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Episode 4 Transcript: Everybody Has Deleted Ecosia and Now the World Will End

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens.

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 4: “Saturday Morning Funtime.”

C: I think that Aziraphale’s a really good character, and I like him. [laughs] That's how I feel.

G: I felt about this episode very closely to how you worded it once when you were DMing me while live-watching it, like, while rewatching it. And at some point you said, "Oh, Crowley, just leave! Like, we don't need Aziraphale." And then a couple of minutes later, you went, "Never mind, I just got to the gavotte scene. We do need Aziraphale." [both laugh] And that is how I feel about this episode. We do, in fact, need Aziraphale.

C: I feel like Danica's opinion is that after Episode 3 of Season 1, quality decreases really fast 'cause it gets too whimsical and things like that. And I think I can definitely see that perspective, but I also find the way that consequences are catching up to Crowley and Aziraphale this episode very satisfying to me, narrative-wise, so like, it makes me forget the rest of the episode.

G: I think this show is a show that, when it was made, was made with the intention of being binged. So, you know, it's like, a short season, and the story is very continuous and all that crap. But because I am consuming it in a week-to-week basis, I think that like, benefits it, actually. Like, I don't think this is a decrease in the quality or pace or whatever. Like, I am still very very very very intrigued about how the next episode is gonna happen and all that crap. And I think that is mostly because I have time to sit down and be like, "Oh no! Oh no!" And I'm like, bound by the laws of podcasting that I cannot watch the next episode.

C: This is true.

G: Okay, let us start! Let us start.

C: We open with, like, the captain of a cruise ship. sort of like, recording something, and, I mean, the vibe is just like, they were like, sailing to Hawaii, and then they discovered a raised landmass that is the lost city of Atlantis, and they, you know, meet the people. They seem fun and nice. Blah blah blah. It's real. Meanwhile, Adam is walking about with the "make it happen, make it real" voices whispering in his head louder and louder. We cut to him and his friends, and they're walking around talking about The New Aquarian magazines. Basically, Adam keeps claiming that things are real, like, a man called Charles Fort who can make it rain fish and aliens giving messages of goodwill but the government hushing it up and all of that, and his friends start going, "Hey, I don't actually think this stuff is real?" But Adam says, "No," 'cause it's in magazines. It's not on the Internet. So it has to be real. And he ends with saying, "Of course it's true. What I say is true." It ends with a news story about Atlantis being real, so that's sort of like, I guess what begins the awareness of the kids that like-

G: Something's happening.

C: Yeah, something's happening or Adam's, just like, really good at being correct.

G: Yeah, I quite like the roat- How do you pronounce that? Is it root? I think it's route. I like the route that they have taken with Adam. I don't know. 'Cause I think in my previous predictions, right, I always was of the opinion that Adam was like, gonna turn out to be a good kid or whatnot. But this episode, he is truly a menace. And yeah. It's wonderful! I love it! [C laughs]

C: I think that him becoming evil or whatever is done quite realistically. Like, it really is just like, "This is a kid who, like, has lived a selfish life, and they have a lot-" Well, he. I don't know why I they/them-ed Adam. Okay, this kid has a lot of power and has sort of been hit with all this information that makes him hopeless, so now he's just like, lashing out. Like, it makes sense to me, and it's like, very different than, I guess, whatever Hell had planned for him with just Crowley going around and telling him that he wants to take over the world or whatever. Like, he was left alone, and he still does want to end the world, but for reasons that feel very, human.

G: Yeah. Now we go to Aziraphale, and he is in a park. He's walking around. He sees like, an angel statue, like, one of those human statues, and he looks at it and goes, "Huh." And then right beside him, we see Gabriel, AKA John Hamm, jogging about. They really put John Hamm in sweater and sweatpants! Good for them. [both laugh]

C: And he has, like, a little angel wings pin.

G: Yeah! I wuv it. And Aziraphale goes, "Hey! It's me!" and Gabriel goes, “I know it's you, Aziraphale.” And Aziraphale starts talking about how, "Oh, like, you know, there's prophecies, and like, Kraken and Atlantis and all that-"

C: Great big bugger.

G: "It is coming. Armageddon is coming, and it will start today, right after teatime." And Gabriel is like, "Oh, what's the point? Okay. Whatever." And this whole time, they're running, by the way, and you know Gabriel is very like, isn't breathing heavy, is literally just jogging, and Aziraphale is out of breath a little bit. So he goes, "Can you just stop for a minute?" And then- I find this so wonderful like, the way they do this. Like, when they stop, Aziraphale is like, clutching his knees and like, breathing heavy, and Gabriel is like, standing stock-still looking like he's not even breathing, like, normal breathing, you know? And I thought it was really fun. And yeah. He says, like, "Well, it's good that the war is coming, because we want the war 'cause we can fight it and we can win it." I really like the way they do Gabriel like he is a very charming but stupid like, CEO.

C: Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's supposed to be the manager everyone hates.

G: Yeah. And he's like, "Oh, I'm so intelligent. And I know what's best for everything." And the way he goes like, "Of course there needs to be a war. Otherwise how could we win it?" is very much that vibe.

C: Pretty sure that line's in the trailer.

G: Of course it is.

C: But no, I like what you pointed out about like, Gabriel, not seeming to breathe at all, 'cause I feel like it's like, what the angels assume is gonna happen is like, what happens to reality around them most of the time. So I guess, like, Gabriel, who just isn't used to being in a body, just like, wouldn't feel the weight of it, wouldn't feel the need to breathe while he jogs, whereas Aziraphale, who's used to being a physical presence, would.

G: Yeah.

C: Gabriel also fatphobias Aziraphale in this scene.

G: Yeah! He tells him to wrap things up, "And also," and then he looks at him up and down and goes, "Lose the gut." And then he play-punches his abdomen and goes, "You're a lean, mean fighting machine." And then he runs and jogs off, and Aziraphale looks at him and goes, "I'm... I'm soft." And you know what he truly is? I love him so so so so much!

C: I don't think he would say that. I don't think he would say that, is that what I think.

G: "I'm soft?"

C: Yeah.

G: Why, because he's so hard it's unreal? [both laugh]

C: I mean, not currently. Crowley's not here. But no, but I- He's very despondent, and it's like-

G: He's not, you know, self-loathing or anything for him to say it this way, I think.

C: He's definitely feeling some kind of a despair feeling, though, right? Like, his face is so like, crumpled, and I'm sure part of that is just like, Heaven reiterating that they want the war to happen, but like, it kind of just comes across as him- 'Cause I feel like when I hear the word "soft," I mostly think about it in like, emotional strength terms. So it really came across as like, a "Oh, I love the world, and I don't want it to end, and that makes me a weakling"

sort of thing. I don't think he would say that. I also don't think that he would feel bad about his body in any way, but I don't know. Whatever

G: Yeah, anyway, right before the scene ends, Gabriel turns back around and goes, "Wait, weren't you issued a flaming sword? It says in our records. So did you lose it?" And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, whaa? How could I- what, just give it away?" Fun!

C: Fun. Also I love that what Aziraphale says, after like, saying that Armageddon is nigh and stuff is, "I just thought there was something we could do." That's such a- I don't know what I love about that sentence, but it's such a like- I don't know. I don't know. It's like, "I haven't given up on the world yet. Can we please just do something to help? We don't even have to like, stop the war, just do something." And then all his hopes are thrown out once more. Sorry, bro.

G: We go to the delivery guy. He's finally given a name. His name is Leslie. And, you know, it's just a sweet scene where he's talking to his wife, and his wife's like, "Come back to bed," and he's like, "No, I have to do two more deliveries," but at least they're local. And he says that "Oh, you know, the job was booked 6000 years ago, even though our company is only 80 years old." And, you know, he does this thing where he goes, "Ours is not to reason why. Ours is to deliver packages." Which is, you know, I thought that was interesting.

C: Just as part of the following orders theme of the show or?

G: Yeah. As part of the following orders theme of the show, the way that this guy who like, I mean, when we first see him in Ep 2, it's not like he's particularly significant, or like, not in the way that I thought of as particularly significant. Having him here be like, "Oh, no no no, he is like, a big part of the Apocalypse, and also he can only be that big of a part of it because he is actively buying into the 'this is the way things are, and I shall not question it.'" I think this is also the first time that I encountered - I may be misremembering. I don't remember if this has been brought up before - but like, the whole "The reason why Crowley fell is because he questioned," so, I don't know, like, this episode has a lot of themes of free will and all that crap, which I do love so much [C laughs] it's unreal. So yeah. I mean, the entire show, obviously, the entire season, because it is reliant on prophecies and all that crap. But now it's really where it's sinking into me that like, "Oh, it's like, fated," and all that crap, and like, especially with Newt and Anathema.

C: Ugh. God.

G: I know. I'm dreading talking about it. But I like that even in such a minuscule part of the Apocalypse, it is so ever-present. I think that line is wonderful in the way it is part of the story. Yeah. I mean, it's such a small line to be raving about, but I did like it a lot! I liked it a lot! Like, it ended with him killing himself. Like, that's crazy, but he fucking does it because it's part of the plan, and it's the orders, and it's like, "Oh my god." Real tone-setter, I feel.

C: Uh-huh. Also, his wife is giving such like, "wife fridged in the beginning of a movie" vibes, [G laughs] but then he gets killed instead, so that's equality. Like, her pajamas are this roughly pink, like, top that looks like the top half of like, a fucking ballgown [G laughs] instead of like, pajamas, and the camera angle on her being like, "Love you! ... Tiger" is so wife who's about to die and be in a montage. But she doesn't. Good for her.

G: It turns out he is the spouse that is about to die and turn into a montage father. RIP, Leslie.

C: Yeah. RIP.

G: But anyway, we go to Heaven, and Michael is approaching Gabriel, and she says that because of Aziraphale's comments last episode, they have taken to looking at Earth observation files. And then she brings out a bunch of photos of-

C: Like 3.

G: Aziraphale and Crowley through the fucking years.

C: Yup. 1601, in The Globe. How do they have a camera in The Globe? I sort of assumed the observation files were like, satellites or something, but, I mean, they're Heaven. They can do whatever, I suppose.

G: Yeah, they can do whatever. But yeah, it's St. James's, it's The Globe, and it's another St. James's one from Episode 1.

C: 2005.

G: [laughs] This scene made my stomach sink so hard. 'Cause, you know, we talked about last- 3.1, in Episode 3.1 [both laugh] about the whole like, hiding aspect, and how it's all about like, making sure that each other is safe from Heaven and Hell respectively, and that involves presenting you're not friends and all that crap, all that crap. And then turns out, Heaven just has access to all this since forever. Literally, they could have been fucking raw in the street [C laughs] and it like, wouldn't have made a difference.

C: Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause they just never checked until now. And it's just so miserable that they like, spent centuries speaking in code about like, where to meet and like, sending each other secret messages and looking over their shoulders, and that, like, none of it meant anything. Like, I feel like this is the number one thing that was restricting their happiness, for, like, a thousand years, and like, they didn't have to do any of it, or they didn't do enough of it, and either outcome is quite devastating.

G: Michael says, "I'll check up with it on back channels," and Gabriel goes, "What back channels, Michael?"

C: Is he just saying that, or does he know?

G: I think it's an open secret that Heaven and Hell are confiding with each other, which makes the whole Aziraphale-Crowley thing even worse!

C: Mm-hm! Mm-hm!

G: Like, they're already- they're already talking. Like, they're confiding with each other, blah blah blah blah, but Aziraphale and Crowley are still stuck in the mindset that, "Oh, we shan't even be allowed to blah blah blah blah." And it's like, I don't know, it's so horrible! It's so horrible! It's so horrible for me personally.

C: Yeah. Yeah. It's quite misery-inducing. Like, Aziraphale has been like, tying himself up in like, moral quandary knots, and Heaven's just like, "Well, we are practical and brutal, and we want this war, so we'll just do whatever we can to have it happen. And if that includes talking to demons, whatever."

G: Yeah. Michael does go and check on the back channels, and she calls up- is it Ligur? He calls Ligur, right?

C: Yeah. Though we don't learn that it's Ligur until the end of the call.

G: Until a bit later, yeah, yeah. And, you know, she says, like, "Oh. you should check on your demon Crowley, ‘cause if Aziraphale is not working for you, then your demon Crowley is betraying you, so, check on it!"

C: What even is the point of sending them after Crowley? Like, what does Heaven gain from that?

G: Well, I mean, I guess they have started to suspect that- I mean, they know for a fact that Aziraphale wants the Apocalypse to not happen. So like, it is to assume that Crowley also doesn't want the Apocalypse to happen, and since both parties want the Apocalypse to happen, it'd be nice to get rid of the opposition in that vein.

C: This is true, yeah. Michael ends by saying, like, "Oh, no, of course you can trust me! I'm an angel." in like, a very fun tone of voice. So that's fun. But yeah, I don't know. It's just- this collaboration is so impersonal and practical-

G: Yeah!

C: - versus Crowley and Aziraphale's friendship. I think it really made me realize how much they don't emotionally care about the war at all. Like, if Heaven was genuinely like, very angry at Hell, for like, "Oh, like, we were all here together, and then you betrayed us, you betrayed God, and we have to destroy you because we're like, very sad and betrayed that our brethren did this," like, I'd be like, "Okay, I get it." But like, she's not mad. Like, no one's mad. They're just like, "I wanna prove that I'm better. Alright."

G: Yeah. God. You know, like, in Caravaggio- He killed a guy. [C laughs] It's the [overlapping] straightest thing he's ever done. But when he did the killing, during this time in Rome, dueling is already illegal, but what's not illegal is if you are in a normal interaction with someone that turns into a brawl that turns into you hitting each other with swords or whatnot. That's not particularly illegal. So what he did was, him and the other party, they set up a tennis match in a tennis court, and the backstory would be that they're playing tennis, and then the game, somebody cheated or whatnot, and then they dueld each other to the death or whatever.

C: [laughs] Uh-huh.

G: But there's no actual tennis match. They just went there in the tennis court and pretended there was a tennis match so that they wouldn't be imprisoned for dueling, which is illegal. [C laughing] And this is what Heaven and Hell is doing. This is what they're doing. They're like, "Well, let's go down to the tennis court." You know what I mean?

C: [laughs] Yes.

G: This is exactly what the fuck they're doing. They were inspired directly by the life of Caravaggio. [C laughs]

C: Yup, they sure were. Good for them.

At the end of this, it's revealed that Ligur is the one at the other end of the phone, and he's all like, "Crowley's in trouble!"

G: "Ooh, Crowley." Yeah.

C: We cut to Crowley's office, right? And I call this scene "David Tennant sure was in Hamlet" [G laughs] in my mind.

G: [laughing] He literally was! And you know what? He was also in Much Ado About Nothing, which is so important to me it's unreal.

C: He sure fucking was. Last week, you were like- you did not give a single shit [G laughs], but this week-

G: I give so many shits it's unreal.

C: Grey and I have been having a bit of a David Tennant moment this week [G laughs], I would say. Yeah. Anyway.

Crowley's in her flat, in her office specifically. And her glasses are off, and it makes them look so vulny.

G: Aww. yeah!

C: And basically, he talks out loud to herself about like, where he can go. So he's got this globe-

G: And she goes, "England's out. America's out."

C: "Atlantis didn't exist yesterday, exists today, still out. Everywhere is going to burn." So then they get out The Great Big Book of Astronomy. It just has a bunch of very nice, high-res photos of moons and nebulas and all that.

G: Yeah. And the way the CGI is done here, I think, is quite wonderful with the pages floating up and about.

C: Yup. They all fall out of the book, and-

G: I think it feels very Crowley because, you know, you see Aziraphale figuring out Tadfield, etc, and it's like, he's pinning it up on the wall, you know, like, it's very like, physical, like, human. Like, he has a corkboard and red strings and all that. But like, Crowley literally is just like, "Let's magic it into the air, and I'll look around as it floats around me." And it's like, "Yeah, that does make complete sense."

C: A detail about them I like a lot in the books is that Crowley doesn't- Aziraphale buys all his clothes. Like, he goes to a tailor, and, like, those are his clothes. All of Crowley's clothes are miracled on him. Like, they're not physical things. But yeah, I feel like, that's very in keeping with like, Aziraphale being more into the physicality of Earth, and like, actually buying the land for his bookshop, and then like, building his bookshop, whereas I feel like if Crowley ever wanted to run a business, they'd just like, miracle up a building and call it a day.

He's looking at all these pictures floating around him, and is like, you know, "The moon, no. No atmosphere, no [overlapping] night life." And then "Alpha Centauri is always nice at this time of year." And then I think that it's a separate nebula that Crowley talks about, saying that he helped build. And okay, I think that- I love that he picked Alpha Centauri 'cause, like, okay, so it's a triple star system, and stars A and B are a binary star system within it.

G: Of course. [laughing] And we have all read-

C: - and star C is the closest star to the sun. [laughs] Yeah. It is the obvious fucking thing to do in like, anything, ever.

G: Do you know what I'm talking about? The binary star poem? You surely do, right?

C: Which one?

G: I have completely forgotten where it's from or what book it's from. I am positive I read it in a book. I remember, I was in seventh grade when I read it, and it's about how, orbiting each other, blah blah blah, etc etc, and they literally are.

C: Yeah. Crowley like, says to themself, "If you can run far enough, you don't have to hide," right? But like, he picked the star system with the star closest to the sun, which I think is so sweet. Like, they don't really wanna run away. They wanna stay as close to Earth, their home, as possible. And then the other two stars are like, bestie stars, [G laughs] which I think Crowley would care about deeply.

