#i've socially interacted with like 2 people today because i forgot how to do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chrispychiken · 2 years

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Let's get this out of the way. First and foremost, there's always two sides to a story and there's always more that is always shown. There's some parts that haven't even been and never will be shown. Also excuse my Tumblr profile, I haven't used it since last year.

I am speaking from my pov, and recalling the events as I remember them. I have written things down as I went, in the order that I remember them. I also have examples and proof of certain instances. This is only for clarification and remembrance purposes only.

This is for you, and you only. I don't want any discourse, so I'll do my best to not sound rude.

I'll start off by saying that I do not "talk shit" about you on the internet. What I assume you call the "internet" is mainly Twitter because I blocked you on all forms of social media (except Tumblr because I don't use it and I forgot I even had one) where I use it (Twitter) as a diary/journal and just a place to vent (like most people) who use social media as an avenue to express themselves and to share memes and such. I don't do it for anyone but myself. I have a few friends who follow me and will sometimes interact with my posts and comment but that's about it. It's not for you or anyone else. It's for me and me alone. What I do on my social media is not your concern anymore which is why you're blocked. If I really cared, I would have reached out a long time ago but I'm not like that. The only time I'm reaching out is because I saw your post. To call it reaching is a stretch as it's more of a clarification.

You don't tell people about us? I don't find that believable. Why? Because why would you not? Isn't it healthy to have a group of family/friends who will listen to you vent? Isn't it healthy to have someone to talk to? Here's a recommendedation: You should. Whether that be a therapist, your parents, your sisters, your husband, etc. It's a good thing to have. I'm sorry that I have a friend group that were my thick and thin even before we met that stayed with me during our time together. They usually know me and who I am as a person and what I deal with. While we were together, I rarely spoke about us but when I did, it was only when it was convenient or when I needed advice. They're my go-to and I wouldn't be who I am today without their help. I've seen a therapist for over a year now because you know, you said I should? It helped tremendously. It was hard in the beginning because I hated that you couldn't tell your side and I hated how I could only tell mine. I like to have all the facts before jumping into conclusions.

I know you tell others about us. Want to know how I know? A few assumptions of course but the first one is a fact: 1. Your then-boyfriend at the time now-husband stalked me on Twitter and called me a clown for expressing myself over something terrible that happened to me that you did in regards to my clothes that you kept (which by the way you had no right to get rid of them. That was my property) and 2. I'm not sure you were aware, but a friend of yours (I think Greg? I don't remember his name) sent me a friend request on Twitter; probably to spy on me for you (only assumptions). That AND I keep my Twitter privacy open. Another example could be 3. That post you wrote but it's only assumptions unfortunately (because how are else are you to know I talk about you). Also 4. Your father, whom was very nice and actually gave me SOME closure, messaged me the same day I assume you received your clothes back last year. I assume you all probably had a hay day when you read my letter out loud and exchanged laughs. I felt like I had the common decency and respect for you to send your things back AND write you a letter explaining myself because you know, who likes ending on bad terms right?

To back-peddle on your statement that I "conditioned" you to push everyone away, is false. I have MANY examples through exchanged texts how I wanted you to have friends and family to support you and to talk to so I wasn't holding up the weight all the time. You didn't want to. I also DID NOT condition you to cry every night and I did my best to not upset you. Seeing you cry was something I hated very deeply. I'm sorry, but that's on you and your own emotions how you interpret things. Let me recall all the nights that you kept me up because you didn't like anything I said, hence the crying. Lord knows I reassured you every chance I got. You never accepted my reassurance. It was a problem through the whole relationship. And what's this about it being all your fault? We had discussed on MULTIPLE if not COUNTLESS occasions that it was neither your fault or mine, but OURS and the situation we were in. Keyword: Ours. I never said anything was your fault, you assumed everything was. Since you want to think I made you think it was, let me ask, do you remember you over-thinking? Remember me also over-exemplifying and detailing scenarios of plans to you and in-detail, telling you my thought process to help you? Remember me staying up past my schedule and losing sleep just to make sure you were okay? The only time that I didn't is when it was getting close to the end because nothing was changing. We weren't growing. I guess it went all over your head. At some point I got tired of talking and wanted you to talk to me like an adult instead of saying "no it's fine" whenever I asked you if you're okay or you answering "Yes. It's nothing" when there was clearly something wrong. I was tired at that point.

