make it to christmas
a/n: in the absolute middle of exams, winter, homesickness, and holiday stress, i was well overdue for some (resolved) angst me thinks. this is also based off one of my fav christmas (sad but upbeat) songs of the same name by canadian icon alessia cara. i really hope you enjoy!
word count: 2.7k+
pairing: quinn hughes x gn!reader
warnings: swearing, kinda rude parents, mentions of Christmas, sad quinn a little, i can't think of anything else?
disclaimer: this is a piece of fiction so don't come for me about real life stuff. also i didn't make the gif, @gabelandeskog did (and it looks amazing!)
Quinn gets distant with you when the team is on losing streaks. When the team was on losing streaks in the winter? It would get worse.
After three years with him, you’d noticed that this time of year makes your boyfriend get in his head a little. His frowns were a little deeper, the light rarely reached his eyes even around you. He always said it was the lack of snow Vancouver got that messed with his winter routine. When he told you that, you made him promise that he’d tell you when he was feeling particularly sad.
He was good at keeping that promise. During the winter months when the sun set too early and the sky was grey for days on end, he’d be quiet for a day or so before confiding in you under the comfort of the covers. If things got bad, the two of you would watch reruns of Friends until he fell asleep to your heartbeat and the claps of the theme song. You’d always savoured the winter because there were so many of those moments you’d get to spend together.
But this year, it felt different.
The whispers in the dark never came and he never gave the pleading eyes to watch a show. He’d open his phone again and again, the blue light reflecting onto his face but a smile never came. You’d try to pry a little — he never did respond well to it — but you knew this wasn’t your Quinn, winter or not.
The breaking point came when he stopped saying ‘I love you’. He never failed to say it or even send a text with it before one of his games, and he especially never forgot on road trips. But now? You couldn’t remember the last time you were able to slip into bed beside him, and say a ‘love you’ without the ache in your chest of knowing you won’t get anything more than silence in response.
“Do you still want to come home with me for Christmas Eve?” you asked one night, when you saw the date in your calendar.
“If you want me to, yeah sure,” he mumbled, barely looking up from his phone. You couldn’t even fake a smile at his response, just settled into bed. He may have been beside you but he might as well be a thousand miles away.
On Christmas Eve, the two of you had dressed silently. It wasn’t like a no words communication, it was no communication, a stark contrast to other occasions when music had been playing and Quinn had been asking your opinion on which tie matched your clothes the best. Now, you waited by the door, the car keys in your hand until he came out of your bedroom, took them, and silently moved out the door. You locked the door on your own, your boyfriend twenty steps ahead of you. You sighed.
“Just make it to Christmas,” you whispered to yourself.
The car ride was silent and you just couldn’t take it anymore.
“I got Milo and Coolie some cute toys I thought they’d like. They’re wrapped under the tree for when you see Brock next,” you offered. He just grunted in response and you sighed a little.
“Did Petey say what he was doing for the holiday break?” You asked, turning slightly to see his face better but the frown never left his face.
“No.”
“Oh, Holly sent us their family Christmas card, they all look so nice. Did you see them?”
“No.”
You took a pause. “Did you want to see?”
“No.”
You pursed your lips, sighed a little, and sunk further into the seat, looking out the window so he didn’t see how his behaviour was affecting you.
When he pulled into your parents driveway, you could see all the bright yellow lights and your family already sitting in the living room with smiles on their faces. Usually, a sight like this would make you excited to bolt out of the car and be in the warm familiar house. This time, it only filled you with dread, having to pretend your relationship was okay, and you sighed for the last time.
“That’s the third time you’ve sighed like that,” He said, unbuckling his seatbelt. Oh so now he was attentive? Sure. “What’s up?”
“It’s nothing, let’s go.”
“It’s not nothing, what’s the matter?”
“Q, can we not do this right now? My family is waiting on us and I don’t want either of us to be grumpy. Let’s just try to make it to Christmas please,” you grumbled. He just grunted and got out of the car, his door slamming behind him. You took a deep breath before exiting the car yourself. At least he’d been bothered to wait for you before walking up to your parents’ house.
But when your dad opened the door, it was like a switch was flipped. Your boyfriend smiled, shook your dad’s hand, and passed the gift (that you were a little confused on where it came from since you hadn’t bought it — and you did the holiday shopping for the both of you) to your mom.
