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#i'm with stupid
herzgeist-writes · 7 months
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Pairing: Law x fem!reader | Word count: 2.9k | Warnings: Cussing
Synopsis: You're an idiot, aren't you? What part of 'lay low' didn't you understand ? It's getting tedious, you know! Is all you can hear the doctor bark at you like a chihuahua gone mad. It's unlike him, at least the chihuahua part. Granted, you left the village in literal shambles to the Surgeon of Death's demise. But what's the big deal? That fruit vendor had it coming anyway!
A/N: This OneShot / scenario was requested by the one and only @hirsheyskisses !! Thank you for the splendid idea dear! I had lots of fun ఌ
Dividers by cafekitsune ~
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What a hassle. First, everybody starts holding their stomachs in cramping pains and now you have disappeared into thin air? No announcement whatsoever, not even a note left to contemplate to either get you out of the mess you find yourself in for certain, or just leave you to your fate. Truly, it is all up to you now, for the doctor isn't well tempered with your sudden vanish.
"Where have you seen (Y/n)-ya last?" - "I saw her going to bed last night, but - that's about it.", disgruntled, the Surgeon's forehead wrinkles in irk after hearing Shachi's statement, shaking his head in disbelief. What are you on about at such unholy hours?
The evening before
Your kimono flows in the soft summer breeze, cherry blossom petals sway along the air's streams and invite you into your day dreams enticingly. Compared to other beautiful sceneries you ever experienced in your life, there is none that could compete to this picturesque paradise. The scent of sweet honey shoots up your nostrils as you tread closer to the upcoming village in the distance.
Passersby greet you with a kind smile, nodding at you and going about their days again, to your wonder. Usually, the closer a foreigner gets to the flower capital, the more the residents keep a distance, excluding you from Wano Kuni's mysteries. It is obvious, they are held at discrecy for a reason you cannot quite fathom at this point.
Penguin and Shachi come jogging from far behind, calling out to you: "(Y/n), wait for us!" Torn out of your bubble, with a warm hello you beckon them over. The two men stop beside you, completely out of breath. Did they attend a marathon or of sorts? Either they're completely out of shape, or the two knuckleheads took off starting from your current hiding spot, following you to the nearest civilization to grab some none affected food.
There's no better way to describe the situation than it being 'untimely' and 'discombobulated'. Everything you eat around these parts turns your stomachs upside down, giving you no choice than to rest and survive the emergency runs into the thicket. Fortunately, it didn't leave that strong of an impact on you. Bepo on the other hand might got struck a slightest bit harder, in comparison to the rest of the group, consisting of you, Law, Shachi and Penguin.
Dare you say, he's holding on to dear life. Your Captain constantly remains in his role as his Vice Commander's trusty doctor, always checking up after this baby's cries of agony, who frets of having a life threatening disease. You can recall Law's exact words: "Don't be ridiculous, Bepo. You only have the runs.", as you heard him huff in annoyance, you remember how he rolled his eyes after a sharp sigh and he added: "Didn't I tell you to keep your paws off the fish in the river?"
Irritation is beyond of how you feel about this current indescribable commotion. So, you made the decision to find the next best village around and seek out a vendor, no matter what kind of food he offers, you're in desperate need of nutrition. The group is suffering enough with gnawing hunger, and now you are challenged to cope with possible food poisoning? You are infuriated. Shachi gives you a strong pat on your back: "We kinda already suspected you'd be up and about to fetch some grub. Allow us to help you out!" - "Oh thank you, Shachi. Let's hope the people aren't prone to shoo strangers out of town."
Though you outted your thoughts with a hint of sarcasm, you are truly anxious about the idea of Wano Kuni's hostility towards, let's call it 'tourists'. Penguin reassures you with a thumbs up and grins over both ears in full trust. Something tells you, it won't be as easy as initially hoped for.
"Fresh fish!" - "Get your fruit and vegetables here!", the vendors call out to the people strolling along the markets, spread all over the colourful stalls. Carefully treading closer to one of the fruit stands you greet a chipper looking fellow, who gives you the brightest of smiles you ever came across. Even Shachi and Penguin are stunned by this display.
"Greetings strangers! Are you interested in buying some of my famous apples or peaches?", after giving him a shy wave with your hand, you order a basket, full with ten vibrant red apples. They appear to be edible. "That will be fifty Berry, miss." - "Th-That's quite expensive.", you utter in awe and place the currency onto the vendor's stall table.
