regardless of the ethicality of mantra, I mean, sure, it's a business decision. It makes money. At the end of the day, though, this is not a career move.

Again, nobody ever said Jared's gonna end up living homeless in a box eating beans out of a can. The discussion is whether or not he has arranged himself a viable career forward in media.

Renting out a couple homes by proxy isn't gonna land him roles.

Selling miracle water that turns people into paranoid messes (but with great memory!!) isn't gonna land him roles.

Owning a bar isn't going to land him roles.

None of this actually adds any content to the discussion of Jared Padalecki's professional media career, which his stans keep trying to enter to the conversation to offset discussion of Ackles' business acumen in the acting field.

These are nonstarters in the conversation, at the end of the day. I just wanted to set straight some general details about them.

Jared has a future with an INCOME, but that doesn't mean he's arranged a future in MEDIA. And leave it from Jarpad stans to try to fuck up that conversation.

News flash: Rich White Man Bought Stuff To Make Money. More at 11.

The inability to see how this isn't the same as like. Owning a production company. And owning a record label. And owning a publisher (mostly for vinyls but other potential). And having establishment across multiple distributors and production hubs (WB, Amazon) as a path forward in media is B A F F L I N G.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 2.7k

Warnings: swearing, angst, drunk, motion of death

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 2 Part 4

Part 3

In less than ten minutes, we had pulled up to Liam's house. Liam paid for the taxi too. I kind of argued this time, but he pointed out he asked me to his house. I didn't get too stubborn about it.

Liam was living in a four-story terrace house, recently renovated by the looks of it. It was painted white with black wrought iron lacework, and it was beautiful. The front door and windows were painted black. It appeared to be the twin of the house that shared its wall.

We entered through the dining room, and I realised it was actually the two houses renovated together. The inside was modern with original heritage touches. The floors were light timber, and the walls were white. The ceilings had plaster and cornice so beautifully ornate that restoration must have taken ages. The room had an imposing black marble fireplace and a deep brown, almost black wooden dining table set on a grey shag rug in the room's centre. A huge abstract painting of bright pinks, greens and grey hung on the wall.

"Wow, this must have cost a mint!" I quickly covered my mouth. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

"It's ok. I was pleasantly surprised by the house too. The studio got the house for me I...." Liam was interrupted by a massive dog bounding into the room.

Liam got down and roughhoused with the dog for a bit. Wow, he was a monster! I'd seen a picture of Cole before that "Will" had sent me, but I wasn't quite prepared for how big he was. He was almost completely black with some brown above his eyes and ears. His paws were brown too, and his belly was grey. He wasn't any particular breed, apparently a rescue dog. I thought of my bull terrier cross cattle dog at home. This dog would eat him for breakfast, and Perrin wasn't small.

Cole's pink tongue lolled, and he panted as Liam moved from side to side. Cole imitated Liam's actions jumping about. He barked a couple of times as he got excited by the play. The noise reverberated through the quiet house.

"Shhh, Cole, people are sleeping." Liam softly admonished. Then his voice became stern. "Sit," he ordered before patting him. Liam looked at me and said, "Lana, this is Cole. Cole, Lana."

"Hi, Cole. You're much bigger in person." I could hear the slight tremor in my voice. Liam must have sensed I was nervous and came over to stand near me. Cole padded over and sniffed at me. Gingerly, I put my hand by my side and let him approach me. Cole nuzzled my hand, and I gave him a pat on the side of his neck. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I was worried he wouldn't like me. I love dogs but always get nervous around new ones." Liam put his head to the side, asking a silent question. "I had a dingo go me one time, and I've never really gotten over it." I squatted down and gave Cole more pats. "I think this guy is ok, though."

"Yeah, he's a good boy. How is Perrin, by the way?"

"He's ok." I sighed, "he's just old. The poor little guy can't get onto my bed anymore and sleeps in my lounge room now. I kinda miss it, but I have slept a bit better."

Liam gave Cole some more pats and told him to go sit. "Come on. I'll make you a tea or coffee if you'd like." I agreed a coffee would be perfect right now. I needed something to sober me up.

I sat at the kitchen bench while Liam made coffees. Cole sat by my stool, and I patted his head while watching Liam. Liam had kicked off his shoes and was walking around in his bare feet. It was amazing to see him so much more relaxed here than while we were out. He really did appear to enjoy being at home.