G: He wants them to be besties!

C: Yeah. This is where we learn what Crowley's job as an angel was, that like, he was a starmaker. What was Aziraphale's job before- like, I know he had the flaming sword to guard the Gate of Eden, but like, what was he doing before that?

G: Before Earth? [laughs] I don't know why you're asking me like I'm supposed to know.

C: Like, do you have a headcanon about it?

G: I don't know. Not really. I mean, what is there before the Earth?

C: I guess they had to build the universe, so like, what parts was Aziraphale in charge of?

G: I mean, isn't the beginning of Season 2, like, them both making stars and whatnot.

C: Kind of. Aziraphale's called upon for assistance. I don't think that it's implied that it's like, his main job. He was just sort of in the area.

G: Ah, okay.

C: Oh, god, [laughing] don't remind me of the Season 2 opening! I'm- ugh. [G laughs] Okay. Whatever.

G: Yeah, I thought you didn't like it.

C: I don't! I don't think that- I think that they didn't need to retcon how they met, but if they are, then, I really- I think Crowley's really cute there, and I don't wanna think about it. So-

G: God. Do you know how I learned about it? [laughing]

C: How?

G: I saw like, an edit of it with the song [laughing] "Enchanted" by Taylor Swift.

C: I don't know that song.

G: Well, the song is like, "I'm enchanted to meet you," etc etc, and it's about like, love at first sight. And then Crowley goes, "Wow! You're beautiful!" And then like, Aziraphale turns and looks at him, but like, he's talking to the star or whatnot. So corny.

C: Be fucking for real. That was the corniest fucking shit ever. [G laughs] As soon as Neil Gaiman was like, "I'm going to write a romance instead of like, baiting the gays so much it's unreal," he turned into like, Newt and Anathema-level writing for them [G laughing] is what I think. Anyway. [laughs] This is not Season 2, we're on Season 1, Episode 4.

And I think the the main thing I think about in regards to Crowley's job is a post that goes, "

i have nothing against the 'crowley was raphael' hc but also please consider crowley as just a low-level worker in the star creation department largely known for having good hair and annoying his bosses by constantly creating binary systems because 'i dunno, i just thought they seemed lonely.'" I love him so much?! She is my favorite little guy? Ever? And yeah. Yeah.

G: Where's the Raphael bullshit bullshit even come from? Just because there's no Raphael, like, in the story.

C: Yeah, just because there's no Raphael-

G: Boo!

C: - and they want Crowley to have been important or whatever. I don't give a shit. I want him to be a total loser.

G: [overlapping] No, they're both supposed to be both losers! They're both supposed to be both losers as hell!

C: Exactly! Thank you! Thank you for understanding this! [G laughing] Not everyone understands this. Not even Danica understands this. They're both supposed to be losers! I know that, like, him being like, the literal like, serpent that tempted Eve or whatever, like, maybe some people could take from that that like, "Oh, maybe he was important to have been given this job," but like, she literally was just told to get up there and make some trouble. Like, I feel like the fact that Eve was tempted was like, not even part of any plan or anything. I feel like that was just Crowley being like, "Isn't it weird that God put up a big tree with a Don't Touch sign on it?" So yeah, yeah. Crowley is a fucking loser. Aziraphale is a fucking loser. Their bosses hate them to Hell and back. [G laughing] And that is how it should be.

G: God.

C: But anyway, I think what I love about Crowley's job being a starmaker is that it's like, a job that's completely unrelated to Earth. Because I'm sure a lot of angels were on duty, like, designing the platypus, or like, deciding things about the ocean or something, especially because God is very focused on Earth and has centered Her whole thing on Earth.

G: Well, I mean, given the timeline, you know, Crowley Fell before the Earth, right? Like, the Earth was created 6000 years ago, but the universe was not.

C: That's true, but I'm assuming that they were like, designing Earth for a while, like, designing humans and all that shit.

G: Nah.

C: No? [G laughs] No?

G: Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know!

C: You mean at the last minute they were like-

G: "Well, we've gotta put somebody there."

C: "Well, we've all these stars. We haven't made any aliens. Like, you know what? At this point, may as well toss something else in."?

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: Okay, but if the Earth was like, an afterthought, how could the angels be so convinced that it is like, the scene of the Great Plan and the last war and the whatever whatever?

G: I don't know.

C: I will say that the opening of Season 2 implies that Earth has been in the makings for a while. I, well, basically, I guess my point is that if Crowley hadn't fallen, I don't know if she would have ever touched Earth in any way because her job was so removed. So I love that like, it was like, his choice to question things that eventually led him to Earth the way that it was Aziraphale’s choice to give the sword away that like, caused him to be demoted and to be forced to stay on Earth.

G: Did we ever like, explicitly talk about the fact that he's literally fucking Prometheus? I don't think we ever mentioned that explicitly. He literally gave them fire.

C: Yeah, that in addition to his sword, it was also fire? Yeah.

G: Crazy, crazy angel.

C: Yeah. And he was not lashed to a rock for his liver to be eaten. [G laughs] God just simply didn't ask again!

Crowley, he hangs off the edge of his throne and sort of looks up at the sky, and it's a crane shot, sort of far away, and he goes- Wait, sorry, let me find the right place in the script.

G: "I only ever asked questions."

C: Yeah. "I only ever asked questions. That's all it took to be a demon in the old days." And he goes, "Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan. [G makes pained sound] Okay, I know you're testing them. You said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn't test them to destruction. Not the end of the world."

G: So this is kind of derived from the bookshop drunk scene, right? This is something he tells Aziraphale.

C: Yeah, in the book, Aziraphale is the one that Crowley tells about this, where he calls it "being tested to destruction." He says it like, twice.

G: Haven't read the book, by the way. Just love listening to that fucking David Tennant reading.

C: Yeah, that ten-minute section really is an important part of my life.

G: You guys will not believe how much me and Crystal's conversations [C laughing] in the day-to-day are literally just like, lines from that scene? [both laughing] We just message it back and forth to each other.

C: Yeah, every day, I just like, send Grey like, "'What little bird?' asked Aziraphale suspiciously." [laughing] The thing is, Aziraphale literally asks suspiciously, "What little bird?"

G: "That's birds!" by Crowley is my favorite. And of course, the ever more important, "'Don't you try to tempt me,' said Aziraphale [both] wretchedly. 'I know you, you old serpent.'" [both laugh]

C: [laughing] We're fucking crazy. Anyway.

G: People are underestimating how Crover it all is in the Grey-Crystal DMs.

C: Yeah, I feel like earlier, I was thinking about how our Episode 3 has to be so terrible to listen to unless you're just as invested in this show as we are, [G laughs] which, like, I feel like, like, I'm more invested in this show than I ever was because I've been like, rewatching and taking notes, so I don't think that many people in our audience are going to like, enjoy us giggling and falling over ourselves [G laughs] every single second, but unfortunately, that is where we are mentally, forever and ever.

G: Yes. God! I did say earlier that watching this week-per-week has enhanced the experience, and by enhanced, I do mean made it, you know, occupy my day-to-day life in ways that no other TV show has managed to do since like, Succession. So yeah.

C: Yeah. It caused you to vary your days. Just like in "Being Alive" from Company.

Specifically in the bookshop scene, what he's responding to is Aziraphale saying like, "Hey, like, you're part of this whole like, system of hurting humans or whatever 'cause you tempt them. You're good at it." [laughs] is what is Aziraphale says. Crazy line. But Crowley says, like, "That's different. They don't have to say yes. That's the ineffable bit, right? Your side made it up. You've got to keep testing people, but not to destruction." And that's so nice, right? It makes it very clearly about free will-

G: Agh, yeah.

C: - in the book in a way that is not as clear here. God, this scene is so good 'cause, like, Crowley's like, at the bargaining stage of grief, I think. 'Cause like, I don't think she like, loves that God tests people in the first place. Like, I- I need to find some fucking fic about Crowley and Abraham and Isaac.

G: Oof! Ooh!

C: I feel like that would really do something for me. And by do something I mean like, leave me incapacitated for multiple weeks. She's literally not personally up for killing kids! It's like, okay, like, bargaining stage. "Fine. You're gonna test humans. Okay. But please don't destroy them." The fact that he's like, talking directly to God after like, breakup scene last week was just like, him yelling at the sky about how "Fuck the Great Plan," whatever whatever. And now they're like, basically begging God for mercy for the world is definitely a thing that makes me feel things. Also, just him thinking of it as a test in the first place is very- like, that's not really been established at all. Like, I feel like that's giving God more charity than like, God is owed right now, 'cause like, at least the way that the angels and Hell are looking at this, they're just like, "Earth is just the space for the battlefield for the last great battle, or whatever." Whether or not humans are good or bad during that doesn't matter; they'll just get wiped out. But Crowley seems to think that this is like, a test of the humans' goodness. Like, what is being tested?

G: Yeah, they're not being tested. They're not given a choice

C: Right, like, what is this test that Crowley thinks is happening? Who's being tested?

G: I don't know who Crowley thinks is being tested. Surely the humans. It well may be Aziraphale.

C: That is something that I was thinking about. But I think- I mean, I guess Adam is sort of being tested. It's like, "Can you hold out strength and hope against these voices whispering in your ear about your power?"

G: I suppose so. But I don't think Adam specifically qualifies as human in Good Omens sense, given, you know, his own nature and such.

C: Yeah. He's half human.

G: How does that- How does that work? Did Satan fuck someone?

C: Exactly. I don't know. Well, you see, he possessed the President of the United States [G laughing], right? And then he had this aide called Kelly Kline, who the president has been in a secret- [laughs] God, Supernatural's crazy!

G: [laughing] And then Crowley- Why did I just call Cas "Crowley"? And then Cas-

C: [laughing] And then Cas chases her around for a year begging her to get an abortion.

G: - to get a fucking abortion. My god.

C: But yeah, I feel like, is this just Crowley being like, "The only way that I can like, deal with thinking about this is thinking that it's a test, and maybe at some point, God will be like, 'JK, I'm gonna stop.'" Is this Crowley's idea of like, faith? It may well be so.

G: Well, we go back to Lesley, the delivery man, and he stops in in kind of like, a woods area, and, you know, crosses the street. There's this bit where he almost gets hit by a lorry, and I actually really like that. Like, when that happened, I was like, "Oh, he's gonna die. He's gonna get hit by a lorry and die." And so when they do it, it's super like, "Yeah. [laughs] I mean, yeah." It's how, you know, "our job is not to question," as he puts it. Anyway, walks on this stretch of riverside, and there sits Pollution. I'm assuming Pollution is nonbinary. Is that true? Am I correct?

C: Yeah, Pollution does use they/them pronouns in the show.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Pollution is a young man in the book. When asked about this, Neil Gaiman said, "It just seems like it would balance things out more." [G laughs] Which I mean, I guess.

G: [laughing] Diversity win!

C: Why can't you give Crowley all the pronouns she fucking deserves to balance that out more? Huh, Neil? Huh, Neil Gaiman? Like, "The only group of people that I really want to like, impose my diversity quota on is the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"? [G laughs] Okay, girl. Sure. [laughs] Let's start the DEI initiatives there. I sort of appreciate the thought, but come on.

G: I mean, I like that, you know, Pollution has like, that, bob, and all that, and yet Lesley calls them "sir" the entire time. I quite liked that. I quite liked it, I'll just say.

C: Does this have anything to do about your hair and your gender? [G laughs]

G: Well, I mean, my hair is way shorter than that.

C: That is true.

G: But, you know, I respect it. Anyway, Pollution is played by a Filipino actor.

C: Yeah. Lourdes Faberes? I said the last name wrong, didn't I?

G: I'll look it up now.

C: I tried to find an interview with her so that I could like, get the pronunciation right, and then I listen to it, and I was like, "I don't think I can do that with my mouth, actually."

G: Okay, I can probably do it. Let's see.

C: Slay. Go for it.

G: Lourdes Faberes.

C: Yes. I can't do the R right. My stupid American tongue has been shaped.

G: You can't do the rhotic R? Is it what it's called? Is it rhotic? -bere?

C: Maybe? Who knows.

G: Had Redis?

G: I think this well may be the one you're talking about, [laughing] and I get exactly what you fucking mean about Pollution being an Asian.

C: Yeah.

G: Well, okay. Should we talk about it? I don't know, maybe we shouldn't. I do have thoughts about-

C: Go for it.

G: I mean, this is completely unrelated. But I will go on a tangent about how the Philippines is one of the major polluters of the world in terms of plastic waste, and there are many reasons for this, as there are for anything that has ever happened in the world. And a big one is that we're a very poor country, and the way our economy works is a normal Filipino person cannot buy anything in bulk or even in a normal packaging. Everything is in a thing we call tingi-tingi, which means small portions. And you know how I discovered that this is a Filipino thing? I was writing Destiel fanfiction [C laughs], and I was trying to figure out what kind of shampoo they would use, and I was looking up like, "Oh, which American brands of shampoo offer things in sachets?" And it just wasn't a thing. Like, it's not a thing in the United States. You don't have sachets. But here, for example, if you want to buy shampoo, and you're poor, you buy a small plastic of it, and that's a one-time use. You rip it open, you wash your hair, and then you throw out the sachet. And it's not just for shampoo. It's pretty much for every fucking thing. It's for food, everything. Everything's in sachets. Bulk here's quite a distant concept, buying anything in bulk, it's not something most families are able to afford. So there's the one. Our plastic waste is very high because that's what our economy looks like. Number two, in the Philippines you cannot legally send trash, right? So if you're from like, Canada or South Korea or the United States, which are countries who have sent us trash, you cannot legally do it. But there is a loophole in that you're allowed to send us recyclable trash. So if you label your trash recyclable, you can send it over here, and we'll have to dispose it for you. So why is the Philippines such a big contributor to plastic waste? One, because our economy relies very much so on small portions being plastic so that people can afford them. And two, lot of those plastics, not ours. They're offloaded to us by other richer countries. So, [laughs] I don't know why I'm bringing this up.

C: It's relevant, I think.

G: It's not particularly super relevant. But yeah.

C: Yeah. Man. Well, that sucks.

G: Yeah. It does. Hell yeah!

C: I think the thing about pollution and Asia that I feel like I think about the most is just how like, there was like, a poster outside of a classroom that I was in that was like, "major polluters of the world," and like-

G: Yeah. Philippines, baby! We're there! [laughs] Well, plastic pollution for sure. Other kinds of pollution, I'm not so sure.

C: Yeah, 'cause I think, in terms of CO2 emissions, which are the things that most people think about, I think, like, base level, like, China, is the highest just because of like, the amount of people there. Also, I think there might be more use of coal. I'm not sure if that's still true. But like, per capita, a lot of the per capita highest ones are like, smaller countries, and then, like, the US, and then, like, the US's per capita, is like, twice China's or whatever. I remember looking at that per capita poster and the way that they had the US and China bars the same length even though the numbers labelled on each of them, was like very different, and just like, the ways that like, data, visualization is often used to make the US look better in comparison to China or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Anyway, I feel like, there is like, a perception of a lot of Asian countries of like, dirty and polluting, and like, coal-using and blah blah blah. Most of the time, if, like, you're using a lot of coal, it's because, like, you're still not generating a lot of energy overall because you're not like, consuming as the US. Whatever, whatever. But yeah, I think that there were negative associations that I had in regards to this, but, like, the scenario itself, is just like, regular pollution of a river in the UK, which is like, pretty removed from whatever. Also, boring as shit. Boring as shit, I have to say. Famine was the only one they did anything fun with.

G: Yeah, that's true.

C: I think the fact that this is also the episode with the Tibetans makes it a little [G laughs] more.

G: No, 'cause, I mean, every time I see an East or Southeast Asian person in British media, I do think about-

C: [laughing] Hey, remember when you did the Opium Wars? But also, yeah.

G: [laughing] No, no. I mean, yes, but like, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my British friend, Arya. She's been coming up a lot in this podcast.

C: Well, she's the only Brit you know.

G: [laughs] She's the only Brit I know. But one time, I told her about this joke that Ronnie Chieng- is that how you pronounce his name? comedian. - did that's like, [mocking voice] "South Asian people are not really Asian, because, like, when South Asian people do things, it's not like, I, an East Asian man, feel anything of any kinship or whatever."

C: Okay?

G: And I told her, "God, this guy's so fucking annoying," and that friend, Arya, said to me, "You know, what's so fascinating is here in the UK, when you say, 'Oh, I have an Asian friend,' or like, 'There's an Asian store,' or whatever, you very rarely think East Asian. 'Cause most of the Asian people there are South Asian."

C: Huh. Yeah, due to the colonialism and whatnot.

G: Yeah. And it's like, not only is the concept of Asia that is like, perpetuated by America West-centric, it is specifically so vehemently US-centric. I don't know. It's something I also thought about.

C: You know what I'm really, really grateful for?

G: What?

C: That there's no Pestilence. [G screams] And that there was no Pestilence played by an Asian in May 2019. [both laughing]

G: In fucking 2019.

C: In fucking May 2019. I every day will thank god we avoided that.

G: It's true!

C: Jesus Christ. I do think the idea of them going, in 1990 even, "Oh, like, we're not gonna do pestilence anymore because we have penicillin now, so let's switch to Pollution" is so like, assuming that everyone has access to medicine.

G: It is so, like, Western-centric! It is! I don't know. Crazy. Wild. Wild shit.

C: Crazy, wild. Also, I don't know, Pollution is styled pretty fun, right?

G: There's nothing. Just blond hair.

C: Like, they've got like, this straggly blond hair in a bob. Well, their eyes are like, light grey.

G: That's true.

