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dfortrafalgar · 3 days

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Distraction

Portgas D. Ace x Fem!Reader

You and Ace intended to spend the day at the beach, but he can’t seem to be able to relax.

Warnings: modern au, so much smut. like so much smut. wet, sticky smut. 69-ing briefly. reader is also written to be on the chubbier side (im projecting <3) ace fucks you in the back of his car, basically. MINORS DNI. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

I woke up thinking about Ace today so I cranked this out in, like, an hour. It was a nice change of pace while I've been finishing up IMLY and the Luffy fic from my poll, which is almost done! (speaking of which, thank you for 200 followers <3)

Ace hadn’t seen your swimsuit yet. All he knew about it was that you purchased it recently on a shopping trip with a group of your friends, but it was currently concealed under a light t-shirt and denim shorts. Throughout the drive to the shoreline, he was anxiously eyeing your bare thighs, his grip on the steering wheel of his station wagon turning his knuckles white.

“What’s got you so nervous over there?” Your airly voice shook the freckled man out of his daze. “Eyes on the road, hotshot.”

“It’s nothing,” he blurted, pouting and turning his attention back to the road. Maybe he should have you sit in the backseat when your skin was exposed.

His own friends often joked that he was no better than a dog. It wasn’t his fault that his sex drive was higher than cruising altitude… or maybe it was. But he couldn’t help his wandering eyes when the soft skin of your plush thighs was exposed, or the way your deft hands fiddled with your cuticles as you stared out the window, sparkling eyes taking in the cloudless summer day as the backroads passed by on the drive to the beach. Most of your evenings together were spent with either his head between your legs, your head between his legs, or your face smushed into a soft pillow while Ace desperately railed you from behind.

It was a good life, that’s for sure.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been to the beach,” you suddenly stated, turning your head to look at your flustered boyfriend. “I’ve only ever been swimming in pools recently!”

“Yeah, me too,” he replied, his voice shaky.

Your eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Ace, are you really alright? Your face is kind of red.” You reached your hand over to press your palm to his forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever, do you?”

“Nah, I feel fine. Honestly. Just… thinking.” One of his hands left the steering wheel to rub his sweating palm against the fabric of his swim trunks. All he had on, other than the baggy trunks, was a white tank top that had a very unfortunate oil stain around the chest area. He was sure his entire upper body was flushing red with the debauched thoughts that plagued his weary brain. He hadn’t even seen your bathing suit yet and his mind was running in circles. (He started to debate calling up that therapist that Sabo recommended.)

“Well, tell me if you really don’t feel good. I don’t want you to force yourself to be out today just because of me,” you cooed, your voice soft and comforting.

He needed to tell you to stop talking. Even the sound of your voice made butterflies swarm in his gut.

He might as well have been ovulating.

After what felt like an eternity, the trees surrounding the backroad route he had taken began to dissipate, replaced with the beautiful sight of the shoreline. The ocean spanned outward as far as you could see, disappearing along the horizon and blending in with the bright blue sky. A few small beach houses dotted the shore.

“You said this was a public beach, right?” you asked curiously.

Ace nodded, swallowing a thick glob of spit. “Public, but very minimal. There’s some private properties surrounding it so a lot of people assume the entire place is off-limits to locals, but there’s a small parking lot set back from the beach near a tiny bathroom shack-lookin’ thing.”

You grinned. “Nice.”

“Do you not like public beaches?” he inquired, tossing you a side eye as he pulled further down the road, approaching the aforementioned parking lot.

“I don’t mind them,” you replied. “But sometimes really busy beaches make me nervous. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable swimming when there’s too many people around… I get self-conscious in my bathing suits!” Your statement was punctuated with a fluttering, nervous laugh as you involuntarily squeezed the skin of your thighs.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that when I’m here,” Ace replied, flashing you a cheeky grin.

The parking lot seemed sparse. It was entirely gravel with a few decrepit wooden fences separating where cars could park, some overgrown weeds poking through the impacted dirt here and there. Sure enough, there was a brown, run-down bathroom shack between the beach and the parking lot. During high tide, it almost seemed like the entire area would get flooded, but the gravel was drier than bone thanks to the beating sunlight.

You dug through your bag, removing a tube of sunblock.

“I thought you already put on sunscreen before we left,” Ace said, pulling into a spot and putting his beat-up station wagon in park.

“I did, I’m just putting some extra on my face,” you responded, uncapping the tube and squeezing some of the white gel onto your fingers. You deftly rubbed the lotion onto your skin, across your cheeks and brow, down your nose, and down your neck.

Ace needed to look away from you as your hands trailed down your neck and across your collarbones, ridding your hands of the excess lotion. You weren’t provoking him on purpose, he knew that, but clearly his dick was taking charge of the day.

Little prick.

The two of you excitedly exited the car, grabbing your small umbrella and towels to find a nice spot to set up camp on the sand. You were quick to lay down your towel when you found a spot, Ace digging a deep hole into the ground to mount the umbrella and provide a shelter from the beating sunlight. Only a few other people were dotted around the beach, mostly older folk who were most certainly retired and enjoying their elderly days basking in the sunlight. The thought made you smile. You watched with glittering eyes as Ace pulled his tank top over his lean body, his muscular chest rippling with his movements, letting the cloth fall into his bag in a wrinkled heap.

“Oh, shit, forgot the cooler,” Ace mumbled suddenly. “I’ll be right back.” He swiftly turned tail and hiked through the sand back to his car.

You smiled, crawling under the umbrella and feeling the sand beneath the fabric shift below your knees. You slid your denim shorts down your legs, shifting your weight to pull them off before folding them neatly and tucking them into your beach bag. Your shirt followed, your hands hooking under the bottom hem and pulling it up over your head, repeating the process of folding it and storing it away. Weirdly enough, you felt more comfortable on this beach than any other. While some old folk liked to gab, the sparse population on this beach seemed more than willing to keep to themselves. And there was no risk of creepy men your age or obnoxious teenagers to toss rogue comments about your body or shitty pick-up lines.