There's nothing wrong with your accomplishments because they are your own and they're well deserved. I really do hope you have the best success in life. (That's not sarcasm by the way and I hope you know that.) You've worked hard your entire high school and college careers, jumping over to Basic Military Training and getting Honor Graduate and doing amazing in tech school and I'm sure whatever you're doing now, you're excelling at so, kudos to you. I remember watching you graduate BMT with your mom on live broadcast last year. It was a good time.

Again, you not talking to me is your own fault. I don't know how you weren't able to communicate with me when I was so open about us talking out our feelings. I remember you telling me that you were afraid of me at one point and that hurt. That really fucking hurt. I never ever even ONCE physically hurt you or yelled at you and I did my best to explain things as much as possible to you. I never meant to hurt you emotionally or at all for that fact. There were times where it got heated, but I was transparent as glass with you about everything. Where it went wrong, I still ask myself these questions every day.

Now, I was hurting yes. Taking it out on you is something I regret and I could have done better to avoid. I was hurting not just in our relationship, but in my day-to-day life at that time and I did my best to make that perfectly clear back then. I was being overworked, paid not nearly as much as I would have liked, barely survived off of one paycheck when I lived on my own (which is why I asked for help but I know you weren't living with me yet so I said no for asking money from you) and COVID was a huge issue so I couldn't visit and take leave. No one on active duty could leave during COVID and you took that personally for some reason. Being in the maintenance field, I would work sometimes 14 hour days and not have my phone on me and when I would get the chance (which wasn't often) I would check my notifications from you. I couldn't respond as much as I wanted to, but I tried. I remember telling you that I would at least look at your messages because that way you could see that I saw them. I don't understand why it was so hard for you to grasp that I had huge responsibilities at that time. I just wanted us to grow and understand that we didn't have to talk every second of every day but at least we had it at night. I wanted some trust from you and time to myself once and a while so I could focus on these problems. That's all I wanted from you, and I never got it because whenever I asked for it, you thought I didn't want to talk to you or that I was mad at you and that's far from the truth. To this day I stand by that statement(s).

The big issue was that I was upset because when I said I didn't want you to do something, you did it anyway. It upset me from the time you said you'd do it, to the very end. You've heard this before but I'll say it again: What kind of person would I be if I said "no." to you? What kind of person/significant other barricades something from the person they love? That to me IS manipulative. That's not someone I wanted to be. I didn't want you to join NOT BECAUSE you wouldn't be successful, BUT BECAUSE I KNEW how even MORE difficult it was going to be for us. And on top of that, I STILL helped you through it because it's what you wanted. It was rough, and I didn't like it, but I LOVED YOU so I toughed through it. Does any of that sound familiar? It's almost like you went through the same thing with me right? Through all of that, you told me that I didn't support you, AND THAT IS FALSE and that hurt me when you said that. If I didn't support you, I would have left a long time ago but I stayed. I even gave you the idea to shave your head remember? Because I wanted you to be strong and be a good role model for your family and sisters. AND I EVEN DID IT WITH YOU. I even said BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR BMT, that I COULDN'T write you letter every day because of my schedule and you got upset. I even helped you get through the early stages before BMT, I helped you with the process of enlisting and getting through BMT like you did for me too. I was there every step of the way with you and did I quit? No! Even when it was hard, and I had even thought and said about breaking up (even though I didn't want to) AND I still stayed. It seems like you forgot all of that...

Remember me saying that I didn't want an Easy Relationship? Well I DID NOT MEAN, MAKE. IT. HARDER. I wanted us to get through challenges together but also to think about each other. Is that so hard to ask? I asked and said that many MANY times. Before I left and even when I was in the early stages of my contract, I gave you the option on multiple occasions if you wanted to leave and you could have. I also knew that you would leave me if you joined because I saw that happen to others in tech school and basic training and I didn't want that to happen to us. I even said that to you as well WHILE I WAS IN TECH SCHOOL. I knew exactly what was going to happen and low and behold it did. I was not trying to manipulate you into not joining but I was trying to mitigate everything. I was hoping you would think of me and us before jumping head first into a long-term commitment such as the military.

Going back to the breaking up part, unfortunately breaking up felt like the only option at the time because even though I wanted you so badly and I wanted us to work out, I knew it wasn't going to work. I felt like I wasn't being heard anymore. You were doing your own thing and that's great and all, but it wasn't about us anymore. Eventually I just stopped talking about it because it wasn't going anywhere. Nothing was changing your mind. It came off really selfish to me and I felt like there wasn't a bigger picture in your head at the time.

