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blindmagdalena · 10 months

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How It Feels to Chew 5 Gum

Summary: 18+ 3.6k homelander x reader, established relationship, gn reader w/pussy, eager brat reader, domlander, slurs, degradation, rough sex, zero refraction period, spit kink, come play, anal, unprotected sex, dirty talk, blowjob, cunnilingus, fingering, dp (fingers and cock), come/spit as lube, just a lot of spitting, ends soft in aftercare and praise.

While you hadn't meant to irritate Homelnder with the simple act of chewing gum in his proximity, you can't help but be a brat about it when he tells you to spit it out.

It all starts with a stick of gum.

You’re chewing quietly. Politely. Mouth closed, absent and slow. It helps you focus.

It does precisely the opposite for Homelander.

“Would you spit that out already? Disgusting habit,” he grouses from his seat, shooting you a withering sidelong look. The two of you are sharing an office at home today, something you didn’t expect to be an issue.

You quirk a brow at him, and then look back to your computer. You hadn’t intended to be annoying. Now you intend to be annoying. You begin smacking your lips as you chew the gum, pushing it from one side of your mouth to the other with your tongue, never taking your eyes off your screen.

This lasts for all of six seconds before Homelander pushes his chair out, the legs of it making a horrible screech of protest against the hardwood floor. He stands with a flourish of his cape, and marches towards you like a man on a warpath. A crimson clad glove appears in your face, his palm upturned, fingers splayed. “Spit it out.”

You grin, still smacking that gum as loudly as you can manage. “Make me.”

Faster than you can process it, Homelander grabs hold of your chin with his other hand, squeezing your jaw tight enough to straddle the line of pain. “You’re going to regret saying that.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” you shoot back. It’s incredible, you can actually see his eye twitching with each smack of the gum.

“Suit yourself,” he responds. The next thing you know, the hand splayed in front of you moves in a blur of red, and he’s shoving two fingers into your mouth, abruptly halting your chewing. You make an indignant noise, but he’s wholly unbothered by it, pushing the taste of leather onto your tongue. He focuses on spreading his fingers in your mouth, blocking your teeth from closing, until he manages to pinch the piece of gum between his middle and index finger.

He snorts triumphantly as he pulls the gum out, tendrils of saliva stretching from your mouth to his finger before inevitably snapping. He rolls the chewed gum into a ball, and then flicks it. It hits the opposite wall with enough velocity that the thunk it makes startles you.

“Honestly. Disgusting.” Looking back down at you, Homelander maintains his iron grip on your jaw. “Are you really that desperate to keep your mouth occupied?”

You’re breathing shallowly now, your mouth abruptly much drier. “Maybe I am,” you answer breathlessly, shifting in your seat. Homelander’s gaze flickers down, catching the way you grind down against it when you do. You aren’t subtle about it. Recognition lights up in his eyes as they return to yours. “You got an alternative? Otherwise…” You lick your lips. “I’ve got a whole pack of gum in my bag.”

“No,” he says, relinquishing his hold on your jaw. “If I have to listen to your mouth work, it’s going to be working for me.”

The hiss of his zipper is music to your ears. You make a play at pushing your chair back, but he catches you by the back of your head. “Don’t fucking move,” he says, voice heavy with it. You know he can hear your heart hammering in your chest, the throb of your clit, and more than that, the smell of your arousal soaking your underwear. You know it by the hunger in his eyes. “Open your mouth.” “Make-”

You don’t get the chance. The second your lips part to say it, Homelander shoves the fat head of his cock between your lips, his precome smearing salty-sweet along your tongue. Your eyes flicker, rolling back briefly. Your moan is shameless, muffled by the way he shoves in too deep too fast, bumping the back of your throat hard enough that you gag.

“Mouth’s dry,” he grumbles, voice caught in that same petulant, grumpy tone that makes you love teasing him so much. “Wasted your spit on that goddamn gum.”

Sharply, he withdraws, leaving you panting. The hand at the back of your head turns into a fist full of your hair, and he tugs your neck back into an arch. While you’re still sucking in breaths, he sneers down at you. “Lucky for you, I’m feeling generous.”

Your whole world is rocked when he spits directly into your mouth, the wet of it landing directly on your tongue. Before you can think to do or say anything about it, he shoves your head back down and slips his cock right back in, wringing a depraved moan right from the back of your throat.

“Christ, listen to you,” he sighs, holding your head in both hands now, rocking back and forth, fucking your mouth in earnest. “Needed this so bad, you had to make a whole big show about it. Who knew you were such a cockslut.”

Your moans turn pitchy, just as needy as he says you are. Ever since he learned you get off on this, the degradation and the game of it all, he’s been an absolute menace. In his eagerness to please you, he becomes a filthy fucking animal for you.

“C’mon, suck,” he hisses, tightening his grip on your hair. “Don’t get lazy now. If you want to be a little whore, you’re gonna need to put that mouth to work.”

Hollowing your cheeks, you do precisely as he tells you to. You suck him down with as much force as you can, knowing it will never be enough for him. Nothing ever will be. No matter how much he takes from you, you know that he will always want for more. You start to rock yourself, grinding your aching cunt down against the chair.

Moving his hand from your hair to your neck, he cups your throat in his palm and shoves you down lower, bringing you perpendicular to his pelvis. Your eyes water as his pace picks up, filling you out with every thrust. You wonder if he can feel himself, if that’s why he has his palm pressed flush to your throat like that, or if it’s just to cut off what little bit of air you were capable of pulling in. Either way, your head is spinning up, up, up into a state of bliss that makes you feel like you’re floating.

“That’s it, fuck. Fuck. See? Knew you were holding out on me. Don’t you fucking swallow, you hear me? I want your mouth as wet as your pussy. Think I don’t see you fucking yourself on that chair? Fucking shameless. Listen to you, bet I could make you come like this. Make you come just from sucking my cock.”

You keen, drool spilling from the corners of your lips, your tongue pressed up tight to the underside of his cock. You’d nod if you could, but he’s holding you so tight by your throat and your hair that all you can do is submit to the frenzied thrust of his hips. Your skin is prickling hot all over, and he’s right, you haven’t stopped grinding against the edge of your seat since he started fucking your mouth.

As if possessed, you mindlessly slip your hand into your pants and start rubbing your clit, wetting your fingers with your own slick, desperate for some relief.

“Greedy slut,” he breathes, voice fraying at the edges. “Not enough for you? Need a cock for every fucking hole, don’t you? Too bad. I’m not sharing. I’ll have to find something else to stuff you with,” he grits out, losing coherent thought, his voice becoming thinner with every word. His breath catches, he groans, and then with a handful more thrusts, he pulls back and comes all over your tongue, tipping your head back to keep it all from spilling out.

