#i'm tired and i can't think straight

[apoloniaspiegelgold]

All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.

And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.

#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours #'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work' #as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this' #talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way. #i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought #every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again #and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea #and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain #he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later #recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed' #and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just #there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day #i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know #what does it mean what does it all mean #ramblings

[deanpinterester]

hi what

#uhhhh me #atla #listen i have very little stakes in this #i didn't grow up with atla so it doesn't hold nostalgic value the way it does for a lot of people #i think a lot of live action remakes are unnecessary but i do try to give them a chance #however comma. due to recent underwhelming adaptations my patience with them is wearing Thin #i am getting tired of showrunners trying to change things from the source material that had no reason to be changed #sometimes even things that are straight up important or The Point #i'm sure they'll still try to give sokka an arc w the kyoshi warriors but their reasoning for it is #questionable to say the least #like sokka's sexism is literally A Thing He Had To Overcome. it's not portrayed as a good trait #if a kid's show can handle this then the grittified remake absolutely can too #and i KNOW. i know this is just a soundbite from an interview. it might not be as bad as it sounds #but given what i've been seeing from adaptations in the past few months/years. i really doubt it #also lol love the comments on the thread saying 'can't wait for the show to say azula is actually nice now!' #(also i do not blame the actors for defending this change. they are basically obligated to never say anything bad abt the show)

[binnie]

seriously considering making a mental health blog

#tw// mental health #i have been going through a very very difficult time #this master's degree is killing me and at this point i'm not even sure I wasn to go on #between writing my thesis and doing my internship #and having an advisor who scares and who I have to see for four hours straight every thursday #and having new medication that's messing with me on every level #and my brain being evil to me every day #i don't know you guys... I just don't feel like I have to strength to do everything #every little thing sets me off and I cry every day #my meds are making me so slow that I see a sentence more than 10 words longer all the letters startes jumping around and mushing together #I'm so scared of going to school #being around people and a environment that seems strange and distant to plus a professor that scares me and makes me feel dumb and stupid #I'm thinking about bad things all the time and I can't make them go away #i'm just. tired and sad and nervous and feeling like i'm losing control of myself #I'm losing my strength #I can't count on my friends anymore and losing them #I feel lifeless and hollow and sad and alone and abandonment and useless and horrible #I just want to have a space so I can just. air everything out basically #I just need to feel heard #but I don't want this blog to be a place of negativity and sadness #I treasure this blog and the people i've met here #I just don't know #I don't know what to do

[xenopuslaevis]

damn being told you've been accepted to a program by email is like so anti climatic i won't lie.

They send you a mail letter saying that you've applied and the next steps for that, but can't send a letter saying you've been accepted.

#kinda boring tbh #also im so fucking tired of this whole waiting thing #ive been waiting for like a year now. #my god #im really just thoroughly unimpressed with every single thing i have gone through this past year #nothing seems like it is actually getting me anywhere else except this damn place #i mean uni? #i'll be stuck in ontario for four more years #and i have to go or else the high school credits i worked on for like 9 months straight will not be usable after like 2 years i think #so #cool #and i do want to go to school #but this whole process is so defeating #and to wait around doing nothing except twiddling my thumbs right up my ass is not ideal #and i can't get a job here because it is a summer place and nothing opens til like fucking may #and even then i'll have to get driven around #and i'm just so tired of not being able to do anything

[rskbunny]

whiny bitches who think a community with an addiction helpin each other do things in the safest way are gross can go fuck themselves as if people aren't gonna try anyways in probably more dangerous ways if no one tells them how

#shblr #sh blog #baby cvts #selfharn #self mutilation #text #sh #mine #get out of the fuckin sh tags if yer just gonna whine straight to out face #and no I don't care how you personally feel abt what others are doin to their own body that doesn't fuckin effect you #you aren't that important #ppl who cut themselves are not the enemy nor are they poor lost little lambs. they're people. #let people make their own fuckin decisions with their own fuckin body #and I'm tired of ppl postin in the tags abt ohhhh look how recovered I am. no one here cares. go to recovery places #if you want someone to care. yer not showin us some holy light yer just annoyin and gonna get blocked #I don't plan to stop cuttin and I'm tired of ppl shovin it down my throat that they think it's wrong #it makes me happy and its my goddamn body leave me alone and stop yer propaganda #if I wasn't in sh communties I'd probably not do all the safety practices I do now. leave us alone. #and if any1 looks at me with pity I'm gonna maul them. I can't stand it.

