#i'm sorry everyone

[llyuvvia]

OM!NB Lesson 12 out of context

ok, It's shitpost time!

#OM!NB spoilers #i'm sorry everyone #but this idea bothered me all day #obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc

[somejerkstolemyname]

#baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #karlach #shadowheart #astarion #gale of waterdeep #I'm sorry everyone #i cannot be stopped #i am in love #what do you mean this isnt how you start conversations

[rosepompadour]

She possessed an intensity of romantic feeling that very few people in this world can form the remotest conception of.

Charlotte Bronte, "Henry Hastings" (1839)

#early whimsical funny charlotte bronte is my currer bell of choice #i enjoy jane eyre like everyone else but i couldn't even finish villette because i think lucy snowe is just the WORST #i'm sorry everyone #i'm sorry! #charlotte bronte #tales of angria #literature

[bisexualenbyblueberry]

I'm so sorry

#IS tHIS TOO SOON THIS MEME HAS JUST BEEN FLOATING AROUND IN MY H EAD SINCE I SAW THE NYCC NOTES #i'm sorry everyone #the dragon prince #tdp #dragon prince #tdp spoilers #tdp terry #tdp callum #tdp claudia #tdp geeked #tdp season 6 #tdp season 6 spoilers #tdp s6 #the dragon prince spoilers #tdp s6 spoilers

[fireandsoup]

somewhere - west side story

#for all mankind #margo madison #sergei nikulov #margo x sergei #i'm sorry everyone #i have been losing my mind about these two and west side story since last winter pretty much #and now it's ending the same fucking way and i am not okay

[resident-dumb-fuck]

@littleguysdaily is this anything

#the tempest #i'm sorry everyone

[stra-tek]

"We pulled your mother's dildo from the wreck of the Kelvin, Jim."

Pic source: aosdailybts

#star trek #star trek aos #star trek 2009 #kelvin timeline #aos scotty #aos kirk #i'm sorry everyone

[ve-ris]

Party rockers in the house tonight

#lupin the third #fujiko mine #goemon ishikawa xiii #super idiots #i love em #anyway is this called fujigoe? #don't worry lupin #both love you #last-time fix bc i'm a dumb idiot who can't even draw a kimono properly #self-note: ALWAYS RESEARCH #i'm sorry everyone

[ladytesla]

The Great Faerun Baking Show (Part one of possibly more)

Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is knowing not to put ketchup in a profiterole.  Dexterity is crafting a croquembouche out of red craquelin-encrusted ketchup-filled profiteroles.  Strength is carrying that croquembouche from your bench to the judge’s table.  Constitution is being able to withstand the pressure of having your tomato croquembouche being judged by Prue Leith.  Charisma is trying to convince Paul Hollywood that your tomato croquembouche was a completely logical idea.

Twelve new bakers have been chosen to enter the tent.  Over the next ten weeks, they will face 30 brand new challenges.  Every aspect of their baking will be scrutinized and put up to the scrutiny of Prue and Paul.  Each week one will rise to become Star Baker, and whoever crumbles to the pressure will be sent home.  But who will go on to win the Great Faerun Baking Show?

I came up with this horrible idea so now I’m inflicting it on all of you.  May the gods have mercy on your souls.  So here’s how this odd little imagine is going to work.  I have no idea what’s going to happen.  I’m just going to roll a D20 ‘bake check’ for everyone, and write out the results, including what everyone rolled so y’all know I’m not cheating just so my druid boyfriend can win.  The person with the lowest total score (out of a possible score of 60) goes home. I’m going to write this in short form, but if this gets a lot of traction I might make this a full-scale fanfiction with shenanigans on like AO3 or something.

Our bakers are 6 men and 6 women.  I put all romanceable companions, Jaheira and Minsc, Dammon because he’s wonderful, and because I’m making the rules here, my tav Medora. If you’d rather not deal with someone else’s tav, just pretend it’s Alfira since they’re both female bards. If you're interested in seeing what my sleep-deprived mind came up with one night, read on!

Week One: Cake Week, or "why did you think putting literal blood in a cake was a good idea"

Signature Challenge: Swiss Roll Cake

Astarion: Dark chocolate and blood orange.  It cracked a little on the top, but it tasted quite nice.

Dammon: Apple pie.  Surprisingly for a blacksmith who works with heavy-duty equipment he’s really good at making small, delicate things.  It had a tiny lattice top in royal icing like a real apple pie would.  It tasted excellent. 

Gale: He wanted something unusual and colorful, so he went with ube.  He wanted to use magic to make it float or change color, but was told that was against the rules.  It’s okay though, It was still really nice, and beautifully presented.

Halsin: Wild blueberry and honey.  He harvested the honey himself, and was proud to say so.  Unfortunately he used sugar instead of salt because he got distracted by some ducks walking by outside the tent, and it tasted awful.