Pulling the rest of the way out, Homelander stares down at you, looking dazed. You’re just as out of it, delirious with your own arousal, but you manage to keep his words locked in your mind: don’t swallow. Your mouth is full of a mix of your own drool and his come, and the sight of it is enough to make him smile lopsidedly.

“Look at that. Good for something after all,” he says, touching the side of your face with a tenderness that sings loudly the depth of his affection beneath this wicked little game. “Close your mouth, don’t swallow that. You’re gonna hold that in your mouth while I fuck your pussy full, and then you’re gonna keep hold of that while I fuck your ass. Tonight, your only purpose is to hold my come. Understand?”

With every inch of your body throbbing, you nod, obediently closing your mouth with a soft moan. He hauls you up by your hair, and with a sweep of his arm, completely clears your desk. You make a genuinely startled noise at that, eyes wide as your computer hits the ground with an ominous crack. Homelander doesn’t care. He bends you over it, and roughly yanks your pants down before taking a seat in your chair. He takes two firm handfuls of your ass, and spreads you wide, wringing a low moan from you as he wastes no time lapping at your pussy, dragging his tongue all the way from your clit to your asshole. Your whole body jerks with the hot press of his tongue, but you keep your mouth diligently shut and full.

“Stay still,” he orders, following up with a sharp slap to your ass. Oh, he’s really not playing fair. You drop your head onto the desk and moan unreservedly, encouraging him with it, spreading your legs and trying to fuck yourself back on his tongue every time you feel it.

“Slut,” he says. You can hear the smile in his voice. You smile, too, giggling softly, only for the sound of it to fade off into a come-muffled moan with the return of his tongue. He makes a mess of you with his mouth, wetting your ass and your pussy so thoroughly, you start to feel it drip down your thighs. You have no idea how much of the mess is yours, and how much is his, but you don’t care. It feels fucking amazing.

Homelander sucks your clit, slurping on it so loudly, you can hardly believe this all kicked up over a little gum chewing. Another smart slap to your ass makes your pussy clench. The next thing you know, one of his hands leaves your ass, and you feel the dull probe of two gloved fingers pushing into your cunt. You can’t spread any further for him, but god knows you try, whining around your mouthful of his release.

“That’s it. Open up for me, sweetheart,” he sighs, scissoring his fingers when he plunges in deep, and curling them on each slow outward drag. You press your cheek to the cool hard surface of the desk, panting through your nose, desperately fighting the urge to swallow back the load in your mouth. The addition of a third finger has your knees shaking. The wet squelch of his fingers pumping in and out of you completely fills the room, making the sudden quiet of it when he stops almost deafening. Using his thumbs, you feel him spread the lips of your pussy, a heated flush crawling up your chest and face when you hear the appreciative sounds he makes, admiring you.

“Mm, there we go. Gonna fill you right up,” he purrs. Your whole body jerks when you feel him spit directly onto your pussy, the slick of it rolling slowly down to your clit. You grip your desk for dear life, shuddering when you hear the sound of your chair skidding backwards as he stands. Homelander puts his hands right back on your ass and holds you firmly in place for the first sweet, aching push of the fat head of his cock.

“Don’t fucking move,” he grits out. He still sounds sensitive from the first round, but it doesn’t stop him. “You don’t fucking move. You’ll take exactly what I… ffffucking give you,” he groans, sliding all the way into you in one smooth, firm push. He feels so good splitting you open, it almost hurts, your clit throbbing wildly. You want him to touch it, you want to touch it, but you don’t move. You keep your white knuckle grip on the desk and moan as prettily as you can for him.

Blissfully, he starts to fuck you in earnest, hands moving to your hips so that he can yank you back onto every sharp thrust, ragdolling you like an inanimate toy, using you. His strength makes the feel of it unreal, makes your teeth clatter, the clap of skin against skin obscenely loud and so fucking good.

“There we go, happy now? So fucking needy,” he says, exhaling the words roughly. “Only cooperate when you’re full of cock. Goddamn brat,” he calls you, punctuating each word with a deep, hard thrust. You nearly lose yourself, almost moan aloud and spill the mess in your mouth down your chin, but stubbornly, you hold onto it.

He moves one hand from your hip, you hear a wet pop, and then feel a new pressure: his thumb to your rim, pressing in slow, spit-slick circles before it sinks in, wringing a startled, low moan from the back of your throat. He’s fucking you so good, working you open from every angle, you feel like you’re going to pass out, struggling to breathe from just your nose.

“Jesus fucking Christ, take me so easy, don’t you? Not a hole on you that won’t suck me in. Can’t talk, so your whole body begs for you,” he says, sinking his thumb in deep while he fucks your pussy. Another spit makes you jolt, more saliva being pushed in from your rim. You could sob with it, your clit throbbing so hard it hurts while he fucks you onto your tiptoes with each thrust, the desk rattling so much he has to move his hand from your hip just to hold it in place. “That’s it, that’s it, moan for me, sweetheart. Wanna hear you with my come on your tongue,” he says, thrusting deeper yet, groaning. “Come on my cock. Clamp down on me. Show me what a good little cockslut pussy you’ve got.”

His words wholly unravel you. You close your lips tight and very nearly scream behind the gag of your full mouth, gritting your teeth as your whole body seizes up with the calamitous wave of your orgasm. His cock feels bigger inside you with how intensely it hits you, walls spasming around him in wave after wave of euphoric release. You hear it steal his breath away, a choked off noise as he slams into you one last time. The rush of heat that floods you with his release is burning hot, and you can feel every last throb of his cock as your own quivering pussy milks him of each and every drop of his own orgasm.

You barely have time to process the aftershocks of your climax before Homelander’s withdrawing both his cock and his thumb, and flipping you over onto your back, hitching your legs over his hips. You can feel the mess of his come spilling out of you, dripping down to your ass before he abruptly pushes in three fingers, stifling the flow and wringing a surprised little chirp out of you.

“Clench,” he demands, voice ragged and low. “Don’t you waste a fucking drop,” he says, though it’s a little late for that. The wet mess of it has already made it to your ass, where you can now feel the probing push of his slick cock. You listen, clamping your cunt down around his fingers, giving a shivering moan as you slip and swallow a portion of what’s in your mouth, almost choking on it. You feel delirious with pleasure.

“I heard that,” he says. “You’re fucking lucky I gave you so much to work with.” You look at him, and see your own fervent desire mirrored back at you in his eyes. He looks wrecked with it, his own breaths shallow. You know he’s doing this for you, talking like this for you, and you know it’s your pleasure that drives him to such insanity. Your clit throbs with it, almost painful after the intensity of your orgasm.

