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evanoracronwell · 3 years

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You've got us.

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Buck took a deep breath as soon as Athena had left with Bobby. He tried to suppress the avalanche of feelings that had been trying to escape him since the moment Maddie had told him about Daniel. Twenty-nine years living in a giant, cruel lie. Now, at least he knew why his parents had never been able to love him. At least now, he understood why he had never felt good enough. It's because he never had been.

A few steps away, he saw Eddie approaching him while he removed his helmet and gloves and threw them in the back of the ambulance right next to Buck.

"I know what you're going to say. I was reckless, stupid, and could have died. I know that I just..."

Any other word died on his lips because Eddie held his face with both hands with such care and affection that Buck felt his throat close; no one had ever looked at him that way, as if he were hanging the moon, as if Eddie was afraid that he was going to disappear before his eyes.

"Never again, did you hear me? Never again do you dare to pull something like that on me. Damn it, Buck, I almost died thinking something might have happened to you."

His voice was hoarse and choked as if he was trying very hard not to burst into tears right there, and Buck wanted to say something, claim that he was fine and that nothing had happened, but then Eddie came closer, standing between Buck's legs, his body so close to Buck's, that he could feel his heartbeat through his uniform. As if that weren't enough, Eddie touched his forehead to Buck's, mixing their breath. There was nothing Buck could do but raise his hands to Eddie's waist, pulling him even closer.

"I'm truly sorry,” he murmured, watching as Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Buck followed in his footsteps, closing his eyes and concentrating only on Eddie's breathing, on the feeling of their bodies so close together, on how Eddie slid one of his hands up to the nape of his neck, pulling his hair so softly that Buck could barely feel it, but strong enough to give him the feeling of being terrified.

"Just promise me you will never do something like that again."

"Eddie, you know I can't..."

"No!” He looked away and opened his eyes, staring at Buck with determination. "I don't care that this is the job. You can't put yourself in danger like that, do you understand me? What the hell am I going to say to Christopher if something happens to you? That boy loves you, Buck; you're too important to him."

"I know, but Eddie I..."

"What about me? Damn Buck, what the fuck am I supposed to do if something happens to you? Have you ever stopped to think about that? I know you always put other people above yourself, that you always want to save everyone and you don't care to put your life on the line to do it, but... think of me, okay? If you want to put others above yourself so badly, then put me and Chris first. Every time you decide to risk yourself like this, think first about what it would do to us. "

"Eddie, I'm so sorry... you're right. I didn't think what it would do to you and Chris. Honestly, I didn't think it could affect you so much."

"How could you not know, Buck? How can you not know how important you are to us? Buck, I...” he took a deep breath again and then took Buck's face in his hands one more, making the blonde look at him directly in the eyes. "If anything happened to you, I would completely lose my mind; do you understand that? I would die, Buck, okay? You are everything and... you can't... never... okay? You can't leave me."

"I won't,” he says as firmly as he can, his blue eyes are already wet with tears and his voice breaking slightly. But he holds Eddie around the waist again and pulls him even closer than before, hugging him tightly as he sinks his face against his neck, breathing in the smell that is so unmistakably Eddie even under the smell of all the smoke.

"Please Buck, I know there's something going on inside your head. Please talk to me; it kills me to see you like this."

"I wasn’t enough, Eddie,” he grumbles against Eddie's neck, feeling like he just wants to hug him even tighter, and stroking the back of his neck. "They had me as a baby savior, but I couldn't save Daniel... I wasn't enough, and they hated me for it."