As Liam made our coffee, he moved with a grace that surprised me. His movements seemed economical and rigid but hinted at the power beneath them. He seemed coiled and ready to explode at any moment. It was like he was dancing the pasodoble, his body moving to an invisible beat. Images of Strictly Ballroom came into my mind, and I found myself humming Love is in the Air. I was drunker than I thought.

When Liam was done, he led me over to his large L shaped lounge, and I sat. Liam flopped down next to me, casually laying back and popped his feet up on the coffee table. Cole sat on a mat that was clearly his.

I sipped my coffee, not knowing what else to do. Suddenly the quiet between Liam and I felt awkward.

Liam and I spoke at the same time, "What.." "So..."

We both laughed. Liam indicated I should proceed. "Well, I was going to ask what brought you out to Sydney, for real, not the Will answer."

"A new project. I'm going to be filming a television show." Liam proceeded to tell me about his project, working with some people from Netflix on a fantasy/sci-fi series adaptation. He was so animated when telling me that it was obvious that he loved his job.

It would be his first television series and was to be more romance heavy than anything he had done in years. Liam explained that he is filming here because the story was written and developed in Australia. "If it works out, I'll probably be based out of Australia for the next few years. I'll go home to England for a few months during breaks, maybe do some small film roles. It's hard with Cole, though, because every trip into Australia means 10 days quarantine for him."

"Oh yeah, and you don't want a Pistol and Boo situation." Liam looked confused, and I explained about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp smuggling their dogs into Australia.

"I thought you said you don't follow celebrity gossip."

"I don't, but that was big news, hilarious really. It was on every bit of media in Australia, and then they had to make this cringe video apology. I almost felt bad for them." Then I yawned, suddenly all the alcohol had lost its buzz, and I was just tired. "The coffee doesn't seem to be doing its job. What time is it?"

Liam looked at his watch, "11.30."

"Yeah, it's late. I should get home. I don't want to turn into a pumpkin." I cringed. Fuck.

"You don't have to go. You could stay here." I raised my eyebrows. "I do have more than one bed if that's what you want." Liam leaned over to me and placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my skin.

I looked at my nearly empty coffee mug. I swirled the dregs around the bottom as if it were tea leaves, and they would tell me what to do. "I don't want to go home yet, but I don't want to go too fast, either."

"That's ok."

I didn't move. I wanted to stay. Ten years ago, I would have stayed, but Andy's face flashed into my thoughts. I knew it was ridiculous. Andy had been gone for over three years now. But every time I even contemplated being with someone, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Liam was waiting for an answer, but I didn't know what to tell him. 'It's not you, it's me' is such a tired cliche, but sometimes it's true.

"Lana, it's ok. If you want to go home, that's absolutely fine. I'll even call you an Uber."

I felt my eyes sting, and I looked away from Liam. My bloody traitorous tear ducts giving me away. I shouldn't have drunk so much. Alcohol always makes me emotional.

"Fuck." I swore under my breath. I angrily wiped at my eyes, thankful I had used waterproof mascara. My eyeliner was a different story, though, and black streaked my fingers. I asked Liam where his bathroom was, and I got up, only half listening to his directions. I found it quickly. It was only through the doorway into a little enclave with a powder room, stairs and a lift. What kind of bloody house has a lift?

I closed the door and sat on the toilet seat. I knew enough not to try to stop the tears, so I just let them go. Bloody hell, Andy. Why did he fucking have to leave me? Why the fuck did you have to fucking die. Goddammit. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to Andy? I wanted to scream, to punch something, to throw something. I needed another cigarette. Fuck you, Andy. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck Liam.

As I always did when I thought of Andy, I remembered the last time I saw him. His sweet face looked down at me as he kissed me goodbye. His deep brown hair fell like a curtain around us, hiding our kiss from the world. Cheekily I had slipped my tongue into his mouth, and he had groaned as he pulled away. He told me to save it for when he got back and would be as quick as he could be. I had thanked him for filling in for me. He winked and said to thank him later. Then he left.

When I was able to, I started to take deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I could feel the tightness in my chest slowly ease. Breathing became more comfortable, and the tears stopped. I looked at my hands, and I was able to release the fists I was making. My nails hadn't broken the skin this time, but small red crescents remained etched into my palms.