You can correct me on it, but I don't ever recall a time that I said you didn't deserve anything. I don't know where that comes from but that doesn't sound like anything I would say. I could be wrong and if I ever said that I'm sorry. I would need to know context. You can say what you want, but I prioritized us first and foremost. Me enlisting, was not just for me but for you. I wanted to provide for us and that was something I took pride in. You really made me feel like what I was doing wasn't worth it. I felt like I couldn't provide and my choices didn't matter. I could only do with what I had at the time and I can't change that. My biggest challenge was trying to get you to see that and to this day it seems like you still struggle to see my point of view. On what reality were you in? Because I remember trying to not be so naive and to bring us back on to the same page on multiple occasions. I wasn't going to live in a fantasy forever.

I've definitely thought long and hard about what I've done but can you say the same? If we happened to meet again, would you be able to explain to me what you did wrong? Would I ever get a real apology? Because I have a detailed list of things I've done wrong that I could have done better. But I also have a list of things that you did to me that were wrong that can make a huge difference. It's all about perspective. It's easy to sit across the table and blame someone for what they did but it takes a lot to recognize what we've done and own up to it.

Could I have said things differently? Absolutely. Could I have responded timely and accurately to your needs? Sure! Hindsight is always 20/20. Coulda-shoulda-woulda doesn't help entirely but it's what the actions that follow that matters. So, I have a few choice words for you:

Frankly, your actions towards me speaks way more than what I ever did. You coerced me many times to do what you wanted. I had to bend over backwards on occasions just to please you. I had to cut out time with friends and family to make you happy; and that was even before I left for BMT. I had to ask for permission to even see family. I lost sleep, I was late to work on multiple occasions, I missed out on concerts, get-togethers, parties and social events because of you. Something I don't talk about is I even dropped out of college because I couldn't focus on school because you took priority. Since you want to talk about manipulation so much, you also coerced me into getting married when although I wanted to and I had no money. It lead me to flip-flop a lot over a decision becuase I had to think of ways to come up with money I didn't have (and I know how much you hated it because trust me I hated it way more). As a first term airman in the dorms, I didn't make much and I had made that clear more than once. I had bills and responsibilities that I had to attend to also. Remember how I defaulted on my own funds to travel to Spokane because I had to pay for a hotel when I got here and I had no money after our trip? I was in debt until pretty recently to pay it back. My credit dropped and I was running on one paycheck every month which is why I wanted to deploy at the time because I would at least make more money tax-free. And you know what? I didn't because you told me you didn't want me to deploy so I didn't. There's a lot of contradictory statements that are prevalent in that post that frankly sound one-sided and narcissistic to me with a lack of perspective. I wanted to do so much for you and there's a lot that I did that you didn't see. I was prepping to spend a life with you and I got the latter only because you didn't listen to me and assumed I didn't want you which is entirely false. Those are just a few examples of what I had to deal with.

And last year in 2021, I had bought a ring for you. I took out a small loan for an engagement ring to give you and I was planning on asking your family if it was all right to propose. I had to skip on meals to scrounge up the funds necessary to pay for it. Unfortunately I didn't have the time to talk to them because of work and personal responsibilities and I felt so bad. I couldn't even call your family like I wanted to because of conflicting schedules. The ring wasn't much but it was all I had at the time. I was burnt-out mentally and physically and I was not all together but I really wanted you to just listen to me even if you didn't quite understand what I was going through. I was going to surprise you and I didn't want to tell you even when you wanted me to tell you. If you would have just talked to me about everything, maybe it would have worked out different. I ended up pawning off the ring that weekend I found out you cheated on me.

NO ONE deserves to be cheated on regardless of how bad the situation was. You had your reasons, but I also had every right to know what was going on in your head. I had no idea you went through all this and it was because you didn't talk to me. Remember when you told me that you cried that mother's day weekend when your family came to see you at Vandenberg? I didn't know until after you told me once it was all over. I never knew you were going through any of it. All you had to do was speak up. I didn't deserve any of that. I was never mad at you, but I was mad that you couldn't talk to me. Communication is a huge part in any relationship.

After it all I wrote you a letter explaining a little bit of my side in hopes that maybe it would have been more insight into it all. I packaged it in with your things I sent back. What I thought was a good send-off, instead I ended up losing my dignity and was stalked and made fun of (I assume). And I'll never get my stuff back either. I hope you got your things all in once piece by the way. I couldn't get rid of your things because you deserved them back and I didn't have the heart to do so.