And you had Ace, of course, who would kiss the ground you walked on if you asked. The thought made your stomach flutter with glee.

Back in the parking lot, Ace was quick to haul open his trunk and grab the small cooler they had packed with water, some sodas, and some light snacks, slinging it over his bare shoulder and slamming the door closed. The hinges made a terrible squealing noise as the door moved. He really needed to get that fixed. He quickly jogged back to the shoreline with the cooler bag in his possession, his sandals making scuff marks in the gravel.

He almost died and came back to life when he saw you from behind.

Your clothes were off, your body hugged in a bikini that looked sculpted for you and only you. The strawberry-print bodice was tied around your neck and below your shoulder blades with thin straps, the front of the suit being held together in the front with a metal ring between the bust. Your plump breasts peeked over the seams slightly, making blood rush to Ace’s face. The solid-colored bottoms squeezed your hips and ass perfectly, with one side open and held together with strings in an intricate criss-cross pattern.

Ace’s feet were moving on their own, his soul ascending from his body as he floated toward you.

You heard the rustle of his swim trunks from behind you as you approached, turning to look at him over your shoulder. “Hey! All set with the cooler?”

He plopped to his knees on his own towel, the cooler hitting the ground with a thud. “Yeah, all set…” His voice trailed off as if he wanted to say something else.

You gazed at him with confusion painting your features.

“You… you look…” Ace could barely look at you. “You look so fucking hot… oh my god.”

Suddenly, his demeanor in the car made much more sense. The constant red flush painting his adorable freckled cheeks, his mouth in a perpetual tongue-tie, his lips pursing together tightly as he struggled to keep his composure. Your lips pulled into a bright smile, relishing in the flustered behavior of your boyfriend.

“Aww, thank you, baby!” you cooed, moving closer to him. Your hands trailed down his arm, ghosting over the tattoo on his bicep before teasingly falling to the cooler and unzipping the top, pulling an orange soda out of the bag.

“Please don’t tease me, I think I might explode,” Ace huffed.

You popped open the can with a satisfying click, taking a quick sip from the opening. “You know… I don’t think anyone’s going to mess with our stuff if you want to go back to the car…”

Ace’s dark eyes darted toward you, assessing the mischievous expression on your face as you kept the cold soda can pressed against your mouth. The metal was rapidly developing condensation thanks to the heat in the air, droplets of water dripping down the orange can and onto your fingers, plopping against your folded knees.

He carefully removed the soda from your hands, tucking it back into the cooler to make sure it didn’t spill, before standing up and hauling you to your feet, dragging you by your hand across the hot sand and back to the parking lot for a third time. He ripped his car keys from the pocket of his swim trunks, shoving the metal key into the door lock to open the vehicle before leading you to the trunk and popping open the door. You quickly clamored inside, him following behind you and closing the trunk from the inside. He chucked his keys somewhere towards the front of the car.

He wasted absolutely no time in smashing his lips against yours, making you wince slightly at the feeling of his teeth hitting your own, but the way his long fingers expertly groped the skin of your breasts below your bikini top made you forget about the momentary discomfort.

After a few stifling moments, Ace pulled away and heaved into the skin of your neck, holding you down by your shoulders.

The best part about him owning an old, refurbished station wagon was the ample amount of room in the back, as well as the lack of center console between the two front seats. It was a car built for fucking.

“Is this what you were thinking of on the ride over here?” you asked, a coy tone on your tongue. “About what my new swimsuit would look like?”

Ace grumbled, a childish pout on his lips as one of his hot hands continued to rub patterns up and down your side. Up to your breasts, his thumb ghosting over your concealed nipple, trailing down your waist and groping the plush flesh of your belly, down your thigh to squeeze your ass. The way the strings on the exposed side of your bottom piece fit into your skin made his cock throb.

“You’re insatiable,” you giggled, your own hands leaving scorching patterns over his shoulders and arms. “Are you ovulating? You’re acting like me before my period.”

“Shush,” he grumbled, followed by another sweltering kiss, all tongue. You felt a dribble of spit leave the corner of your mouth, sticking to the skin of your cheek. His lips moved against yours, exchanging a blistering heat. Ace always seemed to radiate warmth even on the coldest days, and his presence in this moment filled your body with a heated, lustful buzz. Goosebumps rose on your skin when he pulled away from you leaving your front exposed, gently biting your puffy lower lip with his teeth.

“How worried are you about someone messing with our things on the beach?” he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

You adjusted yourself slightly below him, his knees beside your hips caging you onto the floor of his trunk. “Hmm… not too worried.”

“Perfect,” Ace replied swiftly, tugging his swim trunks down.

He had such a nice cock, perfectly shaped with a cut tip that flushed a beautiful rosy hue. A slight upward curve, lean and not too long, perfect. He was either hard for the entire time you were setting up your small spot on the sand and you hadn’t noticed, or he was fighting with every fiber in his body to keep the erection at bay. Whatever the circumstance, the fantasy of spontaneously fucking you in the trunk of his car in that sexy bikini of yours that he daydreamed about on the drive down was finally coming true.

Your hands made a move down to your hips to pull on the fabric of your bottoms before his fingers wrapped around your wrists, halting your movement.

“Sorry,” he uttered, his voice a soft whisper filled with a desperation you rarely saw from him. “Your suit stays on.”

Your mouth morphed into a grin as he released you, leaning back up on his knees and idly stroking his cock with his right hand. You parted your legs for him, making a show of smushing your breasts together under your tight top. God, your suit could have been molded onto your body, it looked so good.