I waited a few minutes longer to make sure the moment had passed. It wasn't Andy's fault he died, and I knew that. It's also not my fault that I wanted someone to love again. Sleeping with someone other than Andy felt like crossing the Rubicon, no going back.

The fact was there is no going back, no Andy to go back to, even if I wanted. In my head, it still felt like a betrayal. But it wasn't. And Liam wasn't just anybody. He was a guy I had spent weeks talking to, getting to know, and although he looks different, he is still acting as I had expected. I saw a potential future here. Did I really want to let my past ruin it?

I cleared my throat and stood up, preparing myself to see the horror that looked back at me. Ugh, it wasn't great. My eyeliner had given me panda eyes, and the tears had created streaks down my cheeks.

Getting a tissue and blew my nose, and decided there was nothing else for it, I washed my makeup off my face. I avoided washing my eye makeup off though, that was a mess I just didn't have the products for, so I just wiped under my eyes and cleaned it up. I binned my tissues, washed my hands, took a few more deep breaths and prepared myself to face Liam.

I opened the door and walked straight into something solid that made me bounce back into the bathroom like a tennis ball. Hands caught me before I hit the floor, and I found myself in Liam's arms.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No," I was flustered again. I spent all that time calming down to just be in a state two seconds later. "I just didn't expect you to be outside the door. Jesus, you're like a brick shit house."

Liam didn't laugh. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," I lied.

Liam didn't look convinced. He let me go and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now."

Liam nodded. "I'll get you that Uber." He pulled his phone out.

That's it then. All in all, it wasn't the worst date I'd been on since Andy died. Actually, it was probably the best. Liam, at least, was a guy I was attracted to and didn't appear to be a man child. He seemed to like me, even when I cried over another man. Although I doubt Liam knew that's why I was crying. I had told him I was married before and he had died, but that was only once and a long time ago, and we hadn't discussed it again.

The tears had done their job, and a calmness came over me now. I had said goodbye to Andy, and I was ready to take that last step to move on. That was why I started to date again; to open my heart, I was ready.

I put my hand on Liam's wrist, "if you still want me to, I'd like to stay."

"Are you sure? I probably shouldn't have asked in the first place. I let my other head think for me." Though I laughed at his candid admission, Liam's face was serious. "I'm not joking. I want you, and I didn't think about how you must be feeling. The whole fake profile thing must still be weighing on your mind. And all of the other problems that go along with being with me. You should have more time to think about it."

And my dead husband, let's not forget that. I didn't say that out loud, thank God. "I will have time to think about it. But right now, I want..." Shit. I've gone shy again. Just fucking tell him you want him too! "I mean, can't we just have a bit of a cuddle and a snog?"

Liam's lips twitched as he tried to suppress a smile, "a cuddle and a snog?"

I nodded.

Smiling, Liam put his phone back in his pocket. "I think I can arrange that."

Without further warning, Liam grabbed my wrists in one hand and pinned them to the wall above my head. His other hand snaked around my waist, holding me to him, his hips rolling into mine. His eyes were fierce and focused on mine. I  closed my eyes, the sensations too much, and my breath quickened.

I heard Liam say through gritted teeth, "It's taken everything I had not to do this to you since I saw you at the bar. I wanted to take you then and there." His voice seemed to ease, the words coming easier for him. "You don't know how much I've wanted to touch you. To know you are real." Then he whispered, "and you are. Real. You're as beautiful tonight as you were in your pictures."

I opened my eyes and found Liam staring at me, and his intensity was nearly frightening. He pulled me tighter against himself, his fingertips digging into me while he crushed me against his body. I felt his hardness against my hip, and I couldn't stop myself from rubbing against it. This time Liam closed his eyes, and I felt the rush of blood to my centre.

Liam opened his eyes, desire naked on his face, "Kiss me," he said.

I met his soft and warm lips. I felt Liam's groan rumble in his vast chest, and kissing him again, my lips scraped against his whiskers. Liam kissed me back now. His tongue pushed past my lips, and found mine. His tongue playfully danced in my mouth. Liam's hand left my arse and started to feel my hips, my waist and then my breasts. He cupped them and gently squeezed. My breath caught as his hand skimmed past my nipple. His palm created friction against the lace of my bra, and tingles radiated through my body.