Again, you witness this man's radiant grin and he explains: "Times are rough these days, but trust me, you won't find any better fruit than here!" Convincing. With the basket of apples in hands, you head towards the forest, out of the village. An old lady, who waited in line behind you is now up and asks for the same like you ordered. You hear the vendor chime happily: "As always, ten Berry please, kind Alva." - "Of course Sagishi. Here you go. Greet your mother for me, will you dearie."
Hold on. Ten Berry for the same amount? Something's off. You turn around to take a peek at the scene, before making any false accusations. Well, will you look at that, it seems you heard correctly. The old lady wanders off into the distance with her neatly weaved basket filled with the red and shiny fruit. Perhaps she earned a discount on them?
The sheer amout of 'cheesy' almost lets you shrink away in your geta sandals. If you wouldn't know any better, it was close to a badly written commerical. Your two crew mates call you over, already far up ahead: "(Y/n) come on! The Captain and Bepo are waiting!" - "Coming!"
Back at the hiding spot, a sour after taste lingers on your tongue and your face scrunches in itself, leaving you utterly alarmed and fuming in anger. "I knew there was something fishy about this guy! God fu-" - "Watch your language, (Y/n)-ya. It was predictable that they won't be generous to strangers.", your cheeks light up in all shades of red in pure rage and pout to your Captain's calm clarification. His stern face leans in your direction, sending off an aggravating vibe, practically shutting you up with a deft 'Told you so'.
Oh the vendors do sell their goods to foreigners, but for an unmentionable high price and outrageous quality - the fruit were infected!
You have had it.
The present day
At the break of dawn, Law, the two knuckleheads and even poor and completely drained Bepo walk the path to the village you visited yesterday. It's not just you, who's fed up with this, to not put it lightly, bullshit. With Kikoku leaned on his shoulder, the doctor leads the group, always glancing back to reassure, that everybody is secured. This is not what he hoped for in spending his time like this. What the hell is going on with everyone, he asks himself.
Shachi and Penguin begin to bicker about who should have seen you firsthand. Through gritted teeth, Law growls at them: "Quit your arguing, there's no reason to quarrel about this. We must find her!" Both of the men straighten at alert and give their Captain an obeying 'Aye'.
The polar bear rumbles absentmindendly: "You should've paid closer attention you guys." Regarding that topic, there again, the Captain has to break it down. Piercing steel eyes wander over to the mink. "Says the one who mindlessly dug in at the river buffet. With all due respect, you're not a tiny bit better than them, Bepo.", those words hurt the now drooping in shame Vice Commander, ears flattened and black beady eyes watering up, muttering a deep 'I'm sorry'.
Taken aback by the sudden change of character, Shachi and Penguin visibly cringe away from Bepo going besides them, yelping in a loud exclaim: "So weak!" To this wack bustle, Law only furrows his brows and booms in a sharp tone: "Shut up already! We're almost there." Tension is written all over him.
Frozen in place, the three dorks see how their Captain keeps on walking, not once granting a single look back at them. Things are getting out of hand far too quickly for the Surgeon's tastes. And of course you had to make a run for it and worsen the situation, more than it already was. Stormy grey eyes roll to that thought and a raspy voice whispers: "What a nuisance." When will Law ever enjoy some peace and quiet again? A question often asked.
Arriving at the village, the four men no longer squander their time with banters and bickering, for their Captain simply won't allow it, enhancing the word simply, though the supernova threatend his own crew mates to assign double shifts for the infamous kitchen duty. Nobody wants that.
Suddenly, a crash of glas forces the group to turn their heads to the source of commotion. Oddly satisfied, given the fact, that the vendors in these parts are wildly known for their insidiousness, the doctor smirks: "Guess someone just demolished a windo-" Interrupting him mid-sentence, an unexpected blast of apparently wooden walls lets the ground shake beneath his feet. He corrects: "A building."
A sinister chuckle escapes from the white hatted man, for he utters a low 'idiot' through his curled lips. However, Shachi indicates the ruckucks is coming from the markets. Oh dear.
Thus the red head leads the way, dashing through the now busy streets, for people flee from the dangers, hiding behind the tall buildings, blocking the group's vision. "Almost there!", Shachi huffs out of breath and comes to a stop after an almost two hundred meter sprint.