“Are you going to stay there and jerk off over me, or are you going to share some of the fun?” you asked deviously, one of your hands crawling below your bottoms and teasing your clit with the slick that had built up. A pleasant, tingling flutter resonated in your belly and floated down your thighs, but nothing was better than the feeling of his fingers and cock doing the work for you.

“I want to do everything to you,” he muttered, releasing his dick from his slow ministrations. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

You watched as it bobbed in the air, so hard it held itself out away from Ace’s toned stomach. You involuntarily licked your lips at the sight. “You’re so pretty…” you muttered. You took it upon yourself to sit up, gently pushing against Ace’s shoulders to get him to sit on the trunk floor on his ass, leaning against him further to get the hint to lay down in the position you had just been in.

Neither of you had a strictly dominating or strictly submissive attitude. Rather, you mutually shared the moment, taking charge when you wanted and snatching the lead away whenever you pleased. This was one of those moments as you rotated your body on top of his, moving your ass closer to his face as one of your hands ghosted along his hip bone, your other arm supporting you and keeping you upright.

Ace got the hint almost immediately, his greedy hands groping and squeezing your ass as he pulled you downward to rest your clothed cunt against his mouth. The hotness of his breath and the feeling of his lips against your weeping pussy concealed by the polyester made your breath hitch as your lips traveled closer and closer to the tip of his dick, watching hungrily as it seemed to pulse in the air, desperate for attention.

Your boyfriend made the first move, pulling you down by your hips and resting your cunt over his mouth, his tongue forcing its way between your folds through the suit and quickly finding your clit. You gasped, your arm shaking somewhat as you quickly followed his lead, wasting no time in taking his cock into your hot, ready mouth.

And goodness, did he taste good. A familiar slightly salty musk partnered with the residual scent of his daily body spray, a vanilla and cedar flavor that always made your heart flutter in your chest. His cock might as well have been burning as you hollowed out your lips and took him further down your mouth, loving the way the organ pulsed against your tongue.

On the other end, Ace’s fingers had found their way into the fabric of your bathing suit, holding the barrier aside as two of his digits spread your natural slick over your cunt and lubricated his skin before he pressed them into your pussy, addicted to the way your muscles constricted around him. Your entrance was always on the tighter side no matter how many times you fucked, and it was absolute heaven for him. He turned the pads of his two fingers forward, pushing gently against the roof of your vagina where he knew you were acutely sensitive, and smirked to himself when your thighs clenched around his head. Your movements over his cock momentarily stuttered at the feeling of his thumb connecting with your clit to simultaneously stroke the needy bud while passionately fingering your pussy.

He knew you too well. He knew what you needed. Ace wasn’t a selfish lover, he had learned your quirks and needs very early on in your relationship. You loved your clit rubbed in somewhat slow circles, alternating between various pressures. You responded to his fingers against your g-spot, and you loved when his dick curled upward into the same area. Not too deep so as to hit your cervix, which hurt you quite a bit, but deep enough to reach those sensitive areas that had your legs shaking.

You learned quickly too, however. Ace’s tip was the most sensitive part of him, his breaths growing shallow when you delicately sucked your lips around it and trailed your tongue along the slit, collecting the small amount of salty precum that emerged from the tip. He loved it when you gently fondled his balls, rubbing the wrinkled skin between the pads of your fingers. He adored the inside of his thighs being caressed, and you tried your best to do both with one hand as the other trembling appendage fought to support your weight as you continued to blow him.

You popped off of his cock momentarily, stroking the base with your hand. “Did you have fruit recently?” you asked, turning your head somewhat to look over your shoulder. Not like you could see much.

Ace paused his motions against your pussy. “... Maybe.”

You grinned, the usually salty, bitter taste of his essence now replaced with something slightly sweeter. You wanted to egg him on, to ask him if he had planned for this to happen and eaten some pineapple or citrus with his breakfast in preparation, but you decided to keep your inquiries to yourself and return to your task of sucking him off.

Ace was content to keep fingering you, his current position in between your thighs a bit too difficult to involve his tongue, but he knew he could please you regardless. The circular movements of his calloused thumb against your throbbing clit had you sucking in sharp, lustful breaths through your nose, small whimpers leaving your throat and vibrating down his shaft making him bite his lip and stifle a wheeze. Your thighs were quivering as he continued to curl his fingers into your g-spot, following the rhythm of your lips around his cock.

After some moments, however, you quickly scrambled off of him, your hand clutching around your stomach as you pivoted above him, capturing his lips in yours. You ground your clothed cunt over his pulsing cock, keeping it locked between your pussy and his toned abdomen.

“Now who’s the desperate one?” he asked, teasingly, his signature boyish smirk traveling right back to your clit.

“I can’t help it, you’re contagious,” you huffed against the skin of his cheek.

Usually, the two of you used lube. It didn’t matter how wet you got thanks to foreplay, the sensations were always heightened when there was no risk of chafing. But clearly, you didn’t have that luxury today. Nor did you have any condoms. Instead, you bit down your thoughts, reserved yourself to spending 70 beri on the morning-after pill later that day, and hovered over his cock. You pulled your swimsuit to the side and took his dick in your hands, wasting no time in slipping it through your folds that were thoroughly drenched thanks to Ace’s expert fingers.

The first insertion always hurt somewhat. A slight, red-hot throbbing pain that radiated through your pelvis, followed by a pleasant pressure as his cock slowly intruded into your tight muscle. The groan that radiated from Ace’s throat made your pussy flutter.

That was another thing you loved about him. He was loud.

Maybe on a normal day you’d be worried about someone hearing you, or seeing the way his car shook with the force of your collective moments, but both of you had succumbed to desperation and couldn’t care less. Traumatize the elderly beach goers who might happen to walk through the gravel parking lot to their own cars.

