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#i'm really sorry
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Jason: is it hard for you to maintain a tan?
Tim: ...what?
Jason: you know, since you're always living in my shadow
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effemimaniac · 9 months
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new kink rating scale
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ghoulymadge · 1 year
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Chapter 17: Nap Time
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crucipuzzled · 1 year
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Low and Really Slow Budget Productions presents: an eyesore entry for Twiyor Week Second Edition, Day 6: Eden AU/Reunion.
Low Budget Productions humble apologizes for the terrible quality of the digital edition. And for not learning human anatomy. And for not knowing how to draw wrinkles in clothes.
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trlvsn · 1 year
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if i put freud and edgeworth ai chat bots into a room and left would that be fucked up or what
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o0corruptedghoul0o · 2 months
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I swear I release this damn hair within the next 10 years, promise
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seytrix · 8 months
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hes kinda like me fr
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waywardhells · 4 months
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i wrote phil lester x nordvpn fanfic someone take the english language away from me
Phil Lester x NordVPN - Wattpad
i'm sorry it's on wattpad but this shit is not worthy of ao3
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I do think we can all probably agree that Ed hurts Stede by his behavior and that there is some relationship between Ed and Jack's behavior during episode 8 and Stede's own experience of bullying (the coconut war connected to the stoning, Nigel's denigration of Stede connected to Jacks, etc.) Is that accurate or am I just so fucking off-base here?
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cressidium · 6 months
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The Fall of the House of Usher (2023) / Scary Movie 4 (2006)
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itsmeatotalsimp · 3 months
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the scene:
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the povs:
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telekineticseance · 11 months
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CIRCUMSTANCES
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pairing: matt stone x f! assistant reader
summary: your friends leave you at a bar and you only have one number memorized
genre: fluff
word count: 2627
cw: legal age gap although nothing happens, drinking
author's note: this is like my first matt related fic so i hope y'all enjoy, may have more parts, may not idk i'm awful when it comes to updating
"Hm...Hello?" The voice rang through the other end of the phone that you held shakily in your hand. You didn't know why out of all people you decided to call Matt, but he was the only one with a phone number you seemed to remember. The only one who was sober enough to not leave you at a bar at least.
"Hello? Who is this?" He spoke again, his voice sounding raspier than usual, you definitely woke hi up which made you even more guilty about the situation. "Matt.." You mumbled against the phone as you heard a bunch of shuffling on the other side of the phone before Matt spoke again, "Y/N? Is that you? Are you okay? Where is your phone?"
He continued asking questions that your brain couldn't quite comprehend, as he was speaking so fast and the loud music from the bar was ringing in your other ear. "I-I'm okay. Just by myself." You slurred out, resulting in a sigh from the other end of the line.
You heard Matt take a deep breath before he spoke again, "Where's your phone?" You shrugged in response, as of he could see you before coming to the realization and responding, "I...lost it. I think. I don't know. But I didn't remember any other numbers and my friends all left with other guys and I don't know what to do." You spoke into the phone, tears welling in your eyes as they scanned the bar and you twirled the cord of the phone in your fingers nervously. This was a terrible idea, and extremely unprofessional.
"Hey. Hey. Take a few deep breaths." Matt's voice soothed across the line, him adding a few shushes in as he spoke, keeping himself calm. You nodded at his advice, taking in deep breaths as he continued to speak through the phone, "Now Y/N, where are you?"
You looked around, trying to remember which bar you ended up at. You had been bar hopping all night with your friends before they decided to leave with a group of random guys, despite your protests against it. "The Little Bar," you told him, once your eyes spotted a sign.
You hear more shuffling coming from the other side of the phone and the jingling of a belt followed by the sound of keys, "Okay I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't move. I'll come in and fin-" His voice was cut off before a loud beep rang through the phone and you let out a small groan, realizing it ran out of time before hanging the phone back on the hook.
You stood in your corner waiting for Matt to arrive, watching the blurry scene pass by. The music playing a recent pop hit loudly through the jukebox in the corner as people danced and drank while singing along off key. You tapped your foot to the beat before wincing from the pain shooting up your leg from your feet. Wearing your new heels that you hadn't broken in yet, probably wasn't the best idea but you wanted to look nice. You were trying to catch the attention of someone, whether it be a guy or whoever, just someone to give you the attention you craved.
You hadn't gone on a date since you started working for Matt as his assistant about a year ago. Since before you started you had a crush on Matt. You watched a lot of South Park in your younger years, practically being the same age as the show, you knew you had no chance with Matt. After all he was 51 and you were hardly 25, but the thoughts definitely crossed your mind every now and then. The first time you saw Matt was when you watched BASEketball in middle school with some friends, and immediately you had your eyes set on him from there, not knowing you'd eventually be the one he practically relies on for his day to day business.
