#i've probably been too specific again and given the game away

[alphabetboyluvr]

the curious lifespan of migrating monarchs - jjk

THE CURIOUS LIFESPAN OF MIGRATING MONARCHS (& other aurelian affairs)

pairing: streamer!jk x international student!female oc (s2l)

warnings: strangers to lovers, clubbing, foul language, alcohol, vaping lol, jungkook is kinda famous, the oc is oblivious, the oc is also a foreign student who has very recently arrived in Korea!! (pls note - while i've been in korean uni dorms, i've never been in yonsei dorms specifically so don't shout at me if it isn't supeeeerr accurate), jaykay is speaking in eng for like 90% of this!!, i've also never watched a gaming streamer and had to do so for research lmao so there's a lot of guesswork going awwwn <3, the oc has tattoos, they bond over this, cute nicknames (tokki and nabi <3), one bed trope?? kinda, jaykay lives w/ yoongi and tae (they are streamers too (and dj?? (tae is a bit unhinged))), jungkook wears calvins!, a singular appearance of yoongi in his boxers!!, tipsy hookup, fingering, protected sex (woo!), desk sex, oral (m receiving), girliepop swallows <3, brief mentions of jungkook's starry eyes, lots of kisses, bunny ears, (1) mention of cross-fit

wordcount: 13011

note from holly: this was a commission done for the lovely Michelle over on my kofi page!! i don't open commissions often, but when I do I'm very lucky that the requests are so much fun. this actually ended up being way longer than it was supposed to be lol and is also available on wattpad!! also fun facts for you - I imagine the boys apartment (and jks room!) to be same as jk + jimins place in BD, just a little bigger lmao

minors dni // cross posted to wattpad

CLUB SUNDOWN WAUSAN-RO, HONGDAE SATURDAY 02:24

Time ceases to exist after the sun goes down in Seoul. It could be two, or it could be five. The only thing that really clues you in on the actual time is the DJ schedule that lights up behind the decks: 02:00-03:00, Blu-Tae.

It's some guy you've never heard of. Looks no older than you. Probably a student, just like the rest of the crowd.

His hair is as blue as his namesake, which does make you smile, and his choices aren't bad either (even if somewhat questionable). You've never heard a jazz remix of Darude's Sandstorm before, and you doubt you ever will again.

Club Sundown is just as rogue as the rest of the city after the sun goes down. Hidden in the basement—like all the best places in Seoul are—the small room is packed to the absolute brim.

Who cares for views and sunsets offered by rooftop bars when you could lose yourself in the debauchery of an eternal midnight, instead?

Drinks are spilt on strangers, and dances have lost the grandeur of old-fashioned waltzes. It's not like you could dance properly, even if you wanted to. There's just simply no space.

Like Alice, you're down the rabbit hole—and oh, how you prefer it to being in the real world. In the shadows, you can be anyone you like.

If you were sober, you'd know this is also the case for daily life. You're in a new country with no ties to your former self. Who you are is who you choose to be.

But the shadows aren't all that dark. The red lights of the club bleed into the cracks, painting everyone in the same subtle hue of danger.

They shine a little light on the identifiers of you; the thin black lines of your patchwork tattoos. Trailing up your arm, they're memories of your past selves, and an indicator of who you hope to become.

"Down this," you say to your dormmate, Rae, handing back over the drink you've just ordered from the bar. "Cloakroom, then dance."

Still carrying your winter coats, you'd wanted to check the place out before committing to it. Entry is free, but the cloakroom is the same price as a drink. It would only be worth putting your coats away if you knew you wanted to stay—and given the fact the DJ was playing O-Zone's Dragostea Din Tei as you entered, you know it's a no-brainer. While his stage name might make you roll your eyes a little, Blu-Tae certainly does cater to your tastes. When you're drunk, and music vibrates through you, it's empyrean. No place you'd rather be.

"Oh, Jesus," Rae gags as she sips the drink you've just handed her. Despite her disgust, she's laughing. Head to toe in black, dark hair loose around her shoulders, she's been your ride-or-die since you arrived in Seoul. Both international students in the same dorm, there's no one you'd rather get up to no good with. "Vodka?!"

You beam at her like you're from the heavens above, wrongfully relegated to the depths of sin. Pretend like you love vodka. It's totally not like you panicked when you saw the menu was all in Korean.

Vodka-coke is a universally understood delicacy—the easiest thing for you to order without making a tit of yourself or butchering the pronunciation. When the bartender ignored your botched attempt at ordering in Korean and answered in fluent English, you'd wanted to melt into the floor. So embarrassing.

You're here, like most foreign students, for a language course. Semester is yet to start, and as much as you've studied and practised hard, it's always different when putting it into practice.

"I'm sorry," you laugh. "It's fine—you can order next time!"

But Rae has the exact same predicament as you. If anything, your language skills are better than hers, so you really have no hope. It's vodka-cokes for the evening, or maybe highballs. Once your tipsy brain manages to compute hangul cocktail names, you'll be golden, but that won't be for another few weeks, yet.

You'll look back at this time of your life fondly, realising how simple it all was, even if it feels incredibly overwhelming right now.

Funnily enough, hope is exactly what you have: for the semester ahead, for this new life you're forging, for the opportunities that may come your way.

In fact, by the time you're on your third vodka coke, you've managed to convince yourself you actually like it. You also can't taste it, thanks to the bartender freepouring a 60-40 ratio of vodka to coke in the first drink. Your tastebuds were wiped out pretty much instantly.

Coats in the cloakroom, you're glad to be wearing thin layers. The room is stuffy; your skin sweaty. While meeting new friends had been the goal, you keep to yourself. Dance like nobody is watching. Hold Rae's hands to stay close and ward off weirdos. Quickly realise that clubs back home are slightly different. Pay it no mind. Ignore the intrusions of hands on waists, because men, disappointingly, are no different.

Or at least most of them aren't.

But most of them don't look like the man in the corner booth, laughing with his friends.

Though he is tall, he's eclipsed by his demeanour. Shoulders broad, he's in a dark T-shirt and pair of jeans. Nothing special. Nothing that warrants such a perplexed stare from you - but he's familiar. You can't place him, but he's got the kind of face you swear you've seen before.

Rae doesn't notice the change in your poise, nor how you're desperately trying to work out where you know him from. Perhaps you've seen him around your university? It's only been a couple of weeks, but people are steadily moving in. Maybe he works at the convenience store you constantly find yourself in? Or mans the front desk of the noraebang you and Rae visit pretty much every other evening?

Impossible, you think. If you'd seen him before, you wouldn't have forgotten him, or the way he constantly toys with his lip rings. Plural. There are signs up around the place stating bar rules. NO SMOKING is rule number three. You've seen his friends pass him over a vape a handful of times. Anyone else, and you'd think it was cringe. Embarrassing.

But in the midst of his laughter settling, and a fresh toke being inhaled, his eyes flicker towards yours.

Perhaps it's just because you're drunk, but you don't avert your gaze. Show no shame. The smile on his lips sinks into a smirk as he exhales. An acknowledgement. A 'hello, trouble'.

Again, any other man, you'd find the vape smoke repugnant. Nasty. Now? Watching the way he flicks his tongue against his lip rings?

You wanna know how it tastes.

Black ink weaves an intricate outline of who he is up his arms. Where he's been. Who he's been. A map, if you will, of his soul.

Much like your own tattoos, he's got thick black lines, and little else. Simple, you assume. A man of convenience. Efficiency.

You wonder if he does everything in life with the precision to match his tattoos, and as your lips wrap around the straw of your vodka-coke, you decide you'd quite like to find out.

Interrupted by Rae pulling you deeper into the crowd, your night is spent in and out of shadows. Attempt subtlety. Try not to make your occasional glances to the corner booth noticeable, just checking if his eyes are still on you. More often than not, they aren't—but sometimes they are, and that's enough to fuel your little flirt.

It's not until the sign behind the DJ booth changes from 03:00-04:00, GLOSS into some other guy that you notice your staring contest opponent has slipped into the shadows himself. The booth is void of both him and his friends. Gone.

"GLOSS has a set at another club," Rae all but yells in your ear, and even then, you barely hear her. "All the hotties left when he did. Let's go."

"Where to?!" You laugh, empty cup in hand. Admittedly, the new guy who's stepped into the DJ booth is just not doing it for you. Blu-Tae was just the right amount of unhinged with classics, whereas GLOSS was definitely cooler, but still fun. Had the club yelling curse words over trap remixes just for the fun of it. This new guy, whose name you don't care to remember, takes himself too seriously, you think.

"It's, like, two blocks down," she yells back, tugging on your wrist to drag you to the stairwell that leads you back up to the streets of Seoul. The hustle and bustle of people trying to go in different directions in the tight place forces you apart, but you figure you'll catch up with her, or that she'll be waiting at the top.

You don't know the roads well enough yet to make it to whichever club it's at alone, and quickly realise when you nearly tumble into the side of a waiting taxi that you're far drunker than expected. Knew the bartender was freepouring, but didn't realise just how free those pours really were.

"Woah, easy trouble," a deep voice sounds from behind you as you're steadied to a more stable position.

"I'm good, I'm good!" You insist, shaking off the hands of your 'saviour'. Have no interest in being a damsel in distress, or some sober guy trying to take advantage of you.

Looking down to check your laces are tied properly, you check over your shoulder to make sure the guy isn't creepily waiting for a thank you that he can turn into an intrusive game of 21 questions—'are you open-minded?' or 'do you live alone?'—but when you glance in his direction, you regret it. Notice the tattoos immediately. Recognise the eyes. Want to die.

"Oh."

"Oh," he says back with a smile, imitating you. Suddenly, the confidence you'd had earlier when looking at him from afar dissolves into nothingness, just like the alcohol in your bloodstream. You feel rather sober, but your body would definitely disagree. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," you nod, suddenly a little stuck for words, desperately trying to play things cool. "Are you okay?"

The pouting of his lips as his tongue runs along the inside of his cheek only serves to make you internally cringe. Men who look like him have no business being on streets like this. Should be in a museum. Strung up on the walls with the other masterpieces. Admired by everyone who looks his way.

In a way you don't yet realise, he is.

Though he's not in galleries, he's often burning into people's laptop screens. Is the background of a fair few thousand lock screens. Indeed, he is admired by everyone who looks his way, just not in the traditional sense.

"I'm not the one who just fell into a car," he reminds you, as if you could forget your embarrassment so quickly.

"Was just seeing if you'd catch me," you bullshit, the confidence you usually have returning tenfold. Was just a momentary blip. He's just a man, after all.

"Oh?" He chirps, decidedly curious. "So you fell for me?"

"Stumbled."

"Semantics."

His fluency, and the fact he just said 'semantics' so casually in conversation, clues you in on the fact he might be a language student, too. 

Could be useful study partners for each other, you think, then mentally berate yourself for already masterminding ways to see him again.

"So, where you going?" He asks, not caring to downplay his curiosity. The bartenders were free-pouring his drinks just as severely as they poured yours. The only difference is that his were on the house—'cause you were right. He does have a recognisable face. "Should probably go with you. Make sure you don't fall into the road."

"Stumble," you insist, a little pleased with the boldness of his suggestion, but not wanting to blindly agree. "My friend," you say glancing around, only to find yourself completely alone. "She wanted to go catch the next GLOSS set. So, I guess that's where we're going."

"Just down the road," he says, knowing the schedule like the back of his hand. Bounces from club to club supporting his friends, just like they would for him. If he wanted, he could get a slot up there, too. He doesn't care for it. "I'll walk with you, if you want? My friends are heading there anyway."

It's not a bad offer.

In fact, it's probably the best offer you'll get all night.

"C'mon," he nods his head to the side, encouraging you to follow him. Checks his phone for the time. "Starts in five."

If there's one thing you've indulged in since moving to Seoul, it's how safe you always feel. Security cameras are on every corner, and you've walked home countless times without any issues, even late into the night. While the place isn't perfect, it's far safer than your home country.

Still, you're not a complete idiot.

"It's not wise to follow strange men down dark alleys," you tell him.

He holds out his hand. Waits for you to shake it. Cocks a brow when you hesitate, so introduces himself.

"Jungkook. Nice to meet you. Now, can we please hurry up? I promised I'd be there."

Narrowing your eyes, you don't shake his hand. Arms folded over your chest, there is ice to your exterior, and given how warm his eyes are, you doubt it'll last for very long. May as well keep up this hard-to-get act while you still can.

Walking on past him, you call back, "Alright then. Lead the way."

In the domed mirror meant for reversing cars at the end of a tight alley, you see him laugh. "Wrong way, idiot."

Pausing, you scrunch your face up. Don't turn to face him for at least a second or so—but when you do, you're surprised to see him walking towards you. Hooking his arm around your waist, he carries on walking in the 'wrong' direction, taking you with him.

"Was just fucking with you," he grins. Nods towards a sign by another basement entrance, listing both Blu-Tae and GLOSS.

By the door, Rae is looking around like a mother duck who's just lost some of her ducklings when crossing the road. Breathes a sigh of relief when she spots you.

"C'mon," she grins, then realises who you're with. Says nothing of it, 'cause she doesn't want to be weird, but she recognises him, too. Decides she's just had a little too much to drink. There's no way it's him. Holds out her hand for you.

Reaching out for her, you're let go from Jungkook's grip, ready to get lost in the lights once more.

HAEJANG24 WAUSAN-RO, HONGDAE SATURDAY 05:53

Seoul is a city for the nocturnal. The restaurants and bars are open until the last men are standing. Given how much you've had to drink, you're surprised you still are.

Rae had dipped an hour or so ago. Had hit it off with Mr Blu-Tae himself. Seduced him with the suggestion that their couple name would be Blu-Rae. He'd said they should go to a DVD-bang. Would be fitting. See what Blu-rays were on file.

Naturally, you'd looked on with mild disgust and also admiration for how quickly she'd worked her magic. Everyone knows what goes down in DVD-bangs. Small private rooms, often with projector screens and the world's least comfortable futons, they're somewhere you hope to never end up—but also can't wait to hear all the details the next morning when Rae comes to your room for a debrief.

You'd been left under the surveillance of Jungkook.

"Look after her," Rae had instructed, then narrowed her eyes. "Or I'll destroy your reputation with a single twitter thread, Tokki."

It's a threat he's taken seriously. Knows how the internet works, and even though he's never done anything worthy of a cancellation, he also doesn't intend on starting now. The fact you seem to have no idea who he is during the daylight hours intrigues him. It's a rarity on streets like these.

Even when a few people asked for pictures with him on your walk to the hangover soup place, you didn't clock it as weird. Figured they were friends passing by, wanting to document their chance run-in. Just another memory of the night. The way Jungkook had greeted them was full of warmth, and kindness. Why wouldn't you assume they were mates?

You were also still incredibly drunk at the time, so didn't think to question it. Was keen for food, and Jungkook had insisted on hangover soup, and so that's where you are. Dishes nearly empty, far more of it eaten by him than you, you're laughing about nothing and everything all at once.

"Right," Jungkook declares, deciding he cannot hold in a question that's been tickling at his brain for the entire meal. "What the fuck is that?"

Coat left in the cloakroom, long forgotten about, your tattoos are on full display for him, just like his are for you. Up your arm they trail; a patchwork of teeny tiny identifiers. Latin phrases around skulls, birth flowers of the people you hold close, butterflies and stars. There's an ode to your favourite musician and your favourite Shakespeare quote, too. The fabric of you etched into your skin. There's no reinventing yourself, even half the world away from home.

You know precisely which tattoo Jungkook is asking about. You've asked yourself the same question a few times.

"Fuck off," you laugh.

While most of your tattoos are gorgeous, there's one that was done by a rogue artist on a girlie holiday a few years ago. What was supposed to be a seashell now looks like... well, nothing really. It's just a blob, thanks to the artist being absolutely terrible. The only solace you find in it is that your two best friends have an equally awful permanent reminder of that holiday on their bodies, too.

"It doesn't look how it's supposed to," you explain with a little pout. "I got royally screwed over."

He cocks a brow. You still haven't told him what it is. He isn't gonna ask you twice.

With a grumble, you feebly admit, "A shell."

And then he's laughing. Really laughing. Laughing so hard you think he might piss himself—which you'd actually prefer, because then he could be the embarrassed one, instead.

"I'm calling you Shelly from now on," he says with a broad smile. Has had his fair share of tattoo blunders, and knows you must've developed an affection towards how shitty it is. Would have gotten it covered up, otherwise. "That's incredible."

"You're calling me so such thing," you assure him, but you also can't help but laugh.

"I am," he tells you, then really solidifies it. "Shelly."

"Fuck off," you whine, doubling down. Scanning his arms, you try and pick out anything you can use against him, too. "If I'm Shelly, then you're Mike."

"Mike?!" He protests.

"Yeah," you insist, pointing towards the microphone on his forearm. "Mike."

"You are not calling me Mike. Do I look like a Mike?!"

"Do I look like a Shelly?!"

You've got a point. It's not the name he would have first associated with you - but it is cute, he thinks. Cute how mortified you seem. Cute how you can't help but smile.

After a little bit of back and forth, it's decided that neither of you look like your namesakes.

"Y'know, we kinda have matching tattoos," he says, holding out his arm for you to study. "Or at least, the placements."

And sure enough, below his elbow lives the outline of a bunny sitting on a crescent moon. Holding your own arm out next to his, below your elbow is a butterfly. Above it, is a teeny tiny moon.

Like Jungkook's moon, it's a crescent. Was supposed to symbolise new beginnings. You wonder what his means, but don't ask. Instead, you marvel at the coincidence of it all.

He presses his index finger against the butterfly on the inside of your forearm. The echoing chatter of the restaurant fades softly into nothingness as he says, "Nabi."

You nod. Even if you have spoken with him in English this entire time, it's nice to hear him speak in his mother tongue, no matter how minimal - so you reciprocate. Press your index finger against his bunny. Smile. Say, "Tokki."

It further confirms to Jungkook that you have no idea who he is. Has been a while since he's met a girl in a circumstance like this where that's the case. Likes the anonymity of it all. Is hiding his identity from you, and yet hasn't felt such vulnerability for years.

"Daltokki, right?" You continue, not wanting the silence to linger for too long. "The rabbit in the moon?"

You're not wrong, but you're also not entirely right.

"Yeah," he smiles regardless. "That's it."