With his fingers deep in your pussy, he pushes slowly into your ass, fucking once more into the soaked mess he’s made of your body. He moves slower here, gives you more time to adjust, but all you want is for him to really fuck you again. No matter how tightly you clench around his fingers, you can feel more of his come spilling out of you, dripping over his cock as it splits you open.

You reach between your legs and grab his wrist just to touch him, to brace yourself against the building pressure, fully overwhelmed by each and every sensation: his fingers in your cunt, the salty fill of his come in your mouth, and the agonizingly good ache of him plunging deeper and deeper inside you. Bending over you, Homelander takes hold of your jaw, and smiles wickedly. “Let’s see how you taste.” He kisses you, prying your stubbornly held lips apart with his tongue. You relent, opening up and giving a blissed out sigh as he ravages the taste of himself from your mouth, come and drool dribbling from the sides of your mouth. It’s more depraved than you knew sex could be, and yet all you want is more.

“Fucking delicious,” he growls, using his grip on your jaw to snap your mouth back shut. He covers your mouth with his palm, holds you down like that while he starts to fuck you with both his fingers and his cock. “Fuck, fuck, you don’t even know how good you are, do you? Too fucking desperate to be degraded, to be used. That’s fine, that’s fucking fine by me. I’ll use you. I’ll fucking ruin you,” he says, snapping his hips sharply. You cry out against his palm, eyes rolling back. “You’ll never get this from anyone else. Understand? Your mouth, your pussy, your ass, you fucking belong to me.”

Staking his claim, glorifying and sullying you in one fell swoop. You know that he’s right. Not only would he never let you go, but you would never let him. You want this more than anything, to be his inside and out, to be forever tainted by the ruination of his love. You would rather be destroyed by him than salvaged by any other.

You come again, eyes screwed shut. Your whole body arches into a curve, and you swear the desk cracks beneath you as Homelander gives one last thrust before spilling into you for a third time, filling the empty spaces inside you like liquid gold into cracked porcelain. Your breaths are harsh and tonal, sucking air in through your nose in desperate pulls.

Homelander lifts his hand from your lips, and replaces it with his own, kissing you softly, soothing your frenzied breaths. “Swallow,” he murmurs against your lips. You do so instantly, gasping as soon as you have the capacity to. He gives you the time to breathe, easing his fingers from your quivering cunt. He brings them to his mouth, which you smell before you see, and one at a time, he sucks each finger clean, smiling lazily around them, moaning at the flavor of you on them. You laugh breathlessly, barely finding the strength to take hold of his face and pull him back down into a kiss, savoring your shared flavors as they mingle on your tongues. You take the time to recover, to recalibrate your senses while you luxuriate in the full feeling of him inside you, warm and so wholly yours.

Homelander nuzzles into the crook of your neck like an overgrown cat. You think he’d be purring if he could. “Too much?” He asks, playfully giving one of your limp wrists a little shake. You can tell there’s genuine concern behind the play: he’s always worried about pushing you too far.

“No,” you answer, that simple word alone slurred. You both laugh at that. “No, was… Good. Mmmm… You do good.”

“I do good?” He echoes slyly, clearly as amused as he is pleased by your lack of coherence. You can already see it going straight to his ego, though you don’t mind. Despite the facade he puts on for the world, you’re the only one who really knows how much he needs these little assurances.

“Mmmmhm,” you hum, smiling. “You do good.”

“Good,” he says softly, eyes soft, lips slanted in a deeply content smile. After a while, he helps you adjust, slipping out of you, and you both work slowly on putting yourselves back together, never going far from one another. You’re both a mess, as are your clothes, but that can wait. Intimacy can’t. He settles down into your chair, and you slide into his lap, wrapping your arms around him. He has a talent for making any and every spot and position comfortable, allowing you to drape yourself on him in whatever way you like. His strength makes it effortless.

Once you’re comfortable, you hear a rustling. You lift your head, and find him rummaging through your bag. Just as you’re about to ask what he’s looking for, he reveals it: a single stick of gum. You stare incredulously as he unpeels it, and pops it into his mouth, smacking his lips obnoxiously as he chews. He lets out a pleased sigh.

“Unbelievable,” you say with a smile, shaking your head with a laugh as you nestle in against his chest. “I love you.”

You can hear his grin in the way he chews the gum alone, but it’s even more prevalent in the earnest way he says, “And I love you.”

#homelander x reader #homelander x you #my writing #smut #homelander fanfiction #posting this in the dead of night and then running away LMAO #i'm sorry idk who i was when i wrote this but please enjoy it!!!

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miscellanekas · 5 months

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@linked-maze art dump

We are approaching the end of the year and I realize a lot of the stuff I drew this year that wasn't for stream or work, was LM lol

Thanks you for all these character who I am holding very gently in my hands

#linked maze #lm #lm bunny #lm hyrule #lm wild #lm time #lm world #there is a perfectly normal amount of bunny art here #I've had really bad anxiety about posting art lately #so I'm gonna post these and run away okay cool #I will also shamelessly post half of these again one day #kas art

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total-drama-brainrot · 4 days

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When my cat is misbehaving, I threaten to give her hugs and kisses, until she runs and hides, so... TD Noah AU, where the ONLY thing that can truly scare Noah is getting hugged, kissed and shown affection in public... When Noah tries to skip the dodgeball challenge, Owen (his best friend) playfully threatens to cuddle Noah on the sidelines, unless Noah helps the team... Noah quickly agrees to help with a grumpy blush on his face... Alejandro thinks that this fact is hilarious! 😸

I can see this. Noah's got a reputation to uphold, after all. A reputation of being an insufferable know-it-all asshole, sure, but it's a reputation none the less. Letting people know that he likes being hugged? Mortifying. His worst fear- it goes against His Brand™.

Him being afraid of PDA, platonic romantic or otherwise, is a pretty funny idea when you consider the fact that his best friend Owen is more-or-less infamous for dragging people into his arms at the drop of a dime. He lives under the constant threat of an Owen-brand hug attack, anywhere, anytime, and that fact terrifies him.

Actually, in this scenario, I think Owen would be a little more conservative with his clinginess concerning Noah - he's not that inconsiderate, and he'd know that Noah's not a fan of public affection (but secretly just as much of a hugger as he is). Not that he's be any less tactile, he'd just be quicker to apologise for unthinkingly showing his best buddy his affections.