Talking about introspection, how about that and a bit of retrospective on your actions as well. I've done a lot with the time I've had to myself. I'm not married and I don't think I ever will be. Every relationship I've ever been in, I've been lied to, cheated on, and mistreated. You were the only one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. And about those things I said that you did? It's not manipulative. It's calling you out for what it is/was. You've ruined future relationships for me and I will now forever have a hard time forming connections. I still have a hard time accepting who I am and I feel unlovable. I'd rather be single than have to go through another fallout like our relationship was. I don't ever want to have to keep explaining myself over and over and over just to not be heard. I can talk all day, but if you're not willing to see it from my point of view and at least try to understand where I come from, it's pointless. I don't ever want to have to deal with the loneliness I had to deal with even if I've got used to it now, ever again. The past three years of my life haven't been that great but it's been looking up this year so I can't complain.

Let me also remind you that I forgave you and gave you another chance only for you to fuck it up and turn it on me saying that it was all my fault for the way you acted and me acting accordingly to your actions. That's not right. It's not for you to decide if you stay or go if you're the one who left me. Don't leave me wondering if you're going to stay only to leave me anyway. I'm not an option and I'm not going to wait around for you. You didn't even give me enough time to process it all and when I finally wanted to come back, you decided to talk to him again and said that you weren't given enough time. THAT'S manipulation to me so I had enough. I was done. I'm also not going to stay "your friend" only to sit and be made fun of by people who I once loved and wanted in my life.

So look at yourself and your situation and be thankful that you're back home, married, and doing something great with your life and I'm sure doing well.

Never did I think you were out to get me but like I said previously somewhere in this, I felt like you undermined my success. Yeah you said I was "doing something" but when I needed you to sit down with me and see it from my eyes, you couldn't do it. And like I said previously, your actions afterwards there after show the lack of respect you had for me. I was so proud of you for doing amazing and what you wanted but to take an idea that I gave you, and run with it and say it's your own isn't right. I talked about you and what you were doing to others and they were chearing us on. Only a few times did they ever say they were confused on what you were doing but oh well.

I'm not saying you're a bad person and neither am I. We made bad choices and a lot of them were over miscommunication, misconceptions and assumptions.

It takes two to be in a relationship so I'm willing to take part of the blame. But calling me a manipulative victim is something that I won't accept. I don't call myself a victim. You can think what you want though. I would hope me writing this maybe changes your view a little bit but I can't control what you think or your emotions.

Regardless of all of that, I still have everything we did together. I have your blanket you knitted for me, and all your notes and pictures. I have it all and I don't ever want to throw them away like I'm sure you did for me. Maybe I should because it's not going to do any good for me anymore.

But most of all, through everything, through the hardest times of my life so far, you're still on my mind. I will always love you and I wish you and your husband well regardless of what turned out. I hope you get the best things in life and all the success you get. You deserve that much.

And wishing you the best is something I don't say lightly. I mean that wholeheartedly and respectfully. I'm not being sarcastic at all. It's hard to tell sometimes through a screen.

I hope you read all of that with an open mind. I own up to my mistakes. Can you do the same?

Lastly, I hope your family is doing well. I miss your family a lot and I wish you all the best. I think fondly of them all the time. I wish things would have worked out differently.

Wishing you well is not gaslighting or manipulative of me to make you feel bad. I'm saying all of that because I was raised better and I like to think I'm a good fucking person. I pick and choose my circle of friends carefully and who I choose to be with even closer. I'm sorry that I have had an impact to make you feel negatively when all I've ever done is try to make sense of it all and to make sure our interests were good at heart.

That's all.

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peachyysugaa · 3 years

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troublemaker

― dancer youtubers!lee heeseung x gn!dance major!reader

sparks fly when the top two dancers on youtube collab!

genre: slow-burn fluff, s2l

wc: 3.9k (omg i'm sorry) + 2 twitter pics

warnings: probably some wrong dance terminology, slightly suggestive (the dance is just 😳), short timeskip, it's cheesy please bear with me

part of my youtuber enhypen series, the fifth upload! feel free to read on its own~ ♞──────────────────────────♞

you finish off your last move with your arms wide open, your chest heaving up and down from lack of breath. smiling nevertheless, you know you absolutely love the feeling of getting your breath taken away after dancing because you know it meant you did your best. you walk towards the camera lens and peek at the comments through your open laptop.