JUNGKOOK'S APARTMENT ITAEWON-DONG, YONGSAN-GU SATURDAY 07:12

"Shhh," Jungkook quietly laughs. 

His hand is over your mouth and the other is on your hip as he guides you into his apartment. With your back to his chest, you've both been giggling for the entire ride to his place.

He had insisted that he should walk you home, and was surprised by the offense you seemed to have taken by this. You then told him that he absolutely could not seduce you, and that it was very gender-role-conforming for him to think that you were incapable of getting home by yourself.

"Maybe I should be the one to make sure you get home safely," you had said with a false sense of concern, which had made him laugh quite considerably.

In all reality, you didn't mind him offering to get you home. You just hadn't tidied your room. Didn't really expect to be taking a boy back to your place, much less one that looks like him.

Together, you'd caught the early morning bus over to Itaewon instead of a taxi, 'cause you're still on a student budget and Jungkook wasn't quite ready to blow his cover just yet.

You've been teasing him—questioning his status as a potential International Super Spy—ever since he took your hand and guided you into one of the flashiest apartment complexes you've ever been in. There was security. Doormen. A passcode for the elevator—not to mention that he was heading up to the seventh floor once you were in it. Might not sound like much, but when there are only seven floors to the entire building, it makes it the penthouse by default.

"It's not a penthouse," he'd insisted. "Plus, I live with friends. Only pay a third of the rent."

But a third of his rent is more money than you'll probably see in three months of post-grad work. You're drunk, but you're not stupid. You also know that the rental market here differs significantly from your home country. Monthly rent is cheap, but the deposits are extortionate. Sure, he'll get it back when he leaves, but to have the initial money needed for a place like this? He's not a regular student, if one at all, that much is sure.

"Not sure who's home," Jungkook whispers as you both kick your shoes off in the entryway. Given the looks of the other shoes, it's clear that this is a guys-only living situation. You're proven right when he continues, "Betcha Tae's still in that damn DVD-bang, but Yoongi might be back."

"Yoongi?" You question.

"GLOSS," Jungkook says, remembering how oblivious you are to who he is. Reaching down to grab your shoes, he isn't gonna leave them by the door. Will take them to his room. Doesn't want the boys asking questions, if they are in. Knows they'll just use it as an excuse to publicly roast him whenever they're next online together.

Given that a stream is scheduled for Sunday night, he doesn't want to tempt fate.

Their current choice of wind-up, which the viewers have been eating up, is the joke that Jungkook is a virgin. He's not, but he never knows how to defend himself without sounding like a tool, so always gets a little awkward. A lot of their viewers love it. Join in on the joke. Some take it seriously. He doesn't care.

Next month, Taehyung will do something dumb, and he'll become the favourite joke for a while. Maybe Yoongi. But for now, it's Jungkook.

None of them take it to heart. They're just a group of friends who share their gaming hangouts online, and accidentally made it to the top of the ranks.

They aren't particularly good at gaming, but that's part of the charm. Crescent Collective is how they're known: Blu-Tae, GLOSS and Tokki.

After a bet went wrong, and they all lost, they ended up with moon tattoos and their respective 'symbols'. Jungkook's is a rabbit, Tae's is a blu-ray DVD disk (because he really is committed to the bit), and Yoongi's is stars to symbolise the shine of fresh gloss. Jungkook's makes the most sense. Yoongi's is pretty decent. Taehyung's is just... Well, it's very him.

Sliding open the door into the main living area, Jungkook has to cover your mouth again when you gasp at the sheer size of the place.

"I thought butterflies were supposed to be silent?" He teases. "Quiet for me, Nabi."

His place is bigger than your family home, you think. Hushing you again, he's laughing—and then he's cursing at the sight of a half-naked Yoongi by the kitchen counter.

In his boxers, with half a clementine slice hanging from his lips, he's just as shocked to see Jungkook with you. Gets over it pretty quickly.

"Don't mind me," he says, chewing down on the fruit with a smirk. Looks towards you. "Apologies for the lack of clothes."

With your shoes hooked on his fingers, Jungkook's other large hand is still over your mouth. You're not sure you can form any words as it is, but you do notice the crescent moon and stars on Yoongi's ribs.

"Not a word to Tae," is all Jungkook says. Knows that he'll be in for a world of teasing tomorrow if he gets wind of it. "I mean it."

Holding his hands up, Yoongi's still smirking, but he is backing away into a room just off the kitchen. "My lips are sealed."

Watching as he closes the door, you wonder how much truth is in his words. Jungkook knows it's absolute bullshit. Chooses not to dwell on it. Loosens his grip on you and heads towards his own room. Turns back to check you're following him, and can't help but smile when he knows that you are.

Tossing your shoes just inside the door, Jungkook is quick to pick up a pair of jeans he'd left on the floor, before chucking them over his desk chair. He tweaks his bedding. Straightens it out. Looks a little shy as he turns to face you.

"Made it home safe," he says quietly, as you close the door behind you.

You nod. Keep a little distance. Say, "It's dangerous to sleep after drinking. Make sure you build a tower of pillows in the middle of your bed so you don't roll onto your back."

Both of you are far more sober than you were earlier. There's no need to worry about anything like that.

And yet he nods, now. Says, "You're probably right. You can always stay, though. Just to check I don't die in my sleep, or whatever."

"It'd be the responsible thing to do," you nod, wondering if he can tell just how fast your heart is beating. "But I don't have any pyjamas."

Jungkook swallows. The way he looks at you now is entirely different to how he'd looked at you in the club. Back then, he'd been bold. Flirtatious.

Now, he seems vulnerable. Needy.

"I sleep in my underwear," he tells you, unsure if you'll actually be sleeping. While he likes the idea of fucking you, part of him doesn't want to. Fears it'll ruin the magic of the unknown. The way he throbs at the mere thought of it would suggest that his hopes outweigh his fears. "I don't mind, if you don't."

The clothes Jungkook's wearing are baggy. You've seen nothing of his figure.

Reaching for the nape of his neck, he tugs on the fabric of his T-shirt. Pulls it over his head and discards it in one swift movement. The sound of it crumpling on the floor is abrasive in how it makes you feel. Raw. Unrefined. You suppose it's just a natural consequence of seeing the toned muscles of his chest. How his waist defies what you thought was possible for masculine builds, and how broad his chest is. The indent of his collarbones, and the lines of his pelvis that draw your eyes downwards.

A pair of Calvins peek just above the waistband of his jeans, and a silver chain rests around his neck. Light from the city filters in, and LED lights around his impressive computer set-up paint him in a hue of violet.

"No," you manage to reply, which is a miracle, you think. "I don't mind."

And then you reciprocate. Reach for the hem of your shirt and pull it over your head, letting the fabric fall to the floor. Seeing him swallow back his nerves, or maybe his desires, makes you feel far bolder than you should.

"It's really uncomfortable to sleep in jeans," you tell him.

He nods. Agrees. Threads the button of his trousers through its loop. Doesn't take them off yet. Waits for you to do the same. Keeps his eyes firmly locked on yours. Doesn't let his gaze wander, no matter how much he has to fight all his instincts not to fully take you in. Is still pretending like he doesn't want you in the most indecent of ways.

The room you're in right now is known worldwide. 

People set it as their zoom backgrounds. It's on Pinterest. There are YouTube videos attempting to recreate the set-up. If he were to power up his computer—which, in all fairness, is only on standby—and go live, there'd be a thousand viewers within minutes. Doesn't matter what he plays, or who he's with. He doesn't give it much thought anymore. Is just life.

Sometimes, he regrets not being a faceless streamer, but he also knows that it's part of the appeal. Connection, and the fantasy that comes with this almost dystopian, parasocial idea of it.

After all, the meeting of his eyes with yours across a busy club led you to this point. Human connection in the simplest of ways, that he thinks could culminate in the most complex of ways, too.

"Okay," he says. "So take them off."

"You want me to?" You ask just to tease a little bit, and when a smile flickers onto his seemingly nervous lips, you're glad you did.

"You think we'd be here right now if I didn't?" He says with a tweak of his brows.

"You've got a point."

With that, you push your jeans down and reveal the matching set of black underwear you're in. It's nothing special. In fact, it's not really a set, but it's close enough that it'd fool anyone who didn't know.

Jungkook, in this moment, is indeed a beautiful fool.

There's a lopsided grin on his face as he lets his eyes rake down your body. Is shameless as he indulges in you. Nods, as he bites down on his bottom lip.

"It's cold," you tell him, urging him along a little bit.

"Shit," he says without much thought. "Sorry. Was just... Yeah. Shit."

It's both endearing and wholly confusing how Jungkook flips from confident to cute. A man of duality. It makes you giggle, and then you're the one biting down on your bottom lip. Are both a little bashful. A little shy.

"I'm only here to make sure you don't die in your sleep," you remind him before it goes any further.

Looking at him now, knowing you want him in the worst of ways, it's testing all of your willpower not to just cut to the chase.

Thing is, you liked his company tonight. Want it again. Want to give him a reason to seek you out once more. Want him thinking about you in clubs, and looking for you in crowded bars. Pining. Yearning. Needy.

"It's already gone seven," he tells you, walking towards his bed. Knocks his head to the side. Silently tells you to follow suit. "Will probably only get a couple hours in."

"Better than nothing. Plus, you're actually really irritating," you bullshit as you get into bed with him. Are adamant you won't fuck him, but you do let him pull you in closer.

"Oh, yeah?" He grins.

"Mhmm," you nod, pretending as if you aren't looking at his lips. "You'll be less annoying when you're asleep."

"I'm never gonna sleep again," he assures you. "Will annoy you forever."

"I know where the front door is," you say as you stroke a few of his loose, wavy hairs back behind his ears. They fall freely almost right away, but it just gives you another excuse to play with it "I can just leave. I'm only here to make sure you don't die in your sleep. Pointless if you're awake."

"So I have to be asleep for you to stay?"

"Mhmm," you hum.

He immediately loosens his grip on you and flops into an overdramatic sleeping position. Fake snores. Gets you giggling. Can't hide his smile, either. Laughs through the god-awful noises he's making.

But it is late, and you're both tired. As much as he'd like to stay awake with you, the pull of sleep is just too tempting now that you're beneath his sheets. It's not like he doesn't wanna fuck you. His semi is very much present, but neither of you mention it.

"Y'know what's sad about butterflies?" Jungkook mumbles after the laughter dies down. He carefully begins to trace the lines of your tattoo, eyes entirely focused on the tip of his finger.

You purr a response before you fully vocalise one. "Tell me."

He glances up at you only very momentarily. Looks back down. Is quiet when he says, "How quickly they die. Spend over half their lifespan growing into these beautiful creatures, and then they have, what—A week? Two? Three, tops—and then they're gone. It's like the cherry blossoms in spring. Beautiful, and then—" He clicks his fingers. "—gone."

Stroking back some loose strands of his hair, you wonder if he's thinking about you. About this chance encounter. Beautiful, then gone.

"Just means you have to appreciate them while they're still around," you say softly. "Cherish them, because you know you only have them for a moment."

His gaze lifts to meet yours. The reflection of his LED lights makes it seem like butterflies are floating around in his deep, dark eyes, too.

There are stories he could tell you of ancient folklore; about human souls taking the form of butterflies. Of justice, and peace, and spirits. Of back in time, when tigers still smoked. He could tell you of his favourite butterflies. Of the black butterflies that are as large as his hands in the summer. Of the huge display in a museum downtown that would transfix him as a child.

Instead, he gently presses his lips against the lines of your butterfly tattoo.

The rate at which your heart is beating multiplies. Like a swarm of butterflies chasing through your veins, you've no control over the way you're feeling. He's brought your artwork to life; set the souls inside of your butterfly free, only for it to be apparent that the souls belonged to the both of you, anyway.

You know that this is one of those moments; a butterfly passing on by through your lives. Here, and then gone. Beautiful, but fleeting.

There's a shyness to Jungkook now, as he rolls onto his back. A reluctance to get things wrong. He doesn't look at you, just nibbles on his bottom lip and pretends as if the empty white ceiling ahead of him is the most interesting thing he's seen all night.

It's not.

You are.

You, and those eyes that make him feel like the butterfly on your arm is tickling at his tummy. He finds himself jealous when he faces you again and begins tracing the thin lines of your butterfly once more. Wants to embed himself into you like the ink that's carved out a home in your skin.

"Sorry," he mumbles, seemingly regretful of the tender kiss he'd pressed against your arm just a short moment ago. "Don't know why I did that."

"It's okay," you reply without much thought. Like him, you're letting the way you feel dictate the words you say. Care not for playing coy. "I liked it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Jungkook wants to stop his mouth from letting his desires escape. The issue is, he drank a little too much tonight and his lips are a little too loose. Too bad. Can't help himself from asking, "Can I do it again?"

You're just as bad.

"Yeah," you whisper. "Please."

The way his lashes splay against his cheeks as he presses another kiss to your arm is nothing short of celestial. Like that damn moon on his arm, he's got a beauty about him that's hard to capture in words. Ethereal feels too fantastical, but gorgeous feels too dense. He resides in a realm somewhere between the two. Somewhere you'd like to stay forever.

Forever, sadly, only lasts a few hours. You've brunch plans with new friends you can't bail on yet for fear of running a friendship before it's even begun.

You see yourself out. Jungkook's still asleep. Not quite 10AM, you've a dozen missed calls from Rae, and a cold can of coke waiting for you in your fridge. Funnily enough, though, you don't really feel hungover. Must have gotten it all out of your system the night before.

It's only fitting, when you think about Jungkook on the subway home, and how soberingly drunk the idea of him makes you feel. 

YONSEI UNIVERSITY DORMS DAESIN-DONG, SEODAEMUN-GU SUNDAY 21:39

Brunch had, predictably, been a yawn-fest.

The people were perfectly nice, but you spent the entire time thinking about Jungkook; how you'd left him in a pretty slumber, the LEDs behind his computer still glowing, with not even so much as a note to say thank you.

It's not like he had any paper on his desk, and you weren't about to start rummaging around his room. You also didn't want to wake him. Part of it was because you knew you'd be saying goodbye, and the concept of that was one that you didn't like all that much.

And so your subway ride back to your dorm had been spent searching his name. He didn't take long to find. 

From the club's Instagram, you found GLOSS and quickly discovered that there was far more to both him and Blu-Tae than just being DJs. Their follower counts were wild. Numbers you know you'll never see on your own account. Verification check marks accented their display names. 

Who are you? You'd thought to yourself, incredibly perplexed by it all.

Jungkook was littered all over their pages, and yet it still took a while for you to click through to his account. You're not sure why, but think that perhaps the unknown was a nice place to reside within. Safer. 

CR3SC3NT_T0KK1 was his username—and curiously, Tokki was also his display name. Brows furrowed, you'd almost dropped your phone when you saw his follower count. It eclipsed both of his friends. 

Filled with gaming set-ups, merch drops, and general life dumps, it was pretty clear that whoever Jungkook had made himself out to be the night before was not who he was in real life. 

Equal parts offended and intrigued, you were only more confused when you saw that Rae was already following him—but not following Taehyung.

"What?" she'd beamed when you'd asked her about it after you'd arrived home from brunch, a scoop of hangover ice cream being waved around in the air with her flamboyant gestures. "He's, like, one of the biggest streamers in the country—and if I want to keep Tae obsessed with me, we need as many connections as possible. Jungkook's a frog to me, baby, not a prince. Don't you worry your little cotton socks. I'm not after him."

"I wouldn't care if you were," you'd blatantly lied in response, and then you'd giggled together at how ridiculous you were both being over boys you didn't really know.

Hovering over the bright purple 'JOIN STREAM' button later that evening, part of you holds back. Think it'd be weird. Strange. That he'd somehow know it was you.

Dipping your mouse, you tick the checkbox to join as an anonymous viewer. Take a breath. Think fuck it. Watch with bated breath as the loading wheel turns—and then he's there.

Jeon Jungkook has the kind of beauty that transcends shitty quality streams. Smiling as he jokes with one of his friends through a headset with a pair of black bunny ears affixed to the top of them, you hear a voice you almost recognise. Notice the friend he's streaming with in the top corner. Realise you do know him, too.

Hair as blue as the trees are green, Tae has just as much boyish charm as Jungkook, but also an incredibly large hickey that seems to match the ones on Rae's neck.

"Nah, can we get an L in the chat for Kook," he's teasing. Sure enough, the chat begins to explode with the letter, and Jungkook looks so pretty when he protests.

"It's not an L!"

"It is!" Tae insists. "Should have seen him, guys. Was following this girl around like a lovesick puppy—"

"No, I wasn't!"

"And she didn't even give him her number. Not even her name!"

"That's not true!" Jungkook whines. He switches between Korean and English with ease, sometimes just single words, other times whole sentences. "I have a name."

"What is it?"

"Not telling you."

"Cause you don't have one!"

"No, because you'll all make my life a living hell," Jungkook laughs—and then notices a bright blue comment lighting up in the chat. His eyes widen. "Fuck."

GLOSS: Was calling her Nabi when he got home last night Almost shit his pants when he saw me

"Yoongi, I'm gonna shave your eyebrows off in your sleep," Jungkook growls—only for the chat to start spamming butterfly emojis. Closing his eyes, he leans back in his chair, the still paused video game long forgotten about, now. Thousands of people are in their chat, and even more are watching the stream.

"Guys, get it trending," Taehyung goads. "Tweet, I dunno, bunny and butterfly emojis."

"Don't do that!"

"Hashtag find Jungkook's butterfly."

"Do NOT do that!"

"I'm like a modern-day cupid," Taehyung beams.

"I'm shaving your eyebrows, too."

Closing the stream, you sit for a moment, mouth ajar, unable to process what on earth you've just witnessed. Part of you feels as if it must have an incredibly vivid daydream; a projection of your heart's desire.

And you know you shouldn't, but when you get home from running errands the following day, you join the stream again. Blush when you notice the chat is still teasing Jungkook.

"I'm gonna block you all," he threatens them with a grin, which only encourages them to send even more butterfly emojis.

The next day is no different, nor the day after that.

He is, though. Has been letting it all play on his mind. Doesn't have much of a filter when it comes to streaming.

"What if she didn't even like me, guys," he whines to the chat. "And sees this and is like... mortified. I think I'd punch myself in the face if she ever saw any of this."

