#i'm running on probably 3 hours of sleep really (it's been a rough week)

[seidenbros]

Hi! I've got a request from your song lyrics prompts :) I'd like to request "and I don't want the world to see me" from Iris for either Jaskier or Eskel (not sure if you write for him so I put Jaskier there too, if you don't that's alright whoever you chose will be amazing!)

Thank you so much for this Lily! I haven't written Eskel so far, so this is the first time, and I really hope I was able to capture his essence (And I got another request for the song for Jaskier, so that will follow as well) It was a lot of fun to do, so I hope you do enjoy it, and please let me know if this doesn't fit Eskel :D

(Taken from this list and here are some other prompts, but feel free to request anything <3)

Pairing: Eskel x Reader Warnings: mentions of blood and injuries, hurt, fluff? Word count: 2624

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He pulled the hood of his cloak up to cover half of his face. Eskel knew how people reacted to him, how they looked at him when they saw the scar running from his mouth up to his ear, disfiguring his face. He hadn't always looked like this, and being a Witcher earned you a lot of scars, but this one was different, because it was visible all of the time, and it scared people. He understood, though it still hurt seeing the reactions all the time. Hence the cloak and the hood. It was easier to get to talk to people when he covered his face at least at the moment. It wasn't that he was ashamed – quite the contrary because it meant that he'd survived this, survived her attack – but it made dealing with townsfolk easier, because he didn't have to get them to look him in the eye and talk to him instead of blatantly staring at the scar. Some were curious about it, others were scared, and at the moment, he didn't have the patience to deal with it. He needed coin and he needed a place to stay and sleep for more than two hours. The last couple of weeks had been rough on him, and he was exhausted, so he needed a proper bed and good food, but that was only manageable if he earned some coin to spend on an inn and food.

That was why he found himself in front of your door. He knocked three times and waited for a response, but there wasn't one, though he heard someone inside. Another knock and he waited, but this time you reacted, but didn't open the door.

“Who is it?”

“I'm here about the Drowner. The owner of the inn told me to come here.” Another moment of silence, but then you slowly opened the door. It was probably understandable that you didn't open the door to everyone, Eskel understood that, especially because it looked like you were living alone.

“You're a Witcher,” you stated the obvious, opening the door wider and stepping outside. Half his face was covered, but you didn't seem to mind. It was rather cold and windy, so his clothes were probably practical. Never would you have expected why he was dressed that way.

“Yes,” Eskel answered, smiling gently at you, taking your worries away with this. Your shoulders relaxed, followed by a sigh that left your lips. “I'm Eskel. I rather prefer people using my first name than calling me Witcher.”

“My apologies, I didn't want you to feel -”

“Don't worry, you didn't I just wanted to properly introduce myself.” His words made you smile, because it was a really polite thing to do. More polite than any of the men here in the area, you had to say. Almost like he was the only one with manners around here, which was not really surprising, considering that most men here didn't respect women. At least that had been your experience, especially after you'd gotten hurt by the Drowner and nobody had helped you.

“I'm Y/N. Thank you for coming here. Would you like to come in first?” You couldn't help it, but Eskel fascinated you. It wasn't only the fact that he was a Witcher, or that he was so polite, that he smiled at you instead of snapping at you, but more a general thing that intrigued you, that made you want to get to know this man better. His whole aura, the way he carried himself...

“That's very kind, but I''d rather get this done while it's still bright outside. If you could just point me in the direction...”

For a moment you pondered whether you should go with him, show him directly where that Drowner had attacked you, but fear gripped you tight and made you think better of it. There was nothing you could do in this situation anyway, you'd probably only be in the way.

“A bit down the walkway behind the house, then you turn to your right and follow the path until you get to the lake,” you said raising your arm to show him the direction, which was when he saw the bright scars on your arm. Without thinking too much about it, Eskel reached for your arm, expecting you to pull away from him, to flinch, but you let him touch your arm, your scars, holding your breath.

“You're hurt,” he observed, gently tracing his fingertips along your scars, making you shiver involuntarily. “The Drowner? These seem to heal very nicely.”

“Yes...” It wasn't a very nice memory, and yes, you were still scared, which was why you needed that thing to be gone. You hadn't been able to sleep properly ever since it had happened. “I treated the wounds myself. Nobody was willing to help me here.” You'd tried to get help, but in the end, it had been you alone. Luckily, you knew your way around injuries, and so it had probably been better that you'd treated them yourself instead of getting help from anyone.

“I know what that's like,” Eskel said with a wry smile, slowly letting go of you.

“I'm sorry...” You shook your head, not understanding why people treated him that way. Wherever he went, he helped the people, at least that was what she'd heard, and he was here now to help her. Yes, he would get paid for that, but there was nobody else, who would have taken on the Drowner. “When you get back, you're invited to dinner. To show you that not all people are like that.”

“You really don't have to.” Eskel hadn't gotten the impression that you were one of those people, especially not after you'd offered him some tea. But he also didn't want to impose himself on you.

“I insist!” Your words were followed by a soft smile, that made him agree in the end. There was no way he would talk you out of it, so he accepted that generous offer, before he set off on the path you'd told him about.

Hours passed and Eskel didn't returned. You'd already prepared dinner, but you were still waiting for him to come back. He had to, because he had to collect his coin. Or did something happen to him? Now, you were beginning to worry, because even though he seemed more than capable, something still could have happened to him. Before you were able to take your cloak and go out looking for him – because you'd sent him down there, so it was your responsibility to make sure nothing had happened to him – there was a loud knock on your door. Without asking this time, you pulled the door open to find Eskel right in front of it, leaning against the doorframe.

“I thought something happened to you!” You expressed your concern, before you saw the blood on his clothes – his blood. He looked a little pale, but he still manages to smile at you.

“I'll be alright. I just need a little rest.”

“You need more than that.” You put your hand on his arm to lead him inside. Not that you were able to support him in any way, seeing that he was towering over you, but you were able to lead him towards a chair in your kitchen, where you sat him down.

“Don't worry about it, it will be fine,” Eskel tried to play it down, but he was still bleeding.

“Yeah sure... Take you clothes off!” You wouldn't take no for an answer, even Eskel understood that by now. He'd gotten hurt because of your contract, so the least you could do was take care of his injuries. He still hesitated. “Oh come now, it's nothing I haven't seen before.” A smirk crept onto your lips, but Eskel sighed.

“Don't be so sure of that. I don't want you to get scared.”

“Why should I get scared?” Now, you were curious what he was talking about. You knew that people were scared of him because he was a Witcher – which was still ridiculous in your opinion – but you'd already established that you didn't have a problem with this.

“There's a good reason why I'm wearing that hood,” he eventually said, still not looking at you. “Because I don't want the world to see me... They don't understand.” Slowly, he raised his head again to look at you, and you could see the pain in his eyes, a vulnerability that you'd never thought you'd see in the eyes of such a tough, strong man. It made your heart pick up it's pace, curious what you might find underneath the fabric of the cloak covering his face.

There was no fear in your eyes when you reached out your hand to slowly, carefully push the hood from his head, revealing his face to you. You only got a glimpse at his scar, before he turned this side of his face away from you. You reached out your hand, touched your fingers to his cheek and made him look at you. The scar didn't look pretty, like he'd been in a lot of pain, but it didn't scare you away. Not at all. The kindness that shone in his eyes outweighed everything else, and so you simply smiled at him.

“They might not understand, but I do.” You had your own scars to show, not only the ones on your arm that he'd already seen. “But this doesn't determine who you are. You actions speak much louder than this, and you've been kinder to me than anyone in this damned village has ever been. You're still one handsome man, Eskel.” You meant what you said, which made Eskel smile in return. Never had he felt so at ease with someone as he did right here with you. “So, take off these clothes now, so I can tend to your injuries.”

“Yes, Ma'am.” There was an amused tone in his voice, the atmosphere a lot lighter than it had been a moment ago. When he took off his clothes, except for his pants, though, it was your time to stare. He'd looked well built even in his clothes, but seeing his naked upper body right now in the candle light, did things to you, that you hadn't felt in a long, long time. Still, you had to take care of his injuries, because you didn't want them to get infected.

There was a moment of silence, before you turned around to get everything you needed. When you returned, you nudged your knee between his legs to make him open his legs so that you could step between them. Noth of you were silent as you started to carefully clean the wound. He winced only once, but then he stayed still. The tension in the room was palpable. He was utterly silent, while your heart seemed to be nearly hopping out of your chest. Naked men weren't a problem for you, but a certain naked Witcher seemed to give you heat palpitations. Especially when you felt his hands and your waist to steady you. At least you told yourself that it was just that, keeping you in place, because you had to lean forward a little bit to do your work properly.

“I just need to bandage it up, and then you're good to go,” you said reaching for the bandages, leaning forward again, and putting your hand to his good shoulder to not fall into his arms. Not that you would mind, but it wasn't the right moment for that. Even when you felt his thumbs brush against your sides, you tried to keep your composure. “You need to lean forward a little bit so that I don't strap you to the chair with the bandages.”

“As you wish,” Eskel countered with a chuckle, doing as you'd said, but with that movement, he was even closer to you, his face just inches away from your chest. His fingers stilled again, but his face was turned towards you. He was watching your every reaction, which managed to make you a little nervous right now. But you tried to concentrate, put the bandage around his upper body so that it was not too tight, but tight enough. “There we go. Are you alright?”

“Better than that.” Eskel's voice was lower than before, his eyes fixed on you. “Thank you, Y/N.”

Hearing your name from his lips sent another shiver down your spine. You took a deep breath, before you smiled down at him again.

“Anytime. And as I promised, dinner is waiting for you.” You were still standing between his thighs, his hands on your waist, spreading heat throughout your whole body. You were so aware of him, of his whole body, that it nearly hurt. Talking distracted you, but only for a second, because when his thumbs brushed over your waist again, you nearly moaned. It had been a long time since anybody else had touched you, so even that gentle touch left you yearning for more.

Gone were the thoughts of dinner then, when you plucked up the courage to lean down and kiss him. Your hands were on his shoulders for support, careful not to hurt him in any way because of his injuries. As soon as your lips collided, his grip around your waist tightened and he pulled you closer. As you realised what was happening, you broke the kiss, eyes blown wide when you looked at him. You didn't move, stayed right where you were, but you had to apologize.

“I'm sorry, I didn't...” What? You didn't what? Want to kiss him? Because you'd definitely wanted to do that, and it had felt perfect, heavenly even. But you weren't sure if he'd wanted that as well, or if he'd just complied because he was in your home.

“Why are you apologizing?” His voice was gentle when he asked you, pushing you a little bit away from his own body so that he could properly look at you.

“I didn't want to make you feel obligated to any of this. I just...” Nervously you licked your lips, not seeming to find the right words. Usually, you weren't this nervous around men, but with Eskel it was different.

“If it makes you feel better, I don't feel obligated to do anything.” Now, it was his turn to nudge his knees between your legs before he pulled you closer again. You ran your fingers through his hair, down to his scarred cheek and let it rest there. For a moment, Eskel closed his eyes only to open them again a moment later and look at you with lust-filled eyes. “I want this.” He pulled you down so that you were straddling his lap, which made you chuckle.

“Okay.... I thought I was overstepping boundaries here...” Feeling his hands run up your back, one of them settling at the nape of your neck, fingers tangling in your hair.

“Can we stop the talking for now,” he asked with a smirk, which only managed to make you chuckle, but then you nodded your head. As soon as he'd seen your agreement, Eskel touched his lips to yours again, not willing to let you off the hook again soon. And you didn't want this as well. This was not what you'd expected your day to turn into, it was a whole lot better. Dinner could wait a little longer.

#open--till--midnight #asks #staffi writes #eskel x reader #eskel x y/n #eskel x you #eskel imagine #eskel fanfic #the witcher imagine #the witcher fic

[firespirited]

A lot has happened and I got the selective mutism again so here's a sleep meds dump.

Effie the cat abandoned by lady two doors down who's having a mental health crisis is currently living in our garden. We were going to rehome her but neighbour complexities mean that she'll be eating at the neighbours house and possibly slowly moving into their garage as their territorial cat adapts. She is a bird killer which annoys M, J who's very allergic has decided to mediate the whole cat business. I still think Effie would have no problem finding a new home but J's vetoed that. So there's a cat outside the window and I might need to build some sort of rainproof shelter soon. Papaye the cat is also back living in the building and two orange young cats moved opposite. Thankfully no fights yet.

I hurt my wrist doing some small crafts and barely any writing. RSIs are horrid. It's been a year. Very annoyed.

On the other hand uh so to speak, four people decide to shop for my dolls this week. Months of nada then 4 at once. I have parted with my preciouses, the baldies (and kept more than enough projects) to a fellow customizer and fully don't care if they get trashed, flipped into $200 customs or sit in a drawer. They're blank canvases that I can't paint. The ideas for the paintings can wait for another time, another scale, maybe even another medium.

I sent my first parcel to the states in ages!!! Will let you know how that goes!

Aaand the money earned on deglued catty noir and a couple of partial/yarn reroots went... straight back into 38 doll heads. I know. I knoooow.

So I had a rough series of days then I struck up conversation with a lady at the phonebox library to ask if she knows who runs it. She didn't know but volunteers at the red cross store in town. It was the kind of conversation that starts out friendly and I knew within a few minutes that if I didn't find a bunch of things to say that she was going to tell me her life story and probably trauma dump (which could be anything from getting older and adapting to empty nest to seriously awful), not sure why I have this effect on people but I do. I filled a awkward lull in conversation about people throwing away items that are still useful by stating that I repair fashion dolls and the enjoyment in making something old new again and learning about various crafts and she really wanted to either commission me for her 18y/o daughter's dolls or hand me the pile she's been keeping from throwing away at the red cross at which point I remembered my neck is borked (!) , i tried to repeatedly back pedal and explain that I'm currently not doing any commissions but ended up mumbling while staring at my feet oddly choked up that 'health has been a serious issue' lately and pretending Lily had pulled on her lead to change the subject. We ended the convo with thanks for her volunteer work and putting books at the phonebox, for the lovely chat, have a nice day etc.

It stuck like a piece of grit in the cogs for a few hours and then I heard we might someday get a vaccine for autoimmune diseases but that's the 15th 'promising' cure in 25 years, they really bum me out. We've been this close so many times before. I want the cure, i want the disabled to have value. I want hope. I want to not feel in debt and at society's mercy 24/7.

Later I was doing my normal ebay check just in case that rare doll drops and made a bid thinking that I probably wouldn't get it. What was in my mind was "dolls are my hobby and expertise - you can't use your shoulders so you don't have a hobby or expertise - i do it's a hiatus - it's been a year and no progress when does it end?" on a sort of quiet background loop of brain nonsense. As you do.

26euro shipped. 38 heads, 30 bodies (2heads and the bodies not pictured), terrible photos but I spied GG Nichelle, anime 90s skipper, Miko, vintage Steffie, Midge and Tutti.

It's an excellent investment if even 2 or 3 end up in decent condition.

It's also 38 steps backwards in the 'destash and stop messing with the shoulders' efforts, right at a point where I'm getting somewhere. You can't be like 'que sera que sera' when you're actively making choices.

IDK I was really hoping for a sign or a way forward and my dr and physio are super passive which is both great because they don't put me in positions where I have to face post exertional malaise by their hands only my own choices but I also do all of my own medical research and bring it to them for approval. I've run out of clues or ideas for my swollen tongue and damaged vertebrae. It makes me feel trapped then stupid happens. No, feeling trapped leads me to choose a thing that will make me feel mastery of crafts and skills and it also comes with a price tag of massive pain.

***Seriously it's small potatoes, some hobby supplies from a hobby I'm crippled at.***

... But it's symptomatic. It's part of a large scale pattern of reclaiming some sense of personal, well not control and probably not usefulness/productivity but something close to usefulness/skills? It's not quite dignity either but there's a little bit of pride in there. I'm not going to ruminate on a year of bad decisions or whether they were the least bad decisions to balance sanity and health. But there's something broken since the pandemic for sure and probably long before that I'm running from. It could even be being raised in the 'purposeful' life mindset (if you know you know)

ok i keep deleting paragraphs and paragraphs of unpacking stuff from my twenties so I'll leave it at that so my brain will allow this. The teal dear of it is that it's awfully hard to just exist without 'contributing' or generating money or cosmic goals I guess. Allowing yourself to be a mote and a blip in the universe sure is difficult.

I wouldn't allow this kind of talk from friends who have innate value to me. Hmm.

It sure was a nice few years getting to make things and I'm finding it hard to imagine a different life despite living it for a year.

__________

Well happy 21st everyone. Feed your skeleton and ear snails some funk today. Don't let the existential bedbugs bite (especially if they're ticks). Wear a mask when around gen pop and take the painkillers, things shouldn't hurt. 💚💚💚

I have a package of heads to look forward to. And a cat outside the window. And some introspection to avoid. 😅

#saf #ramblings #disability blogging

[papercupids]

past the happily ever after - wong kunhang

pairing - wong kunhang x reader

genre - post breakup!au; angst; music producer! hendery;

summary - bumping into your ex reopens some unhealed wounds.

word count - 2k 

warnings - none that i could point out

as you waited for the employee to wash his hands and get back to you to take your order, you glance around the shop a little more, quaint little wooden tables are lined up messily and on top of them, matching brown stands which are home to almost 5 spoons, forks and knives respectively per table. The sunlight coming in abundance right in to illuminate every nook and cranny of the corner cafe.

It’s not too crowded here, maybe because 3:00 pm is not exactly the definition of a rush hour. 

the bells of the coffee shop rang and scanning the whole room, just to feed your curiosity more, you turned back. And when you do, you really wish you hadn’t, because just in the span of a mere second, your heart is ripped out of the place its caged in between your lungs because all of the time you’ve spent thinking about this moment did not prepare you for when it’s really happening. You turn back quickly, after freezing in your place when you first see him, and you’re scared that anyone who looks at you right now, including him, can see right through you and feel the trembling in your knees. But more than fear and awkwardness it was a simple debate of feelings of love and hate both that made you freeze right now.

 Countless accusations, numerous insults, you had so many questions for him, so many secrets to spill, it had come to an extent where you would imagine him sitting next to you jst to calm your overwhelmedness.

But you had later come to a conclusion. If your love meant nothing to him, neither will your hate.

 And hendery was just as shook as he spotted you and your face registered itself into his brain.

 the smell of pancakes, the small noise of it crackling on the pan, the sun pouring in just like in the cafe, but a little dimmer, the morning version of it. from the small windows of your apartment, soft music playing at a low volume and you’re humming along to it.

“y/n,” he calls out and that’s your cue to know he’s already up and you flip the pancake and walk over to him still lying in bed, adoring the rising sun from his position on the bed.

