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#i'm trying to improve and now i feel like i don't have a chance
unproduciblesmackdown · 11 months
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no, More active effort, More conscious consideration
#boo we HATE your [the implicit perspective that anything taking less effort / less thought is Good / an Improvement]#and it's like Getting Good at anything. Some element does become easier to navigate successfully?#great so now you can forever move on to devoting more conscious effort to Another element / really further evolutions of the same process#build on whatever understanding. if you realize something you thought was Correct seems not to be?#congratulations: it was inaccurate / too limited all along but now You know that. Better#thinking about [effort] thinking about [communication] means emitting a psychic blast doing all the Languaging of honing ideas#and b/c interactions are two way streets you get no guarantee anyone will listen / put effort into considering what they're picking up#it's a delight when someone Does happen to feel you're worth effort but everyone could be doing that on principle. they are not lol.#some actually not [jfc] comment on an akd interview like#they speak w/such precision they're used to not being listened to or understood like#well we'd have to ask them ofc but i won't even argue w/that concept lol#having One Chance To Get A Word In Ever like but you don't really when ppl misunderstand you which is an inevitability#and then made more likely by any number of factors. including not considering you worth the effort of Trying to understand#if they misinterpreted what you're conveying no they didn't; that's just What You Meant. double empathy style#gotta be out here figuring out The Approach when the outlier is ppl who do Not [only think you're worth effort as An Obstacle]#alleging how when you like urself you will now Earn Friends like the more i respect myself the more idc if i'm Interpersonally Beliked#the interpersonal relationship that Is guaranteed relevant of ''we're both people in the world & so already in relation in just that way''#i love to Socialize by being in public ''alone'' like clearly no i'm not & like getting to take up my bit of space / do my bit of a thing#while this fits into everyone else also having their presence; doing their thing; is >>>>> being with a group as its nth wheel for no reaso#the effort of what communication works w/what person in what situation#the effort of what navigation of the inherent mutual effect of your sharing [whatever System (like; physics style)] works out best / better#when ppl imagining this are still limiting it to Certain Interactions b/w everyone anytime as the ''ideal''....#sesame street was out here like. sometimes there's people wanting to be alone / who are ''unfriendly'' & they're still part of things#once again it's like kermit thee frog knows what's up. mister macabee old timey barkeep what should i do#furiosa as well lmao i should watch fury road again. i can sense it#you can't have much of a chitchat with her. and yet
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gasstationlady · 6 months
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tom holland’s school of manifestation | a charles leclerc social media au
pairing: charles leclerc x supermodel!reader
charles has a big crush on world renowned supermodel, y/n l/n. who would’ve thought she’d return the feelings.
notes: very much travis kelce x taylor swift inspired. faceclaim is yasmin wijnaldum! btw i try to improve with each post (like how i write/pace the story) so if you have any suggestions, pls (veryvery kindly) tell me!! :))
disclaimer: SORRY FOR TYPOS. GOOGLE TRANSLATE (and from american high school lol) FRENCH. KYM ILLMAN MENTIONED LOL. none of the information in this social media au is factual. i do use old photos of charlotte and charles, and usually i don't like to include pictures of their ex or current gfs in these fics (only bc i want to keep it as imaginative as possible and i feel like adding them kinda gives you a reality check while reading LOL) so lmk your opinions on that!
masterlist
voguemagazine
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liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 854,487 others
voguemagazine Since beginning modeling at the age of 14, Y/N L/N has cemented herself as the most influential supermodel of all time. As of 2023, she is now the world’s highest paid model surpassing Kendall Jenner who previously led the list. Throughout her career, she has made 39 appearances on international Vogue covers.
Tap the link in our bio to read the full profile. Photographed by @/leannafitz, Written by Phil Stevenson, Styled by @/sheri_simmons, Vogue, February 2023.
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user MOTHER IS MOTHERING
user omg as someone who has been a fan since she began in 2011, i’m so proud of her 😭
user she's the definition of perfection
user LOL ariana (charles), what are you doing here
↳ user his little crush on her is soo cute 😩
↳ user he’s just like us fr lmaoo
user her walk is legendary like it reminds me so much of naomi
user i was gonna say she’s the model of our generation but that’s wrong. she’s actually the top model of all time 😩😩😩
user i’m glad to see a non-nepo baby be on top of the list
↳ user no literally like no shade to bella, kendall, and them but y/n had to fight tooth and nail to be here
↳ user frrr bc most of the nepo baby models are great, don’t get me wrong. however, they were allowed to make mistakes during their career in order to improve. y/n was not privileged enough to have that. like ppl don’t understand the insane expectations that were placed on her ever since she entered the industry, but she exceeded those expectations every. single. time. and that’s why she deserves this title
user she’s so beautiful
user i would die for y/n
user nothing could describe the amount of affection i have for this woman omfg
charleslc_updates
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42,077 likes
charleslc_updates Charles and Arthur talking about Y/N L/N (again lol) in a recent interview 👀
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user lmaoooooo relatable
user omg i'm new to f1 but i've always been a y/n stan i'm freaakkkinng out but wdym again??
↳ user lmaooo charles is always trying to bring up y/n
user the leclerc brothers 🥰🥰
user it was so cute to see the both of them in one video
user this man fr blushed AHAH cute
user i get it charles i too have the biggest crush on y/n
↳ user lol literally like get in line dude
↳ user back of the line bucko
user i've never seen a man so down bad for someone he's never met
user y/n what are you doing girl if you don't want him ILL DO IT
user @/yourusername
↳ user LMAO YESSS @/yourusername
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ynupdates
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239,095 likes
ynupdates Y/N opening the 2023 Chanel by Karl Lagerfeld show during Paris Fashion Week.
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user omg she absolutely killed it
user god does she need a dog? i can bark
user i love seeing her thrive
user quick charles this is your chance!!! she’s in paris 😭😭😭 @/charles_leclerc
↳ user lmaooooo not you tagging him but literally though
↳ user no srsly please mr. "i hope our paths cross soon" you don't understand i need this to happen
user yall saw that walk??? ugh y/n the woman that you are
user i don’t get the hype. all she does is walk.
user NAHHHH SHE ATEEE THAT
user i’m so happyyyy 🥺 y/n is so booked and busy she’s really out here doing multiple back to back shows for paris fashion week
↳ user same! it’s crazy that she gets to open and close multiple shows, especially ones like chanel!
user i love that so many people are going to these shows just to see y/n
user i could make this exact dress with my curtains
user if i ever meet her in real life i would die happily
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, bellahadid and 5,490,124 others
yourusername rien de mieux que d'etre a la maison [no place like home]
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gigihadid sexy lady
↳ yourusername already missing you
user i keep forgetting she's part french
user you absolutely KILLED those shows
voguemagazine iconic ⭐️
alexademie 🔥🔥
user beautiful girl!!
user omggg charles liking this LOL
↳ user it's actually frustrating me that this man has no game like i'm rooting for you cmon
↳ user lmaooo literally though i'm just hoping he's pulling some strings behind the scenes
anokyai 😍😍😍
user la plus belle fille [the most beautiful girl] *liked by charles_leclerc
↳ user if this is him shooting his shot 😭😭
↳ user lol charles is down so bad he's even going through the comments
user am i just crazy but why are there two drinks in the second post? like is this supposed to be a very soft launch
↳ user it's probably gigi 😭😭 she did comment saying that they were hanging out with each other
↳ user but why not just take a pic of her tho
deuxmoi
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31,844 likes
deuxmoi Y/N L/N & Charles Leclerc spotted hanging out with each other in Paris
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user NO WAY OMG
user i'm actually in disbelief how tf did charles get here
user i knew you could do it charles!!
user TURN IT UP IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE
user so are they dating???
user CHARLES FR WINNING RN AHAH
↳ user NO LITERALLYYY HES BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR AGES
↳ user he manifested this 😭
user they look sooo good together
user why does he look so srs
↳ user give my man a break 😩
↳ user well it looks like he’s not your man anymore 😭😭
user omgg this is like a fairytale
user wait i'm kinda obsessed with this
user i’m so invested
kymillman
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201,885 likes
kymillman Y/N AND CHARLES
Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc is joined at the track today by top supermodel, Y/N L/N. This is the first time Y/N is with him and she clearly shines in front of the camera.
Her debut at the grid has quickly become a popular topic as fans and drivers alike are intrigued by the presence of one of the most famous women in the world.
For A3 prints, hand-signed & numbered by a range of drivers/team principals head to kymillman.com #f1 #formula1 #signedprints #japanesegp #CharlesLeclerc #Y/NL/N
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user SHDJEJ IM ACTUALLY GOING FERAL
user mom and dad 😩
user so it’s official???
↳ user i mean this is the hardest launch they could have done other than posting 😭
user i’m a charles fan and even i’m surprised he got her to date him
user i’m rooting for them so much 🥺🥺
user she’s serving though
user i’m watching the race rn and they literally keep talking about y/n being there AHH
↳ user i always forget she’s kind of a big deal
user kym gets on my nerves but this picture is actual gold
user it's so obvious that this is a publicity stunt
↳ user nah but for who? bc i know damn well that neither charles nor y/n need it
↳ user obviously not for them but maybe it's to gather more attention for f1
↳ user girl i need u to listen to urself rn 😭 bc that makes no sense
user idk who charles is and idk what the hell f1 is but best believe i’m tuning in next race just to see y/n
↳ user literally me girl i can’t believe i’m watching cars drive in a circle rn
yn_updates
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91,922 likes
yn_updates Some moments of Y/N being mentioned by drivers during the Formula 1 race
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user i swear it was like every minute i'd hear y/n's name
user the way that all the drivers are aware of charles's long time obsession with y/n LOL
↳ user i just know charles is the type to never shut up about her ahaha
user she's literally THE y/n l/n. i mean if viewers are sky rocketing just by her being there, imagine her impact if she had actively promoted it
↳ user she's so iconic
↳ user no bc i love y/n so much that i just forced myself to watch rich grown men vroom vroom in circles for almost 2 hrs just to catch a glimpse of her
user i'm in love with her life
user LMAOOO THE DRIVERS TEASING CHARLES
user lando's so funny 😭😭
user y/n and f1 stans are being FED today wow
user is it just me or am i kinda annoyed about how often they're bringing her up like my girl can't even support her bf in peace
↳ user yea i'm eating it up but also feeling bad for y/n at the same time. the attention is definitely a double edge sword.
user apparently she was with joris most of the time 🥺
user this is literally straight from a fairy tale i can't
user didn't they just meet like a week ago
↳ user as far as we know they were first spotted together about a month ago by that deuxmoi post. but assuming from y/n and charles's past relationships, i don't think they'd be this comfortable going public without being together for a while
↳ user yea this has definitely been going on longer than we think/have been seeing
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charles_leclerc
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liked by yourusername, gigihadid, landonorris and 7,712,083 others
charles_leclerc J'ai toujours su que c'était toi. Joyeux anniversaire, mon amour ❤️ [I've always known it was you. Happy birthday, my love]
View all 34,511 comments
yourusername merci, mon cœur ❤️ [thank you, my heart]
yourusername je suis raide dingue de toi [i'm madly in love with you]
↳ charles_leclerc l'amour de ma vie [the love of my life]
user are we interrupting something...
user i can’t believe it’s already been 6 months since they first went public
user throwing myself down the stairs as we speak
user they don't know it yet but we're actually a throuple
user happy birthday y/n!!!
user in love with their love 🥺
user lmfaoooo i just know charles is on cloud 9 this man literally sees y/n and is blind to everything else
↳ user he's sooo cute, he's like a love sick puppy
user i still think this is a pr relationship
user god i'd die for someone to look at me the way charles looks at y/n in that second pic
user this is my roman empire
user i'm so obsessed with them it's insane
user our generation's brad and angelina
↳ user don't say that wtf my parents are never separating
user pls don't ever breakup 😭😭
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fangsandfeels · 6 months
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The vagueness of Astarion sleeping mechanics drives me mad sometimes
So, the game says that elves don't sleep - to the point where it's ironically stated that the only way for them to experience sleeping is to either drink a potion of Angelic Slumber or "get hit really hard with a chair".
Instead, they enter a semi-aware meditative state (Revery) where they experience memories from their past lives (usually most positive and emotional parts). Or they just sorting through their current memories.
Now, we've seen Astarion meditating if his way of lying on a bedroll is anything to go by. He is also immune to sleeping spells. We could also see him sleeping (in a Durge run). I know that devs technically recycle the same sleeping pose for all romanced companions, but still. Also, Astarion has nightmares, which is not typical for elves.
Of course, when I was going through the lore, I scratched the surface, but from what I understood, Revery is supposed to be a controlled state, and nightmares aren't exactly controlled.
