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#i. assume thats neurodivergent yes
girl-bateman · 3 months
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Every day I am reminded that 90% of my problems would be solved if I actually listened to my intuition like ever
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hopefullyababe · 2 years
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i feel like this is telling
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justcallmesolll · 9 months
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I realise why its so embarrassing to talk about being neurodivergant irl.
yeen rambles #1
being on the internet is like walking on a frozen lake. we have to be so extremely careful with everything we do to not be harassed for it. one of these things, is being autistic or having ADHD. (i will mainly focus on autisim as im more familliar with expeiancing it, although i will say its differant for everyone.) people are so quick to accuse others of faking a disorder like autisim, and it gets to the point where people who either have or havent got a diagnosis with autisim are being acussed of faking it. but this behaviour is so much more common irl, where if you try to talk about it, the first thing thats asked is "Wait so do you have a diagnosis?"
now, things are different in Scotland compared to America, and i acknowledge that. the whole process of getting a diagnosis for something like autism is such a laborious process. first, you need to be put on the waiting list, which usually doesn't happen until you reach about year 8 or 9(more often than not, its females. a male's symptoms of autism are easily spotted and caught early on.), where you realise that "hey! actually I'm not normal at all!" and IF you get a meeting with a GP, you list all symptoms, talk about how extremely hard it is for you to literally just function in the world made for neurotypicals.
then you're asked the hardest question, which, will be asked SO many times; "Why do you want a diagnosis?" this is such a hard, excruciating question to ask someone with autism, because we genuinely don't know how to answer. Because I need it? I know that sounds weird, but I do. I need a diagnosis to feel whole if that makes sense. the reassurance that I'm not a weird, lazy, dysfunctional human being would be nice. to know that there's a reason why its so hard to simply live. to prove anyone who denies me wrong? its hard to explain and it makes you feel like a rabbit caught in a snare. if, AND ONLY IF, you somehow manage to get onto the waiting list, you're looking at about an average of two-three years until you get an appointment. another thing they'll say to you is "There's no cure for it you know." I'm so fucking aware of that. more aware than anybody around me at all fucking times. you think I'm going through this entire process for fun?? Those people are almost ALWAYS fucking neurotypical or speak to you like a five year old.
but that's why I don't have a fucking diagnosis. what the fuck does it matter to you anyway??? I don't see how me having or not having autism affects you? i know neurotypicals find it hard to grasp what it's like to be autistic. because it sounds unreal. it IS fucking unreal. but if you're autistic, you are VERY aware of it. even if you don't know what autism is. you assume that everyone went though what you did as a small child. THEY FUCKING DIDNT. you are just different. that's how it is, and that's how it always will be. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. the way I act or speak, it's not the same as everybody else. i tried talking about it, "Everybody feels that way." yes. they do. but the thing is, it's (Mostly) never true yea? with autism you're aware that you are speaking in a very unnatural manner, you are aware of the stares you receive as you speak, of the brief, unnatural silence after you finish talking. Because it's happening. it's not in your head. its real. and happening right now. but neurotypicals straight up just refuse to believe this. at least from my experience. they insist that I'm overreacting, or overanalysing it. but I'm fucking not. its happening right in front of me, broad as day.
you're constantly justifying your own experiences. trying to make them understand, until you realize, Why am I trying to convince this person? that sounds like something somebody who is trying to fake it would do. you start second guessing yourself, Maybe I am over exaggerating. I read that person wrong, or that didn't actually happen. you become that opposing side in your own head as you grow up. no-one else needed. and so, you get the feeling that everyone, along with yourself, is constantly doubting your claims. Which isn't good at all. if I don't have autism then who am i? i clearly dont know myself well enough, am i sure i'm even who i want to be? even writing that last part there, i thought to myself; Don't be so dramatic! it's not that big a deal. but it is. it so is.
Shit as it is, if there was a cure for autism, I wouldn't want it. it makes me who I am, and as fucking annoying as it is I wouldn't change it. I just kind of wish more people would understand it, or at least accept it, rather than deny it.
TLDR; it feels like most ppl including urself dont belive you which is shit, but its not at the same time idk man its confusing.
