#i'm sick of everything so you can find me somewhere else if you want me to

[daosies]

the only exception

alhaitham doesn't feel particularly attached towards many things.

one thing he does seem to feel very strongly about, however, is you.

alhaitham ♡ gn!reader

warnings: reader is not traveler, lovesick alhaitham

note: i woke up one day and was suddenly feeling romantical for alhaitham...

"you want to know what alhaitham likes?" kaveh asks, disbelieving.

"yeah!" paimon exclaims. "paimon needs all the details. like, what does he do outside of work, since he's so eager to get away?"

kaveh shivers at the thought. "well, he goes to read some books i guess. i don't really know what he does."

"you're his roommate!" paimon yells, upset. "how could you not know?!"

"hey, i have things to do! i'm in high demand, okay?" kaveh retorts, flailing his hands around for emphasis in a futile attempt to defend himself. in a fit of desperation, he stands up, a determined expression on his face as he glances around the cafe.

he sits back down, with a newfound resolve, once he realizes that alhaitham is nowhere to be seen.

"fine, i'll tell you what he does. but you can't tell anyone, okay? he'll get super mad at me. and i'm sick and tired of him when he's mad! especially when it's about—"

kaveh pauses midsentence, his mouth hanging agape as the color drains from his face. his lips begin to tremble a little, his hands becoming clammy as he wipes them against the side of his pants.

"u-uh, well," he trails off, averting his gaze from the traveler who leans slightly over the desk. "s-so, w-what i was saying was..."

"hm," a new voice interjects. lumine glances up, noticing alhaitham, in all of his glory. she scrutinizes him intensely, observing the way he crosses his arms, a scowl forming on his face as he glares at the architect with disdain.

his hair looks neater, she notes. usually, alhaitham's hair is messy—he once told her that he doesn't have the need to maintain it properly.

today, however, pearl strands are tucked neatly around his face, framing his pale skin in a way that resembles a sculpture. today, alhaitham looks otherworldly—not necessarily because of his unusual appearance, but rather, the way he looks over his shoulder, his monotone expression suddenly blossoming with color.

when alhaitham looks at you, it's as if there are stars racing across his eyes. his lily green eyes are fixated on you, reflecting your silhouette in their irises with a certain familiarity, a certain adoration. the frown on his lips begins to give way, revealing a dreamy, almost luminous look.

"[name],"—oh, and when he says your name, his voice drops to a gentle, soothing timbre—"let's go somewhere else."

lumine thinks that alhaitham looks unlike himself. because what she knows of him is a calculating, logical grand sage who would rather forfeit the world than have to work another day in his life. she knows him as someone who cares only for himself, not because he's selfish, or because he's egoistical, but because in this dog-eat-dog world, that's the only way to survive.

but when he looks at you, alhaitham's expression melts. all sense of logic evades him, because despite his existence revolving around rationality and consistency, he looks as if he's overwhelmed by a foreign emotion. a warm emotion. alhaitham, with you, looks as if he's going beyond himself, beyond everything.

(in this dog-eat-dog world, alhaitham thinks that caring for others is futile. he thinks that, in the midst of it all, the only thing he can account for is himself.)

(when he's with you, however, that changes.)

because the way he leans in towards you, and the way he speaks to you—in a soft, tender tone—is above him. suddenly, his limited world expands, and colors begin to glimmer with a revitalized hue. alhaitham's world, which was once walked and occupied only by himself, grows a little. it makes way for two.

his hand rests gently on your shoulder, finding familiarity in the feeling.

lumine knows that something is up, that something in you—or something about you—changes the way he behaves. because the alhaitham she knows would never initiate physical contact with anyone.

but the alhaitham you create, the alhaitham that exists in your mere presence, is someone else. the alhaitham that calls your name speaks to you in a voice that has no resemblance to the blunt tone he usually takes. the alhaitham that looks at you, the alhaitham that perceives you is unlike the one that lumine knows.

because in your presence, she thinks that alhaitham resembles a lover. he emanates you, radiating and glowing and prevailing like a wild light, stretching far across the limitless sky and fragmenting just to catch a wisp of your gaze.

(or a breath, or a fraction of your colossal existence. anything will do.)

"what's wrong with this place, though?" you ask, brushing your hand against his. lumine notices this. she glances at the sage, who doesn't seem to mind the contact. if anything, he leans even more towards you, as if your touch had seized a star.

"yeah, that's right!" paimon interjects. "what's wrong with this place, huh?!"

alhaitham, who doesn't even bother to spare the floating fairy a glance, opts to observe your expression, pausing for but a moment to decide what answer would please you the most.

lumine never thought alhaitham would consider someone's feelings before responding. seeing this, however, she supposes that there's a first for everything.

"nothing," he states firmly.

"all of your friends are here too, alhaitham!" you say, gesturing towards kaveh (who is in the midst of an out-of-body experience) and lumine.

"nice to meet you," lumine introduces herself kindly, "[name], right?"

"yeah!" suddenly, you pull a notebook out from your pocket, ushering it towards the traveler as you offer her a pen.

"can i get your autograph?" you ask, though it seems more like a demand.

"hey, how come you never ask for mine?" kaveh questions, suddenly coming back to life. he's silenced as soon as alhaitham glares at him. when the sage's gaze returns to you, however, that look of momentary fury dissipates; he finds comfort in your existence, his spot in the universe etched perfectly by your side.

"i need autographs that can sell," you reply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"plenty of people would buy my autographs!" kaveh exclaims, hurt. "what do you mean they need to sell, anyway? isn't just having my autograph enough?"

"things without immediate or material value are useless," alhaitham states.

"hah! don't say that when you're so obviously—" kaveh is cut off by alhaitham's death-glare. the architect, resigned to his fate, sits quietly in his seat, his back straightened perfectly as he folds his hands on his lap.

"so obviously...?" paimon echoes, tilting her head. lumine sighs in exasperation while you're cradling the traveler's autograph in your arms, fantasies beginning to materialize all around you.

i could sell this for one million mora. no, two million mora, you think, staring at the flimsy piece of paper. and then i could buy a huge mansion in the middle of the city and—

alhaitham flicks your forehead gently, an unreadable expression painting his features.

"nobody's going to buy that for two million," he remarks. your mouth hangs slightly agape.

"how do you know that?"

he shrugs.

lumine observes the sage under the warm cafe lights. he cradles your image in the center of his eyes, the beholder of what is most beautiful. alhaitham stares at you, taking your figure and slipping it away into his irises, imprinting it into his mind, letting it coexist with him for eternity.

when he stares at you, lumine thinks he's about to melt away into the warmth of the lanterns, the warmth of your existence. when he stares at you—which alhaitham often does—he sheds his tiny world and metamorphosizes into a lover, completely void of all the logic and rationale he lives his life by.

he says things without immediate or material value are useless, lumine thinks, but look at him.

you tuck the traveler's autograph into your pocket, and alhaitham rests his hand on your lower back, as if it were made to be there. when you bid her and kaveh a friendly farewell, alhaitham doesn't even care to spare either of them a glance, his gaze belonging wholly to you.

and when you tell kaveh that you'll get his autograph later, alhaitham scowls. he doesn't say anything to you, but the look he sends towards the architect is enough to suppress any ideas the blonde might be getting.

and when you leave, alhaitham trails after you, yearning. lumine never thought that alhaitham would willingly take his headphones off in public, much less follow after someone with such determination. when you walk, alhaitham is intent on matching your strides, desperate to exist in the same scale as you, the same life as you.

"alhaitham was acting really weird just now..." paimon mumbles, scratching her head. "he had a weird look. like, he wasn't as mad as usual!"

kaveh shivers. "don't say that. if anything, i think he's madder than usual. well, i guess that's what love does to someone."

"what?!" paimon yells.

"ugh, don't make me go in-depth. he's so embarrassing, that guy! how could he act like that and still not confess anything to [name]? also, [name] is way too good for a guy like him. i hope they reject him once he does confess," kaveh rants, waving his hand dismissively.

"alhaitham likes [name]?!" paimon repeats, as if it weren't obvious enough.

"oh, not just like. he loves them. end of story. let's talk about something fun," kaveh replies.

"no, no!" paimon stomps the air. "we need to know more about this now!"

lumine, albeit quiet, nods alongside the floating fairy. kaveh groans.

"you guys wouldn't get it... alhaitham like this isn't anything cool. if anything, he's even worse. to everyone except [name], of course."

"is he going to confess?" paimon asks. "how long has he liked [name]?"

"eventually, maybe. but he's a puny guy and he's afraid of rejection, and he can't tell if [name] likes him back. he's got all those brains for nothing," kaveh says, "and he's liked them for a while. since the akademiya, maybe...?"

"what do you mean maybe?!"

"i told you, i'm in high demand! i have better things to do than to worry about alhaitham's love life!"

"alhaitham's love life?" a bystander suddenly echoes. kaveh stiffens up immediately, his vermilion eyes growing wide with fear and shock.

"oh, yeah," lumine quickly interjects, "his love life with the books."

"haha, of course!" the bystander exclaims, believing the traveler without a second thought. "how is it possible for the acting grand sage to be any other way? he is wedded to those books, indeed!"

kaveh, lumine, and paimon all exchange knowing glances.

clearly they haven't seen alhaitham with you yet.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x y/n #al haitham #al haitham x reader

[angry-tarot]

a message from your pain

talking about suffering is hard, but ultimately necessary. welcome to this pac, I am here to shed light on your wounds in ways that are helpful. by the way, sorry if the artwork is triggering, I tried to find the perfect ones that really encapsulate what deep pain and despair feel like, but the messages might be more soothing than the pics lol.

welcome to your reading ! just wanted to say thanks in advance for stopping by 🫡

Pile one 🖤

You're putting your sword down. Confrontation is a no no for you, isn't it? You rather die than pick up a fight again. You swallow your words, your boundaries are non existent, you're constantly on edge and anxious. Hear me out, pile one. When you're putting your sword down, you're not actually putting it down. You're shoving it right in your own stomach. I'm not telling you to become angry and start fighting everyone around you. But if you keep quiet, taking it all in, you're going to become sick. You want to keep the peace, but not your peace. You want to keep yourself small, not bothersome, for these people's comfort. If talking to the people around you is so conflict inducing, why bother having these people around at all? If your boundaries aren't heard or even allowed to be set, why bother having these people around you AT ALL? If you must live with them, consider moving somewhere more peaceful, like a family member. Take action if your words aren't welcomed. Leave. Remove yourself. Stop taking in poison, because the longer you do, the longer the healing will take. You're already feeling awful. Your suffering exist because you feel obligated to be around people who hurt you and demand you to be silent. Set yourself free. And don't try to talk to them about it. You will have to unpack all of this on your own, or with other people who will understand and hear you. Process everything you buried deep within you by journaling, speaking out loud, punching a pillow. Just let it all out. Short them you will have to slowly heal from all this crystalized, internalized abuse. Long term, recognize this pattern: whenever you feel the need to be quiet to not bother someone else, leave, and never go back to the people who did this to you.

Pile two 🖤

Oh, your pile actually resonates with the pic you chosen. I see an artist, a creative or someone who does something out of the norm. You could even be a witch, like me. The thing is, you have internalized a lot of criticism, and no longer feel as passionate as you did before. You want to create and be who you were before, but you lost your drive and motivation. It seems a lot of conflict used to exist or still exists because of your hobby, career or spirituality, and you felt like it lost the point. You could've tried to prove something to these people, you could've tried to argue, and nothing worked. Even your own progress wasn't matching to your expectations. So what if they were right? Your spark died, but now that you have worked so hard, it's hard to let go. It became your personality, it used to be your comfort, but now there's only a shadow of what it used to be. I'm not going to tell you whether you keep going or not, this is your decision. But you can regain the spark if you want to. But try to protect it better this time, whatever it is that you do. Hide it, if it is possible. Avoid taking about it to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. And go backwards. Reconnect with it, by understanding what made you so fascinated and entranced by it in the beginning. Maybe, that vision is no longer appealing, and if so, create another one. Restart from scratch, but have a vision, just like you did in the beginning. Say to yourself you are committed to falling in love again with your craft, if that's what you choose. If not, it's always ok to let it go. You can always find another something to be passionate about.

Pile three 🖤

Someone taught you that money was the only thing in life. That it defined your worth and value as a person. That nothing else was as important. That your safety was defined by the amount of money you had, from a young age or a very vulnerable period in your life. So your mind attached to the idea that if you didn't had money, you were in mortal danger, you were worthless and a nobody. Your relationship with money, regardless of how much you have or not, is distorted. You could be stable and still feel like it's not enough, or you could be just starting in adulthood and feeling very scared of the future. Money is important, yes. But it's exactly this fear, this pressure, this feeling like your life depends on it, it's paralyzing you, it's traumatizing and deeply agonizing. What will help you is basically lots of cbt. Ever heard of catastrophizing? Cognitive distortions? These could be playing a large role on your mindset and consequently, the amount of money you're able to make. These tools of cbt can help you relax and see things a bit more rationally. Since it's personal to each of you, I cannot fix your fears, but I can give you some of my tools for you to fix them yourself.

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarotblr #tarot reading #tarot #paganblr #paganism #occult

[sopebubbles]

Three

Masterlist

Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.

Chapter summary: The boys talk to you for the first time, but that doesn't really make anything any better.

Warnings: this chapter contains explicit depictions of child ab*se, including physical violence and abusive language, please take care. The tough parts take place in a flashback in italics. otherwise you should be okay.

wc: ~5k

When you first gained some consciousness, your primary thought was that you felt like shit. Were you sick? Or was this just what heat felt like? You had not let yourself go into heat in so long, not since you came to this city almost two years ago. You didn't remember it feeling like this. Painful? Yes. The ache you felt now was different and worse than pain you usually associated with this event, but at least you knew you hadn't been fucked within an inch of your life. No, your sex ached for something it hadn't received. 

Knot. Knot. Need a knot. Your inner voice chanted, desperate to have your needs met, to feel your body full of something. You groaned and rolled to your stomach. Moving only made the ache worse and drew attention to other problems. You were soaked. Your torso, neck and face felt sticky with tacky sweat. Your thighs even more so with thick, sweet smelling slick that leaked out of you all night long. 

Disgusting. That was the other voice in your head, the one that told you to deny every stupid, foolish need your body had because they only hurt you. Filthy animal. Admittedly, that voice did not sound like your own, but rang with the echo of multitudes. 

You wanted to get up and clean yourself off, but your body was weak and tired. Taking a deep breath to gather your strength, you caught several scents. Citrus and lavender. Leather and cotton. Something else too, maybe pine nuts. And over everything a heady sweetness. The voices in your head argued. 

Alpha. 

Several. Run. Hide. 

Find alpha. 

Not safe. 

You wanted to listen to them both but instead you just took another breath in and fell asleep.

The next time you regained consciousness it was because something cool and wet was licking your body. No not licking, but definitely wet. Your eyes jolted awake and you looked up directly into the eyes of another omega. You could tell by the softness of his cheeks and by the warm brown sugar coming from the scent gland in his wrist, right under your nose. He was wiping the sweat from your skin with a damp cloth. 

"Hello, little pup." His voice was soft but there was no expression on his face to tell you his intentions or if he was a threat. But he was a stranger so you immediately began to squirm away. That was when you realized you were entirely naked, mostly covered with a blanket but still bare underneath. The man sighed and put down the wash cloth picking up a different piece of fabric. "Here, you can put this on," he said, holding out a shirt for you. 

You took it from his hands and used it to cover your chest while you waited for him to move, to leave or at least turn around. When you only stared at him for several seconds he smirked. 

"Honey, you're the one who took your shirt off and begged me to remove your bra last night. Don't get shy now."

You looked around the room, but no one else was there to witness your shame. Still there were so many smells around the bare room. Sweet scents worn into the mattress from the Lykos who slept here, their owners must be around somewhere. The man sighed again while he stood. "I'll give you a few minutes to get yourself together. There are a pair of boxer shorts here. Sorry, there aren't any ladies in this house to borrow from. I'm Hoseok by the way. I'll come back in a few minutes and we'll have a talk about what's going on." He left and closed the door behind him without waiting for your response. 

It took a second to shake off the surprise after he'd gone, but once you did, you picked up the damp cloth he'd left on the bed and continued cleaning yourself. He had not yet cleaned your chest and after taking care of that you wiped up the mess between your legs, shuttering at the sensitivity there. You pulled the shirt over your head and then moved to the edge of the bed to stand and put the shorts on. But your legs trembled weakly and you sank back to the bed. That shot any plan of running out of here. As you tried to think of what to do, a knock came and the door opened before you could answer. 

Hoseok returned with two other men, but he let them pass and remained by the door, which he left ajar. You moved back into the bed to create some distance between you as the taller man sat at the end of the bed. 

"Y/N, my name is Jungkook. I'm a police officer. And this Jimin. We found you on the street last night and we brought you to our home. You're safe here." His voice was smooth and kind in a way that had your inner voice purring, begging to bring his familiar scent closer so you could slip back down into the gooey softness of heat. 

"Am I in trouble?" You asked in a quiet voice. 

"Of course not, pup. We just want to help," the smaller one, Jimin, did with a smile. 

