#i've accepted it

[onejellyfishplease]

*announcer voice*

CHOOSE!! YOUR!! DONNIE!!

#i will draw which ever wins #this is my thing now #i've accepted it #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie

[getbreaded]

Not to be negative or judgemental, but I'm so tired of people with no manners and no spatial awareness on public transportation.

How hard is it to not look at your phone when you're stepping into the tram or the ferry so you can walk at a normal pace and not hold up the line? If you don't have any headphones, mute your phone, it's basic civility and respect. If you're going to stop walking, get out of the way if you can, don't just stand there.

I swear to god, either I'm getting more impatient as I get older, or people are just losing all fucking sense and decency.

#rant #because it takes me 1h10 to get to uni #another hour to get back #I'm fucking tired after classes #i want to get home as quickly and calmly as possible #and people are just fucking annoying #I'm sorry but why are you fucking texting when we're supposed to be getting inside the ferry? #why are you taking pictures #and stopping to send those stupid pictures? #I'm a grouchy old man #I've accepted it

[speakergame]

Hello!

I was wondering, could we know something else about the witness? I just saw on discord that they would be a supernatural and got really curious, but I don’t know if it will too spoilery (sorry if it is)

yep, the Witness will be a non-human!

my current draft has 16 different choices for what kind of supernatural you are (4 in each of the 4 main classifications of supernaturals/non-humans). they each have their own unique abilities and physical differences, and your choice will have both big and small effects on the way certain scenes play out--though there's no "better" or "worse" option, they're just different

#speaker game #speaker: idle hands #the witness #yes that does mean that I'm essentially making 16 separate character customization sections #yes the twine format for it is going to be a tangled mess #I've accepted it

[lesbian-boo-radley]

I think I'm like 70% of the way done?????????

#bringing down the houses #thisisapseudonym #swan queen fanfic #swan queen #swanqueen #it's just gonna be so damn long #i've accepted it

[the-eyes-of-andyserkis]

Look.

Listen.

Look and listen. 🥵

#andy serkis #good god his hands #ah fuck #look and listen #i'm beyond help #i've accepted it #please join me in little trashcan of thirst

[chainofclovers]

I hope any Americans reading this have already voted for progressive candidates or have set plans to do so by this Tuesday ❤️

#us politics #our national nightmare #yesterday was my bday and i voted! #my birthdays are usually politically fraught #I've accepted it

[armysantiny]

it's honestly a shame that I'm very used to the little/no interaction here

#minnie rambles #not even annoyed by it anymore #I've accepted it #my aesthetic is an abandoned library after all #well dark academia tbf

[aphrogeneias]

the good thing about having really bad anxiety is that when you're worried about something and that something actually does happen you've already suffered it in advance so it doesn't even hurt that much

#i knew the thing wasn't gonna live up to the hype #like i knew i was gonna disappoint #i went over it in my head again and again all day yesterday #and now that it's true it's fine #i've accepted it #luiza.txt

[otakusheep15]

Truly embracing my inner old man by eating dinner at exactly 5 pm

#I've accepted it #I'm just an elderly man

[wolfiewhiskeybutch]

My brand is wholesome and kinky and no I will not be elaborating 😅😂

#whiskey speaks #I've accepted it #😂

[blackwatervial]

i’ve reached the point where i feel like if i dont watch kp episode 12 at least once a day i’ll lose my humanity like other people need coffee to properly start their day i need to watch the vegaspete sex scene

#the chokehold they have on me #at this point i'm an embarrassment vaguely shaped like a human and that's okay #i've accepted it

[mcmissileproof]

favorite hobby when I'm driving is to catch someone trying to climb up my back bumper while I'm going a completely reasonable speed and just slowly take my foot off the gas. you seem upset, brother. why don't we slow down and enjoy the view awhile

#if you won't maintain enough space to stop if I have to slam on brakes then I will just have to go slow enough that it won't kill us both. #kisses 💜 #goes double if you have your brights on #some guy tried to tailgate me with brights on in the rain at night a while ago and I was like beloved we are going 20 until you stop that. #like at that point it's not even spite it's literally that I can't see to safely go any faster than that #lights off back off go around or accept the pace I've set for us #I don't like driving. also.

[astriiformes]

My sister was telling me that she and her girlfriend went on a ghost tour for their anniversary, and at one point the tour guide mentioned there was a spooky haunted doll down inside a vent but phone flashlights usually weren't powerful enough to see it, so my sister whipped out the industrial-strength flashlight she carries in her purse at all times and the guide exclaimed "Oh! We should have lesbians on every tour!"

#i've accepted that while i would die quickly in a horror movie chelle would probably manage to be the final girl

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

#dog books #this chapter was very sad reading #when you become aware of punishment #and its use and its prevalence #it's hard not to despair #again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution #maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did #what I did because it's what everyone does #because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else #I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice #this book was very validating #another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts #was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice #with Amanda Knox #it helped to ease the despair a little

[thewilddoghaunts]

We are always going to be a little bit sad and a little bit mad. But it's okay. We'll always be a little bit magic too.

#Sime #I've accepted it #i just hope she can too

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop