#i've really had this job for almost a year now and every single day is exactly the same with no sign of change no matter what i fucking do

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for not taking her meds?

My (24M) girlfriend (28F) has bipolar and BPD. We've been together coming up on 3 years now. For the last half a year we were together it was pretty rough and turbulent, she was unmedicated and was having suicidal breakdowns almost every day, ended up in hospital several times, threatened and got into physical altercations with other girls who spoke to me or she thought were flirting with me, and I was spending almost every single day of my life having to take hours to talk her down from suicide or self-harm. It was emotionally exhausting and as someone who's also had suicide attempts in the past it was also incredibly triggering and damaging to my own mental health.

For additional context as to why I feel the way I do, my last girlfriend also had diagnosed BPD and NPD and when she stopped taking her medication she became fully abusive both physically and verbally and it took me a year of being absolutely beaten down to finally snap and leave her.

(Obvious note: I'm not saying everyone with bipolar, BPD, or NPD is abusive or that these illnesses inherently make you abusive. They were an abuser who just happened to have those things, and that played into how they acted and thought/felt.)

Current girlfriend eventually got medication and has been doing much better for most of the time since then. When she's on her meds she's a wonderful and generally pretty healthy partner - she's supportive, understanding of my boundaries, checks in with me, she's a year clean from self-harm, hasn't displayed any kind of self-destructive behaviour. She's gotten a job and managed to hold it down (got fired from several jobs in the past because of her daily meltdowns meaning she wasn't attending work), she's started exercising and going to the gym, she's picked up new hobbies, made new friends, she's just been doing great in general.

For about the past month though, she started going days without taking her medication and when I reminded her she would say she didn't want to, that she hated taking it, that she doesn't like the way it makes her feel etc. This is something my last girlfriend said too, and I know it's really common for people with BPD (and maybe bipolar too?) to stop taking their medication because they feel emotionally flat in comparison to how they feel off of the meds. I pretty much said that I couldn't handle going back to how she acts when she's off of the medication again and that if she was going to stop taking them then I didn't think our relationship would last through that kind of period again because last time it completely destroyed my mental health, my sleep, my life and several of my relationships due to how much energy and time I was having to put into her vs. myself and everything else. I suggested asking her doctor/psychiatrist/etc. for another dosage change or meds switch again to see if that would work better (though up until recently they have seemed to be working great so I'm not sure how good of an idea switching it up again would be).

She agreed at the time but I was kind of concerned about whether she'd been keeping up with it or not because over the last few weeks I've already noticed things devolving again - her screaming at me out of nowhere and having mood swings, intense jealousy and possessiveness, impulsive behaviour, even a couple of breakdowns again and having to talk her out of self-harm for the first time in over a year. True enough, today I found out she's been pretending to take her medication and throwing them out. When I confronted her about it she admitted she hasn't taken her medication for weeks.

I pretty much withdrew after that and didn't say anything at that moment but after a while she asked me why I was being so quiet and I basically repeated what I'd said to her in the last conversation, that I was honestly rethinking whether or not the relationship would work because I can't handle that kind of emotional exhaustion and constant sacrifice all over again. I don't mind some emotional support and some labour of love in a relationship because of course I'm going to need to look out for her mental health and reassure and comfort sometimes, that's the reality of loving someone who struggles, but I can't do it 24/7 again. I can't once again put talking her down for hours every day and weathering screaming and violent lashing out all the time at the expense of even my own basic needs and my own mental health struggles (for example my c-PTSD from my last relationship).

When I said that she got very very upset and basically said I was forcing her to choose between me and freedom or being able to live a normal/unmedicated life (which I mean, I guess I can't argue with because in a way I am making her choose between me and stopping her meds), and that I couldn't control her like that. I told her I wasn't doing it to control her and that if she's really determined to go off of them she could, but that I would have to make my own personal choice to walk away as a result of it for my own sake.

She said she'd think about it but ever since that conversation I've been going back and forth in my head on how much of a dick move it would be to flat out just do a black-and-white "Either you stay on your meds and regulate your behaviour or I leave"

TL;DR Girlfriend wants to go off of her medication, but when she's off her meds she has almost daily suicidal breakdowns and lashes out at me physically and verbally. WIBTA if I broke up with her if she goes ahead with stopping?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[wrenreid]

Hands-on Learning

synopsis: Spencer Reid’s best friend pays him a visit in DC. She meets his coworkers and they spend quality time together while she’s in town. But their friendly dynamic changes with he asks her a question she was not expecting. (season 2 glasses reid)

word count: 4k

content: 18+ MDNI, oral (f receive), penetration

Spencer has been begging me to come visit him again since the last time I was in D.C. six months ago. And I won't admit it to him, but I've been dying to see him again so much it physically pains me. Going six months without seeing your best friend is the worst feeling in the world, but I'd take the emotional turmoil any day because it's for him.

And I suppose he's worth sitting on this plane, lodged between a sleeping old woman and a man who has gotten up to pee ten times since take off. I must really love him because I'm only an hour into this five hour flight.

Spencer and I met when we were 18. I'd just started my freshman year at CalTech and was in an advanced class with a bunch of 22 year olds. My eye caught his immediately. He was the only person my age in the lecture hall.

I sat next to him and told him my name. I knew I had to make him my friend because he was the only other freshman in the class.

Or so I thought. I didn't know until a month into our friendship that he was indeed not a freshman, and he was taking the class for fun while he worked on his second PhD. A small part of me hated him that instant, but I had already fallen into the Spencer Reid charm. I couldn't get rid of him, no matter how hard I tried (which was not very hard at all.)

We became close pretty fast. Almost every moment we weren't in separate classes, we were together. I was pretty much his only friend and he was the first person I met in uni, and probably the only one to accept me a hundred percent as I was. Being so far from home was hard, and he made it worth it.

Usually we'd do homework or watch scary movies in his single dorm room, which I totally took advantage of. I'd spend the night with him instead of my over-sharing roommate who thought I needed to know every detail about her and her long relationship with her boyfriend Kyle, specifically the phone sex. TMI.

My other friends would joke about how we were in love, but the truth is, we weren't. Not in that way at least. He was my best friend, and I was his. We were there for every big moment in each other's lives.

Well, not every big moment. Spencer was not invited when I finally lost my virginity during spring break of freshman year. But he was there when the guy I'd hooked up with broke my heart. And he bought me ice cream and told me stupid facts until my lips broke into a smile.

I was there when he got his second and third PhDs far quicker than any graduate student should. And he was there when I graduated with my masters in psychology and cognitive science.

"You're a nerd too," Spencer said, his voice teasing as he bumped my shoulder. "You can admit it now that we're done with this place."

I told him to shut up, but a wide grin was plastered on my face. We'd made it through the highs and lows of college together.

However, that grin was soon replaced with tears. Spencer had gotten a job offer with the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia. He was going to the academy, and I was starting my research job. He was going to the east coast, and I was staying in California.

"You're leaving me," I said through tears, knowing me guilt tripping him was wrong. But I needed him to stay.

"I'm leaving California, not you," he said, his eyebrows knit together with worry. I could tell it was eating up at him, but I couldn't stop hating the situation. Losing my best friend was the absolute last thing I wanted.

The day he left, I drove him to the Las Vegas airport after he said goodbye to his mom. I didn't help him get his bags, instead I stood there moping. As I watched my best friend walk away, I realized I needed to be happy for him. He was excited about this opportunity, and my bitchiness was ruining that for him.

It wasn't romantic movie-esk the way I ran after him. It was more of an anxiety filled scene where snot ran down my face as I chased him down. Honestly, I probably looked like a stalker.

"Spencer," I breathed out, looking up at him.

He smiled softly. "I knew you wouldn't let me leave without giving me a proper goodbye," he teased.

I shouldn't have taught him teasing and sarcasm. It's bitten me in the ass so many times.

I wrapped my arms around him, ignoring his comment. My face pressed against his chest as his arms held me close. My eyes were closed and I steadied my breathing. Even though he was going what seemed like a million miles away, he'd always be my best friend.

And that's stayed true even three years later. We've kicked this long distance shit in the ass. Of course, we don't talk as much as we'd like, but we still talk. And whenever he can, he visits me in LA after seeing his mom, or I take a visit to the nation's capital just to see my favorite FBI agent.

——

"Every time I see you, you look different," I say with a chuckle as Spencer helps me get my bags into his guest room.

"Is that a bad thing?" He questions, eyebrows furrowed.

"Take it as you will," I say, plopping down on his couch.

He joins me shortly after. He really does look different. He's gained some weight, changed his style up just a little, his hair is parted at the side almost neatly, and he's finally wearing glasses again. Except these ones are far different from the ones he wore in college. These ones are kind of hot, but I won't tell him that because I can't feed the genius's ego any more.

"So," I say, wiggling my eyebrows. "Tell me about your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," Spencer says, his cheeks already turning pink.

I roll my eyes. "Tomato, tomahto."

"Y/n," he warns.

"Fine, fine. Topic for another time. Don't forget, I'm here all week, Dr. Reid," I flash him a grin.

He sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes.

"You know you've missed me," I say, leaning my head on his shoulder.

He shakes his head, but a small smile creeps up onto his lips. He's missed me. But rather than admitting that he asks, "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Food. What's the best restaurant in the city?"

"The best or my favorite?" He asks. "Because they're different."

"Your favorite," I request, a soft smile on my face.

Spencer nods. "Alright. I'll let you nap off the plane drowsiness, then we'll have dinner."

The smile on my face grows wider. He knows me so well.

After my way-longer-than-I-intended nap, we get ready for dinner. I don't dress up fancy because Spencer has seen me at my worst, drunk, crying, and throwing up.

That was the one time I've ever seen him drink. I drug him to a party that we both ended up hating. We left early and instead bought our own liquor. He'd just turned 21, and I used that to my advantage.

Spencer and I ended up drunk in his dorm room. Surprisingly, he handled his alcohol much better than I did. I got wasted and threw up in his sink before making it to his toilet to repeat the action. He held my hair back as tears streamed down my face from the burning in my throat. Then, he threw up from the sight of me vomiting. It was not our finest moment.

"Ready to go?" Spencer asks, coming into the restroom where I'm touching up my makeup.

"Sure am, doc."

The dinner is amazing. He catches me up on all things BAU cases before asking me how my promotion has been, which is, in simple words, pretty damn great.

——

"Oh you're not Spencer," says a way too handsome black man as I open the apartment door.

"Nope. I'd like to think I'm prettier," I joke.

"Yes, you are," he flashes me a smile.

The footsteps behind me halt. "Don't even think about it, Morgan," Spencer says, a warning tone present in his voice.

The man in front of me holds his hands up in defense, the charming smile still on his face.

"This is Morgan? You did not describe him this hot," I turn to my best friend.

He glares at me. "You also don't even think about it."

I laugh softly and offer my hand out to Derek.

"Y/n. Nice to finally meet you."

His firm grip shakes my hand. "So you're the competition I have as Reid's best friend."

"In the flesh," I grin. "And it's no competition. I've got years on you."

"Ooh she's bold. I like her," he says.

I haven't had the opportunity to meet all of Spencer's coworkers because of both of our busy schedules and us making sure to spend every second together while I visit. I've met his boss one time and friend JJ. I liked them. I know enough about everyone from Spencer's stories to know that he's in good hands.

"Did you need something?" Spencer asks his friend.

"Oh right. Yeah I was just going to see if you wanted to come out with us, but I see you are occupied," Morgan says, looking to me.

"Go out where?" I ask, not letting Spencer respond.

"Bar. To drink and play games."

"That sounds fun! We'll be there," I say.

Spencer fake coughs behind me, and I turn to my best friend. He gives me a look.

"C'mon, Spence. It'll be fun. I want to get to know your team."

He can't say no to me. "Fine. But let's not stay out too long, okay? You know you can't handle your alcohol."

"Hey, I've grown up since college," I chuckle.

——

“Have you two ever...?" Spencer's gorgeous dark haired friend asks me as she takes a swig from her glass. She cuts her eyes to Spencer, then back to me.

He's currently at the bar with Morgan who's attempting to flirt with the pretty bartender.

"What? No! God no," I laugh, shaking my head.

"Hm," Emily hums. "I just thought I sensed something."

"Nope. He's my best friend. Why mess with that?" I smile softly.

"So you've thought about it?" She's nosy. I can't blame her, I am too.

"No," I answer.

That's the first lie I've told to Spencer's friends. Of course I've thought about it. I don't think anyone has been friends with an attractive person without thinking about what would happen if the relationship dynamic changed. My best friend's kind of hot. I know that. Before we were close, I debated on asking him out. But we're just friends. We're best friends. And nothing is going to change that.

I get to know Spencer's friends a little more, get slightly tipsy, and start a game of darts with Morgan.

After he beats me, not by much I'd like to add, we're just about to start a rematch, but a hand touches my back lightly. I turn around to face Spencer, and a soft smile creeps up onto my lips.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Can we head back? It's getting late," he asks, checking his watch.

I nod, brushing my hair behind my face. "Sure, but tell Morgan I totally could've beaten him in a rematch."

Spencer laughs softly. "She could've," he says to Derek behind me who rolls his dark brown eyes.

"Getting old, doc?" I ask Spencer as we walk to his car. He's 99% sober, so he drives us back to his apartment.

I sit in the passenger's seat, hands folded in my lap. My eyes are on him.

"Hm?"

"Why'd we leave so early?"

"10:30 is when the guys in the bar start getting drunker and handsy. I didn't want you to get dragged into some asshole's grasp while dancing," he explains.

"Oh," I nod. "I can handle myself, you know that right? Just because you're a big federal agent now doesn't mean I need you to protect me." My voice is thorough, but a small smile is on my lips anyway.

"Just returning the favor, Y/n," Spencer says. He knows I protected him all throughout our shared college days.

My cute going-out clothes have begun to get uncomfortable. I unclasp my bra, keeping my somewhat sexy shirt on and slip it off from underneath the blouse, letting it fall to Spencer's floorboard.

"Much better," I breathe out an exasperated sigh.

He's silent in his seat, eyes on the road. I see his hands grip the steering wheel a little harder.

"I missed you a lot," I say honestly. Usually I'm not one to say what I'm feeling or be mushy gushy, but the two shots of tequila have opened me up.

His eyes flick to me, his lips formed in a soft smile. His face is being lit up by the passing cars' headlights. I can see how sharp his cheekbones are, his jawline.  "I thought you were heartless."

"I take back my previous statement."

"I missed you too," Spencer says.

"Of course you did, I'm a delight," I gloat.

The sound of his soft laughter fills the air. It pulls on the strings in my chest.

"How is it possible that I leave in three days already?"

"Shh," he shakes his head, eyes still on the road ahead of him. "Don't mention that right now." Spencer's hand pats my knee before squeezing it comfortingly.

——

"I have a question," Spencer says, coming into his room where I'm currently laying on his bed, reading a book I grabbed off one of his many shelves.

I look up from the page I'm on. He looks nervous, cheeks red, his hands fiddling with themselves.

"Hit me," I say.

He sits down at the edge of the bed. "I don't really know how to ask this... It's a weird question. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, and..."

"Spit it out, Spencer,” I eye him.

"Could you... would you tell me how to please someone. Specifically a woman. During sex."

A huffed laugh releases from me, and his cheeks burn redder. I think I'm blushing too. "What?"

"I'm sorry. That was weird. Forget I said-" he starts softly.

"Have you never...?"

Spencer shakes his head.

I didn't really think he had, but I didn't ever expect him to tell me when or if he lost his virginity anyway. He's reserved, even with me with some things.

"Wait," I sit up straighter. "Is this about your girlfriend?"

"Not my girlfriend," Spencer corrects me. "But yeah. We have a date the night you leave, and I think she's going to expect it. I mean, this is our fourth date."

"Well, if you don't want to have sex, don't have sex," I say sternly.

"It's not that I don't. It's just that I've never done it. I don't know what to do. I've read, and I'm good at anatomy. But what if I'm bad at the physicality of it all?" He presses his lips together, his teeth gnawing on the inside of his bottom lip.

"I don't really know how to explain it," I chuckle nervously. The blood is rushed to my cheeks, they're probably scarlet. "It just kind of happens."

"I shouldn't have asked," Spencer says.

"No, it's just that... like with anything, practice helps people get good sex," I tell him.

He looks up at me, his eyes asking what his lips won't. I feel my heart pounding against my chest, faster than usual.

"Do you want me to... show you?" I ask. He has always preferred hands-on learning.

"Would you?"

I nod slowly, hesitantly.

He moves toward me slowly, hesitantly.

"Kiss me," I tell him, hoping this won't get too weird.

Spencer and I have been best friends for years, we're extremely close, but this may bring us too close. This could ruin everything, but for some reason, I can't stop it.

He presses his lips to mine gently, his hand cupping my face. My eyes flutter closed. I reciprocate the kiss, and it's a lot easier than I imagined. Not that I've entirely imagined it.

My hands trail up his arms slowly. He's gained muscle. I guess that's a part of his FBI agent glow up. His tongue roams my mouth, and I'm pleasantly surprised by how good of a kisser he is.

He pulls away after a few minutes. He's breathing heavy. "Are you sure this is okay?"

I nod, then lean in to kiss him again but he leans back.

"Say it."

"It's okay, Spencer," I tell him. This time he lets me kiss him again.

I lay down, my back against his bed. He hovers above me, his hand on my waist now as he kisses me. He's good at this, and that thought comes to my mind again as his lips suck on my neck.

"Keep doing that," I whine softly.

He obliges and nibbles my skin gently. "Is this okay?" He whispers.

"Mhm," I noise.

I let him take the lead for now, do what he's comfortable with so far. His hand trails up a little further. I tell him he can touch me, and he does, though hesitantly at first. His fingertips graze against my breast before he finally gets comfortable enough to take hold of it through my shirt. He squeezes then pinches my nipple. He knows more than he lead on.

A soft moan releases from my mouth, my back arches just a little. His hand slips beneath my shirt, his warm touch on my belly. Spencer takes ahold of my shirt then lifts it up. I help him take it off me. I'm completely bare hips and above since I wasn't wearing a bra anyway. His eyes widen a little, and he smiles softly.

"Stop staring at me," I laugh a little.

"We're about to have sex and I can't look at you?"

I roll my eyes. "Let's just continue."

Spencer nods. "What do you want me to do?”

"Well, most women like to do other stuff before actually getting into the sex. Penetration alone doesn't do it for most of us," I tell him.

"You included?"

"Me included."

"What do you like?" He asks.

"What are you comfortable with? Do you have any ideas?"

Spencer thinks for a moment. "I want to learn how to-I want to give you... oral."

I burst into a laugh. "Spence, never say oral to a woman. Just say head."

"Head. Noted," he nods.

He's adorable when he's nervous and nerdy. Which is pretty much always.

"Kiss me first. Anywhere," I tell him.

He chooses the soft flesh of my stomach. I smile down at him. I reach down, pushing down my shorts, my underwear too. I'm growing needy.

Spencer slips them the rest of the way down and tosses them down to the ground. After slipping off his glasses, he kisses the inside of my thigh. God, I need him to do something right now.

His big hands push my thighs apart. Then he pauses. The clocks in his brain turn.

I feel like he's just about to call this whole thing off, but then I'm hit with a shock of pleasure. His tongue licks in between my folds.

“You’re really wet,” he says, more like an observation that a tease. Then he attacks my clit with his lips after taking a second to find it. Fuck. He definitely knows more about sex than I was led to believe.

Spencer's fingers leave marks on the inside of my thighs as he grips onto them. His lips suck on my clit, tongue flicking back and forth often too.

Soft moans spill from my lips. I'm trying to be quiet. I shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I am.

The sudden shock of Spencer's mouth removing from my clit makes me whine in protest, but his fingers sliding inside me make up for it.

I groan, my head leaning back into the pillows.

“Do you like this?”

I bite my lip, “Mhm. Curl your fingers.”

He does as he’s told.

When Spencer both fingers my cunt and sucks on my clit, I'm a moaning mess. "Holy fuck, Spencer," I whine. My legs are shaking within minutes, and even though he's still sloppy and new at this, my body loves it. My hands grip into his hair.

"Just like that, Spencer. So good."

A loud moan rings out from me as I finish. I couldn't even warn Spencer before my release pours from me.

My breaths are heavy and loud. Spencer pulls away, looking up at my eyes.

"Was that okay?" His breathing is heavy too.

"No," I say. "Spencer that was fucking amazing. You've seriously never done that before?"

He shakes his head.

"Wow."

"Told you, I'm good at anatomy," he smiles bashfully.

"Take your pants off," I command. "I want you inside of me."

I find a condom in my purse as he shrugs his clothes off. I sit up and find myself staring at his bulge with wide eyes. He's bigger than I expected. Not like huge to where it's unnatural, but big enough that I will probably need a minute to adjust once he's in me.

I tell him to lay down, and he does. He's a good boy. I like it.

I help him get the condom on, then swing a leg over his lap so that I'm straddling him. "Are you ready?" I ask him, my hand holding his face gently.

He takes a second, processing that he’s about to lose his virginity. Probably freaking out a lottle that it’s to me. “Yes ma'am," Spencer nods.

"Just a gentlemen," I grin.

I lower myself onto him, and once he's inside me, I do need a minute to adjust. Moans come from both of us, and I love the sounds we make together.

"Fuck," he groans, his voice raspy. He repeats my name over and over as I start to roll my hips.

"Oh my god." My eyes shut, and I bite my lip to keep me quiet.

"Don't do that," Spencer tells me. "I want to hear it."

I give him what he wants. I bounce up and down on him, his length hitting me in the right spot every time.

Both of our sounds fill the room. Spencer holds my hips down, stopping me.

"Wha-?"

"I want to do it," he says softly. "Please."

"Do what you want with me, doctor," I tell him, nodding.

He flips our positions, and he's on top of me. Spencer's lips crash into mine as he enters me again.

I bite his lip, causing both of us to moan into each other's mouths.

Spencer doesn't last much longer since it's his first time, but I don't even mind. He rubs my clit until I come again, and I feel I'm floating.

We lay on his bed, heavy breaths morphing together. "I think you're going to blow her mind, doctor Reid," I chuckle softly.

"Who's?"

"You're girlfriend that's not your girlfriend," I say, eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, right. I don't think I'm going on that date. Okay, actually I canceled that date when you got here."

"What?" I chuckle, confused.

"There's no date,” he says, point blank.

"Did you just trick me into sleeping with you?" My eyebrows are still furrowed, but I'm smiling.

He presses his lips together. "Well, if you put it that way... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, no. I admire the hustle, doc," I laugh softly, my fingertips circling on his bare chest.

Men and women can be purely platonic friends, no romantic feelings involved. But maybe Spencer and I aren’t that type of friends after all.

tags: @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @kylakins88 @jazzerbelle14 @cynbx @yazzyu @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @sebs-oxygen @jolotta @booktvmoviefangirl @nevielei @pauline5525mgg @necromaniackat @r3idsp3ncer

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst #mgg x you #spencer reid #mgg fic #spencer reid smut #spencer reid and reader #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x original female character #dr spencer reid #dilf spencerreid #mgg angst #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid series #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds x y/n #spencer reid x fem!readr #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid hands

[diagnosedpsychosis]

Broken Promises

Description: Failed promise after failed promise, the reader finally thinks that this time Aaron will be able to keep his promise...

Word Count: 3.1k

______________________________________________________________

Unit Chief of the Behavioural Analysis Unit was an amazingly respected job, and you knew that better than anyone. You knew it meant your boyfriend Aaron would be away more than he was home, but he loved what he did and you loved seeing him get enjoyment out of it.

But as much as you tried to remain loving and understanding, his job also took its toll on you. If he wasn't home it was quiet and you were alone. Here and there you would help take care of his son, Jack, but Jessica, his aunty loved the kid so much because he reminded her of her departed sister that she was almost a full time carer for the boy.

Even though you were alone without Aaron, somehow you felt even more lonely when he was present. If he wasn't physically exhausted from a case, he was mentally exhausted, which meant days of walking on egg shells around him until he started acting like himself again. And then he'd be pulled back into work and flown half way across the country.

You had been together for years, but you'd only just started feeling the negative affects of his job in the last 6 months. Aaron knew something was up, you knew he knew. You also knew he was trying to fix things in his own way. Bring home flowers, leaves cases out of the house, wake you up with breakfast in bed.

Even when things got heated and passionate, Aaron would whisper sweet nothings in your ear as he thrusted into you. 'You are beautiful', 'I love you so much', 'I'd be nothing without you.' And in the moment it felt enough, like everything you ever wanted and needed, but it wasn't, because despite how much he claimed to love you you knew he loved his job more.

You knew that the second his phone rung he'd leave your side and wouldn't return for a week.

Today was different though, you told yourself over and over again, unable to fight the grin on your face as your style your hair for the fancy dinner out Aaron had promised. He'd made this same promise a number of times, and every single one of them fell through the roof because of a case, but this time felt different.

This time you were sure he was going to keep his promise. You didn't doubt him one bit, so when your phone started ringing and his name flashed you grinned with delight before answering the phone and putting it on speaker.

"Hey Handsome" You heard a hum on the other end of the line that made your heart swell. Hearing him after 5 days, even if it was just a hum made everything better.

"Hi Sweetheart" He sounded tired, understandably after a long case, but ignored it, knowing he hated when you sympathised with him in moments like these.

"So, I know you said you'd be here at 8, but I kind of got excited and got ready early and now I've got time if there's anything you need done-"

"Sweetheart, I'm not going to make it" You shut up, your smile frozen on your face as you wondered whether he'd actually spoken or if you'd thought it yourself. Your heart falls into your stomach as you stared at your reflection. You wanted to look nice for him, so you'd gotten yourself extra dolled up, but now... now he wasn't coming?

He'd broken his promise, again?

"What?" You asked, hoping it really was all just in your head.

"I know I promised I'd be home, but something has come up in Texas-" The rest of his words became background noise as you zoned out and in on your face in the mirror in front of you. The second unshed tears threatened your water line you closed your eyes. Exhausted. That's the best way to describe how you felt right now. You weren't upset, or angry, this was his job and you knew that the day you two went on your first day.

You were just exhausted. Tired of getting excited over and over again only to be let down every single time. You didn't blame Aaron, not one bit, but this whole situation, the way you've been living for the last 2 years, you were so tired of it... you couldn't do it anymore.

"It's fine, Aaron" You sighed, opening your eyes again and looking at yourself. A nice dress, hair and makeup done, you even did your nails because you know Aaron likes your red nail polish. All of it for nothing.

"I'm so sorry, honey" Aaron felt sick, like he was going to throw up. Guilt consumed him at having to cancel on you again, despite promising this time he'd finally be there for you. He loved you, with absolutely everything he had, and in a few years time he'd, with ease, drop everything for you. But he couldn't now. He wasn't ready to quit the FBI.

"It's fine, Aaron. It's always fine" Your reassurance is like a bullet to his heart. You were always so understanding, and Aaron knew he didn't deserve you, but he was just too selfish to let you go. What hurt more though, was hearing your voice crack. It was so faint, Aaron wondered if you'd even noticed.

"Y/n-" You didn't want to hear another apology come from his mouth, because he could apologise again and again and again, but it didn't make it any better. It only made saying 'it's fine' that much easier when it happened the next time.

"I'm tired, so I'm going to head to bed now" You weren't going to bed, but despite how much you loved Aaron, his voice was the last one you wanted to hear tonight. You were embarrassed, having been so excited for another failed plan. You cringed at your dolled up reflection, hating that the way you looked represented another disappointment.

"Y/n, please-" Aaron was desperate to talk even though he didn't know what else to say other than sorry, but you were desperate to hang up.

"Stay safe, alright?" Aaron was annoyed about the fact that he'd upset you and there you were still making sure he was safe and okay. You were putting him first despite the fact he had put you second again.

"I will. I love you" He said and closed his eyes waiting to hear you say it back. Instead he was met with radio silence. You hesitated to reply, not because you doubted how much you loved him, but because you doubted how much he loved you.

"You too. See ya" Before Aaron had even processed the fact you hadn't said it back, you hung up and practically threw your phone across your room. You hated feeling like this. You wanted to cry, but you felt like if you did you were being overdramatic. You thought it was unfair to Aaron if you reacted the way you wanted to, whereas he felt it was unfair to you.

The team needed Penelope with them, so they'd stopped off back in Virginia to pick her up. This is where Aaron stood, just outside the jet, phone in his hand down by his side as he stared out at the runway.

You didn't say 'I love you too' and that was all he could think about. No matter how many times he'd cancelled on you and called to disappoint you, you always hung up with an 'I love you', but not today. That was all Aaron needed to know that today was different, and he had royally fucked up with you.

There was nothing more he wanted to do than turn around and walk home to you, but his team needed him. One word from them and he'd leave for yours in a heartbeat. He needed to fix this. He needed to make sure you were okay. He needed you.

Aaron stepped back onboard and it was almost as if the air had changed in the jet. Every single member of the team knew something was up the second he hopped back onto the jet. His posture was the same, his usual blank frown, from the outside he looked like he did everyday, but they'd all been on the team long enough to know Aaron's tell- the way he opens and closes his hand into a tight fist by his side.

It was something he did when he felt overwhelmed. Not knowing how to react, or how to busy himself, he clenched and unclenched his hand over and over again, not even noticing it himself. And right now as he sat down across from Rossi and Derek, he clenched his hand tighter than usual, something they both immediately noticed.

"Everything alright?" Rossi asked, placing the case file back on the small table and putting all his attention on Aaron. Even Derek subtly paused the music flowing through his headphones, and lifted his eyes.

"No, I don't think so" Aaron sighed, running a hand down his face tiredly as he glanced out the jet window, seeing the headlights of the SUV Penelope was coming in from afar.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"It's Y/n" Whether or not Aaron usually spoke much about his and your relationship, the team knew that if something was wrong with you and it was putting a dampener on his mood, then it was serious. Serious enough that Aaron had closed the new Texas case file and slid it away from himself.

Rossi immediately understood. He's known of a couple of the times Aaron has had to cancel on you, and how you had reacted to each of them. "I'm sure everything is fine, Aaron. Y/n is a very understanding woman."

"That's the problem. 'It's fine. It's always fine' is what she said" Derek decided he'd add his little bit, still not understanding the issue quite the way Rossi did.

"I don't understand. You've got yourself a beautiful woman who not only understands your workload, but respects it too" What Derek said only made Aaron feel worse.

"Yeah but she's upset. She doesn't say it, but I can here it in her voice. I promised I'd finally take her out for dinner tonight after having to cancel on her time and time again" Aaron, despite how calm he may have sounded, was getting worked up.

"Aaron-"

"She was so excited, and finally, when she thinks I'm calling to tell her I'm on my way, it's actually me calling to disappoint her again. She doesn't deserve it" The way Aaron drifted off at the end made both Derek and Rossi frown. It almost sounded like he was coming up with a solution for your disappointment in his head.

"So what, you're going to break up with her?" Rossi asked, but Aaron was quick to shake his head, his gaze drifting back out the jet window as he sighed.

"I love her too much to lose her" Aaron mumbled, absentmindedly playing with your hair tie he keeps on his wrist at all times, just in case.

"So, keep your promise" The words. The few words Aaron needed to hear to make him run to you, but you didn't want him to run to you.

In fact, you were glad Aaron wasn't with you, otherwise he would've heard your sobs and seen your streaking mascara. Half an hour it took you to actually force yourself up and out of the seat at your vanity. You had wiped off most of your makeup, although getting some of the mascara and eyeliner off was harder so there was a very faint black smudge around your eyes. You'd ran your hands through your hair so many times that the curls had been pulled apart leaving your hair a little frizzier than before.

All you had to do now was take off your shoes and dress. You unbuckled both black heels but before you could slip out of the dress there was a knock at the door. Not having the energy to put up with whoever was on the other side of the door you ignored it, hoping they'd get the memo or that they'd think nobody was home and leave. 15 seconds later though and there was another knock. You left it again, but when the person knocked for a third time you huffed and stormed over to the door.

"Yes?" You grunted swinging open the door and freezing as your eyes met Aaron's dark brown ones. Your hand tightened around the door knob as you shuffled back slightly, not expecting him to be standing there with a bunch of tulips.

"Hi" His voice was so soft, worried you didn't want him there, but turning up anyway cause there was nowhere he'd rather be. Your eyes began to burn, but you quickly blinked away the feeling, licking your bottom lip before looking back up at his face.

"What are you doing here?" Aaron takes a step forward, holding the tulips in one hand, and his go bag in his other.

"Keeping my promise."

"I'm not in the mood to go out anymore" You reply, tucking a bit of your hair behind your ear, Aaron nodding and offering you a soft smile to let you know that's okay. If Aaron was honest, he wasn't in the mood to go out either. He just wanted to stay in with you, forever.

"That's fine. We'll stay in" Aaron noticed the fact your hand was still on the doorknob and the way you hadn't really moved from the front door. You were hesitant to let him in.

"You're supposed to be on your way to Texas" You mumbled, looking away from his face and down at the ground. Aaron took a step forward, and despite the clear fact you weren't overly fond of him in this moment, you didn't move. Because despite being upset, you loved him, and you loved his presence and the warmth he radiated.

"No, the team are on their way to Texas. I'm here with you" He bent his head a little, hoping to catch your eye but still couldn't. He hated seeing anything other than a smile on your beautiful face. Knowing you were upset and it was his fault killed him on the inside.

"You shouldn't be here" You sighed, finally looking up. Aaron's stare trapped you, stopping you from looking away from him. Intense and raw, he held you hostage with just his eyes and even though you were upset, you couldn't deny the way they were able to calm you. Slightly.

"They can manage perfectly fine without me."

"Aaron-"

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't deserve a lot, especially you, but I'm going to prove to you that I can deserve you" Aaron stated, placing the tulips on the little table beside the door that you usually chucked your mail on. Then he lightly shut the door, eyes watching you intently as you spoke.

"Aaron, I'm not angry at you. This is your job. I knew that the moment I met you, and I continued to understand that when I realised I was in love with you. But I feel like I'm suffocating here, which I get is ironic for the fact you're not around much-"

"I'm stepping down" The short and sharp confession caught you off guard, your eyes widening as you stared at a deadly serious Aaron. You thought you'd misheard him, but the look on his face told you otherwise. He'd definitely said what you heard, and he definitely meant it.

"What?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while, but on the ride here it became official. I'm stepping down from Unit Chief, I'll stay a profiler in the BAU, but it means a lot less work, and a lot more time here with you-"

"What? No, you can't do that" You quickly interrupted, shaking your head. You couldn't tell him what to and what not to do, but you were going to pretend you could right now in hopes he'd listen, understand and agree.

"It's too late. It's official and effective immediately" You stared, eyes wide in disbelief as they bounced across his face.

"You didn't even want to talk about this with me first?"

"What's there to talk about?" He shrugged.

"Aaron, you've been Unit Chief for ages. If you're stepping down for me-" Your words are cut short as Aaron places his bag on the ground and steps into you. Your lips remain parted and you can't help but melt into him as his hands grasp onto your face, pulling your forehead to his lips momentarily. He pressed a lingering kiss before pulling back and staring deeply into your eyes.

"That's exactly why I'm stepping down, honey. You. Because I love you so god damn much and because being away from you week after week is killing me. At the end of every night I want to fall asleep in bed beside you, not in a crappy motel alone. I want to be here, with you. You're my home, Y/n" Your eyes water the longer you stare at the man you love. He was giving up so much for you and you couldn't help but feel guilty even if he made it clear how much he wanted it.

"Aaron..." You whisper, your gaze jumping between his eyes as he rubs his thumbs along your keep bones. He leans forward and presses his forehead to yours, his eyes remaining on your face even when you close your eyes.

"You're not holding me back from my job, my job was holding me back from you. I'll still be gone here and there, but I will make it my mission to get back to you as soon as possible. This is my decision and there is nothing you could do or say that'd make me change my mind" So dominant, so serious, so definite. This was Aaron's decision to make, not yours, his, and he couldn't be more happier. He was going to miss being Unit Chief, but being with you made up for it and more.

"Are you sure?" You whisper, running your hands up his shoulders and into his hair. Aaron presses his head back into your hands, urging you to run your hands through his hair.

"Yes honey, I'm sure" Aaron whispers back before tilting his head and pressing his lips flush against yours. You suck in a sharp breath, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you tight into his chest, his lips refusing to leave yours even for a second. This was all you both wanted; each other. You ran your hands through his hair before slipping them down until you're cupping his jaw and pulling his mouth from yours.

"I love you" You whisper, leaning forward and brushing your lips back against Aaron's. His breath is hot and minty against your face as he crack's an inevitable smile. You said it back...finally.

"I love you too."

#aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x female reader #criminal minds

[romanoffs-widow]

Sorry for everything

Sum: Nat takes out her anger on you after a stressful couple of weeks.

Warnings ⚠️ : Shouting, arguing, and split up?

A/N: Thank you very much to @bobisek96 for requesting this fic, I hope it's okay 😭 and tysm to everyone for all the love on my (not actually first) first fic! I appreciate you all sm ❤️

(I promise there is eventual fluff 😅)

Happy reading! 😊

NATASHA POV:

Everyone thinks being an Avenger is so easy. All you gotta do is a couple of fights and interviews, and that's it, right? Wrong. These last couple of weeks have had me exhausted and honestly drained.

Steve and Tony keep arguing about useless crap, Lena accidentally stained the couch with red wine and didn't even tell me, so I sat in it and stained my favourite sweatpants and I've had to do 6 different interviews because Tony had a cold and couldn't do them, and on top of all that, Morgan has clung to me like a magnet since her dad has been sick. I love kids, and I really do, but not when I'm exhausted and keep having nightmares, leaving me sleepless almost every other night.