"How do you know my name?"

Jungkook blushed. "Full disclosure: we went through your things last night trying to find your pack."

"I don't have a pack," you informed them quickly. Jungkook nodded with what seemed like regret. He had clearly been able to learn that much on his own. "Where's my bag?"

Jimin bent over behind the foot of the bed to pick up your oversized black purse and handed it to you. You dug inside until you found the clattering bottle of pills and pulled it out. "Those won't do you any good now," he commented as you tried to take the cap off. Even your hands felt weakened. You paused and eventually lowered them to your lap. 

"Just as well. I hate these things. They make me so sick."

Jimin took a subtle step closer and put his hands in his pockets to show he wasn't a threat. "Then why do you take them?"

You're quiet for a second. That was an incredibly personal question to ask a stranger. "Because it's better than feeling like this."

Jimin looked like he wanted to ask more questions in this vein, but he held back in favor of letting Jungkook speak. "Is there anyone you can call who can look after you?" You avoided their eyes as you shook your head. "In that case, our pack alpha and pack omega have agreed to let you stay until you've recovered."

Your eyes snapped up to the omega by the door. He was the only one you'd smelled here. You took a breath in through your nose, and you weren't sure before but you were confident now that there were four alphas living in this house, although only three of them seemed to be outside the door. The citrus one you smelled so close last night was missing. Danger. You brought your knees up and hugged them protectively. 

"I have somewhere to go."

"The True Life Ministry?" Jimin asked. You nodded your head. "They won't take you in like this," he told you, but you already knew that. 

"This could last three or four more days. Minimum," Hoseok reminded you. You closed your eyes and let the misery of that truth wash over you. 

"We can't reasonably let you go out on your own in your condition, Y/N. You might not remember, but Jimin and I found you in a very dangerous situation last night. It would be much safer for you if you stayed here. I will personally ensure your protection." 

You looked up to meet Jungkook's doe eyes and found them full of sincerity, begging you to do the one thing you were never able to: trust him. But you'd already learned yourself that you wouldn't be able to get far on your own, and you knew exactly what kind of awful things could and would happen to you if you stayed out on the street. So trust them or not, you knew you had no other choice. You nodded your agreement. 

"I'm supposed to work the next two nights," you said quietly, not sure why you thought you needed to tell them. 

"Someone can call them and tell them you won't be able to make it," Hoseok offered. 

You sighed. "That's okay. I'm probably fired after not showing up last night anyway."

"Our pack alpha is a lawyer. He can be very persuasive." His eyes focused outside the door, presumably to look at said alpha. 

You tried to swallow around the lump in your throat. "Your alphas. There are…"

"Four of them," he told you. "They won't disturb you. They're forbidden from coming in and you don't have to see them if you don't want to."

You nodded but your mind was at war with itself once again. 

Alpha. Need alpha. Please. 

Too many. Too dangerous. They only want to breed you like an animal. 

But you could be so warm, so full. You need them close. Ask them to come in. Please.

The silence in the room made the air stale the longer you fought with yourself, and when you finally looked up it was clear they had all taken note of your disturbance. 

"Thank you," you managed to say, not because you truly felt grateful but because you wanted desperately for everyone to leave. 

Hoseok cleared his throat. "Okay, well, I'll get you something to eat while you're still lucid." It was difficult to predict the ebb and flow of heat, but this break wouldn't last much longer. Normally, during his heats, the pack would be there to care for him and ply him with food and water to keep his strength up, but it didn't seem like that was going to work for you and by the time the next wave of senselessness hit you, you wouldn't be able to feed yourself.

Jungkook and Jimin backed out of the room and Hoseok followed behind, leaving you alone again. He walked to the kitchen to prepare you a bowl of stew. He'd gotten up early this morning to prepare it so that it would be ready when you came around. Taehyung came to stand beside him at the stove. 

"Do you think that went okay?" He asked, hoping that Hoseok could report something different in what he saw from what Tae had smelled in the tangy apple cider vinegar scent coming from you by the end of the conversation.

"It's hard to tell, Tae," Hoseok hedged. "It seemed like the idea of so many alphas around made her a little nervous." 

Taehyung let out a dejected little 'oh.' 

"It's probably best to keep your distance, baby," the omega warned softly. It had tugged at his heartstrings the night before when his youngest alpha had suggested that maybe a good cuddle would help a little bit, but it seemed clear now that would only freak you out. "I'm sorry."

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay. I don't want her to be uncomfortable. It just seems wrong for her to be alone like that, you know?" He held a hand to his chest as if he really felt the pain of it in his heart. 

Hoseok reached up to pet his messy hair. "What a good alpha I have. I would never be able to resist your cuddles."

Taehyung preened at the praise, musky leather scent enveloping him. 

"I need to do a few things. You eat and when I'm done we can cuddle and watch something, okay?" Tae nodded silently and took the bowl that was offered before Hoseok filled another one. 

This time he didn't knock before entering your room and found you sitting in the same protective position he had left you in. He set the bowl down on the table beside your bed and moved away. You looked between the bowl and him but did not move to grab it until he turned his back to you. He heard you sniff it and hum softly to yourself before the spoon began to clink against the porcelain. You began to take greedy spoonfuls of the hot stew while he walked back into the hallway. From the linen closet in the hallway Hoseok gathered several beloved blankets and fresh sheets. When he returned to the room you were slurping up the thick broth from the bottom of the bowl and set it aside with sheepish eyes, as if he would take such behavior as anything but a compliment. 

"Do you want some more?" He asked, but you shook your head. He had a whole pack to feed and you shouldn't take too much. "If you get up for a minute I'll change the sheets."

"You don't have to do that!" Something in your belly felt deep shame knowing how they smelled of your heat and the mess you had made. 

"Don't be silly. There's no point in staying in messy sheets. And you don't need to feel embarrassed about it. We all do it. That's why I always keep a lot of clean sheets." You lowered your face at how easily he had seen through you, but got off the bed when he waved a hand at you. "And I brought lots of blankets. Unless you're more of a pillows kind of girl. I'm sure I can find a few spare ones."

"Pillows for what?" You stared at him blankly as he began to strip everything from the bed.

"For your nest, pup."

"Oh. That's okay. I don't nest."

"Jimin said you're not allowed at the shelter, but you are here!" Hoseok said cheerfully, the mere thought of building a cozy nest to sink into filling him with joy.

"No, I mean I don't at all," you replied, and he paused to turn to you. 

"Never?" You shook your head. "Why not?" 

You scratched your nails up and down your arm, squirmy under his scrutiny and shaky on your legs. Hoseok dropped the spoiled sheets on the floor and when it seemed like you wouldn't answer while he watched you, he picked up a clean sheet and began to stretch it over the mattress. 

"It's bad for you, isn't it? I mean, they say it's unhygienic. And it makes omegas lazy."

Hoseok scoffed and turned to give you an incredulous look. "Who told you that?"

You shrugged. You'd heard it at home and probably at school more than once. The few times you had tried to nest they had told you they didn't want it or a lazy omega. 

Hoseok was speechless. Who would have told you something so plainly untrue? Nesting was an important part of emotional well being for omegas. It was harder not to do than to do. It was important for the pack, too, making sure that all members had a comfortable place to rest. Making sure that all scents were present was important to maintaining bonds and bringing comfort. How could you deny yourself such a basic need?

Not knowing what to say, he simply finished putting the sheets on the bed. When he was finished he took the old sheets under one arm and grabbed the empty bowl with his free hand. He stopped to look at the pile of blankets and then at you with troubled eyes. 

"I'll just leave these here in case you want to give it a try." Maybe your omega instincts would kick in during your frenzy when you couldn't meet your other needs.

Hoseok left without closing the door and walked briskly to the kitchen, catching Seokjin’s attention from where he sat searching for something to watch on Netflix. He was trying hard to pretend it was just a normal Saturday in an attempt to keep everyone calm. When he heard the bowl clatter carelessly in the sink he moved Namjoon's feet from his lap and got to his feet. Namjoon followed puppishly at his heels since comforting his distressed omega was a better distraction than the book he was trying and failing to read.

"What's wrong?" Jin asked when he found Hoseok in the laundry holding the bundled sheets, staring blankly into the washer. "Sweetheart?" He took the dirty cloth away gently and put them aside so that he could pull his mate close and look him in the eyes.

It took him a moment to find his voice. "She said that nesting is bad."

Jin scrunched his face in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"She said she doesn't nest ever, because someone told her it was bad for her."

Jin shook his head. "That's crazy. Why would anyone say that?"

"I don't know," Hoseok said, shaking his head. "Jin, it's like she's totally broken. Like she doesn't even know how to be an omega."

"Maybe she never had one," Namjoon offered from behind them. "I see it with my students. They're adopted out by saps when they don't have packs who can care for them, or if they don't think the pack is doing things right, and they're told all their instincts are wrong and that they need to fight them."

The omega looked at him with a horrified expression. "Why?"

Namjoon shrugged. "There are saps who think we live on the line between humans and animals, and if they can convince us to give up our 'animal ways' then we can find a way to being human."

"That's sick."

"You have no idea," Namjoon mumbled as he looked down at the sheets that were somehow now in his hands. 

Hoseok forgot his shock for a moment to level a stare at the alpha. "Namjoon, what are you doing?"

"Hm?" The man struggled to tear his eyes away to look at his mate. 

"Go on. Sniff them. I dare you."

Namjoon hesitated. This was a trick and he knew it, but your scent was so goddamn inviting. Slowly he lifted the bundle toward his face.

But Hoseok snatched it from his grasp before he could and threw it in the washer. "You are a fucking animal," he grumbled. 

After he got the washer running he took Seokjin back to the spare room with him. The alphas had agreed to use the scent blockers they found in your bag–Yoongi was the only person who used them regularly at work, but never kept any at home, though he promised to pick some up to replace the ones they were using. It wasn't perfect, but it did enough to keep them sane around you. 

Once again, Hoseok entered the doorway of your room but didn't come much closer. You had taken precisely one of the soft blankets he had offered you and wrapped it around your shoulders before positioning yourself in the exact center of the mattress. He could see you shake slightly and the expanding of your pupils told him you had mere minutes left before you'd be insensible again. He wanted nothing more than to take every blanket he had given you and build you the coziest nest he'd ever made, just to show you how it's done. But even then, he knew it wouldn't be a great nest if you were in it all alone. His heart sank into his stomach. You blinked at him as he remembered his purpose.

"This is our pack alpha, Seokjin. Would you like him to call your job and see if you can work something out?"

Seokjin gave you a gentle smile and a wave from the hallway. The boundaries had been clearly drawn for him and he would not cross that threshold as long as you were there, except in a life or death situation. 

You shrugged noncommittally. You didn't meet the alpha's eyes. "I don't know where my phone is." 

Hoseok took a few steps closer to hold it out to you. "Taehyung charged it last night. That's why it wasn't in your bag," he admitted.

You took the device to unlock it and quickly choose the correct number before handing it back. Maybe you knew you were close to dropping and wouldn't be able to participate in the call yourself. Hoseok handed the phone off to his alpha and Jin pressed the button before putting the phone on speaker. After several rings, a gruff voice answered. 

“Hello, I am calling on behalf of Y/N,” Jin started tentatively. He hadn’t prepared. 

The person on the other end paused for a long moment before responding, “yeah?”

Jin cleared his throat. “Yes, well, I’m calling to let you know she won’t be able to come to work for the next several days. She is under the weather.”

The man on the phone grumbled something. “Tell her not to worry about coming back. Marissa said something about her going to heat or whatever the hell fucking thing.” Jin’s face went hot as you buried yours in your arms. 

“That’s not grounds for termination. The service industry does not require that employees disclose secondary gender-”

“Yeah, well, they should. Failure to show up for her shift is grounds for termination.”

“The circumstances were unexpected, but you were notified as soon as possible,” Jin tried to reason. 

“Sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. I have to go.” The phone disconnected before Jin could try another legal argument. He looked up at you with regret in his eyes. 

“It’s fine. It was a shitty job anyway,” you mumbled. But he didn’t miss the souring apple cider vinegar of your scent or how the distress showed on your face.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Maybe I can-”

You cut him off with a sharp whine as you fell over to your side. Hoseok knew instantly and shook his head. He pushed the alpha back. “It’s too late, baby,” he told his defeated mate before he closed your door. 

Few people know that when you aren't getting fucked through your heat, it's like a fever dream. Like detoxing. Time isn't real anymore. It was hard for you to separate this time from all the other times you've been lost in this haze of instinct and need. You've been avoiding your heat for over a year just so you wouldn't have to relive these particular nightmares. In your daily life, it's all so much easier to ignore. If you talk to saps and they talk to you like you're one of them, it's easy to pretend that this isn't you, that your body isn't yours, that you've never been betrayed by yourself. And when you're alone, it's even easier to dissociate, to leave yourself until you're a little easier to be around. But here in this frenzy where you're hyper aware of who and what you are and what that takes from you, it's fucking hell. Your body feels twice its size and every nerve is screaming at you, begging to be touched in ways you don't want but can't stop wanting.

You wouldn't call what you did with what Hoseok gave you nesting per se. You were grateful for the clean sheets he had given you. These ones didn't smell as strongly of his pack, but hints were still there. At least for a little while they didn't smell quite so much like you. You allowed yourself to choose one blanket from the pile he'd left on the dresser. One cloud soft blanket wasn't too self-indulgent, right? You needed one blanket. That blanket was now twisted and tangled between your legs, providing little comfort from your tortured dreams.

Your first heat wasn't all that different from this one, if you're being honest. It came on fast and hard with no warning. Or maybe you just didn't know the warning signs. You had been in the room with the sap girls when they were told about their periods and about abstinence in the 6th grade. They were told they would bleed for several days every month for most of their lives. It would hurt, but that was normal. There were products they could buy to help. You weren't the only lykos girl in that room, but you all sat and nodded at the irrelevant information. None of you raised our hand to ask what heats or ruts would be like. None of the sap teachers would have been able to tell you. And you were all secretly hoping you wouldn't ever have to find out anyway.

You were sixteen when your first heat came. Every day you had just been hoping that you were a beta. That would be okay. If you were a beta then no one would ever have to know. They wouldn't be able to smell you. It would be so easy to pretend. But when it came, your adopted mom found you before you even knew what was happening to you. 

You weren't up for your morning chores, which would be bad enough on a normal day. When she came in, she found you had pulled the winter blankets out of your closet and made a cozy little nest. Incensed, she began to pull the blankets from around and beneath you, one hard yank sending you tumbling to the floor, landing in a heap. You whined as she screamed at you. 

"You know you're not allowed to do that. Filthy habits." When she came to pick you up by your arms, her hands slipped right off your sweat soaked skin, and she made a sound of disgust before wiping her hands on her apron. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Alpha," you moaned and got to your knees to try to crawl back to bed. 

Her anger flared white hot, and she grabbed you by the back of your shirt. She dragged you out of your bedroom and down the stairs, deaf to your cries of pain, and dumped you at the feet of her husband.

"Look at her. Look what she's done," the woman accused, as if you had chosen this on purpose.

"What's wrong with her?" The man asked gruffly.

"She's turning into one of those animals."

The man looked down at her over his glasses. "We should call the pastor over, just to be sure."

The woman shook her head. "No we can't. I don't want the whole town to know we were raising one of those things all these years." She looked down and wrinkled her nose at you. "Eli turned out normal. I thought she might, too."

The man sighed. "Then what do you suggest we do, Ellen?"

The woman thought for a second. "We'll drop her in the woods off the property and let her fend for herself. Maybe the coyotes will get her come nightfall."

The man sighed again before he bent to pick you up in his arms. He carried you outside and set you in the bed of the beat up pickup truck. The old couple got in up front and the engine roared to life. The rumble it sent through the whole truck was almost like a purr. It was almost a comfort until he put the truck in drive and set off, taking bumpy dirt roads to the most remote edge of the property and sending you rolling and thumping along the cold metal ridges, leaving you bruised like a peach on top of it all.

You couldn't hear what they said, if they said anything, when they set you on the ground by a tall oak tree in a spot that she had deemed far enough away. The blood in your veins rushed too hard and fast to hear anything for several minutes, and by then they were gone, and all was quiet. 

When you were lucid again, it was pitch black outside and the house was quiet. Even though your mind was momentarily clear, you felt disoriented to be in a dark and unfamiliar room. You were in a warm, soft bed that smelled slightly of warm brown sugar and apples. You felt out for the edge of the bed, finding it to be much wider than you expected, and pulled yourself to the side. Tentatively, you put your feet down one at a time, afraid to put your weight down and make a floorboard creak. When you quietly padded to the door on the balls of your feet, you couldn't find the light switch and began to panic in the engulfing darkness. You gave up and wrenched the door open instead. A soft orange glow from the living room was just enough to calm your nerves. Heavy, steady breathing came from that direction, so once again you tried to move as quietly as possible toward the front door.

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[pinkvenomsstuff]

Friends don't kiss friends. part 1

You and Carl have been best friends since childhood, when you were still terribly messy kids. You practically grew up at the Gallagher's, you were next-door neighbors, and when you weren't there, you were at Alibi's with your parents, Veronica and Kevin. You were with him at all times, at least the most important ones. And some it was you who made them come true, like his first French kiss behind school.