But, I've found a very interesting bit that (so far) is still considered part of the official canon:
Elves can sleep and dream just like any human, but almost all surface elves avoid doing so. Dreams, as humans know them, are strange and confusing to elves. Unlike the actual memories of one’s primal soul, present life, or past lives, dreams are uncontrolled products of the subconscious, and perhaps the subconscious minds of those past lives or primal souls as well. An elf who dreams must always wonder whose mind these thoughts first arose from, and why. Priests of Sehanine Moonbow are an exception: they sleep and dream to receive signs from their god, and elves consult such priests to interpret their own dreams."
From: Mordenkainrn's Tome Of Foes, Chapter 2: Elves
And not only does this little bit explain a lot, but it also provides some food for your fic writing purposes.
Now, I'm entering the headcanon territory, so be warned.
Astarion's access to Revery got horribly fucked up after he had been Turned. Not only does he no longer have access to his previous lives since he is technically dead and plucked from the cycle, but he also can't even have his happy or good memories before he became a spawn. Even if they are still there, somewhere in the memory palace, getting to them requires going through the catalog of traumatic and painful memories he acquired after being enslaved by Cazador. It's like running through a burning house trying to rescue your family photo - and the hall gets longer each time. So, entering a trance means confronting the worst memories of his life over and over because there is nothing else there.
Due to this Astarion may resort to sleeping, which elves don't usually do. Elves don't like dreams because dreams are subconscious, and they can't be controlled, which scares them. For Astarion, however, it means there is a chance of him subconsciously dreaming of something nice or just being blissfully empty. However, it doesn't safeguard him from nightmares which (because they are the product of his unconsciousness) get even more twisted than simple memories.
Additionally, there can be a possibility that after becoming a spawn he got cut off from meditation and trances completely, relying on sleeping only: at least, the cut spawn epilogue by Withers mentions how while Astarion needs to sleep again, he doesn't sleep alone. While we don't know what that means exactly (and whether it will ever be implemented in the game), I assume that the tadpole gave him the ability to meditate back, but it was a small improvement because his memory headspace no longer holds happy memories capable of offering solace or refuge.
So, my personal headcanon is that he switches between meditating and sleeping depending on how aware he needs to be, and whatever option feels less torturous at the moment.
For instance, in his Origin run, when he remembers the moment of Cazador carving scars into him, he is in a trance. Which is why the memory is so horribly vivid, as if he is reliving it anew.
However, when he has a nightmare where Cazador finds him, he is sleeping and experiencing a memory affected by his subconsciousness. Which is why he jolts himself awake and desperate to know the limits of his freedom.
So, yes, the man literally can't catch a break.
On a happier note (and for your hurt/comfort fanfiction purposes), once Astarion starts traveling with Tav and the group, his memory bank gets updated with memories that are actually fun and nice, so he has something to linger upon when he is meditating. Sleeping gradually becomes a bit more pleasant experience because his subconsciousness got more material to work with, so the quality of his non-controlled dreams has to gradually improve.
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luveline · 10 months
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𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚
miguel does everything he can to make you feel better after a civilian casualty steals your ‘sunshine’. —a fic featuring reluctantly adoring miguel and his sad spider-girl. pre across the spider-verse but contains spoilers. requested here. fem!reader, 4k
cw character death, violence, reactive depression
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
"Miguel," you say, your voice grained by the communicator in his ear, "this universe is almost the same as mine, right?" 
Miguel stares down at a Doc Ock variant you're staking out, lying in wait for the anomalistic antagonist to make his first move. He's trying desperately to maintain his focus but you have a nice voice, and you ask him with a confidence that betrays your total faith in him. You haven't considered that he might not know. 
Well, Miguel does know. He's not sure he should start this discussion and distract you, but he has trouble saying no to you in any capacity, so he does. 
"I don't know every difference, but yeah, they're the same. Same geography, world leaders, roughly the same fast food chains." He bites his lip. He's at work, more than work —you're attempting to save an entire dimension, here— and he shouldn't feed the conversation anymore. But he knows you'll be interested in this. "Donuts aren't a thing, here."
"What?" 
"They have donuts, but they aren't called donuts, and they're nowhere near as popular." 
"This is a very strange way to flirt," Lyla says, her flickering hazed by a golden aura as she changes rapidly between laying on her front, legs kicking, and her back, as though she's in a therapist's daybed. She floats across his vision lazily.
"That's because I'm not," Miguel says. 
"What?" you ask.
"Nothing. Talking to Lyla." 
"How come Lyla doesn't talk to me?" you ask sweetly.
Miguel can see you in the distance, your simple black suit like an ink splodge against the blue grey glass of the skyscraper you're standing on. Anchored with a web and your body tensed, you're perfectly parallel to the ground below, as though you're standing on the windows. 
"It's not that I don't want to," Lyla promises. "Miggy won't let me." 
"That is not true." 
Projections cover Miguel's vision, powered by his favourite lying intelligence. Movements are mapped in a bright marigold yellow, though the net turns red to signify potential danger, chance percentages bouncing up and down. Doc Ock raises an arm and it turns an eye-straining red. He sits down on a park bench and his body turns yellow again. It's a smart program, but it can't account for everything. 
"Something isn't right." 
You hum appreciatively. "It feels weird, how he's acting. Like he's two separate people." 
Doc Ock glitches hard, the air around him fractured by colours in varying depths, like a tangible, physical screen tone. They've been coming faster. He doesn't have much time before he begins to tear apart, and that tearing will prompt panic. Panic will prompt anger. 
"What should we do?" you ask. 
Miguel doesn't know. He regrets asking you to come with him, not that you aren't capable. When you first joined the Spider Society you'd hadn't been Spider-Girl in your own universe for very long, and you weren't particularly proactive. You were kind-hearted but lackadaisical, and after worming your way into his life, a flower budding between concrete slabs it shouldn't have the power to crack, (he seriously doesn't know how it happened, only that you'd been bringing him things, carefully wrapped foods and trinkets you'd made, your bad conversation, and suddenly you were worrying about him and doting on him in the strange way that you do, suddenly, he was doing the same), you decided you wanted to help. You've trained hard on Spider-led courses at the Society, improving your overall fitness, your stamina, your technique, to become the fighter you are now. You can hold your own well. 
Miguel knows what motivated you. You want to look after him. You'd all but admitted to it. And that's why Miguel wishes he asked someone else to come with him, because you'll put yourself in harm's way as he would for you, to protect. 
"Why did you want to know if this universe was the same?" he asks, the nano of his suit morphing over his hands, claws growing long and minaciously sharp.
"Oh! Because, I used to have these favourite cookies called Butter Leaves, but they stopped making them in my dimension 'cos of the Whey disease. Even when it was better, loads of companies couldn't come back…" 
You give him the entire history. He already knows it. He tries to listen to you with the attention you deserve anyway, only he's weighed the options, and taking down Doc Ock feels much more important than listening to your cravings. 
"They were really thin and they had this sweet coating brushed over the top. You'd like them, I think." Miguel drops the last hundred feet to the ground, ignoring the jarring heat in his ankles at such a landing without having rolled into it. "If they were a little softer and had some sugar they'd taste just like polvorones, Miguel."
"You could say that about lots of things," Miguel argues, tone measured as not to alert bystanders nearby of his presence. 
"This doesn't feel like a good idea," Lyla says. Standing now, alert. 
Miguel toggles the communicator so you can't hear him. 
He wonders if you'd even notice him speaking over the intensity of your excitement, "I know it's not professional but maybe we could go and look? After we beat the bad guy. They're more than worth it, I swear," you say hopefully. 
"It's fine," he says to Lyla, throwing out a hand, shins braced and ready to burst into a tackle. 
"It feels off, you both said it." 
"It always feels off. He's in the wrong dimension, his presence caused a shift. The wrongness is unavoidable, like the body–" 
"Rejecting an organ transplant," Lyla says. "I know. You say it constantly." 
"If you know, why are you asking?" he asks, deadpan. 
"Good to know your girlfriend can ask questions and I can't. You're a trailblazer for equality, O'Hara."
Not my girlfriend, he thinks, but he isn't sure how true that is. Miguel realigns his eyesight, the holographic netting that pinpoints anomalistic stress a menacing red where it maps Doc Ock's limbs. The colours are abrasive against the yellow-green leaves fluttering in the breeze to the grass below, trees like arms stretched toward one another standing behind the simple brown bench where Doc Ock murmurs drunken-sounding ravings. 
Miguel's fangs slice through gum and lock into place. He tries not to salivate. The paralysing agent produced gives him a numb tongue. 
Miguel attempts to work quickly. Approach the target. Lock the target in. Incapacitate. He rears back and takes a deep breath. 
"Wait! Behind! Behind you, Miguel, there's something behind you!" 
He twists backward without hesitation and swings his arm around a cold neck. He squeezes hard, hears a metallic crunch similar to a mortar and pestle, but the person in his chokehold isn't a person, it's a robot. 
"Octobots!" Lyla shouts. 
"HELPFUL!" Miguel shouts back, grunting as a robotic arm curves around his back, and then a second, a third. 
The hills of his muscles strain against white-lacquered steel, a sweat breaking at the back of his neck as he groans, desperate to stop the octobot from crushing his arms to a powder. He can practically hear the creaking of his humerus. 
Around him, civilians scatter, screaming for their lives as a small horde of octobots descends on the park. Doc Ock doesn't react to the chaos. He sits there muttering to himself as people run past him and his octobots play cat and mouse. Miguel finally snaps the arms off the robot holding him with a pissed grunt, punching the carcass of machinery away from him while you tuck and roll from a dive to the ground. In an impressive show of your improvement and coordination, you throw out a web as you roll and hit Doc Ock square in the face, a second binding his chest to the bench. You spring to your feet, shooting at bots one after another. You must take down six by the time he's gathered his bearings. 
"On your left," Lyla says. Miguel smashes a bot at the apex of its white body and she laughs. "Nice. Behind." 
Miguel falls into the fight as though it's a well-practised dance. With the stress maps locked on, quick-thinking, and Lyla's pointed direction, Miguel can decapitate or incapacitate each bot swiftly as long as they don't get a hold on him like the first one managed. 
You're like Lyla in that a good skirmish seems to set you off —you're giggling, cheering, enjoying yourself much more than you should be. "This is just like that video game," you say, leaping onto a moving octobot and shooting webbing at the joints, gumming them up until they can't move. "With the girl and her super powered puppy, you know that one?" 
"Of course I don't know that one." Miguel brings his claws down into the aluminium shell of an octobot as it swipes your legs from under you and tears it in two. It cracks like a halved apple, the gore of its inside sparking and smoking as it hits the ground in tandem with you. Your head whacks hard into the concrete pathing beneath. He doesn't have time to help you. 
The arm of a bot races forward like a stinger. This one must be the head of the hive, the Queen bee so to speak, far more complicated than the others in the plating of her ivory bodice and chain-mail like shielding on her arms.
Miguel swears under his breath and vaults at it. 
He pulls your droid feed up in his display, watches you writhe from one side and the other as your pained moans play in his ear. You clamber onto wobbly footing as Miguel descends, the screeching cry of metal while it's shorn apart beneath his hands not half as loud as your useless gasping —you're winded, likely concussed. 
"Civilian entering range," Lyla says. 
"What? Where?" 
Lyla has your drone's camera spin on the spot to show Miguel the civilian stupid enough to enter an active fight zone. They aren't stupid at all, it figures, but unaware. A man in activewear jogs the beaten path with headphones in, eyes to the ground. He stops for a moment to look at his sports watch, and like the octobot can tell, it shakes Miguel like a bothersome flea and surges for him. 
You're closest. 
"Y/N!" Miguel shouts, knowing it's too late before he so much as closes his mouth. You turn, your head braced in your hand, breathing hard with pain. Miguel would take it back if he could. 
You can't save the civilian, but you can watch him die. 
People look at him like he's a ghost, sometimes. Wide-eyed, horrified, they move aside in the halls. They treat him how he feels on his worst days, like someone who should've died a long time ago. Today, things are different. 
No less than three Peter Parker' have stopped to stare at him unabashedly. Nearly all make the same jokes, Late for a date?
He'd honestly prefer feeling like a ghost. He can't deal with their derision and he doesn't want to, ignoring their looks and their judgement as he treks to the elevator that's gonna drop him outside of the medbay. The only person he wouldn't mind poking fun at him is you. 
You aren't in the mood. 
Miguel doesn't acknowledge your prone form at first. He walks to your bedside table to deposit the bouquet he'd chosen, peonies for good health and strength, swapping old for new, changing the water in your small shared sink. He may orchestrate the Spider Society, but Miguel's special privileges can't reduce the extreme turnover rate of the medbay. You have curtains to partition the room for privacy, and you got the bed by the window, and that's as much as he could get you. You deserve better. 