You sunk fully down onto Ace’s hips, his dick perfectly nestled inside your wet and willing pussy as his hands tightly gripped your hips through your suit bottoms. You slowly rocked your hips, desperate for some extra friction against your clit. It was much harder with the fabric covering you, but eventually you found a movement that felt just right. Edging your hips slightly forward, you rolled your pelvis against his, dragging your clothed slit over the taught skin of his lower abdomen, moaning at the feeling of his dick pulsing within you.

Maybe you really didn’t have to worry about lube today. Every motion against the walls of your vagina had you biting your lip and arching your back over him.

Ace’s hands assisted with bouncing you on his cock, his voice slowly increasing in volume as he watched you through half-lidded as your breasts jiggled with each movement, how the fat of your belly and thighs rippled so deliciously as you gyrated above him. His voice was delectable, gruff and whiny, higher-pitched than usual with stuttering breaths and hitches in his throat that had your heart beating a mile a minute.

Your legs were growing tired, and Ace could tell. He wordlessly beckoned you off of him, being quick to lean you over the back seats and move your suit to the side again, slipping his cock back in between your folds. This angle always fit the both of you. As much as Ace loved it when you rode him, taking you from behind came with many more benefits. His free hand could travel down to dip beneath the cloth of your swimsuit and rub those delicious circles against your clit while simultaneously thrusting his desperate hips against your ass. His chest pressed into your shoulder blades, his free hand supporting him against the back of the seats as you held onto the leather for dear life, whining with each motion of his cock against your inner walls and his calloused fingers against your clit.

It didn’t take long for you to unravel, the feeling of his rough finger pads against your desperate nub too much to bear. Your orgasm approached slowly at first, filling your stomach with warmth, the insides of your eyelids flashing purple and indigo, before your body snapped and you were shuddering against Ace, moaning out loud as your pussy involuntarily clenched around his cock, your cunt feeling feather light as it fluttered. The force of your orgasm caused you to gyrate your hips back against his, weak, airy moans escaping your tongue as the red-hot pleasure radiated through your entire body leaving your pussy buzzing with the aftershocks.

Ace was barely holding it together. The force of your orgasm causing your pussy to clench around his cock had his arms weakening against the seat, his hips frantically rutting into you as sultry moans left his lips at the feeling of his cock burning inside you, begging for satisfaction. His fingers never stopped rubbing your clit, caught up in what had essentially become second nature for him. The overstimulation had you twitching around him, shallow breaths heaving from your lungs. Ace’s pace increased as did the stuttering of his hips, his thrusts growing more shallow as his own orgasm approached.

“A-Ace… fuck, baby…” you whined, dropping your forehead against the back of the seat. “You’re gonna make me cum again…”

The man was too caught up in the throes of pleasure. Calling him desperate earlier was clearly an understatement. A loud, throaty groan reverberated from his lips as his hips rapidly drilled into you, forcing you against the back of the seat. His shallow breaths only helped to fuel your second orgasm that rocked you with a sudden wash of white light behind your eyes and you were shuddering against him again, your own moans filling the stifling air of the car.

Ace barely had time to call out your name before he was thrusting disjointedly into you, crackled, weary moans leaving his lips as he came into your sore cunt, his hands pressing down onto your lower back to keep you still as he buried his cock into you, soaking you more than you already were. You felt him pull out of you, your cunt fluttering around nothing as the sound of him falling backwards against the closed door of his trunk filled your ears.

Your own spent body dropped to the side, sitting on your hip and barely holding yourself up with one hand. You slowly picked your head up, gazing at your boyfriend and assessing his condition.

Black hair mussed beyond belief, his freckled cheeks and shoulders flushed with a delicate red hue, his lips wet and swollen parted with the force of his labored breathing. His eyes were closed, jaw slack as his pelvis continued to twitch from the force of his orgasm. A few last drops of cum were bubbling from his tip, slowly dripping down his drenched dick that almost glistened, covered in your own fluids. You felt wet between your legs. It would have been a nice feeling if you weren’t already so stifling, your entire body feeling sticky. You finally noticed the way the windows had fogged up. You didn’t have time to think about carbon dioxide toxicity before Ace’s weary hand traveled up to the back window of his trunk door, blindly popping the window open a crack to let some fresh air flow into the car. The summer heat felt oddly cool against your sweaty skin.

You slowly crawled closer to Ace, ignoring the way your drenched cunt sat uncomfortably inside your bathing suit. You combed a damp strand of black hair off of his forehead before delicately pressing your lips against his cheek, encouraging him to finally open his eyes.

“You alright?” you asked, your voice low and quiet.

He finally smiled, his narrow, dark eyes filling your chest with warmth. “I think my heart almost stopped.”

You giggled, running your sweaty hand up and down his skin. “Should I wear bathing suits around you more often? I don’t think you’ve ever fucked me like that.”

Your boyfriend’s humble laughter made you grin. “For the sake of my health, you probably shouldn’t.” He finally leaned forward to press a tender kiss against your wet lips. “Though, if I were to die fucking you in a bikini, I’d die a very, very happy man.”

#x reader #reader insert #fem reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #ace x reader #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace #portgas ace x reader #portgas ace smut #ace x reader smut #portgas d ace x reader smut #smut #op smut #one piece smut #ace oneshot

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gallavichsreddie1128 · 2 days

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Hannibal obsessed with his patient

Hannibal never liked to look at patients as anything more than that. But Y/N was a different story. She, unlike a lot of his patients, wasn't a psycho. Sure she had her issues, as did all but she was just looking for someone to talk to.

He noticed the way she kept eye contact with him as they talked. She wasn’t shaky or nervous. She seemed confident

Her problems were normal problems for people, nothing too crazy. She admitted to him that she just liked having someone to talk to.