You were the first one Carl liked, that's why you were such friends, he really liked you a lot. You were the first one who aroused something in him, sexual or not. And for that, you were the one chosen for his first kiss, his first dance performance at school, the first one he ran to with a can of vegetables with a hundred thousand dollars in it, and you buried yourself in some wild terror. Your favorite weapon was delivered to you in the school bathroom. And the first woman, except Fiona, who saw him when she got back from juvie.

You guys had some disagreements when he came back saying he was black and forcing a ridiculous black accent, acting like a sick gangster. The braids in his hair almost made you kill him. His mother scolded him immediately. He was someone else, not the Carl you knew but who knew he was there, somewhere, but he was. But you couldn't stay away from him long, and within two weeks you were talking normally.

Or the first person he asked for love advice when he started to have feelings for Dominic, he did everything for her, but unfortunately it wasn't enough. She betrayed him and contracted gonorrhea, the sages say: karma is like a kick in the ass. You were the one who took him in, and then went with him to take a test, where he discovered that he didn't have the disease, and the certainty that she betrayed him.

You were the first one he ever told about his shitty parents, not that you didn't know, you lived with him. But it went deeper, he told you how he felt about Monia's death and how he felt like a failure for years, especially after what happened to G-Dog, but you brought him back to who he always was.

And shit, those damn words almost made you choke on the beer you were drinking. "Back to life," what did he mean by that? What were you to him anyway? That was a question you didn't mean to ask. You two have always been best friends, both of you have always prioritized friendship above anything else, you didn't want to risk it and end up losing your love.

You were at his house now, lying on his couch missing him. It's been almost five days since you've seen each other, even though you lived within meters of each other. "Hey Mom. I'm going to Gallagher's!" you yell, she yells back saying it's okay and that she's going to be on Alibi. You leave the house wrapping your headset around your cell phone, shoving your hands in your sweatshirt pocket.

You look around and see no cars, it was a cloudy and relatively cold day. You walk down the sidewalk taking the few steps to Gallagher's house, and surprisingly you still haven't heard any screams, groans or anything breaking. You jump the playpen at the house, sell a Frank passed out - or not, sleeping or dead on one of the stairs. You ignore that old junkie shit and head upstairs ringing the doorbell.

The door is almost always open, but you don't think it's polite to walk in without knocking, especially not to find someone fucking on the couch or in the kitchen. The door is quickly opened by Lip, who has wide blue eyes, but he relaxes as he recognizes you. "Fuck, I thought it was the social worker." she whispers in relief "Hey girl. What are you doing here?" he asks giving you space to enter, so you do.

"I came to torment C-Dog." you say smiling, he laughs with a cigarette stuck to his lips. "Right." he sits on the sofa. "Where are the rest of the staff? This house is insanely quiet and it makes me wonder if no one is drugged or dead." you say, Lip laughs puffing out his cigarette. "No, no. Debbies is out with Franny, Fiona is at the diner, Ian is probably fucking some gay guy and Liam is in school."

"Uh…I thought things between Ian and Mickey were serious." you talk, Lip shrugs. "They're coming and going because of their bipolarity." "Got it. I'm going up." you say starting up the living room stairs, Lip nods turning on the television. You walk down the hall really seeing the empty rooms, you go to Carl's and give a few rings, nobody comes to open it and you don't hear anything.

Then, slowly you pull the doorknob covering his eyes, an immediate action upon entering his room since you found out he slept naked sometimes. You enter the room one finger at a time until you are sure there is no one in the room. "Y/N?" a hoarse voice comes from behind you, and you jump in fright. "Oh shit Carl. You scared me!" you gasp putting your hand on your chest, he laughs walking into the room.

He rummages through your clothes thrown across the bed so you don't know which ones are dirty or clean, and just then you notice a white towel drapes around your hips. Leaving his luscious abs showing, it was a fact that Gallagher came back a hundred times hotter from jail, you'd admit that yourself.

You grab a random playboy magazine from under his bed, throwing his body on the bed you cross your legs opening the magazine as he changes. Even though you've seen each other almost naked a few times, or else in your underwear and panties and bra several times, you respected your privacy. You flip through the pages of magazines, naked women posing or wearing costumes.

"Wow, that's hot." you say smiling, Carl looks at you without understanding. You turn the magazine over to him "Oh, she is." you notice that he has his legs covered by sweatpants, my biceps are still uncovered. You return to the magazine, pushing away any inappropriate thoughts. "I'm dressed. What are you doing here?" he asks sitting next to her on the bed. "I was bored and I have a best friend living next door to me so…" he laughs, pinching her ear. "I understand. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, man. We can do whatever you want but I'm honestly really hungry so I'd like to stop by Paty's first." you say closing the magazine. "Right." he smiles, you roll your eyes around his extremely disorganized room. "God, Carl. Did you know Fi has a laundry basket in the hallway? Or you could start washing them then." you turn up your nose when you smell one of his shirts.

"Ah... mind your own business girl!" he exclaims smiling and ruffling your hair, you shake your head. "Fuck, let's go to Paty's before I end up eating you." you sigh, feeling a knot in your stomach, Carl looks at you slyly "Oh no! Shit no! Carl fuck you!" you exclaim, closing your eyes tightly, denying it, but - I would like to - was what crossed your mind.

"Wow, ok. I thought you thought I was super hot and all..." he laments pretending to be offended, putting his hand to his chest. "Oh yes- yes you are. I just-" You can't find the words, he laughs with his total fishy face, not even able to think. "I understood. I'm just playing with you. Come on babe." he says laughing and pulling your shoulders to walk with him, you laugh but you're still extremely embarrassed by it.

"Hey, Ian!" Carl walks past him, Ian ruffles his hair. "Hi guys, and hi Y/N. I haven't seen you in like a week?" Ian says it more like a question, you nod. "And Kevin, have you recovered from your vasectomy?" "Yeah, I had to take some time off after I saw Frank fuck a homeless girl in the kitchen." Ian laughs loudly, throwing his head back in the chair. "I swear, it was 'fucking traumatizing!' you laugh along with him, Carl laughs at both of you. "Where are you going?" Ian asks with a beer in his hand. "Paty's, and then some Chicago alley." Carl responds. "beauty." Lip goes upstairs.

Carl walks to the front door, you stop him. "I think we'd better go around the back. There's a Frank passed out in your driveway." you say sarcastically, Carl rolls his eyes. "Fuck that old man." he says walking to the kitchen door, you follow him with a smile on your face.

You walk in front of your house, the truck is still in the driveway. "Do your parents really let you drive?" Carl asks as you turn the keys in the door. "Hm, no. Ve says I might get hurt, but Kev doesn't care. He thinks it's radical!" you say excitedly, Carl smirks at you.

"Too badass. I drive Fiona's car sometimes, it's nice." he comments, you two get in the car sitting on the seats. "Yes, it is. When I get my license, I'm going out at dawn with you to all the car races." you say smiling, which makes Carl smile as he remembers the things you guys did to make it to the city limits for the damn clandestine races. "Uh, great. I really don't want to have to bike to the end of Chicago."

"Right, right." you chuckle at it "Just a year to go or maybe two..." "Sixteen is the new seventeen." he says, you nod turning on the radio. "Birthday Sex" blasts through the loudspeakers, you and Carl singing the lyrics perfectly as if you were at a live show. In fifteen minutes you were already in Paty's, you park the car just before the entrance to the store. Carl walks out the door normally and you jump out of the truck, the two of you enter the diner.

You move to one of the tables facing the street, Carl follows you and you sit opposite each other. A knowledgeable attendant comes to you. "Hey guys, can I take your order?" she asks smiling, you take a good look at the menu even though you know it like the back of her hand. "Hey fely! An x-bacon with double fries and a coke. Please" Carl says, Felicity writes it down on paper. "What about you, Y/N? The same as always?" she asks still with a smile on her face, you think for a moment. "Hm... Same as him. And pancakes. With honey, lots of whipped cream and strawberries. Please." she notes. "Yes, someone had come to serve them." "Thanks." you both say thanks, she leaves to take more orders.

You two look at each other but don't say anything. You start snapping your fingers. "So…what have you been doing?" Carl asks breaking the silence. "The usual. Taking care of the bar, the twins, studying and sleeping. No big deal." you shrug your shoulders. "And have you been seeing anyone? Like a hookup?" you shake your head "No. Nobody. And you?" "Nobody either. But I like a girl." he says low, you're a little surprised. "Oh good Carl. Who is it?" "A girl over there, you don't know..." "Okay. Can you tell me about her?"

"Well, she's quite outgoing. She likes games and has questionable taste in music. She loves riding her old skateboard." he tells you the details, you laugh at the last remark. " She's a good girl so then. I'm happy for you, asshole." you run your hands through his hair, ruffling his strands. "Yeah, she is. She's pretty pretty too, like, awesome." You nod, seeing one of the waiters come with their orders. He puts it on the table, you thank him with smiles. You quickly pick up your burger and bring it to your mouth, taking a big bite.

The incredible taste of the fried bancon, the melted cheese and the grilled meat had you moaning in satisfaction. "Oh, God. This is fucking better than a blowjob!" you exclaim, Carl raises an eyebrow at you. "Have you ever gotten a blowjob in your life?" "No. But I got blown, and I'm sure I say this is way better." he shakes his head laughing, you notice the little bag of ketchup being poured into his burger, you frown at that sinful act. "Bro, are you really using that red sauce in a x-bacon? That's like a crime in Italy, man." you say taking another bite of yours, Carl throws the empty ketchup bag at you.

"Fuck Italy and its pizzas without ketchup! We're in America." he grumbles, you laugh. "That fucking is a godsend honey, there's no reason not to use it." "Uh, ok. At least you know Italy is not an American country." you mock him, Carl looks at you like you've said the most shocking thing in the world, the boy throws two potato in your face. "Hey you shit! Don't throw that at me." you exclaim, an elderly couple next to you complains about the noise. "Can you guys not scream or throw your cockroaches? Shitty ghetto teenagers. They don't know how to behave anywhere." the old woman mumbles the last sentence.

"I'm sorry gentlemen." you smile falsely at they, looking at Carl who was laughing hysterically. You shoot him a death glare. "Old bastards. I'm going to make these fags eat dust." you claim looking at your delicious pancakes. "But I'll get this over with first" "Yes you will." Cal says still laughing.

You finish quickly and compete with Carl to see who eats the most pancakes in the least amount of time, you obviously win with 7 pancakes in two minutes, but Carl is a good competitor with five. You both laugh when you notice that his lips are full of whipped cream, and so is the tip of his nose. The old people from before complain again, saying that you are noises. "Enough. I'm going to make this old woman hear some truths. Shitty South Zone bitch!" You get up from your desk, reaching into one of the pockets of your shorts, placing some bills on the table.

Carl too, with his wallet in his hands. "I pay." you two say together, laughing then. "Hey big boy, I pay. I brought you here, it's ok but next time it's you." you threaten with your lower finger pointed at him. "Right." "Now C-Dog, stand there and watch me fuck these old men." you tell him you're close to the exit. "Oh, go for it girl." he whispers to you, who gestures with your hands to him following you to the elderly couple's table.

"Hey good afternoon." you smile sympathetically sitting next to them. "What you want?" the woman asks arrogantly, looking you up and down. "Ah...no big deal. It's just that I actually heard you complain about me and the boy with me, I had to come here." you say sadist, eating a potato of them. "So what, girl?" She rolls her eyes. "It's just that I was a little hurt, you know? I thought you were pretty, that's fine for such an old age. But then you opened your little shit mouth, saying really prejudiced things. And I thought, I should punch some respect in this bitch." you wink at her, the lady looks at you with a hateful expression. "So, here's my darling lesson."

You pick up your glass of soda, you take a few sips, and then you spit the drink back into the glass. You smile at her before slowly pouring the coke under her head. She starts screaming getting the attention of customers calling you a ghetto rat. "Go back to the south side, motherfucker!" you exclaim, spitting in your food, standing up and feeling Carl proud stares at you. Fiona comes up to you, you think she's going to scold you but you're surprised when she applauds you. "Aren't you angry? Those customers with money never came back here." she denies smiling. "No, really. You did me a damn favor, I hate those old men, they always come here and complain about the food or my people."

"Oh, that's great then!" you smile, she nods throwing a cloth over her shoulders. "We left the money on the table, Bye Fi!" Carl yells opening the front door, she yells back an "ok" you walk out of there with you feeling insanely good. "Girl, I fucking worship you! You fucked with them." Carl exclaims jumping up and down, you laugh at him. "It's no big deal. It was deserved." you get in the car, and you start it. "Certainly." he says putting on his seat belt.

You start the pickup. Carl doesn't stop looking at you for a second, especially his hair flying in the wind invading the car through the windows. He's totally mesmerized by you, and seeing you defend him in a way has only made him more in love with you than he is. He was sure you were an amazing woman when you told him you faced men who were harassing you, but he was even more sure now, seeing your enviable posture up close.

That was the thing you loved most about Carl and that he admired most about you. You two wouldn't let anyone say shit about you, or whoever was important to you. It could be the biggest truth in the world, but the Gallagher's don't let anything go unnoticed. You had a trust that he sincerely always wanted to have for him, Carl was always a bully, stealing food and hitting some carusos when necessary. But you did even worse as a kid, and it's not something you're proud of, but you were just a kid angry about not being adopted.

And when Kevin and Veronica adopted you and welcomed you into their home, things changed, but there are things that don't change. "Where you want to go?" you ask, Carl blinks a few times. "I don't know... maybe in that abandoned terrano of the Díaz's? I heard that there are some people from our school going there to smoke and skip class."

"So that's where we're going, bro." you turn the car around the corner, turning onto the avenue. "Do you have cigarettes there? My dad never leaves them in the car because of the twins." he nods pulling a box out of his pants pocket. "Here." he hands you a pack, you hold it to your lips, Carl takes your lit lighter to the end of his cigarette, lighting it, you thank him.

#carl gallagher x reader #carl gallagher #imagine #hbo max #shamaless #gallagher brothers

[sukunasweetheart]

can i just say i love your fics SMMMM my serotonin boost fr!!! what do we think abt him with an s/o who has a lot of admirers 👁

THANK YOUU here is a treat 4 u <3

sorry i ended up doing too much and also going off-topic a bit oops

it ended up becoming modern au!sukuna 😭 forgive me (gender neutral reader)

sukuna is so used to being the one overshadowing the others - he's used to being the one admired, revered, respected, for his power and intelligence. it's safe to say he'd also be used to seeing people fight each other just for a lick of his attention - desiring for even just a glance from his way. so it's a given that he's not used to feelings of possessiveness or jealousy.

but now that he has you, someone who always has others admiring you from both closeby and afar, he's beginning to understand those petty sensations and thoughts. he's obviously never one to be insecure about your popularity, on most occasions, he even likes to make a show of it - he enjoys seeing them gnashing their teeth with envy as he flaunts his relationship with you in front of their faces - "see this? all mine," he seems to say, as he openly kisses you in public.

but when it catches him on a bad day, perhaps following a bad argument, he sees you with someone who is obviously interested in being more than just a friend to you (which you're not aware of, frustratingly so), and he starts feeling sick to his stomach. with everyone else who came before you, sukuna would simply tell them "don't like it? then leave," whenever they voiced complaints to him about their relationship... but now it's the opposite of what he wants. just the thought of you being with someone that isn't him gets his heart dropping to the ground, making him feel restless.

he knows he isn't the best at being soft. nor at using the kindest words when he gets heated. he'll always be more selfish than selfless, and he's not the most emotionally intelligent. it's unlike him to use words like 'i'm sorry' or 'i love you' so he's uneasy for the moment where you might find someone who'll be everything that he isn't amongst your sea of admirers, and that you'll leave him and never look back.

it's simply so humiliating, feeling this way... he's not sure what to do about it. you seem to be seriously upset this time around, and he knows brushing past it or glossing over it using his usual charm (which is a bad habit that he has) isn't going to work. you're not acknowledging him or responding to his texts properly or saying good morning or goodnight and it's driving him insane because he misses it... you're not looking at him. he's the one gazing at you, longingly.

sukuna will pin you down eventually, somewhere, somehow, and trap you so that you're not able to avoid him any longer. he'll drag you away from your stupid little crowd of spectators and talk to you in private, where'll spend ten minutes trying to apologise in a strange, roundabout and aggressive way because he knows it's his own damn fault. you know him, so you're able to recognise that he's trying to say sorry. your gaze is still elsewhere, looking off to the side instead of him. and that bothers him immensely.

"why won't you look at me?" god, he sounds so sad and pathetic.

truth is, sukuna now simply withers out and dies a little without your attention. what can he do to have that spotlight upon him once again? why are your eyes on anybody, anything, that isn't him? pay attention to me, and me only.

when you finally spare him a glance, he feels like breathing again. and he'll fight tooth and nail to keep that gaze of yours on him. fuck your insignificant and measly admirers. he's all you need, and sukuna's going to make sure of it. (he'll compromise for you, if he has to.)

he's definitely overstimming you in bed that night, in order to catch up on all the lost pride and attention that you'd deprived him of.

tagging; @gojos-thot-patrol <3 hope its to your liking.. even tho its not as angsty as i originally intended it to be haha

Masterlist

#he's basically like a cat meowing at you for attention #sukuna x reader #sukuna #jjk x reader #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x you #ryomen sukuna x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[rottenpumpkin13]

So, you did sick Gen, but how does everyone else act while sick?

