#i'm okay i promise

[justplaggin]

bsd fifteen - volume 1 cover

#HELLO #H E L L O #*cue incoherent screaming* #LOOK HOW PRETTY THEY ARE. LOOK AT THEM. TAKE THEM IN ALL THEIR GLORY #i'm okay i promise #it's just. bsd wednesday started earlier than expected #bsd #bsd fifteen #soukoku #bsd official art #bungou stray dogs

[ashtonsunshine]

Ashton for drumeo

#I'm okay I promise #*is in fetal position in a puddle of own tears* #I'm just so proud of him #5sos #ashton irwin #drumeo

[wackywibrart]

okay i'm still in the college pit but i had to put this out there because it was funny in my head

so i was driving home for thanksgiving while listening to smart race and got into a crash, so i drew myself and berdly in the shock of the aftermath of it

#thanksgiving #deltarune #berdly #berdly deltarune #I'm okay I promise #My car not so much #However I did get to 1k loops of smart race #God may claim my car but I claim my smart race victory

[annoyed-galaxy]

If you know anyone with PMDD, please take care of them. Figure out when their period is and take care of them the week before.

I say this because the smallest of fucking things trigger me right now during my PMDD week. And it's bad. Going through a full spiral breakdown where the PMDD triggers every single emotion I have to the point I'm hurting myself. I'm yelling at myself, punching my head, digging into my skin with my nail, and punching walls. Emotions of rage, anger, sadness, depression, worthlessness, all of it. And the smallest of things set this shit off.

Thoughts of massive self-hate lead to self-punishment and even the darkest thoughts of suicide. Maybe I'm lucky to have been dealing with this shit for so long, I can identify when this is a PMDD week so I know the feelings will pass.

But in the moment? It's hard. Especially when there was a time I was medicated and didn't deal with this.

The levels of emotions are raised to unbelievable heights. After the breakdown, I feel so tired and it's hard to pick myself back up. And this just happens every month.

One week: I go through mental hell. Tiny things can trigger me and make me extremely pissed off and violent. Or make me break down and hate myself and violent against myself.

The next week: Period. Cramps and misery and bleeding and dealing with all those aches and pains.

The third week: Recovering from the precious two weeks of hell which take a lot of effort and energy causing me to be extremely tired and wore out.

Final week: Have started to finally enter the full recovery state. Only for everything to begin anew.

It's hell. It's tortuous.

The worst part is that this condition is rare. So not a lot of people have heard about it. It bums me out because I feel like I'm alone in this. And when someone says "yeah I know what you're going through" no, you don't. Unless you have PMDD which I have not met another person who does. It's fucking awful. My life is controlled by this disorder. A constant hellish fucking cycle.

So, again, if you DO know somebody who has PMDD, please check on them. Help them out. It makes everything worse having this shit. Feeling suicidal, depressed, anxious, angry, etc.

I feel so fucking alone during this time because I'm not myself. I can't control my emotions and turn out to be much more of an asshole to the people around me and they don't understand why.

So yeah.. Just keep an eye on us. It helps. To know we can make it through this awful rollercoaster that happens every fucking month.

#Tw: mentions of suicide #Tw: suicide #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: self destruction #Tw: self harm #PMDD awareness #Pmdd #Mental health #I'm okay I promise #It's just a battle I always fucking fight #I always come out victorious but never unscathed

[nadiawritessomething]

If you're wondering what I'm doing right now instead of posting: about a week ago me and two of my friends started a small convo about Davis brothers dynamic and 42Aaron characterisation....wich is currently 53 A4 pages long.

Around 17k words.

#I'm okay I promise #I'll answer inbox rly too!! #IT'S JUST I'M GOING A LIL BIT CRAZY LOL #Also I put some Miles G analysis here cause that's how I am #across the spiderverse #atsv #miles morales #miles 42 #prowler miles #miles g morales #earth 42 miles #spiderverse #aaron davis #jefferson morales

[fallen-goldfishcracker]

Battle Cries by the Amazing Devil. Holy high heavens. What the heck. Humanity must have done something right if this masterpiece gets to exist.

The minute the song starts I am freaking sobbing. Its not a sad song, but it makes me explode with emotion. Yes everything will be okay! We're going to win! And all that laughing and loving and sighing and sobbing will all be worth it! You're gonna be that person 15 you would be proud to know! The triumph and pure happiness and raw excitement for whatever comes next that bleeds from that song? This song makes me excited to live. It makes me excited to love.

And the happy little chords? Madeleine's little laugh?? The overlapping lyrics??? Hrishskhroskshrilfljk find me on a floor in pieces after this song plays ever single freaking time but I love it with all my heart and soul

Battle Cries by the Amazing Devil. That's all. (Screams into a pillow)

#Walk away #I know that I’ve been through the wars #But that creaking you hear in my bones is not pain #It's appalause #Like #Look at me as you say this. Don't look at your phone #Some fictions we took to mean fate. Believe me. I know. #And of course: After summers of fasting #I feel hunger at last #FOR THE PERSON FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ME WOULD BE PROUD TO HAVE KNOWN #HDKJJFKDKOSHSS #screaming. crying. throwing up. #“hide the breathing you hear. Don't mistake it for sighs. Don't you realize. They're just battle cries dear” #Ahhhhh #Ever had a song tell you that all these hiccups and obstacles are just you and your partner spitting out a tooth and standing back up. #To keep fighting for each other? #I'm okay I promise #Listen just go read the lyrics to battle cries because there are two many and every. Single. Freaking one. Is incredible #the amazing devil #madeleine hyland #joey batey #battle cries

[llittletingoddess]

Looking respectfully

@papa-hett you're such a talent <3

#james hetfield #metallica #okay but that dad bod #this man is so hot #i'm okay i promise

[atonalginger]

today I sort of feel like the world is my oyster!...and I'm not in the mood for seafood.

I feel hungover from that stress (good stress) of finishing Starborn Saga. It's so exciting and also exhausting.

I know I can take a break but I also know me and I can't sit idle so I'm going to try working on one of the other stories I have active. I already had some "crop rotation" with my writing so this shouldn't be too hard.

(except I know I'll need to promote one of them to The Story to focus on and I know which one to do it with and I'm...not ready?)

This is fine, it's fine, no pressure is there except in my head :) hahaha haha ha ha *sigh*

#I'm okay I promise #just rambling out loud #jsut me overthinking things again #a day that ends in -y

[amywritesthings]

i have to be a wee bit honest with you all, besties (personal - i'm okay! just some sappy things - content warning: loneliness)

i started writing fic officially last year in february. i didn't think it would become anything at all. my friends made fun of me for trying out reader insert fanfic for the first time, implying (and outright saying) that reader insert was childish, lower quality writing, but as someone who didn't really read much 2nd POV - i was curious. i wanted to try out the medium. it was a challenge. i tried telling my friends (online and irl) about it, but i got a lot of sneers because... well, it was reader insert. and not canon/canon, or original character/canon content.

i'd been toying with a mandalorian fanfic ever since the end of season two. i loved that show. i wanted to tell a story for myself, so i posted a few chapters over the weeks, thinking i'd abandon it and go back to reading fic... then met all of you. i started gathering followers, something i NEVER thought would happen, and from there mutuals. fellow writers were following me! i had never been so excited in my life!

but i'm going to be so honest: i am quite lonely. i've transitioned away from writing groups/dnd/rp to basically be a full-time fanfiction author, and i feel like i've lost all of my friends. most of them don't want to hear about it, so i don't hit them up anymore. i've had friends question why i don't hit them up, and when i explain that my entire life's kinda become "weight training and fanfic" the conversation stops.

add another layer of getting into anime, something NO ONE in my personal life cares about / thinks highly of, and i kind of only have this blog and my vision and writing and -- well, you all.