"did you all enjoy that?" you ask breathlessly grinning. the flooding comments are filled with compliments from your cover of nct u's boss. however, one comment, in particular, caught your eye as others seemed to reply to it.

heeseung ✔ 2s ago wow that was amazing do you wanna do a collab sometime? 😊

line break insurance you've failed me 5x already

your eyes widen as you let out a gasp. "is that the lee heeseung?" you accidentally say out loud. you wince at the realization of your mistake. the comments are both praising you for your success in getting noticed by the other top dancer on youtuber and relating to your remark.

heeseung ✔ 3s ago haha yes it's me dm me if you want to hear more about it 🤍

"oh wow... this is really cool..." you state before blinking to get you out of your stupor. "well everyone, that's going to be all for y/n's motion of dance today! thank you so much for tuning in, love you!"

you wave goodbye for a few more moments and then shut off the broadcast, closing your laptop as soon as you do. you blink twice and suddenly let out a scream.

you stop with a gasp and cover your mouth with your hands because you cannot believe you forgot that your dance studio isn't the most soundproof of places. "sorry, other dance students..." you whisper to them but more for yourself.

taking a look around your escape, your passion, you can't believe you've made it to where you are, being praised as one of the top dancers on such a vast social media platform like youtube. if anything, you guess it runs in your family, after all, you are related to choi yeonjun, who is considered 4th gen's it boy.

though people were skeptical of you at first when you came on the youtube scene as a dancer after your older brother started taking more to modeling and acting, you quickly proved them wrong by showing them your talent and bloomed from then on. of course, you can't forget to mention the person who skyrocketed just around the same time as you.

and that was the aforementioned lee heeseung. you sigh as you finish packing up your clothes and things to head back to your dorm, glancing out the window to see the sun beginning to set. it seems today was a rare early finish for you.

"i could go for a coffee... i need to finish my classics essay anyway," you mumble to yourself, throwing your bag over your shoulder before hitting the showers and changing into a more casual set of clothes. the finishing touch is a baseball cap that sits snug on your head. tightening the strap on the back and grabbing your backpack and dance bag, you finally take your leave of your beloved dance studio and return the key on the way out. fresh air meets your face, allowing you to take a whiff of the cherry blossoms that have been blooming for a month or so as you make your way to the campus café.

ding ding, the coffee shop's calm doorbell welcomes you as your nose is hit by the sweet smells of freshly ground coffee beans. "welcome!" one of the servers calls at the counter, smiling at your figure that walks closer to order. "what can i get you?"

"hi, may i have..." you scan the menu quickly for a familiar drink. "a honey cinnamon iced latte please?"

"of course, name please?"

"choi y/n," you reply.

if they recognize you, they don't make any notion of it, simply scribbling your name on the plastic cup as you make your payment. you're grateful for the normal interaction and the peacefulness of the café, especially after a surprising stream. "i'll call you when your order's ready, choi y/n-ssi," they inform you with a warm grin.

"thank you," you smile back before going to find a seat. spotting a relatively private area close by with only a pair of boys sitting at the booth, you decide to take the booth two spaces away from them. one boy, you notice, sits taller than the other, but his face is covered by a baseball cap. the other looks like a freshman, his cheeks accentuated by a pair of deep dimples.

as you take your seat, you can't help but think the boy with dimples looks rather familiar but can't seem to place your finger on it. shrugging, you simply begin preparing to write your essay by taking out your laptop and notes from your classics ge. the moment you finish is when you hear your name being called.

"choi y/n-ssi, your honey cinnamon iced latte," the server's voice calls. on your way to receive your awaiting drink, you can finally hear the voices of the two boys sitting two booths down from you.

"did your crush just say choi y/n?" the one with the hat says.

'yes, that's me,' you think to yourself nonchalantly.

"weren't you just watching their stream, heeseung hyung?" another voice says as you pick up your latte and thank the server.

wait, heeseung? as in lee heeseung? it's when you turn around with your drink in hand that you notice the two males looking straight at you. now you're able to make out the features of the boy with the cap, and there's no mistaking it.

"lee heeseung?" you mutter out loud at the same time he speaks out yours.

well, maybe that wasn't what you were expecting today, but hey, life is full of surprises, even if they are one after the other for you. after that unexpected encounter, you and heeseung acquainted yourselves, he invited you to sit with them, and now you're sitting at their table, awkwardly sipping on your latte.