You toy with the idea of sending a comment into the chat. Something that only he'd realise was you. Thing is, you feel bad for intruding. As if you shouldn't be prying. As if you're eavesdropping on him chatting with friends, and not on the stream he's broadcasting live around the world.

Typing out a message, you deliberate your choice.

Punch urself in the face pls, tokki x the message reads. 

Simple. Effective. To the point.

But everyone calls him that, you stupidly realise, now.

And so you change the name to 'Mike'. 

Before you can even really realise what you've done, you've pressed send.

The message flitters into the chat feed. He's about to resume his game. Doesn't notice it at first.

Gives the chat one final glance, and then his eyes widen. He sits up taller. Straighter. "Mike?"

You close the lid of your laptop immediately.

"Fuck."

THE STREETS WAUSAN-RO, HONGDAE FRIDAY 23:51

"Tae is on in five," Rae squeals, dragging you down the road at lightning speed. 

You'd spent far too long at dinner, and also had far too much to drink with your food, so have been forced to make an undignified sprint to the club in an attempt to make it in before the place reaches capacity.

There's already a queue. You can see it from a mile away.

Realistically, Rae could have gotten Taehyung to add her to the guest list. He'd offered. She didn't wanna look needy, so had played it coy about her plans for the evening. 

After a single beer and soju, she'd decided that the idea of him hooking up with anyone but her simply wouldn't do.

"Shit," she sighs in defeat, looking at the queue. The direction you've come from means that you reach the entrance before you reach the queue, but even then, you can tell it goes around the block. "Are there no other clubs these people can go to?!"

There are—but this club is rammed tonight for the same reason Club Sundown was rammed the week before. People want to see the Crescent Collective. 

You didn't realise it at the time, but you'd bypassed the queue of the second club last weekend because Jungkook had been with you.

And as if by a stroke of luck, or perhaps a twist of fate, the same tattooed hand that had held you as you slept last weekend is now putting out a cigarette just a few steps away.

Eyes landing on yours, he looks away again, almost immediately. Feels embarrassed. Stupid. For the way you left him, and also for the way he knows you must know who he is, now.

Behind a red rope, he's away from the general crowd. It's sort of obnoxious, you think—but also know Jungkook is anything but.

"They're with me," Jungkook says to the bouncer, not really looking at you, but nodding in your general direction. Is deliberately keeping a little distance. Instead, he says to Rae, "Tae wouldn't want you waiting in line."

Nodding, the security guard makes way for you, stamping the backs of your hands with UV-activated ink as you walk past.

"Thank you!" Rae beams.

"No worries," Jungkook smiles right back. "He's about to start. Was just getting air. You're lucky you arrived when you did."

"Angel," she praises. "I'll get you a drink while we're in there."

You know her well enough now to know that she absolutely will not, but you don't say anything. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest as you walk, suddenly feeling all awkward in Jungkook's presence.

"Nabi," he curtly greets you as you head down the stairs.

"Tokki," you greet him back just as formally. Consider calling him 'Mike' instead, but you chicken out.

Face scrunching up, Jungkook tries his best not to cringe at himself. Doesn't know if you're addressing him by his tattoo moniker, or just calling him Tokki because you know it's his identifier online.

"How have you been?" He asks, not wanting to let it simmer.

"Alright," you say, aware of how awkward this all feels, as you descend the stairs and into the club. The music is getting louder, and soon you won't be able to hear him talk unless you're in each other's ears. "And you?"

"Alright."

Just as quickly as he appeared, Jungkook is lost to the crowd. 

He doesn't care to stick around if he's just going to be hung out to dry by you again. He tells himself that he only made sure you got in to keep Rae happy for Taehyung's sake—yet as he rejoins his friends in their booth, he finds himself desperately seeking you out again.

It takes him a while, but he eventually spots you by the bar in conversation with Rae. He can't make out what you're saying, but notices how your eyes are flickering around the room. Seems as if you're hunting for something. 

Deep down, even if he pretends like he doesn't, he hopes it's for him.

Pulled away from your search by the bartender passing over drinks to the pair of you, Jungkook feels bad. Knows the drinks are pricey in this place. Also knows, from the conversations you've already had, that you're on a tight budget. Had said that once the semester starts, you'll stop going to parties. Are seemingly unaware of the fact the parties never stop in this city. You'll learn.

When your eyes finally land on his a little while later, you're surprised by his intense gaze—intrigued by his lack of shame for being caught out. He doesn't look away or appear embarrassed. If anything, it's quite the opposite.

Girls are vying for his attention all around him, yet you receive all of it. Half the room away, hundreds of people create a sea between you both. Jungkook thinks he'd swim through it, no matter how choppy the water, if it meant he could have you right now.

You're the one who left, though. 

It's up to you to come back.

Part of you doesn't want to, but then you see another girl making advances, and Rae's horror over other girls trying it on with Taehyung seems to have rubbed off on you. The idea of it makes your skin crawl. You're drunk, and a little reactive, but Jungkook likes playing with fire.

As you work your way through the crowd towards him, he tries his best not to grin. Finds himself vindicated in his desire to be close to you, 'cause it seems like you want it, too.

Sliding in between Jungkook and the girl, you turn and apologise.

"Just need to borrow him for a second," you smile, clutching at his shirt and pulling him away from the booth before she even has a chance to protest.

With an ever-so-satisfied smirk, Jungkook shrugs towards the other girl, and lets you drag him wherever you want. He's putty in your hands, a little tipsy and desperately in need of attention from you. 

For the past week, he's played scenario over scenario over scenario in his head about this moment, and now that it's happening, he's glad he let you seek him out. Is so pleased that you actively want him just as much as he wants you.

In the middle of the crowd, you're hidden from prying eyes. It's too dark to notice any discerning features of the people around you, yet somehow, Jungkook seems like a vibrant golden light to you. Impossible to miss. Unable to ignore.

You wanna talk. Ask him about who the fuck he is. Explain that you didn't mean to leave so heartlessly.

Taehyung's set is so overwhelmingly loud, though. Can barely even hear yourself think.

As soon as he'd spotted Rae in the crowd, Taehyung had sent the bar coordinator to go and get her. She's sitting pretty up in the DJ booth, incredibly pleased with herself. Notices you and Jungkook almost immediately. Knows it'll be on Twitter in the next few hours, especially if that damn butterfly tattoo of yours is noticed.

Bunnies and butterflies have been trending for days.

Jungkook speaks, but you can't hear him.

"Huh?" You ask, getting on your tippy toes, but it's fruitless. Even as his hand drops to your waist to steady you and keep you in place, you can barely make out his words. "I can't hear you!"

He can't hear jack shit, either. Frowns. Looks around. Spots Yoongi by the booth and gestures towards the side of the room. When Yoongi nods back, it's Jungkook who drags you through the crowd, now. Just beyond the DJ booth is a little black door that Yoongi meets you by. Taps in the code. Nods in your direction.

"A pleasure," he says with a knowing smirk. Miraculously, you can hear him, but ultimately, it's because you're not in the direct line of the speakers now.

You don't get a chance to respond before Jungkook gets you into what can only described as a dark hole as quickly as he can. Romance, you think to yourself, but you also are very aware of the fact Jungkook doesn't let go of your hand, even when he's searching for the light switch. It takes him a second, but he manages to recall the approximate location quickly enough.

Dingy yellow light floods into the room. Small and boxy, it's a 3-in-1 storage room, bathroom, and dressing room for 'talent'. It's why Yoongi had the code, but you can't imagine anyone with any shred of self-respect actually using this place. The walls are the same grey tiles as the floor, and the light bulb hangs from a wire without a shade. The tap on the sink drips, and you're pretty sure there's a leak in the far corner by the mirror.

None of that matters, though. All you can focus on is the man in front of you. Though not soundproof, the room does offer a far more muted version of Taehyung's set. More importantly, it provides you with privacy.

It's been a week since you last saw him, face to face.

Though you have, admittedly, seen him what feels like a million times on low-quality streams from his bedroom.

Realistically, it's been about three times, but you think about it almost constantly.

"You left," is all he says, a little pout on his lips.

It's cute, you think, that he is so outwardly offended by such an act. You would have thought that a man of his position would have a habit of leaving, himself. Then again, you didn't know of his status when you left him in bed that morning.

"And you didn't die," you reply with a teasing smile, trying not to make it sound so severe. "You were fine without me."

"I'm not joking," he says, even if he can't help but smile at the recollection of how stupid the conversation before bed had been. "You left. It was rude."

"I had brunch plans," you tell him, reaching your hands out for his. He wants to resist. Fails. Lets you pull him closer. Incredibly close, in fact. So close that you begin to notice all sorts of things. His freckles. A small scar on his cheek. A tiny fleck of glitter on his skin, no doubt from one of the girls who had been desperate for his attention earlier. "You'd only had a few hours sleep. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Could have left a note," he says, still pouty but far quieter. You can smell the Jack on his breath. Have always hated the taste, but think you could grow to like it. "Your number. Something, at least."

"I could've," you admit, edging even closer. Closing the gap. Nudging your nose against his. But then you smile. Pull back. Tease, "And you could have warned me that I'd become a trending topic on Twitter."

Just like that, Jungkook's pout snaps into the prettiest smile. His face scrunches up, lines creasing on his nose. Beneath his closed eyes reside the sweetest little puffs. He's got the kind of face that is impossible not to like.

"Ah," he cringes.

"Yeah," you laugh at the stupidity of it all. What did he expect? That you wouldn't find out? "Ah."

"In my defence," he holds his hands up, eyes wide and innocent. "You called me Tokki. How was I to know you didn't know?"

"Oh, give over," you laugh, as he reaches for your hands once again. Pulls you closer. "You know I didn't know."

Truthfully, he does know this, but it was nice to be unknown for a little while. Nice to not second guess your intentions. Even now, knowing that you know, he feels like none of it matters. 

"Look," he begins, toying with the hem of your cropped shirt. Lets his fingertips graze your bare skin. Tries his best not to think about what you look like half-naked. Fails. "I only came out tonight 'cause I hoped I'd see you. I don't care about staying out till ass-o'clock, again."

"Think I've only just caught up on sleep," you hum, angling your chin up and giving him the perfect opportunity to make a move that goes beyond flirtatious touches.

"Exactly," he smiles, letting his hand squeeze the side of your waist. Pulls you closer. "And I've not drunk half as much tonight, but I think I could do with you making sure I don't die, again."

"Yeah?"

Nodding as he nudges his nose against yours, Jungkook is all smiles. Lets his lips line up against your pout.

"Yeah," he mumbles—then lets the word get lost in your lips.

Sinking into what it feels like to kiss you, Jungkook can't help but feel satisfaction. Has finally caught the damn butterfly he's been after all week. 

He's played a lot of games. Won a lot of battles.

And yet victory has never tasted so sweet.

JUNGKOOK'S APARTMENT ITAEWON-DONG, YONGSAN-GU SATURDAY 02:07

You retrace your steps. Get a taxi to his place, 'cause there's no point pretending like he can't afford it. Not anymore.

You're not giggling like you were the first time you were in his elevator, but it's kind of impossible to do so when your back is to the wall and Jungkook's tongue is in your mouth.

Your hands roam his body—waist, ass. If you can squeeze it, you will. Just makes him deepen the kisses. If his large hands weren't cupping your jaw, keeping you close, they'd be doing the exact same thing as yours.

The ding of the elevator pulls you apart just for a second, and then you're the one pulling him down to the corridor to his place.

He doesn't open the door. Just kisses you again. 

Finally understands what it means to get butterflies, 'cause he's got you, now, and he never wants to lose it.

Hooking his hands beneath your ass, he hoists you up. Gets your legs wrapped around him. Could go in, but where's the fun in that? There's a slight danger of getting caught. He knows the hallway security cameras will definitely pick this up. The threat that it could get leaked online, and the simple fact that he couldn't give a shit if it does, is kind of hot.

"I'm not fucking you out here," you tell him through a hushed giggle, when he rests his forehead against yours.

"Woah," he jokes. "Who said anything about fucking?"

"I can literally feel your boner, Jungkook."

"Touché."

He doesn't even attempt to downplay it. He puts you down. Gets you through the threshold of his apartment. Shoes off by the door, there's no need to be quiet. Yoongi and Taehyung are still out, and will be for hours. He could take his time if he really wanted.

But what he wants is you. Doesn't waste time. Gets you in his room. Kinda feels like you never left. Jungkook still wishes you hadn't, but doesn't mind the idea of you making it up to him now.

"So," you hum, trailing your fingertips across his desk. "This is where the magic happens?"

He smiles a little bashfully, head dropping for a moment before his eyes are on yours again. "Yeah. You could say that."

Now that you're back in his space, it's a little embarrassing just how many clues there were. A headset rests on the desk—black, robust, with his signature bunny ears secured on top—and a mic is hooked up by the monitor. The webcam doesn't look special, but the keyboard subtly glows in his darkened room. Violet, like the LEDs behind his screen.

A laptop covered in vinyl stickers is closed next to the set-up. He uses it when he's not streaming on his desktop. At least three of the stickers are of the Crescent Collective's logo.

Turning to fully face him, you rest your palms behind yourself and perch on the edge of the desk.

He gets a little kick out of seeing you so flippantly disregard the domain in which he dominates. Gives him a point to prove. Gets him closing the space between you, hands on your waist, dipping to your ass to leverage further back on his desk. Knows it's sturdy, 'cause he built it himself, but has never tested out quite how strong it really is. Thinks now's as good a time as any to find out.

Your legs wrap around his body with no thought, just the innate understanding that you want him in a way you're sure thousands of people have only dreamt of: in his room, on his desk, that damn 'Go Live' button just a few short clicks away.

Reaching beside you, there's a smirk on your lips as you retrieve his headset. Put it on him. Say, "The ears are cute, Tokki."

He rolls his eyes. Is fighting a smile, and currently losing. He's seen some lewd shit during his time on the internet and is well aware of the fanart that includes the ears and little else. Always found it kinda funny, before.

Now? He's so hard it almost hurts, and he thinks he could grow to like it.

As your arms drape over his shoulders, he takes them off. Puts them on you, instead. Adjusts the sizing. Gets them just right for you. Is attentive, like that. Pulls his head back a little, and then realises what a problem you're gonna be for him.

It's not so much the addition of animal ears that's getting him insatiable, but seeing you adorned with a crown that is so inherently his that does it.

Jungkook's no saint. He's had his fair share of one-nighters. A couple hours of fun never to be spoken of again. Since the group of them signed to their management agency, they've been repeatedly told how important it is to get NDA's signed. Something about it always feels so icky to Jungkook. Cruel, almost. Has only had a couple hook-ups since then, both with flings he's known for a good couple of years, with no fear of them spilling the beans on how prettily he whines when he cums.

You're the first new girl in a long time. He knows he should really pause things before you cut to the chase—but then your hand is trailing down his thick forearm, delicately stroking his rabbit moon with a curious smile. Decides he doesn't care.

"The ears are cute," he replies. Teasingly adds, "Nabi."

The position of your arms over his shoulders ensures the tattoos he'd traced the week before are fully displayed for him. As his eyes drop to your butterfly, you're curiously smitten by the way his lips move to press a kiss against it again.

"Suit me?"

"Mhmm," he hums, eyes flickering back up to yours. "Should also get you a pair of butterfly wings, or something."

"I'd make you wear them," you tell him with a cheeky glint in your eye. "Turn you into a butterfly, yourself. Your girlies in the chat would love that."

Jungkook knows without a shadow of a doubt he'd let you. Not for the girlies in the chat, but for you.

Ghosting his lips against yours, he's waiting for you to press down. Is letting you take the lead.

Your kisses are sweet. Tepid. Reserved.

You're feeling; his hands on your waist, the pressure of his lip rings, the presence of his nose.

And then he's feeling; your bare skin as his large hands slip beneath the fabric of your shirt, the way your legs wrap around him, the vibration of a small groan against his lips.

The skirt you're in is bunched around your hips, and the positioning is just right for you to feel how hard he is against your underwear. It's a little undignified, you'll admit, but you're impatient, so you take control. Reposition his hand between your legs. Encourage him to take things further.

"Yeah?" He checks.

Nodding into a needy kiss, you mumble, "Please."

It might've been a while, but Jungkook's muscle memory is enviable. He's the best player on the team for that very reason.

As he hooks your underwear to the side, he's pleased to be greeted with indications of your arousal. Smirks into the kisses he's giving you, as his fingertips graze against your clit. Trails his lips to your neck. Wants to hear the way you gasp as he pushes his thick middle finger inside you.

"Fuck," you sigh at the welcome intrusion. Nod, as he curls his finger almost immediately. He's got a lot to thank those damn video games for, that's for sure.

Softly moaning, just how he hoped you would, there's an arch to your back as he picks up a pace. The need to perform, almost.

Head tipping back as Jungkook fucks another finger into you, you're unable to think too cognitively. Can only think about the way he feels. The smell of his hair as he presses kisses against your neck, and how prominent his collarbones are as your nails trail up his toned torso.

"Feels so good," you tell him. Move the hand of yours that's been resting on his shoulder to his hair. Tug on it a little. Elicit the prettiest of whines from him.

There's something to be said for making a man—especially one of such strength, stature, status—so weak. Gets you all giggly. Jungkook can feel the satisfaction ripple through your entire body, and it just makes him groan against your neck even more.

"You're so wet," he praises, pulling back to study your face as he plays with you. Lets his thumb stroke up against your clit ever so gently. Revels in the way you get a little shaky. Twitchy. With those damn bunny ears, you really are like a little rabbit. Jungkook finally understands why the fan artists choose to draw him in such a way. It is hot. "You're making me so fuckin' hard."

And then you're giggling again.

"Is it a joke to you, huh?" He smirks. Looks down at your pussy, all swollen and sopping wet for him, in the hazy violet light of his room. Knows that his throbbing cock is gonna stuff you so fuckin' full that laughing won't be an option. Is desperate for it. "How badly I want you is just a big joke to you, huh, bunny?"

The way he groups you in with his moniker is too damn hot.

"Dunno," you rasp, desperately trying to hold off the orgasm that's building inside you. "Fuck me and find out."

Reaching for the button of his trousers, you're quick as you wrestle his jeans down over his ass. Don't bother pushing them down entirely. Just enough to get his boxers exposed, and in turn, his thick cock. Hard and engorged, his desperation for you is evident. A small patch of precum seeps through the fabric of his boxers. He curses as your thumb strokes against it.