“Why did you wake up so early?” He mumbles groggily. “It’s your holiday today, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” you make your way back to the kitchen, “i just had a craving,” the pancake is perfectly golden when you take it out and place the batter for the next one.

A few moments later you hear the shuffling of feet before a pair of arms wrap around your waist and a face nuzzles itself in your neck.

“goodmorning, dery.”

“Mmh,” he inhales your scent as if it was the very oxygen he breathes, and when he does exhale it tingles on your neck.

Turning off the stove, you turn to him and catch his lips in a slow and chaste ‘good morning, honey’ and ‘i want this forever’ kiss. 

“Hey, y/n,” hendery currently has his hands in his pockets and you can hear the awkwardness in his voice, someone who was ever so frank and comfortable with you. You can swear this guy grows more beautiful each time you see him. The last was almost a fat six months later after you broke up with him, on an instagram story of a mutual friend of you both. You muted his story after that and it took you two weeks to stop listening to taylor swift after that. And now, it’s two years later but you still love this man as much as you did the first time you ever said it to him.

“hendery, hey, didn’t expect to run into you,” you pray that he can’t feel the beating of your heart which in your opinion is vibrating enough for your body to shake visibly.

“Yeah, me neither, how are you though? Long time no see,”

“Yeeah, i’m fine, just a little over the place.”

“Oh, well.”

The employee behind you both could literally feel the tension between you both from where he was standing. Either way, he needed to get over both of your orders before any one of you messed it up and made the other leave. It could strongly affect the revenue of this small cafe.

“Miss, what would you like to order?” He calls out to you, causing you to turn.

“Oh, yeah. A caramel macchiato, please.”

“And, you, sir?”

“I’ll have an Americano, thanks.”

“So it’s a combined order?”

And the next few seconds is just you and hendery awkwardly communicating through your eyes asking if the other’s okay with having coffee together and strangely enough even against your best interests, you both are.

“Okay, i’ll have it on your table in a few,” and the man disappears behind the curtain, quite proud of himself. If this one couple made it together, if they were broken up right now, their kids would hear of this cafe. He giggled and went on with his work.

As for you, it was not at all like the time you had once imagined in the shower how meeting hendery would be like. There were no slaps, no “fuck you’s” and absolutely no drama unlike how you imagined it in the shower.

You sat opposite on one of the round tables, besides the glass panel.

“So how have you been?”

“Oh, good. Just finished an album I was working on, a week ago. And damn, I'm tired.”

“Oh,”

 the music blasted through your ear and you hit the lower volume button as you rolled your eyes at hendery, if he continued to keep the volume this much, he’d end up losing his hearing, for sure. You try to tell him that, which comes across more as a shout than a normal tone to him because of your inability to listen to your own voice above the song. He nods carelessly, he’s just concentrated on your expressions as you listen to the track.

but it's just the way it was, life wasn’t always a happy ending, it was rough without any mercy. and you weren’t a fictional character, neither was this a fairytale.

You’re in his lab today, chocolate wrappers, guitar, papers here and there, the nightlife hours starting outside. And you are both sitting opposite each other, you’re sitting on hendery’s usual seat, a comfortable huge chair you loved to dominate whenever you’d drop by here and he’s sitting on a random stool that was lying outside, not complaining a bit.

“So, um,” you remove the headphones a few minutes later. And hendery listens in rapt attention, something you wished he did when you asked him to choose which dress he liked better on you,

“I hate to tell you this, hendery,” his expressions tighten as he tenses his jaw, “but, babe, you’ve nailed it this time around too!!!” You scream and envelope him in a hug.

And poor hendery is still shocked, but he hugs back as it soaks in his mind.

“This song is gonna be the shit people hear on loops, hendery, loops! This is a bop,” he pulls away.

“You really think so?” You nod your head.

He hugs you again, more tightly, “i love you,”

“So,” he drums his finger on the table after a long few minutes of awkward silence. The order still hasn't come. And you both have been looking at the other tables, there weren’t many people here.

“How’s life been for you, aside from your profession?” he asks.

“I don’t think I quite gave it much time, don’t regret it though, what about you?” your profession, for you, had been something of a coping mechanism in the past few years, it had been something you had given your everything to, and strangely enough it hadn’t packed up its bags one day and said, ‘we aren’t working anymore,’ and left.

“Oh yeah, no, i did try to make it work with someone, it’s going good for now.”

The last nail in your coffin. It takes up your entire energy to not flip the table over him and run away from not only the city, but the country and never leave a chance to ever bump into him again, because you see you did try to forget him.

But it never happened. It was just automatically that your hand reached over to the other pillow in your bed to ruffle hendery’s hair to wake him up to only be met with the cold side of the bed, and to take out two cups of ramen, only to quickly keep it back inside and to pretend it never happened.

“That’s nice,”

And thankfully, the cafe guy is coming over with your drinks.

And you sip on your macchiato as it gets awkward again. You can’t bear to look him in the eyes, no. It just cracks your very soul and you suddenly get annoyed with the fact that if he wanted he would have kept the girlfriend thing to himself, but he had to put it all in your face.

But your thoughts wander furthermore after this, does she get to listen to his songs firsthand? Does she get to eat the food he makes? gets to ruffle his hair first thing in the morning? gets to wrap her arms around him and feel his heartbeat?

 hendery slammed his hands on the steering wheel. He had fucked up. Big time. Plus the traffic wasn’t budging. He rested his head in his hands. The cars honked occasionally and the city lights hurt his eyes, an upbeat song was playing over the radio in a low volume and the car was warmer than the outside.

This was the third time in a row he’s done this. And he could feel the guilt build up in him, he wasn’t worried about your reaction to this.

You’d kiss him, tell him to not worry about it and go to sleep as it was probably late and he would be tired.

He was scared that this was gonna keep happening and he’s gonna wake up without you instead of you sobbing softly out in the living room. He was afraid he had messed you up too much. And what for?

The traffic clears as he presses the accelerator and lets go as fast as he can.

And back home you’re not disappointed, you’re just tired. You weren’t upset that hendery hadn’t showed up, but he hadn’t even texted you, surely it would take just a second.

But it was okay, he had work. It was important. You sighed as you slipped into your pyjamas and moved to the sofa to watch something.

And you hear the key turning then, signalling hendery was home, you stand up to greet him and as soon as he’s visible, a sympathetic look is plastered on his face.

“I’m sorry….” you hug him before he can complete and he hugs back with equal force.

“‘S alright, hendery, it’s fine.” And you rub his back.

And suddenly you hear a sobbing sound from him. A long and choked up noise and you pull away to get a good look on his face.

“dery?” You cup his face, “what’s wrong, honey?”

“Oh, babe, i’m not going anywhere.” You crawl close to him and wrap your arms around him. “I’m gonna be right here hendery, and things like these happen all the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that i love you, okay? I’m gonna stay. I’m gonna be with you as long as you want me to.”

“I messed up, I mess up all the time, why are you even here?” He’s sitting down now, crying in his hands.

He nods as his sniffles fade away slowly and you’re both just sitting on the floor, holding each other, knowing no one’s gonna go away. 

“And, um, y/n, i have to tell you something.” He finally speaks up. His body language tells you it’s been what he’s wanting to tell you since you met at the counter and you nod at him to continue.

“I wanted to apologise.”

You almost spit your drink.

“Why?” Even though you know the answer, you want him to confess his sins. Confess the fact that he threw a forever away in a matter of a moment, that he didn’t listen to what you had to say.

“I’m sorry for what I did, I truly and genuinely loved you and I made a huge mistake. Everyday I think about what could’ve been if I didn’t do what I did.”

loved.

But that made the two of you if he thought about it. It was okay now, now that you met him, now that he apologised to you, know that you’ll say “it’s okay,” to him, piece by piece it’ll start to get better. You believed it.

You’ll still love wong kunhang, but a little less maybe.

the silence in your home is biting. You can hear the low whirring of the air conditioner and the tick tocking of the clock. The text bell breaks the silence though, for a second, but it does.

“Coming home, give me 5 minutes.”

hendery wasn’t late. He just hadn’t came home for the entirety of last week. He has to work on this new album, he’d said to you when you called him this morning. Normally he had told you not to call him when he was working since it broke his link of working but it was out of hand now.

And he told you he’d come home today and talk.

You sighed as the lock clicked, and he closed the door behind him.

He throws a small smile at you, “y/n,” and he knows this is going to be hard when you don’t return it.

He sits beside you as you try your best to not let the tears fall, “what?”

“I’m sorry but this isn’t the way i want to see you, i want you to be happy-“

“Well, then damn, dery, keep me happy!”

“Will you let me complete?” You glare at him as you blink more to keep the tears at bay.

“Look, I realised that i want to see you happy, but i’m just simply, i can’t. So,” he takes your hand and grazes it with his own.

“So, i’m letting you go, y/n,”

“What the actual fuck ‘letting me go’?” Now there's no meaning in trying to keep the tears hidden, they come as fast as you stop trying to hide them.

“The thing is hendery, if you would’ve been sorry right now, i would have honestly had no problems in being here again and to end up in this same situation, i would go through it all again, but the fact that you just want back away is so disgusting,”

“Sorry would have meant that i would no longer do it again, y/n, and you know my work, I can’t keep promises,”

“So that’s it? We’re finishing this conversation and you’re taking out all the shirts from our wardrobe?”

His silence is a reply enough, and you can’t do anything but sit there as quietly as you shushing yourself and hoping this was someone else in min hendery's body and that tomorrow you’d wake up to him apologising and explaining how his body got swapped with someone else.

But it never did happen 

“It’s okay, hendery. You did what was best for both of us,” you take a sip from your drink. “I couldn’t see it then, but I do see it now,”

“You do?” He raises his eyebrows,

“Yes,” you nod gently.

And his phone rings. “Excuse me, i gotta take this,”

And he’s barely a few steps away from the table when he receives the call and says, “yes, babe, i’m coming i just met an old friend.”

And you smile. It was okay. You’ll probably cry yourself to sleep tonight but tomorrow will be better, and you will be better again.

#prism.nw #neoturtles #nct x reader #wayv imagines #wayv x reader #wayv scenarios #nct x gender neutral reader #nct drabbles #nct scenarios #nct angst #nct x y/n #wayv #wayv hendery #wayv angst #wayv smau #hendery imagines #hendery x you #hendery x reader #hendery #nct timestamps #nct oneshot #nct fluff #nct u scenarios #nct u x reader #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #nct wayv

[cherriesfineline]

Au Pair – Chapter I

It's finally here – I'm sorry this took so long, this past few weeks have been a mess but here it is, our first chapter for the Au Pair series; I kinda hate this, ngl- I always hate first chapters, a lot of introductory info and bla bla but yeah.

In the weird case you happen to enjoy this and want to be added into the taglist (starting next chapter) you can request it here.

Feedback, likes or reblogs are so, so appreciated! I'm very much new to the whole writing world so yeah it'd be really helpful to hear your thoughts about this <3

Love you all, have a wonderful week beauties!

Warnings: none specifically for this chapter – age gap.

WC: 6.6k

Masterlist

Y/N was tired, to say the least.

And it wasn’t the tiredness she used to feel after a long work shift at her previous job -where her boss was an old, grumpy lady with horrible manners- or the exhaustion felt after spending hours crying due to a fight with her mother. No, this was different. It was a tiredness she couldn’t get rid of; a tiredness no lavender smelling bath or hours upon hours of sleep could amend.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment her brain shifted in such a drastic way. Y/N could easily recognize and admit her life had never been an exciting one; a memorable one. Ever since she was a little girl it all seemed to fly by; graduations, birthdays, friendships – nothing ever seemed to leave an impact and nothing ever seemed as exciting as everyone else put it to be. She knew she struggled with allowing herself to enjoy things, but this far her life had been pretty average.

Maybe it was the fact that she was 22 years old and never been in a real relationship what skyrocketed her fear of dying alone. Now, she knew it might seem exaggerated – 22 years wasn’t a long life at all, but the pungent emptiness she’d been feeling felt like her inevitable destiny – like that’s how life was supposed to be for her.

England felt different, though. But in all honesty, her emotions hadn’t had switched into completely different ones like she’d expected to happen when she applied for this job as an Au Pair all the way back in February.

With a steaming hot cup of coffee between her cold hands, she sat down next to Coco (a very soft grey Scottish Fold) on the giant couch of her new home, scratching in between his tiny ears earning a low purr in response. Coco had become one of her closest friends so far, along with Anya, a three year old girl with cute blonde locks and a laugh so contagious it made the muscles on your cheeks ache after a long playdate.

Maybe moving away wasn’t the smartest choice. It actually might be one of the stupidest choices she had ever made, actually – moving all the way across the globe when she cried herself to sleep most nights due to her loneliness overcoming her (almost inexistent) self-awareness. Y/N liked to believe she had a wide understanding of her emotions, but it was a blatant lie.

At least she was distracted for most of the day – taking care of two kids and looking after a teenager wasn’t an easy task. It required a lot of mental presence; but by the time she was in bed at night, it all hit back again. She thought maybe this is how life is supposed to be for her, lonely – maybe it was not her brain playing her tricks but her brain making her see how her life truly was.

It’d been two weeks since the Lockehold family picked Y/N up from the airport, and on one side getting physically adjusted to this new life hadn't been as rough as she thought it’d be. She did have it easy, if she had to admit – a big room in a giant, beautiful home and a car to her disposal. Emotionally, on the other side, life was still the same.

She knew the moment she heard heels hitting the cold marble staircase Bella was on her way down with Ivy, the eldest of the three sisters, following close behind, complaining about a hangout she was apparently going to miss because they “are expecting a guest” as Bella announced, meaning neither of her parents could drive her. That’s how Y/N found herself sitting in her (borrowed) blue Jeep Renegade driving Ivy to her friend Lily’s house – who lived in the same rich, over-the-top neighborhood as her guest family, which meant the ride to and back was no longer than twenty minutes. During those minutes together, though, Y/N could physically feel the irritation running through Ivy’s blood because first, she still wasn’t too fond of Y/N because she is 16 and doesn’t need a babysitter -her words, not Y/N’s- and second, Y/N is still not accustomed to driving on the other side of the road.

Technically, Y/N had the weekends off. Living with the same people who employed her gladly didn’t mean working 24/7, but she hoped she could earn a couple of points in her favor if she took her free time to drive her around.

After a short conversation between the two (where Ivy refused to save Y/N’s number in case an emergency came up because she could always call her dad), Y/N dropped her off and drove back to the Lockehold’s. What caught her off guard, was the sight of someone in the driveway at the house next door getting suitcases out of the trunk of a black cab – there hadn’t been any movement in the old Victorian mansion since she’d moved in next door. A man, definitely very tall, dressed in a dark suit is all Y/N could decipher since it was already dark outside and she had to strictly concentrate on not switching to the opposite side of the road out of habit.

Alex was coming down the stairs when Y/N locked the front door – Bella’s husband was a very handsome man for his age, probably anyone could admit it. He was kind of scary sometimes, but was a true sweetheart on the inside; he’s in his mid-40’s and it was clear as day his family meant everything to him, he even treated Y/N like his own daughter, always making sure she’s comfortable and inviting her to most family hangouts – even though Y/N declined pretty often to allow them to have quality time as a family (and because being too socially involved drained her, but they needn’t have to know that)

“You wanna join us for dinner? We have a guest tonight. A family friend.”

“Oh, no, I'm good, you guys enjoy yourselves. I’ll say hello, though.” Y/N replied with a smile; and as before mentioned, even though she had the weekends to herself, they still loved to insist on her joining them for fancy dinners and whatnot. The Lockehold’s loved being hostesses, loved having people around (from what Y/N learned this past two weeks) but she really wanted -and needed- some time for herself after being with them the entire week, and even though she loved hanging out with them, she just wasn’t in the mood tonight.

“You sure? Bella made homemade pasta, from scratch. Her specialty.” Mouthwatering, Y/N thought. Bella was such an amazing cook, and even though she worked hours upon hours every day, she still came to her husband and kids in time to make dinner every night, not missing a single day.

“Sounds delicious, but I think I’ll pass, I’m just really tired.” And before anyone could make another comment, the loud bell ringing through the main floor of the house startled Y/N as it’s louder than ordinary – and sounded kind of old and creepy, in her opinion. By the time the constant thud in her chest lowered to a normal speed, she could recognize Bella’s voice in the foyer, meaning she was the one who received their guest, with a deep voice following after saying 'thank you for having me'.

"He's here!" Alex clasped his hands together, a wide smile appearing in his face. Y/N followed him into the living room where Bella was already chatting animatedly with a man; tall and with broad shoulders (but not excessively; just the right amount) his figure was leaning slightly forward as he listened to Bella rambling about all the 'good things he had missed while he was away'. His hands were clasped on his back and when he lifted his head, he made direct eye contact with Y/N without even having to search for her eyes. His brown curls were perfectly placed on top of his head looking extremely soft, and when he ran his hand through it Y/N couldn’t help but swallow harshly. He undoubtedly looked like someone who belonged in Hollywood next to a young Leo DiCaprio and he was definitely older than Y/N – probably already in his 30's, she guessed, but ageing like the finest wine. He had the softest looking wrinkles in the corners of his eyes – those eyes, forest green; reminded Y/N of what used to be home for her. His intense gaze held a lot of emotion, a lot of thought, unlike his face, that appeared stiff and cold, with a slight crease between his brows. His pink, heart-shaped lips were pressed in a line, a cute mole adorning one side of his chin.

"Harry! It's so good to see you, we've missed you." Alex's excitement forced him to drift his gaze away from Y/N, leaving her like a heated teenager salivating for him. Y/N honestly thought he might had left her speechless and most likely with increasing probabilities to make a fool out of herself if someone needed her to talk, as she was certain she wouldn't be able to formulate any coherent sentences.

Harry. It totally suited him, Y/N repeated his name a couple of times inside her head to check on its pronunciation. Alex reached him and pulled him in a big hug, patting each other's back, and Harry's lips broke into a huge smile making a line of pearly white teeth appear. And dimples. God, he had dimples.

This is how I die, Y/N thought.

"So good to see you, Alex." If sex was a sound, his voice would definitely be it.

"Your skin is glowing, Harry. Italy always does you wonders." Bella gushed. And she was right – his skin had this beautiful golden undertone, but it looked natural and radiant, almost like the sun itself kissed and caressed his skin with the softest touches. Alex snapped Y/N into reality when he turned to face her and grabbed her hand to pull her closer to them, starting a long introduction no one was paying much attention to, explaining how he’d missed her arrival, like he even cared, and how she was the Au Pair they’d all been talking about ever since February. It wasn’t until Alex mentioned something about Y/N and Harry probably seeing each other a lot she was suddenly interested in what was actually going on.

