#idk how distract myself if I try sleeping I think I might start screaming again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

softcallofdutyimagines · 3 years

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Can I get some Naga slight angst/fluff? Maybe an enemy group took the s/o and Naga has to negotiate getting them back (like $12 million) and daddy gets them back because “$12 million is a cheap price to get you back” idk I’m in love with how you write for the cod operators ❤️

Need this 😌💖💖💖💖 I turned it into a whole little fic, so I hope that's ok! This got pretty heavy, ngl, but I think it turned out sweet, so I hope you enjoy!!

Reader Pronouns: she/her

Warning: strong language and some pretty disrespectful language towards women, including implied physical violence if you squint, so be careful while reading guys!!!

Naga clears the trinkets and fine antiques off his desk with a full sweep of rage. A vase shatters and a small, crystal idol chips, but all he sees is short, typed ransom note before him.

A rival gang managed to snatch you up in the streets not two days ago. He's been worried sick ever since you didn't come home that evening, and even now it hasn't abated by much. No, instead an anger just as intense as the worry and fear rises to join the others. His entire being trembles almost imperceptibly as he reads the details of the letter.

They want 100 billion kip in gold. He has three days to bring it to the drop point in exchange for you. No guns or weapons on him or his men.

He slams a fist on the desk and collapses his head into his hands. Naga clenches a fistful of hair in one hand and swipes the note out of his sight with the other. He weighs his options only to realize...

Well, he doesn't really have any, does he?

He's very familiar with this group. They're ruthless cutthroats and, if he's being honest, he wouldn't out it past them to have killed you already and be stringing him along right now. In fact, as much we it makes him sick to say so, he almost hopes they've killed you.

It would be a much better fate then what they usually do to their victims.

Even three days is far too long to be in their captivity. God, just the thought of their hands on you... He shrieks in rage, wishing there was something else in his vacinity that he could destroy. But he knows that wouldn't help.

No, the only thing that would help him right now is having you back.

Kapano calla in his right hand man and throws the crumpled up letter to him. "Get the money", he growls.

The other man opens up the paper and reads the sum. His eyes go wide and before he can even suggest that he might protest this plan, a stiletto knife buries itself in the wood beside his head.

"I said get the fucking money!", he screams, eyes wide, teeth bared, and every muscle within him bristling. The second in command bows his head quickly and dashes off before something far worse is thrown his way.

Naga swears and applies some pressure to his forehead. It feels like his skull is about to split.

He spares a glance outside, then trudges to his room. Your, room. The sun hangs low in the sky and he has yet even more to do tomorrow. One piece at a time, he sheds his combat attire, nursing a headache all the while.

On a normal night, you offer to help him out of all the buckles and straps, and oh what he'd give to take you up on that offer now. At last he unclasps his jewelry down to one final necklace. This is a recent one, a locket you gave him with a tiny picture of the two of you inside. He loved it so much, he's since had it encrusted with a ruby heart and wears it daily.

At the memory of you, suddenly he feels unable to part with it, not even for just a night's sleep. He takes it off reverently and clasps it tightly in his hand. Poping open the little door, he fixates on your lovely face as he trudges to bed.

Naga crawls into his side, distracted for a long moment by the perfectly undisturbed second half of the bed. He knows how much you hate a cold bed. On any other night he'd lay in your spot for you until you join him, just to warm up the sheets for you.

He places the locket on your pillow, a shakiness starting to overtake him as he wonders if he'll ever have the chance to warm your sheets and share a bed with you again. At last he lays his head down, and yet he's unable to take his eyes off your half.

Even still, your pillow smells like oils and creams he bought you for your hair. He suspends his hand just over the pillow a moment, thinking of you. And when he lets it drop, he can't tell if it's the cause or the result of the tears flowing from him.

He can't fucking stand it anymore.

Kapano pulls your pillow close to him, holding it tight as he would you. At least tonight he'll have the comforting scent of you as he suffers another fitful night.

The following days up to the trade are slow and painful. Every night is worse then the last as he consumes himself with the stress and worry surrounding you.

He can't get to the drop point fast enough. In compliance with the ransom note, he and his men are unarmed. So they wait. And wait. And wait....

And just as he's ready to pull his hair out, a truck slowly rolls up the abandoned dirt road.

A small squad of men hop out and approach Naga and his gang. Then, bringing up the rear, the boss shoves you along, a gun pressed snug against your head.

"What the fuck is this? You said no guns!"

The rival boss spits, as though Naga's mere presence leaves a foul taste in his mouth. "What? You think I don't know about them?", he nods his head up.

Far, far in the branches, hidden from view at this angle, more of Naga's men wait in the tree canopy, armed and ready for any sign of foul play.

Damn it.

Naga glances over at you. You're looking pale and rather bruised and beaten. A far cry from the carefree, sun kissed goddess he usually knows.

"Alright, there's the fucking money, now give her to me!"

The other man clicks his tongue and presses his pistol against your temple, "Wait until we're loaded up first, then you can have your precious whore back"

Naga seethes at that, but is afraid to make a sudden movement last he lose you for good. And the rival boss notices. He smirks, a gratingly patronizing tone to his voice "Oh, I'm sorry? Did I insult your little harlot? We both know that's all she is...", He leans in far to close and licks your neck slowly, teasingly, before nipping your earlobe, "Isn't that right, bitch?"

This has gone on long enough. Naga's body quivers with boiling rage as his temper shoots through the ceiling. He shouts a command in his native tongue and a hail of bullets rain down on the opposing gang, the first several of which bury themselves in the man holding you hostage.

Behind him, Naga's men on the ground unsheathe small throwing knives and daggers, taking advantage of the surprise gunfire to press the attack.

But, at the death of their leader, the remaining crew scatters like flies and before long, all is quiet.

Kapano rushes forward to pick you up off the ground. He kneels down and cradles you in his arms as he removes your blindfold and cuts your hands free. Your tears carve small rivers through the dried blood running down your cheeks. You try to speak, but all that you can manage is a choked gasp.

He's never seen you like this before. And he never wants to again.

Naga shushes you, holding you against his chest while he strokes your hair. "Shhh, he's never going to touch you again. I promise", he kisses your forehead and helps you slowly to your feet, "Now let's get you out of here baby"

You don't say a word the whole ride back, but Naga holds your hand and rubs your back all the while. When you get home, he sets up a bath for you with all the salts and fragrances he knows you love. He offers you some help, but you say you'd like some time alone.

Somewhat reluctantly, he respects your wishes and sets off to make a meal and some tea for you both. It's all set up on the mat and pillows adorning the main hall. You look lovely as ever in your silk pajamas and lacy robe when you join him after your bath.

Slowly, you find your voice to speak, but it feels as though your mere presence is enough to earn you the praise Naga is showering you in. He's so focused on you, he nearly forgets to eat.

Once you're all finished, he decides to leave the dishes for later, and instead he pulls you onto his chest as you both recline into the fortress of pillows supporting you. Naga nuzzles your hair and kisses your temple.

You smell like jasmine and fresh citrus, infinitely better then the stench of stale sweat and musk of other men that he received you in.

He kisses your face gently, rubbing some warmth into your shoulders. You enjoy the quiet, but a small sniffing sound interrupts you.

"...Kapano?"

He sniffs again, wiping his eyes with his free hand. "Sorry, I just... God, I-I thought I'd never see you again", tears stream down cheeks, he rests his forehead against the side of yours.

You sigh, wishing you could just forget it all, "I know how you feel"

At that he tenses, and a quiet growl escapes your little tiger, "It'll never happen again, I swear it. I wish I could've pulled the trigger on the bastard myself... He deserved worse then what he got. Far worse"

You press a kiss to the broad tip of his nose and smile softly, "I love you, little dragon"

For the first time since he lost you, all those days ago, he smiles. He's not a big fan of when you first gave him that nickname. He hates to be described as "little", it's not very intimidating. But... Suddenly, it sounds quite endearing.

He kisses your perfumed lips, stroking a thumb over your battered cheek. "I know", he smiles. That night, you sleep out amongst the pillows, right where you are.

Tomorrow night, he'll be looking forward to warming up your side of the bed for you.

#black ops cold war #call of duty #kapano vang x reader #kapano naga vang #naga x reader

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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years

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minors do not read (heavy rage, more sinful than smut) not a fanfic (please, its really me raging like the world is ending. its embarrassing but it kinda calms me down 1%)

When I decided to stand up, dust myself off, and take another step... life just directly throw a big ass lemon on my face.

WARNING : THE WORDS BELOW THIS LINE ARE STRONG, FULL OF RAGE, CURSES AND YOU NEVER SEE THIS SIDE OF ME BEFORE. SO, if you're a minor, you never read some rage message, never want to see me as a monster, pass over this post thank you so much. no one has to read this, i'm just screaming to the world

I want to cry :) but I know it's not gonna solve anything

I am tired. Why am I knocked down back to the ground just after I convince myself things will be okay

I'm so mentally confused, afraid, exhausted, and tired.

Give me something to hold on. Inject me happiness, whatever.

I'll be away again. I am so sorry why am I so unstable like this.

I want to end everything, but again it's just a "small unfortunate bad day" said people

f you universe. you won, i'm tired. I'll just sit down here and watch as I realize just how bad my decisions are to stop but I am exhausted.

I WANT TO THROW A WATERMELON TO THE GROUND

I WANT TO SQUISH A FLUFFY BALL OF CAT

I WANT TO BITE A HAND

I WANT TO BURN MYSELF :)) NO NOT ROAST, BURN

FUUUUUMMMMM i hate my unstable emotion what is this. DO I HAVE A DOUBLE PERSONALITY?

should i call the mental help line? should i start making appointments? is this my breaking point?

I still have lots to do tonight but I'm just so close to fuck everything and just well be a disappointment 🤐

THIS IS A RAGE POST. IT'S MY RAGE. MY FRUSTRATION OF TODAY AND MY REGRET OF TOMORROW

fuck me like literally and figuratively

on my way to just go make hinge tinder and find guys

i don't care anymore

don't be like me. i'm a bad example

how am i expected to survive in life if something like today just made me overwhelmed

a lot of things make me overwhelmed eew what's this

who is this weak girl. the real me? eew :) let's keep on being fake strong . keep the weak girl aside..

and tonight as you still have to sit and meet people and talk. don't break down there, don't rage there and don't get mad at innocent people.

shut the lips. distract your mind or well at least think of nothing. keep acting and don't let anyone know.

LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE AM I HEARING TONIGHT HM?

will tomorrow be different? IT BETTER BE. FFS I'LL REALLY TURN CRAZY IF TOMORROW IS EVEN WORSE THAN THIS

my keyboard could broke if i continue writing this. ITS FURIOUS ITS SCARY AND I could feel myself disgusted b y me.

i am the storm, i am the monster, i am just another regular human without a perfect life. who has flaws, a lot of rage, a lot of unstable emotions, a lot of bullshit and well a holy virginity thats all. but idk

i want to take a walk but that won't be a great idea seeing how i will doze off in the middle of the road.

my head feels like exploding and no it's not an expression

is my blood pressure rising? or is it too low?

i know my mistakes, i know my sins, i know my secrets and i hate all of that. What's the point of people seeing you as a good stable girl when in reality is you're a total opposite? PUBLIC PLAY . life is prettier with lies right?

I'm scared of what I've become

MINORS AGAIN... SKIP THIS OR WELL JUST IDK unfollow for a while if this scares you.

PLEASE THERE'S MANY TRIGGER HERE. DON'T READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO PUT AS THE TW. but don't. It's scary. I don't know where else to put. I want to write it and burn it but i shouldn't play with fire not at this state of mind....

*******************************************************

A great liar. A double personality? Or just a lonely lunatic 🤷‍♀️

My lies in the web is >>>> irl lies. I didn't lie when i meet people irl, but once I am cosmic or someone else ... i'm a totally different person

Gosh i'm a good spy material except for the crybaby part hahahah fuck i keep calling myself crybaby but til now i couldn't cry. Coz my head keeps yelling to me that i shouldn't cry because "crying won't solve any problem"

Can I get all the science part of tumblr and teach me how do I inject happiness but not in form of drugs to this amazingly still clean blood vessels?

Can I get all the optimistic side of tumblr and fuckin block my head from thinking pessimistic thing even for a 1/10000000000 sec

Can I get all the doctors here in tumblr to just check me if my heart is actually still beating with life and not just oxygen and bloods.

Am I still alive or is this heart just trying its best to make me live but not feel alive

I know I shouldn't spend my time being like this. No one knows when your story ends. I've always been that annoying person who says "Life is so short. Enjoy every moment" WELL YEAH NOW I AM ENJOYING MY SUFFERING thanks?

One time i was so happy life really slap hard in the face. NOT EVEN IN THE ASS..COME ON.. IF ITS IN THE ASS I might like it and ask for more.. but well life is bitch

LIVE IS EVIL if you read it from the other direction. Yes once again perspective won

Perspective dang it. Idk i'm tired of existing. I need to stop lying, but once you lie and once you got used to it.... its so hard to stop

Like me ... you slowly become a monster. Who loathe herself for not stopping herself to become a monster

Yes i am your beauty you meet irl in web but once i'm alone and facing life. Well I might be the wicked witch but i'm not gracious or tall enough to be them.. so.. i'm a monster

The one you don't dare to look at night or day. The one who makes you sleep with one eye open..the one who makes you ask your parents to check the closet and under your bed.

I am the monster in your nightmare and I am taking over cosmic as she writes this.

This is not cosmic. She's never like this.

Reach out cosmic, ask for help and see how no one cares because they all got their problems to face. Come back here cosmic, stay with your darkest fears. Feed us with your happiness. Drown yourself in our darkness and close your eyes as you make yourself get used to the loud silence of eye stabbing darkness

The monster inside my soul

#rant #one of those nights #i survived?#inject me happiness

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dreamypeaches · 4 years

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don’t wake up pt. 2 | rafe cameron x reader

summary: after spending the week hoping to see rafe again, sarah invites you to a sleepover at tannyhill.

warnings: SMUT, cursing, alcohol use

word count: 2.8k

a/n: thank you all for the wonderful response to part 1! this is my first time posting smut, so let me know what you think of it. i honestly think i did a good job rereading it, bc it is hot. there will definitely be one or two more parts to this, maybe even more idk. all i know for sure is there will be a lot more sexy times. enjoy :)

series masterlist

It had been a week since the Boneyard kegger and you couldn’t get Rafe out of your head. You hadn’t seen him since that night, at least not in real life. Your dreams, however, were plagued with him. The way his hands had gripped your hips, his lips on your lips, your neck, imagining how they would feel on other parts of your body.

Part of you had been tempted to drive down to Figure 8 and “run into him” somewhere. One morning, after an especially steamy dream, you almost asked Sarah for his number. But then you thought of the questions that would come with that request and decided against it. You felt pathetic, pining after a guy you’d spent a couple hours with. A guy who, by all accounts was an asshole and hated people like you. Why would he want a Pogue like you?

Still, you wanted to see him. At least once. Just look in his eyes and see if that same spark was there. You had even tagged along with JJ during the day more often than usual, hoping Rafe and his Kook friends would appear to antagonize one of your best friends. But he was nowhere to be seen. As the week came to a close, you resigned yourself to experiencing his touch in your dreams only.

You were laying in the hammock at the Chateau listening to music with Kie, who laid beside you lazily braiding your hair, when Sarah suddenly appeared. She practically jumped onto you and Kie’s laps, a grin on her face.

“Let’s have a girls night!” She proclaimed, “Ward and Rose are taking Wheezie and her friend on a mini vacation on the mainland, so I have Tannyhill all to myself!”

“What about Rafe?” You asked, trying to fill your voice with disdain rather than hope. Sarah scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t worry about him, I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother us. So?”

You and Kie looked at each other. Kie raised her eyebrows, a smirk on her face. You smiled back and nodded. Both of you looked back at Sarah.

“We’re in!” Kie said.

“Yay!” Sarah pulled both of you into a hug, already unleashing all of her plans for the night. After telling you to be there at 6, she left to prepare for the night.

“It’s been so long since we’ve had a night just us girls. I mean, I love the boys, but I could use a break from them,” Kie said, finishing the braid in your hair.

“Yeah, fuck the boys,” You giggled, though in your head, you were much more focused on one particular boy than the girls night ahead of you.

Kie drove you to Sarah’s house, arriving at 6:30. Kie complained about how long it took you to get ready for a sleep over. You just laughed and told her you needed to look good for your girls. If she had know the truth, her head might have exploded. You had worn your cutest pair of pajamas, a large shirt with short shorts that left little to the imagination. You’d even done your make up. Not much, keeping it natural. After all, it was a sleep over, you didn’t need to go all out.

You were disappointed when you didn’t see Rafe as you walked in, but assumed Sarah had probably threatened him with violence if he came anywhere near her friends. You tried not to let thoughts of Rafe distract you, actually wanting to enjoy the night with your best girl friends. Sarah had stolen a couple bottles of wine from her dad’s wine cellar, passing around wine glasses before heading up to her room.

The three of you quickly became tipsy on the wine, giggling at little things. You all were laying on Sarah’s large bed, giggling at Sarah’s sexual mishap with John B in the Twinkie.

“I thought my nipple was going to come off! Like I’m sorry, I know it probably hurt when I kneed your dick, but who bites a nipple that hard? So, moral of the story, never have sex in the back of the van.”