He sat on the couch with his arm draped around your shoulders. He brought you a drink in your favourite mug without asking. He held your hand and caressed the back of your hand when your dad brought up a work project that frustrated you. There would be times when you were talking to your sister and his arm would rest on your thigh and you’d forget about everything that happened before and just relish in his love. But as soon as it moved, the cold seeped in and you were reminded that this was not the regular anymore – this was a one-off and only a matter of time before it wasn’t there at all.
“Y/n, honey, could you help me in the kitchen really quick?” You mum asked.
“Yeah, sure. Be right back, Q.” You started to get up from your place on the couch but Quinn leaned over, quickly giving you a peck on the cheek.
“Hurry back babe.” He winked, throwing you a little off-guard. This was like the Quinn you knew, but where has he been the past four months? You walked into the kitchen, ready to help your mom but she was ready with questions.
“Is everything okay sweetheart?” Fuck fuck fuck. You tried to give her your best confused face instead of the panic in your mind that she saw right through your facade.
“Yeah, why do you say that?”
“You just look a little down,” she said, rubbing your arm lightly. “Even with that boy so nice to you, you just don’t look super happy. And it’s Christmas! Is everything going okay with him? He’s not too busy with work, is he?”
“No, Mom, he’s fine,” you lied. “We’re fine, thank you for checking.”
“Well, if you say so sweetheart. There’s no shame in breaking it off with this hockey boy so you can have something where you’re happier.”
You swallowed a lump in your throat. “I’m going to be right back.”
“Don’t go anywhere! I’m making hot chocolate with marshmallows before the board game,” she called after you, seemingly aware that she sent you into a tailspin.
“I’ll just be a minute, you can get started without me.” You were already halfway down the hallway by the time you said it, your focus on nothing but getting out of the room.
You walked out the back deck, taking in the night sky and silence. You took deep breaths. It just didn’t make sense. How could he just think that nothing is wrong in front of your family? Act so carefree so easily? You were struggling to even smile at his gestures, wondering what got into him to act like his old self and your mom noticed. She noticed and basically told you to break up with him, so nonchalantly, like she’d never taken your relationship seriously.
“Hey. Here.” His voice interrupts your racing mind and you turn around to face him. In his hands is the hoodie he keeps in the car in case you get cold, outstretched to you. You suddenly are aware of the goosebumps all over your arms and how you could see your breath. You take it and pull it over your head as Quinn walks closer to be beside you.
“What’s wrong?”
You scoff. “What's wrong?”
“Yeah, you never miss out on a hot chocolate, especially not with the marshmallows. What’s wrong?” He didn’t seem to have caught onto the slight edge in your voice, and you dropped the attitude.
“If I’m honest, it’s us,” you huffed.
“Us?” You could see the furrow in his eyebrows even if you weren’t looking at him. “We’re fine, aren’t we?”
“For the past two hours when we’ve been in front of my family, sure. But even my mom noticed I’m not really happy. In two hours, my mom saw what you couldn’t in months! Q, it’s been weeks since we’ve been really fine. Weeks. We are not fine! There’s all this distance between us, even when you’re sleeping right beside me! When was the last time we went out on a date? When’s the last time you even had time for a date? Time for me? We haven’t talked about anything other than hockey and my job for what feels like months!“
He goes to open his mouth but you cut him off. “And I know, I know, it’s winter, this is how you get. But it’s not. Quinn, I’ve been around enough to know what it’s like in the winter but this is something else. You give me one word answers, you’re shutting me out. I can’t even remember the last time you said you loved me. It’s fucking different and I’m so so close to saying fuck it and throwing the towel in!”
“Then why didn't you? Why did you invite me here?”
“Because it’s Christmas! Because I’m an idiot! Because I’m not ready to give up on you! Because I keep thinking that this is just a bump in the road and one day, we’ll feel like us again, just like we did in there! Because if you didn’t come, my dad would give me such a look of pity at the empty chair beside me and my mom would tell my sister “I told you so” when she has evidence you’re too busy for me. And on Christmas? I…I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. Break up with me on Boxing Day, but can we please just make it through Christmas?”
“Wait, break up? Who said anything about a break up?”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting to do? Why else have you been so distant these past few months, so engrossed in your phone?” You said, crossing your arms across yourself and looking down at your feet.
“I’ve been trying to propose.”
You stared at him blankly. “To me?”
“No, to Brock. Yes, of course to you.”
Your mouth hung open in shock. “You’re joking.”
“I wouldn’t joke about this.”
“I’m not following,” you said, genuinely confused. Where was this coming from?