To bring it back to the Dodgebrawl episode:

By this point in the series, Noah and Owen have shared a cabin for (assumedly) six nights and had around a week to build their friendship. They're not as close as they are in World Tour, but that's more than enough time for Noah to know about Owen's cuddliness and, in turn, for Owen to know about Noah's physical evasiveness.

But, at this point I think Owen would be under the impression that Noah's entirely touch averse as opposed to just PDA averse. It's during this challenge that his initial assumption starts to shift towards the truth.

Owen notices that Noah's refusal to participate is getting him some negative attention from the rest of the team, and in a moment of quick thinking volunteers himself as the next person to sit out before Noah can make his "keeners" comment. Noah's a little ticked off by this, and tries to argue that Owen would be a more useful team member then him, but Owen comments something about Noah needing to get some team spirit via "motivational hugs" (or something along those lines) and suddenly Noah is very much okay with not going anywhere near Owen or the benches.

Curiously, Owen notices, Noah hesitates at his offer for a hug. For a moment he looked almost considerate, before his face flushes with embarrassment (which he staunchly denies afterwards, since Noah's adamant that he doesn't get embarrassed) and he vehemently denies needing one, quickly resigning himself to actually helping the team instead. It's just enough to get the cogs turning in Owen's mind; apparently, hugs work as negative reinforcement for Noah.

Owen's more than happy to abuse this fact to prompt Noah into actually trying during challenges. Talent show? Owen subtly threatens to hug Noah unless he, at the very least, tries to showcase a talent. Phobia Factor? Owen offers moral support via affection to motivate Noah into facing his phobia (whatever it may be) and the threat of being publicly coddled is enough to have Noah disregard his fear entirely and complete the challenge. Ect ect.

Owen has his suspicions, but things aren't cleared up for him until after Island is over and done with. Wherein Owen confronts Noah about the quirk he's pick up on, and Noah- now reassured that his every action isn't being recorded and potentially broadcast for the world to see- admits that he actually kind of likes being hugged, but doesn't like public displays of affection. It's a secret he'd only share with his best friend. So Owen promises to keep quiet about it (which as we all know isn't something Owen's very good at, but he tries his best) and resolves to save the majority of his tactile-ness for when they're in private.

Leading to World Tour, where Owen utilises this same trick he used in Island to have Noah pull his weight on the team. Like he's a border collie wrangling the world's grumpiest sheep.

Alejandro's quick to pick up on this repeated exchange, and quicker to connect the dots. Somehow, the threat of affection seems to motivate their laziest team mate into picking up his slack; of course he too takes advantage of this fact.

Noah, understandably, is pretty pissed off that two of his team members are now using his completely rational aversion towards PDA against him, and eventually snaps.

If it's Owen who tests his last line of patience, Noah would be a little more considerate in his confrontation. He'd ask why Owen's so intent on trying to smother him to death with hugs (especially when he knows that Noah doesn't like the public aspect of it), to which Owen would sheepishly answer that, whilst he's always been a pretty physically affectionate guy, he's also been using the threat of cuddles to motivate Noah into trying his best. Noah would be torn between being genuinely impressed by Owen's cunning and absolutely mortified that he's been playing into his best friend's scheme for so long. And Owen would reassure him that there's nothing for him to be embarrassed about and that he knows that Noah's "afraid of PDA" and Noah would outright deny that accusation because he's not afraid of PDA, that's absurd, he's just reasonably against it.

To which Owen would challenge him into proving he's not afraid, because he's a little shit who's intentionally tricking his best friend into giving him a goddamn hug. Which works, of course, since Noah's pretty prideful and wouldn't take an attack against his ego sitting down (which is something we see in his boy kissing denials in Haute Camp-ture), so Noah ends up being the one to initiate a hug with his chubby buddy. And Owen takes the opportunity to literally smother him in affection, and Noah quickly forgets his hesitance in his enjoyment of Owen-brand cuddles, at least until someone else walks in on the display and comments on the novelty of Noah actually letting someone else touch him.

The scene can play out however you want from there.

If it's Alejandro who breaks Noah's last straw the confrontation would be a little less cordial , Since Noah and Owen already have an understanding between them, whilst Alejandro just sort of jumped on the band wagon as he saw fit. Noah wouldn't appreciate the sudden change in behaviour and he's sharp enough to know exactly what Alejandro's playing at too- that is, using Noah's obvious aversion to PDA against him. It's a coin toss as to whether Noah figures out that both Owen and Alejandro are playing him, or if he just thinks that Alejandro is being a dick for the sake of, well, being a dick.

In this scenario, I imagine Noah either recoiling away from Alejandro trying to do something that just pushes the boundary between casual and overly friendly, like a one-armed hug or trying to hold his hand, and/or outright punching him away. Because he's not about that energy, and Alejandro's been testing both his boundaries and his patience for far too long.

So Noah would put his foot down, demanding to know why Alejandro keeps being so tactile with him. And Alejandro would in turn explain that he's just a touchy person, since he's shown a tendency for such in his many flirting attempts, and Noah would immediately call his bullshit because he knows that Alejandro only ever gets up close and personal with other people when he's trying to seduce them and- wait.

Is Alejandro trying to seduce him?

To which Alejandro immediately denies, because that really wasn't his intention at all, he was just utilizing Noah's avoidance towards physical touch to motivate him into being a better teammate- and he's just admitted his (and Owen's) whole scheme to the guy himself. As a result Noah is even more upset; not only is Alejandro making him uncomfortable, but he's knowingly doing so. As a strategy for the competition they're in.

Again, a small part of him is astounded by the play, but for the most part Noah's just incredibly pissed off. Alejandro tries to mitigate the situation by turning the absurdity on it back at Noah; why is he so against something as negligible as human contact? His prickliness is a detriment to himself and their team, Alejandro's simply doing him a favour by getting him accustomed to others' proximity. Is Noah really that scared of a hug?

And again, it plays out like the Owen situation where Noah denies being scared at all, because he's far too prideful for his own good, and Alejandro challenges him into letting himself be held and not punching him again because Alejandro is also too prideful for his own good and sees Noah's constant rejection of him as a direct insult to his charm.

Cue a scene where Noah irately subjects himself to actually hugging Alejandro as petulantly as possible, only for his secret love of physical affection to get the better of him.

Alejandro is surprised, to say the least, when the stiff and uncooperative form of Noah seems to melt in his arms after a few moments of their spite-fuelled hug. Thus Alejandro becomes the next victim of the Noahla Bear- a creature hellbent on trapping others in his vice-like embrace.