You and Kie burst into laughter, while Sarah contained her giggles, trying her best to look annoyed.

“What about you two? Any sexy stories to share? Y/N, what about that Touron from the kegger?”

Your laughter quickly faded as Rafe was brought to the forefront of your mind. You bit your lip, trying to hide a smile.

“Nothing happened, I haven’t seen him since that night.”

“Well, you need to track him down!” Kie exclaimed, sitting up on her elbow to look down at you. You just shrugged, not meeting your friend’s eyes.

“Y/N, you should have seen the look on your face when we were leaving. You had literal stars in your eyes.”

You shrugged and downed the rest of you wine, sitting up on the bed.

“I don’t know. If I run into him again, we’ll see what happens. I’m gonna go get some water.”

Sarah started asking Kie about the girl she had been talking to as you padded out of the room and down the stairs.

You made your way to the kitchen, where a happy surprise waited for you. Rafe stood cooking something at the stove. He was shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. His back was facing you, giving you a moment to take in his form. Your eyes wandered his body, tracing his biceps and the curve on his shoulder blade.

“Hi, Rafe,” You finally said, just loud enough for him to hear. He turned suddenly, surprised expression quickly turning to a smirk. You looked into his green eyes and felt your heart jump when you saw it. That spark you’d been hoping for for the past week.

“Hey,” he replied. You slowly made your way to the cupboard, making sure to brush up against him as you passed.

“How’ve you been?” He asked. You shrugged, filling up your glass at the fridge.

“I’ve been better. I’ve been a little lonely, especially at night, you know? My mind starts to wander to certain places,” You moved back over to Rafe. Your chests were almost touching as he smirked down at you. His breath fanned across your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Maybe you need a little company,” He whispered, his low tone going straight to your core. You smiled at him innocently, moving so your lips were inches apart.

“Yeah I do.”

You noticed him start to lean in and quickly pulled away, skipping towards the stairs.

“That’s why I’m having girls night,” You called, keeping the innocent look on you face. His light eyes had grown dark, watching as you moved away. They followed the curve of you ass, very evident in the shorts you were wearing. You inwardly smirked at the effect you had and started up the stairs.

“Your grilled cheese is burning, by the way,” You called. You giggled at the quiet shit he let out and made your way back to Sarah’s room.

You, Kie, and Sarah spent the next several hours having as much fun as you could. After a few dance parties, a couple rounds of truth or dare, and intense argument about whether Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus was better that almost turned violent, you all collapsed on to the bed, turning on a random movie. Sarah and Kie fell asleep quickly, but you were wide awake, replaying the moment with Rafe in the kitchen.

You rubbed your thighs together, wanting nothing more than for Rafe to touch you. With a groan, you hopped out the bed and quietly escaped Sarah’s room. You had been to Sarah’s house several times before, but your knowledge of the layout was reduced to the path from the kitchen to Sarah’s room. You tiptoed down the hallway, trying to figure out which room was his. You a few doors down from Sarah’s, you could see a faint light from beneath the door frame. You knocked a couple times, then stood, waiting. It didn’t take long for Rafe to open the door. He was still shirtless, but had removed his sweatpants, leaving him in just his boxers. He smirked down at you, a hand coming up to cup the back of your head.

“You fucking tease,” He said before crashing his lips onto yours. You were almost knocked off your feet by the force of it. You placed your hands on his chest to stabilize yourself. His other arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. Without breaking the kiss, he moved you into his room, kicking the door closed behind him. His hand moved down to your ass, gripping hard as he lightly slammed you against the wall. He broke the kiss, brushing your hair out of your face as his eyes examined your flustered face. The same hand slowly moved down your cheek until it was gripping your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful. Do you have any idea what you do to me? I haven’t stopped thinking about you all week, how I wanted to fuck you while you screamed my name.”

You let out a whimper at his words, breathing uneven. You could feel your panties become more and more soaked as his hand moved from your ass to your hip, playing with the waist band of your shorts.

“Then you come into my kitchen wearing this, getting me all worked up.” He laughed humorlessly, his hand diving below your waistband. His fingers ghosted across the soaked fabric that covered your center.

“Got yourself all worked up too, didn’t you?”

Your panties were pushed to the side, giving him space to run his fingers through your folds. You let out a moan as you nodded. His finger came up to his lips, sucking your wetness from them.

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of you,” He said before going on his knees in front of you. His breath fanned against your inner thighs as he slowly slid your shorts down your thighs. When they landed on the floor, you stepped out of them and kicked them across the floor. Rafe placed gentle kisses across your thighs and stomach, avoiding the spot you needed him most. You whimpered as his mouth hovered over your clothed clit.

“What do you want, baby?” Rafe said.

“Touch me, Rafe, please, I need you!” You moaned out. He was quick to respond, fingers deftly moving your underwear aside, giving him space to wrap his lips around your sensitive bundle, lightly sucking. You moaned so loudly it was almost a scream. Rafe gave a hard slap to your ass in response, looking up at you.

“Uh uh, not too loud, angel. Don’t want your friends to hear, do you?”

You shook your head quickly, hand reaching down to push him closer to your pussy. He chuckled before compiling, licking a strip up your center, thumb moving to rub circles against your clit. Your head fell back against the wall as he continued his movements. His tongue delved into you, flicking in and out. One of his arms wrapped around your thigh, holding you up while spreading you wider. You were already a mess of pleasure when he slowly pushed two fingers into you, tongue moving up to you clit. You bit your lip to surpress your moans, but it was difficult as his fingers started to move faster. It became too much and a single, long moan escaped your mouth. Rafe’s movements ceased. He removed his fingers from you and stood up, hand gripping your hair, pulling it to where there was more pleasure than pain,

“What the fuck did I say?” He asked. Your tried to rub your thighs together, trying to regain the friction you had lost, but he moved his leg between your own.

“I’m sorry, Rafe. Please, I’ll be quiet, I promise,” You whimpered.

He smirked at you.

“Yes you will.”

He kissed you again, tongue dominating your own as he explored your mouth. He dragged you to the bed, throwing you down on your back before returning to his knees, pulling you to the edge of the mattress. He nearly ripped your panties off, mouth diving back to taste your dripping center. His hand reached up, clasping over your mouth, while the other returned to your entrance, fingers fucking you roughly. It didn’t take long before you felt the coil in your stomach tighten. Your screams were muffled behind Rafe’s hand as he continued to lick and suck on your clit, fingers pounding into you. Your fingers tangled in his hair as you came on his fingers. You felt him smirk as you clenched around him, but his movement didn’t let up. He moved his hand up under your shirt to massage your breast while his tongue moved down to fuck your entrance. He went back an forth between your entrance and you clit, hand moving between both your breasts to roughly massage them. Your second orgasm came fast and hard, leaving you with stars behind your eyes as he lapped up your juices.

He moved up your body, biting and sucking across your torso, leaving bright red and purple marks like constellations. He reached your face and removed his hand, kissing you hard and allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue. He broke away, pulling your shirt over head and throwing it to the side before standing up, pulling his boxers off. You bit your lip as you stared at his cock, wanting nothing more than to wrap your lips around it. He stroked himself a few times, taking in your fuck out look and the hungry look in your eyes.

“Don’t worry, baby, you’ll get to taste my cock later. Right now, I want to feel you.”

He reached into his bedside table and pulled out a condom. He ripped it open and rolled it over his dick, stroking it a few for times. He stood over you, eyes once again raking over your body.

“God, look at you. You’re gonna take me so good.” He leaned over you, hand coming up to grip your throat. A moan started to escape your lips at the pressure, but he caught it with a kiss. He pushed himself into you as he kissed you, giving you little time to adjust to his size before he started pounding into you. He broke the kiss, holding himself up on his forearm as he thrusted into you. His hand tightened around your throat, muffling your loud moans slightly, leaving the only other sound in the room to be the slapping of skin and the dirty words Rafe whispered in your ear.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.”

“I’ve been wanting to fuck you like this for days.”

“Feel so much better than in my dreams, baby.”

“Taking that cock so well.”

After several minutes, his hand moved from your throat down to you clit, rubbing fast circles into it. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as his thrusts became harder, hitting that spot inside of you. You were so close. His thrusts were becoming sloppy, you could tell he was close too. He leaned down again, fingers still working your clit, and whispered, “Cum all over my dick, angel.”

You did as you were told, coming with a scream of his name, for a moment not caring if Kie and Sarah heard. Rafe wasn’t far behind you. He suddenly pulled out, making you whimper at the sudden emptiness. He removed the condom from himself and gave a few short stroked before coming across your chest and stomach.

“Fuck,” He whispered, more to himself than you. You heard him walk to the joining bathroom, but didn’t pay much attention. Your eyes were shut tight, trying to catch you breath and come to terms with what just happened. You just fucked Rafe Cameron. Hard. And, if you’re being honest with yourself, it was the best sex you’ve ever had.

Rafe returned with a wet towel, cleaning his cum off of you before collapsing beside you. He pulled back the covers and pulled you into his side under them. You rested your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat in his chest. His hand gently played with your hair, a stark contrast to his actions before.

You laid their in silence, neither of you knowing what to say. Eventually, you heard Rafe’s breath even out, quiet snores vibrating through his chest that you found adorable. You untangled yourself from his arm, slipping off the bed to gather your clothes and redress. Sneaking back to Sarah’s room, you hoped neither of the girls had noticed your absence, or heard you screaming Rafe’s name a few rooms down.

The next morning, Rafe woke feeling cold. He turned over to where you had been lying, the nights events running through his head and he hoped that it wasn’t just a dream. But he smiled when he noticed a yellow sticky note on the pillow beside him with a series of numbers and a note in your unique handwriting.

Text me :)

taglist: @bluesiderudy

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fic #obx fic #my writing

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kimberly-spirits13 · 4 years

Text

Right Hand Man (Loyal to the End) Pt. 3

Pairing: Damian Wayne x reader

Synopsis: You were like Talia’s daughter. The only thing was that you weren’t and instead, you had grown up in the foster care system and at a young age were taken by and personally trained by Talia. Along the way, you meet Damian and the two of you start to work side by side and eventually, after some time become closer and closer. However, when disaster in the league strikes, you face balancing an old, forgotten life as a normal child and the burden of right hand to the demon heir.

Note: I know that this is long and that there are a good number of time skips, but I didn’t want to make this into a series and just wanted it as a long fic because .... well because I can lol

Also, I didn’t want to have Damian so young in this so just go with it. I’m thinking maybe early 15 or almost 16 at the most. Idk I just don’t like writing for young Dami.

Warnings: mentions of murder, blood, brief mentions of torture but not for long

Word Count: 1836

Pt.1

You boarded the jet that was to take you to Italy. Looking back at Damian, the two of you exchanged quick nods and you headed into the cockpit. After a few minutes, the flight had taken off and you were on your way to Italy. As always you had promised to return with a song. It was something that he could have that wasn’t assigned or approved of by his mother. You understood that well. Sitting back, you sighed just a bit and got your mind into the game.

Damian’s POV:

It wasn’t a rare thing for you to leave on missions. You did every month or so. It was just that things seemed to be even more of a task around the compound. Training’s vigor was more noticeable. Classes were more boring. The food and company were terrible. The list went on and on when you left. It did improve greatly when you came back most of the time however. The rare nights that you got back and were injured were some of the scariest. You took the worst blows for your team. It was what made you the best leader he’d ever met.

On the nights that Damian saw you being taken to the infirmary practically bleeding out stayed in his nightmares from day one. Talia would try and make him leave since she knew that he typically reacted strongly to it no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He’d worry all night about you until you were back on the training field. The one night he lost it was when you almost died. It was so bad they had to use the pit. He could hear you screaming and knew that you would have rather died. It was a way that the league would torture you. If you messed up, they’d put you in front of a film showing all of your mistakes. After that, you would be nearly dead once they tried to bleed you out and thrown into the pit by yourself. The next day when no one was looking, he pulled you into a massive hug. It’s never been discussed since.

Now he was alone training. His sparring partner was in Italy on a mission without him. It was too quiet in the room now. Damian’s thoughts ran wild as he imagined what might happen while you were in Italy. He knew that there was something that you knew about this turmoil in the league that you were hiding. He suspected that it was on his mother’s demands. Besides, if it was a serious danger, you would say something. At least, he thought you would.

Looking up at the clock that was hanging high on the wall, he was taken from his thoughts be the time. Damian picked up his bag and left for his class that he would be late for if he didn’t rush. Talia would never approve of that. Throughout the rest of the day, he was distracted by the thought of your absence. Though, he’d never admit it. Sitting on the rooftop alone was strange. He almost expected you to join him at any moment preferring the comfortable silence and ease that came with you during these times. He found no point in staying much longer since he couldn’t relax and eventually headed to bed early.

Your POV:

It was night time in Italy. You had scouted the convention and knew all of the points that the targets could get in and out. Going over the plan one last time with your team, you had the map of the building on the desk between everyone.

“Beta, you take target two, make sure that no one of importance leaves alive.” You had explained, “Regroup at the jet once you’ve finished your task. If you’re not back by the end of the hour, find your own transportation to the compound.” “Is everyone clear on the objective?”

The group nodded, “Yes General.”

“Good, we will not be having the issues that were with last mission’s assigned team.”

You folded the map and put it into a compartment in your belt before leaving with the rest of the team and splitting up into groups. This mission was going to be easy in all regards. You had entered the dressing room of your target. The rest of the squad was taking care of the security on the outside. Breaking communication was the most important aspect of the starting phase. This way no one would know if anything was going on. You watched the security team of the foreign diplomat. They were in formation even here. Their weapons were advanced but nothing you wouldn’t be able to handle. The song of an American movie played in the background on their phone. You knew it was something from a Disney musical.

“Tightrope!” You thought remembering that you’d never gotten the chance to relay the song to Damian, “Hopefully the timing of the song isn’t ill placed with everything going on behind the curtains.” “Focus Y/N, you’re on a mission, not at a concert.”

Without a moment’s notice, you hit the signal button on your communicator and then threw in a poison dart into all of the guards. There was a sudden clamor as men started dropping. You smirked some seeing the substance work before coming behind the diplomat and ending him with an injection of a stronger substance sure to end him before giving one more dose of a different chemical to insure the death of all.

You saw that your team was finished and packed back up with the team before heading out.

“Report.” You demanded once getting to the jet on the coms.

“Mission was successful, heading to meet up now.” The squads confirmed.

“Well done to all sides.”

Careful to remember the song, you played it on repeat in your mind as you boarded the jet and took off. Ultimately, you were glad to be sleeping in your own bed tonight if you had the chance to sleep after reports were made to Talia and that the team was competent. You wanted to groan thinking about not sleeping tonight. You were bone tired but knew that the show must go on. Otherwise you’d be severely punished. No sleep was better than the pit.

Upon arrival, Talia met you at the landing pad as usual.

“Report.” She said with a better demeanor seeing you not covered head to toe in blood and rain.

“The mission was a success. All parties were taken out without alerting anyone with the approved weapon of choice.” “No intervention from myself was needed.” You said giving a very, very brief rundown before you’d have to relay the entire mission to her later.

“Good. Report to your rooms. General, I expect you in the briefing room in forty minutes.”

“Yes Talia.”

You saw that Damian was coming from down the hallway. He was later than usual but none the less, you were glad to see him. Even if you’d never admit it.

Damian’s POV:

Damian ran down the hallway upon seeing the jet land. He knew to slow down when the hall would become populated and he’d be exposed so he did. However, the moment that no one was around, he was running again. Damian heard his mother and slowed to a walking pace, taking back his proper stance and commanding look.

“Yes Talia.” He heard you say before you walked past her and towards him.

He was glad to see you ... not drenched in blood. From your blood or someone else’s for that matter. You almost glistened in the moon light as you did on the roof tops. Though, he’d never seen you in mission gear like this for some reason. You looked like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Damian.” You nodded walking to him.

“Y/N. I am pleased to see you not covered in blood and rain.” He commented smirking just a bit.

“Very funny demon. The feeling is mutual.” You replied.

He turned and watched you walk down the hall before going to the roof tops after talking with Talia. Damian knew that you wouldn’t be joining him tonight, however he was ready whenever you did.

_______________________________________________________________________

That day almost never came. With what you had taken on with the new rank, you were always busy well into the night. Damian hated it. You almost hated it too. You loved the nights on the rooftop. Slowly, you tried to get back on better sleep but tonight you just wanted the stars and the mountains. That was it.

Over the past few weeks, you had hardly had any time to talk. Even during training for some part was spent with recruits instead of him. You both hated it. For the first time it felt like you were away from a mission but still there. Damian thought that you were too busy for him most of the time so he just didn’t make the attempt to talk to you. You thought that he was going for space for a while so you didn’t push anything. Eventually, you were sick of it though and decided to head to the roof.

You climbed to the top noticing that Damian was already there. Carefully, you sat next to him, legs hanging off the side of the structure.

“I assumed you would not come tonight.” He commented.

“I do not blame you. I’ve been ... extremely busy as of late with this new roll.” You sighed laying down on the roof.

He didn’t say anything for a little while and just enjoyed being able to relax in a place other than maybe his chamber. You enjoyed the silence for a while before he did finally say something.

“Did you come back with a song?” Damian asked glancing at you some.

“As always.” “And do you still want to hear it?”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes some at your answer.