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autistic-af · 2 years
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no hate, but genuine question.
is it normal to actually feel pure hate having been diagnosed pdd-nos, but you feel more like its just social anxiety because one can not relate at all to other people who are diagnosed? or is it because my case is so mild that i cannot relate to autistics?
i legit feel like when i got diagnosed that these dipshits, for real because they sat and assumed shit about me which is not true, as in i dont get jokes, sarcasm and stuff, which i do. i was one hell of a sarcastic person back then, still got the sarcasm but has toned down because im not being constantly attacked anymore, leaving more room to be authentic, that they just pulled whatever outta their asses to get me diagnosed with something, because thats apparently what i was there for.
i dont get it. im angry and i feel hate because im jumbled together with people who i dont even relate to. no hate again its just me really being frustrating because i dont get it. this diagnosis was years ago but it haunts me for real.
also something controversial-ish but what i have been thinking about?
why is that autism, has like, what is it like 2-3 main big ones, social difficulty and another things i cant recall, but then (some) people diagnosed with it have like other issues too? is it just me or do i feel like they'd be like 2 different diagnosis? i dont get autism at all, like why is there these either 2-3 main big reasons one would get diagnosed, but then theres like people who have a ton of other issues along with it, it doesnt make sense to me, im figuring you may know why that is?
is it because those 2-3 main reasons why one would get diagnosed with autism, is it because they also are similar to social anxiety? because i dead-on am gonna fight to rid this diagnosis as i hardcore believe i have social anxiety, it just makes so much more sense to me.
i do apologise if my "tone" is off and i sound or come off as offensive, these are genuine questions and im sorry if i came off sounding rude. im just a bit frustrated.
No need to apologise to me. You're asking something in good faith and this is a safe place for honest questions.
So, let me answer this in parts, as it's a multilayer question.
It's understandable that you feel a label was placed on you by people that didn't listen to you. Obviously you know that PDD-NOS is now just considered autism in the DSM 5. It can be very frustrating to have this diagnosis (which is stigmatising and limiting for those who have it) and feel completely disconnected from it.
Do seek a second opinion now that you're older. It is okay to seek removal of a diagnosis.
It is possible that you mask so well, and don't suffer from your autism, that you do not relate to the community. It's also possible you were misdiagnosed.
Now, the second half of your question is easy to answer:
Autism is a social and language developmental disorder, yes. But the reason the 2-3 big requirements are there (difficulties in socialising and language, repetitive behaviours and movements and must be present since childhood) is because without those 2-3 requirements, it's not autism.
Many other neurodivergences have sensory problems, emotional regulation issues etc.
But it's those 3 that make it autism specifically.
That's all. It's different wired brains and that wiring screws up a lot of things like emotions, sensory input etc.
So, they need to know which wiring they're dealing with.
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gnomehaver · 1 year
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Tbh I love Hugh Dancy's Will Graham because of how it portrays high empathy as potentially disabling and rooted in neurodivergence. I've ended up in really horrible situations because of how "high empathy" proximities me to abusers. There is nothing very neat or cool about feeling others emotions as your own, except that it's a complex trauma response rooted in self abandonment, people pleasing, and boredom, yes boredom, because closeness to instability can let me feel the fear, anger, euphoria, anguish-- from a "safe" distance. "Why does someone kill?" Because that is the killer's condition: his/her inability to exist without the crime, the harm. And the truly evil, harmful aspect of empathy is that its just an illusion, Will Graham is only ever expressing his own pain, his own loneliness and desire to be understood. He dangerously begins to sympathize with Hannibal assuming "don't we all just want to be who we really are?" Hannibal is the killer thats born and not made, that is his condition. What right do other people have to stop a born devil from acting out his condition? I think it's essentially the impossibility of being able to really understand Hannibal that drives Will insane.