Jaheira: Chocolate and peanut butter.  It’s flavors her kids like.  Unfortunately Paul seems to always have issues with peanut butter and how it glues his mouth shut.  He wasn’t as big a fan of the cake as Prue was.

Karlach: S’mores swiss roll with toasted marshmallows on top.  She toasted the marshmallows a bit too much, but that’s part of the charm of s’mores.  She’s not sorry.

Lae’zel: Matcha and black sesame.  Interesting flavor choices, but not as well-executed as the judges would have liked.

Medora: Lemon meringue.  The meringue was very poorly executed, the lemon curd squished out of the sides of the cake, and the cake itself cracked horribly.

Minsc: Chai swiss roll.  The swiss roll wasn’t as tight as it should have been, but the flavors were lovely.

Minthara: Chocolate and whiskey swiss roll.  Accompanied by shots of whiskey, in an attempt to bribe the judges.

Shadowheart: Cookies and cream swiss roll, with a neat half and half black and white design.  It wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but she managed to cover up some of the worst sins with strategically-placed oreos.

Wyll: Red velvet. A classic flavor for a classic guy, and executed almost perfectly.

Technical Challenge: Cherry Cake

Bakers will be listed in descending order of success.

Karlach

Lae’zel

Minsc

Jaheira and Shadowheart tied, actually.  You decide who gets fourth.

Either Shadowheart or Jaheira, depending on who’s your least favorite lol

Medora

Halsin

Wyll and Gale also tied.  Pick your favorite.

Gale or Wyll

Astarion

Dammon

Minthara

Showstopper Challenge: Chocolate Celebration Cake

Astarion: Tiers are lopsided and the texture is claggy, but he did his best to charm the judges and distract them.

Dammon: Not as successful as his signature round, but his piping work was surprisingly delicate.

Gale: Attempted to make a chocolate tribute to Mystra.  The sculptural aspect was lacking, but he was one of the few contestants to use ruby chocolate, which was unique.

Halsin: Used even more foraged berries on a white chocolate cake.  Very successful.

Jaheira: Dropped her cake before she could finish decorating it.  Could not be judged.

Karlach: Put in some cinnamon and chili to make a Mexican hot chocolate cake.  Very nice.

Lae’zel: No one knows what dimension that chocolate came from, only that it was amazing.  She got a Hollywood Handshake.

Medora: Finally seemed to get with the program and baked a lovely triple-chocolate cake.

Minsc: Despite him not having hair, Boo drove him like it was a scene from Ratatouille and created chocolate perfection.  Hollywood Handshakes for both of them.

Minthara: Her cake was very dry and didn’t have enough frosting.

Shadowheart: Insisted her cake be colored black with activated charcoal and got it everywhere.

Wyll: Tried to go for a classic again, and did well, but the judges wondered if he played it too safe.

The Results

Our star baker this week with a total score of 49/60 is: Karlach!

And unfortunately due to her total score of 18/60, Minthara is the first to leave the tent.

And that concludes Cake Week!

Biscuit Week

Bread Week

Pies and Tarts Week

Underdark Week

#oh god why did I write this #i'm sorry everyone #I fell asleep watching gbbo and had a stupid dream #I was baking cookies and Astarion was judging me #bg3 shitpost #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #karlach cliffgate #karlach #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 funny #bg3 wyll #wyll ravengard #bg3 karlach #bg3 companions #bg3 halsin #halsin silverbough #halsin #shadowheart #bg3 shadowheart #lae'zel #bg3 lae'zel #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #bg3 jaheira #bg3 minsc

[dangerousdan-dan]

If you think I'm annoying just you wait until My Adventures with Superman comes out

#I'm sorry everyone #my adventures with superman #clark kent #superman #jimmy olsen #lois lane

[queenoftheimps]

I'm only just now realizing that Daniel's master class URL leads to an actual website (including a LinkedIn profile!)

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #daniel molloy #daniel malloy #louis de pointe du lac #i cannot remember how daniel's last name is spelled #i'm sorry everyone

[corgiteatime]

Me 3 months ago: Why is everyone crazy about the stupid vampire twink?

Me now seeing the stupid vampire in any remotely pretty lighting in my own game: i think i hauve covid

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #i'm sorry everyone

[teleportzz]

i just had the worst possible fanfiction idea: dewey dew-night but it's a 2014 tumblr kickstarter scam run by louie

#i'm sorry everyone #you follow me for bad ideas only #audrey talks sometimes #ducktales #dt17

[hidefdoritos]

At lunch with friends listening to all the slender college kids compare bodies and try to lose weight, watching the overweight fortysomethings and the two seventy-year-olds ignore all of it, being the only college kid who's visibly fat, listening to the others bicker right in front of me, realizing once again that looking like me is their worst nightmare, sorrowing all at once over how much every single person in this room hates their body but I love every one of them so much.