You started with the song ditching the higher notes as to not be too loud. He knew you could hit them and he knew that you dodged them. He’d heard you before as Talia wanted you to be able to sing for some unknown reason. When you weren’t training as a child or in schooling, you were doing that with a professor. The two of you sat there for a while just admiring the view.

“I should be going off to bed now.” You said, “I have a lingering feeling tomorrow will be long.”

“I understand.” Damian stood with you and headed for his bedroom.

“I expect to see you at afternoon training tomorrow? I don’t have as many responsibilities tomorrow.”

Damian almost smiled, “Of course.”

You headed to your room and plopped into the bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. No matter how much you couldn’t wait to see Damian more, something told you not to get your hopes up. Before being totally consumed by your thoughts, you drifted to sleep.

Tag List:

@idkmanicantenglish

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne #Damian Wayne #Damian Wayne x y/n #dc comics #dc x reader #dc characters #headcanon #robin x y/n #robin x reader #robin #batfam x reader #batboys x reader #batfam #teen titans x reader #teen titans #teen titans x y/n

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donnerpartyofone · 4 years

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idk if you've talked about it, probably have. but if you don't mind to again, ketamine injections for depression? did it work? was it expensive? how long did it work for? ty.

dang, i never got a notification for this message. sorry! ketamine absolutely worked for the management of my depression, it was very expensive, and i think i would have needed more for it to become a longer term solution. i may still go back in the future if my lifestyle changes, but for right now, i can’t justify the cost--which is an insane thing to say when what i’m paying for is freedom from hurting myself, but, ya know, CAPITALISM.

the whole story is, i’ve been severely depressed my whole entire life; i don’t have any memories that don’t involve feeling morbidly upset, and i can remember things pretty sharply from the time i was slightly younger than 2.* i took ketamine recreationally some years ago when i was around 30 (i wasn’t adventurous about substances until i reached about that age), and i was totally astounded by how it affected my depression both during, and for weeks after the experience. it seemed to distance me from the oppressively immediacy of my bad feelings, giving me space to actually THINK about what was really bothering me, what kind of control i could have over how i assign importance and authority to things that don’t serve me, and what i might like my life to be like in the future. so, when i found out that there were ketamine clinics in new york, i kind of freaked out. actually, i found out about it from a guy who i met on an ayahuasca retreat upstate (which is its own hilariously mortifying story that i’ve been trying to write down for years and it keeps turning into a big unwieldy novel), who had been through the entire gamut of treatments for major depressive disorder. he liked his ketamine experience, but admitted that it was prohibitively expensive to keep up.

this is the place i went, and i recommend it to anyone who can afford it:

nyketamine.com

they say that they accept patients selectively, if you have treatment-resistant depression. i don’t know how strict they are about that, because by the time i came to them, i was looking pretty treatment-resistant. i’d been in and out of a few shrinks’ offices, and i’m basically incapable of taking any of the usual antidepressants because of how they affect other conditions i have. the process was, i filled out a request form on their website, and in a day or two, a clinician called to interview me over the phone about the character of my depression, and to gather some other anecdotal information about my history and health. the person i spoke to was very kind, attentive, and reassuring. the following day, someone called to set my first appointment. the whole reason i was able to do this is because of some inheritance that i received at the time; it’s $450 a session, and they suggest (or insist? i’m not sure) that you begin with a minimum of 6 sessions, each of them 2 days apart. after that, you just kind of monitor yourself to see when you think you need pickup sessions; the effect is cumulative and long term. i have no idea if they have any type of sliding scale accommodation, it could be worth asking.

when i went in for my first session, i had a brief interview with the head doctor, a navy veteran and anesthesiologist who had been working with ketamine in various capacities for 50 years. he explained a lot of things that i had no idea about, that were great to learn. periods of prolonged stress, especially while your brain is still developing, can result in a deficit of the neural pathways that you need to experience a full range of emotion; essentially, being chronically depressed and anxious can kind of give you brain damage. if you have that type of problem, it doesn’t matter what you do to try to boost your serotonin or dopamine or whatever; it’s like if you’re trying to get somewhere in your car and you can’t, not because you’re out of gas, but because the bridge is out. for some reason, ketamine switches back on the function that builds those pathways, so with regular therapeutic applications, you can actually heal the structural problem around your mood centers that’s reducing your emotional range to anxiety and depression. if you’re over 60 or so and your brain is less plastic, your chances of success aren’t as good as when you’re younger, but there’s always a chance; also, for some reason, ketamine plays especially well with estrogen, so women have a bit of a leg up. anyway, the doctor was great, and i really liked everyone there; it felt like they all knew they were doing something meaningful.

the sessions themselves are pleasant. they put you in a private room in a big cushy medical chair with a blanket and a pillow, and you let them know if you want the lights on or off. they give you an IV drip that lasts roughly an hour, and they communicate with you to figure out the dosage. you basically just tell them what feels comfortable, if the dosage they start you on is too low to notice. you won’t get something that puts you in a K hole, but you should enter a gentle dissociative state where you feel a little numb and floaty, and you might have a lot of interesting abstract thoughts. the worst part of it is just how bad you have to pee by the time the drip is done, when you’re still feeling a little anesthetized; sometimes i wound up looking at the bag with my flashlight to check if i had finished, and then i’d just press the call button to get them to come unplug me before i pissed my pants.

you’re not supposed to necessarily notice a difference right away, but you should detect a change in mood after a few weeks. i did. the way my disorder works is, most days i just have a low level background radiation of sadness and exhaustion, even on a “good day” when things are working out or i’m distracted by things i enjoy. when i wake up in the morning and realize i’m conscious and the time for sleep is over, my first feeling is disappointment, 100% of the time. then, i’d say roughly once a month or once every couple of months, i have a complete nervous collapse where i’m in so much pain i can’t really do anything but like drool and cry and let my eyes go out of focus, for anywhere from 1-7 days. there will usually be an apparent trigger; i’m a fairly dysfunctional person, and i frequently lose things, break things, and fuck things up even though i like STUDIED to do them, took it slow, asked for help, gave myself extra time, etc. but the thing is, i think the “trigger” is arbitrary, this is just a cyclic psychic event that builds up and waits to happen. but after my first battery of ketamine treatments, i had a particular day when i could tell that normally, i would quickly wind up curled up at the bottom of my bathtub scream-crying until i couldn’t move--and this time, i managed to just push through. not only did i not break down, but i actually got a number of difficult chores done, that i had put off because they seemed too intimidating, or like i wouldn’t be able to mentally handle my inevitable failure. i noticed more and more of that, while i was in proximity to the treatments, an ability to just buckle down and keep going. so it’s not like i felt HAPPIER or something, but i felt much more capable of coping, which was like a miracle honestly.

it’s been about 3.5 months since i last went in, and i think i could use a booster appointment, but as i said i just can’t fit it in with my financial reality right now. so, that sucks. but, i definitely feel that it was worth doing, and i would recommend it to anyone who can shoulder the cost. hopefully in the future, ketamine will become a much more common psychiatric treatment, and it will become available to more and more patients.

*A friend of mine just told me he read somewhere that you don’t actually recall memories from like 20 years ago, you just remember the last time you recalled them--so like, i THINK i remember my parents struggling to give me drops for pink eye in our first apartment when i was about 1.5 years old, but in reality, i just remember the last time i remembered it, or the earliest time i’m able to remember remembering it. pretty interesting! and kind of disturbing, like the idea that star trek-type teleporters don’t actually transport a person, they just DESTROY the original person and rebuild a new one on the other end, a thought that REALLY BOTHERS ME.

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loserholland · 5 years

Text

𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

𝟎𝟎𝟏 ➺ 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

Pairing ➺ Peter Parker x Reader

Warning ➺ angst, angst, angst, tiny spoilers from far from home

Word Count ➺ 1,833

Summary ➺ She always thought he felt the same way, yet I guess she was wrong.

A/N ➺ I cried at least three times while writing this, idk if yall would cry too but yeah I did lol. Also thank you for 1.9k lovely loserbabes, love you all so much!

Hello this is Renity again so if you’re just coming across this post, I decided to turn it into a mini series, so when you’re done reading this part two will be out! (July 11, 2019)

It’s Renity again, so I just realized that I skipped a verse and chorus so I rewrote it and included the missing verse and chorus. (July 14, 2019)

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand@taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou@babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor@keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003 @kisses-holland @spideysnugget

@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love

@yulisaangelica

@oyoke

@buckyloveshisplums

@spideysimpossiblegirl

@exquisitebtsSong

☞ Masterlist ☜

I won't tell you I'm lonely 'Cause it might be selfish

A trip to Europe would be fun they said.

After everything that happened that was much needed.

Though, (Y/N) couldn’t make the Europe trip. She had so many fun plans for her and Peter. To ride on the gondola, to touring the Eiffel tower where she would confess her love for Peter. Sadly that wasn’t going to happen.

The last time (Y/N) had seen Peter was before he had asked Ned to cause a distraction. She wanted to tell him right then and there that she liked him, but told herself that he’d come back for her to tell him. But the blip happened, yes the blip is what they’ve been calling it. During those five years, those who did blip didn’t change one bit. But those who didn’t blip aged over the past five years.

Before the blip happened she was on the phone and leaving Peter a voicemail because he hadn’t called her back. Which left her to worry, leaving voicemail after voicemail.

All she wanted to do the moment she got word that Peter was back was to run into his arms and confess her feelings for him. But she didn’t want to make it all about her, though Peter was back he had just lost Tony. She didn’t want to make it all about her, she wanted to give him time and space to grieve.

I won't ask you to hold me 'Cause that won't mend what's helpless

“Hey Pete, are you free tonight?” (Y/N) held her books close to her chest as she leaned against the lockers looking up at Peter with hope in her eyes, hopes that he’d say yes.

She watched as he filled his backpack with his books before closing his locker, “Sorry I-uh have this thing with May tonight.” she felt her heart drop this was the second time he had use this excuse.

“Oh! T-that’s alright, um are you free tomorrow?” all she wanted to do was spend time with Peter nothing more.

“I’m renewing my passport tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll call you tonight.” Peter pressed his lips into a thin line nodding before he began to walk away, her heart clenched lightly before she said “I love you!”

Peter didn’t take a chance to look back all, he just shouted “You too.”

There's not a thing I could say Not a song I could sing For your mind to change

(Y/N) noticed the little changes in their friendship but brushed it off and told herself it’s just because of everything that happened. The day he left to Europe she had gone with May to drop off Peter and Ned.

“Have fun boys, but not too much fun!” May said playfully causing Ned to laugh lightly.

(Y/N) walked over to Peter, giving him a warm smile “I’ll miss you, text me once you land and get settled in.”

“Ned and I should get going.” Peter picked up his luggage calling Ned so they could head through TSA, Ned bid May a quick goodbye.

She gave Peter one last hug before whispering, “I love you.”

“You too.”

It was during that moment, she felt her heart break. That was the moment that confirmed there was something wrong in their friendship.

Nothing can fill up the space Won't ask you to stay But let me ask you one thing

After watching Flash’s many livestreams, it seemed that they had a slight detour to their trip. From Venice they had gone to Prague where they were currently headed to watch an Opera. Peter had been avoiding your calls and messages, there was a bit of guilt in her. She felt as if she was being too clingy, constantly texting him and trying to call him.

“Hey Ned, do you um know where Peter is?” (Y/N) began to pace around her room awaiting for Ned’s answer, she just wanted to know if he was okay and safe. That was all.

“H-he uh, went out on a walk with Mj. I think he was going to her he likes her. ” she stopped in her place. Currently her heart and mind was at war, her heart was slowly breaking at what not only from what Ned had just said.

Her mind told her to just wait on him, wait for him to call you back maybe he just doesn’t have enough data or his phone battery died, and now he’s just asleep after the long day.

“(Y/N)?”

“T-thank’s Ned. I should let you go to bed.”

“Do you want me to let Peter know you called?”

“No, it’s fine.”

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love Oh, when did you fall out of love with me?

May had offered (Y/N) a ride to the airport to pick Peter up but she had lied and said she was busy and would just see him tonight. It’s been a long two weeks without hearing one word from Peter, she couldn’t shake the image out of her head of Peter and Mj together. She didn’t want to question Ned about it more before he would start to question her.

I can't float in an ocean That's already been drained

(Y/N) texted Peter later that night, 911 meet on the rooftop. So there she sat unsure if he’d show up or not, unsure if he even got her message. Slowly her thoughts began to consume her, her gaze focused on the night sky of Queen’s.

She was so deep in thought she didn’t notice Peter, well Spider-man had landed on her rooftop. He removed his mask and slowly walked over to where she was sitting.

“Hey.”

I won't cry at your feet now I know my tears will fall in vain

(Y/N) blinked a few times, he came. He’s now standing right in front of her, with a new suit on. But he came.

“Nice suit.” Peter smiled lightly taking the empty seat next to her, “Thank’s designed it myself.” This was the first time she heard his voice again, after all the missed calls and messages he missed from her.

“I-I tried calling you and texted you multiple times.” she spoke softly moving her gaze to her lap as she began to fiddle with her fingers avoiding as much eye contact as possible.

There's not a thing I could say Not a song I could sing For your mind to change

“Sorry, my phone just had a limited amount of data.” Peter somewhat apologized, she wanted to ask him the question that was wandering her mind for the last week.

Nothing can fill up the space Won't ask you to stay But let me ask you one thing

(Y/N) could see it in his eyes, he didn’t want to be here. She knew he had much better things to do, it hurt to see how much their friendship had changed. How something so little affected her, but didn’t effect him. How she should’ve took the change and told him how she felt.

She should’ve told him, the day he had gone to check out what that floating circle thing was, she should’ve told him the moment she grabbed his wrist and told him good luck. Instead, she should’ve said, “I like you, more than a friend.” yet she didn’t.

Now this was the outcome.

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love Oh, when did you fall out of love with me?

Now she was too late, he didn’t feel the same way. Peter had feelings for Mj, she couldn’t blame him. Mj was prettier and smarter, and why and how could she hold him back from having feelings for her?

Best friends don’t do that.

They support one another, even if the outcome may be good or bad, (Y/N) shouldn’t hold him back from being happy. Even if that mean’s she’d sacrifice her happiness.

No use wondering While your change in heart has wandered

For the past week she had lost sleep from overthinking, having the same question wander her mind. She wanted to ask, if he was ever going to tell her about his feelings for Mj.

So I ask you this question 'Cause it might help me sleep longer

“Were you ever going to tell me about your feelings for Mj?”

Peter sat there for a second staring blankly at the side of her face unsure if she had just asked what he thought he heard.

(Y/N) blinked a few tears away trying her best to lift her head up and turn to look up at Peter, “I thought best friends tell each other everything?” all she wanted was answers. She needed to stop loving him, if he didn’t feel the same way for her why should she continue to love him?

It would just be one-sided love.

“Please Peter, I had called Ned the night you were in Prague. He said you and Mj went out for a walk.”

Peter took a few moments to gather up what he wanted to say, he didn’t want to break her heart even more that it already was.

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love

“Yes, I have feelings for Mj.”

And there it was, there was the truth.

Oh, when did you run out of love for me? Out of love (Out of love) Out of love (Out of love) Out of love with me

“I’m so stupid. I don’t really know why I’m still hoping.”

Peter’s brows pinched in confusion, “What do you mean?”

(Y/N) shook her head lightly allowing the fresh tears to stain her cheeks, “I’ve loved you for so long Peter. I was there for you when I had to patch you up after you risked your life, I was there to cover up for you during spanish and chemistry. I don’t know why I’m still holding on to ever last bit of hope that one day you’ll feel the same way. What does Mj have that I don’t?”

Peter didn’t say one word, he just held his head down and fixed his gaze to his lap.

(Y/N) closed her eyes for a moment collecting herself. She wanted to scream at him, but she knew it would hurt her if she did. She didn’t want to cause him pain that she was already feeling.

She got up from her seat and made her way towards the fire escape, before she headed down she looked back to where Peter was sitting.

“I absolutely hate the fact that no one else has the ability to break me or to make me feel happy like you do. You are the only person who can ruin my day and you are the only person who can fix it.”

Peter sat there for a moment, his head hung low as he allowed the tears he was holding in to stain his cheeks. He just lost his best friend.

#peter parker #peter parker smut #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #loserholland

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primedirection · 5 years

Text

Homecoming

In which things don't go as planned

Warnings: A lil angst & a lil fluff mentions of panic attack

AN: Kinda did this one for me idk.. Hope you like it anyway!

(Uce- Samoan for brother. Sounds like oose)

Harry wasn't coming home.

He'd been away for three months this time and it seemed to be the hardest. Promises of coming home were thrown around left and right so much it lost it's merit. It was supposed to be his last week two weeks ago and yet he was still needed all over the place for reasons she lost track of. Hosting for James Corden, Album teaser promos, Gucci photo shoots, music video location scouting, auditions and so on and so forth. So busy that at best she was lucky she got a text of recognition or a FaceTime session every other week.

Honestly she tried not to fault him for it, not to hold it against him. She understood more than anyone what his career meant to him and how hard he worked to achieve his goals and dreams. Truly a blessing and a curse all at once. But once the disappointment hit it, it hit and took it's tole.

For right now she was done dealing with it.