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thanks bestie!💀 my 15 minutes of fame, your 15 minutes of woe is me <3 win-win am I right? love the bite, wish there was more of it tho😔not too constructive??? it's not constructive at all? you're being too nice.
yes yes i didn't offer you any advive on how to write your game and as i said you dont like unsolicited advice? as you should. yeah I'm so sure people forget that it's your characters, talking about your characters while on your blog after playing your game.
anyway uhm you said you assume I'm talking about certain posts but those weren't actually the ones i was talking about? concerning neurodivergency and behaviors coming off as rude. yeah i wasnt refering to those. I've got no problem with that please dont minunderstand. it was that one where you're talking about peeps liking rude characters and someone replied saying they dont like them and wished there were nicer characters blah blah. pettiness missplaced cause, WE as in people in the discussion were refering to just plain rude characters not people who are neurodivergent and may come off as such. you said something about you and your experience, hence my "we're not talking about you or none neurotypical characters rn"
don't self insert i have an oc, changes names on a whim but still an oc ig, thats why i included the oc part. pettiness missplaced again. i just didn't understand who's ass you pulled self inserts and people trying to turn YOUR character into yn or whatever, from. fr I've decided to take your word fot it. so sorry forgive me for i have sinned. fanfics still have more of a set character that cannot be changed and that follows the writers lines and behaviors and in no way is dependent on the reader but ya know what doesn't? you guessed it. interactive fiction.
I have no doubt your boundaries got disrespected and a bunch of other authors too. like asking someone to change a characters sexuality to suit them? and a bunch of other stuff. horrid and yes entitled. but most times someone nice will hop into an authors asks and politely ask for an addition and most times they'll be like "!! oh didn't think of that! nice! maybe i will" You dont want that and again that's finee. I'm not talking about the anons coming in full force and demanding something be added because they are like this and they arent like that. they can rightfully shut up.
but i like the "if you dont like it, simply don't read it" it's edgy. fr.
also to your aforementioned ass kissers and dick riders, yes i do have nothing better to do🐥, I'll see you in class on monday best have your assignments done👓not jealous or anything, your genius cannot be denied, characters, plot and just writing in general is gold. I'd honestly buy a book you wrote, it wasn't meant to be backhanded.
ugh my please reply accordingly request was ignored, you're not fighting me. wish things were different between us, alas it was not meant to be.🤧it became long again lmao sorry its apparently not that difficult or time consuming to tranfer thought to text as some people in your replies seem to think. anyway reply/post if you love me only <3
ye i aint reading all that, good for you though
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eyesanddragons · 2 years
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Whiteout for the opinion bingo ?
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Oh Whiteout...A character I have...opinions about, that I will go into detail since man I have thoughts about how she's written
Whiteout is...weird, like narratively weird, Whiteout is a character who's maturity and agency is constantly being invalidated by others, Whiteout literally got mind controlled and had integral parts of her personhood deleted by her dad, her character SHOULD BE important in Arc 2's overall themes, those themes centering around control and the loss of it, Whiteout is a character marked by the lack of control, you know that scene where Whiteout goes, and I quote
"Oh, I thought the marbles represented chaos theory and I was just another unpredictable whim of the universe. I did not intend to disrupt your faith in controllable outcomes."
YEAH, THATS IMPORTANT! Because that's how Whiteout's life feels, an unpredictable whim of fate she cannot disrupt. EXCEPT WE DONT ACTUALLY HAVE THAT EXPLORED IN THE BOOKS.
Oh and also, yes I am aware of Whiteout's neurodivergent coding, I am neurodivergent, yes I am aware of the Troubling Implications of Whiteout's Lack Of Control, I don't think its inherently (I REPEAT THE INHRENTLY PART) a bad thing because under this lens, the lack of agency and the infantilization is (sort of in canon) treated as a bad thing, cause it is.
My issue with Whiteout is that the lack of control is ironically, not touched on by the narrative, we never get to see how Whiteout truly feels about the way fate drags her through life, in fact, Tui states in the Biohazardia interview that Whiteout "got to live happily ever after" which is strange to me, and look its not that I don't want Whiteout to get a good ending, its that Tui just, doesn't seem concerned about how Whiteout felt about her brother, or what her dad did to her, or her mom, or the constant bullying she received, we don't get an acknowledgement of it in the later parts of Arc 2, heck I cant remember a time Whiteout is mentioned even though the way Darkstalker treats her is really more indicative of how Darkstalker acts than how he acts with anyone else in the series, Darkstalker (at the end of his book) treats Whiteout as a child, he's superseding her own agency and wants because he thinks he knows what's best for her, when she doesn't want it, and look, morality about Arctic's death aside, the point is that Whiteout didn't want Arctic to die, is this used to further the really bad "Good Victim Bad Victims" narrative WoF has...yes, is this also a good example of how Darkstalker acts and the greater themes of the Arc? YES! Whiteout didn't want Darkstalker to kill her father, but Darkstalker did it anyway, because that was what was best for the both of them, at least that's what he thought.