"Condom?" You ask, knowing you've got none on you.

"Hold that thought," he says, regretfully pulling away from you.

Watching on as he pushes down his jeans, and strips himself of his shirt, you're at a loss for words. You've seen him like this before, but it's so much hotter knowing that he's gonna be fucking himself into you as soon as he possibly can.

Jungkook could very easily lead you to his bed. Get you comfy. Reach to his bedside cabinet for a condom. Fuck you how he likes—doggy-style, minimal face-to-face contact—and be done with it all very quickly.

Instead, he says, "Stay here."

Doing as you're told, you watch on as he walks to the cabinet, and retrieves a condom. Admire his back, and his broad shoulders. The valley of his spine, and the hard work he's put into crafting his physique. Smirk to yourself as he dips into his boxers. Strokes himself. Once, twice. Tears the packet open with his teeth, just like you were always taught not to do, and rolls the latex down his thick shaft.

"What?" he smirks as he walks back, realising your eyes are transfixed on his cock.

You say nothing. Smile. Hold your hands out for Jungkook to take, just so you can pull him back even quicker.

Lips pressing into yours as he closes the gap, Jungkook is all smiles. Rubs the head of his cock against your pussy, gathering up your arousal all over his tip. Lines himself up with your entrance. Waits for you to give him the go-ahead.

Hand on his ass, you pull him closer. Edge the crown of his cock into you. Whimper. Beg. "Please."

Sinking into you with a laboured grunt, he's surprised with how much tighter you are around his cock than you were with his fingers. Wet and warm, there's an undeniable pleasure that sparks through his body as he gets familiar with the way you feel.

Slowly, his hips begin to pick up a pace. As his tongue strokes into your mouth, there's no dignity to the way he's taking you. The increased pace means heightened moans, and it's not just you—it's him, too.

"Shit, yeah," he grits. "So fuckin' tight, aren't you?"

Whining, you nod into his kisses. Are at his entire disposal as he grips your waist, proving exactly why Tokki is the perfect nickname for him.

As much as he likes the ears, he's a little worried that he might fuck you so hard they fall off. Doesn't wanna break them, and definitely doesn't wanna think about the story the boys would make up when they go live tomorrow to tease him—but also really wants to fuck you harder.

Which is funny, cause the way he tugs them off with such desperation and tosses them down, you'd be forgiven for thinking he couldn't care less about breaking them. Doesn't give you a chance to say anything, 'cause his big hands are cradling your face, bringing you in for desperate kisses once more.

There's a lewdness to the sounds you make together, but Jungkook knows that if he was an entirely different kind of streamer, you'd make bank together. Wonders about the way it would look on camera. Worries. Pauses.

"You good?" You check a little breathlessly as he reaches behind you, just to tug the wire to his webcam from the plus.

"Yeah," he nods, still fiddling around behind you. Smiles in the hedonistic haze as your lips find a new home on his neck. Strokes your hair gently, and presses a kiss to the side of your head. Quietly says, "Just making sure there's no way in hell I accidentally start streaming."

You hum, all purry and pliant. "People would pay good money to see it."

While he agrees, and has had the same thought process, he doesn't care. "You saying I should be charging you for this?"

"Oh, no," you say all very sweetly. "You should be paying me."

"I'll pay you with orgasms," he promises, knowing that it's a rare currency for one-night strands.

You smirk. Pat the top of his head. "Sure you will."

If there's one thing Jungkook loves, it's a challenge.

Pulling back, he turns you around. Gets you bent over his desk with zero opposition from you. Rubs himself against your soaked cunt, then asks, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," you smirk, and then settle into a sigh as he pushes into you. The feeling of fullness from Jungkook is one that's hard to compare. So thick, and fat, and heavy, his cock really is just as impressive as he is.

With one hand hooked at the crease of your thigh, the other holds the top of your shoulder. Gets you pushed down onto his cock as far as you possibly can be. There's a slight reflection in his streaming plaque beside the monitor, and you're pleased to see just how intensely focused he is on you, brows furrowed, pretty pink lips resting ajar. The silver of his lip rings and chain catch in the light, and you find you can't look at him for too long. He's too hot.

But then he's reaching down for your clit as he fucks into you. Has your legs shaking. The waves of a familiar sensation begin to lap against the shores of your pleasure.

"Fuck," you whine. "Feels good. Keep it like that."

Jungkook knows better than to ignore your requests. Does as he's told, the pressure of his fingers on your clit only deepening. Rubbing calculated circles against you, he knows just how to work you up. Gets you whining. Mewling. Moaning.

"Gonna cum, aren't you?" he smirks, as his own high builds.

"Fuck—"

"C'mon," he husks, feeling your walls tighten around him. He doesn't stop his relentless chase. Will win your orgasms fair and square. Continues pounding into you. Pace fast, strokes deep, he's everything you could ever want and more—and then he's slowing. Keeping you plugged, nice and deep, but focusing on the way he's toying with your clit. "You know you wanna cream for me. All over my cock, pretty Nabi. C'mon—"

"I'm close," you all but whimper. "So—fuck. So close."

"Yeah, you are," he tells you—and then your legs are shaking, pussy tightly clamping around his cock, one hand tense against his desk while the other grabs at his wrist. Uncontrollable, is the way you whine for him. It's so needy—so desperate and pathetic—that it's almost a sob. Jungkook doesn't ease up. In fact, his hips gain a little pace again as your orgasm shatters around you both. He's breathless, but manages to choke out, "Flithy fuckin' cunt. Feels so fuckin' good. Fuck."

The frail limpness of your body as the orgasm smokes away is cute. Jungkook loves it. You're so weak for him. He fucks into you still, chasing his own high, and your whines only get louder. It's overwhelming, but you never want to lose the feeling.

It doesn't take much. Just a minute or so of your tight cunt, and Jungkook is pulling out. Even though he doesn't ask you to, you get to your knees as he tears the condom off.

"In my mouth," you beg, and who is he to reject such an offer?

Jerking himself to completion, Jungkook is all pretty and pathetic when he cums, too. Looks at you with eyes so starry you'd been forgiven for thinking he was a descendant of the constellations.

He milks the final few spurts of himself onto your wet tongue, and curses when you press dainty kisses to his tip. Stroking your tongue against him, you don't want to waste a drop. Look up at him and find that his eyes are resting shut from the pleasure of it all.

Silence surrounds you both, just your beating hearts and laboured breaths filling to the room. He helps you up. Holds you tight. Hugs you for a little while, then presses a kiss to the side of your head. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," you giggle - and then he's smiling, too. Feels vindicated by his irrational thoughts about you over the last few days. He pays no mind to the fact you're still technically dressed, and he's basically naked.

As he sorts himself out, you perch back up on his desk and languidly swing your legs. Enjoy the thought of memories plaguing him whenever he tried to play his little games over the next few days.

"You wanna grab a shower?" he offers. "Food, too? Dunno about you, but I'm fuckin' starving."

"Same," you nod, biting down on your bottom lip. "I'll go wash up, you sort food? Are places still open for delivery?"

Checking his phone for the time, Jungkook is surprised that it's closer to midnight than it is to his morning alarm. Only a handful of places will offer delivery at this time, but that's enough.

"Works for me," he says with a yawn, then opens what you had assumed was the closet door. Reveals an en-suite and knocks his head to the side. "Get your shower. Gimmie a shout if you need anything."

Tiles large and grey, it's the perfect counterpart to his bedroom. A little dark, but it's only because Jungkook hates using the big light. Always flicks the small light switches instead. There's a window overlooking the city, and even though you're only seven floors up, the hills of Yongsan-gu mean that he's got a view you could only dream of.

You're about to start the shower up when he calls through. "Is pizza good?"

"Pizza's good," you call back with a smile. Look yourself in the mirror and wonder how the fuck you ended up in the bathroom of arguably the most famous person you've ever met. Decide it's better not to question it.

The shower begins to cascade down, even if your sins are washed way, you know you won't be able to forget the feeling of Jungkook so easily.

Truth be told, you won't even try.

YONSEI UNIVERSITY DORMS DAESIN-DONG, SEODAEMUN-GU SUNDAY 21:13

"L in the chat," booms the voice of Taehyung through your laptop speakers. His trademark grin rests on his face as he teases Jungkook.

You've only just opened the stream. Instantly, you focus on the prettily lopsided smirk of Jungkook's lips. You've learned it's an almost permanent fixture on his boyish face. Shaking his head, he's adjusting his headset. Making it a little looser so that it'll fit him properly.

No one is questioning it.

What they are questioning, is where the fuck that pretty purple bruise on his neck has come from.

"Cross-fit," Jungkook just shrugs, knowing that it's the colloquial term for suspicious bruises after some idol used the same excuse. Blatant horseshit. Jungkook doesn't care.

"I've never done cross-fit, but I know you're bullshitting," Taehyung snorts.

The chat seems to agree with him.

"Thought I was a virgin?" Jungkook states a little cheekily, making reference to Taehyung's usual banter. "How else would I get one?"

Taehyung knows better than the retort. Knows that Jungkook could very easily slip something about Rae into the conversation.

Virgin? You type through a message on a private discord chat with Jungkook. He'd set it up the day before. Has already sent you, like, a thousand messages. Is what can only be described as obsessed—but it's mutual. Could have fooled me.

As his eyes glance down to his laptop screen, he fails to hide his smile. Had opened your chat on there, cause he didn't wanna accidentally broadcast the messages onto his stream. Despite this, he doesn't care that there are nearly 10,000 people in his stream merely minutes into it. Is far more interested in his chat thread with you. Replies immediately.

Stop distracting meI'm working</3

Giggling as the message pings through to you, there's a giddy quality to the way Jungkook makes you feel.

He'd spent the day in bed with you after your night together. Had wanted you to stay when he started streaming that evening. Said he'd only be an hour or so, and was incredibly pouty when you did leave.

It had just been him on last night's stream—headset off 'cause he didn't wanna adjust it back yet, hoodie on to hide his neck. The other boys were nursing hangovers, so he could do what he liked.

What he did do had you incredibly curious. Was just chatting. Talking to the comment section. Sleepily reeling off facts he'd recently learned about butterflies. Debating over their lifespan.

You're not naive to the fact that Jungkook does this streaming stuff as a profession, and are aware that the more people talking about his stream on other platforms, the more viewers he'll get.

Made sense for him to add fuel to the butterfly-related fire by talking about them.

Had sent you a message earlier that evening to ask what kind of butterfly you had on your skin.

A Monarch, you'd told him.

"See, the thing is," Jungkook had rambled to his viewers a little later on. "Most butterflies have super short lifespans—Monarch's included."

Eyes all starry, lights in his bedroom purple as per usual, he'd looked cosy. You wished you'd have stayed.

"But there's a specific kind. Migrating Monarchs. They're the last of their generation—the final butterflies of the year," he marvelled at the magic of it all.

His facts were a little hazy, but he knew enough. Had been down a you-shaped rabbit hole all afternoon.

"And they migrate, right? Move away from home—somewhere warmer—and then it just extends their lifespan. 180 days. Not 30. That's six months. Six months. It's a long time. It's not fleeting. Not in the slightest."

It's also, curiously, exactly how long you're scheduled to stay in Korea for.

"I dunno," Jungkook had just sighed, a little forlorn, trying to make sense of his thoughts.

He bit down on his bottom lip, stroking his thumb against the hard plastic ears of his headset, then focused on the camera again. Wondered if you were watching. 

He simply shrugged. Said, "Counts for something, though, right?"

#byholly #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook ff #jk ff #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagine #bangtan fic #jungkook fluff #streamer!jungkook #non idol au #bts fanfic #bangtan ff #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook x reader

[shakespearean-snape]

Hi there! so glad to see you posting again I like a lot of what you have to say about Snape. I noticed you say a few times tho that your visual headcanon for Snape isn't conventionally attractive and I just wondered if you had any reference of what he looks like in your mind? An actor or other famous person? just someone like that?

I'm just curious how you imagine Snape because I admit I just see Alan Rickman as Snape in my head since I started with the movies as a kid and didn't read the books a few until years later. It always interests me so much when people say they read the books before the movies or read the books with the movies coming out and saw Snape as someone else.

Its ok if you can't think of anyone just thought I'd ask. thx!

Hello!

*waves enthusiastically like an idiot with zero chill*

I get so giddy when someone sends me an ask like this so I hope no one thinks I don't enjoy questions about Snape or my headcanons. As anyone who knows me knows, I think a lot and especially about those things I love so I always have lots of thoughts rolling around in my head I can be positively overeager to share with anyone interested.

So to answer your question, I don't have a specific person pinned down that is 100% like how I picture Snape in my mind but some close candidates would be a young Adrien Brody (which I think is common enough among Snape fans as a choice, right there with Adam Driver these days), obviously the man that JKR based Snape around, John Nettleship, someone like Adarsh Jaikarran as a potential Hogwarts-era and early 20s Snape (even if he is more good-looking than I usually lean, in some pictures he just channels Snape vibes for me quite a bit) and a very young Julian Richings if you've ever seen photos of him in his younger years (I have two here for you so you can see my point a bit, here and here).

Ironically, Julian Richings in the later years of his acting career would probably have been my first choice for a Voldemort fan cast back in the day when any Harry Potter reboot was purely in the realm of the hypothetical (I mean, c'mon, look at this and tell me you can't see it too) but as JKR is an unapologetic anti-feminist/TERF I provide no monetary support to any of her projects including any licensed games, the watching of future reboots or purchasing of future tie-in books in the HP universe, officially licensed HP merchandise, or even by giving traffic to what was formerly Pottermore, etc.

All I bring to the fandom now is my fan theories and love for Snape, which she not only does not benefit from but never seemed entirely at peace with given how the character got away from her and took off. I can't think of a better way to spite someone so utterly spiteful herself than to take the character she was most shocked by people loving in any capacity and celebrate him in every incarnation (gay, bi, trans, ace, autistic, poc, etc.) with my queer, gender-nonconforming little heart while she gets zero money off me for it.

Anyway I hope the visual guide gives you a little more insight into my mind. I've never seen Snape as "ugly" (even when I joke my Snape is "ugly" and I like him that way) but my mental picture of him is of a man whose looks might fall into that unconventionally attractive sphere or what some people call homely. Occasionally I veer off that a bit, as with Adarsh Jaikarran, oh, oh! And also Lee Soo Hyuk, Song Jae-Rim and Kento Yamazaki (ever since I saw him in the live-action Bloody Monday manga series adaptation)!

But yes, my favorite Snape and the Snape I love isn't usually model attractive but also not quite the gargoyle Harry describes (that kid had some ridiculously high standards of beauty tbh, about the only characters he didn't have mentally critical notes on their appearance was the unnamed Veela, Fleur, and Narcissa Malfoy so yeah he totally thought "Draco's mom has got it going on..." Lol!) but somewhere in that "unconventional" categorization of attractive which I feel really suits a man who so often defies easy categorization in general.

(Excuse all the edits. After I gave a few examples more started hitting me and I was like ohhhhh I should have shared them, why didn't I think to share them? So I may come back and make more edits throughout the day, no promises I won't! Lol)

#severus snape #pro snape #snape community #snape fandom #snapedom #snape headcanon #fuck jkr #anti jkr

[star-crossed-mid]

Leon becoming the king rambles

I haven't finished the entirety of everyone's stories (I just did the mainstory for all 12) but I've been thinking about Leon's final story where he ascends to the king status.

more info dumping theories below. Also I could be wrong like again I have not finished anyone's story completely pls correct me if im wrong

From what I've seen he becomes king of the heavens and is given a new set of stars (the king star).

It makes me wonder who's taking over as minister of wishes/ruler of leo. He did give MC the Leo constellation for her to become a god iirc. It's funny bcuz its almost like his name correlates to a lion and itd probably get confusing from there. Also MC has aquarius in one of her eyes so I wonder if it just went back to hue after this.

Would Vega or Karno become minister? Would it be MC? Would the departments even be a thing when he's king or would he fundamentally just change everything.

If leon becomes the new king/becomes omnipotent, wouldn't he just be forced to live like the king, always hidden away and alone because he literally sees and knows all. Only left a victim of watching things happen until ppl come up to you for more. Letting curiosity roam free as you have infinite power to do anything. A move of his hand and things are gone. Is he even himself at this point or does the curse of infinite knowledge and power catch up.

This also dives into Leon as a character. He's portrayed as lazy and uninterested (on mondays or smthn) at first. He's also shown as a hard worker and genuinely tries to be just and fair. Whenever a god is in trouble he always makes a stand towards Zyg and the King. Most of his character arc is Leon trying to understand that he can trust MC/other people and that they care for him as a person, not a mighty powerful being. Despite his attitude towards everything, Leon is just a character who has to learn to undo his past ways of thinking that were hurting him and the people around him (and he does healthily learn). Leon's behavior is also very cat-like.

Would he be able to keep all the progress he made in a position similar to where he was most hurt.

He also marries mc and has a kid in that route so ig there's that. From what I've seen he changes a few things to allow everything to go smoothly.

Also to note Star-crossed myth has generally happy endings and is on positive notes most of the time compared to other god media being nitty gritty. I may be reading too deep into this to cope with the bad ending of a new video game. For some reason I really love fics/concepts with the scm gods that are tragic like actual mythology/fairytales

I just consumed a bunch of different media that dealt with characters becoming omnipotent gods and it never ends well.

Most of the times characters who ascend to higher status are just left as watchers, in new forms, only watching what once was and what they once had. No one knows if the previous versions of themselves are still there, or just apart of something bigger now.

There was one fan excerpt where the chars of the show were just yelling at the sky/showing the sky items they bought. They did this hoping to show their old friend who had became an omnipotent god said items, and having no idea if they saw it or not. The ex-partner of the person who ascended also spent a majority of the show trying to speak to them again. Even if they weren't together it was the act of love that stayed.

In a new video game that just came out, theres a character who has a really traumatic backstory and has the option to stop their abuser and 'ascend' to a position like their captor. The entire arc of this specific character relies on them making their own choices for once and not being apart of someones plan, and you as the player have the option to watch them make their choice to ascend or try to change their mind. When this character ascends it literally cursed them into continuing their cycle of abuse and losing themselves in the process. Spent the entire game going through character development only for a ritual to just undo everything hahaha imissthemsomuch one thing ascending did was take away their sense of humor and ability to be nice.

anyways wishing leon the best in the messy story of star-crossed myth xoxo dont let the power get to ur head babes hope he does better than the mf king fuck that dude

also random hc ill probably draw later is I like to believe that both Zyg and Leon were in line for the throne as kids/young gods. Leon a little more favored bcuz his powers r stated to be strongest, Zyg being older and more responsible at the time.

tldr Leon probably pissed off Zyglavis somehow and Zyg gave leon the 'ultimate punishment' and took himself out of the competition. The punishment being the weight of the crown.