She'd been so fed up of being alone and having no one to talk to in person that she requested the week off from work and sent for tor nephews to come visit. The same week of vacation time she'd been planning to use to visit Harry on the road. But decided that she'd only be a distraction to him during the short moments she did get to see him. The boys were out for the summer anyway and thanks to the overwhelming Facebook post of their mother, she knew they all could use a break.

From the moment that they stepped inside the departure terminal she realized that she had made the right decision. Bombarded with affection from all directions the second they were close enough. The relief practically consuming her. It was all quite surreal since she practically helped raise them. Like just yesterday she was changing their diapers for extra cash on the weekends so that their parents date nights could ensue. Now here they are teenage heartbreakers bragging about their own personal lives.

As the week went by things only got better. For once the massive house was filled with endless laughter and the type of love that came without judgment and ridicule. Unconditional love. That alone created a joy so pure that the evilest intentions couldn't spoil it. Something she honestly hasn't felt in a while. The atmosphere was almost magical whenever either of their families visited and this time was no different.

This was exactly what the doctor ordered and a complete win-win situation. Because while she gave them something to somewhat brag about to all their friends back home (via pictures with their beloved uncle's Mustang) they gave her enough peace of mind to stop checking her phone every 30 seconds, nonetheless throughout the entire day. To the point she felt comfortable enough to turn it off. Thanks to the hyperactive bunch most nights sleep found her first since the boys turned out to be a handful in the best way.

Or so she thought.

When it was their final day she decided to go all out. An early trip to The Grove to spoil them rotten, as any elected favorite auntie would. Then retired back home to fire up the grill for dinner while the two full-blown teenagers made their last rounds of projecting themselves like missiles inside the pool.

"Heyyy, unless y'all want to find out how edible chlorine is y'all better chill out!" She shouted playfully over her shoulder when a particular splash reached far enough to soak her from the waist down. ”Now out of the water so we can eat!" She retreated back inside the house followed by a chorus of disappointed 'AWWWWWs'.

"Good to see you're 'avin fun," Harry's sudden appearance in the kitchen nearly made her scream. So divulged in burger making she never noticed him. Short hair a mess from his incessant hand's tousling, everything about him was hard and only amplified by the bags resting under his eyes.

Though by the look on his face and his tone she wasn't sure how to feel. The impulsive urge to rush over and enrapt him in over due love was killed when she felt the energy around him. Clearly he was upset. So she gently tested the waters, "When did you get back?"

"You'd know if you read at least one of my fuckin' messages," Harry was pissed and right now her oblivion to it only made it worse as he silently noted that she didn't rush to greet him as he had expected.

They were both stubborn to a fault sometimes, this one being one of them. And while he had his passive aggressive moments she had her combative confronting moments to match them. Thus why disagreements often turned into war zones.

In her eyes he had absolutely no right to be this angry, "You mean the one you send every other week? Sorry, didn't know I was supposed to wait every got damn second by the phone for a chance you might get the urge to call me!"

"S'not like you couldn't call me. Guess I'm not much of priority to you when I'm across the world am I? Much less having a panic attack," That's not at all what he wanted to say. He honestly didn't even mean it. But sometimes, very rarely, he spoke without thinking. Though every single one of those times his words were purposely reckless, usually with the intent of pushing buttons. Which in this case happened to be several of hers.

There was so many things wrong with his rebuttal that it frazzled her, "Panic attack?!"

"Yeah. Tha' thing where you can't breathe and it really feels like you're dying," his attitude was in full force as he elaborated.

Her eyes narrowed in a glare, "How was I supposed to know that would happen when I finally try and distract myself?"

"There's a difference between distracting yourself and flat out ignoring me,"

"So now it's my fault that you don't know when to fucking quit? One more week.. one more week.. Jeff says this Jeff says that blah blah blah!" She mocks his voice angrily. "Do you ever even think of how hard it is for me when you're gone? You've got hundreds of people constantly around you and I'm just here alone in this big ass house-"

"Fuck this!" He groans utterly aggravated, pivoting on his heels to storm out. The past three days had felt like the worst of his life and she was totally none the wiser. Even now as he struggled to keep afloat, to keep his head above water she only seemed interested in knocking him down.

"Fuck what? Fuck me? Is that what you're saying?" She demanded hurt, meanwhile in his mind he knew she was seeing nothing but red.

At that response he knew this was going nowhere fast, definitely nowhere good anyway. He couldn't talk to her when she was like this, angry beyond reason where even the most innocent things rub her the wrong way.

"Uce?!" As soon as he was noticed they both knew the argument was temporarily over. Long ago she had indulged Harry of their dysfunctional childhood due to the immaturity of their parents, and sworn to always provide safe spaces for them. So for everyone's sake she quickly left the room, using her soiled clothes as an excuse.

Harry may not have been in any mood to host but managed to allow his anger to dissipate when he was pulled into welcoming hugs. He loved her family, especially her nephews. The respect and regard they had for her was daunting and unparalleled. Upon first meeting them, at thirteen and fourteen years old they laid into him better than any father ever could or ever had. Especially since hers passed away when she was young. So profoundly protective there was no surprise on his end when they shared their plan of walking her down the aisle to give her away someday. Though now they were in every way his family without marriage. "We thought you were taking over the world again Uce, what happened?"

Uce, a nickname that was lovingly given to him by the entirety of her family because of his thick accent whenever he said the word 'us'. Endearing enough to immediately strip him of any and all ill feelings. "Not happy to see me?" He teased knowing full well just how much they adored him in return. Proven when they both erupted in offense bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Uhhh... she's cool, or whatever but even when we're having fun she's still intense," the younger of the brothers informed pointing in the direction she disappeared in.

"And she doesn't have the keys, Uce! She doesn't have the keys!" The elder of the two wailed in true melodramatic fashion.

"Keys?" Harry queries with a frown and yet amused, leaning against the counter and folding his arms over his chest patiently waiting to be clued in on their slang. "Keys to wha'?"

"You know, the Audi.. The girls... How do we get into one of those wild model parties where they do org-"

"Boy the next word out of your mouth better be organization! And you need to be talking about the keys to passing your college entry exams!" She yells on her way upstairs. She'd be so happy when the girl craze phase was over for them, and it couldn't come soon enough.

"See what I mean?" The younger of the two mutters through a mouth full of food shaking his head and Harry started to laugh. He'd never be able to convey how much he missed them when they weren't around. Just them being there almost made him forget he was angry to begin with. Almost. "Anyway you never answered my question?"

Harry sighs heavily suddenly exhausted, "Didn't feel well,"

Sparking even more questions from the two young boys, "Don't you have doctors that travel with you for that?" Snowballing to a squabble even, "Is it contagious?" "Dude!" "I'm just saying, I have football practice when we get back I can't afford to be sick,"

Chuckling despite himself Harry shook his head, "No mate, was a panic attack. Jus' need some rest, been going non stop,"

Both their faces dropped with worry, "Whoa. You okay Uce? I mean is it cool we're here?"

Harry nodded reassuringly, "M' getting there," honestly adding, "Thanks to you lot. Actually wish I'd been here the whole time, s' been awhile since I've seen you last,"

The eldest made a nonchalant noise, "We'll be visiting again soon don't worry. Especially when you start touring for real, the ladies need me,"

"Mate, have you ever heard of quality over quantity? That is the biggest key,"

"Yeah just now, and look who you're with. The biggest control freak of them all,"

Although Harry wasn't totally thrilled with her he had to admit, "It's actually quite sexy when she's not being a pain in the arse,"

"Bruh, I'm eating!" The younger brother snarled and Harry laughed at that. God, he loved them. Practically the little brothers he's always wanted. That feeling in particular struck remembrance inside him, remembrance of what brought on the panic attack in the first place.

He wasn't happy. Sure his professional life was thriving since business was booming, but his relationship suffered the most because of it. These days he was hardly ever home, barely even had the time to make phone calls and the realization scared him. Not once did she complain but he wasn't blind to the fact she was slowly but surely slipping from his grasp. Whether or not her cold shoulder had been intentional over the past week it shook him down to the core. So many of his previous relationships ended like that, with them losing the will to fight for him. Not that he was putting in the same effort back then and he had the worst habit of blaming them for it anyway. Hince the incident a little while ago. But that was the absolute last thing he wanted for them. It just wasn't worth it.

Harry wanted romantic vacations, joint family holidays, anniversary parties, babies! Lots and lots of babies...

A distinct warning pang in his chest made him realize he had to take advantage of the boy's presence while he could. Glancing over his shoulder, he listened hard to make sure the shower was running, "Since we're on the topic I need to talk you lads about something,"

"If it's about your sex life please don't,"

"Relax if I wanted to torture you I'd left you with her. I'm talking about tour. I've been thinking and after this week I'm not sure I want to do it. Like anymore.. Or well at least for right now anyway,"

"Please don't do this to me, I'll finally be old enough to get in the club by the end of this year!" The elder boy whined and the younger smacked the side of his head annoyed.

"Dude shut up he's serious! Anyway... Why not?"

Harry was filled with nerves deciding to break it down nice and easy, "Remember what you told me when we first met?"

"Yeah, 'why are your jeans so tight'? To be honest I'm still wondering...that can't be good for you." The eldest teased.

"Not tha'," Harry chuckled rolling his eyes.

A lightbulb seemed to go off in the mind of the youngest, "Oh, that we're a packaged deal and anything you want with her has to be run through us first,"

Harry took a deep breath nodding in confirmation, "Well, man to man...to man. I think you've had long enough to feel me out. Have I earned your blessings to become your official uncle?"

"Let me get this straight, you want to skip a worldwide tour and a chance to make millions more to get married? Weddings aren't all that much fun,"

"To get married, to go on a honeymoon, and to start making your baby cousins," Harry clarified.

"I'm more so concerned at you not knowing you already had it. We wouldn't have let her move in if we didn't,"

"Yeah Uce, we've all been wondering what the hell is taking so long. Especially grandma, she's been super suspicious of your Aquarius nature," the older boy teased and both boys laughed apparently there was an inside joke he wasn't aware of.

"To be fair I was waiting for your aunt to say something. Guess she's not much of a control freak like we thought huh?" Harry muttered stealing fries from both their plates.

"Yeah right, do you have a ring?" The younger asked as he shielded his plate from Harry's invasion.

"Still having it made," he confessed a little embarrassed.

"Well don't pop it out without us!"

Harry snorted, "Mate, I'd never dream of it," and from the bottom of his heart he meant it.

After everyone showered, the final movie night had progressed rather smoothly. Horror was the only genre the boys would focus on, though it probably had something to do with all the topless scenes in them. Nevertheless she picked this one; 'Wrong Turn' easily one of her favorites.

To her surprise before it started Harry came in the room, dressed in a loose gray T-shirt and navy basketball shorts. Earning a round of cheers from his ever adoring audience. He sat in the row of plush recliners directly behind the boys and it kind of hurt her feelings since she was in the one in front of them. "S' your last night here where else would I be?"

For a long beat of a moment they both exchanged wary glances before drifting back to the screen in front of them. Though in reality she was hardly paying attention. Her curiosity peaked through the roof at just what it took to get him to join. Mostly because, she knew better than anyone when Harry was in a bad mood he isolated himself. But just now he didn't seem to be the slightest bit hostile. Then again she shouldn't be too surpised given he was just another giant kid to them.

Against her better judgment she spared another look just to find him already staring at her. A dimple sinking in one cheek as the corner of his lips tug in a reluctant smile. In turn making her belly swell with butterflies of relief. She also became painfully aware of the distance between them and hated it.

Before she even had time to process the idea of swallowing her pride, she was up out of her seat with her blanket wrapped around her. She could've easily sat in either of the seats beside him but that still wasn't close enough. "Truce?" She whispered pouting guiltily, waving the tag of her soft throw blanket like a flag.

But apparently she wasn't as quiet as she thought, "Wait, you guys are fighting?" Both boys were turned around in their seats, eyes ping ponging back and forth between them worried. Ultimately falling on her, "What did you do?"

"If you don't mind your own business I swear to God you're going to the airport tonight!" She warned icily and that quickly got them to turn back around.

At first Harry doesn't say anything, he simply reclines his seat further back and readjusts his legs to make room for her. Only then did she breathe a sigh of relief. Springing into action, she climbed in next to him sitting with her legs draped over his lap tenting them both in warmth. From there they practically melted into one another her chest to his front, stealing kisses and touches they'd been deprived of. Silent apologies in a way, but just in case she said it aloud, "I'm sorry H," tucking her face into the crook of his neck. The closer she was the better she felt. "Should've been there for you."

"S' okay love me too, I should've been here," he sighed holding on tighter.

"Well we're all here now so can we watch the movie please?" The eldest brother chimed.

She started to swat him in the head from behind until Harry caught her wrist and laughed, "Sorry lads won't happen again," figuring there was a better way to make it up to her quietly. Confusion was blatantly on her face up until Harry stealthily slipped his hand under her shirt, sliding upwards tortuously slow. To stifle her impatience she kissed him deep then. But before she could receive the pleasure of the taste of his lips properly Harry stiffened, and not in the place she wanted him to.

Eyes peeling back open Harry's smirk was sheepish and directed to the front. Met with a grimace, "Ugh puhleeease don't be that couple!" And a glare, "Yeah, I really don't want to be in the room when my baby cousin is conceived,"

She rolled her eyes, "Tuh, it's only fair. I was right next door when both of you were." Kissing him again and causing an over the top show of dry heaving and gagging.

"Uce, c'mon man make it stop!"

Harry merely smiled finally feeling like all was right in the world again. "Gotta keep it fresh lads, it's key."

#Harry styles angst #Harry styles imagines #Harry x reader #Harry styles #one direction imagines #Harry Styles one shot #One direction one shot #harry styles drabble #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #all me #I write I guess

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borednwriting-blog · 5 years

Text

hey savior. (i);

(do not own this gif!)

author’s note: ok so i decided to start the series at this period of time, i really put a good thinking and decided this was best since we will get into the readers past later on, hopefully y’all LIKE THIS! ily. and i love natasha :-)

warnings: well, idk, fighting? cursing? and bad writing

word count: 2193

“You ready, James?” I asked the former soviet assassin on my right and got his glare in return. “Заткнись.” Was all he shot back before he was off to his dramatic entrance. Chuckling, I made sure the team was ready to catch Jasper, since James will be too preoccupied with trying to kill his favorite soldier. Seeing as James jumped to the hood of their car, getting his tight grip on Sitwell and throwing him off the car. Natasha jumped to the front seat, moving Steve and the other guy away from James’ shootings. Seeing as Jasper was rolling on the road, I stopped his moving body by putting my foot on his chest. “Hi honey,” I smiled innocently at him. “Welcome back.” I motioned with my hands for the team to grab him far away from here.

Looking forward at the scene in front of me, I saw how Steve move the gear to stop the car, making James fall from the hood and landing on his feet, his metal arm dragged along the asphalt. “Did I or did I not say he’s a drama queen.” I whispered to myself as I loaded my gun walking towards the scene. Shooting at the car from behind I saw their gazes turn to me as well, Natasha’s expression catching my attention a bit more than the others. To say she was shocked, would be underestimating it. Looking behind me I saw our jeep driving faster towards their car making me move aside to allow them to crash into their car. I saw how Steve took both of his partners close to him, breaking the door and shielding their other side with his shield, softening their crash on the road.

Looking at James, we started moving towards the team to gear up for the events that were about to happen on this bridge. “Remember, you get cap and I get her. No funny business.” I warned him as he took the grenade launcher and shot towards Steve, making him rise above the ground and fall off the bridge while all of us continued to shoot towards the cars Natasha and new guy were hiding behind. Shooting back at us, James shot a grenade towards the car he saw Natasha behind, making her jump onto the other side of the road into the traffic that was surprisingly still quite going. Launching another grenade towards Natasha, the car blew up and flew off the bridge along with her, using her grappling hook to get a grasp on the top of the bridge, lowering herself to the ground and taking a spot right beneath the end of the bridge. Knowing her next move, I made my way to get off the bridge and landed right behind her as she shot James at his mask, ready to hide behind the bus only for her to meet my gaze. “hey savior” I showed her a smirk as I threw a punch towards her face. She stumbled backwards as scooted down on one leg, moving her other one towards my feet for my body to meet the ground. Groaning I kicked her side and went ahead to pin her to the ground. Seeing as she struggled she mumbled away “Do you really want to do this?”

“What, did you expect a thank you?” I held a stronger grip on her hands and she fought against it, shoving her head forcefully towards mine. Losing my grip on her she took the opportunity to fire at me her widow’s bite making me fully lay down on the ground. Awakening from the feeling, I saw James throw a grenade towards a car and blowing it up, Natasha coming from behind him and choking him with one of her metal rope. Standing up, loading my gun and aiming it towards her, I saw how he threw her off of him and aimed his rifle at her having her to throw at his metal arm one of her metal discs to electrify him. Escaping him, he made his way towards her only to meet my voice, “I told you she was mine.” I shifted my head towards him, popping my sore nape earning an angry glare from him. “Didn’t seem like you had this under control.” He propped his hands better on the rifle, missing his chance as I shot towards her, hitting her. “Sorry.” I remarked cynically as he ran towards the car that was right behind the car she was panting and leaning on. Hearing his loud stomp, she looked at him, terrified of his next move. He aimed at her his rifle and as if she was saved by the bell, Steve ran towards James, distracting him from her. As they fought, I walked towards her, my gun pointed at her head. “Stand.”