C: Like, that's new. That's contacts. I'm trying to figure out- how do lighter contacts work on someone with dark eyes? I guess it just works like everything else would work. But wouldn't it make it so hard to see?

G: I mean, that's a David Tennant situation.

C: Yeah, David Tennant's [G laughing] having the worst time of his life on this set. Poor man.

G: It's true.

C: But yeah, I'd say Pollution doesn't get a lot of lines and has a bit of a whispery voice, and I think because of the light eyes, they feel like, sort of the least human out of all them? 'Cause the other ones have jobs.

G: I think that may be because Pollution is younger and newer.

C: Yeah, I think that is also what I assumed.

G: 'Cause like, Pollution seems to also be the youngest of them, right? And I think that's like, intentional.

C: Pollution's meant to be in the book, like, a young man in his 20s, and then here, Pollution is also younger. So yeah, they haven't gotten used to talking and all that shit yet.

G: Yeah. And I don't like the crown, I suppose.

C: Oh, yeah. Did say that something got delivered yet?

G: Oh, yeah. A crown, blah blah. They look at it and they sign, and the sign is like, an oil spill. Crown turns black. Etc, etc. It's quite boring, honestly. Like, the War one is like, a sword like, obviously. And then the Famine are scales, right? Like, weighing scales. That makes sense to me. The crown? Why? Why?

C: Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?

G: And we'll talk about the Death one later.

C: Something else a little disappointing to me is that Adam ends the world because of like, the environment. Why doesn't Pollution get more time if, like, this is the horseman that drives Adam to despair the most?

G: Yeah, that's true. Odd.

Well, we go back to the delivery van, and Lesley is going, "Oh, one more delivery." There's no delivery. It's just a note. The note- I tried to pause it and like, read it and stuff. All I really read was the "everywhere," which I assume is Death being everywhere.

C: Yeah, "Location: Everywhere." I think the rest of the note is just like, the exact words that he says to Death.

G: Lesley writes a final love note for his wife, and then he gets out, starts walking, lorry hits him, but, you know, he's still standing, and he's like, "Oh, I'm alive!" And then he looks down, and he is, in fact, so dead it's unreal.

C: Yeah. That was pretty cool. I enjoyed that.

G: It was cool! I liked it. And then, you know, Death's there, and guess what, baby? It's fucking Logan Roy. [laughs]

C: Brian Cox.

G: It's Mr. Logan Roy. So fun. King of dying, for fucking real

C: [laughs] You can't tell that it's Logan Roy, though. Death is a skeleton in a grim reaper hood.

G: Yeah. Lesley goes like, "Hey, I came here to deliver you a message, and it is 'Come and see.'" And Death does this like, almost comedic, like, exposition, that's like, "Finally, it's a call to action. [C laughs] War and Famine, Pollution and Death. Today, we ride."

C: Yeah, I guess. It's like, we already knew that, bro.

G: So fucking corny. I think maybe we could have just gotten the "Come and see" and then, like, a menacing sound or whatnot.

C: Yeah. Death ends it with, "Don't think of it as dying. Think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush," which I quite like as a line. So true.

G: Yeah, I guess so. It's gonna be traffic in a bit, buddy!

C: Sure is. And the screen sort of fades into like, stars, and then it says "Death" with a pattern of them. I guess that's significant because every time the other Horsemen arrive, first, God narrates a bit and introduces them. There's no narration for Death.

G: Ooh, yeah.

C: And then there's an image of the horseman's name, and like, a horse that represents them. But there's no horse for Death. It's just a sky full of stars.

G: Maybe he will reap God. Just like in Superfuckingnatural.

C: Maybe. Just like in Superfuckingnatural.

C: We're at Jasmine Cottage, and the Them show up, and they're like, "Okay, can we get some more New Aquarians? 'Cause we have to know everything." Which I'm assuming, yeah, is a response to like, Atlantis suddenly being real and all of them being like, "Oh, shit! These magazines are real." You know, Anathema offers them some chocolate. Brian and Pepper are like, "We don't take candy from witches!" and Wensley's like, "Well, I do." and takes the chocolate, and then everyone sort of like, chills out a bit and comes in.

I just wanna say, Anathema looks so beautiful in this scene. And for what? Just to prep herself for having sex with the most boring man alive? Jesus. It's unfair, the world that we live in. [G laughs] Anathema, call me.

G: The way that, like, this episode has cemented Newt as my mortal enemy [C laughs] is so crazy. And like, the thing is like, if I watched this episode even like, days before I actually did, this wouldn't be the case. [laughs]

C: But he just reminds you of-

G: He just reminds me of someone so bad, and I am, in fact, triangulating hatred. [C laughs] So, sorry, Newt, but also, not so sorry. He's so annoying.

C: Yeah, honestly, I feel like- You watched it and you had your notes-watching session first, and you were like, "I hate Newt, I hate Newt, I hate Newt." and I was like, "Yeah, I probably hate him too." And I watched it, and I was like, "I don't really have that many feelings about him, but I just wish that this thing with him and Anathema never ever happened. Please, please, please. And also, I will hate him a bit for Grey's sake."

G: Thank you so much.

C: No problem. And I think it's cute that she offers them candy. Like, she offered Adam lemonade when she met him. It's very like, "I don't really know how to be good with kids, but I can do this" of her. So yeah. God. She is an aromantic lesbian. Don't do this to her! Don't do it to her!

Newt shows up at Shadwell's. I think at this point, I realized that his car only has three wheels in it. Like, there's a front wheel and two back wheels.

G: I only realized it in my third watch of this episode. [both laughing] In my third fucking watch.

C: And honestly, that's pretty fun, I have to say. Like, you do get points for having a car with three wheels, Newt.

G: [laughs] We'll talk about it later, my gripes on Dick Turpin [C laughing], but okay. [laughs] I'm such a hater! I need you all guys to know that I will be a hater, no matter what.

C: [laughs] Good. So he shows up to Shadwell's to get his fucking armor of righteousness or whatever. And Shadwell's saying all this shit about how "This country is under our protection, I'm so proud of you for going out there." He gives Newt some green jacket thing that's supposed to be like, an army jacket thing. I don't know what British army uniforms look like. Shadwell loads him up with a bunch of supplies, like, a pendulum of discovery and a thumbscrew and firelighters, and Newt's like, "I don't know, actually, if I wanna use these," but Shadwell pushes him. And then he gives him bell, book, and candle in order to exorcise a demon. I mean, Shadwell's so witch-focused. Like, are demons, like, a subset of witches to him? And then he gets given a pin, and that is his supplies, and it ends with Shadwell like, saluting Newt and Newt like, has to salute back, but he's carrying like, ten things in his arms, so he has to readjust it before saluting back, which I thought was pretty funny. Like, good job with the physical comedy.

G: Yeah, I hate them, though, so I'm not laughing. [both laughing]

C: [Mick Jagger voice] Not funnay.

G: [Mick Jagger voice] Not funnay!

C: So in the script, when Newt drives off, he like, opens the window, and then he like- First, he throws the thumbscrew and the firelighters out of the window, and then he backs up and gets out to take the firelighters and put them in a trashcan properly, and I wish they hadn't cut that -

G: Okay, that's sweet.

C: - because I feel like it would have made him a lot less annoying to me. Like, the fact that, like, he goes there, and he like, resolves like, "Okay, first off, I definitely am not hurting anyone. And secondly, oh, let's not litter." If you wanted me to be okay with this happening, why cut that? No, we just have Newt driving off, and then there's like, a tunnel with two Tibetan people in it. And they're like, wearing, I feel like, traditional clothing, and they're both talking, and they're like, "Oh, we're normal people with normal jobs. But then I like, woke up today, and I was just like, stuck in this tunnel in this fucking outfit, and now we have to dig the whole time? Man, this sucks." G: I don't know. I do find it interesting that most of the things that are conjured by Adam's imagination-

C: - are new people and not real.

G: Yeah. Like, the Atlantis people are new people. The Kraken is like, a being.

C: The aliens could have been drawn from outer space like real people who got like, moved over, but it's not clear.

G: Yeah. And yeah, it's like, I don't know. This one-

C: [laughs] I don't know about this one, folks. [both laugh] Not sure about this one. Not sure about keeping it in 2019. Weird choice. Maybe- is the point of it just like, "There's definitely something wrong with these conspiracy theories, and they're like, harmful in a way that, like, Atlantis isn't," or whatever? Because I don't know if that's really impressed upon me properly here.

G: I mean, I think maybe something was trying to be done when, you know, there is acknowledgement of "Oh, but these are real people!" blah blah blah. But like, it comes off so flat and like, so [C laughs]- I don't know. They don't do anything with it, first and foremost, so like, that's mostly why. But it's also just odd. Like, I thought about it, 'cause with Adam and the Thems, right? When he was controlling them, it was very much a like, "He's there, and his presence is causing them to do this."

C: And it's like, treated as horror. This isn't treated as horror.

G: Yeah. Yeah, this is like, "Oh, and now we're here. Oh! Teatime's over. I guess we have to dig!" And it's like, okay. Okay.

C: Yeah. I don't know. Let them be like, scared that they're like, trapped underground now. [laughs] Do something.

G: Yeah, but I guess they were put in a part of the episode that's still supposed to be a little bit funny. So, ugh.

C: Yeah. And I think that it's just- I think that Neil Gaiman just like, couldn't think of a better way for Newt to crash his car? [G laughing] I feel like he's removed a lot of the like, more like, racially questionable things in the book, right? But he's like, "No, but Newt has to crash his car, and the only way anyone could ever crash their car is if a fucking like, Tibetan pokes their head out of a tunnel that they're digging." Like, bro. He cut out the part where Adam makes it rain fish in the show, probably just because, like, the CGI budget can't handle it, but like, Newt could just crash his car because it was raining fish. Like, anything could happen.

Yeah. I think we've talked about the way that Neil Gaiman sort of goes like, "What's a foreign place we can throw in?" [G laughs] And this feels so "What's a foreign place we can throw in?" Like, I feel like Tibetan is just used as a random throwaway ethnicity for the sake of like, LOL randomness, like, in a lot of places. Like, there's a song called "Tibetan Pop Stars" by Hop Along that I really like, but like, the verse is like, "You're a stranger in India / I'm gonna be creeping on you so hard / You're seducing Tibetan pop stars / and wrecking motor cars," and it's so clear that it's just like, "I wanna show that me and my lover are far apart, so like, what's an exotic foreign destination? Like, Asia? India? Tibet? Yeah, that's weird enough. Let's go for it." And it just feels exactly like that here as well. It's fucking annoying. Sorry to all the people of Tibet forever and ever.

Meanwhile, Newt, he continues on his drive, and then he gets pulled over by aliens in a big ol' silver UFO, and they do a whole joke bit where- Well, first, they're like, "Okay, like, we've been sent to like, give you a message of cosmic peace and harmony, but I have no idea why. Also, we're like, looking at this planet right now, and you've been letting the acid rain build up a little too much, and your polar ice caps are melting, like, you guys are doing a pretty bad job with all this shit." Also, they cut a line on the script that was one of the aliens going, "The CO2 level's up 0.5%. You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?" Which I would have found more funny than the rest of it, but they cut it. I guess I feel like maybe these are real aliens, 'cause I don't know if Adam would- Do you think that The New Aquarian would have stuff about how the aliens have, like, a council where they decide which species are like. responsible for crimes against their planet by what they do to the environment? Actually, probably, yes. Probably, yes. Also, I think the presence of aliens really complicates everything a lot given how focused Heaven and Hell are on the Earth right now, so. Also, I need there to be like, no aliens and no more people in the universe so that, like, the AU in my head where they go to Alpha Centauri and are like, so miserable and suicidal-

G: [laughing] So, so, so miserable?

C: - in like, a century is like, real to me, 'cause I feel like if there were aliens, I think they'd be able to make it through. And Newt calls Shadwell, like, "Holy fuck. There were fucking aliens here." And Shadwell's just like, "Well, did you count their nipples? Are they witches? If not, then IDGAF."

G: So, you know, kids are walking, and they're talking about how they want to save the whales and all that. And I quite like the joke they make with Pepper, where she's like, "Oh, if they're so intelligent and whatnot, what the hell are they even doing?"

C: "Just swimming and eating things and singing, and- Oh my god, I wanna be a whale!" She's cute.

G: Yeah, she's so so cute for that. But anyway, Adam is like, "Okay, fine. We'll save the whales. All of them." And then our next scene is in a Japanese whaling ship, and, you know, God does this joke where it's like, "Oh, it's not a whaling ship. It's a scientific research ship. And it's currently researching the question, 'How many whales can it catch in a week?'" I think that's fun. They're being tossed around the ocean and blah blah blah. And then suddenly, the Kraken is here. Great, biiig bugger. [C laughs]

C: It's specifically targeting Japanese whaling ships, and I just wanna say that in 2019, Norway killed more whales than Japan did, so, something to think about. But yeah, no. [both laugh] Anyway. Yeah, not that you should take the heat off of Japan in regards to for-profit whaling, but yeah. Something to think about. Spread out- spread out your anger a little bit. Allocate it properly.

G: I think it's just they wanted to do the sushi joke.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Which you didn't even say because it wasn't funny enough.

G: It's not- [Mick Jagger voice] Not funnay! So.

C: And Anathema gets a little alarm on her phone that's like, "Prophecy Alert! Witchfinder to arrive at 12:05." Which I thought was fun. Like, it makes sense that, like, if her family has had it so long, and they have like, smartphones now that they would put all the prophecy shit in their GCals and all that. And she starts setting up first aid stuff and a bottle of aspirin and waiting.

C: So we're in Hell, and Ligur goes over to Hastur, who's like, holding like, a cup up to collect like, a leak from the ceiling. And Hastur's like, "Oh my god, I hate this so much. I have to like, go to Megiddo, like, right now. But I have to wait for the maintenance team to show up." Ligur is like, "Hey, so like, something's wrong with Crowley. He's up to nothing good," and Hasturs like, "Oh, well, he's not supposed to do good things, so yay!" and Ligur's like, "No, he's up to nothing bad" and Hastur's like, "So he's not in trouble?" And Ligur's like, "No, he is super duper in trouble, and we have to go in and get proof that he's done something wrong and then collect him." And then Hastur's like, "Great. Awesome. Let's toast to that, "and he holds his cup up, and then, like, the sludge falls, and he's like, "Come on!" I think the Hastur actor is a pretty good comedic actor with the material that he's been given.

G: Oh, definitely.

C: Yeah like, he did a good job. Thanks, man.

G: Well, anyway, Newton eventually arrives in Tadfield. We finally read the - what's it called? - the prophecy. And it goes, [both] "When Robin's blue chariot inverted be, three wheels in the sky, a man with bruises be upon your bed, aching his head for willow fine."

C: Did I get that right? 'Cause I didn't read it. I just memorized it. Is that correct? Did I get it right? Did I do a good job?

G: That's very nice!

C: Thank you.

G: You did a very good job! No, I thought you were reading aloud. I was like, "Why are you reading? I'm already saying it." [C laughs] But alas, you were not. Good job.

C: Nah. Hell yeah. I did it.

G: What is Robin's blue chariot? What the hell does that mean? What is robin's?

C: I think just that the color of his car is robin blue.

G: Ah, robin, the bird? Boo.

C: I mean, [both laugh] they had to replace "When Orient's chariot inverted be" with something. [laughing]

G: Yeah. I guess so. And, you know-

C: You know what I love? I think in the book, the reason that it's three wheels in the sky is because one of the wheels is stuck in the mud, but like, here, it's like, "It's a three-wheeled car."

G: Yeah. While he's driving, the Them are like, off to the side, just walking around, a couple, meters from his car. Do you say that? [laughs] A couple feet.

C: Well, you could say meters. It's British.

G: That's true. But don't they use miles in England?

C: They do use miles per hour, but I think they might still use me- I don't know, man. Ask Arya. [G laughs]

G: Newt was about to collide with the Tibetans, and then he swerves, and then his car is, in fact, three wheels in the sky. And, you know, he's getting out of the car as the Them run to him, and they try to take care of him 'cause he's hurt, and they're like, "We should do something!" And- should I even bring this up? I feel like it's such a mean-spirited thing to say.

C: [laughs] No, you should do it.

G: Well, okay. So one of the Them goes, "Oh, we should get him away from the car, 'cause it might blow up. It does that on telly." And then Newt, like, dazed and nose bleeding and all that, goes, "Dick Turpin won't blow up." And then, after a pause, goes, "You're probably wondering why it's called Dick Turpin. Well..." and then, you know, he falls over because he is concussed. [laughing] I hate him so much! [laughs] Like, here's the thing. I feel like there are a lot of people, or like, certain types of people who think that like, what makes them interesting as people are like, this? are things like this? It's like- how did I put it to you, Crystal? It's like, when you're talking to someone, and it's obvious that the things that they're telling you about things that they're interested in are not being told to you because they're interested in the thing, but because they want you to be interested in them, and that is so like, Newt being like, "Oh, you're probably wondering why it's called Dick Turpin." Like, he isn't saying, "Here is an interesting thing about this car," he's saying, "Here's an interesting thing about me so you'd like me," and it is a trait that I vehemently hate in the people that I meet when they exhibit it. And it's a trait I vehemently hate in Newt! And here's the thing I said to Crystal, like, he drives a three-wheeled car. That in itself is so fucking interesting. Like, "You may be wondering why the car is three-wheeled." But no, he has to be like, "No no no, let's make it about me. I named the car Dick Turpin. [C laughing] Maybe you're wondering why I am so charming and that I named my car Dick Turpin." [laughing] It is so unbearable! I'm so sorry! I'm such a hater!