“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you all this, but you remember that night out on the lake in July? When we went out and watched the sunset and you told me you could do this for the rest of your life?” You nodded.
“That’s when I knew I wanted to marry you. So I started looking at rings, asking some of the married guys for advice, that sort of stuff. But when I went to my mom to ask for her help picking out a ring, she…she just seemed surprised that I didn’t know what you wanted. I went through your jewelry box and everything but I still couldn’t figure it out. So I started to think that maybe I didn’t know you as well as I needed to before we got married.” He looked down at his feet as he started shuffling them side to side.
“And then when I asked your parents about marriage, your dad didn’t look very impressed with me. Like they said fine, but they didn’t seem over the moon that I was going to be the one asking. That’s why I acted so different in there. I…I didn’t want your parents to think they made a mistake by telling me yes. I guess that all of that just made me feel really insecure about me and this lifestyle that threatens to move us across the country in one second! I was insecure in our relationship, convincing myself that you and your family wanted no part in being part of the league, part of the drama, the chaos. Believe me, you’re the last person I ever want to hurt and I was just too much in my own head to see how it was hurting you, and baby, please, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I-“ he cut himself off. “I can’t believe I let myself get so caught that you don’t remember I love you. Because I do. I love you a lot. A whole fucking lot, I can’t even explain it. I want to marry you, please, I don’t want to break up.” He made eye contact with you then, his brown orbs void of anything but sorrow.
You felt your own eyes welling up but you had to get it all off your chest before consoling him. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about this?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to tell me our parents were right. I thought if I kept it to myself, you wouldn’t notice how I might not be enough for you.”
The tears that had welled in your own eyes started to fall and there were no words coming to mind that could do your feelings justice. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck fiercely. His arms wrapped around your waist with as much ferocity and one of your hands held the back of his head.
“Not enough for me? You are everything,” you whispered into his ear.
“Don’t quote The Office to me.” His voice was muffled by your shoulder but you could hear the slight smile in it.
“Q, I don’t care what my parents said. I don’t care that you don’t know what ring I would want – I don’t even know what kind of ring I’d want! I don’t care about any of that; I care about you. I love you. And you are enough. You are all that matters to me.”
He pulled away from you, slowly, to see your face but his body stayed as close to you as possible.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as good as you.” Your face softened. One of your hands moved to cup his cheek and he leaned into your touch.
“It doesn’t matter. You have me. But the next time you feel like this you have to talk to me, okay? I was absolutely miserable when you wouldn’t communicate with me and I thought you didn’t…”
“Believe me, I’m never again going to let you believe, even for a second, that I don’t love you with every fiber in my body. I’ll talk with you next time,” he promised, pressing a long kiss to your temple and pulling him towards you again. “Now, you’re freezing and look desperately in need of a hot chocolate, so let’s get you inside.”
As the two of you walked back towards your parents place, hand in hand, you turned to look at him.
“Oh, and by the way, my answer is yes,” you said.
“Answer to what?”
“When you ask me to marry you. My answer is yes and it will always be yes.” His face softened and he slowly turned you to face him. His fingers, although cold, cupped your face and he brought you in for a slow kiss, dragging it out for as long as he could.
“I love you,” He said breathlessly, a sliver of light reaching his eyes again. “I love you so much.”
You gave him another quick peck, before leaning into his chest for a hug.
“I love you too, Q.”
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For the character game:
Dustin Henderson
Jane/El Hopper
2 of them??? Thank you so much <3
Dustin:
favorite thing about them: his smile is the cutest thing ever
least favorite thing about them: that time he raised a hellbeast that ate his sweet kitty :( mews deserved better
favorite line: "I'm on a curiosity voyage and I need my pedals to travel."
brOTP: Steve & Dustin iconic duo
OTP: I don't really have one?? I'm not really invested in him and Suzie sorry.
nOTP: again, i don't really have strong opinions on dustin's love life i guess :') I do like him being the token straight of the whole extended party so basically any m/m ships won't really do it for me in dustin's case.
random headcanon: he looks up to eddie and steve because they both remind him of his dad, who passed when he was little. eddie has the same nerdy interests and steve has the same affection-hiding-underneath-grumpy-exterior attitude
unpopular opinion: is it an unpopular opinion to literally not care at all about his relationship with Suzie? It's not like i have something against her, it's just not it for me, I'd honestly see him rather single than with Suzie.