“He owns the school the girl’s attend.” Alex directed towards her. Now, Y/N assumed the moment she laid eyes on him he was probably rich – who wears a suit to a Sunday dinner with friends? Rich people are weird, that’s something we can all agree on; but owning a school which’s monthly fees per kid were worth three of her salaries? That was quite unexpected.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry." Y/N offered him her hand, trying to sound as casual as possible, even if her skin felt like it was burning under his intense gaze and her eyes were definitely betraying her.

"The pleasure’s all mine, Y/N." He shook her hand. His strong hold sent shivers down her spine; the cold rings making a big contrast against the heat his hand radiated and she couldn't help but fantasize about how his touch would feel in some other places.

The sudden embarrassment feeling hot against her cheeks made her turn around impossibly faster, feeling guilty at the dirty thoughts consuming her brain while around her bosses – and in front of him. Making a beeline straight to her room, announcing she was calling it a night, she sent Harry a quick -but quite charming- smile, and couldn’t help but soften at the sound of Anya running down the stairs yelling an excited ‘Harryyyy’ once she was past the kitchen.

She knew she got lucky with her commodities – an entire studio-like apartment past the main kitchen of the house, where the servant’s area used to be located a handful of decades ago; but she cussed in a whisper when she remembered half way through her making of a sandwich (four hours after she’d retreated to her bedroom and because she decided on skipping dinner that night, not having enough energy to cook) that her lazy ass still hadn’t bought mayonnaise. Her small kitchen had enough space to hold her snacks, along with some ingredients to make a few meals, since she only had to worry about food on the weekends. Reluctantly, she took the small plate holding her sandwich and made her way towards the main kitchen. There was no way in hell she’d eat a sandwich with no mayo – never in a million years, too dry to go down her throat.

I guess they won't mind if I grab just enough to put on my sandwich, she thought. The house was quiet, everyone probably already in bed, therefore she almost pissed herself when she found Harry sitting in one of the kitchen stools, looking down at his phone with an annoyed expression adorning his face. Almost as if he could sense someone was in the same room, he looked up to find Y/N standing at the kitchen threshold, his face abandoning any sort of emotion.

"Hey."

"Hi." Y/N walked towards the fridge on the far right of the kitchen, opposite from where she came in. "Sorry, I thought no one was here."

"Don't worry, just waiting for Bella and Alex to come back down to have some tea, they're putting the girls to sleep. Would you like to join us?" He offered. And honestly, she'd love to say yes and just listen to him talk with that deep, melodic voice, but her stomach was really hating her right now.

"I'm good, just grabbing some mayo. Thank you, though." She declined with a small smile.

"Next time." He sounded more demanding than suggesting, which slightly baffled Y/N. "Can I ask where you are from?" He asked respectfully.

"A small town in the Argentine Patagonia." Y/N replied with her back facing him as she busied herself with the mayonnaise container.

"Never been to Argentina. Or anywhere in South America, actually." And when Y/N turned around, sandwich in hand ready to go back to her room, their eyes met across the kitchen and she felt the heat creeping up her neck for the second time that night. Y/N wondered how his gaze was always this intense – she wasn’t a fan of how they’d barely exchanged a few words and somehow she felt so exposed.

"You should. It's beautiful." She almost, almost, choked on her own words and when she looked down at her fuzzy pink socks and back to him to try and calm her growing nerves down, he surprised her when she caught him looking up and down her body – in any other case she definitely would’ve felt creeped out, but there was something about him, the fact that he definitely didn’t do it with the intention of her catching him (she noticed how he shifted uncomfortably on his seat after the exchange) and how he simply added a “I’m sure it is," afterwards, she knew she was fucked right then and there – she wanted him looking at her. Was that something bad?

But then – then she remembered how she was wearing her soft cotton pajamas, and she began wondering if he was just laughing internally at her outfit instead of checking her out like she initially thought. And just like a save from heaven, Bella and Alex appeared in the kitchen discussing who was picking Ivy up from her friend's house. "Hi Y/N, still awake?"

"Yeah, got hungry. Stole a bit of mayo, hope you don't mind." She shyly held the plate up.

"Please, this is your house too." Alex waved her off.

"Thanks. Gonna go back now." Y/N pointed towards the small hallway that led to her room. "Goodnight." Turning her body to walk away, she caught Harry's eyes, again, still staring at her, but decided on simply walking away, breaking eye contact, making that small interaction their last one for the night.

&

The following week consisted of Anya and Y/N playing lots of fun games, trying to get a word out of Charlie and Ivy ignoring her for the most part. Her relationship with each of them was completely different, each trusting her at their own peace, getting used to having a stranger around. Anya seemed the only one openly excited to hang out with Y/N every day, and even though she could tell Charlie didn't exactly mind her presence, she still hadn't talked to her as much as she'd like her to.

"What are you up to, Charlie?" Y/N asked the seven year old as she sat next to her in the big playroom they had on the main floor. Charlie kept her gaze locked on her drawing with a handful of crayons on her right hand as she drew with her left. "You're left handed? That's so cool!" Bella had mentioned some time ago that Charlie had a really hard time letting people in, Y/N knew it'd take some time for her to see her as a friend -like she wanted her to- rather than someone who gets paid to hang out with her, but Bella confessed Charlie was actually really excited to meet Y/N, which felt like a small relief, knowing she actually wanted her there – unlike Ivy. Charlie spoke only when necessary and struggled with making friends but her psych pedagogue said she's just really shy and that ‘once she breaks out of her shell, she's unstoppable’. "I love the birds you drew here." Y/N pointed at some small birds sitting in a tree branch.

"Bluebirds." She murmured.

Getting a single word from her was considered progress, in Y/N’s opinion, but that’s all she got for the entire afternoon – even after constantly sending comments her way while playing with Anya so Charlie wouldn’t feel left out, not a single word came out of her mouth. Anya mentioned Harry at some point while talking about her favorite doll (which Harry had gifted her for her 3rd birthday) and the flash of captivating green eyes almost blinded her internally (she couldn’t deny she’d thought about Harry every once in a while this past week)

And it wasn’t until later that same day, after spending a long while sitting alone in a nearby park, she got the chance to see him again – even if he had scared her (almost) to death, she couldn’t help but feel an annoying flutter in her stomach.

She would like to say she loved her long walks during the most unreasonable times at night, but her reasoning behind her late night needs of distraction didn’t exactly thrill her. It was during the quietest and most peaceful times of the day when her mind seemed to speed faster than ever before; the sleepless nights and brain-wrecking thinking of how alone and empty she actually felt, along with the laziness and reluctance when it came to things that used to make her happy weighed her down like carrying a sack of potatoes on her back.

As she was walking past her neighbor's house (the one where she had seen that man with the suitcases last week) she noticed someone sitting on the large porch. Weird, she thought. She hadn't noticed any movement in the house since that night a week ago, to the point she even considered it being empty again. The silhouette seemed oddly familiar though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

"Y/N." She slightly jumped as she heard them call for her, in a strong and deep accent. Was that...

"Harry?" She asked befuddled. Did he live there? She watched as he stood up from his sitting position on the outdoor couch and walked across his front yard to take a closer look at him stopping at the bottom of the short staircase that leads to the porch. "What are you doing up so late?" And then something clicked in her brain – he was probably the man she saw that night, with his suitcases. It made sense, how he probably got home from vacation the same day he had dinner at the Lockehold's – the same day Bella mentioned something about him being in Italy

"Can't sleep." He simply replied, with a small sigh. He then nodded to the seat behind him, and Y/N could physically feel her brain going a thousand miles per minute. She sat on the far left of the couch as he retook his seat on the right, "what are you doing up so late?" He repeated her question.

And Y/N repeated his answer. "Can't sleep."

So they sat in silence, what felt like hours barely being a few seconds. "Didn't know you lived next door." Y/N took the time to take in his side profile - sharp and long nose, the tip curving slightly downwards when he spoke the next line.

"Never mentioned it." He replied apathetically. The unexpected switch in his tone made her immediately shut up, and even though it confused Y/N as to why he would want her joining him if he didn't want to talk, she was dreading going back to her room alone to drown in her thoughts again. She'd take uncomfortable company over being alone when her head got like this, it helped her get distracted; overthinking this situation instead of the same scenarios that constantly lived in her head.

They again sat in silence for a while, this time for longer than a few minutes, and even though it was slightly uncomfortable, there was an unspoken understanding between them. He just wanted company, and so did she. This time, however, it was him who tried for conversation. "Why did you choose England for your Au Pair program?"

"I was actually convinced I was going to choose France," Y/N shared with a soft tone, "but when I met the girls in one of my interviews I just knew I had to come here. Anya was so excited about meeting me, she thought it was already settled." She ended with a small smile on her lips. The memory of Anya smiling happily at her through the computer screen even when she hadn't had met her yet warming her heart.

It was true, the fact that she’d chosen England because of the girls. She wanted to learn French – she knew her way around the English language pretty well; but the French family whom interviewed her didn’t come close to the Lockehold’s at all – she thought maybe the experience of living in a whole different continent with a wonderful family was better than choosing a place because of the language – the experience was being experienced either way.

"Anya is a very special kid. They all are." Harry declared, the left corner of his mouth turning upwards in a small half smile.

Y/N nodded slowly before asking, "How long have you known them?" She could recall Alex saying he was a family friend – but she had no other information about him besides that.

"A while." The small conversation went for a long while, he shared the real reason as to why he was awake so late, explaining how he has struggled with falling asleep ever since he was young, but besides that comment, he kept his life very private; not sharing much information about himself during their chat, and every time Y/N reciprocated a question, he would either answer vaguely or didn't answer at all, changing the subject with another question. "It's really late" He commented, Y/N’s phone reading 1:08am.

"Yeah, I should probably go to bed." She lifted her head to look at him, who was already searching for her eyes. Y/N cleared her throat when a few moments passed by, again, with no one speaking a word. She wondered what could possibly be going through his head at the time, but he nodded, got up and said, "I'll see you around, Y/N." Her name flowed so nicely out of his lips it made her knees get weak. Locking herself in her bedroom (after entering it by the door at the side of the house – which leaded straight to her room) she laid in bed trying to understand why they’d just hang out in his front porch way past midnight when they clearly didn’t know each other very well – or at all, better said.

&

First day of classes came by in a heartbeat. The first Monday of September Y/N found herself getting up earlier than she was accustomed to, since the girl's sleeping schedule was different during the summer. 6:15am read her alarm when she lazily threw the soft covers off her body. A quick shower and minimal makeup application later, she stood naked next to her bed checking the weather app, as to know how to prepare the girl's clothes.

After putting a soft pink sweater on and a pair of flared jeans, Y/N left the warmth of her room to wake the girls up. Going for Charlie first (since she didn't need any help changing into her uniform and Ivy used her own alarm) she didn't give Y/N any work at all, waking up immediately after softly calling her name once. Picking her uniform from her closet and leaving it for her to change, Y/N left Charlie’s room to walk towards the next door.

"Morning, Anya." She whispered as she brushed some of her hair out of her face. Anya’s little nose scrunched up and a soft whimper left her mouth as she switched positions, now laying on her side, "gotta wake up, love." Y/N shook her arm softly, and she finally opened her eyes, a tired smile creeping up her face as she noticed it was Y/N sitting next to her. Y/N left her to rub the tiredness off her eyes while she picked her clothes (since her daycare was at the same school her older sister's attended -Harry's school, Y/N couldn't help but think- her uniform consisted of only a white t-shirt with the school logo along with any pair of bottoms she chose for the day.

After picking up her cute small rain boots and help her get dressed up, Y/N did a cute hairstyle on her with the small butterfly hair clips she chose, and went back to Charlie's room to do her hair, Anya coming along.

They arrived at their school; a big, period-like brick building with hundreds of students roaming around and a beautiful fountain at the front – which actually made Y/N’s childhood look like a big joke; the school she had attended was located in the middle of the mountains in a remote field.

"I'll be here at two thirty. Good luck, girls, I'll see you later." Ivy walked away sending a 'mhm' her way to let her know she heard her, and Charlie offered a small smile along with a wave and walked away like her sister. Y/N took Anya off her car seat and helped her get out of the car, her tiny backpack sitting on Y/N’s right shoulder as she grabbed the hand Anya offered her.

"Mommy said I have the penguins' classroom!" She said with excitement as they walked through the doors at the right wing of the building.

"That's so cool! I love penguins, let's search for the door which has penguins on it, shall we?" Y/N suggested even though she could clearly see their door at the end of the hallway.

"Yes! This one has elephants," she pointed at the door they were passing, "look, butterflies!"

"Like your hairclips!" Y/N exclaimed, and she giggled nodding her head. "Ah! Look what we found..." Y/N pointed at the next door.

"Penguins!" She skipped towards the door, dragging Y/N along. They entered the big and colorful classroom where they found some kids crying in their parent’s arms, others being as excited as Anya.

"Hi there! Anya, am I correct?" A woman who appeared to be around Y/N’s age came up to them, scrunching down to be on Anya’s eye level. She nodded frantically, excitement dripping from her smile. "My name is Miss Pia, I'm going to be your teacher this year." She introduced herself, Anya gave her an even bigger smile and slyly asked if she could go meet her classmates, to which Miss Pia agreed, asking her to first hang her small backpack in the rack at the back of the room, taking it from my hands and running excitedly to do it.

"You must be Y/N, then?" Miss Pia asked, getting back up to her feet. She was short with blonde curly hair sitting high in a ponytail, rosy cheeks and a cute teacher apron on top of her regular clothes.

"I am." Y/N offered her hand.

"The administration office said we would be having an Au Pair this year, they always give us a heads up with situations like these." She explained, and Y/N nodded as she continued, "we have the parents, nannies or in this case, Au Pairs," they both laughed," stay for the introduction, you can leave afterwards."

"Perfect, I'll sit at the back with the rest of the parents." Y/N ended up staying for about half an hour, smiling at Anya every time she turned to search for her when something exciting seemed to be happening. She won't be needing any adaptation, as Miss Pia said, and she was dismissed right before they had their first trip to the playground outside, taking advantage of the fact that it hadn't started raining yet.

Right when Y/N was walking out of the building, she spotted Harry at the main entrance, reading something on his phone. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath, and he looked even more handsome in the daylight. She made her way towards him, walking up the marble stairs (marble stairs! In a school?), and when he noticed her, he put his phone away and slowly (and trying to be as discrete as possible – which he failed to, again) looked up and down her body. Something about him giving her his full attention made her insides burn, and she couldn’t help but bit her bottom lip to suppress a smile.

"Hi." She stopped in front of him, taking a moment to look at his eyes; they definitely looked a lot lighter now that there was natural light surrounding them.

"Hi." He repeated, "Dropped the girl's off?" He motioned towards the building with his head.

"Yes, just left Anya’s classroom." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Miss Pia?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes. She's nice, looks like she knows what she's doing." Y/N shrugged. She didn't exactly know her enough to have a conversation about her – and she most definitely couldn’t be one to talk, since she herself didn’t know what she was doing half of the time. “How’s the first day back been so far?” He got cut off from his next comment by his phone, and the small crease between his eyebrows grew deeper, which didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N. "I'll leave you to it." She announced, but his eyes found hers again, and it was almost like he was asking for her to not leave him to it, but Y/N didn’t trust her instincts, not with him – not when he made her so nervous her brain couldn’t process things around him, and she was scared of misreading his expressions; he was hard to read. Not like she was expert at reading people but he was frustratingly confusing.

&

They didn't see each other again until a week later on a Tuesday evening – the same day Charlie, Anya and her decided to go for a walk and treat themselves with ice cream from a cute shop across from (what had come to be) her favorite park, Harry and Y/N found each other's eyes across his front garden, just like that night, but this time it was easy for her to recognize him as she could see his face clear and glowing from the sunset shine. His eyes were glued to her until the fence that divided their houses blocked his view, and again, Y/N wondered what could be going through his head.

It wasn’t until after dinner, past her work hours, she decided to leave the house through the door on her room with the sparking curiosity to test if she would run into Harry. Stopping on the sidewalk in front of his house, she noticed he was not sitting outside, and even though that's exactly what she had expected -he was not going to sit there for hours and hours, right?- There still was a small feeling of disappointment that rushed through her, and when she snapped back into reality, it was too late to stop herself as she knocked on his front door.

And Y/N didn’t know where to hide – not like hiding would be less embarrassing but God she did hate herself that moment. The embarrassment running through her veins was painful and made her lightheaded – she knew she had trouble sometimes with not thinking things through, but this was beyond her. He barely knew her. And suddenly his door was wide open.

"Y/N?" Of course she was not lucky enough for him to be asleep and not hearing her knock – life would’ve been too in her favor for that to happen. Of course he was very awake with a half drank cup of tea in his hand and the softest looking pair of grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. "Are you ok? You look really pale." His voice was calm, probably the softest it'd ever been in her presence. At least he doesn't sound mad, Y/N thought.

Harry wanted to be confused, but he was more curious than anything else. For some reason, he felt very intrigued by Y/N – how she seemed confident but insanely insecure at the same time; it reminded him of himself, if he had to be honest. He just learned how to hide the latter.

"Uh, yeah- um, I was-" she nervously turned around halfway to look behind her and back at him again. He raised his eyebrows in curiosity and Y/N really tried her hardest not to step over her words. "I was about to go for a walk, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to join me?" Stupid. So, so stupid, Y/N thought.

"No, I'm good." He replied, finding oh-so-amusing the way her eyes gave her embarrassment away – he was having fun, watching her like a lost puppy trying to think through her next words.

Her mind was, of course, over speeding. She now felt even more embarrassed. Of course he doesn't want to go for a walk, Y/N conscience spoke to her, it's a Tuesday night and he's probably tired and I'm his friends' Au Pair – he probably thinks I'm this young and annoying girl who has a stupid crush and- "would you like to join me?" He interrupted her self-beating up raising his cup and she noticed the half smile adorning his face, almost like he could tell the wheels in her brain were fast-moving.

"Wouldn't want to interrupt-"

"You're not. I wouldn't have invited you in if you were. C'mon in, now. It's kinda cold out here." He disappeared inside of his house, leaving her on his porch with an open mouth and a blank brain. After closing the door behind her and taking her black vans off, she turned on her left as she guessed that was the way Harry went – and she knew she’d guessed correctly when she stepped into a big open-plan concept living room with a giant kitchen on the far back, Harry standing with his back towards her preparing her tea, "sugar?"