"right, so should i leave?" the other boy, who you found out is studytuber and vlogger yang jungwon (which is why he looked familiar to you), blurts out. you chuckle as heeseung shakes his shoulder lightly. "what? you two clearly have to talk about something, i need to study."

"yea, yea, lover boy. make sure you say bye to your crush on the way out," the male dancer teases, causing the younger one to turn bright red.

"don't call me that, hyung," he mutters before picking up his bag and leaving the booth. sure enough, you watch as jungwon passes by the counter and erupts into a nervous mess the moment the server beams at him.

"ah... so he likes them?" you think out loud.

"yup, it's been almost four months now. i'm the reason he even knows this cafe and that server exists," heeseung mentions, making you nod courteously. he turns his attention back to you with his hand placed under his chin. "but their relationship is besides the point. let's talk about us."

"d-did you have to put it that way?" the forwardness catches you off-guard, and you suddenly have a harder time swallowing a sip of your coffee.

"sorry," he says with a teasing smile. "i just think the collab i mentioned would be good for both of us, and it'll be really fun too."

"i agree, people who like you will come to me and vice versa," you nod. "but do you know what we would be dancing to?"

"so does that mean you're in?" he asks, smile starting to grow on his face. wordlessly, you roll your eyes and hold out your hand for him to shake. that's when his full smile comes out, causing your cheeks to heat up as you think about how much more handsome it makes him look. taking your hand, heeseung shakes it with his vigorously. "alright, dance partner, we have a deal."

after much deliberation and research, the two of you finally agree on troublemaker by the duo hyuna and hyunseung. heeseung suggested this song, stating that he always wanted to do the choreo with somebody and that it's destiny that both males have a name that starts with h and ends with seung. quite frankly, it's not like you could find much anyway, besides some cool music bank mc stages, it is cool that troublemaker was originally an opposite-gender duo in the korean entertainment industry.

the choreography however is an entirely different story. at many points, hyuna's body is touched by hyunseung and vice versa, but if they can do it and stay professional, then you believe you can too. besides, dancing will always be just dancing. heeseung also assures you that if you want, the two of you can just have your hands hovering, which makes you feel relieved to have an understanding partner.

hours pass by, and you and heeseung decide to meet at your usual dance studio daily after all your classes, which wasn't hard because he also frequented the same one.

"i still can't believe we attend the same university," you say aloud as the both of you pack up your laptops and supplies.

"i know right, you would think one of us would recognize the dance studio we go to 24/7, right?" he laughs. "although, i've seen you use a different one sometimes."

"do you really watch my covers and streams often?" you ask baffled. he and you wave the workers goodbye and make your way to the brisk evening air waiting outside as the staff sends you off.

"i do, is that so hard to believe?"

"a little," you reply sheepishly.

"well, let me walk you to your dorm and prove to you how much of a choi y/n stan i am," he boasts, and you let yourself laugh freely as you walk beside him to your destination.

it's strange, knowing a famous youtuber you watched also knew and followed you, but then again, you're not exactly nobody either. when heeseung drops you off, he admits that he actually lives a few floors above you and that you two can walk home together after each rehearsal. it's even stranger, knowing a famous youtuber literally has been on your campus, in the same dorm building as you, and this whole time, the two of you have both been clueless as to the other's existence as an ordinary college student.

speaking of which, he can't be a dance major, right? otherwise, you would've already seen him! these thoughts keep you tossing and turning to the point you don't register when you fell asleep. when you wake up, you feel as if you didn't get any sleep at all, but get up and ready nevertheless, going through another regular day as a dance major.

by the time your classes are over, you walk out of the studio yawning about to stop by your dorm to freshen up and maybe fit in a nap. you're holding a hand over your mouth mid-yawn when a voice starts talking to you.

"good thing i stopped by to get coffee." you open your eyes and close your mouth to see lee heeseung holding two cups of coffee. he's dressed in an oversized white shirt and grey sweatpants, a common dance practice outfit, so why is your heart skipping so many beats. "yo, choi y/n."

"heeseung," you say, still shocked. he hands you the coffee, which is actually the same flavor you got yesterday. "thanks."

"no problem," he replies coolly. "maybe we should take a break before we get to it?"

"i'll be fine, how about we can start watching the choreo?"