All the colourful stalls and stands have been crushed to dust and even a few surrounding houses have been taken out upon, by none other - than you. There you stand, your fist clenched around the vendor's hem of his collar, viciously snarling at the terrified man: "Give me the fresh food and I might spare your life!" What a remarkable ambition.
Nearly losing his own poise, Law groans exasperatedly: "Oh fuck, that's my idiot-" You are in for it, big time, (Y/n). Completely baffled, the other three men accompanying him, sweat drop to their Captain's slip, coming to a conclusion that he's lost it entirely and this situation seems to be more dire than firstly assumed.
Before you can land another blow on an innocent nearby cottage, you feel the world shift around you and land in the arms of your Captain. Or rather, he scruffs you by your neck collar, as if you're a disobedient kitten, lifting you off the ground. So this is what it's like to stare death in the face? Shamefully you greet Law by waving a hand, smiling in attempted innocence: "Oh hi there. I-" - "You must be joking, right?"
You can see the doctor's vein starting to get distinctively visible on his temple. He's about to blow. Is there any chance of escape for you anyway? Might as well admit your defeat, while you gaze into the man's white hot stare, who will be the end of you, one day for certain. Therefore you owe him an explanation, in hopes he will show mercy on you.
"Please tell me this is a bad joke!", he barks at foolish little you, hanging in there, curled up in his strong hold. Thus you resolve the fatuous action, confessing your reasoning, though it goes without saying this won't justify anything. A side of Law knows you only meant the best for the crew, flattered by your loyalty, astounded by your kind heart.
Seeing your sweet doe eyes flutter at him for forgiveness, it becomes greatly difficult for him to scold you further. In the end - he gives in. "Don't think I'll spare you so easily. When we're done here, I'll make sure you will get to face the consequences for your actions, (Y/n)-ya.", he grunts and puts you back on the ground.
The vendor approaches the Surgeon and flings his hands over his head in dismay, complaining about you being an 'assault happy' witch. Oh, he didn't just say that. To hear that coming from a fraud like him, lets Law's neck hair stand on end and his expression darkens. The crave for destruction now surges over his skin, hand itching to call forth his 'Room' and entertain himself with the debris and rubble of the buildings, which lay in literal shambles.
"Is this blasted woman with you?!" - "Indeed, she's with me. I'm with stupid over here.", you feel his squinting eyes fixated on you. It animates a shiver, emitting from your spine. The vendor curses and throws evil words your way, to which the Captain does not respond to well. Not at all. Lifting up the sleeves of his kimono, he intends to show his tattoos, signalising the man who he's actually dealing with.
People around here aren't that much up to date, though the Surgeon of Death's wanted posters are wildly spread across the country. And his tribal ink on his hands and arms are most memorable, besides his hat and intimidating weapon on his shoulder of course.
DEATH, immediately catches the vendor's attention, leaving him a stuttering mess, shaking in his clunky wooden sandals. He definitely recognised the powerhouse standing infront of him. How Law enjoys such affected reaction, fully aware of what an impact he has on commoners, he chuckles mischieviously: "Better treat your customers right next time, be it resident or foreigner. You never know who you might - dissappoint."
Air twirls underneath his loosend palm and a cold blue hue expands subsequently, covering a large area and engulfing the shattered houses in the formed globe. In a single swift move, his index finger points upwards, every stone, every wooden plank and pillar follows his command and gather in one giant chaotic mass. "So do tell, who I am having the honour of doing business with?" - "Sa-Sagishi, Sir! P-Please be c-careful where you . . i-it was a prank! I swear!"
 The enormous cluster of debris threateningly sways over the last standing stall, it's Sagishi's. "NO! By the gods I beg you!", he runs to the stand and snatches a basket with apples away and dodges the incoming missile, clashing onto the ground with an ear drum bursting boom, the earth reverberating in response.
Dust whirls up from the impact, restricting your vision for a moment, for it lingers like cold fog, wafting over the sandy streets. The picture revealing before you is something you deem as priceless. Sagishi toppled on his behind, watching how his 'oh so beloved' stall has been demolished and buried beneath tons of raw materials.
"Curse you pirates! Go rot in hell!", is what you hear the whimpering scammer sob, as he glares at you and the supernova, who smirks over both ears. What about laying low, Trafalgar?