But, Whiteout's life has been constantly marked by scenarios like those, situations where her own wants come secondary to everyone elses, where she gets played by fate.
And after that she doesn't even get asked about what to do with her brother, just told to leave.
Whiteout is a tragedy dammit and I am upset she isn't treated with the respect and narrative weight she deserves. Anyway, unrelated to the tragedy that is not having control over your life the line "Tangerine, Possibility, Spelunking." is often taken as a prophecy (And it's not like it cant be) but Thoughtful was like "YOU GOT IT!" so I googled tangerine symbolism and apparently they can symbolize new prospects and joy, thus the quote can roughly mean "The joy that comes from finding new dreams and the possibility of new knowledge" (since the piece is called "Cascade of Dreams" and there's a scroll in the waves) so I'm choosing the believe that Whiteout knew that and just assumed everyone knew and Thoughtful somehow also knew tangerine symbolism.
Im stopping here cause Im tired, Ive been writing this for 2 hours and rewrote it multiple times, Whiteout gives me thoughts
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nescamonster · 12 days
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So i rarely post but i wanted to shout into the void about something i keep coming across as a neurodivergent with an invisible illness.
I am bi-polar with depression, anxiety and c-ptsd from abuse i sustained from birth untill 25 when i finally broke away from all the toxic people in my life. It was a long and hard journey to my diagnoses, out of the darkness and into a space where i actauly have a will to live.
Now the screaming into the void part.
PLEASE STOP ASSUMING I THINK YOUR ABUSIVE WHEN I SET ABNORMAL BOUNDARIES
Most people delight in unexpectant guests. They dont mind people just popping in. My wonderful friends are very nice normal non abusive people but they cannot understand why i hate it when people just show up.
For years i suffered under the control of an abusive parent. Even when i moved out, my space was not sacred. They would turn up anytime of the day or night, beating and screaming at my door to be let in and roast me over whatever perceived hurts they had concocted this time.
"But were not like that!" Yeah i know this, but still the sound of an unexpected car in the drive way makes my stomach drop.
"But we wont hurt you, were here to cheer you up" again, i know your not going to hurt me, but the sound of knocking at my door when i wasnt expecting anyone makes me feel like im gonna throw up.
"Were here to drop something off or to hang out and have fun because we like you." Thats lovely yes, but if im not mentally prepared for visitors, your whole visit im going to be shaking and trying to hold it together.
This is just one example of people stomping on boundaries that arent the norm. And when i try to explain why i hear i need to "move on" or "stop thinking about the past" or even "ill help you move past this by making unexpected visits a good experience"
And when i insist on my boundaries people get mad like im accusing them of abuse. They get defensive and the lash out at me.
I dunno how to end this little rant except to say, i wish i could make people understand that whats normal for you, is terrifying for me.
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inconvenient-writer · 7 months
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is the "minor" in your name a reference to your age? if so i have to go dope-slap a massive idiot for assuming the person he was talking to was an adult.
Who are you referring to slapping? The person who commented on my one fic about not liking plantcest? Sorry I’m a little confused lol
Also, yes, I am a minor! I made the name back when that whole “neurodivergent minor” thing was a big joke and thought haha “minor inconvenience”. I’ve never been super comfortable discussing my age online, but considering my name does allude to the fact I’m a minor, I’m 17, and a senior in highschool… so yeah it definitely makes things awkward and even a little scary when people come after me especially about pro-ship stuff which is usually mentioned in a sexual context 🥲😅
I’m just trying to have fun and get out some creative juices, but it definitely makes me feel weird when I’m being shamed for not liking morally and legally dubious things that often involve sex. Another reason I don’t enjoy pro-ship is because it’s in favor or underage or minor/adult ships, and being a minor myself THATS SCARY.
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betagundam · 3 years
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additionally, sondam are nd4nd and that's the tea (also the t4t hinadam made my day)
YES OMG 10000% >:) can confirm they also told me this & we’re awaiting the proof as we SPEAK (also im so glad ty for the ask/s :DDD)
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faunina · 3 years
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I have NEVER watched spn but you are making the urge to do so very strong.