• Sephiroth has the immune system of an ox, and rarely—if ever—gets sick. So when he is hit with the flu or some other common illness, he acts as if he has the plague. But he's not overtly dramatic about it. For reasons likely linked to his childhood being cared for by Hojo, he often chooses to retreat somewhere and suffer alone instead of being taken care of. But if someone finds him they will think he's dying.

*Zack finds Sephiroth on the floor, in fetal position in a dark corner of the break room*

Zack: Sephiroth! What happened!?

Sephiroth: The illness has taken hold of me, Zack. I'm not sure how long I have left. I did not expect to perish pathetically this early, but I've made peace with my fate.

Zack: What do you have??

Sephiroth: A common cold.

Zack:

• In the same vein, Genesis has the immune system of a common medieval rat, but is vocal and loud about it. He wants everyone to know just how miserable he is so that they give him attention and sympathy. Genesis is so dramatic when he's sick, in fact, that if he ever contracted an illness with no cure, he'd abandon everything and start upon a war path until he found one. OH WAIT.

*Genesis is laying sick on the couch while Angeal and Sephiroth work*

Genesis: Sigh.

Angeal & Sephiroth:

Genesis: SIGH.

Angeal & Sephiroth:

Genesis: Oh for fucks sake. *Sets a couch cushion on fire*

Angeal & Sephiroth: GENESIS

Genesis: YES GIVE ME ATTENTION

• Angeal doesn't believe in sickness, so when he's not fussing over his sick friends and going "oh come on, it's not thaaaat bad, you're fine!" (<- something he once said to Genesis, who was puking up blood) He's refusing to acknowledge his own illness and "powering through it."

Sephiroth: Angeal, are you alright?

Angeal: Never felt better.

Sephiroth: Are you sure? You must be cold, you're trembling.

Angeal: I'm just excited to start the day.

Sephiroth: Your lips are blue. That's not normal.

Angeal: Men can wear lipstick too, Sephiroth, don't be toxic.

Sephiroth:

• As much as Zack would love to have Angeal's willpower, slay a horde of tonberries whilst simultaneously coughing up snot and continue to be a hero like it's no big deal, he can't. He tries, but the more he exerts himself, the more the illness soaks up his energy and he becomes weaker. Zack isn't used to not having energy and it bothers him. He becomes irritable, stressed and moody.

Sephiroth: Would you like some tea?

Zack: wOuLd yOu LiKe SoMe TeA?

Sephiroth:

Zack:

Sephiroth:

*Zack starts crying*

• Cloud is the only normal one here. He got sick? Bummer, he still has work and a mountain load of responsibilities that won't wait for him to get better, so he toughens up and takes his medicine at reasonable hours (he has a tendency to forget to take medicine when he's sick but shhhh), he drinks liquids, he sees the doctor, all is well.

Lazard: Strife, I hear you, Zack and the entire First Class caught the flu.

Cloud: We did.

Lazard: Where's Sephiroth?

Cloud: Sleeping in the cupboards in the break room.

Lazard: Angeal?

Cloud: They locked him in a closet to stop him from working.

Lazard: Zack?

Cloud: He cussed out Tseng in a fit of rage and I haven't seen him since.

Lazard: Genesis?

Cloud: He's out selecting a coffin for himself.

Lazard: And you? Why are you on duty instead at home, resting?

Cloud: Because I'm poor, director.

#ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ffvii crisis core #genesis rhapsodos #ff7 crisis core #angeal hewley #crisis core #cloud strife #headcanons

[burrowbaddie]

Can you write one about joe confessing his feelings after being jealous, thanks!!

Jealous!Joe who has been crushing on you since freshman year. He would never confess because you are against dating athletes. Besides, he is okay being your roommate/best friend.

"I can't find my shoes! Joe, where are my red heels!"

"How would I know where your shoes are? The red ones with the bow?" He asks, tossing a football up in the air. You storm over and grab the ball.

"Yes. Stop throwing balls in the apartment!"

"I can throw balls somewhere else," Joe says with a smirk. You ignore his comment and storm into his room, searching his closet.

"Why are my shoes in your closet?" You sit down and start putting them on.

"You must have left them here. Why are you going on a date anyways? I thought you had a big test to study for. That's not very studious of you." Joe plops down on his bed, watching you stand up and roll your eyes at him.

"If you must know, Greg and I are in the same major, and we plan to study too." You smile, fixing your top in the mirror. Joe rolls his eyes.

"Greg Kaminski? He's such-"

"A nice guy." You cut him off, giving him a stern look.

"He's not. He is def trying to sleep with you."

"Joe, not everyone has a football brain and wants to fuck everything in a skirt." You walk out of the bedroom and grab your purse. Then you remember to touch up your makeup so you have Joe answer the door. Joe swings the door open and glares at Greg. Greg asks for you, but Joe continues to glare at him.

"She's not here." He slams the door in Greg's face. Greg knocks again. Joe opens it again.

"What?"

"Well, we were supposed to have a date, so-"

"She's sick."

"But you said she's not here." Greg scratches his head.

"Yeah, she's at the doctor's, so get lost."

"Greg!" You squeal, walking over.

"Omg, you are home!" Joe says, pretending to be shocked. You give him a weird look and walk out.

"Clean up after yourself, Joseph. I'll be home late."

"Not too late though," Joe shouts back. He slams the door and plops down on the couch. He scrolls through some texts before deciding to grab something to eat with Ja'Marr. Unfortunately for you, your roommate comes to the exact same bar.

"I thought you said you were studying," Joe shouts over the music. Ja'Marr sits next to Greg, and Joe slides into the booth blocking you in.

"Joseph, of all the bars in this city, this is the one you chose. Remove yourself. I'm on a date." You shout back.

"Greg has a girlfriend." Ja'Marr blurts out. You snap your head toward Greg. He shakes his head and holds up his hands. Ja'Marr slides you his phone. You stare at Greg's girlfriend's IG. Ja'Marr stands up.

"We have this open relationship. I swear." Gregs says. Joe stands up, letting you out of the booth. You throw your drink on Greg and storm off. Joe chases after you and pulls you into a hug.

"Why are all men such jerks." You scream into his chest. Joe rubs your back.

"It's not meant to be with some guys. Don't worry; Joey will keep you safe." He says, talking in third person. You sniffle and walk back into the bar. After a few drinks, you being the lightweight drinker you are, has to be carried home by Joe.

"Men. All of them go to Hell." YOu mumble as Joe carries you over his shoulder towards your bed. He lays you down and starts to take off your heels.

"Jeans. Take it off." You try to unbutton your jeans, making Joe laugh. He unbuttons them and slides them off your legs. Next, you toss your shirt on the floor.

"Joey, am I pretty?" You pout, sitting on your knees. Joe nods his head.

"Extremely pretty." He replies, licking his lips. You pout some more.

"Why won't guys date me."

"Because-"

"Give me B O B!" You scream, pointing to your side draw.

"Like the rapper? You want me to play music?"

"Bob. I want him."

"Who the hell is Bob? Another guy I have to tell to fuck off?" Joe shouts going to your side table. He opens the drawer expecting a phone number or something but is shocked to find your little red vibrator. Joe pulls it out and eyes it.

"I'm much bigger than this." Joe chuckles, turning around to find you passed out on the bed. He laughs and puts it back but makes a note to bring it up in the morning. On the nightstand, he leaves you water and painkillers. You wake up with a hangover and take the meds. After a shower, you join Joe for breakfast.

"How's Bob?" Joe asks, munching on his toast.

"Who?"

"B O B."

You stare at him feeling your face heat up. No. No way. What did you say last night? Judging by Joe's smile, you know he knows about your vibrator.

"Battery Operated Boyfriend." Joe smiles, and you start screaming and run to your room. Joe finishes his food and knocks on your door.

"We all have needs, little bit!" Joe laughs, calling you the nickname he gave you because of your height. Which never made sense to you because you're 5'9, obviously, and he would tower over you, standing at 6'4. But you were on the taller side for girls, regardless.

"Go away! I'm embarrassed." You scream into your pillow.

"I jerk off 6 times a week."

"Joe....That's like every day."

"I mean, I didn't say it was daily. Once in the morning and once at night. 3 days out of 7." He replies, jiggling the doorknob. Counting last night when he jerked off, it was definitely 7 times this week.

"Joe....That's gross. stop."

"You try being your roommate." He whispers.

"What?"

"Nothing. Open the door, or I'll pick the lock." He shouts. You get up, unlocking the door. Joe hugs you, and you still feel a little embarrassed. He walks you backward until the back of your legs hit your bed, and you fall back. Joe lays down on top of you, making you giggle.

"You're heavy stop." You complain. He rolls off of you, and you grab your phone, opening Tinder. Joe rolls his eyes. He needs to delete the app off of your phone next time. You don't know it, but Joe knows your phone passcode. He has deleted numerous amount of texts from guys asking you out. You thought the guys just never texted you back. At first, Joe thought maybe he was doing too much, but his jealousy slowly started to have no limits.

"Oh. I matched with Andre." You smile, and he snatches your phone throwing it to the other side of the bed. Joe pulls you onto his lap and you sit up placing your hands on his chest.

"Andre is not a good guy either. Just stay single." He says, rubbing your hips.

"I have needs." You say mockingly.

"I can fulfill those needs."

Woah. What the fuck is Joe saying right now, you think to yourself.

"That would be weird. Wouldn't it? Friends with benefits never work out. It's a fact." You get off of him and sit on the bed.

"I don't think so." Joe lays on his side, watching you think.

"But we can stop at any time, right."

"Of course." He replies, sitting up.

"And we will still be friends?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then let's try it."

Joe makes the first move by kissing your cheek, then your lips. You hesitate at first but slowly open your mouth, letting him enter. Joe easily dominates the kiss because you start getting dizzy. His hands find their way to your shorts and slide them off. He pecks your lips and sits back, tossing them on the ground. Of course, today is the day you wore no underwear. Joe marvels at your thighs, knowing as soon as he opens them, his prize will be between them. He slowly pulls your legs apart and almost drools at the sight of your pussy.

"Fuck." Joe says, bending down to kiss your legs and finally, the thing he has been dreaming about since freshman year. You arch your back feeling his lips on your cunt. No guy has ever gone down on you. Your fingers find safety in his hair as Joe simply devours you from down under.

"Oh gosh. OMG!" You cry out as Joe tongue fucks you into another world. When he slides two fingers in you, you yank at his hair, causing him to hiss. Joe takes his focus to your clit as he sucks and flicks his tongue around the bud.

"I'm cumming. Joe, wait!" You cry out. Joe only speeds up, causing you to clamp your legs around his head. When you cum, he drinks every drop. Slurping loudly. Hearing your moans excites Joe even more. He removes his face from your pussy and smiles at you. His face is soaked with your juices. He gets up and goes to the nightstand bringing out BOB.

"Joe-"

"Let me just try something." He says, turning it on. You open your legs, letting him take his place. Never in your wildest dreams did you think this would be happening? You never thought you would cross that line with Joe, but here you are with Joe fucking you with your vibrator.

"Do you know how beautiful you look right now?" Joe groans, pulling the vibrator out. You were on your second orgasm and begging him for the real thing. And Joe was happy to deliver. So, here you were on your hands and knees with your best friend/roommate pounding you from behind. Joe grabbed the headboard as he started chasing his own orgasm. You felt the bed shake, and the sound of the headboard mixed with the sounds of your sopping pussy swallowing Joe's cock sent you into overdrive.

"Birth control?" Joe asks because he's so close to cumming deep inside you. You nod your head fast. And with that, Joe cums inside of you. Your weak arms and legs give out when Joe pulls out. He lays down next to you, rubbing your back. And your friends-with-benefits relationship starts.

"A date? With who?" Joe asks, watching you put makeup on. It had only been 3 weeks since your arrangement started, but you still wanted to date.

"Andre from Tinder. He's a little bit older, but this could be it. Older guys are more mature and over their childish ways." You fix your turtleneck and turn to him.

"We had sex like two days ago. You still have the hickey on your neck and your thighs, so I don't think this guy is going to appreciate that." Joe crosses his arms and leans against your door.

"Well, I don't plan on sleeping with him, so he won't see any of it. Don't you have to meet with the football team?"

"I think it's dumb. I'm giving you-"

"Sex. I want love and a boyfriend." You cut him off and grab your phone. Joe follows you to the front door.

"Why can't you just be happy with what we have?"

"Joe, get over yourself. You wanted to have sex with me. That's all we have going on. I have the right to see other people. I'm sure Tiffany, your little girlfriend, wouldn't be so happy that you're sleeping with me."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Then you might want to clear that up with the campus." You slam the door leaving Joe frustrated. He grabs his football bag and leaves for late practice. Tiffany was a cheerleader for the team, and yeah, Joe's messed around with her, but she wasn't his girlfriend, plus they haven't done anything since last semester. So when he spots her Joe confronts her about it.

"Why'd you tell people were dating," Joe asks. Tiffany stops talking to her friend and turns toward Joe.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." She crosses her arms, popping her gum loudly.

"Stop telling people that. That's all I wanted to say. Have a good one, Tiff." Joe walks off, but Tiffany makes a comment about you, and he stops in his tracks.

"What?"

"You heard me. Is it because you're fucking her?"

"She's my best friend. Get a life. I'm not going to play childish high school games with you." Joe walks away, this time as she continues popping off. When Joe gets home, he finds you sleeping on the couch with your notebook. He pokes your cheek.

"What? What are you doing?" You sit up, wiping your eyes.

"I'm sorry about earlier. You can date whoever you want." Joe sighs.

"I know that. And you can date whoever you want. That's that."

"How was your date?" Joe asks, even though it kills him on the inside.

"Great. He is such a sweet guy. I think this is it." You are smiling from ear to ear. Joe hates it. No, he doesn't hate your beautiful smile. He hates that some guy gets the same smile he always gets out of you. And just like that, Andre took you away from Joe. You guys started dating one month after the first date. And it was killing Joe.

"Dre. Stop." You giggle as your boyfriend kisses your neck. Joe slams his bedroom door and goes to grab his gym bag.

"Hey, Joey!" Andre calls out. Joe ignores him. He doesn't want that piece of shit to call him anything. Sure, he was a great guy, but he wasn't good enough for you. Joe concluded that. Joe had searched high and low for dirt on this guy, but he came back clean. It drove him mad.

"Joe, I'm going away this weekend with Dre, so you will have the place to yourself. No parties." You warn him. Joe doesn't say anything, which is weird and hurtful, but you brush it off. Joe puts his sneakers on, and you go to the bathroom. Dre gets up and walks over.

"I feel like maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I know you're the best friend and want to protect her. But she is a big girl and-"

"Are you done?" Joe asks. Andre chuckles.

"Listen I get you are her best friend, but she's my girlfriend. I'm not going to do the jealous guy thing with you. Respect me, and I'll respect you." Andre and Joe glare at each other until you come back. You walk over, and Andre wraps his arm around you.

"Everything okay?" You ask. Joe nods and puts his airpods in, walking out the door.

"I think he has a crush on you." Andre laughs.

"Joe? No. It's not like that. He is overprotective sure, but no, he doesn't like me like that. He's the number one athlete on campus girls are all lined up for him." You laugh, walking away.

"Well, he's kind of an asshole to me. If we're going to continue to date you need to fix that. I'm not really into jealous guys." Andre sits down and you wonder what Joe said to him. So, when Joe returns home you confront him.

"Stop. Whatever you said to Dre and how you acted toward him stops now. I've been letting it slide over the last few weeks, but enough is enough. You're mad because I ended our friends with benefits, and you're being a really shitty person about it."

"I'm not mad." Joe walks away from you, and you follow him to his room.

"Then why are you giving me an attitude. You can't stay 5 mins and have a conversation with me? You keep avoiding me, and it hurts."

"It hurts? You know what hurts is having a best friend who is the smartest person on campus, but they can't even read into normal situations." Joe shouts back, throwing his bag down.

"What? What are you talking about? How is this normal?"

"I'm in love with you. I have been hopelessly in love with you for the last 3 fucking years. And I thought at some point you would notice, but you didn't."

"You love me? Joe. I-What are you even saying right now."

"It doesn't matter anymore. Go be with Andre. He's a good guy. I know because I researched him."

You're speechless. You don't know how to reply to any of this. Joe points to the door, and you walk away. He slams it close and locks it. For the next two weeks, he stays with Ja'Marr.

"Is Joe okay?"

"What do you think." Ja'Marr laughs, copying your notes.

"You knew?"

"Everyone knew. But you, I guess." Ja'Marr slides your notes back. You stuff them in your bag. You feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. Joe doesn't come home for another week. You sit up on the couch, watching him walk to the bedroom.

"Joe-"

"I thought you would be at the library. I just came to get some more clothes. I'll move out at the end of the semester."

"Joe, stop. Can you talk to me?" You follow him to his bedroom.