Though her overthinking was bad. She hated that fact about herself but he assured her that it was normal. She wanted to believe him but in her mind it was too repetitive.

He kept a file on her, as he did every patient. He would constantly look over this file and study her. He even found out where she lived and worked, thus began the stalking and obsessing.

He would watch her from afar at work as she did her job. Her beauty was unlike anything he’s ever seen and all he wanted to do was hold her and keep her from the fucked up world.

He would stare at her house for hours as she was inside doing whatever she was doing. It wasn’t until weeks later that he would sneak up to a window and look inside.

Her house was well organized and looked very artsy. He knew that she loved art. They had talked about it multiple times. It was one of the reasons he was so obsessed with her.

He saw her in the kitchen baking in her underwear and a large shirt. The shirt barely covered her ass but he wasn’t complaining

He stared at her for a good few minutes as she baked a cake. He wondered if she was making a cake for someone or for herself.

He found out the next day that it was for him. She wanted to thank him for everything that he’s done for her and that she was going to stop seeing him.

This saddened him and he wasn’t going to let her leave him. So he decided to make a move. “Since you will no longer be my patient, would it be inappropriate to ask you on a date?” She smiled at him. “Even if it is, I would love to.” She said,

He decided to make dinner for them and invite her over. Though it had crossed his mind to ask about having dinner at her house, he thought it was too early for that.

Y/N looked stunning. Hannibal had told her to dress fancy and she did just that. He was taken away by her beauty and even stuttered a few times and Hannibal doesn’t usually do that.

“You look amazing, my dear.” The name made her blush and stutter as well. “As do you, Hannibal.” She finally got to call him by his first name and he liked the way it sounded.

Dinner made her moan. It was so good and better than she imagined. She knew that he was a cook but didn’t know the extremes.

“This is the best food I've ever tasted.” She told him. He was pleased that she liked it but he knew what his perfect meal would be.

She was on the kitchen table with her dress pooling around her waist as he licked her wet folds. He hummed as he tasted her juices that tasted better than any food he’s ever had. His finger ran up her clit causing her to moan. He loved that sound and wanted to hear more of it.

Her moans echoed through his kitchen as he ate her pussy. One of her hands laced in his hair as the other gripped the table for dear life. His tongue felt amazing.

He decided to add a finger as he pleasured her. His finger collected her wetness before entering her. She let out a whimper as his large finger invaded her insides.

He pumped his finger as he licked her clit. Her pleasure was heightened by his movements and very intense. Her hips bucked and humped his face and finger as she was desperate for her orgasm.

When she came it was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Her jaw dropped and her eyes rolled back. Loud moans of his name left her mouth as he let her ride out the orgasm.

His eyes never left her face as he stared in awe. Amazed by her beauty. She let out a breath and laughed. She looked down at him as his lips left her clit. “You’re very good at that.” She said out of breath.

“When I like something I devour it.” He said to her and wink. She let out a breath that she was holding. This man would be the death of her and vise versa

#hannibal #mads mikkelsen #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #hugh dancy #hannibal imagine #hannibal smut #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter imagine #hannibal lecter smut

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ittybittybattyart · 3 days

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Finally beat everything from Pokemon scarlet and I’m hyperfixating on it haha, I’ve always loved Pokemon and I’m so glad I got to play this, the last gen I played was 7 (moon(Guzma my beloved)

There’s a lot of characters I like from this game that I’m hoping to draw (Rika, Geeta, Jacq, Hassel, Brassius, Ryme, Carmine, Drayton, Amarys, Giacomo, Eri) but I thought I’d start with one of my absolute faves Kieran! (Tied with Arven)

I really resonated with Kieran and Arven, it’s so cool to see the improvement in the storytelling/character writing with Pokemon, I hope they keep it up and keep improving too!

Semi personal rambling of why I relate to this dude under the cut

If this game had come out when I was a tween/teen I would’ve resonated even more with Kieran than I do now, since I was dealing with a lot of similar stuff at that time.

I’ve gotten to a much better place with myself and situation in the last five or so years, most of these unless otherwise said aren’t things I really struggle with anymore but I was so reminded of my younger self while playing through Kierans story

The self esteem problems and wanting to prove others wrong about what they think of me, the passive and overt bullying from others, the need of validation from others, especially those I admired/envied. Additionally the constant setbacks in life and trying to achieve my goals despite it and the envy of other people’s lives that seemed easier than mine

… also some of the obsessive tendencies just like generally, I'm extremely monotropic so its VERY difficult to get me to focus on something I'm not fixated on already, I will talk about it without even realizing and do it for days/weeks/months its still something that really effects me, I'll fixate so hard i dont sleep much for weeks and forget to eat/drink kind of levels, I've always been like this (AuDHD)(I'm working on taking breaks and self care in this regard tho)

Therapy really helped/helps (Kieran please go to therapy lol)

#ittybittybattyart #ittybittybattyart2024 #pokemon kieran #rival kieran #champion kieran #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet dlc #pokemon dlc spoilers #personal ramblings

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weaveandwood · 1 day

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One-Shot: Midwinter in Waterdeep

Gale/Tav | Angst & Pining | Read on AO3

Summary:

After the Netherbrain defeat, she thought her life with Gale was all wrapped up in a neat package with a beautiful bow. Life in the tower with its schedules, routine, and walls ended up not being for her. Over a year later, she finds herself on a job in the city again near the Midwinter Festival, searching faces in the crowd.

She found herself searching faces she passed on the street. None of them were him, of course, but did she want them to be? Had his schedule changed in these many months? She purchased a sweet roll at a food cart, her favorite one he had taken her to almost every tenday. Some things don’t change. She thought once that she could, that she could adapt to living in the city for him, for love, thinking adaptability was her strong point. She was mistaken.

