#i've been focusing a lot on treating myself and the people around me w kindness

[vixies-grimoire]

So awhile back I had this idea on the backburner of doing a camp camp timeskip (5 years in the future in a timeline where david & gwen adopt max, 5yl for short), originally I intended to create an askblog but as of right now I don't have the time or energy to maintain something like that, so instead I'm simply going to be sharing pieces of this story at my own pace. I started with Max because he's my favorite and I had the most ideas with which direction to pull his character - David & Gwen will come next. Realistically not every character from the show cast is involved in the mains' lives anymore so not everybody will get a design, but the main five all will.

VV Details abt 5yl max beneath the cut VV

So I see a lot of people give Max something of a goth/punk aesthetic with things like chokers and excess piercings, and while I can certainly see why that happens, I personally could never picture him going that route. I think it's possibly because he reminds me a lot of my brothers all of whom tend to have a more hipster or casual aesthetic (for a long time I gave Max a beanie and I still think he'd wear one).

Along with that though, Max just never struck me as the type to overly commit to an aesthetic - he'd care abt how he looks ofc but I definitely think he'd prioritize comfort over appearance. I also hc Max with some sensory issues so things like facial piercings or choker collars would probably be irritating to him (this is me projecting my own sensory issues lol. punks you're so cool but I could never.)

So I mostly kept his aesthetic the same and focused on adding more interest to the design - as this was intended to be an ask blog I added details people would want to ask about.

The glasses are another thing that came from one of my brothers - I've never seen anyone give Max glasses (in general unless they're a nerd people just don't think to add stuff like glasses I think), and now I really like them. He gets them when he's around 14 and I haven't yet decided what visual impairment he has. I'm thinking maybe farsighted?

The long hair was something I chose on a picrew on a whim and immediately loved. I came up with this cute story plot where Max has always wanted long hair, but could never properly get it to grow out because he was never taught how to take care of his hair. He also hated going to salons bc they didn't know how to treat his hair. Then Gwen starts giving him tips and offers to do his hair for him - an offer he's extremely apprehensive about bc his experience with people doing his hair has never been good, but she does really well. She explains that she was just taught by people in her family who knew how to deal with different hair types.

Admittedly too the long hair was a decision I stuck with bc I loathe the idea that transmascs can't have or want long hair (and yes, Max is transmasc in 5yl. David is too). At this point I've created so much hair lore I could write an essay on that alone.

As for the bear pin and the bear skull on his shirt, I wanted to give Max a hyperfixation of some kind, and I just went with bears (Ik lots of children have teddy bears and it doesn't mean they particularly love bears but it's what I had to work with lol). It's the one nature thing David managed to make him genuinely like. Funnily enough I followed a few bear-themed accounts so I could write someone w a bear hyperfixation accurately, and in doing so gave myself a bear hyperfixation for awhile.

Some other details abt 5yl Max are that he loves guns and has studied them and really wants to learn to shoot, he's properly taken up knitting and he once punched somebody for calling David an ableist slur <3

(there's a lot I've put into this but it's hard to find the words to explain when it doesn't come up naturally, so I'll share plenty more abt this au when I'm ready.)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Drawn in MediBang Paint Pro

Camp Camp is a Rooster Teeth original series.

Copyright© 2022 Vixiefoxwitch. All rights reserved.

#Camp camp #Max cc #fanart #digital art #illustration #my art #artists on tumblr #cc5yl #Vixie Fox Witch #VFW

[maji-matchups]

Hi!!! Your interpretation of Ren is easily my fav out of any ive read !! >\\\

Oh darling hello!! Thanks so much for stopping by. You don’t understand how hard I started smiling while reading your request, you’re such a sweetheart! Ren is one of my favorite of the starish boys and I’m so happy that you enjoy how I portray him! Self esteem hasn’t always been my strong suit either so I hope that we could both become confident in our body and ourselves soon!

“And I love you for it”

My darling nonie you’re in for a treat if you think you can get away with badmouthing yourself in front of Ren Jinguji.

It’s legitimately impossible, like, he would never let you. He catches on almost immediately when you’re in a bad mood, however it might look. (Personally, I come across as very cynical when I’m feeling bad about myself.) His mind is already thinking of what could have happened to you today or this week, and if it’s something he did.

His eyes sort of harden when you mutter something mean about yourself, and he silently shakes his head in disagreement, almost incredulous in a way, as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

He would try to make you talk to him about it. He wouldn’t push you if it’s clear that you don’t want to talk though, just moves on and focuses solely on you.

This is where he begins with the complements, which, when you’re in a bad mood, isn’t really the best of plans

To me, I hate when people think complementing me will immediately make my self esteem rise

Then the complements get deep though. He begins talking about little things you do that you probably don’t even notice. Quirks in your personality and attitude that he says he finds absolutely adorable or sexy or cute or beautiful and throws every complement in the book out to you.