"Hey Natty," she says with that smile I love so much. I don't know what it is, but even y/n/n can't cheer me up today. Too tired to respond, I just give her a nod. Hopefully, she can see I don't want to talk right now.

I went to change into comfier clothes. I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. I shrug her off, getting annoyed. "Are you okay, baby?" I roll my eyes as I put my top over my head. "I'm fine." Maybe now she'll get it? "You know if you don't want to talk to me, just say." She says it with a tone that tips me ove rather edge.

"You know what? Maybe I don't want to talk to you. Maybe all I want to do is lay down in our bed and try my very best to relax! I have had such a hard couple weeks, and all you do is bug me because you're a pathetic childish wench that wants my attention all the time! If you knew what I go through every single day as an Avenger, maybe you'd at least try to understand how hard my job is! So please just shut your whiny mouth up and get out. I don't want to see your face EVER AGAIN!"

Y/N POV:

My vision is beyond blurry as I feel the endless stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. My hands are shaking, and anxiety is sitting heavy on top of my chest. "Alright. O-okay." I get up, and without saying anymore, I grab my backpack and start shoving a bunch of clothing into it. I go into the bathroom and grab my toothbrush, as well as the other necessities that belonged to me.

With my bag and arms full with items, I give the redhead one last look. Her face is still red from all the shouting she did as she stared at the floor, in the same spot she'd been in for a couple of minutes. I give her a small nod, sniffling as I close the door. I am fully aware the whole compound heard all of that, and honestly, they should. I don't deserve to be treated like that.

I'm going to miss this place. The past 9 years of my life have been spent living here, getting to know all of the amazing people within. I had so many memories here, one of the first being when Morgan was born. She had a head full of hair and a smile that looked just like her fathers'.

As I walked out of the tower, I went to the first person I could think of. Wanda Maximoff, my best friend of 5 years. She does live in the compound, but she also owns an apartment on the other side of the city for emergencies. She gave me a spare key when she got it. Thankfully, I'd never used it before, so I'd never seen the interior of the four walls.

Memories, good and bad swirls around in my head, as I twist the bronze key into the lock. It took me an hour to get here, with the bus and all. I get settled in, as I know I'll be staying here for a while. I started getting myself a snack when I heard the door swing open. I look at it to see the red magic I'd come to know very well.

"Y/n/n honey? Are you in here?" As soon as I hear her voice, I run over to her, the flow of tears starting up again. "Oh my god, are you okay? She didn't hurt you, did she?" I shake my head, unable to speak. "Oh, my poor baby. I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner. Everyone is out looking for you. I'd better call Pietro and tell him to tell everyone you're safe."

I just hug her tighter. "E-e-even...?" She looks at me with guilt in her eyes. "We all heard what she said to you, and F.R.I.D.A.Y said that you'd left, so we all went looking for you. None of us have heard from her since." By now, I've soaked her hoodie with my never-ending tears.

"Shhhh, it's okay, you're okay." Wanda whispers as she rubs my back to calm me down.

1 MONTH LATER...

I hear a knock at the door. Wanda only left, and she had her own key, so it definitely wasn't her, and i haven't ordered any packages. Deciding i dont care, I go to open it. I see nothing but a white teddy bear holding an envelope sitting on the welcome mat. There is no sign of anyone being here, as the halls are silent. I pick up the toy and bring it inside, closing the door. I go and put it on the counter, taking the red letter from its paws. It had my first initial on the front.

Our place, 2 pm?

- N xx

I roll my eyes. Even if I was very upset with her, she always knew how to make me smile. I check the clock, seeing it's already 1pm, so I decide to start getting ready.

I step into the shop and immediately see Natasha. As I get closer, I can see that she has bags under her eyes, and I see that her knuckles are all red and sore. She's probably been training to get her mind off us. "Hey," She goes to hug me, and I let her. "Hi." She ordered both our favourite drinks.

"How have you been?" I scoff. "What kind of a question is that? My girlfriend of 9 years kicked me out because she was having a rough couple of weeks and hasn't even bothered talking to me for a whole month, and you think I'm okay?" She looks down with guilt filled eyes. "...no. Sorry."

I sip from my cup. "Are you gonna give me some pathetic excuse as for why you made me leave like that, or what?" She nods her head, and takes a Depp breath.

"What I said was really messed up. I shouldn't have called you any of those rude names or said any of that to you. I was having a hard couple of weeks, and I just wanted some quiet. Which I got. But by all means, that's no excuse to take my anger out on you. I don't know if you even want to talk to me anymore after what I did, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or anything remotely close but I really am sorry y/n/n. These past 9 years have meant so much to me, and I don't want them to go down the drain because of my stupid actions."

She pauses for a while. Waiting for me to give her some sort of response. "Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you so much, but it would be very helpful if you communicated how you feel to me, so I know when you need space. I haven't forgiven you. That's going to take a long time, but if you're willing to work on this, so am I. Okay?" She puts her hand on top of mine. "Okay."

6 MONTHS LATER...

Everything had been going actually quite well with y/n, and I. I've been working on my communication, and she's been helping me to recognise when I feel like I need space. She's moved back into the compound, and as of recently, she's started staying in our room again.

"Hey baby." I forgot how much I love her voice. "Hi malysh. Cuddles?" She nods her head and wraps herself around me on the couch. We quickly get sucked into our newfound favourite show, Greys Anatomy. "Meredith really is gorgeous, but not as gorgeous as you!" I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm nothing compared to McDreamy." I laugh, knowing she loves Derek too much.

"Sorry...for everything." She turns to look at me with her eyebrows furrowed, abandoning our show. "I know. It's okay." She adjusts herself so she can kiss my lips. "I love you." She snuggled back onto me, sucking back into the show.

#older!nat #natasha romanoff x reader fluff #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #mcu #avengers #black widow x reader #black widow #natasha x y/n #natasha marvel #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff angst #angst with a happy ending #angst #fluff #y/n y/l/n #natasha romanoff #natsha romanoff #romanoffs widow #greys anatomy #meredith grey #derek shepherd #best show to exist in the whole universe

[writeandsurvive]

AUTHORS NOTE: like I posted recently, this was supposed to be short at first, but here we are now, cutting it in two parts. I'm not sure I did a good job but I really liked the idea. So I hope I did it justice and you guys will enjoy it! 🫣

SUMMARY: your husband wants to open your marriage and Alden Parker is there for you.

WARNINGS: Fem!reader, marriage, open relationship, nsfw, protected sex, piv, oral, spanking, age gap (30s-50s), fall, injury, concussion, lies, vegetarian!reader, Alden kinda teaching sex, ass man!Alden, toxic!mom, reader being her (real) daddy's little girl

Taking over ~ Alden Parker 1/2

From the moment your husband of five years asked for an open relationship, you knew it was over. Bigamy was never your thing, you dedicated yourself to one person at the time and you thought it was the same for him. But somehow, after almost ten years of dating and five of marriage, he needed something new, someone else. Of course, he already had a person in mind; his cute coworker who had been eyeing him for a while, she was barely in her twenties, and was everything you were not. Beautiful with prominent curves, tall. The woman who wears high heels and makeup every single day of their lives, no matter what the circumstances. Your work as an NCIS agent didn't allow you to be this girly kind of woman, not that you'd be even with another job. It wasn't you and you thought your husband liked it, or at least, was fine with it. How wrong.

You were not sure why but you agreed to his request. The wedding vows meant something to you; you were ready to make it work, no matter what. To be entirely honest, the idea of divorcing in your mid thirties wasn't appealing at all, especially with the job taking eighth percent of your time. It felt impossible to meet someone new and start all over again. The plan was for you to have kids soon, not your husband fooling around with his hot new coworker.

There was no way you'd tell the team about what was going on. They wouldn't understand, especially Nick and Tim, who love and protect you like their sister. They like your husband very much, he became family too but this wouldn't sit right with them, and you wouldn't blame them. It didn't sit right with you in the first place. So you hid it to everyone for a couple of months. Every night your husband was out with her, you felt betrayed and thought so little of you. Were you a fool for agreeing to this?

But you decided to stop feeling sorry for yourself. After all, it was an open relationship, which meant you could be with someone else too. But who? You had never been the type of person to go out and hook up with the first stranger you found attractive, so going out just to meet someone wasn't an option. Sleeping with someone from work? The only option was the new team member Alden Parker, who you admittedly found very attractive, but this could be a very bad idea. You were still learning to know one another and getting used to the new team dynamic.

You felt desperate and alone.

You thought you hid it well, but you were quite wrong. During a stakeout, where it was just you and Alden in the car, he didn't wait long before asking how you were. "I'm fine, why?"

"I know I've only been here for a few months, and we're still getting to know each other, but I can tell something's wrong with you. You're closed off."

You laughed softly, earning a side eye from Alden. "Surprising that you're the one noticing."

"Maybe I'm paying too much attention-- to the team. So, what's up? You know you can trust me, right?"

You locked eyes with him for a moment, seeing how sincere and sweet he really was. "Yeah, I know. It's just-- embarrassing? Sad? Wrong? I don't know." You sighed, looking around the area because you had a job to do.

"Is this about your marriage?" He asked suddenly, catching you off guard. You looked at him with a puzzled look. "You don't talk much about your husband, even when the guys asked about him. They mentioned not seeing him in a while." You played with your wedding band while looking at it. "I've been married for ten years. Nothing you'll say will surprise me."

"Think so? Did your ex-wife ask for an open relationship?" You didn't really think before talking, and immediately regretted telling Alden about it. Your cheeks turned red, and you avoided his eyes for a very long time afterwards.

"Okay, um. I admit that-- you surprised me, good job." He paused. "Did he ask that suddenly?"

Since you spilled the beans, you might as well tell him everything. You needed to talk to someone, have someone's opinion. So, you gave him a resume of the past two months. How your husband told you about it, his coworker he's been dating, how you had been feeling, your fears.

"Honestly, I don't even understand how he could've asked that. I mean, if I was your husband, I wouldn't want another woman, and I definitely wouldn't want to share you."

You uncontrollably smiled at that despite the tears threatening to fall. "Too bad you're not my husband then." You joked, but Alden didn't laugh. He softly put his hand on top of yours, stopping you from nervously rubbing them together. The simple contact felt very nice, you didn't remember the last time your husband held your hands.

"I don't know your husband, and I want to meet him even less than before, but it does sound like he just wanted to be with this girl, without actually cheating. But mark my word, he'll regret it. I'm pretty sure that the moment you tell him you're seeing someone, he won't like it."

"Yeah, well I don't know if that'll happen, so..." You trailed off, looking down at your joined hands. His thumb was rubbing small circles on your knuckles, and that tiny gesture felt great. All you wanted to do was reach out for a hug from him. You were certain he'd give the best hugs; gentle and tender but tight.

"Why not? I mean, you could get anyone."

"Even you?" You weren't sure what had gotten into you, where this bluntness was coming from but since it was out of your mouth, you turned your face to lock eyes with Alden. He was already looking at you, leaning just slightly. He stayed silent for a moment, his eyes going down to your lips a couple of times.

"Anyone." He repeated softly.

Silence filled the car from a moment, it was just you and Alden speaking through your looks. Eventually, you broke it off by laughing. A soft and nervous laugh, and you immediately buried your face in his shoulder. He chuckled too, unsure of what this meant.

"I'm sorry," you said. "I laugh when I'm nervous. I'm not sure what's happening here, or even what I'm supposed to do."

His cheek was resting on the top of your head. "I didn't mean to make you nervous. I don't want us to be awkward with each other. It's just-- yeah, you can have me if you want."

You slowly lifted your head, just enough to look him in the eyes. He was sincere. After a moment of hesitation, you reached out and pressed your lips against his. Alden immediately melted into the kiss, holding the back of your head to intensify it. Before you knew it, his tongue was inside your mouth, allowing you to taste the coffee he just drank. The kiss lasted a long time and you couldn't remember the last time you'd been kissed like this. He truly wanted you and at this moment, he was all you wanted.

Remembering that you were on a stakeout, you eventually pulled away. Growling, Alden took a second to adjust himself and that was when you noticed the obvious budge in his suit pants. It seemed...big. "Oh wow." You said, uncontrollably.

Alden followed your eyes to his erection, and readjust himself again. "Um, yeah, sorry. I can leave the car--"

"What, no! Absolutely not! It's just-- intriguing? How big are you?"

He laughed - not without a certain pride. "Nothing to be afraid of." He smirked and winked.

"I highly doubt that." You said, still looking at it.

After a split second, you felt Alden's fingers stroking your chin and pressing gently to make you look at him. "Let me take you out to dinner. No pressure, just a nice time between two friends."

"So, not a date?"

"If you want it to be a date, then a date it is."

"Do you want it? I mean, it's not a regular situation and I'd understand if you didn't want to get in the middle of this."

"Your husband is clearly failing in his duties, and I'll be happy to take over, show you how you're supposed to be treated."

"Okay then."

Okay then. You and Alden did your best to take your hands and mouth off of each other during the rest of the stakeout. It was rough, because all you wanted was to climb onto him in the driver seat and discover how he feels. How he would make you feel.

But Alden was the perfect gentleman. After agreeing to have the date once the case is closed, he kept a reasonable distance from you. Too much time with you would prevent him from acting correctly, because he desperately wanted you.

He had since he joined NCIS. But he immediately noticed your wedding band - plus the age difference - so he tried to shut his crush down. However, everyday was a challenge. You were everything he ever dreamed of in a woman, and not just physically. He felt like a teenager around you, which pissed him off sometimes. How could he, a fifty-something years old man, could have a stupid crush on his thirty-something years old coworker? He felt highly inappropriate for months, especially when you stopped talking about your husband and Alden wondered if it could mean something. For a second, he hoped you had split up before being mad at himself for thinking about something like that. Now, the opportunity showed up, and if he had to be the side boyfriend, then he would be.

It was Friday night, the case was finally closed and you were working on reports and paperwork. Alden told McGee and Palmer to go home and be with their kids, when Nick complained about not being able to leave early cause he didn't have kids. "Fine, go home too before I change my mind. You too girls." He added, looking at Jess then you. Nick and Jess were in the elevator before you had time to respond. You stood up and walked over to Alden's desk.

"Good job, boss." You giggled.

"Nick is too predictable, that was easy."

"Now what?" You leaned against his desk, and it took him all his self control to keep his hands to himself.

"You tell me. Is it too late to go on that date?" He stood up from his chair, his body dangerously close to yours.

"I don't think so, but I'm gonna need an hour to go home and get ready."

"Why are you still here?"

Unconsciously, you pecked his lips before leaving. Alden smiled at that little gesture, before rushing out, so he could go home and get ready too.

Good thing your husband wasn't home. He had texted you that he would be out for the night, with her you assumed, not that you really cared anymore. Alden texted you, asking if he could pick you up, and if he should park away from the house. 'I'm home alone, act like you'd do normally.' you answered. So he did just that.

You opened the front door to find Alden Parker all dressed up, holding some flowers. You couldn't control your grin, nor the butterflies in your stomach. "You had time to pick up some flowers for me?" He handed them to you, and leaned over to kiss your cheek, making you blush and feel other things.

"They are actually from my greenhouse. I picked the most beautiful ones, but you are the most beautiful flower."

You giggled nervously while smelling the flowers, before walking towards the kitchen. "Come on in for a sec -- they are so pretty, Alden. Thank you so much." You couldn't remember the last time your husband offered you some flowers.

"Are you sure that's okay? For me to be in?" To be honest, he felt a bit uncomfortable there. It was just a reminder that you weren't completely available. You were married and would never be his entirely.

"We're not doing anything in the house. I'm just putting these in a vase."

To Alden's relief, you were out just a minute later. He held your hand up to his car, opened and closed the door for you. It wasn't much, but those small things melted you. "Where are we going?" You asked, after he started to drive.

"That's a surprise." He smirked.

"Not to be a pain, I don't know if you know, but I'm a vegetarian and it--" you felt his hand on your thigh. His touch was soft and gentle.

"I know, don't worry, okay?"

You obviously didn't have to worry because Alden took you to a vegetarian restaurant. It was fairly new and you hadn't been there yet, so you were excited. Again, he acted like the perfect gentleman, holding doors, keeping his hand in the small of your back, telling you to pay no attention to the prices.

The dinner was amazing, both the food and the chemistry between you and Alden. The conversation flooded easily, you got to really know each other, talking about your families, childhoods, hobbies. At any point did you talk about work, nor your marriage. "I could eat more vegetarian dishes." He admitted, tasting how good the food was.

"That'd definitely be better than your current diet." You teased.

"What's wrong with my diet?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Don't make me say it." You giggled.

"Please do."

"It's the diet of an overworked bachelor, plus pastries. Tons of pastries."

"Overworked bachelor, huh?" He smiled. "And I thought you liked my pastries."

"I do, very much. I just think you should eat healthier."

"Point taken. It's nice to have someone who cares."

You put your hand on top of his, and he welcomed it. "I do care, Alden." He brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles.

"So do I." He answered.

Were you supposed to care in a situation like this?

After the restaurant, Alden asked if you wanted to keep the night going or if you wanted a ride home. There was no way you were going home just yet, so you drove for about fifteen minutes, before pulling over to the Bowlero. Alden laughed when you looked at him with a grin. "I knew you'd like that."

"So much! I'm so gonna kick your ass at every game!" This time Alden didn't have time to circle the car cause you were out before him. You grabbed his hand and rushed him inside.

You started with the arcades. Alden knew you were a competitive person, he heard you arguing with McGee over a game you played together, he even remembered Jimmy saying something about Victoria being upset during a board game because you wouldn't let her win. But Alden would let you win every game possible if it meant you'd smile and do a ridiculous happy dance. He wanted to kiss you every time you mocked him for losing, and also punished you in his very own way.

Then you offered to play pool. Except that pool was Alden's game. He was ridiculously good at it, probably because he spent long hours playing with friends when he was younger. However, he was distracted. Every time you leaned over the table for your turn, showing off your pretty ass in that tight dress, his cock twitched. The things he wanted to do to you in that position. "I thought you were a killer at pool?" You teased, mid-game.

"I'm a bit distracted." He said, positioning himself over the table.

"By my ass?"

Since you were on the other side of the table, you slowly turned around and shook your hips just slightly. "Fuck, sweetheart. You can't do this here. That ass is only for me to enjoy."

You turned around again, laughing. "Looks like those teenage boys enjoyed the view."

Alden immediately turned his face to where you were pointed, ready to give those boys a death glare. But there were no boys, or anyone else. "Not funny." He turned back to you. "Get out of my eyesight, so I can win this."

You circled the table to be behind him. You actually checked out his ass too. After hitting the white ball, and watching two balls going inside the holes, he faced you. "Much better." He smiled, proud of himself.

You got closer, pressing your body against his. "I didn't pin you for an ass man." You whispered.