I ordered her and she leant against the car to help her stand in front of me. “I’m sorry.” I swear I could see her eyes tearing up, as if she could show some emotion during this time. “Doesn’t matter now, move.” She stood still. “I told you to move.”

“I don’t take orders from a 14-year-old.”

“Yeah, that’s not exactly how you treat your elders.” I heard a voice behind me and dodged his punch that was thrown at me from behind. Looking at new guy, I rolled my eyes as I threw my leg towards his abdomen and he caught it in his hands, trying to turn my body around and for me to fall on the ground. Before I hit the ground I shot my other leg at his knee, making him slouch down. Taking him by the collar of his shirt I shoved my head at his own and got away from him grip on my leg, hearing his groan on his way to the ground as I got my hair off my face.

“That is some strong 14-year-old ‘Tasha.” He mumbled and I looked at her devastated state. Grabbing her shoulders, getting her ready for the entire HYDRA team to captivate them all.

I looked around for James, worrying when I couldn’t spot his metal arm anywhere in the crowd. I turned my attention to what was happening behind me and saw him leaning behind a car, very dramatic. Walking towards him, I stood right next to his legs and nudged them a little. “Hey, drama queen, we need to go.” He gave me the most confused expression I ever gotten from him, making me kneel down next to him.

“Did you know?” He whispered and looked straight into my eyes. “Know what James?”

“About him.” I looked towards what he shifted his gaze to and saw Steve putting his hands behind his head. “He’s Captain Ameri-“

“He called me Bucky.” I felt his confusion rise within his bones and saw how he was about to rip the skin off his face, getting a little crazy from the thought he might know this man but remember nothing about him.

“Bucky, huh? That’s cute.” I tried to lighten the mood up, “maybe you two were boyfriends.” He sighed at my ridiculousness and looked at me as I stood up. “Whatever, Bucky, right now we need to go.” I held my hand out for him, help him stand up but he ignored my offer, standing up by himself as I mumbled a silent okay and started to move.

I knew everything HYDRA did with James, he did too. So seeing this reaction from him when he recognized someone from his past, creeped me out. Maybe it was because I cared for him, as I was working beside him for almost two years now, or it was just sinking in how insane was the way they handle things. None of that mattered, I was a trained assassin and I wasn’t about to go rogue and prove them right when they call me weak every single time. Showing emotion means weakness, caring for people is just opening the door to weakness and allowing it to get in, that was one of the first things I was taught. Stay cold, stay sharp. No matter how wrong it felt, I was already here, and I had to finish my mission.

I stood there, in the room when they brainwashed him again the moment he showed some signs of remembering. Keeping a tough face as I heard James scream, looking the way his body trembled at every ten seconds break they gave him, and his screams filling up the room right as they start again. I looked at Pierce, he was annoyed. Annoyed that one person could not only ruin his whole plan but also distract one of his best men. He was pissed, no doubt. When they all brought James to his room, I quickly followed them, staying with him and making sure he was alright. Wetting a damp towel in cold water, I moved it around his head as he was still hissing from the “treatment session” that happened only minutes ago. I felt bad, I wasn’t supposed to feel bad. Maybe it was his hopeless face as they stuck needles and electricity through his head, maybe it was the fact that Pierce would never stop there, maybe it was the way Natasha looked at me when she saw I was alive.

I grew to hate her, sticking to the fact that I had to avenge all of the people that died at that facility. After she got in, trying to rescue us, she made them secure us even harder. The interrogated us, killed us one by one when someone was showing signs of disobeying. I saw Anna, the girl I grew so fond of since young age, shot right in front of my eyes. And I was to not cry, mourn, nothing. I needed to continue training, sleep four hours a night and wake up as if everything was alright. Not long after that the headmaster in charge told us we were training for a big mission, HYDRA one.

Was I surprised? Never. The red room seems like a place to work with exactly people from HYDRA. Seeing as they were training children to kill, innocence and hope was never part of our routine. What they didn’t tell us, me, is that I would watch every other person that survived their massacre, burn as they tried to complete the mission. “Congrats,” a guard man came towards my covered in ashes physique, weak and drained, “you showed us you really are the one to take her place.” Sick bastards.

Of course. They lost their best spy, assassin, to the good guys, of course. Of course they would start a new training system to overcome their grief and loss of the great Natalia Alianovna Romanova, of fucking course. Of course when she showed up they starting to speed up their plans, knowing HYDRA and their wicked plans and how quickly they will start working now that SHIELD is almost done building what they need. They needed someone good for the mission and they wanted me to carry her name, but I could never. Never take the name of the person who made fake promises, who was the reason all of the people I ever knew were dead.

Shaking myself back to reality, I saw James with his closed eyes, chest rising and the only thing that was heard in the room was his soft breathing. Taking the towel off his face I looked at him, the first time I see him at such peace. It has been two years, and I couldn’t understand how I was feeling towards it all. A sense of guilt and sadness was building up inside me, eating me bit by bit while I looked at James, remembering the events on the bridge. He was sent to kill him; he didn’t do it. I was sent to kill her, and I couldn’t do it. We were both puppets that were controlled by a system that was here to destroy, we were both human but they took all of our humanity. Only for it to come today, hitting us at different times. I was sure James would kill her, I needed to make she wouldn’t cross him and when she did I had to make the shot, knowing I could kill her right there but I didn’t, aiming at her shoulder instead her head. I pushed a few of wet strands of hair James had on his forehead, remembering how he came close to his humanity for a second, when his old best friend called him by the name he didn’t hear such a long time.

I was confused, teenagers are allowed to be confused, it comes naturally that age. But I couldn’t let it overflow me, distract me from what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to obey to orders and complete the missions I was assigned to fulfill their plan. I didn’t know back then what the bigger picture was, didn’t know that I would take a stand in the opposite side. I didn’t realize that soon enough I would be pointing my gun at Pierce.

**post-reading note: you have no idea how hard it is for me to write this as if the reader HATES natasha. there is definitely a reason why the reader is smol and i personally don’t see the bucky x reader as ROMANTIC at all. u will see soon enough he will get so big brotherly defensive it is c u t e! also bucky said shut up at the beginning**

#natasha romanoff imagine #bucky barnes imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes x reader #avengers #avengers imagine #marvel #marvel imagine

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spideymybucky · 6 years

Text

The Tequila Metaphor

Word Count: 1565

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, Natasha, Wanda, Tony.

Warnings: Angst, fight, insults.

A/N Hey guys, i know i haven’t written in a looong time but here I am with an entry to @prettyyoungtragedy 2K challenge. (Go follow her! I love love love her writing) I hope y’all like it. Ok it might be shit cause i didn’t know how to ended or maybe if you want, it could have a second part and be a two part entry. IDK. Feedback???? lots of love to y’all. Please feedback, i’m neglecting every assignment i have to do this.

Prompt: “where is the tequila? Who drank my tequila!” In bold!

You didn’t know how to cope with emotional pain; hell, you even ignored it until it was to much and, well, you exploded. It was something you had always done, something that they had taught you to do. Showing your emotions was weak, they could be used against you in any way, thats why you never got close to anyone and maybe, just maybe, that’s why your in this position. Sometimes ignoring your feelings isn’t the best way to go, and it all goes to hell.

The night was calm, people were sipping on wine and eating crackers. God, did you hate these charity events that Tony made you attend. Your skin-tight dress hugged you in every way possible, without mentioning the 12 inch heels you were wearing, making you look gorgeous and desirable to every men in the room, who were staring. Feeling uncomfortable with each look, it was Tony’s small vengeance for the lack sympathy and team effort, you fleeted from the party to the compound, getting there within five minutes.

“M’am it would be 15, total.” The tired cab driver pointed to the taximeter.

“Yeah, here you go” you got out of the cab, heels in hand darting to the entrance. The ring of your phone going off every minute with Tony’s designated tone. God, you just needed a good drink, a pure shot of something. No-what you needed was a pure shot of that expensive tequila you bought a while ago. Yes, that was it.

Getting out of the elevator and into the common room, you hear the laughter of a distinguished super soldier and followed by a female voice. You heart stops momentarily, he was supposed to be asleep by now, that was the whole point of returning at this time. Closing your eyes, you let out a sigh and nodded. Ok, you were going to sneak in and get the tequila, go back to your room and forget this ever happened. That seemed easy right? Yeah, for a well trained spy like her, but yet again he was a super soldier with enhanced hearing. He had already heard her coming.

“Sometimes I just like wanna stop everything and like sleep all day. Do you get it? Like, sorry I know I’m like weird and stuff…” The unknown girl continued talking to Bucky. He wasn’t interested in her, maybe her body a bit but it was all a distraction.

“Yeah, I guess I do understand.” He mumbled. Light footsteps were getting closer, he already knew who it was and this was his only chance, he had to do it. He moved closer to the pink hair girl, as she giggled. He let out a small chuckled and started stroking her leg.

You entered quietly the room, darting straight to the kitchen without acknowledging them. You were already hurt, heart broken in fact, what more can you take? Looking through the counters for your tequila, you couldn’t find it. It wasn’t where you left it, had someone grabbed it? Maybe, you missed placed it but you were sure it was there. Then you turn around and look where Bucky was with her. You walk up to them and clear your throat.

“Where is the tequila?” Your eyes showed no emotion, just a cold stare that darted between the pink haired whore-you wanted her to be that-and Bucky. The girl flinched closer to Bucky, who just shrugged.

“Don’t know.” Bucky quickly responded.

“You sure ‘bout that?” You asked looking at him.

“Yes (Y/n), now please leave” You rolled your eyes and just stood there looking at the room, trying to find something to lead you on. You were sure it was where you left it, on the left counter behind the syrup.

“For fuck sake, just tell me where it is!” You shouted impatiently. You wanted to leaved, in fact needed to leave the room and be as far way from James and his baby blue eyes.

“I don’t fucking know (Y/N)” He stood up, following you to the kitchen. “Maybe you should look better, you might have misplaced it or it just didn’t fucking exist”

“Why wouldn’t it fucking exist? You idiot” You shouted back.

“Most things don’t exist with you, so why should the tequila exist?” You rolled your eyes at his retort, still looking through the counters. Maybe it’s in the trash, she thought.

“I just want the fucking tequila James, nothing else.” You squatted, leveling yourself with the trash. You took the lid of and found your expensive tequila bottle, the one you bought on your only vacation to Mexico. You grabbed it and slowly rose up, looking at the pink haired girl and Bucky-who had returned to sitting with her.

“Who drank my fucking tequila!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, making Bucky and the pink haired, big boob, girl jump. What you didn’t realize was that Wanda and Natasha had woken up, and they were entering the common room.

“I-I’m s-sorry, I swear I didn’t know-” Bucky grabbed her, pulling the pink haired girl behind him.

“It’s just a fucking drink. It doesn’t have personal value, nothing has for you.” Bucky regretted the moment it came out but it was too late. You looked at him slightly hurt for a second, but then returned to your furious self.

“It actually does have personal value James” He rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Sure, cause you’re all so capable of having an attachment.” He retorted at you. Both of you had unfinished business, the poor girl had just been caught in the middle. Sure, Bucky knew It was your tequila, with a small warm inside, tradition from Mexico. You only drank it on rare occasions, when you were really happy or just extremely sad. This was intended to be the latter.

“I am capable of letting myself be attached, just like I did with my tequila you asshole.” You said stepping closer. You didn’t know when the pink haired girl let herself become angry, but Natasha saw it. It was the moment Bucky and you were closer than ever, eyes connected in a staring competition.

“For fuck sake It just tequila, I’m sorry I drank it.” The pink haired girl said. Her tight skin dress moved, showing to much of her, as she grabbed her purse. “Here, have a few hundreds you bitch.” She finished, throwing the money to you, as she pulled Bucky a part.

You were startled at first, looking at the money for a few seconds and then it all went to hell. You were about to throw yourself to her when Natasha grabbed you. Bucky was just staring eyes wide. You looked at him, trying to see if he was going to do something to her or tell her off but he didn’t. Nat shook her head silently.

“I thought you could’ve done better than this Bucky.” You paused looking at him, tears welled up into your eyes, You felt defeated, all these feeling coming to you. The fight was never about the tequila fuck, it was about something else.

“At least better than me…” You mumbled out for only him to hear. You nodded at Wanda and Nat, leaving the room. You slowly walked out and than, after being out of site, you ran to your room.

Bucky looked at you leave, that when it sinked in. He was dumb, stupid in fact. He was the tequila bottle, she was attached to him and he blew it. This time it wasn’t her fault but his. How did they get here?

“Ugh that bitch finally left, right?” The pink haired girl said. She looked at Bucky, who had a stoic expression on. He turned towards her and nodded.

“I think its time you left, Ash.” His cold demeanor wasn’t a hint to her, she shook her head.

“I think no, we can still have fun.” She responded.

“Leave now or I’ll hurt you.” Wanda thick accent sounded around the room. Ash looked at Natasha who backed off.

“You heard her, leave” The red headed (yes, Nat before IW) said.

“Ugh, whatever. Fine. I’m leaving.” She stormed out.

Bucky sat down, his face on his hands. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this, maybe (Y/N) admitting her feelings but not like this. He fucked up real bad and he knew it.

“You need to fix this Barnes.” Natasha spoke up before leaving the room.

“How?” He said looking at Wanda. She smiled and shrugged.

“You know her more than we do, Barnes.” She said imitating Nat. “Go get her”

He nodded and smiled. He didn’t know what he was going to do or how he was going to do it, but he was going to get you back. He now knew you did have feelings, sure you didn’t show them and Bucky also knew that but he needed this. He smiled at the door in front of him where his future laid at. He took a deep breath and knocked. This time they would both work on this, he will be patient and she will give him a response in return, because you were his dream, his pain, his life, and his world. You were everything good to him, the antonym of Hydra. You were going to be his.

#bucky x reader #james barnes #winter solider imagine #winter solider x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #tony stark #marvel #marvel mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel imagine #james bucky barnes #bucky x you #pyt2k #pytwritingchallenge

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royal-kard · 6 years

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soft bias tag ~

i was tagged by @curledlife thank you angel!!

Who is your bias?

i don’t really have a bias in kard, so i guess i’ll just answer for all of them?

What made you notice them?

b.m - his height first of all, the dude is a skyscraper. also his deeeeeeep voice got me!

somin - her elegance in performance and in the mvs. she just look so put together.

jiwoo - her voice! there’s something about her singing voice that is really pleasing to my ear. tbh i thought she was kinda scary at first, but she is also such a sweetheart.

j.seph - i thought he was really pretty when i fist saw him. then, when i first heard him rap, I really liked his flow.

What is your favorite thing about them?

b.m - his heart. he is one of the softest people, and he has so much love. i love that he is so happy to share that love with his members, his friends, and with us. he really is such a beautiful soul.

somin - her laughter. it’s so bright and bubbly just like her. it’s that kind of laughter thats infectious. when she laughs its like the room lights up even more.

jiwoo - her ability to maintain chill at basically all times haha. she is just the coolest kid on the block, and her responses to things are always the best.

j.seph - his sense of humor is my absolute favorite!! he is funny, silly, and he’s not afraid to show that side of himself.

Who would initiate skinship more?

b.m - he would? he’s very affectionate with people he’s friends with, so even if its just his arm around the shoulder or a touch every so often, he would be the one initiating that.

somin - again, i think she would probably be the one to initiate it. it would probably be mostly arm linking though.

jiwoo - we would be even. jiwoo isn’t too into skinship from what i’ve noticed, and neither am i.

j.seph - he would. hands down. he seems to be the most keen on initiating some soft of physical contact with people. so yeah it would be him.

Who would hog the blankets more?

b.m - he seems like he would take the blanket, but then, he would wake up in the night and cover me up because he saw that he took it all, but idk his sleep habits so idk haha

somin - i think she would have them. not that i mind tbh, but to me she seems friolenta, so i would let her have the blankets.

jiwoo - i think we’d be even on this one too?

j.seph - i can see this kid rolling himself into a burrito with the blankets, so im gonna have to say he would take them all.

Who would be more clingy?

b.m - him. he’s got that vibe.

somin - i think maybe me? it’s probably me.

jiwoo - definitely me. she doesn’t come off as clingy in any sense of the word.

j.seph - him. like b.m, he just gives off that vibe. and i don’t mean in the overly obsessive clingy way. both of the boys would just check in with you, make sure you’re doing alright more frequently than the girls. i think it’s because theyre older and they really just wanna look out for and protect the people they care about. the girls would be much more chill.

Who would be more easily flustered?

ME.

What cuddling position would you two have?

b.m - I. WANNA. BE. THE. LITTLE. SPOON. can you imagine being enveloped by by matthew??? that would be the best thing in the world?? because he always looks so warm and cozy!!! i would feel so safe like that...wow im gonna go cry now haha

somin - her head would be on my lap as i run my fingers through her hair. is that a cuddling position? probably not. but i’m gonna make it one. why? because i can, and because this would be the way we would spend lazy sundays.

jiwoo - again, not really cuddling, PERO we’d lay down with our backs touching. there’s not a lot of physical contact, but just enough to know that the other person is there. it’s comforting and comfortable.

j.seph - id love to just relax and lay my head on his chest. listen to his heartbeat. one of his arms wrapped around me too. it would be so nice. seriously folks just thinking about this is... a lot.