"No, thank you." She sat in one of the stools at the kitchen island as she took the scene in front of her. Her very cute (and much older), very hot neighbor Harry, in sweatpants and a very thin white shirt, a small patch of skin showing on his hip, making her tea. His shoulders were broad and she could see his back muscles moving as he poured steaming hot water into the cup, the little curls on his neck so inviting, if only she could run her hand through his soft looking hair just once-

"There you go. Cardamom." He snapped her out of her (probably inappropriate) thoughts, and she thanked him as she grabbed the cup from where he placed it; he stayed in his position standing in front of her on the other side of the island, with his forearms against the cold marble, sipping on his own mug, thinking about how strange it felt to have someone he wasn’t close with sitting in his kitchen after so long. "Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I figured. I couldn't either, looks like we both have a bit of sleeping issues, huh?" He sounded playful, but tired. Y/N knew exactly how it felt, being so tired but not being able to peacefully go to bed and get some needed rest.

"I remember you mentioning it before, I figured I'd check if you were up. Walking helps me relax, thought maybe you'd enjoy it too." OK, that wasn't entirely true but her reasoning to be there was quite similar – to check if he was up so they could, maybe, share a quiet night like that one a few weeks ago. None of them understood why they found such comfort in each other’s company – none of them felt like they needed to try too hard.

At some point during their conversation they moved to the couch, where they laid with a wide gap between their bodies. "Elton John's was definitely an interesting read. Lots of crazy anecdotes, you should read it."

"Probably not as good as Keith's, but I'll give it a go." He let a dimpled smile creep into his face, turning his head to look at her from across the couch and the annoying turn her stomach made obliged her to return it, just as bright as his. Finding out their music taste was quite similar made Y/N’s insides all warm and fuzzy, he showed her his vinyl collection (which was quite large) and ranted about how the modern industry was missing a rock star with some of that unexplainable essence old rock bands have – to which she respond saying maybe that something that makes them special was the fact that they were old bands... added to the fact that even though she was an old music lover, modern pop was her guilty pleasure.

Their third teacups were long forgotten on the modern coffee table by the time he noticed Y/N’s eyes were slowly beginning to close and he, as last time, said, "it's really late." And Y/N only nodded and tiredly got up from her position, with him following close behind.

"Goodnight, Harry. Thank you for having me even though I came unannounced." She shyly said, her actions still making her embarrassed even though it had already been a couple of hours.

"My pleasure. We should- do this again," He coughed into his hand, and uncomfortably continued, "I enjoy your company." That sentence alone made her heart explode with a thousand emotions, because even though they barely knew each other and it clearly pained him to admit he enjoyed having her around, his presence made her calm but anxious in a peculiar mixture of emotions. All she did in return was gift him a big smile, face hot of embarrassment (a nice kind of embarrassment, that feeling when you just want to smile really big and tightly hug whoever is making you feel that way) and slowly pushed herself up on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Bye." He said lastly, and closed his front door with red cheeks and dimples on display.

- Joey.

#AP #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #age!gap harry #my writing

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Love On-Set (Pt. 05 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

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{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

All The Right Signs

“Gaten, get it together! It's fake raining!” Finn yells as Gaten messes up the scene for the fourth time. Everyone just laughs as you brace yourself.

“Five minutes everyone!” James shouts and you follow the kids as they run out of the rain as the water is turned off.

Today, you're glad the scene is outside, with all the main actors. It's always fun, and you need to keep your mind away from what will happen tomorrow. You thought the kissing scene was too far away, but now it's just around the corner. And you didn't do as James said. Every time Dacre showed up to work on that, you'd just sit, watch something and talk. And you always have fun together. The director never asked about the video though, so you just decided to let it go.

But now, it's tomorrow. And you're trying hard not to think about it until it's inevitable.

“Are you cold?” Dacre comes to stand before you, messing up your train of thought.

“A little, yeah.” You answer, removing some hair from your face.

“Well...” He steps closer, his hands rubbing your arms. You immediately feel warmer, but you don't think it's because of the gesture. “If Gaten manages to say his line without bursting into laughter we'll get out of the cold very soon.”

You can't help but blush, staring into his blue eyes. “He is–”

A camera flashing gets your attention, and both you and Dacre look at the source. Millie tries to hide her phone as if the bright light didn't startle you.

“I can't wait for tomorrow.” Natalia comments.

Unfortunately, they will have to be here, because the kissing scene isn't the only one scheduled. You still don't know if it's good or bad. Probably bad.

“Alright, let's get it done.” As James speaks, the water is turned back on and it starts raining again.

“Let's go.” You say in a low voice, accompanying Dacre back to your positions.

It takes another four attempts for Gaten to finally say his line without messing up, and the rest of you are free to finish the take. Afterward, before you can run to your dressing room to shower and change out of the soaking clothes, the guys decide to make some silly pictures with everyone soaking wet. In the middle of the commotion to strike a pose, Dacre finds he's way to stand next to you, an arm either on your shoulders or around your waist. You try not to give it much thought, hoping Millie's phone camera won't get your blushing cheeks.

When it's all done, you take a warm shower before heading to the van and an hour later you're at your hotel room. But the day isn't over yet. The guys are coming here to finally start working on the Battle of Starcourt scenes. But you still have some time before they show up, so you make yourself comfortable on the couch, a blanket around your shoulders as you watch Jaws since you're in the mood for a classic movie.

A knock on the door startles you a little, and you notice you were too immersed in the movie. Dragging the blanket with you, you walk over there after checking your phone. There's still an hour until they come and you didn't order anything. But you unlock it and swing it open, biting your lip when you see Dacre. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He furrows his eyebrows when he looks down at you. “I absolutely love your dress.”

“Really? It's the last fashion in my living room fashion week.” Giggling, you step aside, closing the door shut when Dacre comes in. “You're early. Nobody got here yet.“

“Yeah, I know.”

Raising an eyebrow, you shrug your shoulders. It's not like you would send him away. “I'm watching Jaws. So we can either watch it or put on something else.” Making your way back to the couch, you watch as he does the same, settling down beside you. “You want the blanket?” You decide to ask, just to be polite.

“Sure.”

That you weren't expecting. It's not cold. Well, not that cold. You just took the blanket to feel more comfortable since you're wearing shorts and a light blouse. “Ok.“ You mumble as you take the blanket from around your shoulders, fixing it on both you and Dacre.

Then you focus on the movie. Or you try to focus the best you can. Why is Dacre here? Millie's voice comes back to your head, her lastest advise making you bounce your leg nervously. She told you Dacre is giving all the signs he's into you. And you should do the same, or else he'll get the idea you're not interested and step back. Natalia assured it'll happen because Dacre is a gentleman, always have been, and he won't keep pushing you into something you don't want.

Taking a deep breath, you think about your options. You feel how Dacre's arm is touching yours, and you have an idea. Feeling the butterflies in your stomach going insane, you lean closer to Dacre. “Can I?” You ask, laying your head on his shoulder.

“Sure.” He answers, and after a few seconds of the most uncomfortable silence you've even been through, Dacre moves, putting his arm around your shoulders, what makes you snuggle closer to him, your head resting partly on his chest and neck. Your whole body is frozen for a moment, wondering what this is. Then he moves again, his arm sliding down to embrace your waist, and you decide to just end the small distance that was between your bodies, completely leaning on him. “Is this ok?”

“Yeah.” You nod, eyes tightly shut as your cheeks start burning. “The shark is attacking.” Trying to ease the tension, you gesture at the TV.

“It is,” Dacre mumbles, and you feel his chest vibrating as he speaks.

As the minutes pass by, you feel more comfortable. And it feels good to finally allow yourself to do this. It's something so simple, so silly, but still, it feels right. You've been dying to do this and you didn't even know.

Unfortunately, the hour passes by, the knocks and the chattering announcing that your time alone with Dacre is over. Sighing, you leave the blanket behind and go open the door, hoping nobody will notice that Dacre was here already.

•

“Ok, ok. Positions...” Joe says after the coffee table and couch were pushed aside, leaving a free space in the middle of the room. You stand beside Millie, script in hand as you wait to find out what scene they'll start with. “You there. You can be... There.”

“Why do I have the feeling we interrupted something,” Natalia whispers as she walks by, tilting her head at Dacre, who's discussing something in the script with Sadie.

“Dacre just came to...” To do what? Did he even come to do something specifically? “He came a little earlier.”

“I didn't know you could get this red,” Millie exclaims, staring at you. “Oh, my God, I'm so happy I'll get to see the kissing scene.”

The kissing scene. Nobody in the freaking universe will let you forget it. As if you needed them to remind you that Dacre's lips will be on yours by tomorrow night. “I want to get it done on one take, so don't screw it.”

“You should ask us to ruin it as much as we can so you'll get to kiss him more times.” Natalia sing songs and you Millie laughs, nodding.

“It won't be Dacre and I. It'll be Billy and Amy. It's a scene, it's our job.” You don't know what gets to you, the words just roll out. And they're all true. It won't be a real kiss. It's not like you don't want to do it. You want to kiss Dacre, and this is making you nervous, but it just won't be real. “Let's just focus here, ok?”

The next hours are tiring. They were right to do this because the Battle of Starcourt will be chaos, and it'll be a lot better if you kinda know the dynamics before having to actually shoot it. But you're distracted, forgetting your lines so many times you have to just keep the scrip in hand and read it. You're thankful for the kids being so crazy because they make you laugh and forget your anxiety for a while.

It's past midnight then they leave, and as you're saying your goodbyes at the door, you notice Dacre falling behind. When he's by the door, the others are already disappearing down the hall.

“Guess I'll see you tomorrow.” You mutter, looking down at your feet. If it wasn't for a meeting James called with the whole cast in the morning, you'd have the whole day to deal with before going to the set. It's better this way though, you think.

“Yeah. I'd be down for another gym date but I have this job that won't let me.”

Giggling, you bite your lip. “You think it'll be about changes in the script?”

“I'm sure it will,” Dacre mumbles, giving a look at the hall. When you follow his gaze, you see three blurs in the shape of heads, vanishing into the corner. “We're being watched.” He lowers his voice as if you were in great danger.

“Hope it's not the Demogorgon. I'd hate to save your ass. Again.” When you look back at him, you find his blue eyes already set on you. It makes you sigh, wondering why your legs won't work, and make you step back, returning to the normal distance you should put between you and someone else. “I'll get some sleep... Rough day tomorrow.”

“I agree.” Another glance at the hall, but you don't have time to check if anyone's there this time. Dacre leans closer and places a kiss on your cheek, as he usually does. Only this time is different. It lingers, for far too long, and at the same time, it ends too soon. And you're sure you felt the corner of his lips on yours. “Good night, (Y/N).”

“Good night.” Whispering, you stand by the door as he makes his way to the elevators, giving one last look back before disappearing in the corner.

• • •

Your hands are shaking a little, and you blame it on the cold wind. But the wind isn't that cold. Is it?

You're already in your position, at Hawkins Community Pool's parking lot, next to this random car and your stylist is finishing with your hair and giving the final touches on your make-up. No lipstick. You can't imagine why.

On your left, you see many pairs of eyes set on you. After this scene, James wants to shot the sequence, when the kids find a Demodog in the pool, so everyone is here. But you can't think about that now, you have to focus. Amy needs to come to life today, and you need to act like a professional. You knew acting in Stranger Things would be huge, and difficult, but you'd never guess it would be this hard.

You take the deepest breath you can when you see Dacre coming your way. Mullets were an atrocity to humankind, you think, but damn, he did make it look good. How is it even possible? He shouldn't be allowed to do that.

“Hey. You–”

“Everyone ready?” James' thunder voice cuts him off, and you have no idea if that's good or bad. No time to figure out. “Clean the set, let's do this. Dacre, (Y/N), are you ready?”

Nodding, you force your mind to remember the lines. You're Amy now... Which sucks because by now, Amy is already in love with Billy. Nothing will help you, you just need to get it done, give the audience the show they want.

“Great. Alright then... Ready and... Action!”

You're not ready for that, but you move anyways.

“I can't believe you took almost an hour to get here, Hargrove!” Amy yells, walking fast to end the small distance between her and Billy. “There's a freaking Demodog in the pool!”

“It's dead. So why the hurry?” Dacre keeps the smug smirk, the one that makes you want to slap Billy. Just a little bit. “Chill.”

“Don't tell me to chill. Can't you miss one single date? Not even when there's an interdimensional monster involved?” You punch Dacre hard on the chest, well not so hard, but he does give a tiny step back. This is Amy's jealously attack, and you make sure to make her look frustrated because despite the emotions overflowing, she knows she shouldn't be doing this.

“Why the hell you always think I'm with some girl?”

“Because that's where you always are.” Jumping to conclusions. That's the way Amy found to keep her heart away from Billy. Didn't work though. “You know what, it doesn't matter. We have a bigger fish to fry.”

When you turn around to leave, Dacre gets his cue, grabbing your arm and forcing you to stop and stumble back. “The damn thing is dead, it can wait.”

“Let go.” Amy pleads, stepping backwards as Billy comes closer. That's the moment where she gives up trying. This thing with Billy has been going on for a while now, and, as in real life, there's just this point where you stop fighting it. “Seriously, I'm tired of this shit so let's just–”

“I know you're jealous.” He mutters, just when your back hits the car. James loves to have you trapped like that. “Just need to figure out why.”

“I've said it once, and I'll say it again.” It's hard to follow the script, it's hard to keep breathing normally. It's so damn hard to keep eye contact with Dacre right now. “I won't be one of your flings so back the hell down.”

It comes out too low, and you wait for James to stop the scene. And you want him too. You can't do this. You can't stop looking at Dacre's lips, you can't control the butterflies in your stomach. This is just a goddman scene, why can't you get it together?

“Who said I want you to be a fling?”

That's it. It's happening. Dacre leans closer, so close that you have no choice but to close your eyes. He's saying something else, but you don't hear it. Your hands find their way to his chest, grabbing his jacket as if to steady yourself, to get a grip of reality. When his lips brush on yours, Amy is gone and you break character, taking a deep breath before pulling him closer, eager to end the small distance and finally–.

A loud noise, an explosion, makes both of you jump. One of the cameras near you come crashing down and if it wasn't for Dacre pulling you away, it would hit you. The whole thing moves like a domino effect, knocking a few more cameras with it. You barely hear James's voice, stepping further back, making sure you're far enough. The rest of the cast abruptly stand up from their chairs, worried.

“Everyone back off!” James shouts.

“Are you ok?” Dacre asks and you simply nod, a hand on your heart.

James dismisses everyone while he and his assistants check what happened. You silently walk beside Dacre until you reach the rest of the crew, looking down and trying not to think about the kiss. Or the almost kiss.

“What the hell happened?” Joe asks, and everyone starts talking at the same time.

There isn't much to talk about. Four of the five cameras are wrecked, and the director is pissed. But still, you're too far away, your mind stuck in the phantom of the kiss you craved for so desperately. Dacre stands by your side, but you can't look at him right now. So you engage in the conversation, ignoring Millie's and Natalia's stares, hoping nobody will notice your blushing cheeks.

An hour later, the big news arrive. Well, they're big news fort he cast, not for James. After analyzing the damage, James will have to suspend the shooting for five days. Which means you'll have five days off. Everyone starts making plans, and the ride back to the hotel is filled with happy chattering about who will go where. But you already know what you'll do. You'll fly home and use these days to rest. And think.

“Hey.” Dacre gets your attention, following out of the van when you reach the hotel. “What are your plans?”

“Uhm... I'm flying home.” Shrugging your shoulders, you keep his pace through the main hall.

“Oh, you live in LA, right?” Giving him a quick glance, you nod. “I'm living there too, I don't know if I told you.”

This lights up a spark in your heart, and suddenly, you're not so excited to stay away anymore. “No, you haven't.”

“We can book our flights together... If that's ok.”

His hesitation gets you by surprise, but then you notice how distant you've been acting since the kiss. Damn, he might be thinking you didn't like it or something. That he made you uncomfortable. That's exactly what you don't want him to think. “It is. When do you wanna leave?”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“That's fine by me.” You finally decide to look at him, and you immediately regret avoiding his eyes. Being nervous is... Normal. Maybe. But his eyes give you the reassurance you need. “I'll stop by your room in an hour so we can buy the tickets.”

“I'll be waiting.” His lips break into a smile, and you can't help but bite your lip and smile too.

“I'll be there.” You say as the doors open on his floor. Dacre mutters a goodbye, and right before the door closes again, you see when he winks at you.

×

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelanin @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines @peakascum

#dacre montgomery imagine #imagine dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery fanfiction #dacre montgomery #stranger things imagine #imagine stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine

[roguerogerss]

Sorry is a Sorry Word

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Plot: Steve fucked up - bad. He doesn’t really know how, or if, he should say sorry, until Dustin gives him a pep talk.

W/C: 3.1k

A/N: Just now realising how long this is oops, sorry. My first Stranger Things fic! Finally. (watch this flop so hard lmao) Remember to like and reblog if you enjoy! It really helps me out. As always, requests are open and any and all feedback is appreciated <3

————

"Dustin, Please, just leave me alone." She lay back on her bed, tears streaming down her face and hair amiss from where she'd run her fingers through it. "I'm fine, I just...give me some time."

"But, we tell eachother everything." Her little brother sounded so small and defeated that it almost broke her heart in two. She could hear him leaning his back against the door, the back of his head thumping dully against the wood a second later. "I feel like we're drifting apart. You don't talk to me anymore."

"Dustin-"

"No, it's okay. Don't worry." Dustin cleared the remnants of his upset from his throat, "We can talk later. I get that you need time."

And with that, he'd left. She could hear his muffled footsteps on the carpeted floor of the hallway, walking away from her bedroom and back to his own. She knew that she wanted to talk to him and vent about all of the happenings of the day, but she couldn't bring herself to let her walls down in front of anyone about her current situation just yet.

It was Steve. And it was bad.

They'd been together for a year and ten months. He'd been there for her through thick and thin. Whenever their mom went MIA, something that happened more often than not, during the days and weeks and months that Y/N was left to take care of her thirteen year old brother on her own with no notice whatsoever, Steve was there. And he'd take Dustin out to the cinema, give him free ice cream, play Dungeons and Dragons with him and his friends - even though Steve had no idea how to play Dungeons and Dragons. He'd sleep over, make her feel like she wasn't alone. It filled her with pride to see him taking Dustin under his wing, more like a dad than even an older brother.

When they lost Hopper, who'd become more of a parental figure than she and Dustin's mom was to her, he was standing by her side at the funeral, hand grasping her own smaller one with force and squeezing it every so often, just to remind her that he was there. He was there after the funeral, too, when they went to the cabin and went through Hopper's things. He was there when she found the birthday present that Hopper had bought for her, a necklace with, 'you're pretty cool, kid', engraved on it. Hopper's way of saying that he loved her. It came with a letter, one that she cried so hard while reading that she couldn't see the words on the page.

The point was, that Steve had been there through everything. And now that they'd had a huge argument over - of all things - Nancy Wheeler, she was unsure of whether or not she'd have Steve to lean on anymore.

