#id like if someone would talk to me

[ghastbutlikegay]

by the way i just wanna make sure it's clear that i would 100% rather have my RSD triggered than have someone let me make them uncomfortable to protect my feelings. my disproportionate emotional response is not your responsibility. i dont want people to feel uncomfortable or upset because of me. me having ADHD and being sensitive is not an excuse for me to hurt you

#this isnt about anything in particular #i just remembered a post i saw recently where someone was talking about people using rsd as an excuse to make people let them do whatever #i wanna make sure it's clear that when i mention rsd #it's from a place of 'i would appreciate if you clarify that you dont hate me for doing something that annoyed you/upset you/made you mad' #and not 'never ever tell me to knock it off and never ever be visibly annoyed by me' #i can handle people being mad or annoyed at me #sometimes i just need to hear that like. i didnt ruin a friendship/it isnt forever/they dont hate me now #and id much rather be temporarily upset than lose a friend because they felt like they couldnt tell me i was doing something wrong #and then got fed up with me continuing to do the thing yknow

[demadogs]

i always say i dont want a book to have a screen adaptation out of fear of them doing it dirty and then i think of the most perfect casting ever for the main character and im like FUCK now i wont sleep until i see this happen

#yes im still thinking about walker scobell as simon snow and i will not stop thinking about it for years #look at the last gifset i rbd TELL ME THATS NOT JUST FIFTH YEAR SIMON SNOW #i read carry on when i was SIXTEEN and i am not exaggerating i have been trying to cast simon for the last 8 years #ive had some pretty solid options for baz but for some reason simon has been so hard to find #but this kid oh my god he fits him so perfectly hes such a great actor but also he just looks exactly like how simons described #just give him a little more freckles and moles and that is simon snow #and percy and simon are very similar characters so i COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT i lost it when he fought the chimera with a sword #im so attached to carry on ​i would be absolutely DEVASTATED if it was adapted terribly so ive always said i didnt want any adaptation #BUT FUCK WALKER SCOBELL LITERALLY IS SIMON SNOW AND NOW I WANT IT AAAAH #SOMEONE PLZ TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS SOMEONE ELSE HAS GOT TO BE INSANE ABOUT IT TOO #now im gathering pics of every kid actor i want for each character and im putting them next to each other like theyre action figures #might make a post about who id cast for everyone i have so far #DEFINITELY will if someone asks me to #walker scobell #simon snow #carry on #snowbaz #books #books and reading #booklr

[taegularities]

some men are textbook villains fr

#tw religion? #kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on #some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago #liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not #tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much #i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different #things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how #id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet #but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that #and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on #you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding #things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc #life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam #me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you' #AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you' #even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that' #and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone #(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it) #(nothing even ever started you bitchass) #also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it #mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal.. #but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared #my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN #'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean #i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective #but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back #and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever #anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol #def gonna delete later #but ty for reading if u did <3

[extremelyputridfishbreath]

so like. im not gonna beat around the bush- ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS. ARE WE??

*SLAMS THIS ON THE TABLE*

I AM CONVINCED THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING! THINK ABOUT IT:

The hover discs Aunt Arctic mentions automatically despawn after you use them to place the detectors/transmitters in both episodes they appear in. With the knowledge that Gary does not test his inventions often, to the point where Aunt Arctic feels the need to warn you...is that intentional feature(keep in mind you use them to access higher up areas like the ceiling of the Sea Caves)...or a bug because he did not test them? Keep in mind the discs disappear near-immediately once you're done placing objects, so you CAN end up free-falling to the ground afterwards from several feet above in the air.

Knowing this, what else is this man hiding? Sure, we know that the Auto-Warbler 3000 works...but is that because this is an invention he personally tested, or in spite of being untested? Did the Jet Tube's avoidance systems have glitches because of an unforeseen bug Gary happened to run into...or is this something he made, gave to Rookie and didn't test for whatever reason?

Keeping this tidbit in mind, is Gary knocking down Herbert's defenses because he is SO smart, or did he just get lucky? Is he better at programming than making inventions? Or does he actually test his coding skills more than his inventions? If so, why?