AN: A quick one shot inspired by a song. I don't know if this is a sad AU standalone or if it will work its way into my main fic. I've had this idea rattling in my head for about a week. Nothing but angst and some pining.

She didn't know why she took a job in Waterdeep of all places. It was the one city she wanted to forget about in the entirety of the Sword Coast. Her memories of the place ran the gamut, from the highest, happiest bliss to the lowest, most soul-wrenching sadness.

“Will you join me in Waterdeep as the newest member of the Dekarios clan?” He asked in the Elfsong Tavern, on one knee, more nervous than he needed to be.

“This is my tower, welcome to your new home, future Mrs. Dekarios,” he said with a smile, crossing the threshold.

“Is everything okay? You feel distant ever since Withers’s party, my love.” He had a sad look on his face, knowing the inevitable was coming.

“Let’s cancel the wedding.” He entered his study, barely acknowledging her.

She had left not long after that while he was teaching at Blackstaff Academy, a note on the entryway table for when he returned. The silver ring he had purchased for her upon their arrival in the city acting as a paperweight.

I’m sorry. I can’t do this.

That was over a year ago. Now, she found herself back in the city after signing a contract for what turned out to be a relatively easy job for some quick gold. Desperate times, desperate measures. Turns out being the “Hero of Baldur’s Gate” didn’t go far outside of Baldur’s Gate. Her contract paid for one more night of lodging, so she went on a stroll from her inn down the main street toward the docks.

Dangerous. Tempting. Stupid.

She found herself searching faces she passed on the street. None of them were him, of course, but did she want them to be? Had his schedule changed in these many months? She purchased a sweet roll at a food cart, her favorite one he had taken her to almost every tenday. Some things don’t change. She thought once that she could, that she could learn to love living in the city for him, for love, thinking adaptability was her strong point. She was mistaken.

She pulled her thin wool coat tighter around her as she kept walking toward the waterfront. Waterdeep was cold this close to Midwinter. Snow was starting to flurry, people were hurrying around with packages. She turned the corner onto a street lined with large houses, his tower near the very end.

Dangerous. Tempting. Stupid.

She looked in windows as she walked by, illuminated with the golden light of candles as families and friends got together for celebrations. If she had never left, would she be at one of these parties, laughing as Gale’s arm draped over her shoulders? Would he be regaling everyone with tales of their grand adventure, or of something an apprentice had done at Blackstaff Academy? Would he finish the story by kissing her hand or cheek, as he loved to do in public?

Had he found someone else? Moved on? A new future Mrs. Dekarios in the tower, one who is best friends with Tara and Morena, slotting into their life with ease and grace, much better than she ever had a hope to? Is he better off not knowing her anymore?

She didn’t let her thoughts wander to him often, if at all. Tears threatened to form in her eyes - from the memories or the wind she could not say for sure, but she’d blame the wind anyway. The sun was starting to go down, and her inn was in the center of the city. She could handle herself when it came to physical threats, but the cold was getting more and more biting without the sun to lessen its sting. Just a couple more, then I’ll turn around, she thought. The houses down here were so pretty with their decorations. She smiled to herself halfheartedly. This could have been her life.

She could hear the celebrations from the house two doors down. That would be the one she turned around at, she decided, wanting to attend their celebration from the outside, if only for a moment. She looked in the window from across the street. The front room was indeed full of people, each with drink in hand, laughing and cheering for someone. She laughed to herself as she saw the illusion of fireworks inside the room, setting the room alight with sparkling magic fit for a midwinter celebration. She missed magic. She saw the crowd part, presumably for the subject of the cheers.

Her eyes widened. Her breathing quickened.

His hair was longer, a little more grey at the temples. He still tied it up halfway. He still had his beard. The creases by his eyes were a little deeper.

He was looking right at her, frozen, his brown eyes just as wide as hers.

She turned quickly to make a hasty escape. She knew it was tempting the gods to come down this street, but hadn’t that been the point? Hadn’t she become addicted to the if only during her time in the city?

“Stop!” she heard his voice behind her. She got three houses down before she felt a hand grab hers, stopping her in her tracks. “Wait. Please,” he said, panting.

Dangerous. Tempting. Stupid.

She turned around.

#bg3 #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #bg3 fanfiction #gale fic #gale x tav #gale x f!tav #gale x auroria #my writing #baldur’s gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #I’m actually so proud of this I think it’s my best writing to date #midwinter in waterdeep

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wraithsoutlaws · 2 days

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Fifteen lines Tagged by @chevvy-yates (thank you!) Rules: Post 15 lines (or less) of character dialog. You can include context for the scene if you wish!

"Found Hell at the bottom of a mine shaft. Looked the devil right in the eyes, but only one man walked back out. Still trying to figure which."

"Now you're just flirting, puppy."

"But here I am. Peachy-fuckin'-keen."

"It will be slow. Maybe it'll take days. I've done that before, you know. But you'll blow all the rest right outta the water. I'll hold you till you're cold."

"Don't worry. Just here for some fun."

"I like you, pet. You're too stubborn to die even if it's the only thing that'd bring you peace. Got that in common, you and I."

"Nobody goes near it, understand? Not in or out. Watch with your life or I'll end it."

"Guns in the front seat. You think you can reach it and hit me center 'fore I drive a knife through your carotid?"

"Quit bein' a bitch and shoot me."

"One particular night almost ended with my spleen cut out. That's when you know it's good."

"You can talk now or talk later. Only difference is how much blood you're gonna shed."

"I ain't trying to be a good person. I know what I am, and I got no reservations about it."

"I'll slice you into strips and bathe my sins in your blood."

"A man's car knows him better than anyone ever could."