#star crossed myth #star-crossed myth #starcrossed myth #scm leon #voltage otome

[gorbalsvampire]

Statting Christof Romauld

Someone on Reddit asked if my favourite himbo had a canonical character sheet.

I looked him up in Clanbook: Brujah. He does not.

I felt compelled to stat him out in V5.

Now I kinda want to do the whole crew. I've been thinking about Dark Ages V5 for a while now and this is unlocking it all for me...

He's a swordsman, so a Melee combatant, so we're going for Dexterity 4 for that pool; 3s into Stamina, Resolve and Composure (say what you like about our favourite himbo, he can take a kicking), and the 1 in Intelligence (sorry, Christof, but if you weren't such a dim bulb you'd probably have gone insane).

For expediency's sake, and because he always has a supporting cast to cover his weaknesses, I'm gonna say he's a Specialist. Melee gets the 4 and the speciality, Athletics, Brawl and Firearms (which, RAW, covers archery) get 3s. 2s in Persuasion (he does get his own way a lot), Awareness and Stealth (there's a lot of corridor creeping in his adventures). For the 1s, I'm taking Investigation (he tries... and he's been through enough mysteries that he must be vaguely aware of how they work), Occult (he's seen some things in his time) and Etiquette (he's well spoken).

Disciplines? Let's start with Celerity 2 and Presence 1 (I don't know how I'd have got through the game without these two). For specific powers, I'm going Rapid Reflexes and Fleetness from Celerity, and Awe from Presence.

Into Predator Type, and I'm gonna be honest here, given how tricky it is to bite people in the streets without being caught, and how many other vampires there are in those "dungeons", and how often he frenzies and bites his own coterie: Christof is a Blood Leech. Extra specialty in Brawl vs Kindred, going to Celerity 3 and taking Weaving from the Players' Guide, leaning into the defensive applications, and obviously we're gonna take the Diablerist flaw because he ate Lucretia. Prey Exclusion (Mortals) is definitely a reflection of how I played Christof, too (goddamn Knights of St. John have eyes in the backs of their heads).

Advantages and Flaws: well, we're windmill slamming Archaic, of course (he's got the hang of guns, but he has no idea what a Central Computer might be). We're also gonna raid the Player's Guide again. For five points, we can take Untouchable - get away with doing something grand and stupid once per story. He's... definitely had that go off a few times during Redemption. From the same book, we can grab the Brujah Coterie Merit, Boot and Rally, for a bonus to his friends' combat rolls, and Remarkable Feature, because people do remark on all his thees and thous when they first meet him and then rapidly get used to it.

Convictions are probably derived from the Promethean ethic somehow (I'm bad at these), and his Touchstone is obviously Anezka (I have a house rule where you only need one Touchstone, like Requiem - and Redemption, now that I think about it).

Now, we get into experience. I'm going to count Christof as an ancilla here. He's lived a very storied life, the Clanbook leaves some wiggle room for how long his adventures took, he's quite low generation, and frankly I need the XP for his insane Discipline breadth. That takes his Humanity down to 5, his Blood Potency up to 3, and he needs another two points in Flaws - I'm going for another Player's Guide special, Twice Cursed, giving him an additional Clan Bane that causes physical and social damage when his Beast comes out.

He also gains another two points in Advantages, and I'm gonna pick up a Loresheet here: Sect War Veteran. He emerged from torpor right in the middle of the sect war, ended up fighting his way across New York, and he's made something of a name for himself among elders and neonates alike given what he got up to in the Dark Ages. The two dot ability here converts into Status or Mawla - one could very easily use this to model Ekaterina the Wise still looking out for him, or into his own personal clout, or... well, our Christof is at middling Humanity, so he might be... in a bit of a predicament. Spoilers for twenty-five year old game?

Finally, there's the 35 bonus XP. To start off, taking him to Presence 3, Daunt and Dread Gaze, that's 25 burned. With the remaining 10, I'm going to buy a dot in Protean (the game is very generous about handing out Protean) and pick up Eyes of the Serpent, since he did eat a whole-ass Setite, and the last three are going on the Stealth (vs Kindred) specialty from his Predator Type, just to really double down on the in-game playstyle.

And there we are - playable Christof!

#vtm #vampire the masquerade #vtda #vampire the dark ages #vampire the masquerade redemption #brujah #send help i have brain worms

[fatherentropy]

Because my tES roster has gotten large and complicated I thought I should make this and ramble a bit. And then tumblr ate my post so let's try to do this AGAIN but quicker because I started writing this at midnight and it's now 6 am SO!!

warning for child endangerment/death

Winter, Summer, Autumn and Spring are names given to girls kidnapped by this one man. There have been multiples of them but the last four are here. Winter was murdered before she could reclaim her name, Summer forgot hers and Spring...I just haven't named her. She's not that important outside Lily's story aah.

Lily is not coping well with anything going on in her life but is doing remarkably well for a girl who was orphaned at 11 and raised herself on the road. Largely because she's being personally supported by Sheogorath because she's his "Grand niece." Dedicated her life on Nirn to hunting Thalmor and Stormcloaks, blaming them for her parents' death.

Lulueith was raised by her mom in Valenwood but left to look for her dad after she passed from illness out of curiosity and nothing holding her where she grew up. She was disappointed because he's largely just a drunk content to drinking himself to death in peace. Just here to vibe now.

Part of Lulu's dad's angst is from Summer trying to kill him before abandoning him altogether. She was a very bad mom but she tried because she tries a lot of things seeing if it'll make her feel anything significant since growing up in constant fear has kind of fucked her brain up. She meant to destroy Tuveri's life specifically but her plan was foiled by Martin's kindness giving Tuveri the power to push her away. Fled Cyrodiil after Martin died because part of that seperation was Tuveri warning her that the next time he saw her he was going to kill her.

(I also drew Summer's line too dark but I think I'll keep this. I like it more than what I've been rolling with.)

Tuveri!! Is an Ashlander actually. His dad got sick and died and Tuveri was in the middle of making him a cairn when he got too close to the road and was pinched by the man and brought to Cyrodiil. Would have returned to Morrowind after escaping with the other two surviving girls but he kept dreaming of Cyrodiil and took that as a sign he had to stay. Thus him becoming HoK and then Sheogorath after that.

I have a lot of thoughts about Tuveri as Sheogorath but that's another rambly essay. To put it simply he's kind and caring to those who are "his" and malicious to those who aren't because that's typically the role they cast him and his in. Thus him targeting Ulfric and his scheme resulting in his son named both Martin (by Tuveri) and Yngve (by Ulfric).

Have a lot on Yngve's emotional state but not a lot of anything else just 'cause Todd willing I might plop him in the next game whenever tf that happens. (Y'know providing we don't go back the timeline/they don't add a super specific opening ala Fallout 4.)

detour to talk about Laury

He's named after the witch his parents managed to take down before they were murdered by the other three while trying to protect him. He was then raised by them to be Hermaeus' champion. Though large parts of that time is lost because his memory is swiss cheese between the alchemical shit he was forced to imbibe (Fun fact! Laury has taste only in one small part of his mouth) and depression.

There's math somewhere in the blank space of me trying to figure out Winter/Autumn's ages during Morrowind because I realized I could go the full nine yards and pull Laury into this weird mix above by doing this:

Nerevarine as dad or grandad? I dunno yet but next time I try and play that game... yeehaw. That man is gonna have a bad time.

Also think it's very tragic of Winter's mom to look to Hermaeus for answers and become one of his biggest shill holes when he sponsored her daughter's kidnapper.

(technically still thinking about whether I should but I'll probably do it. You've heard rule of cool, have you heard of rule of sad?)

I have other ESO alts besides Yorick and Illya but I tend to delete them on a whim so! Hypothetically, Yorick is actually like 50ish% human so a(n indirect) descendant of his could be the man but that's a lot of centuries between. Do you know how many bretons you could fit in there? At what point does it stop mattering.

Illya is just a dragon priest that saw the writing on the wall and fucked off. Kept the mask and became a vampire because can you imagine dying? Couldn't be him. He is my Miraak expy and I love him even if I do nothing with him ever.

#the elder scrolls #dunmer #altmer #bosmer #argonian #CWart #Laury #Autumn tbn #Summer tbn #Laughing Lily #Lulueith #Yngve Stormcloak #tES Illya Voss #tES Yorick #Lily's face looks ridiculous. she's just stressed and tired from acting scary all the time

[questionablealibi]

I've come again to hit you with a set of questions once more because I am just a curious goober in your inbox!!!!!

NOT sure if any of these have been asked before, apologies. I'll also use the names you've given em since I want to ask about YOUR idiots

Does "THE PLAYER" entity (a.k.a us basically) exist in your parable?

follow-up question : In the Not Stanley ending, is Elias the one out-of-bounds, or the player?

Can Elias see O'Neil's out-of-bounds form in the Not Stanley ending? (In the sequence where The player/Stanley is in the ceiling)

Just for fun, has O'Neil ever done an ending with Elias? specifically the silly birds ending?

What does dear, charming O'Neil think about the fierce, friendly, and brave Bucket?

I will probably come again just to ask questions about these two, be ready!!!! >:)

(small note : If you don't want me leaving these questions in your inbox, just say so! thank you!! you're amazing as always, Alibi :])

LONG ASK 🫵🫵 MADE ME DO HAPPY FOOT STOMPING BEFORE ANSWERING

HERE GOES!!

Yes!! The player does exist, but only O'Neil can see, watch, and know what they do. While Elias on the other hand- he kind of like,, 'blacks out'? When the player takes control. Meaning he kind of loses consciouness and awareness until the player leaves. He would just ask O'Neil what the player did while they were logged on, and O'Neil would simply fill him in. The first time it happened- or, more appropriately, the first time Elias became aware of that fact, he.. didn't take it very well.

See- that's interesting. Because that's how Elias first finds out that there is a player that controls him on occasion; it would all depend! If it's Elias that gets the ending, it's him who goes out of bounds - same with the player!

You.. would not be able to see O'Neil's out-of-bounds form during the Not Stanley ending, actually. While yes- they can shift into any form they please and can exist anywhere in the Parable - but he doesn't usually shift to his out-of-bounds outside the Zen Room. They would be in their Consciousness form! Where.. he's just a voice. I talk a little more about that form of his in a post I made before. I'll link it in a little bit once I find it ^^

An ending just for fun.. of course! Well- eventually. They like going through the Confusion Ending as well as The Bottom of The Mind Control Facility. And of course- the Silly Birds Ending too.

Ah.. the bucket? Hm. Well.. he has mixed feelings for it. For one - he's glad that he can make Elias happy with it and tell stories and endings through the shiny item! Elias really likes the dumb voice they do for it. On the other hand- sometimes, doing the voice just gets a little overbearing after Elias has gone through the game a good amount of times with the bucket. While it does serve both of them some form of entertainment, O'Neil can only go through so mamy runs while voicing the bucket until he starts to feel sore. Especially from repeating some lines that challenged his vocal capacity ("NAAAAOOUUUGHHH").

This was a BLAST to answer! Long asks like this thrill me a big lot and im more than open to sharing bits of headcanons about my dumb idiots! :D

Ah and you can leave the asks in my inbox if you feel like it! Just ask away if you're ever curious, and id be more than willing to answer! In the ask box or not :]

#Alibi! #Ask asks!!! #Owh man #I felt so thrilled and excited when i saw this long post #Especially it has MULTIPLE QUESTIONS / pos /vpos #RHHRHDHDHDHHD /pos

[tekutiger]

I recently downloaded Final Fantasy VII Ever Crisis on Steam because, well, 1) I've always been a FF7 fan, 2) FF7rb just released and with it everyone including myself is riding this wave of FF7 hype, 3) I'm not ready for the FF7 stuff to go away again, it's too soon!, and 4) It's free, how could I not?

So far I've sunk...

...into the game 💻💓.

I don't want to make this a spoiler-y post, but I do wanna add some screenies to show some of what to expect with the game. So, it depends on your definition of "spoiler" content.

I won't throw in screenshots of story, but I'll throw in screenshots of "you can unlock this" and "there's this outfit" because that's the primary reason I'm writing this post ⤵️

I saw two people on Twitter posting pictures of Cloud in this very specific armor set and I was like "omg I need that in my life", more specifically in FFXIV. Please make this happen SE (I want this on my Viera and Miqo'te 🙏🏻).

Turns out this outfit is part of a limited time gacha pull event that ends April 7th (might say 8th for some people?)

It's this set here 👇🏻

And it's called:

Saber Style! It comes with a sword for a damage-type set. But me being the noob that I am, I'm still dapling around with all of that. I'm just excited for the glamour tbh 😅

Here's the Sword:

Yeah I know the graphics are blurry as heck 🫠. The game is set to the correct resolution and I have an amazing graphics card and awesome PC specs... it's the game 🙃. Pretty sure it was designed to be a mobile game. Because you CAN link this to your mobile account? Somehow? I don't have this on my phone so I haven't tried but you get 500x free blue crystals (twice) doing so. (which is one of the currencies you can use for gacha pulls btw) 👇🏻

The reason I'm bringing up the outfit first and before everything else is because if you jump into this game, you can get the outfit quickly like I did using the freebies (for gacha pulls) given to you going through the story. It might take a bit of going through the story to do, but that's what I saved mine up for.

Just make sure you redeem all the things~ story mode, daily quests, login bonuses, enhancement quests, missions, season pass, etc. There's a lot.

Then you have to earn stamps on this stamp card...

I don't have the best luck in the world, so if you're anything like me, you're going to get 2 stamps at a time.

They disclose the rate percentages:

Be aware, you can only earn stamps via the 10-pulls, not the single pulls.

I think I've covered everything regarding the outfit/glamour.

They have unlockable wallpapers in this game. This is aesthetic and afaik it's only while you're in the game. Maybe these can be used on your phone if the game is installed on your phone? 🤔

I only have a few being new and all.

Again, I know. The resolution and it being blurry 😅

The one with Cloud and him being in the outfit- you can see Zack in the background. I wonder if there was a gacha event prior where you were able to obtain this outfit for him, or if there's going to be one after where we'll be able to obtain this outfit for him? 🤔 Time to start saving more crystals! Lol

Logically, this probably should have been the first thing I posted, but I was eager to get the outfit/glamour knowledge out there.

Ever Crisis is kind of like three stories crammed into one. Not full stories, but little tidbits of information and some of it are things we haven't seen before. (It might be full stories and it'll come back around, full circle 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I'll admit it's not what I was expecting it to be, in a good way, and I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would.

At first I was playing the top part and it played out a lot like the beginning of the OG- then it slipped into Crisis Core, and I was like okay... did I accidentally hit Crisis Core in the Home Menu? Oops. But that's what the game wants you to do. And then it slips you into The First Soldier, which is where I'm at now.

The First Soldier has a good bit of story about Glenn and it's making me realize I don't really know much about him. So I appreciate this a lot. While at the same time it's kind of like, darnnit SE don't make me like another one of your characters that I already know the fate of 🫠

Do you love Chocobos?!

They have a smol Chocobo Ranch section! I have absolutely no idea how indepth this section goes (once again, I'm nub to the game), but I thought this was adorable 🫶🏻

What I do know, is that you can send out a "character" and one of your cutie birbs to an area and they'll return with some items after some duration period. (Reminds me of retainers in FFXIV to an extent)

There's a lot more I could potentially post (and was going to) but this is already getting long.

This game is free and worth giving it a try imo!

I kind of wish they made my favorite character optional to play but I understand why he's not. He's a boss in co-op 😂 (it's rough being a Rufus fangirl sometimes). You gotta admit Rufus + the Turks being optional to play somewhere would be totally awesome 💓

Edit: I just learned Rufus is in the story (level 33) and also later on as a Story Party boss. I get to see him multiple times 😊🫶🏻. If that's not incentive to keep playing, I don't know what is.

I also find one of Cloud's Limit Break lines insanely cute for some reason. At first I thought he was saying something like "Fuuran" but it doesn't translate into anything. When I did some digging I found a post pointing out that he's saying "Huryah!", much like "Hoo-rah"- as military soldiers do. Now I just think it's even cuter akdjaklsdj 😊

#ff7 ever crisis #ff7 #ff7 crisis core #ff7 the first soldier #ff7 cloud #ff7 zack #ff7 glenn

[mamabearcat]

18 and 25 for the weird artist asks?

Thanks for the ask @clearwillow 😘

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

Yikes. I honestly don't know. Mainly brushes that I don't clean properly and end up having to throw away because I've ruined the bristles. The occasional copic marker that has dried out. And I stopped buying charcoal and pastels because I'm just too rough with them (and being left handed means you have to be so damn careful not to smear stuff).

But it's probably only half as much as I've misplaced somewhere - I still haven't found all my gouache paints since we moved house in March 2021. They're... somewhere. I still need to set up a dedicated art corner in my bedroom. No doubt they'll turn up once I've given up looking and bought them again.

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

I can remember in high school someone compared my art style to Disney, which was not what I was going for. I know at the time my feelings were a little hurt because I was aiming for realism, even though they meant it as a compliment. I actually quite like drawing in a Disney style now if it's just a quick sketch. Here, have a quick 'disneyfied' InuKag

#art asks #ask game #mamabearcat fanart

[daprosy]

Radley's Monkey Ball theories (1)

[cause i was ranting too much on twitter for this, ALSO NOTE: This post is very long.]

I'm gonna make this first one about uh... F-Gongon. I think one reason why so much worldbuilding was never brought up again (Aside from the gap between Bounce and BBHD) is because SMB wants the doubles to just be costumes. Why though? They have their own lore. And holiday posts don't even use the doubles. They even put Meemee in a witch hat ignoring the fact W-Meemee exists.

I've already rambled before about how the monkeys are not the same as their doubles but in this post I'm highlighting F-Gongon specifically because I think he does this best (And it's also my favorite character). I've been wanting to ramble about it for a really really long time actually.