What colors remind you of them and why?

b.m - red. he’s so full of passion and drive for all the things that he does. he’s also got this type of personality that has such a powerful impact. also he looks super good in red.

somin - pink. there’s always such a softness to somin. i know that she’s fierce and powerful, but she is always such a soft soul. she has a lightness to her that the color pink reflects.

jiwoo - indigo. a cool tone for a cool person. the color fits the mysterious, chic vibe that she has, but it’s also a calm color. much like jiwoo, the color indigo is a soothing color.

j.seph - yellow. j.seph is such a bright person. he can be serious, but he always a bright aura around him. he takes things with stride, and just continues to smile. the color yellow suits that joyful and playful personality of his!

Which season would you like to spend with them?

i’d want to spend winter with all of them because it’s my favorite season, but I feel like B.M is more a summer dude, Somin is more like spring as is J.seph, and Jiwoo is an autumn/winter gal to me. but i wanna spend winter with them!

Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

b.m- we would probably both bake the cookies, but he would steal the batter. i don’t like eating the batter like that tbh baking would probably be so fun with b.m though because he follows the instructions, but would probably toss in some interesting ingredients.

somin - we’d probably both end up making each other cookies. we make them at the same time, but individually, so we’d probably be so focused in making them that the batter would remain intact!

jiwoo - mmmm i would bake the cookies while she sat at the counter and watched? she’d probably dip her finger in the batter to try it a couple of times, and give her opinion on the taste though!

j.seph - no cookies would be made. he wouldn’t be tasting the batter, but playing with it? like smearing it on my cheek or nose, and then i would have to retaliate, and then minutes later there would be no batter left haha

Which one would make bad puns and how would the other react?

b.m- he would make all the puns (good and bad), i’d just laugh because he never really has any truly bad puns

somin- i’d definitely make all the bad puns. i think she would just do what she does with the boys and cringe and smack my arm lol

jiwoo- it would still be me making all the bad jokes. jiwoo would probably just stare at me or walk away (but would crack a smile... she loves bad puns i know it)

j.seph- he is the king of all jokes and silliness, so it would definitely be this boy cracking all the puns. i wouldn’t be able to help myself, and i can 100% guarantee that i’d be crying of laughter.

Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

all of us.

Which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen to try to microwave a poptart and who would come to the rescue?

...i don’t microwave pop tarts so, if any of them do, it would be them lol. i’d come and help them out though!!

Who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

(I have a fear of heights so...I am not leaning over any tall railings anytime soon.)

b.m- you know as free spirited and wild as he seems, matthew is very careful so perhaps neither of us would lean over the railings. if he did though, i’d grip onto his shirt so tight to pull him back.

somin- for sure neither of us would be leaning over any railings. we’d be so far from the edge appreciating having only solid ground beneath us.

jiwoo- jiwoo would probably get kicks out of looking over the railing. she’d probably tease me by leaning over it a couple of times, and just looking back to see my reaction (she’s a bit of a daredevil lol) so it would be me taking her away from the railing.

j.seph- he would lean over the railing out of sheer curiosity, but he would lean too far, so i would definitely be pulling this kid back.

What would watching a horror film with them be like?

b.m- he’d probably be calm for the majority of it, but he seems like the kind of person whose body would jolt when they get scared, but he wouldn’t scream. he would try to laugh off the scary moments, and crack jokes to make it all seem less terrifying. he’d also cover your eyes and keep you tucked in his arms to make you feel less scared too.

somin- screaming our head off together. possibly in tears. why did we start watching this horror film? who knows! but now we’re too scared to move, and the remote seems to be nowhere in reach sooo... we are stuck. probably clinging to each other for dear life. someone would have to come turn off the tv for us, but then we’d probably scream if we saw them just because we’re already terrified.

jiwoo- depending on the film, she’d probably be laughing at some parts, but she’d definitely get scared as well. she’d probably grip your arm real tight when she got scared, but i think she would try to brave through the film. she’d focus more on the logical things in the film. if it has a storyline, she’ll focus on the details of the story to distract her mind from what might be coming up.

j.seph- so he apparently doesn’t get scared easily, so he would probably be chill throughout the film. he’d probably tease you about the scary parts, but not in a mean way. it would be more in a ways that downplays the horror, so you feel better. although, if there’s a really scary part, he’d probably give a little jump, and ,if you called him out on it, he’d try to play it off or just bluntly be like ‘oh that was surprising.’ (im thinking of that tour avatar video haha)

Who would be the chessy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

(i can’t flirt)

b.m- HE WOULD BE THE CHEESIEST BOY ON THE PLANET. HE ALREADY IS. I think he would like to think that he’s a smooth flirt, but he’s so cheesy. He’d be so gushy and what not, but it’s so fitting of who he is because he’s so full of love and energy. he has to shower the person he likes with that love. he has to. it definitely works for him. though, i think he’d also be the person to say very deep and serious things and end up flustering the person.

somin- the shy flirt (im adding my own categories here) she exudes confidence on stage, but just seeing her gush about hyuna I can already see that shes a shy and giggly flirt. she showers the person she likes with compliments and positivity, and she’s so soft around them. also if she really likes them she’s gonna be super giggly around them and a blush will always be on her face.

jiwoo- she’d be smooth, but with a little hint of awkwardness? she’d probably give an awkward first liner, but then she’d save herself by saying something incredibly smooth. from that moment, she be the smooth talking queen. she’s really witty, so you’re most certainly gonna be charmed by her sweet talking skills.

j.seph- he’d be like an awkward/shy flirt. he’d really try to impress, but it wouldn’t come out the way he wanted it to. there’s the good chance that he would just start giggling instead of actually saying anything. he’d probably try to crack jokes as well ( this would be his strongest point when it comes to flirting haha), but everything would work for him because, even if he thinks everything came out in an embarrassing way, its actually super endearing.

Who is more competitive?

they’re all competitive, and im competitive. so all of us. i think b.m would probably be the only one to “lose.” the others would really want to win (especially j,seph)

Who would have to be given reminders (remember to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc)

they’re all so busy with tours and stuff that i think i would have to remind them to eat, and to take their wallets/phones/etc. but on days when they’re not as busy:

b.m- if he’s working on producing something I would probably have to remind him to eat, and to sleep ( get off ig too). he seems like he falls into his own world when he’s focused on something, so we need to keep him healthy

somin- i think she would be pretty good keeping herself on track in terms of meals, but she would definitely need reminders on what to take during a trip or when going out for the day.

jiwoo- idk why i feel like she’s just on top of everything. i think it’s because has a very independent vibe to her, but i think she would be reminding me about things, if she isn’t busy.

j.seph- he’d probably need reminding about where certain things are, idk why i get the vibe that he misplaces things, but in the most obvious places. also just regular reminders about what’s happening (my poor bub seems lost sometimes)

Who sends memes and who sends cute things like “i miss you” texts at 3 am?

b.m- we’re both sending memes, but he would definitely send cute messages. or post cute messages through ig or something like he does for the members. he’s a good morning/ good night text person. also he’d send a lot of photos of him making cute/silly faces i think. also gym photos showing you his progress, and what his next goal is.

somin- i’d send her some memes, but the cute messages are all her! they’d be full of emojis ( hearts, bows, animals, everything) she’d also probably send photos of things that she’s seen that remind her of you. also get ready for photos of se ah!

jiwoo- both of us would be sending each other memes. she’s got a funky sense of humor! she would also send videos/photos of the other members messing around with some a+ caption. also aside from memes, she’d send pictures of tani.

j.seph- he’d send you some cheesy messages. probably wouldn’t send memes, but he would tell you jokes he came up with or he’s heard that he hasn’t told you yet. i’d probably send him memes only to see his reactions because i bet you they would be funny! i think if he were drunk or tipsy he’d send some long loving message at three am (it would be him rambling about how much he loves you and misses you and what not, but it would be cute).

so yeah that’s that! this was so long, and if you read all of this you are a superstar!

im gonna tag: @somin @sominbiased @oliviahei @allofmylovelove @fensi @jsephology @jeonjiwwoo @jiwoojisoo @sujiwoo @hiddenkard4 @babykard and anyone else who wants to do it!

#this took me like three weeks to do im sorry #thank you for the tag though!#tag game #tagged #if i tagged you you dont have to do it!

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saintvintage · 3 years

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idk y im posting this here but

i’ve had the night from hell. i had said my partner walked out on me yesterday morning. like, he literally walked out the front door with a trash bag containing some of his stuff. he’s a bad alcoholic with so much trauma it’d break your heart. i was angry. i’ve been trying to get him to stop drinking, it’s killing him. he’s got mental illness like you couldn’t believe. i just want him to get better. he drank all night and i caught him that morning, tried to de-escalate by locking myself in the bedroom. told him point blank “i won’t talk to you now. don’t drink anymore. sober up. i’ll talk to you when i wake up” it was about 6-7 am. i don’t sleep well. he had been up all night drinking. he wouldn’t leave me alone. knocked and knocked on the door. i refused to open it. he did this for so long, eventually asked me to let him in to get some clothes. with toothbrush in his mouth, he said he was gonna go to his therapist. it was sunday. i told him. i was angry. i threatened him to get out. he wouldn’t. he kept acting exasperated that i was upset and wanting him to leave me alone, like he hadn’t done anything. i couldn’t take it. i know i shouldn’t have, but i didn’t know what else to do. i grabbed his arm and pulled him hard to the door, then shoved him with all my might through. he had had enough then. called a good friend of ours to pick him up. friend was going to church, wouldn’t be there til the afternoon i figured. ugly fight in the kitchen. i went out back to cool off. eventually, after he told me he was gonna move out, i went and helped him get his things. i was fuming. i took our pictures down out of the bedroom, told him to take everything. i would be bagging it up anyway. he refused. after he had gone back downstairs with his stuff, i locked myself back in the bedroom. i thought he was going to wait to be picked up. i heard him go out the door, but i thought i heard a voice so i figured he left. no, he did leave, but he just took off walking down the road, down the busy roadway outside our neighborhood. i told my family this and they went out to look for him. wouldn’t tell me where he was. eventually i got him on the phone, telling him my family’s out looking for him, crying and telling him they were worried about him and they love him and he was so drunk he kept interrupting me telling me he was fine, like it was stupid for us all to worry. i heard our friend was with him, so i knew he was going over there now, that he was in a car and off the road on foot.

i was a mess, understandably. i tried to go out and not think about it. i got through the day alright, but that night was when the real horror started. our other friend, who is 1 friend’s gf, calls me to check on me. apparently she had been over there with them for a while and she told me all the terrible things were going on. he had been drinking hard liquor all day. friend 1 said later that he had probably drank $300 worth of liquor. i eventually got a call from him, and he told me he was going to kill himself. i texted her (friend 2) to tell her to tell her bf (friend 1) to go check on him because he was by himself outside. F1 did, and he hung up on me when it happened. in between the time i hung up and the time i took a call with F2 trying to get more info on what happened that day and generally see what was going on, my partner had gone into the kitchen and tried to slit his wrists. F1 and his brother drew guns on him to make him stopp. idk but it worked. they called the police who called the EMT. he refused to go to the ER (naturally) so it was up to me to go get him. which, the state my partner was in, it would’ve been a disaster. he had been talking shit about me all day, talking like that whenever he was drinking over there, had made the plans to move out already the last time we were there. he had been hitting on any female around (mostly F2 & F1′s bro’s gf) just.... it was a mess. i got my mother, a nurse, and my teenage brother who is a big kid, to go with me. it was horrifying when i got there. he was so drunk it was shocking. i had never seen him like this before. he was trying to get naked (which i also found out from last time we all hung out, i HAD done) the cops weren’t very helpful (shocker) they had been called twice and were gonna leave again if F1′s bro hadn’t said he’d just call back and have them sent out. they were supposed to escort us to the hospital but just drove off.

partner’s being belligerent, combative, but randomly would get calm. it took a long time, but F1 was able to coax him into the car. child lock on doors and windows. good thing. he tried to get out several times on the ride to the ER. it was going fine until about a couple minutes away he wigged out. it was a literal fight to keep him still. he tried punching the windows out, kicking them, eventually bashing his head into it (there’s blood on my from something and i hope it wasn’t that). he started clawing my brother, tried to knee him, pulled his hair, and i couldn’t help myself but hit him back, try to stop him, it was terrible. when he pulled up, it was three of us trying to subdue him. my mom ran in and asked for “hands” per instruction of F1 who’s in med, a skinny little nurse comes out with a wheelchair. it took me having to scream out help someone help get someone out here to have three men come out there and detain him. i think one of those men might’ve just been a patient or someone in the lobby. as soon as he was out of our grip, he calmed down. i went in with him and checked him in, and talked with everyone a long while about what happened. i’m trying to forgive the flirting and shit-talking because he was drinking. they said he broke his phone, his toothbrush, broke some of their stuff, was trying to fight F1 and his brother, hit on F1′s bro’s gf, did smth to F2 that was inappropriate. it was a nightmare. i called the hospital this morning, and all they could say was he was okay, he was asleep.

we didn’t leave that hospital until about 4 AM. i feel like i’m in a soap opera. i feel drained. it was awful, seeing him so drunk he couldn’t even talk straight. he glared at me. he mocked me. the hatred he had for me then was terrifying. i’m no saint. our relationship is far from perfect. but i didn’t think he had that much hatred for me in his heart. i think i’m a hypocrite for saying that, because i’ve said nasty things to him that i shouldn’t have. i feel partially responsible. i feel like i’ve failed him somehow. everyone kept telling me to stop apologizing and i wasn’t to blame, but that doesn’t feel true to me. i hate what happened. i hate that i couldn’t help him myself. i hate that i’ve been so mean to him in the past. i know, in essence, this anger and hatred isn’t for me, it’s for the abuse he suffered, but it’s still a painful thing to experience. i’m not mad at him, i’m so pitifully drained and tired and sorrowful i don’t even know who i am.

now i’m just waiting for him to wake up and call me. i hope he does. part of me is afraid he won’t even want to talk or have me visit. he’s going to have to go in-patient somewhere. i’ve been trying for about 4 years to get a handle on this, to stop the drinking, get him to therapy, research ways to help him. i should’ve been kinder. i shouldn’t have let my anger explode out of me like that. i’m ashamed to learn of what i did last time we were over there on his bday. what a disaster set of friends we are. i’ve got to learn how to make the both of us healthy. i’ve got to figure out how to get us as independent, healthy-minded people. i’ve got to help him get to where he can fortify himself and heal. i’ve talked myself blue in the face about how his past still haunts him and how he lives in this agony everyday and how he HAS TO process his troubles before he can move on. there’s been such little effort on his part. he blamed me for trying to stop him from drinking, at least that’s what they said he was saying about me. i nagged him. i just am gonna need a distraction and support and i don’t even know what i’m going to say when he calls. i won’t tell him what happened yet. i know for a fact he won’t remember it, and he’ll wake up in the hospital not even knowing how he got there. this is just so sick to me. but i have to help him. if i don’t, no one else will be able to. i’m just so grateful for our friends and my family helping out. if it wasn’t for them, i have no idea what would’ve happened. it wouldn’t been horrible, though.

#long vent post #i just needed to get this off my chest #process what's happened #i feel numb and confused

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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surveyss 008.

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? I was just staring at my ceiling. 2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? Rana. Uhhh, I don’t think we ever really saw one another in person because of Covid, but maybe once or twice in passing 2 years ago. 3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them?I tend to either withdraw entirely, change the subject, or just flat out say well that isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing. I’m kind of over spending so much energy to make everyone else comfortable and myself miserable.

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? I had a bagel for breakfast/lunch.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? Yeppppppp. I really want to talk to and see kile, but that won’t happen. He won’t message, or try to contact. I’m pretty convinced he never wanted to come out here anyway, so I guess it’s for the best. It’ll get easier.

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? no sig other at the moment. 7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? Turn on the radio by reba is the first one that came to mind hahaha.

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? Yeah, today! I think some of it is stress related.. not sleeping, not eating the best, but I have been having these awful headaches and it’s been making me super nauseated.

9. What time is it now? Are you tired? It is 10:35 pm and I’m not really tired. Mentally I’m freaking wiped, but I won’t be able to shut my brain off for some time. 10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I seldom take it with me unless I plan on being super warm, wet, or gone overnight. It typically stays for a long time. I have a little left over but I am not feeling up to going and washing it off.

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? Hahahahahaha, well I know that they are both straight so I doubt it would happen. If it was the last opposite sex situation uhh, it would be very surprising because she is happily in a relationship and he has no idea really where she is. 12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? Not yet.

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? My mom got me so many lovely gifts. She got me an awesome speaker, art stuff, slippers, perfume, etc. She spoils me. My dad has never gotten me anything for Christmas.

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? Oooo boy. There are two people that I have had really strong feelings for that are completely different from one another. One of them was just... so .. in sync with me. I could flirt shamelessly with him, he calmed every insecurity, had this smile that melted me, and we were like the most beautiful fit at the worst possible time. He was smart, super dang funny, helpful, patient, kind, driven, talented, hard working, thoughtful, and made me feel so safe and so special. The other guy I had fought feelings for for a while. I was determined not to like him because he was self-centered, hard-headed, cocky, and it just bothered me. However, over time he morphed into this like... completely different person. He began to work on himself and he poured SO MUCH time, effort, money, and energy into making me feel like the most incredible creature he’d ever encountered. He is intelligent, stubborn, generous, and was my very best friend that I just felt whole when talking to him. We didn’t live near one another, but it felt like I took him with me everywhere every day because we just stayed in contact constantly. He became this amazing version of himself that just... so fit me.