His lips left mine and went to my neck. He kissed and sucked at me, moving down to the top of my breasts. I heard him take a deep breath into my chest as his cheeks rubbed against my skin. His kisses became harder against my chest and moved back up to my neck, his teeth nipping at me as he went. Even though he had me captured, I wriggled against him, my hips moved uncontrollably, my breath uneven and weak.

Liam pulled away, still firmly gripping one of my hands. "Come with me." Liam led me to the lift.

"Where are we going?"

"To my bedroom." I pulled against him, forcing him to stop. "Sweetheart, I promise I won't fuck you until you ask."

My legs turned to jelly. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg despite my reservations. I nodded and followed Liam into the lift.

Part 4

#original character #original fiction #romantic story

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Back on it' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Back on it"

"Sometimes, I'm feeling so free, forgetting about the big problems I have in my life because you're there for me and I just want to enjoy those rare moments with you."

Chapter Summary : After paying her respects to Lazar, Yirina is finally going to Laos with Park to join Woods team to work against Naga.....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3500

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I didn't know of what Park was planning but she did right today, she managed to give me an moment to finally pay my respects to Lazar himself at Tel Aviv, his homeplace. Even if I still feel that guilty in me of that particular day for what happened, I still remember the positivity of Lazar's behavior that he was showing to me, he was really my brother....it's been 3 years since he's gone but he is never forgetten by me & Park. I wished things to be differents but it happened sadly. I hope that he found better peace at where is he now....He can't be forgotten !

It was hard for me to leave the cemetery and it was the same thing for Park too but we finally managed to get out, still having tears on our faces as we were going back into the plane that was awaiting for us, ready to fly away from the city to get to our destination : Vientane in Laos. Since we left Tel Aviv at nearly 10 AM, we should arrive in the Laotian capital after midnight. I didn't sleep too much on the flight, mostly checking up my diary and everything I did write for almost 2 months and also writing down that memory about meeting up with Naga.

Like I thought, we arrived at Vientane after midnight at 1 AM and to say, we were an bit tired of the flight as we didn't take an nap for the large part of it, hoping that we could get to the place Woods is awaiting for us. Me & Park were surprised to discover that Garrett was awaiting for us at the airport, asking if we did have an good flight and how I was feeling after what I did. We did answer his questions before we could leave the airport, our equipment with us to the direction of Woods's team safehouse.

"Wait, where's the safehouse ?" I was asking that question to Garrett who was driving, Park on the front passenger seat and me on the backseats as I could see that we were getting out of the city limits, 5 minutes after we left the airport.

"Yes, where it is ?" Park added as she didn't know like me.

"Okay, you're ready to hear this ?" Garrett started, his eyes quickly looking at us before getting them back on the road in front of him. "Let's just that the CIA managed to reuse an old Laotian Air Force base for them." He replied, making my eyes go wide...how did they succeed ?

"Are you kidding ?" Park raised an eyebrow to him.

"Not at all !" Garrett scoffed, removing his right hand from the steering wheel for an few seconds to strectch his fingers.

"But the governement is communist !" I exclaimed, having some history knowledge about the country in my head. "They will found out that the CIA is here."

"Maybe, the CIA is bribing the governement to keep their eyes shut." Garrett said, his right hand passing through his lips before putting it back on the wheel. "Since Naga is hiding in the jungle, having an old base at our disposal is helping us." He then looked through the mirror to me. "I heard that Woods briefed you an little on that."

"He didn't tell much about it." Park told him, looking outside in the darkness of the night as we were leaving the Laotian countryside to enter its jungle "He said that he will make an full briefing for us tomorrow."

"He's right since everyone is exhausted after today." He stated to us. "We had an mission today and it was very long." He looked at an roadsign outside before he take an turn to the right on an dirt path. "We shouldn't too far from the base now." He added before he start to make some signal with the car lights, shutting it down and lighting them up in an quick succession.

"What's that for ?" I demanded, pretty curious.

"Signal code to say that we're friendly." He responded as from afar we could see the entrance of the base that was looking pretty old and its gates opened. "It's the best way to make sure that we aren't greeted by bullets."

