#i'm so sick of everything

[scooplery]

i want my pelvis to stop hurting and i want a subaru of my own and i want my teeth to get fixed and i want a second breast reduction and i want to be able to run a mile without stopping and i want six hundred thousand dollars in my bank account!!!!!!!

#I'M SO SICK OF EVERYTHING

[mentalmeles]

Exhausted.

#the owl house #caleb wittebane #my art #artists on tumblr #vent #okay to reblog #i'm so sick of everything #but at least my hands finally decided to cooperate

[falldiewakefly]

Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego, May 24-25 2022, speaking some truth.

#gun violence #uvalde #ruben gallego #i'm so sick of this #i'm so sick of everything #but ~thoughts and prayers~ right? #politics: usa #politics: gun violence

[chrisbangs]

.

might withdraw from this semester at the present... my parents friend told my parents there's this government job and she offered it to me or my sister and i happened to be there at that time and both my parents were saying i should take it / it's a good opportunity and that like i'd regret not going for it bc it's such a good job and its remote so i'd be able to stay home and not have to go out and downtown and how that's good since my health has kinda gotten bad recently..

and i was like... talking to my mom abt the job and . the thing idk.. its so frustrating to me bc 😓 i've been begging to drop out and saying how it makes me so soup of slide all to be in this major and how unhappy i am and that i don't even feel happy anymore at all and i can't handle this anymore and she kept telling me i was being dramatic and that i could finish it and i should finish it and she kept saying like "are you just never going to finish anything you start" like lol ok... and so all this time she's been so... against me leaving school but then ..?? 😞 the moment this job came up and i said "i'd probably have to leave school for at least a year to properly establish myself and etc etc..." and she was so up for it bc of the job.. like she was like.... so fine with it and it's just so funny like .

my mental health means nothing to them and my happiness fr means absolutely nothing . like my state of being . they just don't give a shit unless it makes them look bad / good idk... like ??? i get why they want me to take the job sure i want it too but... idk it just feels so unfair that now she's fine with me withdrawing from the semester / year simply bc . idk . it's a job . oh you work now so it's fine . it's not even smth i'd be good at lol and idk if they'll even want me for this stupid ass job man idk .!!! idk !!!! idc 😭 it's so frustrating... i just want to be taken seriously for my mental health and no one will and im just called lazy when i say no i literally am too anxious or i have adhd and i just fucking can't handle this much shit like ???? idk .

im just so miserable all the time and im so fucking unhappy in life . and nothing never . changes that.??? im always sad . im always tired . im always fucking fed up with life and people and i just don't fucking care abt anything ????? 😭 like im so fucking tired of living like this what's the fucking point in being alive when nothing matters to me ??? 😕 i literally get up every day for no fucking reason... why should i bother??? no one fucking takes me seriously and i have to beg to have anyone hear what i have to say..??? not to mention people just continue to .! make me feel like . im just . such a terrible awful person idk! whatever omg ... everything sucks and i wish i were dead blah blah blah . committing soup of slide

#li.txt #dl #neg #😞 i'm so tired of being alive idk #i'm so tired #i wrote a stupid essay bc i need to get this off my chest #my life fucking blows lol #i don't care abt anything or anyone and i just wish i were dead every day #wish i had a reason to live and yet .! #nothing matters man . i could just give up and that's life so be it #whatever idfc #i'm so sick of everything #parents suck #people suck #i'm so fucking tired...

[fiftysevenacademics]

Between the SCOTUS tragedy and May the 4th nonsense today is a good day to mostly avoid the internet. The internet is always about 80% full of crap but today I think it’s about 99.9% crap.

#i loathe may the may star wars meme with the heat of a million suns #and i've been seeing the EXACT SAME SHIT about abortion my entire life #and i'm already getting fundraising crap from democrats #whiny whiners on twitter berating everyone #people begging everyone to please vote for the democrats because they will save abortion #lol as if they haven't had 50 years to do that! #i'm so sick of everything #covid should've just killed our entire species #stuff you probably don't want to know but I'm telling you anyway

[fishy--friend]

You know what time it is!

Time for

That time of the month where you're so done with everyone's shit that you just drop the silly goofy "I'm a good kid" act and actually be your normal self but everyone keeps asking if you're okay but you're not and you just wanna be left alone but everyone keeps asking what's wrong even if you don't know and it builds up so much you go to your room and cry silently even if it kills you!