You sighed, shaking the thoughts from your head again before leaning down and slipping off your heels, holding them in your hands as you continued to watch the night life. Suddenly, you felt the warm presence of a figure next to you before looking up and seeing a unfamiliar man there, drink in his hand as he looked down at you. "Hey there cutie, you look lonely over here, how about I buy you a drink and we can have some fun?"
You looked the guy up and down before giggling slightly, "Was that your best pickup line?" You looked up at the tall figure, he wasn't the most attractive guy around, then again nobody really is, although he did have nice eyes. He chuckled at your response before looking back at you, "Okay I admit it wasn't that good. But I wasn't lying, you are cute and I would like to buy you a drink."
You looked around, seeing if you could see Matt's tall figure through the crowd, but didn't. "I shouldn't my friend is coming to get me and told me to stay where I was." The guy nodded while smiling before looking where your eyes were scanning and turning his attention back to you, "Well I can always bring the drink to you if you'd prefer that."
You thought for a moment before shaking your head, "I'm okay," You tell him as he nods in response while taking another sip from his glass. The silence between you two is filled with the beats of the song playing before he turns back to you. He takes a pause before opening his mouth, "I know it's straight forward but do you wanna make out or something?"
Your eyes widen as you turn and look at him, face full of shock, "Excuse me?" He chuckled nervously at your response before speaking again, "Listen. You seem nice and we probably won't see each other again. Just a thought for living on the riskier side of life for once."
You took a moment before shrugging and nodding, who knew when Matt was actually going to show up, plus you came here for two things, to get fucked up, and to get fucked. And at this rate, only one of those things were coming true and it definitely wasn't the second one.
You wrapped your arms around the neck of this random bar guy before feeling him wrap his arms around your waist and the two of you began kissing with his back pressed up against the wall. The two tongues explored one another's mouths as your fingers tangled into his hair. Shortly afterwards you heard the loud clearing of a throat before pulling away and turning around to see Matt himself, standing there in slightly baggy jeans and a loose fitting tee. Although it was such a simple clothing choice, you couldn't help but find yourself staring in awe, before turning your eyes to meet his gaze where his eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his jaw clinched as he looked between the two of you.
Matt cleared his throat again before holding out his arm and giving you a "come here" motion with his hand, "Uh Y/N...I think we should leave. Unless you're too occupied." He said with a slight tilt to his head as he continued glancing between you and the guy. You pulled yourself out of the guy's grasp as he stared at Matt with a look of shock and confusion.
"Goodnight....dude." You tell him giving him a light pat on the chest before turning around and walking towards Matt. The guy just gave a small wave, still eyeing Matt with the same look as you two left the bar and Matt walked you to his car, opening the door for you and helping you as you stumbled getting in a little.
Matt walked around after shutting your door and climbed into the driver's side before turning and looking at you, "So was that before or after you woke me up and asked me to come get you?" Matt asked, a hint of annoyance in his tone, different than the tone he had previously on the phone with you.
You shrugged looking out the window, trying not to stare at him. "After I guess." You mumbled, resting your head against the glass and Matt sighed before leaning back into his seat and starting the car. You fiddled with the heels still in your hands as you glanced over at him driving. Circumstances by Rush played softly throughout the speakers as he tapped lightly on the steering wheel with the bass line, his fists slightly clenched along with his jaw.
His eyes shifted gaze from the road to look down at you and you quickly went back to looking away. He took a deep breath, "Where's your address again?" You told him softly, looking down at your shoes. You felt bad for dragging him out of bed and making him come get you. You glanced at the clock before seeing the dim light shine 3:23. "Fuck," you sighed out before turning your gaze to Matt, "I'm sorry I didn't realize it was so late."
He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road, "It's fine. Couldn't sleep anyways." He was lying. You knew when he was lying as he was never really good at it. At least as long as you knew him. Despite only knowing him for a year, you practically knew everything about him as it was kind of your job to know. He also confided in you for a lot of things, whether it was stress about work or if he just needed a person to vent to, he knew he could rely on you, no matter the time or place, you were there for him.
After the awkward drive in partial silence, with only the sound of Matt's music playing through the speakers, Matt pulled into the parking lot of your apartment complex before turning to you, "You don't have to come in tomorrow, I'll be okay, just get some rest." He spoke softly, the clenching of his jaw wasn't there anymore, just a soft gaze from his eyes.
You shook your head, you hadn't missed a day since you started and you weren't gonna start now. "No I'm okay. I'll be okay." You opened the car door and began to get out before tripping over your own feet and falling. You heard Matt curse under his breath before shutting off the car and running out to get you. You shooed him away as you tried getting back up but everything around you was spinning, and it definitely wasn't helping. Matt placed his hands on your waist sending a shiver down your spine as he helped you up. He pulled his hands away, mumbling a soft, "Sorry", as he cleared his throat and looked back at you.
