#i've stolen the energy from my muscles and bones to fuel my grades and my labour

[serialreblogger]

hate having chronic illness. every day i have to be like “what is it boy? is it depression? anxiety? dehydration? are we hungry? did we take our meds? want your cane? need walkies? did timmy fall down the old well?” and the answer is always “mgleh. sleep now”

like NO no no no sleeping, we slept for fifteen hours every day this week, we’ve slept plenty please can we just talk about this for one second before you

Ś̶̛̗͈̯̫͈̔͑͝Ļ̷̛̛̲̆́̃͆̇Ë̵̢́͑́͐̔̍̕͠E̵̛̺͙̜̞͚̫̹̯̬̽̓̓͊̔̉̕ͅP̷̡̱̮͍̫̯̋́͊͝

and then u pass out for another 15 hours

#linden's originals #vent post #i say this with all love and respect for my tomfool useless corporeal form #it's trying its best #and is about as functional as an iphone 4 #planned obsolescence but the plan is ''faulty wiring and a lot of childhood trauma'' and the obsolescence is due to systemic ableism #ANYway #i would like to know what it feels like to be awake! is that so much to ask! #i am not even requesting a day free of pain i recognize that that's laughably unlikely but how about a DAY #like more than two hours of actual wakefulness #p l e a s e #body i'm begging u work with me here i am doing my best in a dearth of medical care but cmon it's hard to eat when i'm sleeping #well. i was gonna ask for enough energy to manage my own care but i recognize that u have been giving me that so far #more energy than u can spare so i can think things through and survive #which is. why we're here now. you gotta get the energy from somewhere after all #i've stolen the energy from my muscles and bones to fuel my grades and my labour #i.. guess it makes sense that i'm sleeping a lot. even if i'd like to be mended by now #it's taken years to get here. it'll probably take more than a minute to heal #(i know i'll never ''heal.'' i have ibs! that's never going away! but i - i HOPE that i'll get better. that i'll heal enough to live #the way i want to. heal enough to stay awake during the day; to be active again; maybe even to not be in pain) #well; one day at a time #and my days of rest are long overdue #i'll let myself rest‚ then. i.. don't really have another choice; i can't help but sleep and i can't get a doctor to see me #(would be nice to get the POTS diagnosed tho. imagine having actual supplements for that during the summer heat that'd prob help) #well. we rest; eat lots of salt and drink lots of liquid; rest some more and hope to feel better soon #health #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #the trifecta babey!