"Talk," Joe says, going into his closet.

"I didn't know. I never saw it that way. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm sure you and Andre will be better if I'm not in the picture." Joe throws clothes into his bag. You shake your head.

"No. I-I broke up with Andre. I had time to think for the last three weeks. All this time, I thought what we had was normal for friends. But it wasn't. Every guy that I've tried to have something with, I found myself comparing them to my best friend. I needed him to make me laugh so hard milk comes out my nose. Or watch this most annoying romcom with me even though he hates them with a passion. Or when it's that time of month, he drops everything to make sure I'm taken care of...I looked for all of that in these guys when I already had that.

"What are you saying?" Joe stops packing to face you.

"Joe, I love you too."

Joe tries to hide his smile. You shove him. He hugs you and kisses the top of your head.

"You're not very good at reading people." He comments. You playfully hit his stomach. Joe chuckles and looks down, and pouts his lips. You roll your eyes and kiss his lips.

"And the guys you were chasing after definitely weren't going to make you squirt like-"

"Joe, stop! That was so embarrassing." You scream, covering his mouth. Joe kisses your hands.

Here you go, nonny! I hope you like it. This was a bunch of fun to write. I did it in one sitting so if it sucks sorry lol but yay!

#joe burrow x you #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow fic #joe burrow #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow smut #joe burrow fluff #joe burrow blurb #joe burrow imagine #joey b #joe burrow x oc

[tokkias]

happy (late) new years everyone! i hope everyone had a great start to the new year. i'm ringing it in by recommending some of my favourite nalu fics of 2023! hope you enjoy!

Spring by bumblebeehugs Natsu and Lucy take a break from walking on the way home from a mission.

Summer by bumblebeehugs Natsu suffers from the summer heat for the first time - everything is Lucy's fault, according to him.

Autumn by bumblebeehugs Happy takes a moment to observe his two best friends.

Winter by bumblebeehugs Lucy has the worst morning known to human kind, until Natsu comes to her rescue.

i would say all of this, but i don't wanna ruin the moment by luckymio As he sat on his bed, only the sounds of his fingers clicking against the controller, the monsters in his game groaning, even though the game was paused, and the flipping of pages, he realized that he couldn’t remember a time where he wasn’t in love with Lucy. It had always been him and her, Natsu and Lucy, them. Always them.

night drives by luckymio Those nights were magic. For him, they were magic. Lucy’s face in the side mirror, her eyes gentle, slightly dazed, and trained on the blurry houses and apartments. She would sing softly, close to a whisper, her voice almost drowned out from the sound of tire against pavement. But he heard it, because he never focused on the music, because he only focused on her.

Wise Men Say by Irrelevan in which Natsu is sick and Lucy finds out that she doesn't mind taking care of him actually.

tolerate it by Nostromo13 Jude has watched his daughter grow from the sidelines of newspaper articles and Sorcerer Weeklys, only catching glimpses of her life through her guild and her career as an author. After reconnecting with her, he now has to see where he fits in his now 25 (technically 32) year old daughter's life. Set in a timeline where Jude didn’t die during the seven years.

Time passes by quickly (When you belong somewhere) by Nihilistic_Nomad It’s rather intriguing, how much a person’s life can change in just one year.

Happy Endings by bumblebeehugs What Natsu knew about families had been an ever-changing subject for as long as he could remember. Yet somehow, he found himself free from these wonders one day.

My heart is heavy (With fearful wonderings) by Nihilistic_Nomad It’s always in the quieter moments that her mind wanders.

Gave him her heart by bumblebeehugs Lucy worries about what to get Natsu for his birthday, not knowing how ridiculously easy it actually is.

Impossible Love by natsudragneelswh0re "Someone once asked me what it felt like to love you. They might as well have asked me to describe the taste of water." -JL

a thousand red roses by natsudragneelswh0re Natsu and Lucy come back from a mission that puts pressure on not only them, but also their relationship. There only seems to be one option to resolve their conflict, but the 'only option' seems to be different to either party.

The days inbetween by bumblebeehugs Lucy falling asleep somewhere and Natsu carrying her to bed.

Cymorth by Nostromo13 Following the Alvarez war, Natsu has to come to terms with a new reality.

ready (for a misunderstanding) by ssukidesu When Bisca and Alzack have another baby, a passing comment from Lucy turns Natsu's world upside down.

a dragon's habits by Poteto Natsu is a dragon and as such he needs to have power, a hoard and… what else do dragons do? Why, they kidnap princesses of course!

Marry The Sea by Nostromo13 Usually Natsu felt like he knew everything when it came to Lucy. He knows she loves him but now it's come time to propose and he's not so sure if marriage is something she wants.

Call Me By My Name by StaleCupcakes524 "You're..." Natsu took in the sight of her as his eyes widened. The pretty brown eyes he'd already been watching, supple pink lips that had released those wonderful laughs, braided golden hair that reached near to the ground, and long, pointed ears poking past the strands. "a fae," he finished. She nodded, ears twitching nervously. "Do not tell me your name."

#nalu #fairy tail #natsu x lucy #nalu fic rec list #mya's mumbles #sorry i meant to do this weeks ago!! #better late than never? #better late than pregnant

[baby-yongbok]

Poetry

Chapter Five - Morning After

Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, sweet like candy

Summary: Will you die of embarrassment or will you make it through?

Word Count: 4,446

A/N: I wanted to do so much in this chapter but I'm trying to pace the story right. I hope it isn't too boring lol this the first fluff series I've ever written and my first slow-ish burn series ever in my years of writing. I hope that you enjoy it! + If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading the previous parts before this one so that you get the ✨full experience✨. See you next Thursday at 6 💕

Part Four

✧Poetry Series Masterlist✧

✧Main Masterlist✧

Is this even real? You’ve been asking yourself that for the past twenty minutes while you’re cuddled into Hyunjin’s side laughing about any and everything. Did you guys really just kiss? You find yourself sneaking your hand up to your lips every few seconds as the feeling lingers, you’re not ready to let it go just yet. 

“So did you ever find out what it was?” Hyunjin asks, curious to know more details about your haunted childhood home that you’re telling him about.

“Nope, but I truly believe that It was a ghost.” Hyunjin shakes his head, staring up at your ceiling. “How did we end up telling ghost stories?”

“I asked what made you afraid of lightning and it all spiraled from there.”

“Ah, right.” You glance over at your digital clock but there are no numbers on display. You were so tangled in your own world with Hyunjin that you completely forgot that the power went out. 

“What time is it?” Hyunjin sits up and you follow. He looks around for his phone as you make your way to your vanity for yours. 

“11:23pm” Your voices clash with each other as you both answer at the same time, you both follow with a chuckle and Hyunjin stands from your bed.

“I should probably get going.” He stretches, taking a quick peek out of your window to gauge the storm's intensity. It’s nothing like it was earlier, it’s actually way worse. 

“I am not letting you walk home in that.” You protest, taking a peek out of the window yourself. The sidewalks are damn near flooded. 

“I walked here and I was fine.”

“You were soaking wet.”

“That’s nothing.” Hyunjin shrugs, you cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at him. He flashes a cute playful smile at you and you roll your eyes, taking a step towards him.

 “I’m not letting you walk home in that, it's too dangerous and you’ll definitely get sick.” Hyunjin shrugs again, his smile not fading. He steps closer and you can't help but feel your heart flutter, you scoff, turning towards your closet and making your way over to it.

“You’re staying the night.” Hyunjin chuckles lightly, you can hear his bare feet against your floor as he circles the bed over to your closet.

“I saw that coming.” You reach for some extra blankets at the top of your closet, stretching yourself to get to them. “I got it.” 

Hyunjin gently places his hand on the small of your back before reaching up to grab the blankets. You feel that familiar electricity run up your spine but this time it’s less of a surprising sensation and more of a relaxing one. “Anything else?” Hyunjin peers down at you, waiting for your answer.

“You tell me, you’re the one sleeping on the floor.” You shrug as you meet his gaze. He tongues his cheek, sighing sarcastically

“I don’t even get the couch?” 

“Our couch is way worse than the floor, trust me. That thing graduated university with me.” 

“Ew, okay, I’ll take the floor.” He takes note of what he’s already taken down from the closet before asking for another blanket, you point to one on the other side of your closet and just as he reaches for it you both hear a loud crash coming from somewhere in your apartment. You both turn towards the door, brows pinched together as you listen closely for any other sounds. 

“Let me check on that.” You start walking towards your door and Hyunjin follows close behind. You stop suddenly, turning to look at him with furrowed brows. “You don’t have to come.”

“You want me to let you investigate a loud sound in your apartment with no power on?” Hyunjin asks slowly and sarcastically. “Make it make sense.”

“Fine.” You sigh, you’re sure that I was nothing, probably just the wind. You open your bedroom door and creep out slowly, using your phone flashlight to illuminate your path. Hyunjin follows, his eyes busy scanning everything around him. Once you start to approach the kitchen you can hear the sound of glass clinking. You follow the sound and find another flashlight in the kitchen held by your distracted roommate. He’s got his headphones on as he cleans up the mess that he made, unfortunately that mess was your antique thrift shop vase shattered with the orange roses that Hyunjin gave you sprawled out on the tile. 

“Ugh, really Bin?” You groan just loud enough to grab Changbin’s attention. 

“Ah, sorry about this, I was looking for more matches and I knocked it over. I’ll buy you a new vase.” You nod, taking a couple of steps closer to check out the damage. Just as you’re about to comment, Changbin asks you a question that makes your heart skip. 

“How was your date? Was I right?” You look up at him with wide eyes and try to subtly shake your head. There’s no way that he’s asking you this and Hyunjin is right behind you, does he not see the tall dark haired man standing right there? Is he blind?

“I wasn’t right? He didn’t kiss you?” You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and dramatically palming your forehead. “What?” 

“Hey.” Hyunjin speaks before you can, taking a step forward and awkwardly waving at Changbin. “I’m Hyunjin, nice to meet you.” 

You can hear Hyunjin trying to hold his laughter and you cringe a bit from embarrassment. How could Changbin do this to you? You definitely won’t let him forget this.

“Oh shit, Uh nice to meet you, man. I’m Changbin.” Your roommate introduces himself then looks over at you. “You could’ve warned me.”

“You could’ve kept your mouth shut until the morning.” You roll your eyes, sighing dramatically. “He’s staying over, I’ll see you in the morning. Try not to humiliate me again, please.” 

You and Hyunjin turn around to walk away and Hyunjin mutters a quick good night before retreating back into your room. Before you can get too far you hear Changbin whisper yelling your name and you turn back towards him. “Was I right?”

You groan, turning around and flashing your middle finger in your roommate's direction before walking away. When you get back to your room Hyunjin is fiddling with the blankets you gave him, starting to set up his spot on the floor. You go over to the head of your bed to pick out some pillows for him, you both move in silence for a minute or two until Hyunjin clears his throat. 

“So -” 

“Don’t.” You cut him off before he can finish and he immediately bursts into a fit of laughter. You groan, trying your best not to laugh with him. “Do not make me relive the embarrassment.”

“Come on.” Hyunjin grabs your wrist as he tries to stop laughing. He pulls you into him, hugging you but you don’t hug him back. “You wanted me to kiss you tonight?”

“No.”

“No?” Hyunjin pulls back to look down at you, amusement written all over his face. You roll your eyes, pouting a bit as you realize that you have no way out of this.

“I mean, I wanted you to, yeah. But, Changbin predicted that you would, so that's why he asked if he was right.” Hyunjin nods, still smiling down at you.

“Are you going to talk about me when I leave?”

“Please don’t make me answer that.” You stomp your feet dramatically.

“That’s a yes.” He lets you go and you plop down onto your bed face down. “What are you doing?”

“Dying of embarrassment.” Hyunjin sits next to you on the bed, ruffling your hair playfully.

“Please don’t die before I get to take you on a second date.” You sigh dramatically into the mattress and Hyunjin smiles as he watches you. How could you be so cute?

“Too late, I’m withering away, this is the last you’ll see of me. I’ll be nothing but dust in the morning.” Your voice is muffled by the mattress and Hyunjin chuckles at the sound.

“Why are the ones that read always so dramatic?” You roll over, gasping at him and pretending to be offended. Your hand lays over your heart, exaggerating your reaction.

“I am not dramatic.” 

“Hey, I am too. I’ve been called a drama queen for years but clearly you’re coming for my crown.” You roll your eyes, pulling yourself onto your feet and dusting yourself off. 

“This is why you’re sleeping on the floor."

Your alarm wakes you up at 6:30 am just like it does every other morning. The sun has yet to rise but you can already hear the birds singing. You sit up, stretching a bit with a yawn, you look over to your left and stare for a second before leaning over the edge of the bed a bit to get a closer look. Hyunjin is still fast asleep, he’s turned on his side with one arm draped lazily over his chest while the other holds his phone. You faintly remember falling asleep before him last night. The two of you ended up talking until about two in the morning, you can never seem to stay up later than that since you start your day so early. Hyunjin stirs a bit in his sleep, huffing out a breath and moaning lightly as he brings his knees closer to his chest. You watch him, admiring how peaceful he looks curled up on your floor. 

Your admiration is cut short when he mumbles something in his sleep but it’s not just anything, it's your name. You stare down at him in shocked silence before pulling back and laying back against your pillows. Your wide eyes scanned the ceiling searching for confirmation, did you really just hear that? Did he really just say that? You close your eyes for a second, trying your best to refocus. You don’t have time to wonder what his dream is about. You need to get ready to start your day… but what was it about? You shake your head, sitting up and forcing yourself to start moving. If you’re going to obsess over it you might as well be productive. You step out of bed quietly, making sure not to bump into anything. You circle your bed and make your way over to your door. Just as you’re about to turn the knob your second alarm starts going off, you jump at the sound before turning around and rushing over to turn it off. You pick up your phone quickly, fumbling with it before you finally swipe the alarm off. You exhale heavily and glance over at Hyunjin, you smile a bit as you take in his unbothered frame still sleeping peacefully. He’s a heavy sleeper, huh? That must be a good dream.

You take your phone with you as you make your way out of your room, closing the door carefully. You make your way to the bathroom across the hall to get started on your morning routine. You wash your face and brush your teeth as your mind shifts through all of the possible reasons that Hyunjin would say your name in his sleep. Maybe he’s dreaming about your date or some cool adventure. Maybe you just made a quick appearance in the dream and you were there and gone in a flash. You look in the mirror, checking your face for any blemishes when a certain thought sticks out at you, maybe it was a wet dream. Your eyes widen and you almost want to smack yourself for thinking that. You two literally just had your first date, there’s no way that he’s having a wet dream about you, but time doesn’t really matter in the dream world does it? You splash some cold water on your face to pull yourself out of your thoughts before going back to your room, the last thing that you need is to spiral into a fit of ‘What if’s’. As you’re going back to your room you can hear music coming from Changbin’s. He always wakes up at least half an hour before you do to get a head start on working out before the two of you eat breakfast together. You both take turns preparing breakfast and today was his day to cook. 

When you get back to your door you turn the knob gently, trying your best not to make any noise. When you open the door you’re surprised to see Hyunjin sitting up from his spot, his knees tucked into his chest and his head resting on his crossed arms. You close your door just as gently as you opened it, not wanting to scare him. He hasn’t looked up at you so you assume that you did a pretty good job at sneaking in until you hear a sniffle. You freeze as you watch him. He’s still, no shaking or micro movement but he sniffles again and you notice him trying to subtly wipe his eyes, he’s crying. You slowly walk over to him, kneeling down when you get close enough and crawling over to close the gap between you two. He doesn’t move, it’s almost like he didn’t even notice you were there. You don’t say a word, instead you lay your hand on his back, rubbing large circles against his t-shirt. You can feel him relax a bit as you soothe him, his shoulders drop a bit and his back muscles untense. You two sit in silence for a couple of seconds until Hyunjin moves, in a swift yet slow motion he uncurls himself and sinks into you. His head finds your chest and his arms snake around your torso, holding you close. You gasp as the sudden change but quickly settle once he’s comfortable. 

“Sorry about this.” He mumbles, his face halfway pressed into your collar bone. “I had a nightmare.”

Your heart skips and your thoughts begin the race as his words skin in. He had a nightmare with you in it?

“Do you want to talk about it?” You want to know more, both in an attempt to comfort him and in a selfish attempt to calm your rising anxiety.

“No, I'd rather just try to forget about it.” You mumble a small ‘okay’ and attempt to put your anxiety aside to comfort him properly. After about a minute of hugging you he pulls away, he looks over at you with puffy eyes and a small grin on his face. 

“I’m alright.” He nearly whispers as he wipes his face. “I have nightmares often but sometimes they’re terrifying, I guess last night was one of those nights.”

You nod, trying to drown out your thoughts. Not only did he have a nightmare with you in it but he had a terrifying nightmare that literally brought him to tears, that’s great. 

“I’m always here if you want to talk about it.” You try to sound as affirming as you can and it clearly worked since Hyunjin flashed you a more sincere grin this time. You decide to try and stop your spiraling once again by attempting to get ready for your day and trying to help distract Hyunjin. You stand from your seat on the floor, pulling him up with you. He’s a bit reluctant but he follows you, towering over you as soon as he stands completely. You reach both of your hands up towards the ceiling, your pajama shirt lifting a bit as you do. Hyunjin watches you with furrowed brows and you smile.