C: [laughing] He's concussed.

G: But my god, this guy's annoying! [laughs] Anyway.

C: Yeah, yeah. And you also made like, a good point, I think, that like - in our DMs - that like, Newt has to have this kind of personality because only a guy like this would entertain Shadwell at all.

G: Yeah. And it's so- like, I told Crystal like, "God. He should have just been like, a car guy or something. I can't believe we can solve this character by making him Dean Winchester-coded." [C laughs] But like, literally, for fucking real. Give him real interests. Give him real things that he actually does like, for real and not like, "Oh, but like, I want to be interesting to people, and therefore I will tell them that this and blah blah blah." It's like, shut the fuck up! [both laughing] I need to calm down. I need to fucking calm down. Well.

C: Yeah, I mean, he is annoying.

G: I mean, I just hate him. I hate him.

C: We're in the Fields of Megiddo, and Hastur is there, and he's talking to three Eric, the disposable demons who are trying to give him a briefing.

G: I want to say that this look, I like it a lot. Amazing look.

C: Eric looks great. Eric's slaying. The first thing that you notice is that the Erics have very long lower eyelashes.

G: Yeah! Gorgeous!

C: They look gorgeous. They really do. And their hair is styled and shaped into like, two horns on top of their heads.

G: Yeah, yeah, like an antenna in a car. Well, not really, but you get the drift.

C: Yeah, they look amazing.

G: It's so cool. It's such a cool look. I think, you know, 'cause we only see Crowley interact with Ligur and Hastur. But you know what? Maybe if he met Eric, he would have gotten a nice demon friend. 'Cause like, this guy's funny. Well, what's the situation? Is it like, one guy, or is it like, multiple guys? What's the lore there?

C: I'm not certain. I think the idea is that these are all just like, junior demons that like, look the same, but I feel they probably have similar personalities, at least.

G: 'Cause like, at first, when you told me about this, because, you know, the hellhound thing, this demon is also there, I thought it was like, one demon that gets reincarnated over and over again.

C: Yeah, no, but I don't think that's it. I think the idea that there's just like, an unlimited supply of this demon for other demons to abuse, and this demon is played by a Black man is quite iffy! Like, this is one type of like, replenishable demon, and this is who you chose to play this replenishable demon. And they also kill Ligur later.

G: Yeah. God.

C: Yeah. Good Omens is not beating the "Black character dies first in a horror movie" allegations. Like, at least the postman got killed also, but-

Also, apparently, the Erics, like, it was like, down to two people in the auditions, and the other person was a woman, but, like, it just turned out schedule-wise that this was the actor for Eric. So yeah. Interesting. I don't know. But anyway, the briefing, Eric 1 is like, talking about how Armageddon is the Greek name for it, and like, there's archaeological excavations over here and avocado fields over here.

G: I mean, why did you skip over the funny joke that's like, "I thought The Forces of Darkness was a bit long, so I'm calling us Darkforce One." And it's so funny! I love it so much. They literally are Darkforce One.

C: I think it's cute, yeah. And Hastur's like, "Okay, so they grow avocados here and the end of the world?" And Eric's like, "Yeah, we have a joke. We say, 'That's going to be one big avocado!'" which is not funny at all. And Hastur decides [both, Mick Jagger voice] "Not funnay!" and then chokes him to death. And he's like, "I hate jokes. I don't do jokes. Anyone who does jokes in front of me. I'm gonna fucking kill them." So Eric 2 is like, "Okay, the boy and the hellhound are gonna be here in twenty minutes. The ambassador's here for a photo op." And Hastur's like, "What's a photo op?" And he's like, "Well, it's like -Do you know what a selfie is? I believe the demon Crowley invented them."

G: He invented selfies, baby!

C: He sure did. That's a very Crowley thing to do.

G: But the picture on his phone isn't even a selfie, and I'm so embittered by it.

C: Well, that does mean he had someone take it for him.

G: Boo! [C laughing] You're trying to make it into an Aziraphale/Crowley thing, but I'm trying to make it into a "Crowley should be a TikTok e-girl" thing, so.

C: Oh, absolutely. Crowley should be a lifestyle influencer. [G laughs]

G: This is so true!

C: I mean, honestly, he probably just miracled his phone to like, stand upright and take it for him. So it is still a selfie.

G: Yeah.

C: Hastur just hates that Crowley was mentioned at all and then kills Eric 2. And then third Eric is like, "Okay, the Four Horsemen will converge here once the boy and the dog get here, and then the boy will start Armageddon," and Hastur's sorta distracted, and then he goes, "One big avocado?" and then he starts losing his shit, but like, he's like, laughing in a way that's like, he's never laughed before or like, something is off with his throat. It's a very interesting hacking laughing noise.

G: We go to Anathema's Jasmine Cottage, and the Them are bringing Newt up to her. The important things that happen here are, like, Pepper asks like, "Well, you seem like you were expecting him," and she goes, "Yes, actually." And then also, Adam sees a portrait of Satan on the side [both laugh], and, you know, Satanifies.

C: Very entranced by it. And also when the kids - when the other Them are like, "Okay, we're gonna head home for lunch now," at first, Adam's like, "I didn't say you could go." And there's like, a moment of tension.

G: And they all stop.

C: Yeah. And then he's like, "Have a good lunch!" Something that they cut, which I mean, I'm mostly glad that they cut, but like, basically Anathema looks at him and goes, "Oh, yeah, I was expecting him, but I was hoping he'd be a bit more..." and Pepper goes, "Hunky?" and Anathema says, "I think that's a bit sexist." and Pepper says, "It's not sexist to describe our male oppressors as hunky, my mum says." Okay, man. I'm glad they cut it, but also, I think the reason they cut it is because Neil was like, "Maybe it'd be a bit weird to have Anathema explicitly say that she's disappointed, [G laughing] because then it feels like she's getting forced into having sex with him by the prophecy more than she is," which she already is a little bit. So like, yeah. But like, this does really help my "Anathema is an aromantic lesbian agenda," at least.

G: Literally fucked because of a prophecy! Get fucking out of here!

C: We can talk about the prophecy of it all once they sleep together, I suppose, but it's like... [sighs]

G: As the rest of the Them head out, they start talking about how "Adam is being a bit weird!" and they're kind of scaring him a little bit. They're being different. They don't really say anything explicit that he has done that made them feel this way, but, you know, they're like, "It's just something." and that they turn the corner on a tree, Adam is seemingly miraculously on the other side, and he's staring at them ominously/like he is about to vomit. Like, he's standing by your door, and you're his parent, and he's going, "I'm gonna throw up." [C laughs] Like, that's the look.

C: We're back to the Fields of Megiddo, and the Dowlings all arrive, and they're not really happy about being here, and Thaddeus calls it Israel, because of course he does, he works for Bush. Hastur introduces himself as Professor Hastur... [both] La Vista. [both laugh] Hilarious

G: I love it. And like, they take him seriously. Later, Thaddeus goes, "Professor La Vista," and I just- I think that's so wonderful.

C: It's great. And he just completely ignores the parents. He heads straight to Warlock, and he's like, "Oh my god! Hi, Warlock! You must be Warlock!" And Warlock's just, you know, a kid who is a dick, and he's just like, "You smell like poo." And Hastur's like, very starstruck, and like, "Hahaha, you're so funny. Where's the dog, by the way?" When it's clear that there is no dog, he starts freaking out, he goes, "Hey! Do you have voices? What are they telling you?" And Warlock goes, "The voices in my head all say you smell like poo." And Hastur yells, like, [overlapping] "Crowley!!" angrily as he bites his pinky and like, black blood oozes out. And the Dowlings are both just doing that like, politely looking away thing. [both laugh] Like, they're not screaming. They're like, "Man, what a weird guy. Let's just give him some space."

We now cut to a movie theater where Crowley's alone, and did you notice how she's sitting?

G: I have, because I've seen like, a post referencing the way- yeah, the sitting is happening.

C: Wait, I thought- don't you have the Good Omens tag blocked on Tumblr as well.

G: No, I only have it blocked on Twitter.

C: Wait, I have things that are spoilers sometimes.

G: No, I don't scroll through Tumblr that much. It's not a concern.

C: That's fair. But you saw this one.

G: I scroll mostly on Twitter, and my god. The thing about Twitter is there's a "For you" page now, and unfortunately for me, I have been sucked into the "For you" page. I have every possible English word that could possibly be related to fucking Good Omens muted. I have, like, the word "season" muted, [C laughs] "season 2," "s2," like, "ineffable," like, every iteration of Crowley and Aziraphale’s name, including my beloathed "Azi." [C groans] Am I allowed to say, or do you think we're going to- our audience is going to-

C: I have no real quarrel with people who shorten Aziraphale’s name, but I just don't think that he would go for that. To me, any human AU Aziraphale doesn't use pronouns and also doesn't use a shortened version of Aziraphale's name at all.

G: Literally it's all just Aziraphale, yeah.

C: Like, Aziraphale just makes everyone say all of it, and I think that that's like, so correct of Aziraphale.

G: So important to me.

C: And Aziraphale should do it all the fucking time, and no one should ever be allowed to shorten Aziraphale’s name ever. Anyway-

G: This is true. So I have all that muted. And what Twitter has started doing is - 'cause they can't show me Good Omens English posts anymore, they would show me like, fanart where the captions are in another language. [C laughing] Crazy! Relentless algorithm! But yeah.

C: Yeah, I guess gay love can break through the veil of Twitter mute and destroy the day.

G: It well may be. I mean, the fanarts are pretty. They're nice. They're not spoilery, I don't think. So it's okay.

C: Yeah. It's just them, like, cuddling, or whatever, right?

G: Yeah! It's like, I don't know. I think like, Aziraphale is drinking tea while Crowley is like, lying on his lap, which I think is cute.

C: Godd. I just can't- It wasn't until you like, mentioned it like, yesterday or whatever that I realized that they've never hugged.

G: They've never hugged! They have never hugged!

C: And that's gonna haunt me until like, 2027. What if they don't even hug in Season 3? Like, what am I supposed to do with myself, then? Just like, die? Just die? Like, Neil Gaiman. Please.

G: God, they've never hugged. Anyway, [laughs] we need to get back on this.

C: Yeah. Crowley, the way that she's sitting is that they're like in, you know, one of those red theater seats, and then they have their legs hooked over the top of the seat in front of them, and I just think that's so charming and cute and gay, and I love them very very much. So the stage directions in the script for this makes me- So, it goes, "Crowley is sitting alone in a rundown cinema. He's waiting for the end of the world. Out of time, out of hope. He smiles despite himself at the antics of something cartoony on the screen that we cannot see." And that makes me so sad.

G: He wasn't gonna run away. He wasn't gonna do it by himself. He was never gonna do it by himself. Never.

C: Oh, yeah, yeah. Absolutely not. And- but it also makes me sad that like, he's given up already. Because, you know, like, last episode, he was like, telling Aziraphale, like, "My people can find the boy, I promise. Let's stick together." But like, he's not gonna run away by himself, but like, in this show, they're also not gonna fight by themselves.

G: Well, I mean, the thing is like, you know, the Kraken and everything, I would assume Crowley already knows that this is happening. So like, maybe there's a thinking of, "Well. Too late. Goodbye."

C: Yeah. I do think that this is somewhat slanderous of book Crowley who never, ever lost hope and is my favorite, but, like, I guess, you know, it's an adaptation, and perhaps this is more emotionally resonant or whatever. And I guess it's also like, I mean, the plan before was just to wait for Shadwell to give her information anyway, so this isn't not waiting for Shadwell to give her information.

G: Maybe that is the plan, yeah.

C: What she's watching is this cartoon with like, three rabbits in it, and it's called Saturday Morning Funtime. God. Okay, if this is like, Crowley being like, "Okay, these are my last hours on this earth," like, why Saturday Morning Funtime? Is it just because they couldn't license Golden Girls? Golden Girls is Crowley's favorite show in the book.

G: Aww! That's nice.

C: But anyway, this is what he's watching right now. And then, suddenly, one of the rabbits takes its head off, and it's Hastur.

G: In the style of the cartoon.

C: It's so fun because it's in the style of the cartoon. He's like, "What the fuck is going on, Crowley? What'd you do? I just met Warlock, and that is not Lucifer's son, and he said that I smelled of poo. You're dead meat, Crowley. You're bloody history." And Crowley, you know, panics and like, runs out, and the note that I took - 'cause I forgot the exact order of things in this episode - was, "Crowley runs out to go home," but he doesn't. [laughs] But in some ways, he does.

G: Oh, shut the fuck up. [C laughing]

C: I'm so fucking, like, relationship-pilled right now. Like, I feel like I'm doing a bad job with analysis because of how stupid lovesick I am.

Oh, I forgot. Hastur also kills one of the rabbits in the TV screen.

G: Oh, yeah. Pretty violently.

C: Yeah, pretty violently. There's like, cartoon blood exploding. And then, like, the remaining rabbit is just standing there, confused, about what to do when Crowley runs out. Slay.

G: Anyway, we go to Anathema and Newt in Jasmine Cottage. Anathema is saying, like, "Well, I know all about you, Private Newton Pulsifer," you know. "You had matches. I threw them out. You're a witchfinder." And he goes, "I'm not actually a witchfinder given that there are no witches. I'm a computer engineer."

C: Which he's not.

G: "I just needed something to get me out of the house."

C: Girl.

G: Actually, when he said that, I was like, "Okay."

C: I mean, that does make him a little less hateable, but, like, bro, there's a soup kitchen nearby, I'm sure.

G: Go to the library! [C laughs] Go join a community theater! Fuck off! Sorry. I need to calm down.

C: No, I mean, he did explicitly like, look at a guy calling people sissies and hating women and go, "This is the thing I want to do to get out of the house."

G: Yeah. And she introduces herself. She says, "I really am a witch." And she gives him the prophecy and tells him to read it, and he does.

C: Out loud, again, even though it already happened in the narration. What is it about these prophecies that makes Neil Gaiman go, "I just have to read them again and again, "like, every single person in the entire world has to read them again. Can you tell him I'm still mad about the transition from the 1600s [G laughing] to young Anathema-

G: In episode 2? For fucking real.

C: We heard it already! We heard it already.

G: Yeah. And you know, she points out, like, "Oh, that's you in your car, and the aspirin," and, you know, she gives the backstory, blah blah blah, family, Agnes, Adultery Pulsifer.

C: They cut a line that she thinks that Adultery Pulsifer just did that because he hated women. 'Cause Newt's like, "If I was called Adultery Pulsifer, I think I'd want to hurt as many people as possible," and Anathema's just like, "I think he just didn't like women." Sad!

G: She says that the end of the world starts in four hours and fifteen minutes. She goes, "I just can't figure out the prophecy," which is "Where the hog's back ends, the young beast will take the world, and Adam's line will end in fire and darkness." Newt figures out, 'cause he knows the address, that Adam Young lives in Hogsback-

C: Hogback Lane, Number 4 Hogback Lane, yeah. And Anathema hates this.

G: Hates it, 'cause she thinks Adam's a sweet, sweet kid, and all his friends are so sweet. And then, as she goes, "He can't be the great beast at the end of the world. He's the sweetest kid in the village." And then we cut to Adam-

C: Not the sweetest kid in the village.

G: - telling the Them to like, come with him and keep walking with him. And they are, but they don't want to. And he's saying, like, "You're all coming with me because there's nowhere else to go." Adam starts saying that, "There's nothing left. Like, look at everything around you. [laughing] Everyone's deleted Ecosia, [C laughing] like, the environment is going to shit!"

C: [laughing] Do you want to explain the Ecosia thing? [G laughs]

G: Me and Crystal have been trying so so so hard to insert a "delete Ecosia" joke in this podcast because it's a joke that we share. Because - was it - It was like, last year, [laughs] the Philippines elections was happening, and didn't turn out favorably for me, or, you know-

C: Anyone?

G: - a person who is like me in general. In general also. Did you know that they're like, asking for confidential funds right now, and it's so bonkers high, it's crazy? And the only reasoning they're giving is like, "Well, we don't need to give reasons. It's a confidential fund." I hope they all die. But anyway, one of the tweets that I saw in my timeline at the time was like, "Man. This administration is gonna be here for six years. Thank god the world is gonna end in five. Everybody delete Ecosia." [C laughing] And it has been in my vocabulary ever since. Everybody delete Ecosia.

C: It has very much been in my vocabulary ever since. In fact, I think the first thing that I Peached after I watched Season 2 and was so disappointed [G laughs] was "Everyone delete Ecosia."

G: [laughing] Yes, "everyone delete Ecosia"! And we got people asking you, "Wait, is Ecosia bad?" And you were like, "No!"

C: [laughing] Yeah, like, "Oh, what did Ecosia do?" [both laughing] Yeah.

G: God. Ecosia is bad for trying to save the world when the world is so so bad.

C: I mean, actually, I think that there are- I don't know if this is Ecosia-specific, but I think there are issues with like- Attempts at reforestation are like, really not undoing any of the damage that was done, blah blah blah. So like, yeah. But I don't know the specifics of Ecosia. It's possible that the species that they plant are more helpful than other replanting programs or whatever. But yeah. Truly, [laughs] Adam said that everyone's deleted Ecosia. [G laughs]

G: Adam literally said that.

C: And then he says that he needs to do the final push to make everyone who hasn't deleted Ecosia yet delete Ecosia.

G: He's going to make the world end.

C: Yeah. Specifically, he wants to make it better by burning it all down and then starting it again. And I felt this is quite interesting given that we saw Noah's Ark last episode.

