Oi I am literally sobbing
It’s settled, I’m watching Beast Wars after I finish this fuсking “Unicron Trilogy”. No CG could possibly be worse than the atrocity I’ve just witnessed (the first episode of Energon)…usually, mech-type robots aren’t a bad choice for CG because you can make the transformation sequences cheaper while still having them look pretty cool (although CG will always be inferior when it comes to feeling honest and real and nice) but Energon went ahead and fuсked everything up. Instead of transforming, the robots just tell “Transform!” and then they replace the vehicle model with the robot model or vice versa.
And the way they move the models, my god, it’s so soulless. I take back every negative thing I ever said about Armada - I would do ANYTHING to see regular old 2-D hand-drawn Antler Megatron and Hot Shot and even Cyclonus etc. I can’t fuсking believe this show came out after Silent Hill 2 redefined what computer generated animation could be. It’s literally driven me halfway to madness, I could feel my sanity crumbling - I couldn’t look at the screen. Every time I did it was worse than before…
Everything that isn’t the robots is still flat, which I am grateful for because it means I can look at them. Rad and Carlos and hypothetically Alexis, Billy, and Fred are still characters, but they’re adults and the focus of the show is on like. This fuсking asshole kid named “Kicker” who reminds me of that bitсh from Black Clover combined with all the bad parts of Naruto. Also the Quintessons are here - there’s one, and it’s actually Thrust somehow reconfigured by the dying Unicron.
Oh yeah also “Kicker” is psychic but only about robots
I’m not gonna make it to Cybertron, man. Transformers: Energon is an abomination skinned in madness.
Sucks cause the backgrounds are legitimately pretty, man. They’re all hand-drawn paintings and they’re incredibly nice to look at, but then you’ve got these abhorrent aberrations appearing over them, and it’s just more clashing wrongness; a dread disease
I don’t know what the plot is. I think Energon is a mineral now, and it’s like, readily available on Earth but no one’s ever discovered it before, and also the robots (I refuse to call them Transformers any longer. At least the Armada bots actually transformed and had, like, souls) still need it to live but this has never been an issue before. Thrust the Quintesson sent a bunch of fuсked up birds that he’s calling Terrorcons (they’re not) to attack the Earth. I blacked out for like ten minutes in a feverish frenzy not unlike Renfield’s giggling mania whenever the terrible Count exerts his will. They’ve decided to ruin even more characters from the original. Thrust the Quintesson seems to be half insane (a bad, half-assed insanity) despite having five faces. The credits rolled and I was left shaking with madness.
Seriously man Armada is a fuсking masterpiece of story and animation compared to this - this fuсking - this fuсking amorphous tapestry woven by a raving spider, shaking its legs in gleeful agony, trapping us all in nightmarish visions of utter meaninglessness.
I’m shuddering, looking forward to watching G1 tonight, it will be even more my saviour than ever before -