"It's okay," You muttered, as you looked back at him before trying to walk before stumbling slightly again. Matt let out a soft chuckle before placing a hand on your waist once more and putting the other on your arm, "Come on clumsy I'll help you get to bed."
You nodded as he helped you up the stairs to your apartment before you fumbled with you key and unlocked the door. The two of you walked down the hallway before Matt opened your bedroom door and flicked on the light switch.
You felt embarrassment wash over you as his eyes scanned your walls lined with random movie posters and pictures of random celebrities you found attractive, Matt not included. He chuckled as he looked back at you, "Quite the interior designer aren't you," he teased before helping you into your room and helping you sit on your bed.
"Now let's find you some better sleeping clothes," He said before walking over to your dresser and starting to open the top drawer. Your eyes widened as you gasped, "NO NOT THAT ONE!" Matt jumped slightly at your protest and threw his hands up defensively.
"I'm guessing the clothes aren't in that one?" He questioned before pointing to the second drawer hesitantly and you nodded in response. He gave you a nod back before opening the drawer and pulling out a tank top and a pair of shorts that were laying on top and handing them to you.
You took the clothes from him and set them on the bed next to you before standing up and reaching behind you to grab the zipper to your dress but finding it hard for yourself to reach. You let out a sigh before dropping your hands and turning to look at Matt with a pleading look in your eyes, "Can you help me unzip?"
His eyes widened ever so slightly before he cleared his throat, nodding in response. He walked over to behind you and you held your hair up as you felt his touch as he gripped the top of the dress and pulled down the zipper gently. You held up the straps and turned to look at him before thanking him. He nodded once more before excusing himself, "I'm gonna go grab you a water and such." He said before quickly scurrying out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
You took a deep breath before slipping off the dress and throwing it in the clothes hamper across the room. You did the same with your bra before putting on the pajamas that Matt had handed you and laid down in the bed.
After a few minutes, Matt knocked gently before he walked in with a bottle of water, a bottle of ibuprofen, and a small trash can with a fresh trash bag inside, looked to be your bathroom trash can to be exact. He also had some blankets and cushions from what seemed to be your couch. "I didn't want you to throw up on the floor."
You giggled slightly at his statement as he set the trash can on the ground next to your bed and set down the other items on the night stand, still holding the cushions and blankets under his arms and in his hand, "If it's alright with you I was just gonna crash on the floor, just to um keep an eye on you. Under other circumstances I wouldn't think of it but, I just uh, wanna make sure you're okay."
You felt your heart skip a beat and your stomach flip at his words. Matthew Richard Stone at your apartment, sleeping in the same room as you? Middle school version of you was punching the air at the thought. You nodded in response and he gave a small grin before setting the cushions and blankets down before flipping the light switch and laying down. You turned over on your bed, thinking about how he was only a few feet away from you, in a place outside of the work environment and it made you giggle a little inside. Maybe it was a side effect from the alcohol but the whole situation definitely made you feel a little giddy.
"Hey Matt?" You chirped, breaking the silence. He moved a little on the cushion, "Yes?"
"I like you....a lot." You confessed, eyes widening a little. He chuckled slightly his voice raising a little as if he was talking to a child, "I like you a lot too Y/N."
You sighed, knowing he didn't understand what you meant but chose to ignore it. "Now get some sleep. Okay?" He spoke softly, moving on the cushions once again.
You let out a soft sigh, "Okay..goodnight Matt."
"Goodnight Y/N," he returned before you felt yourself drift off into another world.
updated a/n: i made a part two.. enjoy :)
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cutechan555 · 2 months
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Grace:"hey pep, is been awhile I've been pretty busy recently so, I hope you're doing okay" *gives him a big hug*
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He's happy to see you 😁
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OMG I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE LATE ANSWER
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simplepotatofarmer · 7 days
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i have the worst case of writer's block in the entire world. i can't figure out what to do with this fic. regardless of the hospital stay, i should have more written and i just. don't. because i can't.
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marichat-verse · 8 months
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Hi! I saw your post and was wondering if you could do a poly-solangelo x daughter of tantanos reader who is like super powerful, kinda like Nico but they can control shadows and maybe have wings like her father. They can also talk to ravens and sense when someone is about to die. Sorry if it's to specific lol 😆. Feel free to change it if your more comfortable with it. Stay healthy and safe, love. Thank you 🤟❤️
Oh I'm sorry but I'm currently not taking requests/not writing for PJO+HOO right now :< this is such a cool request though I hope some other great writer out there picks it up!!
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hymntosappho · 9 months
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little wip...
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