G: He wants to Noah's Ark this thing.

C: Like, it's much like that. It's interesting the different ways that people are viewing the ending of the world. Like, Heaven and Hell are both just like, "We're going to raze the earth to the ground and then use it as the battlefield to prove who's better." Though, actually, do we know that that's a hundred percent true? Like, do we know exactly what's going to happen? Because it's possible that, like, the great fight between Heaven and Hell actually involves, like, human souls. Like, maybe all the humans die and the souls join different sides and it's like, whoever was good on Earth and whoever was bad, like, changes the numbers in the army, and that's like, part of the test of humans or something? You know what I mean?

G: I fucking doubt it.

C: Yeah. I mean, I also doubt it, but like, they're very vague about what exactly is going to happen. And like, Adam, seems to be thinking that like, they're gonna restart the Earth after. Okay, I guess it's like, whoever wins gets to restart the Earth alone, right? Either Heaven will build a new Earth or Hell will.

G: It will be Hell on Earth or Heaven on Earth, yeah.

C: Yeah. Adam's ending the world because it's like, a fresh start-

G: [laughs] He wants to delete Ecosia.

C: He wants to delete Ecosia! Yeah, the angels and the demons have the same reason, and Crowley still views it as a test, and I'm still not sure exactly what she means by that. But I think it's nice that that is what she thinks.

G: Oh my god, we're at the breakup scene.

C: We sure are at the breakup scene. Though- I don't- I feel like I did want to discuss a bit the way that Adam got here. Is it not, like, politically confusing to you what this book and the show are trying to do, like, a little bit?

G: How would you describe politically confusing?

C: Okay, I guess if I had to summarize what's happened, Anathema's a leftist who's a little too into conspiracy theories, and she presents Adam with some real issues mixed in with some fake stuff. Somehow, what Adam shapes about reality is like, the aliens and Atlantis, like, harmless fake stuff, but what hits him emotionally is the hopelessness about the environment, and also possibly like, the misinformation in the magazines, and he's no longer able to view humanity as capable of enacting positive change. So then he's like, here. And like, I guess that makes an amount of sense to me. But like, is it like about like- I mean, I know that things don't actually have to have a political ideology or a political throughline. But I feel like Neil Gaiman has said in interviews that, like, Terry Pratchett, like, what really drove him to write Good Omens is like, anger at the world, and like, wanting to like, say something, so like, I feel like, there has to be something that they're going for. And is it just about like, how like, you have to like, stay hopeful, even if all these issues that leftists care about are like, present? 'Cause, like, that's kind of confusing when you mix in like, the conspiracy theory shit. Like, the one-sentence summary of this is just like, "misinformationed leftist turns child into ecofash," right? Like, that's what happens. And I guess I am confused a little bit about why those were the choices. I don't know how. Do you have any confusion?

G: Crystal,you have to remember, I don't know how this story pans out. [laughs]

C: I'm just talking about like, right now, the fact that this is what has caused Adam to do this.

G: I don't know. I guess, in my head, I'm waiting for how Adam deals with it later. How his story resolves before I go, "And this is what they're trying to say." 'Cause, right now, I have no idea what they're trying to say.

C: Sure. Yeah. Nor I, honestly. But yeah, I think the idea that if Adam had gone on without reading those magazines, he wouldn't even end the world is the thing, right? There were voices whispering in his head, like, "End it all, mend it all" doesn't mean anything when you don't actually think there's anything wrong with the world.

G: Well I would also say that it's interesting to me that he is 11, and like, it is intentional that he's 11, and like, I think he really couldn't have been any other age. I think 11 really is- Like, if you want to write a story of this type, of like, somebody learning about the world and being so disillusioned and like, having such childish ideas of how to fix that disillusionment in the world, etc, I do like that they made it that he's 11. 'Cause like, I think you can make it so it's a teenage angst situation, but like, it's really not. I remember when I was that age, Adam's age, I learned for the first time that the US was a colony and that, you know, the United States fought for independence and all that. And I thought to myself, "Well, if that's true, and they were colonized, and they didn't like it, why'd they do it to us?" It's that, you know, like, it's that kind of logic that like, when you're kid, you do think like, "Well, why?" And, yeah. I like- I quite like Adam. I think- I don't know. I still don't know what the hell they're trying to say with Adam.

C: Yeah. I like him. This is realistic to me on a character level, I'm just confused about it from a writing perspective.

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: Saur. Crowley drives to Aziraphale’s bookshop. Man. I watched this scene like, five times at least. [G laughs] I just like, got to the end-

G: The first time I watched this episode, as it ends, I just kept rewinding over and over again.

C: So he pulls up to the driveway with the worst parallel parking job God has ever seen,

and when he gets out he leaves the door open 'cause like, they're that desperate. Also, at this point, I realized that Crowley's license plate, which is like, NIAT RUC is "curtain" backwards, which is fun. I don't know what it means, but it feels relevant to the "your starring role" shit.

G: Isn't that something they say- They say that on Staged, I think, that joke.

C: You've seen Staged? I haven't seen Staged.

G: [laughs] I watched one episode, yes.

C: An entire episode?! How long-

G: Yes. Not the entire episode. I watched like, the first ten minutes. And I was like, "Yeah, I don't like this." [C laughs]

C: God! He runs out and he goes like, "Angel, I'm sorry. I apologize. Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. Work with me. I'm apologizing here. Yes? Good. [both] Get in the car." He's crazy, he's crazy, he's craazy. Okay. Also, in the script, he's supposed to grab Aziraphale at this point, but in the show, he's just standing there, and honestly, I think it's better. The tension is better.

G: Let's break this down. Let's break this down.

C: Ya. Ya. Ya. [laughs]

G: "Angel, I'm sorry." [C laughs] Insane thing to say. He didn't do anything wrong, he didn't say anything wrong. All of the hurtful things that were said were from Aziraphale’s direction. And he goes, "Angel, I'm sorry"?

C: I mean, Crowley said, "You're ridiculous. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you," and like, that, as the last thing you'll ever say to each other before you have to kill each other is like, not fun. I get why he would apologize.

G: Eh. Blah blah blah.

C: But yeah, it is mostly like a- It's just like a, "Well, I don't care right now. The only thing I want to do is get you out of here. And clearly, you're upset at me. So let's just like, whatever it was. Yeah. Sorry. Let's fucking go."

G: When he said, like, "I'm apologizing here. Yes? Good?" I did not expect the next line to be, "Get in the car." And I felt like- [both laugh] I felt the same way Aziraphale has felt in that moment of like, "What?? No!" Like, "Get in the car?" It was- "Get in the car." Is anyone else feeling like an insane person? [laugh] God!

C: [laughing] Okay, when I first watched this scene, I like, looked down, and there were bite marks on my hand, and I just noticed that I'm biting my hand, like, right now. Like- [laughing] it's a lot. It sure is a fucking scene. What is it about "Get in the car" that really got you?

G: Like, no explanation, no, like- What was going on in Crowley's head? Was he like, "I'll tell the angel to get in the car, and then he will, and then I'll explain, and then we'll be off to Alpha-" like, the fact that he didn't even bother to start with the explanation. He just goes, "Okay! We're fine! So now we'll do our thing, and you will get in the car!" And it's like, I don't know. You told me once that, in the book, Crowley is described to be a raging optimist or however it's phrased.

C: Yeah. Once we get to that scene, I will read the whole passage in full and then scream and cry and sob and moan.

G: Here, I suppose it's like, I don't know, the hope that like, "I'll say sorry, and then everything's going to be okay, and then we'll just continue on." Like, I don't know, there's such juvenile hopefulness to it that really gets to me, I guess.

C: Yeah. And I think it's just like, "Our relationship is usually operated off of trust. And like, why wouldn't he trust me now?" Yeah, and just the complete lack of communication is so good. And their voice is so pleading, and they have, like, their arms out sort of in a similar gesture as in the bandstand when they were mentioning the same thing.

G: Oh, that's the one. That's the one that's the one that really got to me, too. Like, there is no change in what he's asking. He's asking me the exact same thing. The only change is that now he has added an exact location. Now he's like, "We're going to Alpha Centauri." But it's still the exact same suggestion, the exact same request. He literally went and go, "I must have said something wrong. Whatever it is, I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm going to say the exact same thing I said. Do you wanna come?" [both laugh] Like, you're crazy, Crowley. [C laughing] God.

C: And I just love that this is the breakdown of their relationship. Because I feel like for millennia, they've maintained a friendship, and it's because Crowley tempts Aziraphale to do or ask him to do things that Aziraphale secretly wants the whole time. But like, this time, like, it's not something that Aziraphale secretly wants, so it doesn't work. And like, they've had conversations in the past about like, their beliefs about like, religion and God and all that, and it's like, they've always stuck to their sides, and they've never really been able to change each other's minds, and if it's too awkward, then they just go. "You're an angel." "You're a demon" bullshit, blah blah blah blah, and then move on. But like, they can't move on past this anymore, because it is the end of the world, and it is their fundamental beliefs that are clashing right now. So like, nothing Crowley can do will work, and nothing Aziraphale can do will work. They're just stuck here forever but they can't live without each other, so it's just misery forever.

G: God! It is so unstoppable force/immovable object of them.

Aziraphale goes like, "What? No!" And then Crowley explains.

C: Yeah, he goes, "The forces of Hell have figured out it was my fault, but we can run away together. Alpha Centauri. Lots of spare planets up there. Nobody would even notice us." Ugh. Yeah. At least he finally explained. And I feel like this just totally goes over Aziraphale’s head, the fact that Hell's after Crowley right now. But I think he's just very focused on like, what he has to do right now. But it's still like- We saw history and all that shit, and like, Aziraphale's fear that Hell's gonna punish Crowley for them working together has like, been such a big thing. But I guess they're now in such a stressful situation that it's just not registering, nothing's registering, they can't communicate.

G: And also the fact that Crowley doesn't know that Aziraphale has been found out in some way. There was no hint of it, no anything, because it wasn't like- Hastur wasn't accusing him of, you know, trying to stop the Apocalypse. He's accusing him of misplacing the child. So like, there is no actual leap to make that, "Oh, and Aziraphale will be in danger, too." So this ask really is just for Crowley. It's not like, "I'm going to make sure that I'm safe and that you're safe." It's just, "I don't want to die, and I want you to come with me." It is a purely selfish - and I don't mean selfish in a conceited way, just that it's for Crowley and Crowley alone. The ask is for her only. And- [screams]

C: Yeah. And, I mean, partly, it is because, you know, like, last episode, it was like, "Well, the world is probably gonna end, maybe. Like, if we know that we can't stop it, then we really have got to go." But yeah, I feel like the fact that this is the explanation now is mostly just 'cause they don't want to die, and they want Aziraphale to come with them. [screams] Love that. Love that so much. And Aziraphale goes, like, "Crowley. You're being ridiculous. I'm quite sure if I can just reach the right people, that I can get all this sorted out." Do you think he believes that?

G: Yes! I think he does.

C: Oh, god, that's devastating. Okay. The thing is, yeah, the whole time, he's been like- everything he's done is like, trying to prove that, like, The Great Plan doesn't actually want Armageddon to happen. When you said that this is a test of Aziraphale, like, it really is.

G: It is!

C: It is like Abraham being like, "Surely God will stay my hand at the last minute. Surely I don't actually have to kill my son." This is what's happening with Aziraphale, and he keeps asking more and more people, like, "Okay, but like, Heaven doesn't actually want this, right?" And each time, they say, "Yes," and he's like, "Okay, but I can't live with that. So I need to ask someone else." Agh! I love him a lot. But yeah. So he does- yeah, he truly believes that, like, if he talks to God, She will sort it all out. And maybe he's like, "And, you know, in the course of that, like, you'll also be saved. We'll all be fine." And Crowley goes, "There aren't any right people. There's just God moving in mysterious ways and not talking to any of us!" What I really love about how they have filmed this is Crowley is taller than Aziraphale, but somehow, they've positioned themselves so that Crowley's head is like, tilted up pleadingly the whole time that he's talking, and Aziraphale is just looking like, straight ahead, eye-level. I don't know how this is working. But like, yeah. It really highlights- the body language really highlights where they're at. Crowley already sort of tried God, like, earlier in this episode. And that's- I don't think he really- I think it was mostly just angst. I don't think he really thought that She was gonna reply. But it does make me emo that the demon tried it first.

Okay, so like, Crowley continues and says, "You're so clever. How can somebody as clever as you be [both] so stupid?" And Aziraphale takes a little pause at this, and emotions flicker across his face. The stage direction is, "Aziraphale decides not to be offended by this." And then he says, very- it's like, gentle but firm at the same time, like, "I forgive you." Aughhhh. Gah. By the way.

G: Why? Okay. What does this mean? 'Cause like, in the logic of the interaction, it's, you know, Crowley says, "Sorry," and this is like, Aziraphale responding to that. But, like, what does it mean?

C: I mean, it seems sort of a response of Crowley calling him stupid. But it, yeah, is also maybe a response to the entire apology.

G: It's not a response to being called stupid at fucking all.

C: Is it not at all? But it says "Aziraphale decides not to be offended by this," is that not- like, that sort of implies that it's also a response to that.

G: When I'm watching the show, I'm not-

C: Yeah, you're not reading the stage directions. You're right. Sorry. And yeah, death of the author means that anything that isn't in the show doesn't actually count. Continue.

G: I don't know what. What is he forgiving? Is that "I'm forgiving you for even asking this of me"?

C: God. Augh.

G: 'Cause that's how I took it.

C: Maybe.

G: Doesn't the last episode of Season 2 end this way?

C: [laughing] Let's not talk about that! Anyway! [both laughing]

G: [laughing] Wait? What's happening? Doesn't it? Doesn't he say- Like, they kiss and he says, "I forgive you for kissing me" or something.

C: [overlapping] Yes. Yes. Yes, he does, yes, he does, and no one has to think about that for several months is what I think.

G: [laughing] Okay. Okay.

C: Okay. So it's- what does he mean by that? I didn't think about it that much because I was mostly just looking at how devastated Crowley looks. But okay, I think my breakdown of the scene- Does Aziraphale think that Crowley's gonna leave for real?

G: He's not.

C: Probably not. 'Cause he calls later, fully just assuming she's gonna be at her flat.

G: Yeah. Is it a "I forgive you for losing hope"?

C: Yeah, I think it's also like a, "In case we don't make it through, like, I want to make sure we like, leave off on good terms." Though, I mean, maybe not because he thinks that if he talks to God, She'll fix it. How desperate is he- I mean, some amount of desperate, but it's hard to say how much he thinks they'll never see each other again.

G: I don't know. I'll stick with my "I'll forgive you for acting this way and asking this and doing this."

C: Yeah. The point of the sentence "I forgive you" is like, "You did something wrong. I know you did something wrong. And it's so obvious that you did something wrong that you know that you did something wrong. Like, the apology is inherent in the wrongness of the action that you just did, because it's so obviously wrong." And I think that is a fascinating response to anything.

G: Well, maybe it's not like, "I know that you did something wrong by virtue of you apologizing," and more of "I know you think you did something wrong, and whatever it is that you think you did wrong, I forgive you for it." That's a more benevolent reading.

C: Sure. But I think this is quite similar to- 'Cause they just had another breakup like, two hours ago, right?

G: No, for fucking real! [C laughing] How many times are they gonna break up in this fucking show?

C: More than this, I suppose.

G: Just the three? [laughs]

C: I mean, they broke up in Saint James's Park, also.

G: Oh, yeah, that's four.

C: Yeah. They are the thrice-divorced old man yaoi everyone wants.

G: Yeah. They are literally so crover and so back.

C: Yeah. In the last episode, right, Aziraphale also uses the language of forgiveness, but like, that's like, you know, Crowley says, like, "Great pustulent mangled bollocks to The Great blasted Plan," and yeah, it's "May you be forgiven," and Crowley's like, "Well, I'm unforgivable, due to being a demon." So like, is this a callback to that? Like, "You may think you're unforgivable due to being a demon, but I forgive you."

G: No, it's it's different. It's different. Because, like, "May you be forgiven" is like, "May the Lord or the universe or whatnot forgive you." This is different. I don't think this applies to the whole, "I'm a demon. I cannot be forgiven." 'Cause it's not about the demon Crowley. It's just Crowley, you know?

C: Yeah. But do you think Crowley might read it as that?

G: I mean, he started the discussion with, "I'm sorry." So yeah. How did Crowley read this? Crowley read this as-

C: In the worst possible way.

G: "I am an immovable-" Yeah, "I'm an immovable object, and you're never going to move me,” and this is like, a pity thing, and it's like, "Well, I forgive you. You may go now."

C: "We will never be 'Mountain and the Sea' by Ingrid Michaelson." Okay, "You think that the reason that I'm not going with you is because I'm angry at you, and I need you to apologize. But no, I'm just not going with you because I'm not going with you." [G screams] How miserable! Yeah.

G: Is anyone else so miserable? [C laughs] God.

C: Yeah. And Crowley looks devastated at the "I forgive you." Like, it's like, "Truly, there's no hope left. Like, there's nothing I can do anymore. And we're just both gonna die on this rock together, separated by like, a twenty-minute walk, never looking at each other again. Great."

Aziraphale's body language, he's holding himself so like, still and tight, and Crowley's like, gesturing and coming closer and pleading, and it's a lot. It's a lot. Like, thank god for the fucking sunglasses, because I know that he's like, crying under there.

He like, runs to the car, and like, stands in it like, dramatically, and goes, "I'm going home, angel. I'm getting my stuff, and I'm leaving, and when I'm off in the stars, I won't even think about you!" Insane thing to say. Do you think that even now he was like, "I'm never leaving"? When did he decide he wasn't gonna leave?