Miguel opens the window to drown out the smell of antiseptic. He stands in front of it, his shadow stretching over your twisted hip. You're not sleeping, you're resting. Doctor's orders.
Miguel wishes you'd deign to rest in your own bed, or his, but you're a little too catatonic for a safe discharge either way. 
He sighs quietly. You likely hear it with your enhanced senses and still you remain an impassive lump under your blue hospital blanket. 
"Good morning," he says, instead of the thousand other things he wants to say, that he's too much of a coward to ask. "Let's get up." 
He doesn't give you any choice about it. Starting slow, Miguel rounds the bed to meet your eyes through your sluggish blinking. Perhaps you'd been more asleep than he thought. 
Gentle, Miguel peels down your blankets enough to push his hands under your armpits. He pulls you up into a sitting position, and it —it breaks his heart. He's a monolith, he's hurting, he has years and years of loss and grief behind him and it doesn't matter, it finds him again. His heart breaks at your limblessness and your willingness to be positioned like a paper doll. 
Miguel arranges the sad pillow behind you and puts the remote for the adjustable bed frame in your hand. The last time you'd been here in the medbay after a training exercise fractured your ulna, you'd spent pretty much the entire time messing around with your bed, even as they crafted your cast. It made for messy work. Miguel must've told you to quit it fifty times. 
Your fingers curl around the remote. 
Miguel perches on the mattress on one knee to fix the protective style your hair is in. Nothing serious, just smoothing the tiniest of stray hairs and making sure it's still comfortable. He strokes your temple absentmindedly, checking you over one feature at a time. Tired eyes, nose tip looking parched, your lips chapped. Frowning, he sits properly, and he pulls your big hospital bag from the bedside table, his hand falling to your wrist to say, Hey, I'm here, and I'm not going far.
He finds your smaller bag of toiletries and necessities and unzips it. He tries not to think about the last time he had to take care of someone like this as he cleans your face with a wet wipe, two fingers wrapped in the wipe and petting at your skin carefully. He notices the life returning to you inchingly, his touch a tether you're pulling on, so he prolongs his actions. He smooths moisturiser over your face extra slowly. If you asked why, he could say it's cold, but you don't ask.
Your face shiny in the sunshine filtering in through the wide windows, you almost look like yourself again. 
"Are you hungry?" 
You shake your head. An almost imperceptible gesture. 
"This is why you don't feel well," he says. "You're not eating enough." 
"That's not why," you say.
He aches to hear your voice. I know, he thinks, but doesn't say. 
"Eat something," he says. 
You shake your head again. He managed to bring you back and squash you back down in less than a minute. He really doesn't like himself, at that moment. Often, but especially now. He's failing you. He failed you with the octobots and he's failing you now. 
Miguel refuses to fail someone he cares about again. 
He takes the remote for your bed and lifts the top section so you can sit back comfortably. He shakes the blankets out over you, and he puts away your things. Hopeful, Miguel places new pyjamas and underwear with your shower caddy at the end of the bed and pulls a strict pose, hands crossed over his chest. 
"I need to go. Shower, eat breakfast when it comes. Please." 
You give him a look that might mean Yes but probably doesn't mean anything, laying down as much as the bed allows and turning your face from him toward the flowers. Miguel leaves, stopping a ways away to look back, and watches through the gap of your curtains as you reach out to touch the flowers he'd brought. Your pinky finger is less than an inch from the petals when your movement stutters, your hand falling back to your chest with a soft thud. You close your eyes. 
When Miguel returns, he's thankful to find you've done as he told you. Showered, changed, a discarded breakfast tray at your feet. You've attempted the oatmeal and left the toast to go cold, congealed butter white against golden yellow. 
Miguel swaps the tray for his bags. He's hoping you might be tempted to look while he's gone. He knows before you would've known the entire contents of the open bag by the time he'd left the room, but he returns having taken your tray to the rack and is sorely disappointed. 
That's fine, he decides. You don't have to look. He doesn't mind laying things out for you. 
First port of call: extra pillows. He pulls the plastic wrapped 'hotel pillows' up onto your sheet and tears the plastic. They pop out. He didn't think for pillow cases, so he slides them behind your hospital pillow and pushes you down by the shoulders, not cruel but not particularly gentle —you actually laugh at his handling. He bites back a smile. 
"What, you got me presents?" you ask as he dumps a blanket onto your lap. It's one of those soft, shiny fleece ones patterned with those characters you love so much, the girl and her super powered puppy. 
You rub your hands over it appreciatively and spread it out over your legs. "What's that mean?" he asks, pointing at the Chinese characters, '超級汪汪!'. 
"Chāojí wāngwāng!" you cheer, an impression missing the majority of your usual pep. "Super woof. It's his level five power up. He yaps and Joyce gets her HP back." 
Miguel pretends to know, like he'd forgotten, and you're reminding him. "Ah."
You're watching now, interested. He puts his back between you and the bag and you whine weakly, "Miguel." 
"What? You think these are for you?" 
"Please, I want to see." 
He gives in like a cheap tent, passing you a packet of pearly beads for your bracelet making, skeins of variegated thread that change colours, a packet of pencils with frogs on the lids, a plushie. You don't know how to react and Miguel doesn't know what to say. He honestly doesn't want to say anything, vulnerability stopped being his thing a while ago, but he clears his throat. "Do you know what I look like in the middle of Miniso? Picture it."
Miniso being a Chinese home goods store lined floor to ceiling with plushies.
You laugh weirdly. Miguel knows it's guilt holding you back. 
"One last thing." He sits down on the bed next to you, hands big enough to cover the box in its entirety. "You were wrong, by the way. Extremely wrong, these don't taste a thing like polvorones." 
He passes you the box. You take it into steady hands, smiling widely, your thumb brushing up against the black cursive font. A box of butter leaves from one of your sister dimensions.
"I don't know if they'll taste like they did. Are they the same ones?" 
You nod, loosing a breath between parted lips. "Same ones." 
"If you don't eat them all, I won't get them for you again." 
"That's so mean," you murmur. Miguel would apologise if he thought you meant it. 
"That's how it is. Eat your cookies. I'll come back later to make sure you actually ate dinner." 
He stands. You immediately grab him, cookies dropped in favour of braceleting his wrist in your warm fingers. 
You look up at him through your lashes, a frown dampening your pretty features. At least, in his eyes. 
"Please don't go," you say. Your eyebrows pinch together. It's even more heartbreaking than your catatonia, this pleading loneliness, like you think he won't stay. 
"You have to talk to me," Miguel says. He softens at your chastised wince, sitting back down again. "Did you want a hug?" he asks. 
It's an apology to offer it, though he should've asked you this morning, or yesterday, even the day before. You'd been inconsolable when it happened. Miguel's never seen you that way. Your sunshine shattered, your shoulders shaking under his hands as he led you away from the scene, he didn't hug you like he wanted to. It wouldn't have made a difference at the time. You couldn't speak. You could barely walk. 
Seeing something like that happen leaves a mark, even if you've seen it before. 
You sweep aside your gifts and twist your legs to climb onto your knees. Miguel hadn't realised how much you wanted to be close to him until you're bordering his lap, your arms sliding over his shoulders, your pyjamas soft and smelling of antiseptic under his nose. A switch flicks at your nearness. He pulls you into his lap and sandwiches you there, chest to chest, thankful for his stature because it means he can encapsulate you effortlessly. He can hide you from the world for a short while. 
You choke him half to death. 
"It's okay," he says, your back curved into the length of his forearm, leaning forward so you can take the weight off. "You're okay." 
"I don't– it's not me. I'm not worried about me." 
"It's over," he says. "What's done is done." Which isn't to say it isn't tragic, or that it didn't leave a permanent mark on the world. But you're punishing yourself for a crime you didn't commit.
"It's all my fault," you whisper, your cheek pressing to his shoulder, face hidden in the juncture of his neck.
He tilts his head toward you. "It's my fault. I jumped in. I wanted it to be quick."
"I let him…" 
"You had a grade ii concussion, you didn't let anyone do anything. I'm lucky you didn't pass out right there. I'm lucky you had the ability to defend yourself, because I left you defenceless." 
"No, you didn't, it–" You rub your cheek against his shoulder. "It happened really fast, you were making sure that bot didn't get me because I was stupid enough to leave myself open–" 
"Stop it."
It's harsh enough to stop you in your tracks. Miguel sighs hard, hair blowing away from his face. 
He lays down backward, skewiff on your bed, and pulls you with him in a secure but gentle hold. You make a quiet 'oof' as you go down. Apologetic yet again, Miguel rubs a line up and down your back, fingertips between your shoulders, palm flattening as he reaches the small of your back, your shirt inching up. He's sure you look foolish to anyone watching, but for once, he's past embarrassment. 
"I don't want to hear you blaming yourself. It's not your fault." 
You've twisted on your side on the mattress rather than crush his pelvis, though your chest remains pressed to his. You twist a strand of his dark hair around your finger. "Why did you bring me all this stuff?" you ask softly. 
"To make you feel better." 
"But why… do you… want that? Why does it matter that much, that you'd waste time going to get me things?" 
"Why do you think?" he asks. 
Your lips ghost the column of his throat. "Mm… 'cos you're nicer than you let on." 
"Wrong." 
You laugh again. He's more grateful than he'd ever say aloud. 
"Because you care about me too much." 
Too much is right. He feels like he's at the stern of the universe's most important ship. The universes, plural. That ship is heading square for an iceberg, for the precipice of a gargantuan whirlpool, and there's nothing Miguel can do but hand out buckets and veer sharply to the left, hoping it will be enough, knowing deep down that it won't be if something doesn't give soon. And he's lived a life, two lives, before he even met you. He's tired. He doesn't want to lose anyone else, and he hoped he could do that by never caring again. 
What a stupid hope. 
"I just want you to feel like yourself again," he admits. 
"I really wanted to save him." 
"You can't save everyone." 
He knows better than most. 
"I know," you say, no tears left to cry, voice impossibly small. 
Miguel wraps his arms around you and doesn't let go for a long, long time. 
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
thank you so much for reading, I really really hope you enjoyed! please think about reblogging if you liked it, I appreciate it <3
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wolfiesmoon · 2 months
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hey, i wanted to say first that i love ur writing style. Also I wanted to ask (if is not a problem) jade, floyd and leona the prompt “cheek kisses that leave red lipstick stains”
awwww i'm so glad u think so!! i'm not sure if you mean the more silly one or the more serious one but either way i'm very happy 🩷
the reader is gender neutral in essence but they do wear lipstick because it's needed for this fic
jade's is suggestive i suppose????? so watch out for that????
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⋆୨୧˚ Jade Leech
"Interesting choice of lipstick. Not in a bad way, of course." Jade commented upon seeing you.
"I bought it yesterday, but I still have something I have to test out." You tried your best to look innocent and nonchalant.
You've had this lipstick for a while actually, but you still haven't tested if it's transfer proof yet. Jade is the perfect candidate to test that out. Atleast in your humble opinion.
"Oh? And what might that be?" he smiled at you.
"You'll see. Like, literally right now." you mirrored his decievingly innocent smile. After you kiss him, his eyes will probably go wide like they always do when he isn't expecting something. Which just so happens to be one of your favourite expressions of his.
You reached your hands out to him and pulled his face close to yours, then pressed a nice, long kiss on his right cheek. You mirrored it on the left one too, of course. Symmetry always looks nice.
Just like you predicted, he made the exact face you envisioned, with slightly pink cheeks as a bonus.
"Oh. I was... certainly not expecting that." he sounded genuinely surprised, smiling happily at you and showcasing his sharp teeth in the process. Knowing Jade, you honestly don't want to know what he thought you were going to do with that lipstick.
"Aw man, it's not transfer proof." you acted slightly dissapointed, but in reality, you couldn't be more glad that it isn't. Hmmm, it kinda feels nice to catch Jade off guard like that. Maybe you should do it more often.
"You don't realise what you've just done, do you?" his smile quickly turns sinister in a way you can't quite put your finger on. It makes you feel all weird, like you're pray getting cornered.
"Done what?" you laughed nervously.
"I do hope that you are good at hiding bite marks." as he said that, he was already grabbing your wrist and dragging you to god knows where.
"Wait... Jade, where are you taking me? Jade?!"
You have a feeling the lipstick might get smudged by the time you're done.
⋆୨୧˚ Floyd Leech
"I don't wanna talk to you..." Floyd sulked, not looking at you.
"He's been like this for the whole day." Normally, Jade would deal with Floyd's bad mood, but he's been causing even more trouble for the Lounge than usual today and was not very willing to be put in a better mood by his brother, so Jade was forced to employ higher forces to help him out. The higher forces being you, of course.
"Right... Actually, I think I might have an idea on how to solve this." You thought of a certain thing you wanted to for a while now but never had the chance to.