"Because they're shooting at sight ?" Park asked to him, an bit confused.

"Why they wouldn't be ? They want to keep their presence an secret and no one want to have problems here with the local authorities." Garrett expressed, nervous about thinking about it, that could be heard in his voice and his face. "And also because it's the CIA." He continued as he was parking the car in an parking space, filled with military trucks. This base was guarded like an normal one with military personal on watchtowers and guards patrolling around.

"Yeah...because it's the CIA !" I thought to myself, saying it in an very low voice, knowing well of the CIA's bad business...well, everyone in his car know about it. "This place is looking well to not be old." I proclaimed, looking outside to see the base that was in an good shape.

"Of course, they renovated the place down." Garrett breathed before he got out of the car with us too. "They even decide to use some Huey helicopters." He pointed to us in an direction, discovering some helicopters that were checked up by crews.

"Looks like some people here wanted to relive the Vietnam War." I spoke up, seeing those helicopters, having flied in some of them...in my fake memories of course and I'm sure that we will have to use them in the future. I was thinking of it as we were unloading our own bags from the car trunk.

"Some of them are from the US reserves and two of them are belonging to the Lao People's Liberation Army Air Force." Garrett told us, helping us to get our bags out of the car. "We can thanks the CIA's bribes to the governement." He sighed in relief before he closed the trunk. "Okay, let's go join the team." He started to move away from the car as me & Park follow him inside the main building of the whole place that was looking like an big hangar.

"Here you are, you two !" An strong male voice said as we were entering the hangar with our bags in hands, it was Woods himself dressed in civilians clothes coming towards us. "Welcome to Laos." He offered his hand to me & Park and we shook hands with him separetely, getting our bags on the ground.

"You did miss us, it seems." I scoffed in an funny voice and Woods rolled his eyes around.

"Both of you ? Well...yes." He admitted, sounding not sure. "Before we start...."

"Yes, we know the warning, Woods." Park stopped him as she knew of what he was going to talk along with me...don't be too public, girls !....."It's good to see you too."

"Fine, since you know that....It's still for you too, Garrett." Woods continued to his statement, pointing at Garrett.

"I know but Song is been away with Sims, Mason and an small part of your guys in the jungle." Garrett expressed to him and me & Park were pretty curious and he could see it on our faces. "Woods send them for recon, should be back in the afternoon today." He added, giving us details about it...until I saw from afar, Hudson himself, arms crossed and leaned against an wall, looking at us, me especially, he wasn't willing to get to us to say something...he's kinda creepy....must not look at him, now...

"They should come back here with intels about where this little drug warlord is hiding inside the jungles." Woods stated, crossing his arms to look to, what I suppose to be his desk as he walk to it. "But there's something you two should see." He sniffed as he was taking in his hands two playing cards before getting back to us. "You need to watch your back." He told us, handing the first card to Park

"What the fuck ?" Park started, looking at the playing car that she was given : an picture of her on it, she was the Queen of Hearts. "Helen Park : To be captured alive !" She repeated, seeing the inscription on the photo.

"You're not the only exception, this is your playing card, Yirina." Woods gave me the other cards and I could see that I was also the Queen of Hearts alongside Park.

"Yirina / Bell : To be captured alive !" I whispered with the same inscription Park had on her cards. Now the whole Perseus Collective know that I'm alive and well. "Where did you find them ?" I demanded to Woods.

"From the Perseus agent that allowed us to know about Naga." He replied, leaning against his desk behind him. "The same thing like Adler, you became Perseus targets." He added.

"Yes but you know well that we ain't going to hide." I spoke up, giving my thoughts to Woods about it. "And besides, they think that I'm 'Bell'." I continued, seeing this name alongside my real name even if it was troubling me to be honest. "Damnit." I sighed, pulling the card in my jacket.

"Seems that someone needs some Bourbon !" Another voice came in and when I look around, I could discover an old face I didn't see for an month..

"Wolf ?" I breathed, amazed to see him here.

"I heard that you worked with Wolf an month ago in the New Orleans and Sims asked for him to come so I agreed." Woods explained as we were shaking hands with Wolf, he didn't change in an month to say.

"It's good to see the two of you here." Wolf said with an smile to me & Park before he look at Woods. "Any news from the recon team ?"