“Come on, stretch with me.” He smiles back for a second before joining you, a heavy sigh followed by a long whine leaving his lips. You chuckle as you transition into your next stretch.

“You stretch like a five year old.”

“Hey, I do not.” His morning voice catches you off guard now that you can hear it clearly. You expected it to be a bit raspy but you didn’t expect it to be that deep. You blush a bit at the sound of it as you twist your torso and Hyunjin follows. 

“You do.” Hyunjin pouts in your direction, making a sound that a child would make, proving you right.

“I do not.”

You managed to get Hyunjin in higher spirits after some stretching and a bit of play fighting. Apparently calling him by his full name makes him tackle you and tickle you until you agree to never say it again. You put on your morning playlist, humming to the music as your favorite songs played and Hyunjin helped you pick out your outfit for the day. He shifted through your closet for what seemed like forever, picking things out and putting them back until he found a skirt and sweater comb that he thought gave off the ‘Autumn Spirit’. You dressed up the outfit, adding some warm tights and a jacket while he grabbed all of his stuff. Once he was ready he picked out some jewelry for you to wear but there was one piece that you weren’t familiar with.

“Is this yours?” You watch him as he fastens a bracelet around your wrist. The silver chain was a bit heavier than you expected.

“Mhm” He responded happily, watching your reaction closely.

“Does it cost a thousand dollars? It’s so heavy.” Hyunjin laughs as you run your fingers over the cool metal. You rotate the bracelet until the silver name plate shows the brand written in bold letters on the front of it. “This is Versace?”

He smiles at your bewildered tone. “Hyunjin I can’t take this, what if I lose it? What if I break it? This bracelet could probably pay my student loans.”

“Well, it’s only a five hundred dollar bracelet so it’s not that bad.” You stare up at him wide eyed and he tries his best to not laugh at your expression. “ And you can give it back to me when you see me again.”

“You’re not going to act like you didn’t just say that this chain on my arm is five hundred dollars.”

“Angel, it’s not that bad.” You open your mouth to rebuttal but you get stuck on the name that he just called you, he’s never called you anything but your actual name before. A deep blush creeps up your neck and over your cheeks and you look back down at your wrist, studying the expensive jewelry. 

“Fine, I’ll wear it.” You smile down at the chain before turning to grab your bag from the end of your bed. “Did you want to stay for breakfast?”

“I should actually get going so I can return this suit to Han, he’s been texting me about it for the past thirty minutes and if I don’t get it back to him soon our next date will be my funeral.” You chuckle, watching as Hyunjin grabs his stuff and puts his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“We don’t want that now do we?” You look in the mirror one more time before turning to face Hyunjin. He’s grinning at you, his eyes taking you in slowly. “What?”

“You just look beautiful today.” 

“You’re only saying that because you picked out this outfit.”

“I’m saying it because you look stunning in everything.” He takes a step towards you, looking down at you with sparkling eyes but you can’t decipher the emotion behind his gaze. “And because I picked out your outfit.” 

He smiles wider once you gasp at him dramatically. He leans down and lands a quick kiss on your forehead, causing the blush on your cheeks to deepen all over again. 

“Get out.” You playfully roll your eyes and Hyunjin chuckles.

“Yes ma’am.” You both make your way over to your bedroom door and Hyunjin opens it, moving to the side so you can exit first. Just as the two of you are approaching the kitchen you hear Hyunjin mumble something before following up.

“Ah, I forgot my charger. I’ll be right back.” He turns around, heading back to your room to grab his forgotten item and you decide to wait for him in the living room. Just as the kitchen comes into sight you hear a very excited voice call your name. You light up a bit as your eyes land on her, Serena, Changbin’s girlfriend, is sitting at the kitchen island across from him. You and Serena get along well, maybe a bit too well. She and Changbin have been dating since your Junior year of University, if there’s anyone that you would think to be couple goals it’s definitely them.  

“Serena! What did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman in my house this early in the morning?” You make your way over to hug her, trying your best not to mess up her very sophisticated pants suit. 

“I bought breakfast so that I could get the tea while it’s hot.” You looked around the kitchen searching for actual tea but when you didn’t find any the look on Serena’s face gave you all the answers you needed.

“You told her?” You ask Changbin with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Of course I told her. We’ve been trying to get you laid for like three years, this is a big development.” Your cheeks flush once you hear a bit of shuffling coming from down the hall, Hyunjin’s coming back, fuck. You shake your head quickly, putting your finger over your mouth and Changbin quickly gets the message. Unfortunately, Serena wasn’t as quick.

“Come on, tell me everything. Is he cute? Is he a good kisser? I need the tea immediately.” You sigh, slapping your hand against your forehead and you hear Hyunjin stop behind you. Serena’s jaw falls open as she takes in the tall man behind you who is probably as red as a strawberry from trying to hold back his laughter. 

“Good morning.” He says with a smile before taking a step towards Serena and holding a hand out towards her. “I’m Hyunjin, nice to meet you.”

“Well hello there.” Serena takes his hand as her eyes rake over Hyunjin’s frame slowly, taking in every detail. “I’m Serena, Changbin’s girlfriend. It’s nice to meet you”

“The pleasure is mine, Serena.” Hyunjin lets go of her hand and then turns to you with a smile. You avoid his amused gaze, trying to find something else to focus on as he takes a step over to you, nearly closing the gap between you two.

“So -” 

“Don’t” Hyunjin chuckles, trying his best to not fall into a fit of laughter. How many times can you be embarrassed in the span of twelve hours? 

“Don’t be shy, angel.” You pull your lips into a thin line as your heart flutters. That pet name is not helping, it’s only furthering the embarrassment. 

“Maybe I’ll let Han kill you.”

“Hey, don’t you want a second date?”

“I’m not so sure.” You glance up at his smiling face for a second before looking away, you can’t help but to smile a bit in return. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Hyunjin nods at you before turning back to your very captivated audience. You roll your eyes at Changbin and Serena’s smirks as you pass them, making your way over to the front door. 

“Have a good day, it was wonderful meeting you.” Hyunjin bows to them slightly and they both say a quick good-bye. Serena’s gaze follows Hyunjin as he walks away and Changbin leans over the island to push her shoulder. 

Once Hyunjin reaches you he slips on his shoes and you open the door for him. 

“I’ll text you when I get home.” You nod with a small smile and Hyunjin pulls you into a hug, it’s firm yet gentle and you can’t help but to melt into him a bit. “I hope that you had a good time last night.”

“I had a great time, really. That was probably the best date that I’ve ever been on.” Hyunjin pulls away, a look of satisfaction on his face.

“Now I have to top that.” 

“Good luck.” You tease and Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

“I’ll see you later.” Hyunjin’s eyes search yours for a second, and he gives a small, gentle smile. He leans in and gives you a chaste kiss on the cheek before whispering “And don’t worry, I’m going to talk about you too.”

Your face heats up and your heart sings a bit with excitement. He stands tall and takes a couple of steps away from you. “Don’t forget to mention how pretty I am.” You tease and he smiles wider.

“I’ll put it on the list of things to say.” He waves at you and you wave back. He gives you one last look before he turns around, making his way down the hallway and over to the elevator. You step back inside, closing the door gently and taking a deep breath. You slowly make your way back over to the kitchen, smiling like a child who’s just won a prize at the arcade.

“Binnie, when’s the last time you saw her smile like that?” Serena asks her boyfriend as she eyes you.

“I don’t think that I’ve ever seen her smile like that.” 

“Okay, come on, spill everything, we need all of the details. Changbin, make her a plate, we don’t have any time to waste.” Changbin instantly grabs a plate and puts a bit of everything that you like on it. You can hear their voices but you aren’t really listening, you're too busy smiling at the butterflies in your stomach. You snap out of it when Serena grabs your wrist and pulls you over to a bar stool, prompting you to sit next to her. Her and Changbin stare at you expectantly and you sigh, picking up your fork and starting to eat. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Did he kiss you?” Changbin asks quickly and you shake your head. They both gasp, Serena claps excitedly and your roommate puts his fist in the air as if he’s won something. “I called it.”

“The real question is, was it a good kiss?” Serena asks with raised brows and you stop eating immediately. They both lean in, waiting for you to answer while you play back the memory. The reminiscent feeling of Hyunjin’s lips on yours makes you grin a bit as you bounce your leg excitedly. You close your eyes for a second to fully immerse yourself in the memory before opening them and looking over at them. You exhale deeply before smiling. 

“It was so so good.”

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#skz #stray kids #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x y/n #skz x reader #hyunjin stray kids #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x y/n #skz hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #stray kids headcanons #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids imagines #hyunjin fanfic #straykids #kpop fluff #skz masterlist #hwang hyujin imagines #stray kids x reader #hyunjin angst #hyunjin hwang #hyunjin imagines #skz fluff

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for keeping a huge secret from my mom?

so i (26ftm) moved back in with my parents a little over a year ago due to the housing market. shakes fist at sky. you know how it is. anyways, uh, while i may be a broke zillennial, my parents are fairly financially well off, and it's in part due to my father's job. my mom recently retired and my father keeps saying he's going to retire, but still keeps pushing it off (and has been pushing it off for about a decade now).

now uh, shortly before i moved in, my mom was telling me that she was having problems with my father. that this was "the third time this had happened" and "this is his last chance" - i think you may see where i'm going with this. he was cheating. for the third time. and she'd caught him, got them to go to couples therapy, and told him there would be no fourth chance. she was willing to move out of the house and start anew somewhere else if she needed to.

um. enter me, the apple of my dad's eye. i move in. one night my mom is off at a book club so it's just me and him for dinner. he opens his phone (up til this point i've noticed he looks at his phone A Lot.) and opens up wechat. he's calling someone "babe" and sending them red heart emojis. i instantly feel kind of sick. i ask him, "are you texting mom?" and he gets SO confused for a second and says no (i don't think he knew i'd seen his phone screen).

that was almost a year ago today. since then i have seen him text this other woman nonstop, has talked about starting a family with her, has talked about taking her with him on his "work trips," and - for some reason - i've seen him google straight-up escort websites on his phone. uh, that one was while my mom and i were in the middle of showing him old family videos.

i feel so fucking guilty. every time i see him i want to [REDACTED DUE TO TUMBLR GUIDELINES]. i lost my therapist that i had known for five years in the move, i lost my entire support network, and i still haven't found anything like that up here. i am completely isolated, and while i have my own job right now, i am in no way financially stable enough to find my own place to live. if i tell my mom, i don't know what's going to happen to me. i don't know if she will kick him out or if she will move. i am trying to move back to where i was living, but i just can't afford it. i feel completely trapped in this situation, and i know what the right thing to do is, but i am terrified that on top of losing my entire life a year ago, i'm about to lose everything else, too.

a large part of me wants to confront my father first, but i am also terrified of him. i know i'm his favorite, but i am well aware of his temper, and while he's never physically harmed me, i feel like the situation might be a bit different if i'm the person that might get him divorced and ostracized from the entire family. i don't know. i honestly have no idea. everything is so confusing and i just have felt frozen for an entire year.

but the other night i saw him texting her again. she's mentioned she had been feeling sick lately and he told her that she might be pregnant. i was so close to losing it. i almost ripped his phone out of his hand and smashed it on the ground. i couldn't look him in the eye. i could barely even speak to him. maybe the funniest part about this is that he doesn't realize anything is wrong. he's a fucking narcissist and doesn't pay the slightest bit of attention to how other people act around him.

the next day, he was gone for another "work trip".

i am run completely ragged and i don't know how much longer i can take this. i find myself wishing someone else could take it out of my hands so that i don't have to be responsible for destroying our whole family.

anyways. am i the asshole for being a coward?

a bit of extra INFO as well though: as far as i'm aware, my parents are in a bit of a dead bedroom situation (frankly. my mom likes to oversshare.) so uh. at the very least i know she's not getting whatever diseases my dad surely must have by now.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[geralallfandoms]

|DARYL DIXON|

Blue-eyed crossbowman heart.

Warnings: none

Daryl Dixon x fem reader

"Why are you still mad at me?! I'm trying to do things right and you don't like anything!"

"Don't raise your voice at me, young lady! Do you think you're in charge here? You're going to do what I say and how I say it! Learn a little more from your sisters and stop being so ungrateful! Your mother would be very disappointed about you." His last words were enough to bring tears to your eyes and make your heart ache.

The uncomfortable glances of the others fell on you, so you quickly took your things and left the house. When you were a few meters away it was impossible for you to contain your sobs. You furiously threw the backpack to the ground, not caring what was inside.

You turned around and you could see how everyone left and went back to their activities while Maggie and Beth stayed hugging at the entrance, you shook your head and it was enough for them to go back inside.

You were furious.

You hated that whatever happened was an excuse for him to blame you. You hated that the arrival of Rick's group had ruined what little peace of mind you'd managed to get. You hated that it was Shane's fault that the barn had been discovered. You regretted too much for having said that at some point that, that would happen and that they were no longer sick, that they were dead, because even if you were right, you knew that would upset your father.

And now you were practically alone. With two shirts and a jean in the backpack, a knife and three bullets.

--------------

You cried for hours, the sun began to fall and the cold made your skin itch. You wanted to leave, to be able to leave everything behind and leave, find another group, build a new life... but you couldn't. You couldn't leave behind your sisters, the two people you loved the most.

You arranged your things against one of the trees, and you sat down so that you were looking directly at the house. Branches snapped behind you, and you spun around to find Daryl.

You didn't talk to him much, well, you had hardly talked to anyone, since you spent most of your time outside the house, with the animals or doing things on the farm, so you had practically not talked to anyone, but you had noticed his presence.

It was hard not to notice.

His blue eyes darted around the place, he fidgeted, shifting from one leg to the other swinging his crossbow in his hand. "Did my sisters send you to find me? To persecute me?" you asked furiously.

You knew it wasn't his fault, but you needed to vent, and Daryl had been the first victim to fall. "Of course not. I'm not the errand boy for this group anymore." He answered with a strong and confident tone. "You're near my camp, I heard noises and I came to see what it was."

You had already seen enough of Dixon to know better than to pick a fight with him, so you just decided to ignore him. You were gathering your things to go somewhere else when he spoke again. "You can spend the night in my tent if you want...it's just starting to get dark and it will be too cold." His blue eyes never left yours and it was hard for you to hold his gaze.

The crossbowman was right so, without taking your eyes off your backpack, you nodded your head and started walking behind him to his tent. Despite the thin fabric, it felt twice as warm inside here as outside.

Daryl removed a couple of clothes from the cot and tossed them on the sleeping bag. "Don't worry…I can sleep in the bag." You said while he bent down to pick up his things, but he was faster and taking your wrist lightly, he stopped you, making the two face to face, only a few centimeters away. You brought out an inner strength that you did not know and you looked into his eyes, you went down through his nose, you ran through his full and pink lips to return to his eyes, but the curses and the screams of just a few hours ago made you bow your head again in sorrow . At that moment you will completely regret having accepted, of having looked at it so much and giving space to questions that you did not want to answer. "No need to be ashamed...it's not like my family was one of the best." He said in a nonchalant tone, making the tension lessen a bit.

Thousands of questions went through your mind, but you decided not to ask them. "Thank you, it's just...it's too much. A lot of things are happening together and after so much time struggling to find peace of mind, everything just..." you moved your hands in search of the perfect word, but your throat had closed and your hands tears began to form, your chin trembled involuntarily and the pressure in the chest was increasing. At that moment you wished you hadn't been in front of him, because you didn't want to show him weakness, you didn't want to show him that you were a little girl who cried because her father had scolded her, but you couldn't control it.

You had spent a lot of time searching this moment the right place, time, and person to vent, because even though Daryl might be judging you, he was just a stranger after all. One who could have laughed at you or simply ignored you, but instead, slowly approached until he stood in front of you for a few seconds, scanning your entire face as you had done, he saw how your shoulders trembled and how your head bowed every time more, and with just two steps he managed to get it to rest on his shoulder while he wrapped his other hand around your back until he was fully embraced.

Your body tensed up at first, he seemed like a rude boy so his actions confused you a bit, but when you saw that he didn't seem to show any signs of letting go, you simply took advantage of the situation. You let his hand scrub your back, giving you the tranquility and comfort that you had sought so much, you let the silence of the tent clear your mind and his strong and warm arms hold you.

And it was then, when you thought that, although you had lost part of your family, you had gained a new one. You had won the heart of the blue-eyed crossbowman forever.

(Apologies for mistakes or spelling mistakes, english is not my first language!)

#twd x reader #daryl dixon x you #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfic #twd #twd x y/n #twd x you #twd daryl #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon #daryl x reader #daryl dixion x reader #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl dixon x y/n #Spotify

[blair-the-juggalho]

Guess who's back lmao. I had another idea and you're one of my favourite twdg writers so I came back. First up, take as long as you need on this, attend to any requests that came before mine before feeling the need to write this.