Knowing that my weight came when my family experienced trauma, left (slightly) with self-imposed hateful restrictions, which led to self-harm and to further trauma and weight gain in 8th grade, left again when I had one good year, then skyrocketed in 11th grade when I was assaulted, then went back down with a physical labor job, then came back with the pandemic and college, then went down with an active summer, then came back when I destroyed my ankle, then continued upward with college and pneumonia and the head injury and bronchitis and processing trauma, and went back down when I was too burned out to eat, then went back up with an awful job, then plateaued, then I spent a semester healing my soul and it came with 15 pounds that I swear were worth it, then went back down with physical labor and a vow to fix my relationship with food, then came back with college. And I was back on a downward trend until getting the flu a couple weeks ago and my weight didn't change because my period started and last night I was just exhausted and out of sorts and I binged for the first time in months. Consumed like 2,000 calories of garbage in an hour.

I know I need to take a day of rest. I feel guilty that all the other kids are doing schoolwork while I'm off taking a nap. Actually I'm up here crying, but they don't need to know that.

I know that even when my weight goes down, my shoulders don't get smaller. My hips will still be broad no matter what I do. I wear women's size 12 shoes. Even if I starve 60 pounds off my body and shave my mustache and my legs and start tucking my shirts in and dressing pretty and wearing makeup and wearing push-up bras and curling my hair, they won't accept me. I'll just be a success story to them.

And I'll be another success story for other fat people to beat themselves with.

#fatphobia #weight loss tw #binge eating tw #diet tw #dieting tw #assault tw #trauma tw #self hatred #self harm tw #listen #i'm sorry everyone #I'm working on fixing my relationship with food #and on my relationship with myself. #Nobody but me knows my whole story. #Relapsing into an eating disorder doesn't mean the time was wasted #I now have months of experience being clean from that. #it hurts to watch people I love devalue and compare themselves #and to know how lowly they value me. #or how they're all holding themselves to higher standards #I've definitely done that #like 'oh no it's ok for this other person #it's pretty on them #I'm not allowed to look like that though' #which is just. pride. #and a double standard. #maybe they still like me? #or maybe I'm vastly delusional and all of them hate me for so many reasons. #my own parents have already had their weight loss success story. #when's it going to be my turn?

[filthymagicuser]

Send help I had this in my head and I had to make it and my wife called it "Twink made horrors beyond our comprehension" .

#Spiderman #Memes #audio memes #I'm sorry everyone

[talesfrommedinastation]

Confession: I can never find Darth Maul sexy. Here's why.

The year? 1999.

The president? Some impeached guy from Arkansas who harassed his intern, plays the saxophone, and hit on John Mulaney's mom.

The X-Files? Still on FOX.

And the Phantom Menace is in theatres.

Dr. Meat Muffin is a wee, 13 year old Meat Muffin here. She's on her middle school cheerleading team, is obsessed with Ocarina of Time, and has too many pictures of Kevin from the Backstreet Boys in her locker. Life's good.

She has younger brothers, 7 and 9 years old. They all go to see the Phantom Menace a few times in the theatre with their friends. The film is soundly enjoyed by all.

But especially the two little brothers, as well as their army of smelly, strange little friends*.

Their favorite character? Surely Anakin Skywalker! He's their age! He pod-races! They'll identify with him!

NO. WRONG.

THEY COME OUT OF THAT THEATRE OBSESSED WITH OBI-WAN AND DARTH MAUL.

ESPECIALLY DARTH MAUL.

For the next goddamned YEAR, every long object, from a cardboard tube to a rake, can be a lightsaber!** EVERYONE BOY WANTS TO BE DARTH MAUL. Face paint is on their faces constantly like it's an SEC football game. They get black robes to dress as Maul. One of the brothers even digs through Meat Muffin's accessory drawer until he finds some tribal earrings that can be used as Maul's horns, which infuriates Meat Muffin.

Meat Muffin also constantly babysits this Neverland assortment of deranged boys and their sticks and robes and is driven batty by them constantly playing 'Duel of the Fates' nonstop on the CD player while flinging themselves at each other in the backroom. You know she's paid less then minimum wage.

(God damn it, Mrs. Read, you were such a cheap bitch.)

So, anyway, any time Meat Muffin sees Darth Maul on The Clone Wars or in tasteful fan art, a horrifying, borderline PTSD wave of memories sends her. Tons of little boys yelling, hitting each other, smearing black and red face paint everywhere like it's a Bulls game.

Darth Maul, even with his cool baritone voice, is forever cemented as screaming boys in terrible costumes hitting each other with yardsticks.

Darth Maul was ruined for her FOREVER. And she's envious of the rest of you.

*= They probably were not very smelly or strange in hindsight, but Meat Muffin was a harsh judge of character as a teen.

**=I'm sure that's Freudian but I ain't touching that shit folks.

#darth maul #the phantom menace #star wars #star wars thoughts #star wars fan #the 90s #my strange childhood #I'm sorry everyone #the clone wars #meat muffin needs a drink #help me #confession #star wars confessions