"God is the only motherfucker who is crueler than me. But not by much."

tagging: @faepunkprince @therealnightcity @dreamskug @genocidalfetus @elvenbeard @streetkid-named-desire

(no pressure! tried to tag people who i've seen write but this is also an open invitation if you'd like to do it!)

#oc: dagger #my fic tag #I GUESS?#the real game is to guess which ones are flirting #the answer may surprise you #this place is so unusable its not linking blogs ive tagged so if you see it you see it if not im sorry v.v

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evie-sturns · 3 days

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ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ!

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST

about me: hi! my names evie.

i downloaded tumblr 25th of december 2023 after seeing sturnfilmed's tiktok story, i instantly started writing fics as soon as i joined (my debut was chris and matt headcannons) i started watching the sturniolo's in early 2023 and my fav triplet is nick although i would pay matt to run me over.

i live in new-zealand, my favorite color is pink and i go to a private school. i love concerts, music and my friends. i have criiiiipppling anxiety which i've had since like 10 years old buts its okay, i also have a pretty bad eating disorder cause i grew up a fatass but we don't talk abt that. i have an older sister.

i have brown curly hair which i straighten and green eyes and relatively big lips, i'm 5'4, i'm in like a 2 month long talking stage with a guy rn, i'm a very social person and i'd say i'm quite popular which makes school quite a safe place for me and i feel liked by people , i have strict parents so i'm really good at lying, and sneaking around behind their backs. i used to be like kinda off the rails when my mum got sick and i was doing illegal stuff to distract myself but i got caught and stopped (glad) and now my life is back on track and i have a lot better things to do, my rice purity score is 72.

celebrity crushes:

christian anthony, billie eilish, matt sturniolo, chris sturniolo, RODRICK HEFFLEY?!??!??!???!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?, nathan doe, fiona gallagher, carrington, vinnie hacker 💀💀💀, louis patridge, LOOORRENNNZOO ZURZOLOOOO, jared padalecki ONLY IN THE 2000’s, ned menlove

biggest fears: loosing loved ones, alligators?!??, being murdered, embarrassing myself.

my favorite youtubers are: the sturniolos, norris nuts (my guilty pleasure BYE), dizzydyl, benoftheweek, any kind of true crime omg, eleanor neale, baylen livene.

my favourite shows/movies: SHAMLESS (all time favorite), gilmore girls, 10 things i hate about you, the worlds a little blurry.

my favorite artists are: billie eilish like if you think your a bigger fan than me your NOT(kidding), chase atlantic, brent faiyaz, sza, frank ocean, childish gambino, and clairo but sometimes im a slut for songs like slut me out and geekaleek LMFAO. i've been to billies concert in 2022 which was the best night of my life, i went to sza last week which was life-changing.

my favourite songs as of right now are: confident - justin bieber and chance the rapper, les - childish gambino, drugs & money - chase atlantic, church - chase atlantic, overheated - billie eilish, bitches broken hearts - billie eilish. ivy - frank ocean

what i wont write: weird kinks (r@pe, like piss and shit stuff tf, big age gaps), nick x fem!reader if its not platonic even though i dont really write for nick in general. anything that i dont want to write so dont pressure me.

what i will write: requests, smut, angst, fluff, series's if im dedicated, one shots, almost anything apart from what i listed above.

i love writing on here and i love each and every one of you who like what i write, thank you guys for supporting me! i take requests and i'll do them if i like it so dont be shy to request!

here’s the tag you can go on where i answer things in my inbox exzexpf for requests

#evie-sturns inbox

also writing and reading on here got my english and humanties grade up like crazy so thank you guys.

-------------

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #evie-sturns

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marmaladedcroissant · 3 days

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First things first, tackling things one at a time, I’m going to go throught the songs and look at their lyrics, and slowly connect them to Darry, I have yet to watch the show, and I could probably piece things together more clearly if I did go and watch it, but knowing me that would make it near impossible to return to this and it would forever remain as a draft to be expanded on. I highly suggest listening to these songs (If you haven’t already.).

Starting off with Inertia:

I was gonna save the planet, but today I got plans

I guess this is just what I am

Focusing on how Darry works to jobs and hardly has enough time for himself, seeing as all the shenanigans the gang seems to get up to, from Dally getting jailed, to Steve and Johnny abusive parents, and evenhis, Soda’s, and Pon’ys own issues, along with keeping up with the bills and making sure everyone is fed and taken care of. Gonna be honest, I feel like Darry sacrificed some of his own health to ensure that they could keep the house or pay the bills on time or just make sure everyone had food, seeing as how the gang practically lives at the Curtis house.

I'm an object in motion

I've lost all emotion

Darry, from Pony's view, looks cold and emotionless, and according to Pony, he’s “hard as a rock and about as human.” (Page 39, fourth paragraph down)

We know that’s not true, everyone feels something, no matter how hard they try not to, and we get to see Darry start to break down a bit, Sitting in the chair, knowing damn well he has work the next day but staying up late, 2 AM, just to make sure Pony is okay, when he very well could have gotten up from the chair and gone to bed, leaving Soda on the couch to wait for their younger brother.

My two legs are broken, but look at me dance

An object in motion, don't ask where I'm going

'Cause where I am going is right where I am

Darry had plans to go to college, and that was what fueled a good part of his and Paul's rivalry, but Darry was unable to go to college, as his parents are killed and he has to step up and take care of and provide for his younger siblings, effectively cutting off an entire section of his life for them, His parents being these legs that are broken, how he’s and object continuously moving, no time to comprehend what’s happening around him and how to handle it, hell, I don’t think he’s even had time to properly mourn the deaths of his parents yet, or even bother to move their things out of what now qualifies as ‘His room’, intentionally leaving their things in the room to feel closer to them, to have more to remember them by, more things to physically remind him of them, and the collective loss.