He cleared his throat. "I'd always considered myself a tits man. But you--" he pressed his forehead against yours, his hand roaming at the small of your back. He wanted to touch your butt, and so did you. "You drive me crazy." He just said.

"Let's finish this game, fast."

To your displeasure, Alden won, even though he did fail a few balls on purpose. On the way back to the car, you kept talking about the game, what you did wrong, even accused him of cheating which made him laugh. "Damn, you don't deserve sex tonight." You finished the rambling, as you reached the car.

"Okan then," he opened the passenger for you but stood in the way. "I'll just drop you off." He had a tiny smirk on his face, but his instinct told him you wanted sex as much as he did, but he was also afraid you just wanted an excuse to go home. "Can I kiss you good night now?"

"Idiot." You said, grabbing his collar into a fist and bringing him into you. His body crashed into yours as he didn't hold his weight back on purpose, so he could catch you. His hands were immediately on your ass, right before his lips were on yours. If that kiss in the car had been something, this was even more. You and Alden were practically making out in the parking lot, not caring that you could be seen. "I wanna see your greenhouse." You whispered, out of breath.

The greenhouse was prettier than you expected. While holding your hand or your waist, Alden showed you some of his plants and flowers, even telling you about the ones he offered you earlier. But your eyes were more focused on him, his face, his lips, than anything else. "You're not listening to me, are you?" He chuckled.

"I'm a bit distracted." You said, reminded his words from earlier.

He gently grabbed your face in his hands and locked eyes with you. "I gotta ask-- are you sure about this?"

"Are you?"

He kissed you as an answer. Then he carried you into his bedroom, and put you down, without ever breaking the kiss. Your lips were probably bruised and swollen by now, not that you cared one bit. He paid attention to your neck, finding that sweet spot, while his hands traveled your body. You were completely melting under his touch. "Have you told how fucking sexy you are?" He asked.

"No."

"Then I'm sorry. Cause damnit you are the sexiest woman ever." His hands and mouth were working on your breasts as you were desperately trying to unbutton his shirt. His words did something to your core and to your heart.

"I need to feel your skin, Alden." You whined. He stopped so you could get rid of his shirt and he took the opportunity to strip you off your dress. Seeing you in your matching lace underwear shortcut his brain. There was so much he wanted to do and say, he couldn't decide where to start.

You touched his hairy chest, kissing his pec then his neck. "Alden? You with me?" Growling, he picked you up just enough to lay you down on his bed. He covered your body with his, kissing you roughly.

"I'm right here, sweetheart." He whispered. "Right here with you."

You both agreed to skip the foreplay, and orals, as you just needed to feel each other right away. Alden was already painfully hard, while you had already ruined your panties. So he grabbed a condom from his nightstand, rubbed his length against your slit for a moment before intruding your core. You both moaned at the feeling, even though he wasn't fully in just yet. "I knew it. I was right to be afraid."

Alden got confused for a second before understanding. He completely laid down on you, stroking your hair and softly kissing your lips, chin and cheeks. "Just a couple more inches, baby. I know you can do it. You're my good girl, aren't you?" His praises worked wonders on you.

He gently thrusted without going fully, until you told him he could. When he bottomed out, you screamed out loud, your eyes rolling back inside your skull. Alden didn't hold back his noises either - which got you even wetter - as he stared down at you with pure lust. It took all of his willing power not to pin you down and fucked you hard. "That's it, princess. I told you you could take all of me." He kissed you. "Fuck, your pussy is sucking me in." He nipped your bottom lip. "Can I move, baby? Please?" He sounded desperate.

"Fuck yes, Den. Fuck me." He didn't need more.

It wasn't a long and sweet love making. You were both so worked up and desperate for each other, it didn't take long until you and Alden came undone, shouting each other's names. While his cock softened inside you, he collapsed on you, listening to your heart pounding in your chest, just like his was. Your hand was resting in his hair.

"That was--" he tried to say.

"Yeah." You agreed.

Soon after, Alden left for a minute and came back with a wet cloth and some water. He cleaned you up, while you drank and stared. "I didn't hurt you, right?" He asked, concerned.

"Not at all." You stroked his cheek. "but you're definitely bigger than--" you stopped there. His brows furrowed together and he was speaking again.

"Was he the only one you've ever--"

"Yup." You confessed, looking down at the glass of water which suddenly seemed intriguing.

"Oh, um. I didn't know," he drank from his own glass.

"Would it have changed something?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"Well I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It seemed irrelevant." You started to move. "If you want to pretend this didn't happen, then fine with me, I'll--" Alden grabbed your arm before you could pull yourself on your knees and brought you against his chest.

"That makes me your second?"

"One, two... You can count, good job." His hand immediately smacked against your butt cheek. You looked at him in disbelief but with a smile on your face.

"I should teach you how to count the right way." He spanked you again. Your eyes went dark, and he knew you liked it very very much. Perfect.

"How many was that? Four?" You teased and two more spanks hit you. You uncontrollably moaned in his chest, and bit his nipple. He let out a high pitched yelp, making you giggle. He put his glass down on the nightstand, - almost dropping it - before getting on top of you, face down on the mattress. Since the four spanks had been on the same cheek, it was already pink, and it sprung Alden's cock back to life. He gave your other cheek a spank.

"No biting, little brat."

You could feel his cock resting between your ass cheeks and for a moment, you considered giving Alden what you always refused to your husband. This ass, your ass... was Alden's to love, fuck and spank.

"Not even a little?" You asked, innocently and earned another spank. You moaned against, burying your face in the pillow - that smelled wonderfully like Alden.

He grabbed a handful of your flesh, leaned over and bit your ass, before smoothing it with his tongue and lips. "Alden," you whined.

"What is it, princess? Do you want something?"

"Your tongue." You whispered.

He spanked you again but was a bit gentler this time. "Louder. You need to be loud and clear."

"I want you to eat my pussy!" You cried.

"Ask and you shall receive."

He turned you over and did exactly what you wanted.

After you came in his mouth, allowing him to drink every bit of you, Alden was painfully hard and ready to go again. He teased your entrance with the tip but you stopped him. He immediately pulled away, giving you space, afraid he did something wrong. But when he saw you turning around with a mischievous smile on your face, he understood. "My turn."

You knew you gave good blowjobs...to your husband. Then again, he was smaller than Alden's so it was easier for you. As you started to suck on Den's cock, you were desperately hoping he would enjoy it. You didn't want to disappoint him. But you could barely take half of him without choking. Still, from his noises, growls and words, he seemed to love it. "Relax your throat, baby. No rush, no worries. You're doing so good." This man could read you like a fucking open book.

You followed his instructions, took your time and slowly, you were able to take a bit more of his length. "Baby, if you choke on my cock one more time, I'm gonna cum." Since it was exactly what you wanted, you took as much as you could, choked and drank to the very last drop of his release.

As bad as he wanted to fuck you one more time, Alden's cock was unresponsive for the rest of the night. So you simply cuddled in bed, made small talk before quickly drifting away.

For a month, everything was great. Things with Alden were amazing, he was an actual dream. Most of the time, you forgot you were married to someone else, it was all about Alden, Alden, Alden. He was extremely sweet and thoughtful, he cared and wasn't afraid to show it, he treated you like a princess, except sometimes during sex. You always liked sex, but with your husband, it has never been too crazy, not that it was bad either. However, with Alden, you discovered yourself, found out you had some kinks and he was more than happy to oblige them.

The team complimented you several times, saying that you were glowing. Thanking them, you saw Alden smirking behind their backs, knowing he was the reason for that glow. It was crazy that they didn't notice what was going on, or at least, they never said or hint anything.

Your relationship with your husband was practically non-existent. You'd run into each other here and there, talked briefly about stuff but that was it. You obviously told him you were seeing someone, and he didn't ask anything, not even who was the guy, or if you were respecting the rules. It felt like he didn't care anymore, and eventually, you stopped caring too. All your focus apart from work, was on Alden and your relationship with this wonderful man.

It was your husband's birthday, and as a tradition, his family and your parents would come over for dinner to celebrate. You turned down Alden's offer to go on a date, mostly because you felt like you had to be there. The families had no idea what was happening and you couldn't just bail on them.

You were preparing a couple of dishes when your husband came home after meeting with his best friend - he said. He surprised you by hugging you from behind and planted kisses in your neck. You instantly stiffed, and tried to wiggle your way out. "What are you doing?" You asked.

"Kissing my wife. Am I not allowed?"

"You haven't touched me for months. Not even a hug."

"I know." He grabbed your waist and spined you around to face him. "It was my mistake and I'm sorry."

He leaned in to kiss you, but you pulled away before his lips could touch yours. "Wait, what is happening here?"

"Did you seriously pull away from a kiss?"

"You can't just come over to me, after months of ignoring me, and expect kisses, cuddles or whatever."

"I don't remember you trying either. I mean, you've barely been home this past month."

"You know exactly where I was."

"Right, with him. Who is he anyways?"

You let out a dry laugh. "So, now you're asking?"

"I am, and I expect an answer." He folded his arms against his chest.

"Someone from work."

He stayed silent for a second. "Nick?"

"Ew, come on."

"I know for sure it's not Tim, nor Jimmy! Wait-- is it the new guy? What's his name?"

"Parker, yes." There was no point in lying.

"Oh my god," he had a humorless laugh. "I can't believe this. That's why I never met him."

"No, you never met him cause you haven't cared in a long time."

"Says the girl who only cares about her job and her team!"

"If that was the problem from the beginning, you could've just said so and asked for a divorce."

"I don't want a divorce! I love you still." You stayed silent. He was obviously expecting you to say it back, but you couldn't. You didn't know if you still loved him. "You're not saying it back."

"I've got to get ready. The parents will be here soon."

You and your husband basically ignored each other, which wasn't difficult. Between the parents, siblings and kids, you each focused on different persons and nobody questioned it. Dinner was barely getting started when your phone rang. It was Alden, so you picked and listened while he told you there was a crime scene and gave you the address. "sorry for ruining your evening, sweetheart." He said.

"Oh no, don't worry." You were somehow relieved.

You got back to the living area where everyone was. "I'm sorry I've got to leave guys. Duty calls." They seemed disappointed but they knew how your jobs worked. "Gonna get changed." You rushed upstairs.

You had barely taken off your dress that your husband merged inside. "It was him, wasn't it?" He asked, angry.

"He's the team leader, he gets the calls and then calls us, so yes." You put on some pants.

"How do I know it's really about work?"

Onto the shirt. "Our families are here. Do you think I'd give up on them?"

"No, but you'd give up on me. You are."

"Stop." You opened the door, and walked away but your husband stopped you right next to the stairs.

"Don't go, stay here with us, with me."

"It's my work, I have to go."

"Work, yeah right." He was raising his voice. "You just want to see him."

"I said stop it!" You tried to pull away but he wasn't letting go of your arms.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" He yelled.

"Let go of me!"

You fought him off, and that was all you remembered but it went dark.

Alden knew something was wrong and so did the team when you never showed up at the crime scene. They all tried to call you multiple times for hours until finally someone picked up when Alden called one more time. "Sweetheart, hey, is everyth--"

"I'm sorry, do you call all of your colleagues 'sweetheart'?"

"Hmm." Alden didn't recognize the voice on the other side but it definitely wasn't you. He suspected the woman to be your mother. "Why isn't Y/N answering? Is she okay?"

"She's at the hospital." Alden's heart stopped at this moment. "She fell down the stairs while she was getting ready and hurt her head. I just got back to the house and found her phone."

"Oh my god," his heart was pounding. "Which hospital is she at? She's gonna be okay, right? The injury isn't too bad?" Nick who was hearing the conversation, called out the rest of the team to approach.

"She has a mid concussion, they are keeping her overnight but she's fine."

"Thank god!" Alden exclaimed uncontrollably. "Which hospital? I'll go see her--"

"No."

"No?"

"She's a married woman, so you need to stay away from her."

"Ma'am--" he tried to talk, say something, anything but your mother kept going.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but it honestly doesn't matter. Whatever was going on between you and my daughter, it ends now. As her superior, and a man old enough to be her father, you should be ashamed."

"Ma'am!" He tried again.

"You know what, you should quit. But if you don't, I'll make sure she doesn't come back to NCIS. It'll be for the best anyways, this job takes too much of her. And it's not taking her marriage. So don't come anywhere near her, and have Nick call next time." She hung up.

Completely stunned, Alden had to sit so he opened the car's door and let himself fall onto the seat. The team was staring as he covered his face and rubbed his eyes. "Parker!" McGee brought him back to reality.

"Yeah, um. She fell down the stairs apparently and has a concussion. They are keeping her at the hospital for the night."

"Okay, move Park, I'm driving." Nick said, waiting for Alden to leave the driver's seat vacant.

"I don't know which hospital. Tim, please tell me you got your laptop?"

Luckily, Tim did have his laptop, and they checked every hospital admissions until they found which one you were at. Nick did drive himself and Alden, while the other had to stay behind to finish up on the crime scene. The team leader didn't say a word during the ride, and Nick respected his silence. He's known about Alden's crush on you for months.

After a few hours and multiple exams, the medical team finally put you in a room. The doctor asked you to not sleep for now, even though you were exhausted and in pain. Your dad joined in, and you were relieved to see that he was alone. "You scared the shit out of me, babygirl." He said, gently kissing your temple. "I'm glad you're fine. The doc doesn't want you to fall asleep just yet, so we're gonna talk, okay?"

"Dad, I don't want to talk right now."

"I need to understand what's going on. You know I'm not judging you and I never will, but did you have an affair with that new guy in your team?"

"That's what he told you?" Your dad nodded.

Of course your husband lied, but you told your father the entire truth. From months ago, to the moment right before you fell down the stairs. You told him about Alden, how you were falling with this man, and how you wanted to be with him and just him. You've been a daddy's little girl from day one, and have always been honest with him, he was kinda hurt you didn't confide in him when it all started, but you know he wouldn't react well.

"Where is he?" You asked eventually, speaking of your husband. "I don't want to see him. Please, don't let him in, dad."

"He's probably getting his nose patched up right now. And I warned him, don't worry. I don't want him anywhere near you." You looked at him, puzzled. "Whether you had an affair or not, I don't care. You fell because of him. Did he--push you, honey?" Your father's jaw was clenched, as well as his fists. He was ready to fight some more.

"No, no! He was just holding me back, I was trying to get out of his grip and the stairs were right there."

Your dad relaxed his fists only slightly, but he didn't have time to say anything.

"You fell because of that motherfucker???"

Alden and Nick were standing at the door.

You never saw that look on Alden's face before, never actually heard him talk this way. Nick wasn't looking any better, very much like your dad, he was ready to fight. Smiling shyly, you extended your hand towards the man you loved. Alden took it, while your father stood up from the bed.

"You two!" You called out your dad and Nick. "You're gonna stay in the hallway, but I swear to god if you go rogue, I'll kick both your asses."

"Yes ma'am!" They both answered, before leaving the room.

"You--" you turned your attention back to Alden, who was breathing heavily. "Sit." He did, and you stroked his beard. "I'm okay."

"You fell, you have a concussion, because of him. That's not okay for me."

"Just hold me, love. Stay here and hold me." He did. "And don't let me sleep."

#ncis #alden parker #alden parker imagine #alden parker fanfic #ncis fanfiction #alden parker x reader #ncis imagine #alden parker smut #gary cole

[jebewonmorelike]

So You Can Do Yours

part two up now: whatever you say, president-nim wc: 2k pronouns: none used; n/a warnings: none? i guess reader is not on good terms with father but to be fair their father is a chairman of a company so he probably is objectively not great; literally fluff and mostly platonic/you're his boss so but suggestion that wookie has a crush on reader at the end... and reader is supposed to be 19; super unrealistic but just a fun little fictional concept lol summary: uselessCEO!reader has fired every new assistant they've had in the past few months, but newassistant!gunwook thinks he might be the right man for the job. ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ this is a cute one :) gunwook is baby. gunwook is son. protect him at all costs. i've been wanting to write more for gunwookie for a while, but i was super hesitant to because i got a really freakish comment about the only small drabble i wrote for him. so five months later i'm ready to try again. please remember this is just a work of fiction and its crazy fluffy. i really hope you like it! also expect more writing from me this month-- i'm taking the rest of summer off from school so. i'll need to stay busy 😤

“President-nim?” A voice calling through the intercom on your desk breaks your concentration. You huff annoyedly as you lean forward and press the microphone button.

“What is it?”

“Your new assistant is here to meet you,” Secretary Lee responds cautiously. You groan; quickly shoving what you had been working on into the hidden compartment of your desk. Not another assistant.

Every Monday for two months now, a new bright-eyed young woman had walked through the doors of your office ready to kick-start her career as a company president's trusty assistant. And sure enough, by that Friday afternoon every single one of them had run out in tears; unable to handle the pressures of the job. Was that pressure almost entirely due to the fact that you had no idea how to do your own job? Unimportant, but--

“Annyeonghaseyo, President-nim!” A male voice shakes you from your internal monologue as you look up to find that a young man in a 90 degree bow has appeared in front of you. He looks up at you, his gaze drifting to your right hand. 

You follow his line of sight to find a watercolor brush still in your hand-- dripping a bit onto your desk. Lifting up your desk compartment slightly, you toss the brush in with the others. You clear your throat a bit awkwardly-- smoothing down the lapels of your suit jacket with your fingers. “Annyeonghaseyo,” you mumble.

“I’m your new assistant, Park Gunwook,” he introduces politely, standing up straight. It’s now that you suddenly realize just how young this man appears to be. His face is round with youth and his lips resemble that of a baby chick. “I hope to serve you well.”

“When? After you get out of school each day?” You joke, brow furrowed in suspicion. “How did you get this job, huh? You look like you’re late for hagwon.”

Gunwook’s brow stays raised for a moment, but a surprisingly cheeky smile eventually creeps onto his face. “Couldn’t I ask you the same, President-nim?”

You exhale an unamused laugh. Guess this one thinks he’s clever. “I graduated two and a half years early.”

“That must look impressive on a resume,” he agrees genuinely with a nod. “Your father being the Chairman of the Board also must look pretty impressive on a resume.”

Stunned by this kid’s audacity, you just stare back at him.

“Nothing to be ashamed of President-nim,” he reassures, clasping his hands together behind his back. “I happen to know someone that works here, too.”

Figures. “And which one of those geriatric, good-for-nothing money bags on the Board is your daddy?”

“None of them,” Gunwook says with a smile. “Secretary Lee is my eomma. Might seem small, but a connection’s a connection.”

Secretary Lee hired her own son? After the way she’d watched all of the sobbing girls run out of the building screaming ‘I’M NEVER WORKING EVER AGAIN’’ each week?

What terrible thing had Park Gunwook done to be handed such a fate by his own mother?

You stand up from your desk and meet Gunwook at the front of it. Walking in a tight circle around him, you examine every inch of him curiously as he stands at attention.