"Hey, no. Buck, you can't blame yourself for that, do you hear me? Your parents had no right to put that weight on you, much less the right to walk away from you after Daniel died. That's on them, Buck, not you. "

"Maybe. But they were also right, weren't they? I always do everything wrong, Eddie; I was a handful to Bobby when I walked into the fire department, always being irresponsible and reckless. I wasn't there when Maddie needed me, I... Eddie, I lost Christopher; you trusted me, and I... I lost him. "

"No, Buck!”Eddie moved away again, just enough to look into Buck's eyes, but close enough to still keep him in his arms. "You are an excellent firefighter, and Bobby couldn't have anyone better than you at 118. You took care of Maddie and protected her ever since she came to LA; you were there, Buck, every step of the way you stood beside her. And Chris... Jesus, Buck, you need to stop blaming yourself for this. You never lost him, Buck, a tsunami happened and you did everything to make sure he was safe, nothing that happened was your fault. "

"Yeah maybe, but I..."

"God, you have no idea how much I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Maybe that way you would see the wonderful man you are. You care about everyone, you are loving and caring, you are always willing to help and reach out to anyone who needs it. "

Eddie smiled tenderly and ran his fingertips over Buck's face, wiping away the tears that were starting to trickle down the blonde's cheek.

"You are the man who spends his nights off playing video games with my son or watching cartoon movies; you help him with his homework and read about the subjects he’s interested in so you can talk to him about them later. You play lego with him on my living room floor, read bedtime stories to him, and make pancakes for breakfast because you know he loves them and that I can’t keep from burning them. You’re the man who assures me that I’m an excellent father every time I doubt myself, the guy who helped me build a skateboard so my son can feel like any other child. You are... something, Buck. You are unique. You are special. "

"Eddie..."

"And above it all, Buck, you are enough. You are more than enough for Christopher, and you are more than enough for me. Maybe your parents can't see it, but then, it's their fault, it's their loss. I just need you to know that you're not alone, Chris and I are here; you've got us, ‘cause we're not going anywhere, but I need you to stay too, okay? I need you to promise me you won't go anywhere either, Buck, because I wouldn't know how to survive if you did. "

"I promise."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I promise, Eddie. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Good, because I love you, Buck; I'm completely in love with you and I can't lose you, do you understand?"

Buck was going to answer, he really was going to say something, because, honestly, he had a million things to say in that moment. He wanted to say that he was also completely in love with Eddie, he wanted to say that he couldn't lose him either and that just the thought of something like that happening had left Buck awake for several nights. He wanted to say that when he had seen Eddie buried under all that mud, not knowing if they were going to get him back alive, that at that moment Buck had almost died, that for a few minutes he’d had to imagine his whole life without Eddie and that he would rather die than face that future. He wanted to say that he loved Christopher so deeply that it scared him sometimes, that he would give his life for that boy. There were a million things he wanted to say; but how could he say anything when Eddie pressed his lips against Buck's so firmly and so smoothly at the same time? How could he speak any words when he was being kissed by the man he loved with all his heart and soul? There he was, living a moment that he had lived countless times in his dreams, but that he had never thought he would be able to experience in reality.

And it was beautiful, it was intense, it was passionate and it tasted like a bright future. It was not the scene he had dreamed of; it didn’t have the romantic atmosphere of a candlelight dinner and music playing in the background. What they had were sirens and voices echoing everywhere, and the smell of smoke and the fumes of whatever product came from that factory.

It was messy and sloppy and perfect, and Buck wouldn't change a thing.

"Come home with me," Eddie murmured against his lips. Home. That sounded good.

When they were finally released from their shift, Eddie drove through the streets of Los Angeles holding Buck's hand against his thigh, refusing to stop touching him even for a second, as if he needed a guarantee that Buck was there, alive, beside him. And Buck would never deny Eddie's touch.

Entering Eddie's house brought a warm feeling to his chest; here he felt welcome and at home... but then again, home always seemed to be wherever Eddie and Chris were.

"We need to clean up," Eddie whispered as he took Buck's hand and led him to the bathroom. There was nothing sexual about the way they slowly undressed each other, nor the way they got under the shower, washing away any traces of soot and dirt from their skins. Eddie hugged him under the jet of hot water, his hands running down Buck's back, stroking him tenderly. He kissed Buck's hair, his forehead, his birthmark, his cheek, his nose, his lips. The second kiss was even better than the first, and the third better than the second.