G: I think in this moment he was like, [mocking voice] "I'm not even gonna think about you?" And then literally on the drive home, it's like, "Well. Mm." [both laughs] He literally could've just left. Like, just leave, bro. But like, no. There was the whole Hastur Ligur thing. Like, you really did not have to do that, Crowley. And yet, you know, it was done, so.

C: Yeah, I mean, he's probably just operating off of instinct right now. Like, they end their fights with Crowley saying something hurtful and going like, "I have plenty of other people to fraternize with, I don't need you, like, you're being ridiculous, I don't even know why I'm still talking to you." This is just like, a defense mechanism, I think. But this is such a- he's so upset that he's not thinking about how these could be his last words to Aziraphale. But I also think that, yeah, I think that as soon as Aziraphale said “no,” they knew in some part of themselves that like, they couldn't leave. Like, okay. I'm staying and fighting. Anyone else so miserable? And then we get some whatever whatever joke. There's some guy who's walking by, and he notices this all happening, and he tells Aziraphale, "I've been there. You're better off without him, you know?" Great. Okay. Whatever. And Aziraphale just looks after Crowley leaving with a sad little frown.

G: But the thing is [laughs], Crowley is the one who's better off without him, I would say. [laughs]

C: Really? I mean, I think Aziraphale is a bit more explicitly mean about the whole "You're inherently evil," blah blah blah thing-

G: That's what I said! I said Crowley is better-

C: No no no, I know, I'm agreeing with you in that part. I'm saying that I think that that is true, that he does do things like that, but I also think that it doesn't really hurt Crowley anymore. I think he knows it's just part of their song and dance. But yeah. Would be nicer if Aziraphale was a little more niceys.

Before this next scene, I do wanna say they cut a scene in the script which is so annoying, which is just that War pulls up to like, a girl and her boyfriend, and like, the girl's male friend, and then they all see War, and they go awooga, and they all start fighting over her, and it starts with the two men fighting over her, but eventually the girl also gets into it, so I guess diversity win?

G: We go to the fucking Crowley Mayfair apartment, and he is strutting, strutting, walk, walk, fashion, baby. There's like, a portion where he like, curbs the hallway, and we see right behind her, it's like, the wings. [screams] It's so nice!

C: Yes, it's the fucking eagle lectern whatever whatever statue from 1941, and the wings are- Yup, it is sure wing imagery, and it sure did happen.

G: There's like, a little montage of Crowley getting the tartan thermos full of holy water out of the safe, which is, you know, right behind the Mona Lisa. And I think this scene was fun, mostly because Crowley looks so good it's unreal. [laughs]

C: Yeah. Sure do.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Whew! Like, there's a- I don't want to- maybe I'll cut this out. I don't know. But there's the the part where, like, Crowley's, like, hands, are on the safe-

C: Uh-huh. [G laughs]

G: [laughing] That's all I have to say.

C: Listen, [laughing] I watched Ducktales to listen to David Tennant’s voice on a plane. [both laughing] I think you can do whatever you want regarding his hands.

G: [laughing] It's so crover.

C: I didn't notice. Is the flask dusty at all? Because the script mentions that it's supposed to be dusty, which made me quite emotional.

G: I don't know.

C: I didn't notice it being dusty. Props team, should have done better.

G: Crowley is holding with like, gloves and everything, with a nice little apron. There's like, a bucket, and she throws it into the bucket, with like, force - I don't know. What do you call that? Like, garden something?

C: Forceps or whatever?

G: Is it forceps? Aren't those so small-

C: Like, big fuckoff tong things.

G: Giant forceps, yeah. But, you know, being very careful and all that crap. She puts the thing at the top of the door, and like, the door's a bit ajar, and like, you know, they like, sit on the throne, and they have the mister for the plants. It's super fun!

C: And they so stupidly take their gloves off. [G exclaims] Come on, girl.

G: Fucking- put it back on. Put it back on!

Ligur and Hastur are knocking at the door, and like, going like, "Crowley, we know you're in there."

C: "We only want a little word with you." I love how Ligur says it.

G: They enter. Ligur is walking up front. And they peek over and see Crowley sitting on the throne. As Ligur opens the door to the throne room, the bucket falls into his head, and he disintegrates.

C: Yep, he melts. And there's screaming sounds the whole time, and you think it's Ligur.

G: When I first watched this, I did think it was Ligur, and then, you know, he disintegrates, the screams keeps on going, and you realize it's Hastur. Hastur is the one screaming.

C: Yeah. Pretty fun.

G: He is so appalled by all this, and then he's like, "Well, Ligur hasn't done anything to you!"

C: "Yet."

G: Crowley pulls out the mister and goes, "You know what this is? It's a plant mister. Cheapest and most efficient in the market today." [C laughs] And, you know, he's saying like, "I have holy water in here. I can turn you into that," pointing at Ligur. And Hastur goes like, "You're bluffing." And Crowley goes, "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Ask yourself, do you feel lucky?" And we see like, a slow-mo of a drop from the head of the mister go down very slowly into Crowley's finger and like, slides off, and, you know, he doesn't die, so Hastur goes, "Yep. Do you?" And he explodes the mister, and then Crowley is still alive. So it's not holy water. And then the phone starts ringing. Crowley's phone starts ringing and we go to the bookshop, where Aziraphale is ringing him. And he starts saying like, "Hello! I know where the Antichrist is." But like, the the voicemail message starts happening.

C: The voicemail message is, "Hello! This is Anthony Crowley. You know what to do. Do it with style." Which, first of all, I love that his first name is important enough to him that he has it on his voicemail. Secondly, you know, the other voicemail that's important to me is Castiel Supernatural's.

G: Yes. "Make your voice a mail."

C: Yes. "This is a voicemail. Make your voice a mail." And they're on like, opposite ends of the spectrum, but are they on the spectrum? Yes. [laughs]

G: He goes like, "Don't move" to Hastur and goes like, "Oh, before you embarrass yourself, you need to know something." And then he answers the call real quick, and like, we hear Aziraphale on the other side going, "I know where the Anti-" but Crowley goes like, "Nope, not a good time. Got an old friend here." and hangs up.

C: Yeah, and it's like a "Hey, shut up, because, like, Hastur cannot fucking hear the end of this" thing, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Crowley already suspects that Aziraphale knows where the Antichrist is because of what he said last episode, right?

G: What did he say last episode?

C: "Even if I knew where the Antichrist was, I wouldn't tell you. We're on opposite sides."

G: [imitating Aziraphale] "Opposite sides!" So dramatic.

C: "We're on our side!" Anyway, he already knew, so this is like, "It's nice you're trusting me now, but not a good time. Sorry, bro."

G: Anyway, as Jeb once said, “David Tennant will take any opportunity to play as camp as possible.” And you know what? He took this fucking opportunity because Crowley decides that the best thing to do right now is to tell Hastur that, "Oh, the Darkness or the Lords of Darkness or whatever, the Lords of Hell were actually testing you. And now we know that you're trustworthy."

C: Yeah, the stage direction says that Crowley "smiles like a lighthouse burning or a TV quizmaster." I love you so much, Anthony Janthony Crowley.

G: He is putting on the like, [TV quizmaster voice] "Well, you've definitely passed the test!" Like, it's so fun. He even does this thing where he like, stands up on the chair, and as he does, like, lightning blasts outside, and he goes like, "You know what, Duke Hastur?" Like, he calls him Duke Hastur. And he goes, "Let's call the Dark Council so they can tell you that you've done an amazing job!" Hastur goes, "You're calling the Dark Council?" and he goes, "Yes, I am. And they say, [both] 'So long, suckah!'" And then, like, he sticks his tongue out, and there's this like, hissing noise. And Crystal said it's so sad that her tongue doesn't do the split tongue thing. And you know what? It is sad.

C: Yeah. It should have been forked. But we live with what we can. And we also get to see the profile picture of Crowley on her phone.

G: Yeah!

C: It's just them in like, sunglasses looking regular. [laughs] Not smiling, I don't think.

C: God says, like, "Okay, I'm gonna explain to you a bit the physics of what happening." I feel like, cold? Like, it feels like my blood isn't working properly? But okay. [G laughs] So- so She goes like, "Over the years, a lot of people have debated the question, 'How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?' To answer it, we need information. Firstly, angels don't dance. It's one of the distinguishing characteristics that marks an angel. So none. At least, nearly none. Aziraphale had learned a dance called the gavotte in a discreet gentleman's club in Portland Place in the late 1880s." So, can we- okay. So. So so so so. So. So let's break this down, right? Okay? Okay okay okay okay. So.

G: Okay.

C: The scene that we see of Aziraphale dancing - I don't know, fun fact, it's like, to an arrangement of "I'm a courtier, grave and serious" from the Gilbert and Sullivan opera or musical The Gondoliers. I don't know. Anyway. So so. He's like, in this club, right? Well, we see a bunch of men wearing black suits dancing in this club, like, a pretty silly dance. Very arranged. And then Aziraphale sort of comes in from off-screen, and he's dancing, and he's the fucking belle of the ball.

G: [laughing] He is!

C: He's the only one wearing white. He's in the center. They're all dancing around. He's grinning. He's having the fucking time of his life. He looks so fucking proud of himself. He looks left and right, and smiles very hard, and then he like, does a gesture like a "ta-da!" at the end. And okay, so here's- here are the things about the line "a discreet gentleman's club in Portland Place in the late 1880s." I need you all to understand that I watched this clip at 5:48PM, and then I sat there like, alternating, thinking, and crying until 6:13. [G laughs] So for 25 minutes, I kept trying to write notes, and then I would think of a sentence to write down, and then I would just start crying into my hands. It was truly an experience. And then I didn't finish writing said notes, or like, having said thoughts until 6:49PM. So it took an hour and a minute for me to keep watching. So okay, let's break this down, right? Okay, first, this is a gay club. All the people dancing here are men. They're dancing with each other. This is a big deal 'cause a lot of what the queer activists in the podcast Making Gay History talk about in regards, to like, forming community spaces is like, the joy at like, being able to find a place where it's safe to dance with someone of their preferred gender. And like, yeah, this is an underground gay club that he is at. And we've already talked about how he presents the way he presents, knowing that everyone will assume he's gay, and that he has a bookshop in Soho which is like, a very gay district of London. But like, this is like an increased level of being with the gay community right now. Also, Neil Gaiman has said that it's supposed to be a reference to the Hundred Guineas Club, which is like a club that was like, for the richest gay men ever because the annual membership cost a hundred guineas, which in today's money is £15,000. [G laughs]

G: Damn.

C: Also, I think this portrayal of the Hundred Guineas Club doesn't really jive with like, the little that I was able to find about it online, 'cause it seemed like a lot of the people there would like, dress in drag and go by feminine names while they were there and stuff like that. Also, Portland Place is about a 17 minute walk from Soho, so it was very close to where Aziraphale was. Okay, so that's the discreet gentleman's club part, right? In Portland Place.

Okay, now that we have the late 1880s part. So number one thing, the first thing we have talked about, which is that it was during the period that Aziraphale and Crowley were broken up after St. James's Park. So it's been 18 years since then, and Aziraphale is here, and he has friends, like, these are friends to him. He likes it here. And he's having his, like, sex- self-act- Okay, why did I- Okay, he's having his self-actualization-

G: [laughing] His sex-actualization. For fucking real.

C: His sex-actualization. [laughs] He's having both. Perhaps. But yeah, he's having a self-actualization time. He's like, finding- like, yeah, yep. That is what's happening. Also, speaking of that period, something that I totally neglected to inform you of is that in the book, there's no breakup or whatever, right? But it does mention that Crowley slept right through most of the nineteenth century. And a lot of people have combined this book fact with the fact that they broke up in the nineteenth century. And I don't think that in the show that that actually happened, I don't think it was like, a consideration, but it sure is a thing that one could think about.

Secondly, the 1880s, and specifically, the fact that he specifies the late 1880s is that the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885 was like, a big deal, for, like, gay people in the UK at the time. 'Cause the way that laws, like, criminalizing homosexuality worked before this was anal sex was like, illegal, but nothing else was explicitly illegal in the books of law, right? But Section 11 of the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885 said that there would be two years of imprisonment for any man found guilty of "gross indecency" with another male, "whether in public or in private." And gross indecency was sort of meant to like, encompass all gay sex, so yeah, just all of it. And like, this was the law that Oscar Wilde was arrested under. Like, it was a big deal. Aziraphale's not here in the 1880s in general. He's here in the late 1880s, explicitly like, after 1885. And I think that part of why he's here is because he thinks that these people need his help and his protection while he's here.

G: God.

C: Like, during this really scary time, he wants to be there for them and to be a part of them like, going against the laws and like, still like, dancing together, and like [G sniffles], all that shit, right? [tearing up]

G: [teary] Yeah.

C: And I don't think that this is, like, the first time Aziraphale has spent time with the queer community, [G sniffles] though, like, obviously like, the existence of such a thing and the definitions and identities and ways of thinking surrounding such a thing like, have changed over the time. But like, I feel like he hasn't really for a bit. And now he's like, "They need me. And I'm coming back." And it's also like, not just like, an act of like- Like, it is an act of like, benevolence and like, protection and all that, [teary] but it's also like, a- Like a "he's part of this." Like, he's smiling at the other people here. These are his friends. And like, we know that he does make human friends because, like, he like, has his books of prophecy signed by like, Nostradamus calling him his old friend, and all of that, but like [tearier], yeah, this very much hits differently. Like, he's here, and he decides that he's gonna be here as both a protector and a member and a friend, and he's clearly loved by everyone here because they're so excited that he's here and they're letting him like, be the fucking belle of the ball. [G laughs] And he's here, and he's being gay, and he loves gay people, and everyone should download Ecosia. [G teary-laughs] And it's also the fact that it opens with like, him being the only angel who dances, and this is the first time he ever dances. Like, it says that not dancing is a distinguishing characteristic of an angel-

G: Yeah.

C: - and he goes like, "I don't need that community with Heaven right now. [starts crying] I need to be here." [crying] Fuck! [screams] [G crying] Do you know why I was crying for a fucking hour now? [both literally crying]

G: [crying] Anyway.

C: [crying] Yeah! So- [laughing] [G exhales] I... feel craaazed. I-

G: God. [sighs]

C: I think a lot of the book fans have like, the idea that, like, Aziraphale [G still crying/trying to calm himself] sort of assigned himself as like, the principality of queer people, and like, as a protector of queer people in Soho, and I feel like, this is like, why.

G: Yeah. Yeah.

C: And yeah. So yeah. Anyway.

Right. Also, like, barely related, but like, I think I did notice, while doing like, reading about the 1885 law that gay sex was decriminalized in the UK in 1967, which is the last year in the flashback sequence at the beginning of Episode 3. I wonder if that was at all a little intentional Easter egg thing at all, but maybe not. Maybe it's just because 1967 seems like a random enough number in the 1960s.

Oh, also, if you wanna read about Crowley and Aziraphale dancing as lesbians, you should read "follow me in merry measure" by larkthorne. Ya. [laughs] Alright! I'm normal again. Let's- [both laughing]

G: Oh, god! [C screams]

C: He literally gave up a distinguishing characteristic of angels because he loves humans and he loves Earth, and he wants to specifically be here with the gay humans on Earth! And it says that he got really good at it, and he was sad when it went out of fashion. Like, he loves this, and he loves them, and, ya! [teary laugh]

G: Okay. Well.

C: God continues and asks how many demons can dance on the head of a pin, and she says, "Demons do dance, but not what you'd call good dancing." And then we see, like, basically - you described Hell as sort of like, a dingy underground club in Episode 1-

G: And now it is.

C: And I never really saw it, but in this part, it absolutely is. They have like, lights going on. The demons honestly look like they're having a great time. God's like, "They're bad dancers." That's just like, how people dance in a club. They're vibing. I'm glad they get to find joy.

And another thing that we see is Crowley in this-

G: [laughs] Are we gonna mention-?

C: Yes, I am. Crowley in this atrocious outfit-

G: It's so bad. He looks so bad.

C: He has long hair, but it's like, the only time that I wish he wouldn't. And then like, this awful mustache. And he's dancing with Hastur and Ligur with like, a big old pin prop. And when Grey got to this, I sent him a video that we will reblog that is sort of like, a behind the scenes look at the filming of this, [G laughing] and the OP had set it to "Daddy Cool" by Boney M, and Grey responded- You know what? Okay, I'll humiliate myself too. Fine. Let's do this together. Hand in unlovable hand. [G laughing] I was just gonna read your messages, but let's just do all of it. Right? Okay, you respond, "uhm," U-H-M. I respond, "yes?" and then "if the uhm isn't about wanting to fuck her so bad i will understand unfortunately i do. so bad." And then you said, "maybe the bottom crowley truthers were right." [G laughing] And then I keysmashed, and then you said, "david tennants hips ARE doing so much work compensating for his flat ass. let this be known." And now everyone knows it. I feel like we do need to put a disclaimer here that we both think that bottom/top discourse is like, stupid as shit, and like, we don't actually engage in it.

G: Oh yeah, that comment was brought about a previous conversation where we were talking about how stupid it is [laughs], so-

C: Yeah, we were talking about how stupid it is, and also the trends in the Good Omens fandom.

G: - that there's like, bottom truthers and top truthers, yeah.

C: You were surprised when I said that I feel like most people are bottom!Crowley truthers. Or at least I feel like it leans that way.