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? Yeah I have and I called her out on it haaaaaaard core. Her sig other found out and even saw the texts of me saying “you need to tell him NOW.”

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I think it’ll be a while. I wasn’t even in an official relationship this last time, though it felt like it. The previous one it took me maybe a year or so before I dated again, but a lot of that was because I just genuinely didn’t have the schedule.

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? Hmmm.. I’ve found some attractive, but no not for myself. I’m very picky and (without sounding terribly cocky) I know what I am worth. I bring a LOT to the table and I just don’t want to settle. The guys that I’m thinking of are PHENOMENAL fits for the girls they are with, but not for me. My needs are different.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? Love that name. always wanted to marry a matthew. I know probably 5? --- none are marriage material HA

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? Uhhh, I guess it depends on the help. I honestly think a couple months ago he would have dropped anything to help me any time for any reason. He was always dependable. But now it kind of seems like .. idk. He just doesn’t care about me. I think if I needed help that was financial? maybe he would step in. But beyond that, no I don’t think so. Wow, thats.. hard to think about.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? Kile. We talked about how we were done. We discussed an airbnb for some reason.

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? Yeppppppppppppppppppp. Which is unusual for me, but this is the loss of a really very close relationship. It’s the adjustment period.

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? Depends on what you call an ex. an official boyfriend, gosh no. I am very much OK not ever talking to him again. If it is this semi-relational situation, yeah there’s a lot I would say, but it doesn’t quite seem.. no.

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? It doesn’t bother me at all. My friends have different viewpoints regarding sex and they know mine is totally different than theirs because of my trauma. Definitely never felt pressured by them.

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? Crushes are like “eek, I hope he looks at me! I hope we bump into one another! I hope our hands “accidentally” brush against one another” whereas love is just consuming. It’s loyalty. It’s the deeper... passionate and steady feelings. It’s working towards making another persons life better without looking for anything in return.

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? R 41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? m&ms

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? I was just asked if I could be someone’s sugar baby because “your eyes scream beauty while looking trustworthy and genuine” lololol. 43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? My sister, blue eyes.

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? Ina.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. Benny, family, school, air conditioning, pools, bobs burgers, bread --Some of these things I don’t have access to and lemme tell you it is BRUTAL. Some of these things would destroy me if I lost them.

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? Yikes I don’t even know what that photo is. They’d probably think “wow, thats an old looking photo and why doesn’t she ever update her profile” and each of those statements would be correct.

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? My grandma forrrrrrrrrr sure.

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? Oye. No. 49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. No. I think the only downside is that you lose the ability to learn who you are on your own, your beliefs, values, standpoints, non-negotiables, standards, etc. without the influence of the other person. Plus, getting together really young takes away the ability to think about yourself solely which is kind of a bummer. 50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? The distraction of the holiday will be wonderful.

0 notes

pitch-pearl-void · 7 years

Note

I've been wanting something like this for a while... but... What if, instead of Phantom ending up in the Human World and befriending Danny, Danny ends up in the Ghost Zone and befriends Phantom? *coughs* Not a very good idea, I know, but I just want to see it and I don't know if I can write it myself, since there's been some family issues lately :(

Dear Mom and Dad

The good news is I turned on the portal! The bad news is I’m trapped on the other side…

I’m not dead! I think. I’m in the Ghost Zone you two were always talking about, and it’s bright creepy strange hellish cold desolate indescribable, you’ll just have to see for yourself when you GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Nothing makes sense in here! There are these floating doors and rocks, and this green glowing stuff that’s everywhere, and the ghosts

I take back everything I said about not believing in ghosts. You were right about everything. They exist and they’re rude, thoughtless, scary complete assholes who only think about themselves. I’ve just been cut off from home and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you guys again and all he can think about is

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

After you guys gave up on the portal, me, Tucker, and Sam decided to look around and see if we could fix it for you, and if you guys get me out of here I swear I will never go near your inventions without supervision again I swear! Please! I just want to go home I miss you guys I miss everyone how long have I been gone

Since I’m the only one with a ready-made jumpsuit, I went inside to see if there was something wrong with a wire while Sam and Tucker checked around the outside. It wasn’t their fault! We all just wanted to help and it seemed safe enough. I guess we should have unplugged it first but

Okay, I don’t know what happened exactly. I think I pressed a button? I might have pressed a button. Just all of a sudden, the portal started working. I was still inside, and it was really loud. I didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t have time to run or duck or anything. There was a lot of light, a lot of green light, and then there was this sucking sensation like I was getting sucked down a drain. I think it hurt but I don’t know for sure. I think I saw my fingers stretching so I’m sure it had to hurt, but I don’t remember any pain?

Anyway, I blacked out, and when I woke up again I was on my back and all I could see was this boy with white hair looking down at me and I thought I was dead because he has this white glow about him and he looked like a

A boy ghost and his dog found me before I’d even woken up. The dog (he’s called Cujo I guess) doesn’t like me and won’t stop growling, but the other guy seems more curious and confused than dangerous. He looks a lot like me? It’s really scary weird. He didn’t believe humans actually exist! Can you believe it? He seems convinced now, but only because his dog attacked me.

That’s the weirdest thing. He tried to bite me, but he passed right through me! I don’t know why it happened or how I did it, but Cujo kept trying to bite and claw at me and it kept happening. I might’ve been screaming the whole time, but in my defense this dog is huge! The ghost boy managed to pull Cujo off me after a while, but he didn’t seem to have an explanation for what happened either.

He did agree that I’m probably a human though. Win?

Anyway, he calls himself Phantom. Actually he calls himself Danny Phantom, but that was too weird and he said it was okay to just call him Phantom. He says most people just call him Phantom anyway. He doesn’t have any friends to call him Danny but maybe he’s just making that up?

He might not have believed in humans, but he says there have always been rumors about the Real World (he calls it the Human World but whatever) along with rumors on how to get there. He agreed to help me get home if he can come too. I didn’t want to agree (ghosts are bad right?) but how else am I supposed to get home? I waited outside the portal doors for—well, I don’t know how long. There isn’t any way to record time in this stupid place. Point is the doors aren’t opening. He’s my only chance.

On the bright side, he seems more interested in just seeing what the Real World is. There’s nothing evil about that right?

So Phantom’s first idea was this guy called “Wulf” who’s locked up in ghost prison. Awesome. But he can apparently rip holes in a dimension? Worth a shot. I guess.

Phantom had this weird idea that humans can do magic or something. I guess the episode with Cujo made him believe it. Ha! Nope, I’m just a wimpy teenager that can’t even fly so he has to carry me. (For the record: not awesome.) He told me to wait outside because I’m that useless and now he and Cujo are trying to bust that guy out. I’m using the time to write down everything in my English notebook. You guys always wanted to be here, and since it seems I’ll be living here for the rest of my life I may as well take notes. If I ever see you guys again, it’ll be helpful right? So you won’t ground me for life?

Actually it’s been a long time since they went inside. Maybe I should

—

Day 1

Like I said, there isn’t really any way to tell time here, so I’m just basing it off my sleep schedule. It’ll work for now. You should have seen Phantom’s face when he found out I willingly “shut down” for eight hours. Oh the horror of not being aware of my surroundings 24/7! Actually that is pretty scary in the Ghost Zone. I take it back.

We had to run fly pretty far to get away from the prison guards, but we found an uninhabited area after a while. I was pretty exhausted by then so I just sort of, like, dropped. Phantom panicked, the ghosts that escaped with us panicked, but I managed to calm them all down. Sort of. Ghosts are weird. They’re fascinated by humans, but I seem to spook (ha ha get it?) them as much as they scare me.

One of the ghosts can make—it’s not food. For one, it glows like everything else around here. But she can make it out of thin air and it tastes like food so

I’m just saying, I won’t starve. It’s a big plus in my opinion. She made me enough to stuff my backpack. She seems…happy to feed me. Scary happy. Said she’d make me as much food as I want and that I could come and see her whenever I ran out. Tried to put some sort of tracker signature on me (according to Phantom) so that she could track me down and make sure I was eating right but Cujo wouldn’t let her. Thank you oversized hellhound, I think I love you.

If you’re wondering, the prison break was…not a success exactly. Phantom and Cujo got captured, like, seconds into the raid and I, magical human that I am, had to bust them out by using my super awesome walking-through-walls ability, which is apparently a thing along with passing through ghosts that want to hurt me. I freed them and everyone else I could reach. Phantom seemed to think a jailbreak would make a great distraction, and since it worked, I’ll give him that, even if his other plan was a complete toss.

We actually found Wulf in the confusion, but Wulf (who is actually a wolf man, go figure) doesn’t speak English. He does have the ability to rip holes in dimensions though! He used it to escape the prison. Without us.

Not exactly according to plan.

Phantom seems really nervous about something, but given that we just broke ourselves and a dozen prisoners out of jail, he has reason to be. The guards sure seemed determined to catch us. We lost them now, but are we running from, like, the law or something now? Does the Ghost Zone have a government?

The other ghosts don’t seem to like Phantom much. I guess he wasn’t lying. They’re really stiff around him. They’re already leaving, though, so he won’t have to deal with them for much longer, at least.

I’m going to stick with Phantom (and Cujo). Just seems like the thing to do after leading a jailbreak together. Besides, he’s dropped the whole useless-human act. He’s treating me differently now. Respect is really nice, especially coming from a guy your age (probably) who can shoot death rays from his hand.

I’m really tired. I don’t know how long I’ve been awake but it’s been a really exhausting day. Cujo is standing “Guard” over me, and Phantom is talking to the Lunch Lady (the ghost supplying me with the glowing ghost food-that-isn’t).

I’m as safe as I’m likely to be in this awful place.

Now if everything wasn’t glowing.

—

Day 4

Finally convinced Phantom to let me use his cape last night (or whatever). He seems really attached to it, you’d think it was a part of him or something. Given this weird place and how the cape has this really strange tingle-inducing feel to it? It might be? Idk honestly but while the GZ isn’t cold it definitely isn’t warm either. I typically have to sleep on solid (floating, always floating) rock, which is cold. And hard. Just really uncomfortable. I have to choose between using my backpack as a pillow or as a blindfold when I sleep.

Meanwhile, Phantom’s flying around with this really warm looking white cape. I kept thinking I could lay it on the ground and then wrap up in it and it would be bliss and I was right. I can stand the faint buzz and the weird looks Phantom gives me in the “morning” so long as he keeps letting me use it. Cujo seems a bit calmer around me too. Maybe there’s a scent? Ghost scent since obviously I can’t smell it. I’d put up with that too if it meant I could have a blanket every night.

We’re trying to track down another ghost called Desiree. Phantom seems a bit unsure about this one. She’s a ghost that can make any wish come true. The flaw is that she makes the wish come true in ways you never meant it to and she grows more powerful with every wish she grants. That sounds like a problem. But they say she’s one of the ghosts who used to be human, so Phantom’s hoping she’ll be willing to help.

That’s something interesting you guys might like to know. Apparently not every ghost lived, died, and became a ghost. According to Phantom, most come into existence randomly, usually around a large gathering of that green stuff he calls ectoplasm. That’s how he came into being. Some ghosts are born from the coupling of two or more ghosts and when I asked how /that/ happens, his face turned green and he started sputtering.

I’m guessing the same way babies are made. Only more “ghostly”

A ghost being born after the death of a human is a controversial topic, apparently, since they appear the same way other ghosts do, except they have memories of being human. They can’t prove it, few ghosts have even seen the Real World, and so it’s like a myth. Like people saying they “saw the light” or their dead relatives or whatever is a bit of a myth for us.

My stumbling into their Zone is like an alien walking into a Starbucks!

Phantom thinks this is really cool and I think it’s hilarious so we’re constantly making jokes about it, especially when we come across another ghost and they just gawk at me.

Side note: I’m almost positive Phantom was telling the truth about not having friends.

—

Desiree hates Men and the Real World and is even more antag—antogonis—uh, hateful towards Phantom than the other ghosts.

Long day. I’m tired. Phantom is letting me use his cape again. He’s probably just grateful I saved his ass. Again. I hope this becomes a thing.

The cape sharing, not the saving.

Cujo is even letting me lean against him. Phantom is sitting on the boulder beside us. He doesn’t look so good. He’s hugging his knees to his chest and just kind of staring at nothing. Maybe I should say something

—

Day 10

Okay

There is something in the GZ that can affect me against my will. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I hope it was something unique to “the Zone’s Greatest Hunter” because

I guess being able to walk through everything that’s trying to hurt me made this place seem less dangerous than it actually is. There’s a lot that can go wrong. I’m not really safe here. Especially since it seems we really have upset some sort of governmental law.

I mentioned that Phantom is always pushing us to keep moving, never staying in one place too long, and it’s like we’re running from something? That something turned out to be the GHOST KING. Bad bad bad, wtf, a little warning would have been nice?! He’s not searching for us himself, he’s too important for that. No, he has others do his bidding. Because he’s a freaking king.

I don’t know what we did to piss him off so much, unless he’s just really pissed about the jailbreak? But one of his bounty hunters, Skulker, captured me and Phantom and locked us in a cage. The bars had a weird glow, and I wasn’t able to walk through them. Phantom was freaking out, thinking we were going to be handed over to the king, but Skulker seemed more interested in keeping us as some sort of creepy collection of his. The similarities between me and Phantom haven’t gone unnoticed in the GZ, I guess. Skulker kept talking about having a matched set. Gross.

Thank god for Cujo. I don’t know how we would have escaped without him.

Me and Phantom were pretty shaken afterwards (duh) so Phantom finally relented and took me to his “lair”

I mentioned it a couple days ago. The lairs are supposed to be an extension of the ghost’s will because it formed from the same ectoplasm as the ghost or something. It’s not just rude to enter a ghost’s lair uninvited it’s dangerous because they have complete control over that tiny area of the GZ. That makes Phantom’s lair the safest place for us, but Phantom has been pretty protective of the place. I just thought of it like a bedroom, but I guess it’s a bit more private.

I don’t know what I was expecting. The outside was the usual non-descript purple door, but inside was this like snow cave. It was freezing, the walls were actually crusted with ice! I got to see how a ghost can control what’s inside the lair when Phantom got rid of the snow and ice. He didn’t look too happy about it, but between me freezing to death and his ice kink I think he can deal. I didn’t really ask him to do it, he just saw me shivering, sighed, and started changing things.

And he made me a bed! Well sort of. He’s never seen a bed, and I wasn’t able to describe one very well, so he just created this sort of lump of furs in a corner. After sleeping on bare rock for however long it’s been, I’m not going to complain. It looks like heaven, I can’t wait to sleep. I sat on it as soon as he finished and I haven’t gotten up since.

Phantom doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. I don’t think he likes me being here. Every time I move, he flinches and looks at me like he’s expecting me to attack him or something. His unease is making ME twitchy. There’s definitely something more to this lair thing that I’m not grasping. Cujo wouldn’t even come inside.

Maybe it’ll help if I go to sleep. Hopefully I won’t dream of being locked inside that cage. I don’t think I’ve ever been that trapped. I couldn’t stand up or stretch or anything. I couldn’t even move without elbowing Phantom. If I hadn’t been so scared, the tight quarters might have been awkward. We were practically in each other’s laps. I wasn’t even thinking about that at the time. I don’t even want to think about that NOW.

Whatever. I have a bed. It tingles a bit like Phantom’s cape, but I don’t care. It’s been ages since I had a good night’s sleep.

—

Day 11

I guess Phantom was even more shaken than I thought. We’re staying in his lair a while longer, possibly a whole “day.” He doesn’t seem as tense as last night, but I get the feeling he’d kick me out in a heartbeat if he thought I’d be safe out there by myself. Does that mean he cares? Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I think we’re friends by now.

This is supposed to be the part where Phantom tells me what ghosts do for fun, but apparently lairs are just for resting and relaxing and recharging and all that boring stuff. He does seem a bit more sleepy than usual, if ghosts can get sleepy. He still doesn’t want me to touch anything, though. And sudden movements are a sure-fire way to get glared at. Still, it’s better than last night. He’s even sitting on the bed with me.

And now he’s watching me write but

I don’t think he can read?

Danny Phantom needs to chill the fuck out

Okay, he definitely can’t read. But I guess it’s kind of rude to be writing when he’s right there so I guess we’ll just talk? There’s got to be something we have in common

—

Note to self: the first thing we’re going to do when we make it to the Human World is stargaze. I gotta find my telescope. Phantom is going to freak!

—

Day 14

I miss you guys. So much. We just crossed a “river” that just looks like a more liquid version of ectoplasm. It loops through the air like some sort of demented roller coaster, and I swear I could hear you two babbling excitedly about running tests and talking about chemicals and molecules and physics and all that other stuff I don’t understand.

I wish you guys were here to see this with me. I’m living your dream without you. It doesn’t feel right to be so far away from you and still feel like you’re right beside me.

—

Day 16

I’m running out of paper. I guess the daily diary-note taking is hard to sustain when you only have one notebook and a pen.