They kissed without the slightest hurry, only concerned with savoring the taste of one another exploring every inch of each other's mouths, memorizing every second; because now they can.

And later, when they were both lying on the bed in nothing but their underwear, Buck curled up in Eddie's arms, feeling calm and welcomed in the warmth of Eddie's skin and the feeling of his breath against his neck. The darkness in the room seemed perfect at that moment, and Buck was lost in the rhythmic beating of Eddie's heart against his back.

"Eddie?"

"Yes, cariño?"

"I love you, too."

He was finally home.

#buddie #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #buck x eddie #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins #buck begins #911 fox #911 fic #that's what should had happened #buck deserves better #buck deserves the world #i never know how to tag these

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janellion · 4 years

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If you're up for it I wanna request hcs of poly bokuto x you x akaashi, as well as domestic bokuto x you after the timeskip haha I'm a sucker for these tropes (I'm using the same tropes for myself as well)

omg hi anon!! thank you so so much for requesting this!!! i LOVE writing about bokay and also (more recently) bokayshi!! i’m sorry it took me so long to get back to this, i just got back from a trip 🥺 i hope you enjoy these!! (also id love to hear abt your hcs too if you ever want to share! 🥰)

bo x kayla x akaashi aka bokayshi poly hcs

so i see this happening in several aus but i’m going to write it out as an “alternative ending” to the fwb angst au!

our relationship starts out a little messy

i had a long time childhood crush on bo that developed into love somewhere along the line

we had both been teased about it our whole lives - “when are you two going to date already??” etc

bc if this, bo pushes whatever romantic feelings he may have for me down, denying them and manipulating them into feelings of friendship

while i am over here pining for him for ages

eventually i can’t stand the pining and yearning and confess to him sometime during the middle of high school

he turns down my confession, saying that he just wants to be friends and has never seen me that way

akaashi, who we’ve both known our whole lives but has always been a little on the outside looking in, finally sees that he has a chance

he confronts bo first before he goes to me because he wants to make sure that everything is out and in the open between all of us

“bo, i know you might like this girl, but i want to be with her”

bo, still denying the way he feels: “what? i don’t like her, of course you can date”

akaashi goes in knowing that there are unresolved feelings between bo and i but he goes in with the mindset of “i know they have feelings for each other, but this is what i want and i’m going to put the time and effort in to make this work”

i’m won over by akaashi’s determination and the fact that for once, someone is choosing me instead of the pining that i’ve been doing for years

i eventually fall in love with akaashi, he’s so different than bo but it’s so refreshing

he’s kind and gentle and considerate and emotional and patient

the deep blue of his eyes is so different than the gold ones i’ve been in love with forever, but it’s so beautiful, and makes me feel safe

bo is very confused by the way that he feels about akaashi and i being together

he’s always been close to akaashi (as a friend, as a teammate, as a setter) and he’s always been close to me (as a childhood friend, best friend) and it’s so strange to him that suddenly he’s the one on the outside because he wants more than anything to spend time with us

he sees us on dates or spending time together at our local favorite places, and he wants to be there with us, wants to be eating ice cream and going to the beach and dancing at the bar

he avoids us a lot bc he’s working through what he really feels, and years of suppressed feelings (for me) and unrealized feelings (for akaashi, which is a whole thing i may get into sometime)

bo really starts to think about why he’s feeling this way and who it is he’s feeling these things for

as we all know, bo is a pretty single-focus guy so it’s really difficult for him when he comes to the conclusion that “WAIT do i have feelings for both of them? is that okay? what do i do??”