It wasn't so much a stupid argument as it was a stupid mistake on Steve's end. He even admitted to himself that what he'd done was more than a dick move. Tina was having a party, a big one, for old time's sake. Y/N wasn't invited, having been socially considered as 'uncool' while in High School, while Steve was invited. He said that it wasn't a big deal, it didn't matter, he wouldn't go.

Except that it was a big deal, it did matter, and, well, he did go.

He'd gotten really drunk, so drunk, in fact, that he had no recollection of the night at all and managed to stumble to Y/N's front door at five in the morning.

He'd told her that he went to the party, that he was sorry. She'd been mad, but she was so tired that she said she'd deal with it in the morning and told Steve to sleep it off on the sofa. Before going to sleep, however, Steve had told Y/N that he 'thought he might've kissed Nancy' that night.

They'd argued about it the next day. She'd dropped him off at home, neither of them speaking at all in the car, and they'd screamed at eachother in Steve's living room. Little did either of them know, Steve hadn't actually kissed Nancy, he was just so drunk that he made himself believe that he had. And then, Y/N told Steve that they were done, and he'd said 'fine', and she'd left and cried in her car for an hour.

And now, she was here. Crying on her bed, little brother probably thinking that one of her friends had died or something.

She hated herself for blowing up and flying off the handle and literally breaking up with Steve. Steve, on the other hand, hated himself for even going to the party, hated himself for - possibly - kissing Nancy, hated himself for going to Y/N's front door and waking her up so early in the morning.

In the grand scheme of things, Steve Harrington had been an asshole. And he was all too aware of it.

It had been around half an hour since she got home when Dustin knocked on the door again. This time, she'd managed to calm down enough to allow him to come inside. She looked horrifying, hair messed up, tear stained face, cuddling a pillow and wearing one of Steve's shirts, but Dustin was her brother, he had no right to judge her.

The door swung open slowly, and Dustin was there, grinning and holding two pints of ice cream, spoons, and some movies. "Thought we could put a movie on and eat. And you can tell me about your problems and I promise I'll listen."

"Is the ice cream cookie dough?" Y/N asked, sniffling, and a watery smile crossed her face. Dustin laughed, happy to see his sister perking up at least a little bit, even if it was over ice cream, and turned the carton to reveal to her that it was, in fact, cookie dough.

"Only the best." He tossed one of the cartons and a spoon at her, and turned on the TV set that sat across from her bed. "Besides, I know it's the only one you'll eat when you're sad."

"You know me entirely too well." She hugged her knees to her chest and dug into her ice cream, relishing in the taste of it for a second, "Oh my God, I haven't had this in so long. And the Scoops cookie dough is so bad."

"Right? I know Steve thinks it's the best, but he is so wrong." Little did Dustin know, one mention of his name would make Y/N's meltdown begin all over again. Soon enough, she was crying hot tears into her ice cream, and she allowed Dustin to lay his head on her shoulder while she explained everything.

"Okay, I have to go somewhere." Dustin knew what he had to do, and Y/N's eyebrows furrowed as he got swiftly up from her bed. "I'll be like, maybe half an hour. But you can eat my ice cream if it starts to melt."

"Dustin! Don't leave me!"

"Watch the movie!"

And then he was gone, and she was by herself, with only some ice cream and E.T. to keep her company.

Meanwhile, Dustin had found Steve at work. He was insanely hungover - although, the headache and sickness had gone away thanks to Robin and her Tylenol, but the tiredness still remained - and reminded Dustin faintly of a particular zombie in Day of the Dead when he walked into Family Video to find him leaning on the counter. The grim look on his face wasn't so much because of the hangover, though, it was more to do with the fact that he and his girlfriend of nearly two years had broken up half an hour ago, and he'd been forced to go to work.

"If you're here to talk to Steve, I wouldn't. He nearly punched me when I asked him if he wanted Tylenol. And I'm a girl." Robin stopped Dustin at the front door, a serious look on her face, but he shrugged her off.

"It's fine. He won't do anything. Besides, I know what this whole thing's about. That's why I'm here." He tried to walk off again, but Robin grabbed his upper arm, tugging him back and making him elaborate.

"Is it Y/N? I think there was a fight between them or something. He’s never looked this rough.” Robin looked concerned, and she was. She’d never seen Steve so upset before. “He was crying when he came in.” She added.

Dustin shrugged, “Yeah, I’m gonna talk to him. He’ll be fine tomorrow.” He decided not to give Robin any more information on the situation in case Y/N or Steve would've gotten mad at him for it.

"Henderson, hey." Steve said quietly when he noticed that Dustin had entered the store. He looked like he'd been crying, and Robin was definitely right when she said he’d never looked rougher. "If you're here to hang out-"

"I'm not here to hang out, Steve. We have to talk." Dustin crossed his arms sternly over his chest, raising his eyebrows and nodding his head in the direction of the store room. Steve grumbled and complied, unlocking the door and ushering Dustin inside.

"You have to apologise."

"Apologise? Apologise for - what exactly are we talking about?" Steve rubbed a hand exhaustedly over his face, leaning against a sealed box of movies that he was supposed to have put away by now.

"You know what for, Steve. Y/N. You hurt her. Like, really badly. I don't think I've ever seen her so upset." Steve already wanted Dustin to stop, but he continued, really wanting him to get the message of just how hurt his sister was. "She cried in her room for half an hour before she even let me talk to her, and now she's at home by herself, probably crying some more because you went to a stupid party. I mean, seriously man, couldn't you just have stayed home? What was so important about it?"

Steve threw his head back and hid his face with his hands, wanting the floor to open up and swallow him whole. He knew that he'd been a dick, he knew that he'd hurt her, but, Jesus, knowing the details made his heart flip in his chest and his stomach hurt. He hated seeing Y/N upset at the best of times, nevermind when it was his fault.

"Yeah. Yeah, I should've just left it. Jeez, Dustin, I'm such an asshole."

"Yes. An asshole, you are. And what was that other shit? About you kissing Nancy?"

"I didn't kiss Nancy, okay? My drunk mind just kinda...made me believe that I did. I called her today just to confirm." Steve swallowed, suddenly having the nausea of his hangover coming back to him.

"Does Y/N know that?" Dustin had his arms crossed, back against the wall, looking unimpressed as Steve shook his head. "Seriously man? Don't you think that the first thing you should've done after finding out that you didn't actually cheat on your girlfriend, was tell your girlfriend that you didn't actually cheat on her?"

"My head's all over the place, Henderson. Cut me some slack, okay?"

"You have to come say sorry, you know that, right?"

"I will. I will, I promise. I finish in an hour, why don't you go home, I'll buy some flowers, take a shower and get changed, and I'll come chap on your door like none of this even happened." Steve had suddenly perked up, gesturing with his arms and almost getting excited to initiate his plan.

"Yeah. Sure. But it better be good, Harrington. You better make her happy."

Steve didn't even have time to respond before Dustin was running off, getting on his bike, and cycling back home to his sister. He promised himself internally that he'd do all it took to make her happy.

Y/N had finished her ice cream and Dustin's had started to melt by the time he got home. She hadn't cried any more, had been too focussed on the movie, and Dustin was relieved to see her laughing at something on the screen when he entered her bedroom.

"Hey." She smiled. "Your ice cream's melting, you'd better eat it."

Dustin smiled and bellyflopped onto her bed, sending her into a fit of laughter. They both laughed so hard, in fact, that they barely heard the doorbell ring, and Dustin almost got up to go and get it.

He stopped himself though, not wanting Steve to call him an idiot or something along those lines. "You should go. I have to eat my ice cream before it melts." He said sheepishly, sitting back down from where he'd jumped up. Y/N rolled her eyes and threw the pillow that she was holding at Dustin's face.

"Alright, make your sad sister get the door because you have to eat ice cream." She stood up even as she spoke, knowing that Dustin wasn't going to budge. "Nice one, asshole."

Y/N had left her bedroom before Dustin could retaliate, bounding down the stairs and realising that, if anyone saw her the way that she looked now, they'd probably never respect her again. The doorbell went again, and she sighed quietly at the lack of patience from whoever was on the other side.

She - stupidly - didn't even bother to look out of the window that stood next to the door to check who it was before opening it, and nearly closed it again when she realised who was standing there.

"Hey, woah, don't close the door yet!" It was Steve, his eyes widened from the possibility that he'd come all the way to her house so that she could slam the door in his face, holding white lilies and a box of chocolates, which was - in Y/N's opinion - the cheesiest apology ever. "Just...listen? For like, a minute."

She slowly let her hand slide off of the door knob, watching as Steve relaxed a significant amount even from seeing her do that. "A minute." She crossed her arms over her chest, chewing her cheek. "You have a minute."

"Okay, uh, yeah, okay." Steve began his rambling. "Listen, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have gone to that party, I know I shouldn't have gotten so drunk that I managed to convince myself that I kissed Nancy. Did I already say that I didn't actually kiss Nancy? I called her, and she said we didn't even speak. Bottom line is, I'm an asshole. I know that, and I hate myself for hurting you. Dustin told me how upset you were and I...I couldn't even comprehend the fact that I did that."

He paused, looking down at his feet and waiting for Y/N to say something. Something that didn't come, she simply stood, looking at and biting her fingernails, trying to figure out whether or not she should give in and forgive him or not, so he stopped waiting and spoke some more.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I love you so much. And I know that I fucked up, and I don't expect you to forgive me-"

"Steve." Y/N stopped him. He looked up at her, expecting that she'd look upset or annoyed, but she was smiling and shaking her head. "Come here."

"Seriously?" He already wished he hadn't said what he did before he'd even finished speaking. Seriously? What kind of thing to say was that? "I mean, you know-"

She was already hugging him before he could finish speaking. She knew that he'd ramble on for hours if he could, but she also knew that she already forgave him and didn't need to listen to his rambling. "It's okay. I forgive you."

"Oh, thank God. I thought I'd lost you, really, I did." He sighed into her hair, realising that he was probably ruining the bouquet of flowers with the way that he was crushing them against her back.

"Well, you were an asshole. You had every right to think you'd lost me." Steve had always loved her subtle sassiness, it was a habit that she often fell into unknowingly, but it made him chuckle.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I was an asshole."

She let go of him, finally, and stood back. He was wearing his light blue jeans, a black t-shirt and belt, with a blue jacket. It was an outfit that she'd seen him in before, quite a few times, but he never failed to look good in it anyway. His hair was slightly amiss, as though he'd gotten ready as quickly as he could - which was true, but she didn't know that for sure - but it still had his Steve 'the hair' Harrington charm.

"So, can I come in, or are you just gonna stand there and mock me?" He grinned and she stood to the side, allowing him to join her in the hallway. He went straight for the kitchen, taking out a vase and filling it up with water, then placing the flowers in it and leaving it on the kitchen counter.

"I didn't say you could-" She was trying to joke with him, but he didn't seem to care much, as he cut her off by dipping his head towards hers and kissing her passionately. He hated to admit it, probably something to do with the small part of his King Steve persona that he still carried around with him, but he'd missed her, and it had only been a few hours.

"Woah, easy tiger." Y/N laughed, pulling away when Steve's hands started to travel downwards. "We haven't even properly spoken yet."

"Yeah. Sorry." Steve said sheepishly. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and smiled down at the floor. "Do you wanna talk?"

She shrugged. "Not particularly."

"So, really, it's okay for me to do this," He closed the gap between them again, beaming at her while he searched her face for any sign of disapproval and admired the little flecks of contrasting colours that danced in her eyes. And then he kissed her again, lips soft against her own, gentle - something that wasn't widely believed, Steve Harrington was actually one of the most gentle people that Y/N had ever met.

"Well, yeah." She grinned, breathless. "But I'm sort of in the middle of watching a movie, wanna join?"

And so they spent the rest of the day, wrapped in the blankets on Y/N's bed and Y/N wrapped in Steve's arms, watching movies that Dustin fished out from the cabinet under the TV that Y/N didn't even know that they had.

She had to say, Steve's apologies were often cheesy and terrible, but this one wasn’t so bad as it was enjoyable.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things x reader #dustin henderson #billy hargrove #new writers corner #rogue writes #rogue does stranger things

[dusksmote]

I love your writing style and I'm curious on how your longer fanfic writing process works. I know you've said that you write out a rough copy before cleaning them up chapter by chapter then publish. For a long fic how long does the rough copy usually take to write out?

I'm just trying to set up realistic times goals for myself.

it honestly depends.

the longest single work i’ve ever written to date is ecstasy (125k words), and it took 7 weeks to finish the first draft. this is NOT sustainable and i do not recommend setting this as a writing goal. I wrote for hours every single day for about a month and a half, then spent another 5 weeks editing before setting it aside to write the prequel (which i put on hiatus to write ETL). i wrote the first 44k words in a week where i was writing for 16 hours a day and sleeping 3-5 hours a day. DON’T DO THIS lmao. the only reason this was possible was because i was on winter break and just started having a manic episode. i wasn’t eating or sleeping or focusing on real life responsibilities, just writing fanfic.

ETL took so much longer, from a relative standpoint. it’s only around 28k and took a month to write. i was still writing daily when i worked on it, but this time i had a little more work/life balance. WTSAU is a weird one because i wrote the majority of it (probably around 40k) between june and august of last year, but i’ve put it aside several times to work on other projects and come back to it again and again. for me the writing portion and the revision portion can happen simultaneously because i like to jump around and work on different parts all the time, or switch off and work on another fanfic for a while.

in september i wrote the entirety of my long mpreg fic (around 30k). it was totally complete by all standards, but i decided to go back and add another 20k words and change the story--and i’m still actively working on it! i’ve started several other fics since then but i still come back to it, so the ammount of time it’s taken to write from start to finish is totally unclear. you could say it’s taken 9 months (lol) since i started it that long ago, but most days i don’t even touch it. 

so there’s really no formula for how long a fanfic takes. it mostly depends on how busy i am and how much time i can sink into it. right now i’m swamped with work, and have been for months. i’ve hardly gotten to write anything at all! so i could have set some time goals saying i’ll have x number of words by this date, but life gets in the way. i personally don’t set writing goals for myself because i know it will only put stress on me in the long run. if anything, i try to write a little each day, even if i don’t feel like it, but i forgive myself when life comes first. 

thank you!!

#ask #ecstasy #eat that lunch #what they say about us #wayward son #muh fanfic

[loneliestmuffin]

Check my story out on Ao3!

Under the Rain(s)

Character Growth?

[Lal/Colonnello/Reborn]

The Rain is beating harshly against the car's windows. The downpour was sudden afterall. Even so, Colonnello isn't really paying much attention to it. He's just... Focused on what might soon be. Lal feels the same way. Her hand fits perfectly into his and she gives him a tighter squeeze every now and then.

His beloved Lal should never have to sound his anxious, but.... Fuck, even he's nervous as hell. "Do you... Do you think Renato was serious? I mean..."

Colonnello sighs softly, watching as the car's window wipers go. It's truly a big storm this time around isn't it...  Not very fitting to the nervous excitement that's blossoming between them. "I know that dork, Lal. He would never joke about this kind of thing. Never. He loves kids too much."

Lal sighs softly, pulling her hand free to properly stop the car then. They've arrived at Ren's current hideout. Some fancy Bungalow at the outskirts of some unimportant town. Colonnello gently grabs Lal's arm, preventing her from exiting the car just hey. "Lal."

Lal snaps to him, frowning and nervous, so Colonnello kisses that anxiety away. She needs some reassurance... and so does he, honestly. "No matter what happens in there, we have each other. Okay?"

Lal sighs sharply, relaxing all at once, nodding briefly. "Yeah. Did we bring an umbrella?"

Colonnello grins, pulling out the bright pink abomination Skull left in the backseat after their.... Escapades last week. Lal gives him a deadpan glare, before ripping the umbrella out of his hand and exiting the car. She takes off towards the house immediately, so Colonnello has to fumble with the car's lock and run the entire way, all while getting rained on.

He gives Lal a fantastic pout, but she isn't paying him any mind. Instead, she's busy shaking the umbrella dry. So it's up to Colonnello to ring the doorbell. Lal grabs his hand in the next moment, still clearly nervous, but like... Reborn's doorbell is ridiculous. It's this... Recording of Skull sweetly saying "Get over here." in an awful southern accent.

It feels like they wait an eternity before Reborn actually opens the door, but it was probably just a few moments. Ren looks... Harried honestly. His hair is a mess, he looks tired and its been a while since Colonnello last saw him in the apple bottom booty shorts.

There's no time to admire Reborn's.... Assets though. Because there, sleeping peacefully in Reborn's arm, happens to be the tiniest little boy with the fluffiest hair ever. Reborn gestures them to be silent and to come in, so they do just that immediately. Lal needs a moment to restart out of her shock, so Colonnello pull her along as they head inside.

Reborn takes a seat in this comfy looking rocking chair, nodding towards the sofa. Colonnello and Lal take their seats and... For a while, they all just silently stare at the sleeping, fluffy boy. Reborn speaks up after another eternity, his voice unbelievably soft. "This kid was send by the Bovino Familiga. To kill me. Me. Can you imagine how goddamn confused I was?"

Lal takes a soft, slow breath. Her shock is understandable. Skull has been rubbing off on all of them for years now. "They... Send a kid.... On a suicide mission..."

Colonnello sighs faintly, leaning back and stretching far. He's the picture of nonchalance, because if he wasn't, he'd be on his way to eradicate a mafia family. And their skies would end up upset over that. "So... That's why you've been on the warpath with those guys... Cause of this lil kid... And you called us over... Because..."

Reborn raises an eyebrow, crossing his legs and getting comfortable, cradling this little child on his chest. "I called you guys over to take care of this kid. Cause I'm not fit to be a father. Not with how things are right now. And... As I understand it, you two have been wanting a boy for a while... No?"

Lal scoots forward a little, taking a better look at the kid. "What's his name? How long has he been here..."

Reborn smiles the faintest bit, clearly smug and already ridiculously proud. "His name is Lambo. I've finally caught him a week ago. But he's been trailing me for two months. He's a clever lil guy, if a bit noisy."

Colonnello gets up of the couch then, taking a seat in front of the rocking chair and resting his chin on Reborn's knee. Lal rests on hand on his shoulder, leaning closer, to take an even closer look.

Reborn rolls his eyes at their antics, but he let's them stay put like that. They spend an hour watching and admiring this boy, before they spend about five hours playing with him. He's a happy, loud little boy and they immediately love him. Colonnello and the boy immediately start rough housing together and Lambo soon shrieks with laughter.

The rain continues to beat on the windows, but inside, in this warmth... A family is growing.

Tomorrow's prompt is Indirect kiss! Who will be smooched?!