"Is that so?" Jade noticed the mischevious smile on your face, amused at whatever you'll come up with.
.
"Floyd, come with me." You pulled on his collar, sounding confident and serious.
"I told you, I'm not going to talk to you..." he glared at you, trying to push your hand away.
"There's no talking involved." You pulled harder and he finally let up, silently letting you drag him to a quiet corner of the school.
Because he's still in a bad mood, he hasn't looked your way at all. This also means he hasn't noticed the lipstick.
Suddenly, you grab a hold of his face and press a kiss to his lips before he can protest.
"Oh... oooooooh!" His face brightened up and it seems his mood has instantly improved. Floyd's a surprsingly simple guy sometimes, isn't he?
But, you're not done yet.
You pepper kisses on each of his cheeks without letting him say anything at all. He lets out strange but not entirely unwelcome noises while you're busy decorating his cheeks with kiss marks.
"There. Are you in a better mood now? Because the Mostro Lounge needs you." you looked satisfied with your work and so did Floyd when he got a glance of himself in the mirror.
"Ehhhh, do I really have to? I feel like squeezing you, not going to work. Especially not now that I'm all decorated with your kisses." he looked annoyed at the mention of work, wanting nothing more than to smother you with love and bonecrushing hugs right now.
Seems your plan kinda backfired since he became a little too happy and doesn't seem fond of letting you go anytime soon.
⋆୨୧˚ Leona Kingscholar
It is a bit unusual for you to wear such a bright lipstick color. He brushes it off, thinking you were just in the mood for a bright color or something.
Why should he care what color your lips are, anyways? Does not matter at all.
"Leonaaaa.... come here, kitty kitty~" you called him over jokingly and he glared at you in annoyance which only made you snort harder. But he still came over anyways, so you call it a win.
He looked at you, waiting for you to clarify on what you called him over for. Better be worth his time.
You grabbed a hold of the two braids at the front of his hair and pulled him into a kiss. Though it was a short(er) one since your main targets are his cheeks.
You made sure to thoroughly decorate them with kisses, turning his head left and right to inspect your work and make sure the number was about equal.
"You done?" he tries to sound unbothered, but you immediately see through it. He's definitely really happy about it.
"Yeah. You can go back to napping now." you let him go, and he lingered for a moment, no doubt dissapointed that you actually said yes. But since he didn't want to show it, he returned to his napping spot under the tree and you went back to studying in the library.
.
"Leeeeeoooonaaaa! Are you here again? Professor Crewel is mad at y- What is that on your face?" Ruggie's scolding session was cut short when he noticed the lipstick marks on Leona's face.
"What are you.... Ugh..." turns out Leona kinda forgot about the fact that lipstick usually leaves marks and that his cheeks were full of 'em this whole time. He groans at the realisation.
Though... they might not be that bad if they were made by you.
"Oh my god, stay still. I gotta take a photo of this. I'm sure your family would be happy to know you're doing well in your love life." Ruggie was about to pull out his phone but was stopped by Leona who swiftly grabbed his wrist. Wait, since when was he standing, anyways?
"Jesus, you scare me sometimes..." Ruggie pushes his phone back in his pocket. "Well, do I go get something to clean your face or what?"
Leona hesitates.
"Yeah, yeah."
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Text
Let me love on you a little more (Charles Leclerc)
Sometimes, it felt like what you were doing was a drop in the immense ocean, but Charles always made you feel a little better when you had the chance to go home
Note: english is not my first language. I based this on the news and stories I heard from people on the front line! This is in no way romanticising or summing up what happened, much less downplaying it! I hold huge huge respect and gratitude for healthcare workers!
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Tw: Covid-19 pandemic and themes associated with reader being a front line worker as a doctor (mentions hospitals, tests, death)
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3
"You can follow the purple line to the testing site we have here", you told the elderly woman.
"Is it going to hurt too much? My neighbour had to get tested to weeks ago when she visited her family and she said it's uncomfortable", she mused.
"It's a little itchy, I have to admit it, but it shouldn't hurt you, just a little bit uncomfortable, Mrs. Loire", you attempted to soothe her, your usual hand on the patients' arm now a strongly inadvisable way to comfort them.
"Thank you, Dr. Y/L/N", he said, her eyes letting you know that behind her mask there was a big smile on appreciation and gratitude.
Taking temperatures and checking flu like symptoms was not how you thought your medical career would pan out once you chose your speciality, but the new normal was this and you were working your best to do what you got into medicine to do in the first place, improve and save lives.
"How many people have you sent to the testing site?", your colleague Marina asked you when she noticed that for now, there were no walk-ins or ambulances with new patients.
"Just this morning, twenty-five", you sighed, "the closest I got to a potential non-Covid case was the kid that broke his arm, but Ortho swooped him right from me".
"Are you truly so disappointed about not being on an Orthopedics case?", she chuckled, "you hated everytime you had to be on that floor", she argued.
"I'd do anything that isn't watching people die because we don't have enough equipment or because we don't know enough about this disease to stop it", you let your frustrations out.
"We're going to win this, Y/N", Marina squeezed your shoulder, "you're usually the hopeful one on the service, but I can hope for the two of us today", she replied earnestly, "I'm going to have lunch now, do you want to go with me and sit on opposite tables so I can at least look at your face without a mask from a distance?".
"Let's go, I'm starving and I'm going up to the ward this afternoon", you raised your eyebrows, tidying up the station for whoever would cover the afternoon shift there.
As you walked to the area you had lunch in, you were happy to find the sun shinning outside on the green park area where you or the patients' family would take them to get fresh air when they were still admitted and recovering. It wasn't a thing now for obvious reasons, so you and Marina ended up in there keeping a safe distance while enjoying the feeling on the sun on your bare skin.
"Do you sometimes feel like you're losing all sense of time in there?", Marina nudged to the big building, "my mother's birthday was yesterday and I thought it was still a month away - she called me to say she had left a piece of cake for me by my door".
"Yesterday, Charles called me and told me he has going to wash my favourite hoodie of his and then wear it around the house so that by the time I came home it was nice and smelling the way I liked it. Then I reasoned with him that it wasn't this weekend because how could it be? Then I realised he was right", you took a spoonful from the tupperware.
"Are you spending the weekend at home?", Marina asked, smiling at how you seemed to finally be taking care of yourself.
You had been one of the doctors who didn't mind staying for longer in the hospital, reasoning that you didn't have kids and fortunately your family members didn't need assistance so you could cover more shifts and work as much to keep everything running smoothly. It caught up with you as it did with all your colleagues so you set specific times in your calendar where you would go home and, barring any catastrophic situation at the hospital, no one would call you for the days you spent home so you could fully relax with Charles.
"Yes, five days at home and then I'm back", you sighed, "and you? How is your little one doing?", you asked.
"My wife texted me an hour into my shift to say that Milo had a Skype call with his class and their teacher and he said his mama was in the hospital being a hero", she gave you a big smile and looked up to control the tears, "it's hard being away from them, but these little moments help", she added.
"Charles does streams with his friends, and apparently he's always mentioning me and the people on the chat have been very supportive - whenever he calls me he tells me that some fans recognise my voice and my name from the virtual appointments and that they've been here and treated by me, too", you blushed, "He's always hyping me up and I can't wait to be with him".
Stopping by the coffee machine, you both got another expresso shot before parting ways since Marina wasn't on the Covid ward for that shift.
"We've just intubated three more patients", the doctor finished her rounding up to you and the rest of the team that would take over for them, "beds five and six aren't looking good and we've alerted their family members already", he nudged.
Everyone knew what it meant when it came to calling the families, so you nodded, "hopefully they'll get here on time, have them page me downstairs when they arrive, please", you asked one of the interns before you excused yourself to put your personal protective equipment on.
"Is that you, Y/N?", one of the younger kids you had treated said as you got out of the room.
"Yes, it's me! You have a good eye, Arlo!", you smiled before noticing nurse Francesca pulling his wheelchair, "are you going home, sweet boy?", you gasped.
Arlo had been the first child you treated in the ward, only having seen adults up until that moment and it changed a switch in you. A small child struggling so much seemed to shake something inside you, and every time you called his parents with updates, you wished that you'd never have to make the dreaded call.
"I am, my lungs are all good and I'm not warm anymore!", he smiled, "I finally get to go home, my parents are downstairs waiting for me. Did you give Charles my thank you hug for the cap?", he asked.
When you noticed the little boy talking about the last Monaco GP and how he hoped one day he would be able to meet his favourite driver, Charles Leclerc, you couldn't find it in you to keep your relationship undisclosed. So, when you went home the last time, you asked Charles to sign one cap for you and told him to be ready for a FaceTime with the little boy. Arlo was the happiest you had seen him since he had been admitted, lighting up when he saw your boyfriend on the screen and giving him a few smiles despite his tired and sick state.
"I haven't been home yet, but I will give him the biggest hug at the end of the week!", you smiled, "I'm so happy for you, Arlo!", you gushed, making the gesture to blow him as kiss as he waved goodbye.
There were good stories, and even though they in no way erased the sad ones, they helped you carry on with the fight.
Laying on the on-call room after your shift, you took off your mask since no one else was allowed inside it other than you, doing your usual routine and setting your phone in the window sill.
"Hey, amour", Charles said on the phone, "how was your day?", he asked as he watched you towell dry your hair.
"Hey, mon coeur", you offered him a small smile, "I'm so tired I can't guarantee I won't fall asleep in a minute".
"It's okay, I won't mind. Did you get tested?", Charles asked as he seemed to be tucking himself to bed as well.
"Yes, another swab up my nose", you flashed him two thumbs up, "I'll have the results in the morning and hopefully I can get out of here for a few days and spend them with you and not quarantine in a hotel room", you crossed your fingers, "I don't have any symptoms, but still, you never know with this bastard".
"We'll spend it together, amour", he comforted, "I already have a lazy couple of days planned out for us", he smiled as you too tucked yourself on the oncall room bed.
"That sounds amazing", you closed your eyes briefly, "I can't wait to be with you", you yawned.
Charles knew better than to start anything important, just happy to see you were resting, safe and sound, making small talk to lull you to sleep before he ended the call.
After attending the virtual meeting so you could update the next team on how the service was running before you left, the results from test came back negative, which meant you could finally drive home.
Unlocking the door, you stepped inside as you heard commotion coming from the living room, "stay away while I put all of this in the cabinet", you warned Charles.
He was quick to go to the bedroom, getting his hoodie and a pair of shorts for you, "as much as I'd love to hold you all day looking like that", your boyfriend nodded to your figure in just underwear, "I think you'll be more cosy in these", he approached you as you finally let him touch you, his arms going around your waist and pulling your bodies closer, "I've missed you so much, Y/N", he whispered.
"I missed you so much, too", you pulled your face away from his chest before kissing his lips in a proper greeting.
Charles guided you to the living room after you got dressed in his clothes, stopping by the kitchen door to check if you had a proper breakfast to which you said yes, so he took you to the sofa, snuggling you two under the blanket as he put one of your favourite shows on the TV.
"I love you, Charles", you would say every now and again, completing the affectionate moments with a kiss or a squeeze.
During the afternoon, you and Charles ended up napping on the sofa, Charles waking up with you still fast asleep on his chest, making him kiss your forehead a couple of times and pull the blanket to cover you up.
"How long was I out for?", you rubbed your eyes two hours later, looking up to see your boyfriend's smile.
"A couple of hours, it looked like a really good nap", he kissed your nose.
"Yes, it was", you squeezed his body, "I'm really craving some carbonara for dinner, do you think we have what the recipe needs?", you questioned.
"We do - I did the food shop earlier this week and I got all of the supplies", he smiled, brushing your hairs away from your eyes and behind your ears, "do you want to get started on it?".
"Yes - I need to pee first, but I'll meet you in the kitchen", you winked, pecking his lips multiple times before getting up.
As he watched you walk to the bathroom, thoughts came flooding in.
This is what he wanted with you. Cosy intimacy that went beyond what happened in the bedroom. The domesticity that went beyond just spending time together and that shines through in the little moments of intertwined routines, special requests and little talks in the middle of the night about random existential questions.
Stepping into the kitchen, Charles gathered the ingredients, pots and pans before you stepped inside too, hugging his waist and nuzzling your face on his back, "you're so comfy, Charlie", you cooed before he turned around so he could face you, cupping your cheeks and rubbing them.
"And you're so gorgeous, mon coeur", he complimented, making you melt inside as you focused on the pads of his thumbs against your skin.
Slicing the guanciale, you removed the rind and cut the rest into small pieces while Charles grated the pecorino cheese and added the egg yolks to the same bowl, the pasta already cooking with the timer on the side.
Scrambling everything into the pot one last time before adding the pasta water a little bit at a time until it was spot on as you liked, making you serve it up in the plates and head back to the sofa.