“Um, President-nim?” He asks without moving a muscle. “Can I ask what you’re doing?”

“Absolutely not,” you answer, bending down to look at his dress shoes. They’re more than a few years old and definitely not a designer brand, but somehow... they’re condition is nearly immaculate. Not to mention, the black, thin laces are tied in perfectly symmetrical bows. Huh. It’s pretty uncommon for a boy your age to care that much about the tidiness of his shoes.

“Weirdo,” you mutter under your breath as you stand back up. You have to crane your neck a bit to look Gunwook in the eyes; not only is he quite tall, you also realized you’re standing a bit too close to him. Stepping back slightly, you take a seat on your desk-- crossing your arms as you glare at him.

“Something not to your liking, President-nim?” He asks, eyebrows raised in question. 

You don’t answer. Instead, you ask a question of your own. “What makes you think you have what it takes to be my assistant?”

“I’ve been President of my class since middle school. I’ve placed in national debate competitions. I’m organized, responsible, and competent,” he responds confidently. But a little mischievous sparkle appears in his eye as he adds, “From what I’ve heard, those are qualities the President's office might need more of.”

“YA! Do you want to die, you little--...” As you threaten him, Gunwook has already gone back to his default polite smiling. “What’s wrong with you, huh? Don’t you know I can blacklist you for life with one phone call? Tell me why I shouldn’t--.”

“President-nim!” Gunwook interrupts your thought excitedly; pointing to a stack of papers sitting on the corner of your desk. “Are those spreadsheets that need executive review? I’m experienced in Excel if you're... too busy for them.”

You frown, picking up the papers in your hand and sifting through them. They are spreadsheets that need executive review. You’ve been putting it off for a week, because, believe it or not, you didn’t get a very spreadsheet-centric education at the fine arts university you attended. To think, you could be painting in your own studio all day every day. But instead your father wanted you to do something “sensible” and “respectable” that “made you worthy of receiving his estate some day”.

Not that you cared much about an inheritance. But at this point it was the least you were owed for sacrificing your life’s passion to goof off in an office for the rest of your life. It wasn’t like you particularly enjoyed being unhelpful or unproductive, but at just shy of twenty years old with a BA in Fine Arts... you hadn’t exactly been well-prepared for such an important job.

You look back up at Gunwook. He’s practically salivating at the mouth to get his hands on your routine paperwork. You hand him the stack of spreadsheets with a sigh: “Knock yourself out.”

Gunwook’s concerningly large hand snatches the papers from yours with lightning speed; hugging them to his chest happily. “Thank you, President-nim! I won’t let you down.”

You’re almost starting to believe him. 

“Right,” you agree, chewing your cheek as you walk back behind your desk. “Well, you get to work on those and have them back to me by... Uh...”

You’re struggling to think of a reasonable time frame for the spreadsheet reviews to be completed, since you’d never once been the one to finish them. Gunwook sees this and answers for you, “Tomorrow at noon, I think you were going to say, President-nim?”

“Tomorrow at noon,” you echo with a frown. You’re not sure you like how familiar this kid was becoming with you already, but at least he’d been far more eager to do your executive work for you than anyone had been thus far. You’d know by tomorrow at noon if he was truly capable or not.

“And where should I put them for you if you’re not in your office, President-nim?” He asks thoughtfully.

“Oh, um,” you stumble, looking around for a good spot. You land on the thin drawer at the center of your desk and point to it. “In here is fine.”

Gunwook quickly walks behind your desk to see the drawer, stopping at a respectful distance. He reaches towards the drawer, but when you realize his fingers are pulling the wrong handle-- the top of your desk is already lifting open before you can stop him.

“Whoah,” the boy whispers in awe as he stares at the giant watercolor landscape painting you’d been working on for the last week or so. You both stand in silence for a moment as you watch Gunwook take in every detail of your latest work. “This is incredible.”

“Thank you,” you reply softly-- folding your arms across your chest uncomfortably at the compliment. No one had seen your artwork for a while now; even mentioning it in your father’s presence sent him into a spiral.

“If you’re this talented, then why--... Why are you the president of a tech corporation?” He asks, eyes meeting yours now. He’s curious and concerned and confused. When he realizes he forgot to speak formally, he bows in apology. “I’m sorry, President-nim.”

“Sometimes a 'connection' isn’t what you wanted,” you say after a moment, sitting back down in your desk chair.

Gunwook swallows from beside you, taking a few steps back to the front of your desk. “I’ll help as best as I can, President-nim. I’ll do my work so that you can do yours.”

You blink back at him, a bit speechless. “O-... Okay.”

He bows, another 90 degree one. “Should I get started on these then, President-nim?”

“Yeah,” you agree, nodding slowly. “Yes. That would be good.”

Gunwook nods. “Thank you, President-nim,” he says, turning and walking towards the door.

“Gunwook-sshi,” you call suddenly, causing the young man to let go of the door handle in his hand and turn around. His eyes are wide as he waits patiently for you to continue. “Why did you apply for this job? Besides the fact that your mother works here.”

The boy smiles, answering simply, “I thought I would be a good fit.”

You exhale a laugh, rolling your eyes. “We’ll see.”

Gunwook’s smile turns to a grin as he nods again-- walking out the door and closing it behind him.

~

The end of the work day comes surprisingly quickly (and it may or may not have something to do with Gunwook). 

Okay, it has everything to do with Gunwook. 

To your very pleasant surprise, the teenage boy had been your best assistant yet by a considerable margin. All in the span of six hours, he’d color-coded your weekly schedule, ghostwritten five urgent emails to executives from partner companies, brought you your lunch order exactly how you prefer it, and reorganized your entire desk for you all while you painted next to him.

He didn’t ask you any unnecessary questions or disturb your peace; he just did his work so that you could do yours. Just like he said he would.

The end of the day came so quickly that when Gunwook knocked on your door to ask you if you were heading out for the day, you thought he was making one of his insulting-but-somehow-also-charming remarks about your lack of presidential work ethic again. But glancing at the clock, you see that he’s right-- it’s almost 7 P.M.

“I’m actually gonna keep working for a little while longer,” you respond before you catch Gunwook’s eyebrows raise. “You can go home now though. You have to be well-rested for another day of high school tomorrow.”

He sticks his tongue in his cheek and smiles at the joke. “I actually go to university now, President-nim. Part-time, but still.”

You find yourself trying to picture what Gunwook would look like on a campus: a grey hoodie, jeans, and his hair flopping into his eyes. In another life, one where you had a different father, maybe you’d still be going to university, too. Maybe you would've run into Gunwook and been his sunbae instead of the Guinness World Records holder for youngest president of a national corporation. Would you have noticed each other? Would you have been friends? Rivals? Something else?

Returning his smile, you dismiss, “Have a good night, Gunwook-sshi.”

“Have a good night, President-nim.”

You work on your painting for another hour before finally gathering your things and heading out the door for the night. On your way out, you see Secretary Lee typing away at her desk. When she spots you, she grimaces nervously.

“Oh, President-nim,” she greets as you walk over to her. “I hope you’re not too upset, but I thought that my son could--.”

“Could be the best assistant I’ve ever had?” You finish for her; watching as her face relaxes at your compliment. “You were right. And you better keep up the good work, Secretary Lee: Gunwook-sshi would make a great secretary.”

Secretary Lee swallows and nods at the hint of a threat. “Understood, President-nim.”

You smile, starting to head toward the exit before your curiosity stops you in your tracks. You turn over your shoulder to call, “Secretary-nim?”

She looks at you expectantly; if not also a bit nervously.

“Why did Gunwook-sshi want to be my assistant?”

She considers for a moment before replying, “After your... poor luck... with assistants these past few months, I couldn’t help but think my son had what it takes to change that. He’s always been such an overachiever. But he wasn’t really interested at all at first."

“Why did he change his mind?” You ask; wanting to understand a bit more about the incredibly competent, but slightly odd assistant that showed up at your office today.

Secretary Lee laughs quietly. “Well, to be honest... He only handed me his completed application after...

... I showed him a picture of you.”

#zerobaseone #zerobaseone x reader #zerobase1 #zerobaseone fics #zerobaseone fluff #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone drabbles #zerobaseone gunwook #zb1 #zb1 imagines #zb1 fics #zb1 fluff #zb1 drabbles #zb1 x reader #zb1 gunwook #boys planet #boys planet imagines #boys planet drabbles #bp999 imagines #bp999 drabbles #kpop imagines #kpop drabbles #kpop #bp999 #gunwook #park gunwook #park gunwook drabbles #park gunwook imagines #park gunwook fluff #park gunwook fics

[cod-dump]

*breaks down your Inbox's door* *heavy breathing* I've made my own Shadow OCs but don't think this means I'm happy about it.

*I am actively losing sanity because Graves and his Shadows have me in a death grip*

So here, here are my Shadows. There's like nothing on them cause I've just now made this shit up for ~reasons~

Andrew 'Woody' Fallwood. Gets his callsign from his name and the fact he's a cowboy. Around 5'11", not very big but is plenty strong. He's a silly guy, likes to make jokes and stuff to keep the others calm, especially big boy Moose. Almost always has a cigarette in his mouth. Can be a bit of an ass but that's just cause he's a stubborn little Southern man. More of an Appalachian southern man, and grew up on a cattle farm. Just really loves cows cause he has so many fond memories of the cows under his family's care. Scary good shot. At least it's scary until people learn he grew up in rural Appalachia and then it's just "oh you've been shooting since you were six, haven't you?"

Cole 'Flash' Halley. Tall, lanky guy that stands at around 6'2". Youngest to be recruited into Shadow Company, often gets called "Baby" or similar things since he's so young. Instantly became so many of the Shadows' new younger brother. Gets his name from one of his first days as a Shadow where he beat a record for completing an obstacle course in the fastest time. He holds all the records for "fastest" on so many things on base, including "fastest time to get a hug from Moose". Cause while Moose is a nice guy and all, he doesn't just go around hugging people, especially the newer Shadows. All Flash had to do though was walk up to him in tears and Moose's big brother instincts kicked in. This was his second day on base. He's the stereotypical little brother, though, cause he's constantly doing things to piss other Shadows off/to just be annoying for the hell of it.

Matthew 'Truck' Simmons. Shorter (around 5'8"), but broad, bulky guy. He's been dubbed "getaway driver". He drives everything, from the great big tanks to just normal ass cars. Definitely a truck freak, and is always in the shop, working on any of the numerous terrain vehicles the Shadows have. Had to repeat a couple of school years, and the second he turned 18 he enlisted. He was sick of being told he wasn't "smart" just because he can't do well on academic tests. But put a truck in front of him and a toolkit and he can tell you every single thing about that truck in extreme detail.

Jacob 'Ness' Owens. Not tall at all compared to most other Shadows, only around 5'6". He's a superb swimmer, and is almost always in the water. Loves to dive and do other water related missions. If he could, he'd swim in the outdoor pool year long (it's closed during the off seasons), but luckily the indoor pool's temperature is more easily controlled, thus allowing him to intentionally make it colder. These pools are for training, but the indoor one tends to be more recreational. Ness is required to sign into something when he wants to swim, cause he always makes it colder, and Graves got sick of the complaining from Shadows trying to swim after he's done. Gets his callsign from the fact he's often in his full wetsuit while swimming, and one time, during the night, several Shadows saw him swimming outside and joked he looked like the Loch Ness Monster. He's very quiet and rarely talks, doesn't like to be around a lot of people, but does a good job and is still friendly enough. Prefers giving in to his cryptid namesake (and the fact he's Ohioan) and doing weird things to get out of conversations. (like staring wide-eyed at them and sinking under the table like it's the water level)

*Ness is my baby boy I love him so much*

Anyways, back to complaining over my willing obsession over Graves and Shadow Company

Ah, the brainrot has a firm root if you made ocs HAHAHAHAHAHAH-

-

Moose is actually an excellent swimmer and handles the cold pretty well so him and Ness would bond over that. Moose won’t stay in the water as much but he would definitely join him for a swim.

Flash would definitely be mothered by Moose. Having joined when he was pretty young himself he’s pretty protective of younger Shadows. He tries to not be overbearing but sometimes he can’t help it and worries over them.

Moose would love to hear Truck talk about his vehicles. He knows a few things himself about them, well enough to get them running or to make repairs if needed. He likes listening to people talk about things they’re passionate about.

Woody would definitely be good friends with Moose. The jokes would win him over and they have a shared love for cows. But the accent would definitely have a part in it, something Moose won’t admit. A southern accent is very comforting to him.

#shadow company oc #cod oc #shadow company moose #shadow company #ask #thanks for the ask <3 #drabble #cod oc: flash #cod oc: ness #cod oc: truck #cod oc: woody

[pinkiebieberpie]

mornings｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

(single dad!mechanic!bucky barnes x teacher!f!reader)

i knew i had to write this when @buckycuddlebuddy said these two (1) (2) are from the same au... hope you like it! as always i'm not much of a writer. feedback and reblogs are appreciated ♡ and thank you elif for putting this in my head, i hope it's not that bad

words: 2k

warnings: mention of divorce, age gap (bucky is in his late 30s, reader is in her late 20s), hand kink, pet names (sweetheart, baby, honey), kissing, flirting, dirty talk, fingering, eating out, implied p in v sex - let me know if i've missed something ♡

y/n can admit that she likes her job, she really likes her job. she wanted to work with kids since she was very young herself. there was something about being responsible for a new generation, something about being able to influence young souls and brains, teach them what's right, what's wrong and what's truly important in life.

there was also other part that she liked, or should i say loved about her job. james bucky barnes. he was one of her students' father. his daughter was very smart and she was as charming as her dad. y/n knew that he was always flirting with her, or at least when he had a chance to do that.

james had a big crush on her. he was a single father, his daughter was 6 and his ex-wife left them when little cassie was not even 2 years old. he was alone for quite a while now, but if i'm being honest it's not easy being a full time father, having your own car workshop and dating.

one thing about bucky is that he loved mornings. he 100% was a morning person. they were peaceful for him. he wakes up before cassie, makes a cup of coffee for himself and breakfast for both of them. for bucky mornings are slow, it's time when he can relax, read some news, help his baby girl get ready for school. he loves being a father and he is a pretty good one, too. even when cassie was in kindergarten everyone was impressed by how organized bucky is and how much he cares about every detail. cassie was always wearing clean and perfectly ironed dresses, her hair was in two, immaculately parted and made ponytails.

he loved mornings for one more reason - his daughter's teacher. he saw her almost everyday. today was one of those days. the weather was beautiful, it was a sunny morning, cassie was happy and was singing in the car all the way to school.

"miss y/l/n!" she said loudly, almost screamed and waved to y/n.

"hi, sweetie, how are you today?" y/n asked with a wide smile on her face. in that moment bucky felt like he is in heaven.

"i'm good, daddy made me pancakes for breakfast!" cassie looked like she would explode, she was that excited about pancakes.

"that's very nice, cassie" y/n said, laughed a little and looked at bucky "good morning mr. barnes, she's so happy about those pancakes, that makes me believe they are magical or something"

"just made with love" bucky responded, he was a little bit nervous around y/n and that made him feel like a teenager in love.

"well, that's the best and most important ingredient" y/n said and looked in his eyes, they were like oceans, but they were also smiling to her, she felt like she could talk with bucky for hours, just to listen to his voice and look him in the eyes.

unfortunately she couldn't because cassie and her had to go for their classes. little girl held y/n's hand and they both went inside the classroom, the last thing y/n said to bucky that day was "it was nice seeing you again mr. barnes" and that one sentence was with bucky for the rest of the day, because it was more than nice to him seeing her.

next few days were normal, to all three of them. cassie was cheerful as always, bucky was trying his best to be an amazing father and y/n was satisfied with her job and kids' achievements. bucky saw her four times this whole week. somedays he was way more flirty than others. complementing y/n's outfits, her smile, her hair. once he made her breakfast, but cassie was the one that shared it with y/n. bucky was still happy about it - now y/n knew that his cooking was good. and pancakes were only a drop in the ocean of what he was able to do in the kitchen. he was an excelent chef.

next monday bucky was surprised that y/n wasn't at school when he dropped cassie off. he wanted to ask other teacher what happened but he had no time to do that. he had to go to work. today was a busy day for him, he had a few cars to take care of and repair them.

when he arrived to his car workshop he thought his heart would erupt, because what would y/n do here? did she know he worked here? she probably knew that he was a mechanic, there was a chance that cassie mentioned it at school, but there was no way, she knew that he worked here, right?

"um, miss y/l/n?" he asked when he walked out of his car "hi, what are you doing here?"

"mr. barnes! hi, oh my god, you work here?" what a coincidence - was her first thought.

"i do, i'm also the owner" he nodded his head "you need anything? something wrong with your car?"

"yeah, there is this weird noise when i'm driving, i'm afraid it may be something serious "

"we will see" bucky winked at her, he was more confident now, it was his place, he knew what he was doing, he felt like a fish in the sea and he really wanted to help her.

"thank you, mr. barnes-"

"you can call me james or bucky, please" he interrupted her and licked his lips, afraid she may think it's not a right thing to do, he was still one of her students' parent.

"oh, okay, james" when she said his name it sounded like the most beautiful song he has ever heard "you can call me, y/n"

bucky winked at her again and after that he went straight to finding out what happened to her car. she was looking at him, for the first time ever she actually had a chance to look at him for a little bit longer and definitely more intently. he was attractive, there was also something very, very sexy about him working. y/n couldn't focus on anything else but his hands. seeing all the different tools in his hands makes y/n's brain imagine a lot of scenarios. with him and her. she was staring. and he knew that, but it was hard not to stare. his hands were big and veiny, now a little bit dirty too. that was also making her moan in her head. she was daydreaming about james touching her, everywhere. she wanted to have his hands all over her body.

"this is nothing very dangerous, i can fix it in like an hour" bucky snatched her away from her fantasies.

"good" she hummed still looking at his hands, bucky smirked.

"you are staring, you like what you see, sweetheart?"

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't-"

"that's more than okay, y/n" he said it in the middle of her sentence "i like your eyes on me, not gonna lie, i can feel them, they are like electricity. looking at something specific? my hands maybe?"

"i'm not, i'm-" y/n started trembling.

"that's fine, baby, you can have much more of them if you want, all you have to do is ask"

y/n was shocked. cassie's dad was always adorable, in her head he was more than a gentleman, but now? was he offering something? something she wanted? something she shouldn't do?

"what do you mean?" she asked still looking at him.

"i can touch you. i can touch your body, everywhere you want, just say it"

"i- can't, this is not right, james, i'm sorry... maybe i'll leave my car here and come back later?" her heart was pounding so fast, she was nervous "you probably have a lot of work"

"i don't, it's only your car here, i have a lot of time and i'd love to spend it with you" that was a lie, but he didn't care right now, he was closer to her, y/n was afraid he may hear her heartbeat "we can stay right here or maybe go to my office, have a little bit more privacy" bucky fixed her hair and brushed it back behind her ear. his touch was gentle, but his skin was rough.

she knew, they shouldn't do it, but bucky was like a drug and the only thing he did so far was barely touching her cheek and ear. y/n was the one who kissed him first. he kissed her back immediately. bucky's lips were soft and he was really good kisser. shortly after y/n kissing him, he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him. she gasped in his lips and he chuckled.