#reborn khr #khr arcobaleno #khr fanfiction #khr lal mirch #khr colonnello #khr flufftober #flufftober #khr lambo #the Arcos adopt any child they find

[neo-culture-mafia]

그림자

last chapter

"'sup bitches." Hyuck called, walking in the front door with groceries in hand.

"Duckie, I have told you 9 separate times to not greet like that." I spun around in the swivel chair, "it's rude." I reasoned and he took his sunglasses off his face, holding them in the same hand as his motorcycle keys. "Whoops?...I guess." He chuckled, strutting over to where I sat at the living room desk.

I turned back around to look at the paperwork spanning across the wood surface. "What's this, sunflower?" He asked grabbing the first paper he could grab. He flicked his brown curls from his vision to have a good look at what was taking place in black ink.

"Money flipping?" He asked me, with a cocked eyebrow and an unamused look. "Yep. Just for a little while," I winked and snatched the paper back. I sighed, setting it back down on the desk, "just until we have enough for an apartment in the city."

He groaned and walked down the hall to the kitchen. "We have everything we need here." He called as I knew he was emptying the contents of the grocery bags into the respectful places they belonged.

I leaned my arm on the desk, laying my head in my hand and staring at the Polaroids above the desk. Some were of us: me, Mark and Hyuck, and some of the rest of the boys...now just a distant memory is what they felt like.

483 days...483 days since we last saw each other. On that damn night. That dreadful night that me and Mark were turned away and shunned like we were dogs.

Then we traveled back to Seoul to find Duckie. After he was missing for 3 weeks, I ran into him by chance in an alley. We actually had gotten in a first fight till his hood fell back and I was met with the melanin enriched skin that made my eyes weep.

I told him to leave, go back, that he was welcomed there. But, he didn't want to leave me or Mark. We lived in the shit shack eating nothing but crackers and water for a couple months, sometimes we opted for sleep as our daily meal.

Until Mark came home with money. He had gotten that damn tunnel door open by the grace of a higher-being: filled with cash to the brim.

Us 3 bought a 2 bedroom farm house in the somewhat country where we were best friends with our retired neighbors; their thoughts and whispers of us being in a 3-way relationship being the talk of the small farming town. We didn't care. We knew what we were doing here and what we needed to do in the future.

"Oh honey. I'm home." Donghyuck called through the house and a door opened to a wet Mark who was towel drying his hair in nothing but sweatpants. "Did you get me the stuff?" He asked all serious, and I looked down the dim hallway to see Mark's blonde hair being tossled by his towel.

Hyuck gave him a flat face, a hand on his hip and another holding him up on the counter. "Yes, Mark. I got you your 'stuff'." He rolled his eyes, going away and returning with a big ass watermelon.

"Yesss," Mark took it and automatically held it to his ear, knocking on it like it was a heavy wood door. "you picked a good one." Mark looked lovingly at the fruit in his arms as if it was a child.

I laughed as I looked at my wacky friend. "Why can't you be obsessed with something usual. Like beer, or poker."

The curly headed boy asked as he walked back down the hall towards me. Taking his thick jacket off and throwing it over the arm of the couch; sitting down he unlaced and unzipped his boots, throwing them by the door.

You watched the conversation play out like a terrible teen-sitcom. "Cause I'd rather die by watermelon overdose than alcohol intoxication-" Mark was cut off as he walked slowly to the front room where Hyuck and I sat. "Yeah yeah yeah. Too many big words for this early in the morning." Hyuck put his arm over his eyes and laid back.

Mark looked at me and we both looked at the clock. "Sweetie, its 3 in the afternoon." I giggled and he whined. "It's so early." He said and stood up.

"I'm getting changed and I'm gonna chill." He said looking at Mark who still clutched his watermelon to his bare chest, damp towel thrown over his shoulder.

"And?" Mark asked. "Why do I care?" He asked and the younger boy just shrugged. "Also...your night for dinner." Mark reminded him and Hyuck whined louder, running down the hall and smacking into our bedroom door.

"Donghyuck!" I jumped up, wanting to check if he was okay. He just kept on whining as he opened our door and went in, closing it.

You could still hear his shrieks as he was probably running around getting changed into comfier clothes.

"Then there were two." Mark sighed as he set his watermelon on the kitchen window, and plopping onto the long couch on the opposite side of the living room.

"I need to redo your hair soon." I said getting up and laying on the ground next to his couch. "I might let it grow up to a ponytail." I sat up quickly. "Uh. No you're not." My voice was harsh and he laughed.

"Girl you need to chill. I was joking." He chuckled, stretching and yawning.

Something that Jaemin used to say to me atleast once an hour. My smile faltered and I became more solemn.

"Do you miss them?" I asked and he just stared at me for a moment. "Who?" Was all he said and I knew that he knew exactly who he was talking about but it still hurt a little bit.

"Your boys." I said and a faint smile was broadcasted over his facial features as he stared into what seemed like distant space but was really just the dark TV.

"Of course." He exasperated and he looked back at my face who was just searching for reassurance that this path was the right one to take.

"But I am so thankful for the two of you, right here, right now." He smiled and my heart was put at ease.

"Alright I'm back. I sensed you guys missed me so I returned. Just for you guys!" Hyuck said as he sat down next to me and leaned back on his arms for support. "Oh yeah. 'Cause we were literally dying without your presence." I said sarcastically and he shrugged.

"Exactly. That's what I just said." He said as serious as possible and me and Mark laughed. "Oh you think you're so funny." Donghyuck said picking me up and pulling me on his lap, his hands reaching for my sides and tickling.

My shrieks and laughs radiated through the house as Mark watched on in admiration. He felt blessed that he made it this far. He also never failed to tell us atleast once a week. We were all each other's life and support systems.

Once hyuck stopped his evil act, I just laid there across his lap trying to resteady my breath.

"What's for dinner?" I looked up at him and he shrugged. "I haven't really looked to be completely honest." He said yawning.

"Well let's go see and then we can make it, eat, clean, and then chill for a while." I said getting up and putting my hand out for him to take.

He groaned but obliged at my request.

He was in some shorts and a basic hoodie. The scarring on his legs reminding us all of a dark period. A painful time that sometimes still follows us.

I have a scar on my back from that night. I don't remember anything of the tunnels but the burning pain in my calves, wanting to stop sprinting through the dark and lonely concrete jungle.

Him and I stood infront of the cupboards in silence.

I suddenly felt so tired and out of it. Like a heavy weight was on my chest and it wouldn't budge.

"Oooo. Spaghetti." He said stretching and reaching the noodles and sauce on the top shelf. I shrugged as he looked at me for my reaction to his suggestion.

"You okay?" He asked and I could only shrug and try to give a convincing smile.

"Yeah. Just thinking about stuff." I shrugged once more and he understood.

"Can you help me with dinner?" He asked and of course I agreed, wanting to get my mind off the looming darkness in the corners of the house.

"Alright. We need 2 pots and then you can figure out some sides we can have with it." He said and I was already grabbing the 2 pots.

I set them on the stove top and he began doing his own thing. I rummaged through the cabinets and fridge before feasting my eyes on what seemed like the perfect pairing.