I find it amazing when you do this, you look angelic when you do that, I can’t help but smile whenever you do this because you’re just so earnest when you do it. Those kinds of things.

If you try to cut him off with even more insults about yourself, he would gently, with utmost sincerity, explain why you’re not what you say you are, and why you’re more than the words that you’re limiting yourself to, and why regardless of what you think of him, he loves you.

Now, Ren may throw around those words a bit that it feels almost normal, but there’s something different about it when he says it this time.

There’s a layer of vulnerability in it that isn’t normally there. He doesn’t like opening himself up and wearing his heart on his sleeve, despite a lot of people thinking that he does.

He knows that pretty words can’t fix self esteem, that it’s a long and typically grueling process, that it’s not so linear as people might hope.

Sometimes it might feel like you’ve made so much progress and one careless word from someone sets you back one or ten steps, sometimes it gets so bad the imperfections are all you can think about and you wish so so much that you can be different.

And with his words he assures you that he’d be with you in each endeavor. His promise is that he’ll be there, because really that’s all he can do, and sometimes, something as minuscule as that could change a lot of things.

(Got sidetracked a bit whoops)

Anyways, same as when you’re in a bad mood, Ren is a bit more clingy, with feather soft touches that make you feel like you’re something to be cherished and handled with the utmost care, because in his eyes you are.

Ahhh I got so off track and I’m everywhere in this!! I hope that this meets your expectations sweet nonie! I was so so determined to do this HC that I didn’t even notice how long it got, but I felt every part was so necessary lol.

I hope this didn’t disappoint and as always have a lovely day!

Mod Ai

#uta no prince sama #utapri #starish #ren jinguji #jinguji ren #utapri ren #utapri headcanons #headcanons #headcanon #utapri hc #anonymous

[quietborderlineinfo]

Hi I have a question or want your perspective on something please. So I've seen myself in other people's descriptions of bpd for a long time. My t thinks I might have it. If I have it it's the quiet type. But there's just some things that I can't see fitting? Or understand how they would be "quiet"? And some of the criteria I only experience very rarely or with certain people. 1/?

alright hey stargazer!

i can totally appreciate how much thought and detail you’ve put into this - i remember being in that place, and its so confusing and frustrating and frankly exhausting. breathe; from what youve said it sounds like your T is paying close attention and wants the best for you. over time, you’ll figure out what diagnosis & treatment(s) may work for you. until then, just focus on getting better one step at a time.

keep in mind that below i just discuss how the things you said relate to the diagnostic criteria, but no one here can diagnose you. definitely talk to your T (and if theyre not a psychiatrist, try to talk to one of those if you have access to a good one, since theyre more inclined to diagnose, in my experience)

also remember that you only need 5/9 for a diagnosis - so two people w bpd may have only 1 overlapping symptom. (so if you dont see yourself in everything you read, thats normal)

For instance 1 (frantically avoid abandonment) only w/ 2 relationships I’ve ever had, and these are more feelings than actions I take 2 (pattern unstable intense relationships) I’ve only had one significant relationship in my life and it was very intense and unstable, but I have no history of it but I also have no history of what I would call “close” relationships. I’m mostly avoidant of them) 2/?

1 & 2: saaame. i once asked a T if never letting yourself feel close to people was a form of attempting to avoid abandonment, and was told that it can be, if that’s why you do it. it can be hard to figure out why you do something you may have always done though, so it helps to both try to analyze past experiences and definitely to try to look at your feelings and how they’re motivating you as you go forward.

I’m not sure on the whole feelings vs actions thing; ask your T cause i think there can be a lot of grey area. and for #2, i had the same experience too; everyone who treated me seemed to think that the one relationship was enough evidence, i guess considering that avoidant behaviour. 

3 (id disturbance) I’m not sure exactly how this manifests or is separate from depersonalization. Like I don’t feel real when I try to engage in hobbies. I only exist when I’m doing things with others and then I feel fake and two dimensional (but this is getting a lot better and I’m afraid that means the symptom isn’t real) I’m not sure of my own hobbies and I have no internal motivations or knowledge base to make my own decisions. 3/?

. I can hardly tell right from wrong a lot of the time and use clues from others to help me. And I can change depending on the people I’m around. Is that what this means? This isn’t all things but some things 4 I am not in the slightest impulsive except if you count the impulsive texts I would send to that one intense relationship to make sure she didn’t hate me every few weeks 4/?