and you all are so amazing. my mutuals are so fun, and talented, and crazy smart people. i see their fics, and even if it isn't a fixation of mine, i root for them. then the people who have not only read one chapter of my fic, but multiple? or those who have checked out some of my other work? people who legit message me, send me anonymous questions, engage with what i love ---- i no longer feel so lonely. i stop wondering if i should hang up fanfic so i can gain my old social life back where i still talked to my online friends pre-fic blog often. i don't think 'maybe i'm stupid for doing this.'

i'm okay with being lonely and alone, honestly! i'm an only child lol i grew up with a single mom, my entire life was built on my imagination and the ability to be alone. but i just need every single one of you who have touched my work in some form or another -- just how important you are to me, and how grateful i am that you've not only read my works, but engaged, DM'd me about a thirst trap, anything!

it's very easy to forget there is a human behind the stories you like or reblog or comment on, but i hope you know that this human is just really happy that you've validated her greatest love: writing. and that i don't feel so lonely all the time when i'm chatting with you all, or responding to your infectious excitement. i'm just... i feel so content. and happy. and like i actually belong posting my stories, versus keeping them to myself on a word doc that will die within my external hard drive.

you see me. so thank you for seeing me.

#tw personal #long post cw #i'm okay i promise #but i had to get this off of my chest #after having a conversation with someone today #about how i have 'disappeared' from them #when in actuality it's just that i grew tired of not being heard #or made to feel bad for fanfiction

[risingfire17-the-weeb-trash]

40 Day Anime Challenge Day 18: Your NOTP (that regrettably became canon): All of the Sailor Senshi with all of the 4 Heavenly Kings from Sailor Moon Crystal (2015)

Synopsis (from Wikipedia): “Usagi Tsukino, a middle school student, is given the power to become a Pretty Soldier. Joined by other Sailor Soldiers, she defends Earth against an assortment of evil villains.”

(Art credit in photo- I couldn’t find a screenshot of all of them but I love the merging that this artist has done)

I love SMC for fixing a lot of the flaws of the 90s anime, cutting out unnecessary villain of the week filler, better developing the characters, and following the manga better. And I know that in the manga, the 4 senshi and the 4 kings are a thing. But look, it’s lazy writing. How tf do not only the moon princess and the earth prince fall in love, but also each of their soldiers pair off nicely with each other? No one looks for love anywhere else? No love triangles? No complications of any kind? Unrealistic. Lazy. And outside of Venus and Kunzite (which is a ship I actually love in SMC), we are not given any reasons for why any of the others fell for each other, we’re just supposed to accept that it happened. Which is bad enough, though I still probably could have let it go, HOWEVER:

The original anime may have gotten a lot wrong but THEY GOT THIS RIGHT AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!! Nephrite x Naru forever!!!!!

Also:

Zoisite and Kunzite being so in love despite being “unloving villains” (and then the English dub trying to make it look like they were brothers and making it even weirder...ah I love SM English dub backfires lololol)

And:

Jaedite being a strong independent man that don’t need no woman, because not everyone needs a partner!

#anime #40 day anime challenge #sailor moon #sailor moon crystal #ships #nOTP #sailor senshi #shitennou #heavenly kings #venus x kunzite #kunzite x zoisite #nephrite x naru #i will die for them #i will die on this hill #otp #i will die for this ship #damn i've put a lot of death in the tags #i'm okay i promise #sailor ships #manga adaptation

[madwheelerz]

Gaaahhh the idea of Karen subconsciously keeping tabs on Mike after Will went missing 😭

#byler #mike wheeler #i'm okay i promise #karen wheeler #wheeler family dynamic

[unbidden-yidden]

Also shout-out to today for being a particularly awful Monday.

#kinda want to jump into a lake #or step into a fairy ring #or just let the deep woods take me #🤦‍♀️ #i'm okay i promise #just anxious and exhausted and stressed and all that jazz

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with the toxic parts of the fandom at the moment. Here's hoping for some more positive interactions in your life!

Thank you, anon.