"Haven't you had enough of the sofa?", you giggled as Charles let you sit before he placed the tray on your lap, doing the same with his own, "I know I haven't had the energy for much else, but maybe tomorrow we can go hike if you'd like", you suggested.
"I want to spend time with you, wherever you are - you're in the sofa, I'm in the sofa, you're in the kitchen, I'm in the kitchen, if you're in the bathroom, I'm in the bathroom", he stated like it was clear as water.
"Maybe not when I'm in the toilet, though, okay?", you squinted as he laughed at your antics.
Charles tidied up after the both of you, sending you to the ensuite bathroom for a bath he'd join you in as soon as he was done.
"You didn't get in?", Charles slumped his shoulders slightly as he saw you sprawled out on the bed.
"I was partially in a food coma, but also - I didn't want to get in alone and the water was a little too hot so I had to let it cool for a bit", you smiled, letting him pull you up and into the bathroom.
Stepping inside the bathroom, Charles grabbed your hips, "let me love on you a little bit more, mon coeur", he said as he pulled you to him, grabbing the hem of the hoodie you were wearing and taking it off of your torso, kissing the skin on your shoulders.
As he stopped his ministrations on your skin, you took the opportunity to take his t-shirt off while you shimmied your shorts and underwear, caressing his muscles before he also took the rest of his clothes off.
"Feels good", Charles dipped his fingers in the tub, getting in himself so he could help you sit between his legs and lay your back on his chest.
Your boyfriend brought his hands together and formed a shell shape with them, collecting water in them and wetting your shoulder blades, then letting it cascade down your neckline, boobs and tummy before he let his hands wander around to feel your body, hoping it would show you his love and appreciation for you.
After you got out, Charles rubbed your products on your face, giggling when you made little faces before you put on pyjamas, tucking into bed and cuddling his chest.
"You know I've missed you so much, but our bed feels heavenly right now", you chuckled, kissing his naked chest, "I love you, Charles", you mumbled before sleep took over you.
"I love you, beautiful girl, sleep tight", he whispered against your hair, kissing the top of your head before he rubbed your back.
Charles was woken up from your body moving a lot and the clammy feeling of your hand on his chest, looking for your face and noticing the crease on your forehead, "hey, amour", he gently shook you awake, "wake up for me, please, it's okay, you're okay", he urged as you opened your eyes wide as you took in where you were.
"I'm home, I'm home", you mumbled, taking deep breaths like Charles encouraged you to once you sat up, doing them with you a couple of times until you calmed down.
"You are, mon coeur, you are", Charles kissed your forehead when you rested your back against the headboard.
After standing there in silence while Charles played with your fingers on your lap, you were able to speak about it, "I hit five this week", you mumbled, "five people who have died on my watch since this thing started, five family members I've had to call to tell them their loved one didn't make it.
"And it's a small number when you compare it to other countries - so many colleagues are already on their one hundredth, but Monaco is so small", you reasoned, "I haven't had a number this high since I started at the hospital - in my regular service, I never lost five people".
"It's not your fault, amour - a virus is out there and you're working so hard to contain it", Charles pulled you to his chest, rubbing your arm up and down and kissing the side of your head, "the work you're doing with the testing site, making sure to slow the spread and ensuring everyone is as healthy as they can be - you're part of that, Y/N, and even though it doesn't seem like it, you're still winning, you're still beating the universe".
"I couldn't do it without you", you mused and Charles' scoff alerted you, "it's true, Charles! I would never be able to stay at the hospital for so long if you weren't supportive, if you weren't helping my parents and making sure they're doing okay when I can't do it! The way you support me and are there for me - the way your holding me like you always do", you snuggled further into him, "this helps me keep going - you do", you kissed his jaw, seeing his blushed cheeks in the dimly lit bedroom.
"We're a good team then", he accepted the compliment, kissing your temple again, "do you think you can go back to sleep or maybe we could have a chat, watch some TV, have a lazy makeout session", he wiggled his eyebrows.
"That last idea sounds great, I've missed that", you rolled over properly, taking his lips in yours as his hands roamed along your tummy.
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bokutooooo · 7 months
Text
Dream Ride
warnings: strong language! flirting? age gap!! (LEGAL)
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"Hey Neela, who's this red neck?" I laugh and Neela rolls her eyes. "This is Sean he just moved here try to be nice." "Hey nice to meet you y/n" he puts out his hand "Hey, have you showed him around yet?". "Yeah I showed him around a bit, you coming tonight?" "I think so my car finally ready, i'm so excited to show it off."
Neela and I are getting ready at my house. "Soooo going to make a move yet? I mean you guys eye fuck each other all the timeeee, you've had a crush on him for years." I laugh "He's turning thirty In like 3 years" "so what? I think you should make a move, It's likely he feels the same". It's true me and Han do flirt a lot but it never went anywhere, plus he is way older than me. "yeah yeah, just keep getting ready missy"..
We pull into the the race centre In my newly improved Nissan Skyline GT-R, of course it isn't just a boring plain car It's pink and white with a glossy finish don't even get me started on the interior. "this car Is so hot, I love it" I smile, proud of what I did "I know right! it's so perfect". I park In a spot near Twinkie's Hulk themed car, makes me grin every time I see it. Neela's already talking to Sean as I'm speaking with Twinkie "I see you're already best friends with red neck huh?" "yeah, seems chill, thought maybe he'd like to come with me tonight. He's seems really into cars." I look over my shoulder at Neela and Sean "You know DK's going to get mad right? Just look, already glaring at him." twinkie looks over, DK already on the move, eyes widen he's quick to rush over. I'm quick to follow behind him "Hey hey hey DK how's going I see you met Sean" I look over at Neela who looks a bit worried. Neela and DK have been dating? for awhile, I mean I don't know if I'd call it dating but best friends with benefits? DK has always been possessive over Neela but sometimes it's a bit much. "Who's this gaijin?!" Neela steps In front but Twinkie is quick to speak up "DK he's here with us, we don't want any problems just here to race. "really? can he drift." I swallow, Sean is probably so confused. "I can race, wanna race?" Twinkie and I look at each other wondering if we just heard the same thing. Now don't get me wrong DK doesn't scare me just I know damn well he's an amazing racer and going up against him Is kind of dumb, especially If you're Sean and have never seen DK race before. DK chuckles "alright gaijin sure, but uh whatcha gonna race with? that?" he looks over at the Hulk car. "He can use mine, see what the kid's got."
I recognize that voice so fast I don't even need to turn around to see who it is. "Really Han? gonna let this kid race with your car? .. alright I won't stop you, I can add it to my collection." he smirks he knows he'll win.
Me and Neela are listening to Twinkie lecture Sean about his stupid decision "Do you even know what DK stands for?" Twinkie crosses his arms waiting for a reply. "No? Donkey Kong?" I laugh and shake my head "It means DRIFT KING Sean, basically Twinkie's telling you that you're going to get you're ass kicked." I smile and watch Sean's face "Maybe I'll win? you never know" "the chances of you winning red neck are slim to none, than you'll have to pay back Han". I lean back against my car, "What about me?" I turn to see Han shoving his mouth full with chips. I smile seeing him shoveling food in his face he's always eating "just explaining what's going to happen after he loses" "hey have some faith in him, maybe he'll win".
"keyword Han. MAYBE, I just feel bad for you sucks you're gonna lose another car." He just laughs and looks at Sean "just try, you'll still owe me though."
"alright let's go! chop chop!!" Han hands his keys over to Sean to his 2006 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution IX. "Han man this car is too nice for this."
Han shrugs "Y/n lets go up a level" Neela tugs at my arm "alright good luck Sean, see you at the finish line.. if you ever make it..." I giggle walking towards the elevator. "wait up!" twinkie and Han jogging towards us.
The elevator Is filled with the talking of Neela and Twinkie, the two of them stand close to the door while me and Han are In the back. I watch as Han leans down, "Hey y/n how have you been? it's been a minute since we last talk, missed you" he whispers it so Nel and Twinkie can't hear. "Just been working on Kai, finished her a couple days ago. I'll show you after if we go back to the garage." He's teasing me..I know he is, and I'm enjoying every second of it. "Sure, forgot you name them. I know you've been working on her for awhile, congrats." I smile and the doors open, we step out into the crowd of people. Music's blasting and people are shoving their tongues down each others throat, dancing/gridding. "Do you guys really think he'll win this" i ask looking at Neela and Han "probably not but why not give it a shot"
"Okay!! Let's get this started!!!" a girl steps up between the two cars who keep revving their engines while glaring at one another. "READY?" she looks at the two cars "SET.." the room goes silent for maybe 3 seconds. "GOO!!" and off! both cars race off around the building, twists and turns and all you can hear is screeching noise of the tires. There're quick to go up another level and people rush to get up there. "Come on!" Neela grabs my hand as we run.. or at least try to In our heels.
Once we reach upstairs everyone waits patiently to see who will reach the finish line first. And whoosh! DK stops perfectly, I sigh but already knew what the outcome would be. a minute later Sean screeches In and stops. People are cheering and surrounding DK as I walk towards the scratched up, dented car. Han, Twinkie and Neela are already talking to Sean "You own me a car red." Twinkie's laughing and Neela's talking with Sean. "So that didn't really go to plan huh?"
"Yeah guess not, but I'll just practice till I know for sure I can beat him" I just chuckle at his remark "Han, maybe you can teach him how to drift, a couple of lessons wouldn't hurt." Han turns to me and smirks "maybe you should baby" I glance at him, cheeks reddening at the nickname "why because I drift better than you?" I raise an eyebrow at him with a cocky grin on my face. "whatever you say"
"I wish you'd just race me already! I've been waiting so long" I groan, he smiles "maybe later" he shrugs "you always say thattt!" walking to his car "meet me at the garage, think there's a party going on." I turn back to Sean Twinkie and Neela.
"you guys up for it?"
-----------
Might make another part^!
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Note
Hello love, I had a thought after the new episode about Crosshair x reader where she’s been with Hunter and wrecker trying to find Omega (and him) and when crosshair steps out of the ship she just runs to him <3 maybe it also includes them talking on the marauder after about what’s happened. I hope this sparks interest for you!! I love your writing :)
Forgiven
Crosshair x Reader
Summary- You reminisce on the first time Crosshair fought against you and his brothers. He thought you'd never forgive him, but he is surprised when you reunite.
A/N- So sorry this one took so long! I'm still sick but was determined to get this out! Thank you for requesting!! I hope you like it, please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve.
Word Count- 2,276
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You remember the first time you realized you lost Crosshair to the Empire. The memory plagued your sleepless nights...
"I know what you're going to do, but please- don't." Omega begged Crosshair. You turned to listen to them, but couldn't figure out what she was talking about. What was he going to do? And how did Omega know about it?
"What do you know?" He remarked.
"I know you can't help it..." She rested a hand to his shoulder. The act warmed your heart, but anxiety rested in the deep pit of your stomach.
You couldn't place exactly why. I mean, you were all imprisoned. But, really, it was nothing the squad hadn't been in before. This was the kind of anxiety that rushed your veins. The kind that appears out of no where and strikes you.
At this feeling, you stood up to move and sit on Crosshairs right. He wasn't very affectionate in public, but you knew the proximity would ease your nerves.
Your hand gently ran down his arm as you sat, he straightened up at your touch. He was on edge as well.
The small gesture of him spreading his right leg slightly wider, to touch you, made you smile. Even in a cell, he could make you feel at home.
He didn't turn to look at you, but took your hand in his, holding it in his lap.
Just seconds later, a masked group of clones arrived.
"CT-9904, you're coming with us."
"Excuse me?" You stood, Hunter was quicker than you though.
"Oh no no, no. We stay together." The clone immediately rammed the butt of his gun into Hunter's stomach. He doubled over in pain.
"Stand down!" The clone yelled. You still advanced, determined to stick together.
A hand grabbed at your wrist. It was Crosshair, still looking down.
"Stop, you'll just get into more trouble." He then looked up at you. He stood, still holding onto you. Your breath hitched, scared for him. What would the Empire do to him?
"Wait!" You called out, he turned around just before stepping out of the cell.
You leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, somewhat of a 'goodbye.' You could see his face get visibly softer. You pulled him closer for a hug, your face in his neck. "Whatever happens, try to meet us at the Hangar..." You whispered. Only he heard.
He nodded his head at you, then turned to follow the clone. The jail wall went back up.
You watched him walk away, the clones right behind him. "He'll be okay. We'll find a way out." Hunter reassured, a hand on your shoulder.
He was right. You all did find a way out. In an attempt to retrieve everyone's armor, you all rushed to the Hangar. Just before putting your last arm piece on, you stopped. "Where's Crosshair! He should be back by now!" You had hoped he found a way to escape the clones that took him. Looking around again didn't help.