OH MY GD ADSGSADGSADGDSAGSADGADSG
i dont know whether to say "im so sorry" or "you are very welcome". so anon: good luck LMAO
start this show At Thine Own Risk, if you want to! but let it be KNOWN that i will not be held accountable for any damages or cases of Intense Brain Rot you may incur if you do. the best way to watch it is probably with a friend or two, even if its just some ppl you can liveblog your reactions to. trust me, youll NEED that outlet. other than that, before you start this show PLEASE BEWARE:
- tons of racism - just, so much sexism - any sort of trans-/homophobia u can imagine (and worse, probably) - lots of death and injury and similarly upsetting things (i was never really aware for example just HOW often we get close-ups of someone cutting their arm/hand in this show until a friend who was sensitive to that sorta thing pointed it out)
and always remember that this show was written by Mostly Straight Men in 2005 and onwards. so dont let ur hopes get too high <3 all the best things about this show are unintentional writing choices and fan interpretation anyway
(PS: im PRETTY sure ive seen a Guide or two around about which episodes are skippable and which are character/plot important, so if you decide to get into this show But Dont Want To Spend 13+ Days Of Your Life on it, lmk! ill reblog one or something)
#spn#anon#asked#a personal blogging experience#this all to say! dear anon!! that i am for One not the best person to talk about the Many fuckin hatecrimes this show commits#(i am queer neurodivergent and a woman and thats about all i can claim for myself. so! yeah. other ppl have written up MUCH better Takes#about for example the racism and trans/homophobia baked into this show#and i encourage you to maybe seek those things out first!! esp if you seeing stuff like that might affect you#the Other thing is also that as much as i hate this show for a lot of reasons. i dont really like holding onto negativity too much#bc it just kinda exhausts me. so if youve gotten a positive image of this show from my tag ramblings????#please know that i am a sentimental bitch who likes to pretend sometimes that this show doesnt suck as bad as it does lmao#it was a Big Part of my highschool years so i just. feel some kinda way about it#SO? do i recommend it? yes/no. its a bad show except sometimes it really HITS. its a good show except i hate it intensely#i will recommend it but ONLY on the condition that you know what ur signing up for (a lot of disappointment most likely)#i ASSUME that if uve followed me for any length of time you know im a tag-ranting kinda person and that u should read my tags always.#so if you are still reading these: hi i love you <3#its very weird to hear that i am any sort of parasocial influence on other ppl. but im always happy to spread my brain rot <3#EDIT: ive sat here for like 10 minutes maybe and like. anon if ur readin this: PLEASE feel free to message me or send an ask off-anon#i would LOVE to talk more with u if ur down for that
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quiet-in-the-wild · 2 years
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Sorry but just because you believe people can't have sensory/emotional sensitivities, be introverts, have a rich inner world, and experience overwhelm without being autistic doesn't mean people like that don't exist. I understand that there is a stigma surrounding autism and that autistic women and girls often go undiagnosed, but it's frustrating to read these sort of opinions from non-psychologists when autism and like conditions have been ruled out and you know you don't have them and are now essentially being told you can't possibly experience these traits without having autism. I respect your opinion and know of probably comes from a place well-intentioned advocacy, but please don't assume your experiences are universal. Yes, autistic people often have their identities denied and it can be life-changing to finally get that confirmation, but it is also frustrating and invalidating (though not as systemically oppressing, I recognise that) to be told you essentially can't possibly exist that way you are. There's no way I'm some sort of statistical anomalie, so either many experienced health professionals are wrong, or sensitive people exist.
All people, NT and ND people experience a few autistic traits. Like stimming when overwhelmed or occasional emotional dysregulation, or feeling drained socially. The difference is the the frequency and the severity of occurrence.
Autism is complex. It’s a spectrum of traits and experiences. And if you have many of those experiences of varying degrees. And if you have a family history of neurodivergence - the likelihood that you’re autistic is extremely strong.
If you’ve ruled out autism - then it’s some other neurodivergence or neurological condition. That’s 100% fine - it could be adhd, it could be dyspraxia, it could be just a sensory processing disorder - or more statistically likely it could be a combination of co-morbid neurodivergences.