(And as a treat, maybe add in some touch-starved Alejandro here? Who's torn between the internal battle of "I should be doing something productive with this free time, not letting the resident twink cuddle me to death" and "yeah, but have you considered the fact that you've never felt this safe and secure in someone else's arms since you weren't held as a child?")

#lots of hugging happening in my inbox for some reason #odd but i guess it's cute so i'm not complaining #anon's so right about noah being a grumpy cat who runs away at the first sign of affection #kin assigning Miette to noah so i can make characters kick him like the football #total drama #td noah #td owen #td alejandro #nowen #alenoah #others' ideas #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

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luffyrose · 1 year

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Dc x Dp Random Blurp #1

I know I've got more than one before this but these are the ones I probably won't ever write so feel free to take them and run with em-

~~~~

So we all know Dick (you can probably all guess that Dick and Jason are my fav bat kids with how much I talk about them lmao) has lotta trauma in general. In the general canon we all follow for like fics and stuff though, there's one thing I think most people don't put into their fics and stuff and I had an idea with Danny being kinda adopted/brother-napped by Dick involving it.

The thing?

Falling.

Someone he loves falling and he's not able to help. Sure he's spooked his family as a joke pretending to fall off things. But here's the thing, they all KNOW that they'll all find a way to catch themselves.

But what if Dick had gotten a harsh hit from whatever rogue decided to play whack-a-mole with the birds and when he saw a kid on the roof where they were fighting (idk why they're up there, ask the riddler or two face or whoever-) and his already slightly concussed brain starts to work overtime.

The kid is on a roof, which is already a bad sign! The kid looks kinda...strike that a LOT like Jason before he died? Even worse!

So when whatever stray attack ends up sending the kid tumbling over the edge, Dick is literally milliseconds behind him. It's not a tall roof, and even if Danny was a full human, he likely wouldn't have suffered too badly from the fall if he didn't land completely wrong.

Probably.

Reason Danny isn't flying? Something triggered his fight or flight and his body chose to freeze this time, falling did not help that. Maybe it's the Joker doing all this, we love clown trauma.

Either way, Dick is oh so quickly grabbing this random kid who he can only register as Tiny Jason he had failed to be a good big brother tm too, and is literally just taking the impact of the fall in favor of ensuring Danny didn't get hurt AT ALL.

Danny is now emotionally attached whether he likes it or not because hey! A random hero saved him and is still hugging him and he feels like safety, so he will cling on just as hard, and no Jazz! He definitely isn't crying-

Dick refuses to let go of the kid, muttering apologies to Jason, which the others are pretty quick to realize why when they see the kid's face. It's a whole mess. Partially because they have a delirious Dick who won't let go of this random child and said child hisses at them when they try to get him off just as much.

For a lil extra spice you could make it that Danny and Jason are related somehow and Jason upon seeing the kid both KNOWS they're similar and recognizes him as his kid brother and is just like "Oh god- oh god he's alive(questionable) and traumatized(definitely)-"

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dc #dc comcis #danny phantom #danny fenton #nightwing #dick grayson #richard grayson #red hood #jason todd #idk what I'm doing #but I never have so run wild with this one #maybe I'll post more of these blurbs for you all to crawl from the void and scramble away with #Dick being a very overprotective brother is my soul tho #you will all pry this from my dead cold hands and even then I will put up a fight #let the trauma center circus child have his brother moments #even if it's with a random child and he's 100% concussed for it

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sentfromwolves · 2 months

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✧—CARVE THE STARS ⌈ a wip re-intro & march challenge intro ⌋

✧ GENRE: sci-fi fantasy ◈ STATUS: redrafting from scratch ♫ PLAYLIST: here!

Two hundred years ago, humanity expanded to the stars only to find a cosmos filled with graves. But then their children began displaying the strange ability to commune with the alien ruins scattered across the planets, waking ancient, extrasolar mecha from their sleep, and turned the struggling colonies of first generation space explorers into the fledgling galactic nation of Sol Galatea.

Now, anyone with Resonance—the ability to interface with the alien mecha known as Relics—is conscripted by the government to pilot the near-impervious alien tech, and if the psionic overload doesn’t kill them first, the burgeoning rebellions at the edge of Sol Galatea’s controlled space will. Wren Akane knows this well—he’s been on the run from conscription ever since he was old enough to walk.

His luck runs out when he accidentally awakens an ancient Relic in the desert of his planet, only to be embedded with the memories of its last pilot and the revelation that the war that littered the cosmos with graves is far from over. But no one believes Wren when he tells them that continuing to wake the Relics will bring the hostile alien empire that destroyed them back to Sol Galatea’s doorstep. Not his estranged father, who forces him into conscription to avoid the government executing him instead, nor Wren’s ex-childhood friends, who both have Relics of their own.

Only Wren’s rival pilot, Marek Khalid, seems to listen to a word Wren has to say. But Marek isn’t interested in saving Sol Galatea. He has big plans for what to do when the aliens arrive, a rebellion to lead, and if Wren isn’t on his side, he’s in his way. With time running out, Wren must soon decide how far he’s willing to go to save the people that never tried to save him—or if Marek is right, and he should let the stars burn instead.

🌃 SETTING ―

Two hundred years ago, the star system now known as Sol Galatea was a graveyard filled with alien ruins, ancient, crumbling structures, and millenia-old secrets abandoned to the dust.

Now, Sol Galatea thrives. Humanity has moved in, and after the first generation of children born to the star system began showing signs of Resonance—the mysterious ability to commune with and control the ancient alien relics littered across the star system—technological advancement surged, turning the scattered colonies of first generation space explorers into a powerful, isolated nation among the stars.

A number of planets, thriving stellar stations, and moon colonies compose Sol Galatea's controlled space. Territories are composed of rings that spread outward from the heart and capital of Sol Galatea, Tower Meridian. The Hecate Fracture, which encompasses the fringe planets of the system and the furthest reaching colonies, are desolate and often neglected by the interior, despite being mined aggressively for resources, as well as Relic-tech. Tensions have been rising recently between the Tower and the Fracture, and rumors of rebellion are stirring.

But with the Relic pilots on the side of the Tower, the only chance of success for a rebellion would have to come with help from within the capital. Or beyond the stars that humanity now calls home.

💥 THE CAST ―

⌈ WREN AKANE ⌋ ◈ — relic pilot & desert cryptid . trans he/they . twenty-two

Brazen, hungry for adventure, and allergic to commitment, Wren Akane is the son of explorers and a child of the desert. Born and raised in the Hecate Fringe on the backwater planet of Terra-9, Wren's Resonance scores are off the charts—and if they had ever been discovered by the Tower, Wren would have been under their control since the day he learned how to walk. After waking an ancient Relic in the desert with intimate links to Sol Galatea's forgotten past, Wren must contend with whether or not he's willing to save a galaxy that never tried to save him, or let the stars burn.