So F-Gongon. Its lore is that it was awoken within an ancient castle and cannot eat bananas due to his sheer strength, being modified to be stronger than his original iteration.

^^^ Who might I add is already extremely strong on his own what the fuck. I mean. Have you seen him punch away the timebomb in the volcano.

So I'm gonna start off with its castle. The series never specified what castle it got awoken in (implying it had already been in there for who knows how long?) but he could have also been created in there. This could be the Bananightmare castle considering a lot of doubles in 3D seem to have ties with in-game worlds (cough R-Doctor cough P-Yanyan[?]). This is probably the most likely outcome considering if I wanted to stretch it, W-Meemee would have her ties with Sweet Fountain or maybe even Skyopolis but that's like I said, a stretch.

My personal theory is that F-Gongon was awoken in the Clock Tower Factory considering the exterior of the building is castle-like. The entire plot of the factory is that Bad Boon created Aiai robots there to do his bidding. And he's also from the fucking future so yeah I'm pretty sure he has enough mechanical expertise to make a zombie. And logically if he wanted to make a clone to stop Aiai and friends, he should pick Gongon because he is aforementioned extremely fucking powerful. Gongon would have worked as the robots if the end goal was to fight and cause bloodshed, but the Aiai robots were made to stir distrust (which is probably why they got destroyed immediately).

But if there's a castle in Mystic Dome (I don't think so though) he could have been awoken in there too. There's all sorts of ancient computers in Mystic Dome! They're active and they're given life. Nobody knows why, not even the game itself. And his color scheme is lots of blues/grey/green which matches with the area too.

NOT TO MENTION HIS COLORSCHEME MATCHES WELL WITH BAD BOON'S BASE AS WELL! WHICH MIGHT I ADD IS WHERE HE WAS IN A PROMOTIONAL TWEET.

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK I JUST HAD ANOTHER THOUGHT FUCK IS MYSTIC DOME THE REMAINS OF BAD BOON'S BASE-

Okay well I haven't even touched on the bananas thing yet so I should probably get to that. In 3D's description for him, F-Gongon is stated to be so powerful it can't eat bananas. In this description, this is clearly mentioned to be due to physical strength, however, in this tweet, this is implied to be a stomach thing (Which would make sense, why would a mass of electricity and probably rotting flesh be able to digest food).

Though it could also be a mix of both, actually. It's already implied to be hard enough for him to grasp things without crushing or even maybe shocking them, but in the chance F-Gongon could properly grab a banana, will the food even properly settle in its stomach? Maybe he'd get cockroaches festering in its body and need them removed?

This makes me wonder if he could eat the haunted banana. The description for it mentions that it's a ghostly spirit of a banana and that "You'd have to be totally bananas eat it!" (Ik I wrote it like that btw, it literally has that typo in game.) If that banana doesn't have a physical form, maybe he can eat it. And the holy banana's physical form is possibly dubious, considering it is potentially somewhat made of light considering it glows.

It's also worth noting that the entire plot of SMB1 is that Aiai and Gongon are in a race to Banana Sanctuary (A place with bananas). And I don't really see why F-Gongon would want to go there if he can't eat the bananas.

So what's F-Gongon's personality like? The normal Gongon in canon is shown to be a rowdy, hard headed guy who cares deeply for his friends and has a strong self image, wanting to become the strongest monkey in the world.

Though, like all the other doubles, not much is shown with F-Gongon. Although judging by the fact that he's a modified version of an ape who's already extremely strong, I don't think he has any goals it wants to set or follow. There's nothing for him to want to achieve. Normal Gongon is already off working with team Super Monkey Ball and his own aspirations, and why would F-Gongon need to do that? The only thing I could reasonably see it wanting to achieve is 1. Collecting bananas and 2. Thwart Bad Boon's plans.

At first I looked at the mention of him being all about collecting bananas in the promo tweet with the take of "But why would he collect bananas if it can't eat them?" But then I remembered "Hey, he's so different from most monkeys, and they're probably scared of it for being a monster." Maybe he wants to give monkeys bananas as a show of not being threatening? Everyone loves bananas! So if he gave people bananas, they'd want to be its friend!

(Also, back to an earlier point, Banana Sanctuary just has way too many bananas to take home and give to others which is why I didn't bring it up in that segment until now.)

And let's assume for a second that what I said about him being awoken by Bad Boon is correct, I would imagine it'd hold a lot of resentment towards Bad Boon (Who wouldn't, actually?) and probably be very angry that someone like itself has been awoken and set free into the world. That he shouldn't exist considering, well... Normal people don't have bolts in their head and multicolored fur and skin stitched together. He is not normal. He's a freak of nature.

I think that his unlock conditions in both Monkey Race and Monkey fight could also lure a bit into a sensible personality for him:

In Monkey Race, it is unlocked by getting 3rd place in the Mt. Tyrano grand prix. This is the lowest score for any character unlocked here, while P-Yanyan requires 2nd and B-Jet requires 1st. The track itself is a vast, rugged mountain with lots of spots to fall lose yourself in. Good for any explorer monkeys looking for treasure, or in B-Jet's case, a place to roam around with the rest of the tribe. In Monkey Fight, he's simply unlocked with beating the Hidden series in 1st place.

This combined with the unlock conditions of Monkey Race and the small tidbits we get from his lore make me theorize that F-Gongon is a gentle giant with no life goals who relatively tries to hide from the world due to a poor self image. It does genuinely want to have a few close friends and to be accepted for what he is but still can't help but hold resentment and frustration towards most everything and everybody around it.

(Don't ask about Monkey Race karts at the time being though I have no idea where they'd fall if they even did.)

Just as a little bonus: I have been using He/It this entire time for it! I personally view that as a headcanon though I do have a reason why I have that view. He has been called both He/Him in game + on promotional posts, but has also been called with It/Its in a translation of another post.

It was probably just a coincidence but I really love it lawl

But that's about it for my theory. This was fun to do and I always have lots of thoughts about this series so I'm hoping to do more theorizing later!

(Also help I not only 1. spent an hour on this post but 2. have just began thinking about how he ties more into my oc's lore because its important to her story lawl)

#radley speculates #super monkey ball #theories #f-gongon #i'm so happy i had the chance to rant about him for my first theory post because its my favorite character since 2019 #f-gongon i love you #i even have an old tag that i gushed about him in lemme grab it #ceo of f-gongon #:]

[raposarealm]

Just saw the character questions you reblogged! I don't know who you've answered about in the past, but how about either Geo Stelar/Subaru Hoshikawa and/or Sonia Strumm/Misora Hibki? I'm almost positive you've probably answered about them already, but they're my favorite characters in Mega Man Star Force (Alongside Luna). Thank you for reading this, even if you don't respond!

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL ANSWER

Also surprisingly nobody's sent in Subaru or Misora (or any Starforce characters, actually) yet.

Ok I'll do this in two, but first: Subaru because I will always, always be ecstatic to gush over him because he's my favourite. Also, this got super long so read more to save people’s dashes:

Why I like them

Oh god where to start. Literally me. he's literally me when I was a critically depressed hikkikomori kiddo floating in-between grades in high school. Right down to the space nerdiness. But, I digress.

First off, I don't see too many well-written representations of depression and trauma (or PTSD in this case, arguably,) in the media I consume or in general really, but the few that I do see tend to be the kinda 'Izusu Ren' archetype: gloomy, melancholic, tearful, and often self-harming or even suicidal (especially in Ren's case particularly.) This is accurate to some folks, yes! But, not so much to my experience with the illness. I'm not suicidal, I'm not self-harming, I'm not tearful and sad and mopey. And, neither is Subaru! He's not sad, he's angry, frustrated at the world in general and at himself specifically. He's self-deprecating, but also cynical and paranoid to the point of delusion. He's actively forcing himself to stay this way at the beginning of the first game (I'll ignore the anime for now,) because he's so terrified -- phobic, even -- of being abandoned or betrayed again, and it's just... easier to keep everyone away if you convince yourself that everyone's out to get you, or angry at you, or if you just see people as caricatures instead of, well, people. And that's so dead on the mark of how I act, it's almost creepy.

Subaru has no energy, no motivation, and that's what depression does to you, the 'depression' is the depresses energy, 'cause your brain's not producing enough serotonin, enough dopamine, and your nervous system isn't working right. But, all that paranoia and delusion ends up giving Subaru some pretty severe anxiety issues as well, which isn't really surprising given how often those two disorders overlap. He's not a classic textbook-example of depression, he's an amalgam of different disorders, all compounded by occurring in his early formative years! It's not really known if he had friends before Luna gang and Misora, but there's a good chance he didn't have any close ones -- which might have been why he was so close to Daigo, and why he couldn't physically move on from his death/disappearance for three whole years, until Warrock shows up and very literally drags him back into the world.

But Capcom didn't go full edge here, not at all, because once he's given a reason to keep moving, even one he might not have wanted at first, Subaru can't keep up the cynical façade anymore, he can't keep convincing himself he doesn't care about people, because he does, more than anything. I feel, Subaru kinda embodies the whole 'with great power comes great responsibility' line, y'know the one. He didn't choose to fight, he was forced to by the imminent crisis in the moment (either the out-of-control train in the game, or the derailed monorail car in the anime.) He didn't want to fight, he was scared, he straight up has a panic attack in the anime even; but, even if he didn't care particularly about the rest of the town, even if the classmates now dangling precariously over a hundred-plus-foot drop had previously left a bad taste in his mouth, these were still people, and therefore, he couldn't think of them as objects. There's a line he quotes in game 1 during the denpa-human attack that I've already made a whole post on, but I'll repeat it here again since it really sums up Subaru's true view on things: "Even if there was a sliver of a chance, it's better to do something." I compared it to a line said by Shinobu Akira in her story in Magia Record, "Inaction is Cowardice," and I feel that both lines also resemble a principle I strongly try to live by: Noblesse Oblige, or "Nobility Obliges," the ideal that people in power should help those who don't have it. (Or, as defined by the OED, "privilege entails responsibility.") Even if Subaru didn’t care particularly about anybody in danger, or otherwise, once he fully realized that, as Ryuusei, he now had the power to fight and protect others, he had a duty to do so. This was especially expanded upon in game 2, which, yes, joke all you want about the story, but I still feel that at least this part of the plot was handled really well. 

Having Subaru break away from the ‘gung-ho warrior of justice’ archetype we tend to see in both shounen and magical girl genre series (fight me), or maybe even just from his predecessor Netto’s pure nosiness and naïve curiosity, let Subaru have a character arc that mirrored the arcs of the characters he fought, and eventually saved. He’s having to overcome his past, the way Misora and Luna were. He was having to overcome the cynicism that had come to be his shield, the same way Gonta was using his image as a cruel ‘tough-guy’  to hide his insecurity. He had to learn to place his trust his new-found friend(s), the same that Utagai had to learn that not everyone was out to get him (and frankly, both had to learn to trust Amachi specifically, ehe.) He had to learn to persevere through the right path, even when facing insurmountable odds, the way Ikuta had to learn to fight for what was truly important to him, consequences be damned. And don’t even get me started on Tsukasa and Hikaru. Hell, Subaru even had to re-learn to see people as individuals, and to place hope in them, the way Warrock had to do when encountering Daigo, and again through Subaru himself. Actually honestly the dynamic of those two is just, fantastic thank you. It kept his character from feeling stagnant, since he didn’t start at a good place, he had room to grow and improve -- but also room to dip back down again, to have impactful ‘darkest hours’, and just moments of true, well, mental illness. 

And since the plot of the series is so heavily character-driven, Subaru ends up getting to the point where he chooses to keep going, to keep fighting and protecting others. He chooses to keep his own development going, into a true ‘shining star’ of hope for others. (Ok look I was trying to make a pun here, laugh, dammit.) And the hope others place in him ends up powering him in both a metaphorical sense, and in the very literal sense of the Brotherband. He’s only able to activate the Star Force when he vows to protect Luna no matter the cost. He’s only able to break free from the control of the OOPArt[s] through the force of his will to prevent harm from befalling those dear to him (once again Luna, I know.) And look I’m sure game 3 has an equivalent with whatever’s going on with the Noise Changes but I still haven’t finished it because D-pads are my enemy. He’s only able to be guided back home in the game 1 ending by the collective bond, the Brotherband, between him and his friends, even the ones who hadn’t formed a formal connection were still so dear to him that the connection became a literal path. ...Have I made it clear how much I love the Power of Friendship trope, because it’s literally The Best. 

And maybe that’s the core of it all, Subaru as a character, and through that Ryuusei as both an alias and extension of the two characters that form it, embodies the power of friendship, of bonds, of hope so integrally, yet he’s not the annoyingly bubbly, over-optimistic protagonist that usually gets that type of theming -- he’s believable because he falters. He never gives up hope or faith, but he comes dangerously close, and he’s still prone to a whole load of self-doubt and deprecation that comes with being the one shouldering it all. Also, how did this end up turning into a Madoka theme analysis? Whoops. Basically, I like Subaru’s character theming in the same way I like Madoka’s character -- a realistic, but not dark or edgy, response to their situations, and a inseverable, if not unwavering, hope.

Why I don’t

Ok, usually I have an answer here, but... Nope. Subaru is literally my favorite okay, I don’t dislike really anything about him.

I will note that, for the anime’s writing of him in particular, some of the impact of his arc is lost by speeding up his ‘recovery’ from his depressed state. Actually, my problem there might be that the anime kind of implies that Subaru ends up defeating his mental issues permanently, with the only relapse shown in the middle of the season much more to do with active trauma (and some goading from Cygnus) than with anything more deep-seated. Here’s the thing: depression, anxiety, trauma (and resulting PTSD), any other illnesses/disorders you could argue Subaru to have... they’re treatable, they’re combatable... but they’re not curable. They don’t magically go away, they don’t even go away with all the work in the world. Mental disorders are the result of a physical deficiency and/or deformity in the mind, whether neurologically or chemically. And the source of that issue can’t be cured, because it’s a fundamental part of how your brain works. It’s like saying that an autistic person can’t be ‘cured’ of autism -- because it’s a fundamental issue with how our brains are wired to work. 

The game doesn’t do this, fortunately, and instead does the opposite: it goes almost out of it’s way to show us how these illnesses and issues are still there, they’re still affecting Subaru and every way he functions. He’s never going to be ‘cured’ of his depression, trauma, anxiety, etc., but he still overcomes them the best he can -- and when he can’t, he’s got friends to pull him out of whatever funk’s got him this time. The anime kind of nerfs Luna gang into secondary characters a lot of the time (though arguably set up to be main during the short-lived and much better Tribes,) and while Misora is sort of set up to take their place, they take too long to fully let her and Subaru be actual friends instead of just teammates. Amachi and Utagai kind of fill in a little, but their adult status kinda makes them feel more like mentors and teammates more than proper friends. (Anime-ver. Amachi definitely feels like an older brother-esque figure to Subaru, at least. Utagai, well... he’s Utagai.) However, I wonder how much of this had to do with the show possibly just not having enough time to build things out at the pace they were moving.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Since I’ve mentioned both game and anime versions here, I’ll give one for both!

For the game, definitely the scene mentioned above from game 1, during the denpa-human attack on Kodamasho. This part of the game takes place directly after the culmination of the Libra arc, which ended in the school play, where Luna mistakes Subaru in a poorly-made costume for the actual Ryuusei (until Kizamaro fumbles his queue and blacks out the spotlight, which, having now worked with a manual spotlight, that’s not hard to do, give the kid a break he’s short.) Luna’s already starting to act on edge around Subaru at this point, since A) she’s not sure who she saw in that moment, but she can’t shake the suspicion that Subaru and Ryuusei are connected somehow, and B) her puppy crush on Ryuusei has started to evolve into a much more tangible crush, but on Subaru instead, so she’s frazzled and it doesn’t take much for her to start going off the deep end panicking when she, well, witnesses her two closest friends turn into some sort of pink floating monstrosity right in front of her. Her clinging on to Subaru instinctively helps cement Subaru into the rare leader role, and we get to see him act under pressure, in civilian form, with a panicked friend in tow. The line mentioned above is given in this part, where after tactically traversing the school grounds for an exit, Subaru realizes he’s definitely gonna have to fight his way out of this one, and accepts this all on his own, no prodding from Warrock, no complaining or cowering, he immediately moves to thinking of how to protect Luna who’s still clinging to him like a lost puppy. So, rare Cool Subaru, a not-so-rare flustered and panicked Luna (which helped to transition into her arc in the next part,) solid character growth on both parties, and my favorite line of all time.

As for the anime, I’d say I’m split between three. The first scene being Subaru and Warrock’s first meeting. It’s so drastically different from the game’s version, but I sort of liked having them get a chance to properly meet before chaos ensued. It’s rather comical, so it sets up the ensuing gravity of the fight to come in the next episode. 

The second scene, the Ryuusei vs. Harp Note fight. Note (ehe) that in the anime, Misora was unconscious during this fight, and her arousal signaled the end of the skirmish. As a result, Harp was in complete control of Misora’s body, and that led to a much more dangerous opponent than what Harp Note would be later on with Misora conscious. This fight had a surprisingly little amount of dialogue, given what’s normal for the rest of the series, and animation-wise, you could tell that lead storyboarder Shingo Adachi had his hand in this one, it’s one of the best in the season. Subaru demonstrates real efficiency and skill with the battle card system, as well as the high agility and speed he becomes known for throughout the series. The best part, though, being one of Harp’s lines before the fight -- in response to her rhetorically questioning whether her adversary was Warrock in henkan, he effectively tells her to shush and go back home... and then Subaru responds separately as Ryuusei, with much more dignified dialogue of course. Harp responds bewilderedly asking if Warrock’s host was actually conscious, cementing how rare a team such as the two of them working together was. It’s an early indication of both Warrock’s unique nature among the denpa, as well as showing how in-sync (or maybe in-synchro, this is the same studio after all,) the two are. 

The third scene, Subaru returning after the encounter with the Satella Admins to rescue Warrock. Given everything that had happened between the two at this point, Subaru’s decision to throw his wariness and anger of Warrock out the window to save and reunite with him, first, is obviously a really good Power of Friendship scene, which is just the best. But, secondly, it shows more character growth on Subaru, and a lot of it all at once. Warning for spoilers, but Warrock had been accused of being Daigo’s murderer, but in the end, Subaru decided that there wasn’t any way that could be true, that this person that he’d come to know so well just wasn’t betraying him. Finally embracing gut instinct and a blind faith in a friend sets Subaru on the upswing of his arc in this season, and helps to bolster Warrock’s character as well. (The premiere usage of the Star Break coming in the scene after this makes it even better.)