"Salad?"

~~~~~~~~~

Trying to sleep that night was rough. It was just tough and not even the usual cuddly nature of the sleeping Hyuck next to me could lull me into dream land.

The dark feeling still followed me through dinner and to bed.

I tried staring at the wall but even then the small cracks started freaking me out. I turned towards Hyuck who's curly dark hair framed his face perfectly.

Don't get us wrong. We're not a thing. We're just close. Once we found each other again he has stuck to my side in hopes of fulfilling what he thought he didn't in the first place- protection.

I don't mind. We've always been close and now we've just gotten closer. Was sharing a bedroom in our plans?...no...but we didn't want to put up with Mark and his farting so he was blessed with having his own room.

We're just making do with what we have.

My finger lightly traced shapes on his arm tattoos, trying to pass time and get myself to sleep.

I groaned and his eyes opened. "What's wrong?" He asked looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

3:29 AM

He turned back to make sure I was okay. He sat up on his arm and just looked at me for a moment. "Are you hurt?" Was all he asked and I shook my head no. I wouldn't know how to explain the hurt I was feeling anyway.

"I just need water." I said getting up and crawling to the end of the bed. "Be back in 5 minutes please." He said grabbing his phone. I mumbled my recognition and opened our door.

I strided down the hall and grabbed a water bottle. I walked into the hall where the corridor meets living room. Hyuck's phone lit one end of the hall in our bedroom while the other was illuminated by the moon light.

1 sip.

I breathed and looked out the front window at the old couples house across from ours.

2 sips.

I can hear my heart beat as I try to drown it out with gulps of water.

3 sips.

I have a sudden urge to sprint up and down our street to try and rid the shakiness of my body.

4 sips.

I'm not even cold but my anxiety makes my bones sound like wooden spoons and my body go cold with shivers.

And that's when I see it.

The shadow.

It moved on the front porch.

"I'm going crazy." I spoke in a monotone.

"What?" I heard Hyuck call out, now sitting up in the bed.

The shadow came closer to the door, an arm raised, as if it was going to bash in the glass.

"That's not real." I said louder, my water bottle now dropped from my cold hand.

I heard a thud and a swear along with an opening door.

"Mark. Up, now." And a pair of feet come closer down the dark hallway.

The shadow just seemed frozen now as Hyuck stood right by me.

"What is that?" He muttered and Mark now was coming closer, trying to see tiredly through his glasses.

The arm went back and forth a couple of times. "Hyuck go get your gun." Mark said lowly but I wanted to fight this thing head on.

I walked straight to the door before any of their hands could grab me. I threw the door open as my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

I was met with bleached blonde hair, a blood splattered face, a cold stare, and a muscly build that held ink and a face of an old someone I used to know.

"Jeno?" I choked out, wanting to vomit as my body went numb from shock. This wasn't real. I was dreaming. This wasn't happening.

I held my hands out towards his face, moving ever so slowly until his own hands held my own.

The boys behind me became silent as I knew one of them held a gun, still on edge for this too good to be true situation.

I threw myself at him and just held onto his muscular frame. His arms held me tight in a grip that I used to miss.

The metallic smell on him made my nose scrunch up in disgust but I was just too wrapped into the moment to care.

My body was yanked back forcefully and I was thrown back into the living room at the feet of a shell shocked Mark who could nothing but stare forward.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I thought Donghyuck was losing it as he cocked his gun and held it at the face of his once brother.

"Duckie what are you doing?" I asked getting up and grabbing at his arm.

Jeno just did nothing but stare down the metal barrel in front of his face, his hands being raised next to his head.

"I did a sweep of the surrounding place and it's sketc-" another body came walking up our porch.

The tall boy still seemed lanky but had glasses this time. His hair was now a lighter brown and it seemed like he had grown another 4 inches in the span of a year.

"Jisung?" I muttered and he was still met another gun barrel.

This time from Mark who had shoved me back again.

"Please don't shoot." Jisung pleaded, scared setting into his features.

"We need help. Please." Jisung begged but Jeno still held his stare with Hyuck.

"Everyone is gone." Jisung pleaded.

"Please." He whispered, his eyes were threatening to spill.

#nct #nct mafia au #nct 127 #nct mafia #nct mark #nct haechan #nct taeyong #nct winwin #kpop mafia au #mafia au #nct johnny #nct taeil #nct yuta #nct blurbs #nct au #nct angst #nct u #nct huang renjun #nct hyuck #na jaemin #nana #nct dream mafia #nct dream jisung #nct dream jeno #nct dream #nct jisung #jisung #jeno angst #nct jeno

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (3/?)

First of all, I want to thank you all for the kind feedback. I hope the rest of my story lives up to your expectations! As always, I don't own House. If I did, season 8 would have had partypants.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. This chapter is super Huddy. It's is probably one of my favorites, if not the favorite, that I've written so far. It was the first one I wrote to completion. I really hope you like it! It starts at the end of the episode when House first injects Cuddy with the fertility drugs.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy!

"Thank you for the injections."

House studied her for a few moments. "You came all the way up here just to tell me that?" Now he was curious. She wanted something.

"No." And she left.

He'd been thinking about that all afternoon. About the injections. About what she said earlier when he injected her. He told her it should be with someone she trusted, and the first person she had brought up was him. God, he was an idiot. She was going to ask him to be the donor in his office. The initial morphine high had worn off, and he jumped on his bike to confirm his theory.

When she opened the door with her arms crossed in her robe, he couldn't hide the self satisfied smirk. "If you wanted my sperm, all you had to do was ask."

"Are you high? Why would I want your sperm?"

"To make baby Cuddys," he raised an eyebrow. "I was the first person you mentioned when I told you it should be someone you trusted... not some loser kid who likes Mozart and snorts when he laughs. You came up to my office earlier to tell me something... and it wasn't just a thank you for injecting that perfect ass of yours."

She started to deny it, but what was the point? He had her figured out. He always had her figured out. And it was infuriating how he was always right about her. "Ok. You're right, I was going to ask you," she stepped aside to let him enter.

He nodded and stepped inside then. "Changed your mind?"

She was quiet a moment. She hadn't really changed her mind... just chickened out. "Do you want kids, House?" She finally asked.

That question did silence him for a moment as he had to think about the answer. "I would make a horrible father. I'm not rated G. But I've got good genes. Which is something you need to counteract the neurotic genes you'll no doubt pass on."

She looked almost amused. He was deflecting away from the original question... talking his way around a real answer. "You didn't answer my question. Do you want kids?"

He breathed deeply. If he answered this one wrong, he would hurt her. Probably lose any chance he might have with her... lose any chance he might have at not being alone. "Under the right circumstances..."

She arched an eyebrow. "Those circumstances being?"

He shrugged. "Right girl. Right time. Right place. The usual right circumstances."

She rolled her eyes. "Did you come here because you want to be my sperm donor?" She would simply spell it out for him. She was tired of games.

"If I say yes, are you going to hand me a specimen cup and send me to your bathroom?"

She leaned her back against the wall then with a small smile. "No."

"I told you it should be with someone you like."

Her eyes never broke away from his as she answered, "I like you, House."

He tapped his cane on the floor a couple times, thinking things over, trying to make sure his words were right. "So, how do I do this? You set me up an appointment, or what?" He finally asked, meeting her eyes again.

She pushed herself off the wall and moved closer to him. "I can do that, if you want. There are other... more direct ways," she said softly, biting her lip slightly.

He raised an eyebrow. "More direct than taking my best guys and putting them with your best girls and sticking them right into your uterus?" Why was she suddenly so close?

She could feel his breath on her skin as she studied him. It was now or never. "I had something a little more fun in mind. Something... mutually beneficial," she murmured before closing the distance between their lips with a slow kiss.

When he pulled back after a moment, he studied her eyes. He needed to make sure she was sure about this... that there wasn't regret or a sign of her doing this for any other reason other than she genuinely wanted to. When she still didn't pull away and he got the confirmation he needed, he kissed her again, this time rougher, hotter than the first.

Her robe was the first piece of clothing to go, followed shortly by his jacket, as they both fought for control of the situation. His shirt followed when she found her back pressed against the wall, his hands exploring her body freely.

He groaned as she basically flipped their positions, shoving him hard back against the wall, her teeth dragging across his collarbone as they worked their way toward her bedroom. She really did like it rough.

A yelp escaped her as she found herself on her back on the bed with a smile. It had been a long time since she'd given into pure lust and passion like this. Maybe she should have done it sooner. When he moved over her, she allowed him a moment before quickly flipping their positions so she was straddling his hips, her hands against his chest. "Do you want to stop?" She asked in a husky, bedroom voice he'd never heard but suddenly wanted to hear more of.

"Do you?" He countered, his hands lightly rubbing her thighs.

That seemed to be all the permission either needed before fusing their lips together in a searing kiss again.

Sometime after 3, he ran his fingers slowly down her bare back. It took a moment, but she finally lifted her head to look at him, a sleepy but satisfied smile on her lips.

"I should go home. Let you get some real sleep so you can be all administratory later," he murmured softly. "I'm sure I'll try to blow up a patient's heart or something in the name of diagnostics and you'll have to stop me."

She breathed deeply and stretched slowly before turning off her stomach and curling into his side, her leg draped over his thigh. "Mmm... you could stay..." she suggested in a quiet voice.

He chuckled softly. "That's the sex talking. I don't have clean clothes here. And I need a shower before work. Boss tends to get pissy when I'm late."

She smiled slowly. "She'll give you a pass this once."

He gave her a little grin. "I'll stay for no clinic duty this week," he tried.

She laughed softly. "Are you trying to negotiate your way out of clinic duty with sex?"

"Depends. Is it working?" He asked hopefully.

"No," she laughed again, swatting at his chest.

He breathed deeply, fingers lightly running along her bare shoulder. "I really do have to go. Believe it or not, charming my way into your bed was not my intentions when I came over last night."

She inhaled slowly and shifted comfortably under the covers to let him up. "Okay."

He started to untangle himself from her and her sheets. Before he could completely get up, she stopped him. He raised an eyebrow in question, only to have her sit up and kiss him slowly, almost possessively, like she was staking her claim. "You better not be late," she murmured with a smile before laying down to get a couple hours of sleep.

#greg house #house #house x cuddy #huddy #house m.d. #house md #lisa cuddy #house fanfic

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: who do you love? (11/?)

Ok.. it took me longer to get this done than I liked but here it is... A second paternity test, and the guys lay it on thr table. What will Ellie do now? Catch up HERE, also if you would like to be added to the tags, drop a line.

Pairings: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Raiting: Mature. Ccontains nsfw situations.

“Seriously, you're fucking with me right?” Ellie snapped.  “I wish I was Ellie, but we have to retest.” Logan sighed. “Shit, my phone.  I need to go get my phone.” she shot up running for the door. Of course something like this would happen, that was just her luck. Her thoughts now on Colt, who she was sure was flipping out. She got to her purse grabbing her phone.  17 missed calls she thought, all from Colt, except 1 that was the Drs office. As if on cue her phone started buzzing in her hand. It was Colt.

E: Colt? Whats going on?

C: Where the hell have you been ellie? I've been calling you non stop.

E: we're at the track with Logan.

C: Did you get the call from the Dr? He says we can be re tested today but we have to be there by 4.

Ellie looks down at her phone

E: 4? Its 3:30 Colt. And  that's all the way across town in traffic.  How are we supposed to get there by then?

C: Looks like you or Logan are going to have to channel your criminal driving.  I'm on my way to the office, I'll see you there.

Logan and Stacie ran up, her dad, sally and Luca joining them. “Whats going on?” Logan questioned. “That was Colt. The Doctor said we can be re tested today, but we have to be there by 4.” Logans eyes went wide as he took note of the time.  “I can get us there.” Logan stated confidently “lets go.”

Ellie asked Stacie to take her car and meet them at the office, her dad and Sallie heading home.  Ellie hooked Lucas car seat in Logan's car quickly and they set out for the office. 20 minutes to go, the panic starting to set in.

Logan grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down.  “You ok back there Luca?” he shouted back checking on Luca.

“This is fun!” Luca squealed, Ellie shook her head, Logan just chuckled. She definitely had speed in her blood, that's for sure.

They pulled up to the office with five minutes to spare. Colt stood next to his bike. “I was afraid you weren't going to make it.” he gave Logan a cocky smirk.  “Come on Kaneko, you know better than that.”

Ellie grabbed Luca from her car seat, she immediately ran to Colt throwing her arms out. “Hey princess, I missed you.” he wrapped her in a hug as he lifted her off the ground.

They walked into the building, being taken right into the back. Logan and Colt going first. Colt held Luca while they swabbed her mouth. The doctor told them they would be sending it off for testing right away, the new lab turnaround was 2 to 4 weeks for dna testing,  however with the amount of labs that would be flooding in it could take longer.

They walked out of the office finding Stacie waiting for them with Ellies car. Luca was complaining she was hungry so they decided to get something to eat.  Colt had a customer picking up a car who had a custom job done that he had to be there for, so Ellie said she would catch up with him later that week. Ellie dropped stacie off at work and headed to meet Logan at the restaurant. He already had a table waiting for them when they arrived.

After ordering and finally eating, Luca was content playing on Ellies phone. “Ellie I need to talk to you about something important.” She could sense the seriousness in his tone.

“Ok, but quietly please.” she nodded towards Luca.

“Ellie, i'm pretty sure you know how I feel about you. You were the first and only girl I ever loved. But being with you and luca these past few weeks, well it made me realize that I want a family. I'm ready to settle down.” She took a deep breath, she wasn't expecting that. “Logan” She let out a long sigh. “I dont think thats a good idea right now.”

“I know, with the divorce and all. But really Ellie, I'm not getting any younger. I'm willing to wait, but.” He hesitated. Ellie reached out giving his hand a squeeze “I understand Logan. I do not want you to put your life on pause because I'm indecisive. If someone comes along that you think could lead somewhere, see how it goes.”

Logan sat there contemplating her words. “Thanks Ellie.” he finally spoke.

After they paid for their meal, Ellie took Luca home. She walked through the front door holding her sleeping child. Her dad and sally were sitting on the couch watching a movie, laughing and enjoying each other.  “Hey kiddo. Someone passed out huh?” Frank looked up from the tv screen. “Hey guys. Yep long day. I'm gonna put her in bed and crash myself. Back to work tomorrow.” She said goodnight, put Luca to bed and headed there herself.  

She put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed. She thought of her dad and Sally sitting on the couch, just enjoying being with each other. Her dad was happy, it was written all over his face and it made her happy for him. She thought about what Logan said at dinner, he was ready to settle down, but was she? She was divorcing Colt, was it fair to jump into something with Logan? Did she want to be with Logan or did she want Colt? She wasn't sure what she wanted that much was obvious, the thought of settling down, expanding her family and spending the rest of her life with someone who loved her and treated her well was all she ever dreamed of. She closed her eyes trying to escape her thoughts, after tossing and turning for a few hours she finally fell asleep.  

A a few days had gone by, she had just got off work when he phone rang, Darnells name flashed across the screen.

“Hello.” she answered. “Hey Ellie, its Darnell. I just wanted to let you know that Judge Mitchell scheduled a date for the hearing.” Ellies blood ran cold, it was one thing to file but another that it was actually happening. “oh, ok. Um when is it?

“The Thursday before labor day.” Ellie went silent, her heart pounding in her chest. “Thats. That's two weeks away.”

“Yes. She wanted to get it in before the holiday. It'll be done soon. Have a good weekend Ellie.”

“Yeah, you too Darrell.” Ellie hung up the phone, tears now falling. The Realization that Colt would be served soon hitting her like a ton of bricks. She calmed herself down enough to call her dad and make sure Luca was ok a little longer with him.

She started her car and made that all to familiar drive. She pulled up, trying her best to calm her nerves as she exited the car and walked through the open bay door.

“Were closed.” She heard a voice shout from under a car. “I'm not her for that.” she spoke, her voice carrying throughout the shop. Colt rolled out from under the car, standing up quickly.  “Hey. What are you doing her? Is Luca ok?” he wiped his greasy hands off, tossing the rag down on a nearby table.

“She fine. I came because I need to tell you something.” Colt arched his brow “Those words are never good.”

“Darnell called, the divorce has been scheduled.” she watched the expression on Colts face change to curiosity to a mixture  between hurt and anger. “When.” His tone colt and flat.

“Two weeks.” She looked to the floor. This was what she wanted, so why was it so damn hard to tell him?

“Two weeks?!” he shouted. He turned grabbing a tool and chucking it across the room. “Fuck!” He screamed, Ellie flinching. “I'm sorry Colt.” she squeaked out. His eyes widening as he turned to face her. “Oh you're sorry? You don't seem sorry to me Ellie. You didn't even give me a fucking chance. All I wanted was to be a family. You, me and Luca,” he ran his hands through his hair. “You just don't understand do you? I love you Ellie, I never stopped. Everything I did, was for you. The house, this garage, everything!”

“Colt I, I don't know what to say.” She was at a loss for words.

“I didn't want to be my dad. I wanted Luca to have both parents, together.  Now that will never happen.”

“Colt, we don't know that she's yours.” She regretted saying as soon as it left her mouth. It was like adding salt to the wound.

“Shes mine. I know in my heart she's mine, and even if she wasn't..” He shook his head. “You know what. You can have it all, everything. The house, the garage, all the money. All I want in this life is to be able to take care of you, and Luca. And if you won't let me do it at your side,  take everything.” he threw his hands up in the air, walking away.

“Colt.” she hollered after “Colt!” she followed him into to small apartment that used to be logan's loft.  “I can't see you right now Ellie. I think we probably should keep our distance until i cool down.” Colt had his back to her. Hands splayed out on the counter,  his breathing heavy. He was upset, very upset. “But the zoo, and Lucas first day of school.” She whimpered, holding back tears.

“I'll be there, I wouldn't miss that for her. I  will be cordial to you. But I won't be ok with it, I never will.”

Ellie hung her head in defeat, walking down the steps and then to her car. Colts words ringing in her ears. She grasped the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew telling him was going to be rough, but she wasn't expecting the overload of emotions that came with it. She thought back to the day they took the brotherhood down.

****

She walked up to her house,  Colt had a loose end to tie up with Toby and ximena. The crew skipping town, laying low from the FBI. She crossed the front yard when Logan slid out of the shadows. “Logan? What are you doing here? I thought you left town.” her eyes darted around, assessing her surroundings. “I am, but I needed to see you first.” he came closer, closing the distance between them. “Look Ellie, I had every intention to apologize for dragging you into this. But now that I'm here, i'm not sorry.”

“You're not?” She looked at him confused.  

“No,” He shook his head. “If I didn't seek you out, I would have never met you. And though I may not have been the guy for you, I couldn't live in a world where I never knew you. You changed my life for the better Ellie.” he softly brushed the bruises on her face.

Ellie threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “I don't want you to go, please don't go.” she sniffled. “Believe me Ellie, I don't want to, but I have to.  Go off to college, kick some ass. And remember I'll always be thinking of you.” She lifted her face, looking in his eyes. She pressed her lips against his, savoring the feeling one last time. “I hope this isn't goodbye forever. Promise me you'll stay safe.” she pulled back resting her head against his chest. “He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I promise. Goodbye Ellie.” he took one last look at her before disappearing into the night.

She turned heading toward the house spotting colt standing there. “You kissed him.” He clenched his jaw. “You were spying on me? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough. And no, I wasn't spying on you. I finished what I needed to and came back for you.”

Ellie hesitated at the door. Could she really give up everything she had worked for? Could she really skip out on her dream school for a life on the run with Colt?

“Colt. I don't think we should do this. We rushed into this, its crazy. We. We need to get an annulment.”

Colt stumbled back. “What? Ellie come on, We love each other.”

“I know, and i do love you Colt. I do but.”

“Its Logan isn't it? You wanted to be with him, I was a mistake.” he retorted.  

“No. Colt that's not-”

“Save it Ellie. Go live your life, I'll get an annulment.” he climbed on his bike.

Ellie felt sick to her stomach, what did she do? She was scared, she didn't want to lose him. “colt.” she called after him, he put his helmet on kicking his bike to life. “Colt. Colt, come back. Please.” it was to late, she watched his tail lights fade out of view. She was alone, truly and completely alone.

*******

She pulled into the driveway of her house,  she pulled her compact from her purse attempting to cover the evidence of her crying. She walked into the house to hear laughter.  Frank, sally and Luca sat around the table eating ice cream, having a good time. “Hey guys.” She peaked her head into the room. “Hey kiddo. Everything ok.” She gave her dad a half hearted smile.  “Yeah, everything's fine.”

“Will you give me a bath mommy? I'm all sticky.” Luca held her ice cream covered hands up. “Sure thing sweetpea.”

After bathing and getting Luca to bed, Ellie walked over to a box that was left unpacked. She pulled out a medium sized shoe box, removing the lid she pulled a few items out. A ticket stub from the drive in, a small cactus, a bullet necklace, some photos of the crew and the last two. A picture of Logan and her, taken after the pool game, the other of her and Colt at Prom. She laid the two in front of her, her eyes burning into the paper. What was she going to do?

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ROD

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#choices ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices ride or die #ride or die bad boy romance #colt x ellie #colt kaneko #rod colt #rod logan #logan x ellie #fast cars and freedom rod au

[mwdders]

Hello

Requested: No, but send me requests.

Warnings: swearing, abuse, fighting, toxic behaviour.

Harry Hook x reader

Word Count: 3,084

Plot: This is based off the song Everytime by Ariana Grande. It’s about being in a toxic relationship, and even though they know they’re no good for each other they always go back to each other no matter what.

—

Waiting at the door, it seems like forever, I was suppose to be meeting Harry nearly 2 hours ago. Having the feeling he wasn’t going to show again I storm off and back to my room.

I get tired of your no shows

Unlocking my dorm, I huff and walk over to my bed, Jane my room mate looks up at me.

“Did he not show again?”

“No he didn’t.” I fall back onto my bed. “Am i doing something wrong? That’s 3 times this week he’s not shown.”

“Sweetie you’re not doing anything wrong. Harry’s clearly just not got his priories straight.” She looks at me sympathetically.

“I’m going to find him.” I stand up and quickly change from the clothes I was wearing for our date into a black dress, pink jacket and black heeled ankle boots.

“Is that wise? I mean you’re angry, he might have a good excuse.”

“No, he won’t. I already know what’s happened. I bet I’ll find him in Uma’s office.” Without giving Jane the chance to reply I’m out the door.

Walking down the corridor I walk past people staring at me, I may be an Auradon kid but i am not a princess and certainly do not act like one.

Walking to Uma’s dorm, I knock on the door next to it, which is her office. “Who is it?”

“Y/n. Open up.” The door opens and Uma stands in front of me. “Have you seen Harry?”

“No, sorry. Why?”

“He never showed for our date and I waited 2 hours.” For a second she looks sympathetic but that quickly vanishes. “Huh, maybe he did say something about training?” She puts her fingers to her chin as if she’s thinking.

“No games today Uma. I’m not in the mood.”

“Like I said, try the gym.” She slams the door in my face and I swear I could rip her head off her body.

Sauntering away I make my way towards the gym. Pushing the double doors open probably a little too dramatically, I find Harry training with the rest of the crew but also Jay.

“There you are.”

“Princess.” He smiles at me but keeps training.

“Forget something?” I walk over to him my heels clicking on the tiled floor. “I don’t think so.” “Oh I think you did.” I lean against a pillar and cross my arms. “Nothing comes to mind?” He questions looking at me, I raise my eyebrows, he can’t be serious. “Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting 2 hours for you.” “I’m still confused? I’ve been in the gym, every Thursday 3-5 is my gym time.” “No baby, you were suppose to meet me for our date.” He stops what he’s doing and turns to me. “No that’s tomorrow.” He shakes his head. “Harry, it was today.” Trying not to get angry, I breathe a little deeper, “Y/n it’s tomorrow. I’m certain.” I stand in front of him forcing him to stop.

“No. It was today, and you left me waiting for 2 hours. I told you, that Thursday 3-4 is our weekly date. You’ve not showed up three times now because we keep changing it to suit you.”

“Geez you should calm down, I’m sorry I forgot baby but you don’t control my life.”

You get tired of my control