G: I... I don't wanna talk about this. [both laughing] Okay, I'll talk about it. I don't know. I guess with a lot of fictional couples, I don't necessarily think of them having sex until I'm reading fanfiction. It's beyond me.

C: These ones, you have talked about how they need to fuck so bad, like, a lot, though.

G: Yeah. But like, not like, specifics. By "fuck," I do mean, like, tossing around [C laughing], you know? Like, you're in bed, you're tossing around, that's the extent of it.

C: So real. Just like, a wall happens.

The music playing here is like, a disco version of the song that Aziraphale was dancing to.

G: The song from prior.

C: And although it's not explicitly mentioned here, I do wanna note that, like, disco. is like, a music style and stuff that, like, is heavily associated with gay culture in the 1960s and 1970s. Like, disco clubs were like, some of the few places that you could have same-sex dancing, like, during that time. So both of them are doing gay dancing. It's fun. And God finally finishes explaining that, like, Crowley has shrunk down so that she can move in the gaps between electrons, and it shows her and Hastur inside the telephone line system, whatever whatever, and it's just like, a big old tunnel with a bunch of like, rectangles zooming past, and Crowley is like, whooping and having a great time. Hastur's like, "You can't escape me. Wherever you come out, I'll come out too." Say that. [G laughs] Eventually, Crowley jumps out and leaves Hastur trapped in their answering machine. Hastur is so angry about this, and then he ends with going, "You and your best friend Aziraphale, you're dead meat.” This is the first time best friend has been used to talk about either of them, and I mean, I care a lot about the phrase "best friend," so I care a lot about this. This is also, yeah, you mentioned before that Crowley has no reason to think that Aziraphale's in danger, but, like, now, he does have a reason. Like, Hell's aware of Aziraphale, which is gonna make it so fun when he runs to the bookshop next episode [laughs], don't you think?

G: Oh, shut the fuck- [growls] Yeah.

C: Yeah. Okay, to let you guys know, Grey has already been semi-spoiled on that so I did not just ruin things.

G: Yeah, I was making a Bentley music playlist, like, songs that Crowley would listen to in the Bentley, and, like, I have the, you know, the usual Queen songs in there, but I was like, "Is there anything specific that plays in the show that I need to add here?" So I Google "Crowley," I don't know "Queen, Good Omens music" whatever. And there was an article that showed up, and one of them said that Episode 5 opens with Crowley running to Aziraphale or some other with [C makes pained sound] "You're My Best Friend" playing in the background. I think maybe we should post the [laughs] DMs that we shared that time-

C: Perhaps.

G: - 'cause it was very funny, but I- It truly was an experience. My god.

C: Yeah. That literally is his best friend. And okay, I mean, Grey already knows this, but I have a whole fucking thing about the phrase "best friend" where I'm like, "It's not the friend that you have that you like the most. People can have tons of friends and ones that they like the most, and they don't have a best friend. It's a different kind of title. It's a new relationship type." And like, yeah, yeah. That is very true here. I just- I love thinking about their friendship, because, like in the book, the way that their friendship is introduced, right? So, first, Crowley thinks about Aziraphale, and about whether or not he should tell him about the Antichrist. And it goes “Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend." And then, like, two pages later, when Aziraphale's thinking about Crowley, it goes, "On the whole, neither he nor Crowley would have chosen each other's company, but they were both men, or at least men-shaped creatures, of the world, and the Arrangement had worked to their advantage all this time. Besides, you grew accustomed to the only other face that had been around more or less consistently for six millennia." And like, I feel like, at first glance, you're like, "Oh, that's not a lot. Like, do they even like each other?" etc, etc. But then, like, you get to like, the drunk bookshop scene right? And they're like, being very vulnerable by like, being drunk around each other, and they're like, bickering and talking and like, Crowley knows exactly what Aziraphale’s gonna say about like, the relative hardness of bird beaks and granite. This isn't passion, but like, it's more than passion. It's familiarity, and like, it is love. Like, I don't think that they were like, made for each other like. There's a bit of something cosmic about like, them being the serpent of Eden and the cherub guarding the Eastern Gate, but like, they could definitely still, like, been like, archenemies, are just not given a shit about each other, like, not even seen each other this whole time, like Gabriel thinks that they did. But like, they deliberately seek each other out because they're like, "I do think that he's going to understand me more than anyone else will," and like, Michael and Ligur have an alliance, and they're not in love, and they're not friends. Like, it is about- I don't know. I feel like relationships are primarily about always having something to talk about, and they're very good at having conversations with each other-

G: God.

C: - and like, because their sort of conversation dynamic has been established from like, the very beginning, but like, over time, like, they've like, grew into it more. They know better and better how to talk to each other. It's not like they're the only ones for each other, because, like, I feel like if they had at the very beginning decided that there was like, a demon in Hell, or like, an angel in Heaven, that they wanted to hang out more with and tell about Earth, and like blah blah blah blah, someone who's not like, their immediate supervisor, like, they could do that and they could call on the telephone and all that shit, but like, no, they like, chose to keep meeting with each other, and they chose to develop a rapport, and they're best friends because they chose to be, not because they just can't help it or whatever. And they're in love!

G: Yeah. I think, you know, I've mentioned it earlier, and also all episodes of Supernatural [both laugh] that we have podcasted about. But like, I do find the concept of free will to be like, one of the most interesting things to talk about in media and such. And like, you're right, like, the thing about them is there is like, even in a story where it's like, "Oh, this is how things are supposed to go," blah blah blah, there is like, so much like, free will in their story. And a part of it is because of how I conceptualize the flashback scenes, which is that it's not even like, important to God and blah blah blah, and like, this is not part of the bigger plan. But also, it's just that- I mean, I say this a lot as a joke, but like, they don't need to do that. [C laughs] And it's true, like, they really don't.

C: Yeah, every time Crowley sees Aziraphale from across the room and then chooses to go up and talk to him, like, that's a choice. Crowley could have just like, transformed or slunk off, or whatever.

G: Yeah. And, I don't know. I think it's such a wonderful thing.

C: What if love was real but not within your reach yet? Alright. So Crowley laughs triumphantly about trapping Hastur, and then runs out of the apartment.

G: Off to...

C: Well, we don't know yet.

G: We'll figure out next episode. [both laugh]

G: We go to 28 minutes later- no no no, earlier - and it's Aziraphale right after Crowley, like, goes, "I'm never even thinking about you anymore when I'm off in the stars!" thing. And it's Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon on the street.

C: He basically backs himself against the wall as soon as he sees them.

G: Yeah the first intention was to like, get out of the way where people are actually walking in, but like, it eventually ends up being like, "Oh, he's cornered. He's fucking cornered." And they call him a fallen angel.

C: Which is great. After Michael's whole, like, "Of course you can trust me. I'm an angel." I love the idea that it's just like, "You can't be an angel and do something bad that we disagree with. If you do something we disagree with, that means that you're partway down to being a demon."

G: You have Fallen, yeah. And they say, "You've been consorting with the enemy," which, of course, Aziraphale denies. Was it Uriel who said, "Don't think your boyfriend-"

C: [laughs] Yeah, it's Uriel.

G: Yeah, "Don't think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in Hell," which I think you mentioned it last episode -

C: Honestly, I think the first time I mentioned it was during my fucking Ko-Fi rant about Good Omens. I feel like I was just saying shit all the time, and I think I really mentioned this line of as being like something that I strongly use as the example of queerbait in this show, just because of how much it sounds like Supernatural's "You must have me mistaken for the other angel. You know, the one in a dirty trench coat who's in love with you?"

G: Very much so. Well, what I was going to say is the whole like, special treatment in Hell thing, you mentioned last episode that they had this discussion in the book where they go-

C: "Think your side will give me asylum?" "I was just about to ask you the same thing." Yeah. [laughs] They have way fewer hangups in the book than they have in the show.

G: They tell Aziraphale that it's time to choose sides. And Aziraphale actually says a very, you know, interesting thing here, which is that the whole choosing sides thing is - He says, like, "Obviously, there has to be two sides because people have to choose and should choose and should be able to make a choice" and all that. He says, "That's what being human means. Choices. But that's for them. For us, like, our job should be keeping everything working so that they can continue to make those choices."

C: Yeah. And the fact that he says, like, "Obviously, there have to be two sides," like, there's also implicit in that, "So like, we can't destroy the other one," which is nice.

G: Yeah. [laughs] He gets punched in the abdomen for that.

C: Yeah. Sorry, babe.

G: It was Sandalphon who punches him, right? And then he gets propped up on the wall by Michael.

C: By Uriel.

G: Oh, is it Uriel? I don't know. He goes like, "Well, you shouldn't do this! We're the good guys! I'm going to take this up to a... higher authority." And, you know, they're all like, "Ha! That's ridiculous, whatever."

C: What does he think they're gonna do to him?

G: I don't know. 'Cause the "You mustn't" was like, "You musn't what?" Are they gonna do something to him? And then I thought about it some more, and it's like, "Is he saying you mustn't start the Apocalypse?" I really don't know. Are they gonna discorporate him? Are they going to kill him? I don't know.

C: Yeah, I don't know. Like, I mean, what with the "You've been a fallen angel" and "Don't think your boyfriend's gonna get you special treatment in Hell-"

G: Ooh.

C: I don't know how the process of Falling works, were they- like, if it can be enacted by an angel-

G: Are they threatening it? Yeah!

C: - are they trying to Fall him?

G: That's crazy. They may. They might have been.

C: Yeah. Maybe so! I mean, seems a bad strategy. Like, you're just adding a soldier to the other side, but.

G: Anyway, the horn blares, and Apocalypse is starting, so the three angels get like- I don't know. They go to Heaven or whatever. And Aziraphale, just looking up, just goes, "You-! You-!" and then he scrunches his face really hard, and he goes, "Bad angels!" Oh my god.

C: Yess! I love him. I just- I love that like, "bad angels" is clearly like, he's trying not to swear so like, he just says something that lands kind of flat. But, like, I think that- Like, he was, gonna say, like, "bastards," or whatever, right? But like, "bad angels" is actually a lot more interesting because it's like, beforehand, he would not even say out loud that it was possible to be a bad angel.

G: For angels to be bad!

C: That angels could be bad. So like, that's great. I love him for getting there. Like, yeah. Bad angels isn't an oxymoron. Go fucking say that to the sky.

G: And also like, the whole, this thing- because the vibe really is like, "He was gonna curse them out, but like, he couldn't or he didn't." So later, when the curse does happen, it's like, so, so, so, so, so much more funnier.

C: Yeah. Fun fact, stage direction says, “And Aziraphale swears for the first time in 6000 years.” [G laugh/wails]

G: I wuv him soo much! Also, I think, you know, we talk about Crowley a lot, whatever. [C laughs] Like, 'cause I feel like Crowley is more of a graspable like, fondness. But like, I cannot describe the joy I feel when I'm watching Aziraphale. Like, it's like every time he's on screen, I'm going, "Ah!!! Hi! Hello!" You know what I mean? It's like, it's not something I can podcast about. It's just, you'll know it when you see it, and you will see it if you watch.

C: Yeah, it's just the words "biting him biting him biting him" over and over again. Yeah, I do think I get a cute aggression response to a lot of Michael Sheen's acting choices.

G: He is truly soo. I wuv him.

C: Yeah. We return to Tadfield. and there's a lot of shit going on. So first, with Adam, he's saying to the Them who he's like, forced to sit there in front of him - he's also like, starting a whole storm, like, wind is whipping up. And he's saying that he wants all the nuclear bombs to go off so that everything could start again, be sorted all out, etc etc, delete Ecosia. And Pepper has like, a line that's like, "People get killed. Speaking as a mother of unborn generations, I'm against it." Which is fine. I just wish that Neil Gaiman- I feel like every time he writes a woman, he's always thinking about how they're a woman. You know what I mean?

G: Yeah. Yeah.

C: I mean, it's better than in the book, at least, with Pepper. And Adam is not listening, and he starts getting into really fun creepy territory where he's like, "We can play war games with real armies." Wensley says that "There won't be any people. They'll all be dead," and Adam goes, "Oh, I can make us some new people." And then he says he's gonna make them new parents as well. Very fun. And he has friends coming soon. "You'll like them. They're a lot like you. It's going to be wicked." And then he starts floating.

G: When he said that "they're a lot like you," I did go like, "Huh! Is there like, a one-to-one correlation? Who is who?" I don't think I successfully aligned them, but it was an interesting mental exercise.

C: Oh wait, you should guess. Go for it.

G: Well, Adam is definitely Death, for sure. Would Brian be War because he was the one who was like, "Oh, Adam is weird" and it started the trip, or whatever. Is this actually something that is- like, is there like, a-

C: Yeah. So we’ll see how your guesses go in two episodes.

G: Oh! Interesting. I don't know. I don't know. So like, is it gonna be like, "The kid who is assigned Famine or whatever is going to kill Famine, and then the one who's assigned-" blah blah blah blah?

C: You'll just have to see

G: Fine. [C laughs] It's not even a spoiler for anything. Like, I mean, [laughing] it's not a spoiler I care about. You can literally spoil me for all the things that are not about Crowley and Aziraphale.

C: Yeah. Okay, so Newt and Anathema are talking, and they're like, "I don't know how to get Adam to stop," blah blah blah, and then they go outside to go to his house, and the tornado hits them. And they are gonna get blown away unless they like, hang on to the door frame together. And Anathema says that the prophecies say that they'll have a minute of respite when they can get inside and find cover, but then the wind's gonna get even worse, so they cannot go to Adam's. So they run in, they get under the bed, and then- [angry sounds] Well. Newt asks what Agnes said they should do next. And Agnes says, "Let the wheel of fate turn. Let hearts enjoin. There are other fires than mine. When the whirlwind whirls, reach out to one another."

G: Boo! I mean, we just talked extensively about how Aziraphale and Crowley are like, driven by personal choice and blah blah blah. And now...

C: And this sucks. And Newt has his stupid, dumb fucking like, "It's my time to talk!" like, thing.

G: I hope they die so fucking much.

C: Which, if anyone, Anathema should get to have some depth about knowing how like, the world was gonna end the whole time, and like, how she was specifically named so she could stop it, and how she feels so useless, and how like, these prophecies have been weighing on her, and also how like, since she was 8, she had to memorize a prophecy that said that she was gonna fuck some guy at age 19 and like, maybe that prevented her from really coming into her own as an aromantic lesbian, which I know in my heart she is. Like, maybe she hasn't even like, done any relationships or whatever 'cause she knew, first, that the world was maybe gonna end when she was 19, and secondly, that she would like, have this guy picked out for her by her fucking great great whatever grandma, who like, reinvented the term comphet. But no! We just have Newt going like, [whiny voice] "Oh, I'm so sad, 'cause I never did anything when I was alive! I never had Thai food!" Like, yeah, you are missing out. I wish that you would die before you got that joy, though.

G: I mean, they killed Ligur. They killed Ligur and his adorable little chameleon. [both laugh] Like, they need to kill Newt. [laughing]

C: Yeah, this is just what equality is about. [G laughs] So yeah, right, and he's like, "And I've never-" and Anathema is like, "Kissed a girl?" And then they start making out.

G: I want to kill him!

C: It's just the most corny- just- agh! It's like, "Sk8er Boi" isn't even this bad. And okay, I do wanna acknowledge that Newt is also in some ways a victim of this prophecy, 'cause, like, he also heard what it was before they did this-

G: Yeah, true.

C: - but, like, he definitely doesn't feel as bound to it as Anathema does. Annoying as shit. Just horrible, evil, the worst.

G: I hate him. I'm so sorry, but like, god, he's unbearable.

C: And like, they waste like, a really nice, like, transition on this.

G: Yeah!

C: You know what I mean? Like, it's very cool what the camera and the CGI team does after this, which is, we go up, we go above the bed, we see all the like, papers that Anathema's put up, like, flying around and landing on the bed in piles, and then it zooms out through the roof of her cottage and then out farther and farther until we're like, seeing all of Tadfield, or like, all of the UK. Who knows? I can't tell. And then it fades like, perfectly into the map that Shadwell has on his wall. And it looks really cool, and it took a lot of work, and you spent all that time on this! [G laughs] God.

G: God! I'm sorry. I should stop being a hater.

C: No. This is a thing to hate.

G: No? Okay.

C: So Shadwell’s looking at the map, and there's like, this pin that's on Jasmine Cottage that like, flies off, and then when he puts it back on, it starts smoking. So something is up. Madame Tracy comes in with a cup of tea for him. We've already talked about hating this relationship dynamic. Would like to reiterate that I hate this relationship dynamic. Shadwell's finally having his moment of remorse where he's like, "Oh my god! I shouldn't have sent Newt out alone. He's just a kid. What's happening?" And Madame Tracy offers him money to take the train to Tadfield, but he won't take it because he's a misogynist. Meanwhile, Newt and Anathema, Newt's like, "Shouldn't we have dinner or something first?" And she goes, "There's no time." They go back to making out. Shadwell decides that, hey, okay, Madame Tracy says that he should maybe ask one of the men who's called him, and he's like, "Well, I can't ask Crowley because he's Mafia. But the Southern pansy in the bookshop might be a soft touch." And then we have, like, you know, like, a comic whatever thing where he's like. "Oh my god, I bet Newt is suffering so much. I have no clue what he's going through," and then it's like, goofy-ass PG sex scene of like, Newt's head appearing under the bed as he like, gasps, and then Anathema's appearing out as she gasps, and blah blah blah blah blah. I just- Aziraphale and Crowley must do this. We have to have it. [G laughs] If I have to see this happen, I need the most Looney Tunes-ass Air Conditioning sex scene ever.