He exxageratedly tips his hat to him in a deft bow and ends the show with an assertive and sassy comment: "Glad doing business with you, kind Sir. Have a pleasant day." Motioning you to follow him, he turns on his heels and leads the way. In the background, you still can hear the crushed man, crying ugly tears.
You look up at the Captain, stars practically sparkling in your eyes and your lips curl into a feline manner, dumbfounded by his 'not-so-discreet' act just now. "Don't look at me like that. You made me do this.", he groans, scratching the back of his neck in slight fluster.
By the by, Bepo questions, what you are about to do now. There's no food left for you. Law stops in his tracks and leans down to grab a random stone. 'Shambles' is the word that does the Surgeon's bidding and the stone has been swapped with . . the basket full with mouth watering red apples! Another set of bad wishes and curses resound from afar behind you, making you giggle cheekily.
The group has been blessed. This man never ceases to amaze you. His abilities are beyond comprehension and comes in handy on so many occassions. Taking a big bite out of the luscious fruit, you hum in delight: "They're delicious! You can tell they're fresh!" - "And not infected!" Penguin and Shachi do a little gleeful dance and Bepo happily munches down the sweet crunch.
Showing your gratitude towards the generous doctor, you give him a nudge with your elbow and he only shakes his head as an answer: "No need. You better thank me for not beheading you right this instant I saw you making a fuzz at the markets!" - "Bold for a man to say, who full on intendedly destroyed those markets with an humongous make shift boulder? I think you're slowly but surely warming up to me, Captain." The others agree to your preposterous statement, Law's eye twitches.
"Not if I'm with a stupid idiot like you are right now! You-", laughter hinders him from finishing his sentence and you inch closer to the aloof white hat, now walking side by side, shoulder to shoulder. You prod playfully: "I hate to break it to you, but I'm with stupid just as much as you. You're not a tiniest bit better than me." To Law's unfortune, his blush is way past of saving.
Where did the now facepalming man hear that before? Everybody digs in and literally inhales the crisp goodness, beaming with joy. "I'm surrounded by idiots.", he rasps through his clenched jaw. 
You are one of a kind. Truly, you are his idiot. And no one except him, has the privilege to call you that. A small smile proving his heart's little secret.
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eretzyisrael · 4 hours
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epithalamia · 9 months
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stella___spaniel
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sp00ky-p00ky · 1 year
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youtube
💜🎶🎸🖤
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mizarsta · 1 year
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In a modernverse they would totally f/ck around each other like this...
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David Bell, Otto Sieben - Crocodile Tears A
Plays in:
37b. "I'm with Stupid" 
40a. "Squid on Strike" 
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leechhealer · 2 years
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violetrose-art · 1 year
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(OLD) Dumb People are Always Blissfully Unaware (SpongeBob Clip)
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theexodvs · 1 year
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Me @ people celebrating International Men’s Day
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yellowpoet · 1 month
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hold on. Was suck him good and hard through his jorts supposed to conjour the image of someone who has an unzipped fly because this entire time I've been imagining someone slurping on wet denim
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marypsue · 5 months
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Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.
All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.
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silverspleen · 5 months
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Every time I see that G--gle phone photoshop commercial my heart is filled with infinite sadness, like, yeah it's cool you can have a good family photo, it's cool you can do that, but god, there is something to be said for the honesty of a family photo where you're blinking, or crying, or have ugly wrinkles.
What is too unsightly for you? Would you swipe-click-replace out the image of my cousin crying on our Florida trip family reunion photo? Would you remove the plastic snake I have clenched in my grip, which I still have to this day? Would you scoff at the wrinkles around our eyes and the strands of hair on our faces as we squint into the wind, the day before the massive storm? Would I remember it if I didn't have these reminders, if the picture was perfect and clean, all children in a row with perfect gleaming white tombstone tooth smiles? No tears. No plastic snake.
Everyone is beautiful and no one looks genuine.
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tyanis · 8 months
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Kinda feel like there's some untapped meme/reaction image potential from old horror movie trailers...
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herbgerblin · 2 years
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i jumped out of bed in a cold sweat to make this
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id: first image is the tumblr halloween icon, which depicts a skeleton-like ghoul in a spooky red robe. the second image is the same ghoul, now photoshopped to look like they're dabbing. end id
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eastgaysian · 23 days
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me when i dont know anything about feminism in rok
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