(Twdg season 1)

You know how after the Motel is attacked, Lilly shoots Carley/Doug? (S1) What if there was like a young pre-teen/teen reader (say, somewhere from 11 to 13.) and whoever Lilly aimed for, she either accidentally missed or the reader protected carley/doug, and the bullet hit the reader in the shoulder/arm (so not fatal just a bit like "bruh"). What would the reactions of the motel gang be? taking into consideration Lilly just shot a literal child 🤣

(I'm sorry if this is oddly specific but I had the idea with it and in your rules you asked for as much specification as possible) if any of this doesn't make sense feel free to ask me because I kind of rambled lmao. If you can't do this for any reason or you struggle to, i completely understand. Have a good day!

Ty! And yeh I do really appreciate the specifics and tysm for all of that yer totally so sweet!!! <<<333

Hope this will do, lovely!!!!

TWDG season 1 group reacting to Lily shooting (but not killing!) a preteen!reader

Lee

To say this man was pissed was an understatement

He didn’t care if Lilly meant it for someone else 1. There was no need to shoot an innocent person and 2. You just fucking shot a kid!

Idc what way you played with part wether you let her stay or no there is no was lee would let her come with you guys after that

After kicking Lilly to the curb he’d go back to you and gently carry you back to the RV before finding anything he can to patch you up

He’s so stressed and annoyed!

He wishes he could’ve gone back in time and changed it

He will fully take care of you till you make a full recovery!

He’d go through hell and back to get any medical supplies you need too<3

Kenny

He too was so pissed!

Like he’s shouting and screaming at Lilly

It’s by gods mercy that he didn’t shoot her

He tells everyone to help you get inside and find anything to stop the bleeding

I don’t have to say this because it’s obvious but he’s not letting her come with the group

As you all drive away he keeps shouting and cursing

It’s not very helpful but it’s all he can really do

Katjaa keeps telling him to calm down but yk that’s not gonna happen

He keeps a close eye on you while you recover and he gets a little (a fucking lot) over protective of you

Katjaa

She wasn’t there too see you get shot but as soon as she heard the gun shot she panicked

She put duck down in a chair and told him to stay calm and not too look

Once she saw you she started tearing up

She felt so bad for you!

She’d tell everyone to keep calm as she tried to bandage your wounds

She’d be at your side 100% of the time and would make sure your as comfortable as you can be

Duck

He also didn’t see everything go down but this kid was so upset

You where one of his best friends (mainly because there where only two other kids in the group, one being you) and he was you you bleeding and in so much pain!

He was already bit and seeing you shot made it so much worse :(

He was willing to share any supplies you needed to help you recover btw!

He’d do anything for his amazing best friend!

He couldn’t really help you out at all or even take your mind of it because he was too sick to do anything

But he’d use any energy he did have to ask if your ok or make a silly joke <:)

Clementine

She was traumatised oml

She saw her best friend get shot

She screamed and burst out into tears!

Lee told her to closer her eyes and not look at you while they patched you up, but she didn’t want to leave your side

So she stood in a place where you could see her and closed her eyes, every so often taking a peek and giving you a sympathetic smile

After you got bandaged up she’s stay by you and got you whatever you wanted

This one time the group stopped off to get some supplies are they came back to see her routing threw all the cupboards

“What are you doing, clem?” -group member

“I’m trying to find a snack for (name)! They wanted one :(“

Lilly

She felt so bad!

She didn’t mean to shoot you!

She totally froze, unable to say or do anything

Before the group forced her to leave and everyone inside she gave you one final look of worry and regret

She knew that leaving the group was the best thing for them and she wishes that you survive the shooting

That always sticks with her, the guilt may of died down after a few years but the memory never leaves

She always stills wonders if you made it

And if you wanna drag this idea to season 4 she will definitely bring it up to clem

Doug

He totally freaked!

He felt so bad!

That bullet was meant for him (and ben) and yet you got shot :(

The guilt he felt was something he was never going to live down.

This man would risk death to get you any supplies you need for your recovery, it’s the least he can do.

It’s so obvious he feels bad like when Katjaa was patching you up he couldn’t look at you for more than a second

After your recovery he tries and shows you how grateful he is!

He’d either tell you that you where one brave kid and he’s very thankful for that

And/or he’d find you some old teddy that he’d think you’d like!

Carley

Like Doug she felt so bad!

She was shocked at first but then anger took over and she started screaming at Lilly

She helped you get inside and find anything to patch you up

All the time ever during your recovery you could hear her angrily shit talking Lilly for what she did to you

Like Doug, she was obviously a little guilty and would tell you that she was grateful of what you did but she wouldn’t let the guilt consume her forever

But she’s always looking out for you now more than ever

Ben

This poor dude was too shocked to do anything!

He just watched in horror

This was all because of him (and Lilly) but he felt so much guilt!

He never stopped feeling guilty

He doesn’t know what to do at all

He does get you anything you need!

But he just can’t look at you :(

It probably takes him a good few months just to be able to look at you

The only thing you can really get out of him is

“…so uh how are you?”

He just don’t know what to do he wishes he could just go back and stop all of this

#twdg #twdg x reader #the walking dead game #twdg ben paul #twdg carley #twdg doug #twdg clementine #twdg duck #twdg lilly #twdg katjaa #twdg kenny #twdg lee

[evilwickedme]

"you're worth it." and/or "you need sleep for jayroy maybe?

(i can't remember if you actually like that ship so if you don't feel free to pick your own)

I absolutely LOVE JayRoy and have written multiple fics for them anyway it's one am let's see what comes out

on ao3

unglued, thanks to you

It's been a long couple of days.

Everyone Roy knows is out of the state right now, for so many different and yet equally good reasons, so he hasn't had anyone available to babysit in days. Then Lian caught this bug that's been going around, and she's spent the last three days throwing up anything she's eaten, while Roy desperately tries to keep her hydrated, staying up all night with her as she shivers. His heart aches for his little girl, but he can't do anything about it except wait for it to pass. As if that stress wasn't enough, he hasn't had a steady job in a couple of months, and last he checked he was almost out of money for rent, let alone groceries or medicine or a paid sitter. And he can't even take any job offers he's getting, because he can't just leave Lian behind while half his family is MIA, some of them literally. Hell, he'd have joined them in the search if it weren't for... Everything else.

He's worried about his family, and he's worried about Lian, and he's just tired. He's so, so tired. Still, he can't help it - when Jason calls, he picks up.

"Hey," he says.

Jason must pick up on the exhaustion in his voice, because instead of hello he opens with, "Jesus Christ, when's the last time you slept?"

Roy takes offense to that. Considering the circumstances, he's been getting plenty of sleep. "I'll have you know I got to take a two hour nap just this afternoon," he says indignantly.

"Uh-huh," Jason says, "and last night?"

"Why are you calling, Jason?" Roy says tiredly.

"I'm in Star right now," Jason answers, letting the matter drop. "Connecting flight got canceled so I pivoted. Can I crash at yours?"

Roy hesitates. "It's not that you're not welcome," Roy says, searching for the right words. "I just - " it's just awful right now, and Roy's a mess, and the apartment's a mess, and Jason probably doesn't want to deal with a sick first grader anyway. "Listen, the place is kind of a mess right now, you'd probably be better off just finding a hotel to stay at. Use Bruce's money to stay at somewhere fancy. You'd sleep better, trust me."

Jason hums to himself, like he does sometimes when he's thinking. "How's Lian, Roy?"

Roy closes his eyes. "She's down for a nap right now," he says, then admits, "but she's been sick all week."

"And hasn't Oliver been able to help? Or any of your goddamn brood?"

Like Jason has any room to talk, with all these Bats flying around nowadays. When Roy was a kid, it was just Bruce and Dick, and eventually Babs. Now every time Roy blinks, there's a new kid wearing the bat on their chest. "They're all out of town at the moment."

Jason just sighs. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he says, then hangs up.

Motherfucker.

Well, Jason knows what he's getting himself into.

~~~

True to his word, a quarter of an hour later Roy hears Jason's spare keys unlock his front door. "In here," he calls out from the kitchen, where he's washing some long overdue dishes. Once it was clear that Jason would be staying with them no matter what, Roy did the minor service of taking all the disgusting shit off the couch.

"Hey," Jason says, dropping his bag, which clattered conspicuously. "I thought you said Lian was napping?"

"She's out like a light, actually," Roy says. "I'm hoping she'll actually sleep through the night tonight. Would make for a nice change."

Jason stays silent for a while, and the back of Roy's head prickles, but he keeps washing the dishes until, suddenly, Jason's hand is on his arm, startling him into stillness.

"C'mon," Jason says. "I can do this."

"They're my dishes," Roy objects.

"You need sleep," Jason says. "Your kid's sick, I get it. But I can keep an eye on her for a few hours. Go, get some rest. If only so I don't have to look at those fucking bags under your eyes. You look terrible."

"Jay," Roy sighs.

"I'll fucking carry you to bed if I have to," Jason threatens mildly.

Roy looks at him, then looks back at the running water, then shoots a longing look at the door to his bedroom. He really does want - need, desperately need - some rest. And Lian likes Jason. And Roy really, really doesn't want to be doing the dishes right now.

"Okay," he says. Then, after a pause, "Thank you, Jaybird."

"Anytime," Jason says gruffly. He hipchecks Roy, who relents, raising his hands in surrender and walking to his bedroom. "Seeya in six hours."

"Four," Roy counters.

"Eight," Jason corrects.

Roy rolls his eyes before closing his door. He sets his alarm for three hours, and falls asleep as soon as he closes his eyes.

~~~

Roy opens his eyes suddenly, momentarily disoriented. There's sunlight coming through the window - he's still in his jeans - he crashed last night - Jason came over last night - didn't he set an alarm?

Honestly, Roy wouldn't put it past Jay to sneak into his room and turn the alarm off, but maybe he just slept through it. Either way, it's too late now.

He feels so heavy, but still he forces himself to get up. He needs to check up on Lian, maybe clean up a little if she's still out, make some food out of whatever's still left in the pantry.

He's going over his to-do list in his mind as he steps out into the living room, and he does a double take.

The place is spotless. All the dishes are gone, the dirty clothes are in the laundry hamper by the laundry machine that stands close to the kitchen because there's no room for it in this tiny apartment else, and assorted electronics are piled up on the now clear surface of the little table they sometimes use to eat. The floor has been swept, too, with the dust bunnies Roy has become resigned to live with all cleared out.

There's no sign of Lian, but Jason is humming in the kitchen, so Roy joins him, leaning against the wall as he watches Jay slice vegetables that were definitely not in Roy's kitchen last night.

"You let me sleep in," Roy accuses.

Jason snorts. "Yeah, obviously. You needed the sleep, man. You probably haven't looked in the mirror in four days, but you looked miserable, trust me." He glances up at Roy, then back down to the cucumber under his knife. "You look, uh, much better now. Could probably use a shower."

"Fuck you," Roy says amicably. "Where's this come from?"

"I had some groceries delivered this morning," Jason answers casually. "I put the order in after I finished the dishes, then started cleaning up while I stayed up. Lian woke up eventually, so I made sure she got some fluids and gave her the meds on the counter - I'm assuming those were her meds, she was a little out of it and couldn't confirm it for me, but she seemed better after, so I figured, yeah."

"Yeah, those were the right meds," Roy says. "Thanks, again."

"Anytime," Jason says. He's now slicing a large red tomato. The juices spurt a little onto Jason's hand, who grimaces for a second before continuing.

"No, seriously," Roy says earnestly. "You were just looking for a place to crash. You didn't need to do any of this. I just - cleaning this place up must have taken you all night."

"Well," Jason says. "Consider it payback for all the times you saved my ass. And for letting me crash here."

Roy's heart pounds in his chest, and he looks around the kitchen. "Can I help?"

Jason waves at him dismissively. "I'm almost done here anyway," he says. "Go, wash up, or check on your daughter, or just sit down for five goddamn minutes."

Roy huffed, unable to stop himself from laughing. And then he did just that. Took a brisk shower, then checked up on Lian - sleeping again, and her bucket was empty, which was good - and then he rejoined Jason, just in time for him to hand him a plate, full to the brim with a cheese omelette, buttered toast, and a chopped salad.

"This looks amazing, Jaybird," Roy says honestly, and he could swear he sees Jason's ears turn a little red.

"Eat your damn breakfast," is all he says.

Roy puts the plate down on the table and takes Jason's hand. His eyes snap up to his face, and he looks - confused.

Roy rubs a thumb over Jason's palm. The texture is complicated, scarred and calloused, but he likes it. It's not unlike his own. "Thanks," Roy says again.

"You don't need to keep saying it," Jason says.

"Yeah, I do," Roy says. "And I'll keep saying it til you take me seriously."

"Yeah, well," Jason says. "You're worth it."

#whomp this took me about an hour and I'm actually pretty happy with this #heavily inspired by that one poisonivory fic. the 'you're tired. I'm here to let you be tired' one #jayroy #this my fic #dc fic #batfam #arrowfam #lian harper #roy and lian #roy harper #jason todd #jt #dc #gail speaks #callsign-crow #ask

[aleksa-sims]

Simself Story

CW: addiction, pregnancy, cheating, divorce

I told him... 😢🤦‍♀️

As the sun slowly rose after we talked all night about what Daniel has experienced the last 4 months, it was my turn, to tell him what I did, while he was gone...

What I can say? 😞... He was devastated. It wasn’t really my pregnancy or the fact that I get a baby by someone else, what has made him so upset, but rather the... circumstances that led to it and how it all came about. All our probs were caused by that damn attack/assault on us, 8 months ago. This thing has traumatized us. We both had difficulty processing it.

My parents told him I was dating Nico. The day he came back, he talked to them. He asked questions. And now, D. wanted to know from me, why I even met Nico? Did I call him? Or he me? How did we get there? Well, the stranger I met online... 🤦‍♀️

Daniel: He did it all on purpose! He pretended to be a stranger playing Sims with you. I mean how sick is that?... Did you know it was him? Did you lie to me? Be honest!

Me: No, I swear I didn't know!!! You know the whole story, I showed you everything he texted me. And he didn’t plan on breaking us up. He never meant to see me, he knew I loved you and we were married. He even helped me make up with you. It wasn’t until weeks after you left, that Nico started giving me more and more clues about his true identity. Listen D., he tried to distract me. I was always sad. I was looking for you everywhere with Alex. I was devastated! And I also relapsed, really bad, I fucked up sm. 🤦‍♀️😞

Daniel: You want to divorce me. Everything breaks dwon.... This is worse than the shit my crazy mother did to me. You and me... that wasn’t planned to end this way! It should never end!

Me: I'm so sorry. I don’t want it to end either. That’s why I married you, I love you, but-...... how’s this gonna work?

Daniel: You love him, not me! Otherwise, you’d just stay here. But you decided to divorce me and start a new life with him. So go! Go to him!..... What the fuck are you waiting for?

Me: No, I’m not leaving. I can’t leave you alone now. I’ll stay with you, as long as you need me.

Daniel: Damn, stay away from me!!.... Leave me alone, or I might say something I don’t want.

I couldn’t leave him alone. So I just stood aside somewhere in a corner, looking down, while Daniel left the living room. I touched my belly.  I apologized to my Baby for the hatred I felt for myself at that moment. I was disgusted with myself. I resented myself for constantly repeating the same, damn mistakes. I never wanted to hurt Daniel!! He deserved me to stay with him and live our fucking lives the way it used to be. I have to find a solution!

Half an hour later, I went over to Daniel to look after him. And.....huh? Is Daniel cuddling his old teddy bear??? 🤨😄

Me: Daniel?..You ok?... You... need a huggie? 😳😬

Daniel: Nah, I just don't wanna see you. And why's that old dust catcher here? He also smells like you.

Me: I found him at your house the last time we were there. Your sister said it was yours once. And the other day when I was home, I found him in my closet. I gave him a little makeover. I cleand him and put some of my perfume on him. And yea, he's cute I wanted to keep him.

Daniel: I hate that teddy bear. He disappointed me when I was 7, just like you now. 😒

Me: Um... that's just a toy, Daniel. How can a teddy bear disappoint you? 🤨

Daniel: I got him when I was five. My crazy mother kept locking me in the closet as you know. He was my bud, who was allowed to accompany me. And whenever I was alone in our damn house, I was less afraid, bcs he was there too. But on my 7th birthday I found out who gave me that teddy bear. It was one of those damn witches my mother met at her fucking clut-parties. That woman also told me my teddy bear was not a boy as I thought, it was a girl! She showed me the label. And well, at 7 I could read. The label said, "Susi the bear." I was totally disappointed. He wasn’t my friend anymor, just a fucking traitor! A damn witch, Susi, like one of my mothers odd followers. 😠

Me: Sorry. I didn’t know, I’m gonna put him away. 😞

Daniel: Take it with you! Maybe your soccer player's gonna be happy about it. Kind of like a trophy for him. He’s an athlete, he should like that. 🤷‍♂️

Me: I’ll save your old teddy bear for my Baby. I thought one day, we could give it to our own baby, but if I had only guessed, I would be pregnant by someone else.... I-...agh, Daniel. I'm so sorry. I wish it was.................... otherwise. 😢I could stay with you, but what should I say to Nico? I can’t hurt him, and I don’t want to hurt you either. Really not! But I’ll find a solution. I won’t let you down.