"Tech, power up the ship. The rest of us will go look for Crosshair." Hunter commanded.
No one had a chance to respond, the large doors of the cabin opened to reveal him. He was leading a large squad of troopers.
"Uhh, I don't think we'll have to go far..." Omega spoke.
Your breath hitched, but you weren't scared. Crosshair would never do anything to hurt you. Nor his brothers, right?
"Cross!" You went to meet him, you didn't care about the other clone troopers next to him.
However, Hunter blocked you with his body. You stopped, wary but trusting his extreme senses.
"Best stand down sergeant." Crosshair said, rifle at the ready. "Make it easy on yourself... And your team." He looked you in the eyes, then back to Hunter.
"Have you lost your mind!" Hunter interrogated.
The two of them argued back and forth, though neither side made an official attack.
You were so confused, why would Crosshair turn on everyone. Why would he turn on you? Tears prickled, you placed your helmet on so no one could see.
"Now surrender." Crosshair tried, deep down you didn't think he wanted to injure anyone.
Blast fired everywhere.
Omega covered her head- barred down. You rushed to her, giving her cover. Hunter joined your side, now he was guiding Omega back to the ship.
You, Wrecker, and Echo fought hard, which gave Hunter enough time to usher Omega safely to the ship.
Hunter barely had time to run back out, guns firing, when all the overhead lights went off. The storm outside did nothing to help the lighting.
You crouched down to collect your thoughts, looking through your visor you saw many heat signatures. It was hard to tell who was who, but identified Wrecker by his size and Echo by his arm.
You blasted at the on-coming troopers, distracted by a new wave of them coming in. Someone had called for backup.
A loud scream let you know Wrecker had been shot, you weren't close enough to help him. A glance back showed you Echo and Hunter pulling him to safety.
The second you turned back around the barrel of a gun was pointed at your head. A figure sat inches in front of you, also crouched down.
"Don't say a word." It was Crosshair...
You pushed your helmet off, suddenly desperate for some air. You stared at him with glossy eyes. He wouldn't really shoot you, would he?
"Follow them back to The Marauder. Do not tell a soul I let you." He commanded you, lowering his gun. Was he telling you to escape now?
"Cross, I don't-"
"It's not safe here. You have to run."
"Bu-"
"It is too late for me, but you need to go. Now." When you didn't get up, he raised his rifle at you.
"Go!"
You nodded, shoving your helmet over your head. You wasted no more time as you ran to the ship. Tech closed the ramp and door behind you.
The ship roared off, jumping into hyperspace immediately.
You were left dazed, confused, and heartbroken. How could you lose him so fast?
It had been a long time since you all had to run. Not a day, or night, went by that you didn't think about Crosshair. No matter what he thought about you- he was always going to be your true love.
You could only hope he still felt the same deep down.
While you secretly prayed that you'd run into him again, all your prayers were soon taken up. They shifted to be about Omegas safety, ever since she was physically taken from your arms on Ord Mantell.
They didn't stop until you, Hunter, and Wrecker received a coded message. It contained an abandoned planet's coordinates, sent by 'Lula.' You knew it was Omega, no one else knew about Wreckers (turned Omegas) stuffed doll.
Hunter couldn't fly the ship fast enough, you three soon arrived at the location.
At the sound of another ship landing, Wrecker went to see who it was. Just in case it was some kind of ambush.
Seconds later, you both heard giggles from Omega and laughter from Wrecker.
Hunter looked down at the floor, ashamed.
"Hunter, so see her." You said, resting a friendly hand on his knee.
He was silent for a moment, gaze still down. "What, what if she is ma-"
"Omega loves you, she's not mad at you for anything. Please go see your daughter." You smiled at your own words, and the fact that his face turned red.
He rose and walked out to see her. You followed behind, hugging Omega after she and Hunter had their moment.
"How... how did you escape?" Hunter asked, addressing the elephant in the room.
"I had help." Your smile dimmed, watching the empire ship door closely. A figure walked down, the second you copped a good look- you were running.
A gasp barely had time to leave your mouth, your feet hit the ground in quick strides. You didn't stop until you were met with his body.
He stumbled back, but caught you. Your arms immediately wrapped tightly around him. Like he was going to fade away.
You let out a single sob when his hand lifted to caress your hair, then back. "Cross..."
He didn't say a word, he just squeezed you tight. It told you all you needed to know.
In that moment you forgot all that he did. Heck, you didn't care about any of it. He was here, alive, safe, and not trying to attack anyone.
"I'm sorry.... I'm so, so sorry." He repeated himself, mumbling apologies over and over.
You pulled away, forcing his forehead down to touch yours. "Shut up." You silenced him with a kiss, your eyes closed.
It was an awkward few hours on The Marauder. Wrecker and Hunter were still wary on Crosshair. Truth be told, they had a right to be. Omega defended him when she could, but everyone needed to accept the change on their own time.
That Crosshair's days with the Empire was now in the past.
Omega soon fell asleep on Hunter, you could tell she needed a good nights sleep. One where she wasn't constantly looking over her shoulder, or scared someone would come in her sleeping quarters.
As Hunter put her to bed, Wrecker found himself on the verge of sleep too. He headed to one of the two cots hidden in the back.
"Hunter, go to bed." You gently suggested.
"You sure you'll be okay?" He eyed Crosshair, still not trusting.
"I'm a big girl Hunter. Plus, I don't think Cross would be dumb enough to go against all of us with no weapons." You tried to joke, but the tension was so thick you could cut it. Both men raised an eyebrow at you.
You sighed, "Go to bed. I'm fine, really." He nodded and headed off. That left you and Crosshair alone in the cockpit.
It was quiet for a minute, both of you were scared to speak first. It was all so... real, so serious all of a sudden.
"How bad was it?" You asked, turned away from him on purpose.
"Worse than you can imagine." He didn't mean to, but he broke your heart at his words.
You turned to face him, quickly taking note of how his hand shook. You looked from his hand to his face, he tried to hide it.
"Uhm, I guess i'll take the first watch if you want to get some rest." You were so uncomfortable. There was an unspoken thought dancing around the room. While you wanted to kiss and hold him, there was a weird air that surrounded you both. It made you question every move, like it was your first date all over again.
"Right..." Was all he could muster. He was terrified of saying the wrong thing.
He bit this fear back with his next words. "I wish, I wish I could go back. Do things... differently."
"I know. Me too." You tried to meet his gaze, but he stared at the wall.
You were tired of this. What happened to the two of you?
"Crosshair."
"Hmm?"
"What's wrong."
He stared.
"Cross, if you don't love me anymore just tell me. Don't beat around the bush."
This made him snap his head at you. "What? You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Really? Because after I kissed you, you haven't touched me! We used to tell each other everything, now we can't hold simple conversation! I Know a lot happened, I am so sorry you went through what you did. It shatters me just thinking about you getting hurt... but please, talk to me." You pleaded.
He grunted and sat up straight. "You deserve someone better! That's why. Because you shouldn't want to be with someone who turned on his brothers. Who abandoned his team. Who tried to kill the person he loved most. Maybe I should stop beating around the bush, you'll realize what I really am. Disposable."
You blinked up at him, heart beating fast. You didn't know what to say.
Crosshair 'humphed' and slouched back in his chair.
You rose to your feet, standing in front of him. You took his shaking hand in yours. "The man I love came back. He saved Omega. I know deep down you are the same Crosshair I fell in love with. The man that, even when controlled by an inhibitor chip, managed to let me run free. You could have killed me, that's what the chip told you to do... but, you didn't. Crosshair, I won't- I can't blame you for doing anything under the control of your chip."
"I did awful things after that chip was taken out..." He still thought he was unworthy, trying to make you agree.
"You can't push me away. You can't push away the people who love you." You still held his shaking hand in yours, raising your other to rest on his cheek.
"I forgive you... I truly do. I know it will be a long time until you forgive yourself, but I will be right here when you do. The guys will come around, just wait. I promise everything will be okay."
He closed his eyes, leaning into your palm. You moved down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. At his, he rested his hands on your hips and pulled you to his lap.
You curled yourself up, finally feeling that warm comfort you always felt in him.
You kiss him again, slowly this time.
"I'll do better..." He croaked.
"I know you will."
A/N- Thank you so much for reading! I have fr been sick for a whole week, like give me a break, body! When I am feeling 100% I will come back and fix any grammatical errors. Thank you for your patience and understanding!
Tags- (lmk if you want to be tagged as well!) @thethreeeyed-raven @knight-of-flowerss
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ao3commentoftheday · 5 months
Note
Hi! I'm asking for advice, please. I'm in a small ship fandom, it's so small that most of us know each other here. Having a small, unpopular ship is not an issue in itself and most of us are okay with that, but the ship gets a lot of hate from the bigger ship fandom. I won't say much about the fandom situation, but I'd love to get more people to write for our ship. It's hard because our authors get a lot of hate reviews and our AO3 tag is a mess because the big ship shippers put their hate stories there all the time. I know there are tools to filter this unwanted content, like OTP:true, but people who don't know AO3 very well have a hard time finding the stories written by the few active authors that we still have. Our stories are not lacking in quality, but they're so scarce that readers get discouraged after a while. A similar thing happens to writers because of this situation with the hate comments and lack of interaction. I know that I can't do much about the hate the ship gets, but I would like some advice to motivate people in our fandom to write and support our writers more. I read, comment, and create as much as I can, but it'd be nice to get fresh ideas about improving this situation, maybe planning fan events and similar stuff. I will gladly welcome any helpful tips if you have them, please! I am aware that creating more content would expose our writers to more hate. I know that, but I also think that it's unfair that people have to refrain from enjoying the things they love just because other people hate it. That's why I'm trying to change things for the better, but I need help.
I'm so sorry your fandom is so awful to your group, anon ❤️ No ship is worth being mean to others over, and especially not worth making an entire group feel unwelcome in a communal space.
I strongly recommend that the authors of your ship restrict comments to logged-in registered users only (you can find this setting in Post a New Work form) and block any commenters who post hate. If anyone circumvents the block, report them to PAC for block evasion. To do so, visit the comment itself (by clicking on the thread button or following the link from the email) and choose Policy Questions & Abuse Reports from the AO3 footer. Don't delete the comment until after PAC have had a chance to read it and investigate.
Now, as for how to encourage more people to create!
It's always worthwhile to celebrate the folks who are already doing the thing. Create recommendation lists and share them around. Write a ship manifesto to encourage people to take a look at the ship if they haven't already. Reach out to fanartists who take requests or commissions and see if they'll make ship art. Get a group of writers together for an exchange.
Bring in new writers by messaging an author who is open to other ships and seeing if they'd be willing to write a oneshot. Post a list of ship-centric prompts and encourage folks to reblog it and fill the prompts. You could even create a prompt meme on AO3.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but I'm sure the blog will be able to suggest even more. We're here to support you, anon!
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Hello! Could you please write some dialogue prompts or scenarios of two people who are exes but they both still love each other. Person A is trying to move on but Person B keeps trying to improve themselves and win A back. They broke up due to different goals in life and A thought it was better for them to break it off.
Hi :)
Exes Dialogue Prompts
"I will better myself. You'll see." "I'm happy to see it. But it doesn't change anything."
"Don't you love me anymore?" "You know I do, but that's not enough."
"I don't know why we even broke up." "And that's a problem."
"We just have different goals in life. They... we are just incompatible."
"I wish you would give me another chance." "I wish you would see why I can't go back to how things were."
"If people still love each other, then they should be together." "That's where we disagree."
"I still care for you, I really do. But I also care for myself and I feel like it's good how it is now."
"Come on, you can't have already moved on." "Of course not. But I want you to believe me when I say I'm trying to get there."
Have fun with them!
- Jana
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khristie16 · 4 months
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The Fast and Forbidden
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Charles is a famous F1 driver with everything one could want: fame, fortune, and fans. But he is missing one thing. Being his new personal assistant changes everything for both of them.
— chapter 2 An unspoken connection gradually weaves between them—forged through chess, shared glances, and a mysterious musical encounter.
warnings: sweet af, sexual tension, invading privacy (not the intention), sentimental and romantic author's note: hi guuys, i missed you, uni gets the best of me the past couple months. I received some new requests and I have them all saved for future work. Don't worry, now I have more free time:) stay awesome! taglist: @buendiabebeta, @pondysselth, @clomo12345, @naty-1001, @maxv33rstappen, @f1lov3r, @cmleitora
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The next day, I found myself 10,000 meters in the sky, going at such a fast speed that I was relieved my stomach didn't protest. Our destination was Charles's home. I'd never been to Monaco, and my curiosity grew as we got closer. What would it be like standing in the middle of a street, taking in all the beautiful scenery with my own eyes? I adore the sea and warm weather, the culture, and the food. I appreciate different things. That's one more reason I took this job — the chance to travel. It can really shake up your whole routine, but the opportunity to see Monaco and Singapore in less than a week was unimaginable just two months ago. Thank goodness this job pays well.