——
But HSP - is just autism. There is literally no difference.
The harm of HSP comes from Instagram psychologists and HSP specialists (who identify as HSP as well) claiming that they are better, have more functioning and cognitive ability than autistic people. -Because that is literally what they claim when ask to define the difference between autism and HSP
That there is no possible way they could be autistic because they can think rationally, and they can self analyze, and they realize other people have feelings and emotions that are separate than their own. They can’t be autistic because they don’t look or act like the most stereotypical autistic person they can imagine.
That is so harmful and such an ableist view of autism. And all it’s doing is creating misinformation.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic.
So if you’re looking at all the autistic traits (and HSP because they are the same) and identifying with HSP, but not autism- thinking there is no way you could be autistic. I strongly urge you to sort through that.
If it’s not autism thats fine. I’m not saying every single person is autistic- I’m saying HSP is Autism. HSP traits are Autistic traits. There is no difference. Only ableism.
I know that so many of you are just looking for answers. You’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why you’re different or spent years with internalized ableist thoughts about not feeling good enough.
The problem isn’t that you’ve found an identity you think fits. The problem is professionals, and specialists and people all over Instagram and working as therapists are looking at autism through a misguided, uneducated, stigmatized lens.
The problem comes with the harm, the othering, the alienating way they portray autism. The way they set themselves apart from other autistic people (if they also identify as HSP- which honestly almost all HSP specialists do) - because there is no possible way they could be autistic.
The problem is people are getting denied autism assessments and being told it’s just HSP or it’s just anxiety- because of of a lack of education about autism.
The problem is HSP is Autism- and professions with HSP don’t want to be associated with autism at all.
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sillyguiro · 3 years
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DRDT HCS/SHIPS/THEORIES WAHGHH
OKAY SO JUST   . IVE NEVER VOICED ANY OF THESE SO JUST HEAR ME OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!
also contains spoilers    !!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. nico is autistic and catgender   .  ( am i projecting Yes i am a kinnie   . )
2. j is non binary obviously and transmasc thats why u see they erased the rest of the name “julia” on their room sign   .   i think it is their deadname  (they/them i think)
3. charles and whit r absolutely boyfriends   .   I MEAN COME ONNNN literally they r so fruity like in the trial whit explained charles’ fear of blood n stuff and defended him WAGHH IT WAS SO CUTE anyways
4. xander hasa crush on david um this is obvious i think if xander didnt straight up die they would start dating
5. actualy they r all neurodivergent  . oka
6. levi is a trans man methinks
oka thats it for headcanons so . . theories
1. charles can go 1 of two ways - he’ll either get some character development and get over his fear of blood and become nicer OR he’ll die soon. because if he can’t participate in the trials, something has to change. so i think he’ll either have some cool char development or die D:
2. veronika might die but i think if she does, she’ll be a victim bc of how easy to figure out she’d be as a murderer bc of her talent ig? tho seeing her go crazy in a trial as she’s figured out would def be a sight to see
3. nico .. i think is either gonna die or make it to the end, i don’t see him being a killer but maybe he’ll pull a 180 and snap? really not sure, but i think he’ll be killed by someone unassuming
4. arei is 100% gonna get some character development and make it to the end. i can’t see her die, she’ll def become nicer and more compassionate.
5. as for the mastermind, i’m really not sure bc i think levi would be too obvious with his fashion related talent. ( too similar to junko? ) i’ve seen people think nico will be the mastermind, but that’s based on the fact that he gives teruko a nickname upon first meeting. people think that’s because he never got his memories erased bc hes the mastermind . . ? idk . i hope not
6. arturo i think will be a victim, or he’ll get nicer and stuff but i think that role will be given to arei ( also bc i like arei a lot and i wanna see her grow !!! )
7. killer hu would be interesting but we’ve already seen the “nice character killer” trope with min so .. i think she’ll survive.
final predictions (if the series takes usual route of double kill in ch3) (also idk the order but just heres who i think will die)
while it’d be hard for me to list who i think will be victims or murderers, i have my predictions on survivors. so just assume everyone else dies.