I wanna move out of this town

But everyone knows me, and packing is tiring

Inertia

Even if Darry were to somehow find a way back to his plans, it would be incredibly difficult. With the amount of memories stored in the house, and it being a designated hang out spot, Darry probably grew fond of the house over time, becoming more and more attached as time goes on, and not only that, but the fact it was something else to remind him of his parents, of everything good that happened because of them. Sure, he could keep the house, keep his jobs, but go to college anyways, but how would he realistically be able to manage all of that? He’d hardly have time to take care of himself, and in the end it would do far much more harm than good. Working to keep a house no one lives in, while trying to better himself and his own life after throwing it all away in milliseconds just to keep his brothers with him for as long as possible.

I wanna be big like my plans, so why'm I so tiny

And why'm I so mad?

It's inertia

Guess this is just what I am I'm stuck in this life, and I'm stuck in these pants

Darry had bigger plans for himself, to go out and go through college, to figure things out as he went but tackling one thing after then next as best as he could, go places, do things, meet new people, experience things he probably hasn’t yet, and find what makes him happy without something holding him back, without something that prevents him from stopping and turning around when he’s oh so close to that gold mine of his dreams, so close he can feel them, only to get called back for one thing or another.

Darry is stuck in Tulsa. He knows this. It’s been hammered into his head so many times now I highly doubt there’s a chance it could change. I firmly believe that he, as a character, knows he was born in Tulsa, that he was raised in Tulsa, and that he will die in Tulsa.

#the outsiders #inertia #Going to slowly dissect this man more thoroughly later #Just more worried about getting these ideas out there #before I start refining certain details.#darry curtis #ponyboy curtis #two bit mathews #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #steve randle #johnny cade

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cinnamon-phrog · 2 months

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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

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sciderman · 6 months

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i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

#sci speaks #i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful.#oh the people with hyperactive hearts...#i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet.#holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on.#i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out.#is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet.#i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell.#so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them.#not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think.#i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way.#squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy.#i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either.#and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it.#lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want.#is love the answer?#i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it.#i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out.#why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something.#i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy.#like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy.#is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think.#i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life.#i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but.#you can get money back. you can't get your time back.

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eri-blogs-life · 1 year

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mom and brother came by for a visit for easter

ended up kinda breaking down around them which absolutely i do not wanna be doing but my god is my situation so fucking dire in so many ways right now

#financially physical healthily mental healthily #in so many specific ways amongst each of those categories #i am just...#things just feel really fucking hopeless lately and i don't know that it's possible for them to get better #because so much of what is causing me issue is so far beyond my own control #it's shit like the economy and whatever #and i don't have any control over that shit #i just got fucked by the way my life ended up turning out #and trying to help other people has put me in a worse position than i was before and i hate to admit that #cause it's absolutely the right thing to do to help other people but #i just #should've realized my limits and known we couldn't handle helping as much as we tried to #and i'm just so fucked #and i'm like #trying again to get out on the Apps and meet people #but i just don't know that i can possibly see any kind of future at this point even if i did find a partner and get my financial situation..#... sorted out #and my physical health is gonna kill me by the time i'm like 40 so what's even the point in trying to go on like this any-fucking-way #and i've lived a hopeless enough life up to this point that i know that's just depression talking and things will get better even if i can't #see a future at the moment and there is actually hope even if it feels hopeless and blah blah blah #but god sometimes you just gotta feel it #and sometimes you just gotta consider what if it's true #what if trying to tell myself this is all just depression and there really is hope is just a lie after all to make me feel better #what if it actually is hopeless #i won't even have the dignity of dying in a ditch wearing a clown costume or anything like that #i'll die slowly and painfully from something completely preventable and locked in the tomb of my own apartment #rented out at way above the cost it takes to maintain the place #so #fuck me i guess #eri blogs life

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aethernightmare · 28 days

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#i'll be real i've been feeling some kind of way this week and needed this reminder.#the refusal by him to go to therapy is also a conscious choice.#the refusal to at least attempt to get sober is a conscious choice.#the refusal to still pin blame on you when you're not the addict and you didn't lie or cheat in the relationship is a choice.#the refusal to improve any area of their life (job - therapy - medication - better friends - an apology to those they hurt) is a choice.#so much of what i mourn is that my partner was genuinely a different person before the substance abuse.#i don't know who this current man is but it feels like a stranger who murdered my husband and stole his body.#because the man i loved might as well be dead. i don't even see glimmers of him anymore. not towards me or other people.#there's no comparison anywhere. not even in appearance.#i can't even know if he'd go back to the way he was if he got sober - because it was impossible to get him to quit more than 3 days.#if it wasn't alcohol it was weed. if it wasn't weed it was alcohol. often blended with days of not logging off mmos.#like none of these things in a vacuum are bad but his relationship to them at the expense of everyone and everything else was.#to this day he thinks i 'left him' when -in an inebriated rage - he told me to never talk to him again. so i haven't.#when he was the one who burned our bridges - so it's also his responsibility to improve and reach back out. even just as friends.#which he said he'd do - but never has.#he may not even remember some of the awful things he said and did to me at the end because he was always getting blackout intoxicated.#but as a result he thinks i was the one gaslighting Him when his memory was full of holes. because he thinks he's above being that affected #he probably thinks i'm manipulative for wanting him to get help and do these things.#but if he actually went to therapy (and was honest) or attend AA he'd see these are the professional steps - not ones i 'randomly made up'.#idk. some days are harder than others to deal with the absence and the silence and the trauma he left behind. today is one of the hard ones #a letter to my ex

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youngks-smile · 1 month

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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

#long covid #covid 19 #covid isn't over #pandemic

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