I've had a lot of people reach out and make sure I'm okay, and even with this this encounter with the toxic side of the fandom, I know that there are good people out there, a lot of whom have reached out to me or show support, and I (and this blog) strive to build a community that can enjoy the fandom without the toxicity and bullying.

#thank you #anon #anonymous #i'm okay i promise

[lovenbones]

Like an Infant

(...) Mama, I just wanna stop hurting. 

I have people that are dear to me. 

Their fire is never-ending, flames scorching my calloused hands and stiff shoulders and big legs. And I’m tired, so I hate them sometimes for it. I lay distance between them when I feel that way.

Mama, I push people away. Always have. But sometimes, I so desperately want to tell them it is because I’m no good. I don’t deserve their warmth and welcome. I want to tell them that I’m capable of tearing their ribcages if I let them linger too close.

Mama, I know you’re hurt by the things I’ve done. When I lay awake at night I pray that you’ll take me back one day, erase all of me until I am bare and pure. I pray that I could be loved just like an infant.

#vent #letters #tomymom #writing #amateur writing #i'm okay i promise

[actuallyvady]

Achievement unlocked: first ambulance ride Achievement unlocked: first ER visit Achievement unlocked: first CT scan Achievement unlocked: first stitches

First things first: I'm fine.

I got into a car accident last night. Less than half a mile from my house, I thought I was clear to turn left following the person in front of me. Too late, I saw the car that the one in front of me had blocked from my view. Too late for me to do anything, too late for the other car to do anything. T-boned at probably 45 miles per hour on the passenger side-- something I am very grateful for, because it means that I am fine, even though the car is emphatically not.

As soon as I staggered out of the car (it seemed important to get out of the car?) I was surrounded by helpful strangers. Someone else called 911, several people offered to make phone calls for me if I needed to contact someone (I just grabbed my thankfully still accessible phone and called my mom myself), and one very helpful mom grabbed her little first aid kit from her car to help me try to clean up the blood/stop the bleeding. I even had an off-duty EMT who happened to be nearby stop to take a look before the ambulance arrived.

I didn't talk to the people who hit me. I wanted to apologize-- it was very much my fault, and I feel bad. But I am told they were completely unharmed, and I am grateful for that. My mom did most of the talking to important people and such, because I was less than half a mile from home and so she was there almost immediately after it happened.

I walked away from the accident, and I never lost consciousness, but when the EMTs asked me about pain, I mentioned that my hip was hurting a lot, and they decided that I should probably go to the hospital to make sure I didn't have any internal injuries-- something about the location being a red flag.

I had a lot of fun laughing with the EMTs in the ambulance ("it's my first ambulance ride!" "It is... not mine! Though I admit I've never been taken to the hospital in one." "I would say I don't recommend it, but honestly, the experience hasn't been terrible." "Aw, thanks!") but it turns out that last night was busy, so I spent a lot of time waiting around once we got to the hospital. I assured every person I spoke to that I was grateful to be a low priority, which is true-- I would much rather be stuck on a bed in a hallway than have them rushing to save me.

Ultimately, I got 11 stitches: four on the back of my ear because it wouldn't stop bleeding, 3 on my chin, 4 below my lip-- that cut went all the way through, which I discovered because they tried to give me a shot of numbing stuff and I was like uh, should i be tasting that? Scans and tests all came back fine, so I'm mostly just bruised, plus all the many, many tiny cuts from the window shattering and showering me with glass. I'm kind of hoping to end up with a scar.

Anyway, some photos, because I was really amused at how bad all the blood made it look, knowing I was fine:

Also, this morning I spent a lot of time chatting with my nibling about the accident, which involved him "taking pictures" of my injuries:

#i'm okay i promise #and i do not need help (that i know of) #i just wanted to post an update somewhere #and share these photos #the one in the bed where i look so bored may be my new favorite photo of myself #anyway #blood tw

[healtraumagainyou]

Go to therapy < Project every negative thing that's bothering you onto your comfort character via fanfic so that you can suffer together and grasp for someone to relate to.

#i'm okay i promise #tw vent #past trauma hurts #living with cptsd