⌈ MAREK KHALID ⌋ ◈ — relic pilot & rebellion leader . cis he/him . twenty-four

Charismatic, power-hungry, and disgusted by the system that brutalized him from childhood, Marek Khalid wants nothing more than to set Sol Galatea on fire and watch the whole galaxy burn. His Relic is ancient and powerful, and while it has granted him secrets of the past, Marek has kept them close to his chest. The arrival of a wildcard Relic pilot threatens to throw his plans into disarray, particularly when Marek discovers that their Relic might have deeper connections to his than anyone had thought possible. But Wren is devilish, addictive, and a bad fucking idea...unless Marek can convince him that burning Sol Galatea back to ash is better than letting it continue to crush them both beneath the heel of its boot.

⌈ YEONGBI SEO ⌋ ◈ — relic pilot & botanist . cis he/him . twenty-five

Originally an aspiring botanist from the dusty planet of Terra-9, Yeongbi Seo was taken into custody by the Tower shortly after his sixteenth birthday when his Resonance abilities began manifesting after an accident out in the desert. Though he still works in the hydroponics labs on-base at Heartforge as a botanist, more often he is relegated to work as a Relic pilot after unearthing a behemoth mecha from the jungles of Ceridian-12. His on-again-off-again relationship with the infamous pilot, Marek Khalid, is thrown catastrophically into mayhem when his childhood ex-friend arrives at the base in chains with a Relic in tow. After all, Yeongbi might care for Marek, but he has always loved Wren more deeply than anything or anyone else in all the universe, and despite all the bad blood between them, that has not, and will never change.

⌈ KB KAVINSKY ⌋ ◈ — relic pilot & engineer . trans she/her . twenty-two

An explosive, fiery Relic pilot that hits like a battering ram and pulls no punches, KB Kavinsky is one of the most well-liked Relic pilots in active rotation. Infamously known as one of the only people able to take Marek on in close combat and have a chance at winning, KB is loyal to a fault and when she's not training on the mats, she's working in the mech shops with other engineers. After an accident on Terra-9 led to both her and her childhood friend, Yeongbi Seo, being conscripted by the Tower, KB never expects to see the one person that got away that night walk back into her life. But Wren is just as addictive and dangerous as KB remembers. And despite all the anger she still has toward him, she'd still set the world on fire just to protect him from harm.

⌈ MARSDEN NAVARRO-ORTEGA ⌋ ◈ — relic pilot & hacker . cis she/her . nineteen

One of the two Navarro-Ortega siblings, and often the bigger menace between the two, Marsden is one of the youngest Relic pilots in active rotation, and not because she wants to be. Angry at the system and angrier that she's trapped at the Heartforge while her brother is missing somewhere beyond the fringe spaces of the Hecate Fracture, Marsden wants out, and will crush anyone in her way to get it. Too bad she hates Marek Khalid, one of the only other pilots that seems to want to break the system as badly as she does. But the two despise each other after a fraught childhood spent together, and while Marsden is all for dismantling the system, she's not a homicidal maniac like her brother's ex-boyfriend. Wren Akane might just be the help she's been looking for all along to put her plans into action...but a wildcard is never trustworthy, even if Marsden needs Wren's help to finish the job.

☄️AUTHOR'S NOTE / WORDS INTO POTIONS PROMO —

Hey all! Some of you might recognize CARVE THE STARS from a long time ago. It's finally getting a rebrand from how I'd initially envisioned it when I'd first started working on the draft back in 2017. Though the core cast is the same, much of the world is shifting to hold the vision I have for this heart project, and I'm excited to work on a revitalized first draft for this remake. I have no set deadline right now for D1, but I'm aiming for summer 2024! For the month of March, I'll be participating in @moon-and-seraph's Words Into Potions event! Thanks so much for creating such a fun writing event to help motivate everyone set goals and work together to complete them this March, friend! My march goal will be 25K on D1 for CTS, while also revising HIS BODY A BROKEN LAW for first round beta ideally in the April-May time frame. If you're interested in beta reading HBABL, feel free to DM me here or on discord. I'll also be making a beta call post for it soon! I'm remaking CTS's taglist from scratch, so if you're interested in being on it, let me know. Excited to fill this writeblr with the WIP that really started it all and got me into this cool community. And if you're also participating in the march challenge, or just wanna yell, feel free to come talk to me about your wips! >:33 let's GOOO!

#MS: Wip Intro #writeblr #writing community #wip intro #wip: cts #my writing #my graphics #wip directory #super excited to be back in cts land #though also super daunting #but i love these characters so much and it's long overdue for me to return to them and give them the love they deserve #they're where my journey as an aspiring author really started #i'll return to them over and over again #and i'm so excited to meet more people and learn about more wips through this event!!#also if you're like eran arent these graphics from old posts #YES THEY ARE BUT IM TIRED AND I LIKE THEM OK #let me have this #runs away into the sunset!!!!!!!!

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thatlazybones · 3 months

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Spirit blossom settphel sketches 🌸

You can see the non blurred version here: Twitter 🫣

#settphel #spirit blossom aphelios #spirit blossom settphel #aphelios #sett #art #my art #illustration #fanart #I'm so bad at drawing ship art yall #*posts this and runs away*

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a-s-levynn · 2 months

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I'm terrified to post this. So watch me sprinting away into the distance after dropping this.

Open love letter to -in extension to the wider ST community on tumblr, but especially- to the fellowship of Sleep because without you, life would be much more lonely

My Friends,

It was today when it finally dawned on me that you gave me the most undescribably precious gift. Many of you probably going to relate to this to some degree because i am not unique in any sense but i had to get this out. And by just the sheer lenght probably not many of you will read it. But i still need to put this out there, even if i'm being obnoxious and probably sound overdramatic and maybe even cringy.

I struggle with a lot of things. Anxiety, self doubt, depression, paranoia, self destructive tendencies, self isolation and the list goes on to even darker places. All in all i have a suboptimal mental state to put it lightly. I feel inadequate in many ways. Especially with connecting to people.

To this day, i struggle every day, seeing my friends, you, talk on a daily basis, have inside jokes and wonderful conversations and whatnot and either i like it or not, thoughts intrude: "am i doing enough? Am i a good enough of a friend? Do i really have a place among these wonderful bright souls? Am i intruding? Am i inserting myself into spaces i do not have any right to be? Am i forcing myself into your circles?"

For the longest time, on most days the conclusion was no. I do not belong. You were just being nice to the pathetic little creature in the corner because by nature you are simply kind. But as the weeks went by i learned that you are also awkward people with your own stuggles and hardships which are far harder and more painful than mine. That you are choosing to be kind every day, in spite of what life threw at you. Because you know.