who i think/hope will be survivors:
teruko, nico, arei, charles, hu
anyway lol finally got all this off my chest (drdt fans lets be friends plsplspls i am so hyperfixated on this fangan
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retconjuration · 3 years
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elaborate on autistic lanque pls 🤲
oh, don’t mind if i do. before i begin:
this contains some major spoilers for hiveswap: act 2, and some minor spoilers for lanque’s friendsim routes(but those have been out for like three years).
disclaimer: i don’t care if you disagree, i’m not claiming this as canon, i am autistic and projecting.
now that that’s out of the way.
point one: possibly the most important thing to note is that lanque is incredibly good at masking. given this quote from his wiki:
“Lanque's writer has stated that both of his Friendsim routes are heavily exaggerated for comedic purposes, with one being more true to his actual personality. As shown by his attitude in Hiveswap: Act 2, it's heavily implied his NSFW route is the truer one. However, this leaves his personality to be drawn from his Friendsim routes to be dubious for readers to interpret what the actual "balance" of his personality is.”
the actual tweet has been deleted, but one of the assumptions that can be made from this is that both the sfw and nsfw routes are, in some way, true to his personality. this would mean that he is actively and drastically changing the way he interacts with the people around him according to the setting, or through imitation. effectively this would make him a social chameleon, another thing often attributed to autistic masking.
and the idea of constant masking fits, given his whole Thing- he’s already being set apart from all the other jades by his transness, and from how he acts in act 2(this will be mentioned later), he doesn’t quite enjoy this difference being pointed out. it would make sense that, given the opportunity to hide something that would lead to more attention(maybe more accurately, attention he doesn’t like), he would take it. this being said, i don’t think lanque sees his transness or unchecked neurodivergence as a bad thing- rather, he sees how other people treat him for it as annoying and something to avoid.
point two: lanque seems to have a very strange range of emotions. while he usually presents as very calm, when he does express true emotion(like when he’s caught off guard by the reader shouting for bronya), its often overstated, and in some cases, a total non sequitur from what came before. the way he reacts in the valid ending scene specifically reminds me of times when i have been startled out of masking- especially since he goes from formal prose straight to “what the fuck, dude?”
the only time he expresses emotions neurotypically is when he’s doing it through another medium(his poetry in the sfw route).
point three: lanque repeatedly is shown to not be the best at conveying or reading tone.
at the start of his sfw route, lynera ends up rambling on about something or other. it’s immensely awkward.
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lanque doesn’t register it as such, and while this could just be attributed to sfw lanque’s overexaggerated kindness, i raise you: i’m building a case here, let me twist my evidence.
in his nsfw route, we have some gems such as:
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lanque is shown to use a tone entirely unfitting of the words that he’s saying, and its specified that this demeanor is nearly indistinguishable from how he was acting before. could this just be an example of professional bitching? yes. play on my court for a second, though
and perhaps my favorite example of lanque totally misreading tone/a situation in general(which is both the aforementioned act 2 scene AND an example of his abnormal reactions to things) is the scene where joey asks lanque about the hatched2dance magazine from lynera’s locker. immediately, he (incorrectly, and without much reason except prior experience) assumes that joey’s intention was to harangue him about being a male jadeblood.
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after joey specifies what she meant, he refuses to respond until xefros tries to actually ask him about being a male jadeblood, and lanque tells them to fuck off. personally i think this is as close to embarrassment as lanque will willingly show in public
point four: lanque is Painfully straightforward. this is obvious in the everything about him, but best summed up with:
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lanque sees no use in not just saying what he means, which often leads to him being(often rightfully) seen as a bitch. again, it’s hard to say things for certain with what little content there is, but i wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things he says- for instance certain parts of his calling out lynera(mostly the parts about her talking shit, not the parts where he’s outright insulting her) were just intended as honesty, rather than animosity. this is a common trait in autism, but i see a lot of neurotypicals look over it because it’s seen as rudeness. ultimately he still uses that honesty to be a bitch on purpose on several occasions, so don’t take this as me saying he’s free of flaws or whatever
another thing i like to point out, though admittedly it’s much more of a stretch, is this bit where lanque has to ask for specification when joey uses a less direct method of asking him what he thinks of the other jades:
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take that as you will
point five: mildly connected to point four, lanque shows possibly one of the most out-there forms of rejection when it comes to social norms. he’s able to skate by in the wider lens of alternia because people of most castes participate in shitty parties, but doing it as a jadeblood gives it an entirely different context.