IF this 'brilliant penguin' was intended to be Gary (which I'm fairly certain it is but hey, CPI closed down before it's time so who knows for sure?)

Is the reason the Party Sub ended up sitting in the Sea Caves related to his tendency to not regularly test his inventions? Or was it simply because it broke while he was testing it?

Because he does not test things as rigorously as his Club Penguin counterpart (who, as we know makes up to 3000 versions of his inventions before they are considered done, and asides from some examples like Mascbot's being used at their 'near-perfect' 2999th iteration or prototypes like the Electromagnet 1000 are rarely used until then)... does Club Penguin Island Gary name his inventions with the '3000' at the end because they have been tested, or for aesthetic reasons?

#club penguin island #club penguin #gary the gadget guy #as an aside: im thinking of cpi more since i picked it back up and played through most of the adventures again #considering changing gin to an /amur/ leopard for cpi because it feels like a change that would've been made tbh #although sonata would still be an arctic fox...just drawn with a summer coat instead. i dont think id change penelope into a different #owl though...maybe? idk depends if i see any compelling swaps for her cpi counterpart #real talk i cannot believe people were dragging gary prime (as in original game gary) for the test sled when it's informed consent that #you're using a prototype when this motherfucker (affectionate) IS LETTING YOU RUN AROUND WITH INVENTIONS OF DUBIOUS QUALITY #i say this as someone with adhd when i say this man has adhd <3 working on so many projects and so many dont get finished #although tbf to ME <3 at least ive been chipping away at my lore documents lately. i mean i still struggle but yk #and yk be slacking off writing down stuff so i dont forgor isnt like. me handing out inventions that probably arent safe like candy <3 #i could be writing down important stuff right now :') oh well * points and laugh at cpi!gary * THIS MAN IS A POSER

[turtletoria]

i feel like an incredible hater for this but i feel as i get older the more my tolerance for shipping decreases. like i went from an avid enjoyer to just tolerating ship art to now getting outright upset and fighting the urge to curse every time i see shipping content (this doesnt apply to my mutuals and friends who ship things because they can do no wrong ever)

#idk why it boils my blood like that. like genuinely it makes my online enjoyment really take a steep nosedive since 99.9% of any fandom- #content is shipping #maybe its the hater in me. maybe its the aroace tendencies in me. maybe im just antisocial and disagreeable. idk! #like shipping isnt morally bad or anything it just makes me so sad. idk #like ppl always prioritize romance over friendship and make fun of friendships as if they arent gay enough or smth and it rlly hurts me. id #like idk how to say it. everyone can have fun and stuff but it rlly makes me feel like im having fun wrong bc shipping looks fun but i cant #stomach it. like i miss having fun like that but i cant stand it anymore #like friendships r so devalued and even in frienship is magic type media friendships STILL take a backseat like whats up with that #like i hope this isnt coming across like a “i hate romance! i hate love!” kind of post but more so a why dont ppl focus on characters if - #they cant be romantically involved? #like i will alwaayyss be bitter abt willow from toh getting sidelined until she could be shipped with hunter like that pissed me off so bad #but like ur fave characters cant stand alone they neeeed to be romantically involved with someone for their love or dedication to be real #like love and dedication cant be genuine unless theyre romantically or sexually attracted? idk man #talking abt this is tricky bc u can fall into anti-sex/conservative rhetoric with this but i hope u can understand what im saying #like sex is great and romantic love is great but i wish the greater public would just have some freedom to explore concepts of dedication- #and trust that go beyond that framework. like there was a comment on reddit that framed aroace as the nonbinary of relationships and I- #thought that was really neat. yeah

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself... #i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

[llitchilitchi]

sometimes I wish this site had a mute option

#litchi.txt #theres a lot of people I follow who talk a lot about the recent situations and I dont wanna break the moot or god forbid block people but. #its stuff I do not want to be involved in at all and its taking up 50% of my dash #and as someone who is largely multifandom this past year and something I wanna stay on tumblr to see the stuff from other fandoms #and also I dont want to unfollow people from em see why tee because I still love yall but one of the main reasons why Im not really active #in this community anymore is that Im just really fucking tired of the discourse and scrutiny and just overall bad stuff and shit behaviour #Im not about to go around and tell people to oh please tag all this stuff #because first and foremost the tumblr filtering is shit #my entire dash would just be Word You Filtered #but I really want to just mute a couple people for a couple days. maybe until the end of the month #all while engaging with like peeps who post primarily about the smp or about my other fandoms #(or mute people in certain tags like call me selfish but I enjoy when they engage on my posts but their posts in the main tags annoy me) #anyways sorry for this one #my dash is slowly turning into the kinda stuff that made me leave my previous fandoms and Id really hate to leave this fandom #with a sour aftertaste as I go