[mrsmarlasinger]

Hmmmmmmmm quick question! What do you do when your executive dysfunction has reached such a critical state that you:

are actively ignoring things you desperately need to do

are ghosting your employers (even though you can make it all go away by doing the one thing you most need to do: send an email and QUIT)

have almost three dozen notifications that you can't even bring yourself to look at

completely unironically have done nothing but sleep and flip between two apps for days

are fucking up your professional/financial future even though you need to move out in a matter of months

✨and✨

are paralyzed by anxiety that keeps mounting to increasingly unsustainable heights

YET

you GENUINELY CANNOT figure out how to PHYSICALLY FORCE YOUR BODY to do the (extremely short, extremely important) list of things you keep telling yourself you're going to do

because at this point you can't even shower or change the clothes you've been wearing for days on end?

Asking for a friend. I'm the friend.

#i'm actually really really scared at this point #i don't know what to do i can't get unstuck i feel like i'm being fucking possessed by a demon of sloth or something (idk i'm not catholic) #the last time this happened THIS badly was a year ago in my last semester of college #i literally was not going to graduate bc I couldn't finish my online course and i was every day paralyzed with fear but i COULDN'T #eventually i sat down once for 8 hrs straight and once for 27 hrs straight and knocked it out in two sittings. how did i do that #i feel like i have no control over myself. all i am all the time is tired and miserable and scared and i can't stop sleeping i just can't #i sleep through every single day and i can't stop it. i can't even stop myself from eating chips and candy and fucking bullshit like that #i'm literally just in what feels like a crisis but it's the most static passive crisis on earth and looks from the outside like NOTHING #like you talk to me and think i'm fine and just being really lazy but inside i am panicking and i hate myself but i'm STUCK #idk what to do like i honestly wish i had meth or coke at this point lol. anything to force my brain out of this fucking static haze #i think i'll pound some kratom. red to gloss over the anxiety‚ white for energy. just parachute a couple grams and cure it. i hope. #god you have no idea what i'd do just to get off tumblr and reddit for ten minutes #personal #executive dysfunction #adhd #depression #actually adhd #actually depressed #untreated adhd #vent #vent tw #vent cw #tw vent #cw vent #mental illness #mental illness tw

[harrowharkwife]

it would be cool if talking to my mom could help me feel better for once instead of. making everything worse

#sometimes i get so violently jealous of people who have good relationships with their moms #and who can go to their mom with any problem and just get a hug and some good advice #or even just reassurance that it will be okay #like my mom came over for a couple hours and i literally told her yesterday about how depressed i am #and that it's really bad and that i need to go on antidepressants #so why tf did she think i was in any frame of mind to be nagged for two hours straight about logistics and plans for the future #like. i don't have any bandwidth right now!!! for anything!!! take the fucking hint!!! #i ended up bursting into tears and telling her to either knock it off or get out of my house and. well. she left! so #my dad is usually my supportive parent but he's dealing with such bad depression and burnout of his own rn #that i can't really go to him with anything cause he's at capacity and i don't want to stress him out #just. im tired I'm so fucking tired im exhausted there's too much to worry about and she came over and put like twenty more things #on my plate #and tried to pick fights #and i just. idk. i wish i could rely on her. but i can't and i know that and IDK why i keep trying #delete later

[regensia]

weird memory in Haoxuan's tag where someone asked if he'd rather kiss a detective or a cult leader

#✸ OUT. #they were referencing Shi-Long and Geto which is so off the wall LMAO #tumblr can be such a gem sometimes #ah I'm so tired I can't think straight #but neither can the ex-con I guess

[bylertruther]

i’m gay and look in the mirror every day and yet this is still the gayest shit i’ve ever seen in my life

#bro. like BROOOOOOOO..... RELACKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHILL !!!!!!!!! GET UP OFF THE FUCKIN FLOOR !!!!!!!!!!!! #HTIS IS NOT WILL'S ROOM ANYMORE UR IN A VAN WITH TWO OTHER PPL MICHAEL #they were filming for that long and used THISSSSSS shot and u wanna tell me this guy wasn't thinking abt smooching will . #wasn't thinking abt his boy bestie his guiding light the sun to his moon #ur telling me tht he wasn't zoned the fuck out thinking some gay shit trying to keep himself together while will is jsut #fucking . attacking him with his gay love #his relentless sweet love and subjecting him to the not-so-mortifying-after-all-when-it's-you ordeal of being known #ur telling me tht mike is straight. ur telling me tht the feelings are not reciprocated despite the fact tht he looks at no one else's #lips like tht bro. ENOUGH WITH THE LIESSSSSS #will is in the middle of a love confession and mike is LOOKING AT HIS LIPS? FOR WHAT IS NOT THE FIRST TIME? #HELLO. THEY ARE NOT REAL THEY ARE CHARACTERS IN A STORY HAS NO ONE IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE EVER SEEN #A FUCKING . ROMANCE MOVIE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING #WHY IS IT STRAIGHT WHEN MIKE DOES THIS BUT IT'S ROMANTIC WHEN NANCY AND JONATHAN DO IT. DIE #DBFKJHSBDKJFHBSKDJ I'M TIRED I CAN'T TAK EIT ANYMOREEEEEEEEE GE TME OUT OF THIS HELL #MISCOMMUNICATION TROPE PLEASE DIE N MAKE WAY FOR CONFESSION AND MUTUAL PINING AND EVRYTHING ELSE #(im normal btw) (inca se u were owndering i am very normal abt byler thank u)