/gen

#tw suicide #cw sui mention #Actually kill me #it's not even a joke #I'm so fucking done with everyone #i don't wanna be here #i want to disappear #i want to cry #i want to kms #Don't ask if I need to talk to someone #i'm so sick of everything #i'm so sick of this #i'm so sick of it #I hate the worries

[flightybuttlass]

I've been generally really unhappy this year, moreso than any year before. Things that I used to live for and adore are just giving me anxiety. While half awake at 5am today, I had the thought of "I need to get out of here"

#I'm glad my friendships are as strong ss they've ever been or else I'd feel completely hopeless #damn I'm supposed to be doing one of my favorite things this weekend but all I can think about is everything that could go wrong #work is either fantastic or terrible and its usually not fantastic #I'm so sick of everything #I keep telling myself I'll Restore the Feeling (tm) when I get back from this trip #but it'll just be more playing catch up from all the backsliding I've done these past 4 months #ahhhhh man.... #I don't know... #xoxoxo

[letrashbag]

I woke up at like 5:30-6 this morning and then I spent 2 hours cleaning my whole house, which is so therapeutic I cannot even, but now its like 10 o'clock and I have nothing to do.

Anybody else ever get that feeling of something just like itching in your skin so you have to do something, but the second you try doing anything it just gets so much worse. I am barely holding it together right now, actively typing this.

I can't watch youtube videos (short dumb videos aren't engaging enough and long serious videos are too engaging), I can't listen to a podcast (I need something to do physically with my body and the thought of listening to something while doing something else sounds like actual torture right now), I can't draw (I need to be listening to something and again the idea of having more than one thing take my attention sounds miserable), doom scrolling is out (I already reached my end point for tumblr and going down any other rabbit holes will only last a couple of minutes before I'll reach the point of wanting to tear my hair out), there's nothing I can clean or organize that will take enough effort to engage me but still be quick enough that I'll feel a sense of accomplishment for, I can't read an online comic because the words are so small and my eyes hurt, I can't read my webtoons because it's been a while since I've read anything and the idea of having to catch up sounds exhausting, any shows or movies I could watch are either too new and would take emotional effort to get invested in or are too familiar and won't be stimulating enough.

Basically I'm gonna die.

There are literally a million things I could be doing, and the idea of doing any of them sounds absolutely miserable. But I'm barely staving off the rising pressure by typing this out and I know the second I stop it'll creep up and I'll die.

Maybe I could go running? Except then I'd have to change clothes and my exercise clothes are disgusting. I can't do laundry cause my family's dryer is broken, so I can't wash my clothes yet. I also can't wash my towel so I can't take a shower.

Ugh, my hair is so disgusting right now. I have it all tied up in a weird way so that I don't rip it out of my scalp. I can't wait until I can shave my head, then I won't have to worry about this.

So I can't do my self care activities, and I can't accomplish a task that is very important to my everyday functions, and that's breaking me brain.

Noted.

Maybe when I rant like this I'll figure out what makes me feel this way.

I'm so tired, I want to take a nap, but I know I won't be able to fall asleep. I want to clean some more, but there isn't anything for me to do really. Especially since I have family members out and about getting in the way. UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I'm doing great.

I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I should write poetry? I haven't done that in a while. But it sounds too involved. I already drew a bunch of angsty stuff after the fight with my mom. We're both just ignoring it by the way. I'm avoiding her as much as I can without making it obvious, and neither of us are addressing it. I only have one more week and then I'm gone. I'm so excited to leave.

Okay, I think this is it.

My brain is giving up on me.

I knew this wouldn't last forever, but it lasted for a bit, and for that I am grateful.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay, I'm done.

#just ranting #I'm so sick of everything #and literally nothing is going wrong #so that's great #my brain functions so well #I just love it so much.