Favorite season/movie

For games, game 1 is my favourite game of all-time now. Like, it’s displaced Drawn to Life, the namesake for this blog even. For the anime, Tribes was better than season 1, ridiculous Gainax ending aside. I just know that if they’d had more time/episodes, it would’ve far eclipsed the source material of game 2.

Favorite line

Already answered above: “Even if it was a sliver of a chance, it’s better to do something.” (I know Daigo said it first but shush)

Favorite outfit

I mean, he wears the same thing pretty much all the time? But, I do like his normal civilan wear, and good ol’ Ryuusei also looks real neat. (Also the concept art outfit from the cancelled game 4 is actually awesome and also the only good thing we got out of that.)

OTP

Look, honestly, Subaru’s kind of shippable with any of the main adolescent cast, but also, I don’t strongly ship him with anybody really. But I guess if I had to pick a pair, Subaru/Tsukasa. Also, Subaru/Kizamaro of all things works... better than it should.

Brotp

Subaru/Gonta and Subaru/Misora! (Or better yet, all three of them as the game 3′s terrific trio!)

Head Canon

He learns to knit because Akane suggested it a bunch of times (she’s canonically said to knit in game 2,) and even though Kodama’s too warm for winter wear, any time he ends up somewhere actually cold, he has a scarf that Akane knitted for him earlier on.

Also, for a decidedly less cute one: since in-game, Subaru would die if Ryuusei did, I assume damage taken in henkan carries over to his civilian form. Thus, I imagine after months of fighting, he’s developed some fairly impressive scars, mostly on the limbs and back from near-misses and being surprise attacked. He usually wears long clothing as shown in canon, so they’re not visible normally, but during Phys Ed and other points where he would have more skin showing, he covers the scarring with a makeup concealer (probably found at like, the local drug store or something.) This would apply to Misora, too.

Unpopular opinion

Y’know, I don’t think I have one of these this time.

A wish

Let him continue to stay with the friends he’s grown so close to.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Capcom, don’t you dare pull out that cancelled game 4 ‘edge rebellious teenage phase’ Subaru y’all implied. I. Will. Fight. You.

5 words to best describe them

Stubborn, Resilient, DEPRESSED, Anxious, Determined.

My nickname for them

I affectionately call him ‘my boy’ because he’s my favourite and therefore my boy; I also call him ‘Mohawk’ (though I also call Kill La Kill’s Kinagase the same thing and that made for a confusing summer 2017) and also ‘Cockatiel’ because everyone else like to joke about that.

WOW THIS GOT LONG it also took me like three hours so sorry Crystal

Gonna get to Misora next, because I can’t not gush over her too

#THIS IS VERY LONG #because you can't ask me to write about subaru and not expect a full-on thesis #oh also to be clear: i love ren and i think she's written well! #she's just not as relatable #closest magireco has would be either shizuku or rena i guess #ryuusei no rockman #crystalmemoria #hoshikawa subaru #rapo answers #ask meme #whoops forgot english tag #megaman starforce

[tachvintlogic]

Some Author's Commentary on A Fishing Rod in Hand is Worth 2 in System Memory

This was in my drafts for two years when I finally posted chapter 6 of A Fishing Rod in Hand is Worth 2 in System Memory, and since it ain't gettin' any younger, might as well post it.

------

I have thoughts about chapter 6 of my System Memory fic and figured to just put them in a post.

I'm so happy I got to the part where I traumatize Twilight. The best part about basing the Links not just on their games, but on a specific speedrun is that I get to write angst unique to that particular run. The story is supposed to be a mix of humor and angst, and I got the humor down if the feedback is any indication, so it was nice to turn up the angst.

This section was really helped by the fact I had access to an actual copy of Twilight Princess to explore the world and find things, like that the postman hangs out in the goat barn in Ordon. (Which sucks because that's not going to be the case for most of the other eras.)

I've played at least a little of one game for each Link except Four, and I think he suffers because of it. I have basic mechanics knowledge from first hand experience for everyone but him. All the glitches come from research and I have to research games I've never played or finished, but for him everything has to be researched.

I remember seeing a post that complained that Hyrule was rarely being given opportunities in fics to be badass or something along those line. So I thought, "okay, I'll give Hyrule an ability so overpowered that most of the other Links can't handle it."

----------------

It's been a while since chapter 6 was posted, hasn't it?

I'm very satisfied with finally completing the second arc of System Memory, where I tortured Wind after torturing Twilight (emotionally). The arcs followed a similar progression, though I only noticed it in the middle of writing. Both went hometown → Zelda → Gerudo settlement → dungeon → portal. Both also had a battle where Hyrule was a total badass using an overpowered quirk of his games' controls. The 3rd era will probably not follow this progression (but Hyrule will still be a badass).

At first, the hardest part of that arc was the conversation between Grandma and Wind. I literally wrote the entire chapter with the Savage Labyrinth because I was avoiding that conversation just as much as Wind was.

But once it was done, the hardest part was definitely the naval battle. Which isn't good from a writing perspective because the navel battle was 1.5 chapters long.

From writing those chapters, I've found that the thing that really gets me in a writing mood is being a passenger on a plane or a long car ride with no internet and only my laptop with an open fic document for company. After 2 five hour car rides, the arc was "done" and I started updating it again.

Another thing that helps is having research notes from the actual game. They were very helpful for getting a sense for the Forsaken Fortress and Wind Temple layout, the sunrise scene, and visualizing where the pirate ship was supposed to do in relation to the islands.

(For the 3rd arc/era, I fortunately own a game set in that era for easy reference.)

...But having a first draft with all the necessary scenes present doesn't mean it's done, now does it? So, the battles in particular had lots of revisions because the story beats were happening too quickly and it was just too barebones.

I never meant for the time between chapter 6 and 7 to be as long as it did. I was kind of in denial about hiatus for a while, thinking "I'm only a month at most away from posting chapter 7!" for a lot of 2021 and 2022.

What basically happened was that I didn't want to post a chapter before the next chapter is fully written with all the necessary scenes. This is because I figured I wouldn't have anymore major edits to make to a chapter once the one after it is complete. But then chapter 8 was split into 8 and 9, and posting 7 without finishing 9 would be cheating, and then 10, 11, and 12 still needed to be written...

And that simple rule ballooned into a requirement that chapter 7 can only be posted once the entire arc has a complete draft.

(Arc 3 will probably follow the same rule, so there's aren't long waits between chapters in the same arc. Chapters between arcs is another story.)

I don't think this arc would've turned out the way it did if I hadn't taken that hiatus. For one, back when I finished chapter 6 I hadn't started reading Moby Dick, which definitely influenced Wind's narration. (I searched up crossovers between Moby Dick and Wind Waker and found nothing. Kinda disappointing.)

The chapters of the second arc are shorter than the first. I had felt the chapters were getting too long and wanted to cut them up (chapter 8 and 9 used to be the same chapter), but they all ballooned to be longer than I had initially expected. I guess that's just how it is.

All the comments on each chapter are very appreciated, even if I don't reply to them. They do a lot to boost my motivation to overcome writer's block. For those who commented, thank you.

#linked universe #system memory fic #tach's commentary #(also if you find typos in system memory just send me an ask so it doesn't have to remain there)

[frick6101719]

the thg series is filled with interesting characters who have captured our imaginations. do you have any headcanons about a character from the series who was not given a last name? (ex: cato, thom, portia, etc). could be from any of the four books. 😀 @anonymousinpanem

I am not sure if you mean any headcanons about these characters or specifically about their last names, but I am going to assume it's the former. I mean I don't have strong feelings about anyone's last name, which is a bit out of character for me since I have strong feelings about most things.

I've always thought that digging into Portia and Cinna's relationship would be really interesting. I guess the headcanon I've cultivated in the back of my mind about the two of them is that Cinna is kind of a longsuffering Brilliant Artist™ who has his secret political agenda and quiet anger buried in there somewhere underneath his suave but unassuming exterior. By contrast (or extension?) Portia I've thought of as a foil of sorts, someone much more expressive and in-your-face, though still caring in the way Cinna is. I like to think Portia brings the fun and flair to a lot of their ideas, adding elements of whimsy into Cinna's more serious creations (like the purple lipstick on Everlark's fiery parade costume, that seems like a Portia touch to me). I think she teases him, plays loud music at work, and invites him to all her parties (which he attends for a perfunctory 90 minutes before quietly disappearing and going home to watch whatever the Capitol equivalent of Law and Order is on his ludicrously expensive sofa). On a sad note, I think Portia is devastated but not entirely surprised when Cinna is killed, but I like to think she survives and keeps making beautiful things in his honour after the war is over.

I had literally never thought about Thom before writing my utterly ridiculous and indulgent hockey au oneshot bullshit nonsense THING a month or so ago, but I kind of like the idea of Thom being kind of like Gale's Madge. I mean, you know the "wait, have we been friends this whole time??" thing Katniss and Madge have, I like to think Gale and Thom also have. They probably work really well together, and in Thirteen they probably realise this to a greater extent than they ever did in the mines in Twelve. I like the idea of Thom being unexpectedly very smart, and smart in a way that complements Gale's own intelligence really well. Like where Gale sometimes gets hotheaded and loses sight of the bigger picture, Thom never does, and keeps his eye on the prize for both of them.

This is definitely all coming from only ever having conceived of Thom in an au where he's Gale's linemate and practically his other half, but I like the idea of them having that kind of dynamic. Or like, they would have a Lennon-McCartney, Jagger-Richards kind of thing going--sometimes they are so fed up with each other they never want to look at the other guys again, but they know that when they're together they're more than just the sum of their parts. So yeah, Thom follows Gale to D2, and they do a lot of good there together.

As for Cato... well, I don't want to say too much. I have so many ideas about this asshole but a lot of them are things that I'm in the process of slowly peeling back in the fic I'm writing, so I don't want to give it away! Without going into too much detail: I have had a lot of fun exploring what Cato's life would actually have looked like, and how he would have become the way he is. As someone trying to write a fic where he can be redeemed (at least a little bit), it has been interesting to consider how someone so young could be so bloodthirsty with such a blind faith in the authority figures in his life, and how that might be affected by watching so many kids he grew up training with die violently year after year in the Games they were supposed to win. All the Career Tributes probably face this to some extent, as they all have to keep believing they will be the one to come home victorious even as they watch their friends die, but I think what drew me to Cato is how with him all of this is dialed up. He's an interesting, extreme case study in the way the Career districts work and what kind of twisted things happen to produce characters like him. He makes you ask: if he really is everything Katniss sees him as--someone with no doubts, who hardly even seems to have any thoughts of his own--then how did he get that way? And that makes me ask what could have made the difference for him, letting him see he was just fodder for the insatiable machine of the Games?

I have some ideas. But I won't be giving them up that easily 😊

Thanks for the ask anon; this was a fun thing to think about, and in addition to giving me a chance to talk more about Cato (which I always love) it was really interesting to consider characters like Portia and Thom whom I don't think about much (but might have to think about more, who knows?)

#The Hunger Games #The Hunger Games meta #I just love asks like this #even if I wait 5-6 business months to respond to them

[hadesgoddess]

1, 7, 13 for the meta self ship questions!!! - canongf 💗

AAAAAAAAAAA @canongf AND @galaxysships!!!!!!! yall are gonna kill me you know that??? I shouldn't be given a pass like this to gush, its gonna be so EMBARRASSING!!!!!! (but ofc im going to anyway)

For Liv first!!!! -

1) how did you discover your f/o’s content? - hmmm I suppose it was in senior year of high school when descendants was popular! My best friend that I had a crush on was into it then so I watched it with her and fell in love with the songs and the plot!

7) are there any specific scenes/chapters/moments of your f/o that you find yourself going back to revisit more often than any other?  - I looooooove watching his introductory scene because its as dramatic and fiery as he is! I also love re-reading all his chapters in the 4th book and the screenplay novel! OOH and in the Royal Wedding when he's explaining what really happened at the wedding and that little walk he does with the fountain in his arms and the little snicker he gives as he pours the water on Chad's head, UGH HE WAS SO CUTE IN THAT SCENE!!!!!

13) do you have a favorite line your f/o has ever said? - GOD HOW TO CHOOSE!? I think it would be a toss up between his line in Hercules where he's bragging to Herc that Meg was working for him the whole time, saying, "I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. Duh." and in D3 when he's being taken away again and only gets to tell Mal, "Thanks for a glimpse of the sun." and smiles at her like its the first time he's ever seen the sun

OK now on to the rest, thanks to Star!!!!!! -

2. how old were you when you discovered your f/o’s content? - I was 18 I believe! I was almost done with high school!

3. describe the first time you watched/played/read your f/o’s source content. - I probably remember it wrong, but I'm pretty sure I watched it at my best friend's house, we were hanging out in her bed and the lights were off with an afternoon storm outside. Im sure we had WAY too many snacks and she was probably giving snapchat more attention than the movie but I LOVED it

4. who was your first favorite character when you initially got into your f/o’s source content? was it your f/o from the very beginning? - Since Hades came out in D3 way later, it was NOT him, but I remember really liking Evie!!! I thought she was really cool and had great style!

5. if your f/o is from a series, were you into the source content from the start or did you come in later? if you came in later, what was the most recent release when you got into it? - Its funny, I watched D1 in high school, but then I didn't bother to watch D3 until like..... a whole year after it came out! I mean I was in college and really busy trying to figure out life so cant blame myself

6. if your f/o is from a series, which episode/movie/game/book of their source content is your favorite? - UGH I WISH THERE WAS AN EPISODE OF WICKED WORLD WITH HADES, but there WAS the Hercules Animated Series which featured Hades in almost all 65 episodes so I really got all I ever needed! My fav episode from that was DEFINITELY the Jafar/Hades team-up that was so fucking funny

8. are there any scenes/chapters/moments your f/o is in that you skip when you revisit their source content? - I don't skip anything in the hercules movie OR the descendants movies cuz thats all good eatins! But I've definitely skipped episodes of the animated series and a few House Of Mouse ones too, usually cuz they put a romantic lean on some of Hades' character interactions and im too much of a jealous bitch

9. if your f/o has been represented in more than one way (i.e. in a book AND a movie, in a movie and then recasted for a reboot later, etc.), which version of them is your favorite? - OOOOH controversial take incoming; I love the Hercules Movie version the best. CJ can sing, has the eyes of an angel, and the humor, BUT animated Hades has the charisma of a loan shark, the attitude of a car salesman, and a wit dry enough to make James Bond's martini cry. I WANT THAT ONE!!!! When I write Hades, I do my best to combine CJ's Hades and the animated Hades

10. if you could change one thing about your f/o’s source content, would you? what would you change? - I would allow him one (1) rated-R curse and two (2) PG-13 curses

OH id also have him speak Greek

11. do your friends/family know that you’re into the content that your f/o comes from or do you keep this interest to yourself? - oh im pretty sure my family knows about my investment in this character but not the level. They've seen my laptop case covered with Hades stickers and know I want to get a tattoo that's at least, slightly, connected to him, but they don't know I have this blog or about the wedding rings or any fanart/fics

12. did you know what self shipping was when you first discovered your f/o’s source content? - yes I did!! I had just a few f/os at that point, but when I started shipping with him, Hank and Seven were my mains

14. what’s your favorite outfit your f/o has ever worn? - HOOWEE SIT DOWN AND BUCKLE UP!!! he's got sooooo many good outfit designs, his gorgeous black duster with the blue skull print on the back is particularly good, but.... my fav outfit they're ever put my god in is this

15. do you own any merchandise from your f/o’s source content? what is it? - I DOOOOOO!!!!! I have so much Hades merch but Im always looking for more, mainly because they hardly ever release any despite him being such a popular villain! I have my fila crop-top with blue flames and his tiny hand giving a thumbs up on the front, my Hades sweatshirt, my Hades pins, and some disney art prints!!! I have more unofficial merch for him that I've collected, but thats it from Disney corp. itself!!

#Thank you guys so much for this!!!! I really needed this today before I go to bed

[satanic-koala]

oh look, it is time for me to yell about my silly, insignificant little problems in the vaguest words possible to strangers on the internet

#i'm angry #it's been months and it still hurts wtf #i should have been over and done with it a long time ago but noooooooooo #can't have nice things out west #i know it's my fault #i know this is a problem i created in the hopes of avoiding a different problem #but that doesn't change the fact that i got hurt anyway #and that the anger and other Bad Emotions I Have No Right To Be Feeling flare up whenever i see something that reminds me of IT™ #i've asked how to deal with this but no one knows what to do #i'm a people pleaser to a fault and it got me in trouble and i should probably work on that but how????? #i have to please people #i have to make up for the fact that i'm not a good person because i am selfish and a coward and i refuse to change for whatever reason #i keep subconsciously hoping that i can pavlov everyone into liking me by making them associate the nice feelings i assume they might get #with my humor and my 'good' deeds and by extension me #i can only hope they're pleased now and try and take satisfaction in that #i've probably been too specific again and given the game away #i'm sorry #anyway #time to bottle all these emotions up again until i make another silly little post like this #delete later #emiry says things

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇

pairing: dylan o’brien x best friend fem!reader

summary: in which dylan has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. your busy lives and schedules may have pushed both of your lives in vastly different directions as you’d gotten older, but somehow you two would always be led back to your hometown, and each other, during the holidays. however, one moment causes all of that to change. 

warnings: angst (what else is new), some fluffiness, mentions of past trauma (the maze runner incident), existential crises, explicit language

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: idk why i decided to write something christmas related in the summer but it happened lmao (also i feel like it’s slightly important to mention that this takes place in 2016)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The rocks being thrown at your window were not what woke you up. Instead, you had been lying awake for hours; getting little to no sleep was something that you had become used to at this point.

However, on this specific night— or morning, depending on how one looked at it— you were glad that your sleep had been restless once again because it made it easy for you to get out of bed and walk to your window when the rocks began hitting it.

There was really no need for you to push open the curtains and check who was doing the throwing because, of course, it was Dylan. Ever since he moved onto your street in Hermosa Beach in middle school and the two of you easily became friends, he was the only person that would ever wake you up in the middle of the night with the soft pings of rocks, especially on this specific day at this specific time.