Daniel: I don’t want....your solution. I want my girl to myself. I'm not gonna share you with him. I ain't like Philip, damn it! So just go!

I went out to our roof. I wanted to take Daniel’s laundry off the cloth-line. I wanted to help him and be there for him. But Daniel was annoyed.

Daniel: Hey! Don't you hear?... What are you still doing here?

Me: I wanna be there for you. I’m just helping you.

Daniel: I don’t need you as a cleaning lady or maid! I need my... wife!

Me: I’m not going! This is my home too!

Daniel: Fine! I’ll give you an hour. If you’re still there, I’ll lock the door. Then, you really have to stay here,.... overnight! I won’t unlock the door until tomorrow.🤨

Me: I have a key, you smart guy. 😒

Daniel: Not anymore, know-it-all. 🤨 Besides, I’m stronger than you.

Me: You’re gonna handcuff me?

Daniel: The clock's ticking. One hour! Decide!

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #myrlgameplay #rl story #cw divorce #cw pregnancy

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hii sex witch

im 19 afab and ive never had sex before, i masturbate sometimes but ive never had an orgasm and dont know how to "get it"?.. im generally scared of sex and identified as asexual for a long time but i dont think thats really my deal, im just scared of it. im scared of it being awkward, of my partner not finding me atractive or worse. i dont like how i look naked, and dont imagine anyone ever could. i think my vagina and my boobs look ugly and alien, i preach body positivity and being natural i think all bodies are good no matter how they look but when im faced with the reality of my own body im repulsed by these parts of it. i think something may be broken inside me because i just cant Be Normal about sex, the thought of me having it always makes me stressed and uncomfortable. i want a relationship and i love meeting new people and flirting etc. but when the person i talk to makes any sexual joke or innuendo i get super tense and scared and realise that if things get further they would probably want me to do it... and maybe i could and maybe i even want to but the thought makes me sick with the pressure. this isnt even a question, so i dont know how you could even respond but i dont have anyone i could openly talk about this in my life without feeling super weird or them just brushing it off as "you'll grow up to it" or something, and i just had to say it to someone or else i will eventually explode. hope this all makes sense ❤️‍🩹

hey anon,

come in, get cozy, grab a glass of lemonade, etc. we're gonna be here a minute.

so listen: I swear to GOD this isn't me trying to pull the "you'll grow into it" thing. I am going somewhere different with this I swear. bear with me.

first and foremost, I think the main problem you're experiencing right now is that being 19. I don't mean that in a condescending or belittling way, or to imply that you just don't want to have sex because you're 19. I'm saying that being 19 (and 18, and 20, and 21, and so on) is mostly for being worried about everything and having no idea what's going on. you have to get all that insane anxiety out of your system as early as possible in your adult years so that you can get down to business actually developing a perspective and figuring out what you want to do. I'm not even, like, a LOT older than you but trust me, by the time you're 26 you're going to feel SOOOOO different about things that you don't even realize you have an opinion about right now. when I was 19 I was made pretty much exclusively of anxiety and the cheapest bagels at the grocery store. (eating badly was not helping my anxiety.)

what I'm getting at here is that you're at like a very exciting and terrible formative age when it's the most normal thing in the world to feel like there's something uniquely awful and hideous and unlovable about yourself. when I was 19 the two most important things in the world to me were losing my virginity (lmao) and making sure I never experienced actual emotional intimacy ever because I was sure that if anyone got close enough to really know me they would realize that I was the worst person who ever lived and fundamentally undeserving of human connection. TERRIBLE place to be in; I had a lot of deeply bad and uncomfortable sex because of it.

there's a really easy solution to being terrified of sex, which I wish someone had told me when I was very scared of sex, and it's if having sex sounds like a horrific ordeal you can actually just Not Have Sex. just don't do it. it's actually REALLY easy to not have sex; millions of people do it every single day.

if you like meeting people and flirting, that's awesome! you should do that, having connections and relationships with other people is important. if you don't like sexual jokes and innuendos you can just tell people they make you uncomfortable and ask them not to do that; how they respond is actually a GREAT litmus test for whether or not those are people you should keep hanging out with. if someone isn't able to not make sexual comments about you after you've asked them not to, kick 'em to the curb!

there are tons of people in all kinds of romantic relationships who aren't having sex. that's a perfectly fine and reasonable boundary to set. it can make things a little more complicated, sure, but dating and romance and love are all complicated and messy anyway. again, great way to VERY EFFICIENTLY weed out who is and isn't a suitable potential partner. (it's also fine to not want a partner, either; there's nothing wrong with being a sociable extrovert who doesn't want to have sex.)

there's nothing broken about you for being nervous about the idea of having sex. whether you identify as asexual or not, it's perfectly fine to feel that way. it's completely fine if you change your mind tomorrow or if you feel this way for the rest of your life. and you might! maybe sex will never sound awesome for you, and that's fine! again, tons of people living very good and happy lives every day without having sex! sex isn't a measure of maturity, but knowing yourself well enough to honor your own boundaries and desires is.

I hope a kinder attitude towards your own body can come with time, and I think it will. be gentle with yourself, alright? being 19 is very silly but unfortunately very necessary, and I think you'll really like what comes after if you let yourself relax a little. whatever you feel like right now, you're actually a very normal person, by which I of course mean you have a rich and brilliant mind and will do many quietly wonderful things in your life and will be deserving of every bit of love and joy that comes your way.

also, hey - have you ever seen a therapist about anxiety? I also should have done that when I was 19.

#sex edventures 2023

[unknownpisces002]

GREEN MILE.

“ Losing my mind, think I look good when I’m really just high. Scared of my life, can a bitch get by? Sick of listening to everyone else. Sick of my pride, sick of just saying shit, just to be nice. Sick of this world, how do I get by? Miles running wild in my head.”

Giovanna Ramos X Black Fem.

Summary

“Clarity is a state of mind. And freedom ain’t real either, so who’s sold you that lie?” A love story told in a therapy session, about two young girls that were once mad for one another. By a recovering drug addict, who’s life revolves entirely around the green mile of North Carolina.

That she so desperately wants to escape.

Word count: 2,259

Themes: friends to lovers, LGBT, derealization, coming out of the closet, growth, homophobia, substance abuse, summer, violence, mental health, religion, family problems and secrets, young adults, mature, self discovery, eventual fluff, eventual smut, therapy, North Carolina, countryside, poverty, trauma, urban romance, urban fiction, ghetto.

Divider by: @firefly-graphics

Author’s Note

hi everyone! this is a story that i decided to transfer over from my wattpad account. that i recently just started at the end of december. because i felt the need to share it here, over on this platform as well.

so that all of you guys would also be able to read/ give me feedback on how it is, and what you’d like to see occur? as the story progresses on. so i hope that you all like it, and also feel free to follow me on wattpad as well! my username is supersensitivepisces on there 🧚🏽

also, inspiration to create this story? came from my love for Giovanna. ( she’s so aesthetically pleasing flf me.) as well as a movie that i had been watching, the day that i decided to publish this onto my account back in december.

PROLOGUE.

" I'll never meet a girl like you again. Out of everything I lost, I lost a friend. Tryna get over you, tryna convince myself every night. It's just another night, even though deep down I'm traumatized."

HASSAN

4 hassan

U r the omega of my heart. The foundation 4 my concept of love, when I think of what a black woman should be. It's you that I first think of.

_____________________________________________

U will never fully understand how deeply my heart feels for you. I worry that we'll grow apart, and I'll end up losing you.

____________________________________________

U bring me to a climax without sex, and u do it all with regal grace. U r my heart in human form, a friend I could never replace.

____________________________________________

– from gio.

___________

11/7/18

Oak City Therapy

Lillington, NC

" When I was younger, around like five or six years old? I used to bug my mom and tell her about how I wanted to be a firefighter. So I could save lies and put out fires? Like the people who I'd watch on tv would do."

Tapping the tips of her fingertips onto the dark oak wood coffee table, that was located in the center of the dim lit office room. Giovanna kept her head facing downwards.

Finding that, refusing to make direct eye contact with her therapist of 3 years, who was named Marsha? Was far more comfortable and peaceful for her nerves, as well as her emotional state.

That had so desperately wanted to crumble and falter, into tiny small pieces of despair. But you see, that was the one thing on this fucked up planet, we call earth? That Giovanna was against.

Showing emotions and allowing herself to be vulnerable? Were just two things she'd rather die over, before she'd allow them to be seen by the entire world.

Or in this specific case? Her friends, along with her father. Who had played a humongous part, in why she chose to be nonchalant while acting unfazed? About majority of the things that would occur inside of her life.

".. I too? Used to dream of being a firefighter myself. When I was around that exact age, but I'm assuming that specific dream of yours must've gotten lost. Somewhere down the line as you aged up? If you aren't uncomfortable telling me about why or how? That occurred.."

Marsha eased her way into questioning the young woman who sat before her, slowly and hesitantly. Making sure that each of the words she'd spoken? Came out soft, in a calm and delicate manner.

As she leaned her backside up against her office chair, with eyes full of hope and wonder. That held a bit of gloominess inside them as well too. Once she noticed the way that Giovanna's breathing had begun to pick up a bit.

Just as her short, but not too short fingernails, that were painted a matte black color? Had begun to dig into the surface of the desk she sat at. Almost as if she were trying to dig a deep hole into the center of it, that would allow her to shield and hide herself away?

From having to answer the difficult question? That had been asked of her.

" ..I wouldn't say that my passion to accomplish that specific dream? Got lost. Because even after my mom had passed away, from having cancer? Apart of me still wanted to pursue that goal. But at the same time? Another part of me, like the part that held high hopes and expectations for things? Had diminished inside of me completely, after I lost my mom.."

" ..And I'm not really sure that if me being an only child, plays a part in that? Because don't get me wrong, I was loved wholeheartedly? By both of my parents equally when I was younger. But I don't know...sometimes now? Like when I'm alone or high from being off pills or something? I start to realize that really? It was only my mom that had loved me wholeheartedly back then.."

" Instead of it being my dad."

" And why is it, that you feel as if your father doesn't love you Giovanna?" Marsha continued to ask all the questions, that were written down onto her clipboard hesitantly.

Feeling an unsettling sensation begin to wash over her slowly. When Giovanna had taken it upon herself to shift around inside her seat. Which allowed the left sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt to rise. And give Marsha the opportunity, to catch a glimpse of all the fresh and faded scar markings that were present there.

From Giovanna, inflicting a significant amount of self harm unto herself.

" I know that he doesn't love me? Because he's voiced that statement every single day. Over the last twelve years? Repeatedly." Giovanna chuckled bitterly, all while gnawing on the inside of her jaw using her teeth.

" Me being a lesbian? Probably is another one of the reasons why he hates me too. But all in all? He just doesn't love or care for me period? In the way that a normal father would love their child."

And that fact alone? Was sadly true.

" Him not loving me or treating me properly? Doesn't bother me at all though. Because I'm used to it now, and I know that me saying that? Probably sounds stupid right? And it might also make you assume that I may or may not have Stockholm syndrome? Being that I'm okay with the fact that my father's been treating me like shit, while sometimes abusing me and more? For over twelve years."

" Yes, the way that you are going on about how his lack of love and affection, doesn't bother you? Does raise a few red flags for me. As far as you possibly being a victim of having Stockholm syndrome? But it also makes me worry more about your emotional and mental state? Even more. Being that when you really sit and sum up the timeframe, of you losing your mother? Down to your father's continuous abuse?"

" It seems that through all of that? You haven't been able to feel any of the proper care, love or attention? That a person who's endured losing a parent at a young age? Should get to feel. And that may also be another reason, as to why you feel the need to be so distant. While hiding away your true feelings, because honestly Giovanna? I'm gonna tell you something from my own personal experiences with life."

"..That have helped me find closure and peace? Within myself. After being a victim of my own? To some of the same exact problems that you've been having."

Sitting her clipboard aside, after grabbing a few tissues out of the box that was towards her right. Marsha had begun opening up about her past life, to Giovanna. As a way to encourage the younger woman and try to get through to her in a way, that talking and asking simple therapy questions? Couldn't do.

But of course? As always, Giovanna didn't care to hear any of it. Which allowed every word that left from out of Marsha's mouth, to enter inside of one ear, and come floating directly through the other.

Just as she found herself beginning to grow a bit offended, once Marsha had begun to talk about love and relationships. And how someone in Giovanna's state, didn't really need to engage in any form of romantic or sexual interactions? With another person.

Due to the lack of her father not showing her enough love or care properly? When she was a young age.

" I've been in love before." Were the first few words that left from out of Giovanna's mouth. As she cut into the middle of Marsha's speech, not really caring or giving a fuck if she had come off rude or not? After doing so.

" I'm actually in love right now? If you want me to be honest. I'm just not on speaking terms with the person? Who owns the other half of my heart right now."

" Really?" Marsha questioned slowly, sounding a bit shocked and caught off guard by Giovanna's statement.

" Mm-hm." Giovanna nodded her head slowly, feeling a small smile begin to form at the corners of her lips. Once the thought of her distant and angelic lover? Had begun to enter inside of her mind slowly.

" And why aren't the two of you on speaking terms? If you don't mind me asking."

" Because I'm..." Trailing off at the end of her sentence, Giovanna had begun to still her breathing. Just as her dark brown eyes started to glisten, and blur her vision up with tears.

" Because you're what, Giovanna?" Marsha pressed her for an answer, knowing almost immediately? What the younger girls response would've been like, once she re-opened up her mouth to speak.

" ..I'm damaged goods, Miss Marsha.."

" Like I have a heart, of course? And I know how to love and treat someone properly, even though I myself? Never got to receive that same exact treatment, from the people I deserved it from. I still know how to love and treat someone good? Despite that. But I just..."

" You're just a product of your environment. And even though treating someone kindly and loving them correctly? Doesn't come difficult. Sometimes accepting back that same love and energy? Can be a bit difficult. When all you've ever known was toxicity and dysfunction."

" But see, the thing about me accepting it back? Wasn't the problem Miss Marsha. The problem was my self esteem and my communication. Because there were times when I said things out of anger or out of being afraid? That had drove Hassan away from me too."

" Hassan?" Marsha repeated the name of Giovanna's lover slowly. " Hassan is such a pretty name, and I'm sure that she must be a pretty girl too? With how emotional and vulnerable you're getting while talking about her."

And that? She was indeed.

But of course, pretty? Wouldn't even be a suitable word to describe her at all. Because you see, Hassan? Was angelic. Just like everything else about her personality and character? Was too.

" Experiencing her love and even the attention she gave to me, before we ever became a thing? Was a privilege I wish that I never took for granted." Giovanna answered quietly, picking with the bracelet on her arm, that was giving to her by Hassan herself.

" And I know before, when I had first gotten here? I told you about how growing up as a child, with both of my parents while my mom was still alive? Was the time period where my want to do lots of things? Had been very strong."

" But even when she died and my dad became more hostile towards me? I still craved to be something or let alone somebody? Who'd be great. I just didn't know how or where to start first? For me to be able to accomplish any of those things period? Until I met Hassan.."

"..And she came into my world, allowing everything that once looked black and white? Turn colorful and vibrant. So that I could be guided out of my selfish, stuck up ways, and be the person who she swore up above to God and the heavens? That I was created to be."

" And what kind of person was that?" Marsha found herself growing a bit emotional as time passed, as she sat with her arms folded tightly. Trying not to make a fool out of herself, for crying and weeping over her client's newfound vulnerability and bravery.

That she had gained out of the blue, due to talking about her past. Or in this case? Still present lover. Who she wholeheartedly still loved very deeply, to this day.

" The kind of person who always showed patience and kindness, despite being robbed of all their goodness and purity? Far too early than I should've been. That's the kind of person? She saw me as. Even through the good, the bad and the ugly? She always looked at me, with eyes that held so much love and adoration. That at often times? I'd get scared."

" While wondering how a person like me? Could win over the heart of someone like her, you know? But even then after everything that's happened and changed over the years? I'd never stop loving her ever."

" And why is that Giovanna?"

" Because finding someone who'd love you through any and everything, despite the fact that you might not even deserve it at all? Is very fucking rare these days."

" And I have Hassan's heart? In the same exact way she has mine. So why would I ever let go or move onto someone else? When I know for certain that we'll find our way back to one another. Just like we always have? During the past."

" And you're willing to wait however long it may take, until that day ends up coming?"

" Oh? Absolutely." Giovanna's head nodded up and down quickly. " If I had to wait another year or even ten more? I'd do it without question."

" Because Hassan is worth the wait. And if I ended up having to grow old and wrinkly, just for that day to come back to me? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all."

" ..I'd just accept her back into my life fully, with open arms. Because that's all I've been wanting again and looking forward to? For the last two years."

if you’d like to be tagged in the next part? just comment below. & also feel free to leave thoughts down there as well too!

#Spotify #lgbt #growth #coming of age #family problems #giovanna ramos #urban fiction #urbanromance #substance abuse #coming out of the closet #trauma #violence #self discovery #young adult #friends to lovers #north carolina #country #summer #mature #mental health #derealization #contemporary fiction #poverty #religion #christianity #green mile #they’re in love <3