"i barely even touched you and you are already melting, baby, i can't imagine what is going to happen to you when you'd feel my fingers on your bare skin"

y/n wanted, or should i say needed his hands on her skin. not only skin, she needed his fingers deep inside her.

"please, i need more" she whined and looked him in the eyes.

"what do you need? my fingers on your skin? touching and squeezing your breasts? maybe touching your wet, needy pussy?"

"fuck, yes- please, james-" her moaning his name made him weak, almost as much as his words made y/n. she had no idea what has happened to her, but she wanted this more than anything. she wanted him. this attractive, confident man and his fingers. right fuckin now.

they were in his office a few moments later, kissing each other with passion and desire. bucky grabbed y/n's butt and seated her on his desk. nobody gave a fuck about all the different bills and contracts that now were on the floor. he started kissing her neck, she moaned louder than she wanted to, but, fuck, that was so hot and it felt so good. she wanted more. and he wanted to give it to her. james was on his knees in a matter of seconds. he unbuttoned her jeans, looking in her eyes while taking them off. y/n's breath quickened.

"i know you want my fingers, baby, but i have to taste you" he said and moaned when he saw how soaked her underwear was. bucky slowly took them off y/n's body and spread her legs.

his lips felt like a dream. she was floating and it was all because of james. his tongue was skilled and he was doing things to her that nobody ever did. when his fingers joined his lips y/n was sure she would cum in just a few seconds.

"this feels so nice-" she moaned again, closed her eyes and also started moving her hips, y/n wanted more "fuck, james, just like that, right here"

his fingers were touching all the right spots. this and him sucking on her clit was almost too much. y/n's orgasm hit her like a truck and he screamed his name, put her fingers im his hair and pulled them, maybe a little bit too hard. bucky hissed, but was still kissing and sucking on her now swollen and sensitive pussy.

"shit, honey, you were so sweet and good to me" bucky said when he was back on his feet. he kissed her lips so she could taste herself. y/n moaned a little "how about you would rest here, i'll bring you water in a moment, later i'd go work on your car and when it's fixed we can do a little bit more than that? i need to feel you on my dick"

and that's exactly what they did.

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky barnes moodboard #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes ff #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes fic #dilf!bucky #mechanic!bucky #single!dad!bucky #single dad!bucky #single dad!mechanic!bucky #single!dad!mechanic!bucky #dilf!bucky x teacher!reader #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes one shot

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Not sure if you can help but...

I used to write fanfic a lot (not just Johnlock, but other fandoms too) and I got a particularly nasty comment on a fic months back (almost a year ago now I think) that made me delete my entire AO3 and never write anything ever again.

But I miss it so much. And every time I go to write something, the magic is just gone and I get nowhere. It's like any joy I had in writing was just sucked out by one single comment. How do I fix this?

Hey Nonny *SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE*

I'm so sorry that the "magic" feels gone, and I am so sorry that you had such a terrible experience because of one entitled asshole.

Unfortunately, I am not a professional in this regard, so please take what I say as just a grain of salt and as someone who adores and supports all creatives in this fandom... I've gotten lots of nasty comments over the years, and honestly... I take more joy that I continue on doing what I'm doing and that they're SO bloody bothered by me that I just ignored them... because really that's all you can do online. And sites like AO3 now give you the option to have your fics only be commented on by registered users only, so if you get that hate comment, just report it, block the user, and laugh at them.

I know that it's easier said than done, but to me it seems like you want to do start writing again. I've found that I just stopped caring about who my content is for, because at the end of the day, I'm doing my content for me, and it has the side effect of other people enjoying it too. I've lived long enough to just... not give a shit anymore about asshats online, because honestly they're just sad, bored people who get a sick thrill from riling people up.

BUT AGAIN, Nonny, this might be deeper than "just writing and forgetting about it" because that one comment WAS traumatic for YOU and that's VALID. I think talking to other authors might be beneficial to you to help you overcome that hurdle. FOR ME, I've found just... doing my projects with me as the primary audience does wonders. I love going back to my SUPER old stories and rereading them, because I take a lot of joy in remembering that these worlds were created by me FOR me. And looking at my old art and seeing how much I've improved often is motivation enough for me to carry on.

Actually, thinking back to my college days (OOOOOOF I'm old), we specifically had classes where the profs would rip apart our projects during critique sessions, on purpose, because in the real world, unfortunately, it is stuff you have to deal with in real life and they didn't want us to have our first experience be on-the-job. So I MIGHT be a bit more indifferent to "critiques" than most people, I'm now realizing, so AGAIN, please take what I say with a grain of salt.

That all said, you know what, Lovely? You have a lot more fans than you know, I'm sure, and they'd be thrilled to have you back <3 I REALLY REALLY wish I was better at articulating just how much I really want to see you happy, and how much of the best I hope for you. I know that my words aren't going to make everything better, but I hope they helped a bit.

If there's anyone who struggled to get over that hurdle themselves, please don't hesitate to reply or send me an anonymous message and I'll paste it here so Nonny knows that they're not alone.

And if you do, Nonny, decide to return and post up your stories, I am ALWAYS here to promote them and boost them for you <3

Please take care Nonny, and I hope you continue to write again <3 But KNOW that if you inevitably DON'T, THAT IS OKAY TOO. <3

#steph replies #chatting with nonnies #i am not a professional #writing advice #life advice #writer problems #my advice

[stayinhellevator]

Shades Of Love

Where you thought love was red but it was golden

Pairing: S.Coups x gn!Reader//Wonwoo x gn!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst//S2L, L2E

Word Count: 1922

Warning: Mentions of seggsy times(not explicit)

Playlist: Red and Daylight ~ Taylor Swift

"Order 895 is ready. Please collect it."

You could hear your own voice booming in the buzzed cafeteria followed which a sturdy familiar young man walked towards the counter, flashing you his infamous gummy dimpled smile.

"Thank you! Now that I've had the best coffee that there is, my day would be better."

You shook your head at his antics and prepared his receipt as you tried to hide the smile that threatened to come out in order to not encourage his tactics. He did this every single day, coming to the cafe you worked at without fail with his regular order of an americano and melon bread and asked you out, also without fail.

However, you weren't quite ready to date and certainly not this handsome overly rich guy. He was so damn charming that nobody could ignore him, no matter how hard they tried to resist him, to you he seemed like a god damn celebrity and you, were just you. A broke final year college student, with big dreams, struggling with multiple part time jobs but that's what happens when your parents couldn't care any less about your existence. You had somehow survived school under their control and now you were almost done with your college all on your own and you were very proud of yourself. You had so much on your plate that you couldn't really prioritise a relationship in your life much less the attention that'd come upon you, with a guy like him.

"So are you free tonight? Tomorrow? Overmorrow?"

But he was also good at breaking your resolve; especially when he looked at you with that adorable puppy face and an even cuter pout on those luscious lips of his. And just like that, after six months of resistance, you had cracked.

"Real smooth Seungcheol, real smooth. I've to give this to you."

And you watched as his eyes glowed with a playfulness and he smirked at you in victory but you couldn't find it in yourself to dismiss his smugness.

Loving Choi Seungcheol was red.

He made you see the world through rose tinted glasses; everything that was so plain and cynical previously, now seemed bright and meaningful. You had something to look forward to every single day you woke up.

You'd think as time gradually passed, you'd come out of the honeymoon phase of your relationship but no Seungcheol made you feel special everyday, as if he was still courting you. He'd flirt with you, compliment you, voice out any and even a slight change in your look.

Bringing you your favourite flowers everyday without fail, taking you out on cute little dates frequently, going on a walk with his adorable fur baby like a happy family every evening and going as far as to pose like a trophy CEO boyfriend who'd pick you up from college every single day. Life with him seemed something straight like a rom-com fiction that you'd enjoy as a guilty pleasure.

He was passionate, if his constant pining of six months wasnt proof enough. He knew what he wanted and how to get it, be it opportunities, things or people. He did everything with all his heart, felt all kinds of emotions to their extreme. If he loved you, he'd travel to the ends of the world for you and God forbid if he hated you, he'd make sure he dragged you to that end and buried you in the deepest pits of hell. That's how passionate Choi Seungcheol is.

Seungcheol was also synonymous to a fiery lust that you'd never even imagined would burn through you. His kisses looked as hot as they felt when he imprinted them on every curve of your body. No matter how many times he took you, it never felt enough to either of you.

Because Seungcheol's emotions were limitless, so was his anger. Such was his anger that you'd rather die than be at the receiving end of his hostility. You first witnessed it when he found you getting uncomfortable with the gossip around your relationship in your campus and you'd swore to never explore that side of his passion.

In theory, it looked hot to see your boyfriend with such a burning determination in his eyes, jaws clenched in fury and knuckles fisted as if ready to get bloody if needed however, his violent rage sent chills down your spine because he really had no control over his actions when he went down that road.

And unfortunately for you, your worst fears had actually come true when the two of you ended up in an argument in your bedroom when you were supposed to be celebrating your fifth anniversary.

"Cheol! How did we end up here? It's not like you hadn't known of my plans for the future?"

You asked exasperatedly trying to make sense of this conversation. You had always wanted to own a cute cafe of your own with a bookshop above it and Cheol had always known about it. So how had he come from admiring your dreams to going against them?

"Because I thought you might change your plans baby. Today when mom asked me about our plans for future I realised we had never even discussed about our future. And now that I'm finally taking over the business I'd really like to settle down with you."

He tried to explain as best as he could but not enough to make sense to you. So was it his parents? You always knew they disapproved of your lifestyle and disinterest in fitting to theirs so did they say something to him?

"Cheol I never said that we can't get married. Of course I want to marry you and grow a family with you. However what I don't understand is, how does me wanting to establish a cafe of my own has anything to do with us getting married?"

You felt cornered the longer you watched his face that didn't soften even a bit with understanding and growing more determined every second.

"I'm more than capable enough to take care of you so what's the need to work?"

Your heart was pounding against your ribs so loud you swear you could hear it when you realised where this conversation was going. This wasn't your Cheol but Choi Seungcheol, the business man that his father was proud of.

"And you can still take care of me. I told you it's more about me fulfilling my dreams and not about survival or money anymore Cheol."

You could recognise the timidness in your wavering voice as you tried for the last time to save your relationship that was dangling by a single strand of thread.

"And how would it look that my wife is working in a cafe, even if you own it. People would think I don't provide well enough for you, there'd be too much gossip-"

He paused abruptly as he realised the look of growing horror on your face.

"So it's about your family's reputation and tabloids and not us anymore."

He shook his head desperately and scampered to his knees in front of you, trying to bring you back to him as you drifted away not just from him but even yourself.

"Baby please I didn't mean it that way."

He continued babbling but you couldn't hear him with the constant ringing in your ears.

You had always known it. So why did it still hurt?

Nearly three years later, as you stood outside your own cafe that you built with blood, sweat and tears literally, with pride all alone, Jeon Wonwoo came in your life with his warmth that thawed even the deepest corners of your heart, that seemed to be numb over the years of loneliness.

Wonwoo's compassion made everything seem easier than it actually was. Individually, you two were extremely reserved people who were neither interested in social interaction nor actively seeked it however together you two were like two perfectly fitting puzzle pieces. You remembered when you first met Wonwoo and were immediately intimidated by his persona however by the end of the day, it felt like you two had known each other since forever. And soon enough, it was to no one's surprise, you two were in a relationship.

Wonwoo was equally wise as he was warm; he knew how to make someone feel welcome but he also knew who actually deserved to be welcomed. He wasn't just your life partner, who knew how to handle you but also your business partner who provided his insights to your now joint venture. He owned the bookstore above your cafeteria that you two now jointly run. He was in every sense your missing brain cell.

Everything was easy with Wonwoo, even your arguments. You both tend to avoid arguing but when you do, he made it a point that you two never go to bed without resolving it and truly, it reassured you because you never want to be lonely, especially now that you've found him.

Wonwoo was thoroughly loyal and caring. He knew what you wanted before you could even acknowledge your emotions. You cherished every part of your life with him. Be it passing each other meaningful or sometimes even suggestive looks amidst the crowd of your cafe or snuggling up with each other with hands absent mindedly wandering on each other's skin with your favourite books in front of you.

Wonwoo was luxurious and not just materialistically. Every kiss that you placed on him felt like you touched the finest silks and likewise every kiss that he placed on you was as intoxicating as an expensive wine. It was sinful, addicting and never enough.

As regal as he was, he was also powerful, capable of making someone question their entire existence with just one look. His domineering aura also extended to a protectiveness over, which weirdly made you feel assured and safe but never suffocated.

As fine of a man as he was, of course he had a bit of a superiority complex but it never oppressed you or scared you. As long as you both were respectful of each other's boundaries and limits, everything was okay and that was an established fact. Besides, if he were a little too perfect, you think you'd be a little paranoid around him. So you guess you can bear a bit of his narcissism that his handsome face and compassionate heart deserved.

"Baby!? What are you thinking?"

A deep baritone that you could swear you felt vibrate deep within you brought you out of your musings as you faced your fiance who had joined you on the couch with two steaming cups of coffee.

"Thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life."

He smiled at you before wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he settled comfortably beside you in a snuggle.

"Hmm lucky you are. What would you have done without me?"

You give him a poker face before hitting him on the chest which made him laugh and hug you a little tighter.

"I love you so much!"

You placed a peck on his lips before smiling at him as you settled his glasses back up his nose.

"I love you more Woo!"

If he is the end result of all your struggles in every universe, then you'd gladly do it all over again.

You once believed love would be burning red but it was a shimmering gold for you and there's nothing you'd change about it.

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for being bitter at my family for keeping their dog that doesn't like me, and for being glad when they had to get rid of the dog?

so i (adult m) live in a small 3bed/2bath home with my family: mom (f40s), dad (m40s), nana (f60s), and my sisters (f17, f12). i was homeless for a while and moved in with them in dec 2019/jan 2020. they had two dogs that they loved for a long time, both dogs had passed years before i moved in. from what i've heard, the dogs were beloved members of the family and their deaths, while expected (because of old age and health issues), were devastating.

our house is small, but i don't really have an issue with that. i spend nearly 100% of my time inside the house because of a surgery i had a while back, and i'm content to nap and watch TV and socialize with my family all day. i require a lot of care and special attention and i'm unable to hold a job (would rather not go into detail), and while occasionally my family will leave me home by myself for a few days for a vacation, this is pretty rare and i'm overall satisfied with the care they are able to provide me. i'd say my life is pretty good.

or it was.

in the last couple of years it has been increasingly obvious that my family (with the exception of my nana) miss having a dog around. they would occasionally talk about a dog up for adoption they saw online, or a friend who was having puppies and how it would be so cool to get a puppy, or looking at videos of dogs and reminiscing about their old dogs and talking about how nice it would be to get a dog. this didn't bother me in and of itself, because it had been happening for a while and they never actually followed through.

... until early last month, when they came home with a dog. this came from out of nowhere (they stopped on the way home from the shelter to buy dog supplies, like food and bowls, toys, etc). no one had told me about this or asked me what i thought, so i was surprised and confused when they brought a strange dog into the home. according to them, they are "fostering" this dog for a few months while she undergoes treatment for a health condition (after which she will be eligible for adoption), but her behavior towards me has erased any sympathy i might have felt for her.

this dog is big (she's almost certainly stronger than i am), unruly, untrained, and she does not like me. i've been avoiding her because her extreme level of energy unnerves me, but every time she sees me she growls at me and tries to lunge or snap at me like i'm the one invading her territory and not the other way around. i have voiced my fears and my strong dislike at having this dog in the house, but i don't think my family really understands what i'm saying.

after a few days, it became clear that allowing the both of us to be in the same room would lead to injury. this was further cemented after an incident where i was sitting on the couch with my mom and my sister came in from walking the dog and the dog lunged at me and i accidentally gave my mom a minor injury in my panic. so my family has decided that the best course of action, until they have time to condition her to my presence, is for me to stay in my room indefinitely.

practically, the space is big enough for me—i don't need much, and i'm not super physically active, the only thing i can't do in here that i can do in the common areas is watch tv—but it's frustrating being confined to a single room in my own home, where i've lived for years, while this dog is granted open access to the rest of the house. my family promised it would be temporary, that they just have to work on training her and correcting her behavior and getting her comfortable with me, but the longer this has dragged on the more i have been forced to accept that this is my life now.

at the end of last month, my sibling (nby20, lived with us until starting college in 2021) came down from their university town to stay with us for a few days for their birthday. during their visit, they spent some time in my room with me, hanging out and empathizing with my situation. they said some things that made me feel more validated in my discomfort over this whole situation.

the week after they went back home, the dog started acting aggressively toward my nana, especially when my nana got close to one of my sisters. it got to the point where my family had to lock her in her crate to keep her from attacking my nana, and even then she would bark and growl at my nana. so my family made the (very difficult for them) decision to stop fostering the dog and return her to the shelter. since she was returned, i have regained my access to the rest of the house.

while i am not stoked about my nana being attacked, i am relieved that the dog is gone and i am no longer a prisoner in my own home. along with this relief are feelings of bitterness—the dog acted aggressively toward me on numerous occasions, but as soon as she displayed that behavior toward my nana, they got rid of her. after the conversation with my oldest sibling, who offered an outside perspective, i have been feeling slighted and as if my comfort was a secondary concern to my family.

my parents and sisters, meanwhile, are devastated by this recent turn of events. they had all grown very attached to the dog (apparently she could be very sweet and loving when she wasn't aggressive), and they had fallen in love with her quirks and the amount of excitement she brought into the home. my parents had spent good money spoiling her with toys and treats that cannot be used now. my sisters, being younger, are especially devastated—my youngest sister has always felt things very deeply and openly, and seeing her this sad is heartbreaking. i've been trying to comfort my family as best i can, but i feel like my presence alone is just another reminder that the dog is gone.

though i acknowledge their attachment to the dog and their sadness at having to give her up, these feelings of bitterness and resentment—that her attacking me wasn't a "good enough" reason to get rid of her—remain. i am also having trouble tampering my relief and excitement at once again being allowed access to the tvs and the common areas. am i an asshole for having these feelings when my family loved this dog and are still upset at having to get rid of her?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[zorosjuicymelonsx]

Finding You

A/N: Guys I'm here and I'm so sorry I'm a week late with this. I got a new job after losing mine a few months ago so things have been hectic lately with my schedule. All I can say is sometimes adulting SUCKS but I love money so 😭🤑

A lovely reader on AO3 had helped me realise there was an anomaly with the timeline of how Y/N and Zoro meet and all so I went through it and I thought I would go through this:

Y/N's flashback of Zoro sleeping in the forest in Chapter 3 was when they were 15 so its actually 7 years ago and not 4 years ago. I've edited this and amended the story you tell Zoro slightly in Chapter 5 to correct this so my apologies for not finding this sooner. I wanted to show that she had a crush on him before they officially met after he rescued her in the alley. They then turn 16, graduate school and then Zoro asks her out. They date till 18, get engaged and marry at 19. Zoro disappears a few days after this and you spend the 2, almost 2 and a half years looking for him so he's 21 and your 21.