In other news, along with looking for a way home, dodging the King’s and Walker’s agents, and learning the ins and outs of the GZ and its society, me and Phantom seem to be getting a reputation as the ghost and his still living humanity. Myth stacked upon myth. It was kind of funny at first, but it’s starting to get annoying. I feel like a freak. Everybody here keeps staring at us. They have a lot of questions and they keep trying to touch me. I don’t let them of course, and that just leads to more questions and excitement. I wish they’d just knock it off.

We wouldn’t have to deal with it in the first place, but Phantom is running out of ideas and needs to gather information. That means talking to other ghosts. Urgh.

Fortunately we seem to have stumbled on something. A ghost called Ghost Writer can warp reality with his writing, so maybe he can open a portal? Worth a shot.

Btw, is it possible for a ghost to be touch starved? Phantom’s been touching me a lot more recently. He’ll put his hands on my shoulders and float above me or wrap his tail around my ankle or just stand with his shoulder brushing mine. And he leans into my hand whenever I touch his shoulder or whatever. It’d be embarrassing, but he seems to do the same with Cujo, especially when he’s nervous. The first time we talked to a ghost, he kept his hand buried in the scruff of Cujo’s neck and didn’t let go until we were flying away.

Combined with how the other ghosts treated him and the way he tried to compare a mother and father to a master or mentor and it made me realize how lonely he must be.

Hey, mom, dad, he’s called Phantom and he followed me home. Can we keep him?

—

Day 18

Ghost Writer can only warp reality by sucking people into his books.

Pass.

The guy was like a hermit and kind of rude. But we did have to knock on his lair to get his attention since that seems to be where he spends all of his time. Given Phantom’s reaction to me being in his lair the first time, Ghost Writer was a calm summer night.

Phantom seems to be getting better about it, though. He even left me in his lair by myself for a little while. He didn’t tell me where he was going and I was too happy to be trusted in his ultra-private space by myself to question him. When he got back, he handed me a notebook he’d gotten from the Ghost Writer. Said he noticed how I was running out of paper.

I don’t

I didn’t know what to say

I hugged him and he freaked out

So good news, I have more paper! Score! It’s actually really great because as silly as this diary-note thing is, it helps. A lot little. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d run out. I wonder if Phantom knew that.

—

Day 22

I’m seriously sick of green. I don’t know if I mentioned that before. There’s just so much green in here, and it’s not the cheery kind of green you see in the spring and summer. It’s like this sickly, goopy green. I miss blue skies. And sunshine. And just anything but a black void with glowing ectoplasm leaking everywhere.

But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t have some charm, and Phantom seems determined to show me some of its wonders while we’re still here. Honestly, once you get over the wrongness of being able to walk along the underside of a floating rock, it starts to get pretty cool. I think it might be like space in a way. The rocks and other floating debris seem to have a gravity (or magnetism) about them that holds me to the surface like the Earth does, but if I jump too high, I escape whatever’s holding me down and I’ll just drift in that direction without any sign of slowing down or stopping.

It’s still faster to fly with Phantom or ride on Cujo, but it’s still really neat.

I wish I could say it gets boring or that the landscape (broken up as it is) is all the same, but I’ve seen upside down waterfalls and crystal tree forests and bubbling yellow tinted lakes with some sort of red creature swimming just beneath the surface and all kinds of bizarre rocky structures. And that’s not even counting the ghosts we pass.

It’s scary but exciting.

You guys are so going to lose it when you get here. It’s amazing. I suggest you get a local guide, though. They make it worthwhile.

—

Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Tt Uu Vv Ww Xx Yy Zz

—

D a n n y P h a n t o m

D u a n n y P h a n t a o m

—

Day 25

We have three options that we know of to get to the Human World, but none of them are easy. One is to track Wulf down since Phantom thinks he’s still in the GZ, but it’s more like a passing attempt. We’re doing it as we go. The second is another myth, but if humans are real, maybe Clockwork is as well? They’re as hard to find as Wulf is, though. The for sure option is called the Infi-map. The problem? The Ghost King has it. Joy of joys.

Speaking of the king, we crossed paths with a ghost called the Fright Knight. Phantom used to work for him or something. They definitely knew each other and he was ordering Phantom around, and since the Fright Knight works for the King that means Phantom did too, probably as another knight. That would explain the other ghosts’ wariness of him.

At least, until he cut ties and tried running away with me. If we had managed to free Wulf and escape to the Human World that first night it wouldn’t have mattered, but because we’re still stuck in the GZ, the King is angry and after Phantom’s head.

You don’t flaunt the King’s authority.

I guess that’s why they’re after Phantom. But the Fright Knight said he had orders to take me captive as well so we’re both being targeted by the strongest, most influential ghost in the Ghost Zone. Holy shit. We knew that before, but it’s a bit more real with this giant ghost knight in black armor staring down at me and announcing I’m a wanted fugitive.

Before you get too worried though, he let us go. Said something about pretending he never saw Phantom and to stay away from Phantom’s lair for a while. Yeah. Phantom can’t believe it either. It’s been several hours (best guess) and he’s still got this amazed look on his face.

Is it really so hard for him to believe someone might care about him?

—

Day 30

Well. It’s been a month. Give or take. I’m still not home yet, but I haven’t given up. I’m going to see you guys again. I will.

But is it okay if I enjoy myself too? It’s not wrong that I’m actually maybe a little glad I got sucked in here? If the accident hadn’t happened when and where it did, I never would have met Phantom, and while I hate what the ghosts are saying about us being the living and dead versions of the same person, I’d be lying if I said meeting him wasn’t like finding a missing part of myself. God that sounds cheesy.

I’ve seen things I never would have seen and met people I’ll never forget because I went into the portal. Cujo, the Lunch Lady, the Box Ghost, the terrifying but super cool Fright Knight

I miss you guys. But

It’s okay that I don’t regret this. Right?

—

Day 33

Remember that time you guys thought I had a crush on Sam? Ha ha funny story…

—

Day 34

Fuck.

—

Day 36

He can almost read now I’m not writing this shit down. But that thing he just did, he needs to not do it again. He doesn’t even realize holy shit I’m fucked

—

Day 37

We found Clockwork! Sort of. He They found us really. What’s your policy on ghosts being pseudo gods? If there was ever a ghost that might deserve the title it’d probably be this one.

Get this: they are the ghost master of time. They manipulate time and jump in and out of the time stream like it’s like it’s a fucking afternoon stroll or something. They can open portals not just to any when but to any where.

And yet they wouldn’t help us. Jerk.

We hadn’t returned to Phantom’s lair since Fright Knight’s warning, and the constant flight is wearing on Phantom. It’s wearing on me. I miss that bed and the security. Plus Phantom is more relaxed there. So we were talking about going back since it’s been a long time when this clock hand appeared, swished around in a circle, and out floated the oldest ghost I’d ever seen. Think grandfather time, complete with knee-length beard and knobby wrists.

They said “Don’t”

The fuck.

We’d been searching for this guy ghost for I don’t know how long and they just pop out of nowhere in the middle of a conversation and say “Don’t”

I was about to yell something I probably shouldn’t when they, I don’t know, shifted into a little bucktooth kid. It’s kind of distracting. You just don’t see that every day.

They did answer a few questions so I guess it wasn’t so bad, but it’s another dead end. They have the power to send us to the Human World. In fact, they could send us to the exact moment the portal activated so you guys wouldn’t have to worry about me and Sam and Tucker wouldn’t blame themselves and whatever else is happening at home right now. They can do it, the problem is they won’t. There were a lot of reasons, something about the journey and not the destination, but I think it mostly came down to “suffering breeds character, get home on your own, you lazy bum.” Could just be me though.

They did say that if we kept going the way we have we would eventually get to the Human World. I guess I can live with that. But I would have appreciated something a little more definitive. What if I get home, like, a decade from now? Yeah, I’m home but holy shit I’m an adult and I have to move out anyway.

Should mention, Phantom had this ridiculously stunned look on his face for most of the conversation. Between me and Clockwork, I don’t think he’s ever going to disbelieve a “myth” again!

He was more concerned about his lair once he snapped out of it. That’s his home. It’s supposed to be the safest place in the entire GZ for him, and suddenly it’s not. It’s so unsafe that a literal ghost god interrupted a private conversation just to say how dangerous it is. He looked crushed.

The lair itself is Phantom’s safe harbor, but the area surrounding it is where the danger lurks, I’m guessing. The ghost king probably set guards on the door.

And that’s crossing a line. I don’t care if he’s a king, that’s just fucked up.

I wanted to just deal with the guy then and there. I’m sick of running from him. Phantom looked angry too, and Clockwork wasn’t stopping us, but

Well, you can’t just topple a king, can you? We’re just two kids and a dog. What are we supposed to do, storm the castle? Granted Phantom was a knight and I’m a mythical creature and Cujo is the size of a horse, but it’d just be the ghost prison all over again. Better to keep low for now, I guess.

Phantom managed to get a promise from Clockwork that they’d let us know when his lair was safe again. They seemed a little too amused. They know something, and it’s really annoying.

The whole thing sucks. I miss the lair.

—

Day 41

Had a bit of a celebration today but it flopped. Phantom was able to summon ice to his hands outside his lair, and this is apparently a Big Deal. It means his “core” has matured or is mostly matured. I guess it’s like puberty.

The cores are kind of like a star’s core. It’s where all the energy and materials are created before being pushed to the outer parts of the body. The energy doesn’t cycle like a human’s does; it’s just radiated out of the ghost’s body because their core creates a continuous stream of energy. That’s why there’s this, like, static charge surrounding Phantom and why his cape and lair cause that tingling sensation. It clings to things, and since each core is unique, it’s like leaving a signature on everything they touch.

And I sleep with Phantom’s cape every night so every time I wake up his signature lingers on me for I don’t even know how long and fuuuuck no wonder he kept giving me weird looks

Some cores have an elemental affinity, and in Phantom’s case it’s ice. Now that his core is maturing, he’s able to create ice and his core will start producing more cold energy. I had noticed he was getting colder, but it was so gradual I didn’t really think about it. He was super excited about it until he realized he couldn’t visit somebody. I’m guessing they’re some kind of mentor to him. He didn’t want to talk about it, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to try.

Apparently, along with being their own internal battery, the cores are how ghosts have uh sex. Their shape doesn’t matter, their gender doesn’t matter, heck the number of ghosts getting it on doesn’t matter. Their cores just have to come into contact and then

I don’t know how they get pleasure from it or whatever, and I don’t care. Phantom’s core is located in his chest, and that’s why he freaked out when I hugged him, but it doesn’t matter.

I’m human. I don’t have a core.

I’m an idiot.

#Danny Phantom #Danny Fenton #Pitch Pearl #actually it's a really cute idea #so cute in fact this is 5000+ words and I wrote a basic outline for a multi-chapter fic #if I write it it'll likely be limited to Phantom's perspective so here's Danny's #in diary form!#it's killing me........#I really want to write it but SA takes priority #fanfiction #writing trance #you guys get that ending because /I HAD TO STOP/#(for the record #Jack and Maddie do read the journal and it's before they find Danny)#(so)#=)

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bob-sheldon · 7 years

Note

Stevepop: “You’re overreacting. It doesn’t look that bad.” Either Steve has a paper cut and is being a melodramatic bitch, or he got stabbed in the side like Rusty-James and he's trying to convince Soda to stop freaking out about it.

Plot: Somewhat low pain-tolerances and Betadine do not mix well. OR, Steve is cut very badly and Soda and Dally are slightly at odds.

Content warnings: Holy shit uhhhhh, lots of blood, lots of pain, some gore, hella child abuse. Proceed with caution.

A/N: This isn’t my BEST writing but this has been sitting in my ask box for a while and I was in the mood to write some whump. Apologies for any spelling errors and/or choppy writing. I wrote this all in two hours and I’m afraid I’ll be too embarrassed to post it if I read over it again lmFAO. Also it ties in with my other oneshot slightly. Idk?

“I think we should take him to the hospital. That could go septic.” Ponyboy said uselessly, lurking in the doorway. For once my own brother was bugging me.

“You’re overreacting, it doesn’t look that bad.” Steve mumbled, barely able to keep his head up. Dally had his right side and Darry had his left and they were both struggling to ease him down on the bed. Steve isn’t real lithe or anything. He’s kinda a big guy, a little bigger than Darry and only a little skinnier than Two-Bit.

Dal dropped him and he hit the mattress with a dull thud and a heartbreaking gasp.

“Y'know-” Pony started.

“Please. Go play in traffic.” Steve growled lowly, proving he was still very awake and mean as ever. I didn’t bother to tell him to play nice this time. I figured he could get away with saying that just this once.

Ponyboy seemed to finally get the message, turning and walking back down the halls where Johnny was already trying to wipe blood off the door.

I crawled onto the bed and held Steve’s head in my lap, running my fingers through his hair like he liked. He was shaking, probably from the pain.

We’d all come home from dinner and found him on the porch, drenched in blood and clutching his side, disgusting red smears covering the old couch we had out there. Somebody had sliced him to ribbons.

“Was it your dad?” Darry said in his authoritative serious tone, breaking the silence and voicing the thing we were all dying to ask.

“Nuh,” Steve’s dad was an ass but I doubted he’d take a knife to his own son. “it’s my own damn fault.”

“You sliced yourself up?” Dally’s thick brows furrowed.

“Tried to jack a car but the guy who was driving it sliced me.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to admit it. There was nothing heroic or sympathy-inducing about a car jacking gone wrong. Then again, what car was worth damn near killing a kid for?

Darry gently pulled up his shirt to inspect the damage. A cut down almost the entirety of his side. It didn’t look too deep but it was long and it had bleed a lot. Now it was just dripping a little.

He left the room and I could hear him rummage around in the bathroom next door.

“You had me scared half to death.” I said softly, running my thumb over his temple. He shut his eyes and leaned into it, looking as tired and pale as I’d ever seen him. “Thought you’d been shot or somethin’.”

Darry came back holding an economy sized bottle of Betadine and a package of bandages. Dally leaned in slightly, morbidly curious about what was to happen next, as he was about all things.

“Y'all are probably going to have to hold him down.” Darry mumbled, already uncapping the Betadine.

I grabbed Steve’s hands, holding them tightly and staring in his eyes to try to distract him from what was about to experience.

He screamed when he disinfectant hit his cut, Darry was trying to work fast but I could see he was disgusted. Even Dally cringed in sympathy.

“Oh, I’m gonna be sick.” Steve moaned, lifting his head off the bed weakly. Darry paused and I scrambled for the waste basket, offering it to him.

He wasn’t actually sick, he simply flopped back down on the bed in a dead faint.

“Oh no.” I whispered.

“Fuck, is he dead?” Dally backed away, genuinely looking horrified.

I leaned in close to his face. He was breathing evenly and soundly. He’d fainted before when he got half a car dropped on him.

“He’s okay.”

Darry went right back to scrubbing, I figured he hoped he could finish it before Steve woke up.

His eyes fluttered open after less than a minute.

“You passed out,” I murmured, stroking his hair again. “I think you should go to the hospital.”

“No, ’m fine now.”

Darry was putting the dressing on and Dally had mysteriously disappeared in the couple seconds I looked away from him. I knew things could get too much for him. Johnny had been too much. He was tuff but he wasn’t inhuman.

I chewed my lip nervously. Steve is the kind of person who only listens when he wants to and I knew he despised hospitals.

“If it hasn’t stopped oozing by tomorrow morning, we’re going straight to the emergency room.”

Darry picked up the used cotton balls and bandage wrappers in silence. I wondered what he was thinking, if it was worrying about Steve or how stained the mattress was going to be. We had enough foresight to bring him to the guest bedroom but Betadine was impossible to get out of cotton.

After Darry left I helped Steve get his shirt off and situated him under the covers. He was tired and he was hurting real bad. I could tell. I turned off the light and crawled in against his uninjured side and settled next to him, still slightly in shock. He kissed my cheek apologetically.

“Steve,” His pomade and cheap cologne ether drifted over me. He always smelled nice. Even when he was bloody or sweaty. Somehow, he managed it. “you really scared me.”

I felt myself tear up. I was as glad as could be that the lights weren’t on.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” I felt him kiss my cheek again and I held back tears with all my might. I didn’t like to get emotional during stuff like this, Steve should be the one crying, not me. I couldn’t break down. It wasn’t my time.

“’M gonna act like I got some sense from now on.” He’d said that before.

I shut my eyes, willing to believe it. I was tired and I knew he was too.

“But not too much sense, then we wouldn’t be compatible.” I joked, feeling him wrap an arm around me. It was a little bit easier to not cry now.

I heard him let out a little snort-laugh and after a few more minutes we were both asleep.

What I could only assume was a couple hours later the door cracked open. I squinted in the harsh light from the hall. It had to be 10 or 11.

“You gonna sleep here tonight?” It was Dally. He was probably going to volunteer to sleep next to Steve. They were close after all.

“Yeah, just in case he needs me.” I felt Steve stir against me and I could see some color had returned to his cheeks. Dally nodded and shut the door. I could hear Ponyboy talking in a low voice in our room. Probably to Johnny. He could be on nightmare duty for today.

“Isshe gone?” Steve slurred.

“Yeah.”

“Thought he was my dad come to finish me off.”

I jolted up, unsure if I had heard him correctly.

“Your dad did this?”

But he didn’t respond, simply pretended to fall back to sleep, leaving me alone in the dark with my thoughts.

#stevepop #steve randle #sodapop curtis #the outsiders #my writing #:/#I'm thinking about continuing it since it's on a cliff hanger???

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