he also(and this is maybe half speculation, but let me be) seems to have issues sticking with quadrants as a rigid construct. when bronya says this to lanque:
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many people took it as evidence that lanque was abusive to his partners. and if people want to hold that headcanon, i really don’t care, because it can be an accurate reading of how he is presented in the nsfw route specifically. my personal opinion, however, given that his personality is said to be exaggerated in these routes, is guided by this section from his sfw route’s poem:
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i believe that lanque is just extremely prone to vacillation, because he doesn’t truly grasp why quadrants are divided in the way that they are, only that others “press” him to do the dividing. thats autistic attitudes towards social constructs baby
point six(and here’s where the trial spoilers come in): lanque has a very unusual way of solving problems, apparently. when confronted with the issue of his impending ordeals and the idea of having to spend his life as a celibate space nun, lanque’s solution is.... to attempt to join a boy band, using the chaos of the trial(that He caused by stealing the book) as his cover. when joey presents this theory to tyzias(a theory that lanque confirms is more or less correct before chucking joey off of the train), she responds with:
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meaning that not only are his problem solving skills out of the box to joey, but to other trolls as well.
there’s also something to be said about how little he values personal space, but i’m wary of claiming that as an autistic trait of his, and if it is, he is very purposefully weaponizing it.
oh, and point seven: i’m autistic and i want him to be
thanks for reading
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Laughing because sometimes it actually helps me when people assume i'm dumb because I have a southern drawl because ADHD be giving me auditory processing issues so its like....
YES, please DO speak a little slower, overenunciate, and repeat yourself! Somehow you've broken the code and found a way to be a classist asshole in a way thats inclusive to neurodivergent folk ?????
#oc
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shoezuki · 3 years
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see im the same with tone indicators. I'm bad at tone, I know this, but I'd never force someone to use them. cuz I use em, but only when I'm like. real nervous. and think the other person or people Won't Get It. like yeah it's great to clarify but for me they're so wrapped up in Fear (for the most part) when I use em that I don't care if someone doesn't use em cuz I don't want others to feel that way, if that makes sense?
also it smacks of policing people and I hate that. let people live they life. of it don't vibe with you don't follow. block, move on. it's the internet people gon be people my dude
oh absolutely i feel you like. i am Not good all the time w tone either. usually in the sense i just... assume people are joking unless i find reason to feel otherwise. n like. i feel that finding tone or intentions online is Hard just. objectively hard for Anyone. because ppl are so reliant on body language its insane. 
im a weirdly good read of character and People irl. but like only in terms of body language. what people say and try to convey to me is where i trip up. so online is. weird. but ive found ways to get at least an Idea of what people mean and looking into context and if im just Unsure i’ll just... walk away? 
the use of tone indicators is like. its good in theory And in use too. ofc ppl will always misinterpret words or not quite ‘get’ it n thats fine. if theres an easier way for that fuck yes go right on ahead. 
but i like. more and more that i see em used on twitter i feel tone indicators are just...... not used as they should be. im talkin i see tweets of someone just saying words bout something Good that happened to em and the end it has ‘pos/ gen/’ or something. like its not necessary for ppl to Say that them getting good grades or something small and personal is Positive and Genuine on the end of it cuz................................. theres connotations. 
same with like. twitter threads i see titled things like ‘heres a thread of donation goals to support!’ with ‘/srs’ on it. like YES i can see youre serious? if you werent id kick your ass. 
like yea i seen em used Good. asking questions with ‘/nm’ at the end so ppl dont think theyre Mad makes sense. or if they are asking for clarification and have ‘/gen’. like it makes sense. because its when youre interacting with someone and therefore Want and Need your intentions to get across. but not Everything needs them. the idea that neurodivergent Desperately need tone indicators on Everything from serious information about real world problems to yelling into the void posts is........... like i dont like that ksjglkshghg
if theres a genuine feeling that Maybe the connotations of what u say or what you intend isnt like. so clear. or u see it like ‘wait would I Get This’ fuck ya tag that shit go ham. but when its the idea that its Always Needed and people are just Ableist if they Dont add /j or /s to shit. like. nah
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