Its sometime after Wano and Egghead doesn't exist in this "dimension" when you find him in Chapter 1 so they're just cruising right now. I wanted to match the actual One Piece ages he was before and after timeskip.

I hope this has helped clarify if anyone else was confused of the timeline but please do enjoy this chapter. Because of my new job, I'll do my very post to work and post in a timely manner. Thank you for everyones patience and support with me.

Chapter Eight Previous Next “Zoro? You okay?”

“i-I have to go, m’sorry.” 

That was the last thing he said to you a week ago in the Crows Nest. You had gone through every single possible reason for why he suddenly would switch up the way he did which left you nowhere near to a conclusive answer. You were sure you’d done absolutely nothing but at the same time doubted yourself and wondered if you had done something unconsciously. 

Since then, he'd practically been living in the Crows Nest. He never ate in the galley anymore, never came on the deck to hang around with anyone and you weren’t even sure if he was sticking with his once a week baths. Every time you tried to seek him out, you noticed the hint of stress in his face and would walk away in the opposite direction. Thankfully you weren’t the only one who noticed the swordsman's strange behaviour. 

“Marimo is really starting to piss me off, can you believe he’s making me bring his meals to him like I’m some waiter?!” Sanji spat with annoyance as he piled nourishment onto Zoro’s breakfast plate. You knew Zoro wouldn’t have asked Sanji for food, you just understood Sanjis code of ethics when it came to making sure that every member of the crew was properly fed and nourished. You appreciated him for it. 

You were one of the few who remained in the galley after breakfast, sitting with Jinbe and Usopp who were finishing off their own meals. You’d leaned forward to sit your chin on your forearms as you traced the rim of your coffee cup with your finger caught in a net of progressive overthinking of the enigma that was your husband. 

“Has he really not said anything?” Usopp asked Sanji, the cook turning to face them, the plate in his hand piled high in mostly eggs, sausages and toast. 

“Not a word. I swear the algae on his heads really taken over his brain.” Sanji cursed before leaving the galley, chewing on his unlit cigarette. 

“Isn’t this normal for Zoro? I mean he is pretty quiet.” Jinbe asked Usopp. Since Jinbe was the most recent crewmate to join Luffy and the crew before you, it was understandable he would ask. You would have agreed with Jinbe on the fact Zoro was quiet, however, you knew better than to mistake this for just his regular self. 

“When something is bothering him, he shuts down. He avoids everyone, he won’t talk, he’ll just isolate. I just can’t figure out what's bothering him.” You grumbled out before lifting your cup to take a gulp of your coffee. Setting the cup down, you realised you couldn’t hear either of them talking anymore and turned to see them both staring at you with wide eyes. 

“Has he really never done this in front of you guys?” You questioned the gaping pair with a raised brow slightly mocking their owlish stares back. Jinbe shook his head as expected whereas Usopp's gaze drifted off behind you in thought. You assumed he was revisiting his album of memories with the swordsman. 

“Well…there was the time on Thriller Bark when he shut himself away to train but it wasn’t anything like this.” Usopp answered cautiously, his mouth slightly turned down in slight distress.This caught your attention and your heart filled with anxiety. 

“What happened?” You asked, unconsciously frowning. Usopp's gaze refocused back to yours, adjusting himself uncomfortably in his seat as he seemed hesitant to retell the story. Nonetheless, he sighed before clearing his throat to speak. 

“We were on Thriller Bark where we met Brook. Brook was stuck on his old crew's ship and he couldn’t leave because his shadow being taken by the ex-warlord Gecko Moria.”

“Brook has a shadow?” You asked in surprise trying to suppress a laugh. You valued Brook as a crew member despite his panties fetish. Thankfully Nami always stepped in after he asked to put him in his place.

“I don’t even know anymore, ANYWAYS ....we managed to defeat him but another ex-warlord named Kuma came for us.We don’t know what exactly happened because Kuma knocked us out but we know Zoro got really hurt. He was unconscious for a few days after that. I think at the time we underestimated them but knowing him, he blamed himself for not being strong enough.” 

Usopp clarified, his tone laced with guilt. Your heart ached at the idea of Zoro being that severely injured to that extent. You knew he didn’t care as long as he met his goal in the end even if you did reprimand him on his mentality many times over the years you both dated. You had eventually accepted it and you didn’t want to stand in his way.

“Let's just give him space and see what happens.” You spoke assuringly to the two despite your chest hammering with the anxiety of unsurety. 

One Week Later

Two weeks had passed since you last heard Zoro's voice. The patient person you were two weeks ago was buried deep inside and now your patience was wearing thin along with your paranoia running rampant. You couldn’t take the silence anymore and neither could the rest of the crew. 

It was the afternoon and Nami had called everyone in for a crew meeting on deck, including Zoro who had unsuccessfully attempted to blend into the background. Your eyes has locked in on him from the moment you walked in and spotted green. You also saw the obvious attempt he made to avoid looking your way as he chose to focus his gaze on the wall behind Nami. 

‘Just what was so interesting about the wall you fucker?’ You thought to yourself as you leaned back in your chair in observation. 

“Right guys, I called this meeting in because I came across information that there's an island nearby rumoured to have a fuck ton of treasure. We gotta make a game plan.” Nami excitedly spoke, the berries practically beaming out of her eye sockets. Reluctantly, you took your eyes away from Zoro to focus on Nami. 

For about an hour, she went over and planned in detail how to navigate the island, showing you and the others the maps and other sources of information from a book she read detailing the treasure and its history. 

“I also decided that not all of us can go on the island so I’m picking Zoro and Y/N to stay behind on the ship.” Nami added. From the corner of your eye, you noticed Zoro stiffen before clearing his throat to speak up. 

“I’m coming with you guys, have Sanji stay on the ship with Y/N.” Zoro spoke in a low, reserved manner clearly disguising his obvious discomfort towards you. It was the first time you’d heard his voice in two weeks but hearing the words he chose only had you gritting your teeth. You took a deep breath in and decided that at that moment you couldn’t take anymore. 

He had drawn your last straw. 

“Oh Y/N-chan, I’d love to-” You cut off Sanji as you stood up from your seat, the feet of the chair roughly scraping against the floor boards as you paced your steps towards Zoro to now stand strong in front of him. You felt the intense gaze of the others on you but ignored it, the anger you felt overpowered your rationality. 

“Whats your fucking problem?” You spat out as you looked up at him. 

This caught him off surprise. You could see he was trying to shift away from you but you weren’t going to allow him to get out of this. You moved in tandem with him whenever he attempted to get away from you only to have him give up and stay glued to the wall behind him. 

“I ain’t got no problem-”

“Bullshit. You’ve been avoiding me for the past two weeks. In fact, you’ve been avoiding ALL of us.” 

“You’re being dramatic.”

“No I’m fucking not.” You somehow got even closer, your chest practically touching his as you felt his body heat against you. 

“She's really not Zoro, did something happen between you two?” Nami asked cautiously behind you.

“Did I do something?” 

He could see you were frustrated with him and he could see he was only hurting you more than he wanted to. 

‘I’m sorry….’ He thought as he looked at you, the guilt overwhelming him. 

Whilst he didn’t appreciate the questioning from you and the heavy gazes of everyone, he will admit he had isolated himself from you. It wasn’t because you did anything to him personally and it wasn’t because he started rejecting your presence on the ship; by far you'd been patient with him by letting him be. The persistent questioning he got from the others, especially the shitty cook despite being appreciative of him bringing his meals to him only to be met with silence from him only fueled his guilt. Since the discovery of his feelings for you, he felt overwhelmed. Being around you distracted him. He felt the want to be with you but at the same time, his mind shielded him from you as if he was protecting himself from you. He prided himself in being strong minded and he felt frustrated with himself over how he could possibly feel this way when he prided himself in being strong minded. He could only theorise that this mental block with you had to do with the guy who’d wiped his memory. 

‘Was his named Edward? Ethan? Whatever, it didn’t matter.’

He knew he was being a dick by staying away from you but he didn’t know what else to do. The moment he accepted his feelings for you, he’d also accepted what felt like an overwhelming burden in his stomach. He felt panic, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. He left you in the Crows Nest, remembering the feeling of not being able to breathe. This was why Zoro did not do feelings; they were complicated. 

“You didn’t do anyth-”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” You persistently questioned, the frustration brimming in your eyes. 

“I’m done with this, I’m leaving.” He felt his heart climbing up into his throat with you being so close to him.

“Oh no you don’t, you’re not getting out of this one.” 

You made an impulse decision out of anger. With your free hand, you summoned a hole behind Zoro. You pictured the very island where you spent time training yourself with your devil fruit, knowing it was quiet and you wouldn’t be disturbed. The hole behind him had formed and Zoro had realised too late he was no longer leaning against solid and fell through the smoke of clouds that enveloped him. 

You turned to the others who were gaping at you in shock. Even Luffy stayed glued to his seat with no attempt to jump through the cloud of smoke. 

“I’ll bring him back tomorrow.” You huffed out before going through the hole yourself. 

As you landed in the sand of the island, you looked up to see the hole you summoned. You then looked around to see your surroundings. The island hadn’t changed one bit; the wave of nostalgia hit as you breathed in the smell of the sand and sea, the lingering scent of greenery coming from the forest coming into the mix as well. If you looked around again, you’d be able to find the rock you carved the last date you were here before leaving to continue your search for Zoro. 

You purposefully summoned the hole on the empty side of the island, choosing to leave the small population of habitants to the other side undisturbed. They were peaceful people and had even shared a few meals with you from time to time whenever a few of them found you exhausted from exertion after training. They knew you well and that you didn’t pose a threat, choosing to peacefully coexist with them. 

Once closed, the anger still ever present in your system you looked around to spot Zoro sitting in the sand as he looked around taking his surroundings. 

“Wh-where are-?” 

“You gonna talk or what?” You aggressively asked. 

Zoro was now angry. He didn’t want to fight with you, he just wanted to piece together his feelings and rebuild his courage to be around you. He wasn’t ready to face you and being here with you only made him feel worse.  

He stood up from the sand and stomped over to stand over you, pushing the bile from his thumping heart back down his throat.

“What…the FUCK…were you thinking? Why would you do that? Do you realise without me there, you’ve put the others in danger? Take us back NOW.” 

“First of all, step the fuck back and calm down. Second of all, they’ll be fine. Third of all, were not going anywhere until we sort whatever the fucks gone up your ass and died.” You said as you matched his energy. 

“Fuck this, I’m out.” Zoro refused to admit anything. He couldn’t. He turned away from you and began walking. 

“Roronoa Zoro, come back here now.” You ordered him as you followed behind. 

“No. Piss off.” He called back as he continued stomping. 

“Zoro, stop.” You shouted, your voice almost broke as your anger now turned into hurt. 

“Leave me alone Y/N.” 

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?” You now cried out. You couldn’t stop the tears and the lump in your throat as you stared at his back. 

Zoro stopped at the sound of your voice breaking. He frowned at the thought of you upset, his heart ached but he couldn’t turn around. 

“I’m not doing anything to you Y/N. I just need space.” He spoke regretfully before he continued walking again and turned left heading into the forest. You stood still as you watched him walk away.

“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself, taking your palm to rub against your forehead in frustration and then using the back of your hand to wipe your tears away. You hated crying, you’d always felt so weak. No matter how much you try to control it, the tears always win. You decided to sit, digging yourself further into the sand before leaning back to let it envelop you. 

You breathed in, allowing yourself to take in the sound of the waves crashing against the damp sand. You didn’t realise how much you missed being back on land. You loved being on the Sunny, you really did but sometimes allowing yourself to be grounded for a bit always helped. 

You let your hands moved with the sand, feeling the softness of it between your fingers. You clenched the sand into your palms finding the action soothing and allowing the anger you’d felt seep into each particle.

What were you going to do with Zoro? 

————————————- ⚔️✨ ————————————

A few hours had passed and you found yourself waking up from a nap you had unconsciously taken. You noticed the sun was beginning to lower, you predicted you had a few hours left before nightfall. You sighed before getting up from the sand, swiping off the residue of sand that was left on your clothes and turned to face the direction Zoro left you from. You were grateful the island was small and you knew it  wouldn’t take you long to track down the lost swordsman. 

As you were about to start walking, you felt a presence lurking near you. You stiffened before smiling and realising there was more than one and posed no danger. 

“How long have you guys been there for?” You called out. You turned to find a small group of what you assumed were hunters gathering food. The group consisted of three men and one woman. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” One of the male hunters asked. 

“I’m fine don’t worry…you didn’t happen to see a green haired guy with three swords roaming around?” You queried. You didn’t know them personally but you assumed the few that did check in on you when you were training spread the word to the others of your existence.

“He’s sitting by the waterfall.” The female hunter softly answered. You nodded as you brought the memorised path to the area up into your mind to plan out your short walk. 

“Thank you, don’t mind us. We’ll be gone tomorrow.” You promised before you began making your way to him. A short walk through the forest and your feet found you at the beginning of a small lake. As you continued, your eyes caught the waterfall and the blue hues of water falling over into the lake. You looked around and soon enough your eyes caught on a head of green hair. You frowned at his slouched demeanor, noticing his eye was lost in the water and in thought. You took a quick breath in before continuing your walk to now stand near the swordsman. You noticed his body stiffened as you felt your presence before slouching back, his eye not breaking out of his lost gaze. 

“Zoro…I.” 

“Don’t speak.” 

Your mouth closed into a straight line, the words ‘I’m sorry’ stuck at the tip of your tongue. You felt like you stood for eternity but just a few short minutes later and you decided to find a seat on the grass near him. Your eyes followed his and soon enough you were also lost in the water with him. Apart from the sounds of the water crashing into the lake and the gentle calls from the birds in the trees, the angst between the both of you laid thick. 

As you watched the water, you were reminded of how much you missed swimming and the ability to just float. You had thankfully never fallen into the ocean since obtaining your devil fruit but the thought of sinking struck fear in you. You missed the feeling of saltwater soaking into your skin, letting your fingertips wrinkle and allowing your mind to wonder and be free. Sure you were able to shower in non-sea water but it just wasn’t the same. 

Time had passed and the sky had turned into a deep hue of orange indicating the end of daylight. The forest had begun to fill out with fireflies, adding to the ambiance and giving light to where you both sat. You knew you’d have to start a fire and look for food soon but you couldn’t find the will to do so yet. 

You had decided to scoot closer to the edge of the lake, allowing yourself to indulge in the only closeness you can have to water. 

“You ain’t plannin to jump in right?” 

Hearing his voice shook you out of thought, you shook your head to answer his question. 

Zoro had every right to be pissed at you but seeing the sadness in your face made him feel guilty for letting himself behave like a teenager for hours. This was his fault after all but admitted he let his pride get the better of him. 

“Why’re you moping?”

“I’m not moping..I’m just remembering how much I enjoyed swimming and just being in the ocean.” You confessed, pouting and allowing yourself to lean on your hand. 

“I thought you didn’t regret-” 

“I don’t regret anything. I’m allowed to feel sad.” You snapped. 

He allowed silence to fill the space between the both of you for a moment before he made an anxiety-consuming decision that would definitely change everything. 

“You wanna go in?” Zoro softly asked. 

You turned to face him, surprise evident in your face. 

“That's impossible, I’ll just feel weak and sink.” You answered. 

“Not if I’m holding you.” Zoro said. 

“I thought you were avoiding me, now you wanna hold me?” You questioned back. 

“Answer my question; you want to go in yes or no?” Zoro bit back with slight annoyance at you being argumentative. 

You bit your lip to stop yourself from going into a tangent, turning to look back at the water before nodding. 

From seeing your physical consent, Zoro stood up and began to strip. You visibly blushed and let your gaze turn away from him refusing to turn it into ogling. He brought himself into your line of vision as he walked forward and stepped into the water, waiting with his back turned to you at the edge to allow you privacy. You were able to see he was just left in his boxers. You stared for a bit before finding your brevity and beginning to strip until you were just in your underwear and bra. You walked a few steps forward until you stood just behind him but you hadn’t stepped in the water yet.

“Am I okay to pick you up?” Zoro cautiously asked, his back still facing you.

“y-Yeah you can.” 

Zoro turned around, pushing back his raging heartbeat and ignoring the growing heat in his skin before scooping you into his arms bridal style and slowly walking back into the lake until he was halfway submerged. You relished in the warmth of his skin and you hadn’t realised just how much you missed his presence. 

“If it gets too much for you, tell me and I’ll take you back.” Zoro’s voice almost broke. He was currently fighting back the blush that had threatened to consume his wholebeing as he avoided looking down at your naked body. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen a naked woman before, heck Nami and Robin walked around the ship in practically nothing and it never once bothered him. Seeing you see this way; shy and almost vulnerable gave a completely different meaning to it. He couldn’t fathom anyone else seeing you like this and the mere idea of any man seeing you this way made his skin itch and his temper rise.  

He hadn’t even allowed himself to be consumed in the lust-filled thoughts he had of you since his recent awakening of feelings he had for you. He felt too much respect for you to subject you to his internal needs. He didn’t even know if you both even consummated the marriage before he disappeared but refused to go down the tangent of thoughts surrounding it. 

He slowly began to lower you into the water, allowing the flow of the water to cover your legs and your arms. You gasped at the sudden coolness of the water, immediately feeling the weakness of the ocean consume you. Rather than fighting the weakness, you allowed it to sit as you relished in the feeling of the cool water and Zoro’s body heat. 

“You okay?” 

“Thank you Zoro.” You quietly spoke, grateful to him. 

His concern alone was enough for you to choke on a sob. You were overwhelmed. 

“Why did you avoid me?” You weakly asked, allowing yourself to cry. 

“M’sorry.” Zoro mumbled back as he bit the inside of his cheek.

“I don’t want a sorry…I want an answer.” 

Zoro said nothing. He didn’t know how to confess his feelings to you. He couldn’t even begin to explain or know where to start with talking about what was wrong with him. Seeing you broken hurt him badly and he knew he couldn’t let this go on anymore. 

‘Show her.’ 

A small voice in his head spoke. He frowned at the intrusion of the voice. 

‘Show her how you feel.’ 

He looked down to see you looking back up at him. The yearning he felt to hold you closer, the want to be with you overtook him. 

He decided to listen to the foreign voice, putting his anxiety to one side as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours in a chaste kiss.