"they're always ready to dance," he nods with an impressed smile. "as expected of a dance major."

the two of you walk inside and book a studio for a few hours as you raise an eyebrow at him. "wait, what major are you?"

"music production."

"that makes so much sense!" you say relieved, stepping into the studio room for the umpteenth time. "i was racking my brains wondering what major you were."

"so the famous choi y/n is curious about me?" he smirks. you groan and facepalm in response. "i'm kidding, i'm kidding. let's watch the video on my tablet?"

nodding, the two of you watch carefully, eyes glued to the screen at your respective roles. you hold your breath at some touchy parts but also notice that both idols were able to shine in their solos.

"a few tweaks here and there, and it'll be perfect," heeseung comments once the video is over. "but let's go over some boundaries, yeah? let me know what you're comfortable with and what you're not."

"right," you agree, once again relieved to have such a safe and understanding partner like him. "well, i think i'm okay with you touching my arms, shoulders, and hips like hyunseung did to hyuna. i just need some time to get used to it."

"alright, that sounds good," he says nodding with a hand under his chin. "then for today, i'll just hover my hands over the places they need to be."

"what a gentleman," you tease.

he rolls his eyes playfully at you. "let's start marking."

and so that's what the two of you start on. with the video on the tablet, you go through the motions with the speed lowered, eventually picking up more moves until you're able to follow at the normal speed. as expected of the top two dancers on youtube, the two of you are quick on observing and learning the dance and get done with basic marking within 20 minutes or so.

after marking, you take a quick water break to watch the video again in full detail, officially beginning your first real practice. as promised, throughout the entirety of marking, heeseung has kept his hands to himself, but you've become comfortable enough to have him do a little more.

before you start practicing for real, you decide to speak with him. "hee," you call him as he puts down his water bottle.

"hm?" he confirms that you have his attention, looking up with his large doe-like eyes while wiping his mouth off from some excess water.

"uhm.." you fidget with your top a little before mustering up some courage. "you can do light touches now for the choreo."

"really? are you sure?" you nod at his question, causing him to come up to you and ruffle your hair lightly. you bat his hands away with a pout, smoothing out the mess he made as he laughs at you. "that's great, y/n," he says with a bright smile, unknowingly making your heart beat a little faster as you nod again. in your head, you rush to cover up the physical reaction with an excuse that it's just from the amount of exercise you've done.

the two of you stand in front of the mirror, ready to go. before the music starts, heeseung turns to you and says, "just let me know if i make you uncomfortable at all."

"i'll be fine," you reassure him with a small smile. that's when the song begins, and the sparks start to fly. every move flowed like water, yet every touch between the two of you was like electricity as if the two elements were working together instead of fighting. even though the touches are light, they still put chills up your spine, in a way that you can only describe with the phrase "meant to happen."

was fate moving its course to put this match together, or were you imagining it? you're not sure, but you grin while catching your breath once the first practice is over. falling to the floor softly, you sit with your hands splayed behind you and let out a relieved sigh. "ahh... dancing is so... great!"

heeseung chuckles at your reaction and offers a hand to get you up. "i'm glad you think that because we got a lot more practice ahead of us, partner."

"yup!" you say with a widening smile. the moment you took his hand, you felt an electric jolt that almost made you let go. getting up, you shake it off and barely catch the expression on your dance partner's face. "is something the matter?"

he blinks a bit before he's shaking his head with that charming smirk of his. "nope! let's practice!"

practice, practice, practice. that's how the next few hours go. and just like the day before, heeseung walks you to your dorm building, this time the conversation about how excited the two of you are for the recording.

that's basically how the next four or so days go, now that heeseung came into your life. your daily routine of wake up, eat, class, dance, repeat was shaken by him, because now he was a part of it. it's an indescribable feeling, hanging out with him. the best word, or phrase actually, is the same one you used while dancing with him: meant to be.

so when you finally get to the day of recording, you almost don't want it to end. at least, that's what you're telling your best friend and makeup artist, kim sunoo.

"friend, you're telling me that you and this guy have been following along to..." he tells you to look up as he curls your eyelashes. "a dance like that for four days and you've been getting shocks this whole time?"

"i mean, yeah?"

"y/n, i love you, but you're missing a little something, aren't you?"

"wha-!?"