“Everyone out!” I yell, my patience at breaking point. “What? You can’t just kick us out.” Someone says, I turn to them, it being one of Uma’s pirates. “Get the fuck out now before I pull your tongue out your throat and shove it up your ass.” I yell causing everyone to run out the room.

“Y/n what are ya doing love?” “I’ve had enough of you Harry! You never show up, you except me to revolve my life around you, you never consider my life or plans, it’s like you don’t even care for me!”

“I do! It’s just I’m my own person, you try to control me like I’m some perfect prince and I ain’t. I have duties, to myself and to Uma”

“Here we go again, Uma this Uma that. All ya ever do is talk about that bitch!”

“Don’t you call her that!” Harry grabs my jacket by the collar pulling me into him forcefully. “Get your hands off me.” I shove him away and hit him. “Never ever grab me like that again.” He puts his hand to his cheek where there’s an evident red mark. “You hit me? You actually hit me.” “You grabbed me? All because I called Uma a bitch.” “Yeah and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if you were to say it again.” “Noted. I’m going to go now.” “Wait y/n,” he grabs my hand pulling me back, “I am sorry I missed our date.” “It’s fine Harry. I’ll see you later.” I walk away and out the double doors, as I do, I see a crowd of people standing there, clearly being nosey listening to me and Harry fight. “Scram you pieces of shit!” I growl and they all scatter running away.

Walking back to my dorm, i think about what happened with Harry, how he grabbed me and he said he’d do it again if I disrespected Uma, maybe he’s not who I thought he was.

Sighing I enter my room, and take my jacket off throwing it on my bed. “Oh my god! Y/n your neck.” Jane says, I turn to look at her, not realising, Evie and Carlos were sat with her.

“What?” “It’s all red! Like a huge red mark!”

I walk to the mirror and inspect my neck, she was right, there was a huge mark, it must of been where Harry grabbed my collar.

“What happened?”

“Oh erm, Harry grabbed me.”

“He what?!” All 3 say at the same time.

“Yeah, he grabbed me by the collar, but I shoved him away and hit him.” “Jesus y/n, you hit him?” I sit down on my bed opposite the three who were all sat on Jane’s bed.

“Erm yeah, I had no choice, I don’t think he would of let go otherwise.”

“Do we need to talk to him? Im sure Mal and Jay would be happy too.”

“No I’m fine honestly, I sorted it.”

“If you’re sure.” “I am. Thank you though.”

I stand up and walk over to my vanity, I keep lots of things in it but mostly alcohol. I pour myself a drink and down it. “Steady y/n.” Evie says, “I want to forget today ever happened so I’m not slowing down.” I repeat my actions, drink, pour, drink, pour and so on.

I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it

By 10pm I was laying in my bed, drunk and crying, “Why is my life like this Jane? Why couldn’t I have chosen a simple prince, why did I fall for the most complicated boy in Auradon?”

“I don’t know y/n. You know what they say, you can’t chose who your fall for.” “I understand that I do! But I just don’t get Harry, why can’t he just give me some of his time, it’s like he doesn’t even care about me but then he tells me he loves me? It’s so toxic.” “If you feel like that, you should end things with him. You can’t stay with someone you feel doesn’t care about you, even if they do say they love you.”

“But I can’t! There’s something about him that draws me too him, it’s like a connection. I’m hopeless without him but we’re evil together.”

They keep telling me to let go

But I don't really let go when I say so

“Sweetie, you need to sleep and talk to him tomorrow. You can’t make decisions while you’re drunk.” “I suppose not.” Just as I’m about to snuggle down into bed, there’s a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” I get up and open the door, “Harry? What are you doing here?” “I needed to see you. To make sure you were okay.” He slurred his words and if I wasn’t so drunk I’d say he was drunker.

“Are you high?” I ask being able to smell it on him. “Maybe just a little.” “Oh for god sake, you need to go and sleep it off. We can talk tomorrow.” I push him out the room and walk him to his dorm, we’re like a pair of idiots, he’s leaning on me because he’s seeing double and I’m trying not to trip because the room is spinning.

I open his door to find Gil, Jay and Carlos, they all share a room. “Can one of you take him? He’s high.” I say shoving Harry off me and he falls on Gil’s bed. “Where are ya going?” “To bed.” I attempt to walk to the door but can’t locate it. “Are you drunk y/n?” I turn, not sure which one said it, “Yes, I’ve had a rough day. Don’t judge.” I narrow my eyes at the three of them.

“The doors on the left.” I nod and walk to the door, pushing it open, with a force before tripping over my own feet, making my way back to the dorm.

You get high and call on the regular

I pull my covers back and try to fall asleep, I know for a fact I’ll be hungover tomorrow and have to deal with Harry.

Waking up my hard was pounding, “Ugh.” Rolling over I sit up to Jane not in her bed, picking up my alarm clock, the small numbers reading 1:30pm. I’ve missed all my classes, I’m going to be in so much trouble.

“Oh morning sleepy head!” The door opens and Jane strolls in with a bag of food.

“You’ve missed your classes but I covered for you, said you were ill and when my mum checked on you, you were sleeping so I think you’re safe. I bought you water and a sandwich.”

“Oh thank you.” I stand up and quickly walk over to my wardrobe getting dressed into black jeans and a black top before brushing my teeth. As I sit down to eat, I ask Jane, “Have you er, have you seen Harry today?”

“I did, he was at practice. He didn’t seem himself.” She had a puzzled look on her face.

“Oh, I’m going to go and see him.” I stand up having finished my food and put my boots on.

“Okay, he should be in the gym, practice ran an hour late today so they don’t finish till 2.” I nod, leaving our room.

Mine and Harry’s relationship has always been rocky and by far no means perfect. We argue more than anything, we’re complete opposites, but we’ve been together for 3 years now.

Pushing open the gym door, I see the boys all stood in a circle talking. I stay back and wait sitting down on a bench. The boys break and all walk in different directions, Harry looks around the room spotting me and smiling slightly.

“Hey you.” He comes and sits with me, putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Where were you today?” “I slept through my alarm so didn’t bother with my lessons.” I shrug, “Fairy godmother was concerned about ya, so was I.” “I’m fine. Just overslept.” He pushes my hair out my face and a worrying look appears on his face, “Is that what I did yesterday?” He runs his fingers over the red mark on my neck, I flinch slightly, it clearly bruising. “Yeah.” I sigh, I look up at him for the first time and see a big purple bruise on his face, “Is that what I did yesterday?” Shocked I put both hands on his face and run my thumb over the bruise.

“It’s okay, I deserved it. I’m so sorry I did that to you.” His head drops and I lift his chin.

“Don’t be.” “I’m no good for you Y/n.” “Don’t you say that.” I sit even closer to him, “But it’s true Y/n. We fall out so much, I’m not good enough for you. You should be with someone who deserves you.” I shake my head profoundly, “That’s not true. If anything it’s the other way around Harry.” “I feel like we need space.” “What?” “I’m sorry but it’s over, we need time apart.” He gets up letting my hands go, before walking out the room. Shocked I sit there for ages, staring at the ceiling, my whole world falling apart around me. The silence was so loud it was deafening, it was like I was in another world, everything moving in slow motion.

Because I'm really not here when you're not there

I stand up and wipe the single tear that fell down my cheek away. I walk, slowly back to my room, when I open the door Jane was there, sat at her desk reading. “You okay?” I shake my head and sit on my bed pulling my knees to my chest. “What happened?” “We broke up.” I shut my eyes trying to not let the tears fall. “Oh Y/n I’m sorry.” Jane takes my silence as a queue to talk again, “Do you still want to go to the barbecue?” “Sure, I can’t hide forever I suppose.” I stand up and grab a grey jumper, slipping it over my black top.

“Let’s go.” She links our arms and I smile slightly at her efforts to cheer me up.

We walk out to the field and see everyone sat around a fire. “Hey Y/n.” Mal waves me and Jane over and we sit with her, I see Harry’s head rise at the mention of my name and he looks at me quickly before dropping his eyes again.

The evening flows and all I can do is stare into space and smile at people when they mention my name, I couldn’t even look at Harry without feeling emotionless.

I keep giving people blank stares

I'm so different when you're not there

Once the bonfire finishes, I stay and sit in front of the fire, even though the evening was cold, the air was warm from the flames. “Want some company?” I look up surprised, “Sure.” I shuffle over and make room for Harry. “What are you doing here? I thought you wanted space.” “I did, but I can see you’re shutting everyone out. You didn’t speak a single word at the bonfire.” “I didn’t feel like it.” “Love, you can’t ignore people.” “Why not? You do.” “That’s different.” “Oh really? So it’s different when you ignore me, when you ignore our plans?” “No it’s not but Y/n you know we’re not good for each other.” “We are for each other, we are so good for each other Harry.” “What makes you say that! We’re toxic, we argue, hell we even hit each other yesterday, we’re crazy.” Angry I stand up, “You’re wrong. We may be bad for each other but the good out-ways it. Hell when we’re good we’re amazing, I love you Harry, you know that.” “I love you too but I can’t deal with the stress, the control and the things you make me do.” “Fine then.” I walk away but he grabs me pulling me back. “I’m sorry love but it’s just how it has to be.” “Go to hell.” I yell at him before walking away and back to my room.

-(A month later) as I walk into the cafeteria, everyone stops talking and they all look at me, “What are you all looking at?” I shout, causing everyone to continue talking and eating, word must of spread about mine and Harry’s break up.

I sit at an empty table and eat my lunch.

“Y/n!” I look up to see Jane running towards me. “You’ve got to come with me now!” She drags me out my chair. “What? What’s going on?” She doesn’t answer me but continues run. “Jane stop!” I pull my arm back halting her in her tracks. “Tell me now!” “It’s Harry, he’s gone crazy, he’s challenged Chad to a fight, loser having to go to the Isle.” Following her out to the field, I see everyone gathered around Chad and Harry, I push through everyone until I’m stood in between them, “Have you gone mad?”I yell at Harry, he looks surprised to see me, I’m surprised to see him too, I haven’t seen him in a month. “Maybe.” “This stops now.” I say pushing Chad away and dragging Harry by the arm. “You’re insane. Loser has to go to the isle? Harry, Chad would of beat you easily.” “That’s the point.” We sit away from everyone on the bleachers. “You want to go back to the isle?”

“Yeah, I mean I’ve no purpose here now.” “What do you mean? Of course you do?” “Not without you Y/n. I’ve had this hell this last month. I’ve not been myself. I’ve hated it.”

I'm so different when you're not there

“Me too.” I look up at him and grab his hands, he stares at me with those blues eyes that could melt anyone’s heart and make them fall to their knee’s.

I get weak and fall like a teenager

“I’m really sorry, I thought I needed space but I really don’t.” I smile slightly and look up at him.

“You mean so much to me.” He places a hand on my face and kisses me softly. “I’ve missed you.” I pull him in for a hug and hold him tight.

“Don’t leave me again.” He squeezes me tightly and lets go, resting his forehead on mine, “I won’t. Even if we are no good.” I giggle, making him laugh too. I kiss him again and turn in my seat, leaning into his chest, he sighs and puts his arm around my shoulders. “I love you.” “I love you too.” I reply. Let’s see how long this good phase lasts before we fall out again.

I go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime.

-

Hope you liked it. Working on request now will be up tomorrow or Wednesday.

#harry fanfiction #harry hook fanfic #harry hook #harry hook imagine #imagine #descendants imagines #uma #ursula #disney #harry x reader #harry hook x reader #female #x reader

[pbandjesse]

My ears are swolllen again. I hate that it keeps happening. It is unacceptable. I already was sick one day last week. No more!!

Its been a good and restful day. The overnight last night could have gone better. Like my group was wonderful. The kids were really sweet and the parents were helpful. Jordan and Jordan both had trouble staying on that schedule so I had to keep vamping and coming up with stuff for my kids. Eventually we were playing night in the museum in the Pearl Harbor room. Because I couldn't think of anything else. Thankfully the kids really enjoyed it and even asked if we could play it again in the morning. And because they were so good and they finish their breakfast we did go and play a couple rounds before they went and saw the gun mount.

But last night was pretty stressful. The parents in the one group were so mean to us. Particularly Tatiana and Maya. They were like snapping their fingers at them and calling them the wait staff. Which they are not. And it was just really really rude. And I'm pretty sure because they're both women of color it was also slightly racist. If not entirely racist.

But we ended the night and we were all glad to be done. I went down to the CPO and they had set up the tables to celebrate Jordan Brooks's new job. And I was like oh it's so cute. And then come to find out one of the tables was decorated for me. Because my birthday is next week. And then got me a card and candy and stuff. It was so cute. My also got me a wrap from Chick-fil-A which I just remembered I left in the fridge. So that's sad. But it was so thoughtful of them. The card also makes me laugh a lot because they all spelled my name wrong and so every single one of the Jesse has the I scribbled out in it. It was very cute and I was just very very appreciative.

Normally on overnights I'll go to bed around 11. But I was having such a nice time that I ended up staying with them in the mess hall until after midnight. My brother ended up texting me around midnight and I decided that that was when I need to go to sleep. I had a really good time talking to everyone though. Jordan finally cleared up what the line is between grave robbing and Archeology. Turns out it's 50 years. And then I went to go try to sleep.

Try is the imperative work here. I normally sleep with my headphones in. But because my ears have been so swollen I picked up a cheap pair of over-the-ear headphones from the clearance section at Dick Blick. They cost like $4. And while they work I sleep on my side. So trying to sleep with over-the-ear headphones on just was not working. So I was pretty uncomfortable. I was half asleep and half awake pretty much all night. I would wake up almost every hour. Which is pretty normal for me on overnights but it was still annoying. At least I was warm. Or warm enough in the pajamas that I wore.

My alarm went off at 5 and no one else in the room was getting up. And so I just decided to go wash my face put my sweatpants on underneath my work pants. Put a little bit of makeup on. And then I went and laid back down. I gave myself 15 more minutes and wait until I at least forever when I was starving. I did not want to be in charge of making all the food. But I also would feel like a jerk if I went up to the kitchen first and didn't start the food.

I was still the first one up there. I got the breakers on at least and then the girls came up and we all were tired and cold. But we tried our best.

We decided to do the morning where I would stay with the breakfasts all three of them. Jordan would do all the engine room tours and Brooks would do all the gun mount tours. And that was fine. The first breakfast was the group that was particularly rude. And we all kind of look down on that because that was also the breakfast where we had the most trouble getting the food done. The eggs would not cook. Mostly because it was so cold in the kitchen that the stove was having trouble getting hot. And the coffee wasn't finishing. And that parent that was sort of semi in charge was just so rude about it. Telling us how disgusting everything was. And honestly you have a bad attitude and I don't feel as bad as I normally would. I told him I agree with him about the food and I'm sorry that he had to deal with some less-than-ideal circumstances and here is a survey and you can totally write down all your complaints.

Thankfully the two other breakfasts went well. The eggs cooked way better or the girls had put them on the stove. Took them out of the bag is completely. Which is always risky but they knocked out of park. And everything went much better from then on. They ate nine boxes of cereal. And they all filled out their surveys. And besides a couple little pickups with the rudeness of the first group we finish strong. And we got some really nice compliments we were all very surprised by that. I'm not 5 by name compliments in the surveys. That is the most I've ever gotten. It was so nice to hear those. My group really liked me and it made me really happy.

It took a really long time for us to pull everything together. Clean up and all that. But we worked as a team and we got it done. James and Sam from over on torsk and they put all their stuff away and then it was decided that we would all go to IHOP.

Attend me James and Sam walked over. I have to get a small table. But then it took almost a 40 minutes how to get a table and then for Jordan and Tatiana to get over from Taney. I have no idea what they were doing. I think it was combination of mopping and finishing paperwork but still. I was very hungry and tired.

Food was good. It was nice being with James even though I could feel the tension radiating off of him. After we all ate we all went our separate ways. Me and James went upstairs to Marshalls. He got new sneakers which he desperately needed. Did not get new pants but the sneakers were very nice. We still cannot find him boots or sandals for that matter. But at least he has sneakers that are not falling apart now.

We went over to that make up section and I got new eyeliner and a heated eyelash curler. There's only $3 I'm fascinated to see how it works tomorrow. I also got a bicycle repair kit that was on clearance for 4 bucks so that was cool. It came in a nice little tin and it says established 1991 which I thought it was me because that's the year I was born.

Actually realized earlier this week that this year is a special birthday. Because I was born on to 2 / 17 / 91 and this year it's 2/17 / 19! Like I just think that's so cool.

After Marshall me and James said goodbye. We got our bikes and I had it on. It was a little bit of rough going. I'm in really bad shape right now. Between being sick and not stretching enough and it just being cold I am getting out of breath really easily. Something I'm definitely working on right now. I got home and it was around 12:30. I took a shower. I felt so much better after that. I am packed my bag and I fit sweet pea and then I laid in bed and watch TV for a little while.

I fell asleep somewhere around 2. It was pretty good rest. I didn't set an alarm. Because I didn't really need to be anywhere today. Didn't have to do anything. I technically worked a 10-hour day so I'm not going to feel bad about it. But I got up at 4:30. Will not up but I was awake. And I decided that I would stay in bed until the sun went down all the way. And then I would have to get up and do something. So I laid in bed for a while. Clean on my phone. And then I got up and I grabbed the fabric bag that just be from work gave me. And some paper. And I worked on selling some stuff. Working on a pattern. James is going to let me bring my sewing machine to keep it as apartment so that I can try to sew things there. But it was fun just sitting here and sewing for a while.

I made pasta sides for dinner. It was very nice. I made some outfits for the week and I played with sweet pea. I tried on the dress that I'm wearing for Valentine's Day and figure it out pain that I'm going to wear with it and what shoes I'm wearing. And I really just been hanging out since then. I can't believe it's almost 11:00. But the way my day was laid out I guess it makes sense. I'll probably go to bed in the next hour or so I can get back on a normal schedule. I'm hoping to wake up in the morning and do some yoga and go and run a couple errands. I want to make a PowerPoint for the kids. But I'm not that worried about that. I hope you guys all sleep well tonight and stay warm. Be kind to each other. Good night

#ootd #work #furby #tired #in progerss #sunday

[shortfilmlowbattery]

Week 12: Jay B

Continuing along with my pattern of no sleep till film done.... This week has continued to be working on as many shots as physically possible while also attempting to maintain my sanity and some semblance of a sleep schedule (to no avail as even when I do take a break to work on personal projects/fun art, im still not sleepin at a reasonable hour hsshshhss

The first shot at the top from this past week is probably my favorite shot so far, it was the most fun to work on with portraying Purple's energetic momentum and in my opinion i think is my best work so far :'D I had run into a little bit of trouble trying to get it to fit with the pre-existing 3D background; but was able to find a solution in keyframing in premiere to create the moving background I had imagined initially when boarding and prevented me from havin to rework things The other main thing I accomplished was finishing the linework for Seq 11 heck yeeaaah dude. These were also pretty fun to work on, especially the expression work for the final 3/reactionary to the explosion as mentioned in last weeks post (with the added draft effects work for fun)

I also attended a meeting with Alex, Isaiah and Megan for a live feedback session on the ending music as we had mentioned last week. I haven't much to talk about it other than that she's taken the direction wonderfully well, and what she's gotten is really cool. As a musician/music enthusiast I'm very much lookin forwards to the final composition as I feel it'll maybe give me more inspiration for timing and such (which I think should be fine flexible for this rough animation stage- I haven't found myself too concerned when the duration of the RA shots don't line up with the animatic- the timing on that felt too preliminary to say it should be exact haa)

also have a bonus WIP of the shot I'm animatin this week. I'm still working out how I'm going to connect this to the next part, as I think a change has been made between the animatic that took out the insert shot. idk im very sleepy writin this thing anyways hahahaaa

[choerrypuffs]

THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES <333

lately ive been getting like . 4 hours of sleep for 2 weeks and god i feel like i need to pass the fuck out for a whole has 48 hours

also!!!!!!! FUCKADOUFHADIUFKHADIUFKH HAECHAN MULLET IM SCREMAUIGHAKFJAKMAMAFKAMFLJ

ok as much as i love haechan mullet SM WHAT DID YOU DO TO MARK AND CHENLE'S HAIR IM SCREAMIGIOFGJ

second episode of 7llin in our youth came out as well as more teasers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so excited for this comeback

also taeyong opened a youtube channel!!! yeah so much has been happening in ncity

i hope all the updates can cheer you up after the recent events :))

- ccsa anon!!!!!!!!

OH RIGHT YEAH my presentation was a carbohydrate experiment and then i had to plant something as well as explain a bunch of other stuff </3 i went first and apparently i had a lot of balls for 7 in the morning LMAOOOOOOOO

alsoooo how are you today, lana? <3

- ccsa anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

YOU'RE WELCOME, MY LOVE!!! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT BIRTHDAY AND ATE LOTS OF CAKE AND PARTIED (responsibly) WITH YOUR FRIENDS <333333

omg i'm sorry, you must be so exhausted holy shit :(((( are your exams over? i hope you'll be able to get some sleep soon! take 30 min power naps if you can, those help me so much whenever i'm running on low sleep

YESSSS I SAW THE TEASERS ON INSTAGRAM 🤩🤩🤩 HE LOOKS SO GOOD AND I LITERALLY HATE MULLETS BUT I LOVE IT WHEN ANY NCT MEMBER HAS BLACK HAIR !!! BLACK HAIRED NCT AGENDA SUPREMACY 😤 noooo ikr i don't like their either 💔 i think chenle's hair is ok as long as they don't do what they did for boom era but it looks like someone just took a razor and blindly started shaving off hair for mark and renjun 😭

ANOTHER EPISODE + TAEYONG YOUTUBE CHANNEL???? THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON PLSSSS 🤧 i can't believe ty's channel hasn't been popping up in my recommended bc i'm subscribed to both sm and nct 😔

thank you so much for updating me as always, my lovely ccsa anon! i literally would never know what was happening if it wasn't for you so i truly appreciate it 💗💗💗

omfg i am a lowly humanities major please explain what a carbohydrate is 😭 isn't that something that's in food?? either way that's amazing!! what did you plant? i probably won't understand but i wanna know all about your achievements bc i am so proud 😌 and yes you really do have balls bc a presentation at 7 in the morning is rough 😭

i'm doing well! i went on a long needed grocery trip today and got a bunch of junk food for my late night writing 😌 starlet is 3/4 done, so please be on the lookout for that!! how are you doing, my love?

#ask #anon #careless careless shoot anonymous anon #answered

[acecademia]

What is your typical sleep schedule? Do you feel like it changes depending on what classes you are in and what you are working on?

Ooooh the dreaded sleep question

I am terrible at sleeping. Always have been. My mom's always telling me that I've been like this since I was a baby and it drove her crazy because she just could not get me to sleep 😂 I have since realized that the previously undiagnosed ADHD was probably the culprit--I just can't get my brain to shut up at night.

I'm nocturnal by nature, so when I have the chance, I tend to stay up until 3-4 am and then crash until like 1-2 pm. Unfortunately, I cannot always be blessed with class and work schedules that allow me to be mostly nocturnal, so my sleep schedule tends to get pretty weird. I had a 7 am class this past fall (it was 8 am EST, but I'm still in CST--the class was at 5 am for one of my cohort mates 😬), which was b r u t a l. I almost always took a nap after that class. I usually get between 4-10 hours of sleep a night, and that number tends to fall toward one end or the other of that range. Either I get a blissful 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, or I'm running on fumes. There is no in between. This past semester was really rough because between schoolwork, work-work*, and my research study, I was pulling 60-70 hour work weeks easily.

My advisor is also a morning person and likes to drag me for being a night owl. Exhibit A, an excerpt from an email she sent me in the fall semester:

[image description: a screenshot of black text on a white background. It reads "Let me know if any works. I tried to come up with some early morning ET times for [redacted] who is in China, and I know that Nicole is not a morning person [smiley emoticon]"]

Me:

[image description: a still from The Good Place. There is a woman on a virtual screen in the sky. She is smiling politely. Her line is subtitled below and reads "Attention... I have been murdered."]

So, uh, yeah, I have a bit of a reputation for not being a morning person and for keeping really weird hours. My current university uses Gmail (my last one used Outlook 🤢), and being able to schedule emails to be sent at normal-person hours has been a game-changer.

I'm now on ADHD meds, though, and they help calm my brain down at night (when I remember to take them at a decent hour, which I often forget to do.... because of the ADHD. It's a vicious cycle). But I'm able to keep myself on a somewhat regular sleep schedule most of the time. It's going to get totally fucked up this summer, I know because I don't have a real routine, but that's a problem for Future Nicole.

*this is totally unrelated, but my ADHD brain is going off tonight and is telling me that I should go into a mini-info-dumping session on contrastive reduplication but I am desperately attempting to rein that in

#replies #anon #nicole rambles #nicole speaks