3. so depersonalization is a type of dissociation, so that’d fall under criterion 9. symptoms can get better and that absolutely doesn’t mean that you are now or have ever been faking; remission of symptoms with time and/or therapy is actually more likely than not. not knowing right from wrong is interesting cause at first i thought that was entirely unrelated, but realized it could come from not having an internalized moral system, which would definitely sound relevant.

what does fit the description is both not being sure of your hobbies (esp since it sounds like means youre not sure of what you enjoy/care about?), and changing depending on the people you’re around (if you feel like its more of an internal change than say, changing from business-appropriate speech patterns to something more casual when around friends vs at work).

the wiki page describes ID disturbance really well i think, but if you still have questions, definitely send them your T’s/our way.

4. neither am i, and i was still diagnosed. some people seem to think that it’s one criterion that has to be met though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is possible that it manifests only very specifically, like w me I’m only impulsive w self-harm or recklessly crossing the street.

5 (self harm) I’ve cut in the past but I can go years without cutting, but the urge to cut will always surface every few weeks whether I act on it or not 6 (affective instability) not sure I understand this. My emotions are so intense that I have a hard time doing anything but engaging in avoidant behaviors. Focusing on school and work is extremely difficult around my thoughts and feelings, Is that what this means? I can change really quickly too based on one thought or one outside occurrence5/?

Hi stargazer anon again. Sorry I’m all over the place with this I just get confused. So missing might be the part that addressed diagnostic criteria #7. basically yes I experience emptiness. I think The end of message 5 is relating to diagnostic criteria #6 (instability of mood) and message 7 is relating to diagnostic criteria #8 (anger). Sorry it’s a mess. But I don’t think there is anything important in the missing piece. I was just going through each symptom and comparing my experience w/ it

5. that certainly counts! (proud of you for keeping it to a minimum, hope you’re working w your T to eliminate it entirely!)

6. “Patients often describe affective instability as an “emotional roller coaster” that relates to a subjective sense of strong affects and emotions experienced in an uncomfortable, rapid sequence.”

what you described sounds intense, and to clarify the changeability i think it can have a lot to do with reacting really strongly to things in the environment/in relationships. you didnt talk too much about the changes, so id say it sounds like this likely fits, but warrants more discussion just to clarify.

7. aight √

But i don’t get angry at people usually. I used to have this pattern of withdrawing from my relationships because I was convinced they didn’t really like me and I wanted to see if they would come talk to me to sort of “test them” but knowing the whole time that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve their love anyway and if they didn’t really love me then I didn’t deserve it (though have gotten way better at this with therapy). Is that what is meant by the cold shoulder? 7 I think/?

8. see idk, it’s possible that that’s anger for you, but it sounds like you’ll wanna think more about it. i think cold shoulder is more about refusing to engage someone because you are upset at them. to me, what you described sounds more like fear than anger, but only you can know that. idk about other quiet borderlines but for most of my life I’ve had anger far repressed 🤔

9. (for the sake of completion) depersonalization, which you mentioned in part 2, is a kind of dissociation

Sorry for this essay if not ok just ignore and delete. Sorry I’m just having a hard time cause so much of this feels like me but then so many of the hallmarks don’t at all, or only rarely appear. I think I have aVpd too and it makes it hard to know because some symptoms cloud each other. Thanks can please tag stargazer if you do answer it? 8/8 I think it was?

sorry for taking so long to respond! yeah its useful to have a full discussion with a psychiatrist about this especially when multiple disorders are in question. also remember that as much as we may seek the sense of identity labels can give us, you dont need to fit something specific to have valid pain that deserves to be treated and warrants a break from work.

please let us know if you have any follow-up questions. good luck - it’ll get easier with time & work!

#Anonymous #stargazer #mod abby #self harm tw

[literarilymanga]

A Chat About Creativity

Hello! As y’all know, I’ve been talking to various webcomic creators about their individual comics.  Earlier this week, however, I got to talk to Kristina about her creative process and how she brings her webcomics to life. Check it after the cut! 

Me: Do you start with a set idea for a story or does it come gradually?

Kristina: I usually start out with a feeling i want to convey or a problem i want to explore, for example with 14 Nights the problem was "Can you have a relationship without sex?" and then I try to find the answer to my question through the story.

Me: Has working on any one comic proved harder than the other?

Kristina: Hm. Well, at the beginning it was very difficult in general, just because I only had a few skills, and over the years it's gotten easier as I accumulate more. But actually, yes, I’ll say it's been hardest to work on the short anthology comics. I just don't ever feel satisfied with them because they're so short. If I'm not satisfied with the comic then it's very hard.

Kristina: The one I did for Monster Anthology: Demon Edition was the hardest because I don't think I ever really said what i wanted to say.

Me: What would you consider the "perfect" comic length to be?

Kristina: Well, it depends on the story, but I'd say the minimum length for a complete story is probably 50 pages. I can't think of a comic that's less than 50 pages that I've read and had a very strong reaction to. The maximum length could be thousands of pages, ideally. The more pages, the better.

Me: When you create comics, what do you focus on the most to tell your story: setting, characters, or symbolism? Symbolism meaning an underlying theme or a special object or something like that.

Kristina: When you put it that way, I have to say symbolism, more specifically, the underlying meaning. The reason I write comics is to give me a platform to express my beliefs, so I'm very focused on whether I accurately represented my own POV. The characters and the setting are tools to accomplish that goal. But, of course, the characters must be treated with compassion, otherwise you end up creating pawns to do your bidding.

Me: Do you find it harder to draw for anthologies?

Kristina: Yeah, definitely. It's hard to make a decent comic story in 10-25 pages. And all the while knowing you can't really go any further with it, if you like it.

Me: Is there a story that you've done that you really connected with?

Kristina: I'd say that if I put in the effort to finish something,I connect with it 100%. I wouldn't waste my time otherwise; I mean drawing comics is way too much work for less.

Kristina: Well, no that's not completely accurate because I just said the anthology comics don't meet that standard.

Kristina: So all my personal comics, Yasha Lizard, 14 Nights, and Alethia,I connect with 100%. 

Me: Since your comics are bilingual, do you ever worry that things get lost in translation?

Kristina: Nah, not really. At least, not yet! Maybe in the future, but so far I think it sounds basically the same in both languages. Although, sometimes little things don't really bother me. For example, there's a character in Yasha Lizard named Anastasia Anole, and the translator used the word for 'chameleon' instead.(变色龙 in case you're wondering.) But I’ve never seen an anole in China and I don't think Chinese readers will know what an anole is, so I’m fine with the change.

Me: Do you prefer working in color or black and white?

Kristina: I think I prefer black and white. I like the way it looks when it's done. B&w comics are, to me, aesthetically superior to color comics. However, knowing that I feel that way, I felt I had to challenge myself to come up with a color comics art style that I would like just as much as I like b&w comics. I'm not there yet.

Me: Do you have certain color families you stick to? Or just whatever matches the tone?

Kristina: Yeah, definitely! Right now I can't seem to get away from teal and magenta. I love blue-greens in general and always want to use them. I need to branch out more.

Me: How do your readers react to your work? Do you seem to draw a specific type of reader?

Kristina: One thing I've noticed is that people only tend to say positive things about it. If they don't like my work, they keep it to themselves. There must exist people who hate my comics, but for some reason, they don't say so publicly. I wonder why? As for type of reader, I seem to have a variety. But they are probably all liberal-leaning. I don't think a very socially conservative reader could get much out of my work.

Me: How do you feel about the webcomic medium and the print comic medium?

Kristina: I love webcomics as a medium. I like digital everything. I'm kind of a technophile that way. I read all my prose books on a screen, too. I only print comics in order to have something to sell at the conventions. If it wasn't for that, I'd never print anything. As a reader, I don't like having a lot of physical things sitting around. I move almost every 2 years.

Me: Do you find that you get more interest in your work after cons?

Kristina: Oh yeah, absolutely. And the cons in china are enormous, so I meet hundreds of people each day at them.

Me: Do you only sell books or do you sell other related merch?

Kristina: I sell prints of my stand-alone illustrations and stickers of cats and guinea pigs. Everyone loves cat stickers. It's how you guarantee you'll make back at least the table cost. 

Me: I saw your guinea pig! So cute! Tell me about being a female comic artist in China.

Kristina: *laughs* I don't even know any male comic artists here. I mean, I know they exist but I never see them. All my comic friends are women. Next month I'm going to share a table with some friends, two women. The majority of the attendees are female as well.

Me: Have you collaborated on works outside of anthologies?

Kristina: I haven't collaborated on anything, ever, to be honest. The anthology stories were also my art + writing. I've never done a comic with someone else, although I've been offered money to try it.

Me: Is there anything you want to share about your experience with comics?

Kristina: My experience with comics has been...It doesn't pay money. It's a masochistic career choice.

Me: Any advice for people getting into comics?

Kristina: *laughs* Well it depends on what their goals are. Other people likely have very different goals than me. I don't ever intend to work for a major publisher, if I can help it.

Kristina:  Ok, but, my advice to female cartoonists is: Use a comic to say the thing you are absolutely the most terrified to say. Dig down deep and find that thing you think you'd be kicked off planet earth for saying, and say it. Put it under a pseudonym if you have to. but once you do it, you'll experience a freedom you never knew was possible.

You can check out Krisitna’s portfolio work and all of her comics at her main site. Don’t to forget to check out my earlier interview with Finnish artist Niina Eveliina. 

If you want to share your own thoughts on the creative process or want to be interviewed, feel free to comment on this post or send an ask or a message.  

Have a great weekend! 

#kristina stipetic #webcomic feature #14 Nights #Monster Anthology: Demon Edition #Yasha Lizard #Alethia