[shopcat]

in all seriousness 🤓. sorry i love saying that. but in all seriousness i think people need to get more comfortable with actually identifying and discussing homophobia even in the small perhaps unintentional ways it crops up, in fandom specifically, and stop automatically jumping to: but doing x doesn't make you homophobic, but people don't have to like a popular gay ship if they don't want to, but people have different headcanons, but they don't mean it in x way they mean it in y way, but accusing someone of homophobia is serious, but homophobia is serious, but they're literally gay they can't be homophobic, but it's not that deep, but no one is doing it maliciously, but people will always think this, but heteronormativity, BUT ANYTHING... sometimes people say homophobic things unintentionally. sometimes people are not being malicious or cruel but have an internalised bias. homophobia is as much a part of society as every other ist and ism and phobia and i think people need to like ACCEPT that and move on instead of immediately deflecting or denying let alone ignoring it but also this entire concept does or course apply to all bigotry especially those inherent in online communities/certain fanbases... transphobia transmisogyny misogyny racism antisemitism and more live at home in fandom!!

i think it is far more helpful, AND KIND, to be able to point out ways people can improve and to try and make people understand WHY they're thinking the way they are. i don't understand the absolute heels dug in backlash these kinds of things tend to produce at least on an outer level (because i do KNOW why i just think it's ridiculous) and i especially don't understand when people assign any sort of discussion like this as automatically negative or drama or discourse or whatever EITHER. and like yes sometimes it is stressful and i get that but personally i will always feel safer and more comfortable and positive around someone who tries to better their communities in ways where they do attempt to foster a better environment for everyone, and part of that is pointing out and dismantling bigotry when it comes up

and i'm not saying you have to force yourself to involve yourself in topics and with people that make you uncomfortable OF COURSE but it is not like, bad to do so either. bigots should not feel as safe as they do existing among us all and THAT is all you're doing when you roll over onto your back to expose your belly and say "let's just keep things positive okay!!!!! i don't want drama let's all just get along!!!!!" because like yes of course but also like. no. lol. also i have self respect and don't want to rub elbows with people who have bias against me or my community that does not make me a bad person it doesn't make me anything. you don't have to run a discourse blog (which are stupid) or post constantly about the intricacies of bigotry (which is tiring) but it shouldn't be a nails digging in blood drawing experience to occasionally say "stop being fucking bigots on my blog"

#anyway xo #like no i don't think ppl r being homophobic all the time either but they fucking COULD be #and i think that is the important bit. why are you thinking this way!!!!! #why are people running around headcanoning with intent that a character is cishet why are people being ''straight truthers'' out of spite #that last one is so fucking weird too like okay since when is insisting a character is straight in response to them being gay or bi not #fucking homophobic.... #i dunno man maybe it's just the st fans of the world but so many people are such fucking freaks 😭 and it's so silly and tiring being like #hey. stop. and everyone throwing a fit because u said that #i dunno this is just something i've noticed specifically HERE... like illnsay someone is being sort of homophobic and ppl act shocked like #omg.. i'm not saying they're actually evil. Just stop being fucking weird #but maybe i also see it more as a gay steve truther.. ohhh he can't be gay ... because um. no reason! #rmr that one dickhead too. ooo he can't be trans he literally has sex with nancy

[basicallyjustmuggleremuslupin]

little advice: don't go out spontaneously when you still haven't finished an essay that's due the next morning. don't be like "nah, it's fine, i'll finish it when i get back home, i can sleep tomorrow, i have no classes." in short, don't be me lmao

#have to hand it in in the next 8 hours #i'm not even drunk i sobered up again #but i am really REALLY tired and can't think straight #and the essay is worth 45% of my overall mark for this semester #in short: i'm fucked #anyway #cay overshares

[candydos]

i am genuinely so unmedicated (babygirl)

#vent #long one in the tags below #had a series of breakdowns over the past 4 days.. lowkey struggling with delusions and hearing things that aren't true/real #and straight up dissociating to the point where i dissociate when i drive (it gets dangerous when i can't See cars but i know they're There) #was freaking out the other week because i kept hearing a sweeping sound but no one is sweeping but it's so loud in my hear #and like someone's whispering while i practice guitar at night or i feel paranoid #i had to step out of class the other day for 1h+ because i was having some episode #i wake up and i cry but i don't know why or what for #i think everyone's lying to me.. i know we're all friends but everyone is lying to me #i feel like an imposter in someone else's life.. and i'm unable to live up to the standards required #i've been physically sick for the past month (cough and colds) #i'm perpetually tired.. i've started to have more violent thoughts and it scares me #oh sometimes my brain forgets how to read.. #it's all quite terrifying i don't know how to act normally when life is frightening to live #i'm losing touch with everything i once enjoyed.. drawing and making music are harder for me now and i miss that feeling #im sorry i'm quite out of it.. #i have a report due in an hour.. i will go finish that #I am not happy with who I am. i don’t know who that’s supposed to be anymore