"No, we should have informations about them in the morning." Woods responded before he removed himself from his desk. "Anyway, you might want to take an look around." He suggested to us as we just arrived and we nodded.

Once we nodded, Woods took us for an little tour around the place and also outside, presenting the base like if he did live there, he did also gave an workplace near Garrett's desk and we learned that we were going to sleep in an dorm with everyone....great ! All of that while been watched by Hudson himself, still at his same spot, looking at us with his eyes hidden by his usual sunglasses, he's looking like Adler in my first days in that safehouse 3 years ago.

When the whole presentation 'à la Woods' was finished, we got our gear out of our bags and put at our personal workplace with Park until it was time for everyone to go take an nap but not for me as I wanted to do something before actually going to sleep. So, as Park & the other were going to sleep, having an little kiss from her before she left for the dorm, I decided to go see Garrett that was the only one with me to not go directly to sleep.

"Garrett ?" I started in an low voice, walking towards his desk with joined hands. "Is there any secured lines here, I would like to make an call." I explained to him.

"Oh, an call ?" He whispered, getting up from his chair. "Yeah, sure, follow me." He gestured as I follow him behind and then, we arrived in a another room where there were some phones on an table. "Who do you want to call ?"

"Zasha !" I replied, getting myself near an phone.

"Good...well, I will leave you to it then, Yirina." Garrett smiled at me and it was reciprocal until he left the room, not closing the door behind him as I start to dial Zasha's number from their office in Century House. It's one of the numerous things I have noted in my diary, not wanting to forget about it....one ring.....

"Zasha Smirnov !" I could hear their voice in an rapid moment, having heard only one ring, meaning that they were near the phone at their office.

"How's my best friend at work ?" I said in an good mood, trying to think positively. Because of timezones, it was only the beginning of the evening in London.

"Oh, Yirina !" They exclaimed, sounding happy that I called. "I'm so happy that you're calling, you arrived in Laos ?" They demanded.

"Yes, it's almost 2 AM in here, what about you ?" I responded, checking if no one was coming in in case.

"Almost 8 PM, I was going to join Portnova at her place of work." They replied, making me smile, knowing that today was the first day of job as an maths teacher in the University of London. "Hopefully, your call was well made because I was ready to leave." They stated.

"Well, guess that I'm lucky !" I said before I make an little laugh and they did the same too. "How's work, Zed ?"

"Honestly, it's perfect, very nice." They answered, hearing them having an breath and sounding very good. "The people I'm working for are very nice." They added, sure of their words.

"That's the main thing, I knew that you will like the MI6." I stated to them.

"Hey, today, they brought me to play an little game during an break." They told me, getting my attention on it and removing my eyes from the door.

"Really ? Explain." I said, very curious.

"They called it 'Bullshit'." They started, narrowing my eyes as I thought that they were insulting me before realizing that was the name of the game. "It's hard to explain but I will try : we're playing with an deck of 52 and we had to get rid of the cards that we were given" They breathed as I heard it before they continue. "You have to play cards in an order but if you don't have it, you have to lie but if you get caught lying, you're taking the pile and if you're thought that someone was lying didn't cheat, you take the pile."

"That's sounds an great game to say." I exclaimed, sounding happy that Zasha was able to have an good animosity with their new friends at the MI6.

"At first, I thought I was so bad at it but then, it worked and I won by an lot." They admitted to me, laughing about it. "The others were either focused on calling out the others instead of me."

"Now, you got very lucky !" I scoffed, making them laugh through the phone.

"I have an lot of fun to be real, it's wonderful." They told me. "It's sure that me & you are going to make an game."

"Count on me & Park !" I affirmed to them, raising my index finger.

"By the way, me & Portnova are....well, we're organizing an little private wedding party to celebrate our union and you & Park are invited." They revealed to me, making my eyes goes wide.

"Really ? I....Zasha, it's amazing." I was in an loss of words, feeling the happiness in me about hearing that idea from them. "When it will be ?"

"Since you're in Laos for undetermined time, it will be the 4th of June." They responded and I nodded to myself before I look around....to see Hudson standing at the door and looking at me.

"Okay, Zed, I will be there, don't worry." I smiled before Hudson creepiness remove that smile, making me look away from him. "Listen, I have to go...say hello for me & Park to Portnova." I demanded.