Watching Charles absorbed in his iPhone made me feel unwelcome. It seemed like I could make funny faces, and he wouldn't even notice. It wasn't a new feeling for me. Sometimes, during quiet nights, I wondered why he was so distant, especially when I'd seen him be a sunshine around others. Initially, I thought it was because we were purely business for each other. But that could apply to anyone on the Ferrari team. Maybe I was overthinking it, and the simple reason was that he just didn't like me. I decided to let it go; there were better things to focus on. Tilting my head, I wondered if things might improve over time. Silently grumbling, I readjusted my seat, still lost in thoughts about him.
"Hey, do you play chess?"
I looked at him like he was an alien and gulped nervously. Yes, I had played chess — once. And to top it off, I was still learning the basics. Not something I was proud of, but hey, not everyone can be Ron Weasley. I laughed like a maniac at my own joke, resulting in his raised eyebrows.
"Sorry… and no, I've never learned."
Surprise and interest showed in his body language as he leaned closer, his blue T-shirt moving against his skin. With a surprisingly high-pitched voice, he laughed.
"Really?"
Fire me or spare me, but please, not this. I didn't know where to focus first — on his beautiful dimples or the fact that he just laughed at me? The smile vanished from his face as he seemed to notice my confusion, but he still smiled with his eyes.
"I mean, I'm surprised. It's like when Carlos once told me he listens to jazz in the morning."
I burst into laughter. It sounded so much like Carlos.
"I just thought you played chess. You look so serious."
Okay, this is getting worse. I must have looked like a crazy woman with diagnosed schizophrenia, and he tells me I look serious? Tell that to a woman, and you shut her down completely. Readjusting my seat again, I focus on the rug under the wooden table.
"I can teach you if you want."
Lifting my gaze, I try to find some hidden answers behind his green eyes, but all I feel is a hot sensation in the pit of my stomach. Wearing a white tank top, I know it's not because of the fabric. He's genuinely smiling, and I take a pause to exhale before nodding my head.
"Do you like to play a lot?"
I ask to smooth things between us, but he just nods and focuses back on the chess pieces on the board. Turning my head to the side, I notice that the closer, the less cloudy it is outside, and I feel an energetic shiver run down my spine.
"I always win. But for you, — I'll make an exception."
My heart stops beating. Why is it so hot in here all of a sudden?
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After we landed, our shared ride slipped into an uneasy quiet. In the midst of my spontaneous chess lesson with Charles, laughter and focus filled the air, creating a vibrant atmosphere akin to the scattered energy of someone wrestling with ADHD. Amid our animated conversation, I lost track of our surroundings; the outside world turned into a distant blur.
A smile graced Charles's lips as he locked eyes with me. In that shared gaze, a fleeting connection unfolded. Happiness shimmered in his green eyes, and an unexplainable urge to draw closer wrapped around me. It felt as if his eyes held a depth I yearned to explore. However, the moment dissolved abruptly. Charles, with a subtle shift in demeanor, reverted to his usual aloofness, extinguishing the warmth that had briefly ignited between us.
"I got my keys copied for you in case you need something from my apartment," he offered, extending the keys.
An unexpected gesture left me grappling with a mix of surprise and uneasiness. Taking the keys, I delicately stashed them into my bag, careful not to make direct contact with his skin.
"My driver will first go to your place. Tell him the address," Charles instructed. Uncomfortable, I shifted in my seat, seeking distraction by scanning the outside world. Families strolled happily, painting picturesque scenes. A flicker of yearning for such simplicity rose within me—an ache for a love that protects and cherishes.
"YN?" Charles's voice interrupted my reverie, demanding my attention.
"I don't have a home," I stated matter-of-factly, my gaze returning to the outside world. Despite the nonchalant tone, the admission carried a weight that lingered in the air.
"I need to visit some company for renting a flat here."
I took in a deep breath, feeling the cool air settle around me. My eyes drifted down, observing how the white tank top hugged my body like a second skin, accentuating the curves beneath. Fingers idly played with the fabric, a quiet excitement brewing inside. In my mind, thoughts twirled, a hidden longing to peel away the clothing, exposing the vulnerability beneath. And this is what Charles does to me. And it is getting dangerous.
"I know a place," Charles declared. He reached for his phone, dialed a number, and engaged in a focused conversation. His determined expression and the play of his toned arms intrigued me. A heat lingered in the air, intensifying the atmosphere within the car.
"Ciao l'amigo," Charles spoke into the phone.
Charles's words flowed, a steady stream escaping his perfect pink lips. My gaze fixated on his profile, an intense scrutiny fueled by a hunger simmering beneath the surface —an irresistible force tempting me to devour him, a longing I hadn't anticipated when accepting this job.
The struggle intensified, threatening to override the professional boundaries I had naively assumed would be steadfast. As Charles's eyes met mine, a sudden freeze paralyzed me in place. His gaze lingered, delight evident in the subtle nuances of his expression, as if he sought to unveil the secrets hidden in the depths of my eyes. The hum of conversation from his friend acted as a backdrop to this silent exchange, heightening the tension that hung between us. I braced myself in anticipation, uncertain of what he sought to uncover.
Abruptly, his attention shifted, his head turning back to its previous position. A wide smile adorned his face as he concluded the call, the sheer charm of it momentarily rendering me breathless. Even without facing me, he seamlessly transitioned to a task on his phone, leaving me suspended in a state of uncertainty and unspoken intrigue.
"I found you a free apartment. Do not worry about money," he said, his attention now absorbed in his phone, leaving me to deal with the unexpected twist.
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Days slipped away, and the looming Grand Prix trip to Japan demanded my attention. I meticulously handled remote tasks for Charles, consciously keeping a distance to avoid the unraveling of my composure under the weight of desire. Knowing Charles would be engrossed in a morning squash match with his brothers, I discreetly seized the opportunity to attend to a domestic task: swapping clean laundry for the soiled.
Entering his apartment, arms loaded with bags, I navigated purposefully down the hallway. A distant melody reached my ears, halting my steps. Recognizing the tune, my thoughts paused, and I followed the enchanting notes to their origin.
In the sunlit living room, a grand piano stood like a silent sentinel. There, orchestrating a melancholic melody, was Charles. Our eyes met as I stood there, and he smiled in response to the unexpected serenade.
"That's 'Sadness and Sorrow,'" I stated the obvious, and Charles observed me cautiously. Surprisingly, I overcame hesitation, moving closer and placing my hand on the piano keys. Each note, played with sincerity, carried a hum of remembrance. Charles shifted, creating space for me to join him. As I sat down, my focus on the piano, he positioned his hands beside mine, and we began to play in harmony.
Eyes closed, I allowed the music to transport me, feeling the warmth of our synchronized notes. The vibrational waves between us painted an imagined scene, where I lay on the sea's surface, gently swaying with the waves.
The room resonated with harmonious echoes, our shared melody creating a tangible connection between Charles and me. Vibrational waves seemed to ripple, as if an unseen force wove a tapestry of connection, binding our notes into a seamless symphony. Amid our synchronized play, the world around us faded, and I found myself transported to a different realm.
In my mind's eye, I lay on a mat, gently drifting atop the surface of a tranquil sea. The sun cast a warm embrace, painting the water with hues of gold and azure. The waves, like delicate fingers, played a tender serenade, cradling my body with rhythmic caresses. I surrendered to the immersive sensation, the music becoming the gentle current that carried us on this shared journey.
With Charles beside me, the connection forged through the shared music was palpable, creating a timeless moment where the ordinary world ceased to exist. It was a serendipitous encounter, a convergence of hearts and melodies, leaving me suspended in the beauty of our shared composition on the sea of music.
A genuine smile adorned my face as we played, stealing glances at Charles. His concentration on the music was profound, but when our gazes met, I detected an ocean of emotions in his eyes. The desire to caress his cheek and offer comfort overwhelmed me.
Our fingers danced on the keys, minds lost in the melody. As Charles and I maintained our gaze, I discerned a myriad of colors in his eyes, each shade revealing a facet of emotion that resonated with the melodic symphony we created. In this suspended moment, his face drew nearer, an invisible force pulling us together until we were so close that our breaths mingled, and the air became a shared essence.
The piano keys, now a conduit for our unspoken connection, echoed the final cadence of the song. With a delicate touch, my right arm, closer to him, found a resting place on my thigh, bridging the physical space between us. As the final chords resonated, the room held its breath, encapsulating the unspoken intensity of our shared musical communion. And Charles, hesitating only briefly, mirrored the gesture, his eyes lingering on my lips.
"You're the boat I would protect in my full stormy ocean," he spoke, and the sweet sentiment ignited warmth within. In that moment, nothing else existed but him and his words, a connection forged through music and unspoken understanding.
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sophieinwonderland · 4 months
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Now, why would you dare me to embarrass you and your pals like that?
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I appreciate how you wanted my attention so bad you posted me to not one, but two subreddits.
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Makes a girl feel special! 🤣
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I have actually never seen Wikipedia cited as a source about endogenic plurality. Though I do see anti-endos all the time, when asked for sources, telling people to just Google things.
Anyway, here's @guardianssystem's document filled with academic papers about endogenic plurality:
I've compiled my own, but honestly, theirs is better organized than mine.
And in the interest of fairness, here are all the anti-endo papers debunking endogenic plurality:
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Sorry, I forgot. Those don't exist. Oops. 🤷‍♀️
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Echo chamber? LOL!
Weren't you the one spouting a bunch of lies on Tumblr, got totally debunked, posted the people who debunked you to r/systemscringe to have a hugbox where fakeclaimers could assure you how the people who contradicted you are all fakers, and then blocked everyone who disagreed with you?
Weren't you also the one who, when shown a quote from an expert in dissociative disorders who worked on the DSM-5 saying that a disorder isn't a disorder if it doesn't cause distress, argued that the people who defined what disorder are must be wrong about that definition?
You're a misinformation machine who can only find support when huddled in cringe subreddits. Don't try to talk about people in echo chambers.
Also, you know most of psychology is just... listening to people? That's how it's been as long as the field existed. DID (or MPD at the time) was a recognized disorder since long before the first brain scans were conducted on DID patients. It's saying something though when basically every single scientist who has ever researched endogenic plurality has said they believe it's a real thing, or that it could be. While absolutely zero academic papers have expressed that it's fake.
There is also an fMRI study into tulpa systems that's been in the works, but results have yet to be published.
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Sure, if that's what you'd like me to call you, Crazy. 😊
Anyway, Crazy, you should know that just because you personally find something scary doesn't mean everyone will or that the thing is bad. Personal preferences are a thing.
In a study of tulpamancers though, most generally reported their lives becoming better after the practice.
78% reported improvements in their mental health, and 91% on overall life.
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There are many out there who would jump at the chance to have someone there with them that knows them intimately, and to never have to be alone again.
If it's not for you, then so be it.
But it's certainly not something to be afraid of.
And maybe, for those who are willing to commit to the practice while America struggles with an epidemic of loneliness, it's something worth being open to.
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This is actually pretty fair.
But that's now, and I'm looking at course of history and trends of plural acceptance.
300 years ago, any plural would be viewed as demon possessed and end up tortured or killed for their plurality.
70 years ago, all plurality was seen as a mental illness, and it was common to force plurals, as well as anyone else associated with mental illnesses, into asylums.
30 years ago, the first real plural communities were able to connect on the internet and form in small numbers.
8 years ago, the first studies into endogenic plurality started being conducted. 4 years ago, the ICD-11 acknowledged that you could have multiple distinct personality states without a disorder. 2023 marked the first, but certainly not the last, time a system used their system name as an author of an academic paper.
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Recently, new plural resources have been designed and put into use. More servers than ever are using Pluralkit. And Simply Plural went from 100k users at the end of 2021 to 210k at the end of 2022.
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Progress is happening far more rapidly than you realize. And you had best be ready for it.
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BOO! 👻
Oh, hey, I just realized... this is literal pluralphobia!
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Liberté!
Egalité!
Fraternité!
And yes, The Future is Plural! 😜
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spooky-bunnys · 10 months
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Hey! I really like your work. Can I get the new episode of Baby Haitani please and thanks!
Haitani Baby Brother Part 4
I'm so glad! Hope you Enjoy!
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It's been almost 5 months since the incident. Sanzu has fit semi-well in the Haitani household. His relationship with (Name) had improved greatly. But the brothers weren't too happy with the Alpha at the moment.
Sanzu sat on his knees in the living room. Being lectured by Rindou, because the pinkette tried having some "special" time with (Name). Which might be added was warned not to happen by the doctor, due to a chance or harming the pups.