————————————- ⚔️✨ ————————————

A/N: HE DID IT!!! FINALLY HE KISSED YOU AHHHHHHH 🥳 😭💚

Taglist: @starlightanyaaa @eggrollforyou @rosellerinfrost @qalable

#one piece #one piece fanfiction #memory loss #romance #zoro x reader #roronoa zoro #slow burn

[hooked-on-elvis]

Just a little wish for a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to some blogs that have brought me joy this year

🎄🎁🎄

Awwww. You're so sweet!!! You made my day. I mean it.🥹 Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm glad my blog brought some joy to you this year. So glad! I love your blog too. Very much! ♥ Wishing you the happiest Christmas and that you have an excelent 2024 ahead, dear.

🎅🏼🎄✨🩵

Since we're on the thanksgiving mood, I'd like to thank my favorite blog owners here too, some of the wonderful people I got to talk a little bit this year - or not talk in a personal level but either way, I appreciate you very dearly

I feel you are my priceless gifts this year. ♥

First, I'd like to mention @elvisanddenise. I didn't have a one-on-one talk with you yet, but I'd like you to know you were the reason I wanted to rejoin Tumblr this year in the first place. I am 28 years old now, so I've been a Tumblr addict in my teenage years (for a different reason other than Elvis) but I lost that passion long ago. I didn't even actually use to share anything. Back then I used this account purely to read some fanfics on one of my favorite TV shows characters and that was all, until I got over it a bit. My Tumblr was forgotten for many, many years. This 2023, you were the reason I found it would be fun being active here again. Before I had my Elvis account here, I already accompanied your content daily. DAILY. Your account has a special tab in my browser, which I check on every single day. I mean it. It's been almost a year and, well... I gotta thank you for all the awesome posts you share, the great Elvis pictures and accurate info you upload to your blog, dear. Many great, even rare, pictures of EP are shared on your blog like, weekly. Yours is my favorite blog on Tumblr so far. Thank you so much for sharing your love on Elvis with us. I can see how you dedicate yourself to this passion and I highly appreciate it. ♥

Now, I got mention @eptodaytommorwforever as the first friend I got to talk when I came back to being active on Tumblr this year. I appreciate how kind and sweet you've always been to me. Thank you for all your wonderful, accurate info shares on your precious blog. ♥

Recently, I got to interact a lot with @jhoneybees @lookingforrainbows and @thetaoofzoe. You're so much fun, always making me laugh with the silliest things, which are the best kind of laughter ever! You've been nothing but the sweetest human beings to me and I also love the great content you share daily on each of your blogs, the fanfics, the pictures, everything! I hope you feel how much my words are true. A big hug from this new Elvis friend of yours here. I hope you're all safe and happy. ♥

@bellanotchewrites My dear, I hope you're doing fine. You're so sweet. I'm sorry if I'm shitty in answering my DMs. I really struggle on that, don't even know why, but you've been on my mind. Keep strong, sweetie. i'm wishing you the best! I care for you. ♥

@vintageshanny Always with the best tags, thank you for remembering me this year, dear. Although I don't always manage to participate on the tags content you share with me, I always have great fun seeing all the interaction from the other friends you tag. I love your blog so much! ♥

@dreamingofep I didn't got to read many fanfics this year because I have a hard time focusing on anything recently — and I know I'm missing a lot of great content from other friends here. I hope next year I manage to read a lot more of our talented Elvis writers. Anyway, I 'd like to say your "Sinned Awakening" series is my favorite! I love Vampire Elvis. You're doing an excellent job on that series, dear! I'm loving it! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your writing gift with us. ♥

And last but not least, some of the people that are always sharing or liking my content here but much beyond that, the people I love following. You make everything better. I love interacting with you and I appreciate your shares deeply. All of you have wonderful blogs. ♥ @precious-little-scoundrel ♥ @claire-elvisgirl @nothing-but-elvis @i-r-i-n-a-a @lett-them-eatt-cake @vintagepresley @suraemoon @bigdaddyelvislover @velvetelvis @presleyenterprise @alvvaysonmymind @ccab @almightybigbrain @aliengoth3 @pinkcaddyconfessions @tupelomiss @loving-elvis @heartbrake-hotel @elvisflowerchild @peaceloveelvis @helen06dreamer @sissylittlefeather @yintoeveryonesyang ♥

I really hope I didn't forget to tag anyone I care for, I'd hate that. But if I did, I'll remember eventually so I can tag you later.

✨ THANK YOU SO MUCH, MY FRIENDS, FOR MAKING MY DAYS HAPPIER THIS YEAR.✨ I wish you all stay safe, healthy, feel loved and appreciated. I pray for you all. Wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and a great holiday season. Enjoy your families and loved ones this holidays, babies. May your 2024 be filled with laughter and joy.

And thank you once again, @precious-little-scoundrel. For inspiring me after pouring so much love on many of us today. God bless you. ♥

Sincerely yours, much love,

Lally.

#to the best Elvis family #elvis presley #elvis the king #elvis fans #elvis fandom

[mimisempai]

I'll always give you what you are craving for 

Summary

"Mmm, good job." 

"Oh, you really think so?"

Crowley has always known Aziraphale's need for praise. Moreover, he understands it. 

All that remains is for his angel to learn that he is entitled to it, and that Crowley is more than willing to give him what he needs.

Notes

It's time for our angel to voice his need.

Day 19 : Praise

On Ao3

Rating G -  1346 words

Aziraphale was mentally tired that night as he walked toward the bookstore, and the sight of the lit windows gave him the energy he needed to take the last few steps home, knowing that Crowley was there. 

It had been a trying evening. 

Now that he'd hosted not one, but two shopkeepers' meetings, there was no escaping the next one.

Tonight it had been at Mr. Brown's, and while Aziraphale really liked most of the people there tonight, it seemed to him that everyone was in a bad mood. Every topic had been discussed at great length and to little avail.

The only result was that Aziraphale felt he'd had enough socializing for the month.

Arriving at the bookshop, he closed the door behind him, left his briefcase on the floor, and went straight to the corner where the couch was. And there, just the sight of Crowley on it was enough to relieve some of the tension that had built up during the meeting and peaked at the end.

Seeing the demon gave him such a sense of comfort that all he wanted to do was join him right away. 

Crowley watched him approach with a smile and said softly, as if he'd already sensed his state of mind, "Welcome home, Angel."

Without Aziraphale having to make a single gesture, he simply opened his arms and added, "From the look on your face, I'm guessing the meeting was awful, right?"

Aziraphale nodded and explained as he moved forward, "The way that meeting went is exactly why I've avoided them all these years. They were all in a bad mood. Lashing out at each other over little things like one's stall protruding a millimeter over the other's sidewalk. Nothing but trivial things."

Aziraphale sat down next to Crowley and immediately snuggled up to him.

Crowley closed his arms around him as the angel, sighing with relief, buried his face in his neck. The demon's hands gently caressed Aziraphale's back and neck in soothing circles, causing Aziraphale to snuggle up even more as his arms wrapped around Crowley's waist.

The demon said softly against the angel's hair, "Looks like someone's needy tonight."

Aziraphale started to pull away and apologized, "Sorry, I..."

But Crowley would have none of it, pulling the angel against him, preventing him from moving away and saying gently, "I didn't say that because I didn't like it, quite the opposite."

Relieved, Aziraphale leaned back against Crowley, who resumed his soothing caresses.

After a few minutes, Crowley tilted his head slightly and whispered in Aziraphale's ear, "I'm sure you did a good job today, Angel." 

Aziraphale couldn't contain the shiver of pleasure that ran through his body and the heat that flooded his cheeks at Crowley's words. 

Crowley was well aware of this. 

He had long known of the angel's need to be praised for what he had done. And even more, his need for it to be sincere.

Even if it was the most trivial thing.

Probably the result of the way Heaven had treated him. Brushing him aside and ignoring him most of the time when he said something, or even worse, making fun of him.

"I think I found some clues."

Crowley almost laughed at the mysterious tone in which the angel said this, while on the other end of the phone, Aziraphale continued, "And do you remember the statue of Gabriel in the graveyard in Edinburgh?"

He finished by whispering, as Crowley had the real Gabriel in front of him, "I'm looking at it now." 

Crowley casually replied, "Mmm, good job."

Aziraphale asked in a delighted voice, "Oh, you really think so?"

Crowley did not answer, but the angel's reaction had not gone unnoticed. 

Perhaps today he could indulge his angel a little more than usual.

He kissed his temple and continued in the same soft voice, "I'm sure you're the only one who didn't get carried away, you were probably absolutely kind to everyone, even those you would have liked to send packing. You're very good at that."

Feeling himself blush even more, Aziraphale pressed his face even harder against Crowley's neck, determined to hide his flushed cheeks from him. He couldn't ignore the warm feeling that came over him at the demon's words, and most of all, the craving he felt. He wanted more, he didn't want it to end. But there was no way he was going to say it. 

"Aziraphale?" Crowley asked softly, well aware of the Angel's inner turmoil.

Aziraphale shook his head against Crowley's neck, his throat tight, torn between the desire and the shame of expressing what he wanted.

Crowley kissed his temple again and whispered, "I know exactly what you want. But you'll see, it'll be even better if you tell me. Don't be ashamed or afraid. I'll always give you whatever you need. You only have to say the word."

Aziraphale's throat tightened even more at Crowley's soft, understanding tone.  The demon continued, reassuring and insistent: "All you have to do is tell me, angel."

Aziraphale breathed into Crowley's neck, "I can't." 

Crowley's arms tightened around his shoulders as his ever tender voice soothed, "I know it's hard, angel, I know, but just say the word and I'll do it. I promise. You trust me, don't you?”

Obviously, Aziraphale could not resist after such a question. His trust in Crowley was infinite and deep-rooted. So in that moment he realized it was like being in Job's burning house or on the stage of the West End Theatre, it was like telling Crowley to shoot and surrender.

He swallowed, took a deep breath and, raising his head, said in a barely audible voice, "I want more, please. I want you to... keep... praising me."

Burning with shame, he wanted to bury his face in Crowley's chest again, but the demon wouldn't let him. Taking his face between his hands, he gave him a long kiss on the forehead and said tenderly, "I'm so proud of you, angel, I know it's been hard, but don't be afraid. I'll always give you what you need, you just have to ask. I will never refuse." 

With his face between Crowley's hands, Aziraphale felt his cheeks redden again and wanted to pull away, but the demon soothed him, stroking his burning cheeks with his thumbs, "Shh, it's okay, Angel. I've got you."

Aziraphale couldn't help but breathe a small sigh of relief. 

Crowley knew and understood.

Crowley got him.

All he had to do was to let go.

With his eyes in Crowley's, Aziraphale slowly let go of the feeling of self-consciousness and concentrated solely on the feeling of comfort and well-being that Crowley's caring words and gestures gave him.

The demon continued to gaze tenderly at him and then, holding the angel against him, moved them until Aziraphale was lying on top of him, his head on his shoulder.

Comfortable and safe in the demon's arms, Aziraphale let himself go against him as Crowley began to speak again, giving him what he needed with every word.

The demon's words enveloped him like a warm blanket and after a few moments, overwhelmed by emotion, Aziraphale couldn't hold back the words that left his lips. He murmured, "I love you," then pressed a kiss to Crowley's chest before resting his head on his shoulder.           

Crowley murmured into the angel's hair, "I love you too, my angel." Then, after a gentle kiss on Aziraphale's head, he continued, "Let go, Angel. I got you."

And Aziraphale let go.

Because he knew deep down that Crowley wouldn't let him down.

Because he knew that he would always give him what he wanted.

As he snuggled up against Crowley's chest, the demon felt extremely fulfilled and grateful because Aziraphale was showing him the part of himself he'd never shown anyone else. 

The fact that Aziraphale had chosen to witness his vulnerability was a precious gift that would humble him forever.

Crowley wrapped his arms around the angel and continued to whisper all the beautiful things his beloved deserved to hear about himself.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

#good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable boyfriends #aziraphale #crowley #good omens fanfiction #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #GOS2Spoilers

[moni-logues]

The ~engagement 'issue'~

I feel like I'm seeing more and more posts about readers' lack of engagement with writers on here and I now want to say something. I don't say things short so buckle in lmao

TL;DR: idgaf if you, readers, comment on my shit or not. I care that you enjoy it and, if you did, job complete, mission accomplished, well done. I want to be part of a community, not a service provider/'content creator'. I write because I want to and getting to hear people's thoughts and feedback is just a huge fucking bonus to that. Also, readers I love you.

I love my readers. All of them, loud and silent alike. Readers who comment with long reviews, pulling out quotes or bits they liked, reacting with predictions or responding to the characters. Readers who just comment that they really liked it! that it was good! Readers who like. Readers who read and leave no mark at all. Readers who follow me and readers who come across something I wrote another way, who didn't follow me before and don't after. I am deeply grateful that anyone takes the time to read the things I write, whether you've read everything I've ever posted or just one drabble.

I know that all writers are similarly grateful to have this space and to have people here who read their work. I do, to a certain extent, understand the frustration with regards to like:comment ratios.

However.

I know that reviews take effort. I am a chronically unenthusiastic person and it takes a lot for me to summon the energy to respond how I feel I should, in a way that I think would make the writer happy, in a way that I feel is befitting how I actually feel about the fic I read. There are other reasons I have been reading less recently but one of the reasons is that I feel pressure to review every single thing I read. So I just don't read!!! Isn't that stupid???? Sure, I'm putting imaginary presure on myself by thinking I need to respond in a particular way and that is very much my problem (and I'm trying hard to address it and read/review more anyway), but I feel like readers are taking a bit of a bashing right now and I don't ever want readers to stop reading or to have the reading experience spoilt by feeling a pressure to respond.

I write because I enjoy it. When I first started writing, I had no followers. It took me months to get 100 followers. It took almost a year to get to 1k and then I started over with a brand new blog. I wrote all 60k of A Fine Line by myself, with absolutely no one else reading it because I wanted to. I love getting comments from readers; I love hearing people's thoughts about the shit I write; I love this little community here... But that's what it is: community. This is not transactional! or at least, I don't want it to be! I am not writing fics as a service for which I am paid in reblogs. I am being a fan of BTS with other fans of BTS and we are making up little stories and imagining scenarios and having all kinds of fun with each other, whether you write or gif or edit or just consume. We're in this together!

I saw once, I don't remember where or when, a thing that said, if you are feeling miserable, do something nice for someone else and it will lift your mood. This is, in my experience, absolutely correct. Writers, if you are feeling miserable about your engagment, engage with others the way you want people to with you, write a review for someone else's fic that would make your day if you received it. We writers are all readers, too, and we are not exempt from these ~criticisms~ just because we write.

I am not trying to ~call anyone out~ or, in turn, criticise writers. I'm not. I understand. I do. But every time I see one of these posts, it upsets me, because if I were an active, engaged reader, it would make me feel bad. If I were a silent reader, it would make me feel bad. I don't ever want to make anyone feel bad for enjoying something. Readers don't owe us anything! If this issue is ruining the writing experience for you, it is on you to examine that; it is not the fault of your readers. If it means that you no longer enjoy writing, stop writing. Our time on earth is short and precious! Let's spend it, as much as we can, doing things we enjoy! Not doing things that make us miserable!

Fin.

#oh dear moni is discoursing #i know this is long but i don't want to put it under a cut because i got shit to say

[shock]

the topic of school gun violence is such a deep systemic issue and i can't lie and say there aren't some days I go to work at my school where I'm afraid something will happen. I have had to message my family to tell them I love them. I have sat in a locked room with children and planned for how ill get in the way if someone comes for them. The person you become when your kids in your school are threatened is a person you can't forget being, because you never forget how it feels to be ready to die any second to protect your kids.

Kids are really hurting right now. I work with middle schoolers. The last normal school year my 7th graders had was 4th grade. You transition into puberty and middle school from a screen, fearing for you life and watching your family die or get sick or lose jobs and housing and everything that makes life worth living...

you don't learn physical boundaries when you aren't on the playground learning real time how to treat people. You have an entire generation of kids that doesn't know the difference between playing and physical aggression. On a near daily basis I am teaching teenagers that they can kill their friends with the headlock they're putting them in, I'm seeing kids not know when to stop, there is no stopping, play fighting becomes real fighting because there is no other out except to finish it when you have no ability to self-regulate.

We had a circle of kids today talking about what the phrase "go touch some grass" meant to them. It's not a meme to kids this age. One of the kids said, "I didn't do anything. I was afraid to go outside. I thought I would get sick and die. I still get scared." Theu didn't see their closest friends for over 2 years. Social workers, counselors, teachers, childhood friends, no one was able to reach them for years. They didn't have cameras on, zoom is a trigger for kids, it's nothing like an online uni class, it's a graveyard.

You leave everything behind in 4th grade and spend the next three years of your life changing dramatically and seeing that change in everyone else from a screen. You can block anyone, you can ignore everything, you become numb to consequences that lead to better behavior and compassion we take for granted. Conflict resolution looks like blocking and never having to address it. These kids cannot fathom resolving a conflict with words. They can't even describe what emotions they're feeling, but they can feel the soul-deep frustration at not having that ability. They are trapped and powerless in a body that is bigger and stronger than it was in 4th grade with none of the tools to regulate anything. More than ever I see kids acting on impulse on a way that is beyond normal. I am seeing dissociative patterns in almost every student I meet. Most of them have taken all year to even understand why certain things make them do certain things.

This year alone I've been punched in the head, face, eyes, you name it by kids who can't see what's in front of them acting on blind rage that should never have to exist in an entire group of people, ive been recorded by kids i knew and talked to every day breaking up a fight like they didn't know who I was and it was a spectacle to watch because they can turn their brains off as a traumatic response to repeated exposure and to them this is how life is, I've been thrown to the ground & nearly hit by a car breaking up kids who took it into the street with intent to kill, had kids bleeding in my office from head wounds they got from accidentally hitting someone with a ball, ive put kids in ambulances, we've been on lockdown, we've had high schoolers break in and attack 12 year olds because they dont know how to solve conflicts without the highest extreme either, kids are hurting. They need so much help right now. Being a kid right now is a traumatic event. Not a single kid I work with is living in a non-traumatic event. It is happening all the time.

The pandemic has destroyed so much for everyone but to our kids the pandemic is their only measure of reality. The post-present-pandemic has created a generation of trauma and loss of education. Be here for our kids more than anything, our future is with them and they need so, so, so much love right now, and it's love they think they don't deserve, it's love that they're resistant to getting, they have no trust for any system or person or each other because every single thing has failed them. Their reality is trauma they are more powerless than anyone to change. They can see everything and only react. Being a kid is a traumatic event, please love these kids. They think that this world doesn't love them and they are so, so far away right now, but they're still able to come back. I'm seeing it real-time. These kids need to be reached before they can't come back, make the safety and love for kids a priority. Hope is being lost on them and their reality is a nightmare.

They won't be kind to you. They won't trust you. They won't let you in and they are in survival mode. And they still need you. They need to know where the bar should be for how they're treated and they need to know what they're worth now more than ever. They're worth the world and more.