[shinogi-xx]

there really is nothing like feeling like you're gonna die at 3am

#when reality hits so hard that you can't delusion your way out #and then the reality becomes twisted into delusion that's Worse #oooh we're feeling it tonight #please please remind me never to drink again #I'm so sick of wasting my life like this #I'm so sick of everything #vent

[fantasmagorico]

it's so hilarious how my brother loves to humiliate me

#i just want to fucking kill myself #i'm so sick of everything

[how-many-stars-can-you-count]

great i wanna cry now

#why is everything in my life over complicated #why do i make everything in my life over complicated #I'm just #I'm so tired?? #I'm so tired #I'm so tired of my brain and my overthinking #and why can't i have a normal life #I'm always on the edge of breaking down and I'm losing my mind #and i #and i still care about other people's feelings way too much? #I'm so sick of everything

[golyadkin]

I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr

not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work

believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody

#not art #listen #for real #this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people #you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here #every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it #that never see my cursor close to the save button #i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person #i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me #because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art #is by doing it for the sake of doing it #not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare #anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse #but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website #stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags #your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that #if you're an artist for a living that's another story #but even then #even then #anyways sorry i'm done ranting

[thottybrucewayne]

Calling everything everyone else is doing performative activism while you sit on your rusty dusty and whine that you shouldn't have to engage with anything if you don't want to is a choice! If "online activism does nothing." and "protests and boycotts do nothing" why are so many institutions from universities to broadcasts networks to the actual government trying to shut shit down? It makes my ass ITCH when I see yall chomping at the bit to talk down on people at least TRYING to spread the word and keep people informed. Yall talk soooooo much shit about everybody else, then I go to your page and, all I see is you bitching that you shouldn't even have to speak about what's happening right now if you don't want to and "online activism is a waste of time anyway" Like, okay, so what irl activism are YOU doing? If you think whatever everyone else is doing does nothing, what is YOUR plan of action to help? Bitch about people asking you to use your platform to speak out? Yall talking about "protests don't do anything" but never even been to one. "Donating doesn't do anything" but never even donated. "Online activism does nothing." but you literally block people putting the information on your dash so you don't have to see it anymore. Like what are your credentials for critiquing every little thing? How do you know this doesn't work if you refuse to even try? What organizing have YOU done? What moves have YOU made to help irl? You don't even speak to your neighbors much less try to meet with orgs in your area be so for real with me rn. Sweep around your own front door and tighten up before you twist your lips to critique others!

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #I'm so sick of the way yall critique everything yet contribute nothing at this point get your ass the fuck up and do it yourself then!!!!!

[yesmissnyx]

An Unsexy Post About Censorship

Sooo...gumroad is shutting down NSFW content sales because of Stripe and Paypal. This is also why Wishtender has been down as well, if you weren't aware. And why Patreon is also cracking down on anything remotely kinky.

(If you're wondering why your favorite FICTIONAL sexual content isn't allowed on most platforms, it's payment processors.)

Please be extra kind to anyone who works with NSFW content right now, whether it be art, writing, audio, photos or video. Whether it be tasteful erotica, or the kinkiest BDSM porn you can think of, we're all in the crosshairs right now.

And, judging by trends from these past few years, this is only going to get worse.

Support NSFW creators where you can, whether by tipping or buying our content (where you still can) or just helping boost content on sites where algorithms want to drown us out.

Call representatives where you can and complain about payment processors acting as arbiters of what YOU are and aren't allowed to pay for and enjoy.

This may be about porn right now, but censorship of this caliber doesn't just stop with porn. Any transgressive (read: non-conservative) media is fair game.

Fight against it where you can. Support creators where you can.

Art is important. Reflections of our sexuality are important. We don't want a world where people aren't free to make or see the things they love and enjoy.

#nyxrambles #Warning: I'm going to get kind of grim in the tags so peace out of you have to. #This bums me out so fucking hard! #I have artist friends who are struggling because their content suddenly goes against these stupid fucking guidelines! #I'm going to have to take my stuff off of Gumroad even though it was previously allowed! #It's hard to not feel like everything is just spiraling toward fascism sometimes yanno? #I am usually opposed to slippery slope arguments but the goal of moral conservativism is to destroy everything that isn't in line with it. #They will not stop until the world reflects their narrow ideals. Like...that's the whole point of it! #Sorry guys I'm just having a rough one. #Between this and being sick for months I'm getting pretty fucking Done. #I'll be okay but I'm not going to pretend it isn't hard and scary.

[disabledopossum]

..not white people in the Percy Jackson fandom getting pissed off that poc actors took on the roles.

Just admit you're fucking racist. Jfc, I'm so absolutely sick of racism. There are poc actors, Karen. They exist and poc people deserve representation in media.

If you don't like it. Then walk into the sea and bitch about it there. Because no one gives a shit about your whiny ass, shitty opinions.

God damn it, I'm so tired.

#i'm so sick of everything #racism is disgusting #racism is not an opinion

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭 #i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise' #also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them) #but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!! #but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol