just cut off about 5-6 inches of hair. the mental illness is illnessing
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Sixty years of dreaming did nothing to prepare Dream for the reality of Hob Gadling.
In which I actually finished writing a thing for the first time in years and need to scream about it on the internet, but only on the website where maybe two people know who I am because holy social anxiety, Batman.
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I'm doing a thing, y'all. I signed up for an Ao3 invitation, and I'll probably be joining early May. I'm doing this because I recently started getting back into DC and I have a fic that's better suited for Wattpad/Ao3 and I've been trying to mostly use Wattpad for reading so I'm trying something new. Wish me luck.
BTW: I might post the first chapter here with a link to the fic on Ao3. I don't know yet.
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I'm having incoherent thoughts about clone danny again from the clone/clone^2 au (when am I not?) but more specifically I'm thinking about his reaction to finding out he's a clone. The standalone clone au digs into that a little more than clone^2, which is more focused on Danny and Damian's relationship. But neither (so far) really get into Danny's issues about finding out he's a clone after 15 years of thinking he wasn't.
Because he resents his parents for not telling him for so long. He resents the way he found out; through a trivial school project rather than a sit-down talk. He resents the fact that, apparently, they had meant to tell him sooner. But forgot. He resents the fact that they never told him because finding out feels like something was stolen from him when it had the chance to not be.
Danny Fenton, just fifteen, cloned not even half a year ago, knows what that personal violation of autonomy feels like. He knows what it's like to be cloned and while he loves Ellie, he does, she's his sister, and in this au his twin. But he is still left with that feeling of unsafety after realizing he'd been cloned. Being cloned is violating. The onset realization that it's so easy to get DNA without the other party noticing, and that what was stopping someone from trying to clone him again?
Followed only after with the rest of the inexplainable mix of feelings of being cloned, the rest of that inner conflict and panic that's an ugly mocktail of emotions that range from horror to fear. Trying to imagine what it's like to be cloned from the cloned party, and I imagine that it leaves you with the feeling of needing to crawl out of your own skin with discomfort.
And then he gets put on the other side of it. Danny Fenton, only fifteen, was cloned not even half a year ago, finding out he is a clone. And reactions, I imagine, can vary from person to person. But to him, it feels like something got stolen from him, like someone took a hole puncher and stuck it right into his chest and stole a chunk of himself from him.
It changes nothing about him and yet it changes everything. It's a betrayal on it's own to just find out he was a clone and they didn't tell him for fifteen years -- it shouldn't mean anything, because he's still Danny, and yet it means everything. It's him, it's him, it's about him. It's his personhood. It's about the fact that a load-bearing rock in his identity just crumbled beneath his feet and now there's a rockslide.
Because then he finds out that they used the wrong DNA. Its like pouring salt in an open wound. He's not even related to his parents or his sister, when for years he thought he was. It's the fact that pieces of his identity that he's been so secure in for so long just got ripped away from him in an instant. Then they tell him -- only through his own horrified prompting -- that the person whose DNA they used -- Bruce Wayne -- didn't even know he existed. That they accidentally used the wrong DNA, then didn't tell the person whose DNA they used.
The betrayal of being lied to for years turns really quickly into horror at his own existence. Something very similar to the horror he felt at being cloned and the skin-crawling discomfort that made him feel like his own skin wasn't really his. And then its not. It's actually not. Nothing but his own name feels like it belongs to him anymore -- not his hair, not his eyes, not his heart or his lungs, nothing feels like his anymore and he didn't know what that felt like until it was gone.
It's a question of Nature Vs. Nurture -- where does the line of "nature" begin and where does the line of "nurture" end? What of him is actually his? What of him is Bruce Wayne's? It's not logical, it's not supposed to be. It's a load-bearing wall on the house of his identity being destroyed and now everything else is caving down in on him. What belongs to Danny, what belongs to Bruce Wayne?
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Genuinely. Not asking for a new update on anything. How long does it take to write you a chapter is the stars align and you have a time? Because your chapters are long and you pumped out 4 COTL chapters in like a month and they all have the same level of quality and I'm here impressed and worried
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Abusive parents will go 'Oh yeah? Well I had it worse! My parents were bad!' and it's like, Oh? We can acknowledge that your parents were bad? You can say that? You can say they treated you very badly? You know this and are aware of this?
And yet, when raising your own child, you used their methods and decided that you are the victim here? That it's okay because they've done it 'worse'? You're comfortable telling your children that they're paying for however you've been treated, and that you specifically had your children to expose them to all of the bad things that happened to you? The world feels fair to you if your own children are suffering? That's where you take your power?
Your parents were bad and you know this, so you went ahead and became a bad parent on purpose, and you're thinking you're the victim in all this?
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i think it’d be super cute and funny if angel signed alastor up for some pole dancings lessons and alastor ACTUALLY went JFJDJDJD
HAH - I can actually imagine that if the current hotel residents got to make any customizations to their rooms during the rebuild of the hotel, that Angel Dust would 100% be the kind of person to just have a pole installed in his room for practice and working out.
I feel like if they got tipsy and competitive enough (because Alastor would definitely out-dance Angel when it comes to his preferred forms of dance), Alastor would end up dragged upstairs to Angel's room for Angel to prove to him that he can dance, actually, thank you very much!! Could someone that can't dance do THIS?!
If he ends up shoving a drunk Alastor at the pole at any point, I'm 100% imagining Alastor as the type of person who is not even remotely flexible enough for the kind of coordination pole requires, but that also has enough freaky demonic super strength and also the ability to, like, break his own bones and do things like rotate his head 180 degrees or tilt it sideways at a right angle, and so just brute forces his way through any of the beginner moves that Angel shows him in the most horrific, uncanny way possible.
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I got possessed, I'm sorry....... more Kotoko tongue piercing because I have no self control when it comes to this woman
Less dark version under the cut
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