"Seriously Sanzu! You were making direct eye contact with him, when he told you no sex because of the pups! What's wrong with you?!" Sanzu huffed. "It's not my fault! His scent is getting sweeter. And since I haven't been able to mark him, it's getting tougher to hold my inner Alpha in." Rindou sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
He was partly right, Bonten had been so busy he hasn't be able to actually mark (Name). There's been more traitors being exposed, and more companies have been trying to double cross them. So (Name) has been mostly by himself, with guards of course! Can't leave him unprotected.
Which is bad considering, (Name) is getting closer to his due date. Which had everyone on their toes. (Name) was currently in his nest, enjoying his cheesecake with honey. Waiting for his Alpha to come back. He wanted cuddles.
A knock on the bedroom door, startling from his food land. "Who is it?" "It's your favorite brother~" "I thought Rin was talking to Chiyo in the living room?" Ran threw open the door making a dieing animal noise. (Name) laughed loudly. "I'm kidding Aniki. You both know I don't have a favorite brother."
Ran scoffed and grumbled. "Well your last check up is tomorrow. We're gonna have it at HQ so everyone can be there. If that's okay with you?" (Name) nodded excitedly. He missed the others company. He wasn't allowed to leave the penthouse, according to his brothers and his Alpha.
He knows they want him safe, but he missed the sun and fresh air. Even his balcony privileges had been taken away! (Name) laid down his empty plate, and slowly leaned up. Holding his stomach carefully.
Ran quickly helped him sit up. "Bathroom break?" (Name) nodded quickly and Ran laughed. Ran help him up and took the dirty dishes. "Now remember the doctor said, to be careful with the cheesecakes." (Name) pouted and nodded.
He didn't get to eat them as much as when he was first pregnant. Due to the sugar level of the cheesecakes. But his cravings have weirded everyone out. Especially when he ate vanilla wafers with mustard. (Note: I love that combination lol)
When they arrived to the appointment, (Name) was clinging to his Alpha. He'd been extra clingy this morning. They figured it was because he was due anytime now. While Sanzu was just enjoying the attention.
The brothers following them, grumbled in annoyance. Their baby brother barely gave them attention anymore. They missed (Name) coming to them for attention. But now, he had Sanzu and soon, he'd have his own pups.
Upon entering the doctor office, (Name) noticed that the upper members, were already inside. (Name) greeted them with a bright smile, rubbing his very round stomach. He paused momentarily, before smiling widely.
"Chiyo! The pups are kicking!" Sanzu immediately placed his hands on (Name)'s stomach. He smiled feeling the hard kicks against his hands. "Their gonna be strong pups my love." Everyone smiled at the loving moment.
But that died quickly when (Name) violently cringed, gripping his stomach tightly. Sanzu immediately cupped (Name)'s face. "(Name)? Love what's wrong?" (Name)'s face scrunched up. The brothers quickly pulled him away and handed him a trash can.
(Name)'s body shook while he was sick. This worried everyone tremendously. (Name) yelled loudly and stared at his feet. Water surrounding them. Everyone froze. Mikey was the first to react. Quickly yelling for someone to get th doctor.
Sanzu quickly helped (Name) onto the hospital bed, that was in the room. His scent revealed how truly worried he was at the moment. It felt like forever until the doctor finally arrived. The doctor quickly made his way over. "I wasn't expecting him to go into labor. I don't know if he'll make it to the hospital."
The brothers immediately starting arguing saying that he should've been prepared. But (Name) silenced them, when he started yelling in pain. Making everyone flinch. The scent of distressed Omega filled the air. Making the Alpha's panic.
(Name) had fainted from the pain. He couldn't remember much of what happened. He remembers holding his Alpha's hand so tight, he thought it'd break. He remembers seeing his older brothers paicking faces.
Then there was darkness, then there was a bright light.
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If you want to read others. Click HERE
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angelltheninth · 1 year
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Hello! Can I request a jinx, Ekko, vi and Caitlyn separate of a readers ex gf or bf coming around and trying to get back with them and how they react to it? Thank you!
Oof, an ex can really mess things up, or at least make shit awkward even at the best of times.
Pairing: Jinx, Vi, Ekko, Caitlyn x Reader
Tags: fluff, slight angst, established relationship, hurt/comfort, kissing, jealousy, feelings of insecurity, PDA, showing off
A/N: Trying to write some more Arcane content cause I've been stuck creatively with it for a while ugh.
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Jinx wouldn't take it very well, someone trying to come between you two now that your relationship is just getting started. She doesn't want to think that you'd leave her but she believed that before about others too.
Noticing that you have no intention of that but that its your ex who is being the pushy one here she goes into her scary, protective mode. She doesn't kill your ex, not right now at least, but she'd not above some very well illustrated threats and maybe a few little bombs thrown in their direction.
"Don't let me see ya talkin' ta sugar here ever again. Ya had your chance and you blew it. They're with me now, ain't no way I'm letting ya have them now that you've come crawling back. Come on sugar, I'm taking ya somewhere more fun, where this loser won't disturb us."
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Vi isn't afraid to break a few bones for you, or be the cause of broken bones for you. Your ex has nothing on her, everyone knows that. But... call her a little evil, she has something better in mind then just walking up and decking your ex in the face.
Kissing you right in plain view. That hurts more then any punch she could throw, letting your ex know how good you're having it with her. Looking over there before spinning you around and pulling you into her lap is all part of her showing off, well that and flexing as she spins you around and drags you past your ex, flipping them the bird while you have that goofy, happy smile on your face.
"That's your ex huh sweet stuff? Man, did your taste improve when you met me. Raised your standards sky high I bet. They were good to you right? Need me to go back in there and teach them a few lessons? Oh, well... I'm actually a little disappointed. I always wanted to be the cool girlfriend who kicks the ex's butt."
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Ekko is protective over you, like he is of everyone from the Firelights. Of course he knew one of the Firelights was your ex so there was no getting away from the awkwardness of the situation even if he tried to.
He starts walking around holding hands, kissing your cheek and whispering in your ear, a sort of passive aggressive show of your relationship to everyone else. He won't be hostile to his teammates but he needs to let your ex know that he no intention of just letting them walk into your relationship.
"They still following you around Firefly? I know its sort of inevitable, just wanna make sure you're doin' okay. Sweet that you think I'm being cute but I'm actually trying to be intimidating here. Not working is it? Should I bring out the mask? No cause you can't kiss me when I have it on? Not funny."
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Caitlyn is more used to seeing her exes and hiding away. She doesn't have many but they're usually somewhere at her parents parties. Getting to play the jealous, overprotective girlfriend is new for her. Doesn't need to try very hard, her sharp looks do wonders.
Or horrors in the case of your ex. She keeps a protective hand on the small of your back for the rest of the night and makes sure to cast one last glance at your ex, smirking at them, looking very smug when you leaned to kiss her cheek.
"We should get going now darling, there's only so much angry staring I can do when you look so ravishing at my side. Do you think I sent the message loud and clear? I suppose I could have done more but... well I think I caused enough scenes at events in the past. Thank you for that kiss, I think that was the final nail on the coffin for them."
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crystallilytarot · 3 months
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Choose a bracelet. This reading is about work /school and finances.
1-chakra bracelet
Just like this bracelet, you will be pretty balanced in your workplace /in school. Things looks calm in this period of your life, no drama, nothing too hard. Even if you have a difficult project right now, it will be succesful. If you work in a team, you will cooperate very well. If you want to have a higher position, go for it, you have a good chance to get it. You have all the skills you need, and you will feel confident, quite literally like a boss. Others will respect you and acknowledge your abilities. It's time for a harder project, because you are very dedicated and you can concentrate very well. If you just finished a project, you can have a little rest now, it's well deserved. The cards says, if you have something important going on, don't forget the deadline, and search properly all the information you need! It's possible that you will travel because your job, it can be a business trip, or because you will work in another city. If you want to study abroad or in another city, you will possibly have this opportunity. It can be that you will have a road trip with your school and it will be a good experience. It's specific, but if some of you want to buy something big, you will find a good deal, especially if you want to buy a car.
2-tiger eye bracelet
Wearing tiger eye jewellery can improve your confidence, and it's something you need right now. I feel you are tired or maybe you have something bad going on in the workplace /in your school. It can be that a collegau or a classmate did something and you are disappointed because of it, or maybe someone said some bad gossip about you. Listen to your intuition, don't trust anybody. If you don't have a job and you want one, the same advice for you too, listen to your intuition, but don't let your fear hold you back! I feel you are very creative and capable but you often doubt yourself. You can do it, believe it, you really can do it! If you are feeling burned out, you will get your inspiration back soon. You need to focus on something else a little, have a little fun, do something you like, forget about all the responsibilities a little. You need to have a little patience, your plans need a little more time, but your hard work will pay off in the end, don't give up!
3-black crystal bracelet
I think it's obsidian, but I'm not sure, sorry, it was a gift, so maybe it's a sign that you will get a gift or someone will help you! I think you will feel very creative, you will be very productive in this period of your life. Working or studying feels easy, I see you are calm and enjoy what you're doing. If you are waiting for a decision from a person in a higher position, it will be positive. You will get some good news, and it is possible that someone will help you or get you a good advice, and for some of you, you will really get a gift or a bonus in your job, or your teacher will give you the better grade, something like this. If you are in a competition, don't cheat! I feel that you can win, but cheating is very risky in this situation. Even if you will get away with it now, the next time they can discover that you lied or cheated. However, if it's not cheating, a little diplomatic behaviour would be good and beneficial. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. I even feel that if you don't win while being honest, there will be a better opportunity later, so you don't have to do everything for this project right now. Do your best, but don't get overly stressed!
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Would I be the asshole for asking my suicidal girlfriend not to vent with me? First ask here, be warned for heavy topics about the above situation. Putting an emoji for easy finding. 🦐
I am a polyamorous person (22nb) with my long distance girlfriend (22f) of about 1 year. I love her deeply, and we have known each other for a long time when I used to go to school in person with her. I also have an in person queer platonic partner (22nb) who lives with me currently and has been with me for about 3 years. Both of my partners are suicidal and self harm, though the partner who is living with me has luckily seemed to improve a lot through being able to spend time with someone who cares for them constantly. My girlfriend...sadly has not gotten the same chance, since she moved long before we got together and has only her family to keep her stable (who have proven before this point that they are pretty terrible support systems, when they actively encouraged her self harming to become worse).
Luckily, I have had this rodeo before due to a majority of my friends struggling with this sort of problem, and when she began saying things in my dms that pointed towards depression and suicidality, I was quick to try to help her get into therapy. Whether or not this therapist is really the best is sort of iffy, as the therapist hasn't worked with her on a lot despite over a month of them working together, so...she hasn't gotten much work towards helping to change things and has felt somewhat stuck. I know she needs to probably get a new therapist, but due to not having insurance at the moment it's not an easy situation to just change. Since things have not gotten to improve, she...has still felt horrible most days will come to me in DMs to tell me how bad it is. Which, you know, should be fine, but it's the *way* she talks about it-- it's in a very vent heavy, far too much triggering information, Everything Is Horrible and there is no way to fix it and I should Die, way.
I have learned boundaries in regards to my own mental health due to just how often I have encountered things, and luckily, my other partner is great about it! They don't talk about their issues with suicidality all that much which can make me worried at times, but when they *do*, it's very much a situation of them bringing up how they feel and then us moving forwards to do something distracting or something that will help them. Instead of an info dump of Horrible Information That Makes Me Fear For Their Life, it's just. Moving to make sure they're doing better and changing things, identifying why certain feelings are feeling bad. But with my girlfriend, these topics come on suddenly without warning, are spoken in such a way that I feel like 1. I can't move on or change anything to help 2. I don't have a way to respond that will end up doing anything but make her feel worse. I feel at a complete loss of how to handle these things that she's just throwing on me. I haven't mentioned yet to her how bad these ventings make me feel because I'm worried it would make her internalize it and worsen her issues, though I know I do probably need to communicate it with her. I feel that she may just not be quite as mature as my other partner in how to handle feelings like this yet(most likely due to lack of support systems), and I WANT her to be able to talk about her feelings. I'm her girlfriend, after all, a little bit of emotional labor is always going to be a part of supporting people that close to you. Just...not in a way that will end up ultimately making both me and her feel like shit, and get her in a worse direction than before.
She eventually will be moving in with us next year, and I am wondering if I should try to wait to talk about it until then when she has more of a support to lean against, or should I try to figure it out right now. Right now could leave her...hurt and much more vulnerable, which would be a real risk considering the scenario. Would I be the asshole for telling her that she needs to work on how she talks about these topics, and that I can't have her continuing to put her emotions on me like this?
What are these acronyms?
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