[puppyeared]

i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court

#im joking #i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture #and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet??? #its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure #i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^ #i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th #story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get #that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel #like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty #so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then #i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why #idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens #but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes #smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can #be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn #yapping #oc talk

[taikanyohou]

crying my eyes out with tears of joy 2sung really said "here look true love really can happen even in your mid 20s and does exist and it can be as normal and simple and as lovely as this" for all us asian queers out there like .......

#u dont get it yes its one thing to watch it in fiction but to see real life asian queer people fall so truly madly perfectly in love ..... #as over 20s working adults ... like. I CANT EVEN TELL U HOW SPECIAL IT IS. TRULY TO FEEL SO SEEN. #ive NEVER had this my whole entire life and now as someone who is junsung's age i just feel so ... MUCH. so OVERWHELMED. #i cant explain it I CANT. 14 year old me would have NEVER thought id get to see this on TV. EVER. god. GOD. #his man 2 #faiza talks

[mishapen-dear]

genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character

there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox

this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc

#NOT a discourse post i am musing out loud #there's discourse goign around the dash rn or i wouldnt mention it #but the past few weeks ive seen a lot of “DONT fucking mischaracterize my guy my fuckign god” #which is one of the most frustrating pet peeve there is #but i think a lot too about little baby me #fresh on her writing journey #and how discouraged i would be if someone pointed out the mistakes id made #i made a Lot of fuckups #and i also think about this one fic where one of the characters was INCREDIBLY out of character #me today would not be able to stomach reading it #but baby me was so ENCHANTED #and it introduced to me the concept that you dont always know the reason someone does something #and it made me read even more #and because of that i eventually found Expert Skill level fics #which introduced me to MANY little tricks and fidgets ive tried to implement #there were so so many reviews on that fic that called it shit or complained about the bad characterization #but a decade later i still think about it #there were several very corny mine/craft horror fics i read #which back in the day would be called cringe #and those were what inspired me to write my first horror fic and now im Enchanted by the whole genre #theres a lot of stuff i dont like to read but i like that other people are enjoying themselves #i dont know how to be succinct i hope my point is coming across well #this ties into my thing where fiction is for you first others later #here are my credentials: bb/h fan since before the elections (hi i was the guy who noticed his lack of armour post elections) #and a cross-fandom comment trend of people going 'woa i can see this happening in canon' #im not talking out my ass i genuinely think its more important to have fun than to write accurate characterization #which. is a more 'duh' and clarifying thing than everything else ive written #but ah well c'est la vie #also also just realized this could be interpreted like that- NOT an attack on people who complain about mischaracterization either lmao #i do that too w friends. this is to reassure people who put pressure on themselves to create things Well all the time

[dhmis-autism]

Red Guy being deluded with his crush on Duck is equally funny, me thinks

Just this feral full on rabies man Duck who commits war crimes and Red’s delusional ass goes “he is so dreamyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️”

HE'S GOT THEEE WORST TASTE AND I WILL STAND BY THAT FOREVER.

Like, Red has got his issues, but you could see why people would like him. Sooo many people have/had a crush at him at one point it's unreal. NO ONE FEELS THAT WAY ABOUT DUCK GDGDF

THERE'S SO MUCH WRONG WITH HIM... FOR GODS SAKE LOOK AT HIM.