You waved at him and gestured that you would be down in a moment. You slipped on a random pair of sweatpants along with a hoodie and then placed the Christmas gift that you bought for him in the pocket. The item was small enough to fit in the not too big pocket of your hoodie; however, it did awkwardly protrude a bit.

All of this was a sort of unspoken tradition that the pair of you had developed over the many years you’d known each other. Meeting at five in the morning on Christmas day, walking to the beach that was only a few blocks away from your respective childhood homes, and exchanging Christmas gifts with each other as you both watched the sunrise. It started when you were in ninth grade, and you hadn't missed a year since, not even when the ending of high school pushed your lives in vastly different directions, especially since Dylan graduated a year before you and was almost immediately thrust into his acting career.

But, it didn't matter that Dylan's career took off, and you eventually decided to go to college in Santa Barbara, because, no matter what, you both would always come back for the holidays.

When you opened your front door and saw Dylan lingering by the sidewalk no more than ten feet away, you were quick to go toward him and pull him in for a tight embrace. It actually hadn't been too long since you’d last seen him, maybe only five or six months, but for some reason, it still felt as if the last time he was in front of you was last December.

"Hey," Dylan breathed out in a short greeting, his arms wounding around your waist.

“Hey to you too," You responded, a small smile gracing your features when you both pulled away, and you looked up at him. "How have you been?"

It was quiet for a few moments as you waited for him to answer the question, but eventually, you were met with no verbal response, and instead, Dylan simply shrugged. The short action made your heart constrict in the most painful way, and it was then that you noticed the light remnants of a scar peeking out from behind his dark hair that covered the majority of his forehead. You were quick to peel your eyes away from the scar and instead cast them down at your Converse-covered feet, but that didn't stop the memories from quickly coming back.

The Maze Runner accident had happened back in March, but to you, and you knew to Dylan as well, it felt as if it was just yesterday, especially considering the fact that he was still dealing with the unavoidable repercussions from it.

"Wanna walk?" You asked, finally looking up at him once again.

Dylan nodded. "Yeah."

A silence that could only be deemed as comfortable lingered between them as the two of you took the five-minute walk to the beach and sat down side by side on one of the random empty benches.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N," Dylan said as he handed a present over to you. The present was messily wrapped, something that was not at all uncommon when receiving gifts from Dylan, and the sight of it made you smile.

Before you unwrapped the gift, you pulled out the one you had for him and handed it over. "Merry Christmas, Dyl."

The nostalgic sound of wrapping paper ripping could be heard as you tore into your gift. A simultaneous shocked and happy yelp emitted from your lips when you held up a Harry Potter t-shirt. But, it wasn't just any Harry Potter t-shirt; it was one with a version of the Goblet of Fire movie poster on it, which was your all-time favorite movie in the series.

"Holy shit."

"It's the original merch that was sold when the movie came out," Dylan told you. He hadn't opened his gift yet, and instead, he was playing with the green bow placed on top of it; he always liked to see your reaction first.

You looked at Dylan and then back down at the shirt as you processed his words. "Wow, double holy shit. I would put it on if it wasn't freezing right now."

Dylan laughed a bit. "Very understandable."

“Why haven't you opened yours yet? I'm dying to see what you think of it," You said. You were now holding the t-shirt to your chest, genuinely feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning again.

Dylan finally began unwrapping your gift to him, and when all of the paper was peeled off, there was a square box. "Aw, a plain white box. Thank you so much. This is what I've always wanted."

You rolled your eyes and playfully bumped him with your shoulder. "Ha ha. Please save all of these bad jokes for your stand-up act; I can't wait to boo you off the stage along with everyone else."

"So, what I'm hearing is you don't think that becoming a comedian is going to be the next best career move for me?" Dylan asked. He attempted to make the question sound as serious as possible, but there was a joking undertone to his words.

You bit back your laughter. "Please just open the box already so I don't have to hurt your feelings by truthfully answering that question."

"Okay, we'll circle back to that topic later," Dylan smiled and then finally opened the white box to reveal a slightly faded baseball. When he picked it up, he ran his thumb over the black signature written on it. "Now it's my turn to say holy shit."

You could feel yourself smiling at his awestruck reaction, and you wondered if that was what you looked like when you saw the Harry Potter shirt. The baseball was signed by one of the players of the New York Mets that had been Dylan's favorite player when he was younger, and he'd even caught a ball hit by him when he went to a game before he moved to California.

"I've had this idea for years, but I could never find a baseball signed by him," You began explaining, the excitement clear in your voice. "But, last month, someone named Paul Todd posted this on eBay and I immediately bought it. God bless that old man. It's completely authentic and everything."

Dylan was quiet for a few moments as he simply looked at the baseball in his hands, a small joyful smile on his face, and it made you happy to see him so genuinely elated with the present.

"This just made my gift look like shit," He finally said, a light laugh falling from his lips.

"I have always been the superior gift giver. I think that's my hidden talent," You responded with a playful smirk.

Dylan placed the baseball back in its box and then looked at you. "Next year you will receive the best gift ever from me. It will completely top everything that you have ever given me."

"You're saying that as if I should feel upset about receiving a trip to Italy as a Christmas gift."

"A trip to Italy?"

"In my strong opinion, that would be the best gift ever," You said with a smile and then looked down at the t-shirt, which was now in your lap. "But, anyway, I don't think this gift is shit. I'm in love with this shirt already."

Dylan let out a joking, overexaggerated sigh in relief. "Phew, okay, since you think this gift is great, that means I don't have to do the trip to Italy next year."

"What? Did I say I like this t-shirt? I hate it! Harry Potter actually su— Fuck, I can't say this with a straight face," You laughed, and Dylan was quick to join in with you.

The joking statements leading up to the laughter hadn't even been the funniest things ever, but it didn't matter because this was probably the hardest you had laughed in a while, and you were both glad and unsurprised that it was with one of your favorite people in the entire world.

You missed joking around and laughing with him. You missed simply being with him.

Eventually, the laughter died off, but there was still a smile planted firmly on your face. You looked ahead at the darkness in front of you and the ocean that looked completely black; it was still kind of early, so the sun hadn't begun to rise just yet. Your back pressed against the wooden bench, and you let out a small sigh, your head finding Dylan's shoulder as you leaned against him.

"How have you been?" You asked him, your words coming out both soft and slightly quiet, and before the mood became too serious with your question that was nothing but serious, you attempted to lighten it. "And please no shrugs as a response this time. I don't wanna get a headache due to my head bouncing off your shoulder."

Dylan let out a breath of a laugh at your final statements but refrained from answering the question for a few moments.  

After what felt like forever, he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I honestly don't know. My mind has felt so fucked lately, thinking about everything. I swear I've been feeling every feeling known to man these past months."

"What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

"I'm really happy with you. This is probably the only normal and familiar thing I've experienced in a while. But, of course, there's still that confused feeling in the back of my mind revolving around everything else." He paused for a brief moment before continuing, his next words came out quieter. "I don't even know if I want to go back to acting."

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him as you pulled his hand into yours and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze.

"No matter what you decide. I'll be right there to support you," You told him and then added a "bro" at the end of her sentence along with a small smile. Whenever things became too deep in a conversation you two were having, one of you would always throw a "bro" or "dude" in there to bring some playfulness to the mood.

The corners of Dylan's perked up a bit. "So, you'll support me when I decide to become a comedian?"

You were unable to stifle your light laughter. "Yes, fine, fuck it. I'll be the loudest one laughing at all of your shows."

Dylan squeezed your hand back because he knew exactly how reluctantly true your words were. "Don't worry, I promise not to put you through that."

"Thank you."

"So, how have you been?"

"No."

"Oh, come on," Dylan said as he playfully poked your side. "I'm not gonna be the only one exposing my feelings."

You sighed and then hesitantly nodded. "Okay, okay."

The truth was you had been far from good lately. Your life was moving, but for some reason, you felt like you weren’t moving with it.

You felt stuck.

Stuck in a confusing mindset where you had absolutely no idea what you wanted to do with your life. You thought that identity crises usually happened in high school, but apparently, yours had come five years late. But, you knew that this delayed identity crisis had been your own doing because you had convinced herself that you would figure everything out once you were in college; and you were both lucky and smart enough to receive a full ride to UCSB.

And although you were finishing up your Master's degree in Creative Writing and had a TA job at the university with the department, which was the reason behind why you could even pay for the Master's program, something in your "should be great" life simply did not feel right.

However, you felt absolutely terrified to say any of that out loud because admitting it would only finally make that statement a wholehearted truth, instead of just a spiraling thought in your mind. And even though Dylan was your best friend and you knew you could tell him anything and not receive any sort of judgment, it still felt hard to let the words leave your lips.

You thought about the way to perfectly word everything, but nothing felt right. You pulled your hand away from Dylan's and covered your face as you let out an exasperated breath. "I can't figure how to say it all."

Dylan placed an arm around you and then mimicked the same question you had asked him not too long ago. "What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

You would have both laughed and smiled at the fact that he was using your exact words if the current circumstances were different.

"Scared," You finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what the fuck I wanna do anymore, and actually, I don't think I really ever did. I only went to college because of the scholarship, and I convinced myself that I would figure my life out when I got there. And for a while, things felt right because I found creative writing and genuinely enjoyed it, but something doesn't feel right anymore. And I actually do like school. Because it's stable, and I am doing things, even if it's taking a dumbass test. But, it's about to be over soon, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do."

Your words were coming out like vomit, and nothing could stop it because finally, everything you had been feeling for so long was out of your head and put into the open.

"And don't get me wrong, I do love to write, but I don't know, I just can't see myself doing it for the rest of my life," You admitted and then let your next words come out quietly. "Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm so unhappy here."

You did not say it aloud, but you didn't think you were ever fully content there. Aside from Dylan and your parents, you never truly liked California. You had grown up there all your life, and although there were millions of people that adored the state, you felt the exact way someone from a state like Wyoming probably felt.

Dylan did not verbally respond to your long confession at first; instead, he simply pulled your confused and stressed self in for a hug, and you let out the simultaneous sigh and breath that you had been metaphorically holding in for years at this point.

"Maybe you should take a break," Dylan finally said; his arms were still around you, an action that made you feel completely comforted. "Right after high school, you went straight to college, and I don't think you've ever really taken a break to really think about what you actually want. Like, maybe, it's becoming a zookeeper."

Your laugh was slightly muffled by the fact that your face was pressed into the warmth of Dylan's chest. "Zookeeper?"

"I don't know," He laughed too. "You said you would support me in whatever the fuck I decide to do, and I'll do the exact same for you."

Somehow a smile found its way on your face. "A zookeeper and a comedian. What a fucking dream team."

Another laugh fell from Dylan's lips. "The best fucking dream team."

"But, honestly, I wish I could've known sooner that this is how you've been feeling. I would've been telling you to slow down so long ago, but you seemed content with everything," Dylan told you and gave you another light squeeze. "Please take a break and don't stress yourself out over the future when your next semester is over. Just relax for the first time. You can even come stay with me in LA for a little bit if that's where you wanna take your break. I'll be here for you, Y/N. Always."

Something about his words hit you hard. The wholehearted honesty and sincerity behind his statement shouldn't have surprised you, but it did. And the worry he had for you resembled the same concern you had for him when the accident happened. You two were best friends, so it should not have been a shock that you would worry about each other, but still, in that moment and for you, it was shocking because it felt like so much more than just that.

"Me too," You whispered, finally responding to his previous statement.

The long embrace came to an end with you being the one to pull away; however, you did not pull away far enough for you both to become completely detached from one another. Dylan's arms were still around your waist, and yours were still around the nape of his neck, and your faces were dangerously close. Your hand somehow took on a mind of its own as it reached around and cupped Dylan's cheek. The miniscule confusion and tickle of panic that began to prick at the back of your mind because of the action were not enough to make you pull away.

The slight way that Dylan leaned into your soft touch was the catalyst for you to take the leap and lean in the tiniest bit to close the small distance between the two of you, your lips almost too easily finding his. The inward sigh of contentment you emitted when Dylan almost immediately kissed you back made you realize that kissing him was the one thing currently happening in your life that actually felt right.

Later, when thinking back to that specific moment, you would wonder if that "rightness" had always been there between you both.

However, that right feeling, which was both comfortable and familiar, was quickly replaced with dread and angst, at least on your part. Your mind was beginning to fully catch up with your actions, and it immediately told you that the current action was both bad and stupid, and there were many, many reasons that proved that.

Maybe there were moments where a younger, and even present-day, you did want more to happen between you and Dylan, but you would always push that thought away because you knew that your and Dylan's friendship was so much more valuable.

And then it was the fact that your lives were nothing alike. Even though you were immensely confused about where your life was going, you could say for certain that it wasn't going in the same direction as Dylan's; an acting career that he genuinely loved and enjoyed too much to truly give up. Something deep down told you that, and you could feel the truthfulness behind the thought. The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect.

You abruptly pulled away, not just from the kiss but from Dylan's body entirely, moving to the edge of the bench you were on. Your hands covered your face in nothing but pure embarrassment and regret, and you wished that you could take back the last minute and a half of your life. And you also absolutely hated that you couldn't help but notice how much colder your body felt now that it was away from Dylan's.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. Fuck. That kiss— it was a mistake. I'm really sorry." Your words came out rushed and fumbled, and it probably did not make much sense, but you just hoped that there was at least a little bit of coherency with them.

As much as you wanted to look at Dylan, you refused to do so because you knew that you would only see the regret you were feeling written clear across his face.

"Hey, it's okay, Y/N. Everything's fine. Don't worry," You heard him say but could hear the uncertainty in his voice as if he really didn't know if everything truly was fine. And you knew that it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect, and you had just completely ruined that.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know your thoughts <3

((((already potentially thinking about doing a part 2 to this….. but idk…))))

#dylan o’brien #dylan o’brien x reader #dylan o'brien imagine #dylan o'brien fanfic #dylan o'brien x y/n #dylan o'brien x fem!reader #dylan o'brien gifs

[beevean]

So here's a complex ask: What do you think of Samus and her femininity? As you've probably seen it tends to be a source of debate among some fans the presence of more feminine characteristics in her, like makeup,or pretty hairstyles and clothes or even the beauty mark, and some want her to be way more rugged and feel that these traits are an insult to her and unrealistic for a badass hunter, So I wanted to see your thoughts on this

Oh man, this topic.

The public perception of femininity has shifted a few times in recent memory. Before, it was a given that women had to be feminine, and that meant being sweet, kind, submissive and being the "angel of the house" - women who strayed away from this path were weird, abnormal, and often punished in media. Then more masculine women were allowed to be represented in media, and they were considered cool and transgressive... but that also meant a backlash against feminine women, who were now perceived as weak and boring, if not insulting. Then it shifted again when feminists realized that bashing femininity was actually misogynistic (why do women have to behave like men to be accepted?), but femininity is still not very accepted due to this new wave of puritanism and the idea that being attractive and sexually appealing is a detriment.

Samus is a blend of masculinity and femininity, and she always has been. The iconic image of a pretty woman in a bikini who had just finished to kill every evil creature on a planet in a strong sci-fi armor has revolutionized gaming. Her appearance has changed in every game, but she was always meant to be attractive, whether muscular or skinnier, whether she had heavier makeup or not. And she has always kicked ass :P

And this kicking ass is important for the fans, even more important than her being pretty, because we all know what's the biggest complaint against OM: it's not the gameplay, it's not even the stupidity of the plot, it's specifically Samus' portrayal as a spineless, useless pretty girl. What do you know, many men appreciate strong women.

Many redesigns I've seen (on Tumblr and Twitter of course) really do not like Samus' more feminine qualities. They give her a bodybuilder body, they cover her in scars, they cut her hair, basically she ends up looking more like Abbie from TLOU2. And, sure, I also like myself a buff Samus and I think it makes sense for her to have some solid muscle with all the feats she pulls off :P but some of these changes give me this... uncomfortable feeling? that the authors think that being pretty is bad and doesn't fit a badass like Samus. Especially the scars: why would she have scars on her skin, if she's constantly in a thick iron armor? You know why? Because scars are the easiest way to make a character look badass and fake-unpretty (i say fake because it's never deforming scars, they're always neat cuts on the limbs or the cheeks). This is not just Samus of course, I've recently came across this post where a man redesigned She Hulk by giving her a breast reduction and covering her legs. Oh, and don't forget things like Powerpuff Girls 2016 where they straight up removed Ms. Keane's breasts and erased Ms. Bellum because she's too sexy. You really get the feeling that the new norm is shaming big chests, because straight men are attracted to big chests and since they're bad, we can't have that! (lesbians/bi people whomst)

I think the best example of this fear comes from this comment on Reddit:

Personally, I think it's in poor taste to give Samus a beauty mark. She's somewhat of a feminist icon in gaming, and I feel like that mole is just trying too hard to emphasize her physical beauty when that's not really what she's all about.

This is the point the backlash against prettiness has reached? You can't even have moles on your face because they're in "poor taste" and "antifeminist"? Wow, my body is covered in moles including half my face, guess I'm a degenerate whore who has taken back from women the right to vote!

Say it with me: being attractive does not devalue you as a person. Not does being not considered attractive, of course, but this is Tumblr so the first message needs to be spread more. This goes for characters and real people. I thought we got over this at the start of the 2010s.

I've heard some complain that Samus' sexy design is a problem because it leads others to think she's merely eyecandy, and so make a ton of sexualized fanart of her. And... yeah, it's hard to find fanart of her without giant tits and ass in front of the camera, and yes it's annoying. But... that's just the internet. I don't recall the ponies in MLP being very sexy, and yet we all know what the internet did to them :P

I pointed out another time that OM makes me uncomfortable because it combines Samus' new tinier body (+ high impractical heels) with deliberate ass shots and a whole new personality that embodies the worst feminine stereotypes in one story: obsession with motherhood, obeying the orders of a man without thinking, barely reacting at being attacked because the man had a good reason for it... that is bad female representation. It's not that she's cuter, it's... everything surronding that cuteness.

Does Samus need to wear makeup? No. Does she need to have giant breasts and a tiny waist? Not really. Do women/female characters need to be beautiful to be appreciated? Not at all. But they don't need to be forcibly masculine either. Both are fine. It's their character that counts the most. And Samus is a great character.

#metroid #samus aran #i'm salty