I started to see you also crave a particular type of companionship and you reach out with the same trembling hands, hoping that someone sees it and grabs it. That someone finally says: you are not alone. I am here. For you. With you.

And you did. You've seen a bunch of hands fumbling in the dark, desperate to hold onto something and went: yeah.. i think i'll grab all of them. Because we are coming from the same darkness. And if i can help pull you into the light than you might have the strenght to do the same for me, so we can all sit in the warmth of the fire. The fire we built together. A fire that is growing ever brighter and allowes us to see even more hands on the edges to be pulled and invited into the circle.

So we have. For a while sitting almost silently, showing the things we found along the way. Tentatively feeling out the boundries. Than we broke the silence. You even started to call me your friend at some point. I already considered you mine because i'm painfully lonely and just the gesture, that you included me among the hands you grabbed was enough for me to see you mine. But all in all, for some unknowable reason, we became friends.

The weeks turned into months and i felt a bit more comfortable to approach you on my own clumsy and awkward ways. Many of you know by now that Tiny Token was born because i was too afraid to send a happy birthday ask to someone. I still apologize regularly just for adding thoughts to posts even if i only do it in tags. I am afraid. Of so many thing.

We still don't talk daily. Yet we still call each other friend. We have actual plans now. I still stuggle with the though of not being enough. There are still days when i feel you just feeling pity towards me.

But lately there is an other thought there. Which makes me feel bad for thinking that way. A thought that's never been there before. "If i was truly bothersome or annoying or any way too unpleasent, you could simply walk away. This is the internet after all. You could just block me. You have the option to walk away but you are time and time again choosing not to. No matter how many days pass by with us not talking, you are there. I can count on you. I'm still hesitant to reach out and dump my superficial adversities on you. But i also see you keeping the door ajar, leaving the option there to be approached if anyone needs it. So it would be not just a disservice but an outright insult to you if i'd think you are just acting out of pity. But if you like me than.. there has to be something about me to actually to be worth knowing?"

And that is doing something that ten years worth of failed therapy could not. You made me question my self doubt. It is still there and will be for the rest of my life. But now there is a steady counter balance i never had this solidly in my life ever before.

I'm still afraid to ask even if anyone would be up for a talk, let alone a call because i have little to offer in conversations. I don't talk much by default and that is not a good base for conversations. I'm still terrified of overstaying my welcome. But i also know now that you probably wouldn't mind from time to time. Because you understand. Maybe one day i will get there. I don't know when but there is a hope i never truly had before.

This is something i will never be able to repay you. Thank you for understanding that we all have different levels of anxiety and fear and not holding it against one and other. I'm writing this to you with immens love and eternal gratitude i cannot truly express in any way that does it justice: Thank you for showing me hope. Thank you for being the way you are.

You gave me the biggest gift there is to give.

You gave me your friendship.

I love you.

Yours in friendship,

Levynn

#i know this is long and probably will annoy some people on the dash but this one i refuse to hide under a cut #so i'm just posting this and inelegantly running away immediately in terror to check back hours later

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bleaksqueak · 1 month

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While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)

ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao

#shut up pu #random stuff #I guess Howe's would be our Co-Op #I moved away forever ago but my brain often still returns to that tiny town. the biggest city in henderson county. lmaoo #Did they just randomly pick a place on the map for the location... parker's crossroads/run surprised me but it's at least more of a thing #i'm upset with myself for never picking up on that before #sorry telltale but we never had a comic book store you have to go all the way over to the next county for that #also your geography's wrong it's east tennessee that has mountains #west tennessee is all hills #i'm being nitpicky but it's out of amusement #of all the places to end up in a zamboni apocalypse #my poor girl clem lucky she made it out at all #lmao I strongly dislike this series all BUT these games with clementine #and I love her so much #goes to show what a good likable character can do #anyway I'm upset that you don't get to go raid the dairyqueen in season 2 #maybe this is an odd thing to post about but I literally come from a #“the nearest starbucks is 40 minutes away” level of tiny nowhere town #and playing this game when it first came out only to realize this detail about a decade later made me spit my drink out

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whathorselegs · 1 month

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A Comparison of No Longer Human's Yozo and Bungou Stray Dogs' Dazai, Part 1

Disclaimer: I'm just a person with a keyboard, a book and a passion for stories, I don't have a degree, I'm just having fun and making connections where I see them. If you don't agree that's fine, but don't come for me.

An exploration of what I think are shared themes, symbols and character roles surrounding Yozo's life in No Longer Human and Dazai's in Bungou Stray Dogs.

Spoilers for BSD main timeline, Fifteen and Dark Era. And Spoilers for No Longer Human

Yozo’s Childhood and Dazai Disconnect From People

For the most part Dazai’s childhood is completely unknown in BSD, so we can’t directly compare Dazai’s and Yozo’s childhood experiences, but Yozo’s childhood could help explain some of Dazai’s mentality when interacting with other people.

In No Longer Human we learn that Yozo has felt emotionally disconnected from the people around him for as long as he can remember, that disconnect formed a constant fear of others, of making them angry with him and of the idea they would hurt him. He copes with this by becoming a ‘clown’, making himself laughable and therefore not suspicious in hopes of being accepted.

‘This was how I happened to invent my clowning. It was the last quest for love I was to direct at human beings.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human ‘I thought, “As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn’t matter how, I’ll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won’t mind it too much if I remain outside their lives.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human

In the early manga/anime of Bungou Stray Dogs, though we don’t see Dazai express specifically a fear of other people, we see he uses humour as a way to compensate, telling jokes that often feel out of place because he doesn’t know how else to express himself. He makes light of situations not because he doesn’t care, but it’s how he connects.

In his attempts to help Atsushi, who has no money to buy his own food, Dazai offers to buy him whatever he wants, but he makes a joke about Atsushi's choice. He's clowning here because he doesn't know how to simply offer earnest help.

Although, unlike Yozo who is terrified of people being angry with him, Dazai has no problem using his humour to agitate and get under people's skin, like the way he is constantly poking fun at Kunikida. I still think this one of Dazai's unfortunate ways of connecting with people as he is mostly shown messing with people close to him and engages less in such behaviours with people he doesn't.