as bo is going through this akaashi and i have been talking about what we’ve been noticing and really working through the feelings that we’ve had

i’ve always been in love with bo and a part of me always will love him

akaashi had a lot of complicated feelings towards bo, admiration, jealousy, adoration

we start to discuss what polyam would look like, if it’s something that we want to try and how it would work for the three of us

meanwhile, bo hasn’t considered this as an option and is feeling so much guilt about having feelings for the both of us

eventually, after we’ve talked about it, akaashi and i propose the idea of polyam to bo, tell him that we’ve noticed the way he’s looked at us, the way he’s withdraw

we tell him how much we want him to be a part of our lives, and how we feel about him

what proceeds from there is a lot of tenderness and uncertainty in exploring the dynamics of our new relationship

at first, akaashi and i worry a lot about bo feeling left out since it’s just been akaashi and i for so long

but bo has always been a part of our lives and holds such a special place in both of our hearts

so things fall into place much more naturally than we expect, and the three of us are inseparable

the dynamic is: bo chaotically wanting to do something, me looking at akaashi like 🥺 please let us do something chaotic, and akaashi with a small resigned smile on his face as he wrangles his two chaotic idiots that he loves

bo loves to sweep both of us up in his arms in a big hug. akaashi always pretends to hate it but he’s the one that loves it the most

@strawbirb had the most adorable bokayshi idea (also wrote some/most of this) so i’m gonna put that here:

one night, i go out with the girls ( @strawbirb @kuronekomama @stcrryskies @shoyosun @anianimol @sstardusty + whoever i forgot to tag i’m sorry 🥺) and get a little too sloppy. i text bo some gibberish along the lines of “pik up plszzz i lob yuuu” and he heads out to go pick me up. akaashi comes along to make sure we actually get back home.

as soon as bo walks in the door my eyes light up and i run over to him, throwing myself into his arms. he laughs and spins me around before setting me back down in front of him. reaching over, i grab akaashi’s hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze as i smile up at him with a face flushed and eyes shining, “thank you for coming, keiji”

akaashi laughs softly, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead before pulling away, eyes smiling. i look over at bo with a glint in my eye, “TIME FOR ONE LAST DRINK!” as i grab his arm and pull him towards the bar

we get there, order a couple drinks, and proceed to have a competition to see who can finish their drink the fastest. akaashi shakes his head slightly at his two lovable idiots and walks over to bo, snaking an arm around his waist to pull his car keys out of his pocket as akaashi rests his head for a moment on bo’s shoulder. “one drink,” he warms, but the fond smile on his face betrays his words

“but keijiiiii,” i try and whisper, voice much louder and more slurred than intended, “i wanna dance!” as i run my hands up the front of his hoodie, tugging gentle at the drawstrings

from behind me, bo is already nodding his head to the music, swaying his hips and trying to pull akaashi and i onto the dance floor

“first off, you definitely do not know this song,” akaashi says, warm and gentle hands grabbing mine and bokuto’s as he gives us both a gentle tug towards the door, pulling us both in close

“we can dance at home,” he says, small smile on his face as he takes in our pouting faces, “just the three of us”

the warm gentle thrum of his voice sends a wave of drowsiness through me, the depth of his blue eyes radiating safety and warmth, and the idea of ending the night with my two favorite people is sounding more and more appealing with every passing moment

akaashi leads the three of us to the car, where bo helps me into the backseat, buckling me in gently with a “there you go!” and a bright smile on his face

he walks around the car, climbing into the backseat next to me and pulling me into his side, announcing “cuddle time!” to the otherwise quiet car

akaashi turns the keys in the ignition, his gaze meeting mine through in the rearview mirror, “close your eyes love,” he smiles, “we’ll be home soon”

he and bo share a soft smile as my eyes drift close before he pulls into the street to head home

+++

THIS ENDED UP BEING WAY LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AHEFAH i’m going to post the domestic timeskip!bo x kayla hcs in another post!! i’ll link it here though when it’s done ((:

folks who may be interested in this: @strawbirb @kuronekomama @sakusakxyoomi @anianimol

🌻 bokay taglist: @deadontheinsidebut @stcrryskies @sstardusty

#i hope you enjoyed this!!#tysm for requesting!!#sweet people 💗#i'll get that domestic timeskip hc post out soon!!#bokayshi #✨bokay thursday✨#bokay 🌻#bokuto 🌻 kayla

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