[scribe-of-monsters]

To be honest my main problem with the Renfield movie is the fact that it's a comedy, because Ren as a character is so rarely taken seriously (which we learned from DD, thanks guys) despite his entire arc being extremely tragic and cruel. He is a character that deserved to be taken seriously and treated with respect, but the fact that the movie is written to be a comedy has me worried that they'll try to make jokes out of things they really shouldn't and end up downplaying or mocking his suffering even if it's unintentional. It just seems like this movie could go south real fast, which I hope it doesn't, because a lot of it does seem promising. I hope the writers can tell when to reel the comedy in, and there weren't too many tasteless jokes in the trailer that I saw, but man I dunno, I'm not really sure why they chose Renfield of all characters to make a comedy movie about.

#not to say that it can't work I'm just not optimistic about it #and also not to say that a movie about Ren needs to be Dark And Depressing #i just hope they treat him with some respect is all #tired of the 'crazy' character in any given media being mocked by the story and the audience alike #scribble scribbles #scribe watch #also i don't want to hate on this movie cuz I do think it looks ok #but im not overly excited for it #just trying to articulate my thoughts #i do also have problems with the romance plot #it def has 'queer man is saved from his Evil Demonic Gay partner by a nice Girl vibes' #but from what i gathered from the trailer they're having ren be bi/pan rather than just making him straight #which is a little less bad i suppose #hopefully that's done in a respectful way too #that's really my main point i just want my boy to get some respect #also please have him not just be and Anxious Sad Boi #like if they could focus on his psychosis/delusions too that would slay but they probably won't

[skyfcx]

     btw i swear to god i write with more people other than rain badnikbreaker, i just do not control what the brain cell focuses on first. i want to get into the thick of it with the lot of my mutuals. just. just gimme a minute tails suffering makes the brain go brrr.

#(OOC.) ''The kind of tired regular sleep can't fix.'' #((fuck i will be so frank with yall; i straight up didnt want to write angsty stuff for a while because it bums me out)) #((but rain's writing is so good and engaging and character-driven instead of just kicking a character for the sake of kicking a character)) #((it's so solid that it turned me back onto that angsty content and it's so exciting GOD shoutouts to rain)) #((BUT. FUCK. I ALSO WANT REGULAR CONTENT PLEASE DONT THINK OTHERWISE)) #((i'll party with every single one of you. as soon as i'm released from rain's grasp))

[icedteaandoldlace]

Personally, I feel that Diggle's little speech to Thawne about how he wouldn't understand choosing to be a good father and husband over having some great cosmic destiny is not a good line to say to a villain who is simply single and childless. It would be a good line to deliver to someone who is a husband and/or father and is a shitty one, and who perhaps made the wrong decision already or is about to, but it just falls flat if it doesn't connect to the villain on a personal level.

THAT SAID, even though Thawne is neither of those things, it doesn't mean that line can't be applied to him...

#*Grant voice* ifyouknowwhatimean 👌🏻 #The Flash #The Man in the Yellow Tie #Eobard Thawne #John Diggle #Reverse Flash #the fact that he said “father” first when most people would have said “husband” first and “father” second is just #messing with my head #like sure this could be Dig 100% talking about himself #and I could just be reading too much into it #but it feels like foreshadowing #half foreshadowing anyway #and half referencing the past #like Thawne's about to turn on Meena in one way or another #because anyone he's ever regarded as family is of lesser importance to him than being the Reverse Flash and everything that goes with that #s8 #I'm super tired and can't tell if this makes sense #but it's straight up all I could think about during that part of the conversation

[cypaira-the-skeleton]

Random 11pm toughts:

Me: *minding my own business*

Brain: ....You should write a fanfic about Raven getting adopted from the streets -! :D

Me: It's gonna be cringy and the adult character doesn't belong to me -_-

Brain: Tagging is there for a reason...I already got a title too! :DD

Me: .... you're rushing things up...like always - _ -

Brain: Either write it or let it collect dust in a corner of your head :)

Me: ...I'll sleep on it - _ -

#cypaira the skeleton #random post #my brain goes overdrive thinking when I'm tired #It's an idea... #but i fear it might be... cheesy (: #low-key can't even straight out express my true toughts cause I stupidly think I'm being annoying and pestering #... overthinking minds are a handful!