"Don't worry, I will, give my regards to Park too." They asked.

"Good, I will call you later, bye Zed !" I told them.

"Bye, Yirina." They said before I hang up the phone, finding myself alone in that room with Hudson who, when I turned around, was still there near that door.

"Are you going to stand there and still looking at me as an creep or you're going to talk ?" I asked to him, serious in my voice and clenching my fists

"No." He answered briefly before he took an pack of cigarettes in his hand. "Follow me, we need to talk." He ordered in an harsh tone, gesturing at me before he walk away.

I could have tell him to fuck off and going to bed for good but then, I found myself obliged to follow him and wanting to know what does he want with me. I thought that he was going to talk with me near his desk or mine but instead, it was outside that our talk was going to take place, near the big door of that hangar. He stopped himself once stepped outside, to light up his cigarette but he wasn't talking at all.

"What do you want ?" I directly ask to him after an few seconds of weird silence.

"Need to talk things about you." He responded, blowing some smoke out of his mouth, his eyes focused on looking in the horizon.

"Really ? You're suddenly interested in knowing me better ?" I said, offusqued as I was crossing my arms, looking away from him. I wasn't pleased to be with that guy.

"Listen, there's things I'm sorry with."

"Oh yeah ? Like you're sorry that you worked with Adler to brainwash me ?" I asked him rhetorically.

"Do you think that I was pleased with that ?" He got his eyes back on me as I was doing the same by hearing his words, getting my attention. "It's not because I'm Adler supervisor means that I did agree on that." He added to his statement as I was keeping an straight face. "Believe me, I wasn't happy about that at all."

"But still, you still treated me like if I was only an terrorist." I exclaimed, remembering the few little talks I had with him in the past and they weren't good. "You're the one who ordered Adler to terminate me...why aren't you finishing the job since Adler wasn't doing it ?" I questioned him, sure of my words.

"I have my reasons, Grigoriev." He responded, taking an deep breath.

"Wow, I'm not 'Bell' for you, anymore ?" I breathed, faking to be amazed towards him as inside of me, I was wondering what make him change his mind to call me by my real name. "Are you going soft or it's maybe one of your usual lies ?" I continued, wanting to know even if I could prevent in advance that he wasn't going to respond. "It's sure that you don't believe someone that isn't an american."

"Yes." He simply whispered.

"For you, you need to know that I'm an british-russian woman but I guess that it doesn't change an thing for you, still staying the good american patriot, right ?" I stated clearly in front of him, remembering some words that Park used to describe him.

"What I wanted to say is that it's good that you're here." He affirmed to me, making me narrow my eyes. "I know that Adler did brainwash you, left you for dead and an lot of things but you know well of the dangers of letting Adler in Perseus's hands." He continued, trying to convince me of 'Adler's good side'

"It doesn't please me but since 'I have no choices'." I quoted the numerous times I think about that possibility. "Isn't strange to see the brainwashed woman trying to rescue the man who has broke up her brain ?" I demanded, not wanting any answers from him and I even gestured that he didn't need to respond, it was strange to be sure.

"Do you have memories back ?" He chuckled, changing the subject as he crush his cigarette with his feet.

"Yes." I replied in an low voice. "Why do you want to know ?" I added.

"I just wanted to know about this, wondering what was your past." He answered, scratching the back of his bald head.

"Sometimes good, sometimes bad." I sighed, thinking of all of the memories I did relived, it was an lot of them. "Things that I can't talk about and if I do, it's only to my closest friends." I admitted, making him sure that he's not part of that category.

"I understand." He breathed before I decided it was time to get back inside and to go to sleep. "Grigoriev !" Hudson stopped me before I could have one feet inside the hangar. "How do you feel right now ?"

"Right now ?" I repeated, an bit confused of that ordinary question from him, my hands right on the door handle. "I don't know, been to an place that I thought to have set an foot in my 'old times', it's making me nervous." I said, mentioning that fake memories I had in my head. 'Bell' knows Vietnam...not me. I then put my right feet inside before I stopped to look at him witn an serious glare....

"I'm just trying to redeem myself and make the good, Hudson, keep that in mind !"

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #yirina grigoriev #helen park #fem!bell