song i associate with them: i feel like i'm obliged to say never ending story here ;P
favorite picture of them: I know i'm not being very original here but i just love this one soooo much he's such a cutie
El:
favorite thing about them: her loyalty to her friends
least favorite thing about them: nothing, she's an angel and has literally never done anything wrong in her life
favorite line: "Friends don't lie."
brOTP: Max!!! I love how she taught el to have carefree fun and grow into her own person. their friendship means everything to me
OTP: i don't think i have one, i think i like the idea of her not being in a relationship and finding out who she is without being tied to one person in particular. friendship > romance in el's arc to me!
nOTP: Mileven ugh
random headcanon: she really enjoys making things. joyce teaches her to sew and knit, hopper helps her make her own furniture, will encourages her to paint, etcetera. they all help her to lean into her creative side more. it's very therapeutic for her and helps her calm down.
unpopular opinion: i actually liked the episode where she went to the city and found her sister. it gave her some background and was extremely important to shape her as a person and give her some agency over her life for the first time ever. I hope we'll see Kali back in s5 to get some closure there!
song i associate with them: Wild things by Alessia Cara, bc it's about friendship and embracing not fitting in
favorite picture of them: this whole scene was so powerful and a great full-circle moment to her whole arc. still gives me chills.
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i always play mvs in my head during bio class ☠️ like time flies by when you're having fun but when I have to attend my bio class time drops down dead from the sky !! but I 100% SUPPORT the mingyu thoughts 🫶🏼🫶🏼
AND YAAAAS GIRL LETS GAURRR?? U ATE THAT BIO TEST LEFT NO CRUMBS ACED IT WILL BE THE TOPPER I JUST KNOWWW 🙏🏻🔥🔥 rania smartest big sexy brain 🤭
OMG I JUST SAW THE COVER STAGES ( i knew about the collab one ) AND .. WOWAAJHAHA 🫣🫣 my svt r just so... wow. WOW thank u for showing those vids .. my life just became more pretty and happier 🫶🏼
99z is honestly a must need - LIKE NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT .. it's all the POWERHOUSES of kpop 😋 like c'mon.. award shows what's stopping you .. let pretty men sing & dance together 🤭 my roman empire is the " jaehyun collab stage " hyunjae & jaehyun shaking ass tght was all i needed 🫶🏼
AND HMMMM my ult would probably be a rapper one ... Like BIBI x Youngji x Mark x Changbin x Han x Sunwoo like i would KILL to see this 🙏🏻 ( I'm sorry no svt ... it's just .. I'm sorry i cant lie their performance is super strong but this is ☹️)
hmmm my question would be .. what's your all time favourite album ? kpp or non kpp ! ( U can name 5 idm hehe )
- love , yuyu 💌 유유
answering this b4 i go to snork mimi land im assuming we're in like opposite time zones JAKSLDFDS
no seriously bio is such a 🙄🙄 class so playing mvs in your head is so real BSAHASD i literally used to fall asleep back in like almost every science class i've been in istg our brains r too sexy for bio yk 😔
HELP TYSM ILL DEF LET U KNOW WHAT I GET (if the score is not embarrassing enough yk) BUT AAAAAAA
and yes ofc very honoured to show you the stages 🫡 also like pls feel free to send me any links or anything to watch and i'll literally give you like an essay of my reaction BASHDAHS. glad i was able to bring more serotonin to you hehe 😙
NO FR 99 LINE IS SO STRONG THEYRE ALL LITERALLY POWERHOUSES ??? like rhe vocal rap visuals we were literally just be attacked i dont think any of us would even survive an entire performance of them LMAO. no srslt award shows need to step up their game like... if you want more attention use your dumbass brains and make idol collabs 🙄🙄 AND OMG THE JAEHYUN COLLAB STAGE IS SO ICONIC 😭😭
hold up... BIBI ?? YOUNGJI ?? CHANGBIN?? MARK ?? HAN ?? SUNWOO ?? GOODBYE OMG THAT SOUNDS SO ICONIC ??? its the way they all got versatile styles omg that would be such a dream to watch youre such a genius 🫡
all time fav albums holy shit t hats such a hard question hmmm. okay. i would say (in no particular order): know-it-all (alessia cara), redd (wheein), perfect velvet (red velvet, but i love like all of rv's albums 🥹), bambi (baekhyun), attacca (svt), flaws and all (wave to earth), beatopia (beabadoobee), palette (iu), melting (mamamoo), norman fucking rockwell (lana del rey), sorry ik u asked for 5 but i have too many faves
what are your faves ?? :D
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