When Dazai doesn’t know how to make light of the situation he goes quiet, often getting a serious look on his face. Like in the warehouse scene when Atsushi is talking about himself negatively, Dazai reacts by not reacting. He clearly wants to say something to him, but doesn't know how. He’s processing, he wants to bridge that gap but he doesn’t know what to do, at least not in the beginning of the manga/anime.

Dazai also react similarly to this when Nikolai is mourning Fyodor. Him listening without commenting is how he shows sympathy

We see him slowly evolve from his terrible attempt to comfort Atsushi after dispelling Q’s ability, to him eventually making Sigma believe in both him and the Agency. He's still learning how to connect with people throughout the story.

This comedic act could also hint at why Dazai left his home as a child. In NLH Yozo’s high school is situated away from his hometown and family, he lives with a distant relative whilst attending it. He finds himself more at ease there because strangers more naturally believe his clowning and lies. Unless we are given an actual backstory we may never know why Dazai was so depressed when he met Mori or why he willingly went with him, but being able to essentially reinvent himself and having his lies more easily believed may have fed into it.

It something he also does when he joins the Agency. He doesn't want to acknowledge his past if he can help it.

Family is something Yozo feared and perhaps it was for Dazai too.

‘An actor dreads most the audience in his home town; I imagine the greatest actor in the world would be quite paralyzed in a room where all his family and relatives were gathered to watch him.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human

We do get to witness Dazai’s fear of others later in the manga through his present day relationship with Ango. The betrayal he experienced through Ango has left him emotionally scarred to the point he holds back when forming new friendships, keeping everyone at far more of a distance than he did Ango or Oda. It’s a betrayal he can neither come to terms with or walk away from. He still takes his pain out on Ango, but then creates scenarios where he’s dependent on him too. He simultaneously fears losing Ango for good and being open enough to get hurt by him again (and others as well).

Dazai is relying on his connection with Ango for this plan. It's shown in BSD that Fukuzawa has connections that could have helped them here, but Dazai wanted to go to Ango, he wanted to create a scenario where they needed each other.

Kyouka’s entrance exam and Dazai’s connection to the outside world in Meursault are both plans that wouldn’t have worked without Ango. He’s still someone Dazai feels strongly about and respects.

Though, a respected man isn’t something to be admired or envied in Yozo’s eyes. They are a clever liar who has succeeded in tricking their audience and gaining their trust. Someone to be exposed and weary of becoming. Someone who will betray you, just like Ango did to Dazai. The plans Dazai involves Ango in usually require him to lie to/manipulate/or betray his current organization. Dazai still sees him as inherently deceitful, he just uses it to his advantage now.

‘My definition of a “respected” man was one who had succeeded almost completely in hoodwinking people, but who was finally seen through by some omniscient, omnipotent person who ruined him and made him suffer a shame worse than death.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human ‘What would be the wrath and vengeance of those who realised how they had been tricked!’ - Yozo, No Longer Human.

It is heavily implied Dazai is the reason Ango's air bag didn't work. Just one part of his vengeance upon the respected man who betrayed him.

This definition of a respected man might also be why Dazai slacks off so much around work. Yozo, whilst being the smartest student in his class, fears that reputation and uses his clownery to maintain popularity amongst his peers and his unassuming appearance. He doesn’t want to stand out as a respected individual and neither does Dazai. He actively seems to discourage Atsushi from thinking that way about him by fooling around, even though it doesn’t work because Atsushi still greatly admires him.

The other pivotal experience that relates to Dazai from Yozo’s childhood is his friend, Takeichi.

Takeichi is an interesting character because he starts out as someone Yozo is afraid of. He’s a student who sees through Yozo’s class clown act and calls him out on it. Yozo then proceeds to essentially stalk Takeichi out of fear of being exposed as a fraud, only to end up inviting Takeichi to his home and spending time together. They become friends, he’s the only person Yozo actually opens up to, in a meaningful way. Takeichi symbolises a genuine human connection for Yozo, a way into the regular world, but as they grow older they are separated and Yozo grows distant from people again.

Takeichi for me is both Oda and Ango.

Oda and Ango are Dazai’s first friends. Dazai forming his connection with them his first step into the light, into connecting with other people rather than sitting on the outside. As Children Takeichi and Yozo discover their love of impressionist art. Yozo starts to paint self-portraits inspired by Van Gogh, they are a glimpse of his innermost self, which he shows to solely Takeichi. This mirrors how Oda and Ango create that safe space for Dazai to be himself in the Lupin Bar. That bar is their canvas where they are free to paint their souls without fear. They don’t judge and shun Dazai the way the rest of the world seems to have.

‘The pictures I drew were so heart-rending as to stupefy even myself. Here was the true self I had so desperately hidden. I had smiled cheerfully; I had made others laugh; but this was the harrowing reality.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human ‘Naturally I did not show my pictures to anyone except Takeichi. I disliked the thought that I might suddenly be subjected to [other people’s] suspicious vigilance … On the other hand I was equally afraid that they might not recognise my true self when they saw it’ - Yozo, No Longer Human ‘To Takeichi (and to him alone) I could display my easily wounded sensibilities, and I did not hesitate to show him my self-portraits.’ - Yozo, No Longer Human

In fact when Dazai leans too hard into his clowning act Ango is the one trying to discourage him from it. There's a genuine care for Dazai's mental health and safety shown in these moments.

Though just like Yozo and Takeichi in NLH, Dazai, Oda and Ango are separated. For Dazai it doesn’t symbolise a descent back into the darkness, but perhaps a journey cut short. Instead of the three of them coming into the light at their own pace, Dazai is thrust ahead, ill prepared and alone. Oda is dead and he can’t rely on Ango because of his betrayal. Dazai is stuck in a liminal space with no one to guide him on how to become 'more human'.

Before Takeichi and Yozo are separated, Takeichi makes what Yozo refers to as prophecies about Yozo’s life. That he’ll be popular with girls and a great artist. To some extent both of these end up true, Yozo has many girlfriends and he does become a paid cartoonist, but his relationships are chaotic and unhealthy, and his job is unreliable and he hates it. The prophecies are also curses. This to me, is like Oda’s last request of Dazai, he tells Dazai to be a good man and to help people. He does this in an attempt to save Dazai from his own spiraling and give his life some future meaning. Dazai chooses to live by these words, we constantly see him struggle to do so, Oda’s words haunt him as much as they guide him. His promise and his curse.

And that's it for Part 1! If you read all this way then thank you very much for your time, I hope you enjoyed it! I don't know when Part 2 will be out because I'm making notes as I re-read through NLH, but hopefully it won't be too long!

#bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd odasaku #bsd ango #bsd chuuya #rambling #my writing #I don't know why I'm so nervous about posting this one #posting and running away;;;;

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