look at his PANTS LEG

#THAT'S HIS MAN. THATS WHAT HE'S GONNA SETTLE FOR #worst taste in clothes and WORSE taste in men #anyways. i got this way back when i was talking about their dynamic in my head ect ect #so JUST FOR YOU ANON i will go into this bc u've waited LONG ENOUGH #i think hes totally delusional in that /i/ think he definitely thinks duck is much cuter than he actually is #strikes me as a 'builds shit up in his head' type. like ive said before i think. that he would think real hard about saying smth. #like TO duck abt it. and then would NOT for months and months and months #GOD I SAW SOMEONE SAY ON THE POST WHERE I SAID I THINK DUCK THINKS THEYRE MARRIED... #...that like in reality all that happened was duck dropped something on the ground and red knelt down to get it and give it to him #and in his head that was FULLY a proposal and he was like wow. didnt think this was how id get engaged but ok. #and when it does come up reds like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ??? and duck has like. a photo of their wedding (for tha BIT) #and he's like 'youve missed our anniversary five years in a row btw :/' #AND THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING TAGS ANYONES EVER LEFT ON ANY OF MY DRAWINGS #I HAVE IT SCREENCAPPED I THINK ABOUT DRAWING IT ALL THE TIME ITS SOFUCKING FUNNY #anyways love u anon stay cool have a nice summr #my dhmis postings

[ganondoodle]

im willing to try streaming games one more time, but i still have the feeling im not made for it, im rather silent when i play something and talk very little to begin with, so if i start doing commentary now i fear its both not gonna sound genuine and that my voice will die super quickly (i dont think a stream with little commentary is fun to watch now is it?)

but time to decide is running out really quickly, im so torn about potentially ruining the game for me trying to stream it but also about there being moments i would want to share but will never be able to if i play it alone ... then again, of the people that follow me a tiny fraction is german and would understand what i say, most are zelda fans too so they would play it themselves instead of watching a crappy stream and if i wanted to have any kind of audience on twitch i would have needed to start building it years ago

i think years of isolation and loneliness are also playing a part in making this decision so hard for me despite there being clearly more points speaking for playing it alone

#ganondoodles talks #i know theres little to do about it #and probably no one that can help me decide #but when im torn like that i always need someone elses opinion to make a final decision #and i would want an honest one too bc trying to be nice is good and all but id rather know the truth #...another point for playing it alone would be that me caring so much about it might actually be detrimental if i end up not liking things #i really shouldd just bite the bullet and accept that im better off doing these things alone

[nocylipcowa]

guess who left their stupid worker card at trousers at home and forgot it???? now my mom just went is bringing it here so i can leave this hell place <- moron student debil actual fucking idiot

#tbh i know i couldve just talk to the guard and cry for a bit and show him my id and he would get me someone to open that stupid box for key #s to leave there #but. um she did found the card and is coming fast and now i actually need to get myself together #like nothing worse could happen this day was bad #i ああああああああああ

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM #god help me #i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD #like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone #but man oh man is it... A Lot #and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much..... #and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im #just... like ... o #bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just #the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much...... #and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue. #i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........ #im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND #but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good #like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle #bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary #i dint think itd be scary with him #but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just.. #idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭 #like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk. #getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new

[inlovewithaspiderguy]

me creating problems out of nothing because I don’t know how to address the student with nb pins in my class

#it’s like ok they have three different nb flag pins so they’re openly queer but maybe they don’t want people to clock them like that and if #i assume they use they/them would that be bad? but would it be worse if I assumed the pronouns of their asab? am i assuming their asab too? #would it make me look like I’m virtue signaling? should I wear my nb pin too? even though I feel a stronger connection to agender than nb #should i ask their pronouns? are we close enough for that? #(we are not. i don’t even know their name) #im being annoying #queer #nb #also id it wrong to even make this post and out someone? i try to be the less descriptive as I could #does them wearing the pins mean they’re ok wi ppl talking abt them as an nb person? #christ almighty #someone tell me to shut up

[ittybittybumblebee]

i hate my transphobic town

#i cant escape. everywhere i work it seems theres. conservatives.... #and i cant say anything abt what i think id get in big trouble if they knew. fuck tghis town. hell.. #i have no where. everyone i actually get to talk to always seems to be this way i cant Ever interact with anyone else noooooo #anytime i go to the city and see . someone who may not b Stupid . i cant ever talk to them #i read as cis. #im not out #i dont fucking get to belong in my crowd because eveyone that surrounds me would tear me apart for it #literally all i have is being Me online so i dont feel like im being squished under a rock