"pucker up, sweetie, we're making your lips look kissable," sunoo commands. you do an eye-roll but do as he says. "if you don't ask him out or do something by the end of this, you can at least kiss your best shot at a boyfriend goodbye with luscious lips."

he finishes applying the color and asks you to rub your lips together and make that pop sound. "perfect," your best friend compliments. "go out there and get your mans."

"thank you, sunoo!" you say, gazing at your reflection in the mirror and loving the way he accentuated your features. "by the way, you're all talk. you should ask your celebrity crush out when they appear on your channel."

"i'll get there when i get there!" he whines and starts pushing you out of his dorm room. "just go get 'em, tiger."

with that, you make your way to the dance studio where heeseung is waiting for you, dressed in hyunseung's iconic suit with the leopard-patterned blazer. your heart quickens, seeing how much more handsome he looks dressed up, hair slicked back and some makeup done. he looks up upon hearing the door open and his mouth slightly hangs open as well.

the both of you are silent as you approach him, in your equally bedazzling outfit, sheer to mimic hyuna's stage dress. "you look amazing," the two of you say at the same time. stunned at the simultaneous sentence, you two immediately start guffawing at how this was unlike your usual interactions.

"that was so awkward!" you blurt out, unable to contain your laughter.

"yea, not like us at all," he admits while he wipes a stray tear from laughing too hard away. smiling at each other, you admire the way his eyes reflect your image and sparkle. "you ready to get this show on the road."

"ready as i'll ever be." the two of you get into your positions on the opposite ends of the room, and heeseung starts the camera and the music soon after. you take each step slowly to meet him in the middle as he takes your hand and brings it up to his lips to give it a kiss while smirking. you keep your face professional as the two of you take a few steps forward, the back of his fingers curled over the front of yours.

starting back-to-back, you walk forward a bit before the beat drops and heeseung's part begins. you're on autopilot as you dance your fingers from his chest to his shoulders, and then the chorus comes. hips swaying, you're able to feel his hands' light taps on your body as the two of you lose yourself to the music you've danced to hundreds of times this week.

then, it's your killing part as you lipsync hyuna's rap and take bold steps around heeseung's body, ending up behind him to bring your hands over his shoulders and make a scratching movement across his chest. you step towards his side, do your thing, and walk away as if playing hard to get.

you wait for his part during the bridge and make a side glance towards him before moving towards him and performing the hip-heavy part of the chorus together. your partner moves his face up along your arm, taking it in like you're a statue. you then act like you brush him away when heeseung gets close enough. after this second chorus, you're leaving him to do his big solo, watching carefully as he makes his every move precise and crisp yet flow well.

it's the last chorus now, and this time, you can't take your eyes off each other as you finally face one another. you stay drowning in his shades of brown without a single misstep until you have to walk away from him. you wait for him to come towards you, back slightly turned away as he jaunts forward, making his way to be captured by your hand behind his neck.

the last breath of the song is the one where you're supposed to turn your head away as his own chases yours, but this time, you brave forward and lean in close. the music fades away, but all you hear is his breathing, feeling it against your own.

you stay like this, ensnared in each other's arms, forgetting about everything except the person wrapped close to you as you feel his every breath against your lips and every inhale and exhale under your hand. he searches your eyes, looking for some kind of sign. "do you mind if i—"

that was all you needed before you're pressing your lips against his. it only takes seconds for him to kiss you back, moving his hands from their previous position on your hips to hold your face. becoming breathless from dancing was one thing, becoming breathless from kissing heeseung was another thing entirely, it was in a league of its own you note as you pull away and rest your forehead on his.

"we'll have to edit that out," you say after what seemed like ages of taking each other in while chuckling.

"i have a better idea than editing."

"oh, and what's that, handsome?"

"look at you getting all bold, troublemaker," heeseung replies with that smile of his. he shakes his head, moving away from you and taking your hand in his. "how about we go on our first official date as youtube's top dancer couple?"

"that does sound like a better idea," you agree, your own smile widening.

"then let's make it happen, sweetheart."

bonus! - click for full images

taglist: @cha-raena @imjustme-things @misoiishi @rikitaiyaki send an ask to join the taglist! :3c permanent taglist: @fiantomartell

a/n: wow this was a long one!! i'm not sure if i detailed all the movements well, but i hope you all enjoyed it nevertheless <3

#enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypenwriters #lee heeseung x reader #lee heesseung fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen oneshots #lee heeseung imagines #enhypen heeseung #captured on camera #this came out more detailed than i thought it would be JFAIJFA

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