G: They need to do the the bedpost shot where it's like [laughs], four fingers. "Four fingers" - the four hands one. You know what's so funny? Like, for some reason, every time I watched that scene, my brain was always like, "Where's the next hand?" [both laugh] Like, I always think to myself, "It will be so funny if there's just a fifth hand in there," but, you know, it never happens. They never do it [both laughing] in my three watches of this episode.

C: Yeah, no, that would definitely be peak comedy.

G: God, they just need to have a fifth hand in here.

C: Yeah, yeah. Blah blah blah! They're having sex. Ugh. If we had to see this, I neeed Season 3 to do something even goofier for Aziraphale and Crowley. I mean, they don't have to. But like, they ought to. I think- Okay, in some ways it would be a shitty move, because Neil Gaiman spent four years telling all his ace and aro fans who view them as queerplatonic as like, "Oh my god, yes, this could totally be-" I already told you all this, but I just think about it constantly how shitty it is that he spent four years leading on the people who wanted to view them as queerplatonic or like, friends, and then, like, in Season 2, he just was like, "Nope, actually. The whole time when I was like, leading you guys on and calling the people who shipped them crazy, I was writing this in the background the whole time." It would just be a continued thing. 'Cause currently, what his thing on Twitter now is like, going like, "Oh, well, it still doesn't have to be sexual, so like, ace people, don't worry. I'm still with you guys." So it would be a really shitty move if he did something to apply that they weren't ace, though, of course, ace people can have sex, but I feel like a lot of the people are like, "We like that they don't have sex, and that the relationship is still important." This doesn't matter. But whatever. I hate Neil Gaiman so much, [G laughing] and he's mean to- he's just shitty to every single subsection of the queer community that he can, because he wants the gay dollar so fucking bad, and I hope he [bleep].

G: [laughing] I'm going to cut that out.

C: Good, okay, you should.

We finally cut back to Adam, and everyone's begging him to let them go home, and he's like, "No, this is your home, here with me, and you don't have to go home or go to school or do anything you don't want to ever again." And Pepper starts yelling at him to just "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" And Adam goes, "Just stop it! Stop it! Stop talking. You all have to stop talking now! Everybody stop talking!" and then he fucking takes their mouths away. In some ways, the effect is not great, because, like, it just looks like there's a blur effect over their mouth. But it's like, a very cool thing.

G: Yeah. And also, I like that they are still obviously making sounds. They just don't have mouths. [both] Crazy!

G: Well, we go back to Aziraphale having a very bad but also quite goofy day, where he closes up his shop and pulls the rug out of the center of the bookshop, and it reveals-

C: A summoning circle!

G: Yep, summoning circle. He lights some candles, etc, sets it all up and goes to pray. And he goes, "This is the principality Aziraphale. I'm looking for a... higher authority?" [laughing] And he's soo- he literally is looking for a higher authority.

C: Yeah. I really love how he feels afraid to say "God" directly, whereas, like, Crowley's prayer was very direct, very calling Her "God" the whole time.

G: I really like when he goes, "Is there anybody there?"

C: Yes!

G: I don't knoww. "Is there anybody there?"! Well, anyway, while this is happening, Shadwell is going up to the shop, and also, it's raining and like, super windy outside. The Tadfield storm is catching up to Soho. Shadwell knocks at the door, and, you know, Aziraphale just goes, "We're closed!" and he keeps on doing the prayer thing. And he goes like, "I want to take this to the top. I need to speak to the Almighty." A being appears in front of him. It's like, a disembodied face. It's Metatron. Aziraphale asks if he's speaking to God, but Metatron is like, "Well, I'm like, you know. To speak to me is to speak to God. I'm the voice of the Almighty."

C: I feel like it really registered with me here that the only time Aziraphale and God have ever spoken, probably, is the flaming sword question. So like, it's been a while. So like, yeah, Aziraphale doesn't really remember what God's voice sounds like, but like, we, as the audience know that it's not Her right away.

G: Aziraphale is super bitchy when he goes, "Well, being the voice of the Almight is like being a spokesperson to the president, in that you are not the president. You are the spokesperson. And I need to speak to God!" And Metatron was like, "Who give a shit. Just tell me about it." And he tells that like, he wants to complain about the other angels, and also, the Antichrist is coming, and he knows who and where he is, so there doesn't need to be any of that nonsense about a third of the seas turning to blood or anything. "We can save everyone!" [C makes pained sound] God. And like, I think an interesting and very nice cinematography choice they make here is that for the entirety of like, the first half of like, Metatron speaking to Aziraphale, it doesn't pan to Metatron at all. It's just on Aziraphale’s face the entire time. So when Metatron goes like, "The point is not to avoid the war, the point is to win it," you can see Aziraphale’s face fall.

C: And it's not exactly that it falls, it's like, he has this hopeful, nervous smile on "We can save everyone," and it's like, that it freezes. And yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.

G: Yeah, freezes, I guess, is a better way to put it. And Metatron basically goes, "Well, the nuclear warfare is about to happen, so like, you should come on. Join us in Heaven." And Aziraphale is going like, "Oh, I'll just fix up a couple of things. And then I'll be on the way. Jolly good!" [laughs]

C: This is so good. I feel like last time, we were sort of confused about Aziraphale’s arc. I feel like I'm more solid on it now. And it's so great. Like, the whole time, he's like, "Okay, like, I know, they're telling me that this is The Great Plan, but like, surely the real one doesn't involve the world ending, and surely like, someone with higher authority, at least God, who I love and have faith in, like, will care about humanity the way I do." And then, like, he just keeps holding onto that, keeps hoping that that's true, and then, like, this is his final proof that, like, what he was doing and thinking and feeling the whole time was quote-unquote "wrong," and that the closest thing to God he'll ever get to speak to is saying this to him as well. And, like, he like, decides like, "No!" Like, "I am right, despite what everyone has told me. Like, I can no longer put off my decision about what's right and what I should do, and I'm deciding that I can't be a part of this any longer." And then he goes to call Crowley.

G: Yeah! He literally is fucking Benedick-coded for fucking real. [C laughs] Anyway, he does call Crowley, but, you know, Crowley hangs up. And before the very end of- Before the very last scene of the episode, I do want to talk about a little something, which is that, you know, when you talk about theology and stuff like that, there's the very basic idea of "What are the three aspects, the three manifestations or tenets of faith?" right? And the first one is belief and then personal trust, and then praxis. So belief is the rationality of it. It's the "I believe because it is the rational thing to do. I thought about it, and the culmination of my thoughts led me to believing that God is real or whatnot." Personal trust is kind of the emotional aspect of it. It's like, "Well, I believe in this higher order, higher power, because it feels right and like, my heart leads me to this decision." And then there's praxis, which is, "I have faith, because that faith manifests in my life in very real ways, in ways that affect my life and the world." This scene with Metatron is like, one by one removal of every manifestation of faith that Aziraphale has to God in Heaven. Like, he realizes that it's not like, the rational decision anymore to believe in God when God feels so irrational at this point and that he's obviously heartbroken by this revelation and everything. He realizes that the thing that he wants the world to be cannot be achieved if he continues believing and having faith in the Ineffable Plan, in the higher order, and blah blah blah. So he throws that faith away!

C: Yeah.

G: And the very next thing he does is he calls Crowley!! Is anyone else here? [C laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Literally, he fucking says, like, "I have lost faith in God, and I am transferring that faith into something that is rational to believe in, emotionally right, and will lead me to a life in a world that I want [C makes pained sound] and will be good. And it's the right choice, I hope, I think, I feel."

C: God, okay. Yep. Mm-hm! What a good arc.

G: Yeah!

C: I sure hope Season 2 doesn't throw any of it away. [G laughing]

G: I hope so! Anyway, he does call Crowley, and we see like, a very cute scene where he starts talking immediately after the phone rings, but it's Crowley going, "Hi, this Anthony. You know what to do. Do it with style." And Aziraphale being like, “Well, I know who you are, you idiot! [C laughs] I telephoned you!" which I thought was super cute.

C: It is cute. But I will say that he gets Crowley's voicemail in Episode 2, and there was no confusion about it.

G: I know! I fucking know.

C: It's funny as shit, though.

G: Yeah. It's cute. Crowley hangs up, so wow! And then we go back to Shadwell, who all this time was watching through the mail slot, I think? and saw everything that just happened and has picked the lock and is now inside the bookshop. And he's saying, "You foul fiend! In league with the forces of darkness!"

C: "You monster!"

G: And then he goes, "Seducing women to do your evil will!" [C laughs] It's so funny, because, like, before that, Aziraphale was like, "Oh, Sergeant Shadwell?" and he goes, "You're seducing women," and immediately, Aziraphale goes, "Oh, I think perhaps you've got the wrong shop." [both laughing]

C: He is gay.

G: Like, he wasn't like, "In league with forces of darkness? Foul fiend?" He was like, "What?" And then he goes, "You seduce women," he's like, "Oh, no no no. Not me." [C laughing] God. Shadwell tries to exorcise him with the bell, book, and candle, but, like, you know, it's just a bell on the side of the table and a book and a lighter that he goes, "Might as well be a candle." He starts chanting like, an exorcism spell, and Aziraphale is trying to get him to not step on the circle, because it's, you know, still powered up. And like, the entire time, I was like, "Keep away from the circle, please, please, please," and then he goes, [both] "Don't cross the circle, you stupid man!" Shadwell finally finishes the exorcism spell. Aziraphale realizes that in his attempt to stop Shadwell from crossing the line, he has, in fact, stepped into the circle. And he gets [laughing]- he gets cartoon-character-drifting-towards-pie sent to Heaven. [both laughing]

C: He also says, "Oh, fuck."

G: Yeah, he says, [both] "Oh, fuck!" And then he gets- he literally- like, imagine. Well, it's not the same because his ass is not up, but his ass should have been up is my firm belief.

C: But yeah, a cartoon character floating towards pie, yeah. And he bursts into sparks.

G: And, you know, Shadwell's a bit terrified about this whole thing, because-

C: He think it worked.

G: I mean, I'm positive none of his exorcisms have worked prior. And he's like, a bit scared. He heads out, but as he closes the door, a candle gets toppled over, rolls to the side, sets alight a copy of Sound of Music, and then, we end the episode.

C: Yep. We sure do.

G: Let's do our outros. Well, what do you think about this episode?

C: I mean, it made me crazy clearly, and I love it a lot. I feel like quality-wise, it may be a bit lower than the other ones, but I feel like enjoyment-wise, I was there the whole time.

G: Yes.

C: Or like, I was just so there during Aziraphale and Crowley's moments and some of Adam's moments that it like, outweighed everything else.

G: I think Aziraphale shines this episode. I mean Crowley, too, I guess. But, you know?

C: She does. She does!

G: I am so excited. I find it fascinating because the Apocalypse is happening, and I don't think it's a long affair between now and when the world is just completely destroyed, but-

C: There's two more episodes.

G: We have two episodes left, so I wonder what that's all about. Is it going to be a two-episode apocalypse? Or is it a one-episode Apocalypse and something else happens at the end?

C: Who knows!

G: Well, we'll see, I guess. [both] Gayest moment?

C: I mean, Aziraphale in Portland Place.

G: The gavotte. Yeah. Well, the transest moment.

C: I can't think because I just conjured an image of Crowley in my mind and now I'm just like, looking at her.

G: I literally did, too. I just thought about the "This is Anthony Crowley. You know, what to do. Do it with style."

C: Do it with fucking style, baby! I also think sitting like that in a movie theater is very transgender. Predictions?

G: Oh, yeah! Okay. Well, my predictions are Crowley is gonna run around in Soho towards Aziraphale and then [C laughing] "You're My Best Friend" is going to play in the background.

C: No way! How did you know that?

G: And he's going to watch as the fucking bookstore burns down. It's going to burn down. And like, maybe we'll see him try to save a couple of books, or like, try to, I don't know, wash it up. Whatever. I don't know. Like, what do you call it?

C: Hose it down?

G: Yeah, to host it down. But I think it would be unsuccessful because Crystal told me that they legitimately burned down that set, so.

C: Yeah. How much money went up in the air? My god.

G: I mean, that's going to happen for sure. And then- I have similar predictions. I think they will try to kill Adam still, and Anathema will probably save the kid. And then, you know, I had my other prediction/told to me by the story. And I just was like, "Yeah, the story should keep telling it next episode," which is that there's going to be a one-to-one correlation between the Them and the Horsemen. Yeah, that's it. I would like to see the Horsemen interact with each other. This is not a prediction; ghis is just a wish, I guess. I want them to talk to each other because I think it would be an interesting look into what they think of the other events and like, do they get along? Are they antagonistic to each other? you know. I think that would be interesting. Other than that, I have barely any expectations.

C: Yeah. Well. You're in for some episodes that definitely happen.

Personal ratings out of 10 for this episode.

G: I woudl rate this an 8. I quite liked it.

C: I also feel like it's an 8. It was good. I really like the way that they tied up Aziraphale's arc.

G: Yeah. Oh my god! Literally, what do you do with a faith that doesn't let you live a life- the life that you want?

C: Yeah. Yeah. [sniffles]

G: So important to me. I don't know, like, I don't want to be like-

C: I think you can be Catholic.

C: I don't want to make it personal, you know? I don't wanna make it like-

C: You can. We shared so many anecdotes last week. [G laughs]

G: That's true. I mean, my point is that stories about choosing what to believe in and choosing to interpret the things you believe in differently from other people, and, you know, forging your own path, those are things that are very important to me, and I like to see it here. It's nice.

C: It is nice.

G: [laughing] That's my personal sharing moment. Yeah.

C: I totally forgot about the Tibetans until, like, this moment. I was like, "What a great episode! Why did Danica say it was bad?" Oh, right, there were like, aliens and Tibetans and shit. [both laugh]

G: Oh, yeah. God.

C: That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about Season 1, Episode 5: “The Doomsday Option.” Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: We interact through our social media sites for our other podcast, Busty Asian Beauties pod. And so you can follow us on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and email us at [email protected].

C: Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

[beep]

C: And you finally watched his Much Ado About Nothing. I'm kind of sad that this is the first Much Ado About Nothing that you watched because now you're gonna think things like being not funny are revolutionary in the world of Much Ado About Nothing adaptations, when, in fact, this is like, a special one for being extra funny.

G: Well, no. I mean, I've told you that the rendition and intentionality that I like the most is from the 1984 one. And I stand by that. I think it's wonderful. Especially the scene with Beatrice, you know, they hoist her up and down, and it's like, I feel like it takes away a little bit on, like, the intention of the scene, which is that she's hearing that, you know, her cousin thinks she's too prideful to entertain Benedick.

C: But she got to float in the air, and like, try to swim towards Hero to punch her in the face about it!

G: I mean- No! But she- Yeah. [laughs] Not gonna reaction to it. [C laughs]

C: I think that the original script doesn't give Beatrice a lot to work with in like, the moment that you'd think she deserves the most like, lines and facetime.

G: That's true.

C: And I think that having Catherine Tate be involved in physical comedy throughout that is a way to keep-

G: You entertained, yeah.

C: - the audience's eyes on Beatrice, and like, let you see her face journey throughout in a way that her eventual speech about taming her wild heart to his loving hand, like, does not convince you on its own that, like, she would actually fucking say that.

G: Yeah. But, I mean, it's such a wonderful production, but like, I don't know. [laughs] Yeah. That's my take. I think we should get on with those Good Omens. I don't like the way they do the confession scene, I suppose. I'd say that.

C: I feel like I could understand that, but I also think that the actors can pull off the like, adrenaline, what's even happening, blah blah blah.

G: Of course. Of fucking course. Yeah. Like, when it stops and she goes, "Kill Claudio," and then, like, the entire room and audience and Benedick goes completely silent, it's like, "Ooh." Like, you know, it works. It's just not the way I would prefer it if this is story playing out in my head instead.

C: Yeah, yeah. That's fair.

G: Why are you taking this scene?

C: What?

G: Why are you taking this scene?

C: Oh, I think I just considered this to be- Oh, wait! Nevermind, you're right. Shit! Sorry! [G laughing] I forgot what color I had. This is so awful. Okay, I'll go back to the-

G: We should have stuck with the yellow and red, I've been telling you! [C laughing]

C: Sorry! Sowwy. Okay, I'll go back. I'll go back. I'll go back. Okay, okay, okay.

[beep]

G: Crystal, [laughing] you've never been to a club.

C: Okay, fine. [both laughing] You know what? Yeah. You know what? That's true. Maybe that's not how people dance at a club at all. I've seen scenes and movies. That's what I've seen. And TV shows. Those are my two sources.

G: True. That's true.

C: Fine. Have you- you've been to a club-like environment, right?

G: Yeah, I've been out dancing, yeah.

C: How do people dance at clubs?

G: Not in any way that I like to participate in.

C: Is it the grinding?

G: No, it's just, it's like, jumping around. Well, I guess I do like the jumping around, but I don't like the ones where you're supposed to dance with people. I'm very much a "I'll just stand here and also dance."

C: Yeah. It's "I don't know you!" Yeah.

G: What do you mean? You don't know me?

C: No no no, I mean-

G: "I don't know the people," okay okay.

C: - in a situation where you're expected to just find someone and dance with them, it's like, "I do know you. And if I do know you, like, I don't know you like that."

G: But, you know what? I do dream of days where I will meet my discotheque Juliet teenage dream [C laughs] on the dance floor.

C: And maybe one day you will. Thinking about the final dance scene in Much Ado About Nothing now. God.

G: God!

C: God.

G: Anyway.

C: Anyway, so…

#transcript #rubbishpod

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